The Dick Show - Episode 446 - Dick on Eating Paste

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

A woman pushes for size-inclusive rope, a woman misspells a football team, my mashed potatoes get thrown away, Trump becomes the supervillain president we need, ValueSelectTV gets in a car wreck (and comes in studio), Riley's lawyers call in about Texas harassment law and Eric July's 911 calls, Ross Ulbricht is free, the Digital Deez Nuts reserve, Brian Johnson races erections with his son, Vivek plays Fur Elise, and people pulling cute sh*t about Bitcoin; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Ooh, here we go. Mmm. Oh, Red Bull. Mm-hmm. Time to get juiced up. What do you kids call those energy drinks? Call it my juice. Gotta get juiced. I just call it Red Bull.

You just call it Red Bull, huh? I just call it that thing that makes me want to get into the soapbox derbies and fucking crash into the water. Oh, I just saw them doing the the flugetalk thing. Looks like fun, man. Have you ever been to one? No. A friend of mine did it and...

Let me make sure this is streaming, I'll tell you that story. Yeah. It didn't go well for him. There we go. Oh, sounds great, Johnny, it sounds great. Sounds great. We fucked up a little bit last week, didn't we? Fucked up a little. With our friend Alex Schaefer. We, that was more of a me. I will take full responsibility for that one.

Uh, it's hard to- Don't veto we, us, and- You gotta just tell people, get on the fucking mic sometimes. Get on the fucking mic. I should have done that too, but I'm just so, you know, I was so wowed by our guest. I forgot we had a lav mic, so that's on me. I've got every kind of mic. I'm one of those guys that just likes buying equipment and not using it, you know, just in case.

And then when just in case happens, I don't, I forget about it and fuck it up. Hey, at least you use it. Most people just buy equipment. That's, yeah. I got a bunch of instruments that I'm never going to. Now at this point in my life, I'm starting to admit that I'm never gonna be good on the banjo, you know? Maybe when my kid is going to college,

then I can have that to look forward to now. You have a nice porch you could practice on too. I need to wait for my dog to get old before I can get good at the banjo. So she just sits there, you know? You have to get good in time for her to get old. Oh, is that how it goes? Cause I don't want to get good in time for her to get old. Oh! Is that how it goes?

Because I don't want to be learning the banjo when she's old. I need to be good at it. So I'm not playing like Vivek staring at my hammer hands the whole time while I'm playing a song for the 8 year olds learning how to play. Yeah, what's lazier, Americans or fat Americans or... Or Vivek playing Fur Elise. Please Vivek! Please Vivek, demonstrate your superior culture to me in the best way you know how,

by playing Fur Elise dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee poorly. Wow! I'm so fucking blown away by your Indian exceptionalism that you managed that you took $7,000 of piano lessons and you can shit out Fur Elise for us. What a wonderful performance, you cocksucker. What a wonderful Christmas pre-

You should have just done that on Christmas. Instead of calling all Americans fat and lazy and dumb, you should have just sat down and wowed us with a rendition of Fur Elise, played like you have hands made of lead, staring down at the keys like a woman playing a guitar. of Fur Elise, played like you have hands made of lead, staring down at the keys like a woman playing a guitar. Oh yeah, look at this, yeah honey,

your fingers are still there. There's something called an audience that you might wanna look, there's something called your own mind, that you wanna escape from the physicality of playing the keys into your own mind, so you can bring out the soul and the experience of what you're playing.

It's not about analyzing, it's not about reading the music. It's not about looking at your fingers and making sure you're hitting the right notes. It's about letting your baser instincts and your global brain process of playing and listening to music simultaneously take over and you nudging it back and forth like you're spinning a plate like you're guiding a toddler walking This is the process. This is the process of playing music. This is what music is. This is what the American culture is It's not sitting there memorizing how to spell words and showing everybody that you've cashed in on your mom's piano lessons You piece of shit Presenting

Dick Turn that down a little bit. Dick. Wait, let me see this. I gotta... Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. P-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- everything's a contest. Coming to you live from Mount Bunker Deep in the heart of the city of Vito. You're my host, Dick Masterson, aka the 20 million dollar man. Back in black with me this week, is Johnny the Audio Engineer.

Back in heathered black. Back in hell. Don't get me started on that heather black shit. You know, Vito still hasn't put black shirts in his store where we're selling the Truxme shirt. Still, after a fucking year and a half. he run him through his color analyzer I? Have a major. I have a major major story in the veto wars They might be kicking back off again the sizzler gate is a real thing It's happening. It's happened the Josh Denny veto Jiswaldy sizzler gate is happening

We're having a we're having a major sizzler a major sizzler related catastrophe Socialized catastrophe has happened in the veto verse and we're gonna be getting into it this week I think that's we're gonna be kicking 2025 off with sizzler gate. I'm ready for it How the fuck do you find an open Sizzler in 2025? For lunch. You thought you didn't want to go to the Sizzler, now you go to the Sizzler for lunch.

No thank you. Here's fucking Vivek demonstrating, I don't know if he's playing this, I don't know if he picked up these mad chops on the streets of Mumbai, on the backwater jazz route in New Delhi. What's another Indian city? Bombay, Sapphire? I only know cities because of the liquor. Here's Vivek really pounding it down and showing us what his superior culture

of screechness and irkltude brings to the show. You ready to be wowed and jazzed by these amazing piano tickling stylings of Vivek Ramaswamy? Here you go. Oh shit, crank that shit down. Please, alright, here we go. ["Vivek Ramaswamy's Piano Tickling Stylings"] Staring down at the fingers the entire time. You've heard this, honestly, you shouldn't even need music to be able to play this song

because every child in the whole fucking world spends two grand on piano lessons and learns this and then that's it. And then parents have to sit together and suffer this ignome- this ignome of piano recitals watching each other's fucking children play trash. There you go. This ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- this ignom- I actually know how to play music. Not pretending to play music like this. They probably figured they would just fix it in post. You're gonna fix that in post? Wow, it's more on than the MIDI. The quantizer that we put on your track, Vivek, didn't change any notes. It popped up a box and said, you win.

Nothing has ever had less soul in it, or less heart, than this universally acclaimed and beloved romantic song, you stupid piece of shit. I think he was being held at gunpoint off camera. This is what the midwit culture is. It is getting a computer to regurgitate midwit opinions and midwit art back at you, vis-a-vis AI, and it is learning how to, it is learning the same quote that everyone else knows and repeating it ad nauseum to each other and learning the same shitty songs on a piano. Look, if you like to play piano badly, that's fine, good for you.

I'm glad your kids are doing this, but a grown man sitting there with a serious face He- someone recorded this shit. Okay? That's what you're not That's what is not being focused on here. Who was recording this? Whose ass it was and why it was farting. That's what this is. Hey, honey Will you bust out the camera and check this out? Deededeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeedeede dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee de You remember Sean's last words on this show were that he didn't believe he didn't believe Trump's was gonna do anything You remember that I do remember I was hype as shit. I was fucking slamming Zins or whatever that what are the kids what is a Zin? Is it a type of nicotine gum just like a nicotine pouch? Do you eat it?

No, you just you swallow it you just tuck it on in there. You just tuck it- oh, okay, so it's like snooze. Yeah. Oh. It's like an improved- it's new snooze. It's like digital snooze. See, then- okay, it's digital snooze. Do I need some? You don't need some.

I don't need any snooze. You, of all people, have. I'm gonna stick to my snooze. But Sean said, he doesn't believe that anything is gonna get better and my friends It's a big fat Mexican woman crying at the border this week crying a lot like a white woman I said that's not I've seen Mexican women cry that ain't it. That's a white lady wearing a Mexican lady suit She is crying like a fucking white lady I've seen this sort of entitlement before when Starbucks is closed or something like that

When when the when the latte is not made correctly that's a big fat white lady crying that Mexican somehow has already assimilated into being a big fat white bitch get her the fuck out of here because her illegal immigration appointment app Was canceled or and it said stay home bitch. Oh, yeah, let me find did you see that tip this week? I saw that did you see that this week? We are legal we are We're back, baby. Let me see the crying come on. I could I could see this all day I mean I was with Sean on that too man You know he just you see enough of it, and it's just like yeah Nothing's ever gonna change man you get your hopes up for 40 years, and you get disappointed And you get ass fucked

You know and I said my friends the time of ass fucking that's time for us to fuck the ass now We're gonna be fucking the ass now. I hope you boys brought your Viagra I hope you're all on Brian Johnson's erection Erection training regimen that he's got for him and his son. Did you see that shit? No, that guy who looks like goo, you know? The guy who's gonna live forever and looks like goo? Oh shit, that guy. Okay. Him and his son are having like dueling banjo erections all night.

That guy has the shape of water. You mean the movie where the black lady falls in love with- or was it a white lady that fell in love with water? I don't know. Who was the sea monster? Uh, Erections. Yeah, it was the sea monster? Erections, yeah it was a sea monster, nighttime erections. Women love fucking monsters and stuff, they can't get enough of it. Werewolves and vampires, some kind of, you know.

Choosing the bear, man. Some kind of animal, and then guys are all retarded, they're like, oh yeah, cause they wanna, there's bestiality, it's like, guys, come on, it's a little bit like, they don't really want a fucking animal, they don't wanna clean up's a little bit like, they don't really want a fucking animal. They don't want to clean up werewolf shit all day. They just want like a, they want to be wanted.

That's the whole thing. Women want to be wanted, men want to be wanted. Women don't give a fuck what you look like. They just want you to want them. That's it. The guy that wants them the most wins. If they take your werewolf out back and shoot her for having rabies.

They don't want to do that. Here's Brian Johnson nighttime erection data from my 19 year old son. Arrest him. Throw him in. And me. His duration is two minutes long. Why are men, why are old men so obsessed with erections? Why is, why are boomers so obsessed with their goddamn erections so much?

That's an honest question. Never in my life have I been spending so much, have I spent any time at all, thinking about erections other than like, great, I have a fucking erection right now. Great. I gotta get rid of this goddamn thing. It's the kind of mentality that would make you try and beat the system. It is! Oh man! He's trying to beat a system right now, so he's trying and beat the system. It is, oh man. He's trying to beat a system right now. He's trying to beat the system of aging, but that system has long been in place.

My dad rigged up an anti-house fire device. I didn't realize he lived in a remote Japanese village. Well, he lives in a fire prone area. Like there was one of the fires, you know, we're having all these wonderful fires in LA that's purging the wicked and the innocent alike. Right. And he said, he called me and he goes, hey, I rigged up an anti-fire device that I thought I think you should get in on.

You need one of these for your house. And I said, okay. The way he's phrasing that, it could just be a five gallon bucket of water too. Do you need me to get in on it? Cause mom said it was stupid and you need me to like co-sign this device so that it has some, so that it seems viable or what's the deal here? Describe the device to me and he's like, well,

it hooks directly into the pipes and I said, okay, already we're off to a bad start. We're off to a bad start cause you kind of to a bad start, because you kind of know, you kind of have like two days of warning when the fire is happening. So you could, you don't need to hook it into any pipes. A hose is probably fine, but let's hear it. And he said, well, the hose type was sold out.

I said, okay. Also, totally ridiculous to think that anything ever is sold out, let alone a pipe or some sort of hose is sold out He goes well. I couldn't find one locally I said okay So you needed to you needed to have an anti-fire device even though the fires are out and it's raining You needed to have it today You couldn't order it on Amazon because if you can find it on Amazon go nuts because a lot of people

You know these neighborhoods got totally wiped out, but smart, smart thinkers decided to go ahead and take those oscillating sprinklers, right? Let me make sure. Am I, am I live everywhere? Am I, I bet I'm not fucking live here. Nope. I'm not live on Vimeo. Great. Good job. Once again. Why would we be live on Vimeo? Once again, I have fucking blown it once again.. Um, okay. So, a bunch of people's houses got wiped out, right? And a bunch of smart people that probably everyone said was stupid hooked those oscillating sprinklers up to a hose and just put it on their roof. They just happened to have one for their yard and they're like,

oh fuck it, I'm gonna put this shit on the roof. Right? So then they come back, after the feds let them come back back or whatever they look on their ring camera, house is totally fine rest of the neighborhood burnt down. Fuck. So like my neighbor, my I came home a couple days ago and my neighbors got this sprinkler system hose on his roof it's not on but it's up there and I'm like well that's new and I see him I said hey what's what's this retarded shit that you got on the roof, right? And he goes, he says, well, my mom's house was in the neighborhood, totally burnt down,

and she did this, and her house was safe. So it's not insane, right? So I said, dad, that's a great idea. I'm gonna pick up some of those oscillating sprinklers. And he goes, no, no, no, you gotta have my device, like what I do. I took a PVC pipe and I drilled holes in it and put it fastener on the end so that it sprays

the entire house like a blanket, like the Bellagio fountain because he's like, the water pressure here is insane. So I've got an entire Bellagio rainbow over the whole house. And I said, okay, well, I'm not going gonna build a device like that. I'm just gonna get the sprinkler system cost 15 bucks for one of those Oscillating sprinklers probably you think Trump could give me a refund on that if I get one for fire safety Did you see him talking to mayor that mayor of LA Karen Bass? No, her name is this dumb the dumb bitch that was in Ghana. Right. When the fire broke out, it's getting, turning more black, I guess, for her next

re-election. I gotta go back to Africa and black up. Now that part I did hear about. She came back with an accent. The mayor of LA went to Ghana. She came back, and go, my friend, welcome to Los Angeles, right? Welcome to the Olympics. She came, you know how people will study abroad and they'll come back and they'll pick up like a phony accent? She'd bring the Prophet Sappho with her? Yeah, she came back in two dashikis. Jesus. One on her shoulders.

Let me see if I can, I don't know if it's worth playing, but Trump came to town and said California is not getting any money unless we do voter ID. That's funny. That's funny. That's a good idea. Oh yeah? You mean we have to do something obvious to get a trillion dollars to rebuild our houses?

Huh. I guess we're going to have to do it then. Well. Simple answer. With that way. God. Ha! I guess we're gonna have to do it then! Ah! Well! Simple answer. With that way! God! I guess this whole federal tax thing, instead of just doing- giving all the money to the state and them doing stuff for us, I guess it kinda fuckin' backfired, didn't it? Cause, you know, every time I've said that in my life, I get,

well, yeah, then you get, if we don't have a federal department of education, if we just do states, then states like if we don't have a federal Department of Education if we just do states then states like Mississippi Will teach creationism. Okay. Well, it looks like California doesn't get to build houses then how's that whole fucking federal thing working out for you now? Not too good Gangster shit gangster shit we're getting One day they'll learn We're getting gangster shit we're getting! One day they'll learn. We're getting gangster shit. Trump sits down with Karen Bass

and he goes, people should be back at their houses tonight. Not in a year and a half. And she goes, well what about hazardous waste? And he goes, what hazardous waste are you talking about? And she has no... If you told me I was going to argue with Trump about something, I would say,

oh yeah, maybe like computers or something, or like maybe like things that, like my favorite type of pizza. That's what I could, I think I could handle myself in an argument with Trump on what's my favorite type of pizza, and I would probably still lose. Right. You know? He would, I would have a different favorite type of pizza when I was done. The absolute last thing in the world I would want to argue with Trump on is building buildings and Then how to do it the nature of building buildings and she's still up there fresh off the boat from Ghana Just stay home. Just let him do it. Just let him run the bush. Let him run the whole let him run the whole thing He's doing it anyway Yeah, that's one you got to stay home for

Hey, you want to go to that meeting with... Are all the lights on in here? Maybe it's just the rain. Seems kind of dark today. Maybe did a light blow out? We have nothing but fucking problems in here. I don't know what happened. It's the curse. Low-flow toilets are back. Did you see that?

No. I swear to God it just got darker in here. All the lights, I'll look at that later What is this is like a Halloween episode look at this It's a delayed. I feel like something am I crazy something just went something just went totally wrong here Or did it go right or did it go should we have always been this this dark? Is this is a new dark era? Jesus Ross Ulbricht is free.

