The Dick Show - Episode 425

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

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Every day I am uglier. Every day, every day we get older and uglier. It's a sad fact. See, the Man-O-Sphere guys are lying. They be lying to women. What are they saying? They're trying to convince women that guys get like, sexy in our silver foxes when they get older

and they're like, oh yeah, women, we're gonna get old and then we're gonna fuck you when you're young. We're gonna get, we're gonna get, you don't like us now? We're gonna get old, and then we're gonna fuck you when you're 20, and I'm like, hey guys, uh, you're not. Yeah, that's such a fucking fantasy. Let me go ahead and dispel that illusion for you.

You're gonna feel like shit, your back is gonna be half thrown out every day of your fucking life, you're gonna feel like you're rotting. Compared to how you feel like shit, your back is gonna be half thrown out every day of your fucking life, you're gonna feel like you're rotting. Compared to how you feel right now, you are- if you're not confident now, you are NOT gonna feel confident when you're 45, and the girls are NOT gonna be flocking to you. Worse than that. Unless you're getting Botox every other week.

Well, and yeah, Botox your fucking wallet. Your balls. I mean- Botox my wallet, bitch. I mean... That is not how it's gonna go for you. Yeah, that's... yeah. You're gonna hit the wall about a year and a half after them.

Ha ha, bitch! Oh, smash! It's two Wile E. Coyotes, actually. You're not the Road Runner. It's like an ego thing. So fuck them now, because it ain't happening. Guys always want to think that they can still pull hot chicks when they're like,

when they're like old. You might, but only if you did when you're, you're not suddenly becoming the fucking Bo Jackson of whores late in life. Unless you were. Yeah. Of any, you've got to come to my pickup bar to discuss. It's a promised land, you grow up and you, we have 72 magical whores for you, no. Yeah, it... Oh, Fendi, you've got to come to my pickup art disguise! It's a promised land! You grow up and you...

We have 72 magical whores for you! No! Yeah, it's a big... You turn 40, they come flocking to you! They cannot resist your masculine, daddy charms! Yeah, you're talking about... You're talking about like a different brain. You know? If you, like you say, if you weren't doing it at 20...

You're not doing it. Yeah. It's not happening. It doesn't suddenly go big chungus reverse-o. Oh, look at all these fucking whores coming at me. Wrong! Yeah. Sorry to break it to you, boys.

Let me talk to you from the ghost of Christmas future. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo You'll have to put your shoes on sideways! Wait, what is- Like, put your- lace your shoes sideways! I'm not bending all the way over to tie my fucking shoes! I'm putting a shoe on, bringing it up, and then tying it like this! Oh, wow! See you! You don't even know. No, I don't! When you get to be my age...

Yeah. Well, there's- there's- there's actual age and- You'll understand, effective age. Effective age, yes, of course. Yeah, that bitch's effective's there's actual age and understand effective age effective age Yes, of course that bitches effective age was fucking 18 officer. What are you talking about? Yeah, right? She was sucking dick like she was sucking dick like an adult. Has anyone ever tried that defense sucking dick in a college level? Paperworks as she's 18 the dick sucking. Oh man can't say they can't make those jokes anymore Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, That would be, oh. Oh. Yeah, maybe the needle keeps moving. I don't know. You don't know?

Maybe they'll only make. You don't think so? I think they're fighting back. Only make remakes of The Office. Did you see that Sony video game that had like a big fat black lady with blue hair as the cover model, a Zimzur? No.

Jim, as they're, it sold like, it lost Sony like $ million dollars last week. Really? And only like, only like 200 people bought it or something like that. Oh my god. They dumped an, Concord I think it was called? And it was just like, it looked like, all the main characters looked like they were randomly generated, but it was all like, pro, you know, feminists, like post-Marxists, like, the shit you would make fun of. But it's a brand new, it's a brand new property, like there's, but it's a brand new it's a brand new property like there's yeah Yeah, from anything or I just think I don't I think it was supposed to be their version of overwatch like this big multiplayer thing

But it was all like it was just it was just paused out the wazoo Sean It was paused that shit was paused pause means I think it means HIV positive But it's set in a way that's like infected with, we used to call it feminism, but now it's like post-Marxism or Bolshevism. I don't know what the kids call this shit these days. I don't want to sound like a boomer and say that feminism is ruining.

One day I'll go like, yeah, it's all these fat women. Somebody go like, we call them something different. Not in a complimentary way, it's just the insults. You know well, and that's just par for the course I mean, that's that's the way that you say n-word now you say DEI like yeah, you know, it's uh Thanks change language evolves never things stay the same. What's the quote language evolves, but people still hate each other Yeah, war stays the same. What the? War never changes. The more things change, the more they stay the same?

I don't know what that quote is. Oh yeah, the more war change, I don't know. Oh, I don't know about the war. You don't know about the war? I don't know about the war quote. Oh, the war's cooking. All right, let's do the show. All right.

Oh, the war's cooking! Fucking Destiny, man. Oh yeah, you gotta talk about that. Fucking Destiny, Vito, Nick, Reketa. They were all there? I do not have to, who do I not have to talk about? Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and how to save the alley from your host, Ike Masterson, AKA the $20 million man. Joining me as always is a world-turning, LA-based comedian, Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Jack.

Hey, what's up, buddy? Thank you for not killing yourself. I'm gonna print all of that on a thing so I can read it. Yeah. You know? Like when you were kids and you had the cursive chart on the wall.

Oh yeah. Well, in case kids forget how to cursive an A, let's throw that up there. That's all right, whatever. I totally remember that. It was like a green, dark green background with just white. Dotted line shit in the middle. Yeah, and it was like, here's how you. That's how women would decorate

if they didn't have to live with men. Like, just go to an elementary school. Like, look at all this shit. Just cursive. Cursive shit. Cursive shit all over. I'm never gonna forget how to. They haven't taught cursive in years, right?

Do they not? Oh, I don't believe they do. Why, who writes anymore? Some kind of backwards cursive now. You gotta write it backwards. Maybe. For reasons. I remember, I thought it looked neat. So I like, when I was a little kid,

I just like taught myself to, I mean, like, you know, I looked and I learned it before school taught it. Oh, you did? Cause I thought it looked cool. Yeah. I wanted to write like, it looked like, it looked like. Like a professional. It looks like grownup writing, you know? So I was like looked cool. Yeah. I wanted to write, like it looked like, it looked like- Like a professional. It looked like grownup writing, you know?

So I was like, ooh, I want to do that. So I just started writing in cursive. And I remember they were, then they were teaching it in school when it- You're like, I already know all this shit. Well, this was like first grade. And like, you know, like I think I did say that, like I knew how to do it.

Can I go outside and play? Cause I know how to do this. No, as it turns out, you can't. Well, she did let me write in cursive as soon as I told her that. Well, just because like, she wanted everybody to write in cursive. Yeah.

That's how long ago school was. But it was like, you learned to print first, but like she didn't want to see papers in cursive until people, they completed enough assignments to prove that they could write cursive, but she let me do it, so. Remember when you just sit there and like, would you ever sit there in class

and just like write your name, write shit over and over again? I just made. You thought guitar talk was bad. Sean's calligraphy talk will be starting this week. Calligraphy, I never learned calligraphy. I never bought the pens. You remember just sitting in class, like, just writing your name over and over for any reason?

What are you reading? That would be like a sign of like a psychopath these days, like just sitting there in class writing over and over and over. Writing what over and over and over? Like anything. Your name over and over and over, like just write. Would you never just sit there and write shit and try to zone out and like draw shit? Like just,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey would, you know, I could daydream, but I never sat there and drew. That's all it took. That's all it took in the 90s,

a bottle of shampoo to shit and a piece of paper. You could write your name in cursive on in class. A bottle of shampoo to shit? That's all you needed. That's all we needed in the 90s, Sean. Didn't need all this fancy pornography machines and home down payments. We just needed a bottle of shampoo.

If I'm taking a shit, I just needed my bottle of shampoo. If I'm taking a shit I just needed my bottle of shampoo so I can read the ingredients. Got it. Read these ingredients again Let's try to let's look at these ingredients on this shampoo and take a shit That's all I needs and this one piece of graph paper So I can draw a line from the bottom to down and make a little skateboard ramp That's all I need. Right? These kids today with their pornography machines. The wheel and their fire. Spoiled.

Man, my brain's fried. We went to an escape room last night. Oh, you did. You've done that before, right? Yeah, it was really fun before. I've never done it. There was puzzles and shit, and they helped you just enough

to make you not feel stupid, like you did it, even though when you think back on it, you're like, that guy did help a couple of times where I don't think I would have figured that out on my own. Oh really? They come in and speak and they're like, oh, actually you should check out under the dark food.

You should put the lotion on. It's skin. Yeah, just let you know, you should try to put the lotion on the skin. Stop reading the shampoo bottle. This one was a little too meta. It was like a journey through your career at some organization and part of it was-

Oh, that's fucking depressing. Yeah, part of it was, there was some puzzles but then it was also like, and you have to earn money at your job and do these menial tasks that are like quasi riddles and I'm like, wait a minute, I feel like I'm actually working. I got done and I'm like, I feel like I just fucking got done at a work shift.

I'm getting paid just as much. Yeah, this sucks. Yeah. I'm gonna burn out. I don't even wanna go drinking. This is- Place local? Yeah.

Yeah, I've never done one. It's like award winning. I wanna do it. Go to one with it's just puzzles. Don't go to one that's like a meta. Where it makes you feel bad. Yeah, I really felt bad. And then it's like, congratulations,

that was 50 years of your life. And I'm like, bro, like, I didn't think I could, I didn't think I could waste a life more than I my own. And now I feel like I did. I got an even worse feeling now. So I'm kind of, I came home and just, just went to bed. Right out. Yeah, I'm too depressed to drink

depressed to drink yeah I'll drink in the morning yeah right so I went to Miami oh yeah yeah oh destiny this was Destiny's show that's what's in Miami yeah you know South Beach I don't know the areas yeah Miami's just it's just like one gigantic coastline that's not fucked up by sadists and pedophiles and bureaucrats and con artists. Like California's, we got a beautiful beach, but you got to walk like six miles to get there. You know?

Yeah. It's like, it's all taken over. You can't do anything on the California beach. You can't do anything on it. But over there, I'm staying right on the beach. People are working out for free. There's like a muscle beach. People are walking around with drinks.

I'm like, what the fuck is this? How did you guys do this? We totally fucked up our beach. There's no bums. Huh, really? None. Like what the hell happened here? I don't know. He's living large.

He's living high on the hog out there. Is he? I mean, literally. Is he from there or? I don't know. He's living large. He's living high on the hog out there. Is he? I mean, literally. Is he from there or? I don't know. He's half Cuban, so maybe. Oh, he is? He's living and we're living under the hog.

The women over there are, it's like out of a time machine. Really? They're impossibly thin. Wow. I don't know how. I've never been to Miami. You should go. Yeah.

It's wonderful. Hi on the hog. We're living under the hog. Under the hog. See over here, the country is about to tip over. South hog. Because all the fat women are rolling over to this side to California.

Right. And I know these things, you know? I'm the expert, probably the world's foremost expert who is not going to prison on women. Rolling things? On rolling foremost expert, who is not going to prison on women. On rolling things? On rolling women around. Who is not going to prison. You mean like fucking, tape?

New charges dropped. Oh yeah. Yeah, just a little rape of a minor. No, you know. Maybe he should try that at a college level defense, you know? Well, they had all these instructional videos on how to fuck virgins. And I'm like, well, they're talking about underage. They're using virgins as a slang for underage girls.

You guys know that, right? I mean, there are people who are buying these videos. That's the only thing that makes sense. What, you think there's a bunch of 22-year-old virgins fucking hanging around like it. What do you like the women? I like my women to like Paw Patrol if you know what I mean. Yeah, I know what you mean. I like virgins Yeah, we know what you mean. Yeah We know what you mean, it's a little thing called math Statistics anyway

What did I do? It was fun. It was fun doing Destiny Show. I think his audience liked it. Yeah. Yeah, I tried to, because you know, it's like, it's weird because they're all so liberal. Yeah. Like, I'm answering questions like, well, you know, Trump's an idiot. You know, he's like, he has like a low IQ.

I'm like, okay. Yeah. Like, whatever. That's not, but what are you supposed to use that for material? an idiot you know he's like a he has like a low IQ I'm like okay yeah that's not but what are you supposed to use that material but you guys really think like he's just dumb like okay uh you know what else and it's it's it's weird having these conversations were you on like kind of like 250,000 250,000 downloads or something within like 24 hours of it. Wow, but it was at like a studio. Oh, it was a studio. Oh, so there's no live audience? There was a live audience, but they're online. Not live in person. Oh, got it. Got it. Got it. Okay. That's what it right.

And I'm answering questions about these things where... Why did you have to go all the way to Florida to do that? Because it's better to have in person. No, totally is is. It's just online shit is, the interviews are always so lame. I know, it's even the little like timing delays. Yeah. Like fuck people up. Yeah, and there's all kinds of interrupting and shit. Yeah, yeah, it's less real. But it's weird having, it's weird having these conversations with people about,

and you know that they don't agree with you on literally everything. Yeah. It's like all the way to like, with people about when they, and you know that they don't agree with you on literally everything. Yeah. It's like, yeah, all the way to like, well, you know, you like that. I mean, it's easy to get in these, it's easy to just get in screaming matches with it. Yeah, true. But then all you do is you piss all of, you know, it's just, it's all performative at this point. Like, you're, oh, you know, what's the point? Like what's the point of fighting about this? I'm just going to say, okay, yeah, but then what? Like, okay, I'm just an idiot, okay. You know, he's trying to steal the, like, okay,

let's say he did, then what? Well, you know, this, this is, yeah, okay, but then, okay, granted, then what? Like, well, now I don't know what to do. No, I'm not mad at you anymore. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's like,'t know what to do. I'm not mad at you anymore. Yeah, exactly Exactly. It's like, you know, I'm gonna try it cuz I might I hate my side my sides Trump's everyone's calling Trump He's not pro-life enough now now. They've moved to IVS IVF abortions not murder anymore. IVF is murder I'm sorry. Okay. Well, that's not a winner. I got

for you guys That's not a winner. I got news for you guys. That's not gonna work. That strategy's not gonna work. Oh Trump's not pro-life enough. The guy that overturned Roe vs Wade has not done more than any of you, anyone in history for your side. He's not pro-life enough for you. He's a jackass. You're not gonna support him anymore. Okay, you know, it's what happens when lunatics are running the asylum. Thank God that they're not yeah Seriously, you know, it's it's it's a minority. I'm sure but they're always fucking loud. We know that it's crazy

They're like they're the same as the gun people we got to take guns away. Well, people don't want that Well, then we're gonna go after the guy on the people on top and make make our will for everybody like around the system Okay. Well, good luck. Everyone hates you guys. Yeah, man. How long was the stream? I don't know, three or four hours. Three or four hours. I think it was fun.

Yeah. Let's see. And you guys, do you guys argue in person? Yeah. Yeah, that's like kind of- A little bit. Yeah, right. A little bit.

Yeah, enough to, right, enough to have, you know, strong personalities on both sides. Yeah, yeah. What are these guys saying? Oh, that's cool. What's that? Oh, Peach's dog died? Oh, no.

Oh. No, this is terrible news. Don't ping me with that right at the beginning of the show, Johnny Rockett. Oh, that's terrible. That sucks. Brazil is... Oh, the thing that they do do in Miami that I found to be frustrating was no one knows how their own parking works. Their own parking.

Yeah, I rented a car because usually I'm so cheap that I end up staying like 20 minutes away from anything good. Right. Because it's cheaper. Because it's like $2 cheaper. I'm like, oh yeah, I'm going to stay at that. You got to do that. Yeah, I'm going to stay in the middle of nowhere. Mm-hmm. They rented a car to try to go to somewhere fun, but South Beach of Miami is like you can walk everywhere. It's really tiny

You know, it's kind of how I picture it It's tiny. I don't picture it tiny but I picture where there's just like clubs and shit going on everywhere Yeah, there's I know just from what I've people have, you know, heard talk about it. It's like a, yeah, it's a scene. It's a scene, man. It is a scene. So I rented a car and everywhere is, everywhere is governed,

all the parking everywhere is governed by those, by app parking. Oh yeah. So it's like the maximum time you can park here is an hour and a half. The maximum time you can park here is, there's no place in the whole city that I could find or that anyone could direct me to where you could park for longer than like seven hours. Yeah.

So I'm sitting there at one like, all right, man, everybody I asked is like, oh yeah, yeah, just go over there. There's a parking garage. Go over there. No parking garage. All right, go over there. If you go over there, anywhere you can park after 3 a.m. and they don't check. So you just park there and then, you know, it's like go over there, no parking garage. All right, go over there. If you go over there, anywhere you can park after 3 a.m. and they don't check.

So you just park there and then, you know, it's like go over there and sign's like. So it's dangerous, oh, you're not allowed to, but they don't check. They don't check, yeah. I've been burned on that one. Yeah, I'm a little, yeah. I remember my first like asking a moron.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so you're a moron. So you just go around every day giving people bad advice. Yeah like that I got like you can burn it. You'll be fine. No, I got my car towed one time because of that and the and the guy who Told me felt so bad about it. He paid for the fucking where did you tell you to park? It was in a it was an Echo Park. It was in a grocery store. Yeah parking lot It was a I think there was a Ralph's down it like one of those Sunsets where it's just like

the stripes are going through it? No, no, no, no. It was like a legit, it was a legit just regular parking lot. But I was there like after hours and like just left it there and stuff like that. They won't tell you? Yeah.

