The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 210, MURYO WAZA RPG with Eddie Doty

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Eddie Doty to the DOGGZZONE for a few rousing rounds of Muryo Waza! Never heard of it? NEITHER HAVE WE! Join us in a game of madness and menace where none of the points matter and EVERYTHING is on the line! Roll a nat 8 and save a lady with the power of spider violence! Your guess is as good as ours and we suck at guessing!

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say Hot Dog Podcast Word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Welcome to the DocZone 9000, the official podcast of 1900hotdog.com. We are the last comedy website. We have new articles every weekday by world-class comedy writers. Text and images made into jokes at one easy location, just like the golden age of the World Wide Web. We are ad-free, so support us at patreon.com slash 1900hotdog. I'm Sean Baby, and I invented being funny on the internet.

My co-host and hot dog partner is Moist Wetman's bulge boy runner up and a fluffer understudy on the 2004 film MxP Most Extreme Primate. He's the great Robert Brockway. Oh man. And that fluffer, he's real sick. I got a good shot. Yeah, just all it takes one fluffer death and you're in the hot seat. I got a good shot at sucking off Jason Alexander.

Is that the Jason Alexander? No, it's not the Chuck Sand. The joke was it was the chimpanzee. You were fluffing. If I have to explain the joke, it doesn't work. See listeners, Robert Rockway. This can't be with the way he was starting this podcast. Jamie, we can cut the very lengthy oral sex description.

Jamie. Jamie, keep it in. That was our guest, but before that, do we have a Broadway fact? I'm sorry we got interrupted with all the chimpanzee oral stuff. No, I'm too busy sucking Chimp Dick over here. In itself, that is kind of a fact, a fun fact. Our returning guest here in the illustrious dog zone is a master of producing, editing, and karate.

His weapons are the throwing star and the throwing star. It's Eddie Doty. I love that the canonically from here on out, I get the Deadliest Warrior intro, which I feel like is my work here is done. Hi everybody. Welcome back. Now I know most of the infrastructure and civilizations surrounding you burned down, but assuming that gets taken care of, what are you working on these days?

I'm working on some cool stuff. So I just did a big campaign with Square Enix for their new game Life is Strange, Double Exposure. That's cool. So we did a bunch of interviews with the voice cast and we created a print and play tabletop murder mystery game called Two Moons Rising and we filmed it with a cool bunch of TTRPG like D&D folks like Jasmine Bueller and Brie Youngar and that's that and I'm working on some cool stuff with 2K games right now which I can't talk about and we just filmed a big thing

which hopefully by the time this comes out you'll be able to see but that's super vague and not exactly satisfying but yeah there's a big there's a lot of cool fun stuff we're doing. If I real quick all narcs please stop listening to the podcast. What you're really working on? What's that thing you can't talk about? All the narcs are gone. It may involve some trading cards and some wrestlers that's uh that's all safe right now fuck yeah okay yeah all right narcs come on back in welcome home narcs kick up your feet wrestling trading cards they finally invented that huh like they kind of like decided to start doing it again and I

really don't know if it's gonna if that's gonna get announced by the time this comes out or not but you know we see. I had a friend who is completely addicted to WWE Supercard, which was a game where you get cards of the WWE wrestlers and you just tap it. Like there's no fucking game to it. Yeah, no. Like every event he'd have this phone hidden behind him, just tapping away. Because like that's how you could play that game. It's just not looking with tapping.

I remember that game. You like tapped it, a number would happen and you just have to trust that it That number existed for a reason of some game But you there's literally no way to find out what or how or why that number came to be That's the the cocaine rat experiment. Yeah It's exactly what it is Which if you go back to like the 70s in professional wrestling cocaine rats is the majority of the performance anti drugs That's where they can oh, yeah, it was my favorite tag team. Cocaine rat.

I miss tag teams where like, it was a two word name and like one guy was one of the names and the other guy was like the other name, you know? You'd think my favorite would be cocaine, but it was rat. It was rat, yeah. The real ones know that rat did all the work. Like Strike Force with Rick Strike and Tito Force. Tito Force.

