The Dick Show - Episode 431 - Dick on The Tungsteñera
Episode Date: October 14, 2024Adult trick or treating, some UCB guys make a political ad, a trans storm trooper, the WNBA fights reading books, Sven Stoffels calls in with Butch Killigan 2, a Boeing insider, fake sex robots, cops ...get paid to fail a math test, obesity is falling, and some furry news; all that and more on this episode of The Dick Show!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, Ben.
The cat girl call was so bad that Sean quit the show.
That's what happened.
Is that what happened?
Yeah, that's what happened.
I didn't listen to all last week's episode.
So I didn't catch up all the way.
You didn't listen to that?
I don't know.
Imagine the worst woman you've ever met and spoke with
and spent any time around and then make it worse.
Oh.
That's what it was.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Wow.
You know, I don't know if you're missing much, Johnny. I'll be honest with you. any time around and then make it worse. Oh. That's what it was. Jesus. Yeah.
Well.
You know, I don't know if you're missing much, Johnny.
I'll be honest with you.
Usually I'm not down on, you know, my own show, but.
It's funny, cause I never get a text or call from Sean.
It's always through you.
It's always like, man, like Sean really needs a break.
You know, he just really like, oh, okay.
Thanks Sean for never actually reaching out to me.
I see how it is.
How you doing?
You looking very Samoan today?
You know, I'm actually wearing a Hawaiian shirt even.
That's, you know.
Oh, you are.
Yeah, FECCO.
I remember that brand.
Throwing it back, man.
You're gonna be wowing us with some pizza later?
Fucking gonna kill it.
Just, you know.
I don't know what it is with all your guests
make pizza lately, but fucking. I don't know what it is with all your guests
make pizza lately, but fucking.
I don't know.
Here for it.
It's what guys do.
It's like a second, it's like an early menopause for men.
They just start making, being chefs.
See, that's what I thought.
And I'm no good at it.
I can't cook shit.
Well, that's what I thought.
Steak, pizza, I can't make anything.
It always turns out shitty.
See, that's what I thought.
And then I was like, you know what?
I can't find good pizza for shit out here, blah, blah.
And if you can, fucking what?
80 bucks to fucking enjoy yourself?
Ah!
So then I got to thinking,
I bet you I could make a fucking better pizza for cheaper.
Because one, I will, because I'm,
I think that's why we get along.
I'm very cheap.
I'm not spending fucking think that's why we get along. I'm very cheap. I'm not spending fucking
It's fucking pizza. I I think I can't I think that's maybe the most important criteria to me and a friend
Yeah, is being
Extremely cheap to understand the cheapness. Yeah
When I was like when I proudly texted you I was like dude
I figured out how to make pizzas for fucking 350 mm-hmm for like 20 of them. Yeah
Why that I I was like I finally have something good to tell you in this world
This isn't a video of a fat woman falling down. Yeah, what a strange better saving money
It's all I give a shit about if I have to hang around with somebody who's not cheap, it makes me physically ill.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know if it's just me, but it seems like most of their comments, commentary
and conversations steers toward how their love of spending money in some way.
And it just makes me sick.
Unless I'm buying more index funds or bonds, whichever one at the time.
That's even, in most ways,
that's even accelerating the cheapness
because I can't sell them
and make them liquid without paying.
Exactly.
So the money is locked up until I'm dead.
I just keep locking it up.
Yeah, I just lock it the fuck up.
Let me get a 1,000 year bond, please.
I'm never selling it.
Exactly.
I wish I could.
I'd fucking buy them all.
Yeah, no, things have been great.
Aside from the candle.
It really appeals to my cheapness now.
As you're saying it, investing is like just a direct line to cheapness.
Like, oh yeah, this money's never getting spent.
Once you count the first penny.
It's gonna be even more money that's not getting spent in 20 years.
That's why I'm like, I see my friends order pizza. I'm like fucking morons.
I'm like how much did you spend on that and how mediocre was it?
You tipped him too, didn't you? You let some asshole drive that to you when you could have had it fresh direct.
You got a cab for your pizza? What an asshole. You know, I see why other countries hate us so much.
What kind of luxury?
Yeah.
Some shithead driving you pizza.
Yeah.
I saw these guys online are always like, you know, I don't know, maybe I just follow the
wrong kind of people.
Maybe.
But they're always talking about how you got to like, I need to, I need to figure out how
to get to black Twitter.
That's where I belong.
That's the experience I want.
Yeah. But because the experience I want.
But because of who I argue with, I don't know.
I get stuck in these like entrepreneur,
like millionaire investor wannabe cocksuckers.
The shillionaire side of things.
Shillionaires.
Yeah, I get stuck in these circles
because I get drunk and then call them child molesters.
Accurate.
Yeah, and I always see them,
they take turns saying like how you gotta,
you know, you gotta take your dream vacation now.
And I'm like, I just feel,
I feel absolutely nothing in common
with someone who has a dream vacation.
My dream vacation?
Sitting around, that's my dream vacation
is sending everyone else the hell away from me.
The least amount. With no phone.
Yeah, the least amount going out that day is my dream vacation.
Yeah! My dream vacation?
Where do I want to go get fucked in the ass in Dubai?
Or get shit on by some sheik?
What are you talking about, dream vacation?
I'm just trying to...
Like, I play life like fucking roller coaster tycoon now.
I fired all the janitors, sweeping the sidewalks myself.
I'm trying to see those numbers get in the goddamn green.
I need to sell this fucking park and get onto the goddamn next one, you know?
Yeah, you know, I do. I need like a laziness simulator game.
Yeah. Like that.
They ruined all the sim games though. They're too hard now.
They're too funny.
Skylines and shit. It's like, I'm not thinking in 3D.
I just want the grid you know
the grid appealed to like my male autism well it's not autism but I need to like
section everybody you know to take it a step further fucking Chris Sawyer
programmed it in assembler so I mean oh did he yeah Sim City no rollercoaster
tycoon rollercoaster tycoon maybe I should get into that that's I'm gonna go
to the thrift store
and buy a 40 year old computer.
As a kid?
To bring it fired up.
Well, what makes it such a great game is,
I thought as a kid it's about building cool theme parks.
Yeah.
The older I got, the more I'm like,
oh, this is a penny pinching game.
That's great.
I'm trying to save, I'm trying to,
I want my numbers to be so fucking high.
They need Sim Dad.
Your wife wants to buy this
and you just have arguments
with her in the game that she can't return it.
Yeah, you know?
Oh, your wife's Amazon boxes are stacking up.
Send that back, send that back.
Return, return, return.
And then you have to have the difficult conversation
of how much money is this costing you
by driving back to the fucking thing?
How much money is this gonna cost?
By printing return labels, by doing all this shit?
The credit card bill comes in like,
oh my God, we're losing money on this.
Here's your grandpa of expenses. Whole Foods, who the fuck's shopping at Whole Foods? Money's printing return labels. I do all this shit comes in. Oh my god
Whole foods who the fuck's shopping at Whole Foods. This is a fun game like papers, please
Receipts, please
You went out for eight hours today, let me just see those receipts
Let's see what's going back to lock into experience. Let me see if you got any hidden credit cards. Huh.
Out of all this, what was useful?
What did I need?
What did I get out of this?
Oh, hmm.
Well, then?
Hmm.
Yeah.
I get why George Jetson was like that, man.
Oh, yeah.
Getting all his money stolen.
He was just like, man, you got to fucking...
Just always in a bad mood.
Yeah.
I get it.
Yeah, he's always in a bad mood.
Okay.
Let's start the show.
You see I'm wearing the the I'm wearing this shirt.
I can't wear it anymore in public. Can you believe it?
I had some friends who worked on it. Goddamn Holly with Tiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààà Welcome to Dick! You wonder if you love Dicky Needy Dicky. Got it! It's the show where I'm the contest committee live from Mountbunker, deep in the heart of
the city of Daily Mail.
I was Dick Masterson, joining me as always.
They're joining me once this week.
Sean's at, uh, Sean's at fantasy camp.
He's teaching fantasy.
He does his own fantasy camp, Dodgers fantasy camp, where he pretends to be a retired major
league baseball player.
And he, older guys come out and he puts on a fat suit and pretends to be Tommy Lasorda
for a season?
Yeah, yeah, he comes out as many different characters
to speak to the guys there.
He plays the whole team.
It's like a one-man show, but just Sean.
He goes out and all the guys say goodbye to their wives.
And Sean wears like a Dodgers uniform.
And they're all in on it.
It's all a bit.
Then they just go inside and talk about guitars.
Because the wives won't let their husbands
go to guitar fantasy camp.
He's like, finally, now we can talk about
the important shit in life.
Guitar talk.
Fucking guitar talk.
I don't know when he's going to be back.
I don't know if he's going to be back.
The cat girl call really shook him.
I don't blame him.
I didn't even listen to that episode.
Because I just heard about that.
You just heard about the cat girl thing?
I said, I started it and was like, okay,
I should probably catch up if I'm gonna be out.
And then I was like, eh,
there's gonna be a cat girl for us?
And I'm like, I don't know.
Yeah.
You know, I think my mom's calling like,
I gotta pick my sister up from school.
Never let me bail a woman out of jail again, ever.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Well, we listened to her original voicemail on
the bonus episode and she isn't schizo. It's just when she gets on, when people get on
the show, they become, it amplifies their schizophrenia. Look, I'm going to do-
And their tryhardness and their pain in the assness.
I'm going to do one better. Don't bail people out, not as whether it's a fucking human gesture
or not. It's, motherfucker, that's money out of your bank account for some asshole to be back on the loose.
She paid me back.
I was kind of insulted by that.
That is insulting.
It was kind of like, I'm better than you because I bailed you out.
Right.
Now you're kind of taking that, you're pretending to take that away from me,
but I want you to understand that I'm still better than you.
Right.
Don't think this absolves you in any way.
You didn't have some outside hand to come in and bail your own ass out.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not the one in jail.
Where's the interest?
Like, why'd you pay me back the exact same amount?
I had to pay $300 to get you out.
Not even a little something that's like a nicety, huh?
Just like a...
Some for the effort.
Yeah.
You know, I come buckets, went way out of his way, took off work at the blowjob factory to come down and
bail you out of jail.
Unbelievable.
Little tips, right?
How about a reach around?
Little tips.
Some for the effort.
Nothing.
Barely even a thank you.
All you got is a terrible episode out of it.
You lost money on that one.
I lost money on this deal! I lost money! There's a brand a terrible episode out of it. You lost money on that one. I lost money in this deal!
I lost money! There's a brand new bonus
episode out, where we go over
the original voicemail that Catgirl sent.
I should have just played that and laughed at her being in jail.
She should be in the morgue.
You know, I wish her, however she was getting strangled
in the bathtub or whatever was happening.
Look man, that's
just the way the fucking wasteland, you know?
Should have just enjoyed what I had.
I got a great funny voicemail about Maddox having a spurg fit at Comic Con on some girl that he thought he was gonna bang there.
And then he's texting her like non-stop obsessively as he does, right?
I should've left it at that.
And a woman ends up in jail.
Where they all belong.
Right? I got greedy, Johnny. I got got got greedy Johnny
You got greedy. It's not that I got greedy. I have a shirt one of my friends is always tells me is please don't help I
Tried to help you just don't help. I tried to help you see this is what I deserve for getting involved in a domestic violence
It's the best situation. It's the best for you. Yeah. People don't grow if you help them, you know?
Yeah, I don't, well, yeah, okay.
That's what I mean.
I don't want them to grow anyway, though.
I just want to feel like a better person than them.
Well, then definitely don't help them.
How am I supposed to feel like a better person then?
Well, because it's up to them whether they grow or not.
Who are absolutely destitute.
But then if you don't help, you can go,
see, I'm not one of those rubes
who fucking gave the mouse the cookie.
Is that what church is for?
Do I get to go to church
and think about how much better I am than everybody?
Is that what I pick that up?
I think that's just what being online is about.
Oh, maybe I should be online more.
Maybe you should be an audio engineer.
Maybe get into the high fire world.
Talk about how much better.
Well, you know, see I have a solid, so you know. Talk about my gear. Talk about how much better. Well, you know, see I have a solid.
Talk about my gear.
Oh, god damn it.
Online all day.
Just online.
Talk about my gold plugs, my gold wires.
Never record anything,
but just talk about how cool your gear is.
Mm mm mm mm.
So you're gonna be pleasuring us with some pizza later.
I will.
You got into the dough.
I got into the dough.
Breeding dough.
Got a 96 hour dough going.
Just fucking really proud of this.
Yeah.
And proud in a way that's like,
look at all this fucking money I saved.
I can fucking make a thousand pizzas
and that would cost less.
Every pizza I make, I'm making money.
I'm fucking sick.
Everyone I-
And I wish I had this.
That's, well, that's the gift that I'm parting to you today
is I will show you how to make fucking good pizza,
like a cheap fuck.
And then people go, wow, this is good.
Where'd you get it from?
And you're like, get the fuck out of my house.
That oven is where you got it from.
Yeah.
Don't you ever, you have to charge people
to come over for pizza parties now.
That's, you know, like Vito, you're coming over.
Charging people, I'll put a QR code on the door.
Yeah.
For some people.
By weight.
Yeah, well, charge you by the pound to come into my party. It's like the scale. Yeah. For some people. By weight. Yeah, well, I tried you by the pound to come
into my party. It's like the scale in Vegas. It's got the big LED, LCD readout. The heart
attack grill. Yeah. I went to a scary movie thing last night. Was it scary? Now it was
Dust Till Dawn. Ah! But the house from I Think You Should Leave, the ghost tour. No, shit. It's there. That's's like down the street that's down at the bottom of the hill that house
Oh, yeah, I was in yeah, you know and the adult tour, right?
So we saw we caught wind of this activity going on this movie
Slash like horror fest thing and it was advertised at the bottom like did any of those fuckers
So I've been gearing up for this
like all week I'm like oh man I can't wait to I cannot wait for this goes it's
gotta be and I had it built up in my head like they're gonna totally do the
whole thing everybody's gonna be I think you should leave yeah fan there they're
all we're all gonna be doing the lines together right that's so we get in and
I'm like I get in there and go to the guy and I'm like, is this the adult tour?
And he goes, huh? And I go, Jizz! And everyone's like...
I'm like, honey, we gotta go there early! It's gonna be packed! It's gonna be totally packed!
And we're not gonna get to go in the haunted house before the movie starts for the ghost tour!
And I can't shout Jizz and ask if it's the adult tour and ask what the rules are right? Horse cock right?
Un-fucking- so no not a single-
Nobody! They looked at me like I was crazy!
I'm busted like the Kool-Aid man! Jizz!
Literally the one piece of media that's ever been created about that fucking place.
Yeah, and they-
So the rest of the night was ruined.
You should have kept going
Horsecock
These fuckers ever blast through the wall and do a big cum shot and they're like what yeah people are like
How do you guys not you work at this fucking house and you haven't seen that bitch?
Should have done it to the point where you got pulled the side and be like buddy. You can't fuck
That's what would have made it
Because I guarantee at some point
those people will probably see that.
It wasn't even a tour, everything was roped off.
We were just like into the main room,
where I said, jizz, and then into the kitchen
where there's like an old stove.
I was like, ah, I got so pissed off.
I'm like, well, fuck this.
So I went outside and I went out the back
and tried to pour a, I was pouring whiskey out of my flask.
You're like, I already said, yeah.
Cause of the cheapness, right? Again,
and the fucking cheap police are walking around preventing me from enjoying
events as cheaply as possible. You know, that's what,
that's what cops and private security are all about. I can't get behind that.
You just, that's what Harris, that's what Kamala Harris is. America is going to
be. You're never going to be allowed to be cheap again. All I I wanted to do was go through life and not spend one fucking dollar, one dime.
It used to be a dime. Now I can't spend a dollar, but we're not gonna be able to do that anymore.
Man, even fucking the Costco hot dog, I'm like, man, a dollar fifty. Like,
let's break that down.
So I'm pouring the whiskey in the thing, security comes over. Hey, hey you can't go in, you can't go in this way.
I'm like, I'm not going, do I look like I'm going in anywhere? They don't even understand the jizz jokes in there, buddy.
You're like...
I walked out in a huff, okay? I'm not, I'm done with this shit.
I just don't understand.
You call that a ghost tour?
Yeah, that's like the most... I remember as a kid in San Diego, they take you to all the haunted places in Old Town.
It's like, look at this haunted place.
And it's like, oh, you're telling me some kid got clotheslined, like running down a hill,
and literally ran into a clothesline and like...
And died, got his head popped off.
Like, oh shit.
Like, I don't particularly feel haunted, but I do feel like whatever the fuck this building is made out of is pretty fucking old.
