The Dick Show - Episode 455 - Dick on a Homeless Wedding

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

Nick Rekieta in studio, my wedding ring doesn't really fit, a homeless lady causes trouble, Harley Quinn's fart porn is released, a Rippatard round-up, 3D printed guns and the Supreme Court, financing a burrito, getting trapped in a suitcase by your girlfriend, the difference doing your hair makes, a fat woman protests Elon Musk, a bunny man visit's Eric July's bidness, a bartender makes me sign a contract, and the "Adolescence" movie; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

But you know what if you're not good at doing your hair you just stop worse. Yeah, it's like well At least he didn't try I've always wished college. That's been a big regret of mine in life I feel like everything would have gone better if I had put time into learning how to do my hair Like Justin Wang, you know, I could have been Justin Wang. He's like He's like following every big titty whore on Instagram. If there's a woman, it's the first time she takes a picture of her huge tits, Justin Wang comes as a follower. He's like Tom on MySpace.

Yeah. If they just show up with him as a friend already. How does he get away with degenerate? This has been my thing. How do all these other people get away with all the degenerate stuff? And everybody's like, oh no, that's just? Do you want to hear the real answer for that? Feel sorry for yourself. What do you wanna feel sorry for yourself? Or do you want the real answer?

No, I want the real answer. I'll take yes for the block, dick. Uh, let me make sure this is going. We are recording somewhere. We're rolling here. We're good. It's the difference between a villain and a supervillain. Same answer. Style. One's good at villain. Same answer. Ha ha ha ha. Style. One's good at it. Ha ha ha ha.

Oh shit. Everything is fucked in here. Uh, is this how it feels to be married? Like shit? It is, but only after you have kids. Cause that's when you say everything is fucked in here. Cause you have proof. Let's see, I'm opening up the file.

I've got very intense files here. I put something together. I don't know what it was. We have a wireless controller. Each one of your files has a clone with a longer name. God. I'm a Costco guy now. We did all this Costco shopping for the wedding,

you know, all the liquor. I don't know. I don't know what the Kirkland brand is. I got everyone Kirkland tequila for the wedding. I was like, oh yeah, this shit's nasty. 13 bucks. You are the causer of this. Agey's girl goes, are you sure this is okay?

And I said, honey, it's Kirkland. It's premium stuff. Kirkland himself signed off on this. Yeah, Johnny Kirkland signed off on this tequila. Someone unironically told me a couple years ago, they're like, no, have you ever had Kirkland scotch? It's like the best stuff. I know what that means and please get away from me.

It was like, but they were serious. It's like, this is the best scotch. You just go and it's like this Kirkland brand. It's gotta be. I'm going in full, I'm gonna be like ideology. I'm Costco ideology now. It is the best scotch. Kirkland is neither Scottish nor Mexican.

And you can't say it in either accent and make it appropriate. So it's definitely not scotch or tequila. I said or tortillas, I'm very racist. Was that a bell that went off? Where the fuck did the bell come from? I thought you hit it. I thought I did too. I thought oh it must I hit the soundboard I didn't know I had a bell on this soundboard Do you use your stream deck only for like stupid sounds on the biggest problem and to play the show's theme song well

Cuz it's impossible like this grid of 16 buttons is Impossible to use effectively. Like I need a scroll wheel or something, I don't know. Yeah, I have one and I'm like, oh, this'll be cool. I can press buttons and do stuff. And then I realized I don't do anything so I never needed the button to begin with.

It's like, I don't play sound effects. Why would I press a button to do that now? Oh my God, this is a disaster. Look at this, everything is, Johnny, you've got a along the way look at this everything is Johnny You've got a vetoes booty prize this week that you found I actually saw dick what I have and Nick dick and Nick. Holy shit. I have a wireless controller modified Legacy mini pad yeah, I chainsawed through the controller chainsawed through it And I was like oh the wire only been in good condition

And I look and I see this is intact and I go holy shit, and then I pull this out in the hole The whole rest of the whole the USB see yeah, look at that. That's good like a rat chewed through it Poor Vito because he was thinking now these controllers will be fine And he was right the controller was all right. It's the cable cord is fucked up The neo geo mini pad is much different from the neo geo maxi pad the red Vito usually has a lot less Yeah, well green and blue okay. I'm gonna play the theme, because it doesn't feel like a show, unless I play the theme song. Dick. Dick.

Da la la. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. The most iconic song about dicks. Yeah! Welcome to Dick. You want to give me a dick, you love to give me a dick. Got it, got it, got it. This is a show where there's a contest

going to be live from Mount Bunker Deep in the heart of the, got it. So showroom is a contest, coming live from Mt. Bunker Deep in the heart of the city of failure. My host, Nick Maschinen, AKA the $20 million man, joining me is back in Gecko. Man, that outfit looks great, Johnny. Bro, it's a vintage 1989 Gecko outfit. It's vintage? Gecko Hawaii, rather.

Ooh. Bro. That's taking me back. Because I'm taking it back. Give me some Maui shirts. I have Maui in size 2. You do? I have the Hyper Flash tank top where when, you know, put your hands...

Hyper colors, yeah! Yeah, I got all that. If you ever put them in the dryer, you ruin them. Right. Oh, is that real? Yeah, if you put them in the dryer, they permanently change to the other color. Aww. They don't go back.

I got them all, man. Like Michael Jackson. Joining us today... Nick Crecata. Hey, what's up, guys. Joining us today. Nick Reketa. Hey, what's up, guys? How you doing? I'm pretty good. How have you been?

I was going to say I like your outfit, but I unironically saw a woman wearing the same outfit today, so it's kind of weird. Yeah, I'm actually wearing a woman's outfit. Is that a woman's outfit? It is now. Can you bump Nick down a little bit? I think he's a little bit high.

You got it. Everybody tells me I'm too loud. I thought you were going to say I'm telling you too high. No, they tell me I'm too loud. The priest did the same thing. Yeah. I forgot to connect to Discord. Oh, Discord. This is gonna be a sloppy show today.

Got married last night. Sloppy Stakes. Yeah. Wait, what did you just say? I got married last night. You got married last night? Uh-huh. You mean...

I'm in LA. I'm still recovering. I didn't even know. Legendary misogynist Dick? I got married last night. You got married last night? Uh-huh. You mean in LA you got married and I didn't even know? Legendary misogynist Dick Masterson got married? To a man. Yeah. Ah, that's how much he hates women. I knew it.

He's been waiting to drop it the whole time. I'm going to marry a dude just so these women can't get it. I regret my vows. They weren't very good. I should have put in some more effort. I should have put in more effort To be honest Vito gave Maddox a shout out during the ceremony. I don't know why that why he thought that would be appropriate. Yeah Vito and propriety are mutually exclusive Yeah, Vito and being appropriate to be honest though like your vows were like I find what you're saying

No, but they were you and it that that's what made it endearing. Yeah, okay I'm gonna make three jokes during them because you had these long pauses and other people laughed like to that's good you During his vow I got a woman wearing a Christmas tree shawl as a shoulder shawl to laugh and that made me happy wearing a Christmas tree shawl as a shoulder shawl to laugh, and that made me happy. Did I tell you about the, everything went pretty great. Pretty good, I don't know. Nobody got stabbed.

There was a homeless lady screaming. I thought she was a methadacty. It was my wife. Yeah, Margo Martindale was out front, screaming her head off. So there was a homeless lady outside screaming? Screaming, yeah. Non-stop, non, non-stop. The, I stopped non non stop the hell and I stop It was great. You know I didn't like the venue. Oh you didn't yeah, because the bathroom like weed

I wanted to go to the like I had It was it was less weedy when we visited it in the first place I mean I had to go to the bathroom though and inside there was a sign that said no sex or drugs So I couldn't use a bathroom all night. It was very disappointing Here's another one of vetoes booty. Well, that was the left this one off. Oh, this was the box That was the box when you when you opened that. Oh this one got Working cable no another cables a little nod off to There's a little rad action on this one. I love it.

I felt like that chicken fern gully touching a tree as I watched you open the box and looked into Vito's eyes. He's like, no, not my Terry Bogart controller. It's so embarrassing. Vito, stop. Why do you care so much about a Neo Geo controller? I think I've kind of cured him. With Neo Geo Evangelion I think I've kind of cured him. With Neo Geo. Now he's like just letting him get burned and torched.

So clarify something for me. All he has to do is get on a scale. It doesn't matter what happens. He could gain weight or lose weight. Yeah, it doesn't matter if he gains it. He's always going to gain it or lose it. That's life. You know how horrifying it is to think if I just look at my own weight,

Yeah. it's worse than losing something I really value. Yeah, that's the point. That's why it's so funny. Exposure therapy. Gestalt therapy. That's why it's so funny because people just don't do the weighing then it gets every- then they can just keep telling themselves, you know. Can't wait. So that- that leads to a question.

Can we both get on the scale and get- start getting Veto prizes? You guys want some of his good toys? Oh, good ones. I'll give them to you right now. Yeah. I meant to give him something good, because you were here. I don't want his toys. He's got some good stuff in there, man. Okay, yes, I will specifically accept Vito's toys to give to the children that he's harmed.

Yeah, as reparations. With his comedy, not with his penis. Sorry. I can't take it. I'm like, Vito, I want to stop calling you a pedophile, but I just can't. You gotta stop first. So hard. You gotta stop doing it first.

I'll stop when you do. Give me a reason. You gotta go for a good solid run. I don't even know what I have here. Harley Quinn farting book? Oh man. Wait, was that- Oh, I got a ton of rip-a-tard shit.

Harley's here too. I gotta load up the new bunny- there's a rash of bunny men attacking Eric Jalai's warehouse now. Oh! Look at this. I watch this, it's so fucking funny. Like, could you imagine in 1995 that this would be a thing that occurs? Like, this isn't a thing without Twitter and YouTube, like it is so perfect. Was there perfect. Was there any goofy stuff that happened in the zine in the mailing list days?