Well, this is like, you know, diamond, you know, everybody knows in LA diamond towing. You see it everywhere. So they just go around just looking to fucking impound cars. But he was like, ah, that one's on me. So. Well, next time I'm gonna take a little picture of him when I get parking advice. I'm like, okay, let me just take a picture of you. So I'm gonna run, I'm gonna find you if they do tow cars. See if that changes your little tune. That and it's weird,

the cops like hide out, cause they have so many trees and swamps and stuff. The cops are like hiding behind trees, like alligators. And they're like, wow, jumping out at you. Cause in LA you see cops from, in the desert, you see cops from like 10 miles away. Like, oh, there's a cop right there. I'll slow down.

But there you're like, ah, shit, it was right there. Like a horror movie the whole time. When you're driving around. there you're like, ah, shit, it was right there. Like a horror movie. The whole time. When you're driving around. When you're driving around, yeah. Oh wow. So it was fun. That's cool.

Well, how long were you there? I drove down to the Keys. A couple days or? Because I thought that would be cool. Oh really? And then I timed it wrong, so I had to turn around like halfway. You mean you never saw the Keys?

It was a big waste of time. Never got to the Keys? I saw some of them, but I thought it would be like driving on like a highway on the ocean Yeah, I just got there and it felt like I was driving through like the valley like oh well this is like it just seems like a Mean it seems like I'm driving through like a trailer park I thought it would be like driving on the ocean like cool like I'd be like isn't there a part

I mean there is like a bridge over water right yeah, but I guess I didn't have enough time to get to it because I bridge over water right? Yeah but I guess I didn't have enough time to get to it because I had to wake up at 7 because I got I had to wake up at 7 to get to get on your cheap flight. I had to wake up at 5 to get on the cheap flight yeah oh we'll pay for the flight okay can I have any kind of stipulations like I don't have to get up at 5 in the morning to get on the flight or anything like that. Here's a flight, oh fuck. Hey, for some reason I took spirit air to our first show in Philly. The black licorice of the skies. I'm surprised a fight didn't break out on your spirit airline.

No, there was a fight. There was a fight. Oh, there was a fight. Yeah, by the terminal. Yeah, there was. I thought I talked about that. You might've. Yeah.

Was it over something? Was it over respect? I don't, I have no idea. I just heard a ruckus and then... Uh-oh. Are you sure it was a ruckus? If it was a kerfuffle, I would know what you're talking about. Or an altercation. What's a fracas? A fracas is probably for older white people.

Oh. An altercation is... These were younger black people. That's definitely a ruckus. It's a ruckus, okay. Yeah. It might even be a finna. What's, really, what's a finna? I don't know. That seems like something that it might be though.

I don't know. Um... But yeah, there's a lot of loud talking and... Chris the Kiwi might be calling in today. I know Carl and Vinny are calling in. Oh, cool. God, I've got some amazing Nick news. The guy that ratted on...

The guy that ratted on Nick Rekada and told on him for cocaine that he's... Who is that? Aaron Imholt, this guy. The Toe, Steel Toe morning show. He apparently, he had the bright idea. I guess it's a couple that the Ricadas were, I don't know, swinging with. I'm just gonna... That's what everyone says.

So that's what I'll go with, whatever. I mean, are people, I gotta, not to interject too much, but are people, because Nick is always identified as like a Christian conservative, right? How much shit is he getting from- Infinity amount of shit. Is he? I kind of figure, and like, somebody like me,

I couldn't care less like about what it's Consenting adults, but whatever like problem is I get it It's people get bent out of shape like fucking in the eyes of God I get but like that's not a problem for me So yeah, I know me either so you know audiences are weird I think it's It's kind of funny too. Well, it's funny in like a ha ha, like you're really fucked way because Nick's on trial for cocaine possession, right?

And everyone online is constantly angry at him for not, A, like admitting that he needs help, like saying that he has a problem, like all these addiction things that they're angry at him for not admitting. But he can't even talk about it, like because he's on trial for felony cocaine possession. So it's like he could easily just go like,

you know what, I got a problem I've been doing too, like I could say, oh man, I gotta cut it down. I gotta cut down my drug use, it's fucking up my throat, it's fucking up my sleep, I'm too old for this shit. I could easily say that even though I'm not gonna do it, right? But especially if it made people happy. There's no legal ramifications for you saying it. It means nothing to me saying it or not saying it, but he cannot say it. So he gets hammered all day.

Why don't you admit you have a problem? Why don't you admit? Why don't you admit to any of this? You have a big- it's like, you just, and then he can't. They don't see that. Even if he, if he, if he felt it, he can't say it. If he wanted to just say it to shut you up, he can't say it. Even if he wanted to argue it, he can't fucking argue it. Yeah, that-

So it's funny to me. That, I have to- It comes when you're so famous, that you have an audience of retards. I have to think that that, that situation could easily drive someone insane. Yeah. Where it's like, you literally. I have to think that that that situation could easily drive someone insane Yeah, where it's like you literally you have to sit there AND HE CAN'T DRINK

So I'm sitting there going like He's got this fucking patch that will like change colors like a hyper color shirt Really? Yeah, I was gonna suggest to Vito that he should cuz he's desperately needs some help to get back at me on the show That he should incorporate this into some kind of bit You know, oh, yeah. Yeah, but that's what he's got So he has to wear what's to stop him from taking the patch off Is it well they sign it like you go to like drug class or whatever and they the some fucking lady got it No signs her it says I don't look at me. I'm help

I'm saving lines. So if you drink, it will change color and stay the wrong color and you'll be busted. Yeah, it starts chirping like a car alarm, it goes, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ee-aw, ee-aw, ee-aw. So anyway, the guy that ratted him out, this guy, Aaron Emhold, whose wife got stolen, or left him, whatever. Aaron Emhold got busted. There's a warrant out for his arrest for felony

Felony revenge porn because on his stream he decided to send a picture of Nick's wife Kayla a Nude picture to another streamer mm-hmm on stream and then say hey not too bad, huh? What do you think about that nude picture? So so the state star witness against Nick now and and get this he just a month ago this guy Aaron yeah had a a Suspended sentence had a judgment against him for violating a restraining order against his ex-wife for harassment Because he was going on his show and talking about how he wanted to kill her So the judge said guilty pled guilty and said you got a 90-day sentence in jail suspended sentence though He didn't make it the 90 days. He didn't make it a week and a half

Oh man So now there's a- They still think they just still think that like this doesn't really impact their life. Like, oh, it's just online. It's just a show. It's just like- Okay, that's just gonna be a show when you're in prison.

Yeah, I don't- Good luck. I don't get, you like, they just, it's like people have lost the ability to like just take a quick breath and and like you know count to ten Shouldn't you not be doing this? See if a thought enters your head that might stop you from doing something like this So Ralph heard about this and Ralph because you know Ralph is a convict right?

I didn't know that Well Ralph yeah, he went to he went to jail for eight months for assaulting a police officer. You didn't know that? He's called in and talked about it. You know, honestly, I- He got drunk, passed out, cop woke him up, he took a swing at the cop. Oh, okay. He woke up in jail, spent eight months in jail.

Oh, man. Total bullshit, you know? That was a long time ago, right? If you're waking a drunk up, you deserve it. Well, yeah. You deserve to get hit. He don't know where he's at. Yeah. So this guy was fucking with, You deserve it. You deserve to get it. He don't know where he's at. So this guy was fucking with, so this guy Aaron was, you know, fucking with Ralph. They were talking shit.

So now Aaron's maybe going to jail for the suspended sentence for violating a restraining order and for the felony revenge porn. Revenge porn can be a felony. It is in this instance, yes. Very interesting. So now- Did you ever think, I mean, could you have predicted that the term revenge porn

would be a thing? Yeah. Really? Yes, yeah. And I think it's one of those laws that I think is worth it. I think it's one of those laws that I think is worth it. Like it, I want chicks to send nudes. Because I was thinking like when you were like a teenager, like how early could you, okay.

As soon as phones were out. Right, then you were probably ahead of the curve thinking that way. Oh, yeah, I'm like, oh, this is bad. And I think they're gonna get stronger. It's just a funny. I think they're gonna get stronger. It's just a funny term.

Because everybody knows what it means. Everybody's at least familiar with it. I mean, that's why the law exists. Oh yeah, you know exactly what it means. That's what laws are for. Everyone knows what this means. Everyone knows what it means. Everyone doesn't like it.

We're making a law against it. But you're okay with that? In that case? You think it's... Begrudgingly accept... I don't like laws, but... I do think there should be some laws. Yeah, I mean, you know... Bro, the regulator in my shower, my illegal shower regulator...

Let's talk about felonies and misdemeanors. Here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm a totally different person when I come out of the shower. Yeah, you're clean. My hairs, I'm clean. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God.

It gets all the way down to the scalp. I might not stop using deodorant now. Cause you can just blast off the layer of skin. Oh, it's amazing. Nice. It feels like I'm swimming. Something's going on with the pressure. The pressure in my building,

it's gone down and down and down over like the last year, year and a half to where the, I don't know if it's pipes corroding or something going on or the overall water pressure is just lower, but it's starting to piss me off. The shower's still okay. So Ralph, because this guy might be going to jail,

and because he's a drug snitch, because he's reported, he proudly says that he reported Nick to the police for cocaine and that he proudly testified against him. Ralph decided to write to all the inmates at the jail and let them know that a snitch is moving into their pod for to help to make sure that they stay safe. Don't do anything in front of this guy. Be careful. Yeah. Because snitches will... Right. I mean there's... Rat you out. Right. To get better, you know, circumstances for themselves. Yeah. So he found all the murderers first, convicted murderers. Unbelievable. Jesus Christ.

And it's, you know. I hate drug crimes. I hate snitches as well. And they get a pen pal. They get a pen pal. Yeah. Maybe we'll load their commissary up too. Right.

You guys are suffering from drug crimes and the murder, you know. Right. They get a pen pal. Yeah, maybe we'll load their commissary up to right you guys there you go Yeah, you guys are suffering from drug crimes and the murder, you know, right? Black lives matter stuff. You probably got framed for that murder, honestly, but the drug crime sucks that that happened to you Right the snitch is moving in I'm gonna go ahead and load up your commissary Just because just for the suffering that you've experienced at the hands of white supremacy and some systemic racism Off to the races We're off to the races all right Wouldn't you want to know if you were in prison and a snitch moved in?

They always not asking around. They always want to know you got to know gotta know man more you know Mm-hmm I want to know Snitches don't get commissary Snitches get warnings right? Oh, no wait. No, that's right. I got it wrong. Um, okay, let's see Weird guy. Oh, yeah, here's uh, this is pretty funny. Let's see. Some women are... Some women are pretending to be trans women for their porno sites, and it's really...

You're never gonna guess who's pissed off at that. Both laugh So these are... Here's some two women. Both laugh They posted just two boys being silly. And they have, like, they're women. And this is for their OnlyFans content. And they have like, they're women. And this is for their OnlyFans content.

And they have like fake wieners in their underpants. Fucking appropriation. Right. And they're quite, trans women are quite upset. Yeah. We know you're both fake. I mean, they're doing dickface. Hahahaha! My breasts and ween are both real and I grew them myself. The trans women are upset that they're being appropriated, I guess.

As soon as there's a new group, they can figure out how to be a victim, I guess. Hey, check these whores, you know? They're not gonna let you get away with this victim, I guess. Hey, check these whores. You know? They're not gonna let you get away with this shit, trans women. Seeing cis girls shoving dildos in their pants and pretending to be trans for money makes me so annoyed. My gender isn't your costume. Hahaha.

You think I could do blackface and then whiteface on top of that? Like, I can remake white chicks, but I start in blackface? Would that be funny? I mean, some things you just have to try to see. I feel it out. The public will let you know, I think. Yeah. Oh, fuck off and stop profiting off trans people. Everyone knows it's dildos in your knickers.

Yeah, fuck off. Dildos in your knickers. Who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey. Who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey, who do you think you're trying to fool, you bitch? Christ. You ever think you'd see this? People like this need to hang in the gallows, it says. God damn.

Hang in the gallows. Yeah. I mean, they're used so often. You should kill yourself, you stupid broke bitch. Get out of our spaces. By our they mean women's spaces. Go use

your own bathrooms, you whores. I hope you die horrible deaths. Cisoids. Choke on the dildos that you have in those panties. I hope you suffocate slowly. Yeah. Join the club. I've always wanted to curb stomp two people at once with both... I've never heard of... That's very un-ladylike.

I don't think I've ever heard a woman use the term curb stomp before. Yeah. You know? I don't think I have either. That's something I hear men say. Yeah. So you gotta have... This is what people who are like anti-porn, they don't understand

that pornography's on the cutting edge of shit like this. Oh, for sure. Like you're just, you're out there crying about women in sports and embarrassing yourselves, calling lady boxers men. But these two whores just effortlessly undermined the entire trans movement. And they didn't even have to think. They just said, how could we be a giant whores? How about we stick dildos in our underwear?

Oh yeah, total devastation. Pornography. Clearly it's pissing some people off. Clearly it's pissing some people off. Yeah, that would be a, that's a pretty good understatement. Oh, there's an infinite money glitch. Oh. Apparently, did you hear about this?

No. Black people have figured out a way to get infinity money. Really? Let me try to find some of the footage of this. Yeah, Chase Banks are getting swamped. They're not telling us? No, they're openly talking about it and bragging about it. Oh.

Which is, uh... At first you're gonna think it's a mistake. Yeah, but does it turn out to be? Because the infinite money glitch, wait until I tell you what it is. Chase... Let me see. Chase infinite money. It involves writing a check

and then going to the bank and depositing a check. The check obviously is money you don't have. And then withdrawing the maximum of the amount that they allow. Because they credit part of the check to you. Yes. Wow. Look at this. There's lines around the block. No, this shit is elephant. What the fuck? No! Only line, niggas, is it one block one? No. I said it is heavy. And at first I said, well, you guys are like doing really huge bank crimes that are really easy to track.

But then I thought, you know what, maybe they're just not going to fuck the banks, first of all, good for you. But what are they going to do? Right. You know? Right. They can't arrest all of you, right? Well, yeah, man.

Hey, everybody, go to the bank and deposit fake checks. If you're unlucky, yeah, if you're unlucky, then I get it. If you're ever going to perpetrate bank crime, felonious bank fraud, now's the time to do it. So yeah, you're kind of an idiot if you don't. I can't believe I haven't heard of that before. Check fraud? No, I mean, just doing that, that particular, I mean, I just never thought of that.

Because it's retarded? I mean, yeah, because it's like, oh, well, credit, because sometimes, yeah, if I deposit a check, it's like, you know, all the funds will be available on this day, but you can get this right now. So yeah, here's 500 bucks. Fuck the film. It's great. They can't catch all of us.

And then I'm like, well, they're geniuses, because we could all do this. We can just stop, we're not paying income we could all do this. We can just stop. We're not paying income taxes here. No, we're not paying it. You guys are just gonna spend the same amount of money, but I'm keeping my money. Fuck you. But we don't.

And we're mocking these brave patriots for doing what is ostensibly the same thing or analogously the same thing. I think you're gonna see more and more of this and it's going to reach a larger and larger percentage of society is gonna be involved in stuff. Maybe not this blatant like this because I've heard about the shrinking middle class forever.

I never thought that I would see it decimated to this extent when I'm only this age It's fun. It's it's going to force people to cheat the system to gamble cheating the system in a lot of different ways because Yeah, people aren't fucking getting by Yeah, I read some some survey recently that was like the amount of Acceptance that Millenn that millennials and zoomers have for fraud is like insane compared to what it's like three times I'm sure what it was when we were growing up. There's a reason for that. Yeah, it's shit like this.

Well everyone's just doing the crime and they're not gonna get all of us so yeah you know yeah why wouldn't I? And you can you can justify it like I've gotten fucked over so many ways Well, you don't need to justify it. Yeah, it's just money that I mean the banks not even a real it's not a real person Yeah, it's not nobody suffers you could you could steal billions from the bank and no one would no one would be affected by it Oh this guy's this guy got caught Dude ATM error minus $31,000 so he tried to deposit a check for a fake check for $31,000 yeah, I've known guys who've done this really who's like just straight up taking a check

copied it change the number and Deposited again like made it, changed the number, and deposited it again. Like made it the next sequential number, and they got away with it. It's like, wow. Yeah. We're turning into a Mega City One, like legit. Like only 2% of crimes will even be responded to.

The penalty will be severe, and the conditions in prison will be the penalty will be severe and the conditions in prison will be no different than the subsidized housing outside of prison that will be I so cube future like well what's the difference if I go to jail most of my friends are jail we're all living in block housing anyway oh man they really told me to type in next day was supposed to clear look at my account. Yo That's fake it's a fake check

Yeah, that's too bad man Oops Okay, Disneyland passes over. Brazil's totally fucked. I don't know, did you hear any? All of our Brazil friends are off of Twitter. They banned Twitter because they got a big election a month away. Yeah.

