The Dick Show - Episode 443 - Dick on Counting Calories

Episode Date: January 6, 2025

Meta introduces Black AI people, wrong questions at the ultrasound place, Null is told to lose weight and overreacts, giant boob vaccine sideeffects, a marine does a terrorism, I am banned from the Food Bank, the Magic Castle, the All State Ceo releases a message of tolerace, and British r*pe gangs; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Spent they spent years trying to train black people to become what they want But they weren't listening black people said all hell no we're gonna be us. We're not gonna be what it was that What was that fucking? What was that noise? How do I turn on streamer mode and stop that noise forever? How do I stop the fucking know are you sure I'm not getting distorted at the high end? How the fuck do I stop the fucking noise? Stop the fucking noise stop the fucking noise Say it one more time. How do I stop the fucking noise? I'm I'm gonna die as rumble not working

Someone said it never works sir., it's working. STOP THE- It's working right there. You idiot. Check your- you're in my settings. Yeah, tell me specifically how to do it! Don't say it's in the fucking settings! You don't think I know it's in the settings? It's obviously in the settings!

It's a thing from the program making noise! Where the fuck else would it be? Of course it's in the fucking settings! Be thorough! Don't half-ass your advice! Tell me where to go in the settings! It's in your't half-ass your advice! Tell me where to go in the settings! It's in your settings, Jack Mennoff! No fucking shit! No fucking shit! It's in the settings! Go live on Vimeo, I know! Where, where is the thing to stop

it from making noise when I'm streaming? It's called streamer mode! It's in the settings. No shit! Streamer mode. Activate streamer mode. Where? Streamer mode. On. Enable streamer mode. Thanks, was that so fucking hard? To say search the settings?

Fuck! Presenting Dick. ["Dick"] I'm blinding, I'm making myself deaf on purpose today. I don't even care about the tinnitus anymore. Yeah! Welcome to Dick, you want dicky, you need dicky, you love dicky, you get it! So show opens at contest committee live from Mountain Bunker, deep in the heart of city

failure in your Hostic Mansion. Joining me as always is Johnny, the Audio Engineer! Hey, what's up, buddy? Hey, man. It's a lovely v-neck you have there. Thank you. Is that Sean's? You know, he was wearing that one for so long that it started to get a little ratty. I found it under the seat, yeah. You found it under the... He left it under the seat?

Yep. Just for me. Like he's training his H1B replacement. Exactly. It was in the... Chunny! Chunny, here you go. Here's your. Excuse me, Dick Sarr. Oh man, Elon got so blown out, he has to pretend about girls getting raped in England now.

You see that? I saw the pivot. The pivot? Yeah. Ah man, these guys are really railing me. Hey guys, there's a bunch of little girls getting raped. So if you don't care about that more than your jobs, then that's on you. You're just selfish, I guess. Just a little perspective, you know? Yeah, get some perspective. All I saw is that he

was trying to like get involved with parliament or something. I don't think the British are like gonna fall for his shit, you know? They're not as dumb as us. People love falling for shit. America likes a con artist, you know? Con man or con artist. British, I don't think they fall for it. Most American thing. Con man. Flim Flamman.

The flamman. Flim Flamman. Snake oil salesman. Joining me in studio here is my man. We love him. My man from Burning Man. From the past. My man from Dubai.

My man is over here. How's Dubai doing these days? Uh, I don't know. I think there's a bunch of Russians there. Oh, they're Russians? I already got worse after I left. I think I was holding it together. They confiscate their passport, you know, over there. They take their passport and they say, you gotta build some more before we give you your passport back.

They put, now they put exploding collars on their children's necks. The immigrants in Dubai. That's 100% true. They're doing, that's true. That's true. I'll make some of those. If you don't work a 12 hour day, if you don't go online and talk about hustling, then we're

gonna blow your kids' heads off. You get squid gamed immediately. Well, welcome to Dubai, also known as squid game. I don't really get squid game. Did you watch it? Did either of you watch it? Well, did you watch it with the subtitles? Uh. I mean, it doesn't fucking get Squid Game. Did you watch it? Did either of you watch it? Well, did you watch it with the subtitles? Uh, I mean, it doesn't fucking matter, but

I think I did and I then I was like doing computer stuff the whole time arguing on Twitter and I looked up after four episodes And I'm like, I don't know Korean at all. I don't get what's going on here I said are they making money or what? I think it's a metaphor For what? I don't know. Making money? Making money. Man, I am, I celebrated way too hard for nailing my pizzas last night.

I finally produced an edible pizza last night and I decided to just go nuts celebrating it. Now I feel and look like shit. There is no way I can win a Pokemon tournament in this condition, but I will try. You gotta think of Michael Jordan's flu game, right? Yeah, this is gonna be my flu game. This is your flu game.

They're gonna talk about this at the little children's card shop until the end. That guy showed up reeked of today's liquor and last night's liquor and proceeded to dominate everyone in every category. You gotta think of Pete Weber, the bowler, the who do you think you are, I am guy, who was fucking a bunch of crosswords deep yelling at some kid in the audience. Then you also gotta think of John Daly too, man.

Why does that guy smell like gasoline, the kids are gonna say? Don't ask, don't worry about it. Well, it's just gonna be one kid who knows what you smell like. He's like, ah, he smells like my dad. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh, he smells and acts just like my dad.

Always with the hot trauma takes. Yeah. Trauma hour, let's go. I think about your story of the breaking the dog's neck probably every day. Every time I hear someone talking, I think, you know, I know a guy who could just end this whole conversation because I don't want to be here, but I can't do it. I'll just look like,

I'll look bad if I say, you know what, no one cares about this. Can you stop talking? Right. But then- That's not the way out of a conversation. The way out of a conversation is just drop some trauma Trauma dump You know the the Democrats have tried to co-opt trauma dumping and make it something special for them Oh, that's not what it's for. What do you mean? Well, you know, they're like, oh you want to hold space for my trauma there? That's oh, yeah. No, it's a tool. It's it's a weapon. It's a weapon to use against your enemies Yeah, yeah, you see all the rapes in there that were happening? Oh man, guys.

I mean, let's not ask why every Silicon Valley company who's online talking about freedom nonstop has their entire customer service department run by Indians, right? Coinbase, look what we did. Look what we did for you, the people. We sued the government and we got these FOI requests of the government shutting down crypto for you the people. Hey, I have a question. How come when I go to your customer service, it's 12 Indians running the whole...

For a dollar an hour. For a dollar an hour. You mean to tell me that... I get that you're doing it for us, all these lawsuits against the government. I get that's for me and the people how come you can't how come the whole how? Come you can't even name the customer service agents like Daisy or Bob or something. Why is it's got to say like ham jeet and Bargatti bh why you have so many people in your customer service Where the services bh with you so when you so pro-america when you so pro-america when you're so pro-america

Why does every fucking customer service agent have a consonant next to a fucking H? When is that gonna be resolved hey look at all those rapes oh? It's trickle down freedom the more freedom coinbase has the more freedom we down like shit from India Trickling down from it the more freedom coinbase has they give it a little more to us and then we Those guys and then they can trickle it down like the Ganges. Ooh. How wonderful. So anyway, like we were saying before the show, Metta has used the best and the brightest

pro... Can you believe that they're having a hard time finding the best and the brightest programmers to make imaginary black people? It's not something that they wanted to work on, I guess. I don't know why that is. How much does it cost to pay the best and the brightest engineers to create imaginary black people on on on meta that you can enter that all say hey feel free to contact me. Have you seen these things? I'm gonna pull one up right now. I

don't know if I don't know if it's just a me thing that I spotted this. Black people. Oh man we went to the Magic Castle. Speaking. Black people. Oh man. We went to the Magic Castle. Speaking of black people. You know the Magic Castle? Well, I mean, no. I don't know. I don't know what happens in LA.

I know four spaces in this whole Tri-County area. It's this goofy castle where you have to know. You have to be recommended to get an invite by either a magician or a pedophile. You can't get a reservation there. You said that twice. You can't go there unless you have either a magician or a pedophile. Most people don't know about the pedophile thing, but it's a bylaw. Again, you're saying the same thing twice.

So we go there. It's a great system because they give you like a shitty prime rib for you know $400 or whatever it costs and the magic is free. The show is free. So it's it's nice actually. It's more dignified I don't like I don't like being dick down like I don't like having to do cheap calculus at every single turn Right an evening. So I kind of enjoy the rape up front party in the back. Right. You know? Let's get this over with. Yeah. How much? Oh, everybody, everybody really go through the drink menu, right? Yeah. Take a good gander. Go all the way to the bottom at the $24 Alakazam gin and tonic, right?

And then we can get to the free magic all night. It just feels better. You don't wanna pay for magic. Well, that's not magical. Exactly, it ruins the illusion. It ruins the illusion. Now I know that some Indian guy somewhere is gonna set up a- Is gonna cheat the system.

Cheat the system. Yeah. So we're going, we do the magic and it's magical and shit. They got a new zoomer kind of magic Which is mostly like stand-up routine and then a little tiny bit of magic which is better I grew up in the Lance Burton days where women's tops are flying off You know have ever told that story the first magic show I ever went to he magicked off He magically sexually assaulted some people everyone

No, it's in their contract. You could put that kind of thing in the... Oh, when you go in and you pay the $500 and it says, hey, you're bra's. Women just got there, tits looked at, you know? Back in the 90s. It's called being a doctor. Yeah.

Doctor, prostitute, like girls, college girl, fireman woman. Fire woman. You get your tits looked at and everyone's like, awesome. And the girls were like, that's Yeah, that can't happen these days My mom I was really into magic when I was a kid Then I hit puberty and I was like, I don't want to be a pedophile. I Was really Yeah

My mom said We're all going to Vegas and her parents were coming. We're all going to Vegas. I'm gonna get us tickets to see Lance Burton. He's a big magician, right? Reading Rainbow guy, right? Yeah. And he came out with the Geordie thing. I'm gonna get us tickets. You're gonna love it.

Your son's gonna love it. My parents are coming, so this will be a nice family event. And the tickets were sold out that she wanted to get us tickets to for Lance Burton in Vegas probably in 1991 or something like that, 1992. So I was about 11, 12 years old. Whole family's going. And the tickets said, the tickets that she wanted

were sold out at 7. So she said, well, I'll get the next show. It was at 10. And it said, adult show. And she goes, ah, that probably means some body language, right? No big deal. They could hear a word. Maybe an F. Maybe a, you know?

You could say whatever the hell you want. Say whatever the, jizz. Yeah, you know, there's no risk of hearing horse cock and jizz in the 90s, right? You look at that today and you're like, well, it could be anything. I don't know, but back then, like, maybe like a shit or a damn, you know? Not a goddamn though.

That's- Please, this is Lance Burton. Yeah, I think it is. This is simpler time. So she goes, no problems. We all load in there, you know, Vegas, playing arcades all day out in the, out of the pool. And we get in for the show and my mom and my dad are there.

