The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 185, D.T. in Dawg Territory with Dan McQuade

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

Brockway drafts Seanbaby and Defector's Dan McQuade to discuss D.T. in Dawg Territory, the bizarre children's sci-fi action movie created by, starring, and for the 1988 Cleveland Browns. It's about dog aliens, and the Cleveland Browns have a machine gun in the locker room!

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900 Hot Dog, America's last comedy website. If you enjoy human comedy written by humans, we're the only ones left doing that. Come support us at patreon.com slash 1900hotdog. Or if you just want to check it out, we don't mention this enough, we publish free articles every single week. Go to 1900hotdog.com slash tag slash free. That will always give you our latest free article. And if you look down at the bottom, there's a little arrow that brings you to all the other free articles,

which, as of this recording, goes back 754 pages. So, you will... There's something to read there. You will never almost certainly never run out of free material because we keep updating it every single week. So really just sign up if you pity us. Or if you want to stop give us money pointless, we give you so much and we're going to. Like, you know, don't do it. Just don't do it. I mean, really only do it if you want to like, as a charity contribute to stopping AI nonsense comedy. We are the last people doing it. So if you don't pay us, then whatever. All you did is kill internet jokes forever. Yeah. And then you'd be left with just nonsense like these ten bowl puns from punsteria.com. Oh god damn it, Brockway.

The all-AI pun site. Here's your first one. Did you hear about the bowl that went to the gym? It got so ripped it became a muscle bowl. Oh shit. I was genuinely not ready for that. I told my friend a joke about a bowl, but he didn't find it funny. Apparently it didn't have the right shape for humor. Oh man.

Do you know what a bowl's favorite instrument is? A bolaphone! I would have definitely guessed that if you gave me ten chances. A bowl-a-phone. What do you call a bowl that can also write poetry? A bowl-tiful writer. Mm-hmm. Bowl-tiful writer. Why did the bowl go to Hollywood? It wanted to be a star bowl.

Nothing about the Hollywood bowl there. Fuck. God, they keep pulling the rug out from under me. Robert, they keep bowling me over. Let's see if it gets there to the one obvious pun. What was the bowl's favorite exercise routine? Bowl-ilotties. Fuck. Like pilates? Oh, yeah, no, I-

But with a bowl, you see. With the bowl jammed in there somewhere. I went to a bowl-making class, but it was just a nuisance. It was a real pain in the glaze. Whoa! That's like, violently not wordplay. No, that's not even cool. It thought maybe glaze rhymed with ass? My friend tried to tell me a joke about bowls, but it was a little too mixing-led. Fuck. That's the appropriate response, thank you.

Five seconds of stunned silence and I swear word. I wanted to start a collection of rare bowls, but my friends thought it was just a mania bowl. Jesus Christ. And your final, what AI can do for you, the majesty worth just plowing the entire environment and firing all human artists over the final pun. I tried to eat cereal out of a square bowl but it just didn't feel right. I guess it's not my shape of cornflakes. I do like that romantic comedy shape of cornflakes.

Sorry, Chris Pratt and Anna Faris, yes. If you hated that, and you did, come support us on patreon.com slash 1900hotdog, purely out of spite for the robots. It's almost impressive how wrong they are. It feels like if it was programmed from human input, it shouldn't be possible to be so, like, aggressively wrong. Like if you just told it, just put any B word in there and then whatever. It would be more right than this. I'm Robert Boulquay, and with me is the magnificent Sean Boulby.

I'm Boul-to-be Boul. Boul buddy. And our guest, Dan McQuade Cornflakes. Ooh, I like it. I am on leave sale, but I will plug Defector Media, an independent, cooperatively-owned website that covers sports and culture and many other things. In an attempt to get you to subscribe to our site I have four funny journalist puns from punsgalaxy.com. Fantastic. Ready. They're all about a party. Why did the

journalists go to the party? To get the scoop on the latest gossip. Oh pretty good. Why did the journalists go to the party to interview the life of the party? Why did the journalists go to the party to uncover the hidden stories behind the celebration? The dark underbelly of the celebration of the birthday party. I mean, I guess, you know, when we watched that Knight Rider episode, there was a dark underbelly to that birthday party. I mean, I guess, you know, when we watched that Knight Rider episode, there was a dark underbelly to that birthday party. That's true.

Cake. Only horrors can create that bullwinkle sheet cake. And then why did the journalists go to the party to mingle with potential sources? Again, Yes, that is probably true. That's just like a true fact of why journalists go to party. I mean, the biggest true fact would be like, why did journalists go to the party to get drunk. But you know, that's the Yeah, that's that mingle with potential sources. Also, there is a conclusion to this article. There are like 100 journalist puns. None of them are actually puns. In conclusion, we've reached the end of our journalistic journey filled with puns, jokes, and one-liners that are sure to make headlines in the humor department. Whether you're a seasoned reporter or just a fan of witty

wordplay, we hope you've enjoyed the scoop on these laughs. But see, that robot seems like it's trying to make human language. It didn't like land on a joke or anything close to a joke, but it like, you wouldn't necessarily clock it as a robot, just a really uninteresting person. Whereas the punsteria is just like programmed to be wrong. It's like, here's what's great about puns. They're wrong. It's words but wrong. Go robot. I feel like yours was a really insecure robot trying to prove that it understood what what it was what journalism was like, I know what that

is. Yeah, I just like you you do headlines. You have sources. I know. I'm not gonna make any jokes about it, but I know what it is. Party. Life of the party. That's something, right? We would interview him is what we would do. Well, now that we've driven everyone away... Yeah, sorry everybody. We're here today to talk about DT in dog territory. That's spelled with a W, of course. I'll let you decide where to put it. It was the 1988 short film promo.

Masterpiece. It's a weird way to call a masterpiece. It's the short masterpiece by the Cleveland Browns for fun, for just shits and giggles. This is the follow up they did to Masters of the Gridiron, which we have already done a podcast on. But if you didn't hear that or you haven't seen it, look up Cleveland Brown's Masters of the Gridiron. It's incredible. It's a whole football team who can't act and have maybe never seen a movie trying to make their version of like a football comedy Conan O'Brien or Conan the Barbarian.

