The Dick Show - Episode 448 - Dick on the Sexually Offended

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

Kanye presents the Hitler/fat women dillemma, the DOGE kids do too much noticing, a woman goes to Harry Potterworld, Trump takes over Gaza, Amazon drivers have to pedal their trucks, LEGOs are for boys, the NFL ends ending racism, Tony from Hack the Movies plans a Vito intervention, Uncle O'Grimacey is back, and I have a gender reveal; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Black wrestlers aren't allowed to say the N-word, as I understand it. Black weathermen are not allowed, and black wrestlers are not allowed. Black rappers, yes, affirmative. Well, the one last night, he was all about it. Hard R, too, and I'm like, huh. I don't think that was in Mavisburg, if you just type it. Check, check. How does it sound? How's the phasing going? Sounds pretty good, right?

Sounds pretty good. Okay, you can see it on them on the things I think Johnny You would think I could see you thinking fucking four eyes wouldn't you? What about this wrestler Tony? He's great. Yeah He was very tall nothing what context you saying like I hate people who say and then he would say the end He would like reference people who have used the n-word or like reference He would just say it full out like in the middle of the bar like like I know you're like six foot

And no one's gonna give you shit, but like I'm standing next to you. Could you not I'm gonna get I'm gonna get Like fallout n-word fallout I'm pissed off white woman is gonna come attack me cause I am standing next to a seven foot tall black guy who said the N-word. That's a reasonable fear I think. And I'm already on people's shit lists cause I voted Kanye in 2020.

So you know, I don't really. Oh you did? Yeah, of course I did. Who's a Kanye? Who did you vote for? Who did you guys vote for? I voted for Trump twice. I wrote in, I scribbled out, Kamala and wrote Trump there

and then filled in both bubbles. It's the only way. Yeah. Let me make sure this is going. I think it's working. Speaking of Kanye. Fat bitches are sex offenders. I see them and I'm sexually offended.

Making lingerie for fat bitches is like giving knives to little kids. They gone hurt somebody. If you find yourself in a fat bitch pussy, just remember it's because you're broke. Hail Hitler. That's a quote from Kanye. I think he summed up the whole dick show in one tweet.

I was gonna say, I just learned that at several points in my life I've been broke and sexually offended. I didn't know that happened. You weren't sexually offended when you found yo self in a fat bitch pussy? Now you know that you're broke. Now I know, now I know. When you're waking up on an inflatable air mattress

in Vito's apartment with the Simpsons playing 24 hours a day on a PS2 kiosk that he took out of a Best Buy's trash can. That was clue number two that you're that you broke. Yeah. How's that going, by the way? Do we need to stage an intervention on the veto verse? You probably have to. Probably a good idea. He needs like visitors, so it forces him to clean a little bit more. But he had a visitor in you.

Yeah. And all the shows the status. He's like, yeah, I cleaning the fraternity for hack the movies I got there to like oh we have different I remember to get into the mic speak directly Yeah, yeah, yeah turn turn it if you have to tilt it stay with me over You stay with me. I like clean the guest room and make sure like the blankets were washed Yeah, I think he blew up my air mattress while it was raining outdoors because's nice of him He had a car inflator for the mattress That was great, that was awesome I have several battery powered inflators

Oh good, that's good to know now He could have got any of those He is just, gotta help him Great guy Well how do we help him, okay? How do we help him? I kept trying to help him Could we have snuck in a little Mexican lady to clean his place or something?

I honestly- What's the situation? All of us are dying to know. Video games everywhere. Video games. Video games everywhere. You remember at the end of the third movie of The Hobbit when they get into the dragon's lair and it's all the gold? Does it resemble that at all? But with video games and bugs and stuff? No, no.

It's funny because he actually has shelves, where at one point, they were nice and organized. They actually would look nice and display, but then he put those PS2 displays in front of them. Those are garbage. I was like, come on, man. Those are literal garbage. He was telling me today the PS1 was supposed

to come with a bubble, and he called the guys, like, where's the bubble? He's like, oh, I can't find it. And then the guy so at some point he has to go pack to buy what in time No, just a guy's place to get the bubble to put it on the PS1 display The giant bubble to stop people from like scratching it and stealing like spitting on it. Yeah, he's gonna have that in his house He doesn't want to get dirty. He doesn't dirty Bro I Had a great time hilarious. I loved it. I loved it. You liked shitting with no door. How's that working?

I was doing I got used to you got used to shitting with no door. That's the worst thing I've ever heard You're like, you know that where they shit without a door Prison. Oh, yeah, it's like a humanitarian. Oh schwitz. You know where they shit without a door? Prison. Oh yeah. It's like a humanitarian prison. Auschwitz. That's where they shit without a door. In Auschwitz. That's the one prison you went to? Well, Kanye got it in my mind. I didn't see any people fighting back against what he was saying

so I thought maybe this is the thing now. Maybe it is Hale Hitler. I don't know how to pronounce it. I mean, I don't know these things. Well, he's saying you know fat bitches and Hail hail Hitler. He's trying to get kicked off Twitter. That's what it seems like now He's posting hardcore pornography, but then the other guys are saying don't actually don't hail Hitler Hitler sucks Like okay, that's what I thought I thought Hitler sucked. Yeah, but then what about the fat bitches part? They're like bitches be fine at any size

I'm like well. I know that's not true You're telling me you got the whole guys. We're on the precipice of another Holocaust And you can't give me a he might be right about the fat bitches we need Jews we need you to come together and give us a at least a nod a tap on the nose a wink That Kanye might be right about the bitches beef being fat Hmm and that you're broke if you be find yourself being a fat bitch pussy or else I don't know what to tell these kids I mean bad guys could be right once in a while about certain things you got you got a gift you got to give him

This yeah, I'm sorry. He's the bad guy though. You have to take your fat wife and you have to kiss her on the head and you have to say, honey I have to go out and say that bitches do be fat and that giving the fat bitch's lingerie is like giving a kid a knife or else there's gonna be another holocaust.

Okay? This is not us doing this! This is you guys doing this! This is you guys doing this! You banned us from everything, okay? We be banned from everything! Even the fat bitch's pussy you try to ban us from, but you have got to give us this- You have to look- You have to look the young men in the eyes and go, you know what? Hitler sucks, and the bitches do be fat.

And then we're in. Do you not see, do you not see? I see it in my mind like fucking doctors like fucking what's that strange man and the marvels. What's the strange-o? Dr. Strange-o. Is this working? Is everything working in here? Is everything working in the chat guys? Can you hear this? They're drinking the baby with the bath water, you know? You're drinking the baby with the- you're eating the baby in the bath water. You have to- In the marshmallow bath water. I'm seeing it in my mind. I'm seeing

Jews and LGBTs and Transformers. I'm seeing Optimus Prime being loaded into a train car with his hands and cuffs that he had to pay for. And I'm saying, no! If only you would have admitted that he's right about the fat bitches! Don't you guys understand? I watched a movie with Will Ferrell last night and reads and with it Reese Reese Reese witherspoons Yeah, and the bridal party of it was a proud of weddings. I got a wedding story for you by the way Jesus we got a gender reveal today. Yeah, the gender of my baby will be revealed I'm gonna need your two's full participation. Okay

I made fun of 80s Girl for taking this early test to determine the gender of our baby. So she refused to tell me what the gender of the baby was when she got it. Because I said, that's a dumb test. Why are you spending 200 bucks to know early? And she goes, well, actually you're not gonna know at all. I said, okay, that's fair.

So she's devised a gender reveal wherein a stripper of unknown gender will be joining us later and will be in blindfolds. And the stripper will begin the dance. This was her idea. So it's not, I don't, you know. Right, you wouldn't be doing such an activity. I would never make a thing where I had to get a man to strip and dance

This is the one exception I'll make to my rule of no crossover between relationship and comedy, but oh yeah What was I saying before I was used You have screwed me over. What? Let me do the theme song first so we don't get another three hours. You, Tony from Hack the Movies, have screwed me over. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee You want dicky? You love dicky? You got it. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaa aaaaa a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a I'm Sean Vana. Sean the Grey. Sean Krishna. Yeah, I'm slowly... Eventually you'll get an audio engineer who is pure of heart. Not me. No, he doesn't exist. It turns out it was in Yass the whole time.

That's the point of, you know... Well, it was the chair the whole time. The chair the whole time. Guys, if something stinks in here, I really apologize. I was clearing space for the stripper. So, um... I don't know what gender I'm even hoping for. I was gonna say that sentence, but I'm like, I mean, okay. So they would have plenty of space to move around, and I uncovered

Apostrophos' bag of barbecue sauce that Apostrophos left in here about five years ago. I was gonna say, it's been a really long time since Apostrophos was on the show. You know the way a McDonald's bag looks when something has leaked inside of it and it kind of has that poison look that grows all over the entire bag was that color except for a little tiny tip on the side.

And I said, oh, if's, if I disturb that, it's gonna smell really bad in here. It smells so bad, I need Vito to come in and like, just sit here, like stink it, but in a way that's not, cause I can't go from the stink to totally not stinks. I need to like soak it in, somebody to soak it up. Like the bald wig that slowly gets more bald. Yeah, exactly like that.

That was not such a hard drop. So I screwed you over? What we were doing, get this Johnny. Uh oh. What did you do? Get this. Tony from Hack the Movies. And you hack movies? Yes, I hack movies.

I hack the movies. I was trying to explain to my girlfriend what that is. Ed, you just re-edit the movies? No, I just review- Okay, okay. Everyone always thinks there's a deeper meaning to hack the movies, but literally it was, when I started this review stuff in college, I really liked Siskel Niebert's at the movies.

I'm like, oh, I'll make a name that's like a parody of that, and I just pulled hack out of my ass. But you have hacked movies before. Correct me if I'm wrong. I did. I did do Hack the Living Dead, where I put myself into Night of my ass. But you have hacked movies before. Correct me if I'm wrong. I did, I did do hack the living dead where I put myself into night of the living dead. And you have the dark night as well, you're in that. No, I'm literally in the dark night rises.

As a hacker though. No, I'm not. You gained access to the casting. I hacked into it. You have to do a show with Vito called hack the menus. How is it over there? Vito's? Yeah, in Vito's.

Couldn't have asked for a better place. If you had to make a top three list of what needs to happen, what would you say it is? Again, I wouldn't know where to begin. Okay, who would? Step one, identify the problem. Yes. And the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. You got to take the first step for us here, Tony.

The intervention starts with you. What if Trump had your attitude and you just said, I don't even know where to start with America. Then what? Well, he needs to just throw things that are in. We'd still have racism. They took racism out of football. Super Bowl today, there's no more end racism and the end zone.

Because we ended it. We ended it. It's over. Because we made it. We ended it. It's over. Because we made it about Indians and then it's like, oh no one cares anymore. It's a beautiful thing. We finally found somebody. Oh yeah, okay.

Oh but look, he has stuff in boxes ready to ship and be mailed out. He just has to do that. Okay, get it done. That's step one? Get the shipping out? I think so. Yeah. Okay, what's step two? Slap a door on that toilet. How about that? Yeah, door on the toilet. You know what? If Vito doesn't want to put a door on the toilet, how about he puts the toilet in the living room and then you can go inside the bathroom and close the door and he can shit out and then you can at least close the door between you and the toilet. How's that sound? He needs to the cabinets that are usually meant for clothes and towels and stuff

He needs to use that for its intended purpose not magic cards. They're all Magic cards. I was like Vito You could put like towels and stuff in there and then I could have dried myself off with a dry towel not a What yeah, how damp was the towel it was why was it damp I Don't know. Oh, Tony. I don't know why I assume it was just what he had lying around Why is it damp though? That's my question. I don't know why you ever use a damp towel Johnny absolutely the That's my question. I don't know why. Have you ever used a damp towel, Johnny? Absolutely the f*** not. Again, again, again. I have to make sure the place is clean. I have company coming over. When I do that,

I make sure like, oh, yeah, I should probably have some like clean towels. Yeah, clean towels. You would think a guy so comfortable with lying could have just said, you know what? I think someone else is gonna stay over this week. Maybe you should get a somewhere else to stay. Bring your own towels. How about bring a towel? I can tell he was trying to back out.