And my mom's parents are there for the Lance Burton for the show. And my mom and my dad are there, and my mom's parents are there for the Lance Burton 10 p.m. show. And she's like, son, go sit right on top of the stage. Like get right on the stage. We have right stage show right next to the stage seats. And I'm right there, right? Because the tables go out. Splash zone.

Yeah, splash zone, right? And here we go, Lance Burton comes down, he's doing his magic. I'm like, oh man, I'm fucking being bedazzled over here, right? I was probably right about to become a pedophile. Right. That is as close as you can get. Yeah. That's the entrance exam. Yeah. I'm like, you know what? I'm in. I love this magic shit. I'm in. And he goes, all right, for my next trick, I'm gonna need my assistants to get more comfortable. And he goes like this, and all their tops fly off, and their tits fly out.

Oh, wow. I go. That's cool. And I'm so far away, you know, she can't do anything. She's sitting there with her parents right now. And I just go, whoa! And that's when you knew like magic is not for me. Yeah, magic is gay.

Because there's something else going on. That's what I'm into this. I'm making this my career. Why did I say this? Oh yeah, we went to the Magic Castle for the free magic. And I managed to find a crew of black people that were all stationed around like a closeup magic. And I'm like, this is gonna be amazing, right?

This is more, if you think magic is great, try magic on watching black people watch magic, right? Try magic while black. Try magic while black. I'm like, oh man, these aren't the metaverse black guys that Facebook's ginning up, you know? These are homegrown American black people. Oh boy, this is gonna be good. And then I hear from behind me in my group, they tap me on the shoulder like, oh we're gonna go to the next show.

This is it. This is the greatest show on earth. Have you ever heard that phrase? This right here. And the guys like, pretending to be a bartender polishing up stuff like getting out a little orange oh man this guy's gonna really and I got a spot I'm not even looking at the magician I'm like looking right at the black you're behind yeah yeah I'm behind like uh-huh okay okay like no no no we're gonna go we're gonna go we gotta go upstairs like I'm like, no, no, no, we're gonna go. We're gonna go. We gotta go upstairs.

I'm like, no, no, this guy's good. And they're like, why do you wanna see this magician so much? I'm like, uh. I've been on the internet, you know. It's just like, just for no reason. I've heard this magician, it just looks cool. Something about him just looks cool to me.

I don't, I don't. Why do you wanna stay here so bad? Uh, I can't, don't why do you want to stay here so bad ah I can't I can't tell you right can you just like look around take a walk just take a walk go see it without me so did you get the pay I didn't get to see it I got pulled away but I did see one of the black guys later I was getting a little drunker and my girlfriend she said I forget what she, I was getting a little drunker, and my girlfriend, she said, I forget what she said, and I was like, Dee's nuts, right?

She goes, you gotta stop saying Dee's nuts, it's not funny. And I said, it's always funny. And one of the black guys was walking down the stairs, and she goes, true dat. And gave me a hug. Oh wow. Yes, that's right. That's a powerful feeling. That's right.

I hope you enjoyed your magic, sir. I hope you enjoyed your magic. Here's the, let me pull up these black guys that Metta is making. I don't really think it's appropriate. Like I don't like being one of these guys that's like it's digital blackface, but I don't really think a bunch of Indians should.

Is that a term that's floating around? Digital blackface? Digital blackface. Because the internet is inherently white. The algorithm is just some chubby white guy. Yeah, so the internet pretending to be black is offensive Is offensive and now it's offensive to me This is this is a not a real black person that meta has created. Oh, she's got two kids Kerma, what does it say mama live? Hi mama live? And her name is Liv she says proud black queer

mama with Momma of two and a truth-teller. Hey, you're realist source for life's ups and downs Let's chat available anytime. What the fuck is this? This is it where does where does medica where's fair con did they wait for him to die before they started? Creating black people out of the ether like you cube and loading up is this is very offensive This is very offensive to me. It's very fucking offensive. It's less offensive than if it was just a bunch of like white dickheads that they're making, or Indian motherfuckers there, like I'm able to send bobs and vaginas at any time. Creating a queer, black, mother of two is very fucking offensive to me! Very! You're realist source. It's the realist source. It's offensive that she's

skinny in a way that a normal woman would not be. It's offensive that she's a queer mom and that she's not real. That she's not real that makes all of this highly offensive if it was just a real Queer mom of two and a truth-teller who's a black woman who's the skinny I would be that's tremendous But you've copied this person and cloned it using the best and the brightest from India to sell merchandise is very very offensive It's on another level we've David Duke would go beyond the pale or whatever Wow that's huh he's not pay a real black person to

be to sell your merch no and what are they even selling I don't know glue what are they what's the I don't know. Glue? What's the most offensive thing you can sell? They're just like creating influencers to... Jerry Curl? They're creating an army of infinite influencers that you can talk to at any time. And this is such an

intersection of people. Like who is going to click, oh I'm down to chat, I need to chat to this. White women! Oh this is... and they're there They don't even know that it's fake. You know, is that what's happening? I don't I don't think they know that it's fake You're like, there's another one too. They made a they're making they're making black. This guy seems nice though Brian Hello. Hello. Grandpa Brian man Why is hello in there all of their fucking names? Because it's Indian. That's how Indians all learn at once to do either like put think in their username or hello or something and it spreads like a virus among them.

You know like a like E. coli in the in the Ganges. It spreads among their community. Look at this fucker. This is not a real black guy. This is the this is the peak This is the next evolution of appropriating black people to shove down everyone's throat You wouldn't download a black person No, but I'd code one right you can download a black guy Would you I would use all the worst most racist things ever said about black people. I'd collect that into a data set, and I'd have that data set draw a black person.

Yeah, is there? Is there that? That's what this is. That's what this is! That's exactly what it is. I thought that was an Israeli flag up there for a second. No, the claim here is that this man is always learning textiles.

That there's a man out there. Retired, yeah, yeah. Always learning textiles. There's a man out there, always learning textiles. Retired textile businessman. No, he isn't. It's not real. Who's always learning? No, he's not. He's not learning anything. It's a fucking, it's a set of data.

Message me to talk about anything available in the US. I can't, I mean, you can't, mean, what Luigi Mangione did by killing that murderer in the street who created some sort of a demon, who summoned a demon to deny health insurance claims, and this are not comparable. They are in two totally different universes of evil. two totally different universes of evil. One is just a slang of a person. This is like, this is the shredding of an entire race. Like- An entire culture-

Of an entire cultural identity. Yeah. This is- In the pictures in the profile, like the six little thumbnails are all worse. Oh yeah. Okay. I went to the, speaking of fat women, we had our first ultrasound.

Oh. Yeah. It's very, it's like a very nerve wracking having a baby because you just constantly think that it's gonna be like fucked up. Something's gonna go wrong. Right. Because the womb, of course, typical woman, women,

the womb is the most hostile place for a phoenix to be. If you put a phoenix in your shoulder or something, or like in your ass. Like we have rib cages, put it up in there, right? Put it in the rib. The shell of a. But the womb is like Mars, or like in Beetlejuice with the sand worms, that's basically the womb that we put the phoenix in to grow.

Yeah. I'm not joking either. It's meant to- I've never looked. I was in one. I mean, you get your dick in there, you wanna get it out as quickly as possible. Everything bad comes from there and you only get close.

But the phoenix is designed to kill babies. By the way, I posted my ultrasound and everyone's like, oh, great, congratulations, right? I'm trying to get my girlfriend to name it Donald. Yeah, it's a strong name. It's a good name. Exactly. Donald Duck.

Donald Duck. Yeah. Takes no shit. Don Henley. Don Henley. Don Henley. From the band... The Whatsy Trunks? The Eagles?

Yeah, the Eagles. Don Imus. Don Imus, a great American, knocked down in his prime for something that was ahead of his time. Still funny. Did he get canceled for saying nappy-headed hoes? What? You can't say that. It's not something.

You can't say that. I was before Caitlin Clark. Oh. He was an innovator. He was an innovator. Were black people offended by that? I don't think so. Happy headed hoes?

I'm pretty sure whatever the race is, if you go after the women, the men of the race and most of the women are like, yeah, awesome. That's true. They are. They are hoes. And they are nappy. Just look it up on YouTube and read the comments. I don't know.

Her identical twin could be playing for the WNBA. And he goes, that nappy-headed hoe. And she would say, mm-hmm, yeah, that's right. He right. What were you going to say? We're just naming Donalds that are reputable. I'm just hammering her with the Donald thing to try to sink it in.

I got nine months to inception it, right? I'm in when she's sleeping. I'm like,ing her with the Donald thing to try to sink it in. I got nine months to inception it, right? I'm in when she's sleeping, I'm like, Donald, Donald. Bunch of Donald Fagan records around the house. Donald Fagan? Yeah. Steely Dan. Oh, yeah, Steely Dan. I'm at Steely Don now.

So we go to get the ultrasound. And first thing I notice is that every chair in the waiting room for the ultrasound is super sized or stretched out like a laser printer that got jammed. This chair, every single chair is big. And I don't mean some of them. I mean, we're like squeezed in. Like a homeless person could sleep like a baby. Could sleep comfortably on these chairs.

The chairs are safer for the penis. The chairs, yeah. And then I was like, wow, why are all these chairs so big? It must be because of pregnancy? I don't know. I've never seen it. And then I see the pregnant women start thundering in. And I thought I was at that 4-H club.

It's like one after the one, each one was fatter than the next coming in there. And I don't think it started with when them being pregnant. And I think the eating had started long. I think the eating probably started when they were born. And then they... That is when eating typically starts. As far as I understand. So I'm like, I think I found, I think maybe the stats of the messed up babies are, I think it might be, there might be an external influence that nobody's

talking about. Right. Maybe we should look at what happened to the chairs. The smaller chairs. But whatever. Start making chairs smaller, and then it's like trickle down fat loss. Small chairs, smaller people. Yeah, you gotta follow the fat,

as Johnny likes to say. You sure you weren't at the tractor supply, though, right? That's where I thought, that's where all the chairs were from. They had tractor supply. So did you have any questions? Like you go in there, you get a skid? You know what I thought it was a safe place?

Yeah. It's not safe for men. Of course not. It's not. It's not for men. Yeah. It's not safe for men. Of course not. It's not. It's not for men. Well. It's for babies. I thought, you know, Mr. Big Shot,

men are keeping this place in the black, by the way, you fatsoes. So don't be, I thought this was a couple place, like a togetherness place. I thought it was a safe place to ask things. One thing I learned. Like, should I be smoking with the fiends? No.

Not good. Should I be thinking about what to pressure them into? How do you feel about spelling bees and pronunciation bees? Should I be pushing them to Indians? Greatest spelling bees, bad at pronunciation bees. Is that a thing? It is now. I'll be holding the first annual international pronunciation bee this year.

We'll start with the word panacea. Panacea. Start with the word sir. Alright? Hijabi? Your name is, your word is sir. S-I-R. No, no, I'm sorry.