Like, it like the only thing
Maybe I'm just and then they gave us trick-or-treat bags, and I'm like I'm I
Don't like I don't like this. I don't think adults blows a bag, and then they had trick-or-treat stations
And then one was given out a soda it was like a free soda soda And then one was given out a soda. It was like a free soda. Here's the soda.
And then one was given out stickers.
Like what?
Can we like, can we like have one of those little leashes that kids have where they're like bungee strapped
to their parents like for the full experience here?
Can I shit my pants while I'm trick or treating?
Dinosophics experience.
Where it's like, here's some candy, here's a DENISOFICS experience.
Here's some candy, here's a sticker,
here's like a little, oh, you saw a ghost today, right?
Yeah.
No, only ghosts here
where fucking everyone else in attendance.
If no one laughed at the fucking jizz joke.
My girlfriend goes, are these houses really haunted?
I'm like, what do you mean by that?
Of course they are, like yeah.
Yes, I don't... What do you mean by that? Of course they are, like yeah. Yes? I don't...
What do you mean?
She's like, nevermind, shut up, nevermind.
I'm like, well, I get what you mean, but you fucked up.
I get what you mean, but you fucked up.
The second you fucking hit that fucking trigger, man, it's like, you can't hit the brakes on that.
Are these really haunted?
What did you say?
What did you say?
Yeah.
No, that's not what I mean.
I mean, are they supposed to be? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,ish, Dalish gonna, she's gonna be down here any minute. She was with us and she goes, what did you guys get?
She says, those trick or treating stations sucked.
She goes, look what they gave me.
She's like, what did you get?
And I'm like, oh, I got awesome stickers.
I got Freddie sticker and a Jason sticker.
Were they cool stickers or were they just like,
here's- No, they're cool.
I mean, they're like drawings of those guys
It's cool. Whatever I saw it and I grabbed it. Yeah, she goes what she was they they give you that I said
No, I saw them those cool stickers and I grabbed the cool stickers. I don't want this fucking Dumbo
Deciding what kind of stick, you know, I don't want a fucking personality test as well
I'm I'm trick-or-treating they got the ball. I'm taking what I want out of the balls
Some asshole to try and figure me out here
Yeah, I don't need to be fucking condescended to by some dumb bitch working that I got it
I got a good gauge on her. You know what I saw overweight that's I don't want her opinion of what I want
Sure wasn't Harry Potter stickers. She was giving out so then Dalish goes
Well look with this look what this fucking bitch gave me and she pulls out her sticker
And it's like a girl power stick
Jesus they make this shit
She's like you got a Freddie and a Jason yeah fucking awesome girl. Look at this shit that I got
It's like so it's like ghoul power or something
That's a shitty that's like getting a fucking apple.
Trick or treating, right? You got a fucking- you went trick or treating, you got a girl power sticker?
What the fuck?
At least have the razor blade in the apple.
Damn, give me a razor blade in that sticker so I can kill myself.
With this fucking messaging you're giving me.
Cool power.
Like out here, you could have the- you could have the Freddie and the Jays-
Someone found a hash of 80s stickers or something. What the power?
Fucking kill me
It's all you can ever wish for these days. I've come to realize a quick death like Tony Soprano any death. Yeah a
Quick death like Tony Soprano where everyone else goes what just ending just how fucking
Just everyone fucking up in arms
because they didn't get it.
Yeah, it's better than getting raped, I guess.
I guess.
I can't wear, if I wear this shirt out,
are people gonna think I was raped?
People are gonna be like,
oh, shouldn't I buy you dinner first?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, no way.
Now you get what you fucking deserve.
Like, hey, you want me to buy you dinner or something there?
Like, sea bass, you know? Now that you mention it, it veto might do it so he can get some free dinners at least
Have you been watching biggest problem?
Have you been watching our live stream our 24-hour live stream that chopped the viewers in half so I accidentally clicked on it the other
Day and saw the one where veto's shitting on
Eric July about something. Oh, yeah, how about when Superkiller comes out,
it's gonna change the whole landscape of things.
And everyone's like, I just read the comments right away
because it was like, oh, I bet whoever's watching,
the three people who are watching this are loving it.
Yeah.
And it was like, oh man, this aged really well.
I'm like, yeah, fuck.
Unfortunate to click and right away just be brought be
reminded of that as there's a super killer plush doll sitting over there. You think that shit's ever coming out? No.
Sven Stoffels is gonna call in today. How about this trans storm trooper?
You see this one? They finally got it. They finally got a Heeshee in the
Empire. Wow that's cool.
Wow.
They got the same colors too.
That color means trans no matter what.
You know.
In the whole galaxy, universe.
Anything to get numbers up, man.
We gotta make sure,
how come they're always doing black people dirty like that?
You know?
It's always, they always,
it's always gotta be a black trans person. It's rude. Isn't it a little like it's a little
Isn't it a little like calling him gay black black guys just cool with this. I mean, are they not watching Star Wars?
What's the deal? How you doing? It's very strong messaging
Is it I?
Guess I don't know. I mean, I don't want that. I mean what's going on with that. What is the deal with that? I don't know. I mean I don't want that. I mean what's going on Johnny with that. What is the deal with that?
I don't know man. I
Gotta say this too. Yeah fucking I keep seeing announcements of a Nintendo alarm clock. Oh, yeah
Me too. What's going on there? I need that. I don't know. I don't know if I need it
Whatever does it go like does it wake you up with Nintendo shit pretty much
Yeah, yeah, just like I could go for that. I could well it was a hundred bucks. Yeah, and I was like well. That's dumb
I was like also
I don't need an alarm clock, but the thing that really got me. I was like
Like foot over to your right yeah perfect. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you the fact that Nintendo released new hardware before
Super killer got what I came out man, Vito, like you really,
GTA 6 is coming out.
Are you allowed to customize your Stormtrooper uniform?
I thought these guys were Nazis, right?
I guess they're good guys now, I don't know.
Well, what's crazy is the color scheme is that of like,
that somehow acknowledges America's existence
in all of this.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
It's like, that's really presumptuous of us
to think that we would have that reach,
kind of reach into space, but.
Here's, have you seen this ad?
Which I appreciate.
This Harris-Waltz ad?
Oh my.
They got a guy so fat that his knees are bending backwards
to speak on behalf of men.
This is a real men campaign.
Oh no.
You interested?
Have you seen this, Dalish?
I was talking about your stickers.
Oh yeah, I brought them.
Oh you did?
Okay.
Yeah, what was it?
So first let me show the cool stickers.
Bump her up please.
Yeah.
Oh I forgot I have to eat the mic.
Yeah.
See Johnny, these are cool, aren't they?
Look at these.
That's cool.
Yeah, those are cool.
That's Freddie and Jason. That's dope.
That was mine.
Okay, and then what did you get?
These were.
Yeah.
You go.
And then there's this one.
Looks like a cauldron with a Jewish star on it.
What is that?
Oh, a pentagram.
Always trust your magic.
Oh man, I think I died a little inside reading that spell.
That's, I took damage on that one.
I always trust your magic.
Oh.
Dropped it.
Oops.
Like girl stuff.
Yeah.
That's girl stuff.
You like astrology?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What's your sign?
What's... What do you hope it is?
Scorpio.
Yeah, it is.
Is it really?
Yeah. You're fucking lying to me. No, I is. Is it really? Yeah.
You're fucking lying to me.
No, I'm not.
Why would I lie about something totally made up?
I don't know.
You can lie all the time.
Lying about astrology is an evil thing.
Are you into astrology?
No, I'm not.
No?
How come?
Because I'm not getting one.
You don't like talking about yourself that much?
Isn't that why women do it?
I thought it was to make men uncomfortable. That's why you talk about it.
Oh, that's why women do it? To make men uncomfortable?
That's why I do it.
Oh, that's why. Yeah.
It's just like a way for them to say everything I think is right.
Yeah.
Because of the sky.
Yeah, yeah, I like this because of the stars. You're a bitch because of the stars.
Yeah, and you lie all the time. Okay, let's watch this ad I'm really interested to see
To see what men are like
Funny enough. What's that? Is this mouse connected to that computer? Yeah, okay rid of it veto
Yeah, you don't bought another mouse so he could control the computer. What a fucking cocksucker
Okay, let me try to get you Taylor. I'm gonna get you there. We go. That's better
That's better.
Actually, move over a little bit more.
We had to, I had to mess up all the chairs
because of you, those friends were over here.
Okay, let's watch the, let's watch the app.
The big seat to fill.
I mean, look at this guy, man.
Yeah, two seats.
This guy is, he's a farmer, allegedly?
He's got a giant aluminum pail that they obviously just bought at Party City.
The guy has to work on a farm a goddamn day in his life.
He probably eats like a farmer, but does not work like one.
He's got a tiny little hat.
All right, let's watch it.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I'm a man, man.
And I'm man enough.
I'm man enough to enjoy a barrel-proof bourbon.
Meat.
Man enough to cook my steak rare.
I know that guy. Waylon McQueen. Oh. This guy? Man enough to enjoy a barrel proof bourbon. Neat. Man enough to cook my steak rare.
I know that guy, Waylon McQueen.
This guy, he's at UCB.
A proof bourbon.
Neat.
Man enough to cook my steak rare.
Man enough to deadlift 500
then braid the shit out of my daughter's hair.
You think I'm afraid to rebuild a carburetor?
I eat carburetors for breakfast.
I chose.
I bet.
Didn't have to convince me.
What does he think a carburetor is?
Man.
Isn't it odd what they... Yeah, Carbs is in it. He knows that. Isn't it odd what they think men are?
I think he got confused for carbonara.
They think men are like this weird caricature sitting on tailgates.
Yeah, like steak, bourbon. Fucking... Yeah, I could braid the shit out of my daughter's hair, like who gives a fuck?
Lifting 500?
Who describes bench pressing that like that?
In such a way?
Idiots.
Yeah, okay.
I ain't afraid of bears, that's what bear hugs are for.
I'll tell you another thing I sure as shit am not afraid of.
Women.
I'm not afraid of women.
I'm not afraid of women.
I'm terrified of women.
I say go for it.
They want to use that if you have to start a family?
I'm not afraid of families.
They want to be childless cat ladies?
Have all the cats you want.
Woman wants to be president?
Well I hope she has the guts to look at you.
If you want to be a childless cat lady?
Oh man.
You always got to sneak one in there, right?
Waylon's sitting like he has a dick up his ass right now
Have you ever seen a someone sit like like that like it look you know when you get arranged for like a portrait
It's always weird and uncomfortable
That's that's the pose like this see how his hand is like crooked over like this like series photos all over again
They got the seers photo guy to come in and pose him welcome back up his ass. Yeah, Jesus
With a brand new
Abercrombie shirt happy all y'all shirt fat cat lady like who am I to say, you know, I
Think the black guy in this is a gay porn guy too. He's done gay porn stuff
I'm not joking.
I'm right in the eye and accept my full-throated endorsement.
Because I'm man enough to support women.
Man enough to know what kind of donuts I like.
Are they going to say this while they're braiding
their daughter's hair, by the way?
Yeah, talk about how...
You could be a childless cat lady if you want to,
you dumb bitch, yeah.
I'm man enough to know what kind of donuts I like. I think that's like a fat thing, not a man thing.
Yeah. Uh...
I'm lost even when I refuse to ask for directions.
Man enough to not ban young women from reading Little Women.
Or one of those pants books that the sisters like.
I'm man enough to raw dog a flight.
It sucked. Not worth it.
I'm man enough to be emotional in front of my wife.
In front of my kid. In front of my horse. I'm man enough to be emotional in front of my wife. I beat the shit out of her.
Good will hunting. Westside story. And Predator.
Domineering, belittling, and controlling women just so they can feel more powerful. That's not how my mama raised me. I love women.
What?
Aren't they contradicting themselves? Didn't they just belittle women?
Uh, look, they love women.
What don't you get?
They're available to date. They want...
If what?
Is this white women or white men for Kamala?
This is dudes for Kamala.
Yeah.
And gay black guys.
This is? This is a real ad.
Did he see her with Dady before he sat down for this?
Who's that?
What guy you mean? The black guy?
Yeah.
I don't know. Maybe.
I love women who support their families.
Women who decide not to have families.
Women who take charge.
And I'm man enough to help them win.
Wow, I don't know, man.
That's pretty rough.
I don't think being in a political ad is a good idea.
Because everyone's just going to make fun of you.
It's going to suck, no matter what.
Whatever side you're on, you're just...
Yeah, it's going to be cringe and dumb.
You are the clown in the dunking booth now.
Because the people that aren't decided are like,
totally stupid.
So what are they...
You're going to have to say some weird shit to appeal to them, you know?
Like at this point in your life, how do you not know
who you're voting for?
You know what's manly is voting.
Yeah.
Like that's what's manly, like fuck.
Can I ask a genuine question?
Yes.
You have to try not to laugh.
Okay.
Did anyone in this room vote for Kanye last election?
Vote for him?
Taking a lot.
In 2020?
Do not laugh.
Was he running in 2020?
Yeah.
He was on the ballot.
He was?
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
I voted for him.
You voted for Kanye.
I voted for Kanye.
What about his platform did you find so appealing?
That he's Kanye.
That's all the answer.
I mean, that's all the reason you need to vote for Kanye, really.
You had...
Come on, it's Kanye.
I wanted Kanye, though.
Yeah.
You wanted Kanye?
Yeah.
I wouldn't have minded Kanye.
Can you imagine Kim as First Lady?
Oh, do you think she would have divorced him? Of course. Hopefully, yeah. No, I think't have minded Kanye. Can you imagine Kim as first lady? Oh, do you think she would have divorced him?
Of course hopefully yeah, I think
Probably. She would have stayed up until the very end of the presidency
Yes, and then she'd go fuck Pete Davidson exactly. The peak of him was
the Jewish doctor line
I'm not gonna say what religion he is. He was Jewish. When he did that interview.
That was a good one.
That's a good one.
That's what I thought he's got when it takes.
That's a good one.
But then he started going to church and it was like,
I don't want to see Kanye going to church.
He didn't go to church.
He made his own church.
Oh, he did?
Yeah.
You're a super fan.
Kanye's super fan.
Yeah. I like some rappers. Yeah. Okay.
Well, that's a pretty cool ad I guess
It's a great ad very I feel very represented in it. Yeah, here's a
You don't feel like those guys are speaking for you. No, they have your best interests in mind? Not as a cat woman, no.
No?
No.
What about that ad was a turn off for you as a cat lady?
They seem like they didn't like cat ladies.
That was the turn off.
Oh, why is that?
I don't know.
Why did he have to so aggressively say,
you could be a single cat lady if you want to be?
I think they said it multiple times, too.
Like, you could have a cat, you can be a cat lady, like.
That's a good question.
You can even like cats, like, and it's like,
oh, hang on.
They're kind of aggressive in their support.
What kind of cats do you have though?
I have a cow cat and a black cat.
Oh.
That's a good combo.
I don't know if you understood when I said cow cat,
some people don't.
They're very cute.
What's a cow, like a cow color pattern? Yeah, like a tuxedo cat, except, you know, spotty black cat.
Okay.
Here's a Nike ad about women's basketball.
Ooh.
Just do it.
Nah, that's not enough anymore.
Here we go.
That wasn't what I expected when you said-
Today I have a presentation on dynasties.
Ming dynasty. Yeah. I refuse to a presentation on dynasties. Ming dynasty.
Yeah.
I refuse to talk about the ancient history and drama.
Oh, sucker!
Instead, I'm going to talk about a dynasty that I actually look up to.
Yes.
An all-women dynasty.
Quan dynasty.
Women of color.
Same.
Gay women.
Gay women.
Women who fight for social justice.
Yes!
Women who want to jump shot.
A dynasty that makes your favorite men's basketball, football, and baseball teams look like amateurs. Women. Yes! The gays!
She said fuck history, the gays are taking over. Fuck history! The gays are in charge now! The black gay women!
Fuck when the war's happening, dick!
The greatest... Fuck history, man!
Johnny, that's the message! Fuck history! Fuck learning!
I don't need no stupid learning.
All I need is gay women's basketball.
Black, gay, basketball.
Fuck books.
It's a shame to admit this,
but I need to go look up the technical definition
of what qualifies as a dynasty now.
Because I need to make sure this is like a,
technically, I need to get Keon on this
is what needs to happen.
You need to see if the black, gay women,
I think we're in the black gay women's dynasty
Yes, I think Trump if he wins he's gonna it's gonna be the end of it
But if he loses we're living in the black gay women's basketball dynasty
I don't know any other way to look at it. He better win. Guess I should learn about basketball
They're gonna throw away all the history books all that stupid
Philosopher shit all that white men doing better ass stuff
It's all going in the fucking garbage so we could watch gay women play basketball all fucking day
That's the future get get I hope you're ready for it. I hope you're excited for this little
Pixie twink to explain to you how there's no- there's- fuck- books? School? Fuck that shit.
Look.
