The Dick Show - Episode 454 - Dick on Slurping it Up

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Men melting down over Snow White, free soda for poors, Reddit on Severance, NYU is hacked with racist data, Andrew Tate sues everyone except for me, Manny Muskets opens for another white power comedy show, a Rippatard takes a picture of his mom's house, and a Super Sized Fat Watch; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Look at this mug you're sipping. Isn't it great? I don't know about this Ray Ray is happy logo up here. I just noticed it. This is a See look at this. It's an aw hell naw mug. Right? All the way around the side But then I've got staring me in the face Ray Ray is happy his ass up here with his PFP the Twitter PFP Just like cut and pasted on the mug. That's funny I don't have it's it's pisses me. I don't have that on my that's pisses me off shirt that we're both wearing That's true. Which really turned out great. These look amazing. They feel great. Aren't they they feel great It's actually lowering my pisses me off

Off it's like this feels like high quality shit man. High quality H2. This is like Calvin and Hobbes knockoff pissing on like a Garfield era, you know And Black is in stock too. Mass produced shit. Black isn't always in stock at the dick at shop.dick.show Yeah, Black is always in stock. It is But black is always in stock. It is. Man. Is this working? Let me make sure.

Let me make sure this is working. What is working these days? There it is. That's working. And, littering and, wow, they're both working. Giggity ga.

Let me make sure Pro Tools is working. Wow, it's actually working. So you get to choose. So either get the Ray Ray is happy mug with this fucking Ray Ray is happy PFP. I don't know if that costs more Like I'm sitting Ray. It's right. It's right where my the handle is staring me right in my face as I'm drinking my coffee I don't need to see your Twitter PFP, which is by the way clipped off on the left It's like chopped off on the left over here

I know this was a free mug and free art that Ray Ray that Ray Ray is happy made and he's an incredible artist But look look at this little it's clipped off right there. What do you see right there? It's clipped off on the side, isn't it? Well, that's what makes it a masterpiece. That's what- that's what pisses me off! That pisses me off! When you make a perfect piece of art, you gotta fuck it up intentionally. A little bit here, ray-ray, it would've been fine with just the art.

It would've been black and white. I don't need a web, is there a website on the bottom? No, zazzle, great. This is John 316, like those In-N-Out Cuffs. Ray-ray 3- I mean, come on! At least make it black and white, so blends in now. I got to cover your face I got to cover your Twitter pfp with my thumb to enjoy my coffee Ray Ray

Ray Ray my complaint is I didn't get one too. What the fuck man you want one of mine sure too bad I need them all oh damn it. I wanted to go in right there, but here we go. Presenting Dick. Oh, okay. Yeah, he sound good. Sounding good. How you doing, Johnny? He's great.

Good to hear. Yeah! Welcome, Dick. I'm gonna have an aneurysm on one of these. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEE EEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E Video engineer in his that's pisses me off shirt man by Corgan Corgan would never slam some some PFP from his Twitter on his merch would he oh he might he might have to now Corgan ah oh man Johnny these The men are very upset about Snow White the movie for little girls the adult men are I'm very upset about Snow White, the movie for little girls. The adult men are,

the adult men are seeing the movie out of protest and they're so enraged at Snow White, the movie for little girls, the live action Disney reboot for little child girls. They're so incensed by something about the movie. And I'm sure I just like, I'm sure it's me that doesn't understand what incenses them so much and that they're correct they're so incensed that

they can't even wait to get home to their rage studios that they have to rage out in their cars which I notice are not having any other people in them so maybe they made their little daughter wait outside while daddy has to record his rage just so it of snow White and the movie that there's sickening this woke slop that they're feeding our children That's why we have to make rage videos in our car while our daughter waits There's no way they're going and seeing this movie by themselves to make a rage rage clip in their rage reel in their car

Are they that could that's happening be yeah, cuz that would be weird and sick and wrong to make a rage clip in their, a rage reel in their car, are they? That couldn't possibly be, yeah. Cause that would be weird and sick and wrong. Can we ban adult men who are not accompanied by little girls from going to see Snow White? I think this is it. It's like Chuck E. Cheese, right? You gotta go in with kids? Yeah, or a gun range. Like, hey, you don't have anybody with you, so you're not allowed to rent a gun here today.

Except we could switch them, because the Snow White ragers can just go kill themselves. Get it out of their system. I think that, I think that the, I think that raging about Snow White is kind of the last of our problems right now. I don't know. I don't, I don't know why, but something about raging about Snow White comes off as false to me in this era. Well, it's a gun range with those rails again. Yeah. But the gun is pointed the other way.

At you. Yeah. I can't. Well, you've got to shoot. I'm not letting you out until you shoot. You rented the lanes. You got to shoot. And just blowing your own head off.

I think when you control all three houses of government, I don't think Snow White's on the table anymore. I don't know. Something about it seems off and false and retarded and weird, and like a bunch of weirdos are learning. It's like the drugs commercial. Like, I learned it from watching you, Dad, except it's 40-year-old men screaming about Snow White and some actresses Harry back in their car with no family.

You don't think that's funny or entertaining? Intergaging or whatever? I watched one so I guess it is entertaining. Man, I've never seen Severance, you know that show? Yeah, everyone keeps talking about it. It's great, it's a fun show. Awesome. The finale was on and I said,

oh, you know what, I'm so hooked on this, I'm gonna go do something I never do. I'm gonna go type in Severance Finale Reddit and see what the people are talking about, right? I wanna engage with this audience. That'll enhance my experience. There's one word in there that you fucked up. Well, where else am I gonna go?

Where else are they talking about things, you know? I can't go on Twitter because it's just like non It's just like speaking of severance. How about the Jews? I got I don't I'm kind of tapped out on juice stuff for this millennia Yeah, maybe you know near 3,000. I'll be back more interested the JFK files Just really burned me out on juice stuff this week guys I don't, you know, I'm not, I just want to talk about the show Severance and like fun fan theories and stuff. Like what's that? What's the goat doing? Wow, that's cool. Oh, yeah, that's interesting. I'm just doing some old-fashioned talking about TV here fellas. What a world we have come to where now you're the one who's talking about TV and shit.

I am fine. I'm excited I finally have something to talk about on pka if I go back because I watched a TV show amazing So I go severance read it and I shit you not this is exactly what happened I click on ooh, I can't wait to hear about I can't wait to talk to some fellow fans and read some theories and stuff I can't wait to see what they think is happening with Cold Harbor. What do they think about Lumen? You know? Ooh, alright, some fellow humans that I can have some camaraderie with in this shared joy and I click on it and the first thing that happens is some guy says, imagine if the girl, imagine if she ate a whole bunch before work,

and then her any would just have to poop all day. I said, what? What? You fucked up. Type it in Reddit in your search bar. What the hell? How much is this company worth? How much? What's their stock price? I hope it went, I hope it went down. It should be worth zero.

You're telling me you're training AI on this poop fetish guy? Talking about a little child could type in Severance Reddit discussion, and that's the first thing they come on? Welcome to this world, kid. This guy's talking about the Audis eating a bunch and then the innies got a poop all day. What the hell? This ruined the- now this is a bigger mystery than anything in the show! Why did I go to Reddit? What was I thinking? Why did I go to Reddit again? You fucked up. You really fucked up on that one. I did fuck up. Now I can't stop thinking about it. Now I'm just watching the show going like, well did they eat? Now you're gonna leave a thinking about it now. I'm just watching the show going like well. Did they eat now?

You're gonna. You're gonna leave a comment like that now Somebody replied to it. I didn't bother reading. I was like I don't want to get into the hole I don't want to see what these guys think hey Snap for snap for soda man man Man, man, people really want free soda. I've never seen anybody fight harder than fat sodas. I guess that should have been, that, you know, that should have,

we should have seen that one coming. Oh, it's un-American that these fat freeloaders can't get diet soda and sugar water cancer with your money? What are you talking about? You're in- you're... That's- you're interfering with their choice. This is not free market capitals. Bro, you're telling me that I can't tell a guy that wants five dollars for food that he can't buy soda with it? I don't want to- his ass- I don't want to give him money at all, but I mean, I guess I will if he's got if he needs some food if he's doing something to actually like

Better himself or you know do something other than feed into an addiction. Yeah other than guzzling Sugar water I've never seen I Guess we just can't we can't fix anything is the message Hey, let's let's go ahead and get let's at least get the sugar water the the food that has no Nutritional value at all and it's just swell pumped out sludge pumped out by a fire hose with sugar dumped in fire hose with sugar dumped in, caramelized, mixed up, addictive and shoved into fat, and shoved into kids' schools.

Let's at least get rid of the soda while we're here. Poor people, we're giving you a bunch of money. I mean, you don't really need to drink sugar, right? You can just drink water out of the toilet, right? No, they need to. No, we need it. They need it. You know what? It's amazing! I'm thinking about it now. It might actually raise the ticket price of Insane Clown Posse concerts. The

Fagula? What are you talking about? What would raise it? It's snap cutting all the soda because part of the show is they spray Fago all over everyone. Like just two liter after two liter. And then all these scumbags, all the guys who are like super into Israel and H1B visas, surprise, surprise, they're all into like me paying for all the poor people's grape soda or whatever I'm paying for.

What is that? A shocker of shockers. I guess they're all, there's something called Influensible that's sending them talking points on soda. I think they're all, there's something called Influensible that's sending them talking points on Soda. I think they might've got, I think they might've got out over their skis on this one a little bit.

Israel, yeah. That's kind of got a little built in audience that you could pretend you're a part of. Did they say that women are fat though? Yeah, man. We gotta get- We skipped that omission. We gotta get this soda under control. You know somebody, um,

you know the guys who were running around drawing swastikas on Teslas? No, that's news to me. You didn't know about this? No, of all things, no. That's pretty funny. That is funny. Cause then you're just like stuck with a bunch of swastikas on your car driving around like oh

I don't know I can't man. I'm not the one who painted them So what they wrote fuck fat bitches do on the side of my car as it turns out Yeah, I would have if someone did that to my car. I would have to just lean into it It's expensive to fix right? Oh, you don't like the swastikas. How about 20 bucks? Maybe that'll remove like an inch Maybe I could get rid of one of the arms. Yeah of the swastika have like a QR code with your Venmo Yeah, somebody's right somebody that same guy did it to my car, but they wrote fuck fat women Lose some weight fat lose some weight fat ass. They put swastika. 99 thesis of fat women on my car.

They got bored of doing the swastikas. Like they're like, I'm going to show this guy. I don't even drive a Tesla. They're just upset at me. You know. Yeah. Maybe it's one of the Snow White guys. See they thought I drove a Tesla. I was actually parked next to a Tesla. I slapped a Tesla logo like a Mercedes.

I bought it off eBay. I used a fake charging thing to park in the EV spot And they're like oh, yeah, fuck this electric Ford right it could be an electric car I guess so they're writing swastikas all over it and they also wrote fuck fat women Across the whole car different handwriting than swastikas. Yeah Totally yeah different paint different Wait a second that one's matte and this one's gloss. I guess it's like Context really matters Neuro-atypical people are just basically fucked because we went really quickly when I was a kid

If you draw a swastika on something to fuck with somebody you're going to jail And that's like a pretty serious That's a pretty seriously egregious hate crime that we had and we were all generally cool with it You know the swap meet guy It's okay to for every swap meet to have one Swastika flag guy for historical purposes, right? You can't have two, they're like a betta fish, you can't have two guys selling Nazi shit

at the same swap meat, it's not gonna work. But we let it happen with the understanding that, alright, you can't make new swastika stuff, especially to fuck with people. That's a big, maybe like if you're doing a movie You could make some swastika stuff. Maybe even doodling you know even ironically You can't even do it like with the arms going the wrong way. Yeah, that's a big no-no as well Because you're getting too close. You know It's like you're saying the n-word, but you're like coughing like no no no no you got to make it clear that you didn't

Somebody's gonna think you messed it up and made it the wrong way and you probably did But now we got guys Just full-on Carving swastikas in people's cars in people's Teslas To terrorize them. I'm waiting to see some chrome rims that are just straight You might as well get in front of it Chrome rims that are just straight. You might as well get in front of it. Mine is fine.

Cool, if you're gonna swastika my car, fuck you. I'll put a one to go in the right because you know what you really don't want is the goofy swastika. Yeah, for some reason. For some reason the this this this terrorism by swastika bounces off like the IQ point that necessitated to Have have a mirror image in your head to draw swastika because it's quite you know

I don't even want to draw it because somebody will do like a make an outline like John Madden to me doing it Yeah, so it always ends up with that one goofy arm because they can't their IQ can't do the right. Oh, yeah armature You don't want that So you might as well get you might as well get out in front of it. Yeah, anyone who's good at CAD hit my email. So now we're just doing swastikas for terrors, terror purposes. Okay. It's a clothing statement now.

It's a fashion, you know. Yeah. It's the cats out of the bag. Well, it's a fashion, you know? Yeah. It's the cat's out of the, rare out of the bag. Well, it's crazy because you gotta imagine too, it's like, oh no, ours is the vintage stuff. We have, you know, now there's this like, it creates a further division.

Which is funny. I wonder if, let me pull up some of this Snap on, this Snap stuff, Snap on soda. Obviously we don't want... obviously no one wants poor people buying soda. No one wants poor people. What do you... No one wants poor people, number one. Yeah. They definitely don't want a bunch of big fat... you think what the poor would be like, yeah, actually, don't let my wife buy all this sugary shit with your snap money.

You'd think the men at least of the poor would be like, you conservatives are damn right! We're sick of our women guzzling down soda! The fat brain already got them. The fat, what, who got them? The fat brain already got them, man. The fat brain got them. They're at home thinking about, it's like, bro, you can't buy beer or cigarettes with EBT

Why the fuck why do you care that your wife is just guzzling down carbs and sugar with food stamps? Yeah Influensible here it is. I guess they're doing because you got to think too They're like, oh if if she's into drinking sodas all day, now I can get away with my fix, too. Well, what's his fix? Pornography? More soda. It's just- More soda.

Just churn it, you know, get it out. We got it. Just pour it down their gullets, yeah. We gotta at least get the soda away from these fucking fatsoes. They love it. They need it. They are more addicted than alcohol.

At least alcoholics go like, yeah, I mean, I guess I don't need free alcohol. Right. I do. I am kind of a hindrance on society and I do. It isn't healthy. The sugar. Sugar addicts.