Not really. How hard it was to make Tomfoolery worth it in the 90s when you couldn't broadcast it to everybody. It was public access. Yeah. But that, even public access, was like, highly, uh, curated. It was just curated by a moron, generally. Yeah.

So it's like, but you only have so many hours in the day on Public Access. So even if you d- Did you ever watch Public Access? Uh, very rarely. Every- I would try- I would really try to get into, like, hoping for the- to see what Wayne's World or something, and I never saw anything good on it, never. I mean, if you think about it though, so you break every, so you go,

okay, we're gonna do 30 minute segments, that way people will just have just enough time to not kill themselves if it's bad. So the max you can get is 48 segments a day. Like there's no, there is an actual hard work. They couldn't even fill that up though. It was just always that damn screen, public access, we'll be back.

But it's like, Tom Fulary just couldn't make it into that cut, not in the same way. Now, even if there's only 20 people... Now we've got industrialized Tom Fulary. Even if it's like the next RIPA book where there's so progressively less people accepting it that you're down into double digits, you go, it's worth it to tweet the thing

Those 20 people of course yeah, but access was way harder to get into yeah, I think that's the best part Okay, here's a bunny man at Caught a copycat. Yeah copying Riley's Antics, let's see here. What's up bunnies? I'm here at a uh, antics, let's see here. Yo, what's up bunnies? I'm here at uh, RIP reverse publishing. I'm here with my buddy Edo. We're trying to see if he can get me some comic that he's been working on for the past five years. He's got some sort of a pig.

But, you know, through Rip Ascend, but it turns out as we're walking up to the uh, RIP reverse warehouse publishing doors, we're greeted by the fact that Edo tells me that he needs another two fucking years to choose the perfect font for his page numbers in a stupid comic book just to get published through Ripa Sutton. And you know that's just retarded but you know Edo gonna Edo. Does it? Does the ring, wait, is it supposed, it always like feels a little bit loose, like too loose. Does this anxiety go away? I can't live like this, all right?

So that's why I haven't worn my metal, like my actual metal wedding ring in years. Okay. And so I got one of these silicone ones cause they like, they have enough, you know, the coefficient of friction is higher on silicone than it is on gold or steel. I don't want to think about sex toys

when I'm all day though, like silicone. See there, I'm feeling it go over the, I'm worried that if I, you know, Yeah, I hate wrong way you either have to get it to you have to eat more Get your fingers fatter Just a knuckle I need to jack off more get some hair on these knuckles No, you got it you got a girth out that that good at your stuff the knuckle Driving me nuts already like I can't I Can't do 80 years like this man. This is not gonna I can't live like this. All right

It's like a popcorn kernel in the back of my throat already. I'm already seeing tripping out We are 14 hours out and you're tying I know I'm freaking out All right. Am I gonna have to like go for a half- size? Am I gonna wonder if that was the move for the rest of my life? No, you just, like I said, you either eat enough or get skinnier and then you buy the proper size ring. But there isn't, there's just this place where the ring will never fit right. God damn it! And the reason it doesn't is because...

It's really bugging me. You have a lot to think about. Did I show you the bartender's contract? No. I hired a bunch of people to do the bartending and make desserts and stuff. There were only two bartenders. Don't oversell it.

The second one was free. How about that? I have a follow-up joke to that, and I'm not going to make it. And the bartender said, OK, it's like $400 or whatever. And I'll bring all the mixers. And I said not gonna make it um And the bartender said okay, it's like 400 bucks or whatever and yeah, I'll bring all the mixers I said okay, you told me about this, but I paid her the 400 bucks She's like oh, yeah, can you sign the contract and send it back to you? I'm like what the fuck are you talking about signing a contract was the contracts? How am I how am I gonna fuck you over now? I just sent you all the money

I thought I left the bartender a shitty tip because I gave I dropped them like a 20 in there $20 yeah what's what century are you from that's a enormous tip look just the tip dick is some yeah no but now I'm like for the Kirkland tequila oh man I really wanted somebody to throw up on that they got contracts so I just donated. Like my tip was like 5% of what they made on their contract. And I'm like, Oh God, that's so sad when you really think that you're talking about. That's great. That's good money. They had to put up with people like veto all night. Oh, that was the least of her. That's vetoito's type. Vito brought his own, man. No, Vito's type is great.

Vito's type is too young to serve alcohol in the state of California. Yeah! Vito rolled in with a Miller High Life 40, that's right! I gotta say something about Vito. Pateless Vito. Like who the fuck is this guy? I have never been able to, in my life, say Vito looks mid until last night. He finally got there. He looks great.

Yeah. He looks great. He looks awesome. He looks mid, which is great for Vito. Yeah. But he was a great hang too. He was a lot of fun. Why do you normally trim your beard and like shave off your weird embarrassing hair and

like just wear anything other than a cartoon t-shirt? That's behind the screen, Vito know that we got to experience last night The real veto another money man up to court Here's I have a lot of like you know Normal like outrage shit, but I'm just so invested in all the ripitards being fucked up It's all I want to care about normal shit This guy this guy that convicted child molester who got upset that someone said N to

Eric July ironically because he calls everyone the N word all the time. A letter of the alphabet. He called me the N word, true fact. Oh, yeah. And then I got arrested. That's how bad race relations are in 2024. Well, clearly that was the worst part about you getting arrested is... There's never a bad part about me getting erected. Well... Let's think about where that ended up, Nick. Somebody get Nol in the Discord. What if Nol would call in right now?

Somebody get Nol in the Discord, actually. Get Nol out of it. Load. That was a good point. Somebody get Nol into Discord, actually. Get Nol out of it. Load him up with some diet soda. They drink six liters of diet soda every day, or soda. Did you see that? I'll airdrop him some diet soda if he fucking calls in. With a drone? I don't even care.

It'd be just good to have him back on. The worst part about Nol and I's relationship is I can only call him from the shower now, because otherwise it's just not good enough. You set a precedent, yeah. Yeah, like I went too far and I was like, oh god, on the first anniversary I bought her diamonds, it should have been garbage. Yeah. Yeah, where else are you supposed to go?

Uh, so this guy was upset, calling us racist because somebody made said the letter N. You know you can't oh Evs did like yeah, he said he's fellas. He's fells fun. F you comma and I was very Yeah, he's saying it he's real. Yeah, he's saying it. He's saying it. Yeah, he's saying it. One punctuation mark changes the whole thing. Changes the whole thing. So then this guy gets upset. And as it happens, the first commenter

immediately finds that he has a conviction for molesting a child and breaking the term and breaking his parole by continued contact. It's not enough to molest one child. It's that they tell you, look, we're telling you you couldn't do this and we're reminding you that you still can't do this and you're like, you know what? No, I'm going back to the well on this one. Jesus. Why is it always the first one with these people? You didn't have to go very deep to find this job molester. Look, they're not allowed to go many places legally,

so they're at home a lot and they're going to access Twitter at a very fast rate. He says he doesn't regret it either because he grew as a person. I'm like, oh man, well the person you molested didn't grow at all So I'm sorry so you engaged in sexual contact with a minor and you grew as a person like not a good look Wow You pray love Is this guy? Look at me look at me. I'm the ice queen. I mean king now. What is this? I don't I don't know man. Is that a sculpture a bong like what is this?

Go should be it looks like a bong should be seriously with the flower pot behind it like I know it's a perspective thing But it kind of looks like the top of a bong there, so I'm like that's kind of cool I guess he's looking at a statue right and saying he's the ice king is this AI generated No, this isn't man his bicep looks a little odd though doesn't it? It's big. I guess who you think took this picture. That's what I want to know. It's like the man on the moon. You know. I think the child took the picture. You think the little kid? He's like hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Here's more Yaira clothes. The funniest book to me, I haven't read any of these books. My niece, Yaira, my niece Yaira order just arrived today. I can't wait for her to see them. So proud of y'all.

There's another bed. Every single time they take pictures on their beds. Weird. What an abysmal shelf next to the bed, too. What's going on here at the shelf? You know the last picture of a room I saw that highly focused on a bed was Maddox and it still f**ked me. The Fire Emblem Blanket.

It pops up every once in a while. Totally weird places. Like look at this f**king loser. It's like if you're gonna make a joke about what Maddox's apartment looked like, it would be reality and it was the worst Tweezers does he have tweezers in his bed? Those are big fucking tweezers. What the fuck is going on here? Dude, you got that upper butthole here. You got to get rid of what's he tweezing upper butthole here?

It's tweeze. Oh like right below the the tailbone like but between that and the anus. Okay What's that? I don't know what that is. Anything good? F***ing yoga mat or something? I think it's back there? I don't know. Maybe I got one more repertoire to look at and make fun of. Look at all this shit of his fantasy woman that he throws on his bed and will then...

Like the worst part is... Is he gonna rape that poster? He's gonna have to take that shit off the bed and set it on the floor to go to sleep This is they're all jazzed up about this statue. I guess Live action movie or get the statues. This is like that next level comic book experience Touching her she did not concern that's caressing. I's where, well actually I know that's where Ripper vs. Gilling. I see him massaging the buttocks like that.

First the ribs and then, but it's like close to the breast but on the ribs and then it's like not quite on the butt but on the hip like just like that's like the feel out move. Yeah. I'm gonna move over to that butt in a minute. Guys stop buying statues of anime and comic book women. Like, stop! Every time I see- like, if you see a guy with a display stand and it's got all these anime girls and comic book girls statues that cost 500 bucks each, like, that guy will show up

on the news and soon. Get away, stop. Hopefully. Hopefully they catch him. Can you imagine? Celebrated Women's History Month at my workplace by showing off my Yaira and Bloodruth books. And here he's got...