This is the- this is what I'm interested in.
Look, 300 million dead in one fucking small war in China?
Stupid.
Like, no big deal.
Pointless.
Fucking... a sports organization?
Yeah.
A small chunk of this, uh, country's history?
Yeah! Sport...
We've got a...
I'm not interested in...
Did they have to say that I'm not interested in history part?
I think that's a given.
Have you ever seen a sports ad start with,
math is for queers.
I don't think any of us give a fuck about history anyway,
so it's like, why start with that?
Well, more than women's basket...
They try to find something more boring than women's basketball.
And it's Greek philosophers.
Yeah.
That's the dichotomy.
Guys sitting around all day being the first ones to be like,
you know what?
I think this is it.
No, I think this is it.
This is, let me read some of this test.
This is a police department got sued
because a bunch of black people failed the policeman's test.
You want to hear what the questions were on the test?
Are you black?
Uh huh.
You'd think.
Yeah, so all the white people passed this test and 25% of black people failed it who
were applying for this job.
I mean, that's, that's,'s look that's just what happened okay. So they sued and they won three
million dollars. Shit. Here's an example of one of the of one of the questions. On
Tuesday officer Jones worked at worked the 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. shift at 10 55 p.m.
he was called to the scene of an accident where he remained until 1 30 a.m.
How long past his regular shift at officer Johnson work and it's multiple choice
55 minutes an hour and 50 minutes
two hours So they kind of give you a ballpark like if they had left this not multiple choice
They could have got you know 20 years 30 seconds
Johnny Johnny You could have got, you know, 20 years, 30 seconds. Jesus. Johnny, Johnny.
They won money for failing this fucking test.
People were paid money because they failed this test.
Dick, you know what it is?
You know what, that's the kind of dynasty we're living in.
Dick, you know what it is?
We are from the old guard where you had to try
and really, really use your brain.
You could fail.
You could fail.
You could fail.
You could get it wrong.
Right?
That world we used to know where things were made correctly and lasted.
Planes weren't falling out of the skies and shit.
Pizza didn't cost fucking $80.
Pizza didn't cost $80.
That kind of shit.
Right.
Where the common man had steaks in his fridge so you could get a fist fight with your neighbor
over some shit and then put a steak on your black eye afterwards.
Yeah.
That's, you know.
Al Bundy's America.
That used to be a thing and now...
Now he's...
We can't even imagine a woman running for president back then.
The more you think, the worse it is for you.
So just...
They won three million dollars
for not answering this test. Isn't... Is the incentive to not answer the test correctly then?
That's correct. Here's another brain buster from the same quiz. Questions two and three are based
on the following information. In preparing her report on a home burglary, a police officer listed
the following stolen items and their values. I don't understand what the point of the lawsuit is.
Are they saying that people who failed this should be cops?
I don't think so.
Or are they just-
Isn't it because they can't do math?
I mean, yeah.
This is, they're saying that,
I don't know if they're saying that people who fail this
should be allowed to become cops,
or if the test shouldn't exist, or if it's just we hurt black people's feelings,
so we're giving them money to make it go away.
In preparing her report on a home burglary, a police officer listed the following stolen items and their values.
TV set, 400 bucks, radio, 40 bucks, Syria equipment Syria equipment 1500 bucks gold chain $100
Question one. What was the total value of the stolen goods?
Also, I like that this world that this is happening in the most valuable thing is the stereo equipment fucking finally well
You know
In a world where people still had home stereos
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, who do you know who has a home stereo?
And not just a phone.
Not just a phone.
No, I have one I don't use it.
My dad gave it to me.
That's what I'm saying.
So that makes me happy to see.
That's inspiring.
At least we went back a little bit.
You know, all right.
Yeah, yeah.
That I can kind of agree.
Even that, I look at that and I'm like,
ah, probably some fucking bullshit anyway.
Like that's cheap stereo equipment.
Yeah, it wasn't the Dolby.
Yeah. If your gold chain is only worth a hundred dollars too
Like what kind of yeah, there's like a wristlet. What are you talking about gold chain?
A radio? That's part of the stereo equipment
What was the value of the stolen goods and they give again multiple choice two thousand three thousand and three what was the value of the stolen goods and they give again multiple choice 2000 3000 and three? What was the value of all the stolen goods except for the cold chain?
So just go ahead and take a hundred
I mean if you didn't get that's kind of not fair because if you didn't get this question, right?
Do you have no chance of getting this one? So that's like a twofer
Three million dollars based on that
Don't you need to know math though?
To be a cop?
Yeah.
Apparently not.
You just need to know shoot.
Yeah.
Pow pow.
I guess.
You also need to not know math in the sense like, well,
how much are your hurt feelings worth you?
3 million.
3 million bucks.
Yeah.
I mean, that's what he said, Your Honor.
30% of black guys couldn't pass this test.
How much is that worth?
3 million.
At least.
At least. Minimum. Yeah? Ah, three million. At least.
At least.
Minimum.
Yeah, are you kidding me?
At least.
I gotta live with the rest of my life knowing
that I can't do math now.
Before then, I was just up in the air.
Yep.
Let's see.
Elon Musk had a bunch of stupid robots.
Do you see that at all?
When does he not have a bunch of stupid robots though?
I'm getting robot fatigue.
I have AI and robot fatigue.
No, I'm not scared of them.
No, Elon Musk used to be afraid of them.
Oh.
I think that's funny, because he's leaned so hard into it now.
He is such an attention whore.
He said he was afraid of robots?
Yeah, that was a big thing.
Like, before he did all this, he was terrified of AI.
That's great marketing, because look at all the money
he's making from idiots on his robots.
Like, I see so many cyber trucks now, I'm like,
I can't believe it. But again, Nintendo's selling an alarm clock trucks now. I'm like I can't believe it
Mm-hmm, but again Nintendo selling an alarm clock, and I'm like I can't believe that either, but here's the fucking world
We live in well. He had robots
Making drinks and stuff, but they're all being remote controlled ah that's dumb
Person I need my robot so they can offshore basically every job to Indians who are just controlling robots like in
Unless my robot has a problem and is like friends with me and will bore heavy for me or just like forget to put one or
Two things on the tab. Yeah, like then I'm not for it. This is this is one of the robots that they have
on display
None of this is a robot. It's just a guy doing this shit in like a lab.
In a mocap suit somewhere else.
Yeah, but they don't say that. So all these all these shitheads think it's a fucking robot doing AI shit. And it's not.
It's like the alien head in the I think you should leave too, that fucking galactic bar or whatever. Oh yeah, yeah, it's exactly like that.
Where a guy's just running a microphone.
Just some asshole.
We're gonna have sex robots
where it's Indian men just jacking you off.
And a guy like me is gonna be out front of the brothel,
the robo-brothel saying, they're not real robots.
Those aren't real robots.
Like yeah, they're real robots.
They're talking to you and stuff.
I mean, you look at them, they're robots, and you know,
I mean, it's gonna be like a fucking flat earth epidemic
of people thinking that robots are real,
and that they're fucking a real robot,
and not an Indian man on the other side of the earth.
Well, that's what the Amazon stores are about.
My parents were telling me, they were like,
yeah, we went to the Amazon store,
and we didn't get a receipt for weeks later,
and we were like, well, we don't know how store and we didn't get a receipt for like weeks later. And they were like, we don't know how it worked,
but like whatever.
And then they never went back.
And then that report came out of like,
oh yeah, they had this, yeah.
Yeah, working on camera.
Making sure, okay, did you put this back?
Like, okay, so it's like a very meticulous,
that's a lot of fucking work behind that.
Like, it's all smoke and mirrors, all this AI shit too.
Like I haven't been impressed by any of it because
It's not real. AI is gonna take our jobs, and I see like there's audio plugins that are AI enabled
I just look at it click close close never show me this shit again
I don't have a fucking co-pilot
No, I try them and every time I just laugh because I go whoever the fuck made this
I hope they get their money, and then I hope they go fucking die. I hope they blow their fucking brains out.
I hope their AI car drives them off of a cliff.
Because once this fucking bubble pops,
I just can't fucking wait, dude.
Yeah, me either.
It's sick.
Because it's all bad.
It doesn't work at all.
We're just gonna, what people don't realize
is just like a clever, like, hey, we made it
so it talks cute to you, but it's just like
a bunch of flow charts. Yeah. Okay, like, I can make a bunch like a clever like, hey we made it so it talks cute to you but it's just like a bunch of flow charts.
Yeah.
Oh, okay, like I can make a bunch of fucking flow charts
and it's like, oh yes, it does all this, but it's adaptive
and I'm like, I don't care.
No it's not.
It just does that.
And now it's cranking this shit out
so all the new models are just going to crank out their own shit.
It's just going to be reprocessed, be shit.
That's it.
It's dumb.
Um, yeah. It's really aggravating. It's like, yeah, That's it. It's dumb. Um Yeah
It's really aggravating. It's like yeah, this is amazing. You found out a way to just eliminate all employment in the US
Well, I'm like if it puts you out of your job
That means you're fucking bad at your job because if you've seen the AI shit that comes out at all
It all just has a look to it of like crap. It just looks like shit. Yeah, I'm like shit. It's just all shitty
Okay, let me get let me get Sven on
Running late today
I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of all of it. I'm really sick of it, too. I'm sick of like I'm sick of these
technology
Expos
Where it's just it's I mean, maybe it's always been bullshit
I don't know what it was back at the World's Fair Whatever were they showing like flying cars and they showed people fucking artificial lights and mustard for the first time that must have been so cool
Like are you kidding me? Like are you we're fucking inside?
And you like something was made that blue LED was invented at some point right?
But this isn't robots at all well
I think Luis CK said it too like, you have your fucking phone,
which is like talking to satellites and shit.
And we're just like, man, this thing's being fucking slow.
It's like, we shouldn't even have that, really.
Like, as humans,
I don't think we're allowed to have most of this.
We should.
I mean, we should. It's much funnier that we do.
But it's just like, we're too
fallible and
retarded as human beings to have any of it.
And have it mean anything.
All we're doing is creating AI to fucking waste our time with.
Have a cyber sex with.
I guess, fuck.
A lot of these guys are-
You can't even fuck them yet, can you?
Robots?
I mean, kinda.
I don't-
Not the bartender one.
You can definitely fuck anything.
Push one into some water.
I don't fuck a robot.
Until that robot can bend me over and fuck me,
I don't, it's not good enough.
Yeah.
I don't think they're ever gonna be there.
Not in my lifetime.
Or by the time they do it, I'll be too old.
Well, it's gonna be an Indian guy doing it.
Pipebomb 5000.
Maybe I like Indian guys, you don't know.
Wow, maybe, actually that might be the one use for robots.
Take the sexual repression of Indian men
and turn it loose on white women.
Do you have a thing for not redeeming your gift cards?
What do you mean?
Have you seen all those scammer videos?
No, what are those?
Oh, they just basically get Indian scammers on the line and they're like,
Oh, yeah, just give us the gift card and they're like, okay
So I scanned it or like I scratched it off and typed the numbers in what I do next and these people fucking lose
Their minds and start screaming like don't don't read that code don't fuck over do you like whatever you don't find?
Wait, why because then they lose the money because it's like well, I redeemed it for myself
Oh, they're trying to get it from you. But if you just fuck with them and you're like,
oh, I did this for myself.
They will call you all the worst things
they can possibly think of because you,
you fucked their money up.
You fucked their money up a little bit.
Here is, I'm waiting for, oh, waiting for Sven.
Let's, here's a knife protection class that they're teaching in, I don't know, probably
Germany.
Is this for men?
Oh, God.
This is for...
What's he slapping her with?
A towel.
They're teaching men how to protect themselves from migrant knife attacks using a towel slapping
technique pioneered in locker rooms.
Yeah, I was going to say that one you could fucking rip his scrotum with that one.
Man, I thought the no rape song was bad,
but this one's pretty bad.
Let's see here.
Couldn't be worse than the don't huff gas song.
Are you often in a situation where
you're getting a knife attacked, where you have a towel nearby?
Yes, but for different reasons.
Even in situations where I need a towel,
I find that I oftentimes do not have it,
for whatever reason.
If I'm anywhere near a towel, I have a gun on me.
That's true.
Don't fucking, if I'm-
That's very true.
If you see my underwear on the floor, there is a gun.
I at least have a knife.
You handy.
Don't ever approach me
Always somewhere this is like a jacuzzi if I'm in the shower from yeah, there's a I know where I am
Yeah, I know where I have something much better than a towel. Yeah, if I have a towel don't fuck. It's a good point Johnny
In Germany people are being trained.
Oh, this is for, this isn't a migrant attack.
Okay, this is for hospital staff.
Oh, well then nevermind.
To deal with patients with a knife?
Oh wow, okay.
And I hit the head.
I hit the head and the eyes.
He's not even trying.
Actually come at him, girl.
And I hit the head. Do some jabs, you know? I hit the head and the eyes. I don't think that's gonna work on an insane person.
Yeah, because you can't just cut the towel.
Don't cough.
I think a knife is...
Don't bring a towel to a knife fight.
Have you ever heard that one?
Let's see.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Sven Stauffels, what's up, man? Can you hear me? Hey, what's up, dude? Yeah, I We go here. We go. It's been stopples. What's up, man? You hear me?
Hey, what's up, dude? Yeah, I can hear you. Can you hear me properly? Yes? I can hear you
Oh look at what I see behind you look at that butch Killigan setup. You've got that's great
Whole new studio decked out with some big-ass butch Killigan illustrations right behind me
Amazing areas on that see see there he is on the
left Johnny that's butch kill again that's great dudes see you guys is there
any way I can see you guys yeah yeah here here let me turn it on there you are
look at that what's up dudes how you doing congratulations on all your
success it has been a while it's been pretty good we actually released our
comic book butch killing well our I should say mine because I do all of it
Yeah, I'm kind of sick of the wee shit. Okay
I've been listening to veto like pitch his comic as though it's like taking an entire
So team to put together
Let's just go with you and your comics. Sven, I gotta say. I'm true, true auteur visionaire.
I do all of it. I draw, I write, I edit the trailers.
It's all me.
And there's two of them in your hand right now too.
You have two comics.
There's two, physically they came out,
everybody got them on time, delivered on time.
Unreal.
Range reviews, number one.
What is that like?
Yeah, what does that feel like?
I don't know anybody who's finished a comment.
Yeah, it's very fulfilling.
You set out on a mission, you make a promise, you keep it.
That's just nice.
Look at how big your characters are on the wall behind you.
Yeah.
That's a sign of a successful endeavor.
Yeah, yeah.
Isn't that cool?
Yeah, I'm going to send, look,
one of you send me your PO boxes?
you'll get some physical copies as long as a
As supplies last because these first ones they're running out right now, but you know, we're gonna we're gonna reprint them with some new covers
Yeah, right now we're doing butch Gilligan number two good for you
So yeah, butch Gilligan is
He's like a he's like a macho eighties style, like
cop who's, who's wakes up in a future where it's like, uh, uh, uh, gay women's
basketball basically runs in our future.
Yeah.
He wakes up in our future.
Yeah.
And that's where the basketball writing this book, I started writing everything in 2017, and I was trying to try to predict where our future was going, you know what I'm saying?
In a satirical way, but I started to realize how our times started to catch up to my story a little bit here and there.
Joked a little too hard there.
Yeah, did the Joker get raped in your world? Did the Joker get raped? Did you see that coming?
The Joker getting raped in a multi-hundred million dollar movie?
I didn't.
They had to run the firmware update with that sequel because people were liking that Joker
a little bit too much in the original, you know what I'm saying?
They had to make him get butt fucked.
Can we say that on here?
Stuff like that?
Yeah, you can say, I mean I I'm not gonna tell you to say anything
because I know what will come out of your mouth,
but you can say a lot.
You can definitely say butt fucked.
Yeah, butt fucked is okay, you know?
Well, saying butt fucked is okay.
You know, the acts not so much.
I don't think that was very respectful of women,
to be honest.
The Joker getting raped, you know?
Why is that on women?
He was, listen, I haven't seen it.
He gets raped by the police officers or something, I've heard,
through osmosis.
No, he gets raped in the butt. Not osmosis.
He gets raped by Hollywood.
He gets raped by the prison guards.
He gets raped by prison guards. Okay, well, Godspeed, the Joker, I'm sure he'll figure
it out. Shouldn't that be part of his motivation. That would be pretty cool
No, I totally totally it's like he gets neutered
It's like they chopped his balls off after they raped him like he really becomes a different person it fixes his mental illness
He starts paying taxes. He gets fixed. Yeah
All right, all right, that's an interesting take I haven't seen it
Do I say he doesn't want to be a joker anymore like he says it in the movie right after he gets raped because I don't want to be the joker anymore
He literally says that sentence. I don't want to be the joker anymore now. Yeah, are you ever gonna rape?