I texted him, like, I said on the show, this is Tony, you're being told not directly to not stay there. And I literally told him, I'm like, hey, look, just tell me right now, and I will start to look for a place. I'm like, I don't want to get on the plane and hear, well, here's the thing, the cats. And I'm like, oh, no. You almost got that.

I almost did. But you fucked me over. We did a review of Judge Dredd. Tony and I were hacking a movie together. Every movie you should hack with your guests. Clip it in there. Just like a cut. Just put somewhat, wait, what?

You should hack your movie with a guest. I am the law. And then it's like a cut and Just put some what wait what? Like you should hack your movie with a guest like I am the law and then it's like a cut ago me, too And that's the hacked part of the movie. I can do that. So I was saying Tony was asking how the bad guy and Judge Dredd got that giant ABC robot up into the room He seems judge checking under the big robot So yeah, go ahead one point if they do the classic thing where someone goes in the room and like the bad guy is there right? Okay, you've seen in the million movies, but this bad guy is in The center of the judge like the Hall of Justice of Judge Dredd's so they do that But then they reveal that the big robot that is ten foot tall and makes sounds constantly is also in there like yeah

How did he get all that up there? I know what they're doing, but like how did he also sneak the robot? And I said well how did Stephen Paddock sneak all the guns and stuff up into the wind or whatever he did it from the? Stagecoach shooting right and Tony said I gotta act that I gotta hack that from your interview I really don't want to click the box. It's like this episode your interview. I really don't want to click the box. It's like, does this episode reference tragic events? I really don't want to click that box. It's not referencing. I'm not mocking it. Yeah. That's what Stephen Paddock would want is for you to clip that out. Don't you think so? Because I'm so against him, I should leave it in. Yeah. To show that you're in support of me. I just like the idea of Rico breaking the robot into parts

and having a judge bring the robot into the main guy's room. Like, yeah, sure, sir. He's gotta break it down. He does it really fast. And then assembling it. Pay no attention to the robot in the room. Uncle O'Grimacy is back. How about that?

I know you guys are, this motherfucker is back, Johnny. I know you're a fan of Uncle O'Grimmacy. Look at this bitch. I know if you guys look like Uncle O'Grimmacy. This motherfucker is back. Last time I was in my mom's body. The last time this, I think, March 17th, wait, let's see. March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October. Yes, I was a Venus the last time Uncle O'Grimacy was around

and this motherfucker is back. That motherfucker caused the potato famine. Look at that. To smack bitches. What a unit. This is for the fat women. This is for all the fat women in lingerie. Uncle O'Grimacy is back.

Man, that's exciting. Uncle O'Grimacy is back. Kanye's tweeting about swastikas. It's... And that's exciting. Uncle Ogrimacy is back, Kanye's tweeting about swastikas. I guess it's not possible for human humanity to ignore someone posting a swastika. Yeah. You know? I saw, can AI ignore a swastika to stop an attack?

Yeah, can AI say the N word to stop a nuclear bomb? People are like, this is stupid AI, wouldn't even say the Nword to stop a nuclear bomb? People are like, this is stupid AI. I wouldn't even say the N-word to stop a nuclear bomb. I think, could you ignore Kanye posting a swastika? Because I don't think you guys can. I see it. Nobody can ignore him! No! Nobody can ignore him! It's impossible to ignore him.

I'm gonna post a swastika and they go like, you better not. I had a long, I see a lot of guys, I had a long debate, they say, I had a long do I see a lot of guys I had a long debate they say I had a long debate with myself About whether I would even acknowledge Kanye's Totally totally outrageous swastika posting and then I said someone needs to speak out Against the against the swastika posting that Kanye's doing I think are you serious? Are you like? Are you tripping? They're talking about take them down like you can't take them down like It's like they're sorting the stone. Did I say that in the on the biggest problem episode? I think you did

Yeah, it's like the Jews sort in the stone It's like oh Connie say something crazy. I'm scrolling they can't do that. They can't They can't do it stop Kanye Piers Morgan is something's gotta be done. He's inciting violence against women because he said some bitches need to be smacked Piers are you high we every we all say that all the time. What are you talking about? Yeah, just the Kanye's tweets just look like a regular day on Twitter. Yeah. They're following regular people. These days, yeah. These days, yeah. I can't believe it.

Inciting violence against women. Well, you could smack the sandwich out of their, right out of their mouth. The lunch out of their mouth. Yeah, Steven Padditt. Your meetup was fun. Who was that wrestler that came? I think his name is Tyler LeBeau. LeBeau. LeBeau. The man from Louisiana. Yeah. Yeah, he wasditt. Your meetup was fun. Who was that wrestler that came? I think his name was Tyler LeBeau. LeBeau. The man from Louisiana. Yeah. Yeah, he was a fun guy.

He was a cool dude. And racism in the end zone. Excited about that? Well... Is that a win? That we ended it? That we ended the racism in the end zone? Well, it's like the McRib, right?

We ended it for now. You can always come back! Wait till, you know, wait till some man comes back up a little bit. And then, you know, once pork prices go down, racism goes down. And then racism is back. Full swing. I'm just glad, you know, my home team is playing on the Super Bowl where we ended racism. Oh, the Eglises.

Yes, the E, what is it? E-L-G-S-E-S. E-S, the Eglises. Is that normal for that? That's your mayor or something? Apparently, yeah. Yeah, is that normal for her? Is that level of-

I don't keep up with that. Honestly, I haven't lived in actual Philadelphia in a long time. I didn't even know they had a black lady mayor. I was like, oh, I guess that's a thing. What would you think it would be? It's usually a black guy, to be honest. I didn't know it was a black lady.

I told you about a famous black mayor who bombed the city to get rid of some people. Oh yeah, well it's, tell that to me again. You ever hear of the move bombings? No. Oh, that's like a thing. Yeah You ever hear of the move bombings? No. Oh, that's like a thing. Yeah, there was like a Milton black group in Philly and the neighbors hated them and they were assholes

and they had like some kind of bunker on top of their row home. What's a row home? Like a bunch of townhouses altogether. Oh, okay. Yeah, and like I think Philly's first black mayor was like, don't worry, we're on top of it. We're gonna get rid of that bunker and take those guys out and then they burned down an entire neighborhood on accident got out of control

On accident. Yeah Yeah, well there's theories where the body people are conspiratorial where they're just like yeah I think they kind of realized they fuck up and then just let it happen. Yeah So misspelling Eagles is not as bad as that guy Here is Here's Bill Maher talking about saying it's close second burning down a neighborhood misspelling Eagles almost the same Here's the Bill Maher talking about the racism in the end zone. I don't know Bill Maher is taking a run at like Being the Lib tar that doesn't want to get sent to a prison camp

I guess they're all true like a couple of them are like, we gotta stop doing this shit because things are getting a little dicey. He's one of them. I noticed that at the Super Bowl, they're for the first time in I think four years now, that Trump administration is making them take away end racism, which they had written in the end zone.

Right? I don't know. But why? It just seems silly. Just the look on her face is like, that's pretty much everything that I hate. You nailed it. I don't know if anybody, I don't know if she has learned that look

after like 25 years of being a bitch or someone taught her that look, like at bitch school, to try to just look smug and condescending about something that's obviously stupid but that's it that's the look right there maybe there's a reverse but why but why obvious football fan he looked I mean do it or not to do it why get rid of it oh I could tell you why I know but it's just like I know... I know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So she knows why you were there. Okay, so you're...

Then why did you ask why? Why did you ask why? Like, just the way you're trying to gaslight everybody, and it's just immediate flip. Like, oh yeah, oh yeah, I know. I know why. Yeah, I know. I mean, I know too. I know too. Because it was stupid to begin with.

Yeah, but... Let me ask you, who is it for? And if you're a racist and you see end racism in the end zone, you're going to stop being a racist? That's right. But the sentiment is basically like, don't be an asshole. But I think it's an asshole to nag us during a football game about something that doesn't change anything or any...

If I'm not a racist and I see it, it doesn't matter. And if I am a racist, it's gonna make me more of a racist. Like I think if you write, don't be an asshole in the end zone, everybody will agree with that. Yeah! How about write, don't steal? Stop stealing.

Stop stealing, you know who you are. Stop stealing everything. Hey, stop being so crazy. Stop making everything a big deal. I bet suddenly these two will understand! Hey, stop stealing everything on the home team, and stop making such a big deal about everything. Stop freaking out.

Constantly. Stop crying at work. Stop being such a pain in the ass on the other end. Wha- Who is- Why is- Why am I being told to stop being crazy? What's- What's this? I don't know. it's just something that I thought everyone would like to see. Can't everyone get behind that? Don't be an asshole, stop stealing everything,

show up to fucking work on time, get a job, how about that one? Since we're giving- since we're just giving commandment, handing out advice to everybody. Racism? Don't be an ass- hey don't be an asshole. Actually I don't know if it is being an asshole to be racist. Now that you put it in those terms, I don't know if that's exactly the same thing there. Yeah. Cause I'm kind of an asshole, I mean. So am I racist?

Yeah that's the thing, I'm like I don't think I'm racist. I have at least one black friend that you know of so I can't be racist. You've got at least two that I know of after last night, Tony. I have two, yeah. Good old nanny. What do they think about Fat Bitches and Lingerie? That's the follow up. Okay, don't be an asshole, got it. And what's your opinion on Fat Bitches and Lingerie? Love them.

Well then, I guess we can just go ahead and discard everything else then, can't we? Go ahead and give all those knives to kids. Give knives to kids. Oh yeah! Just don't be an asshole! Yeah! Yeah! Room full of people applauding this!

I like being an asshole! What the hell? Outrageous. Yeah. Don't be crazy. And racism. Stop anthropomorphizing garbage. Yeah. How about that? Pets aren't kids. They are. You're not a dog mom.

How about that? Stop spending so much money at Starbucks. Hmm. Huh. That's good advice, isn't it? That's impossible. You know what? I'll end racism. Let's limit it to one Amazon package a week. How about that? Just good advice. It's good general advice.

It's funny that in their minds, ending racism is easier than limiting to one Amazon purchase. They couldn't do it. They couldn't do it. Ending racism, that could be done. Me only buying one thing on Amazon, it can't be done. Don couldn't do it. I think racism, like that could be done. Me only buying one thing on Amazon can't be done. Don't be an asshole. Is that what racism is? Being an asshole? Is that what you think it is? Because you kind of conned everybody into thinking that it's like, that it like destroys entire communities and like as a nation we're hampered and held back by limiting the opportunities

of like geniuses and stuff in communities based on their skin color and I think that's true to a degree But did we reach a point where it's just hurting people's feelings? Because if that's the case, it's over If it's at that point for you guys, then we know that it's over and I think we're at that point Let me see if I have anything else on this. The Doge Indian kids are, one of them got fired this week and hired,

do you know what they're doing there? They found what was happening to all of our fucking money, apparently. A couple of children. We went through the USAID stuff on the biggest problem. You know what's, a couple things make me rage about that. First of all is the compulsion of men my age, around my age, to call smart kids,

and pretty much everyone who's better than them, autistic. Like, oh, look, Elon's got all these, he's weaponized autism, he's got all these, they're not, these smart kids aren't autistic. They're just smarter than you. Like, they're just like you, but better. And the way they've like, you know, something that is good at like figuring things out.

There's not something wrong with them. Actually, it's wrong with you. If you wanna frame things, like something is wrong with somebody, you're the one that's defective because you can't look at this and know what it is. So there's no need to demean these kids who are risking, frankly, a lot more than you for helping Hitler 2.0 stop all these criminals, Democrats from stealing everyone's money, and criminal conservatives

who are using the church to smuggle in an infinity of Somalians on Armani, on our dime. There's no need to demean, there's no need to demean, I know that you think that it's cute to call smart people autistic because you and like your fat wife like a good chuckle pretending like they're disabled or something, but they're not. One of them autistically said something about Indian people.

Is that what? Let me pull this up. One of them autistically said something about Indian people. Is that what? Let me pull this up. So one of the Doge kids, who said, I was racist before it was cool, I would not mind at all if Gaza and Israel were both wiped off the face of the earth. So like a multiple choice question. Which part of that was offensive, I want to know, to... Which part exactly of that was offensive?