Conan O'Brien or Conan the Barbarian. Conan O'Brien would be better. I'm sure he's in there too. Wait, no, Tiny Tim was in there. That's close enough. Tiny Tim, yeah, that was their celebrity superstar. I forgot Tiny Tim was in there. Tiny Tim is in there. It's the villain.

It's insane they did that once, right? That they went and they made a fantasy movie for no reason. This is not for something. They just went and did that. And then I guess they had such a good time and so much leftover in the budget, they decided they would do it again, but kind of Aliens, kind of He-Man, kind of E.T.

So this is their sci-fi. Kind of Rambo. Kind of Rambo? Kind of the, or the eliminators maybe. But also kind of nothing. Yes. Also a lot of, more than kind of. So wrong about everything, it's technically nothing.

I think it's worth mentioning that these are all very busy, very wealthy, world-class athletes. Like these are not like 10 year olds who have like a whole fucking weekend to kill. It's amazing this happened more than zero times and here we are. At two. At two. Like more than zero, I would be amazing it happened more than zero times and here we are. At two. At two. Like more than zero, I would be amazing it happened once.

It happened twice. Do we know if it was like a for-profit endeavor? Like did they put these on VHS and sell them in Cleveland or anything? They must have, right? I believe, so I looked up in old newspapers as I do before going on this show and I only found like three references to it in Cleveland papers. They filmed it during the season. Oh my God.

So that's good. And it was, yeah, I assume it was released on VHS for Christmas. I think when the Bears did the Super Bowl shuffle and that was a big hit and got a lot of attention and then they won the Super Bowl. Right. A lot of other teams did songs like there's an Eagle song about the coach buddies watching you. There's like a Ram It for the the LA Rams.

Yeah, the Portland Trail Blazers did a well it's basketball but they did the Rip City Rap City. Oh yeah yeah so like same yeah so like these type of things teams were doing them and I guess the Browns were wanted to take it several steps further. Yes yeah. The next next level. They were doing cute little music videos and sketches and they were like let's make 15 minute long movies with like they look like garbage but they were like, let's make 15 minute long movies with like, they look like garbage, but they look like they cost a lot of money to make that garbage. We'll get into that.

DC and Dog Territory, it was directed by a man named Chuck Shadowsky because it's Cleveland. You'll hear a lot of very Polish names in this. Big Chuck, as he was known, was a Cleveland sketch actor and he's part of a duo in a long-running show. It was kind of one of those Elvira-style, we're gonna do a couple of cheap wacky skits late at night, present a horror movie kind of shows with the man who played, who plays the dog, the dog man, Little John Rinaldi. So the duo was Big Chuck and Little John.

And so that's kind of how they got the talent for this together. It was also written by Ronda Carlo, Bill Johns, and L. Linda Linderman, the writing team known for this. Nothing before, nothing ever again. I don't believe L. Linda Linderman is a name. No, I think that's somebody panicking when they came up with a fake name. It's starring kind of all of the all the Browns, but it's mostly starring Bob, or Bob Golick, who, who everybody knows best as Mike the RA from Saved by the Bell of College Years. Of course, yeah. Oh wait, football.

No, it's football. And he's no best four. I would say for a certain demo, he's Saved by the Bell of the College Years, RA. Sure. Which is a good football player. Yes, I believe so. Okay. He and his brother Mike were both football players in the late 80s, early 90s. Mike played for the Eagles for a bit.

And he's like now at ESPN, talk radio guy for a long time. He's a fantastic actor. You can't fault his skills in this film. Yeah, Bob would go on, I should specify, 1988, well before Saved by the Bell, the college years. So he got the bug by doing these movies and went on to, for a football guy, kind of a successful career in acting. Sure. He's no Howie Long, but he had a few roles.

He's no Boz. So he's a two-time second-team All-Pro, three times pro ball in the Cleveland Browns like ring of fame or whatever. And also he was a really good wrestler in college as well. Okay. So must have been a heck of an athlete. But that doesn't make you a good actor. He would have been a good professional wrestler.

Like this seems like the era where we were. His acting skills seem about that level. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He would have been a below average WWF performer. Hey, average, come on. For 1988, give him that. He was the RA. And say by the bell to college years, you son of a bitch.

He shaped a generation. He wouldn't be able to airbrush ravishing Rick Rood's crotch. It always struck me as very weird that he was like, I don't know, 40 and then RA for the for the for the college use. You're right, that is kind of weird. It was a little weird. Anyway, that's not what we're talking about today. We maybe we should but we're talking about DT in Dog Territory, the movie that opens it opens on a a shot of the stadium and a real struggling UFO special effect comes through. Like it looks like it hurts somehow. It's just... I looked up the production company that did this and it kind of, it seems like a normal place you would call for a generic film project. Like if you just needed your wedding

filmed or if you're just doing like a local documentary for the, for the, I don't know, electric company. But this is like really painfully bad. Like, this is sound is bad. The camera work is bad. The special effects are a tragedy. And yet it looks like it costs somebody a lot of money. Like it looks, you can feel the effort. It looks bad in a way. Yeah. It doesn't look like a high school yearbook project, but it is worse than most high school yearbook projects.

It's real rough. So after that real painful UFO passes by, we cut to the locker room and there's a close up on specifically Hershey's Kisses and a little person who is made up like the dog police. If you don't know the dog police, look up dog police, because that's what it is. He's made up like the dog police dressed in tinfoil alien man costumes. And he starts eating all of the Hershey's Kisses. So and that's the end. That's the end of the movie. He dies on the floor. It's really sad.

So this is an AT reference, I think, just with like, the cowards use the wrong candy, like, like, ET is gonna sue him if they use the same fucking candy or something. I don't know. But they used an actual candy like Reese's Kisses was a placement. Why are they using actual Hershey's Kisses? Like they didn't use a generic from the dollar store Fudgy Kiss. Or like, make up their own Cleveland Browns themed, you know, chocolate.

Little Browns! No, that's worse. It really suggests that behind the scenes someone says, get me some Reese's Pieces and someone fucked up and they're just like, well, I guess it doesn't matter. This joke wasn't gonna land anyway. Just there's no way that's product placement, and yet it's really, really centered. He even pauses to go, Hershey's, huh, not bad. Like fucking, that's not a joke. Yeah.

It's like, are you angling for product placement? I mean, I guess it fits the Browns. Maybe they had a deal? All the dialogue here was troubling. Like it was intended for five-year-olds or something. Like they're explaining the most basics of body language. So the dog's like, ooh, someone is coming, I must hide. You're like, well, yeah, you're saying that by hiding.