Has a stranglehold on them. Oh man. It's insane, man. They will not let it go. Just all these fat people reeing nonstop. Ah! Well, that's my sodas. You taking my sodas? Sugar withdrawals. Oh man. They will not let it go just all these fat people reeing non-stop Well, that's my sodas taking my son is oh man having sugar withdrawals on mass In mass too We got a super size fat watch today because I've been skipping it for the last couple weeks

size fat watch size shit xx l Loving this Andrew Tate is suing everybody for defamation. Except you. Except for me. Well, cause you're right. There was nothing defamatory there. I said, wait,

Andrew Tate's suing everybody? I said, oh man, okay. 100%, I'm 100% on here. And I load the list of names, let me find it here. Here's the list of defendants for Andrew Tate's defamation lawsuit. Crayon murderers, I asked him to call in today. But you know, people get sued and they just like, their brains get scrambled.

They're like, well I have to talk to my lawyer first. Like why? The lawyer's gonna tell you to not say anything. They all say, don't say anything, because you'll fuck up. Like, what do you mean you gotta wait? I gotta ask my wife if I can call in. Okay. Crayon Murders, The Real Susie, Avalon, The Milk Bar TV,

Mad About Sheep, Gadget. I mean, these are like, look at these accounts. Seven, they're smaller than me. Skeptic, Thoughts and Players, Lucy Marion Misfit Patriotso and who gets left off this guy Unreal what the hell I've called Andrew Tate a rapist serial rapist you're gonna have to you got to ramp up the production here I don't think I mean if you're not no one wants to get sued sued second. So I already missed my chance for the big times. Can you believe that?

My interview. Perhaps that was the smartest thing he's ever done was not get you involved. Honestly, yeah. That would have been fun though. That would have been a lot of fun. Especially in California. Well, I would have loved to have seen Sean clips

make the news rounds. Especially in California. Well, I would have loved to have seen Sean Clips make the news rounds. Especially in California with all the anti-slap stuff where you get like, Keyon could put a new floor in his house. Yeah. You get like nine X attorney fees or whatever it is. Put a new house in his house. Well, that's nice.

Good luck to all of them. Maybe one of their lawyers will let them call in eventually. You know, and nobody cares anymore. Here is... I love the title of this, yeah. I can't say his name. Because it's a form of the N-word. It's not the N-word, but it's close enough.

It's computer... I'll just call him Iggy. Yes. It's close. Missing a letter. computer, I'll just call him Iggy. Yes. It's close, missing a letter. Computer Iggy hacked the NYU's website to post the SAT scores by race of all of the NYU students accepted into NYU, which I guess is, you know, which I guess is not good for them.

It's funny. You got Asians. You got Asians up here at 1500. Then you got whites doing not too bad at 1430. Then you got Hispanics at 1355. Then you have black at 1289. So this was the front page of NYU. Man. What a way to log in that day. Wow. We're really mainstream with this stuff. Now, like this would have been.

People are sick of it, man. The whole world is 4chan now. People are carving swastikas on cars and uploading racial IQ charts to websites and social media. People are carving swastikas on cars and uploading racial IQ charts to websites they don't even own. Yeah. Wow, this is, yeah. He's got all the data attached to it.

There's nothing left to have noticed now. No, I talked to him. I messaged this Iggy guy. Awesome. I said, oh, wow, what did you do there, buddy? Pretty funny. Yeah, I don't know. Pretty funny. All the comments, too, are the best part.

The comments are just outrageous. Everyone's just losing it. Yeah, let me find one of the copes about it. There's a whole lot of cope about it. Cope's been, uh, cope's been all over the map all week between... between... sodas for poor fat people. Mm-hmm.

Which is like... just on its face retarded. Okay, we wanna get, uh, government for wanna get government free soda for poor fat people. The Coke Cope. Yeah, we don't need, why do we have water then? Turn off their water then. Yeah. Okay, since they don't need water.

Bathe in soda, since you love it so fucking much. They could drink soda, bathe in soda, they could feed their pets soda. You get to pick one. You don't get. So yeah, soda or water. It's just bonkers. Let me try to find Ian Miles Chongus' defense of this shit.

Ian Miles Chongus. That's so crazy. I mean, like a soda's nice every once in a while. But then at that point I'm like, man, I wish I was drinking a beer. Well, that's what's crazy too is you don't beers healthier than coke at least it has some nutrients And you actually fucking get buzzed off of it if you drink enough of them. Yeah, and it like It will stop you from drinking it eventually because you'll pass out or die

Soda you can just drink all day. There's no repercussions. A new war on Ian Miles Changas. So this is one of the guys that got paid by this influenceable company. A new war on soda has begun. Targeting purchases made through snap. I don't believe it's the government's role to decide what people should or shouldn't eat.

And it's it's crazy seeing this and knowing that he's just being paid to say it. Like the all this concern about AI influencing people is dumb because you just have these sellout, shill influencers who will do it more effectively, who are better liars than AI.

Like they'll never accidentally tell the truth, like an AI will. Yeah. It's just like lie for, and it's cheaper. You can pay someone to ruin, you know, cause infinity harm to people for a thousand, a couple hundred bucks. Right?

Here you go. Torch your whole image, sell out your credibility and just make people, like do whatever you can to make people addicted and kids especially addicted to this swill and be fat and uncomfortable and unhealthy for the rest of their lives. How much would that cost? A couple hundred bucks? Sure, no problem. I don't believe the government's role to decide what people should or shouldn't eat. The last time the US government dove deep into dietary guidance, the whole world ended up with the questionable food pyramid.

No, the food pyramid's fine. It's like, here's food you should be eating. Give it a shot. Some vegetables. Some fruits. It's like a fairly well-rounded diet, you know? Yeah. There's not any, it's not questionable. Like those are all foods.

Yeah, those are all foods. That you should eat. At the pyramid, yeah. In a shape of a pyramid. It's also championed the COVID-19 vaccine as safe and effective. Oh, it's COVID too. Promoting better health for Americans is a reasonable idea, but not when it involves curbing diet coke purchases.

Wait, doesn't this fucking guy live in like Malaysia or some shit? Malaysia, yeah. Why does anyone give a fuck what he has to say? I really don't know. Like, wait a second. He's talking about like he lives here. Yeah. Why?

Does he even have Diet Coke in Malaysia? For a premium. They have like Diet Fongar or something like that or Fongar Lite. Public canings for being fat. I think he almost got like publicly caned for being anti-Israel when it first started. I don't think the Malaysian government was too hot on that. Restricting soda through SNAP is an unnecessary move

by the government to control consumption, overstepping its authority, and infringing on individual liberty. Like it's such a waste of time to argue with these people, these sugar food addicts or paid shills. But the real villain in this story is the people who see that, see that it's paid and all bullshit

and just done to harm everybody. And then these guys of course say, well, you know, sorry, that was my bad. Sorry, I did that. And they'll sit there and go, well, he owned up to his, he owned up to his mistake. It's he's a, he's, he may end up and he owned up to his. That is, if I had to distill my entire life of watching the destruction of civilization, it would be that, it would be that one. That's what I would put through the time portal and say, find this guy and kill him. Because that's what this guy, this is the vi- This is actually the mind virus That's cutting everyone's- That's cutting kids' dicks off And sending everyone to hell

With uh, uh, um, with compound interest rates, right? This is it. This is the gem that I'm squishing- This is the fortune cookie of doom that I'm shoving through the portal And it's the phrase, well at least he manned up and admitted his mistake. No. No, he was paid for that too. He was paid for that too. He was paid for that too. That's to set you up to fuck you over again.

It's even, if he fucked up, it's even worse. The maliciously, maliciously doing it, cause he's getting paid and fucking up and actually thinking that it's a good idea to continue stealing my sodas from me and giving them to deadbeat slobs that are... They should just make him drink all the sodas. Yeah, we should find... there should be like a saw where we get...

We pick up somebody on Snap and just force them to drink the whole case. Drink this whole warehouse... no, make this asshole drink a whole warehouse full of them. Till all of his teeth fall out. What's the worst of them? Yeah. OK, wait. That was the SAT scores for, huh? That's pretty good.

Pretty good, isn't it? I mean, it's an academic presentation. So I mean, it should. Yeah, he supplied all his data. Yep. I didn't check it out, but it makes sense. It looked, you know, it sense. It looked you know it was convincing enough you know. The cope is amazing. Let me try to find one. So good.

Let's see yeah I already read that one. Okay, maybe it's this guy. It's all some version of this. Yeah, yeah, racists hacked the NYU website and posted racist data. Oh, that damn racist data. So this guy, I don't know what the truth is, but this is a pretty classic bad faith case of lying with statistics. Okay. You could just say nothing. pretty classic bad faith case of lying with statistics. Oh, okay. You could just say nothing. That's the whole point of stats is to lie.

I think he wrote a book about this. Yeah. For starters. That was truthful. For starters, to prove their point, they should be using median slash another percentile rather than average, which is skewed by outliers okay because people get SAT scores of like 300 million so it could mess up the data

second single number is like these averages won't tell a story you want to compare these to the overall population and show that distributions it's just nonsense it's total nonsense they can't escape. Okay. Trying to argue from a purely stats perspective and being like, You can out math them buddy. You can out math the races. I don't know.

Still the same data. These ain't your grandpappy's races that you're dealing with. Oh, here's a ripitard shirt. Cool. Yeah, this is pretty good. Ever since we, ever since Eric Schleyb, I don't know, declared war on his dad through me. Now, all these ripitards, like, they post pictures of themselves getting their crappy

shirts. Here, I'll put it up. And then all the responses to their pictures are like people saying, hey, don't worry about getting made fun of in your rip-a-tard shirt. Don't let people, don't let people steal your joy. Don't let these jealous trolls make fun of you.

And then the guy posting the shirt will go like, don't worry, I actually love it. I feed off the negativity and shit like that and Eric Shalai will repost it. It's like when Skechers first came out. It is? Yeah, everyone was like, oh, that's okay. Like, these are cool shoes. Don't worry.

Yeah, okay. So this guy posted his, here's his Yaira 2 shirt. What a pose. His arms, his hands are flapping. Like a fucking beach whale. What a fucking. I hate to make fun of it because there's clearly something wrong with this guy, but you know, it's still funny.

A couple things that stand out are this. That's a giant hutch this China armoire typically not something that you see a 25 30 year old man. I've never seen that in any male household This flower wallpaper Also, not something you see in a adult man's home See if anything else stands out to you. Stuff like this, like this sugar.

Yeah, the honey pot fucking. This little ceramic honey pot that you can scoop sugar or honey out of. I don't know what it is. Can't live without your flavored coffee syrup right behind it too. Yeah, this coffee maker from about when you were, you would have been 13 years old maybe sir

I don't I'm something tells me that either your roommate is a geriatric woman His mom or yeah, you're Or else this is mom's house here Yeah Let's see. I'm just looking at the shirt and that's... Isn't it something else? It looks like something you'd get at like Coles,

Children's, Uh, Spider-Man. Let's see this. Yeah. Yeah. Like this. It's just very... You never see something like this in an adult man's size with a giant superhero? No. On it?

Shouldn't, anyway. It really shouldn't! Nice, dude. Glad you liked your haul. And they don't have tables. I've also noticed that all the stuff, whenever they take pictures of their comic books and their shirts... Don't talk about the tables, you know. Yeah, it's always on a bed. I've never seen a bed with like a towel over it. It's never on a table.

Look at all the pilling on it. That's been in there. That's been the comforter since what, 95 probably? Nice dude. Glad you liked your haul. Just remember, brother. Anyone coming here talking shit to you, trying to ruin your fun because the brand you like is 100% a total shitbag and a waste of life. Keep doing what you like. Hey, hey, nice shirt. Just remember brother anybody saying anybody telling you that you're gay Lame it's just a piece of shit shit bag you keep doing exactly what you like brother Really inspires my confidence in the brand and everyone Hey brother!

Oh, looks awesome! Uh... Don't let these- don't let these total asshole pieces of shit talking you out of what you enjoy! Which is wearing your t-shirt! Wearing your comic book t-shirt! Man... Um... I'm just kinda blown away by that that's isn't it funny I am pictures in your mom's house of your comic book shit makes a

lot of sense so makes a lot more sense it does but it's just like man couldn't think to like be doing something cool or like reading the book in question or taking pictures of the Let me stand like that's the experience like a penguin Fucking happy feet over here guys don't buy don't stop buying this shit. It's illegal to act like animals in schools I thought this was retarded, but Apparently kids like that's the new thing is they just act like cats or whatever in school. A new bill introduced by Texas lawmaker seeks to ban furries in public schools. The furries

act would ban students from using a litter box. Okay that seems like that should have already been banned under another under any other I'm so- OSHA You just have a kid in class with like a litter box and the fucking almond roca sitting in there just like Yeah, did you get that the fuck out of here? Did you need to ban litter boxes or did they throw that in to it seem like... Texas Bill would ban furry subculture from public schools. Yeah, the furry trend is alive and well. It's true, I don't think... They don't know the sex part of it.

They don't know the gay sex part of the furry lifestyle. But the kids... They heard the word, because everybody thought it was so funny to talk about furries all the time. And kids heard and said, oh, well, maybe I'm a furry. You guys think that's so funny, huh? Under the forbidden unlawful representation of role-playing in edu- no.

You did not turn furries into the- Oh, Jesus. name of the act. Under the forbidden unlawful representation of role-playing in education or furries. Well, where's the S then? It's not educations. Yeah, educations in schools. Student Act. Students would be forbidden from barking, hissing, meowing, and wearing leashes,

fur or tails at school. They would also be permitted, they would also not be permitted to use a litter box or use licking as a means of grooming. You know, you know, I think it'd be really annoying You know? You know? I think it would be really annoying to have a bunch of kids grooming themselves and shit. But quite frankly, I find this, I find the way that they phrase this so cringe and repugnant that I'm on the kids side. You know? It can't just be like, hey, we're calling it the like,

behavior, good behavior in school, the not disruptive behavior in schools act, and you guys can't be doing disruptive shit anymore. But they had to go full-on furries act. The fucking acronym. Yeah, the acronym pisses me off. That pisses me off. Yeah. You know what kids? That's- that does pisses me off. That pisses me off! Yeah. You know what kids? That's- that does pisses me off! Let's start- well, let's do the litter box. Maybe you're on to something there. I don't want to talk about the licking. Yeah. Or the grooming. Yeah. Be funny about it. God, politician humor, man. It's just the worst. Well, it's not humor. It's like, like, this is really going to get him.

Yeah. It really got me. Republican State Rep Stan Gerbis of Smithville, who filed the bill, says he wants to keep furries, people who have an interest in animal characters with human characteristics, out of public schools. Previous rumors of furry culture in Texas schools have been debunked. Oh, they are hissing and stuff. I mean, I don't know about that. I don't think a kid is sneaking a litter box into school. I'd be very impressed.