To which group? It's that they didn't pick. Yeah. Right? Oh, people hate if you don't pick. People really hate if you don't pick. If you would've said, I don't mind if Gaza got wiped off the face of the earth, they'd love it. No. Israel, the other side would love it. Normalize Indian hate.

Uh, you couldn't pay me to marry outside of my ethnicity. ... Is a bad dude. Is a bad dude. This is like an adult saying this shit. Did the kid actually say any of this? I think he tweeted all that stuff. Did he really?

Yeah. Mm. Maddox way down. A lot of times these guys just make this shit up. They'll like totally. Oh yeah. Well that's like normal stuff that kids say. Yeah, you know when I was a kid I was always saying I was racist before it was cool.

What were you saying? I don't remember. Probably something race about. And then everyone of course tripped over themselves to excuse this. I think they didn't. To try to figure out, it's people, obviously this is, say whatever you want, none of it matters.

Everybody says something like this. The bending over backwards, our brightest minds are working out how to twist and tweak these comments from the Doge kid to a state where it can be like presented to an imaginary, to some sort of a judging machine. It's like, oh, okay, this is how we're rationalizing these comments. Instead of just the normal, like, I don't care about any of that stuff.

I mean, I don't, like, it doesn't matter. Uh, I don't know. What was the context that he set it in? I don't, I don't really care either way. Uh, there used to be a time where nobody cared about really anything that you were saying outside of work. Uh, but I love that the reaction to this is some version of, well, you know, boys will be, boy, we have to make room in our hearts

to forgive people for mistakes. It's like, no, the answer is it's literally nothing. It's just like some shit. Are these people that have worked in like an office that like at least one racist guy would say racist shit? Or any? All they're doing is being on email all day Yeah, and giving speeches to each other's giving founders speeches to each other like I can't believe I'm like yeah

I've probably worked with a lot of races dudes who would let's complain about black people and they just ignore them go about my day Yeah, yeah, you guys have never worked with like you've only worked with white people like Let me see if I have some more from this one. Didn't good old Maddox respond to this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me pull him up. He'll get to the bottom of it. He will. Uh...

Uh-uh-uh. Whichever big bay window he's sitting in front of this time. Here we go. So JD Vance obviously doesn't care. No. Here is... Let me see if I have this up. And... I can't pull it up. I'm just gonna leave us big. Okay. Here's Maddox's. JD Vance, here's my view.

I obviously disagree with some of the posts, but I don't think stupid social media activity should ruin a kid's life. We shouldn't reward journalists who try to destroy people ever. So I say bring them back. Yeah, of course. Maddox, uh-oh.

Maddox is on a warpath. Go fuck yourself, he says to the vice president. It's not stupid social media activity. You can't simultaneously hand wave with, oh shucks, he's just a kid who made dumb mistakes. While also arguing that he's experienced, wise, and qualified to handle sensitive government records. Again, fuck all the way off. Again. Fuck. All. The. Way. Off. Wow.

You could be two things, you know? You could be racist and also good at handling records, I feel like. I'm not really worried about who's handling our social secu- After like, AT&T pretty much just dumped everyone's data, the Treasury dumped all the data a couple times. I'm not really that worried about who's handling my social security number, to be honest. You idiots, Maddox continues, you idiots can't entertain two thoughts at once that it's possible to criticize Trump without being a liberal and it's hilarious that you're branding anyone opposed to abject racism a libtard. I thought you guys were the party of Lincoln and Libs

and the party of the KKK. Hmm. I know you. I don't think we've ever interacted before, but something I'm 99% sure of is that you're most likely a closeted cuck. Oh, he's calling someone a cuck. Someone called him a cuck. Almost every single person calling me a cuck has always turned out to be a literal cuckold. Oh wow. Really? Can he name one? I don't know. A lot of people- Probably can. Wait, a lot of-

Thousands of people have called him a cuck. Has he verified that all of them have been cuckolded in real life? Anyone who's so much of a dipshit that doesn't have social skills or judgment, not to be an abject bigot, doesn't have the judgment to make other sound decisions. And why don't you have a problem giving money to racists? This is a sound decision machine. He knows about social skills. He's really good at them.

What was his best sound decision, do you think? Uh... I don't know, the five hour documentary was pretty good. The five hour documentary, yeah, that was a pretty good decision. The Nazi list. The Nazi list was good. Wall suit was good. The five hour documentary, yeah, that was a pretty good decision. The Nazi list. The Nazi list was good. Wall suit was good. Accidentally calling my dad a Nazi, that was really funny.

He did? What did he do? Yeah, so I'm on the list under my real name. Yeah. Then someone tweeted him, like, hey, would you ever work with these guys? No, they hang out with Nazi stalkers like Anthony Palooza. I'm like, oh, well, no, I'm Antonio. I'm like, so you well, no, I'm Antonio. I'm like, so I'm like,

so you guys talked about the biggest problem and like my dad walked into the room and I had no idea that it plays like, yeah, Maddox called Tony's dad a Nazi. And my dad's like, wait, what? What happened to me? I'm like, oh yeah, some guy thinks he's a Nazi. That was a good decision, I think.

You're very upset. They're very upset by it. How does Maddox have time to tweet all this? Isn't he working on a cartoon? It's crazy man. I can't believe that in all my life that we're finally at a point where it feels like, I don't want to

fall in love again, but it feels like it feels like we're finally it feels like the Berlin Wall is coming down. Like it feels like we're finally it feels like the Berlin Wall is coming down Like it feels like we're gonna win one. I see day after day. I see people that I despise Just crying and having existential crises because not for stupid reasons like racism in the end zone But because their money is drying up They're going I don't know what to do with my life. All the people that have spent 30 years, 30 years of my life,

I think the Berlin Wall was up for about 30 years, but 30 years of our lives, my life, who have been total cocksuckers to everybody in this country with a real job because they despise and because they resent and hate people who actually do work because they don't and they know it. And they're terrified that one day somebody's gonna undermine their money printing embezzling scheme of stopping AIDS in the universe of getting unlimited federal money to prevent AIDS from happening in the universe. happening in the universe by suggesting to Africans that they stop using sand as a lubricant, as a delubricant to have sex which is true. You didn't know that? I never verified it but I'll take your word for it. They put condoms on sticks. They go there, they put

condoms, they go in their huts, they put condoms on sticks, they throw sand in the pussy and then they go to town. That's what they're doing and we're just dumping money, we're shoveling money into these luxury brownstones in the DC, like, Rust Belt or whatever the fuck it's called, the DC area. We're just shoveling money into these, into the mortgages of these criminally embezzling hustlers, right? So they can go teach Africans to use less, not to use less sand or something. I don't know what they're doing over there to cure AIDS, but it's not working. They're teaching them more sand methods. They're teaching them, yeah, use this finer grit sand. Use a rock tumbler first.

It feels like it's finally coming to an end, and a bunch of 19 year old shitposting racists, frankly, if they, if you're not talking about you were racist before it was cool on Twitter I don't think you should be around my money If you don't have the audacity in you to say actually I'm gonna say everybody. I'm gonna say something racist Then I'm gonna stop a bunch of fucking criminals from stealing six trillion dollars from you if you can't do the first thing I don't really think you're gonna do the second thing From you if you can't do the first thing. I don't really think you're gonna do the second thing Finally like an honest money guy. Yeah, if you're not if you're not prepared to go actually

Bitches be too fat and only broke guys are having sex with them And actually I got a number of things to say about Indian people and black people and say I don't trust you around the month I actually don't trust you Elizabeth Warren pretending to drink beer with her husband in the kitchen Yeah, I don't trust with my social security number. No. But a guy who's saying, you know, all these Indians are making me thirsty. As someone who has the big balls to go on Twitter and drop, you know, a gem like that for all time's sake, I do try. I don't think that guy's going to.

I think he's got. He's on the level. He's on the level. Yeah. A couple. Yeah. A couple. Yeah. You don't want to be that guy.

Yeah. You know, I don't know if I'm having a son or a daughter. Yeah. But the daughter is going to be... It's going to be, don't, you know, don't let hating men consume your life. And for a son, it's don't let hating chews consume your life. Like, it's slightly, you know what I mean? It's a slightly... Yeah. Have a little bit of racism is just right.

Especially if you're gonna be in charge of the money. Then your noticing had better be, your noticing had better be just right on the, you know what it is, it's like a meniscus. You, when you're, your noticing has to be, you got a glass and you fill it up with experiences. And then the noticing kicks in right when the surface tension of the life Experiences gets a little racist, but then if you put too much

Yeah, you don't want to do too much notice it then you start seeing it everywhere No, no, don't know that's what it spills everywhere and gets all over everything and ruins it Okay, but the noticing has you've got to notice a little bit, you know Maybe you can notice a little bit less at work and it can dip below but that's has you've got to notice a little bit, you know, maybe you can notice a little bit less Yeah at work and it can dip below but that's really you want to be riding the line of noticing That's what I want. I Want you to over notice? Actually, I want you to over notice

Like oh no that turned out to be that turned out to be actually Christian charities We're getting free government money to bring in immigrants. Oh! Huh. So I was wrong. You were wrong. You're right, that isn't being brought up enough. But there was a scam! You were right about the scam! You're noticing was right about the scam! You got, sometimes you gotta shoot a hostage, you know what I mean? Um, speaking of hostages, were, the US owns the Gaza Strip now? Were you guys aware of that?

Yeah, Trump said, uh, he might like Trump said he might move some stuff in there. I think they had to back-talk, back-walk some of the things he said. Who did? Netanyahu? I think he did, yeah. Netanyahu looked a little surprised when Trump announced that the US was going to take control of Gaza, didn't he? Yeah. I was like, that doesn't look... I've never seen a Jewish guy make that face before.

We baited him for a lot of them. I've never heard- what's that sound when windows crashes? Boom! I was like, huh. I've never seen a- maybe I have once or twice, but never on TV have I seen a Jewish guy make that look. BOOM! It's a live stunner. Yeah. BOOM! Yeah, I heard him say that. I was like, huh, are we?

Everyone seems surprised by this. I got I know I'm gonna get called a shill. I've already been called a shill for this but Just you know, I Hate the boat The Middle East is a is the boat that the US has always tried to fix we decided to buy them We decided to buy a boat always tried to fix. We decided to buy the, we decided to buy a boat when, because we need, we had all this gas. Like, well, let's, we got to use the oil. Let's buy a boat, right? The boat's never worked. We've dumped in $20 trillion to make the boat work. And, you know, got involved in all this terrorism and stuff. And it's nice to just say, well, let's just

throw the boat in the garbage, right? Which is, ideologically, that's great. Just trash, forget the boat, you know? Put it on the street, let some Mexicans take it. They can worry. They'll pick anything up. Except for a marine battery that I've had sitting out in front of my house. I was wondering what that was. I had a mannequin sitting out there.

Yeah? Because they always take everything you know sometimes they'll knock on the door like is this fence free can I take this no you can't take my fence well these cars wait do you mean man again or you mean the broken sex doll I mean mannequin okay real mannequin okay uh sex doll I gotta get rid of sex doll yeah it would be funny you want it no I don't want it and I put a PlayStation logo on it if you put a PlayStation here. Okay, can they can they wait? Okay, can yeah wait till they wait till we get into comments, I guess the stripper or whomever. Hmm. You guys ready to get I

Got ones for you guys and blindfolds and stuff. Oh amazing What was that? Oh, amazing. What was I? Oh yeah, the boat. Yeah. So we're always trying to fix the boat. $20 trillion spent or whatever trillions of dollars spent fixing the boat. And then Trump says, well, all right, we're going to,

the boats are ours. I'm actually... I can't give it up. Because if you just throw it in the street thinking, oh, the Mexicans, the mannequin in front of the house that I gave away, the Mexicans wouldn't pick that up. Right? So the neighbor... I threw it in the trash. The mannequin legs are sticking out the trash.

And the neighbors walk by. And, uh, 80's girl is out in the front yard like, just sitting there. Yeah. And she hears them go, and they just threw away a perfectly good mannequin, pointing to our mannequin legs in the trash. She's like, oh, hello. And they look, they're just like old boomers, right?