They have a big presidential election. Yeah. So they banned the whole country from going on Twitter and anybody who gets caught getting around it to go on Twitter gets a, what in our dollars would be like a $64,000 fine a day to go on. That's like a game show number. Yeah. It's like $8,000 for them, but for us it's six. So if you go on, if you go on Twitter,

it's basically the end of your life. You go straight to jail, you know, a day per day. Isn't that crazy? It's bizarre. Isn't that, didn't we bizarre. Didn't we like... Aren't we like fighting a war against Putin and like the Taliban for shit like that? Who's... Why are they eliminating the entire country's ability to communicate with one another right before an election?

Yeah. Isn't that... Am I allowed to say, well that's a bit odd? Well... That's a bit fucked up. It just seems... It doesn't seem like something that like I mean like Brazil is not like China, you know, I mean Right, but if they if they've done this like that's surprising I think to most people cuz like I know people go to Brazil like it's like, oh, yeah went to Brazil

That was it was a fucking cool. Yeah. Yeah, the beaches lady man. Yeah, but aides, oh yeah, I went to Brazil. That was, it was a fucking cool experience. Yeah, the beaches. A lot of lady men. Yeah, but. A lot of AIDS, you know? Yeah, but so it was great. And there was bad sides too, but you know. The one part of the conversation with Destiny that was interesting was this idea of all the, all of the predatory fraud and control that happens financially globally. Yeah. you know where I think everything is

opportunists are Pushing us always towards war and tyranny so they have a tighter spot to extract wealth from you know Like Ukraine as soon as Ukraine starts getting devastated black rock comes in like we can't wait to rebuild and wait till you hear About our interest rates. Yeah, I'm sure. Like yeah, do it for free then. Whoa! What are we, a bunch of farmers? You guys can do it for free. We're doing it for 8%.

What are you talking about, right? Yeah, sure. So I don't know for sure, but I feel like Destiny was pushing back on that, saying, well, why wouldn't they just take over something easier than a war and, you know, than a hot nuclear war? And I'm like, buddy, they are everywhere. At at every point at every point of control on across the entire face of the earth evil men are trying to exert control over people that's like the that's the human condition and this is you're seeing it in Brazil two guys

some judge some fucking psychotic fascist judge just shut down Twitter. They're closing the accounts of the Starlink, the people in charge of Starlink down there, like the managers and employers, they're getting their bank accounts just closed and wiped out. It's like, you guys just, you firewall the whole country a month before the election.

For what other, there's no other possible purpose that could be for than the perpetration of evil. I found that to be surprising. Yeah, I, yeah. Yeah, it's happening like constantly. Haven't heard anything about that. Okay, what else do we have? Let me see if Carl, oh yeah, I gotta send him a link.

Carl and Vinny are calling in for a scum parade. Oh, good, I like these. Me too, they're a lot of good. I like these. Me too. They're a lot of fun. I like those guys. Yeah. We got to talk about Vito. We got to talk about Vito.

We got to talk about Bruno. Vito went on the- Vito decided that he was tired of getting made fun of for his weight. So he decided the best way to go about mitigating that would be to ban all of the biggest supporters and creators for the biggest problem. Supporters of the show, like monetary supporters, like 50 bucks every show. And guys who write songs for the show, like monetary supporters, like 50 bucks, you know, every show. Yeah. And guys who like write songs for the show and guys like Riley, who I personally bailed out of jail, like, you know, cause he creates such tremendous content for, for, for the world, right?

People who are big supporters and big fans and like a part of the community. He decided to go ahead and go in and ban all those people from his feet. No, from our, from the chat of the show. I said, are you insane? First of all, those people have been fans of mine. The reason I live in a fucking house is because of those people. So if you think that I'm gonna take yours,

anyone's side over theirs, you are dead wrong. They're the audience, they're the fans. Yes, Maso, and what would you like me to do, sir? Who would you like me to call a pig? Right away, sir. Can I, if I could just have a little something for the, oh, that'll do, thank you very much, sir. Wait till you see this one, sir, right?

Mighty generous. Mighty generous of you, sir. Anything you want, you got. Secondly- I'm here to please. Secondly, that's not gonna work. Your plan of banning people. Right. Yeah, there's something tells me that's going to generate

a little more intense heat. You can't ban them all. Right. At some point. At some point you gotta listen. You can try. You can try. You all. Right. At some point, you gotta listen. You can try. This audience specifically has had a little bit of experience with this particular tactic

that you're employing. Oh man. Alright, let's see here. Let me find. But, you know, we all love Vito. Totally. The show is just blowing up. That's good. It especially annoyed me because I just got back from that three day trip to Miami,

waking up at seven every fucking day. Yeah, that had to be terrible. For the purpose of growing the show. Yeah. Right? Sure. So then I get back and it's like I banned all the people who were making amazing stuff for the show and donating money.

I'm like, why did I do all that stuff then? Well, but wouldn't you, I mean, I'm sure that's a, like a serious discussion you would have had to like do. I don't want to have discussions off there about anything. So you just, I know, but so did you- Cause then the show gets out of sync with the, you know. Right, right, right, with what's going on. Yeah, but I get it. So have you not addressed it on air yet?

We addressed it immediately. Okay, oh, so he had done that, oh, because you did it on Friday. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. And you're gonna do a show next Friday? Yeah, that's what I said. I'm like, I don't know if this is gonna... Yeah.

I don't know if this is gonna result in the end of the show or not. How's this gonna go? Let's see. Carl hamburgers. Yeah, yeah. Oh shit, do I have it up? No, no, no. There it is. Ta-daing. Christ. Yeah, yeah. Oh shit, do I have it up? No, no, no, there it is. Ta-daing. Christ. It's funny. Somehow people got the idea that Vito wanted to fuck with people and be fucked with in return.

Well, it seems like- I don't know where they got that idea. Maybe when he was saying that his haters fuel him and when he was talking that his haters fuel him, and when he was talking about how he fucks kids online. No, I know, that's what I've heard. It seemed like he likes to be an antagonist. Yes.

I thought. Everyone. It's so odd when everyone gets the same wrong idea. Yeah. All right, let me try to, let me fix this real quick. I don't know, maybe Ki kiwi's not calling in. Oh yeah. What's he been up to, some shenanigans lately or?

Uh... Not really. Let's see, audio. Check, check, check, check. No. No, I don't want that fucking speaker shit. Give me the nice two. Give me the two, baby! Give me the two! baby. Give me the two. There we go. Test.

There we go. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Oh, that's right. Maybe it was one veto false flagged Alex Jones. Maybe people got the idea to fuck with him. Sure.

You know? Yeah. I can't, I mean I- Maybe when Nick Reketa got arrested and his kids got taken away and we did an hour long show making fun of it, maybe people got the idea that like nothing was off limits then.

That would, I don't know. I could see why that was. It would be a point to that conclusion. It's such to be made fun of for being fat though, you know, guys, kids get taken away. You can always make more kids Yeah What's up fellas hey, what is going on?

Okay Uh, let me try this again. Is that not working again now? No, it's not. No, I know. We gotta mute you. It's like a tape delay. It is. Ah, so Josh Denny gets on Twitter and like, kind of reads, like has some real truths with Vito. He's like, you can't just like, fuck your supporters over. Like this is not a, this is a supporter like economy. You know, you're a creator in a supporter driven world.

You have to respect them. Who's giving the money. Yeah. I mean, you have to be okay with them taking the money away. You at least have to be honest. You can't say shit like, then Vito because I said it's obvious that the fat jokes hurt your feelings, right?

So just say that. Right. Right? And he goes, no, I just find them to be boring and tedious. I'm like, okay, well, if you tell people that their sense of humor is beneath you, they're going to go even lower, right? First of all, that's not true because fat jokes are hilarious. Secondly, whatever.

Yeah. Whatever, handle it however you want, but don't ban people that pay money. Definitely don't ban Riley. I don't want that motherfucker showing up in my business. Are people unbanned now? Yeah, people are unbanned now. I hope he realizes that everyone likes him, and that he can just say honestly, I don't like so many fat jokes. Yeah.

And that will stop most of it. And put the money in his pocket. Maybe he could lose some weight. And I didn't want to suggest that, but. I mean, you know, you know, Carl, I feel like I'm his doctor. I can't suggest I lose weight. Right. Yeah. You're doing a bad job.

How are you guys doing? Good, man. Vinny, ever get fat jokes, how do you respond to that? Oh, I block everyone immediately. Okay good Especially paying customers. Yeah, everything but my Bible You guys are comedians. How do you feel about fat jokes? Are they like not funny and they're the best Yeah, we have a crossbow series that only based on fat jokes. Do you really? No, you and I do. Oh yeah. Yeah, it is entirely that. It's the only thing we talk about.

It's the only thing I want to talk about. Right. You know where I stand, Dick. You've seen our text chain. Yeah, you've lost weight. So I definitely know how you stand. No one's more vicious against fat people than former fat cells. You need to go to these pro wrestling conventions and find the most morbidly

obese assholes awkwardly walking around and just sends me and Dick videos of them. Yeah. It's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a Nat Geo special. And that he is in his natural habitat. Wearing a t-shirt that is not very at home here at the pro wrestling convention. Uh, custom to the smells. You can. Do you guys think that, uh, when do you think Aaron Imhold is going to get

picked up by the cops? Okay. So I'm glad you guys covered that. I was listening earlier when you were talking about it. So here's the thing, here's what I learned. Aaron's on this one year probation where he's facing 90 days in jail if he breaks the probation.

However, the revenge porn was sent in May. Right. So that would not count against his probation sentence. Has a lawyer told you that? Because Ralph, who has, Ralph talked about all this for like four hours from the criminal side. And he said that if you're on, if you have a suspended sentence like that. As a criminal.

As a criminal and revenge pornographer. Right. He's like, what a dual threat. Right. He's probably the only person with intimate knowledge of all of these processes. He's lived it. He's lived it. He said that even getting picked up for this, if you did it before, could endanger your, could trigger your suspended sentence. You asked if a lawyer told me this?

No, a law tuber told me this. Oh, a law tuber. So I trusted the law tuber. Which one? The fat one or the lazy-eyed one? The fat one with the white beard who hates Nick Ricchetta. Dude, the fucking potentially diabetic, the law couch, this guy named Sean. Yeah. Yeah, it's potentially criminal. Oh yeah, potentially criminal. Sorry, what did I say? Oh, him too? You're right, Sean Martin's his name, yes. He got famous because he was on, Nick would let him on his show to talk about the law. And now he just fucking hates him.

Yeah. He's like, he did a stream seething about how Aaron didn't cover his tracks of the revenge porn properly. Oh, he shouldn't. He's like, all you had to do was tell the cop that you didn't know or don't talk to the cops and you said that you might not have or you don't remember.

Aaron, what's wrong with you? So he wants crimes to go unpunished because he hates Nick so much. It's like, yeah, well, he deserves it. Crazy. The end justifies the means. And he's 600 pounds. Ralph found footage of him talking to his wife who's like similarly sized yeah I don't want to guess which one's fatter but they definitely need equipment to have sex if they're having

it at all Wow you mean like like like lips like hoists from like SeaWorld or something world yeah I got to give the jaws life. The manatee a CT scan. Yeah. They're talking about their wing. You know what's wild about that guy? Yeah, what? Sean Martin, cause I was playing this on WATP this week, his breakdown of it, and he read Aaron's date of birth,

when he was born like 86, and Sean goes, "'Oh man, he's younger than me.' Yeah, you look like Santa Claus. Of course he's younger than you. What do you mean?' He was surprised by that. He thought, oh, like they could be mistaken for the same age somehow. Yeah He's young Aaron's only like 37. Yeah. Yeah, he's not even 40 yet. Get the fuck out Wow. He's fucked up a lot first

Wow Wow Dick can you can you imagine you came to hackamania in Vegas with us and we were talking a lot about Aaron Imholte at the time. And I imagine you had no idea the connection to Nick and all of these charges. I think at that time everything was new. It was brand new.

The only thing I knew about Aaron is I saw, I saw like a couple of clips from their hot tub stream and I said oh that girl that young wife of his is way too hot to be with a guy who's broke and looks like that. She's gonna get offers all the time to step it up. Yeah I think she's swimming in it right now so to speak. You know how I feel about Ethan and Ralph. Him and I had it out on your show back when I was in LA. But I gotta say, the photo of Ethan and Ralph with his arm around Kayla, Nick, and April

is the funniest thing to happen from all of those court appearances. It's hilarious. I haven't seen it. Ralph went out there. Oh, did he? Yeah, Ralph went out to cover Nick's trial, which was actually great,

because nobody was covering it. Like, Kiwi Farms went out there, and they're like retarded. Like, they're like, oh, Ralph stinks. That was their court notes. And Ralph took amazing notes and reported it, you know, accurately. Got it.

But he's there just with his arms around the girls, hugging Kayla God I hope he walks Rikata yeah, I think he's going to I don't me too. It sure seems like there's plenty of like Reasonable doubt at a lot of levels just from what? fucking prison getting murdered while during his trial! Like how does this look? Hey where's your Star Witness?

Oh can we delay the trial for two years? Cause our Star Witness is in prison for felony harassment and revenge porn. Not getting extra commissary. Yeah. John. Oops. Would it be bad if Aaron had like a ton of commissary in prison?

Would that inspire any feelings of jealousy? Like if he got sent like 500 bucks? You know? Hey white boy. Anyway, what do you guys have for us today? Oh man, Dick, I got three stories for you today. And I know you just got back from Miami. I found a story that would piss you the fuck off

because I know it made me very upset. There's a 55 year old guy down in South Florida who has been charged with felony forgery and defrauding customers. Basically what he did was he went to Staples and he got a bunch of flyers made up in the guise of a local pizza place named Roman's Pizzeria, a very beloved place. Hey, Zeus Roman.

It's a real place. Okay. So he changed the phone number on it to his cell phone and then he went to all the local hotels by the airport. What a fucking asshole. Oh, yeah. Okay. So he puts all the flyers on the doors, out on the cars, and he starts getting calls. And it's just like DiGiorno.

Is this a DiGiorno pizza? What is this? Carl, some of these pizzas, this motherfucker, would drop off. Didn't, weren't even cooked. He actually delivered the pizzas? He would do it by cash. He would show up there and take the cash and pay the people and he was gone. Can I say, so Dick, you were just in Miami, you were talking about how great it is.

I agree with you. That's why I live in Florida as well. Yeah. If you order pizza in Miami, you kind of get what you deserve. I'm sorry. I'm just going to say that. You're not wrong. Why? Really? It's not known for good pizza? No! I mean I'm sure

but it's a big city but I would guess Cuban food and stuff would be really you know would be really good. But yeah they do a lot of good dishes there. Pizza's not one. Honestly that's the best that's like the the best thing that he could have done is try to make pizza. If I'm shit faced at a hotel in Miami ordering pizza, I'm probably gonna pass out before it gets there anyway. But if some guy shows up with like a half cooked ball of dough and some ingredients, I'm gonna go, you know what, I'm gonna, you know, that's okay.

You'll give it a run. Yeah, I'll give this a run. I would tell you you walked out of your hotel room the next morning and stepped on the pizza that you ordered. For me, it's been at least a dozen times. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. So this guy's name was Jose Marty Alvarez. And this place, Romans, was getting bombarded with calls from pissed off people going,

what the fuck is this that you're delivering? I just gave way. And the dude who owns it's losing his mind. Dick, it took them three years three years to catch this guy Oh my god, got away with it. Why was he using somebody real's pizza place? Why don't you just make like fucking dirtbags pizza or homeboys pizza? That's my thought too. Well, this is what pisses me off about this story. Is it this guy who owns Romans? They're getting all these negative Yelp reviews people are complaining and stuff like that How easy would it be to catch this asshole?

Just grab the flyer, order a pizza for yourself, and then he's busting what he shows up. Well, no, he used the name. Three years, you know. So you look him up. Well, no, he used the Roman's name because it's a known thing. So it's like, oh, Romans, I love Romans.

Oh, he just reminded me. It's like, oh yeah, yeah, I used to order from there all the time, I'm gonna order. As opposed to, you know. Worst case scenario, you just reminded me. It's like oh, yeah. Yeah, you store from there all the time I'm gonna order as opposed to you know, there you know, someone just googles it and looks up and sees Oh, yeah Romans is a place true. God. What a fucking prick That's I'd say and you know The worst part is he ended up getting arrested and he's facing an aggravated battery charge Because they were on to him at a day's end, okay? He shows up at a day's end, I guess there was some type of stinger,

the employees were waiting for him and they saw him and recognized him. And he ran to his van as quickly as possible and he ended up running over or hitting one of the hotel staff with his car on the way out. He's gonna hurt you. A pizza caper.

This sounds like a Grand Theft Auto mission. Totally. You gotta make pizzas. Yeah, this guy's an asshole. He's been charged with aggravated battery as well, and he is waiting for arraignment. Do you think he explained this crime to his girlfriend or mom at any point? Like, what are you doing? Oh, I got this real hustle. The guy's 51. What I like about it, when you read the article and you read the comments from the owner of Roman's Pizza, he was most upset that the guy didn't take pride in his own pizza. It's like, you know, we're out here, we cook the fucking dough. Come on, motherfucker.

I could see that. He's going to be like, catch me if you can, where he takes him under his wing outside of prison, right? Right, right I could use a man like you just got to learn how to make the pizza. Yeah All right But am I crazy though? How easy would that be to figure out like they knew this was going on because they're getting bad yelp reviews

They're getting phone calls. They're like that's on our pizza It should have been easy just send an employee to a hotel room and have him order the pizza Yeah, he knows where he's leaving flyers like he knows the hotel he's leaving the flyers at and then he sits employee to a hotel room and have him order the pizza. Yeah, he knows where he's leaving flyers. Like he knows the hotel he's leaving the flyers at and then he sits there. Don't know where the hotel. But you don't know where he's leaving the flyers. There's a lot of hotels. I mean, all South Beach is this hotels.

