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Oh my god, are we streaming? Yes, yes we're streaming on Vimeo.
Once again I failed to set up a permanent video streaming thing this week.
As you can tell, actually my technical situation has degraded as of last week.
And the general state of the studio here is a reflection of that.
You can see that Vito's booty was destroyed.
There are a ton of pigs.
There's lots of pigs everywhere.
I just got agitated.
Little pink pigs. Did you do this?
You threw them all over?
Yeah, I threw them everywhere.
It's like confetti.
I was getting bored, and so I just decided to destroy everything,
and the technical stuff wasn't working.
And now I'm in a worser state.
My control key is missing.
They squeak.
I didn't know they squeak.
I know.
And they're impossible to not just sit there and squeak.
I sit there during the show
and I try to squeeze it so slowly that it doesn't squeak.
Yeah.
And to see how hard you can squeak.
And you know how fast I can squeeze it
before it starts to squeak.
Yeah, going right up to the edge.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ah, there it goes.
At what point do I overdose?
Long time ago. I died. I'm in hell. Yeah. Ah, there it goes. At what point do I overdose? Long time ago, I died, I'm in hell.
Right.
We're all there.
What are these supposed to be?
I mean, they're too small to be dog toys, right?
No, I don't know actually.
Are they baby toys?
No way, they would kill a baby.
China sends us these sick little,
they're little tiny choking hazards.
Lead painted pigs?
I don't know.
They were a gift from Dan, Destiny's friend Dan,
or our friend Dan, his co-host, to Vito as a mean gift.
And then they happened to arrive on the episode
that Vito first flipped out about how no one can call him
a pig anymore, and it's boring, and he's not having a good time.
And then I was like,
okay, well I guess these are... Yeah, I mean that's... Serendipity doesn't begin to describe that,
right? I guess maybe that I felt dumb having a giant box of pigs, you know, but I didn't do it.
Someone else did it and I get blamed for it. But the timing was amazing. Timing could have been
better. Anyway, I don't... The control... If you happen to see a control key around,
let me know.
You lost the control key?
Yeah, I bashed this Beedle's booty with my keyboard
and I lost the control key, so.
Uh, yeah, how are you?
How are you?
How was your day?
How was your week?
Wonderful.
It's wonderful? I'm having a wonderful time. Yeah? Anyway, how are you? How was your day? How was your week? Wonderful. It's wonderful?
I'm having a wonderful time.
Yeah?
Yeah, totally.
Did you invade any spaces this week?
Or your space invaded?
That's what, that's the name of the game.
I'm not sure if I, I don't know if I-
You're not really a space invader?
I don't know if I would even know anymore. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha This is actually a stupid idea. I mean, uh... This is actually, we don't have to do this, right?
I honestly don't even know...
We don't have to stick women in combat, do we? Or whatever they're doing out there.
Do women... Are women on the front lines?
I'm totally... Do we? What are front lines?
I'm totally... What does that even mean?
Well, no, true, cause I... Yeah, things are...
Are women pretending to be police in Baghdad? Is that what you mean?
Women certainly aren't flying drones.
If there's one thing I can say for certain,
maybe you could put them in combat.
Maybe one of them would get off a lucky shot, right?
And accidentally ricochet off your helmet at the enemy and happen to hit the enemy, you know?
Maybe that will happen, but you put them behind the wheel of a drone? No fucking way.
There is no fucking way. Find it.
You know how you don't have to scare a woman like a vampire with a piece of garlic?
Take out the controller for an RC car
and just walk at them with it.
The power of tech compels you like that
and they'll go, ah, and run.
You're terrified of it.
It's all well and good until you have to steer it
coming toward you.
You know, cause it's opposite.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you, I mean, there's no,
they just can't put them, their brain in another thing.
That's like, if they're,
if you give them an overhead view, it's gotta be dead on.
Oh. You know, they've got to,
they got a kamikaze every, every shot.
Gotcha. So it's gotta be,
yeah, what if it were like the,
what if it were like the pilot's eye view?
I don't, I don't know. Look, I don't know. All I know is we're gonna die debating. I'm gonna die
and then there's gonna be debate over should women be in a fucking war?
No. The answer is no. Obviously.
There's no new arguments. There's no- there never was any argument for it.
Oh no, I mean- We gotta get these broads out there
on the front lines.
I can't fucking believe it.
We have the same arguments about different things
that are the same as stuff before.
Then we got a Congresswoman or a Senator
throwing a fit about a trans woman in the bathroom.
Did you happen to see that?
I did not. And I'm for it, you know, obviously.
I got into an argument with a civil rights lawyer who says,
we got to protect women's spaces, get these men out of sports.
And I said, right, and let's protect men's spaces too.
And she goes, how dare you? I fought for, how dare you, Mr. Bundy?
I fought for 22 years to stop. the difference is those were institutions of power
that we were, that I fought for 22 years
to get women entrance into the boys club.
How dare you sir, how dare, oh my God.
Get the men in the women's sports,
get the men in the bathrooms, fucking deal with it,
put your head on a swivel, you bitches!
On a swivel, you fucking deserve it!
It's very, uh, progressive of you.
Yeah, me! Yeah! Get him in there!
We're having a no-ma'am sit-in
in the Congressional Women's Bat-
No stalls either!
No protection! And by the way,
I'm fully aware, the Catch-22 of it is,
it is, for anyone who want to use the women's restroom is
a mental illness
Have you seen the lines at those things right you go to go anywhere? Yep men's room
No line minimal line women's room line around the block. I know that's everybody knows this so you in your mind is
Identifying with a gigantic fuck-off line that you can never take back the penis
Cutting off thing you get a new penis fine
You know if you regret it, but the women's line thing you you entered once you get the right to enter that line
You're you got to think about you know what I'm saying you gotta think about what you're asking for
You're asking to wait to take a piss once you decide it's time to take a piss
to wait to take a piss once you decide it's time to take a piss. Unintended or unthought of consequences.
You're gonna wait another 30 or 40 minutes.
Yeah.
Right?
Right.
Are you sure, my brothers, are you sure that you want this?
You know?
Yeah.
We've all thought about getting rid of the old penis.
Like this guy's caused me nothing but problems.
Let's get rid of it.
But the women's bathroom?
This is all the fault of the wang.
Think again.
Think again. Think again.
It's a mental illness.
Women w- no woman- I've never heard a woman say,
man thank god I get to use the women's room.
This is true.
You know?
It looks like a disaster.
No they're always jealous.
It's full of disease.
Exactly!
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Welcome to Dick. You want to get in if you think you love it, you got it.
It's a show, it's a contest, give me a laugh from Mount Bunkerdeep in the heart of the city of failure.
I'm your host, Dick Masterson.
I forgot to hit go live on Vimeo.
Fuck!
Joining me as always is world touring LA based comedian, Sean the audio engineer. I fucking knew you know what I have right at the top of my notes. What's that? Remember to go live on Vimeo. Oh no. I should have had
I got to associate transition in my mind with going live on Vimeo. Let's do it all again
Let's do it all again. You see the Jaguar ad? Look at the tell me this isn't a, tell me this isn't a pulled punch
You know you tell me this isn't a pulled punch. What are you looking at? Sorry?
No, no, that's just if somebody texted me something that's
Mildly, you know uh did you know that human beings can smell check this out
Did you know that human beings can smell rain coming like a shark can smell blood in the water?
No, that's you know how when you smell it's raining well. I mean yeah
I know you right you smell that smell right that like, oh, here comes the rain, right?
That's, it's as sensitive, that in us is as sensitive
as blood in the water to sharks.
So then a shark's going around, it's like,
oh, I smell blood, just like that.
And this may not come for a little bit.
And God did this so that women could complain
about raining way as much as possible.
It evolved in women because the more complaining they can do,
the more sexually desirable they are for some reason.
I don't know the science behind it,
but that must be the case or else we'd have a woman
that never complains.
Cause we've been breeding with them for millennia.
And we have chosen this for some reason.
We found the ones that complained the most
and we decided to make kids with them.
Sharks.
Cause they started out the same as us, right?
Basically monkeys running around the same kind of, the same single organism cell, right?
And we as the male have chosen over millions of years to create an opposite of us that
fucking complains all the time!
Especially about the rain!
And it evolved to smell rain from hundreds of miles away and
begin complaining. Some of it's even weeks away. Weeks away. It's gonna rain in two
weeks. What are you gonna do about that? They look at you, what are you
gonna do about this? Hey I can smell that rain, what are you gonna do about it?
Right? Yeah, I don't know. Move. Let's move to outer space where it never rains. You
first and send for me when you pick a nice spot
in the cold recesses of hell. Here's...
Yeah, sharks are...
Look at this.
Sharks are actually huge complainers too. It's a little known fact.
With an R?
Yeah.
Look at this. Look at this.
Look at that rigged as shit punch, Sean.
I mean...
You see that punch?
If Tyson would have landed that punch against Jake Paul, wide open goal, wide open fucking goal.
Jake Paul, he's even standing there looking at the punch
like, oh shit, I'm about to die.
That's what a deer looks like in the headlights.
It's funny, I thought maybe he had a problem
with his right arm, because he threw one overhand
that I remember seeing in the very first round.
And he never, I did see him pull a couple punches like,
you know, you go like, okay, well, for whatever reason,
maybe he's got a shoulder problem or maybe he goes,
I'm gonna get countered, you know, like who knows?
But I mean-
Tyson also-
Man, that's a rigged ass fucking fight.
Look, it's boxing, it's j-ball,
it could totally fucking be rigged.
That's a contract validating punch right there that he just pulled.
Uh-oh!
Nothing's appr-
I can't, uh-oh!
Everything is on the table when it comes to boxing, let alone this fucking spectacle.
Influencer professional boxing.
My innocence is back.
Oh, it is.
Tyson took the money in a rigged fight and would have easily won-
I think he made like 20 million, didn't he? He did. I think Paul was like 40 or something like that.
You gotta give him his video game back. Man come on. Enough with this rape
nonsense. You know how many, there's too many rapes to even keep up with now.
Conor McGregor raped somebody. Everybody in the entire Republican Party.
Oh rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape. How do they have time to run the country with all these rapes?
I don't know. Multitasking. Yeah. There's an, there's enough doubt about the Oh, rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape It's kind of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of, I mean, people just kind of, they appreciate somebody who puts all their shit out there.
Yeah.
Like he, like he-
And he's got those doves, that helps.
The pigeons, the race pigeons, yeah.
It's like he admits like who he is and where he came from.
And it seems like he tries.
He tries to do better and people like that.
I stumbled into Reddit where they're talking about
Tyson's rape and they're all like,
well, you know, he's actually contrite.
And he explained that he knows what he did is wrong.
And so that's why we forgive him.
I'm like, nah, I mean, I know that's bullshit,
but it's funny that you guys all say that on Reddit, right?
You know, he kind of became, for whatever reason,
Jim Gray, the sports announcer,
he sort of trusted Jim Gray for whatever reason.
I don't know why, if he just thought that he wouldn't,
you know, he wrote about him who he really was or whatever,
but I know Jim Gray talks about getting a letter
from prison from Tyson.
Yeah. And you know. And he said, they'll let me out early on parole
like if I like admit to being guilty or whatever.
And he said, I never will.
He said, because I'm not gonna admit to something
that I didn't do, but I deserve to be here
because I've done things that are that bad.
It was like, you didn't get me for the other stuff.
Yeah.
But like, I deserve this.
I have done some things.
I didn't in this case.
Now who knows what the fucking truth is, but there's, you know.
The truth is that he's a bad motherfucker.
That's what all these guys, like Conor McGregor, same thing, it's like, oh this woman's, oh
he raped me.
It's like, yeah, I mean, at what point is it
you bought too many pit bulls, you know?
Like, oh, you were, oh, wow, you were hanging around
and partying with the MMA champ of the world
and things got out of control sexually?
Holy shit, stop the fucking press.
What, can we put more women on the front lines?
Will that solve this problem?
That's fucking unbelievable.
Do we need a magic fucking eight ball
of not getting raped to hand out at bus stops
so this doesn't fucking happen to you?
What the fuck?
I mean, it's, I don't think people do enough
to be aware of their surroundings
and what they're doing sometimes.
Hey, retard. Yeah.
I would be afraid about getting raped
with Conor McGregor walking around.
He looks like a fucking gorilla.
Yeah, he likes to party.
Check out this Jag ad.
Are you in the market for a new car?
No.
Have you seen this?
No.
Jaguar?
No.
More like gay-uar.
Oh.
It fits right in.
Here we go.
They're rebranding.
It's the gayest big cat in the animal kingdom.
Is it?
Did you know that shit about sharks and humans?
That's kind of not really an animal fact.
I figured you were making it up.
Well, someone told it to me. Oh, really? I believe figured you were making it up. I'm not making it up.
Well, someone told it to me.
Oh, really?
I believe that they had done their research.
Haven't heard anything like that.
Here is Jaguar's new ad.
Let's see what you think about it.
It's a prescient ad for, remember the rebrand,
that old dumb tiger, whatever it was, jumping?
Well, it's a Jaguar, right?
I mean.
Oh, that makes sense.
I mean, it's supposed to be.
Well, they changed it to go with the new,
fresh off the heels of Trump's election. Please tell, it's supposed to be. Well, they changed it to go with the new, fresh off the heels of Trump's election.
Please tell me it's a furry.
The rejection of, I think that would have been better.
Oh, that would have been hilarious.
If they had two furries having anal sex.
Oh, well, in the backseat of a Jaguar.
All over a Jag, like cut,
so there are different positions all over the car.
I think that would have been a better ad.
It should be the new hood ornament.
A furry getting ass raped by another furry,
and the furry's like sticking out.
OHHHH!
And the other furry's like,
WOAH!
Yeah, that's- it's not roaring. It's being-
It's being raped.
It's wooing.
Yeah.
Uh, okay.
Here you go.
Here's the ad.
Get ready to get your dick blown off
by these, uh, things or whatever they are.
Yes!
It's like a weird-
That's a lavender man.
Runway models.
There's an old black, uh, they're an old man.
There's some sort of a German man with a yellow sledgehammer.
Now all the weirdos are sitting on a purple gay couch on gay Mars.
Copy nothing.
Be gay.
Jaguar.
Baby, yeah! We're back, baby!
Who is that appealing to?
The baby that the ad director of their marketing company bought from Ukraine.
That's who this ad is for. Here you go. Here you go, little buddy.
Daddy's made an ad for you.
Yeah, that's totally torched a fucking brand.
That's truly like falling all over yourself to show how, you know, whatever.
You know, hip you are to that shit.