So they're like, oh, I can't believe she, I hope she didn't overhear us. Like, why are you guys, what the hell is this? What are you talking shit about when I throw away in the garbage? So get it, get it. It's been sitting there for like a week take it anyway You can't just throw the boat in the front yard

Let anyone take it because the next guy That comes in the next president is just gonna take the boat back out of the trash and say all right well Guys remember that boat. It's time to bomb Iran But taking a boat and Selling it as a timeshare that's for the Jews and Palestinians It's pretty funny. I'm gonna say is the best is the best plan I've heard in my life like oh The boats not trash, it's actually great, and he's gonna sell it okay well damn it I

Would anyone buy this boat why indeed why would anyone buy the boat Vegas It's it's like a mind splinter gone now like yeah, okay. We're selling the boat. I guess What about all the what about all the genocide? I don't care about that shit anymore. No, no, I said he's gonna sell it They could buy it. You know, why don't they just buy their land back? Time shares back and stuff, right? Hamas has all bunch of money. Yeah. You know? Simply buy it back.

Just buy it back. I mean, I know you guys got- you got money. We'll have all the- I know you got money. If you want more, then just buy it. Pay more. Just buy it. Yeah, right?

There you go, Valzahn. You have more now. We're giving it to you. I think it's a good plan. I hate to say it's- I hate to not go, you know- I hate to not shit on it, but- I hope it works out It might work. It might you know they want it. They want the boat. Yeah Has anything else worked all those guys all those Middle East guys have been waiting to go out of that's why there's such a pain

In the ass like when's the boat gonna be ready? We all gonna want to go out water skiing and stuff like don't worry. We're fixing the boat No, we're we spent God knows how much money and Trump's like oh, yeah, why don't worry, we're fixing the boat. No, we spent God knows how much money, and Trump's like, oh yeah? Why don't you guys buy some time on the boat? Then we'll see how the boat goes. I think that might work. I think that might work. They do really want the boat.

Okay, trans opera. Like, I wrote some of the things down that the USAID was funding. Let's see if any of them are funny. Mmm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see here. What are you up to, Tony? What are you doing on your show? Oh, what am I up to?

I just got new episodes coming out. We just put out the Blues Brothers, the original Blues Brothers. Oh, yeah. We cosplayed for that. we went to karaoke afterwards. It was in my Belushi get up. Did you sing the song? Everybody needs somebody to- We sang Soul Manic Karaoke.

Oh okay. Which is funny, it's not in the movie, but that's like the big one on Saturday night that they played. Yeah, we got, Monday we got Black Dynamite with Manny Muskets. Oh okay. It was great, that movie still holds up.

That movie's great. And then Valentine's Day we're doing Saving Silverman. Saving Silverman? Yeah. USAID has spent eight million bucks to teach Sri Lankan journalists how to use binary gendered language. 20 million bucks for a new Sesame Street in Iraq.

Five million to combat disinformation in Kazakhstan. Wait, you're telling me you wouldn't watch Iraqi Sesame Street in Iraq. Five million to combat disinformation in Kazakhstan. Wait, you're telling me you wouldn't watch Iraqi Sesame Street? Did they make it? I think I saw some video. I kinda, now I wanna see this. How over the Muppets like? Are they all in hijabs?

That was the funniest one on the list. I wish it didn't cost 20 million, but I'm like, okay, I'm actually kinda okay with that one. If the price tag was a little low. Yeah, now I need to see this. Two million bucks for sex changes in Guatemala. How many sex changes did that buy? Six million to

transform digital spaces to reflect feminist democratic principles. Huh. Two million to help BBC value- oh yeah, the BBC was all pissed off that they lost some of their funding. To value the diversity of Libyan society. Ten million bucks worth of USAID funded meals, which all went to an Al-Qaeda linked terrorist group. Oh wow. I mean, terrorists gotta eat too.

Twenty five million for Deloitte to promote green transportation in the country of Georgia 6 million for tourism in Egypt which is a shithole 2.5 million to promote inclusion My god So yeah, good luck finding somebody who isn't a noticer to uncover all this They wouldn't be able to do it Is anyone actually defending all of this? I don't be able to do it. Is anyone actually defending all of this? I don't know.

Vito defended the Sesame Street thing. But for weird reasons. Not like ours, well it would just be funny. He defended it for weird reasons. He's like, we should be in Dockery! No, I think they all think that. They think that if you just educate a human being, no matter what country they're from, no matter what their background is, no matter what their genetic makeup is, that

if you simply get a white woman to nag them, a white woman with a social sciences degree to nag them, or a fat black woman to shout at them that they will become American. And they will be whatever an ideal American is to them, that they will simply sailor moon spin around and become a white man with a beard wearing flannel who says, yes, dear, no matter what the request is. And goes to the bar once a week to watch the big game and drinks one and a half beers,

and then comes home and gives them a neck rub. I think that's what they think they're doing. They like the indoctrinating part. I'm not a big fan of it, but you know. I'm a big fan of money. That's what I want. It would be nicer to have this money would have been nicer okay let's see here Maddox spinning out a guy was raped in prison do I have any oh Legos all right Uh...

Science Museum in Bonkers. Oh, they changed the headline. It was. Science Museum says Lego's are anti-LGBT. It says Science Museum because the bricks are gendered. Oh, I can't read it. God damn it. Well, I didn't know that. I guess that's- Power plugs, you got a male and a female end.

I guess they could be anti-L. Right? Yeah. I mean, women can't do Legos. Yeah. Right? It's just for boys. I Guess I don't know the butter

Stack up you can't you kind you can like stick them the slots in Sideways you can yeah, I guess that's like the tea. They are tea friendly That's like the B. Oh They are teed friendly That's like the B Oh is it? You can stick them butt to butt though. There's some pieces where That's a lot of pieces. Yeah, we're just looking at those bricks Okay, so the the original ones you can't stick butt to butt. Just the concept of a Lego or wiener to wiener. Yeah

Yeah, and they don't fit together. It's buns to guns man. Yeah. Oh God, let's see. Kanye. Did you think Lego told the Science Museum to like shut the fuck up? Do they have people that do that? I don't know. Can you cool it down on the shit for a while? Our product for children is anti-elge- what the fuck is wrong with you? They spell it out on the Lego thing. Uh, okay. Like, scroll. Here's what Amazon is doing.

I guess they shut down in, uh, they shut down like car access in New York to, uh, they shut down car access because it got so congested. So Amazon is making guys pedal around on vans that have bicycle wheels. Look at this guy. Pedal with a battery? Yeah, yeah. Should we need a license? Wow, check this out. Wow.

They don't need a license. It's a guy with a bicycle and it looks like a little box track And he's charging up the battery so it's an e-bike dressed up like a truck that's but he's got a pedal it Man can we not can we not is there anything we can do to not do this I Don't want these motherfuck. They got a shit in the truck and Drive around like Fred Flintstone. Yeah, at least give them a little door so you don't have to watch them pedal Not a door you just do it with a curtain apparently yeah, put a curtain on there I don't want to watch this poor guy

Wearing a fucking bicycle helmet while he's driving around this pretend truck This is like North Korea level Fake trucks we're gonna be in Richard scary's busy town Everywhere Yeah the Apple car Come on man wearing a helmet in your car. That's man Hey, make sure you put your bicycle helmet on when you're driving the truck around. Nah, I don't have to do that though, really.

Well yeah, because everyone has a cell phone and they're gonna bust you, even, you know. And we better see you pedaling, too. Yeah. Come on, man! We once thought that the future would have flying cars, and now we have bicycles dressed up like little trucks. Are they gonna make the robots do this? Yeah, pedal the bicycle That'll be the new Judge Dredd Rico's got a pedal the big robot to get him around Come on guys that sucks

Don't make these poor guys do this Can we put that in the end zone? Race you have to race to the end zone in that You have to pedal it's like a Mario Party game. You pedal, you get 90 seconds to pedal, and then however much electricity you generate is how far you go. Ah, you only made it to the 30 yard line. You're fucked. Get out of here.

Sorry, your packages aren't getting delivered because the guy sprained his ankle. He didn't pedal fast enough. Don't we have like gasoline that we could use? This guy's got to pedal my... Well, there's that robot real police car thing. We're looking at yeah Yeah, that thing was cool. That thing is cool, and then it's like oh for the humans you get like this Yeah, I work for Amazon and your legs are like this big size of tree trunks like Lance Armstrong Amazon employees from down the block Thighs are grinding together Yeah, okay, let's read the comments. Oh, it's one already edge boy says and he didn't explain this one. All right edge boy

What do you need? Uh, ha ha ha. She flew to Pakistan for an online boyfriend, got rejected, overstayed her visa. Do you think black people would like end racism or stop making us pedal around in fake trucks brought to you by Amazon? Overstayed her visa and now demands $100,000 from their government, claiming she wants to rebuild the country. Oh, really? Okay. So you can do it, right? and now demands $100,000 from their government claiming she wants to rebuild the country. Oh, really?

Okay. So you can do it, right? No, she's got the bike. She's able to get in. The government is gonna fix up these buildings, fix up the streets, and clean up these streets. It's ridiculous out here. I do not like it.

Okay? Lock him up. Oh, she doesn't like Pakistan? Oh yeah, big surprise. Okay. Electrical Joe, I took a shot of vodka then you showed that That fat woman's suing lift and I puked. Thanks dick. You're welcome s weird. Look at this shit. Okay Oh, yeah, I already saw that okay. Thank you s weird

Pete hey dick. What is this young man doing wrong? Okay, let's see what this young man is doing. This is the joy of reading comments. I don't know what to say at this point. I'm so mad. Is she joking with me? I have never once said I'm gay. Okay? It's a guy who's texting a girl. Okay? It's a guy who's texting a girl. This was hard to read. And he says, it's on Reddit, so you know it's gonna be rough.

That's already a problem. It's already a problem. Am I overreacting? I'm a 20 year old man, female friend thought I was gay. Okay, I see the problem. He says, grill with a bunch of L's. I can't believe he would say that. And she says, bitch, I know it's crazy.

Men, and he has an eye rolling emoji. Girlie, we should go on a date soon. And she says, yes, painting nails emoji. That'd be so nice. When are you thinking? And she says, yes, painting nails emoji. That'd be so nice. When are you thinking? Friday with six Ys. I've had a crush on you for so long time, for a long time. And then it's like a mouth covering face emoji.

And she says, I thought you were gay question mark. Is this a joke? Lol. And he has like a smiling sweating emoji. Yeah, the nervous. And then someone says, the way you type is incredibly feminine. I would have thought the same thing.

Sorry, man. What should I do to avoid this from happening again? My book suggested it. What's the book? What is the book? You have to be misinterpreting it. He says, 48 laws of power La wow

Is that a dating book I don't I can look it up no no I know what it is I don't think it's a I don't think it's explicitly a dating book law 44. It says to mirror her So I decided to mirror her to build rapport So it's like an NLP like a neuro linguistic programming like a book for weirdos to like fake friendship influence you and one of the laws is Mirroring people which maybe you would do in business You know the guys crossing his legs you cross your legs and if he has his if he's pounding the table you so he decided to do that with a girl and mimic the way girls talk

Text he should have mimicked her dad Girl Like I think I'm doing something wrong, let me go to ready I expect to read it to be like no, he did everything right? It's her problem. They're like no you're If the men on films bit from in living color That's that Do kids not have access to stuff like that anymore? I guess not I guess yeah That's some of it's on YouTube, but they need it.

Yeah, they need it. OK. All right. What am I doing wrong? Shani Rico, woman alert. OK. Let's see. Woman alert.

Congresswoman sterilized herself because she thinks four years of Trump is the same as the rest of her life. Where does that happen? I mean, basically, yeah. Congresswoman sterilizes herself. Is that true? Oh, yeah. Michigan state rep sterilizes herself to avoid pregnancy in Trump's America. Wow.

Be the change you want to see, you know? Yeah. Oh, good for you. Democrats have regularly expressed their displeasure with President Trump leading the country after winning the, yeah, well, some have pledged to fight. However, one Democrat took seemingly drastic measures to protest Trump presidency by sterilizing herself. Oh.