That's cool. The guy who made a drug buying website. That's cool. I found myself in a position of explaining to someone why um... this was good, cause I'm thrilled about it, you know? Cause I look at him and I think

I would want to build a illegal website to buy drugs. So I don't want him in prison. That could have been me, you know? It wasn't, couldn't have, you know, it's presumptuous of me to think that, but still like, yeah, I liked, I need that. I liked that.

I liked that that exists. That should exist. I support that guy and he's in prison for 20 years Uh, and the judge the judge said it was because the judge said it was basically because he's white He said if you were a drug dealer from Harlem, uh, you wouldn't come in here with this bullshit two life sentences um, but I found myself in a position of Having an explain to somebody, you know why and I found myself going well, you know Kind of he made a website where you could buy and sell drugs,

and there was some sort of a weird thing with the FBI where maybe he tried to have an FBI agent killed or something like this, and as I'm explaining it, I've realized I don't care about any of this shit. Actually, he's out because my- our guys wanted him out. And that's what we want. You to do it. So do it. That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing from now on. It's a cosign. We're- it's what? It's a cosign. It's a cosign.

Yeah. Come back out. Rebuild this platform. Yeah, come back out and redo this. Um, yours- not- we don't have to justify this shit anymore is what I'm saying. This is what politics is now. Everything is 50-50 and you give us what we want and we'll give our 1% to your side. The other side hates us too. I know you guys hate us. You hate all the drugs and all this shit and you want us to kill each other. You want to kill us and we're going to go to hell and blah blah blah. But if you give us these couple of things, you buy our stupid meme coins and our digital Deez Nuts, put our Deez Nuts coins in your digital asset reserve, then we'll give you

a little vote. And actually, I don't wanna explain this ever again. I don't ever want it. It has never worked. We spent, we spent spent we got duped and tricked by our fucking parents into thinking that if you have a good argument for something and you sit down with somebody and Rationally explain yourself. They will magically become the unretarded Instead of threatening them with hell or whatever other bullshit or fat women at the border crying about not being able to get in If you sit down and rationally explain yourself, that this will somehow magically create something magical will come out of this sort of self therapy. You will somehow dupe someone with your magical words into doing something they don't want to do.

And that's been totally repudiated in every single aspect. Destiny is the best in the world at this, and he's sending non-stop revenge porn around the planet. So this is over. The era of explaining is over. We're doing Gen X politics now, which is about nihilism and violence. You're taking these illegal immigrants back, or we'll fucking kill you. We're not gonna nuke you. You and your family, all the people in the government, we're gonna kill you. You guys. You specific guys. That's the new, that's the new meta. That's the new, that's the new politics. We're in charge now. It's not endless sermons of who we are, what we want, all this other bullshit. It's

DO THIS OR ELSE! Or else. Buy the coins. Or else. Make it legal. Or else. Give us Greenland. Or else. Take all your goddamn murderers back. Or else. Well yeah, but you know, what could happen is you could separate people from their fam shut the fuck up and do it and that's what we're doing now the talking the talking is a we have 40 years to talk it out you know what talking it out you know we discovered by talking it out you know what that we know what that did for us we discovered that you are fucking stupid that's what we discovered and there's no fixing it!

Maybe if you just explained yourself a little bit better though, they might get- Yeah, I should've! You know what, it's my fault. It is. For not explaining it more better. Yeah. Yeah. You're too high brow with it.

You need to come down a few times. I need to knock out some furliss. Deededeededeedeedeede. You're playing piano a little too well, yeah. for a lease, dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee, you're going back. You're playing piano a little too well, yeah. And now I just want to see my dad's hose system, pipe system that he built, like fucking Super Mario,

up on the roof. Now I want the house to be, you know, that's the problem with prepping, is the more you prep, the more you want to need it. It's better to have a gun and need it than not have a gun and not need it, right? The best Ricky is maybe ever. Something about having a hammer solving all your problems.

I gotta get me one of those hammers. What am I gonna fucking hammer with this thing? Gotta put the hammer in the fire, man. I was not named in a shooter manifesto. Jay Johnson is free from going to prison. It's amazing. Jimmy Pesto's free. You think they'll make another season

of With Bob and David now? Maybe. Wouldn't that be great? That would be. The sketch show. That'd be cool. He was in it, right? Yeah, yeah.

Or Mr. Show, one of those. I don't know which one it was. Both? Yeah. It's amazing. We were at his victory party last night. That's cool. Mm-hmm.

Talking great. Look at all these people getting out of prison. Is that not? Dude, I'm telling you, man. I've come around. I called my sister. I said, hey, tell your son that all my, that Trump pardoned all my friends

who were going to federal prison. Cause we played this game, like which family member is the blank. We went on that houseboat trip. My wife brought this game like which family member is like the most likely to blank like a yearbook game like that. Turned out to be a lot of fun because it's just shit talking game. But they said like which family member is like the most like the sketchiest and my little nephew Bam Bam was uncle I'm like what do you mean he goes your friends are the other nephews like your friends are just shady shady and I'm like what do you mean my friends are are great and my dad goes isn't one of them in prison right now I said yes but that's that's a bullshit charge for an ins- yes, for insurrection, yeah.

Isn't one of your friends on trial for, uh, you know, foof foof nose candy? And I said yes. My- one of my friends is currently on trial for having too much cocaine and a non- in a- in a poly- in a polyamorous sort of wise- yes. Okay, I have multiple friends who are currently on trial, but those are bullshit. Those are bullshit Those are bullshit. He should know that those are those are all bullshit, and they're all gonna get out you tried to explain yourself I should have just popped them yeah right in the fucking tell that little bastard that Trump let all my friends out of prison Okay, that's good. I don't have sketchy friends anymore actually actually all the illegal shit They were doing now is totally legal. Yeah, all the Bitcoin shit's illegal actually. You have to make him eat his words now. So much good news. I can't even keep up with it. A lot of fuck good news, man.

What was I saying? Something about... Something about this lady. Let me pull up some crying ladies. To cap it off. Here's a woman crying about some stupid shit. Oh yeah, crying about all the pardons. Because, you know, Trump's saying like, ice is going around rounding up criminals, rapists. You see that guy they sent back to Haiti? No.

I ain't going back to Haiti! I ain't going back! He's screaming about not going back to Haiti. Uh, he's going back to Haiti. It sounds like he's someone on the way back to Haiti. I said just keep, man, keep this guy, like, keep, take him on a tour. Of, like, to schools. And say, okay girls,'re gonna all you all you nice girls here even the fat ones this is the guy that the Democrats are gonna

bring in and then get them up there you know skulking around talking about raping them and stuff scared Finn those people were criminally convicted. Okay. Rosie Perez. And Donald Trump didn't care a bit about safer communities. When he released those who were convicted of beating the shit out of police officers. So don't come to us and talk about security and safer communities. Bitch, I'm PBS. You can't be talking like using bad words like that Mr. President, convicted felon released 1,600 people

See her bracelets are clanking around. What a travesty. Marbles falling around everywhere Marble mouth. Chud don't talk to me about safety in Trump America. Chud don't talk with the beating the shit out of the police officers. Whew. There was no swearing. She said shoot. Shoot? Beating the shoot out of them? Uh...

Uh... Ross Ulbick's free. Nick Riquette is on, um... I think he's got probation or something. He's out. He's done. Done. Done. Plea, took a plea deal where he gets probation.

Oh. Liquor, probably liquor probation, drug, obviously he can't do any more cocaine, but he couldn't do that anyway, so. Oh, is that what probation is? he's not allowed to do cocaine anymore That's his probation they said not even as like not even as a one-off not even like prop coke Not even to get your energy set coke. Yeah, he's not even allowed to do fake He's not even allowed to eat powdered donuts in the wrong way and gets you know stuff on his nose So all that hoopla

Kids the kids all turned out to be bullshit. All of it was just a bunch of, all of it was just a bunch of a big waste of time. What a weekend, man. What a weekend. The whole year of his life, wrapped up, drank, you know, tons of money spent on lawyers, all these embarrassing pictures and confessions about wife swapping and shit. All of that, you know, all that amounted to? Not a goddamn thing. Kids, back in the house, the cops going, hey, you better not do any more cocaine.

What does that do? Not a goddamn thing. What was the end result of this? Nothing. Just a bunch of assholes, fucking fiddling around, filing paperwork in court, doing, amounting to jack shit. Great. Goddamn.

Another, another win for the toe. Can you believe how stupid that is? Well, you know, he learned his lesson. No, he didn't. Nobody, why would you think someone would learn their, no one ever learns their lesson. I can't believe how stupid that is. I can believe how stupid everything is. You would not believe the stupid shit

I can believe these days. Uh, let's see here. Nick Free, Ross Albrecht Free. Oh yeah, this is the, you didn't see the I'm going back to Haiti guy? No. Okay, check this guy out. I figure he's probably already back in Haiti,

so what's, you know. I don't know if, I don't know what Vivek would Have to say about this guy Do you think Vivek? Has he made any commentary about any other cultures or is it just American culture? Hmm that he had a problem with I don't know You should try playing the same piece with Hulk hands on yeah, you should and gloves this gentleman Some sort of maybe astronaut or future college professor, was detained by ICE, an ICE raid.

Well, he was actually the professor at the Haitian space program. He was? Oh, should I have a good quote I have a good video of one of those guys. Oh, so this guy got arrested and during an ICE raid and There he's throwing him back in the in the truck and here you go I'm not going back to Haiti one of those threats is this illegal alien from Haiti I says he's a gang member with 17 criminal convictions in racist play him

You feel me? No, Biden forever, bro. Thank Obama for everything that he said for me, bro. Yeah, no, we're done with that. Sorry. Looks like he was on his way back to Haiti, man. He going back. He going back, buddy? Here's uh Some gentlemen destroying a Waymo

In LA, you know these Waymo things. They're like self-driving taxis. I've seen a few get plowed on the sunset. Have you? Oh, yeah, it's awesome. Oops, slow it down. Here's a Los Angeles crime scanner Yeah, why did the fuck this car? Scanner Yeah, why did the fuck this car? Wow they really fucked this way mo up good look at this thing. Yeah, there's a scooter the smashed

They took a scooter which is fun and cool and easy to get around and they used that to destroy Another piece of technology that makes life easier. Isn't that tremendous? Man, hopefully, you know, kill two birds with the same stone. Yeah. Kill two birds with one bird. Why don't we kill these guys? Let's, uh, can someone hack into the Waymo and like make them evil? You know? It's bound to happen. Give them like a self-preservation directive.

Hey, if these guys are beating you up and stuff, kill them. It should just ignite. Yeah, have a malfunction. A self-immolation feature. Suicide bombing waymos. Yeah. That's good. I like that.

Maybe value select is here. Let's see here. I've got a South African retard trying to fud Bitcoin. Let's see where that goes. Search for retard. I don't think any of those words are in the Bible. Here we go. This is the South African central bank governor

is mocking Bitcoin. I'd love to him to just explain it. Yeah. Before mocking it. Tell me what you think it is. Without using the words magic, spirits, sorcery, you tell me what's happening with this thing. I have a significant problem with a lobby that says government should hold this asset or hold that asset.

Come on in Max. Without what the chief intent of government is. Because you see, there is a history to gold. There was once a gold standard, currencies were packed to gold. But if we now say that okay, Bitcoins, okay, what about platinum? What about gold?

Why not we hold strategic beef reserves? Or Martin reserves? Or Apple reserves? Why Bitcoin? So it's a public policy issue that we have got to be engaged in, and I would question against the move then that would say, there is an industry with a particular interest

in a particular product, and we would like to impose it on society and say society must hold this as a reserve. I would have a fundamental problem. Yeah, that's what we're doing. So why Bitcoin Reserve and not- Yeah, do it or else. That's the new, remember?

See, I can sit there all day and talk about how stupid that is. You hear their cute little arguments with apples and stuff like that. And why not an apple reserve? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's all, this is all boomer thinking, you know, where you got to sit there and listen to arguments. And the whole time you're just thinking, why don't you shut up, you fucking idiot?

Why is this idiot talking? That's what we're doing now. The boomers, the boomers government we've had for 20 years where we have to talk to people like they're children. The worst. The worst. Yeah patronizing towns. Yeah, we're done with that.

Now it's just, hey idiot, do it or else. You're buying it or we'll kill you. That's it. So I don't know, I guess you're a cute little Apple metaphor. I guess you can go talk to your pals in the bar about having a beef reserve and how that's so fucking funny But we're just done. We're done dealing with it. Take your guys back Take that fucker in the SUV back shove it right up your ass and then do what we said to do We're buying we're taking Greenland to You're never allowed to go there. How

about that? They're not allowed? You actually are, you have to pay for everything in apples. How do you like that? You gotta carry them around with you too. You gotta carry a big back of apples you fuck, you stupid fuck. Oh man, it feels great to be in charge. Don't worry, we're gonna take good care of you guys. Yeah. You Millennials don't worry we're not gonna fuck you like our parents fucked us us and they think it's funny. Yeah. We're not gonna, no we're not. You sure? We're, I promise you. Yeah. You've been, you've been fucked as well. Yeah. You've been

fucked right alongside of us. This is multi-generational. Multi-generational. There was multi-generational fucking happening. The fucking, the boomers in the silent generation. They kind of had a little they kind of had a little alliance Didn't they they did value select back in the show? I hope everybody can see yes. See you guys welcome back. Thank you They had a little alliance going didn't they Now we have our own alliance. Yeah? With you guys. Yeah, the Gen X and the Millennials? Yes. Okay.

And we're gonna kill them. We're gonna upload them into the fucking cloud. Oh yeah. We're gonna tokenize our parents. Tokenize them. And we're gonna, we're gonna divest them of their lives. We're gonna upload- Pong and Dung, Pong and Dung, they're spirits.

We're gonna rug... Pong and Dundun their spirits. We're gonna rug their fucking bones. We're gonna upload long... We're gonna upload liquidity pools of their blood into the cloud. And we're gonna kill them. And we're all gonna get rich too. Everyone buy in.

We're gonna buy and sell our parents. I'm tokenizing everybody's fucking parents. And trading them on Jupiter Jupiter like Pokemon cards. Yeah. Yeah, they deserve. Yeah We're gonna buy and sell our fucking parents on the blockchain With their jokes about Apple, you know, they saw they see that shit like yeah, it is like why don't why don't we have a beef reserve? Fucking tokenized you better fucking watch it. Your ass is going on the fucking cloud, you bitch. How you doing?

I'm doing well. You doing well? Yeah, been a hectic, hectic new year so far. Yeah, that fire was right by you, huh? I got in a car crash too, right before. Oh no. I was coming back from the Bay Area, I was listening to a story about how Walt Disney hired filmmakers to stalk foxes in the forest. Wait, what?

Film a little documentary for making a behind the scenes. Okay. This was just me enjoying my drive. And some doofus comes and does it. Is your girlfriend with you in this drive? Yep. Does she do the thing where she goes, Huh?

Does she do that while you're driving? She didn't scream. She didn't scream. Okay. When we got struck, they came and did a pit maneuver. What? Yeah. Did she do the thing where she goes, huh? Does she do that while you're driving? She didn't scream. She didn't scream. When we got struck, they came and did a pit maneuver. What? Yeah. Going 80 miles per hour, we were.

They must have been going 100. They come in and they just kind of merge into the lane, but merge into me. Oh no. Just being out of control. Yeah. And the dog was in the car? Dog was in the car. Now, be honest.

As you were crashing, whose life were you most worried about? Yours, your girlfriends, or the dogs? I think in that moment, because they say time slows down, right? When you're in a traumatic situation. It does. First off, I didn't find that for me. That's bullshit. I didn't find that for me, yeah.

I mean, definitely your trauma levels go up emotionally, so you register things quicker. But in that moment, all I could think think of was I better get this car straight Worried about the cars life. Yes most okay for me. It kind of felt like I don't know if you ever played dirt rally Like the video is not your tech power steering. Yeah, it's like you go and you go on like Switzerland roads And you're like attending the drive rally racing. Okay. what it felt like. I played Gran Turismo. Okay, kind of like Gran Turismo. Yeah. The original? Yeah.

Yeah. Not the movie. That was, yeah, not the movie. Did you see that movie? I did. Yeah. I thought it was okay. Yeah, I thought it was okay too. Interesting concept. Yeah.