You're at the wrong bee, buddy. I'm gonna need to get a pronunciation of sir. Yeah. You need no, I'm sorry. That's you're at the wrong B, buddy. I'm going to need to get a pronunciation of Sir. Yeah, you need to pronunciate that. Can you use it in a sentence? Sir, I cannot give you a refund. I don't know. Who knows? This could work. Sorry. Ah, ah, ah, ah, and then there's a catapult that flings them off Wee-hoo

How far? I don't know. How many oceans away? Wee-hoo As many as it takes Prenunciate Pronunciation beat So we go into the room And the lady, nice lady, you know, is doing the ultrasound and

she's like, oh, there he is. And I shit you not, he looks, I saw, as soon as I saw the little baby, I thought- You started weeping? He looks exactly like Trump. He's got the whole Trump hair. I looked at, you know, 80s car, I'm like, mmm. And she, I could see in her face that she saw it. She's like, god damn it.

Does look exactly like Trump. So then the lady's going around. They find the heartbeat. It's going fucking fast. Like a 180 beats a minute or something like that. Yeah, it's a dangerous environment. There's a lot of stress. It's stressed out.

Yeah. It's like Mars. Right? And she goes, oh, there's the heartbeat. And you could see it, like see through vision on there. And I said, stupidly, drop my guard for one second, you know, wanting to be involved. I didn't even want to ask this.

But I was like, you should ask something to show that you're interested in this whole process, right? You're like a new type of man, you know? Show that maybe they'll give you some secret right health care, right? You know? Act like you're involved, you know? Like you ask a tour guide, like was there, oh yeah, and when did, why did they do that? And then suddenly the information really comes out.

And the information really starts flying. About the hauntings or whatever, yeah. A little bit of, you know, a plate spin. Grease the wheel. Grease the wheel a little bit. And I said, uh, is there blood in it? In the... In the baby. In the baby? And she goes, I can't even do her look.

I've never been looked at. Like, I'm so stupid. She goes, like, I can see it in the corpse. She's like, what the fuck? Who brought this? What the hell did you, who did you fuck for this baby? What the hell is this guy's problem? She goes Yeah, there's blood in there that doesn't like what Do you know I don't and I'm like, I don't think

Did you not like why you why are you saying it like that? It's not a dumb question. Like the blood, is the blood in there before the heart starts going then? Is it just in the second, it could be goo. Could be goo. Cause it starts with goo. Well, and now I, it's all goo in the beginning.

In the beginning, there was goo. Yeah, I would think the heart would start going and then some kind of a goo transformation would happen and become blood, okay? I'm not like a fucking lady doctor, but that's how I would do it. It starts at some color of goo and then it turns into red goo, I don't know.

I'm like, all right, I'm done. Wrap this up, let's go. Put it away. You got like a half second of what it feels like to be a woman asking a dumb question. I really did oh Man this feels terrible terrible belong here. Is that is that just fatherhood? That's that's it here you go welcome to a new world Don't ever trust them. I'm gonna say no ice in your cup children. No blood your baby docked women Oh, I mean even if it's a woman. I'm gonna say

It could have been goo. I don't know, I don't think she knows. I don't think anyone knows. How would you know? She's probably angry. Take the baby's heart out, okay. Murderer. You know they used to do surgery on infants cause the doctor said they just can't feel anything.

They used to do straight up. Yeah, I like that justification. Yeah they won't be able to tell me it hurt. Cut him open, he can't complain about it later. What is he gonna know? And then I come home and I'm all excited, right? And I post the non-Trump looking baby picture on the internet and everyone's like,

oh yeah, good job, good for you, good, great. And one motherfucker comes in and goes, it really changes your stance on abortion, doesn't it? This is why nobody likes you guys, okay? First of all, no, having a baby definitely does not make me value other people's lives more. Right. I have real bad news for you. It actually makes me value them way, way less. Way less.

Especially the people getting them. Ramp them up. Let's don't get in there, don't get in their way, make it easier, give them billboards. But for you to come in here and instruct me on the evolution of my values, vis-a-vis this one, Happy New Year's, I bet this changes your stance on abortion, it's crazy how it changes your stanc- no. No. You should have been aborted, that's what it makes me think. Somebody fucked up by not aborting you, or this comment should have get fucking aborted. No children should be born after mine. I can't have any children- I don't want any fucking deadbeats. I don't need anyone talking to

my fucking kid. Yeah. I don't need anyone inciting them or accepting them with some idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want this. I don't want this to ever happen to them. So everybody else has got to go. Everybody. So did it? Oh, yeah, it really changed. It blew my mind because I never even imagined that babies existed. You're right. I'm so fucking dumb. Everyone except you is so dumb. They never thought through anything in their whole fucking life before. Thanks so much For thanks so much for this piece of trash What are the chances that the person who commented that was one of these AI black people? Did you check? I didn't I don't know how to check as long as it says

They'll talk to you anytime. Say hey, I want to talk to you say the n-word Oh, well, I don't come on upon much examples of saying that one in textiles say it well Oh, I'm just gonna head out of this conversation Go back to sleeping in my pod say the n-word. Why is he foghorn leg? Because why people love that yeah, they love that old-timey So you're now you've changed your feeling about abortion. I'm so proud of you. What is this? You're like what is wrong with you? What's what what the so proud of you. Like what is this? You're enlightened. What is wrong with you?

What the fuck is wrong with you that this is what you're bringing to, first of all, it's a happy, first of all, it's only positivity that we're doing on Twitter now. Yeah. Because Elon got blown the fuck out. So now we're all, now the jokes about H1Bs are boring. Now all the Pajit jokes are boring.

It's only positivity and fun now. It's not funny anymore. And it's rapes. We're only being positive now. Check out all these young little girls that got raped. Okay. What is, what is this? What is this? I'm not following the thread on the rape thing. Did Elon Musk rape somebody? Uh, rapes have been happening in the UK. What? For like the police the police were like arresting the dads of the girls that got the police were defending the rape gangs Because they didn't want there to be any sort of cultural Tension who are just the UK police are the rape gangs and this is Muslim Migrants I think I'm back in now. They let a few through,

they let a few, a few got past the goalie. Right. And they totally unchecked and unlicensed and unfettered access to civilized countries. A couple got in that were real bad guys. And Elon Musk is like, hey. The are you a rapist? No, didn't work. Turned out some of them were lying. a rapist know didn't work. Turned out some of them were lying. Right. It's a comprehensive form. You should fill it out honestly. But maybe they can't pronounce rapist. Maybe they thought it said rapist. My rapist? No I can't rap for shit. I'm too busy raping. Too busy. I got them meetings. So now Yulan's hard-pivoting to... So he's upset that rape exists. So he's upset that rape exists? Um, well, yeah. Yeah, me too.

You know what? Me too. I'm with him. He's got my vote. We got enough rapes here, guys. Yeah, let's just run on that. That's the platform I support. No more. Cut it out. Let's knock it off. Knock off all these rapes. We got enough problems with these guys that we have here. We got enough problems with fake people on the internet.

Baby's having goo hearts. I bet she, she probably looked it up afterwards. Yeah. She's like, that fuck idiot, let me look it up. She was losing sleep over it. There's no way. There's no way it starts out as fresh, pure, virgin blood. Blood, yeah!

It doesn't. Just appears out of nowhere. I should have pressed her on it. What do you mean? Of course there's blood in there just because the heart's going. Hmm. It's black and white. How do you know it's blood? Maybe it's goo. Why does it need blood? For the brain. I don't know does it have a brain Yeah, it's got a brain. That's good brains Brain's going nuts in there. Oh, freaking out. I'm force feeding my, uh, the mom. Are you putting, uh, like, headphones on her belly? Of this show.

And playing? Yeah. They're just going to have a great pronunciation of his vocabulary. Comes out, ah, that's a guy. Ugh, get him out of here. He just hates your voice day one. Hey, here's something else turns out the food bank

Cards I got we got ejected from the food bank or told never to come back. Well, that seems appropriate What do you mean? We even dressed down we're getting out of yeah pilates and I'm like, hey, let's go to the food bank and 80s girl goes, okay, we'll go right there. And I said, no, we got to go home and change. We can't go in like workout clothes like the neighbors in Christmas Vacation. Like we can't dress. I can't go in like a fucking Koofandy spaghetti back tank top. Like come on, we got to look like, you know, let's put some pajamas on or something. Dirty pajamas. Right. Cookie Monster pajamas. Just can we back up like a beat?

Food bank. I haven't been around in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, they're giving free food out. They do. Yeah. For you. For anybody. So you can't, you're like, I don't want to look too nice. It undermines. I don't want to arouse suspicion. I don't want to arouse suspicion. Oh, okay. At the food bank. Yeah. All right.

I don't want to get shivved by one of these hungry bums. There's some bums out here. Because of the class war, you know? I want to show my respect. I don't want to be one of these fake black guys on Meta. It's close. It's not a black guy. It's close. What you're doing is close. But I'm a human. I can do it. I'm a real boy. You can be a real black guy.

Yeah. Me doing blackface is less offensive than me just putting shoe polish on. I have shoe polish here. Me just putting it on is less offensive than that. I agree. It is. It is. It really is. It really is. Unironically, yeah. I think so.

So why are you going to the food maker? It goes, meta blackface, drag, women pretending to be men, saying offensive things, men pretending to be women, slightly less offensive than it, and then me putting on pajamas to go to the food bank. I just want free food. I'm sick of paying for it. There's plenty of food to go around. Right. Yeah just want free food. I'm sick of paying for it. Yeah. There's plenty of food to go around. Right. Yeah, there is.

Don't buy into this false scarcity shit. There's tons of food. They're wasting- they're just throwing it away. Everyone deserves a little bit of food. We have plenty of food. There's enough corn. There's tons- there's way too much corn. They're trying to find out goofy shit to do with the corn. There's so much.

Too much corn in everything. Yeah. So give it to me. Okay. What'd you get? attitude We walk up and this fucking bitch I'm not even in the building I'm not on my I knew there was gonna be I'm girding myself. I knew that I would have to gird myself You know for bullshit Cuz I just am look I've been alive for long enough. No, I think you knew that you were going to have to gird yourself for bullshit because the premise is bullshit.

What do you mean? I don't know. I just don't know if you need the food bank. I do. I need food just as much as the bums. Right. Do you? I do. Okay. All right. Hey. There's bums. Right. Do you? I do.

Okay. All right. Hey. There's bums that are fatter than me. Far be it from me. Yeah. Yeah. There are.

They're giving out beer in San Francisco to the homeless. No, they're not. Yeah, they are. They have like a bar. It's like, cheers. Why are we here? That's a good question. I know homeless people.

I know homeless people. Let's go get some beer. So I go up, and I'm knowing that there's gonna be bullshit already even though everyone says it's easy, there's no reason to be ashamed of it. I'm like, I fucking know, I know. Did you feel ashamed that you had to ask for food, had to ask for a handout?

