The Dick Show - Episode 456 - Dick on The Liar's Fund

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

Cooking with grease, a woman turns left in a large car, tariffs, Read Dead Redemption 2 is spoiled, Tinder for babies, a man is stabbed over a chair, a woman fixes the ghetto, a guy cheats on his girlfriend... or did he? Chinese Uber drivers, a Samoan sumo wrestler, "don't rob me, I'm Jewish", and three fat women crash a car; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh yummy, that's not the same. You know what I hate even more than people who fuck up sayings, I don't really mind them because it's funny and you get to clown on them, is the people who inevitably come in and start defending a fucked up saying like, well where I come from, all of my friends was retarded and we all said it wrong, like oh wow that's amazing, you and your friends are all stupid, huh? Who could have thought, we all would say cooking with grease,

sometimes we'd say cooking with Pepsi-Cola, like, it's not a saying, dude. Do you understand what the point of, do you understand what a colloquial metaphor is? They don't. They don't. They don't understand the core concept of of anything meaning anything. Now we're cooking with grease,

you're always cooking with grease, fuckhead. That's how cooking works. Now you're cooking with gas is the slogan, because the gas is better. Now they're thinking with water. Yeah. Because the gas makes the cooking more powerful in some way.

It's the industrialization of the of the suburbs. It's the industrialization of the, of the, of the suburbs. It's the creation of the suburbs. Look, we've got gas over everything. Do you know, pour a little gas in the pan and you're making chicken breast or anything? Yeah, you're not... Ugh. Stupid assholes. I know it's every single time. Somebody can fuck up a saying just, it's totally unrecognizable and some, some stupid idiot from North Sentinel Island would come and go, well, we said it that way too like no you Okay, you're dumb. Yeah, that's what you're saying

You're all stupid we do two plus two equals five as well where I come from me and all my friends and two plus two equals Five two that's great you and your friends just say I'm stupid. I hate all of you cut out the middle man Cut out the middle man now you cook now. He's cooking with grease That you are you are Eric you're right he's cooking with grease. I bet you are. You are, Eric, you're right. You are cooking with grease. That's correct. He's cooking over a literal grease fire. Lucky strikes.

Cooked with grease. I don't want to get into the Eric hole quite yet He's crying today one of his stupid artists started crying about Their pictures getting made fun of because they suck and he goes you can nitpick a Renaissance painting Why do you always go to the video does this too? If you say anything critical, they're like, well you could criticize God himself. I'm like, well, what are you suggesting? What you're making is- not saying Vito, but these guys- what you're making is shit. You guys just constantly make shit and fuck up, and then you say, when you get criticized, like,

well you could crit- I mean, actually, no, you can't, because Michelangelo's David, the hands are big and oversized, and you could criticize them, but he did it on purpose to make a point about the David and a man and to to pull themes from the Bible like about the the point of the story the parable of the David right and the power of man's hand man man's fate is in his own hands you see you could criticize a Renaissance artist, but you'd be wrong and fuck up. That's the point of you could criticize Quentin Tarantino, but you're gonna get roasted That's the rib. That's that's the that's the that's the point when you criticize you guys

You just cry about it cuz you fucked up! Because everything you do is a fuck up! You see my porta potty in the front yard? I did. Did you use it? Twice. I am so mad. I'm not ready to talk about it yet because I'm so pissed off. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I forgot to start Vimeo

God damn it you want to take any dick you love dick you got it only show of as always is Johnny the audio engineer hopefully in a little better shape than last week Wow Is that guy in the hoodie? I don't know who what a unibomber of bathrooms? Yeah, what not a homeless guy you brought in last time but oh man My wife was pissed at you for keeping her up all night with you throwing up, Johnny. Man, you know, I live to impress. Oh, she's like, Johnny! It's like that episode when Bubbles burns down Ray's trailer,

and everyone's like, Bubbles, that's surprising. That's surprising coming from Bubbles. It is. That's surprising coming from Johnny. But you're back. I'm back. I'm back in the land of the living. Back with the crack.

What do you think about this? That is girl said I was too hard on this guy. She goes she felt bad because I was Criticizing this homemade plushie that somebody look you gave me like a duck ass look at this look at this. That's not good I shouldn't be rewarding look. I'm talking like Trump look with my duck ass here. That's supposed to be you Yeah, see I had no idea. I don't want a butt like that on my plushie And look his toes are already coming apart Come on Stuffings already getting torn out of his toes. It's like toes, you know

It's it's a nice attempt Is it are we rewarding attempts now? Well, I got in that soft. It's got a little more. Is it? Are we rewarding attempts now? Have I gotten that soft? It's got a little more heart in it than that. It's got more heart than... What would you rather have your kid play with? This? Might be a choking hazard. There's glue stains that look kind of cum-ish. Or this Chinese abomination.

Tear off this... You want to tear off this bitch, right? Which bitch would you tear off here? Which plushie you want to tear off this bitch, right? Yeah, which bitch would you tear off here? Both which plushie you want to fuck get get rid of all the plushies God wouldn't that be great Trump should have led with that. Hey, you know all those youtubers doing plushies that shit's done I'm gonna tear off those until those guys are dead and to those youtubers kill themselves And everyone gone awesome Yeah And everyone would have gone, awesome, yeah.

I saw a woman, I saw a woman driving up the street. You know how there's all these mountain, these roads, windy roads up to my house. Driving up, women tend to freak out around them. Guys freak out too, but you know, they internalize it. I've seen some- Toxic masculinity. Yeah, I saw a good example of that the other day, but you did oh yeah What'd you see well this guy in this stupid little Mazda to this little egg car?

We're trying to do a u-turn in someone's driveway, but he could hack it Yeah, and cars started piling up all sides Yeah, and he couldn't he couldn't finesse it out of this guy's driveway So anyway, he got stressed out and everyone started honking at him He got pissed and started slamming on his steering wheel and drove back the way he came It took all of like three minutes. It was awesome. My neighborhood's like Venice, you know Yeah

Keeps all the low IQ criminals out because they can't they can't spatially They can't do the spatial maneuverings required to get up the hill get up and down the hill you know they get stuck Like ah everyone loses their mind So this woman she's making a left turn, and you know she's got 50 feet on both sides So she's in panic mode right and she I'm looking I looked up for my phone You know because I'm driving whoop whoop whoop. I don't give a shit. I Look up for my phone, and I see her for some reason she's trying to make this left turn and she looked like the

Snapchat filter where you're like, or you're like crying, you know that one and the eyes are all big She looked like that. She looked like like full-on like that filter She's trying to turn a Tahoe and she's trying to turn a Tahoe on a left turn of what is, what to me, appears to be the size of a parking lot, but for her, you know, she's like trying to put a camel through the eye of a needle. She's like, and she has this face that's like a Charlie Brown sad face, you know? I look at her and I and my brain decides to start laughing and then she makes eye contact with me and I'm like uh-oh uh-oh I can't stop the laughing and it makes it even funnier like I'm in church right and I just go I give this tiny

imperceptible little like mmm and I don't know the woman's the women brain the women know dogs know when you're making fun of them a little bit But the women know right when you're making fun of them like there's there's faster than light There's people that have laughed at my wife and the in the around the Beetlejuice star system And she knows right away before even the light can get here She goes she sees me and makes eye contact and I go Try to hide it! And she goes, I shit you not, she goes,

AHHHHH! Like, harder, it starts full on crying! And I, I close my eyes, I'm like, Mmm, mmm, bad day for her, bad day for this lady. And she like creeps by, like know like like Dr. Dre like you know Warren G regulators and I'm like don't look at her don't look at her don't look at her Oh, you know, but I kind of do in like a once you know, sorry, that's a bad

I was laughing at something on the radio. It's a bad turn. That's a rough turn Sorry that happened to you, but I can't. Well you have to lie about what you're laughing about That's the best kind of laugh ever. I look at her, she was like this, and I'm like, oh wow, that woman can't get any more sad. And then she saw me laughing, and she goes, AHHHHH! It was like 20, 30 feet away, I don't know. Just normal driving. It's like, oh geez. Sorry. Sorry about that.

Please don't tell anybody about this story. Please don't tell anybody you got scared driving up a normal fucking road. Don't come into my neighborhood. Yeah. We don't want your kind around here. And I mean women. You know, get the hell out of here. God damn. Go drive around Target. Go do a couple laps around Target.

Bone up. Work on your. We're gonna your steering chops Don't always don't always look like how you feel try it try that when you're driving around try not emote It's like normal face driving face hands at ten and two mouth shut Like this should be a stern look as if to imply everyone else should get the fuck you should be angry at the car Mm-hmm a little bit like mmm disappointed me again car for the last time That's the least work I've ever put into pissing somebody off if I would have seen someone stop laughing I would have probably driven off the edge of the mountain that I was kind of worried about that

But luckily the left turn she was making was into the mountain. Oh, okay Yeah, because there's I think I know exactly the one you're talking about yeah Yeah, the big one the big one that has the mailbox knocked over yeah They didn't bother to stand back up. I don't know how you know I don't know how you hit that mailbox you got to be fucked up out of your mind or a woman or Simply a woman simply a woman driving around with no, that you can't see over the hood in. On a Friday morning. You take your life into your hands, you know?

Going out every day. Dying twice a year every time you get in the car, yeah. Telling people to get out of your tent. You don't belong here. Simply observing women and reacting to what is a... Every time I see that mailbox, I'm like, who the fuck hit it this time? You're simply observing women and reacting to what is a... Every time I see that mailbox, I'm like, who the fuck hit it this time? So I've seen people drive off the side here,

to fuck it up, you know? That's awesome. They always watch. You can tell that they know that they're doing it, cause they're watching it, and yet they do it anyway. What would you look at you go towards, right? But we're playing, my wife started to play Red Dead Redemption 2 over the break. Awesome.

Oh man, I got a that's what pisses me off, that's what pisses me off for you. What pisses you off? Randy was over last night. That's enough, that pisses me off, yeah. We're making some pizzas, and then I get, I become the video game bitch for some reason, you know. Nobody wants to be the video game bitch. Like, you're the one playing the video games for everyone's entertainment.

And you're kind of locked in, and they're just... You're doing it for free, yeah. I'm doing it for free, and everyone's being abusive to me. You're the, you know... Like anyone else in the room is capable. So you do it, like, nah, nah, nah. You look like you're having fun, like, oh man. If you wanna play video games just slightly more

than anybody, you're the video game bitch for the night. You know? And she's always, my wife's always trying to make me do it. She's like, I'm gonna fire up Red Dead. I'm like, cool, I'd love to watch someone play Red Dead. And then she gets like one trip to town. She's like, want to play? I don't want to play

No, but now I hate I want to watch you play I don't want to play video games I don't want to be a video game bitch. You be the video game bitch So I'm playing it I Just like watching her try to steer the horn. Ah! Ah! Hillary Clinton! Oh! What are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?

Can they make- they gotta make woman mode for these games that just like, tamps down the uh, the Z axis a little bit? Fixed perspective the whole time. Yeah, yeah. Just don't ever let them look straight up into the air. We're playing and Randy's, she's like, oh, go do this, go look at this.

She's looking at Easter eggs from the game. She's like, go do this one, the mutant one. It's over all the way across the, it's in this town. And I said, ah, that town's way far away. All right, whatever I Start riding over there Randy goes. Why don't you just fast travel? I said what? It's what do you what do you mean? What I said? Oh, I'm in it now Damn it. What do you mean fast travel? There's no fast travel in this game because are you you played this whole game? You didn't know about

The fast traveling from town to town fuck no. I just rode from time because town to town Said rode from town to town that would take like 20 minutes every said I know it was sucked I thought that was part of the game like you can only ride a horse around It's like the realism and he goes no no, no, no, do that. Obviously, I don't know. Pause it. Like go to your camp. Click this, click this.