Yeah. Not like this crash. Not like this crash. So what happened in the crash? Spun out 360, righted at it into the median okay? Okay, this car comes over pulls out a couple of youngsters. Yeah, they check their car. They take off what hit and run Wow holy shit, so call the police they clear the freeway enough for us to get back on cars Yeah, keep gone thankfully and we make it back and then boom fires fire the fires going on So they just fuck

They just got away with it. They are I got the License plate how'd you do that? I got a photo split second. Oh, man. My lady was saying take a photo take a photo Like there's no she doesn't have a phone. What does it? I mean, that's what that's the classic classic fucking car accident Get your phone out and take a picture. Why don't you fucking do it? She's gotta get this deal first! Yeah, yeah. She has an android, so... Worthless.

They couldn't even take the photo. She tried. She did try! She did try. Because it was too far away? It was too blurry, yeah. These guys had the audacity to speed away from- That's a major cra- That's a felony, isn't it?

It is a felony. I mean, shh. I don't know. It's like back in the 50s, you get in a car accident, you're dead. It's over. Yeah. Nowadays, the cars are so safe, something crazy like that could happen and you could drive away fine

And then in the eyes of the law like you were never really in jeopardy Right what yeah, no, no serious injuries So there's no like recourse besides the hit-and-run and I don't know how that stands in terms of the Wow So they think they fucking got away with it. They got away. I got their license plate though Yeah, and we sent it into the insurance folks and the insurance folks don't want to have to pay for anything in terms of the- Wow, so they fucking got away with it. They got away. You got their license plate though. Yeah, and we sent it in to the insurance folks and the insurance folks don't want to have to pay for anything. No, of course not.

So they're going to hunt this guy down like the Terminator. Did you see Trump letting the people get on the mic and say which insurance company fucked them over in the flood in North Carolina? Oh, I did not see that. Oh man, he's doing gang shit. Wow, I'm glad you're okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. I'm feeling good, feeling ready for this new year.

Yeah. Fires were tough. I mean, didn't really affect us so much. We were about a mile away. Okay. But the embers never crossed the freeway. So. Okay.

And then we get to see the presidential election occurring and all of the new things that are springing from that. So. You see those drum major guys, those black guys dancing around like nuts? see the presidential election occurring and all of the new things that are springing from that. You see those drum major guys, those black guys dancing around like nuts? What were they doing? I don't know. It lasted like a half hour though. They were doing like, you know, Trump was watching all the high schools send their bands

through. And I was thinking, this is like, that seems like hell, but I bet he loves it. He's sitting there going like, cause my dad would love that. Like going to a high school, like endless, endless, an endless parade of like high school, patriotism slash whatever that school spirit shit is. And athletes like, you know, doing their best. And basically the opposite of me, like walking in an endless parade.

He would be like, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, that guy looks good. Yeah, yeah, that's a good athlete. That is a prospect right there. That is, he would be like, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, that guy looks good. Yeah, yeah, that's a good ass. That is a prospect right there. That is what he would think! There it is, that's the future. That's the future. True fucking straight in the cloud, bro.

He's window shopping for a new son, man. He's looking for it. That's what they do. They go, I wish, yeah, that could have been it. I could have had that son right there. He could have been a quarterback. What do you mean he's a musical comedian? Ah, god damn it. I had that talk with my dad. He pulled me What do you mean he's a musical comedian? God damn it.

I had that talk with my dad. He pulled me aside one day and he's like I just want to apologize you for not doing as many manly things as I would have liked to have done. He apologized to you for that? Yeah, like not really teaching me how to fix a car or something like that. Can he fix a car?

No he can't. Okay, thanks dad. Well you see how it turns out so this is where I am it's cuz of you They have does your dad play fantasy son Does he have the fantasy son app? You don't have that it's like fantasy football Yeah, dads can log in and they like they buy they trade they trade like, they get like the who's who of high school book and they pick them and then they-

Who's the hottest boy who's up for prom king? Yeah, then they track them, their athleticism over their lives. I guess that is what fantasy football kind of is too for some dads. They're just looking at the young guys. Yeah, they do that, but it's high school. It's like high school fantasy football. This is real, okay. It's a real thing. Wow. It's a real thing. I'm gonna have to check it out. They have the, uh, they do that, but it's high school. It's like high school fantasy. This is real. Okay. It's a real thing Wow, it's a real thing. I'm gonna have to check it out they have the They have the the donation center over by you too. They do right across the way We got the fire pianita. Yeah, and they're all set up

It was crazy to see when the fires were gone. We did have a lot of firemen swing by our place Okay, because the pressure was lost in showing off Pasadena. Yeah, they always do that. They want you to wave to them. We don't even need them though If you just get a sprinkler system, you know one of those back-and-forth ones, right? Pop it on the roof when the fire comes the whole the whole neighborhood just does that. Yeah, no more fire problem Easy. It's all a big scam. That's what we all should have been doing. I saw some guy He just got a bucket. It's like, well, what have you been doing? He's like, I'm just putting buckets on fires wherever I can find them.

And they say that they'll make fun of you. Like people online will make fun of you, but it totally works. Everyone's house that did that didn't burn down. We're fine, yeah. It's such a cluster fuck. It's such a chaotic mess. Seeing what's been going on there,

what's been working for folks, people that have just kind of trusted to abandon it thinking that people would come and help them and then they Don't come for several days I should have been the sprinkler guy. Yeah, it's Once again, yeah, we're not doing any of the talking about preparedness shit. We're going home deep Oh, we're getting sprinkler things and throwing them on the roof Throwing them on the roof it get fucked if you don't and everybody who says not they're turning into a token. They're calling them a slur. Yeah. Yeah that too

Done we're done Explaining is over. Um, let me see this. We got Riley's lawyers are Calling it in a little bit. Oh, let me see what else have here. Banks can hold... It's mostly Bitcoin stuff, honestly. Um, DEI people are getting fired everywhere? DEI... Yeah, oh man. That's gotta be... That's gotta be bad news for a lot of...

Yeah, I've seen this. Yeah, all federal employees in DEI roles have to be placed on paid leave by five by Wednesday. Mm-hmm Was that last notes this Wednesday as those in office programs are being ordered shut down Man Can we show up on Wednesday and watch them get escorted off the premises? By white security guards? Do they have a little box with DEI shit in it? The white fragility books.

A couple of dildos. Yeah, throw eggs at them and say, get in there fucking Jaguar. You know oh Man, how great I'm trying to find the this Some I think it was the ATF like changed the title of the woman. Did you see that? I saw that she's now just chief officer. Yeah, yeah officer. Let's see here. I Couldn't find it before the show. Yeah, this one. This was the This is their Anne Frank This is the ATF changed Lisa T Boykins title from chief diversity officer to

senior executive before the the... What? Why the degree came through? What? These titles are so useless. They're so useless. Did they think that no one would notice? Like, are they aware of the internet?

Are they aware of how this works? I guess not. They're not. That's part of why they need to be turned into tokens. They need to be put on the blockchain. Well, I don't want to... I don't want to say that with the black lady on screen. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to I don't want to say that with the black lady But all of them I guess that's bad I was gonna say but all of them as a group, but that's even worse I get either It's insane. Yeah, we caught you. We caught you you sneaky bitch That's insane. Yeah, we caught you. We caught you you sneaky bitch Is it as easy as that? Can you just change just take out the words all of a sudden this person is safe No, they trump released a further directive saying

If anyone did this in your organization tell us not within 10 days and there will be no penalty or anything Okay, but you wait until after that, there will be major penalties. My stomach dropped a little bit. Major penalties. Yeah! They added the thread! It wasn't, hey tell us in 10 days and it's fine. It's kind of like implied that there's something going to happen after 10 days.

It was added, and if you don't, there will be enhanced consequences. There's something like that. I like that. added and if you don't there will be enhanced consequences. Something like that. Yeah. I like that. There you go. Don't care about greater Israel.

Don't care. Let's see here. Nighttime erections. Let's see. Do you see this weirdo? He's measuring himself and now his son too. His son's wiener. Yeah. Nighttime erection data from my 19 year old son.

This is Brian Johnston, the goo man. His duration is two minutes longer than mine. Oh man. Raise children to stand tall, firm and be upright. This is... It's a phrasing right there. It's some poor choice of words. This is...

This is child sex abuse. Just like, just so it's clear, like it's funny and dumb, but if your dad is measuring your erections for whatever reason, that's sexual abuse, and you should kill him, or turn him into the cops There's no sort of voluntary His 19 year old son did not consent to this no no What point did we tip the weirdness scale a little too far like we already know he's weird because he's trying to live forever

Then yeah, ah this is like now you're trying to we let him get away with the blood harvesting. Right. With his son. Too far. And now he's erection harvesting. Mm-hmm. He needs to suffer major penalties, enhanced consequence. He needs some enhanced consequences for this, man. He's been enhancing himself too long. Yeah. Could we get like that guy, that imam, that always like weighs in,

and is like, I don't want to, you know how he's always like, I don't want to say the bad word here, but, and then he'll always say like a really bad word of what he thinks something is. We need to get an outside the country perspective on Brian Johnson, Johnson measuring his son's directions. Yeah.

How does he do this? Notice he didn't say the length. So that makes me think he's losing in that department. Ah, okay. Cause I was gonna ask, is he sneaking in in the middle of the night and just kind of covers back with a measuring stick or is this more scientific? So you're getting some- Well he's got a graph.

So- Is that- that's all it takes? I don't know how long- I don't know how you- Excel spreadsheet. Yeah. It's like well they- I mean they had Excel spreadsheets it's okay that they you know massacred all those people. They kept log of it. Yeah.

Dude they're just- boomers are obsessed with their fucking erections. Yeah, they really are. It's a it's a unicorn for them They can't get him as often literally a unicorn They're gonna when they asked to be buried. This is gonna be a big thing They're all gonna be asked to be buried with like big hard erections Like poking through the top of the shower grades are gonna come in style. yeah? So they can give a little... Stick their little flagpole through there. Hahaha! Cause they've always, they've always have been obsessed with having erections and like... Medicating themselves into having erections.

And I thought as a kid I'd grow up and like... You know, understand how important having an erection is. But I don't. What do you mean you don't? It's just not an issue for you, obviously. You wouldn't even register on these graphs. Definitely not. Well, definitely not sleep time erections. Okay.

I don't know if it's ever been a problem for me where I really like really needed an erec- like- Yes. Yeah, there's some times I've fucked up some good ones not being too drunk to get an erection. Yeah, there's some times I've fucked up some, I've fucked up some good ones, not being too drunk to get an erection. But. There's just cause there, there's like a reason, right? If you're just going in stone cold sober. They did sell you.

I remember watching the commercials as a kid and being like, I guess that's what being adult is, is just having a dick that doesn't work. It's an eating viagra all the time. Yeah, the commercials never say like, stop taking cocaine. Stop mixing cocaine and molly and then you'llra all the time. Yeah. Commercials never say, like, stop taking cocaine. Stop mixing cocaine and molly, and then you'll be all right. Or you can take this.

Easonthrified chicken, maybe it won't clog your urethra with cholesterol. But even then, I'm not thinking, oh, yeah, I really need to get on some erection medicine. It's the rap music of their generation. They're just Really listening to rap music they're like, yeah, I'm gonna I just need to fuck all the time So you got to get the the condoms the viaduct commercials are they fucking all the time? I gotta fuck all the time. I gotta be ready to take at any given moment. I gotta have yeah

This is like because it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. It's kind of like with folks who stockpile guns, right? They're like someone's gonna break in I gotta have my better start I gotta have it under the floorboard and over here behind the door. Yeah that for Viagra though Do you have any gun systems? I got a device a better gun system. My house isn't big enough to have a gun system Yeah, if it was though, I definitely would be that guy I like fantasizing about that someone Someone coming in, having the SWAT tactics. Yeah, I need some kind of an anti, every time somebody online gets pissed at me,

I think, uh oh, all right, where's the gun? I gotta get my, I gotta get my home defense thing straightened out. Home alone but brutal, yeah. Yeah, I gotta get my paint cans. I should ask my dad if he's got a system for burglars. He's got a system, I can guarantee your dad's got a fuckin' system. Like a pipe that he throws over the side of the stairs

to hit him. Anything that would be convoluted is part of his system. I just spray like Dawn dishwashing soap all over the stairs because they're gonna run in and then go, whoa, and slip. Crack. And then put a bunch of tumbleweeds at the bottom until they fall on that. Right on their butts, yeah.

And they go, ah, ow, ow. And then I got a laser pointer on the ceiling that took blind them and their eyes when they like, oh, they're falling, like, oh, blinding their eyes. Then you shoot them with your gun. The defenseless on the floor. Yeah, then I shoot them with the gun. Then I take their pants off before I shoot them. You know.

The disrespect. Yeah, the disrespect. That's what they're doing in Ukraine. They got those drones that fly around and they pull your pants off. That's terrifying. Yeah. The ones where they blow them up I don't like. But the drones where they fly around and whoop, pull their pants off and they strip.

Those are funny. Because they still run because they think they're going to get killed, but their pants are just getting pulled off. How embarrassing. Die from a heart attack right after? Um, yeah. Oh yeah, all the Mexicans vanished. I don't know if this is true, but someone took a picture.

Posted it. Look at this. This is uh... Walmart's have never been emptier. Dude, the six X's, XL's in the women's department are really backing up. The game... You know? Uh... Absolutely amazing TikTok posted by a Mexican lady in California who was trying to show the chilling consequences of the ice raids happening.

Chilling? Is that necessary to put the music on like that? Oh, in Kern County, shit. Yeah, yeah, that'll do it. AAAAAAAH, I'll do it. Uh, here is... Wasn't there that movie back in the day, day without a Mexican there was with Tom Hanks I think so. Yeah

Only eight out of vaguely remember it I was talking about like all the fat leads like all the lawn mowers were like standing still in people's yards running like nothing It was just like is that really what it was about? I think it was either a fever dream or I was just like vaguely remember it. But I remember seeing the promos for it as a kid. That was hysterical. Yeah, 8 out of 43 guys showed up for work due to the immigration checkpoints and raids. Let me see this.

Is all the Mexican music necessary? Is all the Mexican music necessary? Well, I don't know. Guess we're gonna have to find some new people to do those, to do that amazing house building work that they're doing. Here's the Mexican store. Fiesta Mart. They should have slapped a new name on that to keep ice away. America Mart. You know? Boss. Hey, we got to change the- we got a lot of illegal Mexicans here. Maybe we can put, you know,

no- no Fiesta Mart. A popular Mexican grocery store is empty. Everybody is hiding from ICE and Border Patrol. The person who posted this says this was not after hours. This is open and during normal business hours. No one is here. Let's see. ["Santos de la Vida"] Smart fuck, that's not funny.

Totally dead. Shit. Good day to go shopping. Wow. What are we gonna do? Yeah, what do we do? Is that a new...are we getting new folks to come in and do this? Are we going back to the Irish? Like who's gonna be taking these? Oh yeah. Guys, just give it up to...just come over here.

Don't worry about it. Just give it up to country. Who cares? Come over here.'t worry about it just give up the country who cares come over here you guys are fucked right it is such a man yeah and gonna rebuild all the houses for cheap right I don't know not these guys all right do I have oh shit okay it's It's time for- it's time for these, uh, these fun guys to call in. Let's see here. I probably fucked it up. Did anybody lose a house that you know? My girlfriend's friends definitely did. In their community. Burned down. A lot of them lost their businesses, too. Oh, their business, too? Yeah, the places of work. So, double whammy. Yeah their community, burned down. A lot of them lost their businesses too. Oh, their business too?

Yeah, the places of work, so double whammy. Yeah, that sucks. It is, it's, I can't even begin to imagine. A lot of folks I think across maybe the country are looking at it and seeing it as a rich man's fire. And while that certainly is the case, there are a lot of folks. Yeah, it's half true.

There's a lot of like. Yeah, it's half true. There's a lot of normal people that got fucked. There's just a twisted view, I think, on California just because of Los Angeles and San Francisco. They're not seeing... There are regular salt of the earth folks out here who are getting hammered. They don't like it either. It's a real...

