The Dick Show - Episode 457 - Dick on Obesity Simulation Suits

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

Experts weigh in on experts, every deck in my neighborhood gets busted, a medical obesity simulation suit, a woman breaks a tree, a working in a factory survey, the Department of War blocks me for telling them not to kill kids, advice to hit on a girl at work, Weight Watchers goes bankrupt, Starbucks goes on strike, and fake crazy people; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Checkity checker, the Chinese chilemen. All these bottle openers on the table and I use a lighter to open them. I got bottle openers, bottle openers everywhere. Not a beer to drink. I drank them all. And how to fall. I am once again drinking alcohol in this household.

Once again I stink. That's a legit limerick. Wow. Man, I'm getting old. I could pull a limerick out. I gotta work on my limerick. Wow. Man, I'm getting old. I could pull a limerick out. I gotta work on my limericks, my dad jokes. I gotta bone those up. You gotta bone them up.

I gotta bone those up before the baby gets here. I gotta remove all the sexual innuendos and just focus on the dad jokes. Yeah, alcohol in this house. There we go. What were you saying about bottle openers? Oh, I was saying that. I gotta keep this. It's so hard doing podcasting with having raging tinnitus. It's hard doing anything with raging tinnitus. Oh man. Cause I got

like it on the very, very lowest setting and I can feel me on the biggest problem at the end of the week when I in my ears, I just hear, and I'm staring at Vito and I can feel me on the biggest problem at the end of the week when I'm in my ears I just hear And I'm staring at veto and I'm like I feel like I'm in a serial killer movie Yeah, and I'm the serial yet. I'm just watching him talk and I hear And I think people are starting to notice People are starting to notice your trip and the 10k is fading in just loud Like I can't turn it up because it's gonna I'm gonna have a bad time But it's working

That's great You were saying something about about something Oh, so you got all these bottle openers on the table and of course, they use a lighter to open mine But oh, yeah saying yeah was that have we discussed how women don't know ETA? You know what? No. It's because they think they think you're meaning to type eat. Well that too. You say ETA and they're like I know I already said yes to eating. Well there's that. Yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Riley and I talked about this. Okay. Um. What happened? It's just, I forget.

We were trying to meet up somewhere, but. Yeah. You know, you type ETA with a question mark. Uh-huh. What do you expect, Dick? What do I expect when I type ETA? Yeah. Just tell me the time you're going to get here.

Right. Yeah, not the time you're going to leave. Obviously, that would be stupid. Well, there's that too. Mm-hmm. But when you get 15 minutes instead of time You say why don't you tell me what what time it isn't in 15 minutes, and then go 45 minutes from now ETA 15 minutes. Does that mean you're gonna get in the car and leave in 15 minutes?

Cuz that's what I think it means based on my having you know in 15 minutes, because that's what I think it means, based on my having, you know, tracked you guys and observed you guys for as long as I have. And that's not a time. That's not a time, and it also doesn't help me. Yeah. But I can work with it. It's workable.

Leaving in 15 minutes, OK. In 15 minutes, you get in the car and you turn on the radio. But an ETA would be something like 1230, you know, because that's the actual time. Yeah, no. Estimated, yeah. We're never gonna get that, Dick. Just give it thumbs up. Give it a thumbs up. Thanks, honey. It exists still, yeah. That's great. I got bad news, Johnny. Uh-oh. We've got bad news on the fat front. Uh-oh. The fat fronts. We got bad news on the fat front weight watchers

Actually, this might be a good thing Yeah, if we buy it and turn it into an official fat watch thing like we watch we crowdfund Buying out weight watchers. Yeah and turn it into a mean-spirited thing I mean it was all really turn it into like the the junior wood checks where we send you a manual of weight watching and you got to go around Checking off saw a fat woman fall over in a rascal Yeah, fat woman with Disney rash they were crying fat woman eating a salad a big salad in her car at work Check a ranch soup No, cuz they were creating eating disorders for their business

I'm not a movie, it's not hell not a work, it's not hell not the park, it's not hell not the doctor's office. If we're just more on the face about it. You know. What do you guys, what do you scumbag and historians say that the group Weight Watchers actually started as an organization for women to lose weight? And then it's a cut to us. We still think it is. You know. We still want them to lose weight and then it's a cut to us. We still think it is, you know Don't want them to lose weight. Yeah, except you don't have to buy our shitty food instead. We're just mean you have enough food That's the problem high five Get a double-decker bus drive around the city

They drove the women drove Weight Watchers out of business. Is that, do I have this right? Is this right? Please, please, please, please, bankruptcy, come on. You guys were the last. You were the chosen one. Weight Watchers bankruptcy and what it says about diet culture now, it's dead. This is the end of an era. Yeah.

This is the end of an era, okay? What's next, like, Bally's or? Jazzercise, done. Is Richard Simmons dead? He is. He's spinning in his, he's flailing in his grave. He's steaming in his grave. Steaming.

You know? Yeah. Boiling in that semen. Sizzling in his grave. Weight Watchers is done. We're gonna have to do neighborhood Weight watchers. Local weight watchers? We have to put up a little sign. This neighborhood is on neighborhood watch.

Neighborhood, well yeah. And also neighborhood weight watchers. The guy's a little skinnier in the neighborhood watch sign. Yeah, Corgan tried to do a weight watchers, like fat watchers thing, but it just never looked right. So I said, we gotta do like, pie in the face, just woman falling over in a rascal. That's funny.

But we tried to make it real clever, or he tried to do it. I vetoed it and was like, hmm, yeah, well, you know, here's my feedback, which is not art. He eats it. Mm, damn. This is a sad day. This is,

this is 9-11 for straight men. I say we buy it and turn it into an even meaner thing. Well, I'll try. Obviously, Johnny, I'm gonna try. It's a good idea. It's a great idea. Maybe I could get Bob Rooney, you know, the real guy, Bob Rooney.

I get him on the horn. Maybe I'll get Al Bundy. Yes. Why not? Just everyone bring out your best fat jokes. If I could name my kid that, Albert. Albert? Albert Bundy.

She's sleeping. Don't let it, don't tell her about this one. Maybe I'll get it past the censors. Maybe I'll get it past the mom censors. Oh yeah, people are complaining about being late. Sorry traffic Traffic sorry. Oh, yeah, you know what's pisses me off dick. What's that? It's when they close a whole freeway right at the zipper Yeah, the zipper and then an accident happens at the zipper and in the back of my mind I

Immediately go I bet it's these people who got into an accident Yeah, oh and you see it's an old old Mexican lady and an Asian lady That's what I call that one chop over here and sue over here. Yeah, it was just kind of like either I've I Don't know what to be more disappointed in. Oh, that's a loud car wreck. That's a loud Oh, man, but right at the zipper too, and I said right at the zipper really something that One one of them has no experience with and the other is too much. Yes. Yeah, that's

Okay, let's go let's do the show at the point of no entlature even ah, let's go. Let's do the show. To the point of no entlature even. Ah, here we go. I'm gonna blow my fucking brains out. Okay. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA a a you want to keep me dick you love dick you got it it it's the show where everything is contest coming to you live from mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure I'm your host stick master sin aka the 20 million dollar man joining me is always in the best pisses pisses me off apparel is It's Johnny the audio engineer. What's up buddy? It's a nice actually black t-shirt. We both woke up today, reached for it, like the goblin mask. Yeah.

You know, in the closet. That pisses me off. It was beckoning to me. You know what else pisses me off? What's that? We had a short everybody. Hey, don't let me forget to play the AImatic stuff that Johnny Rocket sent in today.

We'll do, that'll be great. But you know what else pisses me off? Is motorcycle radios. Okay. Why the fuck do you need to listen to a radio at... Just blast it, man. You gotta get your tunes out there. Man.

On the freeway, what's wrong with that? When you're about to fall asleep, you know, you're coming down off a long day of drinking or driving or whatever. And you know, you finally think, ah, this is my one chance. Yeah. And then here comes some fucking asshole at stadium levels playing some- What, are you sleeping on the freeway? What are you talking about? No, this is a fucking residential neighborhood. Oh, yeah.

Some asshole blasting tunes. What was the, what was the- Some country bullshit. Some country bullshit. So it was like a Goldwing, some kind of Yes, it was a Honda Goldwing. Country cruiser. Goldwings, man.

You could just get that shit. RVs, two-wheeled RVs, those fuckers. I don't, that thing's bad enough. They're super comfortable to ride, whatever. I get it. But the novelty of needing to listen to what you deem is an acceptable level They tout the stereos on those fucking things too. If I can hear it in my car on the fucking freeway, like, goddamn, like you don't have Bluetooth.

There's no helmets with Bluetooth in them yet. There's no... anyway. But I was just like, man, finally I can sleep. And then here comes some goddamn Kenny Chesney concert, rolling on my street, goddamn three in the morning. What is this shit? We don't get a lot of Goldwings or other sorts of motorcycles up here. Rightfully so, yeah.

Yeah, we get a bunch of little bean rockets. These guys come up here and do Whippets, like half of the MS-13. I see them every time I leave. The MS-13 Junior Varsity League comes up here. JROT. Slams whippets on there. I'm like man, if somebody like just took like a fake, I don't know. I don't know how you put poison in a nitrous bottle. Just left it out there. One of these dummies like free nitrous. I think that would take care of the problem. I think you just rewrap like a fire extinguisher with it, right? Yeah.

I think you just rewrap like a fire extinguisher with it, right? Yeah Just put the little NX. No, Pellegroso. No, no scene Pellegroso. Go for it boys Fast and Furious NOS stickers all over it. Yeah put a picture of Vin Diesel brand Galaxy gas. Go nuts you degenerates. Go do nitrous in your own town. I can't wait to see Fast and Furious nitrous bootlegs. That's gonna be... Yeah. That's...

What a world. Uh-oh, here's another. But, good news on the Fat Front. So we lost a big battle in the Fat War. I mean, we might've lost Fat War I. I would say that's like the Treaty of Versailles. Was that World War I? One of the World Wars, but it's- I think it was I.

Weight Watchers going under- Oh man, that's like- That's World War I ender. That's kinda- well, that's almost like fries going out of business, you know? Like it was already- I remember as a kid, Weight Watchers was kinda already on shaky ground. Nah, those bitches would go in there and say what they ate. Which is really all it takes. That is all it takes.

You have to tell everyone what you ate today. Eater's anonymous. But we're winning, we won this one. Starbucks employees left a message for Donald Trump. Employees all across the USA stopped working for a few minutes, whoa, to protest illegal immigrants being deported. Oh, man, I bet this is good. Let's see. What was this all about? Go There they go this fucking bunch of waste oids

Weird hair people Gross body people crying about no time. I don't know. It's just I don't want to hear the music on this but I convenience in fat women people crying about Trump. I don't know. I don't want to hear the music on this. Inconveniencing fat women. Frappuccinos. They delayed the fattening by a little tiny bit, which is the best you could do. You can't stop it, but you can delay it a little bit. The chair of urban warfare studies at the West Point blocked me on Twitter a couple minutes ago for saying that they should stop killing kids in Gaza. That doesn't bode well for the kids, I don't think.

Bad day to be a kid, yeah. Yeah, the chief of urban warfare studies at West Point. That guy probably... What could he do? What's the worst he could do? What's he gonna do? Not kill kids? You guys gotta stop killing kids. Or just say you're doing it and you know it's bad. What could he do? What's the worst he could do? What's he gonna do? Not kill kids?

You guys gotta stop killing kids. Yeah. Or just say you're doing it and you know it's bad. Just tell me that you know it's bad. All right? Him blocking you is... that's the admission. That's the admission, but I need it in... I need you to say it. I need you to say, hey, we're doing it because we're bad. Oh, okay. I can work with that.

I can work with that. Yeah, it's like China, you know, they do bad stuff And they say yeah, we're doing it because we're bad. Yeah, watch me eat this bird's nest about it. Fuck you Yeah, we eat dogs. We don't care. We know that you hate it. We don't give a shit You guys gotta actually got to work on your racism. Yeah, you motherfuckers you get this every time We'll get there I It's Easter Is it yeah next week? I was wondering why all this pastel shit was happening everywhere I was going I thought it was having to give up anything for

Lent is that what you do now is that what people do I? Guess yeah, I've never given anything up Might have done it when I was a teenager, something like that, I don't know, a kid. Somebody told me something, girlfriend might've made me do it and that's when I learned how to lie, probably. What are you giving up for Lent? Whatever, anything. Everything.

I just gave it all up. Kids are probably pretending to give up pornography or something now. Lame. Having those conversations with their new girlfriends. What do you think about pornography? Uh, and then I, you gotta hear my voice. Lie. Lie to her.

Yeah. Don't tell her, don't tell her the truth about anything ever. Um. Rule number one, right? Yeah, rule number one. I can, I discovered a, um, a legit government conspiracy, I think, in my neighborhood. In the many ways that the government

has fucked me this week. Number one, they sent me a notice for a new project too. You know that thing that I tried to do that got shut down by the banks. LA sent me a notice that I owed them business taxes for that. And I said, that hasn't been active in, that was like five years ago. Yeah.

I don't, that's not active. They sent me like, you're on business all these years, you need to send us this. And I said, it's been done for five years. They said, okay, well for that year, you owe us, you owe us like 60 bucks. Okay, it was only active five years. And I said, okay, well for that year, you owe us, you owe us like 60 bucks. Okay, it was only active those years. You owe us 60 bucks and about $400 in penalties.

And I said, well, that sucks, okay. And the guy goes, but I'll waive the penalties if you pay the 60 bucks. And I said, okay, great. Here's 60 bucks. And then I get another mail, says, hey, you still owe these penalties. I said, okay, I'll leave it, you know,

I'll let it sort itself out, right? And I get another mail a month later, says, hey, you still owe the penalties and they're increasing. I'm like, okay. Hey buddy, I emailed the guy. Hey, I thought you said you were gonna wave the penalties. I'm still getting mails about the penalties. I don't hear anything. Okay, all right, well, probably a busy time for them.

You know, a weekday, probably pretty busy at the government, so I shouldn't expect your response right away. So the next week I say, hey, by the way, just checking in. I don't want to, should I pay this or not? It says it's gonna increase No response I get another Notice in the mail a month later as penalties went up now. It's like 500. Oh god, okay Like I don't have a choice here, you know

Email him again. I write a check Send it back. All right, there goes college fun kid. Sorry. I don't know what else to do here Nobody answers the phone. Nobody responds and then the next day I assume that the guy got it in the mail Mmm, and that he said aha this I've been waiting for this joke for like six months. He writes back. Oh, hey, you're Your your account looks clear now. I just looked and The penalties are wa clear now. I just looked and the penalties are waived now. I said, okay, well, I just sent you guys a check for all the penalties.

Can you give it back? And immediately he goes, oh no, our policy is that we don't refund penalties for any reason. What do you mean your policy? Can I get a credit or something? Can I get a free like pissing in public ticket get out of jail free card or something? Why? Why not? Why what do you mean? What do you mean? It's your policy that you can't refund anybody

It's like fucking with people at auctions Why did you tell me in the first place then man? Yeah, why didn't you just say fuck you? Pay the whole thing or you're going to jail That's pisses me. Yeah, it really, that really pisses me off. That's...what kind of bullshit is that? He ran the clock out on you. I don't know. I sent a form to the sewage people when I found out

that my house didn't have, um, sewage. I sent him like a whole spreadsheet of ten years of me paying for sewage. Did you start off the email with listen to you sewage people? Listen you shit packing son of a bitch. Listen you cross-eyed fuck. You fucking toxic.

Listen you fucking gigolo. I've had it up to here. I don't need you. I don't need plumbing, it's a scam. You're gonna scrub this whole mountain with shit and piss. Mm-hmm. Hey, here's the Blue Origin space flight that everyone is secretly hoping will crash,

but no one can say, you know, because it's untoward. But the one that's staffed with all women. Well, you don't even have to hope it's gonna crash. You know, I love, here it is, DEI? Six, shut up. Six women, including Katy Perry, Lauren Sanchez, Gayle King, Aisha Bowie, Amanda Nguyen, and Carrie Ann Flynn are taking an 11 minute trip

into space on the self-flying Blue Origin NS13 rocket on Monday. You know, this is actually a nightmare for them. Cause it's gonna be 11 minutes where they can't talk, where other people have to talk and they like can't interrupt, you know? Well, it's self-flying, so if they gasp from seeing something like space cows or space horses, you know.