Like we don't, we don't need this. Yeah, it's got a very condescending kind of tone. Yes. Let's just, there's no way to sell the acting that is better than just playing it. So for this clip, Bob Golick comes into the locker room with an injured arm, and he's just like, oh, I'm gonna act at this arm. Just really act the hell out of that arm.

And then he turns and pulls his towel down and finds the dog man hiding there. Oh, what? I thought you earthlings were more articulate than this. Earthlings? Well, what are you? I am Derethelur Talamalur from the planet K9. Hey, how about if I just call you DT? You know, you're in dog territory anyway.

Suit yourself. But what are you doing here? Well, actually, I'm a fetchball player. And I was on my way to the intergalactic championship game when my spaceship was hijacked by the ruthless Zemalia team. They'll stop at nothing to win the championship game. And they figure if they dognap me, they'll win the game paws down. Well, you've got to be pretty important then. Well, I guess the league considers me the MVD.

MVD? Most valuable dog. Oh, god damn it. God damn it. That's brutal. And remember, this is a professional athlete and a professional television broadcaster. Like- Yeah, and a sketch comedian.

A professional actor. Yeah, incredible. As soon as I heard him say from the planet K9, I was like, oh, this isn't going to be any good. I mean, and I knew that from when I hit play on DT and Dog Territory. Yeah. But I was like, oh, this is just going to be puns about dogs. I mean, better than the ones by AI, at least.

But it's not. And it still is like just like as soon as I saw this, I was like nothing else is going to happen in this. Like interesting and a lot of stuff does happen, but none of it is really interesting. I think a lot of it's very interesting and unexpected from what I would what I would come to believe was possible out of this type of film. I would think maybe they would go on an adventure within the stadium with that dog and they would like go to the concession stands and the dog would be like, yum, yum, popcorn. Let's all get some popcorn or whatever. Like a little fish out of

water kind of tour. This is Earth. Welcome. For example, I did not expect them to have, let's say, a weapons budget, an armor. I didn't expect them to need an armor for this. I think what troubled me is like, you get performers like this are gonna make weird decisions, but like the direction of this, like he's like, I'm from the planet K9. It's like cut, could you fucking hit that maybe a little less hard?

Like there's no voice of reason anywhere close to this. Well, if you listen, if you listen to that sound clip, you could actually hear them cutting, like after almost every line of lyrics, where they have to stitch it together from a different take. He can get one short sentence and then they're like, cut, let's take it for the next one. So that was also your exposition. This dog alien has crash-landed on Earth and his enemies, the Zomalians. I feel like maybe you should look up if your alien race sounds a lot like an actual...

Yeah, just a little too close. Yeah, just a little like... Especially when you go on to say they're like a terrible, evil, backward, savage people. Right. Who will turn your galaxy into bloodshed if they win control. Like, you should probably look that up. So this is for the fate of an entire galaxy. Now, the dog also, in a little bit that I like, the dog also can't say Golic's name, so he says,

I'm gonna call you Go-Bob. But it doesn't work, the joke doesn't work that way. Yeah, that's nonsense. That's not, like if the joke was you're gonna call him something very long and hard to say, that's the setup and delivery. Yeah, that would be, if not funny, at least an attempt at a joke. No, I'm not trying for funny. I'm trying for a recognizable joke. My theory is that Robert Golick was like, I got this cool idea for a nickname.

Go Bob. Yeah. They call me Go Bob. That is pretty cool. They're like, I'm gonna tell people, call me Bobob, Robob. This was the soft launch for the Go Bob nickname. I don't think it took. It didn't stick.

Another UFO just, God bless its heart, doing its best, hovers in and from within an alien screams, we must find that dog. And now we meet our bad guys and they are, they're He-Man toys. They're He-Man toys grandma brings home from the dollar store. One's a meatball Chitara.

And... That's a really good way to describe her. It's a meatball Chitara. Yep. The other kind of a polyamorous Merman, but like specifically Merman from He-Man, with the mask and the gills. But like fucks more than that, but in like a dirty way. Mm-hmm. He's got the amulet. He's got a lot of gold.

I'd say meatball Chitara fucks a lot too. Like, her contribution to this is basically walking out of the mist and striking a sexy pose. Like she just keeps doing that in every scene. I was like, okay, Meatball Cheetara. I didn't call her that at the time, but it's replaced all my memories. It's such a good nickname.

Yeah, she's, I mean, she's in a skippy outfit. She's a Cleveland 10 for sure. She's definitely somebody's wife. She was in the other one we watched, right? She was in Master of the Grail. Yeah, I think so. Okay. Yeah, she was the evil assistant, I believe.

She's involved, or she's the HR rep, I don't know. She's somehow involved with the organization. They also, the bad guys also have like a putty patrol for Power Rangers, just a kind of weirdly faced, gibbering lunatic squad that they send out, like the Cleveland Putty Patrol. So the UFO comes down and they hover over the military compound and start firing lasers at tanks and trucks. And here's where I'm saying like this is surprising to me because you would

expect you would just for this production you would use stock footage of that you would just get stock footage of a base you would put in some really chintzy explosions no no they actually got a hold of the tanks they got a hold of at least the army uniforms they got a hold hold of the trucks. That's not cheap. That is not at all cheap. They went to a military base and they're like, can we get some shots of you guys pretending to get hit by space lasers? And they did. I mean, why wouldn't they? It's the Cleveland fucking Browns. Like, that's what else you're going to do. That's true. They probably just went there and were like, fuck yeah.