No, but like Ice Train in WCW in like the mid-90s. There was like, it was like Scott, or no, Fire and Ice. It was like, it was Ice Train and Scott Fire Norton. And Melvin Fire. Melvin Fire. Eddie, did you read the articles I wrote on a man called Eddie Vuitwannet? I've read a few of the Eddie Vuitwannet's articles.

He's canonically a part of like the the pressure point death masters like your George Dillmans and the whatnot. He is but not in an official way. He's just he thinks he is but I guess that's what George Dillman thinks too. So for listeners who don't keep up with all the articles on the site, which again are very good and you should, he wrote a book about prehistoric birds in modern times. I forgot that's how it started. That's how I discovered him. I was like, what a fucking crazy book. And then I opened it and I'm like, a maniac wrote this. I'm going to Google who this is. And I found out he

also wrote a book about homemade CGI military zombie comic creatures. Then Brockway and I together did a team working article about his incredible martial arts manual. We'll get to that. Other things he does, he's a rabbit farmer. He's a semi amateur singer. He was too incompetent to be adjusted to the piece in Texas. So he's not that anymore. He's an aspiring roadside attraction owner. He's a badge maker. And that's kind of what it attraction owner. He's a badge maker. And that's kind of what it sounds like. He makes a lot of circular text badges, no follow-up questions. He's a sub-English word paste author, a 0 out of 10 graphic designer, a rapper, and most importantly, he's a Frank Dukes, which means he made up a story about how he defeated all of the streets

in the 1970s and created his own style of martial arts based very not loosely off of this comic book style of pressure point attacks that you'd get in 60s comic books. So it's close to Muriel Waza, which is the name of his style. Oh. It's called Muriel Waza,

the way of unlimited techniques, a guarded exclusive and confidential course. So if you're listening to this podcast, you narcs, tell no one of this. These Murillo-Waza moves are secret and maybe protected by moves even more secret. Narcs, please disregard what I said about make yourself comfortable and kick your feet up. That is not an effect anymore. That's right. Get the fuck out. Okay, narcs, you can come back in. So this book, as you already know from his very incomplete description, it's madness. The moves are in new order. It is the size of a Chicago phone book.

It has no page numbers. There are many chapters dedicated to things unrelated to anything, but chapters is too strong a word and things is too strong a word. Most moves are demonstrated very stiffly, very badly by sexy CGI SWAT team ladies from his zombie comic book. Okay. And they are not helpful. But there are badges, right?

Oh my God, so many badges. Okay, as long as there are badges, I'm back in. I'm all the way in. I want like a Boy Scout sash of pure madness. I want like a Boy Scout sash that if you try to read any of the buttons, you just go mad like a Lovecraft protagonist. That's at least what we're gonna do today.

Oh wow. The pages. Oh, wow. The pages are cut, 25% of each page is mostly animal clip art. 50% is random sidebars filled with the screams of suffocating madmen. And the rest is badges, little merit badges, honoring or representing things from a universe beyond our understanding.

And clocks, right? Is he still into clocks? So many clocks. I should have mentioned the clocks. It's impossible to mention all the things this is. Even one page. He has a martial arts philosophy that clocks represent points on the human body. Sort of makes sense in theory.

He lost the handle on that so quickly. So it'll just be like a punch to the face. 317 PM, why not not throw it on there wait so okay all right so so i want to clarify is it is the cox like clocks like code so 317 means a punch to the face or or he's saying punch him in the face and you want to lay on your fist roughly at 317 on like their face if their face was a clock. Yes, it's adorable you're trying to make sense of it. It is none of those things.

It started off as a location to punch on the human body. So like a three o'clock could be the face. Even though the face already has a name, it does not require a clock. Face would be noon, wouldn't it? Sure, it's something I might be wrong about the three. It doesn't matter whether I'm right or wrong because it is incoherent shitterings of a madman. Okay. Well, he also starts stacking all of the things that he is.