This this movie is a Psyop. It's a oh, yeah, Hollywood firmware update
They wanted to gender undo what the damage they did by empowering the wrong people with that first one
Yeah, they had to make him gay and you know do what the damage they did by empowering the wrong people with that first one. Yeah.
So they had to make him gay and you know.
Are you ever gonna rape Butch Killigan?
Does that happen in your in your comic at all or ever?
Well, funnily enough, the first book, Sulok, first of all, everybody has a problem with
modern day comics and stuff like that of being woke and all that stuff.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Now a big problem.
It's a big problem though, man.
Like honestly, I feel like entertainment as a whole
It's like the entire industry is dying because they pumped all these retards into positions of power
And now they can't reverse it like did you see that?
Shit the we were just watching that in my stream the lesbian tomb raider that was so fucking no tits at all
They made her gay. No the kids shrink and she gets more lesbian as time goes by. Yeah, they made her like so asexual
You don't even care if she's gay. Oh
The name Tomb Raider is now about her abortion that she gets during this show
Does that happen? Yeah
I hope so, I don't know. I haven't watched it. But yeah, no, she does get pretty gay
Yeah, we were talking about two players supposed to be this
Voluptuous vixens kind of stand in like guys used to play instead of like a guy walking around shooting guns
You could look at a woman's ass. That's what two brainers supposed to be
She's not supposed to be this female empowerment type of thing even with Angelina
Jolie dad got it all wrong.
And now she's like a lesbian activist.
It's just garbage.
It looks like garbage.
I saw a couple of clips and she's like just crying
all the time and talking about returning the artifacts
for like cultural appropriation.
Rating, she gets gifted the artifacts
because she's so nice.
Cause that would be racist, of course.
You go and grab somebody's precious artifact. But artifact but they're asking me about gang or ass rape and what's going on
was gonna answer that question go ahead so yeah so look so modern day comics because of this this
Mary Sue problem that we just kind of talked about yeah these characters they become sort of like
propaganda pieces and by virtue of that they can no longer have flaws,
because they represent an ideology.
So to me, the fun part is to put your character
in the most crazy situations to see how he can get out of it.
Because that's sort of what the story is.
It's like a survival guide, kind of, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So yeah, Butch Gilligan number two,
Butch Gilligan two, he wakes up from a coma.
And the first thing that sort of happens is that he's about to get ass raped
but by a robot AI
It's actually funny that you mentioned that
We were just talking about the fucking robot AI's and how they don't work at all and then it's gonna be me
It's gonna be a whole it's gonna be a whole army of sex robots that are just Indian men
It's gonna be a whole army of sex robots that are just Indian men jacking guys off across the country.
And guys like me are gonna be like flat earthers
trying to explain to people
that they're getting jacked off by guys.
And they're gonna be like, no, no, no,
it's clearly a robot, it's AI, man.
You don't know what you're talking about.
It's like a pain button experiment all over again.
Yeah.
Look, even if those robots worked,
I think they did like a trial run
on those robots during COVID. They weren did like a trial run on those robots
during COVID.
They weren't like bipedal walking guys,
but they were like these little carts
that would bring you your food.
Yeah.
And I don't think you get to have many nice things
when you have like a certain subset of the population
roaming around, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, they're not gonna let us have nice sex bots,
are they?
They're gonna be obese sex bots, if anything.
I'm just saying if I have my robot buddy and I'm gonna send him out on an errand
he's never gonna come back he's gonna be stripped for parts yeah that's what I'm
saying okay so your comic opens up where Butch Killigan is gonna be ass-raped by
a robot a robotic nurse I'm not saying he's gonna they're trying to okay you got to read the book but Schilling into to see if he can how he gets a good way to do it I've never been more
interested in a story that's what the Indy comic scene should be these cookie
cutter I mean I heard you digging into I saw him and stuff like that I was kind
of inspired to read it myself
If that's like just if that is the pinnacle of our indie if we we're breaking away to chains of like top-down
Corporate control and we finally get to be creative and this is the pinnacle of it
Yeah, I think it doesn't say much for the indie scene. you know what I'm saying? No, it's total shit.
What do you think about lunchboxes as merchandise?
Yeah, how many lunchboxes have you made for Butch Killigan?
Zero.
And your Oyo's and stuff, zero?
Any thermoses by any chance?
No.
Yeah, but that's sort of the cope, right?
So he got criticized on the art not being that great.
So now he's kind of pivoting,
well, I'm a businessman type of guy,
you know what I'm saying?
Cause yeah, he's just more into the selling lunch boxes,
I guess, than rather than making something artistically sound.
Yeah, it's like a huge missed opportunity.
It's sad that he had to do it all,
that Eric July had to do it all himself.
And he's just not talented at all.
Like he could have easily found somebody who is talented
at least to promote them. He got a little too far ahead of himself.
Yeah, a little too far ahead.
It's not easy writing a story, is it?
It's not. I've been writing this since 2017 and the idea is this. I'm going to have three books
coming out. That's act one, another three books, act two, another three books, a total of nine.
Okay.
And I'm basically writing nine books at once because things need to be set up here and this and that.
I've been studying the art of story writing
for a very long time.
I come from an animation background.
Yeah.
So for me making comics is sort of like taking the weights off.
I can get my story out there a lot quicker.
So yeah, I'm onto my next second book right now.
First book, yeah, when was it on here last time?
It might have been like six months ago. It wasn't that long ago. When I heard
that Butch 2 was coming out, it was it was sooner than I thought it was. So
that's great. Yeah. I've been hearing some things going on here with your co-host.
Oh yeah. Are you gonna be arguing with him on Ralph show on Wednesday? Yeah, thank you
Yeah, we were on kill stream the other day and Ralph brought it out. Yeah. Well, let's let's talk about let's have it
Let's hash this out. Let's talk about indie comics. So yeah, we're gonna be doing it's gonna be exciting
You got to really lay into him because he's so late on his he's like, I don't know a year late already. I have
He's like, I don't know, a year late already. I have his plush sitting here in front of me before his fucking comic.
Where can people go to buy Butch Killigan 2 before I forget?
Well, it's both on Kickstarter and Indiegogo.
So you have my little links. Maybe you can post a link in the description.
I can send it to you. Should I send you some links?
Yeah, send me links. I'll post it I can send it to you should I send you some links to yeah send me links I'll post it with the with the episode you want to pull
out right now or after what I'll pull it up after most of you okay I'll do it
after that you know what wait look I already got it done boom look how quick
I am I'm as quick with sending links as they I'm finishing comic successfully
you see them anyways yes an example here it's both on Kickstarter and Indiegogo and people can also still add on volume one
editions as well.
Yeah.
And they're limited though. And once these run out of print, so these are very limited
at this time. But once volume one runs out of print, these covers will never be reprinted.
I'm going to make a new cover for volume one.
So, yeah, get on that.
Get Butch Killigan one or and two together on Indiegogo and Kickstarter.
Yeah. And should it kind of explain what happens?
Yeah, he does wake up in this degenerate, crazy future.
Explain a little bit about the world.
I read the first one, honestly, I was I wanted more of the world from the
first one was a great setup,
but I was like, I'm blue-balled
because I want to see this level of degeneracy.
Okay, so that's good
because literally the theme of the second book
is setting up Ultra City after he wakes up.
It's going to be mega degenerate.
It's a city covered in an ad-ridden dome
that has 24-hour ads blocking out the Sun
Okay, and he's uh, oh, so you
Satisfying to hear how that you because I really hate when people are like, oh it's beyond parody now because it's not
It's can clearly get much much worse as you're describing. Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah, that's why I'm like, you know, it's funny I'm joking about it so fucking much because it's gonna happen now shit
Hey, well, I've heard Elon Musk talk about this how he would he had an idea of selling ad space in the sky
So that's sort of where that idea came from
Yeah, that's a quick setup
So you but you used to be a DEA agent now in this new world that it wakes up and all drugs have been legalized
They've been made through commodity products, being advertised everywhere.
Everybody's on drugs.
Everybody's wearing little VR goggles with augmented reality.
Everything's paused up and crazy.
So basically he's become obsolete in this new world.
And then the only drug that's left unregulated is the one that he finds in book one.
You know, that mysterious, crazy, outreach. In that coffin, that thing is still unregulated.
So he needs to figure out what that's all about.
Of course, he needs to figure out what the fuck happened
to his wife, his pregnant wife who disappeared.
So yeah, this is sort of like the setup.
And yeah, book two is about the city and the degeneracy
and all the crazy, and I can't really,
there's gonna be Chinese human mosquito hybrids in this world.
There's going to be self replicating, retarded clone workers that get a little bit more
retarded every time they replicate.
Sven, I think you predicted current day.
Like this is insane.
I'm
Self-replicating retarded clone workers. Okay, first every time that's really what we've been dealing. Yes
Also in the Butch Killian universe, there's no more government representation, no direct government representation.
Every branch of government or every facet of society, like healthcare is being represented
by like a cute little mascot.
You have like the mayor is like a cute little owl mascot.
You have to talk to a cartoon.
Okay, so there's no more representative government at all.
It's just avatars and characters.
Yes, at a certain point when Butch has to, you know, you have the trope of like the police chief yelling at Butch.
Yeah, you destroyed 17 cop cars! It's gonna be like this little cute cartoon dog yelling at him.
Okay.
Yeah, maybe you can see him somewhere around it. No, he's not. He's right.
He's off screen.
But yeah.
Okay.
Yes.
Maybe they'll give you sort of like an idea if you have any further questions.
People always say like you shouldn't do like the when you do your pitch document, you shouldn't
compare it to anything else.
But I sort of came up with like it's demolition man.
Yeah.
Meets Jacob's Ladder.
Meets They Live as if directed by Paul Verhoeven.
Okay.
We're getting close.
Yeah, that's close.
They say that?
No, you should compare it to stuff.
People need that.
Okay, you see there's different schools of thought when it comes to that, when it comes
to pitching something.
Some people say that's not a good idea, but...
This is what I want to see in indie comics.
You know? Look at this guy smoking drawing
his own shit coloring his own shit. I killed this one up in one hour.
there's seven or eight beaters here. I noticed that. I was like shit I gotta catch up. yeah that's how this works
that's that's a true artist thing you think you got it kind of be like hunched
over your desk worrying about how you get
to tell your story next, trying to perfect your craft.
That's what this should mean about it.
You gotta draw it.
What'd you say, Dalish?
Vito can't relate.
No, he's slaving away over a hot email.
Yeah, Sven, I was gonna say, you have too good
of an attitude to be an artist, are you sure about that?
You just have everything fucking working
and it looks like you're just fucking like know
what's going on, man.
Yeah, you guys should be more miserable, I thought, artists, comic book artists.
Yeah, I guess I'm a little bit of an outlier when it comes to that.
Most artists that have their heads way up in the clouds and they never get shit done.
But I've always been a guy of the crap.
I enjoyed the crap.
I enjoyed becoming a good illustrator.
You know what I'm saying?
Not necessarily wanting to get my ideas out there
when it was coming up.
So I'm the type of artist who has his feet on the ground
and his head up in the sky.
And I think that's the right combination, okay?
So anybody can have ideas.
There's a lot of ideas, man.
I don't trust doctors or mechanics that don't smoke.
So seeing you smoke a cigarette on stream right now
I'm like, you know what? I need to go buy this comic now. There's something honest about that
Did you see the trans stormtroopers, man? Oh Christ on a pony now, I've not seen that one
What is that? What does that look like a trend? I think that was the character's name. Oh, yeah trans
I think that was the character's name. Yeah, Transo.
They have like a scar across their chest.
Like a lightsaber scar.
It's on the Stormtrooper uniform.
Yeah, it's a lightsaber cut out.
A big plasma thing right across their tits.
How about that? Pretty cool.
I haven't seen that. That's rules.
I can't really learn all about that from the character.
They got her walking around Disneyland too with a big cutout.
That's awesome.
I hope to do a whole extended universe with several books and stuff.
Can't wait to collect the Funko Pops.
Yeah.
Trans Yoda. All that stuff.
Trans Yoda. Is Yoda also trans?
I really haven't followed.
People always go, have you seen this last degenerate crazy thing
I really am not it's too much now. You're being bombarded with like crazy
Garbage all day long and I try to see any good stuff even like there is good
I'll stumble upon something good every once in a while and they don't tell you when I find something good. I hoard it
I'm gonna tell someone who's gonna tell the wrong person
If I tell more people about Gary has demons Gary is gonna get raped in season three
I already know it just cuz I like it. You can't like where do you find good stuff anymore?
I feel like you'd have to be like into avant-garde weird Asian cinema and stuff like that. Maybe that's ruin to everything is ruined
Yeah, everything that's ruined too. Everything is ruined. Yeah, everything is ruined.
That's also ruined? Okay.
What happens is someone sees a Jodorowsky film for the first time and is like,
you're not going to believe what I'm saying. I know, dude. Like we all saw that in high school.
Like you're so artsy and cool. And it's just like nothing's good anymore.
Cause everyone thinks they found the thing, which is ironic given that I'm like,
if I find something, I'm like, I don't even tell you about it.
I'm like, no way.
Nobody.
I'm going to enjoy this until I can't possibly enjoy it anymore.
And then maybe I'll give someone a breadcrumb of like,
hey, look this up.
Maybe.
Maybe.
I heard you talk about how stories are like a survival guide.
I thought that was interesting.
That's what it is in essence. Even a bad story is, in essence like a survival guide. I thought that was interesting. That's what it is in essence.
Even a bad story is in essence a survival guide.
That's the way our brains develop.
Even if your grandma is telling you the most boring story
ever about how she went to the grocery store.
And then I got there and then I forgot my coupons.
And then I had to go all the way back home.
That's a survival guide,
but you always need to bring your coupons
to the grocery store
And I don't forget them, you know, so that is how a story is supposed to work
It's supposed to show you how to survive in the world
And so yeah, what better way to take that concept and kind of fast forward and show people I
Put myself in like a Nostradamus style situation
I kind of predict where the fugitive go, could go, look at it political trends.
And of course I'm going way out there to the point where it gets absurd almost, you know
what I'm saying?
And complete satire because that's the most funny of course.
And then yeah, put that character in the worst possible situations and see how he gets himself
out of it. Yeah. And that's, and book two,
I'm glad you said that,
because yeah, book two is gonna fulfill that itch.
I knew that too, that I needed,
book two needed to be about.
Yeah.
That future aspect.
Yeah, because you have such a specific,
like you have such a specific vision for it
and your kind of satire is like,
I don't know, they don't let your stuff on TV
You know like it's always got to be pot. It's always got to be
They don't let anything close to it on TV really
So yeah, I'm I am I'm really excited to see your your version of ultra city. Oh, yeah
Yeah, I'm gonna send you some physical copies. They're already locked in you're gonna get the rare ones My publisher iconic comic is gonna take care of that. Yeah, and yeah, dude, I'm excited about it
Yeah, hopefully we can get make this
Wrecking pop a little bit. You know I'm saying yeah. Yeah, what about a card? Are you gonna make it any like animated stuff for it?
Yeah
Actually, yeah
Have you talked to Ethan van Sciver about it that guy pumps out hits like his comics go?
He's making hundreds of those guys ride a little bit
I got to call him on a little bit because his thing Ethan van skyver gave a good review about butch kill again
Yeah, people got started tweeting at him and they were like dude. You got to get Sven Stauffels on he goes
Yeah, sure anytime bro anytime. I'm like, okay, let's set it up.
Bro, his crew just makes, they make so much fucking money.
Like if you get on their streams on the reg,
like I bet his fans will lump in
cause they don't have the kind of stuff you're making.
Like the style of satire and comedy that you're making,
I don't think it exists on there. You got an alley there stable
Yeah, you got it just hop on their streams or something because you guys would get along great
I'll hop on anyone's dream, you know
I'll try to force it more I guess
Van Skybury's Dutch I'm Dutch we should be able to hit it off quite well, don't you think?
You'd hope.
Yeah.
You would hope.
You would hope.
Yeah, that would be cool.
Okay, man, give your stuff,
give your stuff and then get out of here.
Hell yeah.
I can't wait to read it.
Thank you so much for having me on.
That was awesome.
I hope I did a good job selling you
on Butch Gilligan number two.
We're going to keep it going.
Both the Indiegogo and the Kickstarter are live and you can add on at checkout.
You can add on the Butch Gilligan volume one. If you happen to miss out on that one, go support through independent voices. You will get this book on time other than 90% of other winkity-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink-wink when you keep their joints bent, like the skin peels. Well, and it's like, if you think of how like a-
I didn't know that, but yeah, I could imagine.
She's down to like her exoskeleton down here.
If you think of how like an old computer monitor ages,
so does the rubber on like a sex doll.
Yeah.
Each time I've seen it, I'm like, oh man.
It's getting a little worse.