All right, go Bob. I mean you gotta remember A, it's Cleveland, they don't have a lot to do, and B, they're all like 19, so yeah, I would have done that as a 19 year old, absolutely. For sure. I would have done a backflip and hurt myself really bad off that, and then tried to play it off to Golik like, no, no, it's fine. It's fine, I didn't hurt. So we cut back to DT who is trying to use the phone

to make his intergalactic planet to planet call. And it doesn't work, but it doesn't work for the reasons you don't think because Golic runs in and says, nobody's gonna take you serious on the phone. Yeah, to be clear, he calls the operator and he's like, I wanna make a planet to planet call. And then he goes, same to be clear, he calls the operator and he's like, I want to make a planet to planet call. And then he goes, same to you, lady, as if like the operator said, fuck you, space dog,

I'm not doing that for you. Which is exactly what she would say in Cleveland. Fuck you, space dog. But Golic doesn't know that. So Golic runs in, says, nobody's going to take you seriously on the phone. The phone is not for real conversations. Trust me, I've called 911 a lot and they never come out. He hides, Golik decides he has to hide DT from the other players, so he pushes him into a supply

closet and the evil Somalians send out their putting patrol looking for him. And Golik runs into the locker room and comes up to all the other Cleveland Browns and says, I gotta tell you something. So just immediately blow the secret. I don't know who these guys are, not just because I'm not like a 1988 Cleveland Browns fan, but like it's so dark and the mics are so far away that like they're just sort of these shadowy figures murmuring about hands. One of them must be a wide receiver because they're talking about how good his hands are but like. So the guy not dressed like IRS from the WWF.

Right. The guy without the guy in like the black button front is Ernest Biner, who was like a very good running back. This same year, you know, it was the previous season, he, there's a thing in Cleveland Brown's history called the fumble, where they were driving to tie it against, to tie the AFC championship game against the Broncos in the final minutes. And he fumbled the ball at the two yard line

and cost his team the game. So this is trying to like rehabilitate his image maybe. I mean, like not- Oh no, not this. This cannot be your apology. Yeah, no, I think this worked. This can't be your apology to Clea- You had to leave Cleveland like that night

in the back of a truck. This might be the equivalent of like a season losing two yard line fumble, artistically. Yeah, that's rough. I think the other guy in that scene is somebody named Stephen Braggs, just based on on that was my guess. But it is it is impossible to tell who is in any of these scenes due to just the video quality and the fact that they

they they recorded all of the audio from 50 feet away and next to cement mixer just, just real, real rough. It's for how condescending they are with it with the plot and like the jokes. It's weird they don't come in and say, well, hi, Ernest Beiner and Steven Braggs. You know what I mean? Like, let let us as the audience know who these men are, because even football fans, you see them and you see their butts in their helmets. You don't like see their faces that often unless you really, really follow the sport. Yeah. And like Bob Golic walks in and gets like a whole intro by himself.

So so we know who he is, even if you don't. And, you know, like the Super Bowl shuffle, they all introduce themselves. It is very, very strange that they just bring in players and then don't identify them until the very end. Steven Bragg's was a defensive back for the Browns. He should have come in and rapped about how he runs the ball like he's making romance like sweetness did. The Eagles one, Buddy's Watching You, it's like a Buddy Ryan was their coach. It's like a he was like a you know, a no nonsense guy. And it's you know, it's like a one note, it's like a legally not actionable parody of that Rockwell song. And the kicker Luis Zendejas, his rhyme is something like,

I'm Luis Zendejas, I kick field goals. Am I nervous? Yeah, I suppose. That's not a good line, man. There's nothing that rhymes with my last name. I'm not even going to try it. That's really good. They really incorporated his insecurity into the song. That has the cadence of that Flight of the Concords, Rhybnosaurus. Yeah, I suppose.

And diverse. So they needless to say, they are totally on board with Gullick's little, little dog person in a closet. Yes. Like it like it's not the first time it's happened to them. We cut back to the putties, they're tooling around in what looks like like a land blimp. It's incredible. Did they make this just for this movie or did someone have a rocket car in the movie?

Here's my theory. I think they met a Browns fan who had this fucking crazy ass car, this land blimp, and they were like, we've got to make a sci-fi movie about this. I think this is what spawned this movie. This is the origin. It's in there for one shot, but it looks like it costs 10 times anything else. And there's no possible use for it. It's such an amazing scene too, because they're just driving around in their dumbass costumes, but they're adding in all these screams in the background. Like there's millions of these cars everywhere and they're just murdering people in the background.

It's the war of the worlds thing that you you're just supposed to assume So they all go to retrieve the little person dog, man And Golic opens the closet and DT collapses out and they like kind of have to revive him And he says another minute in there and I'd have been a goner This is crazy. It's a closet world building. Yeah, it's why do they die in a closet? Yeah, why does he die in a closet? Why does he die in closets in general? You know, afterwards, like Golik is gonna just, he's gonna drill air holes in every closet from now on, like, just in case, brother. Just in case. Plus, like, what a loyalty he has to Golik. He's like, throws him in the closet, he's like, well, I'll die if I stay in here, but like, I'll wait for him to come back for me.

And he did die. They kind of had to slap him around to revive him. It's just, it's amazing. But through all their antics, the putting patrol is closing in. I don't know why. I'm telling you. I'll let them tell you. We must be getting very close. Really good. So he found a dog biscuit. So I don't know if these fall out of DT, if he's just like, if they just come out of his skin or if he's dropping his snacks.

Why is there a dog biscuit? I think it's like alcohol. I think he's an alcoholic. Okay. It's like alcohol. I think he's an alcoholic. Okay. It's like dropping needles. Okay. So he like sucks the alcohol out of the dog biscuit and then throws the remains. Okay, that makes sense. Well, yelling like a cat and delivering a line like a muppet. It's incredible.

So, so Golic and DT try to recruit everyone else, but they bring up a good point in that, hey, we play football, we don't fight aliens. And they're right. They shouldn't have to do that. DT explains their right to do that because it would be pointless anyway, since they're way too powerful, and all of their power comes from their spaceship. So, remember that. Besides, he doesn't need to fight him. He just needs... I'm being serious here. That doesn't come up again, right? That does come up again later.

Okay. In a surprising way. So he doesn't need to fight them, he says. He just needs to get to the nearest deep space transmitter. And you're like paused at that point. You're like, okay, they're going to joke about how they don't have that. But they just nod yeah we've got that in Cleveland let's go and so they leave they leave to go hop on the bus to the Cleveland deep space transmitter and they are ambushed by putties who just it's exactly the same as in Masters of the Gridiron a nearby karate school it has just volunteered like this is extra credit to get that yellow belt. Any student who wants to come pretend to kick the Cleveland Browns is welcome. That's really what happened. It's called Tracy's Karate Studio that they thank at the end.