Oh, do they do that in space too? I imagine there's space equivalents to everything. There's the sun. There's gotta be something to gasp about. There was an asteroid 46 million light years away. You almost hit it. If they survive, we'll join the ladies of The View for a debrief. Okay, this is what I love about this thing.

It's like, whatever, but it's... Every single woman on here is taking a different picture. They're all going to space together, but instead of getting... Instead of going, hey ladies, what kind of picture should we take? Should we be like, we're pioneers? Should we be doing a Vogue shoot? Should we be serious, we got serious journalists, we got fashion shoot, we got, I'm a serious astronaut.

We got, I'm black and on Netflix. I'm like a, you know, I'm overcoming adversity on the front page of Netflix in a shitty movie that doesn't deserve to be there. We got like, I'm from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air era 90s, black mom, and then we've got just like lost, lost in the void Instagram look back here. You know, perfect.

Hey girls, can we get a picture? All of you do totally different things. None of you work together at all on this. Click, nailed it. B-52s took a picture together or something. Everyone's got their own conception. Everyone's got their own thing. So,

the deck that the city's making me redo, perhaps you've seen it out there. I have. Looks like they're building a skyscraper. They should. Straight down. Yeah. Right?

My wife asked me, we're taking a walk, and she goes, well, will it make the house more sturdy? I'm like, well, I mean, I don't know if you get more sturdy than like 300 million years, nothing's moved here. I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, nothing's moved here. I guess, yeah, I mean, couldn't hurt, so maybe. I had these guys build a deck in the backyard. Did I tell this part already?

And it's perfect, it was perfect. We did soils report, everything's fine. You go down to bedrock, it's like five feet, go a little bit below the bedrock, hasn't moved in 300 million years, you'll be fine. Has zero risk for you know tectonic shifting or whatever awesome and the day the day

That it finished the day that they finished building it I get a notice from the city tape to the door that said hey, you're doing a illegal deck I'm like Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess. Yeah, like, what do you mean? It's my fucking yard. What do you mean I'm doing it? Oh, man. What are you talking about? Yeah, man. I guess. Really? Do you need fucking permits for everything? Really? Do you need fucking permits for everything? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uh Everything here was built in the 60s. It's total, everything here looks like shit. It's all falling down.

They just put cinder block walls up everywhere. They didn't even use, they used nothing. Because yeah, you'll be fine. I'll talk to my supervisor and hit you back up. And then a year later, I'm like, oh, okay, great. Year later, guy comes out and he says, oh yeah, the other guy's gone. He was temp for COVID.

Now I'm here and I'm a badass. I'm a hard ass. I take no shit and I said, oh fuck. All right. Subscribe to the Larry Methods. Come on, check it out. And he goes, Okay, it's great. I'm gonna go ride it up. You might have to reinforce these banisters because they're they're pretty weak and he's like 300 pounds. He's like see there's a lot of give to him Okay, just get through All right. Yeah, they're you're right. It looks very dangerous. I wouldn't do that if I was 300. I mean you yeah, you know

She goes yeah, no problem. I'll get you back Let's see what we can do It's like okay. You never wrote back. I'm yeah, no problem. I'll get you back. We'll see what we can do. It's like, okay, you never wrote back. And I'm like, all right, well, they must be busy playing pinnacle or whatever with their dicks or whatever they're doing down at the office of building things. The office of building things and they don't build anything.

They must be very busy down there. So I'm like, okay, it's fine. Everything must be resolved, right? And then in November, I get, last November, I get knock, knock, knock, hi guys. Hey, give me a call at this number. I say, okay, hey, what's up? And he goes, hey, this is the city, you're going to jail.

Uh, what? Said, yeah, I gotta send your case to the city attorney's office and we're gonna have a hearing and see what to do. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Are you fucking serious? What are you talking about? And he goes, well, Zach, you haven't fixed it.

You guys keep coming out and saying it's fine. By the way, it's gonna be fine for 300 million years according to the expert that I hired. According to the expert, it's gonna be just fine out there. There's gonna be monkey men or dinosaurs or robots crawling all over, having a little soiree on this deck in 500 million years. And when they nuke LA, when Osama Bin Laden nukes LA and the nuclear wave blows up the canyon and shoots out into space

I'm gonna be out here getting a suntan on my future me 10,000 generations in the future is gonna be out there on that deck getting a fucking suntan because it's fine I know it's fine. It's got 14 pylons going into bedrock that have been there for 300 million years. I know it's fine You don't know and he goes well the thing about the thing about you know, these fine. You don't know." And he goes, well, the thing about, the thing about, you know, these guys is you don't know. And I said, I know, I know that it's going to be fine. And it's attached to my fucking house. So if I'm wrong, I'm the one I'm gonna have to build a new house. All right, buddy. So he goes, well, we're doing your case, blah, blah,

blah, blah. Like, all right, all right, fine. I thought I could beat the system. I can't beat the system. I fucked up. Well, younger me fucked up. Now I got to get someone to fix this right It's not that you tried to beat the system It's that this system is so fucked that if there's so much goddamn red tape that they're generating money off of you Well, so this is why this is why I'm bringing it in. Yeah, so this is this is a system that should be beat. Oh Man, oh man. This is a racket. This is a system that should be beat. Oh man, oh man, this is a racket. This is a...

That's bullshit. Cause I get it, all right. And every time I talk to a guy, they're like, well, you see these houses in Malibu where the deck falls and all these people die. And I'm like, I don't really give a shit. Like, what do you mean? I've actually, I've seen a freeway fall over

during an earthquake. So why don't, maybe you guys should start looking at what you're building. I saw the 10 burnt down last two years ago So I think maybe you guys got a fiddle around with your own shit before you start dicking around in my back All right, whatever oh No, maybe it will lean. Oh god. Yeah impossible to fix Whatever

impossible to fix whatever The guy says okay, you know good we're going to the we're going to throw you in jail because you haven't fixed it in five years like well you guys said So I'm having a little party yeah, and put me in jail forever. Yeah, do me a favor Yeah, put me jail forever. Will you guys fix it while I'm in jail or am I gonna have to deal with I get it when? I get out. Oh, I was thought to deal with it when I get out? Oh, I still have to deal with it. OK. Never mind about the jail thing.

Having a little party, and I found out that a city attorney is going to be there. So I'm like, oh, OK. I start hatching my Grinch plan, right? Like, ah, OK. All right. So I spend the whole party trying to ease it into the conversation, right?

What about this deck pack here? Let's take a tour of the house, you know? Come on! Like full on, full on acting. Bring out your nicest whiskey, you know. I'm like, oh, I better not drink too much. You know, I need to be able to seize on my opportunity. Right.

This is how it works, right? Carpe is the deal. This is what Trump would do, right? gotta you know I'm gonna grease some wheels here We're out there and Guy goes this is a nice. This is a nice deck, and I said funny You should maybe a little bit too fast. It's funny you should mention that Cuz it's getting referred and I explained the whole case to him he goes that sucks those guys are assholes I said those guys are assholes. I said, those guys are assholes? What do you mean those guys?

It's you guys! Yeah. What? He goes, yeah, you know, it's best to just do what they say. God damn it. Everyone's in on it. Everyone's in on this. Everyone's in on it.

I'm the human shield. That's what I find myself thinking when I routinely have to get sucked into the human shield debate. Well, these guys are using human shields, so that's why they get killed and I say, Do you not feel like a human shield? Because every day I wake up I feel like a human shield. Human fucking ATM machine every day, Jesus Christ. I wake up and feel like a human shield. Like a human fucking ATM machine everyday, Jesus Christ.

I wake up and something will happen and it gets taken out on me, the human shield. And there's never been a day in my life where I've felt like anything but a shield shield a meat shield for banks or for work or for assholes or for women and watch TV and the TV depicts me as a human shield I Talk to people in real life, and I'm being targeted and attacked as though I'm defend I'm certainly defending something people aren't just Just beating me up for no reason. I'm certainly defending something. People aren't just beating me up for no reason. I must be defending something like profits

or interest rates. I certainly remember being targeted for injection of experimental vaccines. That felt pretty human shieldy for old people. I'm pretty sure they ruined all of our lives to be human shields for old people or banks. It's been happening a lot. I can remember it happening a lot. I'm pretty sure that when I get stabbed, it will be as a human shield for racism so minorities

don't get their feelings hurt. Or something else. Some- or shielding some shit I don't care about from something that's gonna harm it or inconvenience it in some way. So when I find myself in conversations about human shields with other people who I guess don't know that they are human shields,

I think, what are you talking about? You're a toy. Hey, dummy, you're a shield. Hey, Buzz, look around. You're a toy. That's how it feels. Amas is using these guys as human shields. You mean us.

Our guys are using us. Shields. Yeah. From shield, from human shield to human shield, I really beg you to rethink your stance on the expendability of human shields. Just stay with me on that point. Consider for the moment that as a shield,

you didn't have breakfast this morning, but I did have. Shields don't eat breakfast, dude. I'm the shield, so I said, okay, I'll do it right. Go and hire these people, spend way too much money, and they start building the Suez Canal in the backyard. Digging down. Should've just made him build a wall. They are building walls, part of it.

Oh, sweet. It's a great wall. I'm gonna put my Trump hat in, bury it in there. Like a Indian burial ground curse. Maybe I'll put the Sonichu. Which kind? I'm gonna drop the Sonichu medallion 16 feet down in the ground.

It's like a, it's like a wishing well it's like a cursed well that down there from like the from the what's that movie the cursed well no it's the ring you know the well that that oh yeah that's right did anyone rape that chick in that movie probably been a while feminists got a rape video game removed from steam huh because it had I guess the point of the game was that you rape women I said well we can't have we can't have this this is just taking most of the games off steam yeah yeah that would be great that's great why don't you guys do all the other shitty games too?

Yeah, just take all the shitty games off and maybe I'll be on board. So I'm thinking, what if it's a mobile game, like women don't play video games. That's a myth, they play mobile games. What if it's a mobile game where you try to get rape games taken offline? You try to get like games taken offline and you have to like devote, like you have it, you have outrage points. And it's basically a reskin of like a Skinner Box game and you buy upgrades like devote like you have it. Oh, yeah You have outrage points and you it's basically a reskin of like a skinner box Right and you buy upgrades like any more outrage I need to buy more clicks to get my message out and you got to like tar a new rape game has appeared You know, it's like this game is like women fuck dogs. Oh, I gotta really get rid of that game

I got a you got to harness these I got to put these hoes to work is what I'm saying Yeah, you got hose I got work. It's like a long down that the more info and shit you put in it actually fills out real petitions and things Yeah, that'd be a good idea. I think that'd be fun game of fire Let's game of fire this Getting rape games take they loved women love Getting rape games tape taken offline tickle games, whatever So let's make a little dosh on it, yeah

Just start taking down all the shitty games and you know again, I'll be on board Take down one shitty game for every rape game you take down Just take down take all Just get them all down. I gotta check out that... What am I talking about? Checking out the Steam Deck. I have a kid. I don't have time for this shit. All the more reason to have a Steam Deck.

You know who told me to get a Steam Deck? Who? There's a guy who just had a kid. Oh yeah? Mm-hmm. Does he live with a kid? He does. He's rich enough to...

You gotta ask. Oh, is he a deadbeat? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay, well... No, he's awesome. I You gotta ask. Oh, is he a deadbeat? Yeah, oh, okay, well. No, he's awesome. I'm just kidding. In general, you know, speaking, contemporaneously, is that a word? It is now.

It is now. It's a word in the, it's a new rip of verse, Karen. So I said, all right, do the deck, build all the god, dig down 16 feet. I said, just question, how far does the house go down? And he goes, oh, three feet into the bed, right? I said, is that the same as the pylons that I put in? He goes, yeah.

I said, okay, well, thanks, at least I know. Go ahead, because the code says 16 feet for some reason. Because it just always gets a little bigger, a little safer. Look, man, your safety is our number one concern. So I'm walking the dog and the neighbor says, what are you doing, why are you building, what are you doing back there?

Where are all those guys, where are all those guys doing? I explain the situation, he goes, oh man, they got everybody, they got everybody on the street. This guy, this guy, this guy, everybody got him. I'm like, so they went, so these fuckers, he goes, yeah, they get on a satellite and they go and say, this is different than here, pull up the papers, no permit, boom, done.

Up and down. What is that shit? Talk, you're right. Oh. I don't like that. I don't like that either. I don't like that. I really don't like it. You got to put put a whole fucking like they did in the world war two with all the nets over Burbank. Yeah

That's why I should have done put a bunch of plants like an inflatable Hillside shit, they're just put paint like a guy's a Guy doing the goat sex pose. Oh, yeah asshole out on the decks like ah a guy doing the goat sex pose, this asshole out on the deck's like, ah! So it's like when you're flying over in a helicopter, if you were looking from satellite imagery, it's really like, even if you're zoomed out, it looks great.

And the whole time I'm doing it, I'm just afraid that they're gonna discover where the shit pit is, because I don't know where it is. I don't know where all the shit in this house goes. It doesn't go in the plumbing, goes somewhere. You're gonna bring an Indian plumber out here and ask him what oh it goes to a whole different planet I hope so right now. I'm just waiting. I'm inside waiting for like to hear a bunch of guys going

No, and then it like the smell of you know 60 years of poop I'm like, please don't please don't be the shit pit back there. Oh Man, just don't do any more pit back there. Oh, man. Just don't do any more construction at the bottom of the canyon. You should be fine. Ah.

Go put a jacuzzi down there. Yeah, that's the last thing I need. Stroke out like Matthew Perry. Oh, yeah. OK. And then die from ketamine. It's ketamine, man. It's the worst.

It's the worst. Let's see, the chief of urban warfare studies blocked me. Oh yeah, experts. You know, I'm sick of experts. Me too. They should become an expert at sucking a dick, blowing their brains out. Well, they're already experts at the first part.

That's why they're experts. The smug motherfuckers. Do you want to watch that little part of the Joe Rogan show where that cocksucker comes on and... You know what? I have seen that. We better watch a little bit just to get some contact. That shit was so... So infuriating, man.

Like, it's really... The whole concept of expertise in journalism is like an anachronism from a time from before time when it took so much money and effort to get knowledge and it doesn't anymore. You have all knowledge, any knowledge that you want to get is free and sometimes you have to pay to not get it. It's just like constant flood of information and knowledge and you know you can tell that this is true because of cutting-edge skills and crafts where all the money is there's no education

for it. There's no formalized process for like tons of like engineering jobs and machine learning and AI jobs. Kids are teaching, kids are in college or in school, but they're teaching themselves this because there is no structured formalized bottleneck. There's no barrier to entry to this stuff because information just doesn't get organized like that anymore. It's all free. So there is no need for, hey, I'm here and I'm pouring through these archives. I'm putting all this work and cataloging information to then bring it up, to then bring it out of the caves

and disseminate it to all you people. That's an expert. That was an expert. That was a journalist. Now it's just like, yeah, man, I just like sit on, I just Googled shit all day. Like you went to class and googled shit all day, which in some cases in some cases better, but Not always this shithead I'll get to the examples later. This is the yeah, I got some good examples, too

Yeah, it's like it's the fucking Well, we'll say somebody I said somebody saw somebody posted it making fun of this. It's this it's the Joe Rogan interview between Dave Smith and Douglas Murray The credentials as the former is a podcaster and the credentials of the latter is English literature major like Okay, you guys you guys are just like literature major. Like, okay, you guys are just like, you're scumbags. You're both like the chosen scumbags of the two sides of this debate. And here is the liberal side of it. I don't even particularly like Dave Smith. I think he's kind of a douchebag too, but here's the other. This is the douchebag on douchebag crime.

There was no deficit of goods coming in. I've been plenty of times. There was no deficit? No, there were plenty of... No goods were kept out. There are plenty... How many... Have you been to the crossing points? No. Eugh. When were you last there at all?

I've never been. Eugh. You've never been? Oh. Am I not allowed to talk about it now? You've never been to Rheen. I've never been to Nazi Germany. Are you allowed to have feelings about them? You can't time travel, but you can travel.