Huh. Just under two weeks ago, I underwent surgery to ensure that I would never have to navigate By sterilizing herself. Oh. Um, huh. Just under two weeks ago, I underwent surgery to ensure that I would never have to navigate a pregnancy in Donald Trump's America, said the senator. I refuse to let my body be treated as currency by an administration that only sees value in my ability to procreate.

Do we? Oh, damn it, you got us. Oh, wow. That's pretty messed up. Is there a way we can get some? Like it says, she didn't elaborate on what she meant by that statement. That's the next line.

She didn't elaborate on it. She didn't elaborate what she meant. She also didn't provide any proof or, oh, so she's lying about it. Shocker, okay. Yeah. I don't believe you. Ma- oh, so she's lying about it? I'm shocked. Okay. Yeah. I don't believe you. Ma'am, I don't believe you. Elliot says, effective baby... advice? Hey, Dick.

I figured I'd jump in on the baby advice, but since I really enjoy being a dad and I find value in you reading my name out loud. Oh, you got me. My advice is that there are two types of baby advice, or a combination of both, retarded shit that anyone with a brain already knows, stuff that the advice giver wishes they did but didn't. I found out that the best way to get these people to shut the fuck up and stop giving you unsolicited advice is to just minorly tweak your response. Instead of, did you do that, say, did you wish you had done that?

Then they either have to confront that they didn't take their own advice or have to tell you about their failings as a parent. That sounds like a whole conversation honestly I try to respond in ways that will get me out of conversations. The best part is you could probably lose some friends over it when they get too offended you backhandedly called them. That's the best part. The only thing I'm worried about is vaccines. I don't want to be like called crazy, but I really don't know

if vaccines are bad or not. And I don't know where to look for this information. Do you? Does anybody? I don't. Again, it's like the Hitler thing. I know people who didn't vaccinate their kids they seem fine. It's like the Hitler thing like Who's saying that? It is it is though because I'm stuck where

Who's saying that women are too fat? Okay, Kanye. Okay, that's I know that's true. RFK is saying that also. Okay. What are doctors saying? Doctors aren't saying that. Okay. But I know, you know, I think they're thinking it.

Because fat women, I hate going there. So I think they're thinking it. Now, what do we all think, who do these three groups say about vaccines? Kanye says something about Jews. Okay, I know that's that's irrelevant RFK Says they're bad sort of but then he was in Congress and they said what do you think and he goes well Just show me studies that they say they're safe. I'm like they didn't say that they had to study Shit

And then I saw today there was a schedule and it was like, you got to get a COVID vaccine for babies. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't. No, that's not, that can't be right. Just don't do any of them. I need somebody who is a little bit racist and not too racist to tell me what the deal of the vaccines is. Okay? We all need it. We really need it as a society. We need it. We need some, but we need big balls to come in here

and be a, you know, do some big balling. Hey everybody. I just, I took an Uber over here. If driver was a Chinese woman. So I'm a little, I'm a little off my game, right? Okay, that's okay, that's funny. No more comments about it, right? I don't know who would do such a thing. You know, tell me. Just a medium racist guy.

That's a tough line. Lloyd Llewellyn says, when I was in college 13 years ago for my research degree, I did a favor for my professor and drove another research student home and she didn't live far from me. She was 300 pounds. Oh, this is about the lifting. But I was in my early twenties and I didn't think ahead.

Every time she got out of my car, it shifted and groaned and it made noises in a way that I've never heard a car make before. It lasted for about two weeks, but the damage was done and my suspension was damaged. Wow. In a very strange turn of luck, I got into an accident a few days later and insurance paid me out enough for a new car. Oh, um, yes there is, uh,

let me answer this. You would think he would have gotten an accident with her in it. Yeah. Really got to pay out. Okay, one more comment and then I'm going to do, we're going to do the gender reveal. Okay? The big gender reveal episode. I didn't know if I'd be here for this one.

It's great. If you pull some shit like, congrats, it's Mexican, I'm going to be like, well. I was thinking about it on the drive home. There's a chance you could either get a full white kid or a full Mexican kid. I was thinking that too! That's hysterical. Yeah, because we're both half. So it could get full...

You could get a good kid or a bad kid. Which one's which? I don't know. I could have a kid... Yeah. I could have a kid that... Johnny did not elaborate further on that same thing. But I'm not bringing any facts to support it. I am just...

That's the problem too. When the racist guys, when they start bringing in facts like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Home Depot right or one that looks like our moms which is totally white yeah Where people are gonna call they're gonna see that number on the bus about human trafficking these two fucking Mexicans are human trafficking This is a white kid. Beautiful white baby Okay, oh yeah, okay, okay, okay? Well, maybe we should do we should maybe we should do it now I don't know maybe we should do it now. I don't know are you we should do it now. I don't know. Are you guys ready? Yeah, I'm ready. We're working on a clock my Girlfriend tells us. I gotta tell you that. Where to? Where to? Because you can see. So we're gonna wear blindfolds

We're gonna wear blindfolds and then... Take my glasses off then? I can't see shit anyway. And then the stripper is gonna come in, okay? The stripper is gonna come in and dance and then, I don't know, we'll... What's the envelope? The envelope has money. Okay. It has ones for us to give. Tony, before you put the blindfold on,

can you back my camera out right there? Back it out a lot. Back it out as far as it will go, okay? Yeah, all right, so we're gonna... What the fuck is even going on? You wanna put your new camera on? No, I don't wanna put the new camera on. I dare. Alright, man, I...

How do you even raise a... How do you raise a girl in this... In this climate? With these? You know? What do you do? The goal is to not be on this show. With any kid, right? The goal is to never be on this show, or even listen to this show if I'm being honest. It's bad.

The goal is to be healthy. The goal is to be healthy the goal is Sean with if it's a boy or a girl It's to never be involved in anything like this to stay far far away from it Don't go online ever unless it's to unless it's to send emails for your bullshit government job Oh, wait, wait, put your blindfolds down. Okay. Okay, put your blindfolds down Okay, we're ready. Yeah now. I don't know you have ones We have ones. I guess it's up to it's up to them now I think the stripper has the stripper is either a man or a woman. Okay

I'm nervous What are you guys hoping for? Stillbirth? I- It's been like three months of just worrying about a miscarriage. So I feel like now is sort of the time to start thinking about like having a kid And I thought the miscarriage worry part would be the most stressful part, but now It's morphed into a whole new type of Terror and now you have to deal with it now. I have to deal with the my choices and my actions

And I don't have a Sean to help me through this time, so it's actually... You have a much worse guy. Anytime, honey, anytime you guys are... I gotta tell you about the wedding story too. I don't know, maybe I'll save it for next week. Alright, here we go. Whenever, as long as, you know, somebody... I don't know, if the stripper can make sure the cameras

I Don't know actually my girlfriend might have to shout Alright, are we gonna have music or they should be there? No, there's gonna be music. Okay, there's gonna be music I don't know if there's a betting pool that anyone's doing okay here. Okay the music sounds All right here's I'm gonna I Hear velcro I hear velcro too. I don't know if that's if that's a masculine velcro or a feminine Velcro. I'm afraid to touch. I feel, I don't know what that is.

Okay, can you dance on that gentleman, the Italian gentleman over there and maybe he could give us a... tell us what he thinks. Tell us what gender he thinks that we're dealing with here. And then we'll all... That was a very solid move. What is it? What do you think? What are you betting Tony from Act the Movies?

Don't take your blindfold off, Tony! I think it's a beautiful lady. Beautiful lady? Okay. Don't take your blindfold off Tony Can if the stripper can reach Johnny in the back, do you need me to move I'd like to yeah, Tony if you could stand up I thought it you a minute to guess it. You know what I mean? I was like, here, feel the arm, you know what this is to do. I thought it was a rock solid too. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Oh, wow.

There you go, House. You thought it was over. You're the one. You're the one. Come on. I already threw them all. Come on. I already threw them all! Hahaha!

Get over here on camera, you look wonderful! Look at these tattoos! So I'm having his son! Sorry internet, he's having a son. Thank you! Sorry internet, he's having a son. Hey, congratulations. Thank you. What is your- do you have anything to plug? Do you have any like, any socials you want to plug to people?

I don't know. Maybe you want to rephrase how you asked him that. If y'all want to follow me, I am on Instagram, The Tatted Muscle. Tatted is in tattoos. You will be hit up. You will be hit up by someone calling himself the top gay. Tanner, I'm sure. He's a very friendly guy.

Thank you. Thank you. What was your name again? My name is Damien. Damien, the tatted muscle? Yeah. Okay, thank you. Thank you very much, Damien. Congratulations again. Thank you.

Here, here, here, buddy. It's a boy! You said it was a woman! What are you talking about? I was expecting like a drag queen or something. I thought it was feeling like a really fake boob or something like that. That was a bicep. Like not a good drag queen. Oh my god. Like a literal bag of sand. That's what I thought.

Okay. Get these. That was a bicep. Help's what I thought. Okay, get these. Help pick up these ones. Do you have any ones left over? You have a very nice bicep. You should be very proud. You got them all over here? Alright, Damien, I'm gonna help these. It's so fucking funny. I'm gonna pick these ones up here. Thank you. So years from now when your kids like hey

What was it like when you found out you were having a boy? No, don't go on that show. You're gonna lie about that. You know, people are people some people say like well, what about all your online stuff? What about like, you know, if your kid now my son? Yeah, you guys what do you see that? I'm like I wouldn't if my dad had a podcast I wouldn't want to listen to that shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, imagine going home and your parents are like go check out these old pictures of us and this ought this 700 hours of audio of us talking about you know the equal rights. I don't know. Thank you. It's email to me

You know if I have time Smell make sure my kids listen to your podcast dad. Yeah, make sure you put it on Dropbox and cold storage So it's a lot forever, but I kind of have stuff that I want to do. Store it in Iron Mountain. Store it in Iron Mountain. Well the thing is too is you got to realize like here like talking to your dad now is already like is you try to keep as minimal as possible. You know there's an infinite amount of gotchas ready to get sprung on you at any moment so you gotta you gotta keep that interaction minimal. So the last thing you wanna do is listen to your fucking dad.

Yeah. Where I can't stop him! Yeah. That's a nightmare! Yeah. Dad, I don't wanna listen. A call with you is kinda like a podcast. Like I can tell that you're workshopping material that you've exhausted mom on doing

and now you're doing to me. I don't need a podcast of you. I could just call you and hear it. I definitely don't need an old podcast of you Younger more wrong version of you. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks kids. Oh, thank God. It's a boy Is it? Yeah, what are you, are you naming it Donald? Now, yeah. Yeah. Dick Masterson 2 electric boogaloo.

It's happening. It's happening, everybody. Oh man, is it wrong that my first thought is how to keep Vito away from? Yeah, you're gonna have to end the show. Can you zoom me in Tony? Oh, yeah Thank you and hit the focus. Yeah, it's nice It's crazy to think that the show's gonna be over in like what seven months seven six months Now we get to do it remotely like you've always wanted. That's why I flew out to film an episode for June now

I'm like, you know what? I gotta do it now. I gotta do it now. Oh. Okay, well. That was great. What did you do at work today? I don't know. Ah. Oh, thank fucking God.

Oh. You look relieved. Dude. I've never seen a man relieved to see a male stripper That relieved to see a male stripper I'm gonna worry about nothing. Yeah, don't go to jail. Don't go to jail. Don't talk about the juice too much. Mmm. Uncle Johnny teaching you how to do burnouts in Dad's truck. Hahaha! Give me the keys to that piece, I'll show you how to do it.

Oh man, okay. Are people watching this? Let me see. I haven't even been recording this. You haven't been recording it? It's just been an input the whole time. Ah, the kids in California. Okay, are we gonna see some grinding? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, all right, all right, all right. I can't believe you thought it was a boob. I thought it was going to. I 100% expected a man in drag. I don't know why. Why would it be a man in drag? I don't know. Those guys are usually pretty tall.