And I looked them up. It's American Kenpo. The least real. The least real of the martial arts. This is a truly embarrassing mess around. I loved it. Like these are again, wealthy, busy professional athletes in the middle of their season. They have fucking practice and they are wildly untrained. Like you have apparently just fumbled what is a notorious like you are hated because you have not practiced enough right now. And you're going gonna go fuck around

with Tracy's Karate Studio? Yeah, the Browns were really good in the late 80s too. Like, one of the few times they've had a long run of success since the 50s. And uh... Oh, so this is hubris is what this is. Oh, maybe. Oh, by the way, I looked it up. They fired the head coach at the end of this season.

I don't know if it had anything to do with this, but it couldn't have helped. Now, is that the head coach that we see later in this? Because I could not identify him. I don't think they thanked him. It's just a bunch of shadowy figures that don't get names. So I don't know. I don't even know if he was in this. Well, he's real Polish, which now it's Kleeley and that doesn't narrow it down. The Puddies, they beat the absolute shit out of Cleveland Brown. Yeah.

Like, not even, this is your movie. This is to make you look good and you just get completely punked by a Yellow Belt Kenpo class. And they take off with DT and you didn't stand a chance. So they all say, well, let's get serious, I think. It's impossible to tell what they actually say. They run back into the locker room and then there is an extended strip tease to electric guitars. Yeah, this part rules. I'm not being cute. I'm not being cute. It fucking rules.

It's a strip tease. They strip naked and get oiled up. They also start pulling machine guns out of the locker room. Yeah, it's like a Rambo inspired like, uh, gear up scene. Yeah, it's an all buddy strip tease, uh, arsenal assembly. Sam Raimi camera work. It's fucking awesome. Yeah, I, I take back that nothing else interesting was going to happen here. Cause I, there were more like AK 47s I expected we're going to see in this. Yeah, I really didn't. Based on like, based on what the tone so far of like,

you're a very special five-year-old, I'm going to show you not to be scared of the dentist. Like that's the kind of movie we're making here. And then they're like, fuck that. Here's the machine guns. Watch my sweaty back do some pull-ups to an electric guitar. Like this is, this is hot as shit. The pull-ups was great because it showed that there's not really a time urgency. Like they kidnapped the dog, the universe is at stake. Like, let's get a little pump on before we get out there. They're not even fast pull-ups. He's just really taking it slow.

Really getting that foreplay going. There's also custom music. This is not, they don't just play a radio hit. Like as far as I can tell, the song that plays here about like not looking back and facing the music exists only in this one movie. I think there are three songs that they recorded at some local place just for this. Again, not super cheap to do that.

Like they're bad songs, but they are made. Period. Did you look up the guy who made these songs? No. Well, his name is Michael Bryan. He went on to do Christian music and his Wikipedia says his music career started in 1990. But if you remember, they made this in 1988,

which is just an awesome burn. Ha ha ha. Ha ha burn. Ha ha ha! So yeah, this is a guy who did go on to make Christian Heavy Metal and become like a whatever. Yeah, he contributed one song to this. The studio that made this was somebody else and I couldn't find any real information on them. There's just some local Cleveland like, do you need music to do pull-ups too with your buddies? Come on down.

We accept kielbasa and American dollars. So back at the Somalian ship, what I assume is the head coach is like solid sneaking his way behind the aliens, which is very funny because he's like 60, real overweight in just standard coach hat and windbreaker, like sneaking around behind them, the least stealthy member of your team. And then you assume like, okay, I know how movies go, now he's gonna either get caught

and they're gonna have to save him, or there's gonna be like a thrilling escape scene. No, what happens next is Golik runs onto the screen already answering a phone and says, Yeah, yeah, I know where that is. Hey guys, we know where DT is. That's so good. Also just that Cleveland Browns are a paramilitary organization. And that's quite a reveal. I did not expect the armory. Like they had, I think that was an actual machine gun that he pulled out. Like not an assault rifle, a machine gun. I think the army guys just gave it to him. I think the Browns were like, hey, can we also take some of these guns? And they're like, yeah, fuck it. Hell yeah, Bob-go. Ah, that's close enough. That's close enough, kid.

So now we need even more guys and wordlessly half of the Browns are in. Like, you should get an intro. Like, in Masters of the Gridiron, which I never thought I'd say this, an absolute masterpiece in comparison to this. Yeah. They all get like special character and they not only get their names, they get their like fake fantasy names, they get their powers.

Yeah. You know what you're dealing with. They're just showing up and they're in the background. I have no idea who the rest of these people are. This is Hanford Dixon and Reggie Langhorn. I figured I found I looked them up as cornerback and a wide receiver. Hanford Dixon is the guy who invented the term dog dog pound. That's like the Cleveland Browns, like fan group, like at one end of the stadium.

One training camp in the mid 80s. He just he and another cornerback just started barking at the other, at the offense while doing training camp drills. And then the fans there started barking as well. And then Dixon says that the first preseason game that year, he put up a sign that said dog pound around like on the side of the stadium, like on the side of the front row. And the Browns fans just started wearing like dog masks and they would like throw milk bones at the other teams and like dog food. And eventually they they stopped that. After all, the Wild Dogs invaded the Browns Stadium.

I remember that. Yeah. Why is this Bob Gollix movie then? I agree. It seems like it should be Hanford Dixon's. Because he was a two out of 10 actor and that's the best they had. Yeah, it's true. He's the worst actor in this.

And Gollix's their best, god damn it. Some of these actors are like laugh out loud funny. Like they'll come and they'll deliver a line after like a long pause and then like make a real weird face that doesn't quite mean anything. And it's just like, wow, this is like, they didn't even fucking make videos when they were kids. Like you just never see acting like this anymore.

I love it. That's also just, that's a panic face where they like have finished a cut and they know that the director is supposed to have stopped this by now, but they're like, okay. Don't need to say something else. It's happening. He says cut, right? Is that just a movie thing?

Do I just leave? Do I just leave? Is that? So they know where the ship is, they go invade the ship, they karate attack the putties, and then they invade the interior of the spaceship by what by which I mean the Second raddest laser tag arena in the greater Cleveland area. It's pretty good. It's pretty good It's pretty good. I like the moves to it's very very dolamite karate scenes like unrehearsed like I'm gonna okay Here's here's that's gonna work. I'm gonna come out I'm gonna karate chop you and then and then you go down from the karate chop

Action and then they did not do a second take after that fucking... Sometimes you can see the actual disagreements about it. Like, somebody will pretend to karate chop and the other guy will look at him and shake his head a little bit. No. That wouldn't kill me. So their plan is to drop smoke bombs on the aliens and then use their guns to make a lot of noise. It's a pretty good plan. I guess that keeps it kid-friendly, I guess. The plan is to create a diversion,

so DT, the little dog person who has been captured, can deactivate all of the alien weaponry, a thing he never told them he could do. Right. At no point. And then they do. They all mime shooting their guns, which is very funny, and the sound effects are like, is it a blender? What do you think those sound effects are?