Okay, but so what? So what's the point? No, I find that very- Lots of people have been there and agree with me and lots of people have been there and agree with you. So I don't know what the- But if you're gonna spend a year and a half talking about a place,

you should at least do the courtesy of visiting it. All right. I just think this is a non-argument. You don't think? No, I think it's a non-argument. You don't think? But okay. No, I think it's a non-argument. But if you're an expert- Will you have to go and touch the ground? No, I think you have to see,

I think it's a good idea to see stuff, particularly if you spend a career talking about something. Yeah. Yeah. I have a journalistic rule of trying- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before. So the biggest, the preeminent expert in the world at where I want to spend my money

is me. Yeah. Whatever it's on, you know, if it's on a bunch of windmills or killing a bunch of Palestinians kids or having a LGBT theater troop in Australia or whatever you're doing with my money yeah sending it to the moon whatever is happening with my money the expert the biggest I mean by far the most the most storied professor on where my money should be spent by leagues, 20,000 leagues, is me. I mean, no one can even, maybe my father is probably, he probably has a pretty good bead

on it. He studied it for, he studied where I want to spend my money for a long time. As my wife too. She could tell you, but I don't tell her about any of the crypto stuff. So she's working on a smaller subset of knowledge that my father is. But bar none is this guy right here.

And that's what we're really talking about. With all this stuff, it's all some big spiel car salesman pitch, so that I, and by extension, everyone listening and everyone in the country, will spend their money and their allocation of resources, which is what politics is, on whatever you're fucking selling. So when you're coming in here, I'm the expert on this. Yeah, the problem is I'm the expert on where I want to spend my money.

And my expertise is saying, nah, I don't really buy it. You're full of shit. I don't really care. And you're making me come up with a reason not to care, which is how society works. And it's kind of antisocial and malignant and a B cluster if you can just say nah Fuck you. I don't care and it's a very it's much more common in my generation than others to say actually I just don't care. Yeah

That's dumb. Yeah, that's dumb. Actually, it's gay. I'll do you one more what you're saying everything. I believe you I believe that you know everything but what you don't know is how gay you are And I'm afraid that today yeah, we're dealing with game Yeah, maybe tomorrow will be for gay, but today Is for me Today we're doing what I want to do and what I want to do is nothing to do with that Mm-hmm all that shit that you just said, turns out that's all stupid and I don't care.

And I just want my money. And I want you to fuck off and stop bothering me. That's my expertise over here. Then you get sucked into this shit. Well, you got to go there and be a jerk. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think so. I think I just have to not give a shit.

Yeah. I've been doing that for a long time. Yeah. I think I have to watch for that. I've been doing that for a long time. Yeah, just show me enough Indian street food videos and I'll form my own opinions. Thanks. Yeah, but you don't understand. It's actually very clean. Nah. Nah, yeah. I don't think so. I'm good on that.

The experts told me I have to tear down a perfectly good deck, build another one. Yeah. Where were you on that one, dummy? Oh, have you even been there? Somebody threw up a, here's a, this is a funny, funny one I pulled out of the expert conversation. Cause I guess it's gonna go on forever. It is.

Well in audio too, right? You have your mix engineer and typically your mastering engineer. But everyone thinks, oh, well, they're the mastering engineer. And then, so everyone thinks that they're the master at some point. They're the best. Yeah.

It's like, no, they're making the master copy. They're not good at shit. They're only mixing the already, they're finishing the already mixed files. Like they're not doing anything important other than. If you give them unmixed files, it's like, I don't know what to do with this. Yeah.

They're fucking morons. All they, 90% of mastering is filling out these PQ sheets that were show you where things start and end Oh, really cut it. It's all this technical shit hmm 10% of it is going yeah That sounds right that sounds like cuz it should be already mixed and already sounding good But then everyone goes well that guy's the mastering engineer, so he's got to be good at something. He's got to be the best Yeah, yeah, no, no, it's not the way it something. He's gotta be the best. Yeah. Yeah, no. No. It's not the way it works. He's not.

He's a fucking deaf moron who can't mix his way out of a paper bag. That's why he's mastering. Um... Oh, fuck, where... Speaking of which, if you need any masters, hit me. Here is... Yeah, okay, this guy. I just finished watching the Doug Murray.

And these guys, this is like indicative of responses that you get to this guy. I just finished watching the Doug Murray. And these guys, this is like indicative of responses that you get to this shit. Look at all those words, man. Yeah, you know you're wrong. There is no brevity or levity in any of those words. I guess honestly, that's kind of, maybe with AI, we'll get to shed this idea of like compelling arguments, like factual arguments. We'll get to shed this idea of like compelling arguments like factual arguments we'll get to lose it because I saw I saw this well you know it's um

it's about facts not feelings thrown up a lot and I think you know that's like a real dopey simplistic reductive like false way to live your life that it's a- first of all that's not a fact. It's about facts, not feelings. Like, does it- how does it feel saying that? Does it feel factual? Do you feel- do you get that glowing feeling of factuality in your stomach when you have a credo?

Like, it's about facts, not feelings! Are you sure that's not just like a warm blanket that you put on? I personally, I don't give a's about facts, not feelings. Are you sure that's not just like a warm blanket that you put on? I personally, I don't give a fuck about facts. Like I hear things, I'll read things, I'll look at things, I'll listen to things. And then I kind of just rely on my brain computer to tell me how I feel about it.

And I learn, I try to identify the feeling of like, I try to identify the feeling of like self-destructive myopia that comes from inside of me and go, whoa, whoa, that's a bad one. Don't listen to that feeling. Yeah. That's a bad one. Don't do that one.

It's not worth it. And eventually, if you sit there long enough in your mancelium and you can identify pretty much every parent in your genetic lineage, you know, all the bad things that they put in you and go, no, that's a bad, no, I know that guy. No, get rid of him. No, that's a bad guy. No, no, that's a, don't listen to that.

You don't want to prove them right or no, block them out. Eventually, the correct feeling will come through and it has nothing to do with facts. It's just a feeling that is, I don't care about this. How does this affect me? It doesn't. I'm just putting off doing work by caring about this. I always hate when people go like, what if it is something that affects you?

It's going to affect you eventually. I'll kill it then. I'll shoot it. How about that? I'll kill myself then even. Is it going to affect me more than me getting thrown in jail for building a totally perfect deck for under budget? What hasn't been affecting me at this point? I'd like to know that first. Yeah, exactly.

And then we can go from there. When this affects me, there's gonna be something else affecting me that I have to be a human shield for. So I'll let them fight it out. Yeah. Okay? You guys deal with it. I've been dealing with everything fucking else. What happens when Russia is on your front door?

Like, I don't know, man. Russia and Israel are gonna have to fight over who I pay my taxes to then, I guess. Guess I'm learning Russian, man. I don't know. I don't know, gosh. Guess who has better human shield benefits? For sure.

Because I hope I end up with them. I don't have any choice over it. Yeah, it's like we don't have a choice anyway. So who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? Who gives a shit? Why are you worrying? People just like to worry, man.

You know what pisses me off? Yeah. This guy is falling ass motherfuckers. Yeah. Stock market is, oh my God. It's like, we gotta stop these tariffs. Oh my God, everything is just- I don't give a shit.

Like where have you been? I got more stocks than you. Yeah, where have you been since COVID, man? What's been good about the past few years even? Or I mean, there has been, but you know, it's like, Yeah. It's not like, oh man, if only it was like last year where things were so great. It's like, no, we had the same complaints last year.

And if you look anywhere in history, people have always been complaining. Yeah, and I guess my hope is with the AI that it frees us from having to come up with rational arguments because the AI can do it. The AI can do it without typos. It can come up with them all day. I just want an AI that when you go, hey, dissect this whole guy's argument for me.

It just says, LOL, this guy's gay. Yeah. And it's like, okay, well, that's what I'm doing. That's what the AI says. That's what I'm running with that. Look, man, the AI said you're gay. So it said that was too much to read. So if the computer says that, that means you I'm doing. That's what AI says. That's what I'm running with that. Look man. I'm doing it. AI said you're gay, so It said that was too much to read so if the computer says that that means you're for sure. You blew it out Yeah, you got to fine-tune yourself, bro. That was a whole rainforest. You fucked up. Yeah. I love that argument

You're destroying rainforests to make studio get like come on. Oh, yeah. Everybody's just shut the fuck up Like yeah, they for some reason they I guess they think water is being Thrown into another dimension. Yeah with the use of AI exactly. Yeah, and not just heat it up What's crazy, right? I've lived this whole time without an Amazon Prime subscription and then yeah all the recent Amazon shit and everyone's like I'm Canceling my Amazon Prime. I'm like, wait, if you're so hardcore into this ideal, why did you ever have one to begin with? Like, I'm just too lazy to get one.

But like, really? Like, you've supported this asshole for all these years and then you're like, oh, I'm gonna make a real change. I'm gonna make a real change. I'm canceling it. You already sent your money and like. That guy's still driving around. I just finished, here's this guy. I just finished watching the Douglas Murray and David

Smith debate on the Joe Rogan show here are some quick thoughts you don't need to be an expert to talk about politics society or economics who the fuck is this guy though just some guy I picked the big ones they all have like millions of okay I just pick ones that are like representative of the because I thought it was funny you don't need to be an expert to talk about politics to politics society or economics But expertise gives you context depth judgment and credibility To morons to morons You know, you know you ever heard the saying like the from the mouth of children come the mouth of babes come like great insights

Nobody ever says like wow that kid just got back from Gaza. He's got some really amazing things to say about that. He looks like shit. Man, this little child is a jerk. No, it's because they say axiomatic truths that are, because they're a clean slate, they don't worry about the things that they're saying, how they're being judged and where they come from.

They just say what they see. All the greatest artists, like experts technically, are like, no, unlearn everything. Like develop yourself. Unlearn English, man. If you find yourself reading. I'm trying. If you find yourself reading someone's explanation of anything that you disagree with, just say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, is speak o in glaze. No, you know yamo and no

Abla in glaze bro. I stopped lo siento entirely because I don't want to fill my head with anyone else's thoughts Yeah, I just stopped reading. I'm like, well, I'd rather be retarded in me. Okay, it's hard in someone But expertise gives you context depth judgment and credibility That's why this is a black guy by the way, that's why we listen to people like Neil deGrasse Tyson, who's wrong all the time. That guy is wrong all the time. Every time he tries to say something that's not about astrophysics, he's wrong.

Stephen Hawking, who nobody listens to, computer man. Yeah. I don't even know, like, not even and Isaac Newton. Cool. I thought it's funny because Isaac Newton spent most of his life writing about alchemy which is like totally crackpot retarded. Right. He discovered a shitload of physics things but he also didn't discover even more alchemy shit about turning garbage and lead into gold which was all retarded and he wrote a lot He wrote a lot about that that people don't like talking about

Isaac Newton also dumped all of his money. I mean all of it into the South Sea Company, which was a Which was a shipping company that had the monopoly on for the entire Spanish empire on trafficking African slaves. So if we're going to start consulting the experts generally on things, I don't know if those are the three that immediately would pop to mind. Let me see if I get another one.

Newton kind of went hard, man. He's like insane into alchemy and shit haven't so he was really insane also was like hey, man check this out I don't know if he did it for the slaves, but he just like this is a whore He lost all of his fucking money. He was just industrious man mm-hmm for a time anyway He got one thing right he got one thing right and that's kind of everything else he got wrong mm-hmm Which is the whole point. Yeah, to think he got gravity wrong was insane. Okay, then this one was, yeah,

today on the Joe Rogan Show, imminent scientist Albert Einstein, oh yeah, okay, let me see if I have this one. This guy's saying that, this guy compared it to Bozo the Clown and Einstein's. Well, who did the dub is like the most important. And then here, I got one more and then I'll stop talking about this.

I saw expert in comics on your timeline. Oh, there's Sven Stoffels with a prolapsed Kermit coming out of an asshole. That's awesome. Let me see that. Look at that. That's disgusting. Hilarious. Sven Stoffels. Great artist everybody. Yeah he's great I can't wait till this comment comes out. Speaking of great art, shout out to Corgan for these that pisses us off shirts. Um, fuck what was I looking for? Oh yeah this one. Okay. Today in the Joe Rogan

experience, eminent scientist Albert Einstein and Boza the Clown will debate the topic. Relativity, really conspiracy. Okay it's funny right scientists Albert Einstein and Boza the clown will debate the topic relativity really conspiracy. Okay It's funny, right Albert Einstein is so smart Albert Einstein was totally wrong on Quantum mechanics he said no, that's not that's not right the whole field totally wrong. Not right at all Just get rid of doesn't play dice with the universe totally wrong. It's like a hundred years behind Yeah So if they're debating anything, but that the clown would be correct just FYI the clown would be correct

But I don't know I think you guys are addicted to their experts. I'd love an AI too. Oh, yeah, they love it They love this AI image generation like ah see look at I Have depicted myself as the the Chad moon man and you the seething you are the seething bitch You are in the chair in this fake Hotel room that I generated Those memes always crack me up. I've, you know, I'm the Crimson King. Thank God that they, And you're the fuckin'.

Thank God that they don't let you generate child porn. Cause then they would just be people generating you raping kids. Like that would be every argument on the internet. You know that it's true. That's true, Vito's response to everybody. Everybody. In positive comments.

Like I hate to be anti Prohibition on stuff. I don't want I don't want those models. I mean look whatever But you're gonna do it to exist. It's just that I Don't want things to be prohibited, but it's like yeah, you motherfuckers actually can't handle your drugs. You really can't. I can. None of you all can. None of you all can. It's a tough road to take.

It's a tough, it's a, it's a tough lesson. It's a tough lesson to learn at this point in your life. Oh man. Yeah, I guess it's as easy as I can. None of you all motherfuckers can. Fucking A. Fuck. Like sports gambling is so big now, but God, it's just devastating to people.

Ruins millions of lives. It's kind of funny in a sick way. It is. Like, oh, all I need is just for this chance of a chance of a percent of a chance to work out for me. Oh, man. Like it's sad to see. It is sad to see a lot of it's sad to see. Hopefully tariffs will help. But the sky is falling though, Dick. So, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And here's the other example I brought in.

There's this guy who this guy who took a bunch of sane people and sent them to Psychiatric facilities cool and said just act like yourself. Don't goof around You know just act like just be normal except say that you heard a voice in your head say the word empty Hmm, that's it and then act like normally sound like people in. So the experts in charge of the psychiatric facility said, you got schizophrenia, get in here. And then the people would act totally normal

and the experts would go, they've got normal presenting psychotic. Like they would invent all these insane reasons why the people belonged in there. And they would prescribe them them ass loads of medication. Medication that has serious side effects, life-destroying side effects, right? Because they said, well, these guys are insane.

And all they did was come in and say, I hear the word empty, is there anything wrong, a matter with me? And the doctors and all these experts would say, well, turns out, yeah, you are, you know, I don't know, you look a lot like a nail, so I'm gonna hammer you into the asylum back here. Got money to make, dammit.

You know, they just like, they get it in their heads, like this British fuck on the Rogan show, they get it in their heads that it's their job to do one thing. And if you put anything in their path that's not, and that's something else that deviates slightly, they're like, well, I gotta hammer it. That's, and to be something else that deviates slightly. They're like, well, I got a hammer it I got it. That's And to be you know

perfectly fair You're kind of playing a prank on them But but it's important to keep in mind so the so the guy said I've tricked you guys April fools Those were all normal people and they said I'll fuck you do it again send some other people again So then the the expert started, you're faking it. Oh, and all the insane people in the Insane Asylum says, you're faking it. You're just a normal person.

I know you're not crazy. Right? The normal people, right? Doing their own research. They're like, you're not crazy. You're fucking around. I know, I know crazy. I'm crazy. You're fucking around.

Which is exactly what's happening now. Normal people like me are like, you guys aren't good. You're fucking around I know you're doing bad shit. Everyone's doing bad shit. I'm doing bad shit. I thought I'd get away with an illegal deck I didn't I Know you're doing bad shit. I know you're I know you're Loving doing the genocide we all want to do the genocide. I get it. I don't want to pay for it That's the problem, and I don't want any of the refugees um so the crazy people said you're not crazy you're fucking

around the doctors got embarrassed they said do it again like I said no no no and they said we know you're doing it you're gonna do it again you fuck you motherfucker you're gonna do it again so then the doctors would go around you know nationwide they'd say we ha ha we caught one of your guys we caught one of your fakers again we gotta get out of here, and they would start catching you know fake crazy people and The guy said they interviewed the guy said well how many other fake crazy people did you send in? How the second phase of your trials going you guys I didn't send any other crazy people in these guys They're all just pretending like they're all nuts now. They're all in their head. He created crazy experts. He create he was the first gay opera

Well, because he he I gotta look up his name and they don't know shit They went mad trying to get locked in. Yeah, they're experts at diagnosing Crazy people, but they're not experts at telling you if somebody's saying mm-hmm That's what it is. If they you say here's a crazy person, what's wrong with them? They'll come up with things. But if you say, here's a normal person, if they say, here's a person, I don't know if he's crazy, they cannot tell you if he's not.