There, now pick any town. It's like, you got to be fucking kidding me, bro. I spent, I must have spent four hours just like with my toe on the riding the horse button, trying to get from town to town in this piece of shit game. Yeah, I noticed you had 600 hours. I didn't know most of it was just from trying to walk to different towns. Walking from town to town?

How's this? Get out. Get out. Get out of my house. That's such a Randy thing to do. You've displeased me. Get out. Get the hell out of my house. That's such a randy. They've displeased me. Yeah, get out get the hell out of my house So you saw the border potty front yard I did looks pretty cool, I think I'm gonna keep it there Might as well the UPS guy used it what like what the hell what do I get?

You have to unlatch a gate to get into that. Yeah, do I get like some points off my Amazon? You get to do a down out in this truck. Yeah, I should have stole this truck. Lock it in there, tip it over, ha ha ha. Run him over in the porta potty with it. Now everyone's Christmas is fucked up. It's a trap. I'm gonna set up porta potties as a trap for UPS drivers.

Take a big hole under it so when someone sits in it, the whole thing drops down. Let's see. I've got the rea- the city's making me poor new concrete pillars for my deck. Oh. Because they didn't like the old ones. Couldn't imagine why.

They're too sturdy. They're like, you got to put some, you got to make them sillier. That's usually what code is for, right? The construction guy shows up day one. And I should have killed him, honestly. Maybe I did, and this is just a fantasy from prison. But he shows up to take the half of the deck apart,

dig holes that are longer than necessary, because that's what the code is. Not because I made the mistake of getting a soil sample and stuff that said it should be good for about, the bedrock should be good for about 360 million years, says on there. I said, okay, well, that's pretty good. That should be all right. Yeah.

You just happen to find it at the last day of that 360 million years, I'm assuming. And then the guy comes in, he's got to redo it, right? And he says, because they're making you redo this? I said, yeah. And he goes, that's crazy. They never make you do it if it's in the backyard. And I said, hey, you know what? I could have not used that.

Wherever you're at where you thought that would be something nice for me to hear, it's actually the opposite. Too late at Truthers. Too late at Truthers, yeah. Like it kind of sounds like you're getting off on it when you say it like that It's it's this like one-upsmanship that really could have actually helped

Yeah, wow, you really got fucked. Yeah, I know I'm aware of that I got something similar that pisses me off. What happened to you? I call it a I thought of it on the way in Trader Joe Veals, right? Okay, you go to Trader Joe's I thought of it on the way in. Trader Joe Veals. Right? Okay. You go to Trader Joe's, fucking get all my shit for the week. Yeah. Got an extra thing of ice cream. Just for fun. It was on sale.

Yeah. Fucking dumb bitch goes, stocking up on ice cream, huh? What the fuck do you mean? She wants to know. Yeah. She wants to know. What is this shit? No, now I don't want to ever eat ice cream again. Why are you pointing this out?

Stocking up on ice cream. I'm stocking up on a whole week's worth of shit and you point out my fucking ice cream? Like fuck you, lady. He goes, wow, they're making you redo this? I said, yeah. He goes, aw man, they never make you redo in the backyard. I'm like, thanks for the info. He goes, okay, well, are we replacing the railings too?

I'm like, all right, already you've set your way in the hole. Too much. I don't know. Why the fuck? How would I know if you're replacing the railings or not? I got a bad feeling about this. So now I got some gallows in the backyard where they're like doing there will be blood pulling up dirt and building a pit into hell. And I'm sure they're gonna discover where all my shit has been going somehow because it hasn't been going in the public sewer which you know which we all know right it's been going to some secret horde Somewhere I'm sure they're gonna hit it. It's actually a little portal in there

So, we'll see Ha ha ha. So, we'll see. Tariffs are up. Oh, how about this? You want to talk about the race war or the tariffs war? Trade war. I don't know. What's more?

Oof. Which one do I care about? We're captivating. Hmm. Kid gets stabbed at a track meet by a future astronaut. Let me see where the Yeah, mine will start somewhere. I might as well start with the good stuff Try oh, yeah, here it is. Okay. Here's the play-by-play

We all know what happened but Can't say it because a white woman why you got to have that talk with your son like look You know what happened? You know what happened here, but if you say it Directly a white woman is gonna try to kill you. Mm-hmm like, look, you know what happened here? But if you say it directly, a white woman's gonna try to kill you. A white woman at your job or somewhere is gonna hear what you're saying about what obviously happened, and she's gonna try to ruin your life.

60% of HR violence is committed by 13% of fat women. So you gotta be extra careful around them, son. You gotta really watch your 13% of fat women so you got to be extra careful around them son You got to really watch your back around big fat women at work and Anywhere you anywhere you can't you know loose lips you can't be saying whatever you you can't be relaxing around around them 17 year old accused of stabbing Austin Metcalf to death Is claiming self-defense, okay.

This is his attorney saying this, I guess. So he was sitting in someone else's tent at the track meet and he had a giant, and he had a knife, got told to leave and he said, "'Touch me and see what happens.'" So the guy, this white kid grabs him and tries to kick him out of the tent. I don't know if I have a, I don't know if I just have more

experience with like tent culture from doing festivals and sports, but there's no good reason for you to have to be in someone else's tent. Someone's organ, you're there, you're there probably rooting around through bags, looking for shit to have to be in someone else's tent. Someone's organi- you're there, you're there, uh, probably rooting around through bags. Looking for shit to steal. If it's, if it's Burning Man, you're 100% there rooting around for shit to steal. If it's a school thing, I don't know, maybe looking for phones. But you get a giant, once you got a giant knife and you're playing stab stab games, then, uh, I think it's pretty safe to assume you were there looking for shit to steal.

Once you open someone else's tent and go, oh shit, someone else's tent, you usually should feel some sort of shame and then go find your own tent. Well, it's like these awnings, you know, that they have at sporting events. Yeah. With the... everyone's camping chairs under it. Anthony immediately pulled a knife from his backpack and stabbed Matt Caffey in the chest. That's a bit much.

How do you plan for that? Hey get the hell out of this tent. Oh yeah, wham! Whoo! Not a Scott Adams listener, I guess, or reader. Yeah, he didn't follow his advice. He reader. Yeah, he didn't follow his advice, man. He didn't follow the advice. One-Wit and 4chan is out here saving lives for decades. How do you miss this one, buddy? Damn. Huh, should I ask this guy to leave? Yeah, touch me and see what happens. Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get stabbed. I don't think I will find out. I don't think I need to touch you to know what happens there, buddy.

Anthony immediately pulled a knife from his backpack, clutched his chest, died. I'm not- oh yeah, the guy said to the cops, I'm not alleged I did it. Here's another funny thing that the cops decided to add to the report. Made a spontaneous statement and asked the officer if what happened could be considered self-defense. He's asking the cop, hey, is what I did self-defense? No, you idiot. Yeah. What do you mean? Is it self-defense? You got to ask?

No. Then no. Then no. It wasn't. According to the arrest report, here it comes. Another officer reported that the suspect was quote crying hysterically While being walked away from the stadium like a bitch they said crying Yeah, self-defense man self-defense man, it's a self-defense chair situation Yeah, self-defense, man. Self-defense, man. It's a self-defense chair situation.

What are you doing? But you gotta watch your back. Watch your back, dude. Can't say what happened. There's fat white women everywhere. They react, you know, say something and they're like, what did you just, did you just notice something? Next you're gonna be noticing that I'm too fat.

Then they're gonna shit on you. Here's your fucking job and your bank account. Yah! Okay, damn you fat women. Straight in your chest. You stabbed me in my job's chest. Uh, Chinese Uber drivers. Yeah, yeah. Have you seen, have you noticed that Chinese Uber drivers

will not listen to the directions on their Ubering app in Chinese. Perhaps they don't know that it does Chinese, but they have them in English and they can't clearly can't understand the English because they're just driving wherever. You know, I have never noticed that. You haven't noticed that? I know, when I see a Chinese Uber driver, I'm like, this mother- I guarantee fucking to you this guy's gonna have English directions turned on. So then he has two people shouting English directions at him that he doesn't know.

Isn't that amusing? You know, I find your noticing to be quite compelling. I don't know why they do that. I don't know if they're putting it on English to show off or to make you like, feel safer. Make you feel comfortable, yeah. Yeah, oh, these guys. They're gonna freak out if I put Chinese directions on it.

But they don't know whether, they always have the phone in the lap or holding on to it, even though, you know. They're... Sometimes two phones. Sometimes two, they know there sometimes two phones sometimes too they do sometimes have two phones always with English directions instead of China instead of the Chinese ones I don't know why you know it's like you built the fucking thing you built these goddamn things what do you know that I don't maybe we should be listening to our directions in Chinese.

Maybe I should put the Chinese directions on to make you feel comfortable. Oh, I got you. OK, here. Here's the Chinese directions. Because I don't want to deal with this, like, whatever you're doing, whatever you think this is, just driving randomly around.

Going endlessly in a fucking sloop. Okay, let me see what else I have. Something about. That's real, now that I'm thinking about it, that's really funny. That's really. It is. Why the fuck.

Every single one of them. Make a left up ahead. God, I was like, ah man, just uh, just turn it on Chinese, bro. You know, life is about making it harder for yourself, isn't it? Nashville police say the trans shooter chose not to attack the public school where she was bullied so she wouldn't appear racist. That you remember that lady? That little girl that wanted to fuck brown buttholes

with her, wanted to be a man or was a man, but didn't have a penis? I forgot about that, but I thought it came back to me. Apparently she attacked this school instead of her public high school where she was bullied because there's so many black people at her, their own school, she didn't want to look, or he didn't want to look racist.

Hmm. Ha ha ha ha Hm. Man. Mental gymnastics in the Olympics yet? That's unlucky, kids. Unlucky kids! It would have looked racist for the psycho to attack the school with the bullies, so you're gonna have to die. And this ideology made to the crazed psychopath. Oh, I see. Mm-hmm Maybe there's something wrong with it then look I might be insane, but at least I'm not racist

She drew a map from her memories a layup of the school in the map She specified the locations of the classrooms are they're saying? They're probably a transphobic newspaper though. Mm. Or the entrances, she outlined, yeah, okay, so she drew it all out. But then, Hale began to express doubts about targeting Cresswell Middle School. Her doubts weren't about the intent to kill children, but more about the racial demographics of the school. Well, you can't be too careful. You can't be. You'd hate to later on be reviled as a racist.

Cues of doing a hate crime, you know? When you're killing kids. Yeah, one or the other, you know? Hail new, a large portion of the student body's black. Is this real? Though she had no qualms about killing anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't want to be labeled as a racist. I may have killed kids, but... At least I am no racist. Yeah, at least I don't notice fucking anything. Mm-hmm.

Ahh... That's... That pisses me off. That pisses me off. Imagine walking into hell. Oh, why am I here? Well, you're... This... Lady didn't want to look racist

by shooting up her own school. So she shot you. Mm-hmm. Okay. Good one, Satan. Yeah, great one. Funny joke. Always the prankster.

You got me. Mm-hmm. You got me. I didn't think... I didn't think the anti-racist shit could literally kill me, but I was wrong. That shows me. That's my ego. Come full circle. Thank you for the lesson.

We got this this baby name app now. I lost the Donald war. There's no way I'm getting Donald. Damn. I know. But now that the wedding's over, it's like really important to get a baby name. Mm-hmm.