This is like boomer gay.
Like bro, maybe this is like 20 years ago this would have been something, but today?
Are you fucking kidding me?
We got congressmen booting trans women out of their bathrooms and you're coming up with this shit?
A million eyes rolled at once watching that.
Uh, I don't even think gay people want to claim this.
Definitely not black people.
Why is it all black?
When are black people going to rise up?
When are my brothers going to rise up and reject being used by marketing agencies in America?
Live vividly.
Like, not even a shot of a car or anything I don't even
know if they make cars anymore you buy these gay guys and ride them around town
yeah maybe and you hit the little button it goes ooh ooh like are we in like is
this oh is this is anybody supposed to know who that guy is because they seem
to kind of focus on a it's an American? Is he painting the... Is it a guy?
Is he like a famous person in like the LGBT community or something?
Are these people...
Aren't they all famous in the LGBT community?
But are people, you know, will certain people know who these people are?
Uh, no.
None of them are famous.
I don't know, like what the...
Okay.
Uh, is this black guy painted blue or lady? I don't here's what I love about this
I think look at this. I just live vividly. Oh, yeah, so this there's he's spinning around right spinning around
Yeah, but then he's like can you do can we get one where you're not looking at the camera?
No, he's got a paintbrush. Oh, it's a paint all your buns unless you get driving faster
Paint a paddle to your buns unless you get to driving faster. Can you get one where you don't look at the camera, man?
I get that you're spinning around,
but don't look directly into the fucking camera.
It's a commercial.
You're spinning around in space.
He did look at the camera, then he looked off.
Break molds.
You know, he did that like 50 times,
and that was the least he looked into the camera.
Then he started shooting cum out of his ass. Oh no.
Because he got too dizzy. He's like,
Oh, I'm gonna lose it!
He started blasting.
Centrifugal force. It was just paint brushing all over the...
We're done with this shit!
Did Jag not get the memo? We're done with all this shit!
It's over! It's fucking over!
It's so transparent and unnecessary to sell
Draper did an ad for Jaguar remember that in the show. I never saw the show you could finally something beautiful that you can own. Yeah
guys guys
Where's the cat? They ate the cat Sean they ate the fucking cat. Yeah, maybe Trump was right
They ate the cat maybe look at this giant 20 20 pound sledge that this weird fuck needs to generate momentum to swing
it in the air.
Oh, yeah, that's quite a...
You're not gonna break a lot of molds lugging it up like that.
You gotta pull your back out.
You grab it from the head, adjust it, move your hand.
You don't be swinging it around like this.
Okay, so we're gonna put her in a red dress, right?
And she's gonna walk out and carry a sledgehammer.
Okay, that's fucking stupid.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
The sledgehammer is painted yellow.
Oh, genius.
Wow, it's like she's breaking molds.
Oh, we should put breaking molds on it.
Absolute genius.
Have you ever seen a yellow sledgehammer?
I haven't.
Brilliant.
I painted all my own,
remember when I painted all my tools pink
so they wouldn't get stolen?
Cause my dad kept stealing my tools.
Yeah, that's a good idea actually.
So I painted my sledgehammer pink
and I fucking busted his ass with,
ah-ha!
That's my pink sledgehammer!
Oh, so he did it anyway.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, you know.
They do whatever they want.
Boomers.
And they continue to.
Here they go.
And they managed to cram.
Look at this.
They managed to see we're winning.
They only put one fat one in.
Oh.
As far as ad campaigns go, fat black women,
this is a very low ratio.
We haven't seen this ratio of people to fat black women
since probably the late 90s.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight people,
only one fat black woman.
That's damn near the actual ratio of them in the country.
Did this guy become the sledgehammer?
He's in yellow now.
Good question. I don't know.
Aguado? I don't know.
It's quite a provocative ad campaign though.
Yeah, sure. Let me see if I can find the guy who...
You're never gonna guess the guy who approved it though.
I bet I will.
Let me see if it's...
If I can find the guy who's responsible for this one.
He's like a gay supervillain.
Really?
Yeah, look at this little...
Make sure you get the dog in there.
Sure.
You listen to him talk. It's just like an AI with all the diversity.
Safe to feel blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
We're done with this shit, bro.
It's done.
Done.
Done.
Done-y-eye.
Let's see what else I got.
This one.
You're gonna hear a video about cultural appropriation?
Yeah, I mean I try to keep up my, you know, my information on kind of
what's going on with that. I think that's probably a good thing. I think that people on North
Sentinel Island understand what cultural appropriation is now. Is there a single
person on earth that hasn't got this fucking message? It's like a, it's like
the buckle your safety belt on an airplane message.
Yeah, we know. We get it.
They're gonna teach us how to use the seat belt.
Yeah, yeah. Here we go.
Oh, let's hear about the braids. Let's hear about the braids again.
Between my last flight and the flight that I am currently on, maybe something changed.
Yeah, maybe you guys got new kind of seat belts. Laser seat belts or three seashells or something.
You know what? I always appreciate it.
You're never too good to go back to the fundamentals, Dick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, you start with your glove touching the ground and come up for a ground ball, right?
Let's go back. We gotta go back.
Yeah.
Look, look, some of you white people, you're still doing the braids thing.
We've gotta go over the braids thing again.
Yes.
For the ladies.
This one goes out to all the ladies.
Some of you white guys are still doing the braids thing.. They're at a, some sort of a. Plantation. Boarding
school slash plantation. I don't know. Here comes a little redheaded girl. They're not
exactly columns or pillars, but they're close. One of them's just going to deck the other
one. They're lining up like a prize fight. White, Irish, man, you know what I mean? Set the face off at the way end, yeah.
Let me tell you a little something from the streets. The Irish people, the Irish people
are not hype on what Israel's doing right now. I mean, they are really not. They're not hype at all.
Really? Why?
Man oh man.
Why Irish in particular?
Because the Irish are native to their lands and they have been besieged at all times by foreign invaders and conquerors and pillaged and raped.
Well, it's funny, people talk about the luck of the Irish, like, and I heard somebody say like, what are you talking about?
Like all this stuff that you're just talking about, famines, like Irish, the luck of the Irish is stepping in dog shit in your bad shoes.
That's the luck of the Irish.
Why did I say that?
The luck of the Irish. Why did I say that?
The luck of the Irish?
Yeah, just like, because they're like, lucky charms and shit?
Maybe, I don't know.
Well, of all the Irish people I've talked to, all of them are not hype on what's happening out there.
It's funny to hear from them too, because they're the only ones who, like,
Irish history is very important to them.
Yes, big time.
They've been fucking disparate all the time.
Yes, yes.
They didn't get no fake country invented for them.
They had to defend it with death and terrorism.
Yeah.
So that's another part of it.
They're like, yeah, my dad's, or my uncle was in the IRA.
And I'm not, my uncle wasn't a terrorist.
So Hamas is like, oh, okay, I guess that's true.
No, I mean, I-
Your uncle wasn't a terrorist. I mean, I know that.
I get that.
I don't know what that means for Hama.
I mean, I don't want to try to guess what that means
for Hamas, but I'm kind of thinking it's similar.
Okay, here you go.
Here's this little Irish girl
challenging this, stepping to this braided black girl.
Here we go.
Oh gee, you got your braids and I love them.
Yeah, thanks. I want to get them done for longitude. I think they're so exotic. Here we go. Oh gee, you got your braids and I love them. Yeah, thanks.
I want to get them for longitude. I think they're so exotic.
You shouldn't. My culture isn't an accessory.
What do you mean? I've never tried them before. I want to get them.
Yeah, I know, but this is for my culture, not for your fashion.
Oh, I'm sorry. I should have known, but I had to learn.
I should have known, but I had to learn.
I should have known, but I had to learn.
What?
I should have known, so you're still a bad person for not knowing.
But I had to learn.
This is the best acting that Iceland had to offer?
This is Iceland.
I don't know.
This is like high school.
Is it a moon of Jupiter or something?
This is high school literature.
I mean like it's like...
Uh oh, what's that?
Oh, I accidentally hit it with my finger.
What is this?
The People of Color Alliance. Oh, I accidentally hit it with my finger. What is this? A bizarre- the People of Color Alliance?
Oh, it's from Ireland! O. Where do they find this guy?
Umm...
He's the Emerald Nuts guy's son.
Is he?
No, I don't know what he's-
Because that is cultural appropriation.
See, no Irish accent. He's not from there.
Cultural appropriation is the act of taking or using things from a culture that is not your own.
Especially without showing that you understand or respect this culture.
Tell me this, are there braids in a job interview
or in a formal situation?
She only want braids because they're exotic.
Bro.
She will not wear them for-
To get this many, to get this many, this much diversity,
they had to do an open casting call for the entire country.
Like...
They're making these poor kids too!
God damn it!
A couple black dudes.
There's like two Irish accents in the whole video.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everybody else is from somewhere else.
Okay, I'm a tomboy O'Connell.
Right.
Why don't you get up there?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I am a Jeremy O'Chin.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's culture appropriation.
O'Chin.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, chin. Oh, chin. Yeah, okay. Oh, wow.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Not all of the ways that you put the messages out there
are equal.
Like, you can, like, there are better ways and worse ways
to articulate the same message.
You know what, just shut up with the message.
Just shut the fuck up.
Is this the most- Or that.
We're doing braids. They're doing braids. They don't care.
Look.
You're gonna stop women from doing anything with their hair? The answer is no.
Don't cut it. Don't cut it short.
Hey, I'm just calling to warn you. I got my hair cut at the-
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh
Unless you wanted to hear- do you want to hear the end of that?
Well, I don't know, we can.
Yeah, why not?
Let's finish it up.
How do you just go?
From everyday purpose.
For Grace, it is more of a costume for the concert, but for Shalom, it is part of her
culture and who she identifies as.
People like Grace can pick and choose what she takes from Black culture as others cannot.
Like Shalom, it's a protective hairstyle.
Sadly, cultural appropriation has normalized nowadays
and many people from different cultures experience it.
Okay, I can't take these fucking brats anymore.
They might've had to go outside of Ireland
to get this many.
Yeah, really, what kind of school is this?
It's like Magneto's, Professor X's school.
Yeah.
Okay, here's, what is this guy, Millie?
Well, women in combat, man.
Here you go.
Women in combat.
Women have been in combat and it doesn't matter
if that 7.62 hits you in the chest.
No one gives a **** if it's a woman or a guy
who pulled that trigger, you're still dead.
So if you meet the standards, our military must be
and always should be a standards-based,
merit-based military, period, full stop.
It doesn't matter if you're white, if you're black,
if you're a man, if you're a woman,
if you're a Catholic, if you're a Protestant,
none of those identification things matter.
What matters are standards, readiness standards.
Do you meet the standards or not?
If yes, Pasco, collect 200, join the infantry.
You know, we don't need an army at all.
Like there's not.
Well, I mean.
We don't, nah, we don't need.
I mean, dick.
We could just leave everybody alone.
Dick.
We definitely don't need women there.
Leave everybody alone?
What's 7'6 when that shot, when that 7'6 too hits you in the chest?
It don't matter if a man or a woman shot it.
No, it's worse if a woman shot it.
Just watch full metal jacket.
She got about six or seven shots at you.
You know?
Right, I mean you weren't hiding very well.
Like the jerk.
You know?
He hates these cans. Wow, these cans.'s guy. Huh. What was that? Yeah. Wow
This one's this one went way high. That must have been some serious
I guess I guess you probably deserve it at that point though, don't you?
I mean, that's just that's probably actually helping your side if you got a bunch of chicks out there
No, I mean if you get you know, if you get plugged after six or seven, you know shots and you're like, you know
Oh, yeah.
He hates these cans and it's like, woman on the other side.
You're whittling down on-
You're probably the weak link on your side.
Yeah, so get rid of you.
Yeah.
So the women are extra hurting us.
Oh, maybe.
Ah, it's just totally insane.
The idea of putting women in the combat with a gun, shooting at guys is just totally fucking insane.
It seems like there's enough dudes
who wanna go play Army, don't they?
Yeah, we don't need women.
Have you ever, there's plenty of guys where I've looked at
and I'm like, man, you're like a bigger than me.
You're like imposing, you know?
I don't wanna get in a fight with you, I'll get killed.
Yeah.
But I've never thought that with a woman. I've never met a woman and I'm like, imposing, you know, I don't want to get in a fight with you, I'll get killed. Yeah. You know?
But I've never thought that with a woman.
I've never met a woman and I'm like, I've met a woman, I thought, wow, you're a big
one.
But never like, I don't want to get in a fight with you because you're like a formidable,
like you're a mountain.
Sure.
In a forceful way.
Right.
Not in a fat way.
Right.
Maybe they're going to send them out, send them all out there in in moomoos and tell them that the Disney front
of the line pass.
Those guys have it over there.
Go get them.
Gotcha.
Roll them at the bad guys.
Okay, Taylor, are you?
Yeah, we could send Lizzo out there.
Is Taylor from PKI here?
Yes, I am here.
What's up, man?
How you doing?
Oh, I'm doing wonderful.
It's great to be here.
Sean, been too long.
Hope you're doing well. Hey, man
Thanks people wanted you to call in for a hockey talk
I was Sean. Are you sure that wasn't a joke?
My hockey I have not been a like a good hockey fan in many years, you know, like I okay
I don't keep up. Yeah, I don't keep up. keep up. That's the problem. It's kind of like-
Who's your team?
You're out in California as well, right?
Yeah, well, I mean, you know, the Kings,
we started watching it right around the time
that Gretzky came in the late,
I think he was traded in 89.
So that was like kind of what got,
that was like the first generation of,
not the first generation, there were actual hockey fans
because obviously we had a team since 67
or something like that.
But they never did shit really until,
then all of a sudden it's,
Gretzky came and it was like, who is this guy?
Yeah.
And there was that.
You're a blues fan, aren't you?
I like the blues.
Is that Taylor?
St. Louis Blues, yeah.
See I was a big-
We got one cup five years ago and I'm like, I really don't have to take it seriously ever again.
Now it's like, no, we won in 2019, bitch.
Like we were good once.
Yeah. Take that.
Yeah. Gretzky also played for the Blues for a very short time.
I remember it was like the late 90s when he joined.
And I mean, I was born in 91.
So I was a kid, but I was playing hockey.
And so I was really excited when my dad was like, Wayne Gretzky is playing for the blues now. I was like,
that's awesome. My dad's like talking with his adult friends like Wayne Gretzky. Can you picture
him in Brett Hall? Another like all time great goalscorer. Can you picture them? Best sister
of all time. One of the best goalscores. He played 17 games for the blues and then got kicked out.