That's the major takeaway. That's the bigger function that should be learned. And that's what these guys are claiming they can do as experts is we can tell you if something's fucked or not. Like you cannot. You can tell me how it's fucked if I know it's fucked. You cannot tell me if it's fucked or not. That is.

That is not, that is a, that's what the crazy people can tell you. And you're not crazy, you're an expert. Let me find the name of that. I wanna say it's raw. That's not raw shock. Rosenbaum, probably you can't go wrong with Rosenbaum. I'm sure, yeah.

Let me see, fake, psychiatry, patience, joke. Probably not, he probably didn't call it a joke. Probably called it a, oh, that did come up, Rosenhand. Probably not. He probably didn't call it a joke. Probably called it a... Oh, that did come up! Rosenhan. Rosenhan. All right. Okay, was that fake? The joke you're... AI. Again, the joke you're likely referring to involves the notion of someone faking a mental illness to gain entry into a psychiatric hospital, often based on the Rosenhan experiment. Yeah. That's my point on experts. Yeah, they all suck.

Well, it's crazy too, because like with the audio industry kind of drying up a little bit, everyone's turning to making videos and stuff. Oh, here's all my secrets revealed. You know, here's all this. Oh, yeah. Not only does no one want to hear that shit, except for people who are getting in and don't realize, like, you don't need to learn all that, like, that's all for idiots. But... It's like a kind of, um...

I don't know how to call it, but like, people who really want to get in on something, they voraciously consume, like, expert materials in a way that's almost like a form of like credentialism. Yeah. Like I feel like I'm more in it because I watch this even though they're not learning any skills, you know what I mean? Here's my master class. Yeah. Like, okay cool. And then it's like, well I watched 10 master classes today. Like now I'm a master at something. It's like...

Did you mix any audio? Yeah. No, I just watched this guy. Just watched his master class. Well, the roommate used to watch Sam Harris videos every day and he'd come out and be like, okay well what if you did find God? What if you found the answer to everything you've been looking for? Like, that doesn't change the fact that we still have to go to work tomorrow

and that our lives fucking suck, dog. Like, yeah, it's doesn't like if we saw God come down right now and be like, or Jesus or whoever, like, oh, man, you're not going to believe this. But I'm real. We'd be like, oh, shit, that's crazy. OK, we'd go back to smoking and drinking and fucking again back to work. We go like I wouldn't change so this obsession with like figuring out like the like We're gonna figure out where everything comes from it's like okay, so what if we did like what would that do anyway? Young person thing it's a young person thing

But it was just funny because he'd watched those all day and then come talk to me about his enlightened perspective and I'm like talk Like you're talking to someone who's had two hours of sleep in the past two days like I you can't talk to me about any of This philosophical shit. It's just time waster shit. Yeah Did Jesus have any like back pain or shoulder pain or anything like that? I'm sure his hands hurt, but he's carpenter. Yeah, did it hurt it should have hurt Right if he would have got Brad if he would have died at 45 instead of 33 and he got Brad back to life Would he show what his dad? Well, they're still hurt Jesus's funniest trick actually was getting nailed to the cross and having to pretend like What was he doing for those he should have been happy right like 33 years with this stinking grub filth

Surrounded by it imagine knowing what the future finally take a shower imagine the showers in heaven He couldn't text anyone on his phone and order of weed There's no uber eats back then they have weed in Jerusalem. Can they grow weed out there? I? Don't need a more moderate climate That's a good question can you grow weed on the ground in LA or Do you need a more moderate climate? That's a good question. Can you grow weed on the ground in LA? Or do you need it? You need to grow it in a warehouse in LA.

No, you can grow it on the freeway. I'm pretty sure. I've seen some bum encampments by the freeway. Like that's Gower area. What do the bum experts say? What should we do about them? We should start interviewing bum experts. Okay.

Tariffs are hitting drop. Oh, Mickey Rourke got kicked out of a celebrity big brother or something. See that? I did see something about that. I'm kind of annoyed by that. I am too. Let me see if I can find a clip. Hopefully one that's beeped out because he says a slur a homophobic slur

Well, it's crazy cuz like everyone's like oh we miss old Hollywood so much and like again after working on Babylon too I was like that movie was on that. Yeah, unfortunately Unfortunately, that movie was about the death of all our careers and then it like we all died afterward It was like ah cool like so glad our last hurrah was this shitty movie no it was fine there's some great stories from it at least but you know and then so then you get someone like Mickey Rourke who is old Hollywood never went bald it's like well which is it then well it upset me because I guess he uses the F slur in a woman A woman flips out gets offended by it, and I kind of feel like that's it's kind of feel like that's my word

Yes, I grew up in the 90s. I grew up in the 90s too man. I feel like it's our word. That's our like Look man. I really feel like the F slur is my word Look, it doesn't matter some women or your right ear is pierced. You're getting the F slur. You're getting it Yeah, you're getting it for any reason for any wearing two straps on your backpack F you're wearing one strap F Can't parallel park F. F. Can't back into a space F Mom you someone heard your mom say I love you and she dropped you off at school? F. Fold your laundry? F.

Do your laundry? Do your laundry? F. Don't do your laundry? F. You got a girlfriend? You like that girl? F. F. What are you eating for lunch? Oh, F. You answered? F. What if you didn't have breakfast this morning? Big F, yeah. Did you have breakfast this morning? F. What if you didn't have breakfast this morning? F. Eggs for breakfast?

F. Huge F, yeah. I'm tr- okay, I gotta find the one where he actually says the slur. This is Big Brother. Mickey, come to the diary room immediately. I don't want to see this. I want the actual... I just want the F. The shocking moment. I don't want a bunch of color commentary on it. I think my favorite F on this show, again, besides Dalish talking about it, was Alex Schaeffer.

We're talking about facts, right? Roseanne Barr sang Facts in a song. Oh yeah. And he gets on the mic and goes, oh, it sounds like Fs. Yeah. Just the look on your face of, yes, that's what it sounds like. Oh yeah, here was the last thing on the experts thing. This guy says, anti-expert discourse is so fake.

Every day you wake up in a bed designed by experts. A bed? Check your smartphone designed by experts okay that's definitely true take a shit in a toilet designed by experts what you got an expert toilet Johnny? I got a beginner toilet. He thinks I shit in toilets? That's news. Oh, he's Indian. Oh, I wonder. How do you get those expert shitting bowls? When you say don't trust the experts, you mean, what you mean is trust

the experts unless they disagree with your politics. I don't know if my toilet expert agrees or disagrees with my politics. I actually don't need any experts to agree with me at all. I don't give a fuck. That's my policy. Here's the thing that you touched on earlier is don't believe experts because they're always trying to fucking sell you something. Whether it's an idea or an actual thing with your money, they are always trying to sell

you something. That's what all those facts are for. Hey, what do you think? Do you want to buy my thing? I got some facts for you get the fuck out of here I think you wrote a book full of facts that everyone seems to disagree with because of feelings so yeah actually yes That's the whole point of it. You can use stats to say anything. Yeah, huh? Funny how that works right? Where's the Mickey Rourke?

Mickey Rourke thing let me find it Where's the Mickey Rourke thing? Let me find it. Just him and Gary Busey calling each other F's all day. That'd be a cool show. Mickey Rourke. Alright. Smiling. I'm never gonna find it. Fuck. It's gone. It's fucking gone. Whatever. I typed it. Fuck it's gone fucking gone Whatever I type Here it is okay, I had to type it I had to type the word I know I had to type the word What are you KTLA five now? You know I used to work right next door to that place. I think my neighbor used to work there. That's so funny

Texted one of the guys who works there. I was like, hey Andy, what happened? What happened buddy? Because they put the N word on Twitter. Oh the hardest of ours too. Plural. Not one. Plural. Yeah, they said they were checking their Slur filter. Oh man, I should check mine to make sure. You checked it with the plurals? Yeah, with plurals. Huh. Well, cuz you know that they typed in like there was a there's an R There's RS, you know, yeah I'm sure there's like a a I guess that's the slur you'd test it with Yeah, I mean not me I would go with a one about Asians for like just to be safe

Right an obscure one you got to say like all the caucasity of this, right? You know, got a sneak one out there. What were they? They were moving to like a social media posting app maybe and they had, they put in some HR hen, put in a bunch of slur filters. I think they mistake it for slack. I think somebody didn't log into their right account. Yeah, I think someone forgot to hit the account switch. Well, because you know it's an answer to a question.

You know, who cut you off in traffic? Yeah, people who annoy you. Yeah, exactly. It's just what, now I'm more curious what the question was. What was the question? Yeah, Jeopardy. N-word Jeopardy. Every single space is the N-word.

Yeah. Bum, bum, bum, bum. What n-word jeopardy every every single space is the n-word? Because they give you the answer and then you have to it's like I see Motown Motown legends Missing I the categories I'll take missing items for 800 Clue is father Father yeah and words Shit here's our daily double. Yeah, did you do do do daily double Luther burger? God damn Insanity your daily double the clue is N words. Uh, ooh. Would you like to answer it?

Uh, uh, uh, uh, Who did LBJ say he would have uh, voting for the Democrats for 60 years? Uh, that's correct! You know what, I think for KTLA's instance, it goes, it was the answer was to the question what is the best word that goes after the word fucking?

No, that's too much. Yeah. That's too much. Okay, let's see what Mickey Rourke was saying. Probably not enough. Ah, okay. Where is it? Is the line?

I think it's just in there. Here. That was it? Come on, let's go on a journey. So do you like girls or boys? Me? Girls. I know, I can tell.

My partner is non-binary. That's the vape smoke room. I'm gonna talk like a lesbian. Hey, yeah, let's go on a charity brother. Well, it means I'll talk like Hulk Hogan, you know that joke, right? What do gay horses eat? What hey, what's you lesbian horses eat what hey? You know, it's like hey brother. Hey. Okay.

Just think it four days we'll never see each other again. Four days. No, babe. I'm trying to last four days. What did he say? If I stay longer than four days, you won't be gay anymore. I can guarantee I will still be gay and I will still be in a very happy relationship.

I'll tie you up. I can promise you that won't happen. I dare you to try, you'll be the one tied up. Is this what he said? You're an actor? No, I do TV stuff though. All right, I don't care about it. I thought he said the Essler.

Oh well. That's all I wanted to see. I didn't want to see. Maybe thought he said the F slur. Oh well. That's all I wanted to see. Maybe next time. That's a great show promo too, because it's like, look he said the F slur. It's like, ah, now I got tricked into watching this stupid show. Um... Minecraft is going fun. Did you see that? I really want to go trash at theater.

I do too. My nephews already saw it. I called them, like, hey, you guys want wanna go trash at theater. I do too. My nephews already saw it. I called them, like, hey, you guys wanna go trash at theater? And like, ah, we already saw the Minecraft movie. Like, ah! Because I don't get any of the references. Dude. We can't go, we're too old.

People get so pissed off, they're like, can you believe this movie sucks? I'm like, of course, it's a fucking kids movie, man. Like, I can't believe you went into it with any expectation it wasn't gonna suck. Do you think turbo man is a good movie? Yeah, it's no we just saw him your kids We like it. It's campy and fun. It's the Snow White shit again. It's just like yeah, but it's just Jack But it's like of course. It's just Jack Black. Jack Black's awesome I think you realize that everything sucks like Jim Carrey did and just phoned it in and now he's just him like it's fine You want to see an Islamic Priest talk about how to pray on in space and on Mars

Let's yeah In case you've ever wanted to see Islamic Minecraft. I wanted to see like a block version of the Prophet Muhammad That's not happening. Yeah I wanted to see Islamic Minecraft. I wanted to see like a block version of the Prophet Muhammad. That's not happening. Yeah. You know, it's so crazy. All my recent renders on the on Chad's TVT's image generator is all pictures of the Prophet Muhammad. I don't know what that is. I didn't even ask for that.

Really? It just keeps generating them. Okay. What's the question regarding space? Okay. The question is, I'm on Mars, how do I pray? Yeah, I don't think the Quran accounted for that. No, it does.

That's, I honestly, I really like the Quran. Does it account for that? Because the, these guys, I don't know what you call them. Like Muslim guys who are in charge. Yeah. They're not priests. I know that. They will answer anything.

I've noticed that. Like if you say, have you time traveled and you're the same, you exist in the same time as yourself, do you both have to pray to Mecca five times a day? Or can you both pray half of five? They'll answer it seriously and they'll have like an answer that's based in the Quran. Well, I mean we saw the Pokemon cards. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. Someone was in space and wanted to read his sana. How would he perform his sana? Firstly, if somebody's in space they're going to be... No, pause at all. Firstly, if someone's in

space... I just want to be able to answer that quickly to anything. Firstly Firstly if someone's in space, I just want to be able to answer that quickly to anything Firstly if someone's in space with that much conviction to like that's really an astronaut And they'll be in the space shuttle. Okay. Yeah, whether they're in the space shuttle Whether they let's say they've landed in Mars space shuttle whether they let's say they've landed in Mars on Mars or the moon or in Mars in the future look at any now and they're wearing the astronaut costume but cost comes to actual prayer what do they do now Now, number one, a musafir is somebody who goes beyond 57.5 miles, travels beyond 57.5 miles, which has happened, but for less than 14 days to one location.

So if they land, let's say on Mars, throughout the journey, they've been traveling, so they're most often no problem, even though they've been traveling, however long it takes, you understand. And now they know idea a planet. Now when they come to that planet, when they exceed 15 days, meaning 15 or more days, they need to read the full Salah. Before that, they will shorten the Salah with Qasr Salah. Meaning the four farth become two. But now what do they do? Where do they face now? The Quran in Surat Al-Baqarah makes it absolutely clear. See Johnny, look

if you're on Mars and first of all there's not the right number of days anymore and you don't know where the fuck Earth or Mecca is. The Quran makes it absolutely clear. Let's see. That wherever you are, the limitation is not whichever city you are, whichever planet you are. Wherever you are, you must face Al Masjid be the haram meaning you must face the cover You gotta face the cover. So let's say you're Mars Where you can I face towards you gotta look in the fucking sky?

You know wherever the car is and if you don't know okay, because you you just facing earth is enough and that will suffice Even though earth itself is rotating Before you you just see eyeball it you're gonna eyeball it. So you facing earth you are facing the fibula But now you're going to perform your Salah the Salah is not exempt You didn't need to go to Mars. Oh my god You didn't need to go to Mars. That's the most realest shit. But now when you read your Salah, you're going to face Earth. Everything I love is just destroyed by this shit! God, I love space!

Oh, look at this beautiful space show and we can reuse it. The future's going to be so amazing. And now I'm watching this and I'm realizing there's going to some fucking prayer on Mars the first people to get to Mars the first Goddamn crew they're gonna make a big show of somebody pointing out where Earth is Getting out their prayer rug and praying a fucking Mecca look man. It's either space Muslims or space Mexicans Your choice Mexicans the whole planet agrees fucking Mexicans are Your choice. Mexicans. The whole planet agrees. Fucking space rancher on music. Even Japan, they got in Shibuyu, Shibuyu, whatever that intersection is where everyone goes nuts.

They got a fucking Mexican restaurant. The whole planet agrees. Mexicans number one. I'm behind them. First mission to Mars needs to be Mexican only. Da da da da da da da da da da. There's gotta be a somber somber version of the hat dance. There is no somber Mexican music. That that that that that that it out of there's got to be a just a never a number

Version of the hat dance there is no somber Mexican music. I don't think unless it's like Luis Miguel No, there should be there should be It's all that same bass line though Yeah, I can hear it all now Yeah Yeah, I can hear it all now Yeah Man and I kind of want to fuck up a movie theater now. That's not fun. You too. Okay comments You get enough complaining about things today. I hope so I Can I mean?