Uh, so, uh, my wife found this baby name app. She's like, it's really cool. You just swipe. And on the names you don't like, swipe left. And the names you like, you swipe right. And then you like you swipe right and then if they match it says You got a match. I'm like, yeah, I like tinder. She goes, you know like anything. You know, it's just a fun game Sitting there I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there doing something that is the most

The most dredging soul-sucking act on the planet, which is doing Tinder left or right, you know? That's like the most humiliating, soulless endeavor that exists, that's known to man. It should be illegal. It should be illegal to make anything, let alone for your, like you have to want, you have to want to fuck something

to make you wanna sit there and go left or right on your phone like some sort of lobotomized ape. That's how mind numbing the process is, right? So I'm sitting there doing Tinder. Okay, no. It's Taco. That's a dumb name, no. Mercedes, no. Like, hamburger. Yeah, hamburger is a bad name. All these names. And then she's sitting across from me,

and every time she likes one, she's like, oh yeah, that's a good one, she'll say it out loud. I'm like, all right, so what's the point of the, it's not a secret then, if you're, she's like, here's the ones that I liked, here's the list, texting to you. Okay. Why don't I just go off your list then?

She's like, no, do it on the app. It's like a Slack with more steps. You know, I don't want to- I'd- I'd really pop you, but I don't want to look racist. Right. So the tariffs are- Tariffs are great! Maaaaan, this is shit- I bought it for this shit ten years ago Wow

They're finally here. They're finally here tariff day. Yeah Shit no more stupid shit Wow you mean all these space-age factories that make you mean all this crap that we have Maybe we could make it here for once all this crap that we have? Maybe we could make it here? For once? You would think. You would think! You know what I think these- I'm always stuck in this limbo of like, are people fucking with me or are they this stupid? Are liberals- are they pretending to be stupid? You know, Vito and I had a whole argument on it and everyone's lipping off and being retarded online and I think, are you guys like- are you really retarded or are you just

pretending? I don't know, because there's no way you think that people are screwing in. There's no way you think people are building this in like a literal like diddy-mowl like sweat shop behind a dumpster, right? You don't think that guys are having like little tiny, you don't think there's a guy with his hands screwing in like satellite technology into a million iPhones, right? It's like a super, you know, it's like a super advanced factory that would just be really amazing

if we just made it here, right? You get that, right? Like you, you understand, like every time, it's incredible that every time, every time, like at minimum wage, okay? We need a higher minimum wage. Okay, I think that sucks because the prices of everything are gonna go up, which sucks, but also a lot of stuff that's now too expensive to make is now illegal to make, right?

But whatever, I understand. People aren't gonna negotiate their own salary, so fuck it. You guys, you get it. I'll survive, right? I don't like it because the people like, the guy that was making minimum wage plus a dollar now gets fucked over, right? It's like you're constantly trying to climb through quicksand to get ahead and the bottom 5% are constantly getting rammed up your ass. But now we finally have this shit, but but I get it and I say okay well

You know you guys you guys made minimum wage thing But they don't have minimum wage in China So obviously we got to make it like illegal to get stuff from China, and they say no no it's fine. What do you mean? It's fine What do you think it's what do you mean? It's fine of course course it's not fine. How are we gonna pay for all this shit? Are you gonna pay for every- all this free stuff? How's everybody gonna get- the first- the very- at the very least, if everyone's getting raped for income taxes,

shouldn't we be protecting their income with those taxes just a little bit? Just by saying like, oh by the way, you guys gotta pay, all that, the whole reason we're making stuff in China and Vietnam and Bangladesh and whatever, cause it's so cheap to make over there, we did that. We made that, you know, we made it, we made it more cost effective to make it there.

So we're just gonna have to charge you the difference, right? If you're bringing stuff in here, if we made that here, it would be 60 bucks. So we're just gonna charge you 60 bucks because of what we did to all our people, right? Isn't that just the basics? The basics of what you owe people?

Well, yeah, you can't make shirts here. They'll cost 16 bucks. We gotta make them over there where they cost 12. Well, yeah, but you said I have to, you said I can't pay anybody less than this, so how is that my fault? You're right. We'll make sure they pay the commensurate amount otherwise. It's just otherwise It's just like we're fucking you for fun. You guys are fucking me for fun

Are you cuz that's what it feels like what's like fucking recycling everyone's like oh? It's it's your problem that you like you need to recycle all this shit. It's like well Why aren't these companies making better fucking package? Why do I have to pay for my recycling bin? Why is this my problem? So the stock market jitters a little bit. And again, I think, are you guys being retarded? Do you think that, what do you think's happening with the money?

It's just hedge funds are like super leveraged because they're buying, they got to prove to everybody that they can do better than the stock market, which they can't, so they buy it, borrow money with their stocks, buy more stocks, borrow money with the stocks, buy more stocks, like looping it, so they make more. And then the tariffs come in and they're like, oh's great looping is great you make double profits, but it also means if the value cuts in half you get liquidated, right? I don't know if I don't know if people know how it works or what they're doing what they're up to move it Clearly everyone knows how it works. Yeah, clearly everyone

I have never seen so many communists freak out about the stock market like what do you guys care? What are you talking about? Who gives a shit? I have stocks. I don't care this much. It's good. The government's gonna print money forever. Don't worry It's gonna go back up because there's nowhere else to put the money. What are you gonna buy? Toys you can only fit so many magic cards in your house And then you got to put it somewhere more then you got to put it in the stock market We gotta buy gold no nobody wants gold cuz it's gay. They're gonna buy they're buying stocks with it The government's printing trillions and trillions of dollars where the fuck do you think the money goes stock market? That's why it always goes up

No, it's not going up today. Yeah, cuz you guys stop buying it cuz you looked at it like a the smallest sliver Oh my god, it's driving me crazy. Yeah, cuz you guys all you guys have been looping your shit You're looping loopinging, looping, looping, looping. And now you're looking at it and saying, oh wow, if it dips a little more than 10%, my loop, my whole loop structure's fucked. I better sell some of this shit. I better sell this before they do. Uh oh. Unloop everything. Unloop everything. Get it all out. Get it all out. Just hold on to it.

And then I see Andrew Yang. Unloop everything. Get it all out. Get it all out. Just hold on to it. And then I see Andrew Yang, biggest communist in the world. Oh, well, we're fucked. The stock market doesn't, if the stock markets go good. America's over. Like man, who, no one cares about the stock market. What are you guys talking about? We need those jobs. That's a guy I definitely go to for financial advice.

Free money for everybody? Oh my god, one after another. I have never seen anything like this. Never, and I've seen a lot of crashes. And they're like, well, you know, the thing about the housing crisis is we did a little oopsie, but it's mostly all these dumb people

who didn't know how big a loan stuck out. Like, no, it wasn't those dumb people. You guys told them that that loan's fine, actually. Right. You guys are fucking bullying them into it, actually, because you told them if they don't buy now, they're fucked forever, and then their kids are fucked forever. You're pulling out of the loop. It goes down a little bit. Like, we need those- we need these, man, we need, we need all of those jobs back here. Mm-hmm. In the country.

Uh... They've been gone for way too long, man. I was arguing with Vito about it. He's like, well, you, it should have been slower. I'm like, oh, okay. About a hundred years. You got a hundred year plan to get... Oh my god. It's unbelievable. It's great though. I'm the happiest I've ever been watching this shit, because you know people are gonna fuck up. Like, oh, everybody's nice and scared. They got no idea. I don't think they're pretending anymore. I think they just have no idea what's going on.

You just gotta wait it out. Socks dropping because guys were... they're looping, they're doing too much looping, and they're unwinding their loops, cause they don't wanna get wrecked. That's what's happening. So it's dropping and strapping and strapping, and they're all on looping it together, cause they're all greedy as fuck, and that's it.

It's got nothing to do with anything else. They're just not buying. I don't know. Finally. I don't know how to take it serious, I don't know how to take these guys seriously. Well, you can't, but they do. They really do. You get sucked into arguing with them, but it's so much more effective just to call them

slurs. People remember the slurs. They don't remember good arguments. Right. They remember the slurs. And then they'll see who was right. You don't need to be... That's the real...

It's the same as investing. Only matters that you're right in ten years and then people look back go that guy was right and I remember the slurs. He called me all these things if I didn't buy today. Yeah he was right and I remember I remember that he was right I don't remember the reasons I remember I remember that he was right. I don't remember the reasons. I remember these rights remembered this I remember this slurs Hmm, isn't it great? It is great. It is great Let's see don't rob me. I'm Jewish. That's a funny sign That is I'm liking this world. I'm liking this new nihilistic this new nihilism

Thing that we're doing. It's much funnier deporting gay hairdressers like ah Trump deporting all those gay hairdressers or whatever and then dropping the dropping the stock market 10% That's funny. Like what happened to you guys don't care about that gay hairdressers. It's in a concentration camp anymore. What happened? You guys don't care about that hair dresser since it's in a concentration camp anymore? What happened? Hahahaha Oh shit, you saw your money went down on the computer. Yeah that number you never see in person I know it's just insane just exists as a bit some it's been retirement Oh, they were just doing their whole retirement today. Wow, that's not very good retirement planning. Yeah shit How long are they gonna live in retirement?

A day. 16 more months? Ooh, that's gonna be rough for them then, I guess. You stupid moron. God. You mean the last three years of double digit gains were not good enough? They needed another one?

Whoa. That's bad retirement planning. Tell me you didn't see that Kevin Hey, he's Trump's only been talking about it for you know 40 years, so I Didn't think you would do it because he didn't do it the first time mm-hmm, but then he did it this time Don't rob me I'm Jewish So I don't know I hope everyone's I don't think he don't care people don't know, I hope everyone's... I don't think anyone cares. People don't really have that many stocks.

You know, I was gonna say, that'd be funny if it was on something like a Tesla. Thinking it was a bumper sticker, but that's the whole placard. It's too many words. It is a Tesla? Yeah, it is, huh? Before vandalizing please consider Please consider before vandalizing and performing acts of hate. I Am half Jewish and my this is tucked into a Tesla

I'm half Jewish and my decade-long queer partner is a UA Ukrainian Jew. Oh wow It's like a Pokemon. She's a shiny is a UA Ukrainian Jew. Oh wow. It's like a Pokemon. She's a shiny Jew. My family has a recognized and verifiable history of resisting and fighting against actual Nazis. And we both have family that survived the Holocaust. Jesus Christ.

Peace sign. If you would like to peacefully, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Seeing something like that would almost make you want to destroy the vehicle. You just got it right on the car. Thanks. Thanks for your sacrifice. Lechaim on the car.

Those are my boys. Not just don't mess up my car please. Whoa! Guys'm I'm Jewish half, you know Did you need to say half? Why don't you just say I'm Jewish? Yeah the half it's the qualifying Details is it that important? Is the hat are you only half Jewish so you throw in the Ukrainian? Jew in there to make like one and a half is that what that means yeah

If you're only a third Would that have not been enough to get the car tagged? By a track star there's a lot to this you know hey get out of my tent stab oh God You know? Hey, get out of my tent! Stab? Oh, God! You gotta prepare kids for both. The stabbing, and getting metaphorically stabbed.

For preparing for the stabbing. You gotta say, look, the stabbing, I saw it coming, and I'm gonna tell you how. And what I tell you, you can't tell anybody else or you will get metaphorically stabbed. All right? This is, and then there's gonna be a third step

that I don't even know about yet and I can't. And they're gonna call me whatever that is and I'm gonna have to pay a consequence but you're gonna learn that. And you're gonna have to learn that third heat and teach your kids about that but I'm telling you the first one I saw coming you better learn how to see that shit coming the second one noticing the first one and saying it out loud is also I could see coming and there's gonna be a third one what I'm doing right now is the third one they're gonna surrealize they're gonna

conceptualize what I'm telling you and make that illegal so you gotta stay on top of it it's a generational stabbing okay I'm gonna be that guy what I'm this what I'm telling you right now is gonna make me that guy don't be that guy I'm in though I'm already in I'm getting stabbed I don't fucking care I'm in though. I'm already in. I'm getting stabbed. I don't fucking care. I like Gran Torino. I thought it was a good movie.

It's like that experiment with the monkeys where they hose them down for trying to grab the food and then switch out all the monkeys until none of them gets hosed down again but then they all beat each other to prevent... Forget what the full thing was. It's just made up. All that sociological shit is made up.