Pfft. Man. He looks like Slingblade. This Slingblade looking motherfucker's got all of his- He likes the french fries potatoes, man. You know the difference- But then look, he changed clothes and did it again. He has another shirt.

Same day, you think? So his work had this whatever preposterous setup this is for women. Why does he have a diorama that he can walk through? I don't- Isn't it a little reductive that women's history is Butterflies and daisies? That's it? That's Amazon's Commitment to women? Hey, happy Women's History Month. Butterflies and daisies. Really? Is that what- That you can skip through too.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What is the response? How about a woman like dinging her car door or something and just wrecking it in? What? What is that second reply tweet down? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, But when you think about these guys, and they literally have a shelf of these statues of typically underage characters, they're like, oh, they're so pretty. And let's say it's the first time the guy actually does go out and bring a woman home and he's like, welcome to my dungeon. And she just sees an endless display of overdone anime girls on his shelf. I cannot imagine being the guy that does that. Yeah.

It gets worse though. It's always, if there's one thing I know about dating, it's always, it always gets worse. Always, cause every time you meet somebody like that, you're like, are you dating that girl? And she's like, yeah, I mean, you know, it's worse. This is what my picker picked. Because this is the thing It's like if this is how you are in the open. What are you doing that you're hiding for the fifth date? Yeah, what does this dude doing? We have a third to join us and they're nine. Again who took the picture?

That's what I want to know here Yeah, oh god. I hadn't even thought of who took the picture. That's always what I want to know Who took the picture? And how fat were they? And how fat were they? The best part is this guy showed up to work for this thing and he's like, this is going to be pretty cool and I'm going to tweet it out later.

He was trying to own the libs with it. Yeah, it's... Maybe. Or maybe he really respects women, like, really hard. He's like, I'm gonna respect you so long. I respect the fuck out of daisies and butterflies. Bitch, how do you feel about daisies and butterflies? Let's get to... let's get down to business.

I hate all flowers and all insects at all times. I fucking love butterflies and daisies. They get my dick wet. Yeah, I fucking love... Women's history science, yeah. Yeah, I fucking love... Women's history? Fuck yeah. Butterflies, daisies, lips...

Neil deGrasse Tyson. Neil... Oh. Lipstick. Hell yeah. Neil deGrasse Tyson in women's history is just called PTSD. Ah. I'm not the victim.

Okay, here's... I watched this piece of shit show This one Adolescence, oh, it's like about this little boy That uh, I hate it You know I'm gonna write a movie about a little boy not now. It's about a little boy that uh He murders a Girl like stabs the fuck out of her. I guess it's based on like a little immigrant boy that did it. But obviously he's not an immigrant on the Netflix show.

He's like, as white as the driven snow. God, this kid is so white. This kid is so white he runs... He owns a baseball team. Yeah. And it's all about the dangers of, I guess about the dangers of toxic masculinity. How is it dangers of toxic masculinity? Like they say it's that Andrew Tate shite.

What we're going to do to explain. But it's like the whole movie is a bunch of women cops and women teachers who have zero control over anything that they're doing. Like crimes running rampant, people are getting killed, they're in the classroom, the kids are acting totally insane, the women are nonstop teasing and antagonizing the boys and fucking with them, like fucking with their brains, and the women say we have no control over it, it's just these kids, it's totally crazy, and then every time the white dad or the little boy does anything, a big burly black detective comes in and goes, is there a problem in here?

And then the women, every single time, and then the women are like, no I'm fine, and then the big black guy leaves and the white women goes Okay, so I just need to get into your toxic masculinity. I'm like do you even know how racist this is? Do you even know how racist it is? It is to put a giant burly black guy Thugging in every time there's an issue and go like is there anything I can do for you ma'am ma'am He wouldn't call him bro Yes, this is so fucked how old is the kid? He's like he's got to be like 14 or something I fucking knew it

That's the worst part is because like even after he commits a crime all the women involved still can't catch him because he can casually Jog away way faster Keep up can't catch him because he can casually jog away way faster than they can keep up. Uh, and- No, it's like, he hasn't even finished going through puberty and maturity. It's like you're talking about toxic masculinity from someone who is not in the definition of masculine yet. Like, this is a child's trip.

It's like, toxic masculinity is so pervasive that even children have it. He's getting fucked with big time. Even in the show, it's like, I don't know. I've only seen comments from women retarded saying, oh man, this is so crazy how men are. Really? Have you seen any comments? Not to black guys, though.

I see they're doing great. Right. So one of the things you said a long time ago, which is always funny, is women always go immediately to insulting male genitalia. Like when they- Yeah. Yeah.

So the thing I want to see is, is there a comment out there where they're insulting- like, that kid probably has a small dick. Yeah. You know there's one, like that guy's gonna grow up to be a micro penis. Yeah. Jesus Christ, how do you do this every time? His dick is half a centimeter smaller than all of his peers. He's a joke. He's a total joke to me. He's definitely not in the advanced math class.

Just enough to always want to be ready to kill yourself. This much. Everyone's dick is exactly the same size. And then some guy will say, well, not if you measure it like, not if you use it like an electron microscope It's like not at the quantum level mine if you measure from the anus. It's way longer. Yeah They have the line in the show Where the detective is interviewing the little boy and she's like did you touch her vulva because vagina like that's a line from the big Lebowski are you seriously telling me that they pulled a line from the Big Lebowski and they're selling

it as Volt Johnson? Seinfeld had the great like Volva episode 2. Yeah. He couldn't remember his girlfriend's name. And she's like, well, it's pretty rough when your name rhymes with female anatomy. And he's like, Delores? Oh, Delores. Delores.

He sings it out of the window. Oh Delore That's actually Incell shit, that's my favorite Seinfeld joke in sell shit. They're gonna there. I don't know man. They're going after it They're gonna take it down in the UK and then they're gonna take it down here when when Trump and all his buddies are done being silly So you think this is like written ironically like Cuties was supposed to be? No. No, we're gonna just talk about the pervasiveness of cultural critique of masculinity by making the absurd. No, they're serious. No, no, no, they're serious. It's all this poor little fucking

kids' fault like oh man you're really getting fucked with too much. The kid's British though, right? Yeah, and they're, you know what? The whole time I'm watching the show, I'm like man They really have no rights at all. Is this accurate? Like they're, the cops are in there examining his wiener and like asking him questions They're asking him questions, and he says oh, I don't want to answer that. And his lawyer says, well, if you don't answer,

it'll be bad for you in trial. I'm like, there's no fucking way, there's no way it works that way here, there. Well, yeah, it does. It does. I got to tell you, like it's, US is not that much different when it, so you know how the justification for everything

in all of history is for the women, for the children, right? And the government has found so many ways to do that. That must be why this shit is so threatening to them, honestly. Because like guys going like, nah, fuck women, actually. The most terrifying thing a government faces is even a percentage of the population going, you know what? Nah. Because that's all it takes. Actually we are saying the N-word down. Yeah. We say it twice every time. Yeah. And we don't tip. Mm-hmm. What are you gonna say

about how it works? No, it's just, so, not to get like too... I hate... I'm not trying to like get into my stuff, but one of the most surprising things, right after we got arrested, and so they, you know, both parents get arrested, they have to place the kids somewhere. So they take them to Lady Rackett's mom's house, which is like eight miles away, fine by us. Like that's a grandparent's great place to go.

But that day, that day, a CPS investigator But that day, that day, a CPS investigator, without any representation or any legal guardianship, interviewed all of my children, all five of them. So it's the fucking same. No parent, no grandparent, no lawyer, not even a guardian ad litem or any representative. And they interviewed them. Now, like obviously not my kids, but if you take a level of abstraction, you go, I have a 16-year-old

son at the time that I'm getting arrested. The idea that a 16-year-old might possess drugs is a real thing and he should have had a lawyer present to help him not answer questions in a way that, obviously he didn't answer any questions. They were all my drugs. Fuck these kids. They kids they cannot have my drugs no I'm just kidding but it's like he's 16 in in theory the idea of a 16 year old have it being involved in drugs is not foreign to anybody he should have had a lawyer present to help him out and their justification is well right now we're the guardians so because

we are the legal guardians, we don't have to provide anything because we consent to our own interrogation. That happens in America every single day. So when you say, like when- So it is the same. It's the exact same. I was watching, I mean, I watched the show.

I was thinking I was horrified at the wrong stuff. You wanna destroy immediately any concept of rights or protection of the law, all you have to say is, but the kids though. And then they will justify complete annihilation of their 4th, 5th, and 6th Amendment rights. Now again, all my drugs so it didn't matter in this case, but there are households where there could be a raid, they'll arrest the parents, and then it turns out it's the kids' drugs. Like that's not even theoretically possible. That happens. And that kid can end up confessing to crimes and being charged for them without representation,

which should be a violation, but it won't be because of how they do it. And it's fucking gross. Yeah, I'm getting a little tired of hearing about due process and stuff I'm like, no that doesn't it doesn't exist You guys just they just said that the ghost gun ban Shit is or the ghost gun regulations shit is fine. Like it's yeah. Okay. Yeah, so I'll register like, okay So we're not doing we're not doing Constitution anymore get rid of them 20 million people put them in whatever Planes trains automobiles, whatever you got get them the fuck out of here. 20 million people, put them in whatever, planes, trains, automobiles, whatever you got, get them the fuck out of here. We're not doing trials.