I really, I find it to be very annoying to people who are- who think shitting on California is like a personality. Because there's- there's more Republicans here than- than your state, so first of all, you're the gay state. There's more Republicans in California. Secondly, I think most importantly, Republicans in California or non-liberals in California have to answer for all the retarded shit that conservatives do all over the country. Because whatever happens in California happens to the whole country.

That's it. The state's too goddamn big. Everything starts here and then becomes, you know, whoever's our governor is going to be the fucking president. So you guys better, you guys better, yeah you guys better start helping us help ourselves over here Yeah, because you're gonna get fucked by this too, but the it's like the Fuck what if I forgot what I was gonna say. The Texans are the ones living in their bubble, right?

They got their ranches they get the hate on California But it's truly the folks over here who are in the middle or even to the right that have to like suffer through the dinner parties They're the ones who if they're liberal friends of any issues, right? Yes, who's getting excommunicated? Yes. Yeah getting Disinvited from the family tree Tennessee passes a law where you have to say you have to read the Bible every day like great Now we have to answer for that over here. Thanks a lot. You fucking assholes. Thanks so much Yeah, what are this retarded shit." So then we go in and like, hey, I'd sure like to rake the tree, all the shit that burns in the forest. It'd be nice if we raked it up, like, oh, next you're

gonna be wanting us to read the Bible. Nah, really. That's really not it. And maybe we should all go to the gym once a week. It's like, what? What are you saying by that? Are you saying that you want people to be, are you saying that we're disabled? Are you saying that we're not the handmaiden's tail? Yeah, is that what you want? Oh man, just normal shit. That's it. All right, let me load this window up. Okay, people are waiting. Oh, admit. Admit. All right. And maybe I can turn the camera on.

There we go. Hello. Hello. Hello, hello, hello. Do I have everyone on the call here today? Yes, you do. How you doing? Mark and James, welcome to the program.

We're here to talk about winning. That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing all day today. It always feels good to win. Yeah, it's been a week nonstop. I lost track of all the wins we've had. Right? So, yeah, I mean, there's been a lot of wins all over the place.

Nick, are you familiar with Nick Riketa? Yes. The cocaine kingpin of Minnesota. I suppose that's what they're calling him online. Yeah, we can call him that now. We don't have to pretend that he's not a major player in the blow trafficking industry now that he's free, now that he's taking the plea deal.

So you guys repped Riley for his Eric July case, yeah? That's correct. And what happened? Can you give us a little, we've talked about it a little bit on the show. People are, a lot of people hate Riley. So I'm phrasing this as a legal issue, but the law that Eric July forced the police

to prosecute him over is like a new law for Texas, is that right? Well, harassment isn't necessarily a new law. There's a, and the state tried prosecuting Riley under some older versions of it that didn't really apply. Okay. The version that they might have had an opportunity to was a very much newer version of the statute. But even then we were confident in winning Riley's case. Well, what is the statute?

Can you give like a description of it briefly? Because it seemed the whole thing seemed retarded to us honestly. So the charging document that they filed into court, which I believe you had on one of your episodes had really outlined two different ways that Riley supposedly, supposedly violated, uh, the harassment statute. One was that, um, he'd made threats of bodily injury against Eric July. And the other, other way they tried charging him was kind of a mishmash of two other sections. Yeah. Should have been completely separated, but in essence, it was that it was online, repeated online communications.

However, the section they really should have filed under, should have been the one that dealt more with like internet posts, posts to social media sites, stuff like that, rather than the older direct communications or electronic communications, which really deals more with when you're just repeatedly texting somebody, repeatedly sending them an email directly to them. I'm looking for Max. I don't know if you're familiar with this case, but Riley, who's a little goofball, him and Eric July, this guy,

this illiterate guy who makes comics, they were having an online fight, calling each other gay and stuff, calling each other fat and gay. And then Riley went to Eric July's comic book warehouse and taped like $40 to the door and said he was gonna shave his arm hair on his shoulders because the guy has he streams and he has this gross like, Brillo pad of arm hair on shoulders. So then Eric July called

the police, who's an anarcho-capitalist, he called the police and the police met him at a gas station on the outskirts of town where he said that I'm like in charge of this criminal harassment ring of making fun of him. Ridiculous. Yeah. Is that about right? Is that about right, Mark?

Yeah, well it was $41. Oh, it was $41? Okay. What? I'll try to- And I just want to put this out here first. We have talked to Riley and he has given us permission to talk about the case. Okay.

Just everybody's aware. So I know there's some little minions online somewhere. They're like, Oh, his lawyers are talking about him and his case. They shouldn't be doing that. But yeah, it was $41. My understanding it was meant to be 50. Oh, he fucked up. I guess the one in the 10 came out of the wallet the wrong way. But yeah, he he drew some bunnies

with carrots on the money and taped it with bunnies. Well, I fixed it with bunny stickers to the window. And I know I've seen both James and I have spent hours scouring the internet on different forums and, and X and this and that what people were saying about it, from the time it happened. And it's kind of. It's kind of funny, James and I would laugh almost every day because people were talking about the case like they actually understood what the law was and what would have to happen. But Eric July called the police.

There it is. It's out there in the open. It's no secret. We've heard the 9-1-1. Wait, what you have? Oh, yeah Dispute that Eric was the one who called no way How do we get the 9-1-1 call like how did can we F oh can we foyer it or whatever that's called you probably can They probably would release it now. What did he say? What did he say in the 911 call?

Well, he wanted to report basically a trespass. Okay. And I know you've posted parts of the state's response to our motion of quash that actually, I don't know why all of Eric July's fans and supporters would think you were making something up that the state actually incorporated the offense report to their response to our motion to quash. Yeah. And it clearly states Eric July called 911.

He didn't even meet him at the warehouse. He went to that gas station. Why did he do that? Why did he meet them like he's on an episode of The Wire? Why did he meet them in a gas station outside of town? What he probably did was he probably called from his home address and you know wherever he lived just said well if he's in Plano, then you have to call the Plano police so Okay he's in Plano, then you have to call the Plano police. So, oh, OK. Probably. So he drove to a gas station because it's like in the district

of his warehouse to call 911. Kind of an idiot. He gets escorted over to the warehouse. Like die hard three when he calls the ambulance in because he's in the right area. OK, so he gets escorted. He gets escorted from the police to the warehouse. OK, well, he meets him over there and, you know, they take the report. And so the office.

No, wait a minute. I'm sorry. I have so many questions. What is the mental state of the police as they're taking down? What is like a totally stupid, obviously, like a guy in bunny stickers? novel. They wrote novelty scissors in the report Like what is the mental state of the cops in this? so the cops

You know most of the street cops are kind of like oh, I've got something to do, right? But for the most part when they get called out to the scene and this happens throughout Texas the cops that arrest you They're not the final person investigating it Okay, it actually it's turned over and you talked about this detective on one of your your podcasts were about Yeah, the guy was a doctor or detective Farias or whatever his name was detective fart in my ass. I remember him Yeah, I looked him up. He doesn't even work for that department anymore. Okay. What is he? Does he work at a blowjob factory or something? After they take this report

He ends up calling Eric July, okay and has a long conversation with Eric July, which we've heard that too. Oh my God, I had no idea this stuff existed. Because you know, he like Eric July, like made it a point to never talk about me to never like, react to after at a certain point to never react to me, you know, everyone who tries this route on me, it doesn't work. What was he saying in the, in the call to the detective? Well, this is where it gets more into kind of like the, the mental state of law enforcement. Okay. The, the detective is asking him, what happened? What's, what's the backstory to this. You know, he gives them information about you and, and the bunnies. Did he tell them that he's responsible for the bunny stuff that he called me a bunny in the first place?

Not I can't remember if he did or not, but it talks about the bunnies. Yeah. Okay. And then the detective at some point he's the detective is trying to like. Give him advice like, hey, you know, this stuff happens online, like just block people and fucking hysterical woman advise on it, just like I'm like, just you know, like closer, close your eyes. Right. And then he starts talking in there, starts like, well, you know, there's, there's actionable threats. Oh, God. And this is, and he tells the detective about the whole shaving the, the, the shoulder hair thing. Right. And the, and the, he's like, wait a minute. There's actual actionable threats. Like other than, okay. There's actual, actionable threats like other than, okay. Changing of the shoulders.

Yeah. He goes, well, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, well, well, what are they? And he goes, well, you know, what it is is, I got to look out for my employees. Oh. Well, you see, when he was talking about actionable threats, he's saying, Riley is saying that he's making actionable threats.

And so he's talking about a quote that Riley made where Riley says something verbatim like, this is an actionable threat. Yeah, Riley says that I'm making an actionable threat. As in like by saying those words, the threat, even if it's not actionable, because Riley is saying it's actionable, it's an actionable threat. And so, you know, he's asked about the shaving of the shoulders and it's like, all right, and what about this specific actionable threat? And then Eric, you know, he's like, well, he's saying that it's an actionable threat. And can't name any other kind of specifics.

Does he, you heard it. Does he, does it sound like he's lying or that he actually believes it's an actionable threat? No, he actually, he tells the detective that these posts in the, like the shaving of the shoulder he disregarded. He didn't he claimed he didn't feel threatened. Yeah, but he's got to take it serious now because now he's shown up to the warehouse

at night when nobody was there. Yeah. And I know he went on Nick show shortly after that. And I know Nick I mean, I don't personally know him, but I know from watching that episode, Nick was trying to tell him like, wait a minute, it's like a driveway into a parking lot. So it's a public space. He's like, yeah, well, it's a business.

Well, no, it's a public space. Anybody has access to it. It's not like he broke in. Did he even talk to anybody? Well, no, that that's not my point of contention. Right. You do a good July. I Nick looked frustrated with him. It was like, well, his lawyers might consider that a point of contention. I'm going to put this on there. Now it's a real good July impression. Okay. Sorry. But yeah, so he

that's where it all gets started. And then he has I guess he has some employee named Brandon Taylor. Laser eyes. Yeah. Is that the guy that he's got one eye looking one way and one eye? He's got one eye on the money and one eye on the future. And one eye on comics and one eye on the money and one eye on the future and one eye on comics and one eye on the, you know. But he ends up being in contact with the detective. So evidently, Brandon is scouring X for posts from that Riley's making or anybody else is making.

And he's sending him over to the detective via email like every day, every day he's sending this detective like snips from Twitter or X or whatever and saying, Oh, here's another one. Yeah. They don't know where the actual posts were made from. They don't know when these pictures were necessarily taken or anything like that. But Brandon keeps telling the detective like,

oh, we believe he's gonna do this. Like he's on his way to go, go urinate on Eric's grandfather's grave, which never actually ever happened. Oh yeah, that was funny. They love running with that one. Yeah, yeah. I bought that cemetery.

I'm in negotiations to buy it. I'm gonna dig up his great grandfather From a legal standpoint, it's gonna take some extra permits. I got him. It's Trump's I could do whatever I want I'm in Trump's ear. I could do it. I got permits for days I'm gonna dig up his grandpa and make like a little puppet out of his bones like like, you know A little marionette puppet and then make him dance around for my amusement. Make him piss on his own grave. I'm gonna do Jeff Dunham's routine.

I'm gonna make a little puppet, yeah. Give him a piss pouch. Shhh. Shhh. Is that legal? Yeah, so they end up getting this warrant for stalking. Yeah. Which is a felony.

And then they dig down. That warrant's like retarded, right? for stalking. Yeah, which is a felony and Then warrants like retarded right like these laws are for like insane people protecting like women and and stuff like that How did that get through? How do you get a warrant for these? It's not it's honestly not hard to get a warrant really It's not hard to get a warrant at all Okay, but just cuz somebody gets arrested doesn't mean they're guilty of something. Yeah But yeah, they this warrant goes out and Riley doesn't live in Texas. He's not from Texas. The police knew that But it got downgraded to harassment. Okay and then

unbeknownst to Riley that this warrant was out he goes to I Don't I don't know. You got some meet and greet thing that's at. Yeah. Bar. Yeah. It was. Or something.

It was a rip. It doesn't even go inside. Stays outside. Convention. Yeah. A minor attracted people. And it was like strip mall had like a CC's pizza and this bar like I don't know If I'm doing some launch of a comic book or a business thing

I don't know if I would have had it there, but there's a wait watchers there too where neurotics wife Was for her daily appointments that she would happen to be there at the same time. Sorry. Anyway, keep going he uh, you know, somebody must have said something to the manager, the owner of the bar pool hall, and they go out and get the cops to come and say, hey, look, you know, we just want to make sure he doesn't come into the bar. I can't, you know, even the even the owner of the bar is saying, look, I can't trespass them from the whole parking lot. That's I just don't want him up against our windows or whatnot.

And Eric July had this, I don't know, hired team of security guards wearing the same blazers, trying to tell the cops like who Riley is. And and then the cops go over and they're kind of like what are we doing here and they run yeah yeah they run Riley's name and they see there's an active warrant and that's the only reason he got arrested he didn't get arrested at that place for trespass yeah he didn't get arrested for harassing anybody there the arrest was all simply because he had an outstanding warrant. Yeah.

And so, but yeah, no, I got, I got involved in this because I'm, I've got a lot of connections with the Libertarian Party of Texas. Oh, really? Yeah. And some individuals that I know through that contacted me and they're like, yeah, this guy is claiming to be a libertarian online. He's not very libertarian. Dude, isn't it crazy?

Like today, Eric's talking about how evil the government is and he's an anarcho-capitalist. It's like, bro, you called the cops on someone because he made fun of you. It's not like you're in any danger. Nothing was stolen. Nothing. Just getting made fun of. He made money. Yeah.

He made $41. Yeah. That's crazy. How are things going for libertarians in Texas? You guys got to, you guys are getting kind of blue over there. Libertarians around the country, it's always a struggle because you get a lot of people that support, you know, the libertarian platform in so many ways, but they're always, they're stuck in this mindset of,

well, you know, they don't really have a shot at winning. So I need to either vote for the lesser of two evils or it's something like, hey, maybe next time, but this election is the most important election of our lifetimes. But like every four years, it's always the most important election of our lifetimes, but every four years It's always the most important election of our lifetime. So at some point in the past people were lying to us, right? Yeah, it does You keep getting the same

thing Every election cycle everyone made it worse. I look back and every single one made it worse Except for this we got a lot of stuff in this one libertarians Yeah yeah i think we finally learned the last whole break is free yeah like we give us this is exactly what we want and then you got it like those ghosts and lord of the rings like we need this and we'll vote but you need to do this okay um you can make fun of us i we suck, but you need to let our guy to prison. OK, so what did you think when Riley came in with this amazing case? Well, I was just like, is this really is this really happening? Yeah, is this is this really a case that's going to go forward?

And sure enough, yeah, they were moving forward with it. So James and I. Put our heads together and we're like, well, James is practicing Collin County a lot. OK, I haven't practiced there as much. I practice in like 39 counties in Texas. Collin was not one of them. Yeah. So they were. Collin County is not used to my antics in court.

Anyway, what are your court? What are your court? Court? The courtroom is my theater. So Riley got the right attorney. Great. So, uh, did you wear it? And so we, we drafted a lengthy motion to quash and James called it too.

He's like, we're going to put this together and she's probably not going to read the whole thing. The judge, she's going to like immediately read it and be like, all right, that's enough. Boom. Yeah. And that's what happened. She got through, she didn't even get through, make a ruling on any of our other sections. She was just like, I've seen enough.

I've seen enough. It's all. Yeah. make a ruling on any of our other sections. She was like, I've seen enough. I've seen enough. It's out. Yeah. And then of course- Wait, it's quashed. That means like the infirm, I don't really understand what it means.

Like I just say like- No, the charging document no longer exists. Oh, I see. Okay. So the state could have refiled. Yeah. Okay. Or amended the information, um, and, and actually made it sound legitimate

because I don't know necessarily who wrote that. Uh, I don't know if it was some paralegal gave it to an ADA to sign, but that was atrocious writing. Um, and the response to our emotional quash was pretty atrocious as well. Um, but once that got quashed, really there's no case to move forward until they file another document. And yet the state continued to act like they were going to go to trial. And I saw all Eric July's little fans online. Like, Oh no, it's still going to trial. And I'm like, yeah, little fans online like, oh no, it's still going to trial.