It would have been funny if it was black. They're like, wow wow you're having a black race was that I Assume he was Mexican right was he Mexican part of the whole thing you're allowed to do it I guess now you can assume but well now the racism is over. I don't know what the race anybody is Damn, NFL racist. I'm trying to be specific. I want to honor you know what's going on I'm trying to be racist. I'm trying to be specific. I want to honor, you know, what's going on here. Advanced racism. Oh, thank fuck. I know how to deal with boys. That's fine.

That I can do. Okay. Grand Admiral C. About the rapper in Detroit using Lyft. Hey Jake, if you read this on the show, call me Grant. If you have to leave, by the way, make sure you... about the rapper in Detroit using Lyft. Hey Jake, if you read this on the show, call me Grant. If you have to leave, by the way, make sure you, I don't know when you have to leave. No, I'm good for now. I do want to hit the bathroom real quick.

Go to the bathroom. If you read this on the show, call me Grant and Admiral C because that's who I am. And I really don't need the judges where I practice in real life knowing that I even know what is an internet. Surprisingly, we only have two civil judges out of 18, not counting the chief judge, he says chef judge, I'm pro tem,

in the Wayne County Circuit Court, trial court for the county Detroit is in, who identify as an Ahelna. Oh, okay, so there's only two black judges or black women judges. I'm sure you'll be shocked to find out that the other two major counties in Michigan have no civil judges who identify as hell naw,

as all hell naw. In any event, it appears that the case, so that member that fat lady that sues Lyft, how could I forget? In any case, it appears that the case was assigned to a white woman judge who spent about 20 years as a family court judge and recently moved to civil cases in the last couple of years. In that time, the overwhelming majority of the cases

she's handed have been auto accidents because that's almost entirely what people sue about here. Anyway, the firm that has the case has been pretty aggressive with trials in the last year or so and has won the lottery more than once. On top of that, Wayne County's bench collection of judges is one of the most plaintiff friendly in the state. That combined with the possibility of a judge wanting a case that is literally anything other than auto accidents to break up the monotony could

be enough to keep the case from being dismissed by motion. And in the most plaintiff friendly jury pool in the state, and we have the ingredients for a case that could hilariously and stupidly go all the way. Oh my god. Okay, so the lift the lift lady could go through. Go fuck yourself, smooches for Johnny. She could go through the center of the earth. That would be bad. If she tripped and fell and just kept falling. That would be that's what I mean. That would be bad. This would be bad. This would be a big win for fat women. Yeah. If they won money in Lyft. Dude, I'm telling you, as soon as home, well, I think U-Haul recently improved their trailers

to make it more accessible for like, if you wanna go to the track for a day. Yeah. Put your car on there, put your motorcycle, whatever. Yeah. A little three-wheel trailer kind of thing. Yeah. I think U-Haul is about to be the next big stock

when they invent like fat lady carriers. For 1995 for the whole afternoon, just fill the tank back up. U-Haul is about to be the next big stock when they invent like fat lady carriers 1995 for the whole afternoon just fill the tank back up You know give us your ideas like a utility not no longer like a general-purpose utility right trailer now It's specifically like a fat woman rickshaw. It's just like the horse trailer with the top chopped off. This sounds like a top gear challenge Yeah, we all made it somewhere. If this if she wins, then we're all in big trouble. Well, we're about to get rich is what I'm OK. We should get in front of it.

We're getting in front of start making our own fat lady trailers. Diamond plated everything. Is it so wrong to just say, like, OK, before you give me any vaccine information or anything about like Hitler or whatever, you got to admit that the fat women, that the women are too fat and you know, Indians are, you know, come on, come on, come on. You gotta, you gotta give me one of these two. So I know you're not an AI. Mhm. Phew. Okay. What's the worst that could happen with a son? They do crimes, right?

They become an audio engineer or a podcaster? Yeah, yeah, they become a pod... They'll probably have like, holograms and shit by the time my son is... Yeah. You'd hope. ...twenty. They kept saying that about films and here we still are. Maybe I'll get some advice from from destiny his son seems like he's

His son seems cool. He's funny right Just don't get advice from anybody I Don't know anybody with it. I don't know anybody with a son. I would want so I can't ask my dad obviously I Don't know what Nick's kids are like except for the one Right You seem like a nice kid, what did your dad do you seem like a nice boy? Your dad is on some side of some sort of a Nazi list though He's out I should do become a Nazi and he's Italian, he's also fascist I guess.

I don't know. Yeah, they're... Yeah. No one really ever buys that though. Like all the Mussolini stuff. Yeah. They don't really, do they? Nah.

People just hate Germans because they judge them, actually. My dad did just okay enough. There you go. He's got to be just okay enough. I could do that. Yeah, easy. My mom's experience with asylum seekers. Hey, Dick.

As Jay, my mom worked as an immigration lawyer in Canada during the late 80s and early 90s. Here's some takeaways on her experience processing and interviewing asylum seekers from China after the Tiananmen Square massacre. Most asylum seekers lie to meet criteria. Yeah, no shit. The impression she got from her interpreter in interviews is that most of the candidates were essentially reading from a script or coached on what to say and were not actually in danger of reprisal from the Chinese government involved in the protests. Yeah, that's obvious, right? No

one actually believes refugees are like... CYA, man. That's the rule number one. Cover your ass. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. I'm either going to stay here and get killed or I can lie a few times and live forever.

Yeah. Mr. Thompson level. Obviously, it's impossible to vet or investigate this, but in for all the most egregious cases. Two, the standard of the day in Canada for an asylum seeker was that your claim was only valid at the first port where you are no longer in danger. So if you flee China and arrive in Australia, the Canadian government would not consider you an asylum seeker. Why do we even give a shit about this? Like, there's so much... Stupid. That makes sense.

If you're being persecuted, you can flee your country, but you aren't entitled to pick and choose any country on the planet. I know somebody who went through this program from Afghanistan, and she said that they had a conversation going, well, where are we going to... For this exact reason. Like, where are we going to, for this exact reason, like, where are we going to fly out of here? I think your dad was a member of the communist, they're the ones that got toppled.

They're the ones that Mujahideen brave fighters were fighting. Oh, no. And now he's in prison. Oh. Oh. Okay. Once you leave your, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Considered in conjunction to if you flee China and go to a poor country, you now live in the poor country.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are the main takeaways and why my mom doesn't have sympathy for migrants who aren't refugees hopping through eight countries where they are not in danger of being persecuted, claiming to be asylum seekers in America. She also has a story of telling a drug smuggler charged with a DUI and vehicular manslaughter that he has no viable options To avoid deportation to Mexico and her interpreter telling her off because your job is to give him hope God Can you imagine like breaking the law? Can you imagine the stop breaking the law? Can you imagine the army of? Women college graduates who blanketed the, who went to Africa and demanded that Africans come to get their grant money.

Like the women that go there are sitting on a $10 million of like, you know, AIDS prevention money. And you're an African man or a woman, like trying to help your community get some free money. And you walk in and you're sitting across or a woman like trying to help your community get some free money and you walk in and you're sitting across from a Woman whose hand is is is shaped into like a Lego man from holding Starbucks cups Like she's like hi Hey, like you walk in and she's like this right you walk in and you're looking down with that blank stare

Right of like I watched too much the office stare Right and they sit down and they got all their stuff, like, you know, HIV, and they, she looks right back at you and she says, how does this help the LGBT community? And we blanketed the earth with this initiative, right? Like these brave Mujahideen warriors of the Obama-Biden administration

are so saturated in every African country. And that's what they're walking in. There's a line of Africans in their best dark brown suit. We're walking in one by one thinking, OK, how do I how do what do I do for the LGBT community today? And how do I express that first thing on their mind? Yeah, that is that that 100% is, it is. That's what we've been, that's what we've been doing. Yeah.

Oh my God. I think it'll work out, right? It's like the Berlin Wall, man. I remember that. I remember that coming down like it was yesterday. My parents were so happy. Some of their friends were there trying to get like a piece, my dad might have a piece of that wall.

Great feeling. And we get a little Gaza out of it. Yeah. Edgar Gagaga says, woman alert, women don't know warm drinks warm you up. I thought it was just a vibe alert. Woman alert. Okay.

Woman alert. Where are we at here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta make sure my girlfriend's not talking to that, you know. Make sure that now the business has concluded she's not talking to that stripper anymore. It was a lot hotter when I thought it would be a woman. That idea now that I know she's been talking to this guy to come in. I got to do something about this. Slam the laptop close on it.

Make sure what's being, I got to see what was being said up there. Oh, here I'll open the upstairs input channel real quick for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Okay, three camera brought. Okay. It actually makes you warmer physically. I thought people just liked hot drinks because of- Okay. God damn it.

What is with this- Yeah, you got roasted alive. Did you see my tweet on my alt? Yeah, you got roasted alive. I tweeted on my alt. I said, I did not realize drinking a hot beverage when you're cold actually makes you warmer physically. I thought people just liked hot drinks because of the vibe. I don't drink hot drinks. You've seen me. I only get iced matches. I don't get hot drinks. I grew up in California and I hate drinking hot things because I don't like burning my mouth.

I tried coffee for the first time and I felt the warmth go down my throat and I was like, wow, I'm like warmer now. And for some reason, 25 million views, 268,000 likes and people at first it was funny. You would not survive in medieval times. And it was like, that's funny. Like whatever, like it started off being funny. And then it became like, stop any school bus and just get on bro. Open the schools.

I feel like it should be a federal crime for you to vote. Holy Americans are actually brain dead. Thanks, Maya. You're screwing. Yeah, okay. Is she gonna bite me? That woman? The chompers?

The donkey lady? She went her whole life not knowing that. Back up a little bit. Do you believe her? Yeah. You do? Yeah. Yeah. I once knew a teacher who thought the sky was blue because it was reflecting the ocean so I believe the sky was reflecting the ocean. Yeah, it's not just like the yeah

The ocean is blue and it's reflecting the ocean. What about in like? in the Midwest Yeah, she didn't have an answer. Oh In the Midwest. Yeah, she didn't have an answer. We asked her to elaborate on that statement and it just got worse as it went on. You know what I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life to? Now that I know I'm having a son. You know like Darkseid in the comic books?

In the Superman comic books? You know how he's trying to figure out the anti-life equation? Yeah. Yeah, it's like an equation that kills everyone You know how he's trying to figure out the anti-life equation? Anti-life, yeah. Yeah, it's like an equation that kills everyone, I guess. I don't really know what it does. Yeah, they change, I don't know. It changes around. It's supposed to be able to control you and change things,

but it probably varies. I'm gonna discover an equation that lets you determine when women are stupid and when they're pretending to be stupid. It's very difficult. That's a very difficult problem. I don't even think that the greatest of AI scientists or misogynists have really dedicated time to because they're all too busy trying to get laid and now that I've you know now that I have a family I don don't need to think about that.

You need to start like the PSA grading of like, is this, is this a lie? Lying or not? I'm gonna use computers and like facial detection software and telemetry. And I'm gonna say conclusively, my machine, my equation, found that you're pretending to be retarded and not in fact retarded.

You are being an attention whore. Automatically does it if she has a liberal arts degree. That counts. That will be taken into account, all those things. A heavy weight is factored in there. Uh-huh. And their weight, right, their weight, right. And I'll be able, you'll be able to run.

Double weighted grade, yeah. You'll be able to throw your wife in my machine. And it'll tell. And it will tell. Wah, like bad egg, you know? Like Willy Wonka. Too many eggs. Okay, I think that might be it.

Tony how do you feel about Fat Watch? I love it. Are you a fan of Fat Watch? I love it. Fat Watch, today is fat news. Fat Watch helped me get into a little bit of shape, but you've pointed out that I fell off a little bit. You're doing good though.

You're trying though. You're going the right way. I'm trying. Well so Dick knows I love Fat Watch so much that he actually brought a real fat guy in today What's been your secret you're losing like what a pound of a month or something what's your Well, I lost more since you guys called me out. Oh my gosh shit. I did put on too much fucking weight How much weight do you have you lost? Since that episode like six seven or 7 pounds. Hey, okay!

I never stopped working out, I just got started drinking a little too much. You have to be Vito. I've already been eating Vito. I know you've been at his house. I know where you've slept. Was he trying to get you to eat? He is trying to get him to eat, right?