Yeah. But I'm sure they're doing this annoying meowing shit. What else are they supposed to do though? Like they're trapped there. Yeah. God. There's always... You know? If they bring a hacky sack you're gonna take that, if they smoke you're gonna take that, if they bring something to eat, something to nosh on to pass the time, you're gonna take that away. Man. Now they just, all they have is meowing and being annoying. Taking that away. Can you guys, you guys don't have anything better to do

than stopping meowing in classes? I used to sit next to this one kid in stats class who would tell a teacher he was gonna go take a shit, walk out of class, go to his car and come back with Burger King a half hour later. And the teacher would go, Taylor, where did you find Burger King? And he's like, oh, he was in the bathroom.

And I'm sitting there eating a Whopper next to him, like, hey, thanks for giving me, you know. Yeah, you need a break. You gotta figure out some sort of chaos to cause. We used to steal the TV remote, and when it was with announcements in the background, you know, change the channel. Change the channel, yeah, that's funny.

That's funny. But then you get in trouble for that, so. Yeah. Meanwhile, adults are out Carving swastikas on cars, and I can't even I gotta sit here for it Yeah, I gotta sit here for six hours and not even meow or anything That doesn't make sense. Is that a single pencil in the ceiling you're telling me. Oh, that's definitely got to be illegal Oh, man throwing pencils up into the ceiling. I got it fucking method for those

Women have been running schools for too long too long man. They're all fucked up It doesn't work part of it was like lighting something on fire knowing you weren't supposed to have something that could set shit on fire Yeah, just like or if you were the kid who brought a magnifying glass to school and you were burnished. Yeah, that's cool Seeing somebody get lit on fire. Yeah and you were burnished. Yeah, that's cool. Seeing somebody get lit on fire. Yeah. That's hilarious.

Burned people while they're at lunch. Yeah. Like in... You have a problem with the system at that point. Kids are always gonna cause chaos. That's the system reacting. Yeah, and so you gotta just like... You gotta turn the heat down.

You have to turn the heat down. Otherwise, this shit's gonna ramp up. Let them bring a switch to class. Now they're talking about no more phones in class? Dude, fuck that. These fucking, these freaks in charge of these kids, you're not gonna let them, you're not giving the kids a body cam?

I don't think so. Phones in every single, it's so obnoxious. What's happening to schools? Well, you guys have like done this thing for 60 years where everyone has to tolerate the dumbest people on the planet. Like, oh, what's happening in schools? Well, you crammed 4,000 Haitian immigrants and their kids in school.

That's what's happening. And then you said, and then it's like increasingly impossible to just be a normal person. Yes. You go home and you get on your phone, you do normal stuff, and then you go to school and you're like living in some 30 year old woman's idea of prison. Actual kid prison, yeah. Actual kid's prison. It's shifted more into that.

So phone, it's goddamn phones. No, man, absolutely not. It's the goddamn teachers. More mandatory phones. Yeah. In schools. Put the teacher on a phone. Mm-hmm. Uh... Shit, kids might actually pay attention.

Abbott referenced two rural school districts, but did not name them. Oh, they had, they had, uh, litter boxes, huh? Okay. The litter boxes. Sure they did. Sure they did. Here's, uh... Oh, they're financing burritos now Did you know that really door dash and clarna have signed a deal?

where customers can choose to pay for food and food deliveries and interest free installments, so the next crash is gonna be burrito related man Sounds like snap isn't going away at all. Financing, let me look that up to make sure I have that right. Dash. So, so people got sick of hiring taxis for their burritos, so they're starting to realize that they could just go drive and get it or make food at home, so an investment company decided to let you make interest-free payments on burritos.

And you're telling me that these people deserve soda? I don't think so. I think the poor people are losing soda privileges and taxi burrito privileges until this shit stops. That has to stop. Until we're no longer financing burrito deliveries. You make that shit at home. Yeah.

We'll send the- We'll go fucking pick it up. That's how it used to work before all these fucking apps and shit you would call a place, put in your order and then drive down there and by the time it's done, or by the time you get there, it's done. You know what extra sucks with DoorDash too?

Now you can't escape from your wife. Right. You don't get that 15 minutes to get out of the house. I'll go pick up dinner. Yeah. You know what? These DoorDash fees are getting quite a bit. It's going to take me a half hour to get down the hill.

Traffic is really bad down the street. Really bad. Parking was atrocious because of all the god damn DoorDash people. Yeah. OK. Uhhh... Okay. Well, and it's just like the same thing, like we've out-convenienced ourselves. Because now, like, I noticed in recording, um, when you run tape, you have to sit there and rewind.

And it's like, hey man, this is gonna take like an actual minute and a half. So we're gonna sit here and chill the fuck out for a second. Now everything's like, well the computer's instance of ah, and it's like done Go like just chill the fuck out like take the take the time to go do the thing Because that's what we actually wanted in the first place. Yeah, you need that breather again away from your wife to go You know what? I'll need to relax man. I need commercials back. I really I really need I want commercials back Need commercials back. I really, I really need, I want commercials back. Need commercials back? I want one fucking thing I can turn on and all the shits there again. Mm-hmm. I'm like, wow, I didn't realize cable was good. I was shitting on those prep commercials, but you know, goddamn it. Made the show better.

Mm-hmm. Just having a little breather. Just a breather. Between acts. Yeah. Otherwise you get a k-hole all day of being in the same fucking episode. It's like a k-hole. And then you leave your house and you're like, why is it fucking dark outside? And I'm like, wait, do I have, what people do I know in life? Why am I only thinking about these relationships with people that don't exist? I k-holed myself. Yeah.

And you get impatient with everything else because you're like, well, it's not like what I just programmed my brain to. I made myself a tulpa. Yeah. I don't think we need financing burritos. Isn't that just a credit card? Are these people so broke that they can't even put... putting the burrito on the credit card is daunting.

So they need a different financial structure. I will say that platform is great, because when people go, you know, you're a little bit out of my price range, I'm like, great, here's Klarna, make four free interest-free payments. That's not my fucking problem, you want my services paid.

Bitches love interest-free payments. Oh man. It says free in the name. Says it right there. Yeah, it's free something, gotta get involved. I'll have this burrito right now, and I'm you know pay for it when I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a fucking burrito today Okay Something about amaranth. Oh man. He's here Manny. What's going on? Oh shit on Manny. Are you there? I?

Don't know how to I don't know how to fix these fucking mutes I don't know how to I don't know how to fix these fucking mutes And you hear me down, yeah, what's up, dude? What's up? How you doing pretty good pretty good? How's your? How you finance any burritos lately? No, I can't even afford that you know Top these not paid that No, I've been unemployed for a little while. They took my coding job and now I'm competing with fucking Indians and everybody who used

to be at Facebook. They took your coding job? Yeah. Did you see like the some Indian was like the new CIO of Microsoft and he just immediately fired everybody and moved all of them to India or something like that. Yeah, I saw that. That shit's insane.

It really is. Yeah. And now everyone at Microsoft wants the same job as me. What job did you have? I mean, was it? What kind of? I used to be at a big bank and then I went to a smaller warehousing thing making the internal software.

But yeah, if anyone listening is hiring, fucking hit me up. Do you vibe code at all? Are you getting into that? I want to, but it also seems retarded. So yeah, it also seems retarded. So Yeah, it's super retarded. It's a bunch of influencers copy and pasting demos that they saw Yeah, if you have to copy and paste that you don't know what your code does How are you gonna fix anything the machine does it for them now?

They can't obviously copy and pasting was too hard, but now they got a website that'll copy and paste it for you. Okay, well, that makes a lot of sense. Okay, what happened to you? You were saying that some, you got in a fight with a white woman or something at a comedy show? So I didn't get into a fight. I snuck my way sneakily into a guest spot on a white supremacist comedy show.

Wait, what? How do you know it was a white supremacist show? Was all her chestnuts covered in swastikas in the parking lot? No, it was, this, this lady, uh, she was supposed to perform at Soul Joles. It's a place near Philly in Pottstown. And all of the local comics there canceled her because they're like, oh, she has a tweet. You know Kendrick Lamar, right?

Yeah. You're in California. Yeah. He did that big football game. He performed at the, right? Yeah. You're in California. Yeah. He did that big football game. He performed at the football game. Yeah, the Super Bowl, yeah. Yeah, she had a tweet that called that halftime show the Simbification of America.

The Simbification? She spelled Simba with an N and an ER. Oh, the N-ification of America. That Super Bowl halftime show was? Wow. Oh, yeah. So she's just been causing a ruckus over the last couple months, like beefing with other comics and shit. So I'm like, okay.

She's a white supremacist. The game that's entirely black guys. Oh yeah. And the halftime show that's usually performed by a black musical act, that particular show was the one that broke the dent in her hood. I mean, I think there was a lot of dents in density hood, but that's the one that she chose to tweet about White America has fallen for Kendrick Kendrick Lamar is halftime show

Okay. Okay. So she's banned from everything for that basically and I'm like That tweet was probably a joke, you know, I've opened for white suprem Basically. And I'm like, that tweet was probably a joke. You know, I've opened for white supremacists before. I like you, Louis J. Gomez and all that. So I'm like, let me send her a quick tape. I showed her my Hattuta Matata reel. And I'm like, put me in, coach.

Put me in, coach. Put me in, coach. So good. Yeah. So she puts me on the show and she doesn't even give me the address because it's at a secret location now. So she texts me.

And then she blames you for showing up late, right? Typical. She sends me a fucking car museum, an auto museum that's around the corner from it. And we're driving there, because I get my guy to give me a ride. And it's in the middle of like the sticks of the sticks. Like as we're on the way, he's puts on dueling banjos

and starts making deliverance jokes. I'm already uncomfortable. Was it at like a barn? Like literally in the middle of nowhere? It was at a firehouse. Oh, okay. There was nothing but barns around. Yeah, it's a firehouse that serves liquor.

They had like 220 seats in it. And first show was sold out. Second show only like 30, 40 people came. But out of all those 260 people, the only black people were me and her other opener. LAUGHS How did they respond? How did the crowd respond? Well, they didn't like me at first,

because I show up, like, as the show's getting ready to start, they're all in line to get in, and I just walk past them in line, and I see all these old people looking at me like, oh, Black man doesn't know how a line works. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Reinforce a lot of stereotypes that night.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That sounds right. So I get in, they show me where she's waiting in the back, it's just like behind a small partition and she's there, she is scared out of her mind. Like she's scared of me because she thinks I'm one of these comics trying to cancel her. She's scared of the audience. Like the way she's acting, someone in the audience has a gun that they're ready to shoot. Did that was that was that at all possible? Were people that pissed at her?

No, not really. The audience there loved her. They have every word she said. Just yeah. That's true. And all that stuff. Yeah. So like they have to host go up. And then also she didn't have a microphone like the microphone she had was broke. all that stuff. Yeah. So like they have the host go up and then, also she didn't have a microphone.

Like the microphone she had was broke. So the guy I brought had to do, bring his own microphone. And it took me a lot of convincing to bring this guy cause he didn't want to see a lady comic on stage. Oh yeah. They're usually, they can be rough. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Like I'm not doing this, but he gives them his mic and then they have the host go up, do some time, introduce me. I go up, I kill, I don't do a Hakuna Matata just because I'm afraid that someone's recording. You're going to cause a riot. Yeah, exactly. They're going to burn the firehouse down. If someone sends it back to like the other Philly comics, they're already mad and trying to,

they're like, who's booking this show? I wanna cancel them. Yeah, yeah, that's smart. Yeah, yeah, let me not do my most racist joke. Let me just stick to my sort of racist jokes. What? But. Uh.

I can imagine afterwards if you'd have done that, all the hushed congratulations you'd get after the show, like you know, when you said that, that really spoke to me. Yeah. But they love me. And then the host comes back up. He calls her regular black opener on after me.

So this other guy's on stage and he's doing 15, 20 minutes, whatever. He's doing pretty good. Like people are laughing, but there's one drunk guy in the back and he just says, get off the stage. Fuck. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. So. What's the atmosphere of this place like? Cause is it, is it like get off the stage or else?

Or is it? It's, this guy is upset. Everyone else is happy. And so they ignored him, but This guy is upset. Everyone else is happy, so they ignored him, but this guy is like, he's seeing something that he doesn't like, and it's two black comics in a row. They ignored him the first time. I say ignore him the first time. Hahaha! Yeah, okay.

Five minutes later you hear him again. Get off the stage! This isn't what I paid for! Oh no, okay. Why would she put after all, was she trying to like I don't know, was she trying to look not racist by having two black guys open for her

or is that just the way it worked out? Uh, no. She definitely has the first black guy to look not racist. Yeah. And then I was just too much. I was just too much. I was just too much. Talk about simplification. What an idiot. How do you get cancelled for that tweet? Like, hey, everyone, come out to this remote location for this show.

I tricked two black guys into opening, but we're gonna hang them. Just so everybody knows, I duped them out here. What an idiot. But get off the stage, dude. He gets kicked off right before she's about to go on. So I feel bad for him in this situation. Because the one lady he wanted to see is the one he didn't get to see. Oh, he got kicked out? The guy got kicked out for causing a ruckus in the crowd?

Exactly. Just being too drunk. A white guy kicked out of a black comedy. Can you believe that? For disrupting the... Okay. A white guy kicked out of a black comedy. Can you believe that for disrupting that? Okay So she's on stage and her jokes are like pretty bitch like it's all Feminism such because now I need a job

Yeah, it just got too much confidence Yeah, at one point George said she just says the Jews, like in transition. And when she says the Jews, the rub's like hype. Manny, it's like a full on white supremacist rally that you went to. It wasn't until that moment that I realized She's telling jokes and she's kind of funny. Yeah, but then she says the Jews and somebody else out They are they are hype about the Jews A lot of people are really hype about... I've never seen it in person.

And he wasn't hype like, let's talk about it. His hype was, let's go get him. Let's go to Gaza. Let's go save these kids like GI Jew drop it in Saving the Palestinian kid from a crumbling building, you know I start checking all the exits, but it goes on it's fine To give you a hint to what her like typical joke right again, this I remembered one joke from the set. It's yeah The Jews have been kicked out of 109 countries

Maybe it's cause they're fucking Jewish or whatever And then she goes that would be like if a girl told me that she had a hundred and nine of her exes beat Her up. I'd be like, are you sure you're not just too Jewish? Who? Boy. Go ahead and head out. The whole time. I'm looking for that.

It's here. Yeah. Because at first I'm like, oh, this is comedy, she's just worried about being cancelled, whatever. I've seen it happen to millions of people. And then I'm like, oh no, she does not like these Jewish people. And she also... Do you got a lot of Jews in Philadelphia? No, but she's touring the whole East Coast and whatever. Oh, okay.

Yeah, so. I think Danny Polaszczuk debunked that 109 countries thing and he found that it was actually 1100 countries and cities that they got kicked out of. You know Danny Polaszczuk, right? Danny jokes. Yeah, I remember him. Yeah. That's insane.