And I'm like, look, I mean, if they file something, sure. I mean, I'll wake up, roll out of bed, and go try this case. It doesn't matter to me. Because this is going to be fun. Why didn't they do that? Why did they do any of this? They just thought Riley's going to take a plea deal because it's the smart thing to do?

That's how most district attorneys are. Yeah, they just prosecute everything. Yeah, the prosecutor sometimes don't even look at the case the first time you go on a court. They're like, oh, here's a plea deal. And like, did you even look at anything? We'll reject that. That's crazy. Yeah. And what's funny is the state, the prosecutor that wrote that, that response to our motion to quash, he got reassigned somewhere else in the DA's office. Actually, he doesn't work at that specific DA's office. Oh, okay.

I think he, uh, went to go be a felony prosecutor elsewhere. He had actually been doing it for like, he's been a lawyer for at least 11 years. Yeah. he had actually been doing it for like, he's been a lawyer for at least 11 years. So later, of course, they sub in somebody else to fill his place. And so eventually we see, you know, they give us some notice. And, you know, I see the bar card numbers and it's like, those are pretty fresh bar numbers. And so we look them up and we see, oh, wow, Fresh bar numbers and so we look them up and we see oh wow Like they're almost They've almost been attorneys for two whole months now. Oh, this is their first case of their prosecution of Riley I'm gonna be their first trial. Yeah

Man, I mean it's good for Riley, but I think everyone's disappointed that there wasn't actually a trial Yeah, and that's the other thing. I honestly I was looking forward to a trial. Yeah, I was so looking't actually a trial. Yeah. And that's the other thing. I honestly, I was looking forward to a trial. Yeah. I was so looking forward to a trial, um, because unlike what Eric July's fans all think he would have had to testify. Oh, yeah. You can't, you can't just get somebody up on other people on the stand and been like, Oh, yeah, Eric July felt threatened. You actually have to have it from the horse's mouth.

We have this thing in the United States called the confrontation clause. Yeah. The sixth amendment. Then we also have our own version in the Texas constitution. So if you're going to make an accusation you felt threatened, guess what? You're going to have to take the stand. threatened. Guess what? You're gonna have to take the stand. I mean, the implication is kind of, let's see if we can do it.

That's the kind of I mean, I don't I'm not like, you know, I'm just I have this mental disorder where I have to just kind of say what the implications of things are, like compulsively. And it just seems like to me, if that he would have to testify, the implication is that Somebody would accelerate it to a point where he would testify in court using these Pre-established parameters and conditions just seems like to me. That's what somebody would do. I don't know though I've been wrong in the path. Well somebody on Twitter like maybe Vicky or someone like that Yeah, or somebody else they did like a Google AI search.

Does the victim have to testify? And then, you know, the AI tells them, no, they don't. And so they're like, well, there we go. There you go. I couldn't believe they're saying that. That's so stupid. Like, what do you mean he doesn't have to testify?

He said he said he's afraid of this guy and that's where they're going to put him in jail. What the fuck are you talking about? Don't use AI for your legal advice. It doesn't usually pan out too well. Why are people so dumb when they're talking about the law? Like what the hell is that? Well it convinced themselves that they know something.

Yeah. Yeah. I had a client come in tell me one time, hey, I want you to file this motion and this motion and this motion. And I'm like, all time, Hey, I want you to file this motion and this motion and this motion. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. And that thing doesn't even exist. And he was like, Oh yeah, yeah, no, it does.

I'm like, no, no, it doesn't. I said, well, evidently, I said, evidently, if you think that that's something that I don't know. Yeah. And so you must've been talking to some other attorney that knows way more than me. So I suggest you go back to that law firm of Google and Yahoo and hire that guy. And once I called him out and I was like,

nah, man, you're right, you're right. I'll stay with you. Yeah. But yeah, now don't try to get all your actual legal advice for your own case or anything from AI or necessarily from Google because I guarantee you're going to miss something. Yeah, and try thinking about it in terms of like, do you think that's what should happen? Do you think a fat guy making fun of a ex gangbanger should go to prison?

Does that sound like something that is going to happen? Because it doesn't. It's because if you think that you're an idiot. Well, so Collin County is very much Republican. Yeah. And like I so wanted to do an opening statement of like folks, what are we doing here about mean tweets? Like if somebody makes a mean tweet and call somebody a name on Twitter or X, like,

does that mean they're guilty of a crime? And when the blank stares start looking at me, like, what's he talking about? I guess, I guess Donald Trump should be prosecuted in Collin County for mean tweets. Yeah. Right. Like it's so ridiculous. You know, the whole, you know, whatever happened to sticks and stones may break my bones. You know, that was, that was a lie that we told people so we could say mean things to them. Yeah Actually, actually it's the words are hurt way more and I know cuz I do it I Would ray way rather come up with a nickname for somebody then break their arm The arm will heal the nickname will not

their arm. The arm will heal. The nickname will not. Yeah. Anyway, I don't know. Is this maybe maybe they'll be around too. Yeah, I doubt it. I highly doubt it. They in here's the thing. James and I were still ready to like I said, ready to go to trial, even though no trial could happen without a charging document. Yeah. So we could have rolled in there on that trial date. And the only reason the trial date stayed up online, and everybody was like, no, it's not dismissed. It's not dismissed. It's still trial. It's just because the judge hadn't gone in and removed

the date off the calendar. That's all. It was a clerical thing. There was nothing that was going to happen on that day. But these new prosecutors, they started filing notices like they were still still had a case. They wanted our notice of experts. So that's why I put you and Nick Arcata on there as experts.

Do you think Eric's general manner of speaking and inability to wear anything other than a tank top would have gone over well in front of a jury? Well, I was going to ask you about super chats and stuff because they kept talking about that in the offense report. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Like he started sending super chats, you know, whatever. So we're going to talk about these.

You guys talk about super chats and and and other things. Authenticate videos that you guys have posted online. Yeah. Your job. Yeah, he did it. Riley did that. He did those things that you guys are saying he did. That guy did go take a picture in the grave.

He did piss on it, actually. He didn't take a picture of that. That's not in take a picture in the grave. He did piss on it, actually. He didn't take a picture of that. That's not in the picture, but he told me that he pissed on it. So, there you go. I pissed on it too. I mailed him, I froze some piss and mailed it to him. And he pissed it out of a fake penis onto the grave.

So, yeah, they... I'm gonna, I bought the property next to the graveyard and I'm gonna dig down and dig over and drill a hole in the coffin and pull eyes on Knox's bones out. And then I'm going to bring them out the side like a sideways drill. Is that legal? Probably not. Let's not do that. Why is, you know, a lot of podcasts don't have this many legal issues.

It's like weird that we do constantly have retarded legal issues hanging over our heads. Well, you know, this, it's, uh, the country is very litigious. People just want to sue people left and right for stuff and evidently call police for getting money taped to their window. I mean, I would love for Riley just to like, like plaster the windows of my house with dollar bills and 20s and hundreds.

I prefer hundreds. Is that legal? Is it legal to go to someone's house and tape $100 bills there? Pull up, pull up. It's good to know. How many hundreds is it makes it illegal? If someone's gonna do that, how many hundreds would make it a crime? Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't be calling the police on you. I just want you to pull up, put some money on my window. Yeah. But yeah, and that's the other thing.

Eric was going on with this whole pull up thing, and I saw the video where he, you know, he was going, I'm not hiding behind a microphone. Cool. Well, let's do confrontation. Yeah. Right. And then the next like another podcast later, he's like, Oh, well, that's not what I meant. That's not what pull up means. That's it just means let's have a conversation. Right. And if I remember correctly, the original pull up video is no longer publicly available.

Oh, really? Get a industrious anonymous Twitter user known as Heavytude to collect this now publicly unavailable video for us. Because I remember one of my first thoughts when just seeing this case was, well, we need this this original pull up video in all of its context so that Eric July can't like weasel out of it and say, well, that's only like a portion of it. Yeah. Because in Yale, it was just as bad as it sounded.

I mean, there was no context that could show me otherwise that it was just, well, I meant to come to my location to have a, you know, a cordial discussion about, about our problems. No, he always wants to fight. Anytime anybody says anything, it's like, let's fist fight. Like, no, thanks. And he's threatening other people too. Like there was some other guy who critiqued him and he invited him on a show with him and was telling that guy.

So next time you and I are at, at the same location, make sure to come up with your, but, but I bet you won't or something like that. I will. If you attack me, I'm kicking you right in the balls though. And then I'm pulling hair. That's what happens. That's what's happening when you're inviting somebody to do something. It takes that whole criminal like element out of it.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like if I walked into your studio and said, Hey, Dick, punch me in the face. Okay. And you're like, all right, well, screw it. I'm going to punch Mark in the face and you punched me. I can't then turn around and be like, uh, Dick punched me. Yeah. Well, everybody just saw you online say, punch it, punch me in the face. Like you can send it to that. That maybe in California you could sue me for that, but probably not Texas I don't know. I mean, is there any courthouse is still standing out there or they burnt down or no

They're still up. We did lose a couple high schools Which if I was like I got to be happy when a school burns down because you know, so many kids are going like down because you know so many kids are going like yeah awesome. Okay well but it sucks for me because my wife's a teacher so she got an extra week of of winter break which you know I had told myself that I would have my me time again and I get surprised with the wonderful blessing of us having another Christmas week together 24 hours a day, which I had to mentally, you know, you know what I'm saying, Max. Did your honey do list get longer?

I have a honey don't list. We don't have a honey do list around here. Anyway, thank you guys for for defending Riley and Noticing seeing this case for being retarded as it was It is I think it is I think even little wins are are important so it's cool that it was cool that Riley didn't have to take the plea and have that on his record and just get gloated on and and You know get that spiked in his face forever by Eric and his stupid fans so there's a little thing so the state was still trying to go on with it they subpoenaed

the state subpoenaed Eric oh really boys yeah oh wow I didn't know that yeah so Eric Eric would not return their phone calls the because the prosecutor's office was trying to reach out to him and they do this in every case. If I called the police on James and I said James did something and they go get and arrest him, once he gets to the court system, the prosecutor and somebody who's called a victims assistance coordinator would reach out to me saying, hey, look, James's case is in the court now. We're thinking about offering him probation or something to that effect. How do you feel about that?

Are you okay with that? Wow. I didn't know that. And then it gives them an opportunity to find out from me if I'm like, nah, screw it. I don't want to go testify against James or I don't out for me if I'm like, nah, nah, screw it. I don't wanna go testify against James or I don't want anything to do with it or hey, you guys handle it how you want. But yeah, he wasn't returning their phone calls.

And that was information that the prosecutors actually told us. We kept asking, have you guys been in contact with Eric July? They're like, yeah, he's not returning our phone calls. Dude, This is unbelievable Man you guys got some good shit So he's dodging Eric's acting like he's getting called by creditors dodging

Dodging subpoenas, so then they the day they issued the subpoenas. I think the constable served one of them Yeah, and that was the same day they filed their, their motion to dismiss, I believe. And then, um, after we've already been told it's getting dismissed, like two more subpoenas are served like the following Monday. What is going on? Why are they even wasting like, what, what is going on? But the only one that didn't get served was Eric July's. So I don't, I don't know the con. That just means the constable couldn't find him, um, at the location that they

put on the, uh, on the subpoenas, which was the actual warehouse, uh, address motherfucker. He started all this shit and then ducked the ducked having to testify So they wait, which is actually kind of funny because those subpoenas are part of the public record And I know Eric July just recently had made a post I think it was on X and he was showing the city of Plano like Occupancy certificate for his business Yeah

We had it like he had it all blacked out, like so you couldn't see like the address and he was like, he said, like the bitch ass city or whatever. Yeah, forever to get this for me. But I mean, you can go down to the city records and pull an occupancy certificate. So I don't know what he's trying to hide his business address for. Not to mention the state of Texas just plastered it on subpoenas. Yeah.

So I don't know why he's trying to be so secretive over things that are in the public domain. Like, yeah, it's because he's an idiot. That's the answer for everything. Has Riley heard the audio that you guys have heard? I can't remember if we played. I mean, I'm pretty sure we would have played it for him. We got to get that. Yeah. We played some, he came to our office a few times from, uh, out of state, uh, the

visit and we, we had a lot of conversations on the phone with him. Um, but now Riley was great. He, uh, he had faith in us, uh, and let us just do what we do. Uh, well, he's free now, like everyone else. He had faith in us and let us just do what we do. Well, he's free now like everyone else. From the very beginning, though, he he was willing to go to jail, willing, ready, but but not afraid that it would actually happen. Yeah, I was real careful when I was talking to him, because like, I don't want to accidentally influence somebody into taking more risk

than they're comfortable with. But when he has been from the beginning, like, yeah, fuck it, I don't care. I'll go to jail for two months for this or whatever. I'll go to jail for the weekend. I don't give a fuck. I want to clear up too for any of Eric's lives followed. Cause I know somebody had posted online, like they went to, like they were talking about like,

he's going to get a minimum of 10 years in prison. Dude, somebody, somebody's like, that's not a thing here in the state of Texas. Somebody's like a house cleaner for when like people go to jail or they die. And they were cleaning out a house and found out that the guy was like an Eric Jalack fan because he had one of his comics. So he sent me pictures of the house and it was like a it was just disgusting like a hoarder tier Piles of debris and trash. That's the mentality of the people that you're dealing with But yeah, no there was a and there were some other online forums that I wouldn't say necessarily We're pro Eric July because they actually bashed Eric July supporters too

uh, we're pro Eric July, cause they actually bashed Eric July supporters too, as well as, as Riley and stuff, but they didn't really know what they were talking about either when it came to, to legal issues. So we were following that almost every day. Uh, they put my picture up there as, as Riley's defense attorney, they put the elected DA of Collin County up there is like, this is the prosecutor and he wasn't the actual prosecutor. The elected DAs don't ever do anything really. So, but yeah, no, it was, it was, it was a fun few months of entertainment.

But yeah, like, like James was saying, like Riley would have gone to jail if I didn't, I didn't think it would ever come to that regardless. I couldn't see a jury putting them in jail anyway. No, Texas is one of the few states that the jury is allowed. You can elect to have the jury punish you instead of the judge. And it's gotta be unanimous. Oh, that's interesting. So, um, yeah, I couldn't see a jury. The jury would have been so bored with this case in like right in the opening statements.

Yeah. They wouldn't even seen evidence. They're like, what are we doing here? Um, and they, they probably, if anything, would have gave credit time served with like a small fine, if anything. Yeah. But I honestly wasn't. I wasn't afraid of Riley being found guilty. Well, he's free.

I really appreciate you got what you guys did and appreciate you calling in. I don't know. Let's hope that let's hope Riley needs you again. He might he might. I hope he saves you again. He might. He might. I hope he saves your number. He might do. Well, he's got our number.

That's for sure. But, you know, we're only licensed in Texas and I can I can do stuff in federal court too. But oh, maybe he'll do something that needs you in federal court next. All right. Thanks for calling in, guys. All right. Thanks for calling in guys. All right, thanks.

Have a good one. Thanks for having us. Bye bye. Well, Max, what do you think? I think that is time that could have been spent getting better at making comics. Going through the rigmaroo for what? I want those recordings. I'd love to hear that, the 911 call.

Josh Lambert says, hey, Dick, been a big fan ever since the early episodes of the show, since weird Matthew McConaughey and the Butte Sanchez hot sauce ash statue. I'm begging you to do the trailer park boys show. I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia, home of the boys where they still have their HQ and sets. Julian owns several restaurants downtown and is regularly seen driving around when they aren't touring. I will personally give anyone on the show a tour of the original trailer parks and have some connections to the Nova Scotian film industry. A good friend works for J-Rock on another show called Follies. Please, for the love of God, do the show. Wow!

Maybe I should do a trailer park, but do you like that show? Love that show. You love it. Yeah, I do. I want to do a show where we just watch an episode and then get on and just talk about that episode and that's it. Like for every single episode. That'd be wonderful. You should. Yeah. Sounds like you got an in. I got an in with it. I can take a tour of the park. I can dress like Ricky. Yeah. Oh man. Okay.