The tits still worse though.
Screen's yellowing a little bit.
Yeah.
Was it there last time?
That's fucked up, dude.
It's been there forever.
And I just didn't even notice it last time. That's so mean. You missed the party where it came over. Yeah. Was it there last time? That's fucked up, dude. It's been there forever. And I just didn't even notice it last time.
That's so mean.
You missed the party where it came over.
Yeah.
You and your guys were playing around with this sex doll earlier before I came on or something?
No, no. She's just so heavy I can't move her.
She's like 200 pounds.
It's like a real woman.
You could make a shit ton of money recycling it, probably.
That's how heavy it is
how fat are the women in your comic they're all fat oh i should mention this too and it is just like this like a thing that i might be the only white guy in this new universe oh yeah i heard
you say that he's the only white guy left okay yeah okay let's say that! He's the only white guy left! Okay, let's say that is, he's the only white man left.
Or some other white type of guys?
Okay.
He's the only white man left.
And the women, yeah, they're pretty morbidly obese and freakish.
I saw a stat that said obesity is, for the first time in history, it's reversing and going down,
but I haven't seen, that's not, that hasn't been my experience.
That's like a cherry pick.
Is there like a global stat?
I don't know.
Maybe the average, maybe men are getting real skinny,
because I haven't noticed that at all.
No, I have not noticed that either.
Don't believe stats is what I've learned over the years., they found some new continent or something to prove anything skinny guys. Yeah, okay. Yeah, fuck. No, I don't believe that either fuck that
Okay, have a good one Sven. Thanks for calling it. All right, dude. Thank you so much, man. Peace out
Which killing into there you go?
Cool guy
Okay, I'm just excited that fucking he's clearly
got a defined vision of what's going on in his world
and also has shit out.
And he's sitting in front of a wall
that he may have even painted himself that's like, oh shit,
that's your own stuff.
Yeah, I like that too.
Do you think Vito would post a wall of his house anywhere?
I don't know.
I don't know, Jon.
You have to ask him on Wednesday.
I will.
When they call into the kill stream together.
Oh, fuck.
Mac Delirious says,
bailing a woman out of jail,
how could that possibly go poorly?
Yeah, I regret it.
It was a big mistake.
I should have just played the voicemail.
Just let her go.
Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail, Taylor?
No. No. I don't
hang out with schizophrenic women. I don't talk to them either. You don't talk to them?
No. You can tell right away. You know? You put the phone down when you realize. You get
that first email and you just... You know what she did? The cat girl? This morning,
she replied all or replied all, or replied to,
she replied to her husband's email that he sent her
to like me and a bunch of church friends
that they have in common and like a bunch
of his army friends.
Let me pull up his email.
Like real insane skit so shit.
She goes to church, that makes sense.
That makes sense.
Church and army in the same sentence.
Yeah. Right? Let in the same sentence.
Yeah.
Right?
Let me pull this up.
I don't know.
Maybe I'll read it.
But I really, it's really a sickening move to do that because the, you know, you know,
guys will say any lie to like keep their relationship going.
So his email that he sent her was all full of that shit.
Oh no.
And she decided to just put that on blast.
Let me find it.
Jesus.
Isn't that crazy?
I think that's her name.
Maybe it's funny though.
Maybe I should read it.
Love, marriage, and the future.
See this?
So he wrote her this.
Oh God.
I love you, you're my best friend,
my sister in Christ and my wife.
I know that things are-
That's insensual, sister in Christ.
Yeah, it is a little.
I have to sell her something too.
I know that things are hard for both of us.
I want you to know that I am doing
and have done everything I can for you,
for us, for our life in marriage.
I miss you so much.
I want our life back. I want our life and marriage. I miss you so much. I want our life back.
I want our time together back.
I love you.
We will figure out a path forward with God at the helm.
Now God abandoned her the second she went into jail.
I'm praying for you, for your health,
wellness and happiness.
My honey bun, please be a good girl for me.
Please stay safe and make good,
man, do you see the kind of lives people are leading out there? This is like
This is what happens when you pray to Jesus we need more abortions like yesterday I want our marriage
I want our relationship. I'm gonna do everything I can to maintain that
We have our legal struggles ahead
This is the guy that tried to strangle her I can to maintain that. We have our legal struggles ahead.
Is this the guy that tried to strangle her?
Buddy, you need to get one of those gorilla grip things
and start working out.
What are you trying to get him to do it right the next time?
Yes.
So you don't have to bail her out again, right?
Right, yeah.
You need to start every day, train those hands,
wake up, grip strength.
Take a tennis ball, squeeze it.
You gotta squeeze like a fucking bucket of ball bearings
and just keep like squeezing.
Exactly, get one of those things
that I'm always seeing on Instagram, you know?
Those little grip strength-erizer things.
God damn.
We're a team and you're my teammate.
He's got a lot of metaphors here.
I want you to know that I'm not ignoring you.
I have been advised by both the police and legal counsel that I should avoid communication with you
because we aren't communicating well and neither of us wanted to get into further legal trouble.
This gotta be the guy that choked her out.
Yeah.
I pray that you're safe.
I pray that you're getting your crown fixed.
That's the reason he sent her there. She's like, I'm going to get this done in jail. I'm going to jail.
I'm going to get a trans surgery and get my tooth fixed.
I pray that you're staying sober.
You need to pray harder, bud.
She's not.
I pray over us in our marriage.
I'm fully committed to you.
With unwavering devotion.
And honestly, I love you.
Love.
Don't read that.
Come on.
I know what he's saying.
That hurts.
That hurts.
Again, that took psychic damage reading that sign off.
Dude, I need to see that.
Yeah, scroll through.
Oh.
No.
Hubbins.
I devoured you.
I devoured you.
I devoured you.
I devoured you.
I devoured you.
I devoured you.
I devoured you.
I devoured you.
I devoured you. I devoured you. I devoured you. I devoured you. I devoured you. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
Hubbins.
I'd divorce him right now.
I have to throw up.
Is there a bucket nearby?
I'm going to strangle you!
I love you!
This is inspiring me to stay a single cat lady.
Oh wow!
I don't want to get choked out by hubbins, you know?
Jesus.
What a sign off. Wow.
Hey, yo, baby, come on the hubbins.
That sign, that last word is worse
than the whole rest of them combined.
God wasn't on your thing.
Oh.
The sister in Christ was better.
You're my sister in Christ.
How do you go so wrong in your life
that that phrase comes to mind ever?
He's trying to manipulate her with God.
Well, that's what God's for, yeah.
Yeah, that's literally the creation of God.
No, never, never not done that.
So then look at this, she put this on blast to all of these people
People they know what the total psycho right better go find her and choke her out. I
Mean I don't know if she knows buddy. Yeah, isn't it?
Tesla calm oh boy my god. She said that's Elon Musk. She's like
Text one of my friends like did you get an email from uh?
I was reviewing and she says I don't know if this is I don't know if this I think it's interesting because it's just like
Total trailer trash, you know like Jerry Springer
It's like total trailer trash, you know? Like Jerry Springer.
I was reviewing the Blink footage
and she capitalized Blink for some reason.
From the week leading up to the assault,
what you did was 100% unacceptable.
Yeah, letting her live was 100% unacceptable, I agree.
Why'd she get arrested and not him?
Like he choked her.
Well, good question.
Did she do it first?
Probably. Probably.
OK.
Cops usually arrest the guy, right?
Well, they usually arrest the person who doesn't have any injuries on them.
Yeah.
Maybe she opened her mouth when the cops got there and they're like,
uh, you're going to jail.
I don't know what she said.
Yeah, they're like, easier to arrest her than figure out what the fuck's coming out of her mouth.
Yeah.
Not telling a story, like not being able to start at the beginning of a story and have an end,
should be a crime.
Sometimes you forget the story halfway through.
Nope.
I do.
I have to figure out the story, like midway.
I'm like, how did this end?
What you did is 100% unacceptable.
I will never allow you to do that to me again.
Nothing wrong with a little choking.
Oh yeah, you like that.
Don't you understand?
Our marriage is over, and I will get an annulment.
Your insecurities and jealousy led to this.
Hang on, null was was mentioned take a drink
Oh fuck I should have talked to Sven about no
What's wrong with all now nice he's always throwing a little fit about veto
Me I was like no you can just hate veto you don't need to I hate him you don't need to
Invent that he's a pedophile. Yeah, you know you could just hate Vito. You don't need to you don't need to invent that he's a pedophile
You know you could just call him a fat shit on him
Yeah, like but nulls fat too, so he can't it's got to be like you know
Well, I think if he was less fat than Vito you could still call someone if if someone's number is higher than yours
You can be like you're fat. I look man. I'm a
If your number is higher than yours, you can be like, you're fat.
I look man, I'm not as fat.
I'm fat, but I'm not that fat.
Yeah, I'm not that fat.
I kinda like it when fat guys go after fat guys,
even if they're fatter.
Like I still agree with them.
There's a lot of things that I'm like, you know what, Noel?
Like you're, damn it, like ah, like you're almost there.
He's so funny, but you gotta relax on this hate boner
you have for me.
I'll tune into his streams every Friday man.
I'm just like you know what?
He's funny.
He's awesome.
I think he's fucking hysterical.
And I agree.
And Nick.
He really hates Nick too.
That's part of what makes this stream so funny.
I'm like man you know what?
I wish I had this much energy.
Either I'm older or I've just put too much effort in in my life but I'm just like you
know what man. How old are you? I'm 35 but. Oh that put too much effort in in my life, but I'm just like, you know what? How old are you?
I'm 35, but...
Oh, that's right when it starts to get bad.
You look like a baby.
Thank you.
Being indoors in this bestest filled environment will do wonders for you.
It's your genetics.
That too, yeah.
You Samoans, if you manage to stay skinny, then you're, you know, the sky's the limit.
Then you're set.
Once we become obese, then there goes your suspension in your car.
You immediately look 45.
Immediately lopsided, yeah, it's a whole thing.
I have more self-respect than you think.
Kind of a cell phone there,
and I will never let you touch me again.
Damn.
Be it in violence,
be it in violence or tenderness.
Damn.
Lawyer up, best regards.
And she sent that to everybody, I don't know why.
I love that she used her full name, Miss Mary Catherine.
Yeah.
Is she from Alabama by any chance?
No, she's from hell.
Well, that's my Alabama quote.
Yeah.
That sounds like someone from Huntsville, Alabama.
The devil, when he went down to Georgia, that's where he was coming from. From Huntsville, yeah. That sounds like someone from Huntsville, Alabama, pretty much.
The Devil, when he went down to Georgia,
that's where he was coming from.
From Huntsville, yeah.
Yeah.
Jay, this call-in personifies the inability of women
to tell a story.
Yeah, that's true.
Jay Robb, Ireland detailing that was mayhem.
Charles Shauley, best worst caller since Clegg.
10 out of 10.
Never let her call in again.
Don't worry.
Clegg, what a fucking awful reminder.
Whoever wrote that in, fuck you.
What a terrible reminder.
Video Weejus says, I heard Sean was starting a new duo podcast,
The Disparaging Word, with that girl.
The discouraging word.
It's just him and his guitar.
He noodles around.
While it gently weeps.
And then he stops and says something disparaging.
He's like, you know, it would have been a little better if I just would have sanded it.
I'd have been more patient on the staining or something.
Shit lips. That woman was so bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Mark the Czar.
I know someone like that lady in real life. I wish to never speak to them again. Yeah. I know.
I felt like I had a stroke, disciple of Dagon.
You've done someone like that in real life?
I have not.
You haven't?
I've known a lot of girls like that.
You know, I've never been jealous of anyone in my life
before, but now I am.
Well, I told Dick before, but I homeschooled,
so that's how you stay away from the crazies.
You homeschool and then don't leave your house.
You've probably learned. Worth while too.
At home?
Yeah.
Yeah, just look everything up on the computer.
Yeah.
Learn something, actually.
That's the way to do it.
Maybe I'm the craziest person that I know.
No one can out-crazy me.
Let's see here.
Yeah, more, stop simping.
Oh, okay. Dick, I need you to shout some sense into me. On the last. Stop simping. Oh, okay.
Dick, I need you to shout some sense into me.
On the last episode, when you had Catgirl on...
This is never gonna work.
I felt that feeling deep inside.
That simping feeling.
He's gooning for Catgirl?
It's feeling outside.
She was incredibly annoying.
Probably criminally dangerous and obviously high on meth, but
yet the more annoying she got, the more I get that weird attraction feeling.
I can fix her.
Or ha ha ha, she's quirky.
Terrible terrible ideas.
Wow.
You are the reason that these women exist.
Oh buddy.
You are doing the work of the devil.
Yeah.
God made jobs so these women would die off
and stop breeding.
And you are paying for them
and propagating them as a species.
I need you to tell me how stupid I'm being
because I've been on this ride before
and I know how it ends,
but that doesn't stop the feeling.
Oh no, have you ever known guys like this?
That's everybody in my DMs right now.
Every man in my DMs.
They're gonna save you from porn?
Yeah.
You get that a lot?
Yeah, heck the movies made that joke.
Was it a joke when he made it or was it?
Well I hope to God it was a joke.
Because I don't want to be saved.
Go fuck yourself and smooch this, Sean.
PS, come to Texas, to a live show in Austin
and bring the cat girl as a guest.
No, she was a nightmare,
but your shitting on her was hilarious.
I think that's the simping talking.
Oh no, no, no, no.
On behalf of Sean, I'm not accepting those smooches.
Yeah, you gotta transfer this simping
to a woman who's just faking it
or a woman who's like laying it on thick, right? He needs to quit simping and just fucking start doing burpees
Yeah, every time you feel like simping do some burpees
Just do 10 burpees
You are about to throw up and then jack off not even that you'll be too dead from doing the burpees you fat mother fuck
Well, yeah, but people aren't gonna just do burpees. They will jack off. That's fine. Whatever it takes. Just quit.
That post-nut clarity will save you.
Yeah.
Um...
Mid-nut enlightenment.
Call your mom whenever you feel like that.
When you don't even finish and you're already like feeling dirty.
Your pre-nut haze the whole time. You're just like, hmm.
This is dirty.
Damn.
You're saying transfer it to someone like you, this guy?
Yeah.
Transfer the simping to someone better?
Yeah, save me.
Do burpees.
I don't want to be saved, but come save me.
Oh, you poor bastard.
Save me for a hundred bucks a month.
Yeah, don't do it, man.
You got to go to like a, is there a no simping?
The problem with the no simping groups is they're all Christian groups deep down.
So they're just basically doing what you're doing.
The problem with people like that writing in
is they're just gonna go do
whatever the fuck they're gonna do anyway.
Oh, he's emailing Catgirl after this.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, but he probably already emailed her a dick pic.
Probably already talking to her.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
He's kiwi christened it all over again.
She's shameless with nudes too.
She just blasts them out to everybody.
Oh my God. I hope he writes in and lets us know
that he fell in love with her.
And then she choked him out, and now she's in jail again.
Yeah, if you do hook up with her, put her in the ground.
Don't put her in jail.
She bisexual by chance.
Asking for a friend.
Look, if there's anything you can learn from Fallout New
Vegas is that if you're going to put a bullet in someone's head,
make sure you fucking finish the job.
Yeah.
Because if they come back, you're all of Vegas, all the Mojave is getting ruined immediately after.
Jojo Siwa says, seldom is heard a discouraging word. You and Sean mentioned a discouraging word.
In the most recent episode of Home on the Range, it says seldom instead of never.
Here's an interesting fun fact the earliest
Versions of home on the range actually do say never has heard it changed to sell them. That's the version that caught on
Oh, okay. So that guy did become an asshole over some time
Realized he got told off by too many people. He's like well, you're discouraging all the time
Everyone's like shut the fuck up playing that fucking song. He's like, oh fuck
Unions and Boeing from a Boeing intern, okay
They're making all the planes that fall out of the sky say planes are falling out of the sky
Yeah, it's an epidemic guys falling
Well, we'll find out he's gonna say okay
Hey dick and Sean been listening since about episode 10, love the show. Last week, y'all talked about the dock workers strike,
and I figured I would send an email
talking about my experiences
as an intern at Boeing this past summer,
because the Boeing strikes and the news at the same,
because of the Boeing strikes and the news at the same time.
I was interviewed and accepted the offer
before the door plug incident,
and then began my internship in May.
My internship concluded, and I was promised an offer
for when I graduated in 2025.
I received a call last week alerting me of a hiring freeze
as a result of the manufacturing union strike,
essentially killing my offer as it is now suspended.