That's why Islam is so appealing I think because they got an answer for it Christian doesn't have an answer answer for shit They're like well you got to like you know just look at yourself and like forgive them Yeah, the answers all the answers aren't in the Bible Islam's like all the answers are in the Quran about space time traveling shit flying Your fucking earth yeah, yeah Yeah, you gotta face the earth Okay, mr. Hamilton burger Eric July was a pig fucker for calling the cops on Riley Now after calling them on Chris Bacon Eric is an only fans. Ho Regularly letting the entire police force and government apparatus run a train on him

Eric truly is a woman at this point. As evidenced by his tantrums, his fiscal mismanagement, and inability to tell a coherent story. Him clearly not having a penis. Yes, thank you. I agree, Mr. Hamilton Burger. Eddie says, wait, god damn it, I didn't know about quick travel in Red Dead Redemption 2 either. What the fuck? Apparently it was a new feature that they added after the game was out for some time. Oh So I'm taking some solace in that

That's that's pissing me off The locks the loks says my wife giving me a son also That's not pisses me off a worthy investment after all well you will see wait and see you never know seltzer Water for, says, I love the warning of scales in use. We need widespread implementation of scales. Oh, we have a bonus episode out, by the way. I forgot to plug that at the beginning of the episode.

Oh, shit, yeah. Oh, yeah, you should check out our POV as we learn empathy and compassion. Or I think we gain empathy. Yeah, God, that POV stuff. It was less than a week ago. POV, I don't understand how the English language works. Abba Zabba, man, I'm back to feeling

almost bad for Maddox again. He'll be 50 soon, still dressing like that, and traveling far, trying to hook up on apps. Failure to launch launch cautionary tales. Yeah, he's gonna be, I don't think he's gonna change. No. I think he'll be where he is

for another five or 10 years and then he'll have to move somewhere. He'll have to either move in with someone or suffer like a major degradation of lifestyle? What is that? I think I heard, I think when you're like 27, 28, you're pretty much are who you are at that point. Yeah, yeah.

And so it's like when he's had- Start working out now. Yeah, so when he's had almost two decades of being who he is, That's not getting changed anytime. He's gonna have to get a job or something. Those stones are too smooth, man. That journey has been carved in. He'll have to move out to California city,

maybe get a job at a Amazon plant or something. I mean, I don't know. I don't even know what you do with, he has zero job skills. He's done nothing. He's Jesus or whatever that space. What is that? It's like this like weird hobo commune.

Oh, Slab City? It's like that. I think it's in the same area, but that might be it. It might be too rough for him. Maybe he could do that, I think it's too rough for him. He's very like conservative and panicky around different stuff. Which is weird and panicky around different stuff. Which is weird considering he is the different stuff.

But yeah, it is weird. Martin O'Keefe says, Dick's throwaway comment on how chat GPT can be used as a therapist really helped me. I've wasted tons of money on actual therapists and chat GPT is so much better. It's not a throwaway comment. Women use it for therapy. Like a lot of them. A lot of women sit and talk to Chad GPT as a therapist.

And it makes sense, because no therapist can possibly like give you a personal touch to everybody who goes in there. You are just a time slot to them. Yeah, you got an hour. That's what you got. They got eight hours a day, five days a week. That's not you got. They got eight hours a day. Five days a week. That's not how it works.

Kyle A says, I don't feel bad for Maddox. And Jim Florentine has been doing a podcast for years, shitting on social media. Maddox ain't that creative. He should stick to his banana gig. Yeah, he should have stuck to that. Man, the banana and the cowboy. Those were great.

Um... Tch tch tch tch... Uh... Koof says, without Maddox, Aaron Emholt would have never eaten cum. I guess that's true. What a butterfly effect. Yeah, seriously.

Man. Who would have ever guessed? Who would have thought? Who would have thunk it? Hey, Dick, I was listening to the last episode where you were talking about the father who rushed to the TV to defend the stabber of his son. The reason this happens over and over is because of a group at the Department of Justice called the Community Relations Service. Their job is to essentially prevent a race war by bribing and threatening people like the father in this story. If people end up refusing to comply with this, then they threaten the media to stay far away.

Really interesting they're on the chopping block as Trump is supposed to close the group at the DOJ. So there's a community relations service that goes to race-sensitive murders or crimes and talks the parents into going on TV and releasing a... That makes way more sense than a parent for some reason thinking that they need to tell people not to worry about race when their son is dead. It's like a reverse Westboro Baptist Church.

Yeah, that's also definitely something I could see any liberal I know saying, oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, it's really important that we use this dad as a human shield to prevent black people from getting their feelings hurt. That's why they exist, right? To absorb blows and ridicule online. Well, see, that's why everyone goes, but see, that's why it's facts over feelings,

because then feelings is what get, and it's like, I wish everybody would just shut the fuck up. Yeah. Alf says, oh yeah, that was Alf, he just said that. Fit chicks think they can beat men. Hey, Dick, ran across this video with fit chicks who think they can beat average dudes. The mass delusion and smugness of the women in this clip

as they get beat is top tier. The guys are just there for food and fun while the women get destroyed at every challenge. The pugil push part is the most hilarious. I've moved to Japan, but I hope to make it back for the next Road Rage in the US. Thanks for a great show every week. And smooches for Johnny.

James, okay, let's see it, James. Well, thanks, James. They really are, maybe they really do think they can hang. They do. Women. Yeah. Well, they think they can park and they can't. Three guys with biggie go. Okay, let's. Well, they think they can park, and they can't. They can't, so. Three guys with big ego.

Okay, let's, oh, 10 minutes, come on, brah. Come on. This versus three girls with even bigger muscles. Someone's getting dragged. Oh, I'm getting more. It's gonna be them. What? What? First event, sandbag drag.

Both teams are gonna drag 100 pounds of sandbag down to the barrel twice and back. First team back here, past the barrel, wins. Two rules, you can't touch the sandbag in the sandbag. Oh, they're really putting women against guys. This is nothing for me. The fit chicks will come out on top.

My name is Wesley Spinner. Well, I guess I'm just average. I don't do anything in particular very well. Go! There's a lot of bungee in that sandbag. A dad of three. There's just no, I mean there's just no way. They don't stand a chance in hell.

Ape. I would just keep up with my kids. Average Joe's taking off first, past the barrel. Even the way they're carrying it. Okay. This seems like some sort of a porn. You know I know it when I see it. Mm-hmm.

Porn. That was a verdict somewhere, right? Yeah. I know when I see- I know this outrage porn when I see it. Dave says, Oh hell nah, I think you should have a new segment on the show called Oh Hell Nah, which is self-explanatory. Wow.

You showed remarkable restraint there, there Dave so I will play your video. Let's see here. Yeah nice one. Hollywood not Hollywood. are the foots in a cask? What's a cask? Oh hell no! Ah! I'm recording this shit. Oh! Oh my goodness, I it's too I see too much of that in LA

Yeah, it's like it's not the stores fault your ebt card decline the stores the show to you. Yeah, so to rage Okay woman alert. Jacob, seriously, a woman claims the handheld LEDs make her face look less fat. It doesn't. Okay. Handheld LEDs? Have you seen these? No. So women- Oh, I was thinking of my fucking hundred,000-cantal power flashlight. No, no, no. Not this shit. It's a form of, they call it light therapy, where they have red LEDs and they shine them on their face and they think it's somehow transmuting, it's somehow rewinding time to

a yesteryear that didn't exist, where they were skinny and desirable. Yeah. Let's say by that logic, streamers and nightclub owners should be doing their best because they're- They should look like vampires. Yeah. Because every single time that I use this tool, it always looks as if I just walked out of like

a $500 facial with like the most up-to-date lasers and like whatever else they're using nowadays. So you're trying to sell this shit. But I didn't. This one works better. Seriously. It's hard to say because I've known people that sell trash like this and they believe it.

They will say, the best salesmen of the ones, the best salesmen of trash or of scams are the ones that believe it. You have to believe it if you're selling this shit. Yeah, the best ones will. And it's just like a tiny finger size, weird... Like I had tools that were worth like $200. And because of the LED lights on this thing,

completely evening my skin tone, clearing my skin up. It fucked up her other eye, like why'd she cover it? Making my face look fricking snappy. I think she's gonna do a before now, like a comparison. I don't need anything else. I wouldn't do that to my face if it worked. Let's just... We...

Goose up this side of my face. Literally swear by this thing, okay. There we go, we're gonna see it. That was like what? Yeah, 58 seconds. You can tell that this side is way more lifted. It was like what? Yeah, 58 seconds. Hahahaha You can tell that this side is way more lifted. Like, there's no way you cannot tell me there is not a difference there. Yeah, you're like, eyes are fucking slanted.

What's going on here? There's nobody home. God damn. Yeah, good job. Stop buying this shit. Stop spending money. Ahem. Okay. Uh, Isaiah M. Rath. Stop buying this shit. Stop spending money Okay Isaiah M. Rath web 3 hey dick big fan of the show. I'm some loser from the Midwest Who works a factory job? Oh even cooler?

You know I saw here's something I saw let me bring this up. It's interesting This is America would be better off if more people worked in manufacturing. 80% of Americans would agree. Would you agree with that? I would too. I think Uber is making, I think being customer service agents

and having to interact with people in a service industry job, like Uber, I think it's driving people insane. Not everyone should be an independent contractor for things. Some people just need to be told like, hey, you come in, you stamp this license plate. That's nice. I could deal with that.

If you told me that I had to deal with a new person every 20 minutes, I would kill myself. You have to tell your life story every goddamn 20, oh. Uh-huh. If we had factory jobs here, I'd sign up. Dude, it's really, it's really hell. Some people like Uber, but I would never want to be subjected to someone and their personality every 20 minutes.

Let me sit behind the license plate stamper all day and fucking go home, not think about shit. Okay, so 80% of Americans agree that America would be better if we had more manufacturing jobs. And then the second one is I would be better off if I worked in a factory. 25% of Americans agree, 75% disagree. So a quarter of people would be better if they... You know what?

This, so this guy's... People are saying this is like people don't want to work in a factory. Mm-hmm. Because 75% of people disagree, but 25% of people wanting a factory job is a lot of people. That's a lot of fucking people, man. That's plenty of people to work in a factory. You don't need a hundred percent of the country working in a factory. No. 80% of people are like, yeah, we need more jobs. They should be in a factory. You don't need 100% of the country working in a factory. 80% of people are like, yeah, we need more jobs.

They should be in a factory that's better for us. We shouldn't be a fulfillment. Everyone in America shouldn't be trying to fulfill orders from China. We should make them here and fulfill them here, because it's all the same shit. And 25 people would want those jobs? That's like, that's a lot. That's a quarter of your labor That's like, that's a lot. That's a quarter of your labor force.

Yeah, that's a lot of people. I don't think people are taking that away from this survey. They're saying like, look at all these jerks. They're going to see they wouldn't sign up. Yeah. But it's like, forget all the people who would sign up. Yeah, so 80% of people are aware that 25% of people would be better off.

And those 25% of people are saying, I would be better off. Yeah, that's pretty good. Those 20% of people then are fucking assholes. Huh, okay. Yeah, pieces of shit. Total pieces of shit. Okay.

I'm some loser from the Midwest who works a factory job and your show and biggest problem in the universe Help me get through the day gay shit aside I know you're a programmer or at least you pretend to be you are one See you got all self-conscious from the gay shit. Yeah. Now. He's like I gotta punch you No, yeah, I gotta lash out now cuz I was being gay. I Know I know how that works, bud. Or at least you pretend you are.

I would like to know how Web3 works and your thoughts on it. What do you mean, and your thoughts on it? What do you want, a career change? Well it's like, you go to the bank and all your money is in a database at the bank like on a computer on Excel Yeah, it's like an Excel like it's on a spreadsheet and then every bank has their own spreadsheet and then the Federal Reserve has like a spreadsheet of all the banks and All these all these banks and then companies have their own spreadsheets for where their money is and who they owe money to And then people at home have their own switch. No people at home

don't have for sheets all these companies banks financial institutions and banks all over the world have all these spreadsheets on their computer and If one of those columns gets fucked up The whole thing gets fucked up, so they spend billions Maybe trillions of dollars over the long run the stock market all spreadsheets all that shit is Excel sheet oh that guy owns one of this company Robin Hood owns one of

of this company Robinhood owns one of Microsoft. Oh, this company Johnny owns two of Grindr. All these things, right? All spreadsheets. And when they change them, they gotta go to the other one and go, hey, did you change your spreadsheet? And they say, yeah, I changed my spreadsheet. Like I changed my spreadsheet

because I got one of your things. I gave you 10 bucks and I got one of your stocks. So you mark down on your spreadsheet that I gave you ten bucks and I'm gonna mark down and they say okay I'll do it and you say did you do it? Let me see it. Say I did it. Let me see it. Okay did you mark down that you took ten? Yes I did mark down that I took ten. That's how the whole financial system works. It's totally fucking retarded and then they do that all day Hey, did you do that? And then somebody else comes in the room goes, okay, it's time for a spreadsheet check. Everybody get out your spreadsheets

You guys didn't give yourself your own columns in the spreadsheets any Points, did you? They said no. I See, well, I know some of you did. I know at least one or two of you fudged your own spreadsheet a little bit. So I'm gonna spend billions of dollars trying to figure out, I gotta go all over the world. I know you did, I know you did. Probably JP Morgan, you guys have been fudging a bunch.

You guys have fudged a shitload. Let me see your spreadsheets. And they say, which spreadsheets? We got a lot of spreadsheets over here. So let me see the ones with all the silver. Ah, we already, those are being lent out to another guy that says we fudged stuff. And we did fudge it.

We got busted fudging that one, okay? Well, you got us. What's the penalty? And like, well, you got to fudge, you got to actually down fudge your spreadsheet. You got to take $2 billion off your spreadsheet and give it to me, the government. Well who's watching you? Elon Musk is watching us.

Like he's fucking retarded. The worst dad in the world is watching your spreadsheets. So the blockchain comes in and says, okay, fuck all this spreadsheet shit. You guys can't be trusted to update your spreadsheets. You're spending way too much time and energy talking to each other, calling each other on the phone every day, having shitloads of computers, guys with guns guarding the computers nerds protecting the computers from getting hacked and the spreadsheets changed Which it happens all the time. So we made a math formula to have all the spreadsheets on one global ledger and Everybody changed their spreadsheet and nobody can fudge it or fuck with it That's how it works.

Because we got all the computers doing math all day to keep the one global spreadsheet correct. And no one can alter it or screw with it. That's why the shit is worth so much money. Because all of these guys fudging with their spreadsheets and fucking around are totally replaced by one set of rules and math that cannot be changed but by consensus. By mathematical consensus. So it's crazy this thing's not going to work.

Obviously it's going to work. Spreadsheet shit. that's not gonna work. Quit EL fudging all these fucking numbers, goddamn it. There's not gonna be any, did you fudge that? I can't fudge it, man. I don't know how to do that. Impossible. Okay, shit lips.

I was listening to the old bonus episodes about the magnum copus at work today. And I realized I grew up with, I was listening to the old bonus episodes about the Magnum Copus at work today, and I realized I grew up with and had several failed creative endeavors with a guy that behaved just like Maddox, from micromanaging to the wildly overinflated ego, to the girlfriend sleeping on the couch. Same walking metaphor of someone shooting themselves in the foot and patting themselves on the back at the same time.

Last time I talked to the guy, he was smoking meth out of a broken light bulb with a homeless Native American man while couch surfing somewhere near Denver. I'm sure he just had a great story about it. I have a strong feeling that ain't too far from where King Cuck is headed. I just thought I'd share that fun trip down memory lane. Cheers bud. Yeah, maybe. Maybe so. We just got to give Maddox a taste of meth. Broken light bulbs? Yeah.

Okay, let's do the AI thing before I forget again. Oh, shit, yeah. This is, speaking of Maddox, you reminded me. This is Maddox with some parenting advice. Stuff that maybe his dad did. You know, like if you want to fall off a roof or... Have a bird store. Have a bird store.

Okay, see if this is the right volume. Hello Dick Warts and a fuck you to you Johnny the audio engineer. I am aware that the dynamic duo are having a baby by that. I mean Dick and Sean. Bazinga. Sean is too pregnant to mean Dick and Sean. Bazinga. Sean is too pregnant to appear on camera. Double Bazinga. That's why he's gone.