Is it like eggs in a blender? Like, unshelled eggs in a blender is my guess. This whole thing reminded me, if you've seen Turkish Star Wars where like they kind of know what film effects are supposed to look like but aren't sure how to get them. So that there's lasers zipping past that almost seem like they just scratched them onto the film. Yes. In ways where you're like, what the fuck is going on?

Like they're completely silent lasers. They're kind of just everywhere. It's really hard to explain. It's like children made this, but like not children who've ever seen films. I think it's possible that the entire lineup of the Cleveland Browns are all children who wish to be big. Oh, God, that makes total sense. Yes, that's exactly what happened here.

I think it's unethical what the Browns did, recruiting those children and forcing them to make wishes on fortune-telling machines. I think it's akin to having child soldiers. The Cleveland Zoltar industry, it's so unethical. Yeah, there are laws passed, we can't do that anymore. So they're now in this fight and DT has somehow escaped from the jail, don't worry about it. He's gonna mix a sweet ballad about revenge because he has found a mixing board. It's supposed to be the alien controls, but it's just a mixing board. No disguises. No like weird things glued to it. It's just the studio space.

And he uses it to make a collect space skull to his people and then shut down all of the aliens weapons. Which is good because the Cleveland Browns have now encountered minor resistance and are just fully screwed as Golick will explain. There's only one of them and there's six of us. Okay just one of them with a 6,000 megawatt fully vaporizing self-cocking laser cannon. 6,000 megawatt? How does he know all that stuff? He just knowed. Just a mate? Like, this is a joke for a toddler delivered terribly and then explained. Also terribly.

Ha ha ha. Why does he know? Is that like a reference? That's the joke. He wouldn't. He shouldn't. Ha ha ha. Why does he know? Is that, is that like a reference? That's the joke. He wouldn't, he shouldn't. Ha ha ha. But they're saying, aw, he just knows. He just knows. He just knows.

Fucking stop asking so many questions, viewer. I'm looking for like, did he have like a catchphrase that was like, Golic knows? And then they're referencing? This was before the Bo Jackson stuff, so. Okay. Because Bo knows was his catchphrase. Maybe it was Golic don't know shit. Golic. Like this was a little, a little wink.

A little wink to that. Like he would just come out and go, Golic don't know shit. And everybody would cheer. God, I hope you're right that this is reference to something about like, maybe he's just really good at reading an offense or something. Like, oh, Golic just always knows.

Because if it's not a reference to something, I don't understand any of it. Anyway, a meatball Chitara comes out to say, kill them and then strike a sexy pose and leave. Good dialogue. She rules. That's really it. I didn't cut anything. She comes out, kill them and then strikes a little pose and walks away. The pose feels like it lasts 45 minutes.

Like she comes out and you're like, why isn't she saying anything? Why is this scene here? It's there to reintroduce the entire strip mall karate class who comes out to fight again and it rules. Yes, I love it. This is where DT apparently, I think, got the weapon controls from the spaceship,

where they said like, our weapons are controlled by the spaceship, which they do by just showing him running around with what might be a piece of microchip. It didn't show him like, pulling it out or the weapons powering down, it's just cuts to him running around with like a chipboard, and that's what I assume that meant. I'm probably being generous. Anyway, he gets sidelined by Polyamorous Merman, who says, Give me that box! And then gets promptly mauled by the little person in the dog costume. It's a beautiful moment.

The Browns realize the putty's weapons don't work, and so I think it might be Hanford Dixon who says, Let's get him! It's like, somebody gets that line. Yeah. And that's like, that's their big line That's the big line that opens the the sweet revenge ballad glowstick laser tag Cleveland Browns karate fight. I'm just gonna play the song, please Got a picture like a lot of enthusiasm, not a lot of practice karate going on.

Football acting. acting like swinging around the resin light Now you're living for revenge For you, you know that you've tried God, it's so fucking awesome. It's better than it has any right to be. How dare he say he never, how dare he say his career started in 1990? Your career started right here. I really didn't want this to end. It was so funny. Like, what Oh, it didn't.

One of the You're right. It's still going. One of the Cleveland Browns like kills a man with a lightsaber and we it zooms it on him. We could like see him enjoy it like process it and enjoy it like getting the taste of murder. So fucking funny. And it's like the one stunt in the movie that's done pretty well. Like they do a good job of sliding it between his arm and his torso. Yeah. And I was like, no, I mean, especially in like

240p or whatever, like it looks great compared to everything else compared to the rest. Also, it's it's they're very unskilled. But impossibly strong professional athletes, right? Like, so the whole scene comes across with a lot of danger because at any moment someone could be very hurt. Like if you say, hey, Bob Golick, have you ever pretended to punch someone before? Nope.

Okay, go pretend to punch that yellow belt. Like someone's gonna get fucking hurt after four or five minutes of that. You might think we're being dismissive by calling them strip mall kempo yellow belts. No, they look like they're about 15. Like they're real small and real skinny, and they're around these men who are three times their size and could accidentally kill them. Like if I was one of the football players, I would be very scared all the time, just

worrying that I'd throw a stray elbow and kill this poor boy. And they're moving fast. This isn't like a bunch of plotting moves. Like some of them are like, you know, jumping back and forth and throwing knees and kicks and it's really dangerous. And it lasts forever. So during this process, Van Life Merman is chasing DT down for the microchip which he drops down a shaft. So Van Life Merman just backhands him and he goes down. And Meatball Chitara comes out and she faces, it's her job to face down Golik. And right away you're like, oh, this isn't good. Golik is like, sends away, sends away his partner and it's like, okay, I can handle

this. I'll take her on alone. So he's totally ready to fight that woman. He's just going to beat the hell out of that woman is what he's saying. There's a lot of sexy energy. I think he's thinking he can seduce her. Yeah, maybe. He is the meatball version of Bob Golic. When I googled Bob Golic wife, I expected to see her. Oh, did you not?