Yeah. Go to the Clevelander and figure it out. Yeah. Just go dance a little bit. All right. Just sell drugs. You guys. Yeah. Just tell me you like. I mean, it's been done via pizza places before. Alright, sell drugs you guys It's been done via pizza places before

The mob did it I mean, you know, yeah, okay Before I do this next story. I just want to find out has anybody here ever been scuba diving. Mm-hmm. I never have You're gonna find I have yep. Yep. Okay.. I never done it either but this story from Brazil is wild because We talk a lot about on the creep off about how sometimes it's best just to let a crime happen and be glad you didn't know What happened? Yes, of course. It's better to not know something happened right then knowing the trauma Harmless sexual assault I guess yeah, so there's So there's this woman and her gay flight attendant best friend, they go down to Brazil to go scuba diving. Okay.

They are staying at a hotel and the instructor is taking them down to the reef and he's like kind of swimming above them and guiding them. It's like an excursion from the hotel. Right. Exactly. So what happened was the friend, the steward, decided to bring a GoPro with him. And he strapped the GoPro on.

And when he first went down, he had it so he could see the dive. And then he changed it and had it kind of focused on her for a while. And she was being guided by the gentleman who was the instructor through all the corals But what they didn't realize because they weren't paying attention is that dude had whipped out his dick and was totally jerking off Yes underwater he is cranking one out in saltwater Yeah, and the other dude has it on film and neither one of them realized it for seven years Oh my back and watch the video like hey And the other dude has it on film and neither one of them realized it for seven years. Oh my god.

Until they went back and watched the video like, hey, that's not how you snorkel. Like this dude's just cranking it while he's swimming above her. What the fuck? Oh no. Like as a joker, like sexually. As a joke. Well I think what happened was he thought he was just seeing... It's a good bit.

He lives in Brazil. He thought he was to seeing hot chicks so he was overwhelmed by this. Hot chicks everywhere! Everyone's jerking off everywhere all the time! This lady from Ohio with her big flat white ass, I'm sure he's really upset. But here's the thing, this is what I get annoyed with with this story. If you jerk off near someone and they don't catch you, no harm, no fun.

Yeah, that's true. You should get away with it. That's literally the whole point of jerking off near someone is you try not to get caught. Yeah, that's a good point, Carl. I'm kind of with Carl on this because like I said, he got away with this for seven years. Can you imagine how confused he was when the police showed up? He's like, which one? Yeah. There's no victim. If she didn't know what was happening, there's no victim. There's no bitch. You didn't know what was happening There's no victim. How was this a cry? He got arrested for that. He should arrest her for revenge porn or something

Right, right. Why you're watching me jerk off. That's fucked up. Yeah I don't know. I'm gonna set it to Gino Biscotti That's the guy who Aaron sent the revenge porn to on stream. Got it. On stream! And then now... I tried to get Gino on WTP, I'm in front of them, I tried to get him on WTP yesterday, and he's like, yeah, I'm at a barbecue or something.

Fuck! Oh man, tell him to call in now. That shit was... Get him. Check out this naked picture of this lady. I've been sending nudes of everyone I know. The tone isn't too bad, huh? He said I didn't do too bad. Oh, I know.

He's bragging about fucking Kayla and he's like, oh yeah, bro. He's such an irritable. It's such a dweeb is the best word for him. He really is. He talks like a seventh grader who's never gotten laid who brags about getting laid So we're too bad, huh? Like, why are you? Why do you want to share a picture of a naked woman with a man? What are you getting? What are you getting out of that? And how and why is it gay? Mmm, you know, I've got to look for that. Yeah, you really do. It's always the question. You should be asking

Yeah, I'd rather send a dick pic to dick Yeah That's always the question you should be asking. Yeah. I'd rather send a dick pic to dick. Hey, check out my talk. Show them a naked girl I talked. Yeah. So here's why they made a big deal out of this. Please, I'm curious. You didn't figure it out from the article, Carl? No. So she could sue the hotel.

Right. Because it was directly to the hotel. He's an employee or works out of there or they should have vetted him better. They should have, oh yeah. So that's the story. That guy is a creep. This is not a great move,

but you know, I'm also not from Brazil. I don't understand their customs. I don't understand. Okay, let me ask you a question. You're in the ocean. Jerk off or shit. What's more embarrassing? In the ocean?

Yeah, in the ocean. Cause remember like Opie, from Opie and Anthony used to talk about shitting in the lake or the ocean or whatever, he's not proud of himself. He would shit in the... but shit floats. So it's gonna get over your back. Oh, it's ridiculous. You gotta like to rinse off in. How are you gonna fucking... it's gonna go like in every part of your back that you can't reach. You just do a couple spins in the water, you know?

Like a duck? There's a toilet paper there. Yeah. Go like that and dog paddle and shit. I mean, you can, you know, I would say you could just splash around and it'll come off. I would think that shitting would be more embarrassing because it's gonna be by accident, you know?

Boy, is it? You don't ejaculate by accident. Never jacked off by accident. Oh shit! Maybe. But if I shit in an ocean, it's going to be out of my control. So that's more embarrassing. Yeah.

I mean, there's worse places to shit. But yeah, it's more embarrassing to shit there. Okay. So this guy did not do well. Probably every place. That's the conclusion we've all come to. It's more embarrassing shit there. Okay, so this guy did not Know we lost you do we lose them there we go. They're back. Okay. All right that Last story I have for you guys. We're gonna go up to Massachusetts and we're talking about a police detective named Matthew Farrell Farewell, he's 38 years old. Okay, And he's been charged with strangling a pregnant woman to death and then framing her death. We're gonna bury the lead on that one.

Strangling to death. To death. That's too far. But here's the best part. He's a detective. So he then framed the death as a suicide. Okay. So she, yeah. Well, put her own hands around her neck. So he's accused of killing 23 year old Santa Burchmore in February of 2021.

Within weeks of telling him she was pregnant with his child. Now, here's the problem. He embarked on this sexual relationship with her when she was just 15 years old and he was 26. The federal indictment says that Farwell began the relationship when he was an instructor at the Stoughton Police Department's Explorer Program, which she entered when she was 12 years old. God, I know somebody who did this too.

Really? Yeah. Those programs are really dangerous, man. Cops around teenagers, like that's the worst. There's gonna be a percentage that are there for the wrong reasons. Well, 100% of them. I mean.

It's a percentage. This girl was there just to get laid apparently. Well, here's my whole thing. That's the problem. Here's my thoughts on. That's the problem. Here's my thoughts on this, and you guys tell me what you think. If you're into fucking underage girls, your pull-out game has to be spot on. You can't have a weak pull-out game with that. Yeah, because they're so wiry, you know?

Right? Like some old broad, just like, you know, you can slough her off like a walrus, right? Sure. But these young ones, they're going to lock you in, right? Sure. But these young, young ones, they're gonna lock you in. Right? You know, like the baby monkeys that hang onto their mom. They're like, the death grip. Yeah, well their moms are jumping from tree to tree. Yeah, yeah.

The old monkeys are like, oh, fuck this. I'm outta here. In my day, before everyone had Pornhub on their phones, girls thought that's how you finish sex. Now of course they know that it's supposed to finish off their face. But back in the day, these girls, you know, these other age girls were just like, shit. Ah, gotcha, gotcha! Yee, wee, wee!

Right, trying to get away? Ah! Remember that? You have to break your dick to get it out of there. Bwk! Pop. Oh, thank God. Phew, not this time, bitch.

Pop! Oh, thank God! Whew! Not this time, bitch! Bob! So, Detective Farwell was married with children, and the indictment says that he was motivated to kill her to order to prevent her from speaking out about their relationship. He was arrested for this. What does she look? Is she fat?

No. She's cute. Very cute. Blonde. Cute blonde girl. Huh. Not anymore. She was... well, God rest her soul. The 23-year-old was three months pregnant when she was found dead inside of her home in 2021. Her death was initially believed to be suicide, but the family did the smart thing and hired a pathologist themselves. And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for this meddling pathologist! The family that gave us shit. The family that did the smart thing and assumed it was the cop.

Right. So she, I guess he staged it so it looked like she hung herself is what I think he did. Oh wow. And he told his cop what he's like, yeah, nothing to see here. They're like, yep, nothing to see here. Nothing to see here. Oh my god, what happened? Oh no.

I remember her from the Explorer program. Yeah, didn't we know her when she was like 15 or something? They're like, yep, nothing to see here. Oh my God, what happened? Oh no. I remember her from the Explorer program. Yeah, didn't we know her when she was like 15 or something? Yeah, I think so. I don't know. I'm a pussy. Who can remember? I didn't say that.

That would give him away. Oh, you're right. So. And he like, did he throw his back out? Like he's got it. He's pretending to hang her. It'd be like, you know, putting up a Christmas tree, right? Okay, I gotta make the news Like just imagine going through it in your mind like oh man, I probably made the news too long. Yeah

He's kicking the chair out and then put yakety sacks while you're imagining it like Like getting caught on shit. Yeah It's funny really It's really astounding that they didn't pick up on the fact that it was like a hands that strangled this woman and not a rope. Like it's very simple stuff. So there's probably a cover up here. They're covering up a murder.

Yes. So he was a cop for about a decade. She told family members before this. Oh, what was that? I think he's playing something Shit no Blew out my ears. Thanks Carl. No problem. So what? She told her family that he became violent when she revealed she was pregnant with his child as one does At one point while she was pregnant with his child, as one does. Sure. At one point while she was pregnant, he allegedly held

Churchmore at a headlock and told her that he wished she were dead. So, you know, he wasn't very loving about the good news. You can say that. You know what? I like honesty in a relationship, though. Yeah. He did wish that she was dead. Yeah, that's what I mean. I'm going to kill you. That's illegal, probably.

Probably, yeah. Right, probably. You can say, I wish you were dead. Yeah, that's more like, I'm gonna kill you, that's illegal probably. Probably, yeah. Right, probably. You can say, I wish you were dead. Yeah, right, that's fine. Yeah, that's a passive way of looking at it. I do. It was way more romantic, he pointed at a falling star, put her in the head like it said, I wish you were dead.

Well, okay, let me ask you guys this. So, he started banging her when she was 15. But then stayed with her until she became an adult. Does that make it better? I think it does, right? Yeah, I think so. That's what the Quran says. I would imagine.

If you were just into 15, let's say he dumped her and got another 15 year old, and you're like, oh, this guy's crazy. That'd be a problem. She got long in the tooth at 17, right? Yeah, then he's a man. No, you make a good point. I would much rather my fan loved one died by someone

They were in a relationship with them just a one-and-done. Yeah, I would think so, too Yeah, I I revealed on the creep off to Vinnie and I'd forgotten about this what I was in high school I was in a band and I was 16. My girlfriend was 15 and then the singer my name was 20 Yeah, and the my girlfriend started fucking the singer of my band Die quit the band did it yeah, did it fuck up the band? No, no, he wrote a song about her too and I had a play Whoa you didn't tell me that part. Oh! I gotta find the song.

My brother had it somewhere. Were you crying while you were playing the guitar? Like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I don't care. It doesn't change the way I feel. I swear to God. And I didn't realize it at first. He brought the song to the Battle Against Cool song. And then I'm like, oh, wait, this is about my girlfriend. It's about statutory rape, Carl. What do you, I... I gotta find that song.

Where's my guy? Where's this guy? I don't know. He used to work at a liquor store. He's probably around in the West. I gotta know how he turned out here. He's a cop now. He works with troubled teens. Yeah store. He's probably around. I don't know how he turned out here. You know, he's a cop now He works with troubled teens

You're the band Play guitar at like 16 with a 20 year old singer Yeah, my buddy Nick his older brothers So we used to go to like frat parties and play like college shows all the time and shit I was like make sure you bring some girls from your from your junior high class with you and I fred Hey, is your girlfriend gonna bring her friends with her? Okay, do you remember the whole song I Remember parts of it I gotta fight I have it so did you have AI fill in the rest?

I think this song was called Carl dry your eyes I think this song was called Carl dry your eyes What's the most emasculating chord progression Sean You're playing the little guitar on this one Holy shit, I can't even look at you right now. I know I keep forgetting about that. Such a weird thing to have. You play guitar and you say hey dude I don't want to do this song. Oh no. I think he fucked my brother's ex-wife too. I think he was trying to bang all of our girlfriends. that's fine. Clearly he just had writer's block. Like, I mean, you're looking for material.

You're writing what you know. He could write a song if he wasn't fucking everybody's girlfriend all the time. He wrote some good songs. I got to give it to him. He was pretty good. He sounded like Billy Corgan. He did a very good Billy Corgan impression. Yeah.

I'm old. What was the lyric? I'm old, but I could still, I'm older, but I could still fuck you. He said, they say I'm too old, but fuck them. I don't care. It doesn't change the way I feel is the lyric I'm old but I could still I'm older but I could see he said they say I'm too old but fuck them I don't care it doesn't change the way I feel is the telling people about this cuz like hey they say it's like dude that's that's a rape dude like that's too old but I mean yeah yeah Wow The police. Right, right. Yeah. Wow. I'm just picturing Billy Corgan working in a liquor store. Oh, God. That's the guy.

That's him. Good stuff. I'm picturing Jimmy Seville singing this time. Oh, boy. It'd be snappier if he did it. Gary Gwitter would do a better job with it. Jesus Christ. I don't know what to say to this.

Fuck Carl's girlfriend. What do they know, Dick? Yeah, what do they did they say? Fuck Carl's girlfriend. What do they know, Dick? Yeah, what do they know? Wow, okay, well thanks for the, um, thanks for the bombshell. Of course. Guys, I creep-

They always have a creep hidden, you know? They show you the creeps and you're like, I know you guys got some creeps in the tank back there. Right. I appreciate- So you forgot about it. Yeah. It's a show and tell segment from me. Yeah.

Thanks for having us on. I got to tell you guys, we did induct Maddox into the Creep Off Hall of Fame. Yeah. Recently, that's on our Patreon, patreon.com slash the creep off. Wow. And people are very much enjoying that.

I've been loving your bonus shows going through the documentary. We had Tab Burt on our show because he fills in the blanks like nobody. Oh, he's great. He's amazing. Oh yeah, he's amazing. Yep.

So I didn't know the story at all, Dick. Like I really didn't know much about it. So I'm learning and we're going to be doing part two of this. So I did this post and the things we're going to be talking about something about an RSS feed. Oh yeah. Writing letters to people's mothers. Yeah.

And things like that. So I'm really excited for part two. I can't wait to hear that. I'll never forget when Dick realized he still had control over the big best debate in the universe. Oh yeah. Yeah. And he put in a little intro like,

why you guys listen to this show? This guy's a loser. Oh, that went out on Maddox's feed. I was podcast. I heard it live when it happened. It was amazing. We had to be going. This is the greatest move by a podcast. Yeah.

This is amazing. Yeah, that was my only regret on that is not having Sean's reaction on video. When I said, hey, will you wait around? I'm going to kill the feed and I'm going to record something. I need to record something real quick. And then I just, I started saying that, ended up getting tagged onto his feed without telling Sean what it was or what it was for.

And your face was like, you were like, you're like, wait a minute. This is like, oh my, you had, this is, I know where this is going. It was like pure elation, and like a child. Well, cause like, you would never think that opportunity would- Like a 15 year old girl seeing a cop's penis for the first time. Speechless. Oh yeah!

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I remember my first cop penis very well. I'm getting an A. Yeah, that was really good. I was sitting on that forever too. I know that's it you said that afterwards. Like a year and a half. I can't believe that that happened. The opportunity was there. That was a good one. God talk about not keeping your own house in order.

Similarities, Maddox banning the Titanic song Vito banning the team guy Vito song mm-hmm it's like it rhymes you see what these things are you know the next Maddox right now is that what we're trying to bring him back we're trying to reel him back from the edge and you're gonna need those hoists that we talked about earlier yeah it's like Jurassic Park when they're trying to pull the RV. Jurassic Park 2, you know, when they're trying to pull the RV back and the guy's in the Jeep like, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Trust me, all you have to do is show up. So, Dick, it might be you.

There's a common denominator here. I'm just going to point out. Oh, yes! Yes. Yes, it's definitely me. Pushing people beyond their ability to cope with, you know... Comfort zone. Comfort zones, yeah. Comfort zones don't exist in here.

That's because we're doing an entertainment product. We're not doing a therapy show in here. It's nothing sacred. There is, he just has to say, stop making fun of me, it hurts my feelings. Yeah. And people stop. That's the worst thing you could possibly say.

You know what, the problem with being fat is that your skin does get thinner. It has to stretch out over all the mass of your body What do you think you should do I Think you should fucking grow up a grow a pair and stop being offended by shit No, well the cats already out of the bag though. That's the problem here Well, he's been dedicated. Oh no. Well he's been called a pedophile.