So that's terrible. Like it's terrible when you can overtly- That pisses me off. You can watch the constitution be shredded all day. And it does happen in these very specific things. But let's take a step back because when you really think about it, your constitutional rights are only accessible after a hundred thousand dollars of defense. Yeah, true. Like, because a cop can infringe on your rights all day

and they'll go, well, you can take care of it in court. It's like, I've already been to jail, lost my job, I don't have income, and now I have to hire a lawyer to fight and maybe win the constitutional question. That's how constitutional rights like it's- At eight bucks an hour or whatever minimum wage is. Right, it's theoretical versus the practical. And the practical application of law

is one that is minimum five figures. And when you start getting to anywhere below upper middle class, like you cannot afford even the most basic legal defense and they know it. So your constitutional rights are great. You'll never access them to the full amount because you can't afford it nobody can yeah the people who can will never have to encounter it ah okay here's the far they own yachts Harley Quinn farting

book I don't know if you I don't know if you saw this one I don't know if this one blue why is this why is Harley Quinn uglier than normal? And why is this weird? I hate Harley Quinn so much. I'm so sick of her. Did she ruin the Joker? God, she really did. He had it going on until he fell in love with Harley Quinn.

She's like, I really want to murder and have sex with you at the same time. He should just kill her. That'd be a great comic. Like the Death of Superman. So he can't. same time. He should just kill her. That'd be a great comic. He wants to but he knows he'll never know again so he can't. Ah, it's not worth it. I'd buy that one. Countdown to incel day. Incel day, that's like the incel night where the Joker kills Harley Quinn. The night of the lion. I'm gonna buy 10 copies of that. How's he gonna do it? Is she gonna nag him one, you know? Every panel like, oh is this gonna, this is a great idea.

They'd have to do the book this way, right? Every page would have a panel, like a panel sequence that leads to a different death of Harley Quinn. Yeah. And then the end, that would be like him planning it out and it'd be ambiguous as he like approaches her tied up in a basement at the end, that's for real. Final destination. That would be like him planning it out and it'd be ambiguous as he like approaches her tied up in a basement at the end. That's for real.

Like final destination. Like every what's gonna kill her? All the ways he thinks about in his twisted mind killing Harley Quinn. Yeah. And you don't know which one he chooses. You don't know. That's the way they got to do that book. That'd be a good book.

God, that'd be great. So we never have to deal with her again. Do we just make the best Harley Quinn book ever? I think so. This is the worst. This gets fucking killed. Uh, she's farting. Every single page is a fart.

What's going on here, guys? Women have finally discovered fart jokes. They're like, these are funny, though. And they ruin them right away. Why is it animated? They're illustrated so poorly. She's trying to convince Poison Ivy to fart. I guess they got, women got upset that Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy lesbian stuff,

like men like that too much, so they came in and made it a fart. You know Poison Ivy farts a ton because it's a vegetarian. Like, there's no way. No. Dude. Sure that's not true. Eating a lot of salad. Look at this one.

Not even with dressing. She's goosing up for a fart here. We goose him up a little bit. You chamber a fart before you walk into the place, you're like, hold on. Okay, now I'm ready to walk in there and drop this beast. Like, who does that? I try not to. I farted before the wedding in my car and I was like, ah man.

I'm not going to sit here in the car with my windows down with all these homeless people waiting for it to air out but I don't want to trap it because that's gonna bad surprise, that's a trick on me later. What's worse the homeless piss smell or your own fart smell? Wait go back, piss smell wasn't that bad because the weed was so overwhelming. Oh well I don't know anything about that. Go back to the panel for just a second. OK, which one? The one you were just on. This one? Yeah, and scroll up.

This one? But you have to bring it back up on screen. So this is a weird thing to me that I, like, this is what bothers me at a primal level about comic books. Poison Ivy, like, that is a severe V in her pants, like illustrated there. Yeah, the crotch V. Okay.

It's like some guy or lesbian drew that and they're like, no, I really need to make it clear that these pants come to a V right there. It's like, guys, we know. Like we've all. What are you talking about? They should just erase this? It's just overdone.

I don't think it's necessary. Oh. Sometimes it feels like a lot of effort went into drawing the hip creases. Look at the one on the left. Her legs aren't bent in that left panel at the very top. Her legs are straight and they're like, look at the severity of shading around the V crease. The pants don't do that. There's not a crease there until their legs bend. It's weird, like... I hate comic books.

In anime. You came to the right place. We're big on hating comic books here. My super killer is my comic that will never come out because I can't draw a pants V. Okay, Transgenders Farmers that's pisses me off super Miller highlife, dude Look at fucking I love came in hot man. He came in hot He came I wanted to duct tape that Miller highlife to his hand veto 40 hands, dude

Rocking it man. Have you ever done boom and we're boom, boom. N-word 40 hands? Oh yeah it's great. God it's such a disaster. Okay this is uh. My hands warm that beard too hard. Trump talking about like stupid contracts and stuff. Yes speaking of stupid contracts. That and thank you we just had a wonderful cabinet meeting and all lined on on certainly that the effort to realign the government but even if the u.s. department of agriculture we canceled uh... three hundred thousand dollar contract educating on food justice separate we're in transfer farmers in san francisco uh... similar contract we canceled in new york uh... again educating transgender and queer farmers on food justice and food equality

I'm not even sure what that means, but but apparently the last administration wanted to put our taxpayer dollars towards that Why do they always have to act like that? I'm not even sure what But to be fair yeah, you have any idea what food equality means it's stealing money. That's what they're doing They're giving it to their pals You get that it's not stop acting so fucking cute about everything. You know what Trump is thinking He's like three hundred thousand dollars is not enough to educate these people. We need a full government program Yeah, no way to these idiots learn about food with only 300 grand. I want to see what they made though.

The trans-gendered farmers. They always take less than they should on their salaries. They steal stuff later. Trans people? No, like any government worker. Oh, yeah. Right? You go, OK, their entire goal is like...

Like cops, their overtime is like insane. Yeah. $600,000 overtime to ride the metro around. It's like cops. And do nothing. Everybody else figured out how to ride the metro around. It's like cops. And do nothing. Everybody else figured out how to do that without having to do overtime. Like they just, they figured out how to do that on their 40,

not on the next 40 hours. Yeah. And the government workers always do the same. They get these massive overinflated contracts and it's like, well, they're making $68,000 a year. It's like, how did you not steal more at the beginning? Instead they embezzle it later. Yeah, it's a good system. I Think works for them. Yeah for the stealing. That's true. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Let me see if there's anything else

They never go to jail. They never get punished. Yeah, what the So it's okay I'm sure there was a time I would be like, oh, yeah, those guys do deserve due process Well, they told him the government, so it's okay. I'm sure there was a time I would be like, Oh yeah, those guys do deserve due process. Hmm, I really gotta be in the Constitution, but now... Is anybody like that anymore? Are the kids buying this shit? They don't give a fuck.

Not one. Well, I kinda fucking care, man. Fuck this. They don't give a shit about fuck. The misperception of due process is that it means something other than just the process that is due Yeah, you know what Derek Chauvin gave George Floyd his perception of due pro like you're doing knee on the neck motherfucker Yeah on the neck two birds stoned at once Twice we got them both on that one

I'm just glad. Never mind. Criminal off the street and a cop off the street. Win-win. And no more babies being threatened at knife point. $600,000 contract out of Louisiana that was studying the menstrual cycles of transgender men. A $600,000 contract.

You gotta figure those out. See, it's like they're reading this, not realizing that they're reading a joke. Like the person who made that was making a joke. Oh yeah, transgender fuck administration of men. Yeah, that's funny. That's a new field. Like it's now becoming,

like it's gone from this tiny minority into like a statistically significant minority of transgender men who are now presumably, or transgender women who are now presumably menstruating. So we have to study. Now fuck women. It's never been studied before. Yeah.

That one I support. Give them $630,000. Give them a little more. Maybe they could make a comic book. Just make a- I use 100k. Just make comic books. I bet they have hairy shoulders. I think they could probably make a good one.

This is another contract out of... That was the worst part, when you got arrested. Like, ah man, Eric just... He just was making fun of you. Arrrrgh! He's having a good day today. Fuck! I blame him.

Is he gonna pay for your rehab? So funny. Like, I don't know. He said he would. He said he would! Like, I didn't ask him to. Where's the money? Yeah.

I was like, I didn't ask anybody to pay for anything of my legal stuff. I didn't do like a go fund me or like a, hey guys. It's just big shots, you know? And it's like, well, this is my fucking fault, I guess. I'll deal with it. And then he's like, no, I'll pay for his rehab. Like, oh, will you?

I accept your terms. You really don't want a fundraiser to fail when you're, you know, that's a bad look. Like when your fundraiser is to defend yourself in a felony, they just cancel it. Like that's how that goes. A university in the middle of the country that focused on getting more diversity, equity,

and inclusion into our pest management industry. Again, these are nonsensical. I know, because she's sitting there, she's going like, you're just blowing all these jokes, and you're messing it up big time. I have an American flag behind me. You don't have any flags behind you, but you got a lot of flags on those paperwork. Zero cents to use taxpayer dollars to fund these. I know these are just a few examples of the hundreds and hundreds that we found let me just add

to that he doesn't even say anything in that clip like that was a bad clip by autism capital who would have thought is that Indian they got it I need to know I need to know if there's if I on this account. Yeah, from like... It's at the point where I need to fucking know. I'm starting to notice it. Sniper Tomahawk Indian, what are we talking here? I think you know what we're talking about. Making food with your hands. Goop scoop.

As it's called. Making food with your hands that you'll wipe with later. Yeah, I need to know. And the stain in it. I need to know if my mind's being messed with, you know? India's like this culture that gets to keep doing really shitty stuff because they're like, God, there's a lot of them though.