Yeah, he played 17 games for the Blues and then got kicked out. Yeah. Why?
Because we had a ridiculous coach.
Our coach didn't like the way he played.
Was it Mike Keenan?
It was Mike Keenan.
Yeah.
Which he should have been thrown in prison for that, for chasing Wayne Gretzky out of
St. Louis.
He can fuck himself.
We would have had a cup.
We would have gone on the same track record that like the Dallas Stars did in the early
2000s where we'd eke out a cup or two., but no that fucking retard gets rid of the best player on earth
Yeah, and Gretzky was he was he was long in the tooth at that point everything but he was still like Wayne Gretzky
His vision and stuff. I mean, you know a mediocre Wayne Gretzky is still way better than a lot of players and you had
Brett Hull there aren't too many better finishers ever
Yeah, Brett Hull. What about Patrick Waa? Remember when he was talking about like
he was gonna stab that guy he's got a Stanley rings in his eyes. Well no no no
that was that was such a fucking great question. Jimmy Ronick said yeah I would
have scored if that was a you know a penalty shot I scored anyway he said he
was still trying to get his jock out of United Center after getting like he
Wadid get juked out of his skates. Yeah a previous game, but he goes
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't have I I can't hear what Jeremy's saying with my two Stanley Cup rings plugging my ear
My ear yeah
Yo like Patrick Wah, he uh, he was like. I think. Yo, like Patrick Wahia.
He was like the best goalie on earth.
And you know how he left Montreal because he was originally a Montreal Canadian.
Yeah.
Did he get me too?
No.
No, what happened is, as you know, you know, obviously, Sean knows and I'm sure Dick does
as well.
If you're like doing really shitty as a goalie in a game, the thing to do is not leave the goalie out there
and get shelled.
You like pull him and you put your back up in
because goalie is a very mental position.
And Patrick Wa and the coach of the Montreal Canadians
were having like a very visible and like public squabble
because they disagreed about how the team should be going.
And I think Patrick Wa led in like eight goals
by the end of the second period,
which is an unacceptable amount.
That's high.
Even I know that.
Yeah, very high.
And he should have been after like four.
Yeah.
Oh, easily four.
He just didn't have the coach.
The coach refused to pull him trying to make an example
and humiliate him out there.
Oh, okay.
And so after the game, Patrick Wa,
and like Patrick Wa
famously skated off and told the coach, he's like,
that's the last game you will see me in a Montreal
Canadians jersey.
He demanded a trade.
He did it during the game.
Oh, he did.
He walked over from the bench and walked over and leaned
over to the to the fucking president, to the owner of
the Canadians.
Yeah.
Like you can see, you can see the video.
He did it during the game.
I like that guy.
That's so great, yeah.
Anyway, they won two more cups in Colorado.
Are you fighting with Woody now?
Did I see that right, that you and Woody
are having a big argument on your show?
We had, I mean, it was definitely a more heated argument
than we generally have.
I was just on PKA for a triumphant, you know, victory lap after Trump won.
Because these guys and all their J6 stuff, they were all saying, they were saying this
crazy rhetoric, you know, violent rhetoric.
I love when Dick comes on and brings a little honesty and truth.
Truth and facts.
I'm bringing honesty and truth. It's more that California's intent. Truth is facts.
I'm bringing truth and facts.
Them are doing violent rhetoric.
And they're getting people killed.
Did you feel safe?
You probably felt unsafe.
Me?
I felt safe.
I felt like a woman in a bathroom, you know?
There's this big man that's going to come up behind me and strangle me.
I'm just trying to talk about facts and logic, Ben Shapiro style.
And they're scangle me. Did you see that? I'm just trying to talk about facts and logic, Ben Shapiro style, and they're scaring me.
Yeah, Woody's trying to tell me that both sides
need to tone down the rhetoric.
Like, motherfucker, we won, we don't have to tone down shit.
We're actually going to ramp it up.
We're going to turn that rhetoric
into actual physical violence called police.
So you actually need to turn down the fucking rhetoric.
That's what winning means, motherfucker.
We don't have to do shit.
We don't have to tune down shit.
It means we won, you fucking lost, you go to the cuck shed, you put a fucking fork in
it, you shut up, we do whatever we want.
That's what this whole thing was about.
That's what you were gonna do if you win.
Then we have to shut up, then we go to prison.
Then our guys go to fucking prison and get all our shit taken.
That's what this whole thing was about.
It's not about coming together afterwards.
It's about us dominating you
until you rip the power away from us.
Do you not get that?
So, facts-
So shut it and tone down your fucking rhetoric.
So facts and logic are winning again.
Here we go.
Patriots are in control.
So what are you guys fighting about?
Woody's funny, man.
Woody cracks me up.
He's such a nice guy, but it's like man
How did you get how did you get my parents news in your brain?
How did this happen? We're the same age
Yeah, it was it's funny how you know this better than anyone
Yeah, you make your bones being combative and funny in that way on the I like it like I do it in real life
It was maybe.
Well, wait, it was like it was like
it was the best kind of hard you know.
Oh, I got to tell you, last night we're at the
we're at the meetup with Riley.
I'm combative in real life too.
I just enjoy it. I like all these occasions.
I know this woman came over and she goes, oh,
I hate to ask you this, but can I have a cigarette?
And I was just on autopilot. I don't even know I did this. I said, you know what? I grabbed my a cigarette and I don't even I was just on autopilot
I don't even know I did this I said you know what I grabbed my cigarette pack
And I said took it away put it in the other pocket. I said you can have the whole pack Wow and it was empty
No, no, it was and so
She goes and I tied to her but I go but it's empty
Everybody starts laughing and I was like now get out of here scram. You know fuck you
I'm done with you. I need another person for a joke.
That's just boys being boys.
Yeah that's bros before hoes.
Was she mad? 100%
She went back and talked to her guys and I'm like man that's dangerous you shouldn't be doing that.
I don't know if those guys are going to come over here and kick your ass or something.
Or ask for a cigarette.
Turn you into a cigarette, the British kind.
Oh.
Uh, anyway, what's your fight been about, Taylor?
Oh, it was just like a,
I don't even think it was more than 15 minutes,
but like, which is not a large percentage
of a four hour show,
but it was definitely like a higher intensity.
Yeah.
And so it was more about like media
and like the media bias in regard to different
candidates. And I was of the side, obviously, because I'm the right wing one of like, yeah,
Trump was getting hammered by the media. He has been for a decade. Like, and, you know,
Kamala got a very easy ride where they kind of gave her softball interviews and whatnot.
And, you know, edited that 60 minutes interview for all that you. They were clearly boosting her up,
or at least in my view they were.
And then Woody took the total opposite side
where he said the media was harsh on Harris.
Harsh on Harris?
When?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Have you seen the view?
I don't know, disagree.
The view host had to apologize three times this week
for saying that Matt Gaetz has like raped a child.
They had to read- they came back from a commercial.
That's the View.
Yeah, but isn't it funny?
Yeah.
They never had to do- they never had to read on air an apology.
Now they're getting fucking checked.
Oh man.
No, a lot of people point to that View interview with Harris as like one of the campaigns, the start of the downfall really.
Oh really?
Oh yeah.
Why?
Because she couldn't say anything different she would do other than Biden.
Oh yeah.
Dude, isn't that crazy?
Yeah, it was like, okay.
What are you going to do different?
I'll shut down the border.
I can't think of anything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you going to do different?
I'm going to do everything Trump does.
Except I'm not an asshole who everyone hates.
You're not going to get a more softball interview than that.
Yeah, look at this. Look at this apology. It's softball interview than that. Yeah, look at this apology.
It's so great, dude.
Your body our choice, bitch.
Now you gotta say our apology.
So this chick was talking about how Matt Gaetz
is like a child molester or whatever.
Yeah, that might be really loud,
because I have Taylor Cranked on.
Okay.
You wanna take this one, Joy?
Matt Gaetz has long denied all allegations and has not been charged with
Also another legal note yeah read it bitch
Lawyer said paid the woman in 2023 to head off the threat of a baseless lawsuit
Yeah, that's right any wrong do it's right read it
Look me in the eyes while you read it Let's take the libel. Yeah
I'm getting hard bitch
Read it again. Read the apology again that the lawyer wrote. Yeah, it's like Jesse Jackson in South Park. Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, what was the lawyers name? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me what the lawyer thinks about guys. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, bitch
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me what the lawyer thinks about Gaza. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, bitch
What were the other two statements about were they all Matt Gaetz? Yeah, they're all made guess because they can't they can't stop calling him a pedophile
And I wouldn't do that, you know guys gonna be the never turn you never
Know let's see. I got this thing says most federal employees don't show up at work. Did you know that? Can that be true?
I'm not surprised.
Could that be true?
I'm sure they take it.
Federal employees are some of the hardest working people out there.
Yeah.
They physically don't show up.
There's that Vivek guy saying it.
The cost of having all their...
So it's just like empty office buildings we're heating?
I fucking have no idea.
I'm sure they take every bit of time they have coming to them and then some
Yeah
They owe the government owns 8,000 empty buildings
Yeah, that's how that's playing out for us. Well, I'm sure I'm sure
It's probably gone up during kovat and stuff to go back. Yeah, go back to do nothing. Yeah
They could do nothing at home. Right? Right? Yeah
Yeah, go back to do nothing. Yeah, right. They could do nothing at home. Right, right. Yeah
That's cool. Unlike the the transition team not even strictly political but like the Elon stuff. Yeah, it's so
Frustrating when he'll say something that I really like like we're going to shut down this much of government waste and it's like okay How could you be against that and then he'll like tweet five of the gayest things?
Like himself in a superhero suit?
Yeah, like see that?
With Grok like made into a knight and it's like dude you need like a humor consultant or someone there
I would have stopped that from happening if he had me on staff
I would have said he would have been like what do you think of this Taylor and I would have been like stop it
Yeah, that's unbelievably embarrassing. Yeah, don't do that. I've kind of started to like,
how I learned to stop wearing and love Elon's cringe.
Because he's so autistic or oblivious
that I get the sense he can't be bullied
or pressured into doing anything he doesn't want to do.
Cause he won't get it?
Or he doesn't feel any sort of social pressure
or else he wouldn't be posting this gay shit all the time.
You know?
So if he goes like, we're ending Medicare
and everyone's like, ugh.
But so many people will die.
He's like, I know, but here's a grok image of me
wearing a superhero suit.
That makes it all better.
You know, he's like totally immune to anyone.
Maybe.
Suffering, and look at his fucking kids.
He's got all these fucking kids.
He's a fucking bizarre guy.
Yeah, anyway.
Dude, he was like, Elon Musk was like,
like total Redditor style person for his entire life
up until his son went trans and then boom.
That was the end.
Boom, that was the shoe that dropped.
Suddenly you get Elon tweeting pictures of himself
as a fucking crusader in AI armor.
Does his son or daughter now, like,
have they answered to the,
can they even internalize what they did?
Are they on the front lines?
Yeah.
Are they like, oh shit, me being a girl
Irreversibly affected the fate of the entire world
Like, oh my dad couldn't handle it. My dad reacted. I delivered the message poorly to him
You know, it's not a hundred percent Elon's fault. The message could have been delivered differently. Hey dad
I don't want to be a guy, a boy and a girl
I mean, so Elon bought Twitter. It must be shocking. He could be shocking he can and used it to get Trump elected and now owns the world
Yeah
Like we learned about Archduke Ferdinand in high school started World War one and then World War two
Yeah, Elon's trans daughter caused or prevented World War three
However, you or one World War three. However, or one World War Three or
lost it or caused it, whatever happens, all goes back to that incident.
Pretty bizarre.
Oh yeah. He'd be making like fedora tipping tier jokes and like doing nothing to that
if that didn't happen.
He wouldn't be thinking about his son at all. You know?
No, no. Because I know the meme that it's like Elon Musk has fucking 67 kids and it's like the only ones
I've ever heard about was the guy that he like named in Wingdings, which is like what
the fuck is this?
And then the trans one.
Those are the only two I've ever heard anything about.
And the trans one by far first place.
When he's commenting and then he'll be like, the more woke mind virus murdered my son.
Yeah.
It's even funnier now because the trans kid can't switch back
or else Elon's right.
So they're stuck being trans whether they want to be or not.
Because some people regret it and go back.
Well, yeah.
A lot of young people regret it and go back.
Why can't he go back?
Spite.
I mean, just for-
That means Elon was right.
That means dad was right.
Well, there's no fucking way I would let my dad be right.
And my dad is not nearly as insufferable as Elon Musk.
That's true.
No way.
I'd be like, yeah, I'm a girl now, dude.
That's true.
There's no fucking way I'm being a son again.
No way.
You would get too much pleasure out of it.
But could have a different personality than you.
I would guess.
I would guess they have a different personality than you. The girl guess, I would guess they have a different personality than you.
The girl?
Everyone.
Wow, I mean, that's universal, man.
Fathers and sons, even the sons that want to be girls, still.
Yeah.
I don't know, could, you know, could go back, maybe, maybe Elon will go trans.
At a spite, also?
Just out of...
I'll show you!
You know, maybe he was fighting this for years and he was
like holding a mirror up to him, you know, that's why he had to reject his kid because
he's secretly, secretly a woman. What if he was? Secretly a woman? What if he actually
felt like that? He's like using Grok to put himself in pretty dresses. That'd be so funny.
Man, I don't even, does he even have an internalized conception
of man and woman?
I don't even know what my internalized conception
of man and woman is.
Okay.
What else do I have here?
Something about,
oh yeah, there was this guy who California
just took their kid away,
cause it was more trans shit,
but they just took the son away from this dad
so the wife could start doing
puberty blockers and the kid yeah, and the dad was post yeah, right and the dad was posting this yeah like well That's it the son of the state took my son away
Yeah, so it could be chemist chemically crass treated by my ex-wife, and he posted a picture of Shane like he's like
I'll never see you again son,, but you know, here's hoping when
you grow up, you'll like come find me or some weepy shit like that.
They posted a picture of Shane leaving at the end of Shane.
And I'm thinking, uh, I can't be the only one thinking this, but Shane would have handled
this differently.
Well, different time.
Yeah, is it?
Uh, you know, yeah, I... I always have this sinking feeling like,
how come none of these people are afraid of getting, like, murdered?
By...
By the person that doesn't want their kid...
...switched.
I don't know, but I mean, that's possible if that happens.
That would be my concern.
People do, yeah.
That's gotta happen.
I was a doctor, like, you're not gonna murder...