Veto's jokes about I'm a pedophile, I'm going to fuck kids, like to fuck with people, has caused all of us to get called a pedophile for like four years. Oh me too. I've had Veto on my show and I'm a pedoapologist. You're a pedophile, you're a pedophile. Wow. People quit the show, quit my Discord, they sit on Kiwi Farms all day and call me a pedophile because of're a car, you're a pedophile. Like people quit, people quit the show, quit my Discord. They sit on Kiwi Farms all day and call me a pedophile

cause of Vito's jokes. So it's like, yeah, I mean, man, you're just kind of like, you can't just say not these jokes. Like you can't say, well, these are not okay cause they're making fun of me. Like we're all taking, we're all taking shots here. Can people tone it down? Yeah, sure, but they're not going to if you say the reason is because what they're doing is is beneath you and not funny because it is fucking

funny If you're gonna be an edge word you gotta be able to take the backlash like Nick Fuentes has been crying on the internet about people Not liking him Nick. Nick. Reketa reads super chats that I wouldn't even read About his wife and his kids. Oh my fucking god. I wouldn't even read And like Jesus Christ About his wife and his kids I'm like oh my fucking god I wouldn't read that shit Woohoo And these guys are just like oink oink

And he's like that's bullshit Okay Are you sure this isn't cause super Yeah exactly are you sure this isn't cause super killers late And you're just kind of like You know Freaked out Exactly. Are you sure this isn't a killer slate and you're just kind of like, you know, well Freaked out. Yeah, I mean something you met like something in your minds but having to become real and it's kind of Gets like things get uglier when they become more real. Yes, they do

Fantasy relationships turn into real relationships, which are grow. Yeah There have been guys like Johnny Manziel is a great example of this guy's get their payday And then they just phone it in they don't care anymore. Yeah, and they're like I got eight million bucks in the bank I don't need to play NFL. Oh give a shit. Yeah, and he was already rich Yeah, well, he wasn't he Signing autographs. No, he came he came from a lot of money. No, he made that up. That was a news story They planted you gotta watch the documentary. No, really? That's right.

Johnny football, it's hilarious. Really? He made that up. No, no, no. I'm sure he does. Really, cause that was being reported like for years that his parents had money. Yeah, it turns out.

Maybe not him in particular. The news media is easily manipulated, Sean. They're lying to you all the time. They don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Oh my God, did you see the Zuckerberg's confession? Yes. That's the weirdest shit. What's that all about?

You didn't see that? No. Oh, fuck. Zuckerberg, I could read his letter, but it was basically... Zuckerberg is saying that we, Facebook, got duped into shutting down the Hunter Biden laptop story and COVID shit. He said that the government was, and he's framed it in like a really aggressive way.

He's like, people from the government were telling us constantly that this shit is Russian disinfo and that we're like gonna kill people with COVID. And our thing at the time was to trust the government and we changed our policy so we no longer trust the government. Well, now we do our own research.

Look, if you will, they should always be doing that. But that's a crazy admission because something like 10% of people said they would have voted differently if they knew about the 100 by 100 Biden laptop shit. Yeah, a ton of people were like, oh, there's there's criminality there. Oh, yeah, I wouldn't have voted for that then. Yeah, yeah. It's a crazy letter, especially right now. Yeah, like leading right into the like, what did you guys did you guys see that? Just came out. Yeah. Yeah. It's a crazy letter, especially right now. Yeah.

Like leading right into the like, what did you guys, did you guys see that? Yeah, just came out. Yeah. I did. And it came out on the heels of the telegram guy getting arrested. And Ewan Musk coming out and saying like,

yeah, no, we're just, it's free speech. What are we doing? We can't listen to government agencies. So then finally Zuckerberg's like, I don't think Kamala's gonna get elected. Maybe I should get on the right side of things right now. Everybody's nervous not to be trusted. I don't wanna go to jail.

Right? Yeah. Yeah, I hate the government too, guys. Yeah. Yeah. God, that's, I forgot about the telegram guy too. Okay, anyway, you guys got any live shows lined up or anything like that? We do, we're gonna be in

Ferndale, Michigan just outside of Detroit really October 25th at the magic bag You can go to w ATP live comm for tickets to that. It's almost sold out. Yep Okay, and we're still a couple months out. So that's gonna sell out very quickly Please if you want to come hang with us, that's always a fun Show is our third year in a row with the magic bag. It'll be our third snow out. It'll be our first Steeltoberfest. Yeah, Steeltoberfest is what we're doing there. Oh, they're making fun of Tarrion Imhold. Oh, that's the, okay.

I'm in on the Aaron stuff now. Now I get it. I'm going to help. I'm going to make it like a personal mission to help Ralph with his letter writing campaign. Did you guys hear about that? You know, adopted it, made it tell that guy's a stoolie. When you were talking about that, like that's the funniest thing Ethan Reynolds ever done.

For sure. It's amazing. Yeah, but he called Ralph a pig. See, that's how Ralph handles getting called a pig. Yeah. I'm gonna write everyone at your jail and say that you snitched on felony drug crime. Vito just has to think bigger, you're saying. Yeah!

Oh, God. Yeah. Okay, I don't know. Do we have anything? Did you see Matt with Destiny? I have not seen that. I could only imagine how difficult that was to deal with those people for four hours.

I'll have to check that out. You know, it's interesting. This audience writes in with advice questions, like how do I fuck this? How do I cheat on my wife? How do I, is it okay if I fuck this fat chick? How do I stop looking at my girlfriend's sister's tits at the dinner table all the time?

Yeah, so Destiny starts his advice part of his show and these guys call in and they're like, I can't seem to do anything. How do I organize my time so that I can do my homework? And I didn't graduate college, how do I become a doctor like House? And I'm like, what? What kind of questions are these?

Is this like a Ted Talk? What are you talking about? I'm unfamiliar with this line of questioning. It sounds like a Stefan Molyneux show or a reverse universe or something. Yeah, it was like a reverse universe. Like, man. Yeah, I guess that's a good question for Destiny. I was like, well, just stop jacking off until you do all your work.

It seems pretty obvious. Well, but other than that. Other than that. Did anyone ask about IQs based on continents that people live on or anything like that? Or it wasn't about that. No. Okay.

No, that didn't come up strangely. Fair enough. So did you win the conversation, Dick? Yeah, I think so because I think the win is just to wind them up. Like you just give in to everything and then like a guy from the Ukraine called in to tell me I'm an asshole. And then everybody was telling me that all the things I think about Ukraine are all lies. And like there's no that all the separatism in Ukraine in Luhansk and Donbass was all just Putin paying people to pretend to want to be back in

Russia and that there's never been any kind of separatist genuine separatist movement which I believe is you know totally insane like if Texas said I want to be separate from the US I'd say yeah that's yeah they've always been saying that percentage of yeah California has been saying it too. At one time they were, yeah. We had a whole civil war based on it. That wasn't like fake. Right.

It could still happen. I said, okay, let's say that's true. Okay, let's say it's true. Let's say that's true. Let's say it's true. And they're like, I'm like, well, you got, you're forcing, you're conscripting guys at gunpoint to like go fight your thing.

And they're like, no, everyone wants to fight. Like, okay, then what else do you want? And they're like, well, we need weapons. And I said, no. Yeah. No. Right. You don't get any.

Yeah. And they're like, okay, well, now we know your position. Moving on. Yeah, I'm like, all right, fine. We finally found, you got everything you want. What else do you want? Weapons, no. Yeah.

God, damn it. Everything else was just like a trick. I don't know. The country, and we talked about this on a bonus crossover show, the country most Ukrainians have fled to who have left the country is Russia. Yeah, of course.

They speak Russian. Yeah. They remember the Soviet Union. My grandparents were from the Ukraine. Yeah. Right. And Carl, that is true, but that's not quite the whole story.

Because, and you're getting, Ukraine says they're being taken by Russia at gunpoint saying, come with us or die here. Russia is saying, we're taking everybody to Ukraine because it's a humanitarian mission. Like, so it's like- Well, that's obviously a lie. But I mean, but what I'm saying is most people are going

to Russia because the alternative... Like they're not all going... I can't wait to get back to Russia. They're like, this is where it's going to be safe. I understand that, but there's also... There was a bunch of Nazis. And they... And of course they speak Russian.

So it's like, what's the easiest thing? Yeah. And it's like... But Russia's also told them they can go to like three different countries, but apparently nobody's going there. I don't know. But it's like, yes. Yes. Of course it's like but Russia's also told them they can go to like three different countries, but apparently nobody's going there I don't know, but it's like yes. Yes, of course. It's like getting bombed for years. Yeah. Yeah I just don't believe that when the USSR collapsed everyone was like ah Ukraine. We love it here Yeah, probably not who figured out where this line was like I mean I know how the south works

There's still like it's like nah. we've been living here for a long time That that rock over there. That's actually our rock Not yours. Yeah, you touch it will kill you If you go to the south there's more American flags than anywhere else and that was the one place that like wanted out of America Yeah, yeah, how they're all in on it. Yeah Yeah, yeah, they're all lit out. Yeah, you know that is Transfired over the last year. Oh, that's true. That's true. Okay guys go have a good Sunday You were calling in the creep off calm. We promise we won't block you

Yes, we don't like people on the creep off watches every Monday at 1 p.m. Easter except for this Monday gives Labor Day. Can they call you a club foot and stuff and like your teeth are messed up? Don't even go there. That's where I get very upset. Pre-block. Wait, look at what somebody sent in. Somebody sent this in. Yeah. To go in Vito's booty.

I was like, I can't. I can't do it. Really? There's a line that you... I... You would not believe the filter that I have. Okay. He's getting something.

All right. So Vito gets these toys. Yeah. That he has to get by weighing himself. He doesn't weigh himself. He doesn't get the toys. This guy broke. We treat Vito like an adult.

Well, he gets the toys smashed if he doesn't get on the scale. So yeah. I'm very much an adult this guy. Why doesn't he get on the scale. So yeah. Very much an adult, this guy. Why doesn't he get on the scale? This was the, this was the, uh, Guy. Oh God.

Oh no. It's dozens of pigs. Hahahaha. Dozens of little pigs. I can't. That's hilarious. Wait, so are fat jokes funny or not? Exactly. What is this?

Is this funny? We're laughing. I'm laughing. It's like, I can't. That's too much. Yeah. Okay. All right.

See you guys. See you. See you. Thanks again. Okay. I think Chris the Kiwi fell asleep. All right. See you guys. See ya. Uhhh... Okay. I think Chris the Kiwi fell asleep. Yeah. This would have been too much, right? You know, a pile of these.

Oh, man. Yeah, I don't know. So when was the last time he stepped on the scale? How many times has he stepped on the scale versus how many times has he passed? Almost every time, because he on the scale. And how many times has he stepped on the scale versus how many times has he passed? Almost every time, because he wants the toy. He does want the toy.

Even though they're all crappy. Yeah. Maybe I'll tell him this week. It's a hundred percent a crappy toy. And give him that. I can't give, it's already out of the box. True. It's ruined, the collectability is ruined.

Okay. Gentlemen Sausage says, Carl made a mistake. He claimed, I gotta clean this up. He claimed that the financial feminist was woman-splaining, but the correct term is misunderstanding. Oh! Put that in the New Yorker. That's good.

Charles Lemons says, Hey Dick and Sean. Yo. My wife, not fat, and I went to a housewarming barbecue yesterday. How did you think that went, the call with those guys? They're always fun. call with those guys? They're always fun.

Yeah, those guys are great. So fun. I love doing the crossover with Carl and- I like Vinny's excitement when he talks about the creeps. He's a funny guy. The host, like I feel like he would be interested in those creeps even if he didn't have the show about creeps. Maybe so.

You read about it and go like, nice. Yeah, yeah. The host father was taking, at the barbecue, the host father was taking charge of the grill and I noticed he was cooking hot dogs in the package. Wait, what? You heard me. A 24 pack of Nathan's hot dogs

sitting right on a charcoal grill. That's, they're in plastic. Yeah, my shocked wife inquired about his cooking technique and the man told us that it was not only safe, but also the most convenient way to cook any hot dog. Well, that's certainly true, that it's the most convenient. You do less work.

I mean, you know. We chose not to eat at the event. On the ride home, we looked it up. This is what we found. You have to be fucking kidding me. Is this gonna be another smoke detector shit? Or is this like a life hack? Bro.

Only suckers take their dogs out of the toxic plastic. Bro. Cause I know if there's one thing I know that's good for you, it's like, you know, inhaling or eating a burning plastic. Ah. Like a vaporized plastic. Ah. Vaporized plastic.

Ah, okay, let me get this. Cooking hot dogs in a pack. People do this shit, huh? Yo, ballpark hot dogs, and you stick them face down on the grill, just like this. Bro. Face down. Don't worry, I'm gonna show you. No you have to be joking. I already got my t-bones I got my brats I got my hamburger so I'm gonna put this directly.

I'm sorry those are what? What are these? These look like oatmeal cookies. Yeah. Where are the hamburgers? And where are the links? On everything. Face down now so this side down. No. Face down. What happens if you don't do that? So they just steam them in plastic? So we're gonna come back in a few minutes and the mother bug is gonna be bubbling inside the pack. So- Yeah, they're gonna be leaching plastic.

Just stand by, stay tuned, we'll be right back. All right, y'all, we back. Had to put out a fire. So, you can see, you can see the edges of the wrapper is burning. That is okay as long as it ain't like melting, you're fine. But if we zoom in, you see the little, it's going to be juicing and bubbling on the inside. It's going to be cooking this hot dog on the inside of the pack. So in a few seconds use a micro with short break

You don't see all the little bubbles and you don't see the juices being absorbed and sucked inside of the house Oh, yeah, with the plastic we'll be right back here fucking and we're back and I'm gonna show you exactly what I'm talking about All right Now check this out get your phones ready to start screen recording do whatever you got to do because this shit finna be epic boys Gonna be some shit you ain't never seen before. It's finna be a biohazard. You see the juices.

It's bubbling. It's cooking. It's filling up. Don't care about the edges being burnt. It's okay. It's not going to penetrate the pack. I promise you. Okay.

Bam. There you have it. Juicy. Okay. All right. Well, don't do that. No. If you're doing. Juicy. Okay, alright, well... Um... Don't do that. No.

If you're doing that, stop. Yeah. Heh. Go fuck yourself. Smooches for Sean Chuckwad. Oh, God. Thanks, Chuck. Wow. Burples.

Stupidity is very contagious. I mean, they're cute. Like, it would've- this would've been funny. But, not- Now, am I gonna come in here next week and that pile will still be there? No, I gotta clean this whole place up. You do, okay. Yeah, I got the day off tomorrow. Oh.

No Twitter for me. Yeah, sure. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Well, sorry for that. I think it was kind of supposed to be though, right? I mean, it's- Yeah. He's not probably not ever made anything better. So what does he know? You know. Gravedigger says, this is my kid's homework. Who the fuck measured in cubits and palms? Is this math nowadays?

Our education system is doomed? So yeah, three cubits and a span. This is not a Bible class. Okay, let's see here. Cubits. A cubit, wasn't it considered like the length of the elbow to like the top of the middle finger or something on an average man?

Oh, you gotta go to the middle finger? Well, I don't know, the longest finger. I thought it was something like that from the elbow. Measure, this is homework, measure with cubits. Oh yeah, look, that's what it is. Measure with palms. Oh yeah. Don't they measure horses and hands high?

Yeah. Yeah. I think that might be standardized hand though. Yeah, I mean, I don't, but it comes from the day when you just used a part of your body to measure. Yeah, but this is, they don't measure bookshelves and desks in cubits. No, they've... What is the... A cubit, it's literally like biblical times.

Yeah, well, that's great. That's nice that the kids are learning. I know it's like span from like your outstretched thumb and pinky, right? They should measure it in dogs. What was it? The big, two big dogs for COVID? Yeah, picture two large dogs end to end, right.

That's hilarious. Michael Schultz says, woman alert. Okay. Sharing power between the cars. I don't need no man. Woman alert. All right. Let's see here.

Okay. This is some women. I see equal rights and lefts. And I know there's going to be a fisticuffs happening. Oh no. No, women are jumping a car. Hey, I wouldn't drive. Don't drive like that.

What is going on? Oh, the women, they have a dead battery on a car. So they've connected the jumper cables and they're attempting to drive both of the cars with the jumper cables connected to the batteries, connecting the cars. Miss, you're not gonna drive like that, are you? Why?

They don't drive. I don't want them to get hit. This is crazy. She's walking it like a dog. That sounds kind of fake. Yeah, for what reason would they charge the battery? Oh! That's it? That sounds kind of fake. Yeah. For what reason would they charge the battery? Maybe they don't think you can disconnect it. If you just jump a car, maybe they don't,

they're not aware that you have to, I bet if you ask women, ask a woman you know. Well, the battery will go dead again. Right, exactly, exactly. Or if you have to like move it to charge the battery a little bit, or something like that. Okay.

Okay. Let's see. Dave says, one of my favorite videos you guys ever did, oh, this is sad Vito, it says. This is one of my favorite videos you guys ever did together was trolling the Maddox Q&A, where Vito is encouraging your listeners to go spam the chat with asinine comments,

fucking with Maddox. And when those fans give him shit back and pay him for it he acts like this this is a bad look I love veto I hope he snaps out of it soon you're ruining a sex trap if you're running a sex if you're really running a sex trafficking operation out of your house like everyone says I'll pay him to get his penis sucked so you can get him out of this phone. Who, you? I wish. You're running a... Oh, that's what people say. Jesus.