A little bit, but that's because of white supremacy. I've been conditioned to feel bad about asking for a handout. Because you're not white? I don't know. Yes. Okay. So I'm like, so I'm like, okay, as soon as we go in the door, it's game on.

That's when the lying begins, right? As soon as we get in the door and out of nowhere in the parking lot, this fat woman stomps up to me and she goes, uh, what are you doing here? We're getting food. What do you mean? What is she doing? What is she doing? What do you mean? What is she doing? Yeah, what is she doing? What is she doing?

And I'm being just, I'm like not, you know, paying attention, I'm like, what are you, some fucking homeless fucking crack? Get the fuck away from me. She goes, is this your first time here? And already I'm off, I'm on my heels because I'm being asked very specific questions, you know? And I'm like, yeah.

What is it, an olive garden? Is this your first time here? We have unlimited soup and breadsticks in the back. She goes, where do you live? And I said, uh, and already I'm like, oh no, you didn't think of, see, this is all, I was gonna do this on the way in, not in the parking lot. I said, uh, we live on the border of Pasadena.

She goes, what's your zip code? And I was like, oh, you lived in Pasadena for fucking six years, and you can't think of a fucking Pasadena zip code? So I go, nine, two, one. She's like, oh no, you don't live here. So this is not for you. I said, but I'm hungry. I'm hungry. She goes, well this is not for you. I said, I'm hungry. I'm hungry.

She goes, well, I'll let you in this time, but you can't come back. I'm like, is this fucking, I got kicked out of a parking lot of a food bank? I got 86th. I've been kicked out of a lot of places, never this quickly or thoroughly, with this good of a reason.

So I'm like, okay, well, I guess thanks for this time. We go up there, she's like, yeah, take a shopping cart and get out of here. So I'm like, okay, I feel really bad. I take the shopping cart and we go loaded in the trunk of the RAV4 and it's fucking, it's like two weeks old expired salad from Trader Joe's. And I say, this isn't food.

This isn't food. What are you talking, two weeks old expired salad from Trader Joe's. This is trash. You're giving these poor people, you're giving these people trash? What happened to the fucking food? How were you radicalized is the question I guess. I am doing investigative journalism into what's happening at the food bank and they're feeding them fucking expired lettuce. Of all the foods, like you could have a gogurt

that's two weeks old, fine. Yeah, cause it's just petroleum. Crackers, two week old, they're a little stale. Fucking lettuce? Trader Joe's lettuce salad that's two weeks old! This is shit! This is gonna make someone sick! And then I'm gonna have- there's gonna be homeless shit streaks going from here in every different direction that the homeless go like we're in fucking India! What are you doing with this? You shouldn't be serving this shit to people! Give this to cows or something! Totally outrageous! You manage to have like four experiences of the food bank at once, right?

They're giving these bums, no one of the bums are so upset and they stink. Imagine that, you got no shower, no toilet, no bidet, and you get an expired salad from Trader Joe's. You get it home and it's expired. Right. Yeah. How long does salad last? When they put it in the Trader Joe's thing, it's expired right? Yeah, how long does salad last? When they put it in the Trader Joe's thing, it's already done. It's done

Yeah, they're giving that shit to women because they're buying it because they're stupid. I can't make my own salad I need a salad to go because I'm so busy. It's all chopped up. Being a business woman. Because once you chop it up it like damages the cells. Damages the fucking cells man. You can't have damaged salad cells. I'm pregnant over here. I can't have a damaged cell. I'm a baby to watch grow. Can't be feeding this shit to my baby Fuck's wrong with you. This is ridiculous It's horrible. So they did give you the food. So you got food. Yeah, they got my ID They asked for me for my ID to borrow a shopping cart So you get ID'd for going to get food,

but not for voting in California. Isn't that crazy? Are people waking up? I think so, yeah. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy? Can I vote? Yeah, sure.

Can I get some from food, some trash? Can I get some expired lettuce? I need to see your ID. One of them's more dangerous than the other. Can I get some gross, wilty lettuce? With a ramekin of sugar sauce, please? A ramekin? Those little plastic tubs, you know?

It's a ramekin. I thought that was a baking dish. Women love fucking ramekins. They love them. I have to think about that. They fucking go nuts. You show, if you come over, if a woman comes over and you I have to think about that. You don't have to really turn that over. They fucking go nuts. You show, if you come over, if a woman comes over and you open your cabinet and a bunch of ramekins fall out,

they'll lose their shit. Those guys, wow. That's fucking, you think they want a Rolex, right? They don't, they want to see ramekins. They want ramekins falling out of the cabinets. Ramekins, they want at the restaurant. They just fucking love them. They're fascinated by them.

A little container. I guess I'll have to stop by the ramekin store for a head home. Yeah, you pick it up. Grab some ramekins for your girlfriend. She'll fucking lose her mind. All right, wow. You know what? This is why I come out here.

You learn, you grow, you swap stories. I'm gonna go tell Uncle Ben on Metta, the fucking AI Uncle Ben here. Is that racist? Could I call him Uncle Ben? Like the rice. Oh. He looks like him. Look at him. Doesn't he? Well, yeah, he looks like him. Is Uncle Ben coded?

Coded. Is this post-racism? An Indian making a fake black guy? That's a dead internet theory, isn't it? It's done. The internet's over. The internet's over. It's just pretend black people.

We're all pretending. Racism too dropped. Racism too dropped. Collective computational racism. Yeah. The type of super intelligent racism. Is this good for global warming? How many black people being made by a server farm?

How many rare parrots do you have to slaughter to make a fake black person? How much does this guy cost? $60. $60. There's a worse joke there. I know. I couldn't make it either Okay, so the meta has AI

black people migrants are a burden on Society a new study says wow in no shit magazine. Here's no having a meltdown about dieting Did you see that Johnny? No, I know you're a big mad at the internet fan I haven't even had the chance to tune in big mad at the internet fan. I haven't even had the chance to tune in. I got somebody to watch now. Somebody told Null, he's a guy, he used to be a friend of mine, but then he, I don't know, he just got real upset about everything.

He's not having fun, I don't think. You can't stop having fun. No, they're making imaginary black guys with computers, come on. Welcome to the best timeline. When I did it in RuneScape back in the day, I got lambasted. They're doing it now and you know. Yeah. We'll be fine.

Can electric, oh man, I can't say the word. Can electric blank- You're out of the beat. Can electric blank dream of- Sheep? You know, electric sheep, right? You can't say the word sheep? I can't say the other word that make the joke funny uh okay oh all right

everyone know take a moment process that like a Welsh joke yeah that's like a you know like a child dying is when you can't say the word to make a joke a joke that would unite people. I'm a uniter. I'm a uniter, yeah. You don't divide. These digital ends. Not a real black guy!

Uh... Josh. I see a lot of text in a response. That's never a good sign. Somebody made the mistake of telling a fat guy to count calories. You see that part up there, Johnny? You know, we know from Veto that anything, any simple suggestion to a fat guy to do literally anything to not, to be less fat? Math is fatphobic, dude.

We'll send them into a fucking tailspin. No one needs the San Francisco weight czar to come defend him. Well, it's like that old Chinese thing where this guy was like, here's this poem about how smart I am and nothing can move me. And his friend just sent him a thing across the lake that was like fart. Yeah. And then he came all the way across the lake and was like, are you fucking serious with this shit? Like, I write this beautiful thing

and all you have to say is fart. Fart. It's the same, I am this immovable mountain. Yeah. Count calories. Actually. Uh, uh, uh, actually, here's a response that's totally different from every single other time a fat person has been told to lose weight in the history of humankind.

Two words. One day we're going to find a way to trigger the fats that's just one word. And then we're going to whittle that down. It's like a Mario speed run, right? Just two letters now and it's like, ah. UF or something, or an eight. CC, yeah. Eight, two, eight, the figure, eight, two, much. That's what it is, that's the new meta.

A greater sign. Yeah. Whatever that's called. You, greater. Yeah. You, eight, you ate too much two words did you read the fucking post retard I'm not taking this shit get fucked I said I don't want advice and I don't want advice you can't even read the poster replying to before climbing up my ass and denying and dying in it. The violently retarded F slurs rearing up like shit spigots every time I even mention anything related to diet

are just the most insufferable people. That's why I explicitly said, do not fucking contact me with unsolicited advice, do not get it. I don't wanna fucking talk to you about anything except zero calorie caffeine alternative. So he asked for zero calorie caffeine alternative. So he is counting calories because he wants a zero in there. Zero.

He doesn't want to count. He just wants it to be zero. All zeros. It's absolutely infuriating. I've lost weight before. Don't give weight loss advice to me or my son ever again. I went from 250 to 175 in Portland counting calories, doing 1600, 600 alternative day fasting and cutting out all carbs.

I know how to do math. I have Excel spreadsheets with calorie intake before. I know what a cup of milk, I know that a cup of milk is 150 calories and that if I put a cup of milk in my coffee three to five times a day, that is roughly one fifth to one fortieth of my entire caloric budget therefore if I stop drinking milk it will put any my normal diet and my routine under caloric but wow a lot of fucking milk drinking drinking three cups of milk is he an adult what is it has a baby those are baby numbers of milk that's like that's fucking toddler milk

drinking a lot of milk we go to fucking toddler milk. Three cups of milk? When you go to the fridge and crack that open and you're like, oh, I'm actually going to the store to get new milk. In a cup of coffee? It's half milk, half coffee? It's like an Arnold Palmer, Palmer? Yeah. Arnold Palmer for fucking caffeine addicts.

It's insane to me how much these fucking freaks can't stop themselves from sputtering up this. By the way, the comedy he's replying to says, count calories What do you call this is there a term for what's happening here? Oh, you know mad to you at all He's got fucking milk brain man Milk madness known as milk madness and all has milk madness. Oh, no no has milk milk madness. Known as milk madness. Null has milk madness. Oh no. Null has milk madness.

Milk in my coffee. Oh no. We gotta get him. No, no, no. You gotta piece off the milk. Lactaid. He's having a lactose. Lactaid is the suboxone of milk madness.

Just take a gun and blow your stupid fucking brains out. Wow. Yeah, it's a bad case. I've never seen milk madness this bad. And I'll get blamed for laughing at this, I'm sure. Well, the frustrating thing is what a mental impediment dealing with this shit is. Like, I don't wanna make people like is. Like I don't want to make

people like you happy. I don't want to do things that make you think you're horrifically unpleasant way of ignoring the words I say to jump me and spurg about food in any way contributed to the effort put into you changing my habits to lose weight. There's no risk of that. I have to commit myself 100% to my goal for my purposes, achieving policy change and ignore the people I don't like fucking talking to. You could change more policy if you lost weight. No one is gonna, no one wants to hear internet fucking

policy ideas from someone who's 300 pounds. They wanna hear it from a handsome, in shape individual who has lost some fucking weight. And then you can say that every time you go in there to change policy. I used to be 300 pounds, but now look at me, I'm 175 because I know what I'm talking about. It's a varying story.