The dead's dead dead right? Yeah, cuz I don't want to get like well puberty blockers are is not a sex change though
I mean like you on them. No why not because I've already gone through puberty
It'd be too late. It's too late for me. I missed my chance. Yeah, I
Missed it's not a sex change. It's it's a change. It delays puberty. That's reversible.
Yeah, but then, no, they're not reverse.
No way.
Look it up.
No, where am I going to look it up?
Look it up.
Look at any fucking medical research thing.
You can't permanently delay puberty.
There's a time, if you stop.
Yeah, you can.
Not if you don't stop in time.
I mean, you're not going to do it when you're like fucking 40 or something.
Well, then how's it reversible?
Because like your body will, body will just look it up
But how do you how are you saying? It's reversible
I've read literature on it. So what if I'm on it for a year? That's why you're the it's like
That's why they won't if you're on it for a year. Yeah, you've already gone through puberty
Well, I'm saying it's kid and I'm on it for a year. Yes. No your puberty will happen
Yes, no your puberty will happen
Life is a video game that you can pause these biological
And then pick it up later like like they like to stay on hormone therapy and
What is the you miss all those weeks and months of puberty if you stop doing it
Isn't the mechanism right which blockers work is by manipulating your hormone profile. They suppress. Yeah, they suppress hormones
Exactly, just like you can just like you can replace hormones if your body stops making them properly. Yeah, that's what
How about we just don't do this to kids? How about that? How about we just don't do this to kids?
There's no way that's reversible!
It's not a reversible thing, it's an unsuppressed thing.
Did you ever know those kids in high school who had like fucked up hormones?
I knew this guy who was like, we were like seniors in high school and he was still like 5'1'
because he had like delayed puberty.
My best friend was a short guy.
All his brothers, all his brothers and And his dad. All over six foot.
Like 6'2", 6'3".
I have a cuck filter on my internet.
It doesn't let you search for CNN shit over here.
I looked at this shit. No, this is like medical research.
Why do I not have fucking...
Who's doing that research?
Mengele?
researched. Mangala?
Okay, salaries, Americans say they consider to be the minimum financially successful.
Boomers say 100,000 a year.
Gen X says 200,000.
Millennials say about 200,000.
Gen Z says $600,000 as a year salary is the minimum you need to be financially successful. Does that sound right?
No.
These guys have some real hopes and dreams, you know?
I'll say.
Right? Because that's like a projection of they themselves being successful.
Isn't it? Or is it? I don't know. How is that number so high?
Wait, what is the, what's the Zoomer age cutoff?
Well, in like, yeah
Born in 2012 so there
There was 15 to 25. Is that yeah 20 late 20s late 20s is the cutoff
Okay. Well, yeah, they just don't know what they're talking about
$600,000 is what they think is like being well off. That's so much money. Is that is that reasonable with inflation and everything?
You know if I was making 600 grand right now. Yeah, let inflation go bananas. Don't give a fuck. I'll figure it out
$600,000 are you kidding? I don't have any expensive options. Good luck for these guys
That's crazy
Yeah, I also have, uh,
let's see, free speech was a, oh,
uh, the police chief of Berlin says,
uh, Jews and homosexuals are
no longer safe in Berlin, he warns,
she warns, oh.
Is it because of Nazis
or because of Muslims?
Uh, what do you think, Taylor?
Oh man, I don't know, this is like a really difficult
quandary. Uh, I say definitely Nazis
You can say it's Nazis. Let's see
Astrid Lee Nazis Jews are no longer safe and should hide their identity in certain neighborhoods. I
Guess that's who do you think's gonna have a harder time hiding their identity Jews or homosexuals? Oh
That's a good question. Yeah, what do you do as a as a homosexual to hide your identity?
Just like take care of yourself a little worse gain a little weight. Oh, yeah, I guess
a little fatter get a little fat issue like you like
Performatively drop a quarter and then be like, ah, it's
for the birds.
You just keep walking.
Is it like in the bird cage when Robin Williams is trying to teach Nathan Lane how to be straight
and he's walking like John Wayne?
Have you seen that movie?
Are you still looking up puberty blockers?
Trying to be not fucking reversible?
What are you talking about?
They are depending on when you take them and when you stop taking them.
Some changes are not, some are.
This is the Mayo Clinic.
Maybe if you start on a Monday and you stop on a Wednesday.
Like you're not gonna-
There's no fucking way that that's good for kids.
No, no, no, no.
There's no way it's reversible.
A shirt is not even reversible.
It's not reversible.
It's a pause.
It depends on how long you go.
If you go too long, no.
But like if you pause breathing,
there's a limit, right?
Where it's very unhealthy to pause your breathing.
Yeah, well, but you will,
if you pass out, you'll start breathing again.
Not always.
Yeah, I mean, unless you have some underlying characteristic
like your heart gives out.
Maybe if you're driving, you won't.
These kids don't know enough about what becoming a man or a woman even means
Do you think that the people saying puberty blockers are reversible understand when a person stops taking
These analogues puberty starts again. That's a this is like Mayo clinic. It's too late. That's what do you mean?
You can't delay puberty by like two months
and then just snap right out of it. I don't know. I don't know how long. I'm just telling you.
There's plenty. These adults are doing are doing weird stuff to kids. There's plenty. There's
plenty of data that tells you how these things work. Oh no. I don't know if you guys were like,
I cut out earlier, but like I knew someone,
I'm sure all of us did,
who had like a hormonal deficiency
when we were in high school.
Yeah.
And he was five one, our senior year of high school.
All his brothers are six two, six three,
his dad's six two.
He wasn't able to get a proof in his hormones.
Yeah, yeah, he had insufficient growth hormone.
And then he started puberty,
had a complete puberty and and he's five, seven.
Like it clearly matters.
Like he had more growth potential in him.
He just had a big stuff.
Yeah, but that's what I mean.
But they gave him what he needed.
And he got taller than he would have gotten.
I'm just saying that like,
this is what the research shows.
Man, kids can't consent to that shit though.
You cannot consent as a kid,
you can't consent to having your pooping pause.
There's no way.
You have to show a doctor like,
you've got to basically either
convince someone or fool someone.
In order to even be-
You mean your mom does.
Your mom has to go in and-
Yeah, or that-
You confuse the doctor.
Or that.
Your BPD mom.
Or that.
Yeah, your fucking psycho mom.
I'm just telling you that by starting those things
doesn't kill every chance of everything.
This is like the lobotomy of our time.
Yeah.
Everyone back then was saying, this is totally normal.
Look how much more this guy smiles.
Sure, he drools a lot and stares at paint drying,
but he's happier.
And all the medical research at the time
said that was a beneficial thing,
that it helped families, that it helped financially,
that it helped reduce the people around him.
There's a lot of pushback against lobotomies at the time.
There's a lot of pushback against that.
Yeah, there's a lot of pushback against that.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
There's like a, I'm just saying.
I mean, I agree with you that what you're reading is accurate,
but I don't think it's being used like that.
Oh, I have no idea exactly how it's being used.
If you're not supposed to, it's supposed to give you time to figure stuff out.
That's how they're supposed to be used.
That's what adulthood is for.
Yeah.
Not pure read.
That's what adulthood is for. That's right. That's what adulthood is for.
That's what you're getting.
Pre-pubescent, but it's like,
but at the bigger picture, that's a,
pre-puberty, I don't see how you can make
an informed decision on really anything.
No.
Yeah, you definitely can't.
You can't gamble or smoke cigs or like,
they uplay.
I'm talking medicinally, hormonally.
That's what I'm saying is,
what I'm saying is accurate.
Yeah, yeah, I agree with that.
Yeah.
I think it should be a fucking crime.
That's all I'm saying.
People are doing it.
It's not the same as castration, was my original point.
Okay, okay.
That was my original point.
It is on a long run though, right?
If you let it go all the way. Certainly, okay, okay. That was my original point. It is on a long run though, right? If you let it go all the way.
It certainly could be, yeah.
Yeah.
At some point, yeah, at some point it's going to do irreversible stuff.
It's just, I don't think you should be doing this to kids.
They don't know what they want.
I mean, I tend to be in that camp.
I don't even care about the kids.
I just don't want these women getting one over on everybody, you know?
It would have to be, yes, I know.
The moms, that's what pisses me off.
It would have to be a very, very compelling...
Like a little kid that's like, ooo, hello, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, o like, oh yeah, identifies as a girl.
Why are you just like, I could have told you that.
Like there's just something very, very different
about this kid.
So you'd be like a less hairy adult then?
Probably.
Like okay, big whoopty fucking do.
Sure, maybe not get the big jaw,
all the stuff that like testosterone triggers.
Yeah, sorry you're ugly then.
Yeah, but you're ugly then. Yeah, you know.
Sucks.
Sorry you have weak little fat shoulders
because your mom tricked the doctor.
And now you're 5'2".
Well no, I think they like that though.
Oh god.
I was meaning for someone who decided they wanted to be a boy at the end of it.
Well then, yeah, yeah, possibly that.
Sorry, you should yeah, possibly that.
Sorry, you should have thought about this. We gotta give these little boys roids, you know?
I'm fine with that.
Let's be low.
Let's be low.
Think about how people's heads change,
and you know what I mean?
Like I think Barry Bonds couldn't fit in a helmet
by the end of his career.
Yeah, that's what we need.
Yeah, I mean-
Juiced out Uber Chuck Jacks.
Joe Rogan?
Joe Rogan. Look at his head. I need a 13 year old boy out Uber. Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan. Look at this.
I need a little, I need a 13 year old boy that looks like Joe Rogan.
Yeah.
You know, a foot looks like a little foot.
Yeah.
With arms.
Yeah.
Uh, but here's a, uh, you know, stuff like, um, you were talking about stature, uh, Taylor
and that's true because when you're, you know, when you're, when the growing portion of your
bones, you know, clothes or whatever, that is going to be, yeah,
you're not going to really get to do anything after that.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's where you,
unless you like are rich enough to go get that,
the lengthening Chinese leg lengthening surgery.
And even then you're going to have weird little T-Rex arms
that aren't portioned in.
Well you got to get them.
I did get a guy in my discord got that.
Yeah. We've talked to him.
Yeah. Oh, how did it look? He loves it. He says Discord got that. Yeah, we've talked to him. Yeah.
Oh, how did it look?
He loves it.
He says it's awesome.
Yeah, he went to India, I think.
He sent me a naked, totally naked picture of himself.
Did he really?
Every possible, no.
I was going to say.
I was going to be like, this guy rules.
What are you fucking hating on the leg surgery, Taylor?
You're just jealous because they don't have like a head shrinking surgery.
What, does Taylor have a big head?
You can't even fit in the fucking frame
I mean who doesn't wear an eight and a half hat?
You know half I don't even know I don't even know what that means
He shops at the head store. Yeah, eight and a half is gigantic. They don't even make that
It would be like an infinifat but for a head
Jesus. Oh, yeah. I mean it's difficult for me to get
Halloween costumes. They say one size fits all. I know that, you know, that's my oppression.
Are you tall? Are you a tall guy? Every one of his shirts, the neck hole is all stretched
out. If you look at him, they're all like loose. Around the neck? Around the neck. They're
not that loose. They're a little loose. They're a little bacon-ed, if you must know. But not horribly. Yeah, bacon-ed. That's what they are, you know? They're ripples.
Yeah. Yeah, anyway. Oh, I got a... Somebody sent me salvage, too. Anyway.
Oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, Taylor. I didn't start reading it.
Salvage. Salvage is Eric July's... He got made fun of so hard by me that he took a break from writing comics
and decided to write like a 10 page comic and sneak it into his magazine.
The Rippazine.
Rippazine. Is there a fan base for this or is it like a wishful thinking
investor that's funding it?
Like, what's who's the target buyer for these comic books?
Dude, they're like, they're weirdos.
The guys buying his comic books are like,
a lot of them are very poor.
Like they're buying his shit with financing.
They, it has like, buy it in four installments.
Yeah, it is really fucked.
They're like waiting on checks to buy these $30 comics.
I think it's mostly they think a black guy,
it's cool that he's into their hobby.
And that's why they're supporting it.
Okay.
Well, that's pretty embarrassing.
Like a fetish.
There's tons of black guys into like Dragon Ball Z
and like Street Fighter and stuff.
Why don't they,
they should go follow one of those black guys.
I don't know.
It's weird how he treats his audience
He'll go on the he'll find his like weirdest most freakish supporters and go on their streams for like three hours
To kind of turn them into like devotees and acolytes and then they go on the internet and just attack everybody
It's really it's weird. It's a really weird. Is it still making him a lot of money? I don't know.
He hired like-
A lot of people have jumped ship
after the first couple of I saw him episodes, haven't they?
Oh yeah.
They would have to.
Yeah, it goes down every everyone.
I saw a picture you tweeted where it was like the art.
And it was to me, untrained eye,
like looked like just an AI hand of like,
he's like a guy, a superhero with two hands clasped in front of him seated.
How many fingers has that guy got?
It has like eight or nine fingers. It looks ridiculous.
So that's obviously like AI.
I mean...
It's got six fingers?
Either the guy's never like inked something before or it's AI.
Or is that supposed to be a...
It's a guy sitting there. Have you ever sat like this and all your fingers get merged together?
No, is that like supposed to be like a center line of one thing?
Does he, is he actually supposed to have that many fingers or is that just like, like a
weird reflection of like metal on his hand, you know, for there's-
No, he's just sitting there normally.
See?
I just mean the fingers.
This is supposed to be-
Is it bad purport- like is it bad perspective?
Is his ring finger huge?
So this either one of two things happened.
Yes.
Either the inker got this pencils
and they inked it so poorly
that the inker didn't even know these hands,
how hands were supposed to look.
Yeah.
Or two, the inker ran the pencils through AI
to ink and color it.
And the AI obviously doesn't know how hands are supposed to look.
So either a human didn't know how hands are supposed to look...
Anchor sounds like a slur.
This anchor. This ignorant anchor.
But now I'm arguing, you know the fucking,
remember when, like, that injustice video game?
With DC, all the DC heroes fighting each other?
Oh, yeah, well, yeah, okay.
I'm fucking arguing with the guy who drew that,
famous comic book guy, that this is shit.
This morning. He's like, oh no, that's not AI.
That's retarded. That's not retarded to say this is AI.
It's got a bunch, it's got a fucking mess of fingers
sticking out of this guy's hand.
An artist looked at that and saw like, a weird number of fingers
in like a melded together hand and defended it.
Yes.
It's so weird.
Yeah, it is weird.
Huh.
I'm not crazy.
No, you're certainly not.
Um...
The sanest man I've ever spoken to.
I'm just upset about all these fingers getting merged together.
I hope you uh...
Dude, it feels like this has been going for like a couple years.