Dick, I know you've talked about DEI
being the cause of issues inside Boeing and use the phrase airplanes falling out of the sky
This guy's gonna lecture me about airplanes. He didn't even get not even damn worth hiring come an intern is telling you about airplanes
Yeah, his free labor is no good. Yeah, you know what now can I work for you guys for free? No, not interested
I know there are scary stories about whistleblowers, etc and figured there would be a lot of stress and pressure
Interning at Boeing and I would see some crazy things that I would feel conflicted about ethically
Especially in my role. I got a ton of exposure and interface with managers and senior levels often
However, I do not believe DEI is the issue as you have asserted in your rants before.
There's a lot of diversity, but none I saw forced.
I saw extremely competent people in all sorts of roles,
engineering, manufacturing, safety, quality business.
And I saw people in those roles, age 22 up to 70,
women, men, all races.
And honestly, some of the stupidest people I saw
were a couple of the white guys. Oh boy. Maybe he can get a job at Netflix.
You're telling me this guy-
You pushed the show.
You're telling me the intern who doesn't know shit is saying he saw the best of the best
and it-
Yeah, he had access to everybody, Johnny. All the people of every level. He instantly
knew who was the cause of every fuck up.
Not one of them was like, you know what, immediately get the fuck out of my face and make sure my sandwich is correct the issues that like guys
The it was always the white guys the issues that keep the issues that keeping hitting the headlines to me are stemmed from corporate
Greed as you and Sean assert when talking about the dock workers
Well, yeah, I don't think moving
I don't think Boeing moving their headquarters to away from their manufacturing plant was a good idea.
No. We can see evidence of this as of yesterday with Boeing rescinding their agreement with the Union because the Union demands are unreasonable.
I find that silly because the people who should be paid in compensated the most manufacturing
technicians who people and people who actually build a plane not the countless support functions, engineers, business, HR, et cetera.
In order to ensure quality,
the workforce building should be the ones
who are made most comfortable and feel fairly represented.
Too long ago, I lost my job at Boeing in a support role
because of the union strikes.
Corporate greed is the reason for the bad press
the company gets.
I still, well, didn't they just fuck up
like getting people from space, Boeing?
What does this asshole get from fucking
taping for a company that didn't hire him anyway?
Listen, first of all, it's the, I mean, it's not just
the manufacturing of the planes,
it's the maintenance of the planes.
You've got every airline around the country running
D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I.
The people doing the maintenance on those planes
are what's making them fall apart.
And at the end of the day, but the reality is,
if you're, and I think people either believe this
or they don't.
If you're engaged in any kind of industry,
you're running a business and the entirety of your focus
is not keeping planes from falling out of the sky
or making entertaining content, making,
I don't know, what other industry you want?
What we're doing is making planes
that don't fall out of the sky.
What we're doing is making content that people love.
And then you go, well, are you doing anything,
focusing on anything else, anything else?
Like, wow, we're also running this thing
where we're trying to hire people
with a lot of vowels in their names.
Like, okay, then you're doing a bad job at the other one.
Like, it's not just, you don't have an infinite amount
of time, and this is why, this is probably why
you didn't get a job, because you don't understand this.
As an engineer, it's pretty fucking important to understand the nature of opportunity costs
and the finiteness of resources.
If you're doing anything else but focusing on the main point of what you're doing, you're
fucking up the main point of what you're doing, and eventually, eventually, the thing that's
easy to do will get all of your attention. up the main point of what you're doing and eventually, eventually, the thing that's easy
to do will get all of your attention.
So if you have two jobs, one is keeping the planes in the sky, which is hard, one is keeping
things in space, one is making entertaining content.
Those things are all very hard.
If you introduce a goal that is slightly easier than that original goal like hiring women
Hiring black people hiring people with extra vowels in their names that because it's easy
Because it's easy to do that thing is going to get more and more resources and attention
Until the thing that you are supposed to be concentrating on is only is being done at a bare minimum
To stay solvent and unfortunately with the way the stock with the way the stock market is propped up, that bar becomes lower and lower
and lower and lower and lower over time
until Netflix is just producing total shit all the time.
Every fucking Ted poll show is trash,
but it stays up, but the whole company stays afloat
because the stock market's juiced.
So as these conflicting as these conflicting
incentives compound you are left with a world where nothing works absolutely
nothing works and planes are falling out of the fucking sky that's what you that's
the world you are living in that's the world where you do not have a job so
it's impossible to look at and go like well, you know, I guess I guess it's no one's fault
it's clearly not DEI because I met a lot of people and
They're all competent
but
It doesn't fucking work. Just pointing out that the people with the extra vowels in their names. That's a very Polynesian thing
So like Hawaiians like Tongans, you know all those I mean, it's just as arbitrary like well, we're going up
So what's the deal? Well, we're going after we're gonna hire a bunch of women and black people
Okay
Well, why not just like do you understand that if you tried to go out of your way to hire people with more vowels in?
Their names that you're just gonna put it's the same fucking thing. It's the same fucking thing
You just took your talent pool and shrunk it down to a point where you know
You might not maybe you're not even any good at hiring,
but eventually these compounding effects have a very real,
have a very real consequence for whatever you're doing.
And you can't just unwind it.
You can't unwind it.
It's not going to get competed out of existence
because the company's never going out of existence.
And you don't know what you're talking about. Okay, Dalis, you want to read news for us?
Yeah. I just wanted to say, it sounds like it's women's fault that Blink's falling out of there.
It is definitely, it's definitely women's fault. I don't think it's, I don't think
it's DEI, I don't think DEI is the reason but I don't think anyone... I don't think... people think we're living
in this post-Star Trek society where computers are running everything and we have infinite
resources to just fuck around with like feel good... it's a capitalism system that's based
on entirely on emotions where the result isn't was it productive
did we save did we save energy did we save money it's did we feel good doing this uh well we got the first you know the first black trans astronaut what did that how is that good well we feel better
about it okay that's not a system that's compatible with the one that has worked for us for thousands
of years it's that it does that's not that's not gonna work. Um, but whatever.
What else is new?
Yeah, what else is new?
Okay. Sorry.
Now buy the wooden option.
I can read the news in my dress or I can go put a bikini on it.
You tell us that now? What would you, what would you prefer?
Should we put it, should we put it out to the audience? Yeah. You tell us that now. What would you prefer?
Should we put it out to the audience for a vote?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
I think I know what they're,
they're tabulating the vote right now as we speak.
I can at least, I could read something while they vote.
Okay.
What do you guys think?
The first answer gets it. What do you guys think? The first answer gets it.
What do you want?
Bikini or a dress?
Let me go here.
Just say no to Captain Sabahow, he says.
Yeah.
Dalish, I think they're going to say bikini. I mean mean I feel like I would be remiss in my
The niggler says dress okay dress it is
The niggler says this! The niggler says this!
Okay.
I hope the niggler gets raped.
As long as we're raping Batman villains.
Okay.
Okay.
So, uh, hackers
took over RoboVax
to chase pets and yell slurs.
Can you imagine one chasing
Maddie? I think that would be awesome.
What kind of slurs would they yell at Maddie though?
It's kind of what I'm like, wait a second.
Are you calling her Maddie?
You're like slurs at dogs?
Like, hold on.
So someone gained access to EcoVac's D-Bot X2 Omnic
Robotic Vacuums across several US cities earlier this year
and used them to chase pets and yell
racist slurs at their owners.
Oh, reported ABC News in Australia this week.
Oh, that's why it was okay.
It was in Australia.
So our hackers going to take over the Indian jack off machines and start calling you slurs
and gay and stuff.
That's like kid night writer.
Racist bots. That's cool. That's good. I might get one now. That's fun. Is your sex bot gonna go bad like Kit and Knight Rider? Racist bots?
Hahaha!
That's cool.
I might get one now.
I'm supporting it.
Now it's funny, yeah.
It's cleating my house and calling me a faggot like, uh...
Whoa!
Where do you think you are?
You're not a robot, hold on.
Yeah.
Um...
You're right, I'm not a gay man, I can't say that one. No, you're not
Outland unbelievable
He said he has said hard are on a stream before I
Don't know where he laughed
Monogatly, yeah stream before I don't know where he thinks. And then laughed maniacally. Yeah.
I can say the bundle was this one.
He just drops them.
That one's not too bad.
You can't say it.
No.
I'm telling you.
I'm going to drop it every time I'm here now.
It's like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I'll be back.
You're going to try to sneak it in.
Or that fisherman guy too.
James something.
I forget what his name is.
I say he was Jersey I think. Oh thought it was James Something. I forget what it is. Fisherman?
I said he was Jersey, I think.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
James Something.
Yes.
Great fisherman though.
Man of God.
Okay.
Sorry, Dalish.
Please continue.
The outlet spoke with multiple D-Bot X2 owners who say their D-Bot X2s had been hacked in
May, including Minnesota lawyer Daniel Swenson, who said he was watching TV with his family
when a noise like a broken up radio signal or something started coming from the robot
speaker.
He said after he reset his password and rebooted the robot it began again only this time the sound was clearly a voice
He guessed a teenagers yelling slurs
That's cool. That's cool. What else are you supposed to do?
That's fun. You can't prank call anymore. Yeah, you the robot and call him gay. Yeah, okay.
What's the next one?
I mean, if you own one of those robot vacuums anyway, I think...
You probably are a...
Why'd they get the knockoff?
Well, that's what I'm saying too. If you buy the bootleg version, you're even worse than someone who buys the...
I want a hackable robot!
Yeah, I want it to yell slurs at me while it pranks.
Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like a I didn't I can't believe it said that
My robot yeah
Crazy thing so this one's about hmm the president that should have been
Told wife Bianca, is it sensory?
I think so, yeah.
He wanted to get intimate with her mother
while she watched
Bob Shell lawsuit claims.
So this is why they got divorced.
Wow. Why can't he respectfully
bang her mom? I don't know. Just when I think
I can't like Kanye anymore, he goes
and at least he pulls something out.
Right, he could have just went and fucked your mom. He goes and- At least he asked. Puts something out. Like, fuck.
Right, he could've just went and
fucked your mom. He could've just done it, yeah.
Well, that's because he wanted her to watch.
Right, true.
That's kinda fucked up. But again,
respect that he was like-
I don't wanna watch my mom suck dick.
But he, but that's the thing-
And then I'm supposed to hop on that dick after, you know?
Like, no fucking way, no way.
You're like.
No way.
Okay, that's a hard line.
At least he asked is all I'm saying.
Yeah.
He was polite about it.
A lot of assholes out there.
You voted for him.
There's no polite way to come up to a woman and say,
so I wanna fuck your mother
and I want you to sit in the cuck chair and watch.
There's no.
Well when you put it like that's not polite
Oh hi honey, you know your mom's like really fucking up with mommy milkers
Just like a polite-
I'm just trying to suck on those, is that okay?
Like look-
No!
You're saying that the woman who walks around naked everywhere shouldn't have- should have
had a more clear boundary. I mean this is like, I think most women would be more comfortable with their husband fucking their mom than walking around
totally naked. No fucking way.
Then walking around totally naked? Okay, okay, okay, but that's me. That's different. I know he's looking at me.
I don't want to know that he's looking at my mom sexually people people being naked outside is like their worst nightmare
Nobody ever has a nightmare about someone fucking their mom
People go out with I hope nobody goes to my house and fucks my mom
Yeah
I'm negative. I'm gonna see my wiener shit. This is the worst thing possible
You think most women would rather have would rather either be naked outside or have their
I think most women would rather have, would rather either be naked outside
or have their husband fuck their mom.
Let me flip this on you.
Would you rather be naked outside
or have your girlfriend fuck your dad?
I would prefer to be naked outside,
but I'm not normal.
No, no, see the normal person would go out there.
I would prefer to be naked outside just normally.
Would you go outside naked instead of letting your dad?
Would you rather be naked outside
or would you rather have a cheeseburger? I would rather be naked outside. I'd rather be naked outside or would you rather have a cheeseburger?
I would rather be naked outside. I'd rather be naked outside than clothed outside.
But that's not allowed.
It depends where you go.
All I'm saying is, this is what you voted for.
Fucking moms. Damn it.
He's probably just fucking with her though.
Nah, I don't think he was fucking with her. Kanye's wild. Do you think he actually wanted to fuck your mom too?
That's what my beautiful dark twisted fantasy was actually about, was that question.
Yeah.
You think I could...
That's like catching a car though.
Like then if she agrees, you're like, oh no, I gotta fuck her mom.
I wanna know how hot her mom was.
And now I wanna know, like I need to know, did he ever ask Kim?
Like does he have a thing for his girlfriend's mom?
Did he fuck Bruce Jenner?
Is that what you're saying?
I'm sure he didn't, but like did he think about it?
I thought he was wild.
Bianca Sensori's mom.
You know what, that family is crazy.
He's going to fuck Bruce Jenner back into being a man.
Look for all the shoes Kanye put up,
none of them were ever cardboard.
Okay, respectfully, I would want to fuck her mom over her.
Over her? That bitch was fucking hot!
But that's how-
The blonde was hot.
No, no, Bianca Sensori, the one with walking around with her tits out all the time.
Yeah, she's hot, but like her mom looked really pretty.
Look at his arm though. What's going on here?
She fucked it up bowling. I don't look at his arm though. What's going on here?
No pictures, of course, that's so many fucking words. I'm not reading all that shit
Okay, this is her
Yeah, her mom is hot. Would. Dang. Yeah.
And it doesn't really look like her mom.
Damn.
I wouldn't want her to just sit and watch.
I would want both of them.
Well, see, that's where he's coming from too.
No.
He said get intimate with her mother while she watched.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well.
He's like half.
Didn't work out. That's too bad. I always want Kanye to get whatever he wants.
He's excited too.
Yeah, he didn't get the presidency, so.
Well, he still has time.
Yeah, not this time.
He's not running this time.
He still has time in general, though.
Yeah.
You know?
Right.
Get it together.
Yeah.
According to an 88-page updated lawsuit filed on Friday, Friday October 11th by his former assistant.
I'm not gonna read her last name.
That's a hard fucking name.
That looks Italian.
I can't do that.
I'm Italian but I can't read that.
Anyway, so his assistant, Lauren, the disgraced rapper, 47, reportedly told his wife, Bianca
Sensori, he wanted to be intimate with her mother while she watched.
Per the legal papers, it was alleged West would often talk about his kink of wanting
to have sex with the moms of his romantic pursuits.
So Kim!
He wanted to fuck her mom!
Apparently, yeah.
That's not shocking.
No, it's Kanye.
Yeah, nothing shocking when it comes to Kanye shocking! No, it's Kanye!
Yeah, nothing shocking when it comes to Kanye.
That's the kind of shit that he would say,
I wanna fuck your mom too.
Not surprising.
I wouldn't wanna fuck Ken's mom.
He probably said it like,
he's like, look, I'm really into this,
but not your mom.
That's the real reason he liked Ken.
He's weighing his like, uh... Yeah. That's the real reason he left him. His weighing is like,
Yeah.
Oh, my God. I hope his next relationship,
he comes out as dating the mom and the daughter.
It's probably gonna happen.
That would be awesome.
Yeah. Yeah, I love that for him.
Um, according to Lauren, the Heartless rapper,
why, we know it's Kanye,
why do we have to keep naming the shit that he's done?
SEO.
Sent her a September 28, 2022 screenshot
of a text conversation between himself and the architect,
29, whom he was not yet married to,
where he allegedly wrote,
I wanna fuck your mom before she leaves.
At the time, Sensori's mother, Alexandra, was visiting her daughter, who is in America
on a work visa from their native Australia.
Okay, Lauren claimed West told her of his future spouses,
replied his request, explaining this is what she wrote.
Alexandria's married.
I'm going to fuck someone this weekend
and tell you the next time you're inside me.
On September 13th, 2022, the former staffer claims.
He was asked about an A-list fashion model
he was determined to have sex with is in quote in parentheses
whatever a young a-list fashion model better for me than a different a-list
a-list fashion model how do I tell her I need to fuck her mom bad he wrote to
Lauren what a what a fun life that sounds like well why did I don't know
why he married Bianca.
It's sounding to me like he had two women,
and both of them he was trying to fuck their mom.
Their moms, yeah.
And it seemed like.
None of them would do it.
Well, the way Bianca answered was like,
well, if she wasn't married, you know?
He's gonna have to put in the time
and raise an adopted daughter and groom her
to live this fantasy out, I think.
It's gonna take some time, like Woody Allen it.
It's extremely specific.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
But he dreams big, God bless him.
He really does come out and just say what he wants to.
You gotta give him props for that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Not many men would say that.
They would just like try and sneak their dick in your mom's pussy. So
Yeah, that's true
He asked that's all I was saying early. Yeah, and he's getting he's getting drug over the coals for it. That's bullshit
Okay, what's next? Apparently he didn't stop asking
New Zealand ship didn't sink because its captain was a woman.
The Paul defense minister says, I got women ruined everything.
It sank because she's Samoan.
That was like the really the crux of it all.
Yeah, it didn't sink because she's a woman.
It sank because she's fat.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.
What did they say?