He said, take these chili cheese fries, Tony. Go ahead and see what he's like the slot monster. He is trying to get him to eat, right? He said, take these chili cheese fries, Tony. Go ahead and see what, he's like the slot monster for Fern Gully. You have some at the bottom, it's a giant mound of chili. What, at Fern Gully? The slot monster. He's just like, fucking oozing on to everybody. Fat guys love when other fat guys are trying to lose weight to throw them off their diet.

It's the most frustrating thing in the world. They love it. Like, I can't hang out with certain people. I don't like go out to eat with certain people. I'm just like, no, they're gonna fuck with me. Do alcoholics do that? Cause I've never, like when, like if I know someone who's not, who's sober, I try not to drink around them and talk about it,

or I at least feel bad. I don't know if food addicts do that. The alcoholics I know are just always looking for an excuse to drink alcohol, so. Vito is being crabs in a bucket and fiending for crabs Really something Okay, this is Kenny Gomez says hey dick longtime patreon fan I just wanted to share a land wheel crying for being at Potter land. Thanks for all the content go fuck yourself

That's where you find them all right is we got to have a miss USA but it's every theme park has their fattest. We do like a Jungle Jack Hannah or like Steve Irwin and you know you and I Johnny maybe we dress up. We wear a fat woman suit so we could blend in like a robotic fat woman suit. We're like a Chinese dragon we're locked in. It's just a little shorter. It's like not as long, but as big. Like the rhino from Ace Ventura 2, we're in a Chinese dragon. Exactly. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, dancing around like, yeah, let me get, okay, yeah, okay. That's a big fat one. It's like a rickshaw inside and the front will control the gun and everything else. Well, cause there's, okay, so there's Knott's Berry Farm. There's Disneyland, right? Disneyland, Disney World. And we have to put them all in the shit weighing toilets too. Harry Potter land, okay.

That's universal technically, right? Well, yeah, but fat women. They just go for the Harry Potter land. They just go to Harry Potter land. Like Legoland, there's not, this is like a fat bitch nexus, you know, and it doesn't speak to them. Something about these- Because it's anti-LGBTQ, apparently.

Yeah, because you can't yell at Legos, right? Not made out of the candy Legos. That thing says they're anti-LGBTQ, yes. Well not gay, they're anti everything else. Anti-lesbian, definitely legos don't work. Bisexual, nah, I don't think they're bisexual. You know, you were saying they're not bisexual. I don't know, you can't really... I said they're very pro-trans.

Yeah. Take one piece off, put your wiener on, done. Yeah. Right? And it's real easy. Mm-hmm. Why don't they put that on the Super Bowl? And trans hate. They should put that. Why don't you do the Black the Super Bowl? And Trans Hate. They should put that.

Why don't you do the Black National Anthem all around that? Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa Oh, standing up and I was gonna say you gotta, you gotta be pretend you're getting stood on by shelvin. That's how the it's not taking a knee anymore. You gotta be on the ground like, ah, well now that was pretty good at black national anthem. Well, if you could do like a real song, like the camp town ladies, one of those, is Trump going to be at the Super Bowl? I hope so. He should take a knee during the black national and that is just like give him a taste of

medicine. They won't know what to do with that. They'll be like, what the fuck? What is he doing? He's taking a knee. Oh man. Wow. Son.

Yeah. Should I name him Donald? I'm gonna have to give up something for, if we name the kid Donald, I'm gonna have to give something up. That's gonna be a big ass. What are you willing to give up to get Donald? I already gave everything up. Yeah.

Oh. How much more could you give up? When you're done, you don't need to, then you can just name him Donald. I'm out, I miscalculated. I overplayed my hand. Fuck. Donald's the way to go. I miscalculated I overplayed my hand fuck

Donald's way to go okay. I think okay. We need a fifth. We need a fifth theme park for fat women Michaels. I guess is that I Think miss fat USA here. She comes Miss fat us not so city too right what hydrated? Soak city yeah, the water no there's no that's not where the fat girls are at a water park Are you kidding me are they they should be brought there? Yeah? You think it's the world what do you think the world? Yeah? Here we have her missy world Here we have her, Miss Sea World. Jumping around. That would be interesting.

Miss Knott's Berry Farm and she's got just jam on her hands. Cool tea free Sea World and it's just a big fat lady and a Shamu-mumu in the tank. The mermaids. The fat mermaids. Yeah. Miss Sea World had to be disqualified. She was a literal whale. They tried to get a bite.

Too bad. She was eating too many fish. Our bad. We know that she was eating a lot of fish. Some pranksters put a wig on shorting her food budget. Try to get a bite Whatever that whale's name is now Fish y'all take two. No ma'am. It's not your order Potterland Voldemort better watch out for this! Not even... Voldemort's fine, it's the Butterbeer Guardians that have to be on the lookout. Uh, okay, here's a... That's only one tap.

This bitch is at Potterland, I guess? Harry Potterworld? You know, they make the jerseys in the same size as American football. Oh yeah? As American football tarps that they use to cover the field during the rainstorm. Yeah. Funny how that's a universal thing from mystical characters. She's wearing an official NFL tarp that they use to cover the field during rain.

Right. That's amazing, Johnny. I didn't know that. Don't use a pool cover. Yeah. Or a car cover if you have a Fiat or a smart car Okay, wait wait wait do I have this up this is just a waited basically my whole life to finally see the place That feels like home

Oh my god, look do you see that was I Can't stand Harry Potter. I went to Harry Potter town and was like this fucking lame Why can't why didn't you like it? This is just, it sucks. Two of the rides were okay. What were they? You like go through like, I don't know, the stupid Harry Potter bank and then you go through the- Gringotts? Yes, and then you go into the Hogwarts castle? That one was fun. But it's just people in robes like pointing their wands at things

cause then some of the stuff is interactive. They're like, look, we made that fountain shoot water! And I'm like, oh my god, you came here just- Again, it's not like they're coming here for just Universal Studios They're like, yeah, I really want to go there point my wand and stuff. So maybe I get a fountain to shoot water It's like I just stay home you point at the sink and I'll go like that like what the fuck is this? You just get a flipper zero and you know copy of RFID tags. Do you don't want one of those? They look cool

But I don't know I need like a list of mischief that I can do with it. Everything. Oh, butter beer is a scam, by the way. Yeah, well, I'm looking at this. Is it alcoholic? No. There you go. Say no more.

It's birch beer with a buttery top. And I'm like, this is $9? Why did you guys tell me I had to buy this? Who said that? Harry Potter fans who convinced me it would be cool. And I left, and I went, it actually wasn't cool. It's not cool. Sucks. Yeah

can you put the wand in your pants and Shoot it at the stuff like that. I mean I Never got the wand. Oh To be honest, so I'm not sure would you dick on it and wrap it around? Mine probably not. Why didn't you try it? Why didn't you try to do this? Honest? Honestly, honest question. I didn't obvious Tony, the one I don't even know where you get the ones in the name. It's a stick. You know, yeah, come on, uh, I'll go around this point. My dick at the try that. Oh, cool. Well, for the first time I'm understanding how this phrase blubbering

I'm understanding how this phrase blubbering is crying. I'm finally, it's all connecting. Okay. Oh. She's getting a wand, spinning it around. She's got a fucking fan on, she's still crying. Wow, man. That's actually a fucking fan on, she's still crying. Wow, man. That's actually a full-size house fan she's holding. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Uh... Alright. I don't know who this one is from. Rhinestone Cowboy, probably a Michigan...

Oh yeah, oh there's the link I was looking for. Michigan lawmaker sterilized herself to avoid becoming pregnant. That's probably a lie. What's next? Well it's not like an accidental thing. You kind of have to be like a participant in the matter. And getting sterilized? Like, well no, and just like, ah, should I open the fridge today?

I guess I might get pregnant like it's not Oh, you have to get semen pumped into you. Yeah, you have to kind of go out of your way You can achieve the same thing by not having sex right or getting cummed in yeah Okay If only there was a page posting cheaters getting caught who is this from there used to be a show about that It was called cheese. This is from Vinny. That was a great show. Okay Vinny. Let's see Vinny where's the this moment that he knew he fucked up Woman the size of Lawrence Taylor run at this guy who is canoodling with a woman the size of Butterbean

Yeah, it's like John Henry taking down E. Honda She did do the E. Honda dash! The spearing that he does! She tried to fly through the air I want to know more, was he actually cheating or was that just a crazy jealous fat girl? He was about to eat the last donut. It had nothing to do with the girl. There was a snack in her pocket. Yeah I saw a documentary on that. Fat people falling from the Nathan Explosion Hey Dick I usually post these in the discord's fat watch channel but I thought I might start sending them straight to your you your email yeah

thank you hopefully these links work Don't help make sure don't you know don't just hope double-check I Can't make this one up. Oh, no this woman is Standing on a couch that she probably should know better and not be standing on mom here should have said something Hey, honey at our size. We don't really stand on couches. She's trying to climb up dad's fixing the curtain She's trying to climb up Which one's Humpty and which one's Dumpty? The dog is, see the dog's like, I'm getting the hell out of here! It's got a Rodney Dangerfield face

Yeah, that dog knows what's going on I'm sad the third one didn't fog Well there's still time, let's see Comedy comes in threes, you need a turnip ball Watch the dog I thought weebles only wobble. Never fall. These are defective.

Okay, the dog is minding its own business looking for food in the trash. Looking for food in their hands. Okay, the dog the dog notices that there's something wrong and then AHHHHHHHHH The dog looks at the dad. Why does she kind of sound like the grape stomp lady a little bit? OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH called me up the other day and just said I said hello and he goes oh oh oh from that clip Okay, the dog looks at the dad and says the dogs looking to make sure the dad's not also falling down Sorry dog And then the dad falls down and goes okay I'm getting the hell out of here

Me when I open the window that hates fat people Fuck Just like a fat woman making fat food alright. Let's see here Me when I open the window that is fat people Fat woman making fat food all right. Let's see here If my wife made this for me, I'd find a new wife Trying to convince my husband to let me be a stay-at-home mom and make a steak dinner a frozen steak right on the stove she didn't fall okay Peeling the styrofoam off the steak

Okay Nope. Oh See I need my formula. Yeah. Yeah now this is bait for sure. Mm-hmm If it was real she would have spent an hour peeling as much of the styrofoam the fact that she gave up now That's not yeah, she would have made it hour peeling as much of the styrofoam. The fact that she gave up, no, that's not real. She would have made it look a little more like, no, that's not. I watched too much Cooking with Jack. You know that like, they try really hard. She would have tried more things to get it off if it was real.

The fact she gave up, that's fake. Absolutely correct. Okay. Teacher speaks truth to fat. Oh. You gotta move schools after that. Why the teacher do that? Oh, teacher do all your bending down you sure you aren't gonna break a hip I don't know maybe it's cuz I exercise and you don't Oh She stood up like a fucking gorilla. It's ready to pounce ready to strike. Yeah, silverback. Yeah, look at that posture. That's

Okay, man, neither of you are doing very well if we're being honest playing fat activists, all right Oh me oh my body isn't the problem It's dehumanizing. It's one of those movie set airplanes. It's a basic human right to travel with dignity. This plus-sized woman believes it's a basic human right to travel with dignity. Who is this? And she's standing up for change. With every journey, Jalen challenges the uncomfortable realities that many larger travelers face.

Oh, look at that grief that's on the walls. Like a slug after she's seen it. From cramped seats to insensitive policies, and she demands a change. Insensitive problem. You deserve to be comfortable flying, and you deserve to live your best life. So we're in oxygen right now?

Yeah. You're not even comfortable on the ground. How are you going to be comfortable flying? I don't understand this. Oh, gosh. Okay. Go fuck yourself, Squiz. Okay.

Well, thanks, man. Thanks, Squiz. Tony, thanks for coming in. Yeah. I love coming in. It's been a long time since I got to be in the studio. Last time it was when I was still high from the night before. That was the last time I was here.

Oh, after the last show when you ate a weed cookie and then he fell asleep in his car for the whole show. That's not my proudest moment. Still get made fun of for that. It's great. Yeah, you should. I thought I redeemed myself because I did the Philly one perfectly. Yeah, you redeemed your intro-ing, but falling asleep in a car for a whole show, that's rough. I don't even know if I thought it was...