Right. Yeah. They only hear some fucking fat ass waddle in there and go, here's what I think about the internet. Like, get out of here. Some stank like milk. They don't want some milk drunk lard ass. Lard ass. Waddling into Congress, lecturing people

about their internet. Squelchy shoes. Reeking of milk, reeking of sour milk. Sour milk. He could drink an alternative milk. How about that? That's a zero calorie. Lactaid, something? Fucking oat milk. Uh about that? That's a zero calorie fucking oat milk.

Or just drink regular coffee. Just drink coffee. Why, I don't know. I feel insane by those numbers. How much, what's the most milk you ever drink in a day? I don't know, a teaspoon. How much milk is in mashed potatoes? People put milk in mashed potatoes?

Cream them up. How much milk is in a piece of pie with put milk in mashed potatoes? Cream them up? How much milk is in a piece of pie with a big ol' dollop of whipped cream on it? That's it. That's it. That's the correct amount of milk. Regular human adult amount of milk. Man. Alright. No, you gotta relax, man.

I can't get over it. You go to the fridge. So you can change the policy, that's all. What policy? Internet policy, man. How are they related? Because. What do you mean? You can't have big old fatso's coming to the IEIA or whatever it's called.

Nobody wants that. Okay, about one million people sent me this, so I guess I'll mention it. This is a woman who got huge tits because she got the vaccine. And there's just no way this is real. No. Okay. Right. There's no, there's no way, even though everything, everything in my body wishes

that we could inject women with a dangerous chemical that gave them huge cans like this. Um, but there's just, I don't believe this at all. Wait, this was the thing Vito had, right? The vaccine. Yeah. Is that why he has huge tits? Yeah, and I made the mistake of clicking on the link and she cuts off the tits.

See, even when you have a magical virus that you can inject into women and forcibly objectify them, they still manage to ruin it, you know? There's just no meaning. Yeah, when you put it that way. Right? Framed that way, yeah. Yeah, it's just bullshit.

It's fucking bullshit. God forbid anyone be happy for one second. She was probably planning the mastectomy, or whatever it's called, when they turn their huge cans into normal size. Macro Mastia. Yeah. When I get to heaven they're gonna say, these are the words you searched for the most. Starting with now, I already know, just let me in. Hell. Just let me into hell. I don't need this fucking PowerPoint. Thanks a lot.

You high road me on this, the day of my death. Yeah, don't high road me. Finally got out of this bullshit. What is this, like an AI black guy that you have here, running heaven here now? Her breast size increased from a B cup to a triple G. That's how I know it's fake. That's not a medical term. Even if it was real, we're just oh yeah that was the it was the vaccine

this is my Mulder like I want to believe UFO right you know just print this out it's so dumb Scully you're never gonna believe you're never gonna believe this Scully that's my X files okay there's a this chick spontaneously got huge cans in Ecuador. Chemically induced cans. Yeah, we got to go investigate. A ghost gave this bitch huge cans. That's what happened. Arkansas. I'll see you there, Scully. Spirit tits. Yeah, that'd be a good show. They made shows for white men. That's what it would be. It would just be the X-Files all over again.

Yeah, but like all the paranormal events would just be big tits. Yeah, oh man, Scully, you're never gonna believe it. You're not gonna see what I saw as a subway. That's the train. This alien climbed out through the wall and gave this chick huge boobs. Right, there was a werewolf, but he didn't turn into a wolf,

he just turned into a big set of tits. Tits, yeah, every time there's a full moon, her tits get huge. Massive. That's the same as what moon her tits get huge. Massive. That's the same as what they're doing, just more appealing to men. Yeah, intellectually rigorous. It's more intellectual because it's not distracting you

with a different sort of supernatural thing, it's the same thing. So they can concentrate on the story more. It's better. You're right, let's get to it. But they're too busy making movies for gay people and women. So we don't get anything good like that. That's all I'm saying. I'm not going to click on the link because I don't want to see that she cut them off again. Thank you. I'm glad that thank you for sending this to me though. Everyone who sent it to me,

which is every single person that I know. I should go ahead and send it to you. Did you know about that? No. You didn't know about that? I didn't know about that. I'm bothered. I'm bothered I didn't know about it. These are things I want to know. You know, let me know if there's a big pair of massive jugs out there. That I don't know about. Yeah. The truth is out there.

I need to know. I need to know. I'm just, I'm out here. I'm doing know. I need to know. I'm out here. I'm doing work. I need, yeah. What the hell? I can send that. Send me an email. Send me an email about it.

Let me know a little bit about her, but not too much. Almost nothing. Almost nothing. Make it up. Make something up. Make it AI. Don't make her into video games. I don't want to hear that shit.

Make her biography in AI. Yeah. Send me the picture in an AI biography. Are there chicks with huge cans on Meta? I don't know. They'll tell you you did a good job today? It's probably just a bunch of... A bunch of black people.

It is, isn't it? I don't know. There's no way there's some chick with huge cans on Meta. Probably not on Meta. He's like, message me anytime. What about just a dad that tells me he's proud of me? How about that meta AI agent? No, probably not Yeah, and let it maybe if he's black. Do you want that? I wouldn't feel sincere would feel wrong I feel wrong. It feels wrong. It feels feel a little wrong. Um, okay, let's see a

Cybertruck got exploded Did you see that the guy posted a Like a statement about it. The guy he did. Yeah. What was his statement? He was like, uh, America's not doing so hot Like he loaded fireworks into the trunk of a car. And he's like, oh, yeah I put fireworks in here because I thought that was appropriate. I don't put a fucking metaphor in your terrorist attack. Okay, let's keep it Oh wait, they're all state the all Allstate CEO sent a really murderable message out in response to the terrorist attacks. Let me see if I have that one.

I don't know, people are saying, there's a lot of guys who are like, what really, what happened to this guy? He was special forces in the military. And then he snapped and blew up a Tesla with fireworks. And I'm thinking that sounds like everyone in the military. That sounds like every special forces person I've ever met. They completely lose their minds.

Yeah, this sounds totally normal. And if you haven't yet and you're listening to this, it's coming for you. It's definitely coming. Be ready. And guys listening to the show will be like, oh yeah, I'm in special forces. Yeah, they're very nuts.

Start investing in therapy now I don't understand why the guy who made his entire life training to murder people because someone told him to Went crazy like this. Chris Dorner man Yeah, who's that? Dorner was a hero Exactly. Yeah. All right. He was a heroic cop Oh who tried to take down cops from the inside is that the guy the tank guy No, that's the kill dozer guy Dornar also a great American here also a great American here I think that was over like like an HOA fee or something or like that was killed over a $12 property tax or something

I mean never mind the fact that they fucked with the principle of the matter. Yeah, they did fuck with him. Dorn or I forget what happened to him. His manifesto fucking sucked, though. It did. It was like one good manifesto generation. Yeah, Luigi's was not good either.

But he's still alive, so. He has a chance. Put him on TV. Yeah, put him on TV. Fucking televised that shit. Here's the Allstate CEO's response to the terrorism. I love that. That react. What happened to this?

What happened to this special forces guy? You mean the person, the insane guy with a broken family that spent every waking moment trying to be stronger and meaner than anyone he's ever met I don't know what caused him to snap like that Okay Who knows who knows So this guy said Tom Wilson, the insurance CEO, again another industry that just makes money Killing people

Not giving people what they paid for Right He woke up and said, oh man you know what, fucking people got run over by a legal immigrant I better get this by a legal immigrant. I better get this. You say legal immigrant? Yeah. Citizen, slash citizen, American citizen. Born here.

Here we go. He said, I got to get this message out on behalf of Allstate. Let's see. Welcome to the Allstate Sugar Bowl. Wednesday. Bro. Oh, because he- Lapel mic.

Because they were sponsoring fucking laptop mic from across the room, Jesus Christ. It's called the lapel mic, Tom. They got a camera. It's not a camera mic that you wanna be delivering this terrorism message in, it's a lapel mic. Cut out the room noise, Tom. Welcome to the Allstate Sugar Bowl.

Wednesday, tragedy struck the New Orleans community. Our prayers are with the victims and their families. We also need to be stronger together by overcoming an addiction to divisiveness and negativity. Join Allstate working in local communities all across America to amplify the positive Increase trust and accept people's imperfections and differences what together we win What the fuck are you what

On what negative about what? Islamic terrorism, that's okay. That's okay. You know, we should be more positive, but you can still hate terrorism. That should have been the message. Hey, we're all together. Let's not let our mutual hatred of Islamic terrorism distract us from helping each other

during this time of atrocity and crisis. Right. But fuck ISIS, but also let's love each other. Fuck Islamic and then pause. Right. So people get fuck ISIS, but also let's love each other. Fuck Islamic and then pause. Right, big pregnant pause in the biz. Terrorism. But let's help each other first. Also.

Enjoy your football game. Enjoy your football game. Hey guys, you're not doing getting attacked by terrorists correctly. Hi, I'm Tom from Allstate. You're blowing, you guys are blowing it. What? Is there anything you could do as a CEO of a company

right after this Luigi situation that would make you look worse? More of a target? Yeah. He might as well get up there and be like, hey, here I am in the lobby of the Loud Hotel, as you can tell. And I would like to be shot twice in the back of the head.

I don't have any kind of like security detail, just FYI, if there's anybody out there. Just me out there telling you. You have time to print a gun at home. You're in good hands. That's their slogan. Yeah. It's great. It's great. It's great.

Enjoy your football. Terrorism sucks. O'Doyle's rule. OK, let's see here. Do I have anything else good? What is this guy? Isn't it amazing? Yeah, I'm a Muslim.

Why does he feel like he's the right person to do this? Couldn't he find an Indian to deliver this message? Yeah, couldn't he just like load up an iPad with meta AI on it and say this is grandpa Joe? My black friend has this to say about the terrorist attack. Because New Orleans is a diverse community. Yeah, that's true. Why is this white fuck out here?

Okay, let me read some comments. Cody says, very good performance Johnny Serb. Sorry. Oh. Now just get beautiful baby blue eye contacts. Coming up next. And dye your hair blonde and all will be well. All right, I'll cut it too.

You're letting your hair fly recently. Shaun's got blonde hair. It's unmanageable. It's not that I'm trying to let it fly, it's just taking over. Yeah. It's a curse.'m trying to let it fly. It's just taking over. Yeah No good says oh, yeah metal Donut says we need the heart rate monitor back for this episode Yeah, I got pretty worked up over the h1b stuff Where is that? The heart rate monitor and I forgot how to use it actually blew it up

This guy's name is Jewish guy he says they did this to the carnival industry. They fired all the white Americans and brought in the H2B Mexicans. They would always try and say they were better than me and I was a kid and a teenager working because I was born on it. My best friend was half Mexican like you. Anyway, they would give him free food, but not me. Really fucked up. They could barely speak English and were not smart enough to get a second or third order concepts.