I don't know where I would, I mean, I'd be a lot happier if I was running in sex. Trafficking ring out of my... Jam says, war games. Hey Dick and Sean. Been seeing a woman for a bit now and I figured I'd revive an old bit and ask her the war games question.

I love this one. Revolutionary War. 1760. I love this one revolutionary war. Yeah 1760 pretty good good odd. It's good oddly specific. Yeah, but I mean I Give credit that's of course the credit but why where'd you come up with that? Is it a guess? How did you get to that number? Maybe it's just a memory She has that just you know what I mean? Yeah. She honestly thinks that's like, that she nailed it right on the, Hey, good, you got it.

That's so much closer than so many people get. She then claimed she didn't know when the civil war was. Yeah. I told her they ended slavery because of the war. And she said, oh yeah, I remembered. Oh yeah, I remember, 1940. Okay, that one's not too good. So when she hears black people saying reparations, she thinks that they were slaves 80 years ago.

Right. Okay. So she sees Al Sharpton and she goes, well, of course he feels this way. He was a slave. Yeah, or maybe like his dad might have been. Yeah. Okay. World War I, 1920. Okay, well, I mean, yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. World War I. Yeah. 1920. Okay. Well, I mean, it's 1914. Again, so she's really, she's hit and miss.

Civil War for a woman to miss? That's odd. They love that era. Yeah. Usually. The dresses and shit. All the dresses and the, you know, big talking. She then realized she messed up and asked to change her answers. Okay? Okay.

Good! It's pretty good, yeah. Good. Oh no, don't tell me they got worse. World War II, 1940. Great. Okay, great. Vietnam.

Wait. She said, wait, that was recent. Let me do some math. Oh no. This is my favorite part of the bit. Right. Nineteen hundreds. Probably after 1940, but I'm not sure.

Okay. You gotta guess though. I mean, she's doing much, much better than most of the examples we have been. Than many dogs would do. You're right. For sure. She's a school teacher, go fuck yourself, Jay.

Okay. Okay, school teacher. Now I gotta take some credit away. I would think- How much? All of it? Quite a bit. Quite a bit. Quite a bit, yeah.

Almost all of it. Especially the slavery one. Do you have any black kids in class? Almost all of it. Do you think that their great grandparents were fucking slaves? Is that what you're working on? Do you have any grandparents who may be alive

who'd like to come in and share a little bit about what growing up during slave times was? Like, you know, like- Ah! Ah, Donovan! be alive who'd like to come in and share a little bit about what growing up during slave times was. Donovan. If they were, you know, comfortable talking about it. Check this out, Dick. A woman gets eliminated by a police officer after crashing out on the school secretary who gave her daughter detention.

Okay. What? Crashing out? I don't know what that means. What the hell does that mean? I think it means attacking. Yeah. A woman gets eliminated by the police. Okay.

Well, you know, whoever gets hit in this fight, I'm the winner as far as I see it. So, you know. Hey! Stop! Stop! Okay, there seems to be a, I'll try to explain it.

Seems to be a white lady on the ground. That must be the secretary. And this is a large black woman who's trying to pull her hair out, perhaps thinking that she has a weave or a wig on, but she does not. Projection, Dick. Everybody wears a, let me get that weave. Oh shit, What is this? This is school or spirit airlines? I don't know. Maybe it's both There's an Instagram that's called like the weave napper or something and it's this guy that has a His guy this has a long claw and it's like he's recording black women in like CVS and the claw will come in and go

Stuff is so funny. Okay amazing Yeah Yeah. I can't breathe. Stop. I can't breathe. Appropriation. Already. He's walking her. Because you're out of breath from beating that woman. He's not having it.

Because he's like, oh, they'll let me go because nobody wants more publicity. Oh my God, dude. This close to Trump getting elected and this is happening every day. Cops arresting fat black women for beating school officials and as soon as they're in cuffs, I can't breathe, I can't breathe. She wasn't even in cuffs yet. Is she? No, you're right.

He's just got her hands behind her back. I can't breathe. Stop. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I can't breathe. Stop. Stop. I need my energy. Stop. No. Stop. Uh oh, she's breaking for it. She's making a break for it.

She's squaring up. She's squaring up. And she's getting tased. Stop. Stop. You stop. I want you to... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH told you to stop. Told you to stop. Oh, no! Put your hands behind your back. Go for help if you need help. Told you to stop. I slap walk and I was shot.

What? Put your hands behind your back. Oh! Come on, I can't breathe. I slap walked and I was shot. I can't breathe. Please, please. I can't breathe.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Please, please. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Taser deployed. Start someone code. Got one on the ground. I can't breathe. Why is there a limit?

She got tased. Yeah. I think it means like laid out. Yeah, I guess. Just exaggerating. Dumb. Like a dumb. You see a fat lady get tased.

Come on, that's good stuff. That's one of the best... sure. Alright, we've got a... Best case scenario right there. John's Animal Corner. Yeah. One on one. Okay? This is John's Animal Corner.

You versus a guy named Nick, not any Nick we know. Oh, okay. Look at all these pigs over here. Do you want a pig for the road? A pig for the road? Pig for the road. They float, I think. No, well, I mean, I stopped drinking, so I haven't had a pig for the road in a while.

Yeah. That reminds me. Just randomly learned this tonight. Okay, you don't need all the preamble, sir. Okay. Let's just get to the questions. Sean, this is a three-parter, I think. Oh, God.

Did you know that pigeons produce milk for their offsprings? No. You didn't know that? Pigeon milk? I didn't think that animal could get any more disgusting than it is. You don't want some pigeon milk? No, I...

No. That's what all the kids are drinking. Okay. Good for them. You didn't know that? No. And even crazier, did you know that both the female and the male produce it? No. Well, no, because I wasn't aware of the milk, so I'm obviously going to miss that one.

They have nipples? How the fuck do they have pigeon milk? I don't know. We're going to have to fact check this one. Maybe they have glands or something. It just kind of leeches out or something. That's not really milk then, is it? Well, I don't, it's a substance.

I don't know. Well, there's a lot of substances that are excreted. It's a substance that's milk-like. That's, it better be milk. Does it have lactose in it? It better be lactose. I don't know. It's like a cactus milk.

It's not almond milk. Almonds don't milk. Right. Penguins, did you know that penguins also produce it? You know, it's straight, I think I did. You did? I, I'm trying to be, I'm trying. Try to be fair.

I think they, for some reason, yeah, I'm trying to think if that's like a, if I had heard of that before or not What do you if I if you had to guess did you know it if you had to give an answer for some reason? It's see that seems real to me that like that. I knew that I'm explaining this. I'll take it very I mean We still lost it's two to one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we have to get the score, right? Yes. Okay, so the pigeon Pigeon milk's the winner.

There you go. For some reason, because like, penguins are so, they're so weird. Yeah. Crop milk is what it's called. He's even supplied a link. Sean's Animal Core. Crop milk.

Bleh. That's all true, penguins do. Penguins do. Crop milk is a secretion from the lining of the crop of the parents' birds. Oh, the crop, where the, like the gullet, right? Like where they- Huh, it's called milk.

They call it milk. So it's secretion- Lactation in birds is controlled by prolactin. I know that word. Yeah. A hormone. All right. Okay, that's true.

Lactation in birds. So it is, yeah. So they do consider it milk. Very interesting. So it is, yeah, so they do consider it milk. Very interesting. Woman alert and suicide prevention, okay. If you play these on the show, call me Smokey. Okay.

Attached is a woman UPS driver maneuvering by a mail truck and a suicide prevention poster from someone else. So, okay, let's see here. Wait, that's all wrapped up in one? I guess, I don't know. Interesting. Maybe, it's just like someone who's cramming a bunch of stuff in.

Gotcha. Suicide prevention sign at my college, all right? It looks like a man who's like bent over in agony. Wait, what? Is he setting himself on fire or something? A man, he's like a polygon man that crippled over in the fetal position.

I think that's supposed to be fire. He set himself on fire. Oh, it kind of looks like he is burning or disintegrating from the back like a turtle shell, but with emotions. Yeah. And it says like suicides going

all at him from all angles. It looks like a kill him. It looks like an art, you know, like a... Yeah, I don't think, if that's a prevention poster, they need to take it down. Yes. That's a bad... Bad look.

Don't you want to kill yourself? Call this hotline, 1-800-DO-IT. You too could end your life with an epic pose. And then this is a woman driving a thing okay you had me at driving yeah we probably need like a woman driver alert like a twist on the women drivers no survivors oh this is from a ring camera. Okay. Okay. This might be original content She's in a mail truck this lady Getting in the mail truck taking way too long to start driving on the mail truck

Okay, still going still trying to get it started And we're still trying to get the mail truck going Yep, and there we go backing up at an extremely slow rate of probably about a half a foot a second and backing up again stopped it to do the turn and backed up again and backing up again another stop and backing up a little bit more yeah about to hit the curb she's traveled about eight feet. Now she's up the curb. And now the curb has run over. We're still in reverse. Now she's turning the wheel.

That's a lot of room. She stopped again. Okay. This is now a five point turn. And now she's driving down a street that you could have done a U-turn with a bus, with a accordion bus in. Wonderful. That's maddening to watch. Wow. What about the UPS truck? USPS. Oh, got it. USPS. I thought there was gonna be a mail truck and a UPS truck, well, just trying to get by each other or something, where she has like nine feet on her right,

but doesn't think she can. Yes, it was. Okay. Advice. Bahaba. It says love in a college town. AA. Hi, Dick. I'm a sober alcoholic in AA. I'm in college. It's pretty young to be sobering alcoholic, isn't it? I'm a little young to be. Hell, I wish I never started drinking. I know that's why, cause it's like stolen valor. Like if you're like 35, you're like, I'm a sober. If he thinks it's good to do in college, I mean, that's a hell of a time to do it. It can't be the easiest time in the world to do it.

I'm just saying, if you're like- I sure wish. If I- Like Tim Walz who says like, I'm a Marine. It're like... I sure wish... Tim Walz says like I'm a Marine. It's like well you weren't in any wars though. Well lots of yeah but lots of people never see active combat. I don't... Most right? That's bullshit then when they're like I'm a veteran. It's like well you filled out pay you were like playing around and stuff. Look there are... I would say

there are levels to it. Yeah. I mean, you know, if there is. Hey, my name is, you know, I'm 17 and I'm an alcoholic, like, mm, okay. Yeah, I mean, you know, he's in college, right? So maybe he's 20. Over the past few years in my college town AA, oh, wait a minute, maybe that's just the name of his town. What?

I'm a sober alcoholic in AA, in my college town AA. Oh, wait a minute. Maybe that's just the name of his town. What? I'm a sober alcoholic in AA. In my college town AA. Okay, so in his alcoholics anonymous, in his college town. Yeah. Okay. He's saying... My college town chapter of AA? No, he's...

You think he's saying writing in college? There's gonna be... Over the past few years in my college town AA. Yeah. Period? Comma. I have fallen in love with town AA, period? Okay, comma. I have fallen in love with another girl in the AA group who has a boyfriend.

I'm 25 and she is 21. Oh, he's not going to college, right? He's just in the college town. No, he's in college. Oh, he is, okay. He's in college. He's a little late. Maybe he's becoming a doctor.

Well, or maybe he was fucking boozing all the time and, you know, just didn't do anything and then got himself straightened out and go, I gotta get my life together. Yeah. Uh, let me get another speaking. All this talk of liquor. Yeah. Okay, we've become so the girl you met a girl girl in AA where she's come to deal with her like deep traumatic experiences and share a communal group and you want to violate that by breaking

up her relationship and using your to satisfy your sexual impulses, right? Just want to make sure I understand that correctly. Is that right? Okay, cool. That's a pretty, pretty efficient synopsis. Let's do it. It sounds like. Get down to business, you guys.

I need to be able to plan my attack. So I just need to make sure that there's nothing lost in translation here. So I'm hearing. Right. Okay. We have become pretty close friends over the past year. And since she came back to town from the summer, we've hung out a significant amount. We've gotten lunch together, we've gone on walks.

You have to do this kind of shit when you're sober, right? Let's go get lunch together. Let's go on a walk. Oh, because you, right, so you, because normally you'd just be too fucked up. You wanna go on a hike? No. She asked me to go to a meeting

that she would never go to otherwise, and she asked if she could take a shower at my place when her hot water wasn't working. Wow. I know that last one sounds intimate. Well, I mean. But I didn't wanna push things as this was the second night that I had seen her back from break.

That was a smart idea of not pushing things when she needed to come over and take a shower. They tend not to like that. Hey, I need this, like, very basic thing. Yeah. Mind if I stick it in? Yes, I do, I'm afraid. Seen her back from break and I wanna be careful. However, that night we did talk for 45 minutes

before her shower and an hour after. And during those talks I said, I think we are very similar. She agreed and we kind of just looked into each other's eyes for five seconds. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She reiterated the same feeling

about 30 minutes after I said it as well. You ever get into this mode? You're like, oh man, cataloging all these feelings. I think this will mean this. And I think this might mean this over here. And this might mean this. You mean like he's looking for? Yeah.

Well, this could mean this. We looked into each other's eyes for five seconds and it could mean this over here and this might mean this. You mean like he's looking for... Yeah. Well, this could mean this. We looked into each other's eyes for five seconds and it could mean this. Just from what I've heard, I mean, I think she's interested. But each weekend, but each weekend, da-da-dun. I need the NFL theme behind this, but each weekend. She drives three and a half hours to see her 27 year old engineer boyfriend who never drives here to see her.

There's a reason for that. Her relationship with her boyfriend is honestly not that great. But he is very attractive and seems to be manipulative. For example, they broke up multiple times over their two-year relationship. The most recent time, four months ago, she blocked him on everything. But he kept emailing her, and she decided not to block those messages. Right. Bitch, why doesn't she just block him, Sean? I don't know.

Why does she not realize how manipulative he is? Yeah, right. Why does she not realize how manipulative he is by leaving herself open to these emails and not blocking everything? Doesn't she understand that he's lying to her? The most recent time, four months ago, she blocked him on everything, but he kept emailing her and she decided not to block those messages and took him back.

They also met in AA while he was in rehab. He was at a year long facility and had at least a year sober at the time, but she was still using when they met at the meetings. Is this an email about her or about you? That might be, might help to know what's going on with you. Maybe, because you know women, they're all the same. Maybe... might help. To know what's going on with you. Mm-hmm. Maybe. Because you know, women, they're all the same.

Alcoholics. A guy having sober time... A guy having sober time going and dating a girl with little to no sober time is very frowned upon in the recovery community. How is fucking preying on girls in a relationship, is that celebrated? This is very frowned upon what he's doing. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah I've heard lots of stories from the program. I know a lot of people who were in it and some still are.

Like I said, I think I've said it before, I never was. I've been to a couple of meetings, but it was nothing that I felt like was gonna, like I just didn't wanna be around other people kinda that way, so I went a different route and it worked, but I mean, maybe the program works for a lot of people and a lot of people, you know. People are doing this fucking.

Yeah, oh yeah, that was just kind of, yeah, leading me to that is, yeah, I mean, it's people, especially when you got a little like sober time, it's like, you go kind of nuts. Yeah. Like you're kind of nuts. Mm-hmm. You know, it's just like this new thing

and like you almost become like a. I gotta fuck it out. You can become kind of like a zealot almostot almost yeah, and like you've got two zealots together, you know Yeah, it's very it's gonna be harder if you were like it seems like you have something in common But I would think this would be more difficult to have two people going through a oh You know, well, I mean I think that it's I think that just I think that dating is it like on the surface is Discouraged when you're like things when you're newly sober. Yeah Like that place I believe for you. Yeah Yeah, okay. I gotta find a different meeting right

Okay, and this is Frowned upon this is this and this called 13 stepping someone 13th stepping someone. Yeah, they got a name for it Yeah, it was well known because it's a because it's a well known thing to nail somebody like right in there Yeah, like wedding crashers. Yeah, and now that you're recovered, how would you like to suck my dick? As it is considered saying that you'll be able to stay awake As it is considered taking advantage of someone in a very valuable state. Oh wow, it turns out I'm like vulnerable state. I don't like sucking dick as much as I thought. No, I'm so.

Plus I am pretty sure he drinks now. And if he does, I know she wouldn't like that, but she has excused it in the past because quote, he dated me while I was using bro. You need to stop thinking about this girl. She already has- That's bad thinking. You got, you know, way too much about this quote unquote friend.

I don't know this much about any friend I've ever fucking had and have never cared this much about any friend I have ever fucking had. This is how much men care about friends. You see this, this handful of pigs that I have? Like pigs in the wind. You are not, you motherfuckers are lying about, I'm friends with this girl. Oh, I know.

No, you're not. You're waiting to fuck her. Yes. You're not friends. Correct. I'm not sitting here lurking for Sean to need to use the shower so I can try to bone him. Right? That has never occurred to me. Can I use your shower? Yeah, sure.

Yeah, I'm kind of- I'm on my way out if you hurry. Yeah, lock the door. I'm not- Oh, man. Well, I didn't try to fuck Sean when he came. I didn't try to fuck my friend when he came over. Never has happened ever. Stop saying that shit. I mean you can be you can be friends with the girl. Yeah, I've been friends with I've been friends with girls that I have never fucked and never tried to and did not. It takes a certain kind of person, but I would say- Because they reminded me of my sister.