Yeah. It's weird, isn't that? Like that's the whole, and this is a true thing because they go, that's a lot of fucking mobile downloads. When you think about like, so the Asian economy is way different in the digital space in regards to software because they're app focused way faster than America was. Because not the lower economic equality or whatever you want to call it, they didn't have as much access

to like desktop computers and stuff that were powerfully performing these. I know they're doing tech support, and that's a funny joke. But the average person. But they focused quickly on the distribution of smartphones across China and India to a degree much bigger than we had the development cycle of the PC in America and there later to the game. So they get the next development cycle, and the in America and they're later to the game so they get the next development cycle and the old ones old news yeah so like those

markets when you think about it okay as America's like 300 million people who might buy the next WrestleMania gotcha game character for $100 right in India like it's 1.4 billion potential customers. But do they have any money? Because that's how we ended up here with all this shit on Netflix. Like, trying to get seven subscribers out of India. If you want a new character on your mobile game, all you have to do is scam a woman with open bobs and Vagene to your bank account. And they will do it.

And they're getting them hooked up with AI too. Didn't Modi. He's like, yeah, we got to move all the AI to here. I'm like, that's, man, that's like the worst thing. That's actually the worst thing I could ever imagine. So when you think about post-industrial and then post-consumer economies into this new like smartphone space where all, dude, Grand Theft Auto 6 will come out and cost 80 bucks and people are going to bitch that it costs 80 bucks.

They're like, this is the highest priced video game ever. And they will on at the same time, dump their third $400 candy crust purchase that month, like into their phone. That economy will literally justify the ongoing anything. Like that, cause that culture has some issues. Like it really does. How am I gonna balance GTA six with my son being-

You gotta teach him how to play. He'll only be like two or three months old. He's gonna be better than you anyway, you're old. Well, I have time to play and deal with the baby. You seriously just like get one of those harnesses that women wear that hold a kid at like at an amusement park and just wear that and play. Okay, I could do that.

Yeah. And if you do it on like one of those yoga balls, kid will just stay asleep. You'll have beautiful thighs. It'll be perfect. Okay, I could do that. Yoga ball is actually a real, that's a real hack. No, I know.

Somebody sent us one already. They're crying and screaming. It's like you just hold them and you start bouncing. They go to sleep immediately. Cow urine is on sale at UK. You can actually pick up other people's kids from like a school and do that too. Oh shit. Cow urine sold alongside food and in London shops, okay. Wait wait wait look at the language on the cow urine label. What is that? Where's that from?

squiggles AI yeah Squiggles huh, but is this real someone thinks sense each all that's our buyers choice. Yeah, okay For religious purposes it said it's on there Did you see that now? I said for religious that's what the label says for religious purposes Which one come on? Which religion is most likely to use cow urine? I think we were just talking about the country it came from Costco they sell cow urine at Costco? That's what the article said. I don't know.

I was just skimming before you closed it out. Now I don't. I'm too grossed out by it now. OK, let me read some comments. I had you so grossed out two days ago. What were you talking about? It involved like a nostril spawn. I was telling you the story of like a stripper who

was telling me a story of someone they knew that did a bunch of spawn. I was telling you the story of like a stripper who was telling me a story of someone they knew that did a bunch of cocaine. Okay. And they would preserve like the. Oh. I love the. I already love the face. They would dry out their nasal mucus,

chop it up to then snort the leftover cocaine that got missed later. It was so fucking gross. Ah, that's bad. I can't think of how that would ever be, like, acceptable. Why can't people just be normal? Just do normal stuff. Throw it away.

You know? Yeah. Why not? I don't know. I just blow it out into the mouth of homeless men. So they can have cocaine, like like that's what I would do. We gotta start like a nationwide campaign. Just be normal, do normal shit.

Be normal. Be, yeah, don't be yourself. Well, the thing is, Dick, I mean, Nick, you may remember this too. There used to be, you used to be able to have a road soda on the way home. Yeah. Yeah.

And they took that from us. They took that. And nothing has ever been normal since. New Orleans had that like into the 90s, as long as it was in a glass and was a mixed drink from like a, that you could do drive through. As long as it was a mixed drink, what do you mean? It had to be like a cocktail in a glass.

You mix beer with water? I don't know what the cocktail rules were. Take a beer with ice. if you like a daddy light Yeah, it was in in the city limits of New Orleans. They had drive-through bars Yeah, you couldn't like you could not drive around with a bottle of beer Oh, but you could drive around with like a martini and drink it. Yeah It's like into the night. They were the last vestige of that and like they had the same So the way all the drunk driving stuff got implemented

was through the National Highway System and then withholding transportation dollars if you didn't do it. North Dakota was the last holdout. So how the legal drinking age became 21, all that boring stuff. But that was only effective as far as the highways went. Since New Orleans was talking about in-city limits,

and they had all these drive-through bars. Less deaths, but everyone's so uptight. Yeah now on the road, you know It's a relaxing They're always like a road so pushing towards zero road deaths And I'm like I'm pushing towards more convenience and faster travel fuck off like I'm more fun travel. I haven't crashed I don't care if other people die You know what be a better driver yeah get out of the way uh You know what? Be a better driver. Yeah, get out of the way.

Uh, okay. Get the fuck out of the way. Gabriel says Johnny looks like the devolution of dick. Oh, that was when I had my hair down last episode, yeah. It's weird when you have your hair down. It is weird. It's like, what the hell? I know. I'm you from ten years ago.

Funny thing is when you take the hood off right now, the audience will never know, but I know that your hair is trying to escape. It's trying to escape. Just like that, but only up front. Devolution is like a Pokemon, though. It's not like 10 years ago. It's like a totally different animal. I went from Raichu back down to Pikachu. Back down to Pikachu.

I am but a lowly mouse, you know? It's all good. Is long hair good when the guy like grabs it and calls you dirty? Just kidding. That was a joke. It was a good one though. Don't laugh at it, please. I'm gonna laugh. I don't deserve it! Uh, okay.

Hey, Dick, did you see this from Tommy? What? Something with Yahoo. Yahoo! Only exists still. OnlyFansModel20 found in Dubai with broken spine and le- Wow. Oh. Not a very good OnlyFans model.

Uh, reportedly suffered serious injuries in Dubai after attending a fetish party. It's a good fetish, like- The Ukrainian was said to have gone to the so-called Porta-Potti event? Aw, no! Ew! No! I've heard about this! Fuck! You have? Have you been? No, no, no. I've never been to the so-called Porta potty event. Oh no Fuck you have have you been no no no I've never been to the Emirates Have you been to the Porta potty event? It's in the Emirates

Years ago Drex is on my show and talked about this I but like They it's all like scat play. It's like a fetish party scat play thing and it's apparently really popular in the Middle East. Play with each other's shit? Wait, what? In the Middle East, like in particularly like in very wealthy countries like the Emirates or Qatar or whatever. Yeah. They, you know, they- I don't like saying it like that. I like Qatar.

Qatar. Yeah, okay, thank you. I don't like, you know- I felt un- I don't say Mexico. I didn't want to come in with a hard Qatar. Hey, how do you like- look at all these Mexicans. Yeah. You know? Mex't say Mexico. I didn't how do you like with a hard guitar all these Mexicans? Yeah, you know He can't but no apparently like it's so it's like

These these fucking fancy they're so much money. They're like you know what I've thrown Lamborghinis into the desert What's left? I'm gonna shit all over some woman and like that's a thing that they do desert Drexel Really, I didn't know about like but now apparently it's there. What the fuck is a port-a-potty event? Dude, it's where you- the Instagram model is the port-a-potty. Do you store up- shh shh shh. What if you accidentally shit on your way to the event? Like that's- Like I don't wear fulling throbes, man. Like this isn't me. It's these guys. Okay, let's see here. The v file parties where influencers perform sex acts for cash So we read a lot from an Instagram girl talk

She said I went over to the Emirates and I was offered or to Dubai or whatever and I was offered 1.2 million dollars and here's what I had to do and it was the most brave shit ever like they get so like a You know some Emirati Prince will bring over a woman to take his son's virginity, and then the prince will like piss all over her as like his fetish. It's so gross. Like, it was really worth it. You get a fetish when you're a virgin.

It was one week of eating my own shit, but it was a good week. Oh, really? Read the article. The rising concerns over port- Porta Potty parties. Okay. After a... Porta parties? Porta parties?

Porta Potty parties? Ten days after she disappeared, a battered and bloody Maria was found dumped at a roadside in Dubai with her limbs and spine broken. What the fuck? Her modeling sessions are gonna need an assistant now. It's very, very terrible. Ugh, this event sees the female influencers paid copiously to perform degrading sex acts. Is this an ad? Am I reading an ad? Which can involve defecation.

Oh, wow. I like the can. Yeah. I mean, it's guaranteed. Look, you gotta have enough burritos to make it happen. Yeah, do they like, save it up for... What kind of diet are they on? You know, it's...

It seems like a lot of work. It's the Middle East, it's roast goat, like some sort of yellow-colored rice or whatever. And you definitely are gonna shit immediately. May have attended a porta-potty party. Where's the website? She was pretty before the spine thing, now I'm not into her. Really. Uh, may have attended a porta potty party. Where's the website? She was pretty before the spine thing now, I'm not into her. Uh, she's getting medical treatment.

What a bunch of those Arabic guys were. This is an ad for her OnlyFans. I don't know about this. What the? Oh, this is her after her spine broke? She got ugly. God, the after she was her mother. Yeah.

Or they put a picture of her mom in with all the bikini pictures. Was she there at the porta-a-potty party? But the promoter who organized these parties they have a fucking promoter Can we just take the money back You guys are doing you guys don't need this money too much So like when you ask kids today like what they want to do when they grow up in America Can't we just take the money back? You guys are doing, you guys don't need this money. Doing too much. So like when you ask kids today, like what they want to do when they grow up in America,

they're like, oh, I want to be a YouTube creator or whatever, a Twitch streamer. There's a kid in the Emirates who's like, you know what, I'm going to be a promoter for some really good parties. Like that's what I'm going to do. He just fell into it. You think he's, you think he...