So it's not just a clock, but it's an animal and a badge on top of that clock. And then some CGI models like pointing at it. This sounds like that game in Star Trek, the next generation of that like data plays against that one fucking alien. That's like, it's just like a bunch of blocks on like, on like five different tiles that are moving in a circle. Like you're trying to make some kind of sense of like how this game is played.

That's what I'm feeling like trying to understand this person. I feel like it's that but far more incoherent. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's that if data was an idiot and made up the game and the person he was playing with just had no idea what was happening. Right. But also it vertically synergized with his CGI zombie military comic book.

And then Data started rapping, like about martial arts. Okay. It's like that. Okay. Yes. Okay. All right. So after a great start. Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. So this thing, it's full. Also, you're probably picturing like a bunch of newsprint. No, it's full color. It is worth all $40 that it cost me on

Amazon. I'm sure it cost him $41 to print it. I don't think he's making any money off this. That's good to know. I legitimately was like envisioning George Teichner's how to teach self defense to your boy. Like that was the style I was seeing this all in my mind. Yes. Now, Eddie, you actually have been in books that look like that. I remember we were once in the karate store

and you're like, check this out. You pulled out this fucking ancient Kung Fu book and there you were at like 12 years old, getting kicked in the dick. I'm like, what the fuck? So many pictures. Yeah, my original Kung Fu instructor was a regular columnist for Inside Karate.

Don't ask me how that works. But yeah, my Kung Fu instructor was a columnist for Inside Karate. And he would just you could tell it was like the school was doing OK for him. But the articles were a non insignificant part of his revenue, because he would just like some of the article titles would just be like, does Tai Chi work on ground fighting? Like it was it was just like fucking nonsense. Yeah.

And if you love their heart, you make them shit their pants with a chi ball. And so his students were cheap labor. So myself and a few others of us, of course, you know, who we would just be fucking Uke's and you know, for to take photos and shit. And yeah, that's it. It's a shitty process because like you have to stand there and hold a kick in position for a while and

then sure and then and also with Eddie Bravo like I was like in grappling magazine I was like okay for that where famous maniac Eddie Bravo yeah purple belts right I do under a lovable lunatic great fighter a bit of a lunatic yes and he'd be the first to say that I don't feel like I don't feel like that's a betrayal of friendship to say he's a fucking insane person. I think he would agree. But no. But yeah, you got to hold those positions for a while,

and sometimes you got to hold a choke. And so now knowing that it's in full high-def color, I really wish I could see this right now. What I've taken away from this is that the only way to show up Sean is to actually be in one of his cursed library books If he's like look at my cursed library, and you just pick one out. I'm right here That's I feel like that's like the the the twist in like a story You know I mean like it like in in the in in the Hot Dog, 1900 Hot Dog mythos,

that's like the- I would give you my house. I'd say to my wife and children, we're moving out, I've been defeated. Give us 12 hours, I may need that, who knows. But this is the book we're using today, the Muriel Waza, blah, blah, all that other shit I said. We're calling the game today,

the secret death hands of Eddie and Robert. Oh, fuck. Or Mario and Waza going on. Jamie, we can cut that. The rules are simple. You each need to get an eight sided die or generate one using the crumbling infrastructure of the internet.

So I'll give you a moment now to pull up a browser with an eight sided die or just grab one if you have one near you. Do like a nerd, right? Yep, I'm a big fucking cool and I have a lot of sex here in a whole pouch any any rattling a whole pouch and I've got and this is this is not a great pouch for this because this has like magic spin down counters and like fucking Star Trek RPG dies you said said D8, Sean? Yes, please. Okay, cool, got it. All right.