I did. No, this is not this is not Bob Golic's wife. Can you Google Bob Golic mistress? Bob Golic's wife. Can you Google Bob Golic mistress? Oh, there she is. Yeah. Meatball Chitara. That's her legal name. So she's like ready to fight him and then he sends his partner away and then and then

van life merman comes out and is like, I'm actually the one that's going to fight you. And I think he was supposed to do like a like a Homer Simpson head slap there, but he does it while walking away and the director forgets to zoom in on it. So it just looks like he slaps himself in the face. It really is just so fucking bad. Like no matter how generous you are, nothing anyone is doing makes sense. So he's, I guess generously, if I assume that gag worked, he's like, whoops, it turns out I'm not gonna beat a woman and I'm gonna have to fight a man instead just like the last time is the implication of that joke. So even if it goes well, you're in a lot of trouble. We

cut back to DT and he's dead. Yeah, he's dead. He's not getting died off screen. Merman no no Merman stomped on him. It was out of frame. But he he got stomped on in the scuffle with Merman. Okay, Merman leftped on him. It was out of frame, but he got stomped on in the scuffle with Merman. OK. And Merman left him for dead. It was way out of frame. Because I thought he touched a power cable somehow. Because he's laying down and there's a power cable over him.

And then they're like, there's like a little electric zap when they pick it up. So I thought maybe he was just running around having fun and accidentally touched a power cable and we're doing like a public service announcement, like doubling up. Maybe that's how they got the grant, like don't touch downed power lines also. That counts. I looked up who grabbed him.

This is Dan Fike who grabbed him. He grabs the dog man's corpse and runs off with it. Don't know what he's going to do with it. Like Kevin Custer in The Bodyguard, he just grabs this. Dan Fike's a taxidermist in his spare time? I don't know. I don't know. He deserves a warrior's death for touching that downed power line. So Bob Gullick and the Swingin' Merman have a fight where the director makes a really bold choice to film it from above so that you can clearly see all the stage punches missing by a full foot. Not even close. I mean, unlike Good, they shouldn't have been dealing with someone getting very hurt in this amateur production. Oh yeah, no, it's fine, but this is why you film like kind of slightly behind them and off to a

little bit. You don't specifically film from above. That's the only way this shot doesn't work. As if you film them from directly overhead. It's the perfect angle to show that their punches aren't hitting. It's a very funny choice. You could not intentionally sabotage it harder than that. It made me laugh so hard. Like, that director's mad is what I got. He's mad that they're doing a bad job at this. I think it's really funny that they're trying really hard to make it cool, but nowhere hard enough. If they would have leaned in it maybe a little bit more, it could have been sort of a funny, intentionally bad, but it's definitely not that.

They want this to look fucking awesome. They're trying to make it look like pro wrestling or kung fu fights and failing. None of the jokes are tongue in cheekin-cheek in the way of we know this is bad or I'm not a great actor or whatever. It's... they're like little puns and stuff for the kids, but like when we're kicking ass, this fucking kicks ass. Yes. And they're sometimes right. Yeah, a little bit.

Golik wins the fight, he gets a hold of the Merman's gun, which is... which is a robot cock and balls. There's no other way to see that. I mean, he is polyamorous merman. It makes sense. It's like a it's like a cock and balls robot harpoon gun. It's totally in character. Goal expires him saying, not only have we beat you, but DT shorted out the Ionic Converter. Now you're gonna have to leave before you lose any more power. All of these things are mentioned just now for the first time. I took that in my notes too. I had that line written down.

So they've won, but at what cost? Because DT is dead and they're outside, and he is getting a hero's burial, by which I mean wrapped in a sheet in a parking lot. They're just standing over this little corpse like, oh, I can't believe it happened again. Before you say that, I want to mention that he shoots open a safe with the cock and balls gun in this weird scene where they gave Bob Golick a Roman candle or something. There's no sound effects. It's just very strange that there's pyrotechnics on the set for this scene that doesn't make any sense. I don't know why there's a safe. I don't know why they shot it open. I think it was just overshadowed for me by the seven extremely large football players standing over like a wrapped child's body.

Yes. You're right. We played too rough again. I just want to get my piggyback ride, but I think he'd tackle me. And then I guess they do what their fifth, like, vague ET reference where he starts to glow red and come back to life. He gets up and says, is that my ride? To nothing. Like, that's a catchphrase we know from this character who has never existed before this moment. Is that my ride? I don't... what does that mean?

It can't possibly mean anything. He's not wrong because eventually the ship does come down. Don't call me late for dinner! I think again I'm gonna say it's Hanford Dixon who gets to deliver the line, they're here and then just stares with what I'm going to assume is a blank thought bubble. I had that too. I wrote five second pause in my notes. I like that in the final scene, he's finally, someone is finally wearing a jacket that identifies themselves. Yes. At the very end they're like, wait.

Thank you, Hanford. You didn't mention he was crying. He's crying over DT, and then he recovers from his tears. Tears of happiness. Oh, I thought he was laughing. Oh, no, I thought I took that as crying. But like I say, happiness crying, because he's so happy DT's alive. So DT gives Golik his dog amulet. It's unclear and you can't see it. And he goes to take it, but Golik's game entry, his arm from earlier, which you'll

remember from all of the acting, is flaring up. So DT stares at the camera like an absolute lunatic, and then his nose starts Rudolph, the red-nosing reindeer. And he leans over and he presses his nose to Golic's elbow very tenderly. And all of this takes place in uncomfortable silence. That's not right. I think they turned the room noise up as high as it would go. And it takes a long time. It's real weird, just watching this little person snuggle and rub his nose on Golic's elbow. I think we have the same notes because my notes say it's real weird. Like, word for word.

It's real weird and it takes a long time. Now it's time to say goodbye. DT turns to leave, but not before thanking the Cleveland Browns for their help and the camera zooms in to reveal the gift The Browns gave him everybody of course is ready for this Oh yeah! I had to get the oh yeah in there. Yeah, thank you. This is kind of sarcastic because they went 10 and 6 that season, they lost the first game of the playoffs, and then as I mentioned, they fired their head coach. So it wasn't a Super Bowl season.