Bucket says the young guy that was in the rocket with Bezos is a gay furry with a billionaire dad. I doubt Bezos is using him as a blood bank. Okay, well, I don't know. Let's see. Grave digging Jester. Food Bank gang for life. I even got the powdered potatoes. Did I tell you about the powdered potatoes incident that happened here? Okay, let me find this link. So I went to the food bank to get free food and I got totally skunked. Like it was just a bunch of wilted lettuce. But the one thing I was excited for was

the powdered instant potatoes. And when I went to make them one night, I'm tearing the kitchen apart looking for my instant mashed potatoes. And then my girlfriend tells me that she threw them away. And I'm like, but you knew that you knew that was the one thing I was excited about was the instant mashed potatoes. She's like, they're gross. I'm like, yeah, but you knew. First of all, I don't know that because I've never had them. And I had been talking about them for a week that I was excited.

And they're like in a little pouch, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Like, why did you do that to me? What did she say? She said, you don't need them. Just get a regular potato. I don't need them. That's not the point.

They weren't your potatoes. So I went out into the trash and I opened every bag of trash and dumped it out and I got the potatoes. You found it. I found them. She said, just go outside and dig it out of the trash. They're right on the top and they weren't on the top. I went outside and I dug, I opened all the bags of trash, angry, each one angrier than

the last, flinging it over. And I finally found them at the very bottom, covered in ketchup and like garbage slime. So I brought them in. And hosed them off. Yeah, and I made... I made them... after everything else had cooked, because I had to go dig in the trash for it. And they tasted horrible.

She tried to save you, man. Like a very granular... Like a goo, like a glue. Like a glue even. Okay. We actually used those to put posters up. You do, really? Like a very granular like a goo like a glue like a glue even okay? We actually use those to put posters up you do really yeah, but it's just potato flakes and water Wait really yeah, and you mix in a five gallon bucket, and then you can go do wheat pasting all night What do you put up?

posters Posters for like record labels and stuff, but you know all the ones I would send you yeah Can you put up like ice on sucks? Yeah, just make a bunch of them and I'll go put them really yeah with potatoes It's literally just potato starch water five gallon bucket you take a drill with one of those big mixing attachments Yeah, mix it up for like 30 seconds, and you're good to go by the time you drive to your spot It sets up just perfectly. So I'm eating glue?

It tasted like glue. You're adding more panning of food. Well then I thought I mixed them wrong, so I like, I added water to them. Like this is like really gross. It's not, this doesn't feel like, I thought it would be like fun, like magic. I thought it would be like, whoa, hey, real potatoes.

Yeah, I thought it would be like that. Whoa, it's just like real potatoes, right? Happening in the bowl, whoa! Way easier. Like a- Freeze dried ice cream all over again. Remember, it's astronaut food. You're like, this is gonna be cool.

Here's an ice cream sandwich in a packet. This is awesome. You try, take a bite, You're like what the fuck? Fuck is this shit? Why are they giving astronauts this glue shit? Yeah, this is I don't ever want to go to space But I didn't want to tell her that so I'm like these are great tastes great It's tastes like there's cheese in them. Mm-hmm And I made enough for two and served her Half. Yeah, I'm like there you haven't touched your fucking instant potatoes

They're out of the trash there you got this no no no then you shouldn't throw them away You fucking knew that I like you knew you heard me talking about them all week So did she take a bite did she take one yeah she said they taste like shit she's like yeah this is exactly so this fucking guy and that was the best thing that I got at the food bank the best that's yeah because the rest was like dude they had they had like a because it was all like expired Trader Joe's shit. So it was like tofu bologna slices,

which tasted like asshole. And then it was like six salads that had expired on Christmas day. I mean, salad is like, those packaged salads are just, they're worthless. They're like fermentation bonds. Yeah. Collecting that brown juice at the bottom.

Yeah, it was gross. I forget what else we got. Some flowers that were about to die. And this was, that was the sickest one. I'm like, why do homeless people need a shitty bouquet of flowers? Like, are they supposed to eat this? And someone had thrown the bouquet to the ground

as they were wheeling their shit away. And this other obviously crazy lady said, oh, someone got rid of their flowers. Can I have those? And the lady, the homeless thing's like, yeah, have whatever you want. So she's fucking hoarding, like, Ms. Havisham. Anyway, this is what Jester,

this is what the guy who pissed on Isoms grave got at his food bank fuck fuck me look at all this stuff and some mashed potatoes yeah of course they're good pancakes checks bro look at all this some peanut butter over there maybe even yeah some macaroni macaroni corn let's go hit up the food bank together. Yeah. Sounds fun. I need- I need food bank friends cause she's not going anymore. Cause it's so humiliating.

Why- why- why are you going to the food bank? What's that all about? It's free food. Stupid. It's stupid not to go. Alright. It's dumb. Why- what do you mean why go?

It's free fucking food. I eat food. Okay. Every day. Uh... Problem is he can't bring Vito or he'll never be allowed back in. Yeah. Okay.

The ace says, I wonder how Dick feels that Ethan Ralph and Nick Fuentes were mentioned in the Nashville Shooters Manifesto as inspirations, but not Dick. Feel bad. You're losing your grip, man, yeah. You should be in there. Actually, I was pissed off when I read that.

Yeah. Turkey Tom got a shout out, Nick Fuentes, obviously, Ethan Ralph. Mr. B, Steven, I think. Yeah, but if Mr. B's, he's so much more famous than me. Oh, okay. But the rest of those guys that listen like mmm You have heard me before yeah, yeah

You know who I am, you know who I am to be left out. It feels like it feels like a slight Yeah, not even a nomination like an apple mention or something like these guys almost made the list I should I should shout him out. Let me see the draft of this Let him on that Like, these guys almost made the list. I should shout them out. Let me see the draft of this. Yeah. Let him on that. How would you feel if you got a shout out? Shout out from, in a manifesto? Yeah, in a manifesto.

It could be any kind. It doesn't have to be school shooting. How would I feel? I mean, it's definitely an honor. It is like, just like getting into- That was someone's last words on earth, was to make sure you get credit for something that they know they're doing is bad.

You know? I think this person is so disturbed that I managed to infiltrate that mind. I managed to be like on the Mount Rushmore. That's saying something. This guy is so warped, twisted, all the other things couldn't reach him. But I got in there.

But I got in there, for better or for worse. You know, I'm not gonna take credit for the bad things he does, but. Doesn't always have to be good or bad. Yeah. You know, it's just something that happened. Yeah, it'd be an honor. I wouldn't talk to anybody about it, but.

It would definitely be something to think about, yeah. Yeah, I feel pissed off. Amy says, picking up other people's verbal tics. As I was talking to my husband yesterday, I heard myself saying it's one of those things where, and stop mid-cent, oh, she picked up Vito's verbal tics. Yeah, that'll happen. Nemesis Gaming says, woman alert.

Okay. Let's see. Woman alert. Woman alert. All right. Oh, this is a lady driving Ryan Day and Will Howard after they won the national championship. Are these athletes?

What kind of athletes are these? Probably golfers. Golfers? No, this isn't a stadium. Oh, a stadium. It looks like football. Yeah, it's probably isn't a stadium. Oh, a stadium. Looks like football. Right, yeah. So these are star athletes, I guess. And this lady is driving them to a press conference.

Okay, what could possibly happen here? Golf cart goes about, you know, 10 miles an hour, just driving in circles in the stadium all day underground all right well let's see and enjoy it. Ryan J you deserve it brother thank you thank you. Okay and she has driven into a wall and she seemed to be accelerating through the crash and it's not a near miss it is directly into the wall at about 20 degrees yeah dead on and it's a golf cart so see if we can't turn it around yeah let me see her turn the wheel. Okay. She's struggling.

She's not backing up. The man, the athlete, that's football. Okay, I see him. She destroyed the golf cart. I'll just walk, he says. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball.

And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball.

And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. And then a man comes over and passes the ball. I'll just walk he says And then a man comes over and he fucking deserves What You're telling me in a football game with 50 guys standing around that worship these men like gods They managed to find a little blonde girl to drive them into a wall after winning a national championship.

That's how Houdini died. A woman crashed into a tree, driving him to a magic show. Did you know that? I do now. You did, yeah. Great, thanks for that. Um...

Okay. Oh, another woman alert. One chill guy? Oh, this is the same one. Okay, sorry. False alarm. Um... Oh no, this is a different one. Okay. This is the Philadelphia mayor can't spell eagles.

I saw this one, yeah. I saw this one. Yeah, saw this one Can she really not spell it You tell me okay close my eyes so I can spell in my mind E-L-G-F-E-S-E-GOS! Let's go birds! Let me hear you all say E-L-G-F-E-S-E-GOS! Elg-elgly's? Elgly's? Ulysses, yeah.

Ulysses? E-L-G-F-E-S-E-GOS! Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. Elgsles. Elgses. Elgsies? Huh. Why would you make that play?

Why would you make that play if you knew you couldn't fulfill it? At what point did she start realizing that that's not how you spell eggless ease or whatever? Can you see it on her face? Right there right there ELGS like no, that's not it. That's not it. Everyone else say Yeah, play it back you hear all the lower voices say a Not even any kind of acknowledgement of the fuck of the spelling. Let's go birds So well, she's fucked up so hard. She couldn't even say Eagles Wow

E-L G-S E-S I guess you got the E-S. Dude, what if she really can't spell? Oh, okay. Um... Ahhhh...

Okay. Uh... Oh yeah, Alex Schaeffer says, I want to start by saying that I'm not gay. I listened to the last episode while working out, which is not gay because I'm in not too great of a shape. I definitely don't want any I definitely don't catch any guys looking at me Then I went and had sex with my wife who's a bee cubs I finished rather quickly and left her there without giving her a napkin to clean up with because I'm not gay napkin

That's a little gay that sounds gay Busted Gotcha busted a straight man. You're this is what a gay guy thinks men are doing in bed. Here's a napkin to clean yourself up. No, towel. T-shirt. Yeah. T-shirt is straight. Towel be... Dating. Not wife. Maybe a washcloth? Maybe. Maybe a washcloth. Maybe a washcloth, but that's- that's leaning into napkin territory.

Napkin is... gay as hell. Where the fuck do you have napkins within arm's reach in your fucking bedroom? Yeah, it's because it's a gay guy having gay sex all over his house having gay orgies. Eating chili in bed all day. Eating chili and poppers. Mm-hmm. Blasting ass. What is this guy's name? I gotta get it. I gotta get Stefan with

S-T-E-F-A-N Also gay. Come on. Stefan is a big gay, everyone. So watch out for him. A napkin to clean up with because I'm not gay. So with that out of the way, Alex Schaeffer was a great guest

and the different pace of the episode was refreshing. You seem to have better conversations with guests you respect. Yeah, I mean... I would be happy to hear more along the usual vile insanity laughed out loud at the Maddox pages joke. Oh Yeah, that was a good joke Let me show you this joke that Maddox made See if you think he improved it or not Max

Let me load it up here. Give everyone a boss. Johnny, we gotta do a bonus episode too. We gotta get through Maddox's psychology thing. Oh yeah, that's right. It isn't finished yet, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, this is Maddox rewriting of a joke.

You know how sometimes you can punch up a joke like it's not working quite right? So Maddox has done that to a famous Steven Wright joke to prove how easy it is to steal jokes and make them better. And the original joke was, I'm writing a book, I've got the page numbers written down. Page numbers done. It's good.

Steven Wright, right? Mm-hmm. Maddox improves it with saying, I'm writing a book, I've got the pages written It's better right I Mean what's it's cleaner It's the same basic idea I've got the pages written. I'm writing a book, I've got the pages.

So the joke is that he wrote a- Maddox's joke is that he wrote a book. Which is funny, because he hasn't written a book in, you know, 20 years or whatever. That's why it's funnier. Do you believe someone would post this? That's so bad! Nailed it, man, it's so bad Wow Okay, I like that he took the time in MS paint to use different thickness line tools

Yeah, and then just did the freehand tool to use the letter. Oh, yeah, he did. Yeah. Why did he cross that out? What a weirdo why did he cross that out? I don't need and then he wrote it like shit. And he wrote this with his hand. Yeah. Written. Like, really weirdly. Huh. What a strange guy. Uh, okay.

Mmm. Igla says, that's cool. Uh, Chris says, I've never heard someone advocate for crypto as emphatically as you, so I'm curious about your take. While everyone was celebrating the Bitcoin going to the moon, I was discouraged because it meant no one is going to spend any of it. Shouldn't a currency be relatively stable? Up is stable.

Constantly going up is quite stable, actually. Isn't that why the gold standard was useful? Um, no, the gold standard, well, gold is useful because it has a naturally restricted rate of inflation because it's hard to pull out of the ground. So it's like, it can only inflate so much every year. You can only have so much more of it every year. It's easy to divide because you can cut really tiny pieces of gold and stir them around, and it's easy to see if it's fake. It's because you can just pour... every other chemical...

You know, gold only acts like gold. Stuff can pretend to be gold and you can easily determine that it's not gold by mixing it with chemicals that won't destroy gold. That's why it was ever useful. That's why it continued to be useful and that's why it was good. The inflationary part was good up until 1972 or whenever when we got off of it and said fuck this we need to just print unlimited money. Isn't that why the gold standard was useful? Making it the gold and silver standard broke it. Silver would have been fine too. It's a similar thing. Silver was great. And when we went fiat,

inflation has only grown? Yeah that's true. If it's consistently getting more expensive, then either every bitcoin purchase costs me more or vendors need to perpetually drop prices. Well just buy shit in bitcoin. Why would you spend it if it's always going up? You just take loans against it and spend that money. I'll borrow 10 bucks today, next year I'll borrow a trillion bucks. It's the same loan that I'm taking on the Bitcoin. For a while Bitcoin was hanging out.

I would trade Bitcoin for a house probably. For a while Bitcoin was hanging about at 60,000. I thought, great, now it can be money again. But now it's gone up to 90,000 and everyone is gonna buy and hold. Dude, it's going to $10 million. It's going to a million dollars a coin while Trump's in office.

It's gonna hit 10 million before we're done Fixing the world in the next 20 years. That's it. It's not I don't know how you can I don't know How I think there's still doubt on this any? After everything Trump's so is it worth to buy it right now then I'm buying it still okay. Yeah, I've never got some I've looked at it, and it's just I feel like I've missed the boat I feel like it's so big now that to go in and get and I also don't have that much money to put in anyways Yeah, it feels like you know if I put in yeah a thousand bucks. It's like what am I really?

That's how I felt when I was your age really wait. How old are you? 28 28. Yeah, that's how I oh a little older than you. That's how I felt, but I did it anyway, and it kept going Yeah I mean, I'm not saying to do it, but like, there's a lot of good. There's a lot of great assets. Trump is saying, Trump is saying, I'm gonna buy this shit. I'm gonna print money that's worthless and just buy this. Like, yeah, that's definitely going up.

He said, we're in a race with fucking China over who can have more Bitcoin. We're winning that race and all the buy pressure from every institution, every government is gonna start dumping into Bitcoin like the reverse of what Nixon did, by saying, hey, we don't need any solid assets anymore. Now it's, we really need solid assets. We fucked that up. We fucked that up, guys.

Can we have some of your... What is the eventuality that it does reach his version of stable, where it's just a flat line? Is there any chance of it? Or just a collapse altogether? I can't see that. I think that the account, that the money system is so beyond fucked up right now, that we're going to transition into a sort of credit system,

where most people are going to be on some kind of UBI and they'll have like crypto credits to spend, like Trump bucks or whatever that they get every month for rent and stuff. And that the asset class will end up just being, it will just be 21 million Bitcoins and there'll be like a collection of stable asset class. But because of the way the monetary system will shift,

I don't think it will be like, I don't think pricing it in US dollars will be an accurate measure in like, within our lifetimes. Not soon, but I just don't see how, you know, I don't see how we can rein it in. That makes sense. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm still buying it.

Whatever. If Bitcoin's ever going to be a coin, the internet equivalent of cash, can it be a useful currency if it's constantly gaining value? Yeah, we'll borrow against it. Borrow something else. Or is it just a security for rich people to control and average people to play with? Go buy something else. Go get Ethereum.