Jokes aside. When I first heard the news, I wanted to kill myself. Then the soul-destroying shock wore off, and I realized this was karma. Dick's kid will have to face the consequences of all his words and gang-stalking activities. Then I realized that isn't fair. The kid hasn't verbally abused or stalked me. Yet. So until his Mexican genes force him to betray me, he can rely on old Uncle Maddox for wisdom. Wisdom that my own father passed down to me. It takes a village to raise a child, and you have always called me the village idiot. Well,

would an idiot have pearls of wisdom like these? Listen well, for these are stories about my father and the lessons he passed down. They made me the man I am today. Okay, so these are stories that Maddox was told by his dad. I love this. This is so good. Johnny Rocketat at he goes, Hey, do you think it'd be good to have Maddox giving

like fatherly advice from his dad? And I said, yeah, so never ask, just make these and send them in. Please. These are always good. I used to love the winter. One snowy day, a precocious young Maddox was standing in the front yard throwing snowballs at passing cars. I guess I accidentally made an iceball and supposedly

dented this one car. It pulled over and three mean guys got out. When they realized I wasn't even in high school yet, they demanded my parents come out. They were really loud. If it was warmer, the whole neighborhood would have gathered to see what the commotion was. My mother was at the casino, of course. Not even God's shouting could drag her from there. My father eventually stumbled out of the house.

So concerned for my well-being He didn't even waste time getting dressed the three bullies were scared but not scared enough to tell the truth They lied to my father that I had intentionally damaged their shitty car my fearless father saw right through their lies Oh, so it's a fight you want my father Fight you want, okay. Hours later I woke up in our shack, confused. My father was there of course, covered in bruises. I asked him why he hit me. It wasn't an accident caused by misdirected drunken rage like I immediately assumed.

He said he outsmarted the bullies. See, even total scumbags wouldn't beat an unconscious child. My dad's love tap saved me from a beating that would make me crippled or damage my developing drain. I then asked him if the bullies gave him those bruises after he hit me. I felt so guilty. My father laughed. It was a stupid question. No one could beat up my dad.

The bullies ran away in terror from my father who could defeat a special child with one punch. Once they fled, my father had selflessly gone to the liquor store to get me presents for Christmas and had a nasty fall on black ice. He lost his wallet. Then he returned home and carried me inside so there would be no Christmas this year. But that was no big deal. My father already gave me the greatest gift of all. The knowledge that you could trick the bad guys and that someone was looking out for me. Goddamn.

That's how you wanna fight? Wham and he hits Maddox and knocks him out and scares the bullies away. That's. Cause they see it as horrifying. Well they're next, you see. This other time my dad was taking me on a road trip and boy were we all over the road.

It was the summer 1993 and the AC was broken. It was an oven in there. Something must have been wrong with the suspension too. We were swerving a little bit, no big deal. So of course this cop on a power trip pulls us over. The president gets head and I can't even take my son on a road trip, my father righteously seethed. My father, talk to the cop for a bit.

My father is deaf in one ear from his military service. He's a hero So when he asked this jackass cop to repeat himself, of course, it's a huge fucking problem for this Nazi The Nazi leaves to double-check something. I felt exactly like Anne Frank then My father whispers to me to open the glove compartment He meant the glove compartment, but the heat was getting to him. I opened it They're laying before me like a sleeping chrome dragon was a handgun. I am a very important man, Maddox, my father mumbled.

This cop fuck was sent to kill me, he continued. I can't eat so good with only one ear, my father trailed off. My heart wanted to leap out of my chest. I saw the cop returning in the rear view. I wanted to object to my father's orders, but he had already passed out from the heat and 72 beers. For the first time in my life, I was on my own.

I had to think fast. I put sunglasses on my father and decided we would weekend at Bernie's itch of plan A. Plan B would be to put two gun eggs in the Nazis forehead the cop returned Gun eggs? No interest in ticketing a veteran. I guess you got a better look at my father's bumper sticker I fought for your freedom so buy me one for the road It said and also it had Uncle Sam and the Statue of Liberty on it

But the Statue of Liberty was like a hot beer wench like from Oktoberfest I caught my brother jacking off to it in the driveway The driveway Planting to gun it the maniac gotta buy the maniac today There was still an issue though my father was passed out and the cop parked behind wasn't leaving anytime soon. The fucking pig pulled out a newspaper so I had to drive the car to the next rest stop with my father still in the driver seat, one hand on the gas pedal, and one on the steering wheel. I occasionally raised my head from my father's crotch to above the dash to see. Nearly hit a truck at one point. When we got to the rest stop, my dad did a real good impression of a man waking up from a coma. I was mad at him. Then he revealed I passed the test.

He didn't actually pass out from the heat and 72 beers. He wanted to see how I would act under pressure. And he was proud, I thought on my feet and didn't commit first degree murder of a police officer just because he told me to. Looking back, I think that road trip gave me the confidence to pursue my dreams. I can never thank my father enough for guiding me to where I am today. So what have you learned? Show your son how to tackle the world and he'll turn out just fine.

If you impart upon him wits and courage with a little luck, he'll turn out just like me. Okay. Wow. Thank you for the tips. The Maniac on Indiegogo, I imagine it has some sort of a website Looking forward to that the preview pages are like they're kind of like the tick like the humor of the tick But it's like ultraviolence like Fred to great looks great It's the kind of thing you can and Johnny rocket. Yeah, I need it These voicemails were funny, wait till you read the maniac.

It's funny, this reminds me of, in the bonus episode we watched Maddox and Dr. Joe talking about how I'm a psychopath. They didn't even get it close either. That's not how we think. And my favorite part was Maddox stating that, talking about how leading Dr. Joe to the conclusion that I am a psychopath with the evidence

that he has never seen any sort of alcohol or drug abuse in my, from my parents who are 70 or something and I'm 45. And Maddox is making the case that people who are psychopaths grew up in alcohol, where their parents are alcoholics and drug addicts. Because why? And Maddox is using the evidence that he met my parents when I was 35. And he didn't directly observe any he says well I didn't directly observe any alcohol or drug abuse like well they're they're retired yeah so you know I don't

know where why that would have anything to do with it there was there was never any so but you suggesting it the way you're suggesting it is also totally retarded and bizarre because they're in their 60s, right? Like that would have happened when I was, what you're saying would have happened when I was like five, 30 years ago. Jackass, like with young, you know,

that happens with young people. Well, I've met his parents and I didn't observe any kind of alcoholism like well, yeah, you know, I'm also an adult. Yeah, so Also never was any at all Well, that's why like the implication of like I didn't direct my dad's only been hung over probably twice in his life And they were both because of me. Hey dad, let's go to Dodger Stadium. You want another drink? You want another drink? You want another drink? Whoa, I don't I don't are you supposed to have more than two? I mean, I don't know

Man you tell me you tell me yeah, I never observed any Alcoholism, you know at the time at the time. I'm an adult. So it would have been a little bit late for that shithead What an idiot? Okay, thank you. Thank you Johnny rocket. Yeah great one Johnny rocket Advice here we get some advice. Oh, I got an erotic story too, but I'll read that next week 28 year old virgin needs help talking to a girl. Man, that's a bummer. What do you need help with?

Just don't talk to her. Why would you want to talk to a girl? It's the last thing you ever want to do, right? No. I'm second to last thing you ever want to do. Ah, feel free to read this on the show. Hey, Dick and Johnny, I'm writing this because I don't know what to do. I need advice on a girl that started working at my job.

Oh boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy. Don't shit where you eat. Shit where you eat. Yep. That's what I like to say. First off, the canned situation, A cups on a skinny, probably 100 to 110 pounds, five foot Latina body. Are you sure? Mmm...

Might be the only one. Five foot... Latina? 100 pounds? Y- Depending on how old you guys are. Yeah, maybe she's Filipino. Once she- Once she hits that 25-3030 range that you can double or triple that way with a small butt 21 years old okay there you go kind of looks like a mix okay, okay, okay?

Just the size of her tits not all not all of this like definite virgin right this is like personality stuff You know I don't need all of this kind of looks like a mix between Jenna or Tega and Millie Bobby Brown What a fucking okay, what a This is take two the most current act kind of looks like a mix between God and my mom okay, buddy. Let's settle down. Yeah Kind of looks like two super hot celebrities. Okay. For you. I mean, not for me. Right. You. Your age range. I get that it's not for everyone, but I like- Okay! Then

why- I get that it's not for everyone, but I like it. Anyway, she just started working at my job and I need some encouraging words or anything else. You, Johnny, or a guest have to offer on asking her out. You got to do it now or some other guy is going to be fucking her. If you don't, if you don't ask her out, some other guy is going to do it. And he's going to probably suck, probably suck worse than you. Yeah. And he's going to suck. Probably suck worse than you. Yeah. And he's gonna be fucking her constantly. And she's gonna convince herself that she likes it when she really should have been fucking you.

So you better move your ass, dude. Move your fucking ass. And uh... You better staple your... You better find your dick and bring it with you to work in the morning. Or else somebody else is gonna fuck her and do her dirty in a way that's not as good as you would have done it. Well, and in a way that would vilify you after the fact.

There's, you're already the villain. You're gonna have to sit with that forever. If you don't get on your horse. Well, yeah, I'm just saying if she fucks someone else. Yeah, that's a bad time She's gonna be like well, you're gonna be a more miserable. It's your fault Yeah, then it's then then she's gonna be pissed off. She's gonna assume that he's a more She's gonna never you know You got one if she if you let her fuck someone else and you think you can just swoop in later and pick up the pieces

That's not how it works. These bitches now these women now They fuck one guy and then they just watch the office on Netflix for the rest of their lives they don't go out they don't do jack shit they just sit there vision boarding the wedding that they know is never gonna happen texting with their friends and liking shit on Instagram all day you don't want an Instagram account do you look man you got to get in there get in there get in there Take her out to the Minecraft movie be like hey, do you want to go to the minecraft theater? Yeah? I'm white you don't have to bring up that you want to see the movie. Just say hey you want to go destroy a theater That's fun and mysterious. Yeah, I don't think a movie is a good day because you're just sitting there in silence

But well, it's like gonna destroy it and leave yeah I'm I am white five five 170 first of all. Oh, you are first of all you're five seven I don't ever want to hear this five five shit again. You're five seven hundred seventy pounds 28 year old virgin who looks like chowder from the movie Monster House 2006 you better be the funniest motherfucker in town. If you're built like a brick shithouse, you have to be funny.

Chowder Monster House, let's see here. Oh, okay, well. You're not working with the best hand, are you? But we gotta deal with the hand we got. Look man, here's the thing. Be funny, develop a good taste in things other than food. If you're 5'5 and 170. Okay, Chowder from Monster House Costume Guide.

So, look. A lot of women have a fetish for guys like built like this because their dads were built like this. So go with that. Be a little mean even. Yeah. Yeah. I hate to say it, but that I hate to give that advice.

I hate to give that advice too. That's probably a good idea. You have to position yourself as the coolest one there So if you're like, you know, you come through like a sour patch kid, right? You give her like a couple sweet things and then like boom like one right in the kisser just to kind of keep her out for Game, right? But then enough to be thinking about you later, too So you just know the problem is that's a great plan. But these guys they can't execute that plan. Yeah, it's too much Planning just go up and be a big autistic fuck about it and be like you ask her out. Just ask her out

Don't be a pussy. Are you a pussy? You're not gonna show her you're a pussy and Movie monster alright movie monster house 2006 lives with mom and dad still due to medical issues. I need an organ transplant. Oh Bro, you shouldn't be I need a giant pussy. I am a giant pussy. I thought he was getting a pussy transfer I'm a giant pussy when it comes to girls. Well, what organ do you need transplanted? You know look he needs dick transplant if he's worried about women shit get in there you can be You can be mr. Cool. I need a new organ. I don't really care if it works or not. Or you can be Mr. Crying about organ transplants.

You gotta... Look man, it's all in how you frame it, right? Like, you could either be sad that life is meaningless, or you could be happy life is meaningless. But it's all about your stupid ass... what's going on upstairs. I'm a giant pussy when it comes to girls. Everyone is, don't worry about it. One of the big hangups for me to puss out and not even talk to her is the age difference. She's 21 and I'm 28. You're cooked, bro.

You're so cooked. Is that too big of a gap? Oh man. When are you thinking about retirement and the other of you is thinking about the fucking. Well, you might be having a lot of new experiences also. Guys are about 10 years behind women, I would say. Like if you're a 25 year old woman, Guys are about 10 years behind women, I would say.

If you're a 25-year-old woman, you could say, a 23-year-old girl will say, oh yeah, I was in a yacht party. I've been to Dubai, I was in a yacht party. I've been in a threesome. And a 23-year-old guy was like, I haven't done any of that shit. But by the time you're like 33, like, yeah,

I've done that shit. Yeah. I've seen you there. Yeah. Fuck you. That's not actually, I'm actually unimpressed by that shit. Right. That's, there's a curve, okay? Yeah.

But it's working in your, it's working to your advantage. You are at a disadvantage. You are, you are too young for her, if anything. If you're worried about the age gap, the experience gap, she's not 23 yet. I feel like you're about the same age experience-wise. But if you live at home and you need an organ transplant, oh man, that's rough.

You still got to talk to women though. Okay, is that too big of a gap? No, if it is too big of a gap, it would be because you are inexperienced, not because you're too old. I mean, fuck dude, she was born after 9-11. Don't ever say any shit like that. Don't ever say anything about born after 9-11

or any of that Reddit shit. Get it all, any kind of comparisons that are based, comedy that's based off of like, comparing things to things, get it out. Or I'm so old, any of that shit. Any insecurity that's gonna come out as a joke, get rid of it. We do work in the same building

and she walks past my area multiple times throughout the day. So I have dozens of opportunities to start talking to her. I just don't know what to say. Yeah, and what you really don't wanna do is start to be a problem at work because then you're gonna get... That's when the writers come. Yeah.

So then your health insurance is going to get canceled. You're not going to get that new liver or vagina or heart. You're going to be out two organs. Yeah. You're going to be out of pussy and a liver. So you better, you better be sure. Yeah. Um, thanks for all you do, and don't go fuck yourself.

Well, I mean, you gotta look for like... Something she's just... People say to look for something that women are interested in, and I think guys interpret that as, well, I gotta find out what bands she's into, or what kind of music she's into, or some shit. Always a bad choice. And that's all bad because women's interests are stupid. Everything that they're into is like watching TV

and consuming something. So I think it's less important about finding what their interests are, and more important about finding what interests them? which is a little bit different because all the things that they're interested in will probably have like a uniting theme that you can You know find yourself exhibiting

Like if she likes all this book shit You don't like those books, but you're interested in something that they're about, right? Like I'm not, it's not, oh I like this author, I like this musician, or I like them too. It's like I like this author who writes about, you know, this, like, oh I like that thing. I'm that guy. I'm not into that guy, I'm that guy. That's the difference. Plus you're at work. I've seen women at work. They don't like doing anything but standing

around talking. So that's to your advantage. The age is probably a wash. And honestly, living at home, it sucks and it's lame but You can't take her home and fuck her tonight So you have like you don't have that in your mind. Yeah, it's like when you know, you got a shit You're like, oh great. I get to go home and shit you immediately start shitting your pants, right? Yeah, otherwise you could hold it all day. It's only when you're three blocks away, too. Yeah. Oh, here's my freeway exit. Shit.

Oh, fuck. I shit on my car seat again. If you know in your mind you can't take her home and fuck her tonight because you've got to go to your parents' house, then you start acting. Then you will probably act like a normal person, which also works in your favor. Yeah, just be normal. Don't be fucking weird. It sounds like you are, but just don't be that.

But also don't be yourself. Be the- Don't be yourself. Be the person that she's, find what she's interested in and be that guy. Yeah. It's easier than you think. You sound autistic, learn masking. Yeah, yeah.

That's what- Watch the talented Mr. Ripley. Yeah, there you go. Just do that. Watch Love on the Spectrum. Mr. Ripley. Yeah, just do that I'm on the spectrum and don't do that and whatever you do Hide Make sure that you can't get caught Doing any of this because you got a job if somebody comes in your office Hey, are you making a are you hitting on this girl? You say I don't even know what yeah

What how could you say that? Have you even been to Gaza? How could you say something like that? Gaza is a feeling, not a... I was just talking about our mutual interest. She's into, you know, this guy that writes dinosaur bones. I love dinosaur bones. We're just talking about that. What's the...