And in fact, if I'm not mistaken, the Cleveland Browns have never appeared in a Super Bowl. They have not appeared in the Super Bowl. Well, because they gave it away to DCV. Oh, that is true. Yeah, that does make sense. I learned something about this video. When I was looking up something on IMDb about it while we were recording this. And it actually explains. I don't know about a lot, but it explains

something. So one of the trivia on IMDb is like, says that there are other films in this series. I then Googled and went to a website that is BrownsVideos.Tripod.com. Thankfully still up. It lists Masters of the Gridiron, DT Dog Territory, The Dream is Real, A Brown's Christmas, and Bloopers Outtakes and Highlights. Does that site have the Bloopers video? No, it doesn't have any. I guess because it's a tripod site.

It was like you could buy all of these on like a bootleg DVD or whatever. But here's what it says about DT in Dog Territory. This video has never been released until now. This video stars Little John and until now. This video stars Little John and was directed by Big Chuck. Only true Clevelanders can appreciate the two men and the importance of having them in Cleveland on a Friday night. This video also stars Brown's players of the 80s and 90s, Big Chuck and Lil John and a whole bunch of certain ethnic aliens.

Eww. So... What? I don't... What? Wait, were they saying they were actually Som so what? I don't. What? Wait, were they saying they were actually Somalians? Is there like a Cleveland Somalian racism thing I don't know about? But it does make sense that someone saw this and was like, no, I'm sorry, we can't we can't release this.

Do the Polish hate Somalia? Is that like a is that Is that like a tragic genocide? I don't think so. That I don't know about? That's what they're trying to say with this movie at least, yeah. I mean, artistically that's what they're trying to say. You gotta read between the lines. Yeah, I didn't find any of those other videos.

I went looking up those two. But if anybody has The Dream is Real especially, or the Bloopers one, you know what? Brown's Christmas. I'll take them all. I looked everywhere for the bloopers. If videos at Brownsmail.net is still an active email address, I'm gonna see what. I found a- I found- what is very funny to me is that I actually did find them. I found a lot of them on YouTube, and I found them in like Reddit threads and things. And all of them had been pulled for copyright strikes from the NFL.

You're protecting this? Oh, because it has some like game footage in it, right? Probably. It has like one second of game footage in it. Aren't there like trademarks on all their like logos and names and I'm pretty sure that if you say Cleveland Browns out loud, they can sue us. We might be in a lot of trouble just for this. We're in a lot of trouble then, as we've said some terrible things about them that I am not

going to apologize for. I learned many things in the credits. I learned that the other song in this, the most notable song, Fight for the Right to Be Free, which also kind of kicks ass, is by Steve Joachim and the Steve Joachim's. Steve Joachim did all of it. I also learned the costumes are by Mr. Fun's Costumes and Magic Emporium. They went to a magic shop. The best. The credits on this are, it's just a fucking SNL sketch. It's so funny. Because it ends with like full like local commercials for like 25 different businesses. Before that, I just want to say before that they list... I think somebody saw the movie and it's like, sometimes they thank craft services because

they list a special thank you to all the places we ordered food from and one of them is Little Caesars. They thank Little Caesars at the end credits. They thank Ace Billiards and Recreation. There was one American Commodore Tuxedo. There were no pool tables in this. Yes, there was. Was there a tuxedo in this film? I don't think there was a tuxedo.

No, I guess the like suspender. I don't know. I like that the one place gets two phone numbers. like it has two locations. It's really good. Oh no, I just figured out what it was. They thanked, hold on, they thanked the limo rentals, they thanked American Commodore Tuxedo, they thanked these fancy cell phones and like a luxury resort. They had a premiere for this. Yeah, they had a fucking, they had a premiere. That's amazing.

Or they had one planned at least. Or they had one planned and thanked them in advance and then they never delivered. I wrote the copy down for the tuxedo and it says, whether it is a prom wedding or a black tie affair, Ameritux has the tux for you. When the producers of DT were looking for tuxes, they looked no further than Ameritux.

That was their first and only choice. They just... They absolutely tried to have her premiere for this. That's the most tragic thing I've ever heard. Oh. Oh, God, if you have footage of that, I would love to see that. It's so funny. The creep by the pool with the big old like 88 cell phone. He's like, the only thing that can keep me from my business is my pleasure. You're like, the only thing that can keep me from my business is my pleasure.

You're like, what the fuck? Yeah, I liked it first. It was just like someone holding it up in front of the camera because the things were like moving more in a way that they. Yes. Yeah. These weren't title cards. And then suddenly there were actual ads. Yeah.

So they, instead of like putting the titling in the production, they just filmed a piece of paper like with a real shaky camera to get the phone number up there. They had seen movies but had no idea. They were just like had best guess. And this was a real place that they called the film. This wasn't just them with camcorders. They called a production company. Also the car ad spells Gargrong in the copy. Incredible.

Just championship all around. That has been our DT and Dog Territory podcast. Also, the car ad spells Garry wrong in the copy. Incredible. Just championship all around. That has been our DT and Dog Territory podcast. Thanks to Little Caesars. And with Maximall in the shell Say Frankfurt Podcast? Correct! Yeah! The craft is not trapped, it's not empty Send it to the dog zone for an hour Come on, you know the number Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt!

Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! by Skeletor. Raised by wolves, they must now re-enter society with only the help of a manimal, a little person toy genius, and Hulk Hogan on a sentient speedboat. They are the Supremes. Aaron Crosston, Adrian H, Aidan Moak, Alex Nolenberg, all raised by wolves. Alpha Scientist Jabo. Un-Andy.

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Not so fun now, is it, Skeletors? Michael Dillon, Michael Lair, Mickey Loman, Mike Stiles, Moju, Mort was raised by wolves, hot wolves, what? She's a whilf, Mort, that's all I'm saying. What? She's a wolf, Mort, that's all I'm saying. Mr. Bob Gray, N.D., Neil Bailey, Neil Schaeffer, Neku104, Ornry Weevil was raised by feral toy geniuses and only speaks the language of exploding pterodactyls. Ozzy Olin, Patrick Herbst, Rachel, Rhiannon, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Spotty Reception. Static Dust is an adoptive wolf parent taking in unwanted human children and teaching them to bite and snore them. We've got Mother's Day, we've got Father's Day, where's Wolf Day cowards?

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Let's send him to live with the Navajo, everybody.