It all is just made up, but... It's all made up. The idea is the same. The idea is the only thing that matters. And then you invent a fake experiment. You create a stabbing boogeyman. Hey, get out of here. Get out of here.

I'll fucking stab you. Dude, people are saying like, oh, as in self-defense, like, no... Just like a fucking murderer, bro. It's not really confusing. What the fuck? Yeah. Okay... It's a bit direct. It's a bit direct. It's a bit on the nose, man.

Where's George Zimmerman when you need him? Probably trying to get a Netflix deal somewhere. I'm here. So ya key. Ustedes, be gone, savin' gone. Find your own tents. George Zimmerman stock absolutely plummeted, man. No, that was like the first reference of him in years, probably.

Where is that guy? I don't know, man. I hope he's having a good time. Whoever he is. If he's in prison or whatever. I think he's like a Carlos Mencia impersonator now. Uh... Yeah, okay. Some kid's getting sued for doing something, I don't know. Oh, okay, let's get into these... Eric July criticisms.

You see Eric July called the cops on that other guy? That Chris Bacon guy? What is that all about, man? I don't know, man. It's crazy. It's suicide. He, like, lives in the area, too, right? Yeah, he's like his neighbor. He's like a super successful, just normal, like, executive at, like, a Fortune 500 company.

Tons of money. Oh, yeah. So, you know, that's the guy you want to call a cof's on, for sure. Yeah. That's, like, a smart idea. Oh yeah, so that's the guy you want to call the cops on for sure. Yeah. That's like a smart idea. Like what are you doing, man? I don't think he thinks it's funny.

You know, something tells me when you say normal guy, I don't... Yeah. I can't imagine he thinks that's funny. Call the cops on him for driving to his warehouse and taking a picture. Driving by his warehouse and saying there's no gates or any of that shit here. Hello, police. Okay.

You know, for a libertarian rapper, you would think he wouldn't want to be on the phone with the cops so much, but- Do rappers often consult and consort with the police in your estimation, in your experience? We used to actually not let cops into the studio. Oh yeah, really. But what if someone was making fun of someone else? Well then at that point you have to, of course. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Hurt feelings, you know, that's like, that's the worst defense of all. How could you have more, how can you get somebody out of your tent that doesn't belong there without getting stabbed? There's no other way. Do we have any ways? Do we have any ideas on how to accomplish that? Women alert. Women alert. Taylor said, this woman says, I have an idea for making the United States safer. Okay, what do you think?

Increase the penalties for crimes. Public hangings. Public hang, hang a couple of them. Yeah, sure. Very public execution for more heinous crimes. Yeah. Pick good criminals that are totally unrepentant. Punish them.

And maybe, maybe bring some jobs back. Bring a lot of jobs back. So people are too tired to do crimes after work at the iPhone factory. People have something to take pride in. Yeah. Other than crimes. Probably those two things, right? Yeah.

Those, that sounds like a lot of work. This woman says, we should look at the neighborhoods with the highest crime rates. Well, that's going to be tricky. Look at the neighborhoods with the highest crime rates and place a new small library in the center of these areas. Imagine if we opened 500 new libraries, 10 in each state, in the areas that need more support, community, safe places.

And then she's got a picture of a tiny library that she probably took in Solvang or some tiny ass town that annoying, stupid women like to drag their homosexual boyfriends to on Sunday afternoon instead of just relaxing for what is a drudgerous soul-crushing five days of work that lies ahead of them. Just got a little picture of a library with a tiny mailbox and you can see the books inside of there.

Kind of Legoland bullshit idealized like... Mayberry fucking stupid shit is this. This is what a perfect world would look like this is a woman driving around and having mental breakdowns Trying to make left-handed turns around the universe We should look at the neighborhoods with the highest crime You know what sweetheart I would like you to explain how we're gonna do that You know what, sweetheart? I would like you to explain how we're gonna do that. Mm-hmm.

What in your mind are the steps to finding those neighborhoods and place a new small library? So Skid Row. All the space that there is, you know. A tiny library. We'll put that right next to the industrial district downtown. You could just set to use needle bin and that'd probably be a more effective strategy.

What a fucking idiot. These people vote. You think Vito would have stopped at the tiny library through Skid Row? Not if it's too small. You can't get in. Before you losers criticized my idea, she got criticized for having the dumbest idea of the year. Oh, that's what makes everyone losers. Not like this completely realistic... Brain dead. Like a child should be illegal to have sex with her.

Because it's like the mentality of a child. Before you losers criticize my idea, what's your idea? Come up with something better. Or shut the fuck up. Okay. Um. Yeah, sending you to prison. That's idea number one. Everything you're doing is bad and wrong.

I'm not saying we don't need other policies, but libraries would absolutely help. No, putting tiny jack-off buildings in the ghetto is not going to help. Libraries already struggle as is. struggle as is. Hmm. So hilarious how thousands of people are yelling at me about being woke lib when I'm an open Republican. No, it's because you're a moron. Trump Pence.

What a fucking idiot. Not a table in sight either. What is it with the tables? What is it with dumb people and tables? They don't have them. You don't have them. If you're dumb. You don't have a table. Because you have a system beating.

Bro, bro! That's a major characteristic of stupid people. They outthink tables. Maddox didn't have one. That's a Maddox level of shit. And they all have this elaborate system

of why they don't need a table. Oh man. Don't need a, dude, we're sitting behind two tables. Multiple tables, you can't get enough tables. I might need one more just for over here. Just for my right hand. Just to lean on, you know? Okay, here's Eric crying about criticism.

This is one of his artists. I guess they're sick of getting made fun of because everything they draw sucks. They gotta draw so much of it, and it's all like pumped as look at this next big thing. And it's all just kind of crappy. pumped as look at this next big thing And it's all just kind of crappy Somebody did this somebody committed this sin of fixing one of the artworks here it is Here's their artwork on the left Here's the rip-a-verse artwork on the left

Jesus Okay, like it just kind of looks like a little weird Jesus. Okay, like, it just kind of looks like a little weird. It's a woman, it's a woman shooting two guns at you, which you have seen a zillion times. Like, you probably don't even look at the picture because you know the pose in your mind. Yeah, I think of the thing first. Yeah, it's like, okay, a lady shooting.

Like, you don't really pay attention to the details because your mind kind of fills in the blanks. But then when you look at it it's like why are these little hands so tiny? Look at this. Looks a little odd. It does look odd. Right? I mean what's like what's this? That's like a chicken. Like a Spanish ham. Yeah. looks like you're going to grab it and like eat the, it's like a chicken wing. Her guns, like it's supposed to be, you know, foreshortening. So it's like coming at you, right? Like if you look at this cup, it's bigger than my, to you, it's bigger than my head,

right? Yeah. Kind of like obvious stuff. There's no horizon lines anywhere in this. Yeah, and like the leg is kind of odd. It's like, all right, whatever, and like the leg is kind of odd like alright, whatever man It just looks kind of crappy so this guy this guy fixed it By making the the guns bigger. It's like okay. That's obviously better. Yeah, you know that makes this

This all right whatever, but then your head looked too big too Yeah, like this is obvious. This is like an arm pointing a gun at you mm-hmm This... Alright, whatever, but then... Well, it makes her head look too big, too. Yeah. Like, this is obvious. This is like an arm pointing a gun at you. And then this is like kind of... This looks extra weird now. It looks like a little, like, quado growth. Coming out of her shoulder. So, I guess everyone at the Ripperverse is trained to melt down about...

getting their stuff criticized. Oh, that's cool. He says, please stop. Please stop the art fix thing. It's not respectable. And it's boring. Oh, it's boring. He said it's boring, everybody.

Pack it up. Go home. You could nitpick a Renaissance painting if you wanted Well, yeah, that's called art that's called having an art history degree like You know going into all the detail Unlike the choices that were made. Yeah, there's a reason we still talk about Renaissance paintings And there's a reason this will not even end up in a dollar bin You could nitpick a Renaissance painting if you wanted. I don't know that that's true. I think...

I think you might... I don't think that's... This is definitely not a Renaissance painting, if that's what you're suggesting. Thinking something could be improved only mean you saw something different... Only mean you saw something different than the artist making the piece regarding your personal taste. What? It doesn't make you an artist.

Go make your own stuff instead. Thanks. They just really can't be criticized at all. That's cool, right? Yeah, that's cool. That's like what you want to do on the internet is like... Fuck you. It's boring what you're doing. You know, like anytime you have to like explain a joke or like explain like a song or anything, you know.

Makes it cool. It makes it more enjoyable, right? Thinking something could be... Yeah, he just keeps arguing. And Eric joined into it. I don't... He's crying, fucking crying about it like always Look at all this shit. All right, that's so many words. I know Fixing the line art of another artist especially publicly is generally seen as a no-no among professionals I've also witnessed this in the world of colorists. There are far better, more professional ways

to communicate critiques or suggest corrections. How could there be a better way to critique an art than to just draw it differently? Well, the thing in music is you sample someone else's shit and flip it and make it a better track. Yeah. And then you go, oh yeah, since you suck at this, check this out.

And then everyone likes your shit better. And it's like, that's art, is you take someone else's and put a booger on it. In this case, rarely have I seen our creative teams being approached respectfully or constructively when it comes to elevating our work. It always seems to be presented as a spectacle, which reveals the true intent. Even though, for some reason, we're expected to ignore it. I mean, you don't have to ignore it, but it just looks dumb if her hands are tiny. Each- even this post will likely be met with disingenuous reactions, as if we're claiming that critique itself shouldn't or can't happen. Dude, is there- are there- did I break their brains with this shit?

Like, they've talked themselves into such a preposterous position on criticism. Specifically on this topic, it's been interesting to watch artists weigh in as they are debating both sides of the pieces correction. That alone highlights that much of this is rooted in subjective opinion Intention perspective etc and make no mistake everybody is entitled to it. I certainly empathize with Igor Obviously, especially since he's also defending his colleague That's a lot of words man that goes That goes on. He didn't have a stroke recently, did he? He should have a stroke.

I think that'll fix this. All that and said, the emotionalism surrounding our company makes for a larger conversation. There seems to be belief among some that anything aimed at us must simply be accepted without response, that any explanation, context, or defense of the work is somehow unwarranted. I mean, this is just, like, retarded. And that we should ignore the fact that the same level of scrutiny isn't constantly applied by the individual to artists or companies more closely aligned with their own circles. What?

This continues to highlight something I've been pointing out for some time now. And for some, the disdain for me personally is causing them to unfairly tear down the work of other writers, artists, and creators who are simply doing their jobs. Oh, they're just doing their jobs. With professionalism, respect, and genuine passion, this is evident in how some attribute things to me when it's a I can't read anymore this shit. No one cares Well, it's like you never hear supreme be like you thought our bricks were stupid. Well We're the ones who sell you, you know, you never see them Respond to any backlash. They just keep putting out more stupid shit and more people keep buying it I've never seen somebody talk about how they shouldn't people don't want them to talk about things more than well, he's so unbothered man. Yeah People say I shouldn't be bothered and I'm not okay, obviously

Yeah, clearly dog based life form Just has a link Oh, it's a good sign. Yeah. Yeah Is it a woman alert? Maybe? Maybe? New Allentown, Pennsylvania employee

LaTarsha Brown charged after placing a noose at her own desk to stage a hate crime. Wait, what kind of, what was she? About two months ago, Brown reported finding a noose at her desk at City Hall. Oh, she's a City Hall employee. Okay. Police requested DNA samples of people who were working in the office the time of the

incident. According to Captain Steve Milchowitz, every employee at the office agreed except for Prown." Hahahaha! Ah, you know. Oh, DNA? Oh, hell no! It means do not ask! The Pennsylvania State Police Forensics DNA Division later released a statement saying, no shit, it's her. A report revealing that the DNA and the news match Prown's DNA.