Yeah, it's funny. It's funny, cause she liked me, her audience liked me. Like after the show, they were like, good job. You were way funnier than that other guy. I'm sure they said that other guy. No, that is funny. Cause the one thing that she didn't like about me was she offered me pizza and I'm like, I'm allergic to cheese.

And she said, oh, fuck it, you need to shit yourself like a real man. I'm like, no, it's a real allergy. It's not. Cheese is a real allergy? You could be allergic to cheese. Yeah, it's the whey protein. I go into like, I swell up and have shock and all that. If you eat a piece of cheese, you swell up and go into anaphylactic shock?

A lot of pieces of cheese, swell up and go into anaphylactic shock like a Lot of pieces of cheese, but it's still not fun. Oh wow damn It's not just how I keep my figure. Yeah, it's not a matter of not drawing mud. You don't want to get anaphylaxis What do you eat on pizza instead? Get a beat lovers and take the cheese off meat Oh, meat lovers. What a pain in the ass. Yeah. Manny. Okay, so you went to the white supremacist comedy night. That sounds fun.

Yeah, it was. It was like cool to see racist like that in the wild. Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice to just seeing them let their hair down and cut loose a little bit I'm done with seeing white people talk about how not racist they are I've seen it, you know the content of your character shit and all this like tripping over themselves to talk about like, okay I've seen enough of that guy. I don't need to see anymore anymore him you need to go out in the booties and see him get hype wow wow it's funny cuz that was all just a first show so we had the second show after that and normally in

comedy like the second show is way more drug and hype and aggressive than the first show. Yeah. But her audience was all old white people. So the second show was just tired, sleepy guys. Graveyard shift. They got it all out of their system. In the first, they blew their load.

It was also just fun because like this whole show, I'm going like, I hope she's not too racist against black people. It should be fine. I can deal with that. But like, hope she's not too racist against black people. And then I find out it's a completely different type of racism. Are you guys, are black people like kind of relieved? Is the pressure off?

Because the Jews have kind of taken front stage for I don't know racial animosity in the lot over the last year. I think Yeah, I mean I'm relieved but I felt bad. It's like I like a good jujoke here and there It's real for you guys Yeah, if too many in a row and it starts becoming like a rally mm-hmm Yeah, if too many in a row, it starts becoming like a rally. Yeah, it's a... Yeah. Okay.

Me and my friend had to spend the whole ride home like, does she really hate the Jews or was it just jokes? Oh. Yeah. Well, that sounds fun. Yeah, it was. It was... I figured it was worth taller get about I wanted to send an email and then I'm like nah, that's too much work

No, this is this is great. You're good. You're good story storyteller, too How else is your comedy going? You know, I might be doing a show with with Carl We're talking about doing a July or June late June show in in Boston Boston. Boston. Yeah, I don't know. Have you done any of Carl's shows recently? No, not yet.

Yeah, I've been staying in, but I might be able to make it to Boston. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. The last show before I have to go into quasi retirement for a couple of years. Yeah, before I have to go into quasi-retirement for a couple years. Stasis. Yeah, we'll have to go into stasis.

Yeah, how are you feeling about the kid on the way? Is it still nerve-racking? No, because all of his fingers and toes are formed. So the miscarriage chance drops off a cliff after like the first month is a crapshoot, second month is, you know, it's still like uncomfortably high but every month you go, it drops off precipitously as it becomes like a, you know, viable human being.

I'm pretty, I think I'm only worried about like, I'm only worried about like I'm only worried about the teenage years honestly when he can kill me or snap or yeah you know decide to do when he starts making decisions that's what I'm worried about more than anything. The baby stuff I got. He's gonna have the energy to kill you at the teenage years, but he's gonna overestimate his own strength, so he won't actually be able to do it. That's true, I gotta start conserving body parts now,

or I'm gonna have blown them all out by then. I'm worried about mom spending money for the first 10 years, and then I'm worried about my son killing me. I think that's normal. Probably normal. Should be concerned about mom spending money till the end of time.

Not just the first 10. Not the first 10. No, no, no. I guess that's true. Word of advice, if you want mom to stop spending money, lose your job and she figures out how to budget real fast. Is that, do you have a wife? No, I have a lady who-

Speaking extemporaneously on, I don't think, Manny, they're financing burritos. I don't think not having a job is going to stop women from spending money. Yeah. I didn't hear what's going on with the burritos, but if you got to pay finance on one, then you're not doing it right. Yeah, it's't hear what's going on with the burritos, but if you got to pay finance on one then you're not doing it, right? Yeah, it's a new crash

It's coming Is it like how they had surge pricing for Chick-fil-a you start having to buy man Are they taking runs at us every couple of months to try to fuck to try to like Trap us in financial products for lunch. Is that, is that what's happening? Yes. Surge pricing for Wendy's, now we're putting burritos on layaway. These mother... Can you call your woman comedian up right now?

I need to talk to her about lunch. You need to get a lunch broker. Yeah, I got a serious gripe. I got insurance for this barbecue sauce. If you spill on your shirt, you get a new shirt. Last time I talked to you, I think you were doing like some kind of like a comp, like stand up competition. Is that right?

Oh, yeah. Do you do this a lot? No, they have one big one every year in Philly. Yeah. Do you need those a lot? to put on my own show so I can like build a local community of people who like to see standup. Yeah. And there's this guy, he added me on Facebook, his name is Nature's Funk Lab. And you think funk lab like a laboratory, that's a place.

Yeah. You talk to him, he is the funk lab. Okay, he's doing the labs in his head. Exactly. Yeah, right. So I'm like, okay, you have this event space that you don't know what to do with it. I could put on a comedy show every month

and all you have to do is collect tickets and let people know that they can rent out this space for other stuff. Yeah. This guy doesn't like the flyer that my friend and I make because his name isn't big enough on it. The flyer isn't big enough? Yes.

Okay. It's in the wrong font and it's not big enough. Oh my god, dude. What is wrong with people? I swear they're getting worse Completely unprofessional is what he says about this The funk labs that it was completely unprofessional This guy's hey, I couldn't talk to him any day because he sleeps in till 4. I know a guy like that

Yeah, just as productive, uh-huh because he sleeps in till four. I know a guy like that. Yeah. Just as productive. Uh-huh. So he spends half a day remaking the flyer, sends it back to us. I fucking know a guy exactly like this! Yes! So we get the flyer back,

we send it to all the garbage because we're like behind schedule, we need to stop promoting. And one of the garbage notices like, yo, this flyers for a different date. Then you told us it was so high when he created the flyer. He put the wrong date on it. So this is the guy you're teamed up with. He's the guy I was teamed up with.

So me and my friend decided to have a meeting with him because he's like getting in the way in multiple small ways, just not giving us the control to do what we need to do. So we're like, let's sit down, we'll smoke and blood, we'll talk about it. And my friend asked him, my friend's, his name is Steve Neely, funny dude, but also super artistic dude. He gets to the question of what is nature's fun clap as a business?

Like what's your what's your business plan here? This is a one shot. There's no coming back from this question. Should be a simple answer. No, never. Should be a simple answer. No, never. He goes, when I was four years old, I saw the mothership land at a parliament concert. It changed my life.

Yeah. Okay. I went to a private school for music. And when we were in seventh grade, we took a field trip to the college and we saw we were learning more about music than the people in the college. And all of this he's going on about how he went to private school, how he sort of fucked up, nothing about what his business plan is. And then he starts talking about different producers.

He's like, you've got your producers like Quincy Jones, you know, he can play a few chords. You've got your producers like Rick Rubin. He just tells you what sounds good. You've got your producers like Puff Daddy. Why are you bringing P. Diddy into it? This is not a good time to use P. Diddy. That's when the doors lock behind you.

And he's like, no, I know he's got those crimes, but P. Diddy's just a producer. Like that's what we're talking about. Charles Manson is also just a producer. That's not that logic. So he says, I'm a producer like Prince. I'm an artist and I produce for other people. Yeah, okay.

And the whole time I'm like, okay. So you're a producer then, that's the business? Yeah, but say a band comes in here and they just want to use your space to record an album, they don't need your production help, how does that work? Oh, well, I'll let them do their thing, but that's different than what we're doing, because they're professionals.

Like, no, we're not professionals when it comes to comedy, you don't know shit. Man, it's just impossible to find people who are not fucked up beyond repair. I know. And in comedy, all the people fucked up are supposed to be the comedians. I expect that. I don't expect the bookers and venue owners to also be crazy. No, and they are.

They really are. They're crazy. No, and they are. Yeah, they really are. They're crazy. So at one point, my friend Steve, he asked the guy, because we're going back and forth on like, is he going to film everybody's sets and post it online? What if they bomb, da da da? Yeah. And Steve, Steve just in trying to get to the bottom of it, he's so frustrated. He looks at me and he asks, am I being autistic right now?

I look back at Steve and I say, I think you're both being autistic right now. And nature does not like this answer. He freaks out. He's like, excuse me, what did you say? Yeah, that's totally not what an autistic person would do. Freaks out. He's like, excuse me, what did you say? Yeah, that's totally not what an autistic person would do. Freak out. Yeah.

Okay. Well, I was going to say that I think you're both being autistic, but before I can get to the but, like saying it's just how me and Steve communicate, it's not meant to be an insult, he interrupts me with a, no, this where I have to disagree. And I'm like, excuse me, but no, you don't interrupt me. I make it a point to never interrupt people. I'm like, you- Oh, fuck.

Interrupting me, trying to apologize to you. Found the artist. That didn't work. Yeah, exactly. And my other favorite joke about this whole argument and how it goes down is if you see Nature, And my other favorite joke about this whole argument and how it goes down is if you see Nature, he's got one of those big ass hats like the skinny Cosby kid used to wear in Fat Albert.

Wait, which the one that went over his eyes? Yeah, like it's like a train conductor hat almost with the fluffy. It's like a train conductor had almost with the fluffy. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And every time you see him, he's wearing this exact same hat. Okay.

What? I guess, I guess that's your comfort hat. So has he's telling us about how he's the most gift-talented producer that ever was and all this Yeah, and he goes I wear many hats It was like, you only wear the one hat, man. It's an interesting one, but that's all you wear. Everybody's a triple threat. He's got a secret hat underneath that hat. Oh yeah, like a Russian doll.

This is my account, this is my business hat. A little plastic one. This is my party hat. This is my producer hat, this is my artist hat. It's gonna let you know. This is my getting flyers wrong hat. I assume that that's the hat he was always wearing. Man, I have never met somebody who talks about all their hats, who isn't just like a complete retard. Always talking about all the different roles. They, totally unprompted.

See over here, what I do is I'm a musician here and now I'm a business business owner like okay, okay I don't this bad. I'm a businessman. I'm not your accountant, bro. I don't care about all this shit. Mm-hmm Also if you're in Philly and you know a place where I can do comedy hit me up pay you up Okay, Manny. Do you have like do you have a channel or anything? Yeah, Manny must gets on on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, all those places. Once I'm working again, it'll be worth it for me to make a website, but right now it's just a secondary thing. Yeah, okay. Thanks for calling in. Good luck. Thanks for having me. Cheers. And good job, Johnny. You're almost as good as Sean was.

You know what? Thank you, Manny. I am almost as, that's, as long as I am almost as good, then that's- That's the best you could do. That's the best I got. Get a little bit worse, you know? If every year I was almost as good as the last year,

that's great. I nailed it then. Diminishing returns. I'll say, son, you know, I was an OK dad, but you should have seen me in my 10 years ago. You should have seen me when your before your memory was formed. Man, I was the best dad ever.

OK, Rob Ireland says, EVS is funny as fuck. Great episode. Man, every time I talk to EVS, I'm like, ah, I got so many more things I want to ask him about. Get him back on. Get him back on. Get him back on. Connor says, using my menstrual rage to break down a box.

Okay. Well, I don't think you're using your menstrual rage. Where is the... I think you're quoting a woman. Hmm. Maybe we've got a woman alert? Woman alert. Woman alert. Quoting a woman alert woman alert woman alert

Quoting a woman now that's pisses me off. Oh Yeah, okay. This is pisses me off using my menstrual rage to break down a box man. They do have that menstrual rage Don't they? It's just a woman breaking down a box in the dumbest way by crawling inside of the box and then exploding out of it like a stripper through the top. And then tearing it when folding it would simply be, would it be even more effective? We used to call that retard rage, right? Yeah, we did call that retard rage once upon a time.

Maybe it's coming back. I think so. I don't know how I would feel at a comedy show where the comedian shouts, the Jews, and everyone gets amped up. Yeah. What are you guys talking about? Which one? Yeah. What are you, who are you guys talking about? Yeah, which one? Yeah, what do you mean?

Funny ones are the number ones. Are we getting deported? Yeah. This might be illegal. Well, that's why everyone got so hyped. Yeah, Aman says, look at Wings shoved his wife over. You were telling me about this before the show Johnny, weren't you? This little Cal Live. Yeah, I was saying we should have sent Vito to fat camp. And that is a that's a thing that little Cal Live is doing, fat camp? Fat camp, yeah. It's more like just fat

people, but you know. Fat camp where they don't lose any weight. They just hang around that domestic abuse. Oh, yeah wings Okay, so when here's boogie, you know, you know, I love boogie. Mm-hmm Wings of Redemption pushes his wife while trying to get at keemstar at fat camp Okay There's wings of redemption running boogies Hey! What the f***? Sorry! Stop! There's wings of redemption running. Boogie's totally unaffected. I don't know, is this scripted or is this real?

Let's assume it's real. Well, Keemstar's involved. Yeah. Well, yeah, let's assume it's real for the sake of this clip, but I mean you can't ever. Okay, you can't ever be, you know, nobody wants to get fooled. That's the worst thing. No one ever wants to get Keemstar'd. No one wants to get Keemstar'd. Fooled by Keemstar. That's the worst. That's the worst. That pisses me off.

So is that Wings of Redemption's wife here? I figured she'd be fatter. Well I mean I think the camera is that like the X point half one. Oh yeah? Yeah. Uh. Fish eye. Oh! Oh! Wow! He said later, bitch. Wow! Well, you know, you shouldn't be wrestling or,

what are you doing? Yeah. There's men fighting and struggling. Get the fuck out. You're trying to save Keemstar? Get out of the, you shouldn't. You're fighting your husband for Keemstar? Yeah.

What the, what the hell's the matter with you? Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Oh, there's barely the fridge. Okay. He's cool. He's awesome. Hey! Hey! Hey! That's your wife, dude!

Go calm down! That's your wife! Billy's, uh, put on a little weight again, huh? He's been losing some at Fat Camp, though. He's been losing some? He's doing good. But he was way down before, wasn't he? I think so, yeah. And he got it back a little bit.