He fell into the poor party. After the you think he he fell into the after the spine break she falls into everything they call them porta they have the word porta potty in Arabic they must right I don't know how to pronounce it something else probably well that's a stupid article all right thanks so it said in there just randomly New York Times reports that these women will get paid $100,000. That's it? No, like per party. That's it?

But most of them don't end up with broken spines and like limbs or whatever. Eating shit. Uh, Boris says, uh, 350 pound teacher arrested for using student as a stepping stone. Oh well. Ha ha! Fat watch, today in fat news. Holy shit. 350 pound teacher arrested for using student as stepping stool, leaving injured child

walking around like an 80 year old. What is that? Why walking around like an 80 year old? What were they stepping on the child to get up to? Oh, this fucking bastard. Oh my God! Bro. Holy shit.

You can't be looking like this stepping on kids. What are you thinking? This guy's phenotype is Dairy Queen Blizzard. Was charged with one gross misdemeanor count of malicious punishment of a child after allegedly stepping on the child's back. Oof. Oh my god. What was he trying to do?

Boy told cops his teacher stood on his back for roughly 10 seconds, causing him to cry out in pain. I feel like a guy that big, 10 seconds doesn't, it's instantaneous. Instantaneous, yeah. Well, nine seconds would've been fun. And when we saw that fat bitch try to get on a horse. We just saw the guy with the Yara clothes, right? Fat people trying to get onto stuff is unreasonably funny.

Uh, he started the entire class. He stayed at the entire class, saw it and thought the guy had broken the boys back. Wow. Jesus. That's too bad. When questioned, he acknowledged he weighed 350 pounds. Oh, so he's at least 380. Allegedly admitted he did it because he didn't think the students were taking the drill seriously enough.

What drill? We gotta go back to figure out what drill was happening. Hmm. Well, you guys are not getting out of this classroom fast enough for the fire drill. Lay down, I'm gonna step on your back. How do you get a three- how does a 350 pound guy catch a little kid to step on his back? They're- they're squirrely. They got plenty of candy on hand to lure the child in. Bobby Nutsack says, talk about the chick that locked her boyfriend in a suitcase and recorded him.

Oh, that was. That's like suffocated. That was brutal. What was that? So this trial happened. She was convicted of murder. She and her husband were playing some game and she had actually had some things

she was mad at him about, like seriously. So it was like a hide and seek or like a submission thing, right? So the guy has a little sub and so he gets in. Locked me in a briefcase sub? Suitcase. Suitcase. So she zips him in like a roller suitcase, right?

And the idea is like you're in there, you're confined, I guess, like this some people's king. Oh, they like to get squished. And then he's like, I can't breathe, can you let me out? And she's like, ha ha, you thought you were going to get away with this, didn't you? And she like laughs at him as he suffocates to death very slowly. It's on like audio recording too.

Why's she recorded? She recorded it. It's crazy. Because look, I mean, again. She's just a little bit crazier than most women. She made it. She recorded it. It's crazy. Because, look, I mean, again. She's a little bit crazier than most women. She made it straight to prison. Finally justifying the police's song, Man in a Suitcase, right?

Florida woman, yeah, was sentenced to life in prison after locking, zipping her boyfriend in a suitcase, and leaving him inside for hours till he died Wow, that's she makes fun of him the whole time. He's dying too. It's like God. You're such a bitch Like not enough to just kill him like you like uh-huh. You're such a pathetic piece of shit It's like you can't even get out of a suitcase He couldn't trick his way out. I would like to see if I could trick my way, you know Hey, I've got I've got a new dress in here for you

I've got a coupon to Lulu's for you. I wanted to talk to you about this I hand wrote an apology letter to you just yesterday. What a coincidence I have it here, but I'm not gonna read it. Actually, please open it up I want I want you to see it. You got to open the suitcase a little bit Give me a little finger hole in here and I'll read you this apology. Never occurred to me how hard it must be to open a suitcase if you're cucked up inside of it. Yeah. So you gotta rely on your wits. That's why I'm saying that's a good test of your wits.

You gotta find like the inside zipper thing. It doesn't have a handle, but like I feel like you gotta get your hand there and you can slide it open. You gotta be able to bust your way out of a suitcase see now I want to try it, but I don't now I don't trust women no it's fine. I'll record it. We can do this I will zip you in a suitcase and definitely let you out when you can't breathe yeah But now I want to see if I could trick a woman into letting me out, too I'll bring one in the room you can try don't worry about like we just need to do this. Like the milligram experiment is that what it is?

Yeah the one with the electric shock yeah that that's a good one. That was all bullshit. Yeah I know but like that was a whole point but the people did think they were murdering the guy and he was like I just can't not do it. No they said nah they said uh I didn't think it was real if it was really would have stopped it You can't do that shit. No. You're right. You can't do that shit. That's correct That's what they say like yeah, no I knew it was bullshit. Have you heard it wouldn't be doing that You can't do that shit have you heard of the room where purportedly if you can spend an hour in it you win five million Dollars, and they put like bugs in your ass and no? No, no, no. It's a quiet room.

Quiet? It's the most, like the lowest decibel room. Like they've got so much acoustic dampening in the room. Okay. It's the quietest room on the planet. It's like Microsoft has one in Minnesota and there's one in I think Washington state. Okay.

And no one has ever made it to sitting in there for an hour, because it's so- What are you talking about? Apparently, like, it's so fucking quiet, you hear all of your internal organs, like, operating. And people get so disturbed, they cannot do it. Ha! All I hear, all I hear all the time is, AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I think I'll be alright. That's- see, that's what I'm thinking, like, I can-

I think I could survive another hour of In my fucking ears all day even when I'm trying to sleep I'm sorry. Oh it fucking sucks already apologize for last night, okay? No no no no this is I have I have such bad tinnitus That all I hear is yeah. Oh, that's gotta be fucking terrible tonight is that all I hear is yeah, that's gonna be fucking terrible Would you do God I think it's cuz of Edo because he's so loud Yeah, listening to him would do that to everybody bone-itis, you know, I got bone-itis So apparently but apparently though, that's the thing. I imagine it's quiet conditions. Yeah, it's like for me someone rapes you also I just A silent man, have you closed your eyes yet?

Now once that happens, you want to stay in the room longer. It's been a long time. Yeah. You win a million bucks? Five million, apparently. There's no way that's true, Nick. Check it out. You're spreading fake news and malarkey.

Silent room, five million bucks. I wish this was an elaborate troll and it was actually like... You know it's wrong because the first thing that comes up is YouTube videos a real thing the first thing that comes up is news Articles you know there's got to be conditions right because I have narcolepsy so you put me in that room I'll be asleep within five minutes like I can sleep for an hour in a quiet room I can sleep for lots of hours. Yeah, but there's got to be what if you get your your dates mixed up And you show up to this quiet room thinking you're going to a shitting party So you're all full of shit

Where's your Instagram model for me to shit on? Fuck I got my dates mixed up Doing some mudletting in the anechoic chamber I just drank six glasses of mucinac Spin around shitting everywhere because you can't hear where it's going No one can stay in the quietest room Reddit bullshit This has been documented. Uh, you're just bored.

Alright, I don't- what are you guys talking about? Being bored for an hour? Like, I'm bored for an hour every hour of the day. Uh, yeah, no one can stay in the quietest room in the world for more than an hour. Get the fuck outta here! I don't know, man. Looks like a puzzle game. Yeah, no one can stay in the quietest room in the world for more than an hour. Get the fuck out of here. I don't know, man. Looks like a puzzle game. It's like you hear shit, apparently, what they say is like you hear shit

that you never heard before because there's too much, just the general white noise of life is so loud that you don't hear your own body functions. But now you do, everything. Like you hear your liver processing the alcohol. So? I could hear that. I could feel it.

I don't know what it would sound like. That's not gonna drive me insane. Will you stop drinking? Will you stop drinking? Will you stop drinking? What if that was your body? Like, I need you to stop drinking. Yeah, it is already saying that.

Environmentalists, thought of as ultra-quiet, are typically louder than the human hearing. OK, I don't know about this thing. This will lead you to lose your balance to the lack of reverberation in the room, which impairs your spatial awareness. Oh, that's cool. It fucks with your, like, you get vertigo,

effectively, right? So you probably are vomiting pretty soon. When you turn your head, you can even hear that motion you can hear yourself breathing and it sounds somewhat loud. I can already hear that. Can you not? Like not everybody has been crushed down by the world. I can hear crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch every time I turn my fuck sometimes I don't even look in traffic. Like a fucking bag of cereal. Yeah. Yeah it's like I don't want to hear that crunching sound I'm just gonna merge fuck it.? Yeah, I was like, I don't want to hear that crunching sound. I'm just going to merge, fuck it.

Imagine what you'd hear in that room. More? Crunching sounds? I don't know. I want to try this. I definitely feel like I could be in this room for an hour. Financing Burritos, Dick, it's called the BNPL, Buy Now, Pay Later, Klarna.

It's about to IPO. That is their business model. Financing burritos? That's just buying it on a credit card. Like, what the? Well, they're competing with credit card companies. So they figured out a way to take- The no credit check burrito is fucking embarrassing.

Yeah, that's what they're doing. That's why they're doing it. Because they're like, well, the credit cards are making tons of money. We'll just do layaway burritos. It's the same thing, but you know We got two options you can you can finance your burrito and pay with interest over the next month Or you can lay away your burrito and you can start paying it off now

We'll make it and yeah come in three weeks and finish paying it off Then you can you gonna get backed up no interest on that one though, okay? We do let's do some more fat watch Okay, um, let's do- let's do some more Fat Watch. Fat Watch, today in Fat Dough- I warn you guys, today is gonna be a short show. Guys, we are all fucking barely alive right now. Can I say that every time I talk to a woman? Squiz says, uh, fat goes off on, uh, fat filler.