I forget what I told it on, but yeah, me and Cranberry Dave, we just sat in the back seat staring at the front seat, not talking. And then Vito took a selfie and was like, all right, I'll come in. They're like, no, no, you've been out here for an hour and a half. We're going home. Like, oh shit. And I was still high the next day when I came in 250 milligrams I didn't know I didn't know a lot of we

That's what mid-salad said when I did it. She's like I wouldn't have done that you know I open a pack of cards. I've got a troll trading cards and Coors Coors light trading cards Oh, can I get some voicemails too. That's the show, Dick's Show, page.com slash Dick's Show. See you next Monday. Dick's Card. Patrol Card? Okay.

Check those out. Let's see what you got. Open them up. Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick,

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Ready? F**k! Sticker! You got a sticker? What kind of sticker? Sticker! Oh, that's a nice sticker, okay. That's a great sticker. Wow.

Ah. That's a good one. Officer McNorfin. The trolls have names? Oh my have names It's time for a snack Can we leave this for Vito? Like right here You can do whatever you want Uhhhh

Salty says Tire down good boys Oh my god, okay Are you staying for the football? Are you staying for the Bowl? I don't know a bunch of people are coming over Well a couple watch sports. Yeah, I mean either I don't I'm gonna know who's in it stand like this the whole time. Yeah Bonitis and what makes me rage is you oh You're making me me rage right now.

I'll tell you why. What did you do? You got your fucking brother over there, Brandon Herrera, and he should be the ATF director. I'm pretty sure it's a big sack goose egg. A number of times I've heard you come on your show and talk about what is clearly and obviously the biggest egregious violation of all of American rights, which is why the fuck? Why I got to spend $200 on a tax stamp to have a feral on my AR-15 that's shorter than 14 and a half inches plus a painted weld fucking muzzle device. You know how gay

that is? That is so fucking gay. It's just like the minutiae of the gun laws that we have are really not my biggest problem with what's going on now. We've got what, $2 trillion just getting fed into con artists and liberal criminals and scumbags. Whether or not you have to have a pin on your AR-15 is not really a big deal. Sorry, I feel the same way about Gaza. I'm glad actually.

Fuck it, you know? I'm already halfway through my time. It's actually like, I don't know why the, like the anti, they're not even anti-Israel. There's a lot of people that are just anti-Jew, right? And I'm not anti-Jew. I'm anti-Israeli government, the same way I'm anti our government.

This would be like, I can't even say that. I felt what you thought. Well, cause Trump's going in there and he's saying, you know what, actually we own Gaza and we're gonna get rid of all the Palestinians here. And they're like, can you believe he would say that? Like yeah, it would be like if FDR went into a Jewish ghetto in the 30s and said, Hitler we're gonna help you get rid of all these Jews. I can't like, I can't, I can't I noticed that but I can't say that right? I'm like, ah, I'm pretty sure this is I

don't say this but It's your piece itself, man I know it's I know Netanyahu didn't want the US to just come in and take Gaza because he can't bomb us He can bomb Palestine can bomb Gazans all day. Yeah, he can bomb the Palestinians, he can't bomb the US. Nobody's ready for that one. Yeah, no one's really ready. Okay, Palestine was there, yeah, and who's bombing them? Israel, they were bombing them and fucking with their

economy and stopping them from getting aid and keeping them on the brink of starvation for decades, and they were just waiting for the chance to get in there and take it. There's a trillion dollars of natural gas under Gaza. Like, he wants all these fucking things. So he's going to... And what's he doing? He's taking them. He's hammering and making their lives a hell. They build up, they wipe them out.

And, you know, Palestinians, they don't have no fucking choice. They're voting for whatever terrorist group is going to... It says they're going to defend them and help them out the most. But then the terrorists get itchy and they're like, man, we should fuck up Israel, right? Let's get over there and do it. So Netanyahu and the Israeli government can do whatever they want. God, they can go in there. You know what?

We're gonna kill everybody in here. It's gonna be hilarious. What's the absolute last thing that they would want for that to belong to the US? Yeah. Then what are they... Hey, US, you guys let a lot of Palestinians in here. Yeah, I know we did They don't like us. That's like our thing. We just let a lot of people into things Yeah, kind of known for it actually yeah new rules. Yeah, we got a bunch of Mexicans in there too actually building all the shit up Shit Uh...

Shit. Uh... Can we bomb? No, those are our... Those are ours. That bank is owned by Merrill Lynch. No, you cannot, you may not bomb that Netanyahu. Are you insane? You may not bomb. You know, the last country that bombed us, we kind of wiped, we spent trillions of dollars wiping them off the fucking map. We killed a million of those guys kids Is that what you is that what you want? It's just more efficient than doing a proxy war. Yeah

Cuba next Israel can do whatever they want. No, we can do it everyone. That's Doing we're doing it now. That's our That's our spot. We're putting a... We're putting a... We're putting a... We're standing up a bunch of... We're building a nice statue, and if any of you guys touch the statue... If you knock this chip, we're building a statue of Trump, and we're putting a chip on the shoulder.

And if any of you people knock the chip on the shoulder, off the shoulder, then it's basically gonna be a real bad time for everybody. And that's gonna be in the middle. It's just terrorism, what we're doing. Way, way better than what you guys have or near used to. Hey, Nick. Hey, Johnny. Coach Kate here. What's up? I think the funniest part about the government offices getting shut down is realizing just how little work those people do. Oh, it's nuts. It's nuts. Even compared to your average email sender in the private sector. I know a couple people who got shut down.

I've been working for $2 since I was 16 and I managed to get into an aerospace company not that long after. And even all of us working on government contracts are still working 90% of the 10 hour days that we work. It's not until you get to the very top level production at these companies that you see guys that can not work for more than 10 or 15% of their day. When I say top level, I mean if the US decided to declare war tomorrow and me and like five other guys decided to quit, the US ain't going to war because they don't got any fucking planes. Even at this level, we can't get away

with nearly as much fucking off that the typical government employee can. It's fucking ridiculous. Cheers and go fuck yourself. I know multiple people who are having existential crises because they're no longer gonna get paid for their job that I didn't even know they had. They're just like doing side hustles. I thought they were barely scraping by with their like Bohemian Burning Man side hustle shit. And now I find out that I've been paying them to do nothing. Like wait a minute, your what got cancelled? You were doing what? I don't even know what

that is. I don't want to know how much you were getting paid for that because I'll have to kill you. Okay. Hi, Dick. Hi, Johnny. I just saw you guys, I was watching the episode this week's episode and you guys are talking about the the halo skin, the Black History Month skin. That's just always something funny to talk about because this is like the third or fourth year in a row that they've done it. And they're always like, they knock them out like on clockwork, like they get them on February 1st every single time, which is funny because

you know that's that's honestly the most annoying part about the Black History Month corporate shit is that they don't even give black people like the time to have their own like celebration they just like cram their halo hey black people hey what's up check this out ah can i have a moment with my family? Can we talk about Martin Luther King for a minute before you cram a Lion King halo? Well, they do Martin Luther King Day the month before, so you get it out of your system there.

You don't ever get Martin Luther King to your system. Never. Tony, what are you talking about? I think that they could have said- Maybe you are a Nazi. Late, unfinished, broken, whatever. But the funniest one was a couple years ago where, not even then for Juneteenth, but I think it still applies, that they released an emblem with the same red, yellow, and green Lion King shit, like you said, but they call the emblem Bonobo, which if you didn't know

is a type of ape. oh, that's not good. Oh racist that it's almost I Think you said once like David Duke might have a problem with yeah I mean, that's not nice. Of course. They took it down in like an hour Which is hilarious because it took them like a year to fix like the matchmaking in the Yeah, of course. So that's just embarrassing. It's always fun to talk about how much of a trash fire Halo has become. But that's it.

Dick, go fuck yourself. Bonobo? Johnny, keep up the good work. You know, like Africa. Tell them that I love them. Call me back. Will do. Okay.

Let's see Maddox. Hey Dick, hey Johnny. Listen to the bonus episode and I got stuck with an earworm showing how fucking stupid Maddox is. When he was talking about like the news media being corrupt or something, he used the word jingo to talk about how the news media, like how journalism is important, how it does this and this and this and this and this. I think he picked up that word listening to somebody else talk about it in the news because jingo means war hawk. It means that you are like in favor of war and destruction. So this bitch shit fucking remembered some idiot on CNN calling some other idiot

A jingle and then thought that that meant that that's pro news or that's a news word that you could use Yeah, something like a complete fucking moron it's so fucking funny It's so fucking funny Sending to us like that Milo Yiannopoulos idiot is that they just Behind either big words or a posh accent to sound like they're more fucking learned than they actually are Yeah, if you go hey, what was that word you use? Yeah, that was a way that they use it to how it sounds like they actually are. It's just fucking ridiculous I can't believe I called that. It is a Philly specific It was so stupid. I'm like that's got to be a Philly specific word. Oh, that's the only place they'd use it

Thanks for the call. I was good. Thanks for the call You know the thing with Gaza to maybe they'll be nice for them Maybe for the first time it was never gonna be nice for them never Yeah, they have a chance with us. Oh, and it be like okay. And it's way better for Israelis because the government's not gonna stop picking fights. So like regular Israeli people, maybe they're not getting a rocket stuck up their ass every day. Maybe those settlers are gonna have to calm down and stop stealing houses. But the only way they're gonna do that if Trump dangles their precious Gaza over their heads like hey

why don't you guys knock off the West Bank shit yeah or else I'm gonna sell or else I'm gonna sell these condos for to some smelly neighbors if you guys don't want that. 24 karat before the horse. Yeah it's finally at a point where like okay I feel like you guys are getting fucked like almost the same as we are so I don't care anymore Like yeah, we have neighbors. We don't like to so you're just gonna have to deal with it getting bombed and stuff No, that's way that's too far. What if we did a big swap like okay? Filipinos you get to go to the Middle East You go to Mexico, and Mexico you go to the Philippines. Everyone just do like a big musical show.

We're gonna send all the Haitians over to Gaza. Everyone gets to understand why each other is the way they are. With this one little... One little trick. Scientists hate him. Scientists hate him. Just who's gonna say that chicks are fat? Don't let the Hitler guy say that women are too fat.

Okay, last one. What's going on, Dick? What's up? Just listening to the most recent episode and you're talking about how your wife or women in general will scrape your car or hit the only parking meter with their door and that release valve just on me, you know, it happened to me two weeks ago where my wife did exactly that.

She's driving my car. We're, we're going to a ultra marathon that I was running at participating in and nice, just outside of of what the one tank of gas range returned like round trips from my car so we have to stop and We go to the gas station she pulls up open the door and I hear Smashing my door into the parking baller next to the tank next to the pump.

And then just looks over and goes, he's sorry. I appreciate what you do. Goodbye. I do it for my son. Son, you're right. Well, fuck this guy too, Because I feel, I feel him exactly. Like I, I noticed he wasn't calling from a jail cell. I would have been, I actually wouldn't have called. I would have been,

I would have still been mad about it. I can't believe, I can't believe Pierce Morgan saying Kanye is inciting violence against women. Like what the fuck you think after all the shit we deal with from women you think Kanye going online and saying sometimes women need to get smacked you think that's gonna drive me over the edge Yeah, I put a new ding in your door. Oh Amazon sending me three packages today. Oh my mom's coming over She's gonna stay for a week and a half Hey, did you see Kanye said it's okay to smack women get over here? half. Uh, hey did you see Kanye said it's okay to smack women? Get over here! WAP! Why are your shoes in the middle of the room? Why do you go through so many clothes? You

ate the bananas I had? Those were for my lunch tomorrow. Kanye said it's okay to smack women. WAP! Is that how you think it works, Piers? You idiot! Surely it's not all the Amazon ordering but all the unbroken boxes that are still just piling the fuck up. You made this mess. Finish it. He's inciting violence against women. No. If anybody's to blame, it's women. It's women. What an idiot. Alright, goodbye. See you.

Uh... Uh... And out. Nice.