This guy's running their quality control, Sean.
How about... Laser eyes here is running their quality control, Sean.
Laser eyes here is running their quality control over the Ripperverse.
The guy who bounced Riley.
Yes, that's the guy.
He's got one eye on the business and one eye on the future.
One eye on the money and one eye on the prize.
Gotcha.
Well, that's success.
That's how you, that's success. That's how you, that's how you, that's how you be successful. Is he still making like, egregious grammatical errors in the text
of his comic book? Oh, yeah, he's illiterate. Just like randomly inserted com, like have you ever read
like a passage from someone who's really trying to seem like they know how to write? Yes. And
it's like, what's this comma doing here? Like, did you take a breath when writing it
and you think that's when a comma goes?
Here, I'll read the first sentence of salvage
or whatever it's called, the ripazine.
He says, this is the salvage guy talking in the comic.
Please let me formally introduce myself.
You can just call me Salvage.
Okay. That's not a formal introduction.
No, it's not!
Right.
Retard.
Right.
Retard. My name is blah blah blah blah.
My name's Salvage.
You can call me Salvage.
Yes.
Please let me formally introduce myself.
You can call me fucking Johnny the Rapist.
Okay, that's not a formal introduction, dude.
You can just call me Salvage and I...
You can just call me Salvage? What does that mean? That's not a formal introduction, dude. You can just call me salvage and I you can just call me salvage
What does that mean? Yeah, that's not your name. Well, because you kind of like
Right
You can just call me salvage yes, you can call me my name is Johnny salvage opulence the fourth
Do you can just call me salvage? Right?
Yeah
So one sentence retard a bit of a mullet of a sentence where it like tells you formality and then gives you casual.
Poorly phrased by the way.
You can just call me salvage and I keep my ear to the streets.
I can almost guarantee you results.
So you can't...
Almost guarantee.
Now this guy plays for keeps.
That's what I want to hear from a superhero that I'm conscripting to catch a rapist that he can almost guarantee results
I can almost guarantee results. What do you got? You got a piece in the Middle East? I can almost guarantee results
Oh, what'd you do? Nothing. Yeah
I didn't guarantee the result. I can almost guarantee
I can almost guarantee results, but I am a specialist.
What does that mean?
Almost guaranteeing?
But I am a specialist.
Ellipses.
There's more to this sentence.
Oh yeah, okay.
But I am a specialist.
If there's theft involved, you've come to the right place.
Okay, never finished the sentence.
Yeah.
See?
Yeah.
He's fucking stupid.
This is how I felt with the last one,
that I was like, I had to reread every page
like four and five times.
I'm still not sure I kind of understood
everything that was going on.
Yeah.
It just hurt my brain to try to...
I need that grandma from airplane
to come in and translate for me.
Yeah, I speak fluent Jive.
Yeah, yeah.
But you can call me, let me formally introduce myself, but you can call me. Let me formally introduce myself
But you can call me salvage, right?
So he never says his real name anywhere in that formal introduction no
No, he's serious. He almost promises results. Yeah, particularly if there's stealing involved, right?
Because he is a specialist
Felony level thief.
Right.
Well now wait a minute, okay, yeah, keep going.
So now they've come to the right place.
And then this big rig crashes.
Is this Salvage?
With the guy with the Ryu?
With the Sub-Zero mask?
As it turns out, no.
Mister, it starts in his office where someone says,
Mister Salvage! So this is a his office where someone says mr. Salvage
So this is a just call me salvage. Yeah, mr. Salvage is my father's name, right?
Now wait a minute. I think salvage is gonna be the guy in the hat
So he's this is this is like a voiceover basically as somebody is ripping off a truck
I think you remember when I said
Be an open-ended mystery
you guys are looking at right now?
Or is it supposed to be straightforward
and easily conveyed information?
Is it a logic puzzle?
The fact that three of us are, you know,
mulling this over and are not,
have not come to a clear conclusion
tells you all you need to know.
Remember when I said, Eric,
part of my criticism of ISOM
was that he can't write a detective story
because they have to be tight and like,
you know, there's rules to them. Yeah. And he said ISOM wasn write a detective story. Because they have to be tight and there's rules to them.
And he said ISOM wasn't a detective story.
I said, okay.
Then he turned around and wrote a detective story.
Dude, does this guy not have friends?
Is there nobody to step in and be like,
hey buddy, love what you're trying to do.
We got to make some changes.
I don't want you to embarrass yourself.
No, but that happens when somebody is doling out some money and stuff like that.
Where it's like, people, yeah, it's real easy for people just to go like, almost even convince
themselves, like, yeah, that's, you know what, maybe that will work.
That was good.
Maybe that will work.
That was good.
Everybody needs to start somewhere.
As opposed to, you know, somebody going like, dude, this is like, this just breaks every
rule of like decent storytelling.
That's how you get like weird advertisements too,
like the Jaguar thing.
Oh my God.
There just wasn't one person in the marketing firm
or in that room who had the balls to be like,
guys, we're trying to sell the like boomers.
Yeah.
Like, did you not get that?
This is not going to be compelling to them.
Well, that's what's all this DEI shit.
If you're not aggressively pro, like gay, trans, whatever
identity, then you're out. If you're not aggressively in there going like, yeah I love it, I love
it, and we can, and maybe like we can have a black guy in the black guy, is that enough?
And meanwhile you'll give campaign donations to the other side.
Oh yeah. I mean the people on the ground like they're gonna heads are building it
Yeah, I don't think you were on the episode when we talked about this briefly dick But I know you've been in advertising as well
like
So often in like commercial meetings marketing advertising discussions for like strategy or like like scripting commercials
Like whatever it comes to like it's literally like a bunch of largely white women who are having a progressive off,
where it'll be like, hey, we're going to have,
in this Swiffer commercial, it's going to be a couple,
and the man's going to be a total bumbling retard,
and the woman trying to work a traditional vacuum,
and then the woman comes in, looks at the camera,
shakes her head, and then shows that the Swiffer wet jet
is the true solution to this problem.
And then some other white women's like,
that's great.
That's great. Well, but the husband should be white, and the wife should be black. And then some other white women's like that. Let's make the whites like two gay men. That's great. Yeah.
Well, but the husband should be white
and the wife should be black.
And they're like, that's good.
That's good.
Actually, the husband should be white
and the husband should be black.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's like, okay.
And then can we have like maybe a trans cat
or something in the background maybe?
Yeah, the son's trans comes out.
But no one in that room.
I just had my first period
and that's why he's slipping it up the period from the
ground.
Like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then they go, I didn't get a harump out of that guy.
Like, oh, you're fired.
Get out of here.
Yeah.
And there's just a cyclone where nobody goes, guys, we're trying to sell a cheap vacuum
here.
Like, what's really, what are our actual internal metrics say our core consumer is?
Let's try and appeal to that. Yeah, the brawny man's we guys remember the brawny man, right? Hunky man. Yeah, hunky, dude
Yeah, that's what that's what women want to buy. Let's get bring the hunks back
I like buying brawny makes me feel like I'm conquering those masses. I do have one question for you. Mr. Salvage
What's with this license to kill business? Oh
So what do you think is with it? He's supposed to just know that like it was that part of the formal introduction that we didn't see I don't know this jack
My name is Henry Farnsworth the third and I have a license to kill but you can just call me salvage
They leave that out did I get cut during a day? Yeah. Yeah now it's
No license to kill part of his nobody has a a license to kill, but Floorspark...
Who's he killing?
What's at stake here?
Like what...
I don't know, this white man got his Jaguar stolen by a gang of tramps.
I can almost guarantee you he has a license to kill thieves.
But Floorspark issues a special license
to qualified private investigators.
Oh, to kill.
So as long as I'm justified and on contract,
I'm permitted to use lethal force.
Oh, got it. To do what?
To recover property. Yeah What to recover property?
Yeah, it's pretty hard.
Right. Yeah, he's like this guy.
He's like the security guy.
Someone stole my my fucking cooler.
Yeah. We get it to them.
OK, get me one of those guys with the special licenses.
I want that fucking cooler back. Bad.
That was a yeti and it was a Christmas gift.
Thanks.
It was a fucking Yeti dude.
It was $180.
How come it has his name on it?
Happy graduation it says, Roberto.
In these books, like, is he regularly executing people
for like petty crimes?
I don't know.
I've only read the first page.
And it's already dumb.
It took several years.
This is the intro?
Yes. It took several years. This is the intro? Yes. Yeah.
It took several years to obtain such an honor.
Most don't bother to go through the rigorous training.
How much rigorous training do you need to do to kill someone?
Like cops do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Doesn't look that rigorous.
Right.
I believe there are three of us and our permits are only recognized within the city state.
Gotcha.
Okay.
There's three cops. Make sure you stay in your jurisdiction.
You get in trouble with the licensing board.
Who do they send to kill the three?
There's only three of you?
That must not be a very good system then.
The pilot program didn't go very well.
This guy that you formally known as salvage.
Only three that could actually take it.
To get your...
I mean, when you really want your stuff back you hire that guy
Or the one of the other two or one of the other two other two are kind of weird
Yeah, there's a white one a black one in a Chinese one. That's how they right that's how they sorted it
And they're always in a very diverse. Yeah
This is hysterical. I look for this is white guy, you know silver Fox looking white guy
I look forward to working with you. I've emailed you all the details that you will need.
Okay, why don't you tell us what the details are, Eric? Like, just a little bit.
Oh, leave a little mystery in your detective novel.
I don't want to read about getting emails in a comic.
We're losing millions worth of products. Any kind of products specifically?
And there's no sense of urgency from the police.
You're losing millions of dollars? You're of urgency from the police you're losing
millions of dollars are getting stolen and the police don't care the police
are stealing them then leave it to me is there is there a picture of the kind of
product behind it like what no it's nothing semi truck leave it to me I'd
already looked it over I have a lead bro this is like it's like the bones of a
story yeah you're supposed to fill in these blanks, Eric.
Dude, this sucks.
I can't believe he's selling this to people.
Oh, you gotta see what it looks like here.
I'm gonna put this one up.
Oh boy. Look at this doozy.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I bet I've been giving more credence
than it deserves in my imagining of your guys' descriptions.
Oh, Taylor. Probably.
Look at this beautiful, look at this beautiful black man.
And then the dialogue, or the uh...
Yeah, throw it up on the...
But I like to look my clients in the eyes.
What?
Like a hooker?
Maybe.
I'd already looked it over, I have a lead, but I like to look my clients in the eyes?
It's in the eye. It's not in the eyes. Yeah, that's his. You look me in the eyes and tell me.
You can honestly only focus on one eye at any given time too.
You ever notice that? Yeah. You can't really, I mean you're looking at one more than the other.
Yeah, you look me in the eyes and tell me you love me. Yeah.
These are like elementary level mistakes.
Tell me you love me. Yeah.
These are like elementary level mistakes.
So he's the guy's the client.
So he wants to stand up and look him in the eyes to validate this conversation that they're
having.
Is that what I'm?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, dude, he has to look him in the eyes because they have millions of dollars of product
going missing.
Jesus Christ.
All right, Taylor.
Good.
Thanks for calling in.
Get out of here. Of course, anytime, man.
Keep correcting Woody.
Don't let him get away with that shit.
We'll do, I'll keep fighting the good fight.
Take care, guys.
I let Sean get away with too much
with that chemical castration stuff
that he was talking about.
Just going with the fucking,
just going with the paperwork.
Okay, okay, we have news and then the meme,
the meme, yes, the D&D, we have a D&D segment.
Do you want to play Dungeons and Dragons with this guy?
He said he called, what did we?
Doing it on the show?
On the show, yeah.
Oh, good.
Should we do it next week?
I can't think of anything that would be more boring
for everyone than me learning how to play
Dungeons and Dragons via Discord.
I don't know, if you think it's good content, sure I'll do it.
Let me do it next week. Oh, the Maddox AI!
Fuck, Charles, I'm sorry.
He says it's 10 minutes of Dungeons and Dragons.
Let's do it next week.
I'm sorry for telling you to come today.
I had no idea that would go that long.
I have Maddox AI shit too, and I have news.
We have news. Mint and Dalish are here. I'm sorry
It's been a rough day, how's it? It's just been terrible. Okay control key is missing. Yeah, that's a that's a bitch
What are we doing?
the Maddox the Maddox election night stuff.
Oh, this is voicemails?
Maddox is talking about what he did on election night.
Oh, got it.
It was a rough time for non-patriots.
This is a recap of what Maddox...
Do you remember what you were doing on election night?
I was drunk on the Ralph Ritter.
Oh, were you?
Yeah, arguing about stuff.
Here we go, let's see what Maddox was up to.
Oh my God, wow, that election was a lot to process.
I had an insane night on election night,
but first I wanna clear the air.
I have a message for all Trump voters.
Let me find my notes.
Ah, there they are.
Ahem, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, they are. Ahem, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,
fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you.
Hope you're happy with destroying this country again.
Okay.
Okay.
That's what, that's funny Maddox.
That's what he used to do.
Yeah, I guess it kind of, kind of was.
Instead of like arguing over nickel and dime,
like arguing over minutia.
Seriously, how did you vote for that madman?
Even Vito knows Trump is a bad guy and we all know what Vito is into.
And by that I mean kids.
Anyway, me and all my pals went out to vote, then we decided to chill at our cool hangout.
They were even going to let me sleep over.
Which is awesome, because I just got evicted.
This election was important to me and my pals pals because a lot of us are LGBTQ and concerned
about still being able to have abortions.
Despite the importance of this election,
the night began carefree with drinking
and snacks brought by me.
Oh, yeah, right.
I don't believe that at all.
Then the nightmare began.
Slowly the America I knew and loved
transformed before our eyes,
becoming red and scary as the night went on.
My friends began weeping and we all held each other.
We were minorities, not literally, but spiritually.
We all knew what was coming.
Our collective fate sealed by this crimson monster
with an orange head,
like those monsters out of Resident Evil,
but more like President Evil.
The Dorito in chief was going to send us all to camps.
Our Sobs becoming a requiem for democracy.
Because this is how democracy dies, with the bad guy getting the most votes anyone has
ever gotten.
Yeah, true, true.
That is how democracy dies.
Things grew more dire for not-racist America.
Then I noticed something was off.
My Dragon Quest keychain buddy was missing.
I checked my friend's car and found nothing.
It could only be at the polling station we voted at.
I decided to leave to retrieve my priceless collectible. I promised my friends I would return after
rescuing my buddy. What should have been a simple bike ride became something terrible
as I discovered an insidious conspiracy to steal the presidential election. Unthinkable.