So this is how we will advance pages to earn new martial knowledge. Because again, there's no page numbers or sections to this book. And if there are sections, they're placed randomly. And again, very incoherently. You will have access to any of this martial knowledge at any time and as your abilities grow,

so too will your challenges. We will be dealing with the relatable self-defense situation standardized by another classic martial arts guide, looking forward to being attacked by Lieutenant Jim Bullard. The two of you are a team of karate adventurers, but there are no rules against betrayal. In fact, there are no rules at all. Rule number one, in the opening round, you must select one and only one animal style from whatever page of animal nonsense you land on. Grandmaster V-Twinette wrote down a list of animal attacks from 20 animals.

They sprawl across dozens of pages before he decides on a much smaller number of animal styles not related to the first part but named after some of the same animals. I can't explain it, but neither could the author. The point is, I'm going to read you crazy shit and you pick your animal style from it. Rule number two, Eddie start, roll, go. Two. Two. Okay.

You've landed on a page that says, calamitous attack patterns based on animal attacks. I'm so excited already. You're gonna pick an animal from the nonsense I read. Okay, sure. This is the very first part of this section. Number one, ape climbs tree, trapping control, grabbing arms,

executing a jumping headbutt. There's no picture, it's just that, that text. Some sort of human ape bullet? Just take that with you, that's a move you know now. Number two, ape bites branch, biting an assailant's arm with control. With control Great. Number two, ape bites branch. Biting an assailant's arm with control. With control.

Don't just bite through the thing. No, no, no. You gotta get a firm, you gotta find purchase on that forearm there. Not lunch. It's an attack bite. Yep. Number three, ape grips bamboo stalk. Oh, I know that one.

A merciless hand grip. Yes. Yeah. It's not a hand job. It's a throat grab. Fuck. What? Merciless one. Merciless is in quotes, meaning- I don't know that one.

It's sarcastic, I guess. Robert and I both felt a little gypped by the fact that it wasn't a hand job. Like, I just wanna say. Yeah. Both a little bit. This is, it's true. Number four, Harry the Ape.

Continues marching type, front snap kick at knees. Hmm. Why does that one get a first name? I don't know. Why don't why don't they all get first names yeah yeah why can't it be Kevin the dick grab yeah Roger the monkey all right number five monkeys paw Alfonso the handjob primate I get what you said paw monkeys paw koalas tigers strike to face and neck and then it says the tiger panther a tigress lion panther cat leopard and that does not have a move that's just done.

That's it. I don't even know what I can say. Say less. Fucking all the Latin animals. I want that one. Here's a monkey strike and then all of my favorite thundercats. I like teetara battle action tank. That's it.

Just nerf. Three-year-old lion. Okay, yeah The tenor Snarf. That's it. Just Snarf. Three-year-old Lion-o. Okay, yeah. The Latin animal combination. That's mine. So you're Panthera Tigris style? Hell yes. Okay. That's just something to keep in mind as we go through the book. That your specialization is Panthera Tigris. And maybe it'll come in handy. Maybe it won't.

Brockwe, it's your turn. All right. I'm'm gonna roll a three. Number four, the Badger's Mirror. Ultra quick scratches to entire face. Why does the Badger need to get or need a mirror? It sounds like a Badger like fixes his makeup, I guess. He attacks the mirror. This is like the never ending story thing

where the Badger has to face the darkness within him. I guess. Is there a scene where a badger attacks a mirror in the never-ending story? I don't know anything anymore. This is vaporizing. That's what they had in the Chinese version because they aren't allowed to watch horses die in China.

Number five, twisting badger's claw. Quick, snap back, twisting, clawless, strike. Okay. Number five, the bear, Ursus, black, Kodak, brown, polar. All of the bear, the universal bear. It's going to be hard to beat all bears. I have a lot of books where it's like I call a guy crazy because he like makes bad artistic decisions, but it's rare to find someone who like truly has just an unhinged understanding of all things.

This is one of those. Number one, twin bears. Hands cupped, they strike a salient's ears. There are some commas in there, not where you'd expect. Bear hug, crushing, twisting hug at kidneys, and if not, neck or head. Hug at kidneys, huh? All right. Hug at kidneys and bear bites branch. Arm bites.