Well, that'll happen. It happens, man. So this is Fat Camp where they worked him out, or? Not really, it's just kinda like Keemstar looking for everyone like let's notice Boogie hasn't moved since this fight broke out. He can't move It's a lot of the couch now And well, you know what's the thing about the object in motion stays in motion. Oh, yeah, if an object is that obese

It's probably never moving without the help of local fire crew Okay Okay This little bitch doing what are these women thinking this is a walrus This is a wild bull walrus stomping around shoving people to the ground kooka. Chewie get the fuck away! What's... I'm just waiting for the VR game someone makes where you can use the little hand to... Chop his wife down? This is a quick time event, James. This is a quick time event, James. He's like a sumo wrestler. Oh, she's fine. We have a friends shirt. That's what Vipic's

warning about. You know who's not watching Friends? All those black guys getting into NYU. They're watching Living Single. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Friends? That's what Vivek's saying man, you can't be watching you see these This column isn't watching. Yeah, you should be watching. This column isn't watching friends And they're getting in with lower scores. Screaming at each other all day. I think that was the most eventful thing that happened in this whole shit. At Fat Camp? I think so. Hmm. Well That's cool. I hope they work it out. I don't A Belcher says you see this thing apparently they found something under the pyramids

Yeah, I saw that retarded shit. I'm skeptical. I agree with what you mentioned in the past about them being water pumps well I don't know, but there I know that there's not giant Retarded structures under the pyramid now. We're just looking at the tip of a fucking obelisk the size of the whole planet Earth, man. Yeah, I mean, that shit's not real, so. I don't know how that image was generated, but just retarded bullshit. Man, it was just-

Like all of that stuff. It's just an image, man. You know, you gotta generate it somehow. St. Mark's is a non-fat woman protesting immigrants in France. It might not be too late after all for that shit-filled country. The more attractive women are when they get hit protesting, the more simps jump to whatever cause they're supporting.

I don't really understand that part, but let's see here. I don't know. I don't know if Europe is a saveable. I kind of don't think so. I kind of don't care, so. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if Europe is Savable I kind of don't think so. I kind of don't care so yeah, I don't care. I also don't care I don't think Canada is savable. I don't know if the US is savable We got a lot of we got a lot of guys we got to move The fuck out of here Yeah We gotta move the fuck out of here. A lot of work to do this year. Yeah. We're gonna need some boats, trains.

Gonna need a bigger ass for all this shit. We're gonna need conveyor belts. We gotta get these motherfuckers to go. You gotta go. You gotta get the fuck out of America. If I see one more person quoting the Constitution about this shit, I'm gonna spit right in their mouth talking about us due process nah No, it's not get out. Yeah, I don't know if any of its savable man. Maybe China is the only place left

well, it's like a Great philosopher Fred Durst, once said, everything's fucked and everybody sucks, you know? Everybody's fucked. These judges are just like telling Trump he can't do shit? What are you... Are you guys for real? Yeah.

What? You're going to tell the guy who's been doing all this shit that he can't do shit? He's doing it. He's going to do it twice as hard now. Yeah, send those send these judges to jail. Mm-hmm including including the Supreme Court I'm just sick of it. Especially yeah, especially them Get them all out put 50 guys in the Supreme Court. There we go. We got 50 new judges Oh, you get to be a Supreme Court justice today like fuck not on this case. Yeah, it's so fucked all of this the long-term effects of, number one, requiring law school to become a lawyer,

attracts only the privileged and deranged. Security through obscurity, you know? You make it difficult to understand, and now you got security. Yeah, and now you got a bunch of whack jobs running around getting appointed to judgeships. The lawyers who are too mentally fried to make it on their own would want to do this shit forever. You have to go clerk under some asshole for half your life, too.

Yeah, and then you got the NYU graph like, oh look at this. Okay, all of these, all of these Democrat voters are go working for the government, the whole thing's fucked. French woman is holding up a sign that says French women in favor of border control and is being attacked by an immigrant. Oh yeah, shocker. Uh oh.

Uh oh. Uh oh. Come on, say something about a law. Alright, alright, I don't know, this isn't that... It's just too normal now. Not enough cigarettes and baguettes, man. How do we know that was in France? True. Inverse owl says, uh, woman alert. Okay. I've recently found out...

Woman alert. Hey, Jack okay I've recently found out woman alert Hey dick I've recently found out on multiple occasions my girlfriend didn't think to pack food to take to work for lunch because she wasn't hungry at The time in the morning before leaving that's actually a pisses me off She said that she couldn't tell if she would be in the mood for a certain type of food on a given day Man, I got some women are very particular about what they're eating. Uh-huh. I got a rage for you dick Okay, there's people who don't eat

Who don't eat who don't eat? Oh, yeah It doesn't matter who you deal with you'll come across a day where you just go Wow I didn't need to be came out sideways. What the fuck is your big deal? Yeah. It turns out, Oh, just kidding. I was hungry. Oh, cause I wasn't eating.

Cause I wasn't eating. And it's like, if you're going to email me revisions, if you're going to email me business stuff, if you're going to text me something sweet, just no matter what form of communication, have a fucking snack. Because if you come at me sideways I will straighten you out. I'm so tired of this like oh it just turns out I needed to eat something Okay, so you Fucked my whole afternoon up because you didn't have a fucking snack fuck that eat and then come talk to me

She said that she couldn't tell if she'd be in the mood for a certain type of food on any given day Yeah, I've heard that too. I don't understand it. At that point, it's you're eating what I'm handing you. We had spaghetti yesterday. You're having it again right the fuck now. What are you talking about? If you don't eat this, you're going to keep complaining. But that doesn't stop her from telling me how she's starving all the time, obviously.

Get a new hobby. So essentially I found out that if she isn't hungry she's incapable of thinking of a scenario where she is hungry and would want to eat something and plan accordingly. Congrats on the Sun. Tell Johnny that he's doing a great job. Oh thank you. I'm very much in accordance with that guy. You have to fucking eat something. Cause you can go, oh I don't need to eat. And you go all day without eating and then you start treating people like an asshole. And it's like, well then what the full,

what did I do to get this? I can't eat this, I had it this month. No, just. Yeah, I've eaten this in the past decade. Patrick says, morale is in the toilet at my job and HR thought this would help. Oh, hey Dick and Johnny. The subject line says it all.

I work in manufacturing for a very small company of less than 50 people. Everyone does the job of three people and the pay is subpar for the amount of hours we all work. Since the new year, everyone has been miserable and we started getting these cheap gifts or whatever you want to call them. That 4imprint fucking bullshit. Yeah. That OEM fucking here's your pencil, here's your little shitty backpack. So I figured I'd share them with you and laugh at them because of course it's a dumb fat

woman who works HR and thinks of this horse shit will help. It's really difficult to put into words how like, the inhumanity of the fat women in HR, when it comes to them dealing with morale of like other real people, it's like why did you think a real person would like a tote bag? I don't want a branded fucking AT&T on it. Yeah.

What do you think this does for? Would you like that like you would you would like that? Like shocking nothing. I want to do more than go home and represent the place. I fucking work more. Yeah The first thing we got was this cup made of extremely cheap plastic. Okay. I he sent these I'm not gonna put them on the screen though I'll show you made of extremely cheap plastic. Okay, I- he sent these. I'm not gonna put them on the screen though. I'll show you. Get this AI shit out of here! I don't want it!

It's worse than fucking sticky keys. Okay, here's the cheap cup. Oh yeah, that's totally 4imprint. I fucking- that and Oriental Trading Company, anytime I get those catalogs, I'm like, ah, I got like I got and you line to you lines the worst for some of this You know what I would like some oriental trading stuff actually non company branded finger guys they still your monster a little fan, you know What about a thousand fans a thousand gross little yeah, I'd like a gross of those finger men

What about a palette of them? That would be better than this four imprint stuff. Yeah, because I get all these stupid fucking catalogs and man, four imprints is down bad. First thing we got was a cup made of extremely cheap plastic, but the best part was the box it came in when she handed them out to everyone. It had on it survey results of how much people who received this Chinese crap enjoyed it, used it, etc. So you get a box of trash and it has testimonials of how much everyone loves the trash on it.

You know what you got to watch out for is the fucking magazine drives at school. Do they still do those? I don't know know with the little fuzzy guys that they give out yeah It's like oh you sold a thousand magazines and like two tubs of cookie dough now you get a free little fuzzy guy It's kind of a no I look back at all the things that they would like pawn off on kids and I'm more than a little annoyed by it Yeah, you might you're gonna see a version of that. I can almost guarantee it. Yeah. Schools always need a way to scam.

They always wanna sell you shit. They always need to get your kids involved with like, you go sell all this shitty popcorn. We're fundraising for, yeah. Yeah, are ya? Yeah, sell me this subpar fucking product. Sell me this pen. Yeah.

Okay. Make sure you get 10 years of Highlights magazine. Don't want to miss that. And then some kids like, their mom works for a dentist office and they get all the shit and you're like, well this sucks. Yeah, they get the- This is the 1%. Mm-hmm.

I'm experiencing it live. Yep. It's nepotism. This is horseshit. Yeah. Can I just get the free- Can I get the free fuzzy guy? Yeah. Can I just have it? They already bought a box of them. Yeah, it doesn't fucking matter Why are you amping kids up into chasing this crap seeing this cup reminds me of one of those shitty prizes you'd went here

Sell a thousand bucks worth of product for us and we'll give you a 50 cent cup great deal, uh Okay, but the best part was the Chinese crap enjoyed on a user's side. And today, the latest gift we got was this knockoff brand Ziploc baggie filled with garbage. Oh, let's take a look at this. What do we got here? He kind of covered up the logo, but oh...

Oh man. You've got a fidget spinner A- HAHAHAHA A ball with a happy face on it that's orange, not yellow like a happy face should be Yeah Twinnings, pure chamomile, a single serving packet of herbal tea Dude One Dove chocolate.

This is like what you give your wife when you're getting a divorce. Here you go, go be miserable somewhere else. In the fucking Ziploc bag is the worst. Not even like a decorative gift bag. It's just, yeah, you get a. What does this say? I am brave, I am bold, I am, bro.

At a manufacturing company, you get the flower. I'm bold and strong. Okay, I'm putting this up This is fucked up Yeah, this is not working damn it, and you're saying morale hasn't improved Can't imagine why yeah Okay Here is the here's a little son. So she put a sticker on the bag, but it's on the piece of shit bag

There we go, whoo, man, I Am brave I am bold I am strong and then here's flowers your manufacturing plant. What are you, manufacturing plants? Like, what's the flower motif in this, like, words of encouragement? Eat, pray, love, scrambled women's brains. This is like a fat woman's handiwork, isn't it?

She's like, yeah. I can smell it. You know she has a shit ton of those snack bags. She already had them, so she's like, yeah smell it. She you know, she has a shit ton of those snack bags This is like had him so she's like, okay. Let me get these vista print fucking It's like it's like I think you should leave with the Stan's Oh cigars. Yeah, it's trying to unload all this shit Yeah, it's like she started a business of Eat pray love self actualization and just had to unload it at the company Here's a soft pink fidget spinner for you too.

Yeah, and the fucking seam around the... Here's a little sunshine to help brighten your day. It's a sticker of a cartoon sun. This is like what you give kids! Yeah. That's... After they go to the dentist! She took it off...

Not what you give men working at a serious job! You fat idiot! She put the sticker on the bag. It's not even included with, so you don't get... She took it off- NOT WHEN YOU GIVE MEN WORKING AT A SERIOUS JOB! YOU FAT IDIOT! She put the sticker on the bag, it's not even included with so you don't get- You don't even get to use it! No. You get to look at it. That doesn't brighten my- that pisses me off. And chocolate.

Man, there's nothing men love more than a morsel of dark chocolate. This is all shit she had at her house. A pink fidget spinner? That's the most remarkable one. There you go, guy. How are there not more shootings? Yeah, Ziploc bag filled with garbage. Yeah.

Not sure if this constituted a woman alert, but thanks for everything you do in Smooches for Johnny. That's a fat woman alert for sure. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Reverend Scott sent a fat woman alert, I think. Let me see if I can find it. After the show, we'll all comp those two together and do a fat woman alert. You know what?

Here was something crazy. Let me load this up. Great search term. White college women. This is what... This is how white... This is how... This is a voters opinions of, and then it's like a bunch of stupid stuff, Trump, Vance, Musk, Doge, Republican Party, Zelensky, DEI,

Democratic Party. And it's... I guess it's... I guess it's what you'd expect. I don't know, white men with no degree support, Trump, Vance, Elon Musk, Doge, and Republican Party, like by 41% above the normal, I guess that is. I don't know, Democratic Party negative 58%, DEI negative 40%, okay. Contrast to, now white men with college is about even. Right?

Mm-hmm. Straight up and so straight up and down 50-50, white men who've been to college support, they don't really support or not support Trump, Vance, Musk they're kind of don't like, that's surprising. Republican party they don't like, that's not surprising. Ukraine they like, that's not. Republican party they don't like, that's not surprising. Ukraine they like, that's not. College is tough though, because half of it's just

retarded shit. It's all indoctrination. Yeah. Like if you're going for, it's teaching you to lie. Yeah. You're either there to learn engineering or like law or something else that has, that you actually, that it's not like social sciences, or you're there to learn how to lie to fit in with a consensus, which is fine.

I mean, that's just, that's the skills you're learning. You're either there to learn how to deconstruct systems and improve them or to do the opposite, to conform to them. White women with no college degree, so just regular women, they like Trump. Wow. Huh. I guess that makes sense because they see their husbands working and getting less.

They see their kids getting less. They like Vance. Elon Musk negative five. Okay, they don't really like him. Doge they like. Republican Party they like. Plus nine. Negative 36 Democrats. Okay. And then white college women. Negative 40% on Donald Trump. So they're just like the opposite of white men with no degree. Isn't that funny? It's split by, it's not split by gender, it's split by gender and education. Negative 40, negative 40, negative 40, negative 40 on everything, negative 40 plus 50 on Ukraine.

Insane. It's funny because this column column white men with no degree have to work and produce value or else they will die and This column of white women with college degrees do not produce enough value to even pay back their loans so you've got this column Who's put in work to own, to have skills, ostensibly, but it seems to have just scrambled their brains.

Look man, not everyone can survive the abyss that is underwater basket weaving. Yeah, seriously. You don't come back from that unscathed. You come out on SSRIs. Yes. Needing to treat the whole world like it's your kids. Mm-hmm. I would like to see the the women with kids takes on this like because I assume the white women with college are less likely to have kids but I don't know. It's crazy. All right. Baby advice. Uh-oh.