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe something's wrong with you. Yeah. Maybe you need some dinosaur bones. Maybe you need some dinosaur vibes. Maybe you need to... actually, are you hitting on me right now? Okay, there we go. And good luck, let me know how it works out. Definitely try. The last thing you want is for her to...

Imagine her getting... getting fucked, giving a guy a blowjob, getting, you know, fucked in the ass, all these things that she could be doing with another guy, you don't want that. You can't live with that. You can't let someone chuck dicks in her ass, dude. Don't let someone else chuck dicks in her ass. It's gotta be you.

At least try. Then you get it out of your system. Okay. But the other thing is too, is like, you gotta figure out of your system. Yeah. You know? OK. But the other thing is, too, is you got to figure out a way to mentally buff yourself into not thinking about, I'm a fat piece of shit. I look like this guy. You just got to go in and pretend like you're typing

and just be like, hey, bitch, what are you doing later? Say it like that, too. Use the organ transplant. Put some Visine in your eyes when she walks by. She's like, oh, what's wrong? You're like, well, the organ transplant. Put some Visine in your eyes when she walks by. It's like, oh, what's wrong? You're like, well, my organ transplant just, it didn't go through.

Or use these great eye drops called Lumify and have bright shining white eyes so that she can't not look directly into them. It's like she looks like a vampire. Absolutely. That's good too. You get some, you know. I was gonna get this, a new liver, or a new pancreas, or whatever it is, but they

asked me, there was this little black kid. And he needed it, too. And I said, give it to him. Unless she's like one of these new girls that's just super racist, and then say you're waiting to take one from a little black kid. I don't know. He could go either way. Back in my day, that would be crazy from a little black kid. I don't know. It could go either way. Back in my day, that would be crazy,

but today's kids, you don't know. Well, you just gotta allude to it. Be like, well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about it. Or, you know, just like, it's an organ transplant. It's an organ transplant. It's too big. They had to cut it down a little bit. Don't say that.

Don't say that at work. Johnny's joking. No, say that at work. Johnny's joking. No, say it exactly like that. Alright, here's uh, let's do Fat Wash. Oh my god, Fat Wash. I've got good stuff today. Pshh. Oh, right in the cup! Holy shit!

No one got to see that but me. That was impressive. Uhhh, okay. Oh, pass me that cup. This one? Can you see? Yeah, look. Throw it right in the cup. Okay, James Bell says,

obesity simulation suits. That's cool. You must see this, Dick. Okay. This is the video. Simu suit? With Simu suit, you can easily simulate obesity. Get the fuck out of here.

Simu suit makes realistic obesity suits that can be worn by real people or easily applied to any man. By real people. To put on the obesity suit, simply slip the legs through the cuffs on the back. We know how to put on the suit! And you're ready to go. The obesity suit features slip the legs or the cuffs on the back we know how to put on the suit and you're ready to go the obesity suit features adjustable Velcro

straps to make it easy to apply the suit to any mannequin or on a wide variety of real people and okay hang on onto any mannequin so you can fatten up your store mannequin well you can fatten up your fucking sex doll too oh you fuck the simu suit. Why is the fat- why is the simu going like this, like shrugging? Well cause you know- What me fat? No one ever knows how it happens to them, you know.

How did I get this fat? Yeah. I was skinny yesterday. Uh, oh my god. This is insane. Where did you find this shit? This is awesome. Alright, there we go.

Let me find... This... Okay... It's all versions of the Sims U suit? God damn. One size fits all. Our suits are designed for all the features your high tech mannequin may have.

Such as openings in the upper arm for I.M. injections. I'm open for any one of these. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! all the features your high-tech mannequin may have such as openings in the upper arm for I am injections This is a medical device this is to teach doctors how to treat fat people Wait what does it say it's all so I want to see a fat fuck get into you can put on two of them at the same time Yeah, just turtles all the way down depositories enemas or provide other Each simmy suit also has realistic features such as weighted breasts hitting a demon both legs our suits also feature a low-cut neckline that allows you to simulate ET tube place she's Or perform other airway management techniques

The suit is also filled with lightweight batting that slightly muffles heart, lung, and vowel sounds that your mannequin makes. Depending on the learning of- Bro. It's a fucking fat suit to train doctors on how to treat normal sized women because people are getting so fat. Does it come with like a little wand? For what? A little ass wiping wand.

Well, see, if you look at our real size doll here, this is how you correctly... No, this is how you wipe the ass of a big fat person. The objective of your simulation scenario, you can make the suit heavy or light. The suit itself only weighs 20 pounds. If you're doing a standardized patient scenario, a real person can wear it without wearing a down suit. Holy shit. Why is he doing this? Itself only way look at the good doing a standardized patient

All about that's crazy hey super killer done. That's what he's thinking of Stairs to deliver the final prayer every movements of real-life patients if your scenario Oh, dude, I need one of these Tells of someone who you know is a fat they're obviously fat But when they know that they're fat is when you see them look down they look at chairs. Yeah shirt tug Oh, yeah. Yeah, theger is the tugger going. Yeah Well, let me sit here. Oh, okay It's like you look both ways when you cross the street fat people have to look both ways when they sit down Okay, still over there. And how are we back here? Okay, that's still good. That's yeah making sure it's not buckling

Yeah, all right kids. Make sure you look both ways before you sit down. Oh, yeah, cuz it can get away from you They can okay. I see that one See that one, but maybe the whole chair moved over. Oh you check again. Okay, we're all still good here For moving or transporting a truly checking for the Tonka logo on it Mac built fucking yeah You can add weight to the suit with our convenient holding bags to add weight simply fill the bag with the heavy substance of your shit such as gravel Rock salt

Rock salt, why would you fill it up with where the fuck you gonna get rock salt? 20 pounds of rock salt I guess in the Midwest Yeah, hey you done icing there. Are you done salting the ice road? Can I get some of that for my fat suit? You walk around in this fat suit with a hole in it to de-ice your road. This is how they live, by the way. This is- we're simulating how, like, 10% of people live. Asking fat people, are you feeling- so, did you choose gravel or- Rocking some rock salt in that- in those fat tits?

Jesus, yeah. This has been out for a year the sim you suit oh Wow, this is our three pouches inside the adult suits one large pouch in the amethyst kids two smaller pouches inside the inner legs Okay, these bags can support as much as 150 I wonder how much shit you can sneak into a movie theater. What do you mean? Is it? Am I wearing a suit? What do you mean? Am I wearing 30 gallons of popcorn? 10 so this is going to be a great movie. Holy shit to a little feet. Kill me. Yeah, and on the substance use when adding weight, it is recommended

you do not ever- God damn it. God damn it. They've got a mannequin in a fat- in a huge, huge sloppy titted gut fat suit with little shorts on, like the Incredible Hulk, and the mannequin is like wearing a- Incredible Hulk and the mannequin is like wearing a Like a like a nerd comb over haircut and Has glasses for some reason also from the 50s like an engineer from the 50s, and it has his mouth open like this

Boogie cosplayers out there That's uh what is this? What is this man? I Will I wonder who took the picture and was like yeah, that's like pretty cool. That's cool. Put that on the website Of a real person where the suit fucking shit suit obesity suits come in three different sizes adult male adult female and pediatric Simucy was also available in two different tan and dark this dark Come on dark get the fuck out of scroll back to that just the I need to see this look at this

That that's boogie on his deathbed usually the caption for something like this is when you nut and she keeps sucking. You know, that's like a, how else are you supposed to make that? Ah, so this, ah, the dark one is has to be the best. Timmy suit is also available in two different skin tones. Okay. Tan and dark. Oh, two different skin tones okay tan and dark oh you see this also available in two different skin tones tan and dark hell no yes I can't even accurately describe that how come the dark ones not in like a medical environment why is it just sitting on the couch yeah why is the dark if it doesn't have a mannequin in

it did they not have any black mannequins? Alright, oh Get the get the black one up there. Do you have any okay? Can I put it a white mannequin put one leg up on the couch and it's suggestively? Relaxing after a long day. What are you doing? I At least put some pasties on there simi suit simulating bariatric and obese patients has never been easier Obesity is an all-time high look at this poor bastard look at his face One of my nursing friends was telling me that they can't really refer to patients as bariatric

Anymore because everyone knows what that means fat now. Mm-hmm. This is how they have to invent like a whole new term for fattness. What do they call it? I don't know, but they're like, they have to kind of phase that word out because I always like, wait a second. I know what that means now. It means fat. Mixed bariatric.

Yeah, that's my favorite flavor. And it's important for healthcare workers to be trained on how to properly move and care for large patients In life today dump them in the car and for your mannequins into bariatric patients What what me fat who who's fat you respect you are fat? This is you suit not me There's something wrong with you. That's why you need this suit. That's crazy.

All right. That was awesome. And the company. Oh, okay, here's the company. Oh shit. The Simu suit, mannequin, obesity simulation suits, bariatric, suits, bariatric simulation, edema leggings, realism for medical hospital and nursing, and the Simu suit is the source for bariatric simulation.

I got this guy photoshopped on a wheelchair inside of a hospital. Yeah, I haven't seen a web 1.0 website in quite some time. This is the picture of the guy that was outside, the wheelchair on the top, but they put him in a web 1.0 website in quite some time. This is the picture of the guy that was outside. The wheelchair on the top, but they put him in a hospital room. Yeah, they just lasso tooled around that. Caring for obese, bariatric, and overweight patients requires proper training and consideration. Okay, yeah. Make the suit as heavy as you want.

Will it blend? Go! Make it as heavy as you want. Ha ha ha! Go! Will it blend? Go! Make it as heavy as you want, man! Just go crazy with it. 500, 600, 10,000 pounds. Fill it with the lead x-ray blankets. What the fuck is this? Holy shit. Is this medicine?

My premium channel? Is that her or the suit? I think that's a TV show it was on. Oh, shit. So this is medicine. You're like, man, I really want to help people. Like, all right, well, let's go ahead and get a Simucid on another person so you can help make sure

that big fat pieces of shit are healthy and get proper medical care because they can't stop eating. What's the odds that it gave her an eating disorder, being even fatter? Yeah, all products made in the USA, you're goddamn right. About time, yeah. Goddamn right.

See, that's a factory I'd work at. Manufacturing sim suits all day. What is this, hidden keywords that they've got here? No, just bad website, okay. Well, it is powered by Wheatley after all. Ariel, Fat Watch, Lady Brokertree. All right. Let's see what we got here.

Like the sound of that already. Yeah. That could be good. That could be good. Oh. Someone forgot to take off their power armor before they left the house. Or their simi suit. Uh oh. The simi suit's acting up.

We've got a malfunction. Mountain Dew Fusion Core. We've got a malfunction in the... uh... Rainforest Quadrant here. A mouth function? We've got a mouth function. Here we go, let's see it. It's a woman on a log.

She's about, um... A mossy log, no less. A mossy, yeah. So you know it's waterlogged. You know it's... You know the structural integrity is not... And even if it were. High. Yeah. You know it's waterlogged. You know it's, you know the structural integrity is not... And even if it were high.

Yeah. Uh, she's about... She's probably about a tungsten and a half. She's like the size of a small Sherman tank. Yeah. Uh, she's, she got to the middle somehow. And is sideways. Um, don't know how that happened. She has to live there now. She has to live there now.

She's stuck. She's sending reinforcements. She crept out there somehow sideways wearing the slipperiest flip-flops known to man, the plastic ones with the hoop over the top Probably because it's the only so her feet change sizes her feet fat women's feet go up three or four sizes And then back down every day. Well. It's the only thing that will Fit on cloven hooves. Yeah So she's wearing those that's bad Okay, cuz you know those toes can't curl down enough to grip. Uh-uh.

Okay, here we go. Oh, and then the little boy over here is gonna help by climbing out. Alright. Aww. Okay. Don't, no, don't cut it. Someone needs to teach him about breaking your spine. Basic science. Yeah. I'll grab you. Son, that's a, you're gonna, that's like grabbing a VW Beetle. Son, that's why you got to swim away from shipwrecks

or sinking ships. Yeah, you go that way. Yeah. Force will suck you under. She's falling through the river. Going to go into the center of the earth. Yeah. What?

What? What? Get the fuck out of here. Charlie, watch out. You keep shooting. Ah! Ah! Ah! Fuck. Charlie, watch out. You keep shooting. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Hahahaha, okay one wrong step. Here it comes. Oh, I couldn't take it, I guess. Hahahaha, man, yeah. Usually, the stuff will break at a weak point.

Right. But that happened, that, that log broke right under her feet. It's like, it's just waiting to, that's maximum load, you know? It's dust. Okay, let's see, one more. It just astounds me that like you would think, it's not like you wake up that fat, right? Like have we ever had this discussion where like, imagine being alive during the first hottest day in the world, but like you don't know yet

what temperature is because none of that's been... Well just like no... You know, being like cavemen, right? Yeah. You just don't know that it's hot. Because you can't explain that, man, it's fucking hot outside because you don't know words or anything. You just know like, I'm sitting here sweating and I'm pissed off and need to murder somebody. But like you don't know like...

What are you talking about? You don't know. Of course you know it's hot. Well like yeah, but also... It's hot, man. But how do you explain that when there's no words, right? You don't know how to think that it's fucking hot. You just go, oh my god, I'm gonna kill something. But like, you don't... Yeah.

Like, I just imagine... My dog knows it's hot. She's like, ugh. But we've gotten to this point where we all know it's hot. Yeah. Imagine thinking wizards and warlocks before even that was invented. Oh, okay. But what I'm saying is,

you don't wake up one day and you're like, man, what the fuck is happening? You know, we've learned at this point. Okay. But you don't get that weight and go. You don't get that size. You don't get that size and just go, you know what? You're addicted to food.

The whole rest of my life is so inconvenient and fucking upsetting. Surely walking across a rotted log won't be. And it's like the surprise every time is always what gets me. Like what do you mean you thought that was... Why did you make her do that? Why? Just for fun I guess.

Like ah this will be funny. Hey, hey, hey. This will fuck her up. Anything for content I guess. Okay this is a fashion show. Um... Alright let's see. Whoa, a little loud. This is a fat woman wrapped in electrical tape with some swords.

Ah, man. I would really, it would really throw me off if an assassin like this came to kill me. This fat. Slicing swords around. Especially with no tits. I can't tell what on her back is the electrical tape and what are the fat folds? Well the part that upsets me most is the way she's swinging around those swords, you know, you know, one of them is gonna What you know

You know, she's gonna be thinking I look at how cool I look and not wash. I sure hope I'm performing this thinking, ah, look at how cool I look. And not, wow, I sure hope I'm performing this in a safe manner. Oh, she trained... That doesn't matter. Cutting meat, cutting salami. Oh, well that's, yeah. Yeah. Well, they're not sending their best, I guess.

All right, that's the show. Patreon.com slash The Dick Show. Check out the bonus episode. Dick.show. We'll see you next week. Got some voicemails too. Awesome. Here.

Presenting Dick. ["Dick Show Theme Song"] It was great, it was perfect. Literally perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ready. He's like... He's great, he's perfect. He's literally perfect. Ready. F*** Yes.

One down. Presenting... Right up. Yeah. That's already pissing me off. Yeah. Hey there guys, John. It actually rages when you just immediately strip like a screw. Like right away, first fricking twist and it strips. Not because your screwdriver sucks.

Oh no, not because your grip sucks, but because the screw is just a piece of shit and no matter what you touch it with, it strips. Anyway. Yeah, that's fucking infuriating. Piece of shit and no matter what you touch it with it strips anyway Yeah, that's fucking infuriating one thing. I did learn though was that there's a difference between the JIS standard Phillips and a US standard Phillips what yeah, there's a Japanese slightly smaller Phillips Yeah, use the wrong one. You'll strip it so that's I just strip them on purpose now I'm so upset. I love the rage I love the satisfaction of knowing that you know what fuck this thing I get so upset stripping them that when I put them in

now I just Crank it as hard as possible I at least feel like feeling justified and why I had to throw a screwdriver across the room, you know? Cause then when I go to do it later, if I have to take it apart, I'm like, damn, somebody stripped this damn thing. Like, ah, guess I can't take it apart. Who fucking gorilla handed this shit? Yeah. And I have yet, of all the screws I've stripped in my life,

and all of the YouTube tutorials I've watched on how to fix them and all the little stupid drill bits and gizmos I've bought to try to get them out. I don't think any one of them have worked. No. It's experts trying to sell you something. Yeah, the only thing that works is just pliers grabbing the sides, squishing it and ruining it and then cranking it. I don't know why.