Man, one of these is going to be a dick bowl. Bear claws at bark, bear strike at kidneys groin, sides of torso. There you go. You got a bear groin attack. So it sounds like your choices are any bear or badger. I choose all bears. I choose the conglomerate of every bear that has or ever will be. Congratulations.

You are an amalgamation of every cat and every bear, which I think sounds like a very strong fighting style. That's pretty good. It's pretty good. Fuck yeah. So we're set for that. Your first encounter is this. Your consciousnesses are trapped inside a beautiful woman

mowing her lawn. A lurking creep makes his move. Roll your dice, defend her lawn. Shit. Both of us at the same time? Sure, why not. I just want to be clear that the two of you, your minds, your souls, you're piloting the body of the beautiful woman, every moment is searing psychic agony for you and the body's original owner.

But escape will never come, and this will be the last time I mention it. Together, you are her, and you must defend her from this horny town of choked perverts. She makes it through this podcast, or you are trapped in darkness forever. And if you die in a podcast, you die in real life. Die in real life. I was absolutely certain I was gonna be the creep, but okay.

I was just, yeah. No, it sounds like the combat we're engaged in is against the pervert, but Robert, also, potentially a clash of philosophies between mostly bear and Latin cats. Right. You can work it out yourself if one of you controls her left half and Latin cats. Right. Okay. You can work it out yourself if like one of you controls her left half and one controls

her right. We can Jaeger this. Yeah. Eddie, what did you roll? I rolled a three. Okay. It looks like you've landed on the dragon and then dragon stance with a U. God, yes.

Chinese pinyin kung fu. Okay. More things, please. It is every animal clip art that's ever been in a horizontal line. Okay. More things, please. It is every animal clipart that's ever been in a horizontal line. It says, an amalgam of several creatures, including monitor lizards, pythons, and the Chinese alligator. The polymorphic dragon was a water spirit responsible for bringing the rains and thus ensuring the survival of crops.

This will come in handy in a karate attack, I think. Yeah. The rain dragon? You've got foot stomps, dragon stomps fire, stiff leg wheel kick, dragon whips tail, and position assumed, powerful front stance. A lot of words don't quite fit together with other words. I'm going to skip some of this.

So you've got a bunch of dragon stuff. Brockway, what did you roll? I rolled a six. Armored car crime report. Armored car guard killed in shooting while servicing ATM Dallas, Texas, September 14, 2020. A suspect armed with a rifle shot and killed an armored car guard in the process of servicing an ATM outside

of a Dallas bank. The suspect escaped the scene and is being sought by law enforcement. OK, so there's something you should know about this book. There's a section where he just lists every armored car robbery that has ever taken place in Texas. In the middle of everything else. In the middle of Karate Man.

Powerful rain parade front stance. Armored car dead. All armored car deaths in chronological order. List of my favorite snakes. This is security offices specifically for armored car drivers, I think. And I think that just hearing these like brief descriptions of crimes will help you like prepare. Like so you're like, oh, somebody got shot outside an ATM. Here's the style of Tiger Paw I would use against that. Uh-huh. I'm going to skip past this. Dear God, it goes on for so long.

I'll take armored car style. Thank you. You have all knowledge of every armed car robbery. That's perfect for all bears. These pages are not numbered, but I swear to God, thank you. You have all knowledge of every armed car robbery. Oh my god, it's still going. That's perfect for all bears. These pages are not numbered, but I swear to God, there is. Of course they're not. 3 quarters of an inch of pages I just skipped

of just armored car robbery descriptions. Just the names of everybody who's died defending an armored car. Just the Vietnam Memorial of Armored Car Robberies. In the middle of a list of thundercat attacks. You're mowing your lawn, a creep makes this move. The two of you control all armored car robbery knowledge and every dragon move. Defeat this creep. And we're combined. Our efforts can be combined, right? Absolutely. Or oppose each other. It's up to you. You're piloting this shrieking, screaming, psychic residue of a woman. Robert, while we figure out what we're going to do, can we assume a dragon stance at least?