So he's getting his slime time guy, that little slime figurine.
I see. That's what that got him.
The first thing I noticed that was off was that the polling station was already closed.
It should have been open for another hour.
I tried to ask a worker to let me in, but he didn't speak English.
He spoke Russian.
That was the second thing tipped me off.
Something was rotten in Denmark.
And by that, I mean America.
That was a reference.
A door was left open as two more Russians
were taking a smoke break.
I snuck in, I couldn't believe what I saw.
They were shredding ballots.
And I saw an evil man was using an insidious device.
It was a pen with eight straws attached to it.
At the end of each straw was another pen.
This allowed the evil man to fill out nine ballots for Trump at a time.
That man I am unfortunately acquainted with.
It was Sean.
Oh, I knew it.
It.
I knew it.
Sean took a break from destroying democracy to use his evil voter fraud invention to write
the N-word nine times at the same time.
It was the most racist thing I have ever seen.
I confronted Sean and asked him why he would do this.
The forging votes part, the writing the N word part
can only be chalked up to racism.
Sean looked me in the eye and with the fury of Thor,
he shouted, I hate women.
Also, I don't want Dick to eat his book.
That might be poisonous and he is my friend, end quote.
I was shocked, but not surprised.
Wow.
I told Sean forging votes in California and one polling station wouldn't make a difference. End quote. I was shocked, but not surprised. Wow. What an invention.
I told Sean forging votes in California and one polling station wouldn't make a difference.
Sean Smugly explained that the fans of Guitar Talk were doing this to polling stations across the country.
He had shipped clones of his Super Sean pen to all of them.
He insisted there was nothing I could do against his Legion.
I stood my ground and told Sean I would tattle on him to the whole world.
Sean told the Russians to shoot me.
What happened?
Here's the conclusion.
Let's see here.
Thankfully, California has common sense gun control,
so his goons only had three bullets.
They all missed because they were already drunk from vodka.
Celebrating too early, of course.
I ran outside, I got to my bike, and they pursued me.
They ran me into a ditch.
I woke up this morning with a terrible headache,
but I won't rest until I stop Trump from being sworn in and Sean is behind bars
I'll even put off getting a job until I accomplish those two things. Now I'm going to jail. You going to jail?
No, I'm going to jail. Stealing votes in California. How could you do that? I don't know. I mean, I just I blacked out
They're still counting them here. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, sure. How long does it take to
Count those votes? Well, I don't know. I'm just not gonna change. I guess in a while, a little, you know, they've got, you know, three people in some counties, I guess.
Changes the House seats, though.
Oh, yeah. They're finding new votes. They're tipping, you know, tipping House races.
Yeah, we'll see.
Oh, Republican was winning. Michelle Steele was up. And then, oh, day 18 of counting.
Whoop. Swipped it over.
Yeah, they cure the ballots. They call the people of
ineligible ballots and say, did you mean to vote for Democrat? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Sure. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Ballot cured. Okay. Thank you. Check out Helephant. Go buy Helephant
the comic at Indiegogo. That's what does what does what does he go by Johnny Rockett?
John can you get me through?
You have an erotic story?
Write it to me. What do you mean you have an erotic story? I lost the joke. Okay, here's I'll do some comments
Dogs Johnson says Sean has been in rare form since his return. Really? I agree. Yeah
I think I've just been phoning it in.
I'll keep phoning.
Atticus Finch says,
Riley is what you get when you order Ralph on wish.com.
Is that, do you think that's?
Kelly Bows says,
today my girlfriend learned that frozen Coke
is the same drink as a normal Coke, just frozen.
No.
She thought it was a different drink altogether
with different ingredients that made it crunchy.
Oh, God.
I asked her why she thinks you get brain freeze
and she said, I don't know.
I guess I never really thought about it.
Wait, wait, what about brain freeze?
Why do you get brain freeze when you're eating frozen Coke?
And she goes, I don't know.
I guess I never really thought about it.
I don't get that.
Cause it's ice.
There's some people who don't get brain freeze.
I'm one of those people.
Oh, oh yeah.
Somebody had to explain it to me.
It was something that everybody just knew about
and I never heard about.
When they showed an AM PM commercial
and like the guy sucks down.
This is like when I was like a teenager, I think.
I honestly did not know about brain freeze
till I was like in high school.
It's fucking bizarre now because everybody references it.
But I was like, it's like when you get that crazy headache
when you drink or like eat ice cream or drink something,
I'm like, I literally go, what are you talking about?
Yeah, that happened to me too.
I had to force myself to get it.
I can't, I'll stop drinking because it freezes my throat
before it freezes my brain.
And I go, oh, I hate that feeling.
But it doesn't matter.
I can put it to the roof of my mouth.
I can whatever, it doesn't happen to me.
Test that.
Yeah.
Your man, Martian says, women in video games,
new research on, oh and in a link,
new research on female video game characters
uncovers a surprising twist.
They're men.
Yeah, can strong female players
who are highly sexualized inspire positive perceptions for players?
Not necessarily.
Researchers found that women like playing highly sexualized characters more than men.
Okay, well, yeah, shocker.
Woman alert.
Woman alert.
Woman alert.
Hey, Dick, my wife and I homeschool our kids. I teach our 10 year old history. I mentioned
to my wife that our last lesson was about early written languages like hieroglyphics
and cuneiform. She asked me if we talked about the Phoenicians since they came up with the
first phonetic alphabet. Surprised by the questions, I said, why do you ask? No, why do you ask?
She told me she knows about the Phoenicians
because of the Epcot ride, Spaceship Earth,
which covers the history of human communication.
For a second, I thought my wife knew something interesting
about ancient languages,
but she only knows history from Disney rides and movies.
Go fuck yourself, Jericho.
Thank you.
I mean, I guess that she knows more than she would have Right. I mean, yeah
Alex Stroud says breaking news comfortably fat woman needs everyone on earth to accommodate her and sacrifice their own comfort
So she doesn't feel uncomfortable. Yeah, typical stub says check out this fentanyl OD girl boss ad. Okay, let's see
Yeah, that's the one
Says don't be be ashamed you are using,
be empowered that you are using safely.
And this is Florence says this from Manhattan.
What is fentanyl?
Why is it dangerous?
How to prevent overdose.
So don't be ashamed you are using.
You should definitely be ashamed.
I mean, the idea is not to be using it, ideally.
Your life will probably turn out better
if you're not using it.
Be empowered that you're not on fentanyl,
you're not ODing on fentanyl.
That you're using it safely.
Huh.
Well, it's like, how do you, I mean.
So that's how you talk to women.
Don't be ashamed that you're not coming home with me.
Be empowered that you're sucking my dick.
You gotta put it in their terms.
It's full of fentanyl.
It's full of fentanyl.
Eat, pray, eat the drugs.
Pray you don't die.
Pray that you don't die.
Love not eating fentanyl.
Love not ODing on fentanyl.
Yeah.
It's the formula for happiness, Dick.
Is that what they're doing, women?
Is that what they're doing now?
Happiness?
I don't know.
That's what I- That's the goal?
That's what I mean.
That's what I think.
I, you know.
Yeah?
That's a new thing that they're doing?
Maybe.
We'll try happiness.
Trying happiness?
I'm not going to.
Yeah, I don't know about that. I don't know about that shit
Okay, I tried happiness once I almost died
And you can get some necks alone or whatever yeah
Okay, do you know isn't that the isn't that the OD dry is isn't yeah? That's what brings you back, right?
Yeah, that's what the cops are doing for fun. Yeah, that's the, I think that's what it is.
The...
The O.E. medicine?
Yeah, but the brand name's like what, like Narcan?
Narcan. Yeah, yeah.
I think that's what that is.
I heard that you can do it just for fun,
it doesn't do anything.
What, really?
Yeah, you have to be like, it just goes through, you know?
Oh, you mean you have to be ODing for it to do anything?
Yeah.
What happens if you don't have anything, it just, your body doesn't recognize it? Someone should take it, you mean you have to be ODing for it to do anything? Yeah. What happens if you don't have anything?
Your body doesn't recognize it?
I just feel like someone should take it, you know, to see what happens.
Yeah, well, you know, maybe it's better than fentanyl.
Yeah, that's what I was wondering.
Maybe it really gets in there and goofs you up.
Maybe.
Okay, should we do some news?
Ladies, please come in.
You might have to bring your own chair. Mint, you're wearing a latex chair and a mic no grab that red grab
that red is that roving mic that hang on the yellow cable one oh the yellow
cable I think you sure no yellows not no I think it was last last week I think
we're using the yellow one tap it yeah okay what track is that one? Yeah, it's going into one. Yeah. Okay, there's two of you
You're bunny yourself off I
Didn't notice. Thank you
Now you guys have been doing you've been in town doing pornography all week. Is that
Yeah, yeah, how's it going?
The porn part. Yeah, I'm pretty well the porn part? The porn part is going pretty well.
Yeah, get those. Don't do two things at the same time. There you go.
Alright, you're wearing a latex bunny outfit here.
I have to move out of the way of the camera.
The microphone is tragically covering your tits, which look amazing in that outfit.
Should we switch spots?
Yes.
Yeah.
Come on.
Use my headphones.
Playing musical chairs.
There's enough room because Vito sits there every week.
I know that there is.
Okay.
There we go.
Let me line you guys up.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
There you go.
Okay.
So how's it been going?
Pretty well.
Pretty well?
Yeah.
Yeah?
What are the highlights?
Oh boy.
Hey, Dalish.
Do you want to share the highlights?
I think you're better explaining than I am, because there's been a lot of highlights featuring
you this week.
I'd have to say the best part of the week, we went to Venice Beach.
We were fully covered when we got there, and then obviously we were going to take slutty
pictures, so we get undressed. And when I look back up, there's a crowd of people watching me in Mint and recording us.
Oh yeah, that was fun.
Well yeah, no shit.
Yeah, of course people would do that.
That's never happened to me before.
What do you mean?
I usually just record myself.
I don't find other people recording me.
Okay.
You were at the pier? The Santa Monica Pier? No, Venice Beach. Oh Venice. Okay, you were at the pier?
The Santa Monica Pier?
No, Venice Beach.
Oh Venice, okay, yeah, you can do that at Venice Beach.
Yeah, nobody gives a fuck.
Yeah, Santa Monica is kind of, you'll get arrested for that.
Right, right.
Venice is part of LA.
Santa Monica is its own nice little city.
Yeah, yeah.
Venice, nobody gives a fuck about Venice.
You stripped down to, how far did you get?
I got to my bra and panties,
and then you were wearing a bikini,
and as soon as I was taking off my pants,
I saw, yeah, like you mentioned the group of people
taking pictures, and I remember you were like,
oh, these people are taking pictures of me.
I'm like, yeah, fucking pose.
Pose, I know.
Yeah.
Well, Riley's taking good pictures of me. that man's recording me looking like anorexic in a microkini. There's a difference
You should have asked for likeness approval. Yeah. Yeah, you should have can't record me how big was the crowd?
Did you pass around like a little cup at least we good on Venice?
Well, they're, people are doing performances.
Oh, I see, I see.
Usually like the homeless people are acting crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're doing dances and stuff. They weren't doing that there?
No, we went to, in order to get
the best light for the camera
Riley had a set up
like right next to these
I think they were like pickleball courts.
Yeah, it's everywhere.
We're taking over pickleball.
It's cool, I like pickleball.
But anyways, I was setting up the computer,
trying to get the best light,
because we were there around sunset
and we had a limited time to film.
And when we got there,
there was pretty much nobody in that area.
And then as soon as,
like when we were getting more
Progressively undressed. I think there like 20 people were there by the end of it. I was like, what the fuck?
How did all these people come from?
Are they just standing around with erections or what's the?
I didn't see the erection. They're just recording? Yeah, they're just recording
Shameless. Yeah, they're just recording Shameless
Were they hiding it at all or? No, no, no
No, there were people pointing at us and they're like, oh look at them
They're filming and like pointing and clearly talking about us. It's like just tell yeah
Did you shout out your website if they're if they're putting it online or anything like that?
I didn't I think they were too far away. Oh, they're too far away. They're like 50 feet away from us. Oh, okay
And do you like that you like taking your clothes off at the beach with everybody watching? Is that I mean?
Is that what you're going for? I mean the idea is that you go to a beach where?
With like a pretty lights and if there's people there then so
be it.
I'm mostly focused on getting a good.
You're totally unaffected by it.
Yeah.
Okay.
And Dalish are you?
I'm shy.
You're shy.
The whole time I was clinging onto it like, oh, boys are looking at us and they have girlfriends
and their girlfriends are looking at us all mad.
Well, they're mad at their boyfriends.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
No, I think they're mad that I had the audacity
to go onto the beach dressed that way.
Well, that too.
They're mad that their boyfriends are looking.
Yeah.
How dare I?
Yeah.
I should have just gone in fully clothed.
Yeah.
Dirty, they're sitting there going, oh, that's so, that's this dirty bitch. How dare I? I should have just gone in fully clothed. Yeah. Dirty. They're sitting there going,
oh, that's so, that's this dirty bitch.
How dare, how dare she? Right?
Yeah, and that's why I should have yelled,
dirty, Dalish, at them, look it up.
But instead I was so shy, we didn't even think of,
spare some change?
Yeah.
Well, you can get a couple bucks,
or at least put a QR code out there. And where can people see this content that you're making?
Well, it'll be on autistic boobs dot com when it's finished.
I just I love the name.
It's great.
Yeah.
Yeah, easy to remember.
Descriptive.
Okay.
And Dalish, where's yours?
Dirty Dalish.
You just Google me.
Just Google you.
Yeah.
Big time.
Google.
Shouldn't be. It's you, okay. Yeah. Big time. Google.
Shouldn't be.
It's weird.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, and are you, you're going back now?
Is that?
Yeah.
This wraps up your content week?
Pretty much.
Okay.
You're going back to prepare for the Riley trial?
Yeah.
Of the century?
Yes, I think we're going to go around doing a, I think Riley's plans is that he wants
to go around and do a free Riley tour.
Like do meetups in like Chicago and Philly.
Cause gotta work with Tony from Hack the Movies.
Sure.
Gotta work with Tony.
Got to.
Both Tonys.
Gotta get Tony time, man.
Yeah.
Are you gonna go with them, Taylor?
Yes?
Yes?
Yes?
Maybe?
Question mark?
Yes? Question mark?
What's the hesitation in your voice?
What's the...
The question mark is the men that I'm going to make mad.
Oh.
I got a feeling that you like that.
It's a little fun, a little chaos.
Just every once in a while.
Keep it interesting. Yeah.