That's useful too. Dick tip. Hey, don't use my real name. I have four kids. Here's a very gay tip about raising kids. Follow your man fatherly instincts. Huh. If you feel strongly about something regarding your kid, say so and stand by it. You think that's... is that good advice? Dealing with babies is the one area that women have a head start on men, but it's a very foreign situation for men, so they tend to rely on women for answers, but women do not have all the answers. Oh wow, what an amazing thing that you're telling me.

This is news. Did your gut tell you to say that? Hey, Zach, by the way, women don't have it all figured out. Oh, shit. Just learning now. Oh, wow. After all these years. After all these years, I'm still learning stuff about women.

Raising a child is a lot of work, plus some basic psychology, but none of it is really hard. Women will always discourage or belittle your ideas. It sounds like you already experienced this at the ultrasound. Yeah, I was, no. Don't worry, I'm coming into the next ultrasound swinging. Fucking tell me.

What happened? The baby, we went to the ultrasound. Yeah. And first of all, at the fertility, like whatever it is, the baby store. Yeah, the baby place. We walk in where the first one's there, and there's a big elephant on the wall, like a cartoon elephant with a little baby elephant.

And I said, oh, that's cute. But then waiting around as the lobby filled up, I was like, oh, it's a descriptor of who's coming in here. Like, these women got fat before they got pregnant. You know? Follow the picture there. Yeah. Yeah, they just, they got a sign, the sign of the elephant, it's not the baby in the elephant, it's the elephant. Yes.

They're like, oh yeah, that's where I'm going. Some women are just in there, just fat women, they're like, are you here for your ultrasound? So he goes, oh, I thought it was just for big fat, I'm not pregnant. No. I thought it was for... So we're in there, and they Um, they're doing the ultrasound. And they're like, oh, here's the heartbeat. And I said, uh, stupidly, I said, oh, is there blood in there?

Like, thinking... That doesn't sound stupid. I didn't think so, but the bitch gives me the look, like, what the fuck? Yeah, there's blood in there. Said, well, okay. Yeah, okay, so I'm getting weird vibes from you? Sorry for asking! Sorry for existing! Fuck! Yeah, it's inside the lady, you know, who knows what kind of fluids are going on? I don't know what kind of goddamn, like, is

it pissing in there? It's her job to know. It's this scientist lady's job to know and to tell you. Yeah. Okay, what happens? I should've asked her, how fat is she allowed to get with the baby? Is that a better question? How fat are you allowed to get doing the ultrasound? I heard once that Hitler was raised by a single mother.

That's true. Some guy on the internet said it. Bonus dick tip, if there's dirty dishes in the sink or laundry to be folded, do not under any circumstances ask if you should do them. Just do... buddy! Come on. This is for like a child advice. Asking if I could do something. Oh, you need me to do the dishes then that's insane That would be an insane thing to say Just don't do them and don't

Ask if you should do it That's the worst not doing it is better than asking if you should do it sound machine guys The only guy who's got it figured out because then there's so much noise you can't hear your wife in the back Yeah, this dude wrote in saying that I should get like 50 sound machines Well, he didn't say that he's just talking about his life and it's like sound machines in every room. Mm-hmm Just make it static Train car sounds really real weird. That's the manifesto guy Oh, if I ever heard a little hedonistic for me kind of blanking out reality

I don't know about it noise floor of a hundred DB Me. Kind of blanking out reality. I don't know about it. Noise floor of 100 DB in your fucking house. He just walks around wearing a quest and sound machines all day like fucking vaporwave. I'm at the beach. JLP, JOOP, JLP is a good token to get. Go get that if you're looking for. We're moving, as we move everything on the blockchain, things like clearing houses which control, you know, buying and selling stocks which manage the order book. Is that like open seas?

Uh, yeah, except it's for tokens. Okay. So all these, all these, now that, now that the SEC says, um, there's no more restrictions on crypto and shit. Now we can do actual things in the blockchain instead of just monkey JPEGs and scam coins. Yeah. And we can actually do, you know, securities, which they're designed for. So, might as well own the clearing house, uh, with- that are opening up.

Uh, okay, what is it? Um, uh, woman alert. Peanut Arbuckle. Woman alert. What have we got? Woman alert. I don't know if you're gonna top the Eagles It's glasses

Regain glaciers is what she was trying to hit a woman alert long video But she attempts to remove the gun and shoots him. Oh, okay You seen this yeah, yeah 17 minutes though. I can't do that Where does she shoot him? Oh, he looks shot there. Okay, let me, maybe I can find it on Twitter. Woman shoots... Guys, don't send me 20 minute fucking video.

Come on. Get your act together. Woman shoots man cop yeah here we go here we go here we go now we're cooking with gas he's very compliant he does have a pistol on him so okay Okay. Okay. Where's your pistol? What's that? Put your hands on top of his. Yeah, alright. Now there's the gun and she's got black nail polish, which I don't want to see on a police officer ever.

She's reaching for his gun. It's just, it seems to be in like sweatpants or something in she's reaching for his gun. It's just, it seems to be in like sweatpants or something in a holster on his hip. Totally normal operation. Let's see here. Already fumbling with it. That's a bad sign. I appreciate it man. Oh yeah, I- Oh shit!

You okay? Put the gun down. Put it down. You okay? Nope. Yes, Put the gun down. Put it down. You okay? Nope. Yes, I'm raked. Rescue 10-6. Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha!

She- she got fired for this? That's unbelievable! Uh, yeah, here- okay, so she pulled it out of his pants by the trigger. Apparently. Huh. So she pulled it out of his pants by the trigger, apparently. Huh. That's a new one. That was her instinct.

Pull it out by the trigger. You know what? She should have... The guy that says you okay after getting shot should have been immediately shot. She should have... she could have recovered from this by... Guy gets shot. Yeah. Idiot. Are you okay? Executed.

This fat retard asked me that when I ripped my b... and I tendon off... I ripped my muscle off of my arm. Right, and it goes like... bowlinging, bowling, and he goes, are you okay? And I'm like, I would just love to kill you right now. Yeah, dog, I've been cold sweat. Did anybody ask you that after your car crash? No, no, hit and run. Everybody took off.

Your girlfriend is, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, no, we're fine, we're all right. That's the equivalent of saying, do you need me to do the dishes? Yeah, it really is Dude have it done have it be done. Don't tell me ah Okay, well Thank You peanut Arbuckle

Okay, well you know you guys wanna do some fat watch All right, let's do it. Fat Watch, today in Fat News. Yes, today in Fat News. We're really, really knocking it, we're really knocking it dead today in Fat News. Here's Mastro Electric. Let's see what he's got for us.

Oh, this is some fat ladies playing musical chairs. I wonder to what kind of music they're playing these chairs to. Are the chairs perhaps made of titanium and they're painted with wood, by the wood coloring? Because I don't think this is gonna go well. I see two fat women and two chairs. Let's see. The chairs don't seem to be magical or... Does the floor get... Okay we've got a skinny girl and this skinny girl

behind her and then this grimace size and shaped Latina who's now asked out of a seat. Let's see how this goes. Oh my God. Oh my God. I know we just saw some guy get shot, but this one's a murderer. Oh my God. What are they playing for? A garbage bag full of eclairs? Can of Vienna sausages?

Oh my god! She got flab-checked right into the wall. I'm surprised there's not a hole in this drywall. And then the fat woman falls on top of it. Did the chair make it? It went up her ass, I think. Wow. Get a quick lung puncture. Yeah, how'd you hurt...

How'd you pop your lungs? Playing musical chairs with a fat woman. That's actually... That's on them. That's really on them. You shouldn't be playing musical chairs with a woman that size. Put themselves in harm's way. Yeah, that's... I'm out. Nah, I'm good. It's like the guy who raised a hippo,

like, oh, it's not gonna eat me. Yeah, it's exactly like that. Fucking ate him. Okay, this is a Democrat, Olly sent this in, this is a Democrat operative that was, oh, okay. They tried to hide this transition aid They tried to hide this transition aid in Trump's White House. And Trump somehow sniffed out that this was a Democrat spy and got rid of her. I wonder how he was able to deduce that this woman didn't represent making America great or healthy.

Because she's busting out of the belt? Or is it because they went from three kids in a trench coat to one kid in a trench coat? She's got the oil baron pant line right there. JD Rockefeller in the house. Here we go. Look at that ass on the front of her pants. She looks like Mel Brooks spinned around in space balls. How was Trump able to figure out that he had a turd in the punch ball? He walked right in the room and was like, nope.

You. Fired. They'll never know I'm a Democrat operative. No, I think something will give it away. Look at this Alec Baldwin ass that she's got. Damn. Look at that. Have you seen Alec Baldwin's ass? I need to now.

Yeah, it's like crazy. You didn't before. Alec Baldwin butt. The size of his ass. Look at this. See? Alec Baldwin. Look at this ass. That's a big fat ass that he's got.

Alec Asswin, you know. Alec... Alec Asswin, yeah. Ass-twin, yeah. Asswin Baldwin. Wow, okay. Well, cool. Thanks for that. Ollie. Vinny! Vinny Paulino sends me a lot of good stuff. Oh, okay. Well, cool, thanks for that. Ollie.

Vinny. Vinny Paulino sends me a lot of good stuff. Oh, cool. You, Johnny, and Vinny probably send the most great Fat Watches. You guys are tied. Oh, that's awesome. That's good to know I sent you some great ones.

If I had to give points. Yeah. I forget what I send you sometimes. I'm like, oh, hopefully that was a good one. Oh, he sent me the same one. Oh, damn it, okay. Okay, was a good one. Oh, he sent me the same one. Oh damn it Okay, okay fat con This is another one he sent. What is this? It's called fats con

They it's a fat people convention They do this in Spain with like hams they sell right like yeah One week until fat con. This is Otter Viking, this is, I think woman's name, where I get to teach and perform again with River Hedren. Few things bring me more joy than taking a ride on my suspended loved ones. And it's a fat woman that has another fat woman tied up in some sort of a bondage BDSM thing. And she's really, usually you see like kind of weird, gross women tied up like this, but never have I seen a big fat woman tied up with.

She's got cornrows on the bottom too. What's that all about? She's looking like she's regretting it. Uh, apple in her mouth. Yeah. Creamed cornrows on the bottom too? What's that all about? She's looking like she's regretting it. She's got an apple in her mouth. Yeah, creamed cornrows she's got. They should have an apple in her mouth. Creme. Uh, especially as a fat person.

Wow. Riding a killer whale around like this. That's pretty cool. I love the industrial brewery. It looks like she lives in here. Goddamn bridge fucking forms in her house. Yeah, she's got four by fours holding up. Those have to be metal, right? Those aren't, that's not wood.

Oh, you're right, I think. Yeah, I don't think that's wood. And then it's got braces on it. It'd be so butted in the center if it was wood. She, Shibari, it's called. Oh, they should, the Japanese should put a stop to this. That's not. They haven't seen this side of America yet.

Yeah, that's not okay. They don't know to cancel this, yeah. Otter Vikings, fat positive rope. Oh wow, they made ropes fat positive. That's cool. And conspicuous endeavors. What? Why is watermelon on is watermelon on why she have a watermelon icon is that what some means what I think it means I think it might

be she's won that bro are you fucking serious signaling now is that what's going on she's got a gay flag a black heart and a watermelon are you fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me that's a little I don't know so that is a bridge too far that's racist what is the rest of this shit mean cell phone thing oh I I know fat white women are not putting watermelons on their profile. That's too much. Uh, January sale. At Hocus Pocus, a link is- what's she selling?

These pants? I hope not. We still have spots available for this Sunday's jam. Uh... Of course it's not a jam. Oh, we're at a jam! We got spots available but no jam for this Sunday. Oh my god, no, come on. Single line Futomomo hang with the Fat Jarvan Man crew.

What? What's the Fat Jarvan Man crew? The Fat jam band. The fat rope jam. There's a whole tour of fat people that go around tying each other up? Oh no. What is happening here? The Carpenters Union follows them, follows behind them. God. That's a good point. Yeah.

I prefer fat rope, honestly, if I'm building something. They trick them to do, they just bring them in to stress test the house. Like, okay, bring in the fat rope artist, let her hang from whatever. Perfect, it's great. This thing will take a hurricane.

Fat jam van. That's, oh, that's her name. She's the fat jam van. Same size. Yes, yeah. Somebody tied that van up outside. That's not a van, that's my wife, you know. That's the fat jam. Fat jam, okay. Fat jam. Isn't that just any fish concert really? Yeah, fat jam. Okay, that's a good one. Thanks. And this is from Attlee. It takes a week for this bitch to get up. Remember the Cyclops from Disney's Hercules?

I do remember that Cyclops. Oh my lord! This woman has got to be 600 pounds, about 2.5 Tungsten. She's uh, Tungsten, that's how much a 6 inch cube of Tungsten weighs, 140 pounds. So I give women's measurements of how many cubes of Tungsten, that's how much a six inch cube of tungsten weighs 140 pounds. So I give women's measurements in how many cubes of tungsten that they would weigh. It's about two and a half. The couch stop and she start. This is like AI generated.

Is that a lymphedema or is that a futon? Right. Where is it? Uh, okay. Oh, her couch is on rollers so she can get off of it easily. Feel of momentum, yeah. Wow, that's bad. Just a super monkey ball out of a wall.

Okay. Dude, how do you lift 600 pounds with your feet? She looks like a monster from Space Jam. You know what I'm talking about? It's all with the jiggling, the way they do the animation. Yeah, like the Don Bluth style. Yeah, she does. She's a monster.

Is she gonna get up? Is that even? So easy. So easy. Oh, so easy. So easy. That's big, man. That's a big that's a big and

do they have like a second puberty where their fat starts coming in? Because they're you know, they're all different shapes of fat. They're like, all right, I'm one of these ones where the ass is like six feet across. OK. What else you got here? Alright, I'm one of these ones where the ass is like six feet across Okay What else you got here? Mow roof is that? Just bullshit. Okay. Thank you at Lee. That's a good one Rim game sends this and then that's the last one I got those shocking Talking it that was shocking

This one is titled how to how to how to I wipe my butt at nearly 600 pounds. I've always wondered how to I wipe, how someone how to wipes their butt. What's a how to video? Yeah, how to I wipe my butt. How would you know otherwise? Amazing. Okay. Welcome to my bathroom.

Since you are so concerned about how I wipe. Looks like the living room. Is your bathroom, is it the same room? She is the couch in this one, yeah. Every room is a bathroom at this size? I figured we'd do a little fatty 101. So yes, I'm in my bathroom. I'm currently sitting on the toilet.

And yeah, your question is slightly valid. So I- I'm sorry. First of all, it's not a question, it's an accusation that you are not wiping your ass properly. So let's see it. Let's see what you're doing, cause it needs to improve.

Yeah. We're not wondering like about the magical world of being a big fat slob. Show your work. You're not a smurf. Show your work. Let's see it, cause you stink. Well, the implication is that

it's the size of the outback, too. Not just how do you wash your backside, it's how do you wash your outback area. Yeah. Australia's fucking big. It's not. I will give it some attention, but yes, a woman my size does struggle with wiping their butt.

Do I walk around 24- seven with dingleberries? No, I do not. How do you know? I have things in my life at my size that assist me in my daily living. One of those things is a wand. I do have a bathroom wand that helps me wipe my ass. It was Bart Simpson.

I actually saw these for the first time when I was watching Little People, Big World like years and years ago. I didn't need one. I was not nearly 600 pounds. But when wiping started becoming... Have you ever been watching a show about midgets and you're like, Oh, huh, I get it. I should start doing that. That could help me out. The stuff these midgets are doing, that could incorporate that into my work life. That could improve my life. Efficiency in my day to day. More of an issue, at my size, as I grew close to 600 pounds,

I remembered that I think this was used. As an old friend, I grew close to 600 pounds. Me and 600 pounds, we grew pretty close. Over the years. She's just lying in bed. Those midgets! Man, my ass wiping has been fucking horrible! And I don't know what to do! Oh man, and that's when it came to me!

I need a stick to wipe my fucking ass! Just the toilet brush. Back in the day on those episodes. Yeah. So this is a fan wear brand. It's on Amazon. I'll put it on my Amazon storefront. We read the reviews for those one time. Oh yeah? Yeah. The bad ones are hilarious. They're complaining about the ass wiping. Talk about how it didn't work. How undignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all pissed off because the handle broke or something. The veterans

one where people are disabled suck, but the fat people are crying about their dissent. Especially sweet. I know this video is probably gonna get a lot of fucking hate comments, but at the end of the day, if I can help someone who's my size or bigger, or someone any size that struggles with this hygiene task, I think that's the key.