No shit. They should have said the no shit report. Yeah. So is this, this is obviously getting stabbed DNA on the noose match Brown's DNA. No shit. They should have said the no shit report. So is this this is obviously getting stabbed or is it metaphorically being stabbed? I don't know. Brown worked for the city's Community and Economic Development Department. That's fantastic. She faces misdemeanor charges, including making false reports and fabricating. Why didn't she get charged with a hate crime? She put a noose in a black woman's desk. Send this bitch to prison. 20 years. I saw cubes.

Oh my god, did you see the dad? Oh, this is the worst part of the stabbing. Uh, oh, I gotta play this. I gotta find it. The dad, the dad, the dad, the dad. Okay, I think, the dad. Okay. I think this is it. Try something. I want to clarify something brought off to start because I've

already heard some rumors and gossip. This was not a race thing. This is not a political thing. Please do not comment. If you do not know what happened, try Try do not turn this into a racial thing. It was not. Do not politicize this. It's not.

This is a human being thing. This person made a bad choice and affected both his family and my family forever. He fucking murdered your son. You're on TV the same day talking about that you're not racist? What the fuck, white people? Dude, get your fucking axe together! Get your head in the game! Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, can I just make a quick comment here about how not racist I am? Why the fuck would you want to do that? He needs to go to prison for this shit! That Sam Harris bullshit of like, well if we just empathize with everybody, it's like, quit.

You made a bad no-no decision. As an adult, my man, bro, that killed your son, what are you fucking talking about? At least do it sarcastically. Hey everybody. Look, I just want to say whatever you do, don't make this a race thing. Shouldn't make the Kramer apology, right? Why are you laughing?

This is your eulogy of your dead son? What the f- you don't deserve- this genetic line ends here. Well, it did. Thank God. I should be celebrating. You know what, you know what, this genetic line ends here. Well, it did, yeah. Thank God. I should be celebrating. He should have said that he didn't want it to be about a race or political thing,

but then pulled a note out of his pocket that said, but my son really wanted it to be. Hey, this is what, by the way, my son had this to say. I'm not racist. My son had this, my son wrote this down. Yeah, he's extremely racist, yeah. I found a whole book of this shit in his room. Don't know where he got it from. He said these motherfuckin' I'm saying I'm not racist. I'm just reading. Yeah. I'm selling me and Anthony Cumi are doing a tour where I read my son's diary If it's titled if they kill me mm-hmm

I really was racist Jesus Christ Foxy for okay, what do you have? Foxy form a Women reacts to the 300 pound limit for a water park ride. Oh. Okay. Well, this is kind of a fat watch, but I guess we'll do it a little bit early.

This is what we're doing now? This is what we're doing now. Well the weight limit has always been 300 pounds. It's just that there weren't so many of you fat pigs around. The noticing was a lot less Yeah, the no that the instant the where the water slide could take one of you heffa lumps every year But now it's being forced to take 40 50 a day, so it's become a problem I am in shock and this is not American

This is not American This is not right This is not right You should is not right. This is not right. You should stab it. Stab the sign. She looked like she ate the sign. 300 pounds? What would that warning have had to say for her to

pass it, I wonder? I think she might have passed the 300 a while ago. Why is she wearing the blades? Goggles. Why is she wearing the blades? Goggles. Why is this bitch wearing goggles? See, the thing, Dick, is she goes so fast down waterslides that any drop of water instantly turns into needles.

Yeah. Her cheeks are peeling back like the atomic bomb. Come out of that blind. Because they're running out of water. Yeah. These bitches hit the bottom going with the momentum of like a... It's parting the Red Sea over here.

Every splash they're parting, the water's flying everywhere. The tidal waves, they gotta refill it once a day. Only one person gets to go down the slide. God. What is her? She's only trying to show her face, but based on the size of what appears to be a shoulder of some sort. Yeah, I can't tell if this is two shoulders or if it's the same shoulder behind her. You know, hunched over.

How comfortable with your fatness do you have to be to make a video about how you're too fat to be on a water slide? Which half of her do you think was 300 pounds? What if I go down half at a time? Yeah. Well, set my leg down. Checkmate, baby, yeah. Yeah, okay. Casting stones, hey, Dick, big fan of the show.

Been a Patronione since 2016. Well in Singapore, pretty sure I might be one year older than you. Age-wise. Oh. Age-wise. Heard about your pregnancy and the nuptials and the light started to fade from my eyes. I was at the gym chuckling and thinking, this fucking idiot. I spoke too soon. A week ago my 26 year old girlfriend said she was pregnant and in order to get her insured we got married a week later. That's what you get. Shouldn't have fucked around. Father with the father of three

with two of them already out of the house. I definitely wasn't planning on starting over, but here we are. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! At least it's all new to me, bro! Man. Oh no! A father of three, a father of three, with two of them already out of the house. Oh, you can smell the freedom.

Should have been fucking around with those young girls, bro! In Singapore. Ah ah ah ah! Forgot to say the magic word. Vesectomy. Ah ah ah! Ah ah ah ah! Ooh! Man. Ooh! Ah!

Ah! Where was the great stomp lady when he needed her? Oh, oh, oh. Yep, you got caught celebrating my downfall and you got a little downfall of your own. That's too bad. We'll enjoy the next 20 years. Again, part two. Again. Fucking electric boogaloo.

That's too bad. I hope you kept all the cribs and stuff or else you have to buy it again. Pushing 50 with another baby. Maybe you're gonna do it again too. You know, kick this one out and she's 20 years older. Electric Chow says Johnny looked like he was about to puke every five minutes rip car I was about to puke every five minutes. How is Stu? Actually, you know, it's pretty bad at the end. You're like, oh

We it was it was actually my evil twin. You could tell from the goatee. You see oh you did have a goatee. Mm-hmm Advice from lemons. Hey dick. If you read this on the show, don't say my name. I need advice So I've been dating a chick 130 pounds D cups 5-2. She's really nice, but also really needy She comes from a rich family last night a co-worker 5-4 140 140 pounds C cups but super perky and full from my work wanted to To hang so I invited her over for a movie night.

Her mom is an ex crack addict whore. So waitress is cool. Oh, the girl is cool. Cause her mom's, cause she's raised in a, raised by a crack whore. Okay. I had 13 too many and we ended up sleeping together. Do I tell my girlfriend?

No. Are you, unless you want to break up sleeping together. Do I tell my girlfriend? No. Are you, unless you want to break up with her. Yeah. Why, why tell her? Are you retarded? Clearly, yeah. Why are you even asking? I think you know that the answer is obviously no.

Are you going to go on TV and tell people not to make it a race thing? Hey everyone, I cheated on my girlfriend, but I't I'm not racist. Don't make it a remote make it about race He is gonna make it a race. That's you. That's you that guy on TV Telling everyone that his son's murdered Which is race related Don't do that then you're that guy mm-. Be the guy that doesn't go on TV. Don't cook with grease.

Yeah, you're not cooking with... Gas. You're cooking with grease. You're cooking with grease thinking, you need to cook with gas. Let me get that quote. What an idiot. It's like everything he says is fucked up in some way. Oh my God, did you see this shit? Oh yeah. Everything he says is fucked up in some way Oh

My god, did you see this shit? Oh, yeah. Oh no try boosting this post I Think I'm gonna need more than backing more than nine bucks to boost this post maybe later. Oh This is Lena Dunham now whoa Buddy Patrick stars human costume is coming along quite well. It just needs to grow this fur out on her hands and her head. Look she can't even reach, she's so fat she can't even reach the tendrils of hair in the back to put them in the bun, you know? And she's collecting her hair. Wow. She's having a heart attack right here. That's why her hand's on her chest.

Oh, Elizabeth! She's a stay-puffed arch nemesis peep. Oh, is this her real elbow? This is a fake elbow, I think. They painted this on. That is. This bitch is fat. I wonder what the stage was made of.

Whew. Made of a hole. It's a crater. Standing on the Golden Gate Bridge. What do you say when this... Whatever she's talking about, you can ignore. Whatever a woman this size is talking about, you can safely just ignore it.

There's that structure in the background. It appears to be a skyscraper, but just from her massive size, you know. The Christopher Project? know the Christopher project we ate Christopher and we're trying to get him out everybody I'm sorry for eating Christopher oh my god one more wafer she's gonna blow okay well that it was a viral if they're trying to make a character for Pepto Bismol. Like the Kool-Aid man? The Pepto Bitch? ARGH MY STOMACH'S UPSET!

And they're like Everyone! Throw Pepto! It's the Pepto Bitch! When you see her your stomach gets upset. I've seen that bitch. I could use some Pepto Bismol. Hey everybody! I'm here with the Pepto Bismol! Just give me the Pepto. Get out of here. Would your stomach acting up because of that bitch?

Whatever it is now. Give it of here. That's why I'm- Was your stomach acting up because of that bitch? Whatever, it is now, give it to me. Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp. That's right everybody! And she doesn't crash through the wall, she crashes through the door. Fucking... Like Macho Man Ranch Dressing Savage. and like macho man ranch dressing savage. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Mom with the jewelry on her hand. She looks like a white DJ Khaled That's fucking crazy what size are these rings? They're like little brace 200 their bracelets

Let me see your bracelets. It's a lovely ring you have on there miss Dunham bracelet. That's a full-size watch And my bracelets are belts. And my belt is a Ryan. And my belt is Jabri. The Kool-Aid man. I'm Pepto-Vismal. Looking at her is really just... Jarring. It is. Disturarring it is disturbing it man. Oh

She's there celebrating her trans Brother I thought she was giving a speech at a tungsten era Adorning the next victim of life Well, I'm here. Lena Dunham. I give a speech at every fat little Mexican girl's quinceañera called a tungstenera. I just want to say that life will only get fatter for you. Man. A tungstenera.

That's f- That's fucked. How do you leave your house going? That's acceptable. What store do you shop at that has gigantic pink pillowcases with arm holes cut out? Well, what's crazy is the classic fat guy attire is a big jersey, right?

Because he's wearing... And like, dockers pants. Yeah. Blue shirt. Oh, if it's a jersey, now I'm representing sports, this isn't just a tank top. Oh, if it's a jersey, now I'm representing sports. This isn't just a tank top. This is basically just a billboard jersey. Yeah. For gum, for bubble gum.

For chewed bubble gum, yeah. Look at the, I mean, what, is this a tit? What is happening here? Is this a tit? That had to have taken a team of children at least, I don't know, six months to make. We gotta manufacture this in America. That's all I'm saying. How many sheeps worth of wool do you think that is?

I don't know. Man, people are really upset about Americans having jobs. I'll tell you that. They're just really pissed off about... Could put a lot of people to work for at least a few weeks. Yeah, have you seen Lena Dunham's wardrobe? Tariff that shit. She shouldn't be allowed to be wearing this stuff. She is the wardrobe, yeah. Oh my goodness. God.

Alright. Here's Eric July. One positive thing to come from this conversation is how many of you are finally starting to realize how inflation works. Oh, okay. I can just get some of you to reroute this energy towards the US government and the Fed will be cooking with Greece All cooking is done with grease Yeah, but you'll be cooking with it though as opposed to what cooking with nothing which is cooking with the air Your air bending. Yeah. Hey now we're cooking with grease! Well, now you just be cooking. Hey, now we're cooking. Okay, that's better.

That is, that actually is better. Yeah. Why is it that fucking qualifying anything? No one, like, people take the, you know what, I'm gonna qualify as this with something. Yeah, just like, stick to the part you know. The cooking, that's fine. Now we're cooking.

Yeah. Nailed it. We'll be cooking. Cool. What if I say, what if I spice it up and give it like my own little flair? Like we're cooking with pots and pans. Just name every other ingredient while you're at it.