You'd be a catfish, but you're too hot.
So you got to do other stuff.
Emotional catfish?
Yeah. Okay, what kind of news do you have here for us ladies?
What do you get?
You know, Nick got his kids back, Nick Riketa.
Well, yeah.
They ended the investigation.
For the kids?
Yeah, last week.
And then he has his plea hearing, I think, on Monday.
Yeah.
Or Tuesday, so it could all be over.
Yeah.
He could be going to prison, I guess.
Well, it depends what he, I mean.
Hopefully not.
I assume, it just seems like he's gonna plead not guilty, right? No, he'd have to prison, I guess. I don't know. Well, it depends what he, I mean. Hopefully not. I assume it just seems like he's gonna plead not guilty,
right?
No, he'd have to plead, well, guilty and then get a deal.
Yes.
But I mean, but he can enter a plea.
He could go to trial?
Yeah, that's what I mean.
I think that would be a mistake.
It seems like it.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, I mean.
So expensive.
He's gotta get back to making money online,
talking about shit.
Yeah, I mean.
Can't be just in limbo forever.
It depends how strongly he feels about his innocence.
I don't know, I don't know.
Yeah, I mean.
It's a risk.
Yeah, it's a big risk when you're sitting
on an ounce of cocaine in the wrong state.
Okay, what do you guys have?
You know, speaking of kids,
Russia bans the adoption of Russian children by foreigners from countries that allow transgender surgery.
Oh, I did not.
No.
It's interesting.
Russia's upper house of parliament approved two laws on Wednesday that will prohibit
the visibility of LGBTQ plus people in media and ban citizens of countries that allowed
gender transitioning from adopting Russian children.
Huh. Well, yeah, that's kind of hard to disagree with. It's one thing for your own kid, if you're gender swapping them.
Adopting a kid and gender swapping them, that's a little much.
Well, I mean, like, they have, I guess they have the right to do that.
Russia?
Yeah, I mean, they're citizens, they're, you know.
Oh, man.
So, I guess you just, you know,
if you're gonna be adopted, you go, probably,
there's probably a lot of other countries to go to too.
Yeah.
There are parents who want kids who can't have them, so.
So only what, like Africa can adopt the kids from there now?
Is that, which countries doesn't allow
I bet there's-
Cheesership for kids.
I bet there's more than you think.
Yeah.
That are more, that are probably fairly well off.
Like I mean yeah, that aren't necessarily like, you know, like I don't know if, I don't
know what Japan's stance is.
Oh man.
I don't know, like, you know, I'm not sure about.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, places like that.
So certainly an advanced country.
Okay.
What's, what else, what else is there to it?
Well, the law will impose fines up to 400,000 rupes for individuals. Rupes is a weird word.
That's how they do money?
Yeah, rubles.
You just call it money.
Not rupees, rupes.
Zelda's, rupees.
Or is that India? I think so. Rupes? Is it rubles? Oh. Well, zeldas, rupees. Or is that India?
I think so.
Rupees?
Is it rubles?
Oh my god, am I saying it?
Well, they speak a whole other language there, so they don't call it money.
Why not?
Why isn't it the same thing everywhere?
Because it's Russian.
That's like, we say dollar, is their rubles.
They call them.
So they should just say dollar.
Well, it means dollar in Russian
I guess if you want to
Doesn't it I have no idea what exactly what it translates to I don't know how does that work?
Okay, well four hundred thousand ruples or five million ruples equals
up to like
40,000
47 thousand dollars gotcha okay. No not Ruples? Forty seven thousand dollars. Gotcha.
Okay.
No, not ruples.
Okay, fifty grand.
Well, five million in ruples.
Oh, okay.
Forty seven thousand.
It's like a zero.
Yeah, so it's substantial.
It's a lot.
Yeah.
For what?
Yeah.
If you do it.
If you do it.
If you adopt a kid?
Yeah.
And you're in a trance?
Yes.
Oh, so they have a fee.
So they're charging Americans fifty grand per kid to adopt.
Oh, that's funny.
Well, but I mean, like adoption is expensive anyway,
isn't it?
Well, now it's a little more expensive.
So they're saying they will send them to countries
that will do that, but just-
But you gotta pay a fee.
Or is that a fine?
A fine.
If somebody gives up.
Yeah. Who pays the fine? Like bars that let you smoke inside. Or is that a fine if somebody gives up?
Who pays the fine?
Like the bars that let you smoke inside.
The citizen who gives up the kid
or the person who buys the kid?
Because how are they gonna levy a fine
from another country?
Unless it's a fee.
Well, they trade the adoption agency.
So the adoption agency just pays it forward.
It's a tariff.
It's a tariff for gay shit.
Or they just won't.
Either those people are rich and really want a kid
or they'll just be like,
I'll go some other country that isn't gonna fucking yeah pain and suffering charge Africa right now
Right people gonna want good white. You know they want that Russian white
They might not everybody's Angelina Jolie. I don't know they may yeah, you know it's possible that there's a premium now
It's possible. Yeah, okay. What's the next one then okay?
But there's a premium now. It's possible. Yeah. Okay. What's the next one? Okay
Did you hear that we might be having another World War?
And I'll actually be right when I say two thousands
Are you gonna remember when World War three happened? No, my kids are gonna ask me I'm a sad
1972
Vietnam happened in 2000s? Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
World War III, huh?
Yeah, Ukraine.
Oh, Ukraine.
U.S. expects thousands of North Korean troops to enter Ukraine combat.
Oh, right.
Soon.
Soon.
Yeah, they've been hanging out up there, right?
North Korea?
North Korea troops have been hanging out around around those parts
Just kicking it. Yeah, those good. Yeah, North Korean guys
I was like they'd be a little messed up. I have no idea. I would think so, but they must be like
My god, I've never seen so much food and yeah, like I mean, it's just you know
It's like no that that's a shitty part of the world, but it's like still it's great still my god
It's a food. they got yeah drones and stuff
yeah crazy the internet out here is way different than it is yeah yeah whoa yeah i heard something
about that i don't know putin's got to nuke somebody or just stop talking about it yeah who
knows what he's like all the all the time like if you do this we're gonna nuke you yeah i know
all right man let's go heard. Shit or get off the pot.
Right.
You know?
Just drop it.
Who cares?
Just one.
We're not gonna do it back.
No.
Just one.
One you get away with.
Two you get away with.
Three.
We got away with two.
Yeah, two you can get away with.
Always you can get away with two.
Three.
Yeah.
Three too many.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay. Yeah, what else is on that?
The United States has been supplying Ukraine with weapons including
Army Tactical Missile Systems or
ATACMS. Oh, that's what that means. That's what that stands for. Okay. Mm-hmm adopt them
If you're not gonna make it transgender, right? Yeah, I thought that was part of the alphabet. Yeah.
My missile systems confused.
These systems are costly and in limited supply, so the US will not deplete its reserve as
it has to consider its own readiness.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we want to nuke them back, right?
If they nuke us, we want to nuke them back.
Well, yeah, I think that's the idea.
I don't think that's a good idea though.
Well, it's the whole concept they've been talking about for decades now.
Yeah.
Mutually assured destruction.
It's kind of like dumb.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you really going to do it?
Yeah.
Why?
Just let them have it.
Who cares?
OK.
What's next?
What's next?
72,000 pounds of ready-to-eat meat poultry recalled amid deadly Listeria outbreak.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
What happened?
Asian people shouldn't be making food.
Oh, geez.
That's what happened.
Really?
Yeah.
Why's that?
Where is it from?
Where is it from? So a Listeria outbreak linked with ready to eat meat and poultry products from Yusheng
Food Inc. has caused 11 illnesses in four states with nine hospitalizations and the
death of an infant according to the US Centers of Disease Control.
An infant?
An infant meat?
Yeah.
Jelly meat? They say like ready to eat. Is that what it is? Ready it infant meat? Yeah. Jelly meat?
They say like ready to eat, is that what it is?
Ready to eat meat?
Yeah, that's what I eat.
It's a fun...
How did an infant get into the...
Like 11 is like nothing, you know, but I...
Yeah, but an infant is a lot.
One infant on a meat disaster is bad.
And the kid like choked down a turkey sandwich or something?
The one is a technicality actually.
It should be two.
But technically...
Oh, it was a pregnant woman that died?
Yeah, it was a pregnant woman that died?
Yeah, it was a pregnant woman with twins.
Only one of them got listeria.
The other one, I guess, just died
because the host died.
Because the other one died?
Yeah.
Oh, the woman died.
Yes, the woman died.
That's not as funny then.
What did the kids, and then that one was just like,
what's the difference?
Wait, it's not an infant then.
Well, wait.
Well, I guess an infant and babies, I don't know.
Wait, were they able to save one of them?
What does the news say? was it almost like full term?
Yeah.
It's straight up says with nine hospitalizations and the death of an infant.
What do you want?
Well, an infant's not in the stomach and an infant is outside of the womb.
Mm-hmm.
Well, why is it, why did, why did the article say twin infants?
Because they're babies. They're walking around.
Or they're not walking. They're just alive.
That's why the other one didn't get it.
Well how'd the first one get it?
Was the mom just like putting lunch meat on like one of the kids?
Like laying on one of the infant's faces?
And the other one was just like, I don't like you as much.
You don't get a lunch meat face mask.
I imagine that the other one just didn't get Listeria.
But she's still feeding the infant's meat.
Turkey meat.
I'm more confused now than when we started this.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, what is the rest of that?
Hmm.
Okay.
Sorry.
Is it in there? Is it infant stuff in there?
It's a lot about that, just when infants
dying. Not multiple.
It's like 11 illnesses.
Just one death.
Did they puree the lunch meat?
And feed it to their children?
Like their infants?
I really wish that I had found the
age. I want to know if they're infants? I really wish that I had found the age.
I want to know if they're two and then three.
Well, infants are pretty specific age.
Yeah, very young.
Four is one to two.
Can they chew?
Younger than the 18 months?
Yeah, I don't think you're an infant.
A lot of kids are walking by one.
Yeah, then you're a toddler.
Infant is like the first few months and stuff.
When their eyes aren't even focused yet. I see. I think that's... You're not, yeah. Infant is like the first few months and stuff.
When their eyes aren't even focused yet or stuff like that.
I think that's...
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
It sounds like she just ate a sandwich, didn't wash her hands, and then went to pick up her
babies.
Oh.
That is sad.
That is sad.
All right.
What's the next one?
That's too sad.
I know.
I'm so sorry.
Germany started criminal investigation
into social media user for mocking politician
for being fat.
Oh, yeah.
I sent you a link to this.
OK, let's see.
I think I know the one you're talking about.
Where are you?
Here you are.
Wow, look at that.
There you go. That one. Oh, she is fat though. Why doesn't she like reality?
I mean, it's an accurate descriptor of her.
Calling her fat.
And they're calling her fat in the context of they want to fuck her.
So she's-
I'm sorry, what? What did they say exactly?
Put that person in jail.
And then one day for no reason...
So, they published two posts about her.
Okay.
That sexualized the German politician,
Mm-hmm.
Ricarda Lange, and...
I don't know this word actually, what the fuck?
Did you?
Which word are you?
Yeah, I fucked up.
Don't have me.
I thought you said you went to home school and not nothing.
Which word are you?
That one.
Degenerate?
That's not how you...
Denigrate?
Denigrate.
Denigrate.
That's a word.
That's not a word I've used before.
Well. Yeah. First time for everything. Denigrate denigrate That's a word. It's not a word I've used before well. Yeah
first time for everything I got through and
The BKA allegedly said it in its formal request to oh gab who's gab do you know gab is it's like a Twitter?
Yeah, even I know this is yeah. Yeah. Oh or for Christians for Christian
Well, it's like free speech, but you you know, pretty much it's just like whack jobs who work
there.
Real, real intense Christianity going on there.
I didn't know people still used gab.
Me either.
I don't know if they do.
Sure, there's a few.
Yeah.
I guess to call German politicians that.
What did, what was the post, actually?
What did they say?
No.
You don't know?
I need to get better articles. What was the post, actually? What did they say? I don't know. You don't know?
I need to get better articles.
I mean, you gotta go, ChadGBT, summarize this at a third grade reading level.
So there's no surprise words.
You're mean.
This is why you don't get topics at 3 in the morning and then get 2 hours of sleep and come in and look like a retard. Okay, what's the next one?
It's not the glass ceiling holding women back at work new analysis vines, okay, it's their weight
It's actually that they're getting their feelings hurt
What does it say?
The struggle women face landing senior leadership roles in corporate America is commonly blamed
on the glass ceiling, the metaphorical gender barrier that blocked their ascent to the highest
levels of management.
Yet new research indicates that the problems for women in the workplace begin far lower
down the professional ladder.
I wrote too much shit. Uhhh...
Women...
Uh...
Uh...
What word is it, man?
No, it's not a word.
It's not the word?
No.
What's happening?
What's happening? My brain is breaking. Your brain's word? No. What's happening? What's happening?
My brain is breaking.
Your brain's breaking?
Okay.
Do you need me to read it?
I can read it.
Give it a shot.
Which part?
The broken wrong is even harder to surmount for a woman of color, with only 73 receiving
that first promotion for every 100 men who are moved up, the study found.
Quote, we don't face a constraint on ambition we face a constraint on opportunity said Lorena Yee senior
partner at McKinsey & Co. another myth about women in the workplace is that
microaggressions or comments or actions that subtly demean a person based
on their gender race or other attributes are a minor issue clearly not but the
analysis found that they can have lasting
and damaging impacts on women at work.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
And on the front lines.
For instance, the study found that women are twice as likely
as their male colleagues to be interrupted or hear comments
about their emotional state. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha are likely to quote self-shield or adjust their actions or how they look in order to protect themselves
Oh my god
But the impact can be detrimental to their engagement at work with the analysis finding that these women are more than three times
Is likely to think about quitting
Busy I think it's just a fucking woman trait. Yes, just want to quit because your feelings got hurt. Yeah
women trait. Yeah. Just want to quit. Because your feelings got hurt. Yeah. Imagine pushing through that. I can't. Right, yeah, no, that's not possible. Just have to quit.
In fact, 29% of women who work remotely say one of the biggest benefits is the reduction of
unpleasant interactions with co-workers. Oh, the working. Yeah, it's a lot better working from home.
There's no work to do. Yeah, that's true.
Leaders at work need to communicate that microaggressions
are harmful and aren't welcome, the report said.
Oh.
Quote, I'm hopeful that we can change bias in the workplace.
And a phrase we have used many times is,
you have to interrupt.
You have to interrupt it where it occurs?
What the fuck does that mean?
Like when it's happening.