Wellington, New Zealand, New Zealand's defense minister
and issued stinging rebukes of what she said were vile and misogynistic.
Online remarks of armchair admirals.
Oh my god. About the woman captain of a Navy ship that ran aground, caught fire,
and sank off the coast of Samoa.
Oh, yes.
Seriously, it's 2024, Judith Collins told Reporters Thursday, what the hell's going
on here? All seven-
It didn't sink because the captain was a woman.
It sank because they were Samoan, like I said.
And this woman is telling us that.
Yeah.
Like, oh, okay. Did you woman is telling us that. Yeah.
Like, oh, okay.
Did you have a man that you could deliver this message?
Perhaps?
Well, I don't understand.
They still said it sank.
So what do you mean it didn't sink?
Well, it didn't sink because she's a woman.
She's saying.
It caught on fire and then sank.
It caught on fire because she's a woman.
A seafaring vessel caught on fire.
Like, Jesus, fuck. It did sink and the captain it did it did do all
that stuff it caught on fire and sank and the captain it was a woman but
they're saying that that's that had nothing to do with why it sank or caught
on fire I don't know I've had many women pilots
Yeah, and I know they can't land that shit. They can't no they suck at it. This is the yeah, here's the
I don't believe her she fucking she crashed that shit on purpose
I thought it was a joke until they came out and said it didn't it wasn't because she's a woman
She saw a rock and she went
Yeah, like when they're like when you're riding a bicycle and you're like, there's the curb, there's the curb, there's the curb,
women are like, I can't move away.
Here she is. This is the woman that sank the ship
because she's a woman getting a bowl or something.
I don't know what that is.
Oh, Tongans on board. That's why.
She's a lesbian. Oh, it's because she's a lesbian.
That's why.
Make it gay and lame.
Well, and Tongans too. That tends to ruin anything.
Are those like the enemy of Samoans?
Yeah.
Every other island in Micronesia is just like-
Cruel Trolls target female Navy commander Yvonne Gray
after her $100 million ship sank.
Cruel Trolls are attacking the military, Johnny.
We can't have our-
Samoa hasn't bad enough.
The island is sinking
because we're all so fucking fat over there.
You see the system that we're in?
And then we have to get more bad press like this?
Are you fucking serious?
We will not have our military commanders
be getting made fun of by losers online, okay?
Why is she out there risking her pussy?
And then they're like, off the coast of Samoa, like, oh don't say where it was, like come on.
I think it's more embarrassing that they're addressing it.
Like, of course. It's way more embarrassing that they're addressing it.
Like if I decided I was going to be a pilot or go drive a fucking ship, I know the first thing that people are going to make fun of when I crash is, of course she crashed, she's a woman.
Yeah.
Like.
If I crashed my car, I'd be like, oh, you were drinking.
I'm not gonna have a press conference.
Like, I was not drinking when I wrecked my car
on Friday night.
It's like if you watched Vito walk in with a McDonald's bag.
It's just like, mm-hmm.
Of course.
The 75 crew and passengers had to abandon the ship
in lifeboats, but it's not cause, they had to admit that it's not cause she was a woman.
Uh...
What are they even responding to?
Like, what is the- what is the accusation that that woman is responding to because of she's a woman?
What do you mean?
What do you mean? I know what I mean when I'm making fun of it!
You're responding to your fucking shareholders. Like, what the fuck?
I guess the rest of the military.
I think she shouldn't have mentioned, by the way,
that she's been doing this for 30 years.
Yeah.
Like, you've been doing this for 30 years and you still fucking suck,
you can't drive.
That's, yeah.
Anytime, you bring up a good point,
because anytime someone mentions how long they've been doing something,
they're always bad at it. They're always fucking bad at it. Well, I've been doing this for... Oh, yeah
Is that why the AAC is still fucking bad?
Like if you said you'd only been here three days, I would cut you some slack. That's where it's different.
30 years? 30 years and you just ruined a hundred million dollar boat?
Are you trying to unsink the ship by saying you've been doing this for 30 years? That's not how it works.
That takes us back in time, yeah
Many online trolls have taken aim at commander Yvonne who's been in charge of the vessel since 2022 her first ship command
Oh
My god only ship command yeah, jeez what a stupid response. Ah, she crashed ship dumb woman
No, it's not cuz she's a woman. What do you mean? What do you what do you mean?
What do you think we mean? You guys just trained her. You nailed it. Yeah, so then whose fault is it?
It was a mistake even made. The ship just caught on fire and crashed
No, she it's not because she's a woman. it's because she's incompetent and she fucked up.
Like, oh, okay.
Okay, so we're just hiring retards now.
Yeah, good job, thanks.
Who are you, exactly?
You've been training this asshole for 30 years
to come fuck this one up?
Are you fucking serious right now?
We're supposed to have any faith?
Listen, they had to hire some lesbians,
some extra vowels in the name, you know?
Gotta get that ESG score up. Fuck. Okay. Well, there was plenty of extra vowels in the name, you know? Gotta get that ESG score up. Fuck.
Okay.
Well, there was plenty of extra vowels
because there were a bunch of fucking Tongans on board, see?
Did any men crash ships that day?
Not after hearing that.
I don't think so.
I didn't hear about, I would have heard about it.
I would have.
If a man crashed a ship in the entire universe,
I would have heard about it instead of this.
Well, and to be equal about it is-
She should have come out and said like,
oh yeah, well, Bill Cosby raped all those girls.
Like, oh, okay, well, you got us there.
She was like, well, you know, Kevin's patients.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
He did do that.
He did do that.
You got us, that's fair.
That's fair.
Every time-
You passed the ship, we raped a bunch of chicks.
That's fine.
Anytime some guy does a thing,
I'm like, this fucking dumb motherfucker, like you've-
It's a thing with a steering wheel. You don't know how to fucking drive it? Anytime some guy does it to you, I'm like, this fucking dumb motherfucker, like you've...
It's a thing with a steering wheel. You don't know how to fucking drive it. Like, have a, you know... Yeah, exactly.
Water's a scary place, though.
It is a scary place, but if you got a fucking steering wheel, you should instinctually know,
Okay, I got this big fucking steering wheel.
The ship isn't supposed to sink. So you did it.
Yeah.
Now no one's gonna criticize you because you're a woman. We all all know it we know that no one's gonna make fun of you at all
It's because of this fucking lesbian woman shit this dynasty didn't tell us like if you read the article
I think it's literally just complaining that people are making fun of her
Yeah, she didn't it's not that it's saying cuz she's a woman. So why did it sink then what did she do?
They should have blamed a guy.
The whole ship was crewed by-
Yeah, white guy.
They should have found the one white guy and blamed him.
It was Boeing's fault.
I bet it was that Boeing intern who fucked everything.
That's why you didn't get the job.
Actually, most of the guys who were bad were white men.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, who's paying you to write this email?
That's why so many ships exploded on the moon
because of white men.
Fucking idiot.
The thing that got out of there.
And I didn't get a job.
I didn't get a job, but let me tell you
how great this place is.
Let me tell you how it works.
I've worked with everybody at the company.
They all respected me.
They all respected me.
They looked up to me.
My fresh new ideas.
Be surprised if anyone knew his fucking name.
So moving on from that lady who can't do her job
after 30 years, officer sees a bag
with definitely not a bag full of drugs printed on it.
And it was full of drugs, police bureau says.
So don't walk around with a bag that says drugs
because they will know there's drugs in it.
Yeah. Irony age.
Yeah, I'm actually glad that they got...
that this one happened.
Because I hate those, like, post-irony fucking bags.
Like, not full of drugs. Guess what, it's full of drugs.
Like, okay, don't do that.
It's not funny.
People getting arrested is not funny.
Don't push the red button art exhibits.
Yeah.
Okay. Cool, I'm not then fuck you got it
Here's what it looks like
It's so dirty too. Yeah, like you know, there's drugs in that dirty ass bag
I
Don't know what country these guys thought they were living in. What does it say?
Intent to distribute.
There's definitely intent to distribute.
Definite drug dealers.
Jesus.
Officers on Tuesday night stopped a man and a woman driving a stolen car in southeast
Portland.
It makes sense that a woman was there.
It was her bag.
She's the one who bought it off of Redbubble.
She's like, this is gonna be good.
Yeah, this is gonna be so funny.
All of our druggy friends are gonna really gonna love this sense of humor.
It's gonna be so cute. You know, she took little Instagram pictures of it.
Look at my coke in my bag.
I don't care about the law at all.
Big hit in Portland.
Fuckin' good.
Somebody had to bail her ass out.
And they found much more than a stolen car.
The Portland Bureau, the Portland Police Bureau
said.
When officers pulled over Mia Rochelle Baggins Sotos, 37, and Reginald Lamont Reynolds, 35,
near Southeast.
Uh oh.
Dynasty. One sixty second and division they search the car and discovered cash, a loaded revolver,
scales and a bag that had definitely not a bag full of drugs printed on it with drugs
inside.
The police...
I hate cute shit, man.
I hate cute shit.
They always got to tag some cute shit onto it.
Just quit it. Just quit it.
Just deal the drugs, have the loaded weapon, I support you.
Fuck that, fuck the police.
But you had to do some cute shit on top of it, straight to prison.
You had to be the guy who's like,
hey everybody, I'm not on mushrooms today.
And then you fucking were the one that flipped out.
Yeah.
And then fucking...
Ruined it for everybody. Ruined it for everybody.
Ruined it for everybody.
Now we all have to fucking.
Yeah.
Be less cool.
Cause you fucking fucked it up.
Cause you had to make that fucking joke.
You had to make it.
All right.
What's the next one?
Bath and Body Works apologizes,
removes candle with KKK hood like design do you have a
picture of this let me see if I do that's fucking insane
bathroom body works how could you do this what else did they say oh yeah yeah
that's you can't they're so stupid bro no that's that you can't. Oh my God, they're so stupid, bro.
No, that's, that obviously is the KKK.
You can't have that.
Snowed in.
Bath and Body Works is scrambling to remove a holiday candle off its shelves after the packaging.
And the wick was extra black.
Do you think Vito's buying all these he can find so he can sell them later?
Flip them?
Yeah.
For 50 bucks?
It does look like the clan is coming at you.
Jesus.
It's even better, you know, when it gets down
and the flickering of the flame on the ice.
It's a cross-shaped wick.
We must...
The power of Christ compels you.
After the packaging was compared to hoods
worn by the Ku Klux Klan,
the candle went viral Tuesday
when an ex-user posted a screenshot of the product,
which showed the snowed-in scent featuring a snowflake.
I think that's even better that it's called snowed-in.
Yeah.
It's just the white surrounding you
before they burn your house down, you know?
Yeah.
Featuring a snowflake design set against a red backdrop.
That's menacing, man.
That's a scary ass snow.
Imagine this.
Imagine that you're black
and this is fucking candles coming at you.
Imagine your white friend gives you that
as a Christmas present.
Yeah, a white power candle.
Oh man.
We must protect the existence of our bath and body works bed bath and
effigies, yeah, Jesus
bath and racism
However, didn't make a snowflake look this much like a cake
But you can make it more actual snowflake it's not like this the snowflake
It's like remember the snowflake.
It's like, remember when you were in school and you would make the paper snowflakes?
That's what it's supposed to look like. Do you?
I don't make them now, but in school they had us do that.
In homeschool?
In elementary school. I didn't homeschool in elementary school.
Oh yeah, you went to high school.
Yeah, then I got bullied in middle school and I was like, I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. I'm good on that one.
What'd you get bullied for? Saying bullied weird?
Fuck you. out of here I'm good on that one. What'd you get bullied for? Saying bullied weird?
Fuck you. You know, I-
This is-
Right?
I was like, I might bully you a little bit right now even.
What's wrong?
What's wrong with how I say it?
Say bully again.
Bully?
Bully?
Bullied?
Bullied?
Why is it wrong?
Like a ghost?
Halloween, it's like that weird. It's fine. Bully? Bully? Bullied? Bullied? Why is it wrong? Like a ghost?
It's Halloween, it's not Halloween.
What'd you get bullied for?
Um, well, this is the backstory.
It wasn't just like, oh, you're ugly and I got bullied.
It was like, I had these two friends.
Okay.
And...
You guys were actually the real bullies.
No!
Okay. The bully and bully. I got used to them in math class. Okay. And... You guys were actually the real bullies. No! Okay.
I got used to them in math class.
Okay.
And...
What do they look like?
Were they hot?
No, one was really short.
12 year old?
Yeah.
And one...
I think the other chick was Mexican.
Big.
Regardless.
Was she big yet?
No.
Did she have her...
Don't hurt me though.
Did she have her tonsinera yet? No. With Mexican women, they hit a certain than me though. Did she have her, uh, uh, tonsinera yet?
No.
So when Mexican women, they hit a certain age and they-
BWK!
Tonsinera.
Yeah, her tonsinera.
Um, so...
Oh, congratulations! You had your tonsinera this year, I say.
When you meet a Mexican- you meet a little Mexican girl, you know, they're normal kids,
and then they have their tonsinera and they just explode.
Turn into Gru.
I turn into Gru.
You know, my fucking nephew called me this week and said, he called me out of nowhere
and said you should be grimace for Halloween, cause he's also big and fat.
I said what the fuck was this call for?
He just called you for- Why don't you be Liberace for Halloween you
little queer.
You little rhinestone, fucking love it.
You little cocksucker.
Hey uncle, hey what's up, I just wanted to say you should, what are you gonna becksucker. Hey, uncle, hey, what's up?
I just wanted to say you should,
what are you gonna be for Halloween?
I said, why, do you wanna know?
He goes, you should be Grimace.
It would have been funnier if he called you
a big purple asshole and then hung up.
I said, why Grimace?
And he goes, well, he's big and fat too.
I said, what the fuck?
The same one that called me Chungus.
I think you're fat.
He's just a jerk.
That's so mean. He's just a jerk. That's so mean.
He's a poolie.
He's f-
I don't like that you're saying it like that.
Are you making fun of me still?
No!
No, I'm talking about this other guy's doing it to me.
It's not funny.
It's not funny.
Uh...
He's a fucking cocksucker, isn't he?
He's a little fucking jerk.
So you have a phone?
For just making calls? Like, rude calls? It's like a presidential line. He's like, you know what of all the phone numbers
Hey you got your Halloween costume no, you should be grimace
He's big fat too, he's big and fat too
You fat fuck.
Why should I be Grimace? He's big fat too.
He's big and fat too.
You should have said the Hamburglar.
That would have been better.
Nah, Grimace is ugly. He's fat.
I pitched the idea of, uh, for Vito's booty.
I don't know if you're familiar with the other show,
but of, um...
A surprise guest of, instead of the pirate costume,
with the Hamburglar costume.
Oh, yeah.
Just start throwing burgers at him. It was too sensitive of an era at that moment,
at that particular episode.
It's still sensitive, isn't it?
I don't think he's ever toughened up.
No.
Walking on eggshells because all the eggs were eaten.
Yeah, I got an abusive spouse book,
Surviving an Abusive Spouse,
so I could deal with him on the show.
How to survive a podcast with a fat maniac.
Sean can write that book, I got it.
Yeah, apparently, you're not going to your nephew.
Like, oh, Grimace, yeah?
Okay.
You know how many fat women I've called Grimace
in my life, you little fucker?
A lot.
Countless times. More than you could even imagine.
Yeah.
To the point where it's not even funny anymore.
Yeah, you can't even imagine how many fat women I've known
in my life. That's just like if you're strolling through them
just like machine gunning them off,
like those are the first few rounds.
Grimace, grimace, grimace, grimace, grimace, yeah.
Yeah, calorie-mallory. To hear it thrown back at me,
I'm like, oh.
You're either gonna be a force for good or terrible evil.
I hope with terrible evil.
Well, we'll see.
In the face of good.
Yeah, okay.
I'm sorry, Dalish.
What was your...
What's the next one?
That's enough of this KKK nonsense.
Did they get sued?
No, they just took the gas off.
Black people got their feelings hurt. Everyone, pencils down everyone!
No.
They didn't give them 10 mil. What was it, 3 mil?
3 million dollars.
Yeah, they didn't give them anything.
They said just stop having her feelings.
How much was the stereo?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay, Russian officials recommend recognizing anthropomorphic subcultures as LGBT propaganda.
Are they talking about furries?
Furries.
Yeah, do you know any furries?
Not personally.
You don't?
No.
They're cool.
I like furries.
You like furries?
Yeah, because they're either the most disgusting degenerates you've ever met in your life,
or they're like aerospace engineers
And there doesn't seem to be any other type
They're either like or they're or great artists like they're either they're either the worst artists in the world
Or they eat shit and eat come pizzas
or they could single-handedly land on the moon and
single-handedly land on the moon and recreate like the Mona Lisa but sexy like they're the most extremes of our species caked up Mona Lisa yeah caked up
Mona Lisa that's been my experience with them I love them both you know but like
hey man if you want to eat shit and come pizza I'm sure that topic knock yourself
out yeah I'm eating this calm pizza.