Alright? Holy- See this? Like, just look at how much of her is not in the screen. Like, God, you could just imagine the amount of beef that that woman is. It's gross. So there is a new trend on TikTok,

and it is where people are sharing photos of themselves with a chubby filter. Her's works pretty well, yeah. This is where we're at in 2025. I am so sick of having this conversation again and again. Why is it do you people fear fatness so damn much? Okay? Why is my body, my weight, my size up for conversation all the time?

Why is it your greatest nightmare to look like me? This is gross. Why is my greatest nightmare to be the worst. This is gross. Why is my greatest nightmare is that you look like you? The worst thing anyone could ever possibly be. Have you met one? I'm getting so sick of this and the blatant anti-fatness in today's society. It is. The irony of this being posted by notorious fat ass Ian Miles Chong is pretty good.

Yeah. You know this came about right? What some shelter? Yeah, some chicks showed up to her tinder date and he's like, why are you 400 pounds? She's like, oh, that's the fat filter right like that. You must be wearing it in real life. Yeah Okay, fat protester and mobility scooter with the Trump and Elon on chains. Oh, yeah I saw somebody say that this was really driving conservatives nuts this protest My nuts are driven. It's a fat It's a fat lady

Good song in a wheelchair Closer Guys crawling behind her. Oh, it's Trump and Elon crawling behind her. This song was such a fucking banger though, like really. Look at all the words on the signs. I don't think they nailed the Trump girth very well. No, it's kind of skinny, huh? That's a weird one. There's plenty of fat people who could do the Trump dress up, like fire the skinny guy.

What the hell is this? Why are they wearing a hockey mask? Why is she in a wheelchair? Well, look at her. Because she's retarded? She's just fat. It's just gross. Is she wearing a hockey mask?

I don't know. I think maybe lacrosse? This is a confusing protest. Who's the other, is that Keanu Reeves next to Trump? Yeah. Why are they both chained to the scooter? I think it's because fascism, does that seem right?

They're subservient to the disabled? That doesn't seem like a consistent narrative Towards getting like equality or better conditions for the underprivileged. I don't know This is perhaps she could explain it in another Protest and here's a woman moment for you. The woman cop fails to get a bike onto a tow truck. Okay Female cop crashes a motorbike while having a toad. All right. That's going to be good.

You think she's ever driven a motorcycle before? Yes. Yeah, you think so? Right into the side of the fucking wall. The question is, if you had never driven a motorcycle before, could you accomplish this competently? I think the answer is probably. Maybe.

Once it starts going up the ramp, it's going to get squirrely. We're going to see how big the ramp. maybe the ramp's you know the entire truck bed. Yeah, maybe. Okay, definitely. It's a flat bed. That ramp is Vermont. 20% incline. It's just a tilted flat bed. She could have walked the bike up the ramp. Instead she chose to show off. could have walked the bike up the ramp. Instead, she chose to show off.

Nailed it. Nailed it. Yeah, that's it. Are you recording this? Yep. So she got scared. The bike hit the ramp and bounced back a little bit. What's worse is, like, women aren't funny.

And so, like, there's so many funnier ways she could have failed that. And she picked the least funny one Like she got stuck on the lip at the bottom and just fell over This is the this is the fall over of I give up Yeah, you're not she should have ramped over the cab of the truck or something like that have been good. Yeah, I already fell Bro are you recording this shit? What a fucking nightmare.

Wait, does it get worse? Does she try again? I don't think so. No, those guys pick it up and wheel it up like normal. Calmly wheel it up without the throttle because it's completely unnecessary. Let's see if I got any more fat watch here. I'll do some voicemails. Get out of here. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Whoa! Get low. Awesome. You could tell me my knockout if you know what I mean. Uh... Oh! Oof. 500-pound rapper Dank DeMoss, who sued Lyft. Oh, she faces rapper dank Demos who sued lift. Oh, she faces backlash.

Yeah, good. That's correct. She should face backlash. I went to Walmart looking for radiator fluid when I heard this noise around the corner. All right. What do you got? Say mobility scooter struggling. Oh, bro. That's you gotta get that mandatory break. You can get some Lou maybe those wheel Those wheel bearings are on fire. Oh wow. Okay. Uh, let's see.

Bunch of shit here. Uh... Alright. Uh... Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Okay. Many girls just scream loudly

when they encounter danger while riding a bicycle and don't even think about breaking exactly I invented this mouth operated braking device for them once a girl wears it The bicycle will automatically stop It's absolutely wow many girls just that's great Wow. Many girls just swiped. That's great. Oh, my god.

Good video, man. Good video. Ah! Ah! Hook it up to the breaks. Every time I want Asia wiped off the map, that they come in clutch. It's a good one, huh? To save themselves.

OK. That's pretty solid. When are you going to start streaming again? What's going on? Probably when I get back home. When you get back home? Yeah. Everybody's waiting.

You going to cover some cases? Yeah, the Karen Reed trial, I don't know if I can cover all of it, but we'll see, starts the first, which is what, like two days from now? Is that Turtle Boy? Yeah. What's happening there?

So it's this weird case. It sounds crazy. Yeah, so a girl and her boyfriend who's a cop are at a party full of cops, and there's significant others. She leaves the party, her boyfriend does not. He ends up dead in the snow drift. And then they, like she doesn't appear to be

even possibly involved in this thing at all. And they're all like, no, she did it. And so it kind of looks like this Karen Reed lady is being framed for the murder of a cop by other cops, which no one could ever fathom. like why a group of cops might murder one cop. I can't think of any reasons that that's ever happened in a movie or anything. But she gets pinned with this entire charge.

And there's crazy stuff, like there's glass found at the scene or something, but it's not the glass that's consistent with the taillight cover, because they say maybe she backed up and hit him and he got launched in the snow. So it's different glass there? It's this crazy. Weird stuff. None of the case adds up to pin on this woman. But she had her first trial.

They came to a mistrial. They couldn't get unanimous not guilty, and they couldn't get unanimous guilty. And so now they're doing it again. A lot of times when... They're trying to... They're trying her for murder again. Right, because she...

She was not acquitted or convicted. So mistrial because you couldn't get unanimity. A lot of times when that happens... Doesn't that get you off usually? A lot of times the prosecution will go, you know what, like, we tried this out, we couldn't get the conviction, if we do it again, it's another dump of resources, we probably can't do it.

But the way they look at it is, well, we've seen a bunch of evidentiary issues come before the judge, we've gotten rid of those, maybe we can tighten things up, maybe we can find out where we failed. One of the really interesting things that just happened though, is the defense team has just added a new member to it and it's one of the jurors from the first trial. What? Which is awesome. Oh okay okay. So in the jury deliberation room what worked? What did people believe? What did people not believe? Where were holes in the story? This is all for one cop that was murdered? Yeah. Yeah. And it's crazy

because it fucking looks like a bunch of cops murdered another cop for- And then framed- Maybe he was gonna talk about something, who knows? And then framed his girlfriend. Uh- Is anybody investigating the cops? Uh, well, Turtle Boy was, and then what happened to him? Like- What did happen to him?

Dude, he got arrested and charged with all sorts of shit, like, for unrelated stuff, but it's like, the stuff was unrelated to the case that he got arrested for, but it's like, you know they went hard on him because of what was going on here. Because he's investigating. Yeah, it's crazy. So everybody knows that it's probably the cops that did it, but nobody can get them investigated.

I haven't seen a single compelling, like I haven't, I have not seen a single thing justifying the charges against Karen Reed, like even an opinion piece or whatever, and certainly nothing compelling. But I haven't even seen like a basic thing that says, no, she probably did it. Cause I don't think anybody can figure out how she did, but I haven't followed it. It's just dead. I haven't followed it super closely in over, you know, like since the first trial it's been over a year.

Yeah. And so I'm really interested to see how it goes. Like that's usually like you had your first shot and neither side did enough. So now they're both going back refining it and they're gonna go at it again. And they're like, there's been a year of analyzing the situation going, this looks fucked.

And so people are really interested in it. It's cool. Yeah, wow. So I see that turtle boy pop up all the time. He's a cool dude, I guess. He seems like he's getting fucked with. Shit! I'm sorry, I said he was a cool dude. You're gonna get fucked.

Sorry, brother. Why? Not you, him. Oh, why? Like, I called him a cool dude, so now something horrible's gonna come out about him, I'm sure. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Probably gonna get cocaine and kids or whatever. Is your curse...

Are you done having a curse? I don't know. Are you going to try it out this year? No, I've- See if you can get rid of it. Like, most of my stuff, like the curse stuff or whatever, like all the stuff that happened has been, that's been done for a while. It's like waiting on government timelines and I'm in pretty much in the clear.

April 18th, I'll get sentenced and everything's done there. What's hard to explain about stuff like this, I've had personal shit going on for years that is private, and that kind of culminated in all the stress of other things, that has kept me from streaming because I didn't want to bring negative shit to a stream. I want to get online, hey guys, let's laugh at Trump and do fun stuff. You don't want to go and be like, yeah

Well, I've been thinking about myself again. It's like that's not what the show's for. That's why I haven't been streaming I'm kind of passed most of that stuff now So that's gonna and I want to get back and like laugh at the world instead of you know being annoyed by it Yeah, or like laugh at being annoyed Combine it. Are you gonna make a comic book? I was gonna, but Vito like ruined it. Like ruined the opportunity. Vito is the first comic book creator

independently to not fulfill his comic yet. Everybody else, like he is a really they've all fulfilled them so well. It better be amazing. There's no other way. It better be. I think the last time we talked about Superkiller, I hadn't been arrested yet. Like, how's it not out?