Damn it. Now we're cooking with convection. Now we're cooking with a little bit of oil, salt, and pepper. OK, thanks for that. Man. Thanks for that, uh, whatever that was. Oh, do I tell my girlfriend? No. Yeah, don't cook with grease.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't cook. Just forget that it happened. Based on their weights, just don't cook. Yeah. Can you prove it happened? Based on their weights, just don't cook. Can you prove it happened? Then maybe it didn't even happen. Who are you to say, you know?

Why would you write in to this show about it? First of all, why are you talking about yourself so much? You know? Is this what I did last night? Nobody wants to hear stories about what you did. Boring shit. Shut the fuck up emailing this show. Fucking some girl. Boring. It's boring. It's dumb story boring Get out of here. Just forget about it. It probably didn't even happen. You're probably just you're probably like having a delusion

Because you were so drunk. He was having delusions and contusions Yeah, make a make a donation to my Yeah, make a make a donation to my Liars fund you give me money Like carbon credits and then I go do good things with the money to make you feel better about your lying It's called my dick masherson's lying liars fund lie Lie, I'm lying fun. Yeah, it's like Indulgences with the Catholic Church exactly right. It's at Patreon.com slash The Dick Show. Just note it, this is for your charity thing, the liar, this is for your lying charity thing.

You get 50 lies a month. Yes, for $50 a month you can lie up to two times a month. Two times, that's a better deal, yeah. Yeah, you don't need to be lying so much. If you're lying more than that, you're messing something up. And no one's believing you. You're already making enough money. You give me 50 bucks, you can make two lies a month,

and I'll take your money and do something charitable. We'll go lie even harder with it. Yeah, for other people who lie, for the victims of lies. Mm-hmm. Okay? We'll find who you lied to and go lie to them again. Which is me. I'm the biggest victim of lies. Okay? We'll find who you lied to and go lie to them again. Which is me. I'm the biggest victim of lying.

Well, because it's all your fault. No shit. It really is. I mean, it really is. Now every time I see a news article, like that kid getting stabbed, and I'm like, why did I bring a kid into this? It's because he wasn't listening to the show. Ergo.

How do I keep my fucking kid safe from this? Ugh. Fuck. You can't. I mean, you've been trying all this time, right? Yeah, Ashamed says, there I was getting delightfully titillated by one of my favorite Romanian cam girls, which are somehow, I don't know, all below or around 100, I assume he means

pounds. Having eye-popping sea cups. What the hell's an eye-popping sea cup? This is a different guy. This is how he started the email. I don't know why just says ashamed Ashamed for writing such a shitty email having I have eye popping C cups Like droopy dog cartoon, yeah something like that and

The kind of heart-shaped ass that could bounce a quarter into the sky This isn't like really an ass show. That's another kind of show, you know? Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. What is going on with this guy's email, man? When a sudden panic hit me. Oh, he's so he's trying to pay a woman a cam girl. Okay. When a sudden panic hit me, I, he's so he's trying to pay a woman a cam girl. Okay. When a sudden panic hit me,

I slammed my browser tab shut faster than you can say, oh hell no. Why? I'd remembered that there was a time when I had napkins at home. Okay, so he's, I bolted to the store snagging two 500 packs of napkins like a veto file, buying Final Fantasy Magic cards to spec on. Back home, I pulled out a hefty stack, arranged them on the holder with precision of a napkin ninja, and stashed the rest in the closet right next to my fortress of TP and PT. Feeling great about a future that includes napkins, I oiled the storage doors hinges on my way out

because ignoring squeaking doors is not very Christmassy. By the time I marched back to my browser tabs, my favorite Romanian cam girls had clocked out. You avoided simping for the evening. It's like a werewolf curse, you know? The simping, I don't have it, but it's like the full moon is out and you say, this is a terrible night to give money to whores.

Like Castlevania too, man. What a horrible night to have a curse. Yeah. Yeah, I've got to give some money to these whores, right? And I'm there like the church, like, no. Go out and buy some napkins buy some napkins You've got to get out of you gotta keep your you gotta lock yourself up Before these whores set before this evil whore moon sets and you can hold on to your money

Hold on to your doubloons. Yeah, don't answer your job. Lose them to this church cut up your credit cards nail them to the tree Right, but first You're just tied them to this church. Cut up your credit cards! Nail them to the tree! Right? But first, contribute to the Liars Fund. Contribute to the Liars Fund! All those money you saved on whores. Give to me, give a little bit, a tithing to me. 10% is reasonable to me, not all of it.

You're gonna give it all to the whores. But at least, you know. I'm giving you a righteous path to take For a much cheaper cost for cheaper and more fulfilling Yeah, whores aren't gonna yell at you every week. Yeah, they don't care. They don't even care about you Still with my napkin Empire secure. I knew I'd sleep like a king that night dreaming of absolute peace inside my man, Seliam I'm gonna say I was gonna say I'm sorry for spending more on my favorite cam girls than on America's wingman.

Somehow I've been listening to for maybe 10 years now, but that would have been insincere. That said, thanks, Dick, sincerely. Yes, it's fine. I know you spend more on the whores than me. It's okay. I'm not stupid. Just a pittance is all we're asking here.

Just a pittance, something for the effort, you know? Just, you know, just two of these guys. Something for us to rub together, you know? Something for me. Just for a pot to piss in. That's all we want. Just show me, prove to me that you saved the money, that you didn't give everything to the whores. By giving me a little bit. Right. Uh, too many sad sack dickheads. Let's celebrate our successes. Okay.

Cool. Hi, Dick. Hi, Johnny. Call me, uh, celebrate our successes. Okay. Cool. Hi Dick. Hi Johnny. Call me a Hooby. Hooby. Hooby? Congrats on the pregnancy and good luck with all that. You know what? All these sad and depressed dickheads get too much airtime. Okay. We need to celebrate the successes of the dickhead community. Here's my story. Woman alert. I was on a first date with this girl at an amusement park. We went on a spinning ride that had bench seats and it went around in a circle clockwise direction. You got it? You'll know this ride.

It wasn't descriptive enough actually. More description please. Maybe leave a little less to my imagination next time. I went on one of those rides with my friends in like middle school, and I swear that I was gonna pass out. Because they, we would, we would like cram each other in, right? The outside guy. They're brutal.

They're brutal, and I was in there one time, and my fucking little short friend like put his feet on the inside, and was just like crushing me to death dude. God damn. Close call. I'm not a moron so I sat on the outside edge and knew a centrifugal force would slide her close to me. It worked like a charm and we went around and around we were pushed together. Then the ride stops and they announce it's going backwards.

Then the ride stops and they announce it's going backwards. I can, I know it's coming. They announce it's going backwards. My date slides herself to the inside of the bench towards the center of the rotation and says, now it's going backwards, we'll slide to the middle. I managed not to laugh and not condescend her too much as she slides into me at five miles per hour from the far side of the bench. Anyway, she's a 34G, so I married her 17 years ago and we're still going strong.

Keep up the good work, boys. Thank you. Great. How do you draw the cup of water if it's tilted? We're going backwards, so we're going to slide to the middle. Hmm. Interesting. That is how that works, yes.

Okay. Oh, my rage. People can't think on an escalator. That pisses me off. They get to the top and step off and then they start thinking, where am I gonna walk? All whilst the rest of the people

on the escalator are jammed up their asses. Idiots. Yeah, that's true. Okay, advice and an erotic story. I don't know if that one's true. How to break someone out of a fetish? Warning, this gets pretty gross. Don't read my name. Okay, the story I met and started dating

an out of my league gorgeous Polish student with perky C cups almost a year ago now. She's smart, funny, and I see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. There's only one problem. Nothing we did in bed seemed like it could even get her close to an orgasm when I talked about To her about it She would just say that maybe some girls can't have an orgasm and not to worry about it all those all those girls are fat

That's true, but they're all fat mm-hmm We're all fat. Mm-hmm. I still felt great. We were fucking five or six times a week, even with her initiating sometimes. Though I thought everything was good. Last week she suddenly decided to drop the bomb on me that she has a scat fetish and has been secretly masturbating to scat porn? As though it's the only thing she can get her off?

That's a bit... I don't know if I believe that. That's a bit much. That's a bit... I guess it's happening to some people. Metaphoric stabbing, man. I had started suspecting some kind of odd fetish, but man, I was hoping it was not this one. I told her I was willing to try anything once as long as I'm not on the receiving end.

Fast forward 15 minutes and my beautiful girlfriend is lying completely naked in the tub, up at me expectantly and I realized that I had nothing in my bowels after what felt like hours of red face struggling. Finally felt something gurgle in my stomach and pushed as hard as I could. What are you shitting on command here? 15 minutes later? We're just standing there fucking talking about Okay, uh What came out was a nasty wet shard of diarrhea I heard it make a sickening splatter sound against the floor of the tub I turn around to see my girlfriend furiously masturbating with her chest and stomach streaked with lines of specks of brown black and green shit Looking up at me with the horniest looks she'd ever given me I

Completely froze and watched her have what she later told me was the most intense orgasm she's ever had. I want to file this in like the try harder thing. I'm not grossed out. Like I am grossed out, but it wasn't like a... Maybe it was true. You know, it's normal. It seems like it's trying to be like a, like a, this'll get him, you know? We get a million of these kinds of emails, you guys. Give a... Make it stand out.

Maybe this is true. It's got to happen to someone. He did say Polish, so... Yeah. I thought I was fine with it, but I can't get the image of her covered in shit out of my head. Yeah. You should have known that was coming. Yeah. I still love her, but I think she can't tell that it affected my view of her,

and she feels very embarrassed about it. Well, that's a big- Well, why does SHE feel embarrassed about it? You did it! You're the shitter! You're the shitter! What do I do? Not writing to this show.

She seems sort of open to trying to give it up. Well, don't shit on her. Maybe you can find a reasonable analog. If this is real. Well, don't say log, you know. This is real. It could be real. Those vor people wrote in.

That couple that sit in the bathtub with a wet comforter. I'm just, I'm not fully sold because he's, after describing it being like a red face, like something like, okay, you're just trying to describe it and being funny. Like, you know, which is fine, but if you're going to go that angle, really lean into it. Yeah. At least if you're writing a fake one, if that is real, definitely. Man. What do you do?

You're gonna be 90 years old looking at her going, I can't believe I shit on this bitch one time. Maybe one is good enough. Maybe you gotta give her a new fetish, because she feels so bad about this one. You gotta like her a new fetish because she feels so bad about this one. You gotta like, um, hmm. She would never talk to a therapist about it. What do you think that's gonna do? Why is talking to a therapist like magical?

You know, you should talk to a therapist. Talk to someone who's so broken they need to fix people. Yeah. That always helps. Um, well. to fix people. Yeah. That always helps. Well, I don't know. I wanted a little more comedy in that or like a little bit more of like... Maybe she could get a job like cleaning up at like a stadium or something. Oh.

Because everyone's pooping. Yeah. Cleaning up the bathrooms at like a Dodger Stadium, you know. Still masturbating on the job. Yeah. Coming home all revved up Just think about you know you today cleaning um Port-a-potties for a living. Yeah, I have a port-a-potty just run it Well, you overdid it if that's what the like you just jumped in for no reason. I don't know

You're gonna find them in your fucking front yard Another advice one, or maybe we'll... I'll do this one next week. Joseph says, woman alert. Woman thinks this is a niche fun fact. Woman alert. Woman alert. Do you know any niche fun facts? Not a one. Johnny? Not a one?

I don't know anything fun. Or facts, even. It's all just conjecture. Not a one. Johnny? Not a one? I don't know anything fun. Or facts even. It's all just conjecture. Miserable conjecture. Oh, the post was deleted. Okay. I think it was, if I'm not mistaken, she said that the earth doesn't get heavier because

all the things that we're building was used with, built with stuff that's already on the earth. That's a fun fact. Definitely a fact. Is it a fact? I mean, it's true. Right, you know, barring the fact that like meteorites and shit goes, you know. It's true, I guess.