Let's assume a powerful front dragon stance because I think if she's mowing her lawn, it's been kind of droughty, she could use a nice rain parade. Yeah. Okay. I believe that's what that does, I think. Exactly right. Exactly right. That's in the book. Meanwhile, I would like to, a la Aragon in Lord of the Rings, I would like to summon the army of the undead armored car guards that I control. Oh, that's a powerful attack. Because they do owe me a pact. I'll allow it. And I would like them to shriek the terrible secrets of the universe into the creeps ear,

which I believe should make his head explode. I was just about to say something should, like, pop. I agree completely. You earn two lawn mowing points and the creeps head has exploded. And it's... this neighborhood's getting some much-needed rain. Everyone's lawns are gonna look great. And all the armored carguard souls look to me because the pact has been fulfilled, but I don't release them. Oh, that's cold.

I was gonna say, so if the blood from the exploded raper lands on us, I maintain we should hold that posture so that when the pleading ghosts are waiting for us to finally release them, they're confronted with our stoicism and just a lot of blood on our face. I mean, we're also kind of here to impress the woman mowing her lawn once we stop becoming her, I imagine. Once our souls escape and take corporeal form again. And I think she's really gonna like that, being covered in blood. Yeah, yeah.

I think she's, I agree with you. I think she's gonna, I don't think this is the first time we've done this. You guys really understand women. I think that's what I'm taking from this. That's what they mean by making them wet, right? As if it's not, I've been doing some things wrong. Fantastic first round.

Round number two, you are window shopping for 70s fashion essentials. Yep. A man slides his wet arm around your waist and asks to clean your feet with his mouth. So we're at E3? Yes, we're at E3. Eddie, go ahead and roll and see what your move is. Three again. I don't know.

Like, I need to die. Geez. Couch taters, senior citizens, children, and the disabled have obvious limitations. Nonetheless, Muryo Waza can even things out by turning disability into ability. Hell yeah. A Muryo Waza practitioner will engage an opponent without using brute strength or force techniques, even against opposing force, but rather attack the vital areas of the human body pressure points which cause immediate disability or even life-threatening injury.

Okay, so you get... Karate for Couch Taters. It could be a very relaxing round. Yeah, I was absolutely certain that was the best case scenario, how that turned out. I was absolutely certain this was going to be how to attack lazy and handicapped. How to knock over a wheelchair with a cheeseball. Yeah, like how to attack various disabilities, like what are their weaknesses? Oh my god.

I'm checking to make sure that's not actually what this chapter is. It doesn't look like it. Rockway, your roll. Seven. You aroused in the middle of the night to rustling outside your house or the sound of a window breaking downstairs. This activity would set anyone on high alert. He went to level six automatically.

You grab a bat to use in self-defense. Or the gun is in the house to protect you and your family. Even if the gun is properly registered and you have the appropriate licensing for the weapon, situations like these can leave the property owner facing criminal charges. Now you may be considered a criminal! For instance, under Texas law, and then he goes on and on about when you're allowed to shoot someone in your home,

something only sane, reasonable people research. So let's just recap this so far. Eddie is going to get all of the kung fu styles, the incoherent animal-based, possibly time travel-based kung fu styles, and I'm going to get the racist rants and armored car deaths. You get the racist paranoia of a light sleeper. Okay.

I'll try to use that to defend against an, okay, this foot pervert. Is he awake? He is awake for now. Ah, fuck. All right, Eddie, I'm out. Oh, you're just sitting this one out. No, that's all I could do. You just learned how to fight with half a body.

That's yeah, okay. So this is legit like Pacific Rim when like the brother dies. All right. Exactly. Okay, cool. So all right. Well, that's a really good way to think of it. Yeah.