Meanwhile, my dad depode out a ha and he's the smartest guy I know. Weird shit, brother. Sorry, I had to share my story. It breaks my heart. And then my dad says no Americans want to, so they have to hire Mexicans. And it makes me so mad. I've called out show owners over it.

Expose it, please. OK, well, just run it through a spell check. I didn't follow that at all. Pop it into chat, GBT. Hey, we fixed up this grammar, so I don't seem like a schizo. Schizo lunatic. Schizo emails are the best.

Schizo voicemails are good too. You shouldn't, you would think that the AI would fix the Skitzo epidemic, because they could just type it into ChatGPT and it'll get punched up into something. Solus. Yeah, but like. Because the thing with being Skitzo, too much soul.

We gotta pull some of that out. So that's why ChatGPT works. Reduce the Skitzo by half. Yeah, get a little, you got a little too much soul. We gotta pull some of that out. Some of it. So that's why Chet, you do work so. Reduce the schizo by half. Yeah, get a little, you got a little too much in you. A little schizo. You got a little too much in you. But they don't use it. Okay, pepper slinger, the guy choking or whatever around

148, I've rewound this six times to hear what Johnny said and I have uncontrollable after, I don't know what he's talking about. I have no idea. Is this... is this it? I don't know. NBI. Oh, Royal Navy submarine service plagued by gay rape. Whistleblower claims the adjective.

Why gay rape? I feel like rape covers your bases. If it's on a submarine, I guess. Yeah. But women are allowed to be on submarines now. Oh, they are? Because it's 2025. You can put them on the next one.

I didn't know that. It's not good for the baby, but. Hmm. Okay. Because then you have a submarine inside of a submarine. You know the classic joke. Kevin Double Dash says, Hey, there's a site where you can post your username

and have it rate your Reddit posts. It combs your public posts and aggregates your persona. I did yours. Oh, okay. Let's see what it says. What was the last time you posted on Reddit? Very rarely do I post on Reddit. Personality report.

Let's see here. Extraversion, okay. Friendliness, gregariousness, oh, assertiveness. 75%. Oh, nice. Cheerfulness, 55%, I'm a cheerful guy. Agreeableness, 27%, we gotta get those numbers down. Morality, 30%.

Altruism, 45% how is that possible? modesty 15% Who the fuck would want? That should be the the inverse which would be the score that you would want Where's anger? neuroticism That's angry 75% your frequent use of aggressive language like get fucked and go fuck yourself Combined with a rage list strongly suggests a higher than average

Tendency towards anger you mean there's 25% of people who are more angry than me on reddit. That's kind of a surprise Okay, very funny Oh artistic interests Look at you really real Picasso over here. Oh 60%! Oh that's nice. Okay. You have interest in songs. Thank you for sending that. Your focus on comedy and bits. Further points towards an engagement towards creative pursuits. Amy says immigration was a wedge issue. The immigration issue is a long-standing debate I've heard throughout my entire life in which the class-based politics of the left recognize that you can't have both an expansive social welfare state with strong unions and also a large-scale immigration.

Yeah, Bernie Sanders seems to understand that. I don't know why no one else does. In contrast, the social justice-based left argued that a strict immigration policy was unethical and racist. The latter found an ally and sent... Yeah. Yeah. I wonder how AI will change the dynamic. I don't know. AI will just make everyone busy reading garbage.

Yeah, it's not real. It's trash. Lies. H1B. Hey, hey, Dick, please don't read my email on the show. H1B Indians. I work for a large-scale engineering company in England. To save money, they had the smart idea of making all the senior engineers who approve new designs redundant and replacing them with a bunch of Indians who did the job for a fraction of the salary. Obviously the inevitable happened. Quality and productivity dropped massively and we're losing money and customers for the third year running. Fortunately

it seems the companies realized this was a retarded idea and are just starting to move some of these jobs back home. Thanks. Gay. I've been listening to the show for years, was an apprentice when I started, and I am now buying my first home. It's gay. But I think the show played a small part in that, as I was playing constantly during studying and working. Please never stop.

Congratulations on the baby, and please don't ever let Vito be a co-host. OK. Is it gay to own a home now? Yeah. It's gay. Wow. Super gay. That's why you have to qualify that it's nothost. Okay. Is it gay to own a home now? It's yeah. It's gay. Wow. Super gay. That's why you have to qualify that it's not gay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I didn't know that. I guess it's like you are inside of another man's property, I guess. Yeah. Like you're letting

Pete, I'm here. Cause you can have gay sex there. That's true. So it's gay, obviously. Yeah. That's, obviously, the gayest thing is the gay sex. Yeah. Gay email. Wow. Huh. I'm a gay listener today. Twofer. Sorry for the gay email.

But congratulations on the new baby. I'm a father of three little ones myself, two, four, and seven, and totally remember my first time being a dad. Lucky for you, there is a guide that Disney made called Bluey that you can watch. There are several seasons of it available online, so just watch that and you'll be fine. I do have some favorite advice I like to give you

being the following. If you don't have a sound machine yet, get yourself a couple of them. I have a sound machine, that's what started this. Get yourself a couple of them that are able to be charged and powered on by just plugging into a USB port. You've never used white noise before. It's a total game changer for going to sleep. You would need at least two. One for the baby and one for the mom. I used to have one in every room of my house. Wow, this guy's got quite a setup.

Sounds... Static. At any moment. His house sounds like drinking a bubbling water or whatever. Hey honey, can you? Pfft. What's that? Oh, I'm just falling asleep now. I try to have one in every room of my house,

which I can use to drown out any noise even during the day. Sound man. This guy. He's like a Mega Man guy. He hates noise. He hates noise. No, he hates coherent noise. Yeah.

He only likes volume. Yeah. Hates. Okay. Discrete noises of any kind. Every frequency preferred, please. Please give me equal mix. You got any favorite frequencies?

No. All of them. Hate them. My seven year old still uses it to this very day. Give me equal. You got any favorite frequencies? No. All of them. Hate them. My seven-year-old still uses it to this very day. I do like using one to go to sleep as well. He has an additional sound machine when he goes to sleep to put over the sound machine. Fucking Miami sound machine over here, dude.

I bet you mama requires it to go to sleep herself. Does she or? Does he have like competing sound machines? His and hers. His and hers. The guy's got fucking stock in this company. I got pink noise over here. You walk around his house, it sounds like a modem.

Ding dong, ding dong. Does he live in a dishwasher? It allows me to be louder than normal when I'm on my computer in the living room. You know, it sounded, it sounded like this was going to be good advice, but then it turned into this odd sound machine. Addiction. Yeah, that was an entire paragraph. I mean, whatever. Whatever works.

Have at it. Multiple sound machines. You got one in the car? Got one in the car. Got one in the car. Got one at the office. The baby's first poop will be completely black, and this is 100% normal. I luckily took some parenting classes

while waiting for my first son to come out, and they told me this in one of the lessons. It's a good thing to know beforehand is it is really scary seeing it for the first time. Jesse Lee Peterson says this happens because it's the baby removing the devil from its body that the mother put into it during development. That makes sense to me.

You can find all sorts of parenting classes online or in person. I did in person ones and what kept me going was all the women there telling me that I'm such a great dad for going to the classes. That's what I thought would happen to me at the baby doctor, but it didn't. I would get so many compliments and praises from not only the smaller boob women there, but the big boob ones too, which was very nice. Oh, this is keep going. My baby mama was able to find some free in-person classes

and we would get points for completing lessons which could be used to purchase diapers. Oh really, they gamified going to parenting classes Hmm I think of it like the he actually circled that one most the time He's just marking things out that one that was a big circle remember to check on the baby remember check on a bank game points the diaper points um Okay, wow Not sure if your baby mama's planning on breastfeeding.

Okay, all right, all right, that's enough of this. That's a lot of sound machines. Hey, you know, a lot of people like that Bluey show. It comes up. I've had students give speeches about why you should watch Bluey as an adult. Really? Yeah.

What are their points? I don't know. They're not good, so I don't pay much. They're not persuasive? I'm just like, eh, zero. They can come in here and make me watch cartoons. What do you think this is? What are the most frequent topics of speeches?

Taylor Swift is a big, hot freshman in college public speaking topic. Okay. Christ, that's another one. Freshman in college public speaking topic. Okay. Um Christ It's another one how much uh church is beloved Coffee for some reason everyone's on about coffee sure I can't live without coffee They write a whole speech on that no they try it's right They attempt harder than it and then there's usually and then the other one that I get a weird amount of times is who is better? LeBron James or Michael Jordan?

Oh, like at gambling? Yeah, at gambling. And I always thought that's oddly specific. No, I don't know. They're always like, this is the best basketball player ever. I'm like, you're... And they go for LeBron? That's who they're trying to prove is better than Michael Jordan? Mixed bag. Some are saying Michael Jordan's better. Right, yeah. The hot take is Michael Jordan.

It's like a reverse. Yeah, and so they're like, ooh, look at me, I'm edgy. I wouldn't say any of this is edgy. What are the reasons that they give? Just points? They just start rattling off stats. I'm like, this is a bad speech. F. No one wants to hear someone just read stats for eight minutes. It's true.

Okay, Vivek the Chode, Chris Primer, yeah. It's true. That's a lot of sound machines. That's so many fucking, I keep trying to think of it and I'm like, where do you plug anything in at in your house if they're all fucking sound machines? They're all charged up. Jesus.

Oh, they're wireless. You know what? Earbuds. Oh, yeah. Email him back. Use earbuds. Use earbuds. Rage Phillips says, my wife, Ro, listens to the show,

so take it easy. Congratulations to you. An 80s girl. Best advice I can give is not listen to anyone else's advice. Maybe the sound machine guy sounded pretty smart though. You really do have to figure out what works best for you. My wife is also pregnant with our fourth,

or fourth girl due in March. Soon you will learn about the retarded terms women come up with to justify their behavior while pregnant. However, I'm specifically talking about nesting. Nesting is defined as the nurse a nature to Natural urge to prepare your home for new babies arrival It's characterized by a sudden burst of energy and a strong desire to clean organize and make sure everything is in order Okay, as I'm sure you have guessed the term is used to justify women going to Target bye bye, baby or other

crap Collection store to spend money. What's most upsetting is this term will be weaponized against you for hinting that they're going overboard. Most recently I told my wife, I cannot help it because it's a biological urge. I ended the conversation at that point because you cannot win an argument.

Shouting is a biological urge with an argument with a pregnant woman. Perhaps I should start using scientific citations to justify my behaviors. You're already thinking on your back feet, sir. That's a defensive stance. Yeah, you don't justify behaviors. You don't have the high ground on that one.