Maybe someday though. Those stripping screws are the fucking worst, man. Okay. It's like putting on stickers. One more rage for you. Yeah, what? Oh, it's like you either have the gift of being able to put a sticker, like a decal on something correctly,

or you just don't. Oh, I can do that in my sleep. See, there you go. No problem. I have to sit there. I see people doing it, I'm like, ah, that's fucked, I can already see where you fucked it up.

Yeah, see, and I gotta sit there and sweat about it. But then when it comes to unscrewing stuff, no problem, do that in my sleep. So what the fuck? Okay. One more in my sleep. So what the fuck? Okay. One more rage for you. I really like watching baseball. You know, nice spring day sitting in my recliner, watching a good old

fashion baseball game, the fucking, my fucking local baseball team went to some fan dual bullshit. Now I got to have another fucking streaming service to watch my local team Oh, you want to just cover all your bases and get the MLB app now? Yeah, cuz you guys are fucked cuz you sports guys are totally fucked up. You'll do anything Go fuck yourself, but you can watch the Colorado Rockies to fucking states away They should make you guys kill people to watch baseball games. Like, okay, but you know, you gotta kill this guy.

I can't believe it. Local baseball should just be on channel four. It's fucking horseshit. No, you guys... We have gone way too fucking far. You guys should have to be... Go fuck yourself. Just put through, like, the most insane jigsaw-level psychological torture experiments

to watch your fucking sports ball games. You'll do it every time. You'll all do it. And you'll make it part of the game. Like, well, 10% of the fans, only 10% of the fans got killed on the way to the game today in the jigsaw style torture psychology experiment. But good news for everyone else, it's time to salute the troops. Like, you're the most crazy addicts of all of them. Of all of them. It's sports guys.

I have been part of so many studio sessions that I've come to a grinding halt because a game was on. I gotta watch the game. You gotta sit there and I'm like... You're the one paying for the time... you're paying extra money to sit here and watch this because we're in a studio and not your house. Like what the fuck is going on? But like moth to a flame, man. Biggest. Is the bar open?

Nah, the bar is going to be delayed. Oh, OK. Hey, is the game on? No. I gotta get back. They fucking do this to me. I gotta get the game. Yeah, I gotta see what the scores are.

Somebody talk about the game. Can somebody? What if the game was going right now? What would they be doing? What do you think would be happening? I don't understand. Somebody talk about it. That's the sensation.

That is, it's fucking insane. See, going to games is fun, because you get to sit there and train. That's the- I know that is- it's fucking insane. See, going to games is fun, cause you get to sit there and train. That's why the sports gambling is so funny. Cause you're like, yeah, I know that you like sports, so fuck you. Say goodbye to your house. Right. Uh... God, the-

It's crazy. conniption fits of, is this flight gonna have the game on it? I gotta get on that- I gotta see the game. Gotta see the game. I gotta see this fucking game, man. People need the game, man. have the game on it? I gotta get on that game, I gotta see the game. Gotta see the game. I gotta see this fucking game, man. People need the game, man. Without the game. They're gonna fucking hit a ball or something over there?

I don't know if that guy's gonna win. It's insane. I've never seen anything like it, man. Yeah. If it's on, if people hear like a whistle or anything like that. It's totally ruined every bar in the world. You fucking people and your fucking games. Because when the games aren't on, the TVs are still on.

Talking about the news. Two shitheads up there crying about the news and everybody's locked in. They're either looking at the TV or looking at their phone. And then that's the calm before the game storm And then there's the post game too because you can't get enough of the game. I Fucking hate the game. You got a pregame. There's the game. They should charge you guys by the minute They've in blood. Yeah should be okay. Well, you don't donated most of your blood last game So hook up your IV to your app on your phone

Donate the blood and the amount of blood have in your body is how long the game is. And then next time the game's on, you'll have rebuilt your own blood. There's just nothing that you could take from them. Cigarettes, heroin... I don't know what else. Doesn't matter. They don't compare to the game... the fiending that you will see with game people. They're like, I gotta get my government sponsored and ordained thing, you know? There's a game on somewhere, I can smell it.

Yeah. I can smell the game on you. You wanna go to the game and have a little fun? Nah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the game on you. You want to go to the game and have a little fun? Nah, you might be late for the game. I missed the game. Yeah, God forbid you go to the game. I don't want to go to the game.

I just got to watch it. I don't want to watch the game. Hey, turn the game as there's another game on. Hang on, I got to put AM radio on so I can listen to the game. Have you checked out the other game? This game's done. I heard there's a heat on the other game.

And then when you get so, you watch so much of the game that now now he's this guy has gone on to local chapters of the game I can't there's a college game. Let's get in college. There's college. There's a college game on today Get the college game on. Yeah Ball game here! Offer. Yeah.

Uh... No more games. We should just have a lot of bureaucracy from now on. No arts, no games. Get it all out of here. Department of Games. Put some rules on these games. No, that's the problem is it already is the Department of Games. Sorry, we're gonna need a breathalyzer for you to watch this game.

Are you a VIP? Yeah. You can't have any domestic abuse charges in order to watch this game. Are you a VIP? Yeah. You can't have any domestic abuse charges in order to watch the game. Hey, Dick, completely agree about your Michelangelo analogy, but his hands are big because the David was supposed to go on top of a really tall building. I forget which one.

But that's why. The hands are big so that way you could see them from like 100 feet down on the street level. Oh. So that's all. Yeah, everything is right up to that point. Okay John I see pretty good. So I was wrong in that the art Well, first of all, the point was that the artist made a choice to make the hands big so that was right But the choice the choice of making the hands big was so people could see them on the street Well, I mean that well that settles it then

big was so people could see them on the street well I mean that well that settles it then just so people could see it that was the why are the hands why are the hands on the David so big well so people could see it on the street well why isn't the rest of him fucking big then why is it we just got hot dog truth right now you know it's in that right yes I do. Hey, the hands are big so people on the street can see them. Oh, is that why? Um, cause people on the street know that there are hands there. Cause it's a guy.

There's a lot of statues on buildings that have hands on them. Originally he was supposed to spill out blood with his hands. Yeah, they really need to see. But why do they need to see the hands from the street? Well, you know. Cause they gotta see the hands. Why would there be any metaphorical aspect to it? You know, art is purely a utility, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you can- Why is his a utility right? Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Why is his penis so small? Cause people wouldn't want to see his penis. So people could also see it from the street. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh I was fucking thinking that about I was pouring oil down the drain and we have a septic tank But maybe think of dick's fucking shit pit. Mm-hmm. And I was like The next guy that has to deal with that shit pit is gonna be dick's son So dick's gonna be at some fucking place and his son's gonna call him up with the house that dick just gave him And he's gonna be like, dad Call him up with the house that dick just gave him

I would my dad The fuck you know why would my son live in a door how it's my house tell me about it That's probably how that's gonna. Go down. You know most audacity the fuck this wait a minute How do houses work to you people live in them with their families and then the parents go away and let the kid live in? The house is that how it works you shit head. That's not how is that how anything works I? Like that he thinks you'd give up. Hey son. I got a new house. See you can have this one like a hermit crab. Yeah Hey, son. Here's this house by the way. It's gonna buy X millions for you. Yeah, see ya I'm gonna go in my new house God, that's fucking good.

Hey, decade Johnny. What's pissing me off is people talking about shit they don't know. Like the woman saying that the earth doesn't get heavier because stuff stays the same. Like, yeah, if we were in a sealed off system, but the earth is actually getting lighter because of the fucking heat causing gases to off-gas into space.

Is that true? More than gravity is able to hold it on. Huh. So, anytime somebody, like, I don't know, who the fuck am I calling you to correct some stupid bitch? I don't know, is that true? That's like calling in or giving you fucking parental advice for people that A. don't have kids, B. have kids But make less than you and aren't as successful than you. What the fuck am I doing? That's, you know, that's supposed to be my sick impulsion to fucking call in.

Yeah, you gotta work on that. You gotta stop doing that. Do you think the earth is getting lighter or heavier? I always figured it was getting heavier because we have like space rocks and shit That's what I would think too, but there's a lot of gas There is a lot of gas so maybe it is getting lighter, but where's the gas going? You can't even it doesn't evaporate into nothing it evaporates. It's like it's worse And then it comes back down where would it go? It gets hot gets hot and it freezes and comes back down. I bet it's getting heavier. I don't know though All right, let's see

Fucking brainiac calling in fucking brainiac The earth is losing mass not getting lighter. Okay, so it's losing me It's estimated the earth loses about 50 tons for 50,000 tons of mass The escape of light gas. Oh, hi. Okay hydrogen helium does escape the atmosphere. Huh? I didn't know that Interesting, yeah. Gains mass from space dust and meteorites, but it's not enough. It's not enough to offset the 50,000 tons.

Negligible. I didn't know that. All right. You're right, Sarah. Thank you for your call. Yeah, thank you. That's good. I'll pretend that it's obvious and I always knew it. If a woman ever gets it wrong.

Yeah, but like you don't think about all these gases evaporating? What are you, stupid? What are you, stupid? Asteroids? Little rocks? You think a little rock is gonna... The Earth is huge. Dumb bitch.

Tons of gas. Yeah. Idiot. I'm a fucking expert. You have to believe me. Yeah, Vic. I'm gonna have have to side with Eric Jalai on this one. Okay. You know, you don't only cook with grease.

You can cook with water, you cook with olive oil, you can coat things, you can air fry things. You don't only cook with grease. Like it doesn't make sense You've heard about shows going. I think this guy is an eric del i supporter. Do you only cook with grease? because That's not the only thing You're cooking Yeah, actually in this case you're the retard not eric. Hey, uh, hey shit head

Listen dick you're the retard If you're cooking meat you're making grease from the fat in the meat and then the grease is collecting in the pan and then I don't know if you have some kind of magical pan that sucks the grease away the second it forms inside the meat, but pretty much any meat that you're making is cooking with a little bit of grease in there, and it's coloring the taste of the meat. Yeah, but this guy fucking got off on the wrong foot. He's talking about the- Water.

Well, the vehicle which you could prepare your food in, right? Not cooking with gas, which is the fucking- That's the saying. The saying is cooking with gas! Yeah. So he's like- Cooking with grease isn't a saying. Somebody else emailed me this. I've heard it both ways. Well- Well, you've heard it from retarded people too.

Yeah, retarded people really love fucking up sayings. I don't know what to tell you, man. Someone who's a illustrious writer of the comic book company should not be fucking up Simple colloquialism of course very famous ones Yeah, of course you can cook with water or fucking olive oil or whatever else But that's not what the that's not what the alliteration is to what the fuck Do you think is in the pan when you're done cooking the meat caller Caller, do you have a table by any chance? All right. So call back in.

He kind of breezed past it when reading the, uh, Eric Joe high thing, but he literally used the words debating both sides. Oh, we did. Talking about the criticism of the artwork. Yeah, I believe you. He used blackmatics. Hey, Dick, hey, Johnny. Yo.

Dick, I gotta apologize to you. Okay. A thousand years ago, you complained about the fucking crusty soap thing on the pump and it shoots out soap like a fucking cum shot and I laughed at you said ah you fucking idiot just clean your soap dispensers clean all the soap on the fucking happened to me today wash my hands in my shop and that pisses me off now you got compants oh fuck now you got compants and

everybody come on everybody look everybody thinks it's come. Mm-hmm everyone well looks like it Did Johnny that's what you get you know, man? It's what what's the saying pride comes before the fall? Uh-huh. You laugh at someone forgetting the soap come now You got the soap gun will also encounter your day with the soap come To which I say you should have cleaned your soap there, bud. Actually, you're not cooking with grease. Yeah, you are. Yeah.

Yes, you are. What are you making? Salad? Oh, yeah. Eating a dry salad. Yeah, wonderful. I have a little advice for you. Had my first about two years ago.

About to have my second in July. Both boys, thank God. Got some, some, there's a wisdom here. Get your car seat installed now before the baby comes. You need to be knowledgeable about how that works because women could never. So get that installed, make sure you understand how it works because they will check at the hospital

and they won't let you take the baby away if you don't have it installed properly. Bring a jacket to the hospital if you're gonna to visit or if you're going to be there for a while. They keep it cold as fuck. Buy glass bottles. Don't buy any plastic bottles and just exchange the nipples for different nipple sizes as the baby grows older.

Every time you change the baby or your woman changes the baby, you should be moving the baby around and moving its legs up and down and rubbing its stomach because they don't have motility. So that'll help them avoid having gas, which will keep them from crying and you'll have a much more peaceful baby. Get ready to deal with a stump of the umbilical cord

because that's something nobody told me about. It's ridiculous. And don't buy little outfits. Women will try to put them in little outfits. If you ever have to change that child, you will thank me if you just have onesies and rompers that open from the bottom to change that baby. Good luck, buddy.

Okay, good advice. Good advice. I'm gonna do some of those rompers myself. I'm only gonna wear rompers and onesies. Yeah, it'll save me so much cleaning time when I shit myself. Crazy. Uhhh... Ahem.

Uhhh... Alright. The Dick Show, you mentioned Tinder on your latest bonus episode. I had to bring it up, so it's like... God, it's... You thought it was bad the last time you were on there, it is, it's like a fucking boresnone. Like, oh no, oh fuck. Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha.

He's gone insane. Oh shit, that might just be it. It's so bad. Yeah, you got PTSD from it, holy shit. I mean, like, I'm not a catch. I'm still just like, left, left, left. Oh God, it's like fucking Omaha Beach. I mean, like, all you're seeing god. It's like fucking Omaha Beach I mean like all your scene is either just

obliterated bodies everywhere or the ones that are standing or just completely being run through with Yeah, we need that first-person shooter. We want to tell you Get out of here you fat bitch Yeah Man that was our bonus episode invention. First person shooter tinder. RAAAHHHHH! VR support too. Yeah, super kill. You know and all the hot ones are up on a pedestal or something you gotta kill all the fat fat bitches with their with their sons. They're different colors. I'm

throwing their babies at you. fat bitches with their with their sons They're different colors. I'm ah Throwing their babies at you. Ah cakes over here, yeah You know VR and then they the fat chicks have VR too and they're trying to hunt you down The fat chicks are in VR on tinder too and they're likeing you. I'm gonna get this fucking guy. Yeah six foot I'm just thinking of that beachhead arcade game. Six figures. Yeah Yeah, it's always six figures and six feet tall, but it's like bitch Uh-huh, you can hear him. You can hear him way off in a black Twitter area

Mm-hmm, uh-huh, mm-hmm, I would never, mm-hmm, uh-huh, hell nah like that. Like, whoosh. Just throw off of nine. Alright gents, get down, everyone get down. Oh hell nah, whoosh, right? Would you like to upgrade? Would you like to lower your weight class? The funniest.

Would you like nightmare mode or would you like to bump it up to hunter mode? Yeah, now that you've seen the worst. Buffet mode. That you have to lower your weight class? The funniest- Would you like nightmare mode or would you like to bump it up to uh, hunter mode? Yeah, now that you've seen the worst- Buffet mode. ...that they have to offer, yeah. Would you like to buy a buffet buster today? Would you like to rent a buffet buster for-

The best is when it's like the uh- B-b picture coming at you. Why is this a mostly white blur? Yeah The haze yeah fog of war like I see her in the distance White whale yeah literally yeah our mateys, and you can team up with your friends right? shooting these fucking whores now And if you just pay 69 bucks a month you can see that this fat bitch wants to ruin your life. Would you like to upgrade your buffet buster? Would you like to upgrade your scooter for 30 dollars? You got it. And then you're like, there's some fat bitch eating at home, like, I'm gonna get me a man.

Zooming after you in VR. That's terrifying. And if she kills you, she gets your phone number. That's the deal. Man, I'm not good enough at FPS games. I don't have to. You gotta get good. You gotta get good, scrub. Would you like to buy an AI assist there?

Yeah. For your time on Tinder today. Fuck. Fire them up. It's like Schwarzenegger. Hearing about all this, man, I'm like, I need another beer, that's stressful. Alright, goodbye everybody. See ya.