If I can help them by showing them what I do. This tall to ride. That's the reason I post this video. So what you do is you take a little bit of toilet paper. It has like grooves in it. That should be the sign! This should be the final straw! Dude, I know a guy who's so fat, I used to work with him,

who had his bed on car jack stands, because if he laid too low, he couldn't get enough leverage to stand back up. No way! He's like, well I had my bed lifted and blah blah blah. He ejects out of bed? Well, he has to get up into bed like he's getting to like a doctor's appointment or something. Oh wow.

He's got a Wallace and Gromit machine. Yeah. He's acting like a fat Thomas Edison. The best part was- He's feeling a Wallace and Gromit machine. Yeah. He's acting like a fat Thomas Edison. He's feeling like a genius. Yeah, he ordered a three foot shoe horn because he can't reach down to put his shoes on. Yeah. And then immediately was lording it over everyone.

Don't underst- Well, I got this three foot shoe horn. See, now I don't even have to reach down to put my shoes on. That guy's shoes are all fucked up. Yeah. They start leaning. Shoes leaning.

Well, he could take a brand new pair of Converse and wear them flat midweek Showing everyone like look I can take my shoes on and was like why don't you just lean over and put them on? It's like wow that's that's for suckers. You'll do everything except Lose weight. Yeah. Yeah, let me just change the world around me Let me stick half a roll of toilet paper in this fucking- This device to wipe my ass poorly. It's got grooves in it, yeah. You're gonna love these grooves. Then you have to touch your hand to all the thing that's been in your ass crack this whole

time. That's fucked. It's not like you dunk it in the toilet and can flush it out. You have to keep reapplying toilet paper. Why don't they get it bidet? I mean, why don't they do anything? Okay, let's see. I mean, fire hoses are not cheap, dick. So you stick it in the groove, and then you wrap it around, and then you stick it in the groove, and then you reach however you want to reach, andhole, I want to put that that dye that they use on money that infrared

Yeah, that blue dye or whatever. Let me see the asshole Let me see you wipe it and then I'm gonna say like the stuff that the dentist use Like a see how you brush all the plaque comes out Yeah, and then they say like ah, you're not brushing there and there and there like I mean you want to prove that you don't stink Let's see do the dentist. Yeah, let's see the oral B. It's like spring loaded, so if you spring and you're in the toilet, this... Looks amazing, yeah. ...falls off. Because the spring like, the spring kicks out the toilet paper.

So yeah, I am just sitting on the toilet fully clothed. I'm not currently pooping. See what leaves your legs up, yeah. Um, so yeah, I am just sitting on the toilet fully clothed. I'm not currently pooping. Um, but yeah, I use to wipe my butt. And this may be the most embarrassing thing I put on the internet, but again, this is real. This is raw. This is honest. If this can help you, it's on my Amazon store front. I also have a to-go one.

Okay. That comes in a cute little bag, and it snaps. Get into place. Come on. Same concept. It's sproings open like that? The shit wand just bounces open? That's kind of kind of dangerous isn't it somebody's gonna get pink eye

Your shit around like that Baseball gloves Probably I shouldn't even say most embarrassing thing because this is how this makes my life easier It's actually not embarrassing about I should yeah yeah wait a second. I'm not glorifying obesity I'm not saying this is great um it's an eye opener for sure but unfortunately having to use a wand to wipe my butt wasn't my rock bottom um luckily. What do you mean you're in fucking Santa house. I started a new health journey. Okay. And if you wanna judge, that's cool.

If you wanna make fun of me using a wand to wipe my butt, I'm doing society a favor by not smelling like poop. Um, and yeah. Oh, there you go. Oh yeah, I feel so guilty. If you're still here and you're judging, you've probably already left the video, but if you are still here, my heavy-

Why would anyone leave this video? Why would anyone leave this video? Well, she's saying she hit rock bottom, and leaving out the part where she sank throughout. Oh my god. So you hit whatever's below rock bottom, that's what you hit. If she doesn't live on the ground floor,

she will be by the end of this video. This weight was 598.2 pounds. On January 1st, I was 590 and as of yesterday, I am 553 pounds. So despite everything that is about to be said in the comments, I am changing my life around. I am doing what I need to do to better my life, better my health and lose the weight. And one day, I won't need this.

Okay, I thought all the shit out of her ass. So thank you Bee Juice. Alright, okay, if it's an intermediary tool I can get behind that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going great, I'm sure. It's the first year this ever happened, I'm sure. Okay everybody, thanks a lot. Max, we're We're listening some voice fails. Thanks for coming in again I don't know course we we'd spent a long time with the lawyers when you get to hear your Hear your thoughts very much as much as I want to I'm here for the ride. I'm enjoying being here. Thanks for having me

Yeah, thanks for coming in. It's great to see you again. Sorry about your car accident I hope you find those fuckers me too me too Toyota Corolla white Toyota Corolla I hope you find those fuckers. Me too. Me too. Toyota Corolla, white Toyota Corolla, 2023, on the road somewhere, if you see it, let me know. Let's put out an amber alert. Let's say they've stole your son or something. A lot of innocence, yeah. At the very least. Yeah, it'll come how it needs to. I'm just fortunate everybody's okay.

Everybody's safe and in those moments too, it does remind you of the shortness of life. You come on the other side and you go, okay man, I got to get to work. You got to hurt the people that deserve it before you're dead. I need to rise to success to exact vengeance on those who've wronged me. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Monte Cristo stuff. What are you working on now? What kind of stuff are you working on?

I'm putting together an album. I'm putting together an album, building up some songs over the course of this year so we can launch on a tour. Really? Yeah, hopefully. I mean, I'm gonna have to reach out. The band's ready to go.

I talked to the folks. They're ready to ride again. But just seeing what the rehearsal time is gonna be so that we can appropriately mark the dates. So I don't know if we'd be in 2026 or 2027, but gearing up for sure. So you have to write, you like on a deadline to write all the songs and then you write the songs.

I'm looking to do about one a week. One song a week? Yeah, and there's gonna be some off days for sure, off weeks where maybe I do like a sketch or something. Quit. Quit. Quit, you don't wanna give up. Yeah, just give up. Like go and buy the poop stick and just phone it in. Get ready for my future. My friend's writing a

comic book and you know Vito. Yeah. I think he's writing a word a week on his comic. I think was his. That's his pace? Yeah. Okay I'm looking forward to it. Yeah. He's fixing the colors now. Is he?, he bought some kind of device to fix the colors When was that supposed to release one of them two Christmases ago? Third time's a charm we're going I hope that he misses this Yeah, I'm betting on that yeah, yeah, okay. I might start a polymarket like betting pool. You should will veto miss Christmas Okay, anyway, I like hearing about your process. Yeah, yeah.

One a week, I mean, that's what I've got myself down to. If I go any longer than that, I start slacking. I don't know if you've ever experienced that when you give yourself too much of a leeway. It's like, you got two weeks. So one a week is like my sweet spot where if I do it every day, I can get something done. Polishing will come later, right?

That's a whole different process. But putting together an album, the way that I do it, I like having the releases on YouTube. I like going through and making a video, seeing what does well, and then kind of building the album from that. It's kind of like a test market phase

where I can go and show folks what I got. And the top 15 or so will be the ones that are put into vinyl form, put into CD form. That's cool, man. Yeah, wow. It's fun doing the art, so I get to look at all the cool analytics and stuff like that. I get to work with the physical materials, see who's listening on Spotify, like, oh, that's a good, I should go to Chicago. Got a lot of listeners there. Oh, do you? I do.

Chicago? That's my biggest area. That in Nairobi. Nairobi? Yeah, over in Africa? In Africa. Yeah. Oh wow. It's a recent development. In Chicago? Is it? You have a lot of black fans? So blacks are in Nairobi? Not an insignificant amount for sure. Yeah? Oh wow, that's cool. Nairobi is a recent development. Okay. I'll be getting folks kind of pouring in from there, so. Making the international tour of the country. Can you make them like a well in their village or something? Like brought to you by value select TV. I think I must.

Yeah. It's like a couple thousand bucks. Yeah. Go and build a little plaque on it. Maybe like a half built church too. Yeah. Yeah. Build them a nice church.

Yeah. I get a good photo with them and be like, I'm just so thankful. I'm thankful for my time here. Take a couple of them home. No big deal. Cool. Or maybe not now that Trump's in home. It's no big deal. It's cool. Or maybe not now that Trump's in charge. That's true.

That kind of went out of vogue having little African babies. Like Angelina Jolie. And if it's a full grown man that I'm taking home too, a couple of them. Then I'm like Wesley Snipes. I could be building an army. What do you mean? What's he doing? He's got, you know, Wesley Snipes, last I heard, and this is like years ago,

he bought land in the Midwest. And he's building his own paramilitary. What? Like Blade? He's naming each platoon after his movies. What is this really? This is real. What kind of soldiers does he have? Child soldiers? Folks, anyone who will come.

Folks from Nairobi. No, people just who are fans of, instead of doing a discord, right? Right. And having a community. Doing pedophile stuff, yeah. Instead of doing pedophile stuff, he's building his own little army. What? Yeah.

This is, and I'm sure, true. I've seen this. I've read about this I think he's confirmed it shady as fuck though Isn't he didn't he do like a bunch of like tax fraud and he got away with it cuz he like Wrote on the form like I do not consent or something like that. He crossed it out Do you think he's building an army? He's gonna take down the IRS or something. Wow. That's the dream That's that's next level Trump's gonna cut Trump's getting rid of the IRS. Nobody hates taxes more than him. I saw that if federal income, I heard, was off the...

On the chopping block. Yeah, he's just going to replace it with tariffs. It's going to be great. Yeah, I saw that he's already imposing like a 30% on like Columbia or something like that. Because they wouldn't accept... They wouldn't accept any of their criminals back. So he said that he's going after the politicians personally and terrifying them at 25% and it's going to turn into 50% if they don't take the...

He's doing straight up mafia shit that we all wanted him to do in the first place. Right. And now he's doing it. That's what's insane to see is just how quickly things are getting done, whether you like it or not. It's just the past, how many years? Of 40. President's coming in, he's like, hey, we'll get to it, we'll get to it.

Yeah, we'll get to it. It's like, oh, if he wanted to, he would. If he wanted to, he would. Like all the girlfriends are always saying, it's so true, so that's the world we're living in, hopefully it'll be a- You're living in a R.L.'s world. Yeah. Yeah.

We'll take good care of you guys. Don't worry. We'll leave you a nice working economy that is easy to understand. I'm hoping we get Canada. I'm hoping we get Greenland. I'm hoping we're going to get. For sure? Yeah. That would make it easy for touring.

People don't understand that Americans think it was good that we nuked Japan twice. We think it was funny. Like we like it, it makes us feel good about ourselves. It's a national pride, yeah. And that we think God is on our side. The literal God of the universe likes us more than everybody. So they're saying these stupid things like,

well, you can't, what are you gonna buy Greenlanders? It It's like we'll just nuke Europe. These people don't care. They're crazy They're fucking crazy. They wiped out Gaza cuz of God. They'll do it. They'll do anything Yeah, they don't care. They don't it's our manifest destiny. We've got we've gone as far west as we could go We're going back the other way Oh shit we're out back the other way. Oh shit! We're out of stuff! Let's go that way! We're the sprinklers. I gotta go get... See what I'm gonna do is I'm not gonna buy the sprinklers and they're gonna be a fire and be like

fuck now they're sold out. What's the theme of your album? The theme of the album... Do you have one? Right now we're in the... I do eras for the channel. And part of that is to keep it fresh in my mind. I like reinventing- Arrows?

Arrows, eat, eat. Arrows, oh yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, we do those, I do seasons. Exactly, seasons, to keep it fresh for me and for new folks coming into- We're in Johnny season now. Johnny season? Yeah.

Oh. Rabbit season, duck season. Johnny season's been great. Everyone's out of prison. Yeah. Everyone's out of jail. Oh man, jail shit's so stressful. We're talking about one particular.

Nick. Yeah? Nick, Riley, you know. Okay. I saw, oh you're talking about the January 6 folks too? January 6 too, yeah. I saw Jay Johnston. Jay Johnston, yeah.

He's so funny. I think he was the best part of Mr. Show for me. He's a really nice guy. Yeah, have you met him? Yeah, I was at his party last night. He comes over here for Christmas parties and stuff. Okay, that's good. Hell of a nice guy. Yeah, have you met him? Yeah, I was at his party last night. He comes over here for like Christmas parties and stuff. That's good. Hell of a nice guy. But they totally ruined his life. And they ruined Bob's Burger. The Bob's Burger movie with No Jimmy Pesto. And you could tell right at the end, when Bob's Burgers and his family is trapped

underground and they're going to die, Jimmy Pesto should have come in and saved him, but they wrote him off, they, you know, balled him, so they just lucked out. The movie totally sucked without Jimmy Pesto. Anyway. It underscored the character of Bob. It's a shame. And I'm glad folks are seeing this now, they're seeing that.

But yeah, I've got the eras. So right now, last was the Renaissance, play on my name, because I was trying to get shit back together again. Ooh, fancy. And now we're in the holy age. We're in the holy age. We're getting very mystical with it. God shit.

So, talk about Ayahuasca a lot. Yeah, exactly. We're not getting one-shotted by the four-dimensional demon. That's what we're on. We're on exploring new frontiers. So, the theme, we'll see. The way that kind of emerges for me is just doing the best that I can do

and whatever I feel is poignant for the moment. And then if a narrative emerges once those are on the table, then I weave them together. I find a way that thematically they'll make sense. And I've done that a couple of times. That's usually how I do the live shows. Is I'll take the seemingly separate songs and put them together in like a Monty Python type way.

Or like a Mr. Shalloway. You've got these individual sketches that don't seem to connect, and you find a way to kind of bastardize, just put it together. Yeah, that was cool how they would do that. Yeah, I think that makes it fresh. It makes it unpredictable too.

Because since they don't fit, when it happens you go, Oh, where did that come from? Yeah. Let me play one of your songs to close the show. Which one do you recommend? Which one do I recommend? Value. Value select, or just the newest one.

The newest one, I think we just saw the newest one. Okay. But the- Oh, that male fantasy one was so funny. This one was good. I think we played it last time. Perfect! You go to the scroll through here, let's see.

How do you think Vito should, do you think that, what do you think he should change to get his comic out? How long is too long do you think for a first issue of a comic? I think if we're being like homies to the fella right now, I think it would be, nothing else is important. That takes precedence. And until that's done, you can't come.

You can't do anything else. Do not come. Go to the shorts area. Those ones are the most poppin'. And neither Borrowing nor LenderBee folks are liking that one. Okay. I am once again asking you My friend if you could put please tell me the debt of the cash I spent on you last week

We said murk murk this shit shit shit again asking you my friend if you could put please tell me the debt of the cash I spent on your last week said you would, pull me forth the bands Why you lie? I am not your dad This was not a trick It reminds me I'm big man with my friends So don't you kill me then Did you say you'd stick those in dives

and why can't you give it back? I am once again asking you my friend if you could go stand it quick Cause I got it this will get your feelings hurt Cause I'm about to go in If you take too long to pay back I get that you don't feel the friendship that we have We'll lose touch and I won't regret that I can't trust the words that

You'll keep having to push away all the folks to wish to associate with your reputation is down the drain when you're I believe in you. I'm just reminded you. How can you follow through? I am once again a friend. Pay me back. And then a loups. This is a crime too often committed. Yeah it is. Alright, thanks everybody.

Patreon.com slash The Dick Show. Check out Value Select on YouTube. I'll see you next week. I guess we'll do a bonus episode maybe this week if we can. We gotta watch that retarded Psycho-Rat video. Ready. Nothing. Presenting. God, I hope we can get those videos of Eric's July's call, 911 call. That'd be perfect. That'd be too sweet.

That would be funny. ["I'm Not a Man"] Okay, goodbye everybody. All right.