Cause he's gotta get all the right, like, red... Isn't Vito one of those guys who's like, look, Marvel can't put out a good book, and they put out a comic book... No, he's not one of those guys. He just likes comics. Oh, okay. He's not like... I don't know which one of those is more embarrassing. He's not like they're doing a comic book. No, he's not one of those guys. He just likes comics. Oh, okay. He's not like... I don't know which one of those is more embarrassing. He's not like they're doing a bad job. He just likes it.

So he thinks they're doing a good job? He probably thinks they're doing a fine job, you know? I don't know, he's probably not a fan of the fart thing. He likes Harley Quinn though. You know he wants... You're telling me Vito doesn't want to buy a Harley Quinn fart book? I don't think so. He's never talked about it.

He's pretty open about that sort of thing You know he would come in with the with it. Yeah God, it sounds I don't know it sounds like I'm gonna text him. Okay. All right everybody would you buy a fart book? That's the show patreon.com slash the dick show listen to some voicemails, and then Johnny's gonna pass out. I'm gonna die. I'm fucking barely alive right now. Is anything- I don't know how you are. Me, I'm Peter. Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Uh, okay. The best thing about having an Android phone and your girlfriend having an iPhone is that you don't give her a read receipts or at least that used to be true. I got a new phone like Samsung S20, 2025, something like that.

And it's like sends a new type of text message to her That is like a high-speed something or other Sends like pictures way quicker and shit like that. It's nice But it gives a read receipts and delivered received our my girl was just getting all pissed at me like Why are you leaving this giant? You know, like I normally would I left this giant like fucking stack of messages just on red to her It says red the second. I'm seeing it says red, and I'm ignoring it. She's going Automatically yeah, yeah the jigs up dude the jig is up fucking jigs up bro, okay

Just leave her on I'll meet me rage is what's pisses you off like I'm sitting here I'm just trying to listen to a video about fossil Pokemon Trying to enjoy video game. Yeah, that makes me rage. What he just had comes on the YouTube and I go skip it and I look. And it is a fat. Brown woman singing as a mermaid talking about, I think chips. And for half a second, I said, Stink, why can't they just make her

hot or good looking? Because she's selling chips. There's a bajillion hot brown chicks on their chips Why do you have to go with the one who has something cold you know in a mermaid costume? I'm glad he quantified the amount of hot fucking country alright. Go fuck yourselves Yeah, and they're getting bigger and bigger Do you know any of them picks not. Hot brown women who are just down in a bag of Lays at a time?

No, I don't. Maybe that's why they don't do that. Is that why? Can't they get together? Can't we produce some studies that says like fat people want to see hot people in ads? Everybody wants to see hot people in ads, but everyone's afraid to say it.

Yeah. I never want to see an ugly person at all, much less in an ad. Yeah. It's weird. Fat waitresses. That pisses me off. That's pisses me off.

When they come to the table, they sound like they just ran a marathon, but they just walked over from wherever the fuck they were standing. Does that happen? The second thing is, when they take your order, they just run away. They can't hear about any more food because they're not allowed to eat. And the third thing is, when they bring your food,

they sound exhausted and they drop the plates in front of you because it's too heavy to carry all this food unless they're going to fucking eat it. Fat waitresses. Is this real? Fat waitresses. Is this is this real? Fat waitresses. What this guy's saying? Vote it up. Oh did I okay I this is working. I didn't even check all right good good good good. You've been live. Fat waitresses. Yeah vote it up man. Let's see. That's pisses me off here we go. Yes. People

calling in and saying that pisses me off wrong. Well that pisses me off. Here we go. Yes people calling in and saying that pisses me off wrong Well, that pisses me off Yeah, people come into the last show and said this is what that pisses me off That doesn't make any fucking sense and that really pisses me off Yeah, I like this guy. Me too. His energy is appropriate Fuck I got a Maddox AI too. I'll play it next week. Cool.

Oh God. Because I'm too, I'm tapped out, man. We're out. I'm dead. We're done. I'm dead. I'm lucky to even be sitting up right now, to be honest. This fool gets married, goes to bed at 9 p.m., gets his giant fall night sleep.

I like the title of this one. He's sitting there sleeping all night. He wakes up. He's like, cut. Hey, Johnny. It's CP. Johnny, a question for you. You said that people treat you like shit

because they didn't eat. Is this people as in like actual people, or is it just women? Because I've encountered this a lot, that it is specifically only ever been women. And like, oh, I'm sorry. I just, you know, I was hungry and I just got really mad. But yeah, it's because you have no fucking self-control. Women have no self-control, no emotional regulation, all that shit. So the littlest fucking thing sets them off constantly and easily.

Like, oh, my, I broke a fingernail, so now I'm going to be a rancid bitch for the rest. my I broke a fingernail so now I'm gonna be a rancid Bitch okay broke a fingernail come on he went a little too far this guy sucks Here's why okay that woman exhibited amazing self-control. You know how I know it. She didn't eat That's true I'll take the attitude. Yeah, I'll take the attitude if you're not fat like so stop eating to answer your question caller Yeah, I'll take the attitude if you're not fat like so stop eating to answer your question caller Yes, it's lots of people. They will send me shitty emails shitty things all the time And then later in the day I go. Oh, you know, I just came back from lunch and everything's great and I go You should have came back from lunch before you contacted me

Wait, so it's emails so like they can have any amount of time to not send the email and just like eat a sandwich and they're like, God, I'm so fucking mad. That pisses me off. I am hungry. The big show, what makes me rage is severance. I work hard sometimes 12 hours a day, 12 on 12 off. Bad choice. Work hard sometimes 12 hours a day 12 on 12 off bad choice and In the day like I'll put on that link. So I watched it through I quite enjoyed it

Yeah, and then when I'm not working slacking off and they go on Twitter it's all about like a lot of conservatives couldn't do this or like only liberals would like this kind of thing to I don't want to fucking think about politics when I watch it on TV. Shut the fuck up, please! Yeah, did you see Tim Poole got made fun of by Ben Stiller? Because he said like Severance sucks and Ben Stiller posted a little nerd emoji at him and he's like Oh, Mr. Stiller, Tropic Thunder was the best movie ever made. Thank you, sir. You win the internets for you, sir You win all the internets today. It's like bro. That's pathetic

Ben Stiller you got made fun of by Ben Stiller shut the fuck up one emoji Yeah, you got what you should have done take the win dude like Ben Stiller made fun of you Nobody else gets made fun of by Ben Stiller. Yeah, take it. It's awesome Like you're famous enough to get called a nerd by someone. Oh, mr. Ben Stiller Oh, traffic Thunder was the best movie ever. Like, ah, man. What a fucking nerd. He just nerded it up in response Fucking nerd. Please make fun of me again. Actually, I really enjoyed it. Oh, you're they love it These guys they love they love tripping over themselves to show who's not impressed by Severance more. It's just a fucking TV show, guys.

It's pretty good. You barely even heard of it. I haven't watched it, so I don't know what it's about. I don't want politics in my political TV shows. People shut their brains off at work and turn into different guys, different versions of themselves. They need to make a TV show of that? That's just true. Well, yeah.

Right, because you socialize differently in different social circles. So obviously at work you have to do a couple things. You have to minimize the amount of required interactions that you go into. You want to lower the amount of emotional energy you put into your day because you don't want to go home more exhausted. And then you want to lower the amount of emotional energy you put into your day because you don't want to go home more exhausted.

And then you have to moderate your speech and thought and work environment enough to not get fired. Like, so you are this subset of yourself as a person. Well, it's saying, what if that's sci-fi? Like, they literally did that and made a different guy in you and you become a different guy when you go to work. You have no memory of outside work you don't and vice versa oh okay it's a sci-fi okay so there's a there's like a literal severance yeah

it's in your brain they put a little device in your brain sure it's fun it's like that idea like oh yeah okay that idea is cool though like it's like that click movie right like with Adam Sandler Adam Sand Adam Sandler. So like you go to work, but you don't remember that it happened. So like you don't have to experience it. Like you just get the good parts. Yeah, that's good. I cannot like-

And for some reason all of these, you know, the usual cast of shit head retards online are like, you know, actually, Severance isn't even that good. Rah rah rah, like okay. But that OnlyFans chick wishes she had a Severance chip for that pork party. Party? Broken ass spine.

Damn. I would need more than $100,000 to eat poop. Although maybe not. Maybe I would eat poop for $100,000. Depends on the poop, right? That's a Sargon answer. No. Not really.

Any poop. There's no amount like... I'll probably have to eat some poop with the baby. Money just... Poop can be pooping everywhere, you know? Are you eminently bribeable? Like, is there... Yeah. But it's comical amounts that it takes, right?

No. Because you go... So you said you might... 100 grand. You might eat poop for 100 grand. Sure. But you're going to get hundred grand like before too long. I'll get another hundred grand.

I'll probably do it for less. But you eating poop for a hundred grand probably reduces the chance of the next hundred grand or lengthens the timeline. That's okay. You thought about that? Nah. No delayed gratification? Nah. These zoomers.

When am I gonna find another guy that wants me to eat poop for money? Why are you eating a guy's poop? It could be never. How do you know it's not a girl's poop that you're eating for a hundred grand? Well, he's paying for it. It could be a girl's poop, but he's the guy that's paying for it. I mean, I'm assuming it's a guy paying. I would pay you to eat her poop.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. I don't want to know where the poop came from. Yeah. That's extra. Would you rather eat a guy's poop or a girl's poop? You have to answer. Guy.

Guy? Yeah. I think he's probably eating something good. Cleaner dog. That I don't want to eat. I agree. That's have to answer. Guy? Yeah. I think he's probably eating something good. Cleaner dye. I don't want to eat. That's the right answer. Look, it's gross, I know, but it is. Girls eating gross stuff. You know, kale, salad. I don't want to eat that. And too much cheese. They all just like cheese. You know what? Love it. I want to have a snack. Here's an entire bag of shredded cheese. Okay. On that bombshell. Goodbye everyone. Later.