There you go. Yeah, I don't want wanna fuck you at all. Yep. Yeah, I'm not in the camp that says, well, a guy can never be friends with a woman. Like, you know, it totally happens. What you guys are saying is friends is a lie. When you grow up a little bit,

you realize that that can happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's just never what people are talking about. I know, I agree with you. Well, men and women can be friends. Like, no, no, but it's just never what people are talking about I know I agree with you like well men and women can be friends like no no what you're saying is can be friends is Can be friends with someone they want to fuck yeah, that's not that's not happening Yeah, and it's not something that people want to do I don't want to have this like daily stress of like wow this person. I want to fuck let's talk about football Plus I'm pretty sure he drinks now

I know she wouldn't like that, but she's excused in the past because quote, he dated me while I was using. Yeah, cause she's retarded. Uh... Also, I know this makes her sound like someone that I should not be interested in. No, honestly, it's just you, but I really feel like I have not met someone that I have vibed with more. And she is a good She is working a good program, bro. I

Mean you guys think I'm joking but in all the ways that matter there All the girls that you're gonna meet and spend any time with are all gonna be the fucking same It's good. They're all gonna be different. They all are named different They got different color hair, but this feeling that you have is mostly exacerbated from the fact that you cannot fuck her. And you're trying to protect her from this guy that you see as somebody who's gonna do her wrong, and honestly, you probably won't. I mean, you're the one that's trying to fuck up her life right now. Of the two of you, objectively speaking, you're the bad guy. Yeah, it's not a good idea.

If you wanna be the bad guy, great. But- You're gonna have to do all these things. But you gotta square that with yourself, honestly. You want advice on how to be the bad guy? I'll give you advice on how to be a bad guy, but it seems to me what I'm reading, you are trying to sell that you are the good guy

and you are not. You're not going to get through this as the good guy. And that's gonna impact you! A lot of people don't want to have that on their conscience and cannot deal with it, so they return to drinking again! Which will fuck you up. I almost want to confess my love. You do not love her!

You want to fuck her! You might end up falling in love with some woman you're fucking regularly, but you're not gonna know that until long after you've fucked her! Do you agree with the sentiment behind that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think so.

I'm in love with this girl. No, you wanna fuck her. You might love her one day, but you're gonna have to fuck her first. He could think... I mean, yeah, you know... You might love her one day, but you're gonna have to fuck her first. He could think... I mean, yeah, you know... Yeah, you know, I don't know what his past experiences have been, and like, you know, it's, man... Don't say it! Don't say it out loud! I love her. No, you don't. Don't be telling yourself that.

Don't be building up this movie in your head that this is the special girl and you're gonna have a fucking fight club romance together where you're both addicts together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not. You're gonna fuck her. You're gonna fuck- you're gonna break up- you're gonna break up a relationship fine, I don't care. Do it. If you want to. You're gonna be around her for a weekend and she will start fucking annoying you. Sometimes- her for a weekend and she will start fucking annoying you. And then you're gonna realize, oh, this is the same as every, this relationship is the same as every other fucking relationship in the world, it's just different because it's new.

Oh, yeah, there's, yeah, there's a fantasy going on, I think, in his mind and he's, he has not, he's not attributed anything like negative or annoying to her. Yeah. Because he's not an- Ask her to talk about reality TV. Jack off, immediately call her and say, tell me about your favorite reality TV shows. Let's watch one together. Oh God, yeah.

I want you to tell me, I want you to tell me what your idea of a funny movie is. And we're gonna watch, I'm gonna jack off, and we're gonna watch what you think is funny. We'll see who has what in common. You're looking for reasons to like her because you haven't fucked her. Once you fuck her, you'll start looking for reasons why you don't like her and you will find them.

People kind of like, they kind of put all their wants and desires or their idea of the perfect girl onto people that they don't really know. They gotta save. That they don't really know. I gotta save this girl. Yeah. I almost wanna confess my love. Don't, because guys do this too.

I love you. Why would a woman give a fuck about that? What is the value of that for her? How much can you define your love in monetary terms? No. Then why the fuck would they care about it? No, they seem to care about it. No, they don't.

No? Not when it's someone they don't know. Not when it's somebody they're not looking for that connection from. Well, if they're not looking for you to say that and you say that, it's fucking poison. Oh, no, no, no. Okay, yep, yep.

Imagine a guy, imagine a guy you don't know coming up to you and saying, I really wanna fuck you. That's how women feel when a guy they don't know comes up to them and says, I really wanna fuck you. It's like a guy saying it to you. Oh yeah, if the, right, if they want the guy to say it, it's important. I love you, oh really?

That's crazy because me as a woman with this boyfriend in this fucked up situation and all this past the alcohol and shit I'm actually willing to really looking to fuck up my life and have and replace the addiction with this Constant emotional drama of two guys fighting on me cuz I fighting over because I grew up well fucking Twilight Welcome to hell jackass Yeah, that's I I believe the program, you know, says like lay off the dating for a little while while you're like, you got to get a sense of that your feet are on the ground sober.

Just deal with little things and sit there like it's like, well, normally I'm it's after work. I'd be really fucked up and I don't have to think about any of these uncomfortable feelings that I've been kind of pushing away my whole life. I'm going to talk to this guy way too much and use him to just get these emotions out. So yeah, I mean, yeah. You're fucking up your brain. There's a lot of potential for chaos here, it seems like.

I want to confess my love, but really, I just want to make sure I do the thing that will maximize the chances that I end up with her. Bro, I mean, there's been how many 30 billion women to ever exist? They're not, they're not, nothing could be that unique. It is impossible for any person to be so fantastically unique that you can't just replace them with somebody nearby. I say sometimes, everybody is unique, but barely.

Barely, like a, you know, just, you know, bisect a hair. And that's the uniqueness that each person has. Ironically, the advice I'm giving you is what will make this the most likely that you just piece out. Yeah. Stop wasting so much time thinking and having feelings about this woman that is getting plowed by some richer than you, older than you guy. Let it go. Let it go and And that is what will do it! That's the best- If you want to fuck her, let it go!

If you want to help yourself, let her go! You don't have to block her and all this shit, but just internally, stop caring. Make the choice to stop caring so much. Yeah, and you're right, that does, that can come back to-

Yeah, that's gonna fuck you over big time. She'll come back and- I don't just want to fuck her, you don't know that. I want to date her, that's the same thing. And I want her to break up with her boyfriend. Yeah, well, I mean, he's really like, I'm sure he's playing these scenarios in his mind over and over and over and over and over and over and over. What if I did this?

What if I do this? What if I, I mean, you know, it's, it just doesn't seem like a very good idea to me to. So just take the, I want her to break up with her boyfriend part. Take that, think about that. I hope that happens, I'm gonna wait. And check out. That's it, check out in your mind.

You can go through all the motions and all this shit, but check out in your brain. I hope she breaks up with her boyfriend. Nothing I can do about it though. Go find another girl that you want to hope breaks up with your boyfriend, then you got eight or ten girls that you hope break up with their boyfriend, and odds are it's gonna happen.

There is like an AA prayer or something, where it's gonna happen. I think when I like the, you know, what is it? There is like a, like an AA like prayer or something where it's like the whole thing, like, you know, accept the things I cannot change. Or like, you can only- You fucking replaced liquor with this bitch. But the sentiment, the sentiment I think is right. You can only control what you do. You only have control of certain things.

You can't- Yeah, but they use that to think like, what can I do to get the thing I want? Well, that's a brain that's messed up. It's like, you know, that you got to learn, you learn how to think in healthy ways. It's not because you don't think, you're like, your things that you feel like are instincts

or are right could be completely turned around. Yeah. They could, some of them probably couldn't be more wrong because you're not used to how a healthy person thinks with boundaries and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, I've had girls that break up with their boyfriend before, but I don't really think about it beyond that. Like, oh wow, I hope their relationship explodes. Yeah. And then it does.

That'd be fun. Oh shit. Now I don't really want it anymore. Well. You know? I didn't do it. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I hope it happens.

Oh, awesome, it happened. Yeah. Oh. Um. All right. Yeah, I don't really want it anymore. You know, I didn't do it. I hope it happens. Oh, awesome, it happened. Yeah. Oh, all right. Yeah, I don't know. Now I see what happened. I think he's got to really take, like, my advice to him would be to seriously take stock,

you know, regarding what you're bringing to this party. What do you mean? What kind of hopes and desires and all that kind of shit is he putting on this party? What do you mean? What kind of hopes and desires and all that kind of shit is he putting on this girl? Could it just as easily be another girl? I mean, I get the fixation on like, that's the one that's in front of you. Yeah, so imagine she gets hit by a fucking bus,

then what are you gonna do? Yeah. Oh, I can't live anymore. Never gonna love again. She would look into my eyes. I don't know, man. Like, you know, I don't know how. I'm never gonna love again. Look into my eyes. I don't know man, like I, you know, I don't know how long how long he's been sober, but it's there's, I think probably

the longer you go... He's sober long enough to write this email. Yeah, yeah. Uh, I have talked to friends about this. Stop talking to friends about it. Stop talking about her. Uh, and they suggest that I just wait it out and be a friend by her side. Do not be a friend I just wait it out and be a friend by her side. Do not be a friend by her side.

You are not a friend by her side. You are the bad guy, which is fine, but you are a bad guy. Because the friend's advice are using the term friend differently than we know it's being used here. I know what you're thinking. I know what you're doing. I'm a bad guy.

You're a bad guy. I agree with the... The friend thing is, yeah, no, he wants to be with her. If you want to break him up, you know, just manipulate the shit out of her. But the problem is you're gonna get stuck with with a long distance shit. You're gonna get stuck in a bunch of bullshit because she's a headcase. However, like she's doing fucked up stuff. She's got a boyfriend. She's doing fucked up stuff with you showering in your room talking about love for hours at a time. Yeah, I mean it's...

Ugh. However, I've also noticed her becoming... Well, don't forget, whatever she does to him, she'll do to you. Oh yeah. Like, I mean, that's, it's like, oh, but it's different. Well, maybe not, you know, maybe not, but... No, no, some people, you learn from it,

you don't repeat those mistakes, but chances are, with what I know about addiction and alcoholism and stuff, it's very common to fuck up and then be and then fuck up. Yeah, and then and then fuck up Done fucking up yet. We'll do it again However, I've also noticed her becoming friends with another Less attractive but more confident guy here. Yeah, and I don't want that to become something while I'm waiting What do I do? This bitch fighting a two-front war. This bitch is a hoe. She's creeping on the low

You're asking me to help I say no no no no no I don't think so Come help me Luigi. No, no, no, I don't think so Yeah, I think you're just inviting a lot of fucking... She belongs to the streets. A lot of drama, man, into your head. Yeah, get away. All right, I hoped you... Or, you know, get away, stick. Fucker.

Somebody left this fucking Cardi at my house. I don't know what to do with it. Can you help me come over and fucking talk about it or whatever? I mean, I feel like I'm afraid that I'm going to drink and like if I do, I don't want what to do with it. Can you help me come over and fucking talk about it or whatever? I mean, I feel like I, I'm afraid that I'm gonna drink. And like, if I do, I don't want to get stupid drunk. Yeah, I don't want to get crazy drunk. Yeah, we could both just be like mildly. I mean, there's no difference to what you're doing.

So who gives a shit? Go either way, whatever you decide to do. Do it 100%. And also let us know. And let us know. Well, I doubt that'll happen. And if you don't get with her, there's no possible way that your life will get worse.

If you do, there's no possible way your life, well, it's very slim chance your life will be better. I'll give you that one. But if she just disappeared forever, there's no possible way your life would get worse. So remember that. Um, suffering Salman. Hey Dick, a woman left her name, phone number and message, call me on my car.

I'm married to a woman with- I'm married, B cups. What do I do? My friend, that is a fat woman. Or perhaps your wife trying to trick you. Don't respond to it. Yeah. Call me? How hot are you? Hmm.

That's probably happened to you. It's never happened to me. No, shit doesn't happen to me. That's probably a man that's doing that. Call me? Hmm. Probably wants to saw what you were shopping for. Call me. I saw those hot links you were

Gonna cook in the package hook in the package bring them on over cutie Call me. Oh, yeah It's like macho man Randy Savage on the other Okay, should we do a fat watch or do let's do voicemails isails, it's 2.30. All right, everybody, this has been the Dick Show, patreon.com slash the Dick Show. Let's see, let's send Vito positive messages. Last time we did that though, he started crying and said everyone's a parasocial relationship

except for him. Oh. So I don't know. Maybe send him lukewarm messages. Take it or leave it. Take it or leave it messages. I don't know what we do with Vito. Vito, I could take it or leave it. Take it or leave it messages. I don't know what we do with Fido. Fido, I could take you or leave you.

Maybe that's what you want. In a ditch. Okay. Goodbye everybody. Oh man. I gotta show you this. Okay. ["Dick Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks Dicks D So the German government sent a letter to Gab, the social media company, saying they want information on a guy who called one of their politicians fat.

Here's the politician. Yeah. Someone called her this woman fat. So they're trying to like subpoena. The German police are investigating a Gab user who allegedly insulted Buntenstag MP, Ricarda Lange. Online. But Gab is refusing to cooperate. Can you believe someone would call this woman fat?

I mean, yeah. Sure, I could believe it. Isn't that crazy? Oh. Uh. It's these white supremacists online, these Nazis. These times. They just, uh, they'll do anything.

These times. They'll resort to anything, because of of Trump Trump's got everybody gassed up thinking they could call whatever women whatever they want including fat okay Andrew from Eugene, Oregon. The Dick Show, what is up with Vito? I don't know. Dick is right. The show was actually listenable now I didn't listen to like 90 the first fucking episodes And now that viewers on the verge of crying and keep fucking going. He can't stop now. It's interesting. Okay, so It's a drama. That's your fucking job. Do your job you bitch

That's great, it's been great 1600 calls into this show. Oh, yeah Okay 100 calls into this show. Oh, yeah Okay, I Think I think the biggest problem is over. Okay, that's sort of what it seems. I mean, maybe Vito will come back from whatever weird gay shit he's doing but until then I'll probably keep watching but like, I'll refund the comic book. Oh no. And I won't give any super chest

and I'll probably go to the $10 tier on the dig show and not a good turn on the biggest problem. Go to the 20. Don't be stingy. Really spike veto. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe he won't get out of it. Maybe he'll just shoot himself or something.

I'm not entirely sure, but I guess we'll see what happens. Smooch is for Sean. God, sounds like... Then he was making a big thing, like, why don't you just lose weight? If I choose to lose weight, then that's my business. What are you even saying, bro? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. Sounds like he's dealing with some stuff, I guess. Okay. Hey, Sean. Can you do me a favor? Can you give Vito some weed? I know you're a big pothead. Still, you hide it very well. Not even take notes about it. Can you give Vito something?

Do we need some of the green monster? Some of that northern light? That ape shit? You know, give him something. Or give him some alcohol, you know, I know you might still dabble in that. Oh, okay, okay. You ran out of weed names and you embarrassed yourself. You know, you went down like the whole, like here's the joke, sticky icky purple Malibu, purple penis, how about some, you know, lucid green, like yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you fucked it up

and then you went to alcohol. And you, inappropriate. I took no offense to that at all. I'm offended as a comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm afraid. And you're offended as a Jewish person. I'm offended as a comedian. Yeah.

Hey, R-Tard. Hey, Sean. I caught you just a little bit, just a little bit, the littlest bit. He's calling you R-Tard? What? He called you R-Tard? I think he called you R-Tard and then. Destiny's show. He's calling you R-Tard? What? He called you R-Tard?

I think he called you R-Tard and then... No, he's saying, hey R-Tard, and then he was saying, hey Sean, like, I meant you as an R-Tard. Oh, really? Are you sure? Pretty sure. They're like trying to point me, Sean. Let me hear it again.

I caught you just a little bitch, the littlest bit on Destiny's show. And it's you, you're on my chemtrails. I'm not crazy. I don't think they're like trying to poison us to put a bake the fogs gay, but they are real in the sense of they do spray an aerosol. It's a silver compound. It's specifically for trapping condensate like trapping moisture in the air. It's for more than anything. It's for agricultural reasons

Just fucking look it up instead of just going like Do a basic amount of research Don't think chemtrails are bad. Oh, yeah, but no Wait a minute! I don't think chem jails are bad! Oh yeah, but no- What are you talking- how is this my fault? They come out of the fucking plant- I mean I understand that cloud seeding exists. Yeah, well that's- it sounded like- Do people have a- people don't have a problem with cloud seeding in general, do they?

I don't think so. I thought they had a problem with like fake chemicals like Adrenochrome being like secretly put out all over the country. See, I don't know, you were on Destiny Show doing this? Yeah, and we were making, I mean, obviously I'm making fun of conservatives because like I go in, here's how you, this is a tip for how to get along with people and influence them. You come in and whatever they think, you think harder.

Like if they think conservatives are retarded, like you're not gonna believe how retarded I think they are. Right? Yeah you gotta one-up them. Yeah. Because then they try you're like oh yeah you're one of us right and then you hit them with like sneaky shit then you're like yeah and we got to wipe out Gaza right guys? You know? That's just an example I pulled out of my head. Right. At random. Yes. You could do this stuff all day. It sounded like he was saying. And then we'll hit him with the mortgage rate. Example I pulled out of my head right at random yes It sounded like he was saying and we'll hit him with the mortgage rate that you don't that you don't

Think anything like it. You're not aware of any of this where clearly you are I know that you know what people are talking about They're looking up at the sky like a 747 and going look at those fucking chemtrails Like that's not a fucking sky is a chemtrail. Am I wrong? That's vape. That's water vapor because I was wrong about vaccine I looked at vaccines and I was like, holy shit They didn't like I always thought vaccines were like a miracle thing that cured all That cured like that saved like a shitload of people But then it turned out it was like soap and vaccines came along at the very end and just helped more people. Well being high, it all works together.