I'm piling a fucking Voyager satellite into deep space.
Voyager 3.
I'm crying.
They said the furries are trying to attract children.
That's their problem.
Hmm.
The Russians think furries are pedophiles, I think.
I don't know if that's...
Well, I mean, it's probably true.
A little bit.
I'm gonna say something a little controversial.
I've met more trans pedophiles than I've met furry pedos.
Um, say that slower.
There's more trans pedophiles than there are furry pedophiles.
Oh, okay. Yeah, that's probably true.
Wait, I have an interesting clip that I want to play.
You just reminded me.
Exhibit A, Sonic 2.
Yeah.
That's a...
The actual medallion?
Just chilling?
It's a bummer when they all get the same name.
I guess that happens to everybody though.
Okay, here.
This is a woman.
This is two women fighting.
One of them is trans.
I couldn't tell which one.
Maybe you can.
That's how you know it's working.
Yeah, one of them is,
they're saying it's something about a trans fight,
but I don't know, it's just two women fighting.
One of them is apparently trans.
I'll let you be the judge.
We are on the same page.
If you don't look like a girl,
get the fuck out of the girl's bathroom.
I don't think you belong in the girl's bathroom.
But you wouldn't, my love, you wouldn't know.
A lot of the issues that we're having
is the divide where it's competition, my love.
We're like, we're dating the same men.
We're definitely not dating men.
We are, baby, trust me.
We are.
Yes, yes, we are.
We are on the same page.
Yeah, you know?
Women, they just don't want to hear the truth.
Dating the same guys.
Both of you ladies are dating the same guys, you know?
You're in competition, that's why you don't want them in the bathroom.
That's not true because Vito would fuck the trans girl
because he could get the trans girl.
Yeah.
That one wouldn't give him the time of day.
You don't think so?
That one wouldn't look two seconds at Vito.
That's just one example though.
You know, there's definitely overlap.
Those girls are probably 90% of the guys they're dating are the same.
If she's dating bisexual little twinkie men, then yes.
Who, her?
Her.
Then they're in the same-
That's all men, basically.
No.
You don't think their dating pool is identical
or virtually identical?
This woman?
You don't look like a girl, get the fuck out of this.
I mean, this is-
They're all in New York, supposedly, right?
You don't think people are swiping like?
Is it left?
To swipe to fuck someone?
Here's the thing, if you're swiping like on her, you're probably not swiping like on the twig white girl.
You don't think so?
No, I don't think so.
They have almost the same build.
Look at the...
No, that's like muscle mommy right there.
It's like muscle manny. I think you mean the girls look this is like very
Sloping shoulders the head is back. I'm not saying she was manly. I'm just saying
Look at the way her different body type look at the way her her
Triceps flex as she as she her titties are almost not titties, they're almost muscle.
As she effeminately pounds her fist to make a point, like Khrushchev, we used to do.
That's a very Khrushchev thing.
I often see women pounding their hand to make a point.
Dictatorily, yeah.
Yeah.
Do you also notice that she's groping other trans people from using the bathroom?
She's like, no, you have to be passing like me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes
Passing as good as I am. We got a gatekeep
You belong in the girls bath
See and this is I mean this is shit. You gotta take a shit. Okay
She's has class. She has a very masculine
Feature free features for a woman here the way she's not just circulating with her hand. Oh Yeah, see her on a day where she feature, features for a woman here, the way she's not gesticulating with her hands.
She's not wearing makeup though, I don't think.
Oh yeah.
See her on a day where she's done up for a date,
you know?
And I think she looks better.
My love, you wouldn't know.
But before your date, a lot of the...
Okay.
Just thought that clip was fun.
She puts her hair up, she hocks to us on that thing,
you know?
Don't say that.
Okay, what's the next news story? I did stop on the recording side for that one you know she looks like that girl in
my opinion that type of um this one no the other the other one yeah yeah the
hot to a girl yeah I don't even know her name but we're done with her with it
the halloween yeah I think I think we're in society's done with her. No, they're not.
No, we gotta be done.
No, she walked into her room and the men chanted USA for her.
Really?
Yes.
It's fucking insane.
Like, I just don't get it.
She spits on your penis.
Probably doesn't.
What's not to get?
She probably doesn't.
She spits and like, just the tiniest bit comes out because her mouth's too dry.
Yeah, her jaw probably gets sore right away.
Yeah.
She's like, can I use my hand instead?
Yeah.
After you...
Probably always negotiating with her.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, okay.
How about pussy instead of the hand if I'm not getting mouth?
Oh, God.
Uh, what's next?
Uh, this is the last.
Last one?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Russia declared war on the furries.
That's a bad move.
I supported Putin for everything,
but now I can't support this.
I just don't support anything anymore.
Who gives a fuck, Terry?
How else are you supposed to stay warm in Russia
if you're not wearing your furry suit?
Drink vodka.
I guess that's a good point.
And fist fight people and slap motherfuckers in the face. That's how you keep warm?
Apparently, over there, yeah.
Just drink vodka and you just get in slap fights.
Yeah.
Do you think they'll ever run out of vodka again?
No.
They ran out of vodka?
Yeah, there was a time.
Russia did?
Yeah.
Oh.
That's crazy.
When? In like the 80s?
Don't they make, they make vodka from what, potatoes?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think when they ran out of potatoes they ran out of vodka
Oh, that was Ireland. Yeah, but who do you think makes?
Russia makes their own vodka they don't import vodka from Ireland potatoes straight from Ireland's pussy
No, yeah. Why did I think that you knew what you're talking about?
Did I think that you knew what you were talking about? No, I don't know.
Whoever's in that chair immediately just...
You cannot believe me, but you could also look up later, they did.
They ran out of vodka? When?
Do you think I know the year? I don't know when NOM happens.
What do you mean, do you think? When in history? Like yesterday? In the past?
I like the past, yeah!
When was
Are you talking about communism
Do you mean common then communism they they didn't have vodka
Is that what you're saying? No, you could you may not Google it. No, this is a show
Ran out of vodka when was You said they ran out of vodka.
When was that?
When they ran out of vodka.
Why do you think they... why did you hear that they ran out of vodka?
When did it come up for you?
I fucked someone and they told me.
That was their game?
Baby, let me tell you about it.
They really rushed you, alright,ing you some shit like that.
It turns me on, you know?
Tell me some weird facts and I'll suck your dick.
No, we have a guy who's usually here for that, but he's not here today.
He's in fantasy land.
He's doing his fake guitar camp.
Like, they drank cologne?
Was that part of it?
Or was there any ramifications of the running out of vodka?
I think they were depressed.
They were depressed.
They probably killed themselves.
Because they ran out of potatoes?
Yeah.
I'd kill myself if I ran out of potatoes.
That history's, I'm telling you.
I was a little far around with potatoes too. That histories, I'm telling you.
Can I be part of the basketball dynasty?
So I don't have to know these things?
Ironically, they teach this in high school.
Communism is...
The Russians not having vodka?
Yeah, all the communism problems.
It was in the history books.
It's covered in the Cold War section of the history books.
They had a big resource problem. Don't ask me what the Cold War section of the history books. He had a big resource problem.
Don't ask me what the Cold War is, by the way.
No, bread lines, you know?
Don't ask you what the Cold War is?
When?
That one was Kennedy, right?
Yeah, okay, yeah.
I give you that.
He got popped, right?
He got killed, yeah.
Why do you think he got killed?
Oh no. Kennedy? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know either, really. I don he got killed? Oh no.
Kennedy?
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know either really.
I don't know if I can remember.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's dead so I don't gotta care.
You know what the Cold War was?
They were gonna nuke us?
What was it missiles?
Okay, yeah.
Missiles, yes.
Yeah, Russia right?
Something like that.
Do you know what bread lines are?
Yes? No?
You know how Russia works during the Cold War?
I thought...
I told you, I just thought they were depressed and killing them so bad. I don't know what else they do.
Okay.
I thought they got scared.
You've heard of communism? Yeah, heard of it. You've heard of it. Yeah, what do you what is it?
if you had to describe it I
Wouldn't describe it because I couldn't you had to somebody asked for like, you know a million bucks
What is communism?
He wouldn't got it. I could even just say the word
What is communism? I wouldn't get a million bucks!
You wouldn't get it?
You could even just say the word bad.
Okay, the answer doesn't have to be right.
If they were offering me the million, would the answer have to be correct to win it?
Or I just have to answer?
We know the answer's not gonna be right.
Yeah!
What do you think it is?
You've heard of it.
Communism.
Yeah, communism.
What do you think it is?
No, I have to know. What's the relationship between Russia? Can you come up with any, if I say Russia, communism, Cold War, those concepts? Can you, you know, make anything out of, can
you make a paragraph out of those concepts?
For those listening, I actually muted my mic during this segment.
If I told you Russia was a communist country, would you,
is that familiar to you?
It was?
It was?
Yes.
Okay.
You know that.
Is communism bad?
Is that the one where they want to keep people want to run it
Yeah, people people run it. Yeah people run the government. Yeah. Yeah, and they take everybody's stuff and spread it around. Oh
So you have to share everything you have to share everything's yours nothing is yours everything belongs to everybody
Oh, so like they would they would be like, these soldiers are going to stay in your house,
bitch, because they sleep here and rape you.
I don't know about the rape wasn't a policy, I guess.
Joker 2 hadn't come out yet.
So you think it would inspire them today?
I don't know if inspire is...
Inspire is not the right word.
Okay.
What's the last news story?
Johnny, we have a long way to go.
This is this happened in my lifetime.
Next time, just go around Comic Con and ask people if they know what communism is.
I'm starting to think that yeah, I need to be aiming lower.
I...
Yeah, Russia was communist and millions of people died.
Because they didn't have vodka.
No. Yeah.
No, that's exactly why.
They didn't have potatoes or vodka and they died.
They didn't have a lot of stuff.
It was Russia who famously suffered from a lack of potatoes.
Lack of potatoes.
So y'all want to hear about Obama's call out to black men.
Yes.
Touches a nerve amongst Democrats.
Okay.
Yo, why the Democrats always so sensitive?
I don't know.
Should've started with, at a surprise to no one.
Yeah.
Barack Obama had frank words for black men.
Why are you hating on black men?
You are a black man.
Anyway, who may be considering sitting out of the election?
Part of it makes me think that, well, you just aren't feeling the idea of having a
woman as president and you're coming up with other alternatives and other reasons
for that.
He said Thursday to Harris campaign volunteers and officials at a field office in Pittsburgh,
America's first black president touched a nerve among Democrats worried about Vice President
Kamala Harris's chances of becoming the second black American.
Wait, what?
Sorry, I read that wrong. Chances of becoming the second black Ameri... Wait, what?
Sorry, I read that wrong.
Worried about Vice President Kamala Harris's
chances of becoming the second black president.
Black Americans are the most democratic leaning
racial demographic in the country
with black men being outpaced only by black women
in their support for Democrats.
He's calling them, he's telling them to man up.
Vote for a woman.
Wow.
As a woman, I just don't think another woman
should run the country.
I don't know what communism is.
You heard it here first.
Communism is better than what you're describing.
It's pretty bad.
Do you think she knows what communism is?
That's what the call her daddy chick should have asked Cam.
She should have been like, so when did Vietnam happen?
Let's play the war game.
Yeah.
Do you know communism?
But how would she have known the answer?
That's the issue.
Kamala Harris's dad was a communist professor,
a Marxist professor.
Did I get that right?
Trump said it during the debate.
I don't know, I assume it's true.
Interdasting, yeah, if he said it.
Trump said it, it's gotta be true.
I'm just taking it at face value.
Of course.
Poor black guys.
They get blamed for everything
and now they're getting blamed for not voting
for a woman by Obama.
That's gotta be rough, man.
Why is Obama trying to force people to vote for her?
I don't know.
Imagine that, because it's gay That's gotta be rough man. Why is Obama trying to force people to vote for her? I don't know.
Imagine that, cause it's gay to vote for a woman.
President, obviously. It's like man up.
Man up and be gay.
Oh my god, he basically called them pussies.
Yeah, exactly!
Obama's here, alright, first black president, yeah, what's up Obama?
Hey, you're a pussy, unless you vote that woman like, okay, man, come on
She's like retarded though man like put Michelle put your wife up if you want a woman president so bad like no
No, no, no, not my wife. Yeah, I need to fuck her
The first woman president to be someone who hung out with Diddy.
Yeah.
She's so retarded.
That's too much.
Oh, and let's also forget about the fact
that she doesn't like black men.
Kamala?
And puts them in jail, yeah.
Well, we try to play that down on the right.
We try to play down how much Kamala
puts black guys in jail,
you know?
You're right, they should care about that, but.
If they vote for her, will she stop putting them in jail?
Yes, I think.
No, she's gonna put more in.
It'll increase, yeah.
I don't know.
She won't let all the whites out,
she'll be like, let's go blacks.
Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
Something about that chair, it's fine. That chair is cursed.
It's all the kids' race.
Chair is racist.
So how was your, after the last show,
you got, one of the comments was Maddox wrote to you,
and said that you gotta watch out of everyone on the show,
including me, right?
How did that go? Did he DM you?
So I got sex trafficked last night by you, Dick.
No, I'm just kidding.
Um, he hasn't DM'd me.
Can't wait for that to come out on the clips somewhere.
Thanks. Have fun, though.
I think he's a pussy, though,
because I followed him and he didn't follow me back.
He didn't follow you back?
Yeah, it's like, oh, so you'll publicly talk shit,
but you won't privately have a conversation? What did he say? He said I was like a neo-nazi and stuff
to you. I don't know. A pedo I think. I was a pedophile? Yeah. I don't know that's a lot.
Okay plug your stuff where can people go to? Just Google me dirty daylish and sometimes
on Saturdays I'm on Frog Tony Tony streams Gavin with geeks. So
Yeah, catch me there. I do naughty stuff and I play video games
And Johnny you do some naughty stuff too and play video game. Well, I just do the naughty stuff
I don't play video games. I don't participate in any time-wasting devil worship. Yeah, naughty stuff video games
Come on through, got you.
Anytime.
And you have the Superkiller thing there.
Go to superkiller.org, issue a refund today.
Fuck this fat motherfucker.
We watched a guy come on stream with two comics out,
and here's this guy with a plush and no comics.
He's got merch.
Yeah, he's got merch.
The horse in front of the carrot on this one. Yeah, what a fucking asshole
Can you just leave that in Vito's chair with a knife sticking out of it?
Well, the problem is is if the eyes should be this should be the small head fat body not big head small body
He fucked everything. I want to bite its head
You want to bite that things head off like Ozzy Osbourne
You might bite it off. I just want to take a chomp out of it. Why you take a chomp out of it?
Okay, everybody. That's the show. Oh my god. It's already three. We got to go eat some pizza. We got to eat some fucking pizza F**K
That's sexy bro
Presenting... Oh Grimace can you believe that that little fucker? He's funny that fuck
Yeah, he called me on my phone to tell me that.
On video.
The Crimson Seal on this thing.
Video reaction.
You little asshole.
I wish he recorded it.
Maybe he did.
Dalish please get away from Dick.
We can escape from all of this.
That's Maddox.
Have you seen him?
Have you ever seen what he looks like? In a wig.
In a wig?
Yeah, I saw him post a screenshot from like some show he did.
Slime time.
Here was his, here was his bedroom.
So his house, he was renting this house and it went up for sale.
So they took the MLS pictures for the listing and he, like they cleaned up his room.
They had to clean his room.
This is his room.
Somebody tracked it down.
This is his actual room with shark shit, these shark cardboard things on the wall and no
closet just like a rack like at Walmart and then this gay ass slime blanket thing.
And you see this, how it's a side table,
it's a cardboard box.
On the other side too, I think.
Yeah, on the other side it's also a cardboard box.
It's a little depressing,
cause you could see like the place itself
is probably nice.
Yeah.
How he decorated it.
It makes it look like shit.
Yeah.
What do you think about this?
Slime blanket.
Man brings me home to that bedspread.
I'm walking right out as long as they don't, you know,
murder me right there. Murder you?
Yeah, he's got an oscillating fan here, you know?
Ooh baby.
Pretty cool for the bedroom.
Yeah. Cool things down.
Don't you like that noise when you go in the bed?
Cool as shit. Yeah. Rang,. Don't you like that noise when you go in the bed? Cool as shit.
The fan.
Yeah.
Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
Back and forth.
He's got his podcast studio in here so people could smell where he sleeps.
Does he have cats or dogs or anything?
No.
No, so he's just straight up depressed alone.
Yeah, alone.
Yeah.
Uh.
He deserves it though.
Okay, yeah he does.
He's a bad guy.
Okay, goodbye everybody.