Yeah, they're gonna turn all men at work
into good husbands.
Women shouldn't be at work.
Let the men do it.
Yeah, well.
Exactly.
That's what that article read as.
Not that you're wrong, but...
Unpopular.
Yeah, that's unpopular, you know.
Well, I'm willing to take the unpopular stance because it's correct.
Yeah.
What are they going to do then?
Stay home?
Clean their house.
Yeah.
All week?
Yeah.
We've done this for thousands and thousands of years and it has turned out right.
Yeah.
They ran out of stuff to do.
That's the problem.
We got washing machines now.
They're just sitting at home doing, you know, SSRIs and thinking about lobotomies and stuff
like that.
So we got to give them something to do.
So they go to the office and send emails and stay on Slack.
Chat on Slack all day.
Have them organize the house to an autistic degree.
I feel like that could be...
Every house can be more organized.
No matter the house.
We found a game that's like set up a...
Organize a desk.
And the 80's girls are like, oh yeah, let's get that.
There is not.
Literally a game? Just organize your room. And it's like a fake room that you're organizing
oh wow I'm not playing that that's not a game to me it's not think that would
probably make the real room less likely to be organized if you're spending time
organizing a you would think room yeah there's no one crying about their stuff
getting hidden in the game though yeah all right yeah okay thank you guys for
the for the the news today.
You want to listen to some voicemails?
Oh yeah, sure.
Okay, that's it.
What time is it, Sean?
Two?
Two ten.
We have time for voicemails.
Yeah, yeah.
Or we might have Fatwatch actually.
Let's take a look.
Fatwatch, today in Fatnews.
Oh, look at all these comments.
This one's from Vinny.
See here.
Okay.
Oh my Lord.
All right.
This is a makeup tutorial.
She's a woman,
this head the size of a pumpkin
is blowing on a cap full of magical powder. Somebody off camera with a slingshot full of makeup.
What do you think is going to happen?
Like a transformation or something?
Let's see.
Oh my!
There was a transformation.
Yeah, wow.
That's Anthrax, I think.
Oh, that's bad editing too.
Oh my god.
She did a poor job. There was a transformation. Yeah, wow. That's Anthrax, I think.
Oh, that's bad editing too.
She did a poor job.
Look at this, man.
Imagine you get in a car accident and you wake up, this is your nurse.
That's our healthcare system.
You'd be fucking sorry the airbag went off.
That is the airbag.
When the airbag deploys it looks like this.
Oh boy.
No amount of makeup can fix how much fat is on her face.
She has like that weird like that throat thing, you know?
Yeah, throat sack.
Right, it's not like a... you can't say it's like a double chin or something.
No.
That's like a... I don't know what it's like.
It's a double face.
Chin bag.
So she was like, yeah, genetically altered
with like a bullfrog or something.
Okay, let's see.
This one is just titled Jamaican man.
Yeah, Jamaican man.
Okay, all things are possible.
This woman says all things are possible, POV.
So, you know, it's going to be wrong.
Okay. POV, all things are possi- POV so you know it's gonna be wrong. Okay. POV all things
are possible when your tour guide is a Jamaican man and then a sweating laughing face. Uh,
and then what we have here is a, um, oh my god it's a woman climbing out of a cavern
on a ladder, on an old rusted ladder in Jamaica.
Is there water down there?
Yes, it's like a swimming hole.
Swimming hole.
And he's got a push-up.
A making bastard is climbing the ladder
under this big fat woman.
Push-up.
Shuffling her up.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Or else they'd have to get a rescue crew to...
He must have a titanium rotator cup.
Look at this guy.
Oh, he climbed her up the entire ladder.
Allegedly. Let's see.
We didn't see him make it to the top.
He's part of kicks her when they get to the top all the way back down.
Come on, you almost got to go.
Do you hear? Oh No the smell oh
Boy that that thing is not gonna make it no look at a rusted fucking thing. There's no way
Okay, let's see what else I have here whoosh
Okay, this is a little had six inches of water in it before.
Laura Brooks-Bruedoir, if you've been thinking about joining a fat swim, this weekend is
the one.
The Fat Con team.
The International Bobber Team.
Will be there to answer any questions and party with it.
Any questions about swimming while being fat,
don't worry, we're gonna have our top guys
in there to explain it.
Good, I'll get ahead of it.
Come meet folks, come alone,
hot tub, lazy river.
Wow.
Lazy river.
It'll be a good time. Okay. Probably.
Fat Swim is super special because someone's going to win free tickets to
Fatcom this year. So if you've been wanting to join Fat Swim- Oh no! Look at this spa! Oh God!
This is like the warm-up tank at SeaWorld, you know, and they go into their own
little side tanks and hang out. I would definitely recommend-
And then they pull a gate open and they all swim out into the main area and just shrieks
and eat sardines.
Oh boy.
This next one is the best one to join.
This month's Fat Swim is super special because someone's going to win free tickets to Fat
Con this year.
If you've been wanting to join a Fat Swim, I would definitely recommend this next one.
Monthly Fat Swim.
What was that?
Expectations. Whoa, whoa,? Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
Hi, I'm Laura. She and she they yeah, no kidding
I'm a Seattle based outdoor boudoir. I am I am at boudoir isn't that like a armoire?
Isn't that like an entire appliance like a furniture? That's how I read it. I'm furniture and polyamorous friendly.
No shit.
Family photographer.
Oh God.
I'm all for fat liberation, body neutrality,
body positivity, queer liberation,
queer families, polyam families,
and I work with anyone of all sizes and family structures.
What about normal?
There goes her chance at a Russian kid. Do you work with normal sizes all sizes and family structures? There goes her chance at a Russian kid.
Do you work with normal sizes and families?
No.
No.
No.
Absolutely not.
They're horrible.
Looks so fun, this lady says.
Oh.
Where do I go to get info?
Well, bitch, it's all kind of posted right here.
What are you talking about?
Let's Fat Swim.
I want to see what the expectations are.
Because someone's going to win free tickets to Fatcom this year.
Yeah.
If you've been wanting to join Fat Swim, I would definitely recommend it.
What are these expectations?
Man, I can't see it.
Yeah.
Uh, well, we can read it.
This is an apologeticallyologetically fat positive space.
All fat adults are welcome.
Must be COVID free, okay?
Consent is required.
Is there any more?
I know the play button is covered, but.
There's no kind of, you know, required.
We are each responsible for ourselves
There will be no formal structure
When they say that there's no structure Yeah, no for because this whatever structure there in keeps morphing into different shapes as they all you know move about the facility
That's the yeah, so I have formal structure honor what your body needs today. Let's have fun. Yeah, okay
I don't know much fun there, fat cells.
OK.
Maybe I got one more.
Sounds like a monthly fat people orgy.
Wouldn't that be better?
Yeah.
That's what I think is the undercurrent
to a lot of these things.
Like those who know, know.
When you put, oh yeah.
It's one of those things like, oh yeah, we call it this, but like, wink wink.
Yeah.
Okay, this is a...
Eugh.
This is a...
Gross.
Filter thing, alright.
Oh wow.
So this is before and after the filters.
She looks like Lindsay Lohan.
Yeah, it looks like somebody cut and pasted Lindsay Lohan's face on her.
Oh my god, it's just absolutely... that should be a crime.
Alright, thank you. Thank you for that.
Okay, girls, thank you for coming in.
Good stuff.
Thanks for listening. Patreon.com slash The Dick Show.
Dick.show. I'll see you next Tuesday or Monday, whenever it happens to be. Here it comes.
Maybe we'll play Dungeons and Dragons, I don't know.
Maybe it will be bad.
Maybe it will be funny.
I mean, I'm willing to do it if you think it's decent,
but 10 minutes, how much could I possibly learn?
Well, that guy's really big on it.
He says it's fun, I don't know.
Maybe it's not.
I don't know, maybe I'll love it.
Maybe you will get really into it.
["Bad Boyz 2"]
All right.
Presenting,
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
["Bad Boyz 2"] Okay.
You know, while we're here, bitching about women at the store, women shouldn't be allowed
to go to Costco anymore.
It's fucking it is completely ridiculous.
Why do I come home?
With nothing on the list, honestly, and like three shirts, I'm like,
honey, what the fuck?
It's like, well, they had these and they were so cheap and blah, blah, blah.
It's like your dresser is overflowing.
You have two laundry baskets in the basement that you don't have room for in our fucking bedroom.
Quit buying fucking garbage.
They're in the fucking way.
You know what?
If Trump does one goddamn thing,
legalize weed and make it illegal
for women to go to Costco without a man.
It's fucking ridiculous.
All right, so don't let yourself go.
I'm not going to Costco.
That's what I said.
Yeah, you. This is a you no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Well, she won't throw away the old stuff, it sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. The stuff that used to fit.
Yeah.
I've got a retreat today.
It is women not using AM or PM on giving you a time.
If you have worked at 3 PM and 3 AM working two jobs, you might want to specify which
one, so that way you know which one you're going to be working at.
If it's the previous night, like at 10pm, and you're saying, I'll be leaving at 8pm,
well I'm going to assume you mean 8am, right? Not fucking 8pm.
Just do military time.
Oh, I know, I know, I know.
I'm talking about. I'm on a family trip, but I'm not gonna start using
fucking 24 hour time out here.
I'm not gonna say, I don't know, did you mean eight
or did you mean 20?
She could learn it.
Nah, you gotta go with at night or in the morning.
Oh, that doesn't work either though.
Cause it's dark.
One in the morning, no that works.
Yeah, but they might fuck it up.
Yeah.
One at night.
Yeah.
Right?
Oh, fuck, I meant when it's dark.
Well, I don't think they could, but one,
it's not really dark anywhere at 1 p.m.
So like they shouldn't fuck one up.
The problem with AMPM is you can never trust people
to get it right for midnight.
Yeah. Never.
They never, they could never get it right for midnight.
Huh.
Okay. Let's see here. Yeah, that's a tough one. Sorry, buddy, but get it right for midnight. Okay, let's see here.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Sorry buddy, but you're gonna die not having a problem.
You know, it really pisses me off
when I'm trying to open something
and it's got like a plastic cover on it.
And the plastic doesn't rip off cleanly.
Oh, I know.
That's what I'm trying to put in the microwave.
Cellophane.
That they're like,
picking out little threads of plastic. They don't want to put it in the microwave. Cellophane. That they're like, picking out little Yeah.
threads of plastic.
They don't want to stick it in the microwave
and have it melting into my food.
It's just, it's so irritating.
I know.
When they put the thinnest, shittiest plastic
that doesn't just peel off.
And the glue is too strong.
Like it's supposed to.
The bond.
Hate that shit.
Everything's just so terrible.
Yep.
Yep.
Okay. There's an odd one. I feel you on that one
Yeah, my name is uh
Whatever I'm calling from the official blogcast it's currently 534 in the morning and I'm eating
somebody's ass
Yeah
Well, wait, never mind, no I'm not.
I for, no.
I'm actually just tripping out on mushrooms.
Okay!
There we go.
I figured.
But there we go.
I'm glad that he straightened out
Has everyone got retarded?
whether he was eating out somebody's ass.
All right.
I mean, I hate it when you're doing that and you don't realize you're doing that.
Or not doing that.
It sounded like you were driving.
Yeah, it did.
That's quite an ass that you're eating.
Hey, Dick, you know what makes me rage?
It's the 19th century.
Why the fuck do we use this stupid fucking double system for dates?
Like the 19th century.
Every single time I hear the 17 17th century the 14th century
Yeah, I get confused and I think the 19th century that must mean the night
Jerry Seinfeld rejected material. Okay
next
No, I think that's it said, you know, we're talking about the Sabbath. She got bounced with the first 200 meters of a
a fat bitch, she got bounced with the first 200 meters of a hike. I ran track and field
for my entire life. I ran it from elementary school, middle school, high school, all the way up into college. And if you were walking 200 meters, she got left within the first, I would say,
a minute and a half to two minutes of that hike. So if they're on a five mile hike or something,
you would look back three minutes into the hike
and that bitch would have already been fucking dead.
They'd be sat within, gotta be stopped.
Go fuck yourself, all of you, Sean.
They're invading everything, though.
Like, if you do any kind of outdoor activities,
it's all got to be,
it's all got to be reduced to satisfy like everything in life to satisfy the bottom quintile.
The bottom 20%.
So if you do any kind of hiking, it's like, well, you know, we're going to kind of nerf
it chill out.
Yeah, nerf it.
So you get nothing out of it.
So it's just like a leisurely stroll.
It's a tragedy. Well, it's like so many things. It's like school. It's just like a leisurely stroll. It's a tragedy.
Well, it's like so many things. It's like school. It's like...
Yeah. Yeah.
The next show that makes me rage is the Gladiator series. So the original Gladiator,
you could only find the extended edition. I don't want to see an extra 30 minutes of
comment that's talking. Just give me the one I saw the movies
Yeah, give me the normal fucking movie. Uh-huh. This is a situation where they extend an edition
Doesn't help the new one sucks. So, you know, I'm sure it does
Denzel Washington is he's one of the Emperor. Is that what's happening? I guess is that I mean
He seems like he's a star.
Of Rome?
I don't know.
Denzel?
Yeah. I know.
I don't know.
You know, historical accuracy is a thing, but it's not in...
You know, whatever.
Does he have a wristwatch?
He's wearing the holo-
Denzel washing. He could...
Right, right. He might.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Drive around in a car?
Yeah.
Yeah? Why not? Yeah.
Cool.
Uh, get him in a Jag.
Ha!
Here's what makes me a fucking rave.
There we go, okay.
I'm 25.
Yeah.
And every time I go to the fucking club,
I hook up with fucking milfs.
Every time.
And then the goddamn question comes up Wow
How old are you? Mm-hmm? Uh-huh, and I don't fucking lie. Why I look 30
I look like Jim Hopper from stranger things
But I say I'm 25 and these horses 39 40 41
Mm-hmm, and then it just instantly shuts me down
Stop doing that this shit god damn it dick
Just say you're in your
Idiot yeah 25
Who cares
32 what do you want them to love you for the real you?
That's said that's retarded. That's a that's a fantasy. Maybe your to love you for the real you? That's retarded.
That's a fantasy.
Maybe your mind.
Nobody loves you for you.
Yeah, not women every time.
You're disgusting.
Okay, yeah.
Kat, why would you do that to them?
What do you want them to stop wearing makeup?
Tell me what you really think of my dick.
No, I don't think so.
Buddy, what have I been, how do I reach these kids, Sean?
You're 32, you don't.
Okay, goodbye everybody.
See you. Thank you, Kross.
Thank you.