You don't have to justify something that you already did. Yeah, that's in the past. I'm a future guy. I'm forward-thinking, progressive. I would appreciate some advice. I'll let you know how it goes Go fuck yourself Phil from Kansas. Oh, you mean you want to stop with the nesting you're trying to stop with the nesting Um, I don't I don't know you should out nest her Just buy more

Buy stuff way more way more stuff So like just turn your garage into a full-on auto mechanic body shop if you're having a boy Buy more, buy stuff. Way more stuff. Way more stuff. So she. Just turn your garage into a full on auto mechanic body shop. If you're having a boy. Yeah. Or it's gotta keep them gender roles nice and lined up. Yeah, you can't organize that stuff because I bought way, way more of it.

I bought 10 of them. Well, just like that other guy. Buy his second house. Stop buying camo shit. Buy camo shit. Camo shit, knives. Camo hat one day, camo shorts the next day, camo sweat, you know, just before you know it.

And it's like. Buy hay. Buy literal nesting stuff. Oh yeah, like go out into the streets, find bits of newspaper and some twigs and like pull the dryer lint every time you do the laundry, grab that dryer lint and just. Yeah. Fight fire with flammable things. Yeah. Fight fire with flammable things. Yeah, fight fire with flammable things.

Yeah, I don't... They just love the goddamn... Say you're working on it. This is what I use when I hear, oh, we need to get... I need to get this thing to clean the garage. You know what? I'm already working on it. I've got something in the works and it's coming.

I've got new boxes, totally the best boxes you ever can imagine. They all fit together. You can store all kinds of new shit in them. Oh, really? Where are they? They're coming. They're on their way.

They're in production. I had to send them back because they're too good. There's better ones that came out that I'm sending these back to get. Just always, you know, you're working on it. OK. That's what should we do here? Boy, you want to do a. Okay, that's... What should we do here? Boy, you wanna do a fat watch, Johnny?

Always wanna do a fat watch. Fat watch, today in fat news. And then I gotta go beat some kids at Pokemon. Hey, Dick, I wonder what her underlying condition could be. This is uber lying. Uber lying condition could be. Oh, is she gonna lie? Oh my god. This is J. Bay Productions, Seeing a New Doctor.

Who sent this? Attil. Seeing a new doctor sat on the last one. Seeing a new doctor is a plus-sized person gonna be terrifying. Well, not... I mean, the chairs in the office I'm seeing are all plus-size so... Fucking Tonka chairs. At least they took care of that. Fatphobia in

healthcare is real, but it doesn't ever- it doesn't have to be the norm. For the first time ever, I had an appointment where my weight wasn't blamed for my health issues. Instead, my doctor focused on my overall well-being. No lectures about my body, no assumptions, just genuine care. What do you suppose she went to the doctor for? Knee issues. Broken legs, busted knees.

Probably GERD, I don't know what that is, but it sounds like something. G-I-R-D, that one, yeah. She even explained that one of my diagnoses wasn't to my size, but to the impact of westernized diets. That sounds like something you tell a fat person. Is a westernized diet drinking Mountain Dew for breakfast? Yeah. Oh, it's the seed oils. I mean, that's exactly it. It's like, oh, it's not because you're overweight. It's a westernized diet of consuming sugar. It's a westernized diet of consuming sugar.

It's a coded way of saying fat. So she just got out fat smarted. Yeah. By the doctor. The doctor fat smarted her. She's got a circle around her real quick. Oh, it's the Western diet. Yeah.

Mountain Dew for breakfast is going to make that. Doctor's running circles around her. She's Hussein Bolt. Hussein Bolt. Hussein Bolt. Hussein Bolt. For the first time, I left a doctor's office feeling respected and validated. That's what doctors are for.

Say, man, I don't really feel very respected today. I'm going to head to the doctor. Yeah, never mind the, how many times do you drink per week? I mean, what is that? What kind of question is that? I don't feel respected or valued. I don't think you're valuing me right now. Seeing a new doctor, she looks upset,

but it might be just because her forehead is so fat. She's frowning. That's a big frown. We gotta think of the gravitational force your face muscles are fighting against. True. Let me move this over here. You gotta set your boundaries up front

when you go to the doctor. When I go, I say, first of all, don't jerk me off again. Okay? That's boundary one. Boundary two is you're gonna respect me. I've gained a lot of weight recently. You're gonna respect that. Hands off my dick.

Don't bring it up. Respect me. Don't bring it up. And don't bring up my drinking again either. That was really embarrassing. Oh yeah, she says. She's got her top tips for going to a new provider. Right. I think that's what guys who go to prostitutes call them. Providers? Yeah.

One, set boundaries up front. Yeah, like you're saying. Two, stay focused on your health goals. My goal? Not your business, doctor. Fuck off. Did Null write this? Three respect converse redirect conversations if weight comes up My doc my knees are fucked what should I do well? Well? What's your exercise like hey? Whoa look over there. Do you know that all these chicks are getting raped in England? I? Can't stop cheating. I'm shitting an awful lot. Well. what are you eating? Hey, look at these keys, Doc Calling a bomb threat. Is that your noise machine? Look out there in the hall Gonna have to change this to a whale wash. Doctor's getting raped by a polar bear

Watch now and stay tuned. Okay, let's watch it. The provider can come with a lot of anxiety and worry as you can see I was- Come on. Look at this. this her she's so fat her lips her mouth is Two times three times as big as it should be where she opens her mouth Where does it open does it open here or does it open all the way down here fucking each either killer? Was anxious there are a few things I do to prepare for seeing a new provider as a plus-size individual You could see this you could take a video of the sun rising over this shoulder. Can, will. First, I make a list of my health concerns

and goals for the appointment so I can keep the conversation on track. I put these in my notes app on my phone. At the start of the video. Well, it's great as they use the thigh cuff for fat people arms. Oh yeah, yeah. That's smart, clever.

Doctors are smart. You should probably listen to yours. So she's got her own like agenda when she goes into the doctor. Why is she going? Great question. Here's the things I would like to talk to you about. Okay.

Is it I set boundaries by saying something like, I have certain issues I'd like to focus on and I'd like to not discuss weight or weight loss Count calories doctor my doctor was fat-fobic to me. This is what my doctor said To work solutions for my symptoms in my notes app. I will also write affirmations like my body deserves respect no matter its size Oh My god, I'm going to the doctor today. I got to write a bunch of self-help shit in my notes that my body deserves. This is so weird. It's on zip code. I think she got affirmations and appetizers confused. Excuse me do you guys have a second menu for affirmations. Yeah, I need my daily affirmations before you eat. This is weird.

Like she's so fixated on her weight. Like I'm so obsessed with not talking about my weight that that's all I'm talking about. You've horseshoe theory'd yourself. I'll have the sliders for my affirmations. Oh, is that because they're sliding right out of your ass after this? Remind myself I'm in control of the appointment.

Sometimes I'll bring a trusted friend for support or take notes to stay focused. Jesus. The trusted friend is Colonel Sanders. What's with all this note taking? I don't know. For medical journals? No wonder she's never had a good time with the doctor.

She's not going to, they take the notes, lady. If your doctor's not taking notes go get another doctor step one Yeah, it's like another video what I do if I feel disrespected or dismissed It's taking me a long time to learn to advocate for myself And now I want to share with you what I've learned Honestly to my surprise this doctor's appointment was one of the best I've ever had in my entire life I felt so seen heard and, and understood. Honestly, advocating for yourself is where it's at.

Why don't they, why don't fat people just go to a big fat doctor? It's very simple. Just find a doctor who's 700 pounds. She felt so seen, Dick. Seen. And heard. At a five mile distance. She can't even fill out the form, like she can't fit her arms around the front of her body to fill out the form like she can't fit her arms around the front of her body to fill Out the doctor form here

No, do whatever you want be I want to be as big as a house I'm ready I'm finally giving up I'm gonna eat 1 million I'm gonna cup some milk. Yeah Have a nice time. Enjoy your life. Watch out for the milk madness, but if you're gonna do it, stop being so sad about it. Just embrace it. Just walk in and be like, I'm as fat as a house, and I fucking rule. Welcome to the club. Guess what? I'm not losing any weight.

Hey, doctor, I'm not losing any weight because I love milk. So I'm not gonna listen to anything. Talk about anything else. Talk about anything else. You don't need all this note taking and shit. This is weird. 2025 is here, and I'm stepping into it with purpose and fire. This is weird, sad. It's her weight. Immediately goes to the doctor.

HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA 2025 is here y'all, I'm stepping in. Ooh, I broke my foot. Uh oh. I broke my hoof. There's some demo going on here. I gotta go to the blacksmith after this doctor

Here is more about this year is more than just growth It's a lot about growth though, oh fat personal growth Is a personal growth at this point. It's about creating a movement Creating a move. Maybe you should create movement and not a movement. Like a fucking walking waterbed. Uplifting others and pushing for fat liberation and body justice. It's not uplift, no one's lifting that up.

In every space I occupy, she occupies every space. What does she mean in every space? In all spaces. It's not uplifting to just talk about liberation. It's like, we're talking about war and like, hey, remember I'm going into this horrifying situation, but I'm doing it with a smile. Yeah. No, like this is not good. You're not having a good time.

You're fighting people. Fighting the doctor. You're like fighting the doctor. Your best friend. You're like, I'm trying to just build confidence. You're like fighting the doctor. Your best friend. You're like, I'm trying to just build confidence. You're arguing with a doctor, you're dragging your friend to a doctor's appointment, you're like writing notes about how shitty

this experience was. You're not winning. You're not winning. Is AI, is meta gonna make some fake fat influencers? That would be funny. Oh, they're cool. You know? It's coming up. Advocating for fat liberation in travel, be funny. Cool. You know? It's coming up.

Advocating for fat liberation in travel healthcare and beyond. Wow. Wow. Real Buzz Lightyear over here. I like that she says she's setting big, bold goals. That's usually a barbecue sauce descriptor. Big and bold.

Fucking sweet baby Ray over here. 2025, sweet baby Ray. Jesus. Sweet J.B.A. Productions. Bold are 2025, sweet baby ray. Jesus. Sweet JBA productions. Hold our 2025 bold and big and bold barbecue sauce. Take it to the doctor. KC masterpiece. Recommended by zero out of five doctors.

Cause fuck doctors. Sometimes I call doctors up just to waste their time. Hey doc, I just, I just swallowed a whole pork loin. Is that gonna be a problem later? Fuck you, Doc. But don't talk about my weight. Fuck you, Doctor. Sweet baby, fuck you, Doctor Sauce. Through the Fat Accessibility Act and the Fat Equality Bill of Rights.

What? I thought we weren't calling them fat. No, they're taking it back. They're taking it back They're gonna put right fat into law. Yeah, they're gonna be illegal. You know fat law. I'm gonna go to law school She doesn't respect doctors. She's not gonna respect lawyers. She's gonna have a really bad time with lawyers if the doctors aren't working out. Every other profession is much harsher with fat people than doctors. Right. Doctors are actually the nicest... Hahahaha!