Hey, Dick and Johnny. You can read it like a baby, I think. Hey, Dick and Johnny, congrats on your upcoming son, Dick. I'm sure you're sick of the lame fatherhood advice from all the dickheads. I'm not really, I don't, it doesn't, I enjoy it. It's funny. So I'd rather hear what's going through your head.

We're both first time fathers. What's going through my head is finding Reverend It's funny. So I'd rather hear what's going through your head. We're both first-time fathers What's going through my head is finding Reverend Scott's? drop Reverend there is that woman. Oh, yes. Thank you Reverend Scott Okay, let's see what it sounds like hero of the day man Between these beautiful that's Pisses Me Off shirts, got Fat Woman Alert. OK, here we go.

Fat Woman Alert, today in Fat Woman News. Very good. Very good. That was cool. Hell yeah. Thank you, Reverend Scott. We're both first time fathers, and I appreciate the extra decade of life experience you have over me My first child is just weeks away from being born. It's a boy. Thank God

Yeah, and I'm optimistic that my wife and I can raise him well and not fuck him up. I Really don't know if that matters Yeah, I mean if it mattered then parents would get better over time, I really don't know if that matters. Yeah. I mean, if it mattered, then parents would get better over time, but they don't. So. Look, man, if your optimism worked at the fucking blackjack table, then that'd be great.

Yeah. Worrying me at this stage is the outside influences that I can't control. You have to, that's why it's so important that you go see Snow White without your family. And as soon as you are done seeing it, you get in your car and record a video ranting about it. Nothing says I hate Disney more than spending money there.

You gotta, you know, you gotta do something about the woke, like this guy right here, Snow White. Congrats to Disney on producing one of the most atrocious, low rent corporate dumpster fires of all time while gaslighting your shareholders that all is well, total schizo psycho shit. I didn't realize we gave a fuck about people's shareholders. This is, you know, I think they don't know anymore. De a fuck about people's shareholders.

This is, you know, I think they don't know anymore. ...decently considered shareholders. They don't know what is, they don't know what they're mad about anymore. Yeah. They see, they've seen all these guys ranting about like Spider-Woman's ass and shit and feminism, like eroding and destroying male influence in society,

which is true, but then they, they don't know how to do anything else. Like they're totally institutionalized. The problem is, is no one saw, these are all old guys, right? Yeah. No one was there back when Tomb Raider, the first Tomb Raider was like, oh, she got big too, you know,

and then they started and it's like, I saw it as a kid. I was like, it's never gonna get any better than this. It's only ever gonna go downhill. Yeah. You are a humiliation to Walt's legacy, which you have utterly desecrated like a typical California sidewalk. You see what the, it's just like,

it's like a therapy session. Like a bad reverse therapy where everything is Snow White's fault. The problem is, is I've worked on a lot of shitty Disney things and no one's commented on any of those. Yeah. Those sucked harder. Yeah. And then it's like...

But then you also have these guys, like they're all shitting on Severance too, which is, it's great. It's the best show that's come out in 10 years, maybe five, 10 years. That's great. Well, cause I... It's the, it's a white, look, a white, look, a white guy's the main character. So, I mean, all the things you guys have been crying about for 10 years.

Whoop, wow, wow, look at this. There's no kind of woke or diversity shit in here at all. And it's great. And it's great. Yeah, I keep hearing so many great things about it that I'm like, shit, maybe I should. But they're addicted to this stuff. They need there to be, they need to be screaming about Snow White.

Yeah. And they're gonna get weirder and weirder as the DEI shit gets rolled back. Cause it didn't work. We got a KFC double. Disney knows it now. Netflix knows it. Everybody understands like,

all right, we gotta pump the brakes on this DEI shit. It's not working. But these guys, they're never gonna get like the closure that they need, and they're just gonna get more and more insane. Disney shareholders ought to be infuriated and demanding answers- He's in a car by himself. ... on where nearly 400 million dollars of capital went for Snow White.

Uh-huh. The movie was awful, and I can't even visually tell where the money went. I genuinely can't. That movie looked like shit. The script was shit. The direction was shit. The cinematography was after school special shit. It's like they're doing an impression of something.

Seriously, people, Disney shareholders should absolutely be fucking pissed watching this shit. It makes me less angry in general to see this, whatever this is, I'm like, ooh. Well, not doing that anymore. And the music was awful. The music was bad too. Awful.

Why is there no kid in your car, bro? Well, it's like, you know, it's like going to McDonald's and being like, can you believe it? This is shit. Look at this shit. No kidding. I'm not concerned about schools yet, since that's years away.

What's more immediate is the influence of my family. Oh no. My family is fucked. The only person I trust at the influence of my family. Oh, no, my family is fucked The only person I trust at the moment is my father Huh? Okay. That's a good sign my own gay non-binary brother Unironically gave us a children's book about gender identity for the baby shower

identity for the baby shower. You didn't see that one coming a mile away. And a rainbow onesie. Oh. That says, I love my gay uncles. Okay, man. Straight to the landfill that one goes. WestboroBaptist.com. Let's see.

Apparel infant. Yeah. Right on the front. He said he can't wait to babysit. And for the first time in my life, I thought I can never let my kid visit his uncle alone. I think that's totally normal. That's normal. Like, I don't want, I don't want barely anybody around my kid.

Well, and you got someone who's already trying to politicize them, right? Yeah, as far as I'm, know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don cooking something up in their head. Yeah. If they're trying to angle you in any way. Because it's about them. Yeah. They're like, oh, see. No, no. Even if it's something like totally innocuous, like, oh,

I want to get your kid into bowling. Like, no thanks. I don't really, I don't want you trying to influence them at all, actually. Wait till your kid understands what a hard day at work is. Yeah. And then you can enjoy bowling. If it still exists by then, man.

My mother is a boomer woman who slurps up whatever she sees on late night talk shows Slurps it talking about your mom slurping man. That's not now. I have questions about father Sunday fun day with these two pig dick My mom is slurping up what's enough hog shit, can you rephrase that sir? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA I hate that so much. Slurpin' USA. Man. Slurpin'. Slurpin' USA, man. Jesus Christ. Slurpin' USA. What are you talkin' about, bro?

Come on, don't say that kind of stuff. I think that was the original Beach Boys song until the FCC got involved. Slurpin' USA. Until the FCC got involved. My mother is a boomer woman who slurps up Slurps up man slurps slurps up everybody of Slurps up like down the hatch, you know bottoms up slurps up slurps up like down the hatch you know bottoms up slurps up slurps up

Slurps down oh Yeah, what's the deal with your mom she slurps it up slur my mom watches a lot of news She slurps it up that bitch slurps that shit up slurps Sir you have you have repressed sexual intentions towards your mother. Learn how to write some fucking emails. You need to write Oedipus and say, what am I doing here?

You write Sigmund Freud a lesson, a letter. Slurping fucking fruit over here. Slurps up whatever she sees on the late night talk shows. I'm very close with my cousins and they would all be happy to babysit and help out. Why are you lining up all these babysitters? Why don't you just like, are you working maybe? Take some responsibility, you bum.

Yeah, can't you like leave it with your wife? Mm-hmm, that kind of responsibility. Yeah, but they're all hysterical women with fucked up ideas about how the world works. You know, I actually don't think... I think one strong male influence can offset... ...infinity hysterical women. And I actually think the more insane and hysterical they are,

more solidifies the strong male influence. Proves the point. Yeah, and you're like, you know. Like, look man, bitches be shopping. Look at them, just look at them. Just look at them. You can see, you can see that they're fucking up. Son, just look.

You don't see me reading about it. I mean, did you say he had a son? Yes. Boys don't, you do this to boys, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop't they just pop out you do this two boys. Bop bop bop bop bop bop they're gonna go Oh, I'm tuning this shit out Okay I'm very close with my cousins. I wonder if they're all latinas. Mm-hmm, you know, how many cousins? How much do they weigh?

Give me the weight. Yeah. How many in weight, sister? I got 7,000 pounds of Latina cousins waiting in the wings. So you got two cousins. Counts. It's valid. They can never be on the same boat at the same time.

I'm very close with my cousins and they would all be happy to babysit and help out but they're all hysterical women with fucked up ideas about how the world works and I'm worried my son is gonna come home talking about his white privilege or how Ukraine needs more money. I mean you just have to calmly explain. You can't be hysterical and fucking... I don't know what messes men up into coming up, like, ultra-feminist. I don't know what does it.

It's man. I think having no man around. Or maybe you being such a piece of shit that they're like, I'm gonna show you, Dad. I actually love giving money to Vladimir Zelensky. You gotta be like a next level piece of shit for that. Yeah, that's your best shot. I wanna raise my son. Cause then you're gonna be like,

well, I don't wanna expose you to these hysterical women, but that's impossible. Yeah. You can't, you know. They're everywhere. They're everywhere. And expose you to these hysterical women, but that's impossible. Yeah, you can't you know, they're everywhere They're they're everywhere and now you're the hysterical one because you're not in reality. Mm-hmm, which is not you know Now the kids got nothing like well, you're crazy, too Well off a duck's back man Yeah, you just gotta Maybe he'll be a little he'll get be a little bit lip-charted maybe but they'll grow out of that

It's like watching a river, right? It's the same riverarded maybe, but they'll grow out of that. It's like watching a river, right? It's the same river every day, but it changes every day too. You just gotta sit there and just monitor that river, man. It all changes with the first paycheck. When you get your first paycheck and you're like, wait a minute, this isn't nothing. Where's my, where the hell is my 20%? I'm missing 20%.

You go, look at this. What's this for? Well, this is for Social Security. It's for a bunch of pieces of shit that you don't know. They get free soda with your money. Say, oh, my entire perspective on life has changed in two seconds. Really. Looking at your statement is radicalizing. I'm radicalized now. I've been radicalized since that first check in.

Uh-huh. The first check. Yeah, huh the first check What do you mean? This is all me like for a man. I worked all these hours for free basically I like getting fucked the first time by a For a woman that probably scrambles their brains it correctly too But a man first time you open that paycheck you this is going where the free sodas for these fucks That's the first day. I put my glasses down on the home. Hahahaha! You mean like an accountant? Yeah. Hang on, hang on.

Ohhhhh! That number doesn't look right. Wait a minute! What is that, my social security number? Oh, it is. God, I think minimum wage was like $4 when I got my first job. Fuck. And I was like, whoa, wait a minute! Wait a minute! What's this?

I want to raise my son to be successful and educated, but I'm starting to panic about the people in his life and how they're gonna impact his development. Do not panic. Don't panic. You gotta- Don't panic. The only thing you can do is to be the bigger anchor in all of this. Yeah.

You got one shot. Only you can be... You fucked that up. Don't fuck you up. Don't, mm-hmm. Everybody else is gonna be fucked up. Don't get married to the alcohol game, you know? Do not panic.

God, email her. I am hesitant to trust anyone with my son. Bro, what are you, what are you like? What, you gotta hand this kid off? What, you got a nuclear football over there? What are you talking about? He's got a little briefcase handcuffed to him. Is he, you see the Olympics?

Are you running in the, I gotta hand my son off so they can start the Olympics. Don't hand him off. Oh, he's fucking babysitting. Yeah, quit worrying so much, dog. Yeah, don't worry. I'm probably being retarded because of the stress Yeah, of an inborn incoming firstborn

Yeah, that's I mean that's that so that realization too bad, but I don't feel it at all I gotta be honest sounds like someone who had a snack in between writing his email Yeah, have a snack before you email in. Maybe if I wasn't 44, 44, whatever I am, I would be feeling more nerves, but now I'm like, don't worry about it. These people are fucking retarded. They fuck, because they fuck around forever and then they eventually fuck up so spectacularly. Like, yeah, see?

What did I tell you? You could see it coming a mile away. But the kid is a blank slate. They're absolutely not there's no no They're not I don't want to see his brain scrambled by people he's supposed to trust well Just don't you know just? Well...

Just don't, you know... Just... Keep an eye on him. I wanna see his, uh... I'm sure every father worries about this. And I'd be happy to hear any advice. I don't know. Probably go see what Reddit says. Get chicken soup for the new father's soul.

Thanks and go fuck yourself. Yum. Yeah, go see what kind of poo humor we got on... They're not blank! Yeah. They're not blank. That's awfully presumptuous. That's not blank yeah They're not blank presumptuous That's not true

They're coming out they got shit wired in they got blood in them man They do Thomas says a woman getting insensitive ads about 9-eleven, okay? Oh Yeah, that was awesome. You see this already. I did see that one. That's a good one and That's probably one of the funniest ones. A woman get... I hope it's a news article. Or a news, uh, you know, thing. Yeah, it's a daily male thing, alright. How you even think to create a shirt like this?

Amy Stabiel's father was killed in the September 11th attacks. She was beside herself in Ant-Man's house. It's a picture of a plane that's Garfield was killed in the September 11th attacks. She was beside herself and Ed's parents. It's a picture of a plane that's Garfield flying into lasagna or sandwiches that are the 9-11 buildings. Two lasagna towers, yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So she got ads about this shirt? Yeah. And her dad was died in 9-11? Bill's father was killed in the September 11th attacks. She was beside herself as came on her...

Oh, that's the short version. Damn it. Okay. How do you not find that funny? Is it an ad for this shirt? Yeah, it seems like an ad for this shirt. Yeah, I'll take 9-11 orders of lasagna. That's what it says, like that's fucking... Something about Australian government fuck faces, woman alert.

Woman alert. Okay. Woman alert. Alert! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'll be. I'm slowly going back in time with this humor, but you know. The mirror saw it before she covered it. Oh yeah, this is. This shit again, yeah. Watching me is my anxiety. I'm being tired.

I'm tired. She's faking it. This is rage bait. Yeah. Yeah. I could tell. All right. Not this time, bitch. Not this time, you dumb bitch you dumb bitch dumb bitch try again

It was AI um Snake just sent a link okay snake Only Fonz only fans model charge was second-degree murder after suffocating a man with Saran Wrap? The mother of three was paid $11,000 to wrap him up in Saran Wrap like a mummy and glue women's boots on him and pour glue into his eyes to seal them shut? Man, I don't- Is this real? Yeah, I don't-

Really? Well, that's a lot. Five minutes to give it to you. So, why the rebrand? Man, I don't- Is this real? Yeah, I don't- Really? That's a lot. Five minutes to give it to you. So, why the rebrand? Okay, I- No, I can't hear that voice. No, thank you. Yeah, that- that took a day off my life. Ah.