It's true. I don't know if it's a fun fact. Richard says this Samoan representation for Johnny. Oh, hey, I found an opportunity to hassle you about sumo again and I'm taking it. Johnny mentioned perhaps jokingly the lack of Samoan representation in popular culture and reminded me that sumo wrestling had an influx of Samoan and Hawaiian wrestlers in the late 80s and nineties. Notable examples being Musashi Maru, one of the first foreign yokozuna and Konishiki, who almost made yokozuna in the nineties

and still does media touring and stuff. You could probably get them on the podcast if you cared. There's also Hawaiian Akebono, the first yokozuna. What is that? What is the first yokozuna? Like the wrestler? I don't know if that counts for Johnny. That does count. That's fucking cool. Thanks, Richard. They stopped showing up for sumo around the early aughts, likely to play American football instead.

The Mongolians took it over for the following 20 years. I fucking love sumo. Thanks for reading this if you did. Richard, send me an email with some Sumo shit I should know, man. That's awesome. I had no idea. OK. See, that's a good email. Yeah. The Flab Fatty's podcast. OK, well, let's just do Fat Watch.

Fat Watch, today in Fat News. I don't know if we're gonna top Lena Dunham. You know. We'll try. You can get a muffin top that one. My name is Griesa Martinez-Rosas. My name is Greasy. My name is Greasy.

Greasy Roses. Listen here, Greasy Martinez. I'm an immigrant. I'm Roses. Listen here, Greasy Martinez. I'm an immigrant. I'm undocumented, unafraid, queer, and unashamed. Oh, OK. Well, let's see. Let's hear it from the pudding's mouth.

My name is Greisa Martinez-Rosas. I am an immigrant. I am undocumented, unafraid, queer, and unashamed. Yeah! My name is Gray. That's it? All right. Too big.

She's unafraid. So we need to make her climb Everest or go up Half Dome or something. Show us how unafraid you are. I don't think we would need to go that high. I know. We'll just go skydiving then. An incline of 2%, I think would do it. That's terrifying.

Could roll her down one of those ramps on the freeway. She would never stop, yeah. The whole world would roll up. Tommy says this, okay. A mural in Nottingham, UK. Oh, that's good. Treat fat people like people. Oh.

Okay. And then this is where you park them. The fat people. Yes. This is where they get parked. At a loading bay. That's why that's there, because there's usually a bunch of fatso's with clubs, you know, on them. This is a shipyard, right?

Shipyard. Treat fat people like... like people. Look at the hand on that. Oof. That hand is made for... The rip-a-verse. Devouring shovels. You know, devouring the food. Instead of what? Treat fat people like people instead of like...

Fat tubs of shit. Construction equipment. Yes, you need a little remote to stand 30 feet away. Beep, beep, beep. Industrial like German digging machines. Beep, beep, beep. Like those industrial, like, German digging machines. Beep, right? You could follow somebody around, a fat person around with like the remote control

from Back to the Future. It's a giant thing on it. That would be good. Control them. Whoa, whoa, I lost control. Tap it. Watch out. She's getting away. Frequencies, yeah. Yeah, see how they handle it.

Okay, well that's cool. Three women from Gnarls, three women die in a car. Oh. Damn. That doesn't sound very fat. Three women tragically passed away just moments after posting video in a car going up to 116 miles per hour, Florida.

Well, this one's not fat, but these, wow. I guess it's impossible to stop. You get women going fast enough. Yeah. You know? You know, object that's in motion, and that fat tends to really stay in motion. What are they using to accelerate, I wonder?

Plutonium? I think discarded rockets from the SpaceX, right? Wow. Tragically fast after going 100, because their feet got stuck in the accelerator probably. Too fat. Oh no, I'm not it, no! Someone got a cramp in their foot locked up.

They had a cramp. Not enough pudding. Not enough seafood. They went into diabetic seizure. Huh. Well that's too bad. What were they driving that was capable of taking them so fast? Like I can't...

Yeah, that man. That had to have been a beefy engine. Cause where's there enough fucking straight away where you can do that in Florida? The roads are so packed out there these days, it sucks. Uh, it's like a V12 they were in, Rolls Royce. They turned them into Phantoms. Yeah, what car were they in that could accelerate to 116? We need to track long enough to...

I feel sorry for who's the guy whose car that was, because surely none of them owned it. Wow, was this five or six people in this wreck? No, three. Huh. Well, the blood... A lot of bones. Yeah, they were coming back from 25 cent wing.

It looks like seven small children were in this car, too. A lot of bones for three women. Here's a wing stop bag. Wow. What about the leftovers? Yeah. They took a little pig home for lunch. For 11sies. God.

Huh, well that's too bad. Okay, Azure Robinson says, a woman so fat that a bull couldn't carry her? Oh no. I may have sent this one to you too. This one was good. No, she says no momin, oh God, no momin pobre toro, the poor bull.

And it's a woman doing a bull riding contest and she's quite big. She's got that, I don't know why fat women do this. They wear a tube top around one of their flaps that they've called their tits. And then their upper chest spills over forming new tits on the side. It's impressive.

I don't know why they choose this outfit. You know, it's um... They're like, guys love tits, how about five or six? Right, there's also something to like, uh, like shrink wrapping, like a... Mm-hmm. Something before, you know, like a couch or something. Yeah. Ah, new product

So they let the bull out and the bull just takes a dive right away like I'm out of I'm over it She's the same size as the bull oh my goodness oh Look at that bull. He's like get the fuck out of here I like how she sits on the floor defeated afterwards is this there's no way to get back up unless someone helps her There's a wild animal It's freaking out and she's just sitting there. Now it's someone else's problem she's there. Well the bull can't hit her because it's like hitting a car. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Alf, Alfa says this one. Okay, Alfa what do we got here? What is she? Not fat and not skinny, so what am I? Fat. Okay, so I'm not big, obviously. You are. But I'm also not skinny. Just cottage cheese like a children's documentary ass.

Like the cottage cheese fields. It's like when someone builds their Sims wrong. Ugh. Okay. Am I? See this dog's hip broke. She must have sat on it. What am I? I need, I need to know.

Fat. You're fat. Glad we could help. Master electrician. Yeah, I like the, well, I'm not fat. Oh no, definitely not one. And I'm not skinny. So what am I? One of those statements is true.

Fat. No lies told. Okay. What is this? We're fat. Of course we have a snack for the road. Damn. We're fat. Of course we get more than one appetizer before our meal. Look at how much work it takes her to say that. Like with her jowls.

That's a lot of effort. We're fat. It's like... It's like they have that metal ring when you're warming up. Oh yeah. It's like on their jaws. They all look like Disney animatronics. With the amount of effort going into it.

Oh, sisters. We're fat. Of course people think we look alike. We're fat. Of course we can't park too close to the curb. Let me out! We're fat of course we can't park too close to the curb We're fat, it's like Jim Carrey getting out of the rhinos ass So if it's the Rhino Hey dick and Johnny well a fat woman is not big obviously Okay, a woman runs her fattest all right that looks good from the robot engineer

That's not a fat woman. What are you talking about? and This one I bet it's the same one yeah same one all right last try last try buddy And then you're done. Where's everybody? Road rage in Texas? Oh shit! No, no, no, no, no, just fat stuff.

Don't give me random videos, come on. Yeah, give us the fat ones. Give us the fat stuff. Trim the fat. All right. A couple of Harponim the fat. Alright. Thank you everyone. Patreon.com slash The Dick Show if you want to contribute to the the Liars Fund. Dick.Chat show. I'll see you next Monday. Doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof do doof doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do doof do do doof do doof do do doof do do doof do do dof do do dof do do do doof do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Sounds like, sounds like, uh, could be entertaining, you know? Something to review? I don't know.

Speaking of flabulous, fucking Vito, man. What do you got on Vito? I got the one thing nobody noticed at the whole wedding. Ha ha ha, hey, what? In the fattest, supreme fat guy maneuver. So, Vito's wearing the wrinkliest suit. Looks like he slept out of the box. He did say he found it in a box in his garage.

That's fine. But no one in the whole wedding noticed that this motherfucker was so big that his dress shirt was so small that he wore a white shirt underneath the dress shirt so that you couldn't see his stomach sticking out. Motherfucker wants to come in my neck because I try to be friends and be like, ah, we should get Korean barbecue sometime because I am always me, Divita. And this fat tub of shit... He was making fun of you.

He was. For being drunk. Well and here's the thing. I gave him a million dollar idea and he shits on me. Here's the thing Vito. I wasn't, haha dick's black. I already see him as such. The thing is, I was so entertained watching you paint and work for the very first time.

I got to see you put ink paint on a page and goddamn. And I said, Vito, I would watch a stream of you painting where you did everyone's portraits and then you waited till the very end to color the face really dark. And he laughed so hard. And he said, I can't do that. And I said, Vito, I would pay everything

in my fucking bank account to see that and he said no Even though he's dying laughing and I'm like That would be the funniest thing ever Bob Ross But you have you do the painting and then you put like the most racist Sam Boak just like bright red lips and you're like oh well I'm out of all the skin tones because I use it in the shirt of the background so yeah in order to be resourceful exactly. You're never gonna believe this. Right yeah oh sorry about this guy. Indigo black again. So you spend 45 minutes watching him paint the whole thing and I'm like

god damn it I would watch that because it was genuinely entertaining and watching him work and then of course yeah he was fuckin' yeah. Much like Super Killer, he left it unfinished. And I said Vito. He just painted like a, um, uh, that MF Doom face on me but black. I'm like, well what is this? Now you've ruined it so no one else can paint it. Right. But man, I would love a Vito portrait black face. I didn't see that shirt thing.

That, well I was the only one who noticed that. I was trying to get him to you know get nicer clothes like to wear it you know nicer clothes again yeah and the future nope too many people commented on it but he looked great and did you see his hair I just use for an after hair yeah man that was crazy that's what I told him I was like like, Vito, you're doing great, man. Just fucking finish your shit. Then he said you're drunk, asking him to hang out.

What a fucking unreal, unreal. Well, you know what, Vito? I'm grateful. Ungrateful. Yeah. Give you this great idea. I don't even tell anyone at the party that this motherfucker's wearing two big white shirts

and one of them is slightly smaller than the other, somehow not big enough. Unreal. This is how you do me. God, he only had two, two drunk people stories and of a whole party full of drunk people. He's got two drunk people stories. What a guy. okay. Let's see what we got here. Uh, what's pissing me off is there's this like weird foster home that I noticed. Um, it's actually been around my life where I grew up my entire life. Cause I passed it all the time. I just thought it was a house with like a lot of kids in it or whatever, like right. Okay. And then I noticed the kids never aged

And I never see a 12 year old there. I only see little toddlers running around and then I realized Oh, they got us like a van outside like one of those like you know great vans and it on the side and painted family bus There are two weird um I Guess a foster home oh But they don't keep the kids until they're like they literally take all the kids out to another foster home by the time They're like a weapon That's probably fucked up right like no like vampires these people yeah, you don't want a bunch of Hanging around kids that are attached.

Look, foster care is a real Chesterton fence thing, you know? I don't want to go changing it when I don't know why it's the way it is, but I'm gonna assume that if they're getting kicked out when they hit puberty, that's probably a good idea. Probably. I don't know how much crack they have floating around in their system when they hit puberty. Somebody there hopefully knows what they're doing. Hopefully. That's all you can ask for.

Yeah. Okay. Hey man, I know you like hate the military. I don't blame you, but- It's just too expensive. For- It's just too expensive and they don't kill enough people. I mean Where's the killing? Look man, someone's got to eat all that McDonald's right?

And there's too many fat women in it And subway tell me you tell me about the military and I'll say okay So where's how many people are they killed today? Like whoa, we don't need killing We just play grab bass and get medals and stuff and Get paid he's talking about killing too easy. Yeah. Yeah too easy go kill some of those guys that are messing with us ever now Come to LA send him to LA you see all these guys Yeah. Wipe them out. Wipe them the fuck out. We really need you guys in here fucking bringing the law down.