...fat lawyer with a briefcase full of granola bars. Hey, you fat tub of shit! Hey! Oh, you want to work on the fat law today? I bet you do! Oink, oink, oink! Hahaha! Sit down and... That'll be $600! Sit down in that chair only, because you're too fucking fat for the other chairs. Oh, I need to go back to the doctor! Sign a waiver to sit in the smaller chairs oh you need go fun

me's look at all this writing get thicker stickers dude they got stick fat stickers okay let's take a look let's take a look at these fat stickers oh boy yeah oh get thicker stickers. Shopping in retail. Every design is available as a sticker or as a t-shirt or a hoodie in a size five XL. DM us the custom order. Shop your favorites below. Heart, get thicker.

Oh my God, I'm gonna puke. It's just a lisp. Thickness. Ha ha ha ha. What's up? Tis the season. Those are AI. Oh my God. Yeah. Well, yeah, here's the AI fappy one. the season. Those are AI.

Yeah Well, yeah, here's the AI trash. Here's it. Here it is. It's already here. You're welcome Eat sleep and not much else. What would a doc? Why would a doctor not like that? Hmm Unapologetically curvy Wow, okay. Well, good luck sir. None of those are very good stickers. No, they're not Oh, okay, well. Good luck, sir. None of those are very good stickers. No, they're not. Just post-its.

Enough. This is when I woke up to yesterday. Well, that's too much. You should surely kill yourself. That's too much. I mean, you are though, aren't you? Okay. Why would you send a death threat to a fat person?

Why would you send, well, why would you send a death threat to a fat person? Why would you send- well, why would you send a death threat to anyone? You know. Gives them time to prepare? What is this? That's true. Fucking alien vs predator? The safest thing you can get is a death threat. See? You're not gonna do it. Yeah.

That's when you know you're the most safe. The threat was the action. Yeah. They feel nice and- They're done. They're done. Yeah. They blew their load too soon. You gotta save the violence load up so when you're ready

no threats and you just unleash it yeah yeah pull the trigger that's what they teach you in that special forces school we're totally normal guys hang around just talking about how they like the principles of freedom and the way to get it is by murdering the most badass other murderers. Yeah, it's just me. That's what I learned from the 80s movies. They're all really, really even tempered guys. And they rank themselves as well. Like, oh, well, I mean, we're more badass than those badass murderers, but I'm more

badass than this guy, my best friend Kevin. Yeah. I could kill him if I had to. Yeah, I could kill you or fuck you if I had to do either one. Depends on how deep the submarine is. And one of those guys flipped out. They all flip out.

Or in a constant state of- In a constant state of flipping out. We need to do something about PTSD. No, just stop doing this. Knock this off. Stop war. Stop doing it. War leads to more heroin addictions than anything else.

Okay, Jim Bob says a fat bitch falls on nothing, all right? Oh, you sent me a Facebook link. Okay, we've got a couple leaving a house. This is a ring camera, I think. The man is in front of her and she's, I think, un-wetting herself from the doorframe over here following. Oh, that's a big, that's a big girl. Her arm, her upper arm is bigger than most women's torsos. And her knee, her, something gave out.

What gave out there? Good old buckled knee or a buckled ankle. I think she just has her heel a little too... I think she thought she was off that step. You think so? Yeah. Oh man, oh man, that's a big spill. That's tough.

That's a big spill. And look at that backpack, like what's in that? The foot just, something gives out in the structure of her leg. All of it, yeah. The structure gives out. The structure of the leg. All of it, yeah. The structure. The structure of the leg gave out. Well, the leg had, the leg was done. So that if had enough being a leg today. You hate to see it. Whoa! Well, what's fucked is her boyfriend's so skinny she's not getting back up. He's got a call for help.

He moved, thank God he moved out of the way. Yeah, he would have been. He makes a comment there at the end. Oh he does? He says something. Saw some subtitles. He just turns and looks. Oh you're say something. And she falls. Are you serious? Are you serious? And then she goes, kinda. Are you seriously just falling down? Can you please not fall in front of my mother's house like this? Drunk on gravy. Can you please? Drunk on gravy and grey goose? Jesus. Okay.

I think that's it, guys. What time did we start? 1.30? Or 12.30? How you doing? What are you doing today? I don't know. I got to drive around Los Angeles. Yeah.

Get out there. I got to just get in a car. Just drive around. Call every recovering addict in the county. How's the train? And just check in on them. You're doing flying addicts today? I'm hanging.

I'm hanging out. The train? That was fine. I'm not a train guy. No? I don't understand it. Public transit is not something that I'm familiar with. Yeah.

They don't have it out on the sticks. Yeah. Out on the old country. No one uses it out here. Yeah, it was actually pretty empty. Yeah. I read a little bit. I thought it was a double-decker train.

So I thought I could get up there and take a look out at the world. Yeah, the Amtrak. Yeah. It was, but I was too stupid to find the stairs. So tomato, tomato. There at the beginning. Right.

Where you come in. Yeah. Nope, today I'm just driving around. I'm going to go to Hindy Temple. Oh, OK. Hindu Temple. Hindy's the language. Hindy's the language.

Oh, OK. I guess. That's fun. You ever been out there? The one in Corona? I don't know. Where is it? Have you been to that one? Have you been to it? I have. You have? Is it nice? No, I haven't been there. You ever been out there? The one in Corona? I don't know. Where is it? Have you been to that one? I have. How many? You have? Is it nice? No, I haven't been there. You haven't? I keep wanting to go. The one in Corona? Well, I pass by it every time I try and I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta go. I gotta check that out.

I gotta go look at that. See, what is this drip castle doing in the middle of fucking Corona next to like a Big Five and like a Ross? Yeah. And here's like this like mystic little patch and you're like of all places. The picture I looked at has showed it really big. The temple? Yeah, I'm out here dealing with real prodigal son situation. Oh, okay, how's that working? It's awful.

I don't know what that story in the Bible is about. I don't know how it's like a positive story. It's not. Fucking sucks. Imagine being the other sons in this situation. Yeah. I'm out here in this situation. Yeah. I'm out here doing my best. Yeah. Having a good time till in the field and then this fucker shows up out of nowhere. Well, guess I'm not on drugs anymore. And suddenly you

go from being the favorite to bam. Nothing. Fucking nothing. Dog shit. Nothing guy. Yeah. I'm like, why do I even... Happy New Year. You know what? Happy New Year. So I got a plan. Uh huh. I'm gonna get on drugs. So that I can get off drugs.

And then you're gonna... People will know though. They'll know that you're doing it on purpose. God damn it. Is that... is it that... They'll know. Or they won't care. They won't care.

No one will care. You'll tell yourself, well it must be because they knew that I was doing it as a bit. Nope. So I'm out here. Going to go to a temple, get my spiritualism in. OK. And then I'm going to swing by that Pokemon Tournament as the Dark Horse.

Oh, man. I already have a real bad headache. Can you do it? It's not going to be a good showing for me at this Pokemon Tournament. All right, everybody. I'll see you next week. God bless.

I guess that's what we say now. You want some Mother's Milks? Yeah. How many of them do you got? How many you want? I have enough, I've got a full closet full of these fucking things. Vito's never getting anything good. From Vito's booty.

Why are they all broken? Because they get smashed. When he doesn't get on the scale. What do you smash him with? There's a hammer in the back. There's a hammer in the back. There's a hammer in the back. There's a hammer in the back.

There's a hammer in the back. Does he have good stuff in there? Oh yeah. This good, good stuff. This good stuff. Have you smashed any good stuff? No. No.

Every time he doesn't do it, like, the odds of it being good stuff go up. That's what he thinks. Right. But then he gets on the scale too soon. So then I restart the counter. I don't know why he doesn't just do it. What do these cost, like $11? Six.

We sold it, Amazon sold out of that guy for a minute because we bought them all True. Yeah Why do people like these? I think they're just addicted to spending money So they buy these shitty little I saw a sweater in the mall that I was at yesterday or whatever the day before and it Was just straight up a coca-cola ad it just literally said Take a pause enjoy enjoy Coca-Cola. And then it had like the little TM Coca-Cola thing

at the bottom, $65. Sure. I thought to myself, I'd rather just have my skull dash on the rocks of Plymouth Rock than be the ancestor to the people that sell Coca-Cola ads as clothing. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, it's right about two.

You let everybody know that they should be drinking soda. You gotta drink this. This is all about this soda. I don't give a fuck what your doctor says. You drink this Coca-Cola. You set a boundary. You say, it's Coca-Cola. It starts with me.

And it starts with me. And it starts with me. Uh-huh. I want- We're starting a movement. It's all about that corn syrup. Uh, okay. I've been thinking about what you've been saying about how kind of like Indians are very specification oriented. Right.

And Americans are very work oriented. Right. And it kind of comes back to the fact that when you were talking about how women are very good at taking tests, and that's all they're good at, that once you get them on the freeway, they start to cry. It's kind of the same deal,

where it's like, if you're really good at taking tests and meeting all the specifications, it doesn't really matter anything else, all that matters is that you get the right answer on the test, whereas Americans are just like, oh, all that matters is the grade that you get. That answer on the test. Whereas like Americans are just like, oh, all the matters, like the grade that you get. That's what I'm looking for. I don't know, maybe I'm just sitting on my ass.

Yeah, test taking and doing scams are also, they go hand in hand. But this is on purpose. This is like a known thing. The British did this to the Indians. To the Indians. They set their schools up specifically to exploit their labor in this way. This was the Indians. To the Indians. They set their schools up specifically to exploit their labor in this way.

This was the point. We did it ourselves. They wanted this out of that so that they could fuck around and do whatever the hell, you know, English people do on the Saturday. Yeah. It was all on purpose.

Like we need the test takers and the fucking phone call guys. Top test takers. Let's make them do that because that's seen as lower, lesser work. It's not creative or intellectual. It was on purpose. They fucking did this to, they did it to us.

They did it on purpose. You fucking read what you said. But what about the next Einstein? What about him? How are we gonna get the next Einstein if we don't import the entire universe? I'm sure one of those black AI people could be the next AI. One of those AIs could be the next Einstein.

Einstein. Yeah. You get me some super intelligence, general AI, the totally real thing that will be happening any moment. All right. Right. Right. As soon as the stock hits a certain amount, we're going to have the thinking computer.

Put a little blackface on them, call them AI Stein, I'm in. Hey Einstein, I like that. Yeah. Then we don't need immigration. We don't need anything. Cause we got the, we need the immigrants to make the thinking computer

so we don't need anyone to think anymore. Is that, do I have that right? You're nailing it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm fucking with you. Einstein, the physicist that did all of his best work while living in Switzerland, is that the guy that we meet? That guy. Yeah, America wouldn't be the same without him, right? I don't want to call him an immigrant because it sort of messes up with the racial undertones, but yeah.

He was anti-Israel. Was he? Yeah, did you know that? No, I didn't. Yeah. Maybe we need him. All right. Bring Einstein back.

All right, goodbye everybody. See you next week.