Uh, Lolio says, bro, even funnier, you said about Eric July that the prosecutors have never dealt with a victim ducking a service of a subpoena. That's not true. They have. But it only ever happens in domestic violence cases when a woman doesn't want to testify against her abusive boyfriend. Yeah. You got me. I was wrong. They really got you. Seltzerwater. Maddox's behavior of responding to minor perceived slights by going nuclear,

imploding relationships and threatening legal action, doxing or to ruin someone's career. And the idea that he has whatever has happened, the idea he has that whatever has happened to him is indicative of a major problem with society. He does say that. If anything ever happens to him, it's because of society. Society, yeah. Mm-hmm if anything ever happens to him, it's because of society. Yeah Like if his pants fall off, he's like society's obsession with bigger and bigger pants. These people these people these people A major problem with society kind of makes him seem like he got some kind of mental issues

He constantly accuses everyone of but himself of having yeah, he has he has severe mental issues and he's broke which always makes your mental issues that gives you mental issues too I think these fucking viagra pins man somebody sent viagra pins but they're like they have like a tiny squirt of ink in them if they all immediately run out that for imprint shit for you yeah it is and they're all weird colored like gross Those look like new old stock have those been sitting for I think so years That's even funnier four one five Nick says I wish Sean was there to give facts about the shark that ate that bitches hands off Me too, you know, yeah, I would have been you would have known about he would have known

The hand shark James AW says oh hell hell yeah, Johnny knows Garfield eats. I do. What does Garfield eats? He's that guy that looks like Vivek who is like, he's super rich or like his dad is super rich. So he tried to make a Garfield themed restaurant with like, it's the most schizophrenic, most insane shit ever. And he spent all this time like defending it And he made this pizza that fucking sucked. And I guess there were carrots in the salad. There's so much to it.

Okay, it's a restaurant themed after the Garfield franchise. Yeah, but then he's making a documentary on himself. He bought a horse. It had locations in Dubai? Dude, it's fucking the most bizarre and fucked. It had lasagna, okay. Garfield shaped pizzas. Dude, it's just a whole-

How weird. And this guy was just trying to like, I'm gonna take over the whole Garfield thing. And like, I think the Jim Davis Foundation doesn't, I don't know, I'm still like, I'm still doing this deep dive, but I know enough surface level stuff to know, this guy's a fucking nut.

Okay. Big 30 years of laughs and lasagna. What a weirdo. Yeah, no, he's nuts. And he has like an orange suit and everything. Like he really, he would buy the Jim Davis house if that was a legal thing. Yeah, yeah.

Michael says, decolonizing Shakespeare. Hey Dick, at this point, there's enough anti-white racism in Europe for you to do a weekly segment on it Yeah, but most of it's just like sounds this exactly the same Check this out Shakespeare's birthplace to be decolonized after white supremacy fears. Okay, let's see Let's see Like it sucks, but it gets repetitive. Yeah

It gets repetitive. Yeah. Shakespeare's birthplace to be decolonized after white supremacy. How do you decolonize a birthplace? Trust in Stratford-upon-Avon warned the Bard's genius could be seen as a symbol of British cultural superiority. Jesus. They're done.

They're done. They're done. I don done. They're done. I don't know how you get without getting rid of a lot of people. I don't know how you get out of this. And it's Paywalled, of course. William Shakespeare's birthplace is being decolonized following concerns about the playwright being used to promote white supremacy. You hear a lot of KKK guys quoting Shakespeare? All the time.

Vowse Doth. I think they're like the- Vowse juice Doth protest too much. I think they use the Greek translation, right? Over yonder. The bicycle being stolen. They're always watching- And Nay.

The Leonardo DiCaprio version of Romeo and Juliet. Yeah. At all their meetings. Is that really what's happening there? Because it's so obvious now that they're just lying about all this shit to do their dumb pet projects. Like, yeah. All of our tax money was just given to NGOs who are trying to kill us or who are

importing people to kill us and either either Trump ends it all and does a bunch of illegal shit and stomps all over the judges and either and puts them in jail probably I mean there's no they're not stopping they would have put him in jail they put Trump in jail because they've successfully stole the election. If Trump doesn't put them in jail or kill them, they'll just do it again. Every time, yeah.

Every time. But it's a trillion dollars being just given to parasites who only can function by trying to kill all of us who would simply exist and work and produce value in a free market or even a corrupted market, but who all of us who just wanna make things and be left alone and are a little too good at noticing, are capable of noticing, do it a little too much,

but at least who are capable of noticing, do it a little too much, but at least who are not engaged in a global conspiracy to perpetrate constant crimes. Carving swastikas on cars to terrorize the owners and somehow blame- it's like when- when I got thrown into concrete at Netflix, right? Guy grabs me, throws me head first into concrete. I'm gonna kill this guy or, you know, maim him or fuck him up somehow. This is what I'm doing. This is my choice as I'm this guy. Eric Boyd, I think his name was. I'm grabbing this guy out of nowhere and I'm doing the right thing. I'm gonna fucking slam his head into a concrete.

He knew, he knew, he knew that it was wrong after he did it. He probably got gassed up, you know. He went there to, he went there to whatever, serve his insane internal idea of what is right and fight for downtrodden trans people or whatever the fuck, whatever good, whatever perverted version of good that he went there to do.

Right afterwards, you can tell in his interview that he knows he fucked up. He knows he fucked up. And left to his own devices, he would go, ah, I fucked up. But that doesn't exist anymore. You do crimes, you do violent crimes, you carve swastikas on people,

you throw cement milkshakes at them, you brain them into a piece of concrete, you commit acts of violence, you fire bomb Tesla dealerships, you have a whole network of paid parasites who will take you in and hide you from having to face any kind of consequences. And there's not just one or two of them, it's not like, you know, it's not like an underground railroad, it's the entire group. It's some version of, oh well well, it wasn't that bad.

It was just endless rationalization. Until they fucked something up really bad, and then it was like, oh, well, we knew it was a piece of shit the whole time. We knew that guy was a piece of shit the whole time. Oh, so you didn't do anything about it. And it's always against private citizens. It's always against normal people,

whereas anything on the right's directed to the government, which is just not bad. The government's evil. That they've all, they're evil by definition. They always have been since the country's founded. It's always, hey, you got all these rights. We had to write them down because the government's gonna take them

and you're gonna have to kill them. So we want them, so like that's right on top. Remember, you guys are gonna have to kill there people are gonna take these rights away from you and Lock you up and do whatever so you got to remember that you're gonna have to fucking kill them at some point at some point You're gonna have to kill them You got like keep that on don't ever forget that right? That's the only defense for tyranny Yeah, is murder just so just so you're all aware

But it's gotten to the size where, you know, I don't know. I don't know how they're gonna, I don't know if any of it's gonna work. All of Trump's shit, well we got a deportazillion people, one judge, and in, I forget what year it was, 1992 maybe? 1992, California voted, I think it was prop... I forget what proposition it was, but California voted on welfare for illegal immigrants. And California voted no. We don't want to pay. Why do we not pay illegal immigrants? They don't pay anything in.

Like, why the fuck are we doing this? That's obviously insane. That's like giving poor people soda. No, drink water you piece of shit. You want soda? Get a job. You're not getting, I'm not giving you my soda. That's my, you're taking my soda from me. I want that soda. I worked for it. Drink water. You see all this shit that we built and tested safely so you can have life-sustaining water? That- I paid for that too, but I'm totally fine with you sharing that, that I paid for, that we paid for, that people have jobs, that you- so you can live and drink water and bathe

yourself, you stinking piece of shit, right? Well, I want some soda too. Go fuck yourself. So, This is shit, right? Well, I want some soda too. Go fuck yourself. So obvious, obvious shit. I think it was 92. Let me look it up. Yeah, California, California, 1992, illegal immigrant entitlements vote. Entitlements vote No, damn it I forget what it was prop it wasn't prop 187. I don't think or was it

That'd be a weird. Yeah, it is 1994 prop 187 which was we don't give Illegals a vote anymore and it passed and that've been great. Get the fuck out of here. Go have welfare in fucking Mexico, dude. But then some fucking judge said, Nah, actually, that's unconstitutional. Which is bullshit. But they're not here to follow our constitution anyway, so what does it matter?

None of them are. It doesn't exist. They don't give a fuck. It's like the people that say, Oh, well, you know, Jesus would. It's like, you're not Christian. You don't give a fuck. It's like the people that say, oh well, you know Jesus would it's like you're not Christian You don't care. You're just saying it. This is all like Destiny style like debate a rue

Bullshit, you don't care. Fuck you you trap you trapping people into arguing with you all the time When the only correct answer is fuck you get the fuck out. We're putting we're putting you in fucking jail But you love the Constitution, but what about the Bible? Don't you like get the fuck out! Boots on necks, man. Boots on the fucking neck! What would Jesus do? Put a boot on your fucking neck, bro! Put a boot in everyone's ass.

Putting a boot up your ass. Uh... So we fucked that up. We fucked that up. No one was here for California. 1992, or 1994, was Bush. I think that would have been Bush Senior. Fuck the whole, that's what fucked the whole country. And now they're doing it again. So, at some point it's gotta, somebody's gotta do something. Lock them up. Lock the fucking judges up.

Fuck the constitution, fuck everything else. It's all going away. It's all going away because only, only, um... The only people who actually support this constitution shit at a degree where, and all this freedom shit at a degree where it's sustainable, is, uh, European, uh, settlers of America. It's not, it's just not susta- like in Mexico, it's just not sustainable. They're not, they're not doing it. And as you go further south, they're not fucking doing it. The people off the boat from Haiti are not hype on freedom and democracy and all that shit.

It just doesn't work. It doesn't fucking work. Sorry. It's not happening. Though the only way it's happening is... It's a set of rules no one else is trying to play by. Yeah, exactly. It's like, well, you can't have. Who wants to play some baseball? We're playing football. Oh, well, you're going to win. Right, yeah.

You're going to win at football. We're not going to win at baseball. The rules of baseball are not good. No. There's no contact allowed in baseball. You guys are playing with different rules. It's time to play... Time to play football.

Time for rugby. It's time for rugby. And we're just now at a point where even saying any of that shit's not just like, ah, they're racist. Yeah, okay, whatever. Yeah. Fuck off. Who cares? Who fucking cares? Who gives a fuck? All right, let's do Fat Watch and then get the hell out of here. I got all kinds of Fat Watch stored up. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- has died. Oh man. How old? 27? 24. Oh! They're getting younger. Wow.

Wow, that's a... She can't even open her eyes. Is she dead already? She's just eating like... Man, that is... 24 year old TikToker known for filming videos of himself. This is a man, whoa, binge binge eating has died due to health complications All these no shit bruiser maxers over here. It's berserker maxing

Shit man walking dead man eating that's yeah Imagine having that as one of your last Fuck here's uh oh Army yeah here we go. Oh Elephant said this in it's a new type of army that they're rolling out Emphasis on the rolling. This is the state of our military These are female ma's Navy MPs. The fuck does that mean? Megaperson Navy MPs you wheel this bitch out and see I think stands for meal plan

Look at this picture was taken right after they got out of a Navy law enforcement vehicle What the laws of gravity? What laws are they? Massive change in the military is required to end this nonsense Massive change is what got us here. Yes You can't see but there's actually five other guys wearing camo hiding on their backs They're a delivery system like a personnel carrier. They're a delivery system, like a personnel carrier. They drop a fat bitch, Operation Dumbo drop style. It's crazy, because like, from my understanding,

the military diet is like, exclusively McDonald's. Laughter You still end up being fit somehow, because you're always... Running and stuff? Doing some sort of something. Yeah. The reason being because you can go anywhere in the world and find a McDonald's on base.

Right. It's just, that's kind of like, cool, we wake up, get McDonald's, go work out all day or do whatever. But then, to see them walking to a subway looking like that, yeah, that massive change has happened. Why do they make army uniforms in this infinifat sizes and 6XL? Are the hats extra big and tall too?

Oh, I didn't think about that. Massive change. Yeah, this picture was taken right after they got out of a Navy law enforcement vehicle. Wow. Navy, so I mean, that makes sense. They're the Harpoon Brigade. The whale watchers. Can they fit on a submarine? Well, that's how it sinks, you know, at least. They got one of them.

They toss one overboard. Bring Bertha out here. She's gotta establish our emergency backup ballast. We need ballast. They move her to the back so the engine points upward and launches them out. I got my nails done, you know. Fuck, man. It's thick 30.

Bitch, you need to go. Just walking towards the subway is the most egregious thing. Like, we know you're not going to get anything healthy there. You're not fooling anybody. They're talking about the cookies there. Oh, the footlong cookies, that cookies there. Oh The footlong cookies that's right the five footlong Cookie have you seen that no look it up. There's footlong cookies and brownies at the fuck out of here Take EBT fast food they're half to you right I think Jack in the box

These motherfuckers are buying soda and dumping it out and recycling the can to get money for EBT Jack in the box these motherfuckers are buying soda and dumping it out and recycling the can to get money for EBT So sick of this shit. It's sickening. Yeah, I know the footlong cookie and I think they do footlong brownies, too Press releases there you go. I would like one poor person to want for something. Mm-hmm. Just something just something. Yeah, I Didn't get to eat two desserts today. Ah, that's a shame. Let's run a 60 minutes think piece on that. Well, how about like a foot of dessert? Yeah. Well, it was really like, if you think about it,

a cookie was the only way they could forget, to get everyone to stop thinking about how they paid Jared Fogle over $10 million. Yeah. Look at this foot-long cookie, bro. It's a fucking foot-long cookie, dude. Auntie Anne's foot-long pretzel and Cinnabon's footlong churro and the footlong cookie for five dollars is back.

That's like a whole box of cookies. Yeah, that's what these bitches were in. What are you doing eating a fucking footlong cookie? Sorry army guys. I got a date with a footlong cookie at the subway. They're on sale too. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. How many points for a free? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I mean, with the destruction of the American mall system,

Auntie Annie's needed somewhere to parasite onto. You know, I bet the malls can't even take the average women consumer these days, the you know because they used to be all to ladders are all bowed that's why yeah that's why they're like the sides cave in a little bit these escalators are tighter than I remember look jet fuel might not be able to melt steel beams with these fat bitch can are they flinging these tubs of shit into the enemy territory? They probably drop them in China.

That's a really freak out of Chinese farmer, you know. What the fuck? What is this? Superman just landed. Yeah, the crater and everything. It landed fucking grip on you. Oh, the knee's blown out. Let me get my back up knees from Jarpa. Yeah, man That is just astounding

We have a recruiting crisis. Well see you can see from the picture the wheel gap between the tire and the fender I'm sure when they were in it. It looked like a little like a VIP Oh My god. All right. Well subway should sue them and try to get this taken down. Yeah, it's just you don't want, you know. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. You don't want this picture getting out. 13 million, 14 million views. Okay, so just end it. Like, end it. We got to be able, we got the noticing So just end it. Like, end it. We gotta be able- we got the noticing lined up. I need- we need to be able to start actionizing the noticing. You got a little bit on your shit in there.