A lot of crime happening fucking here, dude. ...have used gender-specific standards in terms of like physical fitness as a cop-out to just perform at the bare minimum and just be shitty and worthless and just last night the Secretary of Defense announced the the death blow to that of the women in general yeah we got women are done standards basically yeah all that shit that's! And women are freaking out about it because now they can't eat pieces of shit. Yeah, because they know the military is just about getting free money. So they're like, why the fuck do I have to do push-ups?

You guys are, they're like, well, you guys are doing push-ups, you get free money? Uh, yeah, it's amazing. It feels like we're... Feels like we're going back in time. These are things, we're getting things now that I stopped even fantasizing about 30 years ago. If they bring back Tiger's Milk bars, it's a fucking wrap. It's over. It's over. It's fucking over, man. Bring back the Marlboro duff bag, duffel bags, you know.

I want... Ooh, yeah. Rewards programs for the thing that goes. The Marlboro Man. Hell yeah. Bring it all back, man. Well, if RFK gets his way and pharmaceutical companies can't advertise anymore, which is like...

That'd be awesome. That'd be awesome. Fuck them. The news is going to have to, like, the news is totally exists because of pharmaceutical ads So they're gonna have to bring back tomorrow. Oh, man, I think They're gonna have to go back to cigarettes So that's what they have cigarette motorcycles cigarette motorcycles

Yeah, man, no more Viagra like get that car. I'm a row stock cars, bro. Yeah Like, stock cars. Wobbarow stock cars, bro. Yeah. It'll be funny. It's stuff like this military, different gendered physical standards. I remember seeing that as a kid and thinking, what a stupid, this is stupid. And nobody's stopping this?

Cause it's the only thing boomers care about is looking like a bad person, or hurting someone's feelings I guess. I don't know. All they care about is, oh no I'm not racist. Bro your son's dead. I think that would make anybody racist. Yeah you should be racist actually.

It's kind of weird that you're not. If your first thought wasn't, Yeah. MFF, mother fucker. You're actually kind of freaking everybody out. Not a person. Yeah. MFF mother fuck like you're actually kind of freaking everybody out not a person, you know But the new gen X people, nah, they don't really care about people thinking their aces

It's tired It's just tired. Yeah Yeah, I guess it sucks that the guy got that the gay hairdresser got sent to El Salvador, but I mean, I don't know I Didn't know about fast travel and Red Dead Redemption 2 so a lot of bad things happen to a lot of people Well, the worst part is that it was Randy of all people we had to tell you I know Because Randy Randy lost sleep over, but in a good way. He went home and he stayed up laughing. He stayed up laughing.

He just enjoyed it. What an idiot. Fucking sicko. Now I gotta play the whole game again. I would just never turn it on again. It's such a good game though. It is a good game. Okay.

Hey, it's Kirst. Do you know what wants your wife using your toilet? Just uh, take the seat off. There's no way she'll have the mechanical aptitude to use a screwdriver in five minutes to put it back on. What about you shitting in it? That sounds like some Maddox decoy like wallet type shit. Why wouldn't you want your wife using your toilet? How much is your wife shitting? Yeah, wha- huh. What the hell is- this is like this, you know? Welcome to the show about toilets.

Hey guys! You know what I hate about women? When they use our toilets, right fellas? Oh man, that- Every time she shits in my urinal, you see? You know what I hate about women when they use our toilets right fellas oh Man every time she shits in my urinal you see oh man women's peepee not on my shit That's what I say so I took the seat off Yeah, she's not pissing on my shit. No woman will ever piss on my shit. No way anyway You know I do love is Israel. Get out of here, buddy.

Yeah, you're done. You're done. You're done, buddy. Hey Dick, hey Johnny. Yo. Sean. My rage is the paranoia about getting tricked by AI. I was listening to The Biggest Problem

and the Voted Up Singer, which was just a pretty great song. I mean, not even the lyrics being mean to Vito Clark, but that did make it funnier. It was just like a legitimately good, well-produced song, seemingly. But the impulse to be like, oh,, that's gotta be AI. Like that's just, I don't think it is. I mean I would feel like an idiot if I was wrong about it. So obviously you wanna err on the side of, it's probably AI.

Maybe he wrote the lyrics, maybe that's up, but some of it's probably AI. Just cause you know, and everyone's gotta do that. Cause no one wants to be duped by like a computer. Yeah. That's just kind of annoying. I don't know Looking forward to show guys. Yeah. Yeah, I think If somebody wrote the lyrics, I don't really mind if they used AI to make the song Because AI can't write funny songs mm-hmm at all

Can't write any songs can't technically Can't write any songs. Technically can't write any songs. Yeah, I know what you're... We gotta draw the line at being duped. Like at some point it becomes just like somebody used AI to make a song that they wrote. That's not getting duped. But I do think they wrote the lyrics. Because computers aren't funny. They're not... they don't get anything.

Well, just assume like if it sounds like someone put any effort into it, it definitely was not made by somebody. Yeah. Yeah, you can tell it kind of has like an ethereal quality to it too. It's like a low bitrate song almost. Yeah. There where you know it's AI. As long as you're not the guy like trying to flirt with a two-headed woman on Facebook, I think you're gonna be alright. You got a leg up on the future.

Okay. You gotta leg up on the future Okay Hey the dick show what makes what makes beer rages we hear Chad with women online and you know you kind of hit it off with some chicken Then she sent you a picture. She's like an absolute whale and she's like a seem like an undead who weighs 450 pounds I'm too nice. I wish I could just be like, I'm sorry, I thought you were like a human sized. So I'll be like, hold on, I'm extremely, I'm like a crippling alcoholic. I'll be drinking my 14th beer of the night and she's like, try to soothe them away.

Like you don't want to buy this. Well, I don't want to be that. I don't want to do it. It's just me now. You're trying to like drop Bigfoot off in the woods? Like, no, no, Fatso, you don't want, I'm just, I'm so broken. You're doing it the wrong way.

If that's, you think you're going to get rid of fat women by saying that you're messed up. Yeah. They wear it on, you know, no one can avoid how fucked up they are. Go! Get out of here! That's... Shoo! Get out of here! Go return with your people! Go back to your herd! You don't want none of this! Free fucking Willy, yeah. Get out of... Go Willy! Go be free! And she's like, ahhhhhh!

Yeah, you should keep a little bucket of half-frozen fish you could throw, you know. Just say I hate fat women. Yeah. Just say right away, right off the bat, man, I fucking hate fat women. I saw a lowered VW Golf the other day. Yeah. It was about a centimeter off the ground, perfect fitment and everything. Yeah.

It looked awesome. Had a no fat chick sticker in the back. And I'm like, man, we really are back. Slide it in. Say, man, I saw, oh man, I saw this, I saw this woman get in a car wreck today and turned. She sat against it. She sat on a car. She was so, so, I think this woman dented my car. She sat on the front while I was at the AMP

and she dented it. Big fat, you don't have to say I hate fat, you know, say it, you gotta church it up a little bit. Yeah. Say I like really dislike obese. My dad hated fat women, say that. Oh man, my dad was awesome, he hated fat women. Yeah, my dad was cool.

He said, no fat bitches. I went to my favorite deli today and they were making, I went to my favorite barbecue joint. You know, I waited all morning since five in the morning because they get up early and they make about 50 pounds of brisket and all this stuff. And I was the second in line as a big fat woman. She ate it. She bought all of it it bought the whole barbecue out that fucking fat bitch Yeah, as a light aperitif. Yeah as like I just as you know

That will offend her. Yeah, cuz she's like why is he watching what one woman's eating? You know, so you're saying like I was at this I was at the I Was at work and this woman was eating a salad, like she was eating out of a trough. If there's one thing about fat women they hate when you notice what they're eating at work, especially if it's a salad.

Yeah. I used to watch this one lady, oh, this one fat lady- Say that right away. Eat a whole bag of popcorn every day. I'm like, you can't tell me that eating a pillowcase-sized bag of popcorn every day is remotely- It was a contractor bag. Yeah

That's the amazing thing. It was big black bags or just tell her hey pick on someone your own size, you know, that'll That'll shoot him away. It's mean funny throw it out there right at the beginning Then you don't have to bother with it later. Mm-hmm. I Just want to say I'm very sorry for voting for Trump Oh just kidding I said it but if the libertarian party god damn it fuck me I mean everybody else as well that banana character I wanted to get back an actual I Want you to join the Muslim religion and Okay, tariffs

All right, that's all I have to say I'm hey that's all yeah, okay cool email, Thanks, man last one I grew up in a We grew up in a fucking galactic void is the hell going on their family can take turns sipping from it Wait, what's the Mason jar behind the cow's pussy and wait for them to piss into the jar? So they and their family can take turns sipping from it. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What I grew up in a Indian community in America, you sure you say white Anglo-Saxon community

Jar singing and straight-up in America? You sure? You're saying white Anglo-Saxon community in America. The Mason jar can straight up hold the Mason jar behind the cow's pussy and wait for them to piss into the jar so they and their family can take turns sipping from it. I've seen this a few times, it's real, and sometimes the older white Hindu converts will also partake because they're more hardcore I'm drinking cow piss? I mean, younger people my age do it, but yeah, it's a thing. It's not a stereotype, just a stereotype. It's like an integral part of their culture. They will also collect the shit and make religious sculptures out of it.

And there was one guy who had a shack out in the woods and he made a ton of sculptures out of shit And he's like a tenured professor at like some university because they were like just totally into that anyways go fuck yourselves Go shit ourselves it sounds like You drinking some piss yeah Drinking some cow piss today Yeah, fuck it Yeah. Did you get some cow piss today? Yeah. Fuck it.

Yeah, you just hold the jar right here. Purple stuff, Sunny D, cow piss. Making sculptures out of shit? That's cool. Uh... Ha ha ha! Okay? What on earth?

I have got a woman alert for you. I was on the phone with a buddy of mine and his wife is in college. She's a finance major. She's in her final year. She's a senior. She graduates in like three weeks or something like that. What do you think she won't understand?

Finance. I too guess finance. I'm thinking it's related to either credit cards or home loans. I'm gonna say it's credit card related. I'll go tariff related just for the sake of it. Tariff related? Okay, let's see.

Whenever the thought call it. Anyways, related? Okay, let's see. Whenever the fuck I'll call it. Anyways, and I overhear or ask him, what is ROI, what does that stand for? And he proceeds to explain return on investment in the most broken down elementary way you could ever possibly explain ROI to someone. Like you would be explaining to your five year old nephew or your upcoming three month child, what are my god finance major a woman she's Asian

oh he had to explain it to her you know an ROI I mean what do you need ROI for the bank yeah let me break what are you? Come on, what do you need? Just vibe it, man, vibe. We're vibe banking. It's a business. Vibe business, yeah. Fuck, man, you're either making dollars or it don't make sense. What's the ROI on that?

These nuts. You're either cooking or you're cooking with grease. Cooking with ROI, nobody ever said that. What's the ROI on this shit? Nothing, I know what it means. It's ROI on this shit, nothing. I know what it means. It's got the ROI with Greece. Yeah, I know what ROI is, it's great.

What do I need to know all this crap for? It's a waste of time. Just man-splaining shit that I don't need. It might be on the test one day though. Test schmest. Yeah, but she's taking the test. She needs to know this. See, Asians, they don't, Asian doesn test. She needs to know this.

See Asians, they don't, Asians doesn't need to, they know ROI. It's like you don't know, I know what gravity is. I don't need a big college explanation of what gravity is. That's how they see math stuff, ROI. They're like, yeah, yeah, I mean I know what it is. It's like having aimbot, yeah. I don't need all these book learning words. Don't embarrass yourself.

All right, goodbye everybody.