Well yeah, but I thought vaccines were like, oh my God, it's like a miracle. Well, then it turns out it's not. Well they kind of, I don't know. I got to look it up again. I guess they've certainly saved a lot of people. You know, the thing is, I don't give a fuck about that stuff because I'm already vaccinated. I care about like interest rates. I know.

Primarily. Me too. And like the government going like, hey everyone, we're gonna give a bunch of illegal Mexicans $150,000 to buy a house. Isn't that great? And I'm like, you guys did that last time the housing market crashed? That's the last thing you guys did. Was give everybody a bunch of fucking loans. It's gonna happen again. To keep housing prices up for like a bunch of fucking loans. It's gonna happen again. To keep housing price up.

Housing price is up for like a year and a half. Yeah, well now they've had all private equity firms and stuff buying all the houses. Buying a shit. And stuff. And if there's, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so, I don't have, I can't be looking up and I gotta deal with this shit.

Right, yes. Fucking pig shit. You got pigs to deal with. I got pigs falling out of the fucking sky in here. They're everywhere. There are pigs everywhere in this studio. Are chemtrails- It's a fucking pigsty.

Oh man, can't say that. Why? Vito will get pissed. I can't say pigsty? No. It's not directed at him. Well neither was Oinktober and then he made it all about himself. I've never heard of Oinktober.

Oinktober? Or Oinktoberfest? I think it's Oinktoberfest. Oinktober! And then he made it all about himself! Oh, I've never heard of Oinktober. Oinktober, or Oinktoberfest. I think it was Oinktoberfest. Just come up with on this show? My biggest problem, everyone's celebrating Oinktoberfest, but I think he thought it was about him. I didn't mean it about him. So now everyone's talking about Oinktoberfest and Hoggist and all this stuff.

Hoggist? These are great names. These are great names. I. These are great names. I know. But then I think he thought like, he was, he thought we were talking about him and he was leaning into it. And maybe some people were talking about him, but. Yeah.

I wasn't. I don't think some people were. Until he started getting upset by it. And then, then it became about him. Yeah. Huh. It's not, he said it's not a weight loss show. Hoggist.

Like, well yeah, no shit. Well, cause it would be a weight loss show if he'd lose any weight. Yeah, this problem wouldn't be happening if it was a weight loss show. Right. It's a weight, it's a weight,

it's a weight stay show. It's like a, I mean, I guess it's still, Just put out your fucking comic, would ya? Stay show. It's like a... All right. I guess it's still... Just put out your fucking comic, would ya? It does seem to be a... Just put out the goddamn comic. Fuck. Seems to be a lot of preoccupation with weight.

So it's some kind of a weight show, isn't it? Well, we're watching something. It seems like it. Hey, Dick. I have a bone to pick with Sean. What are you doing? I submitted a invention last month. Oh, hey. The anti a bone to pick with Sean. What do you want to do? I submitted an invention last month. Oh, okay.

The anti-gay condom. Yeah. Where we would mix female chromosomes with the latex and engineer condom that men could wear to fuck each other and not be gay. Yeah, that's a great idea. And then Sean- That's a great invention. ...prepared to insinuate that I'm gay just for having the idea.

No, Sean's gay. Well, Sean, aren't we all here at the pleasure of hating women? No, you messed up already. Are we not all worshiping at the altar of misogyny? Now I think you're gay. I don't understand why I'm the bad guy for wanting to solve the woman problem.

This is like- Sean, the fact of the matter is, I'm actually not gay, and that's the problem. That sounded gay. God cursed me with this insatiable penchant for pussy. Yeah. Right? I'm like a reverse trans person. I'm a gay man born in a straight man's body. Okay, I would love to spend all my time with men, but I'm forced to endure

the asininity of the parasect Asininity just like a In ity sweet pair of fucking kids to suck on like okay You're coming into a men's podcast talking about about getting hard and getting off. That's gay. Okay, well, I'm sorry I called you gay. Yeah.

Okay. You know Milo had to reset his sodomy clock? What? Milo Yiannopoulos, you know that guy? Sodomy clock? Yeah, he became straight. Oh, he did, didn't he? Yeah, now he has like a this tornado was hit by a trailer park clock, but for being gay.

Yeah, so has it been like one day since? One day, yeah. Yeah. That's rough. If he's working the program, and he doesn't fuck anybody else in the program, you know? Yeah, well, I don't know how many times he reset it that night. I don't know how it works.

That night, yeah, it was reset like four times. And then it was like, it has been 13 minutes since. Bummer. The last workplace accident. Can you believe what Ralph's doing with sending the inmates warnings about air in the snitch? It's just more creative than I can think when it comes to doing bad guy stuff like that.

You know, it's like, oh yeah, well, I will one up you and then one up that. And then, well, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna pole vault over a lot of steps here. This thing, I'm gonna go ahead and just escalate this to. Oh yeah, I'm a pig, suey. Yeah, that's crazy. Anyway, I'm gonna send a mail to, preemptively, he's doing it. Right. So before the guy, Priming the pump. Yeah, before the crazy. Anyway, I'm gonna I'm gonna send a mail to preemptively he's doing it right so

Yeah, before the guy lands in prison. Yeah, no, they're good right to be careful right for their own protection exactly. Yeah I'll throw my big black lives matter probably Okay, yeah advice question about bitches for you today I want to do this like youth group. Do we help my buddies super Christian boy? He's talking to this chick adults are very Christian. The chick was doing like this youth group thing where like we just fucking play games and eat dinner. I'm just doing it to like meet people. The chickie stocking do has this The Shaky Sockin' Do has his fucking bombshell friend and... I'm sorry, what's Riley posting?

What's going on? Riley's Veto posting. Then Veto banned Riley from the Discord. He made him a special role where he couldn't post any memes or pictures. Which is kind of like banning him from the... So he made him a, like an admin who has less power than just a regular person? He sequestered him into a little Riley world,

where he could only use text, he couldn't post any images. Okay. So Riley has a, Riley's upset by this. I'm gonna, if he doesn't... You know, if you're not careful, you're gonna end up with like 40 bucks on your door. Yeah, you really are. And he says,

I'm still gonna do what I want to do about my body, Vito is saying. But if anyone tries to comment on it, I'm going to be upset. Hmm. Is this a, he's posting this on what? Is this-

Discord. This is a chat. That's like the whole show is... It's like a thousand people from the show. That pay to be in the show and they're... Would you call that asking for it? Well, I read that and think, well is that... Are you fucking with people? That's what I...

That's exactly what I was gonna say! Yeah! Like I'm gonna be... Like he's telling you... I'm gonna be upset. If anyone tries to comment on my body. Like, my body. No, it honestly sounds like he wants people to go crazy.

Yes! But then, but then he banned them? Yes! Which, so- And then he's like, I don't know what you mean by antagonize people. I'm like, you're talking about my body. Don't, don't touch my hot body.

I'll do whatever. Like, what do you mean you're not antagonizing people? I, yeah, I'm not sure how to read that. Uh, well, that's not sure how to read that. Uhhh... That's not a very nice picture. I only want to be praised for things I make, not my body. Well, nobody's praising your body, right? No, seriously, like I'm not even making a joke, like...

Yes, no one's praising his body. Yeah, don't worry. I mean... I mean everybody stop leaving those body promise me now that you are not gonna praise his body I don't know what is what his he's doing everyone likes him even everyone likes him with the team even all the people he banned like wrecking stuff they also like him there's like what are you doing calm down I like veto the first time he was in here yeah he's great he. Yeah, he's a good guy.

Alright. They asked us to play Spikeball. We're playing Spikeball. Anyways, it went up like, I asked like an old person surprisingly. And then, okay, the question is, in situations like that where like people know people and you're going to be coming back to this fucking thing several times, in this case it's once a month probably, how do you like make a move without being like seem like a fucking weirdo. It's like I feel like I just ask someone for their fucking contact

information and then I get denied like is it going to be fucking weird forever? I do. And then I just have to stop going. And that's the first part of this. Or should I just for God? He's going to Christian camp. Oh, okay. Get together Christian camp. But he's who is he asking playing smack ball and stuff information., okay. Get together. Christian Camp, but he's, who is he asking for?

I'm playing like smack ball and stuff. Information. A girl. A girl. What happens if I'm out of a man of social setting and I want to fuck this girl? Yeah, and I ask for, yeah. Contact info and.

I don't know. That's the question. How in a scenario like that, you get a baddie's contact info without seeming like a creep? Uh, what's my- Uh, bye. Okay, bye. What's my advice? Everything. Rule number one.

What is it? At this point, after all these years, you don't know? What's rule number one? Uh... Rule number one. Okay. What is it at this point after all these years? You don't know. What's rule number one? Number one lie bingo. Yeah lie. Yeah, that's Uh-huh Can I get your number I pay attention sometimes I get your number. Why are you trying to fuck me? Yeah. No. No, God no. I see that you're wearing all this stuff that tells me what you're into. Yeah. And I'm into it too. And I wanted to talk about it.

I would maybe like to borrow some of your stuff. I think we're the same size. Don't lie that much. Well, that's kind of- You gotta rein it in a little bit. I'd like to buy you something with nothing in return. That's a lie. No strings attached.

No strings attached. But you don't say it like that. I'd like to take you to this. I have extra tickets to this concert. Oh, I have that thing that you got there. I have something similar to that. Let me get your number. I'll tell you about it. Oh, you have that problem that you got there. I have something similar to that. Let me get your number, I'll tell you about it. Yeah. Oh, you have that problem that you're talking about?

I know a guy that can fix it. I have that problem too. Yeah, yeah. Let me get your number, you know? Above all else, rule number one, lie. Always be lying. Always lie. It's easy, just go back to that.

If you ever find yourself floundering and panicking. You haven't told a big enough lie. Yeah. You need to pull out a whopper to get out of it. Yeah. God gave you this ability. Well, it's true. You think he, you know?

Part of like what free agency's about, right? The whole point. Yeah. The whole fucking point. They're always trying to gaslight you. Right. They think that you shouldn't be lying. Right.

And then you're like, what about- You're only using half your brain. Am I supposed to say you look like a pedophile and then your wife's fat? And then they go, ah, no, no, no, no, white lies are fine. White lies, that's the first lesson always in Christians. Don't ever lie.

White lies matter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And let us know how it goes, always. All right. Oh, this looks like a good one. Thanks for the occasion. I got a bit of a woman alert. So, ransom errands stopped by my parents' house and I see my mother and my sister arguing with each other because they're trying to take a giant bed frame

and get it down the narrow stairs to throw it out. As they're arguing, they then call for my help, so which I take the end my mother's holding, put it back down. I look at them and I say, why are you trying to take this down whole? And they said, well, how else can we? And my sister then proceeds to say,

I don't even know how we got it up here in the first place so I thought I'd get an Allen key and take it apart and they both just looked at me with like sideways faces and then My sister goes what's that and I said it's the little L thing that fits into the hole right by the screw by your hand square and you know, so a Screwdriver doesn't need to go run another errand because I was just already sick of that conversation. Oh, this is gonna be good. And after about 20 minutes I come back and I check on progress and my sister is using

a flat head screwdriver. Oh no. Because she could not find the Allen key. Upon going into my father's toolbox. That's unbelievable. In the garage, I open one drawer and immediately find all of the Allen keys. Yeah.

This is a huge women moment. I figured I'd share it with you guys. Love the show. Go fuck yourself. Oh my God. How did she? That's how spoiled that girl is. That's how rich that guy's dad is.

Your sister doesn't know what a fucking Allen wrench is? Wow. Or she's that hot. Or that slutty. Some guys always moved her in and out of every apartment. That's when I get my mansplaining shit on. Oh man, you guys have this, you guys are trying to carry this bed frame downstairs? Hold on. I got a whole outfit that I gotta go put on, and a wig, and a cane.

And I got a song yeah maybe it's like a harpsichord music yeah like a rush song bring bring bring bring bring bring bring bring bring bring bring bring bring bring bring all right last one all right hey dick hey Sean I don't know how to preface this if it's a woman problem or a Pretending not to understand things problem, okay, but my girlfriend is transgender and I love her to death You know the fucking hackneyed bit that every fucking crack bro says like oh bro. I wish I was gay be so much easier He's just fucking hang with the bros. Like it kind of is true.

It kind of is that. I don't think they're joking. I don't have to deal with woman brain and it rules. Like we've never had an argument over something retarded. Anytime she has to go to the bathroom, she's back in under two minutes. It's great. But.

Wait a minute. I would have thought like A and B, like this is great and then this is great, but that went like A to like Q. I have never in my life thought- Had a stupid argument about something and then she also pisses really quick. Yeah, I've never thought, wow, you know,

women, they don't come back fast enough. Okay. Never. Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm sorry I was in the bathroom for three years. I didn't even notice. If this is a joke, he's doing a pretty decent job of setting it up. Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm sorry I was in the bathroom for three years. I didn't even notice. If this is a joke, he's doing a pretty decent job of setting it up.

Yeah. No, I mean, I think he's being truthful. Yeah, me too. He's done this thing a few times where she'll be like, oh, I know why I am perceptive. It's because I read a study that says like women are more perceptive. And there's no like, I've never said anything, because I know there is nothing to be gained from it. But like, you have to know, you have to know you have

to be intentional, like've got to be lying to yourself. That when you read a study that says women are this way or women are that way, women are more like whatever, you have to know that that means two X chromosomes. Right? Like, there's no way. Do guys that date trans women have to deal with this? Just because you swish sides, that now women applies to you. Nature is totally out of it. I just, I don't get it.

You know what I mean? Like, and she's, I mean, like we're the same otherwise. She's very smart. She has no problem with her fucking dead name. She knows she was born a man, but that's just her, it's like a, I don't know, women's blind spots thing, I guess. I don't know. Oh. But yeah, love you guys. Well,, it's like a, I don't know, women blind spots thing, I guess, I don't know.

But yeah, love you guys, go fuck yourself. Well, maybe it's like. I bet this, I bet he's a pretty interesting guy. Yeah, you should call in with more problems about women. I'm just, yeah, well, I mean, like what's dating a trans woman like? Well, they piss fast, apparently. Yeah, sure. Probably because women walk, I mean, cis women walk in the restroom, they piss fast, apparently. Yeah, sure.

Probably because women walk, I mean, cis women walk in the restroom, they're like, where am I? How do I get to the toilet? Did he date cis women in the past? Like, what's it like? Is he bi? Has he also dated men?

Has he only women? And like, yeah, I don't know. I bet it's like, you know, if you're like a guy, men kind of talk about like, you know, being tougher than we are. Like we have that like prideful sort of element to things. Like I could do it. How long could you survive in the wilderness?

Oh, totally fine. I would build that. Like you watch the, you watch like wilderness shows, you're like, I could build that. Maybe I could build, I would, that's, he's a fucking idiot. I would put that straw on that side right yeah That's everybody's kind of everybody could have gone pro if they had had the right breaks or not gotten injured or late It's like and women play into it cuz they like it too like whatever. It's just fun. You know

But I wonder if like this guy's girlfriend is doing that same drive in the opposite way You know I'm so I'm so empathic. I would have known that guy was a serial killer right away. He's like, I know you would, honey. You know, like that? Like that kind of competitiveness. Yeah. That'd be funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right up, good luck. Yeah, right? Like if you're a gay, if you're a gay guys, are you watching like, you know, the Royal wedding, like Princess Di, you're like, oh, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have put pearls on that dress

I would put a sham something a chamois lace or something. Listen how straight you are I have no idea what anything is Completely retarded straightest man on the planet The greatest man on the planet. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the same thing. You know, like it's like Eskimos talking about ice if that's even real. Got it. So you're like, give like a boyfriend? Like that doesn't mean anything like when I ever used it before. Yeah, I got it. But it does, but it also really doesn't. And it was like the same shit. He's like, yeah, I didn't check his calendar. Like, oh, okay. I'm on his side, by the way. Got you. Tell me the specifics. What's about calendar checking? Oh yeah, on his side.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And someone was doing what to somebody about checking the calendar? Oh, we call that nagging in straight land. Anyway. What should I do with all these pigs? Should I give them away? I don't know. I don't know.

I feel bad because Vito's upset when so many people love him. You know? You don't want somebodyito is upset when so many people love him. You know? Oh, I know. You don't want somebody to be upset when so many people like you and want your comedy. To be, uh, like perfectly honest, I think you hit on something where it's like he's stressing out about, you know, it's it lots of people blow up at things. It's not about that. It's about all this pressure that's built up in some other area that they're not dealing with like like a comic book Not being out or not being done or whatever

So their girlfriend getting so he's fucking super sensitive to stuff that he would probably laugh off normally or whatever I don't think he really cares about it, but now he's like worked himself into this shoot Yeah, because everyone loves the show It sure seems like it. Yeah, even last episode where it was mostly just like, Reddit likes things by complaining about it. Like, I can't believe they spent the whole show talking about this. Aw, it's ruined. Aw. But they talk about it.

Yeah, they talk about them. Alright, goodbye everybody. See ya, thank you. Thanks for all the pigs. So long, thanks for the pigs.