Laughing too hard at these fucking fat- Uh, okay. That's great, thanks. Kelly says, a woman at- women at work. Oh, this is gonna be good. Uh, oh, this isn't a fat fat watch this is just women doing sticky shit. Yeah. Women love using power tools with their face right up. I don't know if they don't think they're effective without their face being right there. Well how

else are you supposed to see what you're doing? Girl just whacked herself with a cordless drill Caught on yeah as soon as it's real hot and spun around what are with the torque setting was that? Probably like 17 volume full blast Well, it's I put it on the drill cuz yeah, that's what I'm doing so drilling Vinny all right This is gonna be a good one Okay, this is a big black lady. Um.

Now she's doing something that always gets fat women in danger. She's standing up. Uh. Right after eating. Oh, she's on the table? No, she's simply standing up outside, up from a booth. I see Standing up and then she got like

Standing up and she takes out the table like a map only motivational speaker Me after I drink the water that makes you fall over That's so fucking crazy. She's like drinking something in this room. It's not a bar. There's no one else around She just does a header into the table for no reason like a tranquilized bear Okay diets are racist tranquilized bear okay diets are racist as white women we lose less let's see here do the same diets as white women we lose less weight and we lose it slower the racism that you're experiencing and the struggle to make ends meet actually means the diet don't work for you the same. Women will-

Oh, okay. Well... You know, why would basic math apply? When she says the diets that white women are doing, does she mean, uh, nothing? Cause that's the diets- Yeah, water and carrot and celery sticks? No, I mean not changing your eating at all. Oh, yeah.

I'm doing the same diet that white women are doing. Oh, eating everything? Lying, yeah. Is that? Yeah. Okay, and that's not working for you either. Well, huh. Huh.

That's racist, that's crazy. That is racist. All right. Oh, that's not fat. Uh... Double whammy, a woman alert, and a fat watch. Oh, sweet! White woman berates a man on a New York subway for wearing a MAGA hat.

Her screech muffled by her own fat jowls. The real payoff comes in the second half of the clip. Which, oh, well, let's just watch it. Don't spoil it for us, Johnny Rico. Jeez. Okay. That's why he won! New York subway. That's why he won!

That is why he won! Okay. Chill, bro! You're okay! Look at him! He's a racist! Races. He's wearing a MAGA hat. I see. Okay.

Now he's exiting the subway. How can I be racist? That leaves you with Reba Lamar. You hear about him? He wants to be Democrat. I'm educated. Oh, are you? I said why are you wearing that hat?

Only I am. The Democrats have been running the door since, like, who knows how long. Oh, you're stupid. But then Trump comes in and he's talking to this fool. This is my stuff. I hope you like it. I hope you like it. I hope you like it.

I hope you like it. I hope you like it. I hope you like it. I hope you like it. I hope you like it. I hope you like it. I don't know how long the Democrats have been running with them since. Who knows how long? When Trump comes in each time they say, Oh, this is my stuff. I hope you enjoy that. Oh, they can't let us have the hats, you know? They're always trying to snatch them, snatch our hats. Big Linux fans, they love red hats.

Yeah, here we go. The race is on. She chases him out. Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Like oh yeah, that is a what a shithole. Well that is the place the forbidden zone. Yeah I don't want to go there. I've been there and it sucked. I went there when it was nicer now It sucks. Yeah, even when it was nicer. It still sucked. Yeah

Asian woman's gut is exposed. Okay. Oh My okay Okay. Oh my, okay. And... Okay, I mean, she's not that. She's a sit down normal. That's funny. Yeah, that's funny. All right. Patreon.com slash The Dick Show.

I'm going to post some clips on Patreon. Patreon said they would put me in their creator spotlight thing. So I'm going to post some free clips and maybe write some, try to get some exposure. I don't know if, I mean, I had a call with them too and they said, oh yeah, it's cool. You do a comedy show. That's cool. I was like, oh, sure. All Alright. What year is this huh? It's all fun and games until I see Jack at East West right? Okay well yeah sure I'll put it for for free. Be like hey by the

way man I know you're in charge of Patreon and all. I took the girl I was you know the girl's normal size so maybe we're having some sort of a big rebirth. Maybe she understands that women are fat, too Maybe all right. I'll see you guys next week see you next Tuesday Presenting... I'm gonna go back to the Maybe one voicemail. Let's hit them with one. Ugly waitresses. Yeah, let's see it. Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny.

It's Sean. I got a problem and it's when waitresses aren't attractive enough for your standards. Yeah. Because I just went out with my family and I had this bombshell of a joke that I wanted to tell. It's this seafood place called Parker's. So I wanted to sit down and I was like picturing, you know, this like 24 year old, like,

hundreds of hundreds of waitress. Which she wasn't obviously, but I wanted her to come over and I wanted to, when she asked for, you know, like drinks or appetizers, I wanted to be like, excuse me, what do you call your valets? And then, you know, she would be like, uh, what? And then I would be like, do you call them Parkers? Uh, you know, and it'd be hilarious.

What the fuck are you, what are you talking about? Bro. You had an imaginary conversation with a waitress that doesn't exist In his mind he was like I gotta I gotta fucking I got a real zinger I got a real this is gonna Be writing your own rom-com movie while you're sitting there waiting for lunch. He is man He's like it's time for a divorce something play some video, you need to blow off some steam. You can't be fantasizing about waitresses. Yeah, it sucks if your waitress is kind of ugly, I guess. Yeah, I was hoping for like, you were gonna get your food

and were off put by how ugly she was or how fat she was or maybe, you know, a wing came back missing, but. Yeah. But for you to say that that was a good joke? Parker's. Oh. A pun. A pun.

It's not even a joke. It's a pun. That's- Death. Punishable by death. Ugh. You fucked this voicemail up. Please don't meet a woman who responds to that joke.

Yeah. For all of our sake. And please don't be the guy that writes that joke and says it too. Fine if you write it. Getting messages from my ex. And you know, the woman I was married to for 15 years. And she was talking about getting back together and like, bitch, you fucking killed my wife. Whoever you are, you killed my wife. You basically fucking killed me. Go fuck yourself.

Are you kidding me? Wait a minute, man. Really, the only thing that gets me through the day is just not giving a shit. It just, you know what, you got problems, and you just don't care. You just don't care. suddenly all the problems go away. Bro, did you just invent beer?

I'm gonna bring in a therapist and she's gonna agree with me. Ah, therapist! You're listening to another woman? Women. No, wrong. You need a male therapist, bro. Why did you get a woman therapist? He doesn't even need a therapist.

He needs to... He's fucking kidding me with this shit. Bro. A woman therapist. He doesn't even need a therapist. He needs to... Bro. I mean, just get back together with your wife. These two voicemails. Why is everybody's been letting us down? What the hell? What the fuck is that?

You killed me, you ruined my life. Whoa! That's a... Okay. I can't wait to tell my therapist! That's a f- Okay. Yeah. I can't wait to tell my therapist. What? You gotta call into the Dr. Joe show talking like that. Uh... Okay.

What's up, dick? What makes me rage is when one of my good friends' wife is giving me fuck eyes all night. Like two other people will be talking to each other and I'll look up and she's staring at me and that happens too many times to count you've mustered or something on your shirt. Get a second opinion. Fuck eyes you're married don't make me even think about you like that. She's not! Alright, so fuck yourself. Let me guess, everyone stood up and clapped after it too. She totally wants to fuck me. Really?

No. Sounds like you've had a few drinks, my friend. Yeah, that'll happen. I get real funny and everyone really like- women really love me when I'm drinking. Right? Oh man. I'm drinking right oh Man You can't say something like that and not fuck her because no one's gonna believe you I don't believe you I You have to fuck her you have to call in with an email about how your life is in fucking shambles

Yeah, cuz you've got to call in with my email, so I still stand by that call in and email No one's gonna believe that shit. No one's I don't believe it I don't believe it because I thought it and then I wake up sober and I think that's not reality. That's retarded. Yeah, that wasn't happening. Mm-hmm Hey, hey Johnny Here's what that pisses me off when you order a $90 PlayStation 1 game off of eBay like I don't know parasite Eve and it arrives and the jewel case is fucking smashed and shattered. And it's like, I don't know if it's H1B hires the USPS or something, but the whole shipping industry needs to get their fucking shit together. Anyway, go fuck yourself. Jokey for Johnny.

Cause your video game was messed up. Well, I agree with him. Cause it's like, if you're going to spend 90 bucks on something, at least fucking get it to me in the condition I bought it in. Yeah. So I get that. Put a little padding in the box, huh? It's fucking something. But at the same time, don't be ordering no 90 dollar video games.

Ah, yeah, there is that too. So you got one point for wanting something to be correct. Right. Minus one point for being a video game. Or being a $90 video game. Sorry, I don't make the rules. Yeah. We just enforce them.

Hey, Dick Blackbread here. I'm listening to the newest episode, and I just wanted to tell you that instant mashed potatoes are not useless and are in fact a miracle. Now here's the problem you had is you made potatoes. Don't use them to make potatoes. Use them as a soup base. Soup? Like make a chowder out of them. It's like it's an easy way to make regular ass water super starchy. So you just use enough to make it kind of starchy and then you just kind of go from there

You know, okay even add actual potatoes and you can make a really fucking filling meal Why is this voice mail only halfway halfway done? That's not you about make this to make it into a stew. Okay. Yeah. Yeah got it. What else? Come on. Come on. What is this? What's the big reveal a big reveal joke here is that what's the twist? Is there more info better not be the same info over and over again about potato starches glue? I'm gonna fucking shit. They do a soup kitchen So, you know, that's it. That's just something you could do with instant mashed potatoes

But if you're using to make actual potatoes, They're gonna end up tasting like cigarette smoke or something Hey, I like that something to them and the consistency is well, I mean you tasted it you felt it's horrible And weird. Yeah. Anyway, I felt like I had to say that anyway smooches for Johnny and Go fuck yourself. Thanks Cheers And, uh, go fuck yourself. Thanks. Cheers. Um...

That is good. That's a soup base that makes a lot of, like... I give it a shot. Yeah. I give it a shot. You ever notice how women point out the lack of police officers like it's a bad thing? Whenever somebody goes speeding by or something happens, I was like, Where are the fucking cops at? at like they should be pulled over

Or if we haven't seen police officers in a while. I haven't like I don't know any You know you think they'd be out here. You know I just where all the cops like well, no the answer is like think like hopefully at home and not fucking around with me, but I'd like to speed like I don't like the fact that somebody can sit in a car and Find me or I risk losing my license because he didn't like the way that I was driving or he just didn't like my car Oh, you have a license plate light out. This is absolutely justifies me pulling you over and trying to search your car And fuck that no cops is a good thing. And it's only when-

Well, yeah, okay. I mean, if they're not gonna arrest bad guys, then yeah, might as well not have them. This guy's just like to call in and brag about speed and having bulbs out on his license plate. Yeah. Get your life together. Fix the bulb. Why are you so worried about cops?

I mean, as you should be, that's a correct, you know, that's a correct response, but yeah Don't yeah until a bunch of crime start happening. Yeah, come in. I wish some cops were running here But I also wish that they would do something right Okay Hey dick. Hey Johnny, you know, what really makes me rage is when you go to the grocery store Or Target or wherever makes me a rage and you need a pan And asks you would you like to give a change to the American Red Cross or that's does

It's so much like I wish there was a button to take money from those people Yeah, there's not more stars is not that my starting to learn just as a fact It is fucking asked me and waste my time Yeah, and it's me and I know cuz I'm getting shaken down like everybody or whatever and it's like no No, no more questions. Like I should just be able to walk out with all of my crack Yeah, anyways, I don't need to get shaken down For more soda. Okay. I'm buying I don't need to get shaken down for more soda. Okay, I'm buying the soda for me out of the pre...

The poor people already took the soda out of my money before I got it. I'm not subsidizing soda. Do I look like a soda subsidizing motherfucker to you? I've been subsidizing so much soda at this point that I'm done. Tired of it. I got given these guys sodas,

given Ethiopian kids sodas, I'm done. The'm tired of it. I got given these guys sodas, given Ethiopian kids sodas. I'm done. The soda store is out. I don't even like soda anymore. Get- get rid of it. Get rid of it. Actually, I don't want anybody to drink soda. Make it illegal. See if I care. See if I give any kind of a fuck. See if I give a soda about it. See if I give a single soda. If you make soda illegal, I wouldn't care. Actually, I would vote for it. Yeah. Oh, you don't like...

You like your soda so much? Fat people? You think poor people should get free soda? Fuck you. All soda. Illegal. Anything with too much sugar? Illegal. How do you like that?

We had to have liquor illegal for a while. So, I think it's about time. That's just gonna make soda really cool then. Yeah. Unless you guys run your own fucking fat fuck. Yeah. Uh, bootlegging, soda operation, you tubs of shit. Why don't you, you and all the poor people can have a, have a little black market of soda, you fat fucking idiots.

Fuck you. Everyone needs soda. No, none of you need soda. In fact, illegal. Make it illegal. Kids definitely don't need soda. Just drink water. Oh, I don't like water. Yeah, you don't like anything. Look at you.

Make it illegal. All of it. I'm sick of it. Well, yeah, but... Poor people need to eat soda soda too. You know what? I'm tired of- I'm tired of thinking about soda. Done. And poor people. I'm tired of seeing the Pepsi logo. Tired of all the Cola Wars, whatever the fuck. Just tired of it. Just want the Veto Wars, man. That's all. I only want Veto Wars. Water. Yeah. Any additive to water. Illegal. Take that.

Now your precious snap cards are not so funny anymore, are they? You useless tubs of shit. No longer plain water if you put something in it. Yeah. Why don't you drink a bottle of shit? How about that? Drink some diarrhea, you piece of crap. Yeah, refuel properly. Refuel yourself, you dumb dick idiot. God! We can't get any- anything. You can't get nothing. Hey, Snap, we don't want Snap for soda. It's bad for- it's bad. It's not nutritious. Why are we- I mean, why are we paying- why are we giving money to soda companies?

Just make- make them give it for free then! Put a- go to every soda company, put a gun to their fucking head and say, you know what? We're actually gonna explode your whole building with a nuclear bomb unless you give poor people free coke. How about that? So when you walk in, it's like you're on trial, right? You walk in and then, uh, you know, all your peers or whatever sit around. And then when you go get your claims denied, everyone goes, oh, snap, and then you get sent out.

Where's that in the equation? Well, you can't have the government getting involved in people's choices. Okay, so charge them. How much does it cost for a soda, for them to make a soda? Three cents a cent less? To make a big old vat a big silo of

Soda in the middle of town poor people can go swim in it chug it down like Land like beer fest. I could sit in it all day drinking soda. I'm sick. I'm sick of it Get it out of here. Get that get it out of here. Okay. Goodbye everyone