Well, this actually makes sense because I am a master for this round of Couch Potato style. Yeah. Well, this actually makes sense because I am a master for this round of Couch Potato Style. So, I'm just going to fling the dead Robert half at him. And here's what I'm thinking. I would like Eddie to roll for that and I would like to roll against him. I love it. Okay. Pose rolls, let's go.

Seven. That is a natural one. Fuck yeah. Nonviolent resistance, baby. You shit your pants and the part of the woman that Robert controls stands very still. Not shitting its pants. Is the pervert into me shitting my pants? You know he is.

You know this is not a deal breaker. Got it. I think we've failed this woman. Yep, we've let her down. Well, that's only one female death so far. One out of two ain't bad. Is it death or is it a fate worse than death? Which is what I'm trying to figure out.

Well, I assume death will come eventually. Death comes to us all. Half of your body is flopped to the ground, seemingly dead. Half of it is shit itself, and you have a strange pervert trying to get your feet in his mouth. Yeah. I believe this wasn't this an actual defense technique in one of your maniac books was to... There's a book and video called Rapist Beware and it is almost entirely based around very bad karate and puking and pooping on yourself to make yourself disgusting if you're being...

We have invented that. This is the origin story. This is the session. This is like the prequel to that. Congratulations. This, I'm going all the way back. This should work. Yeah.

In the long run. We have evidence. The man who wrote that book was Grandmaster Kasa Masa, and his son went on to be on WMAC Masters. This is the amount of karate knowledge. This is a WMAC Masters approved defense technique. Chris Kasa Masa, he was Sub-Zero in the PCAP for the first Mortal Kombat.

Sub-Zero approved of this, come on. And WMAC Masters, yeah, God, I'm still really angry I was never on the WMAC Masters. Eddie, I, I'm still really angry. I was never on the WMAC masters. Eddie, I like hanging out with you because like, normally this knowledge would be really useless. Like walking around with that, that doesn't come in handy. But with you, that's like, we're having a discussion about Chris Casamassa. Chris Casamassa. He was in a lot of like those martial arts magazines that I was in back in the day. He was like the cover boy for a lot of that shit. Oh yeah, very handsome man. Okay, so I think that's a loss. That's okay.

Yeah, that's okay. Oh, I really thought we pulled that one out. All right. No, it did not work out at all. Situation next. You are on your way to your car. A parking lot creep emerges. He has you by the arms. Eddie, roll your move. Eight. The assailant has no weapons. What is the assailant wearing? The color of his shirt slash her bl What is the assailant wearing?

The color of his shirt slash her blouse. Is he she wearing reading slash sunglasses, a cap, a hat, or any other dress accessories? Was he she driving a car? Color, year, make and model, license plate number, and state of issue. So you get some real like basic like observation skills to tell the police later. Okay. This might come in handy if it goes bad. Or I'm doing intel for my Robert half for him to capitalize on. Okay, let's see what I get and how I can use that.

Can we go in order of the questions, please? What is the assailant wearing? The Zardoz tunic. The color of his shirt slash her blouse. Uh, yellow. Zardoz Tunik. Okay, very nice. Is he wearing reading slash sunglasses, a cap, hat, or any other dress accessories? A, like, a cabi hat with fold-down sunglasses. You know, like the old hats that, like, the novelty hats that had, like, the glasses. Are we sure this guy's a creep? Because it sounds like he can get it.

Like, Khadim Harrison? Yeah, kind of, but, like, they were, like, yeah, they were embedded into the cap and they could just like fold down on their own. Oh! I invented a new hat. I'm a fashionista. So yeah, he has a cabi hat, like a like a like a kangle with like like shades that fold down. I love it. Oh, okay. As the woman, can I fall in love?

Uh, as a free action. Alright. Yes, okay. As the woman, can I fall in love? As a free action. Alright. Yes, as a free action. Done. Alright, Rockway, you got some conflicting feelings. Roll your move. Alright, I also rolled an eight. It's meant to be.

Alright. Do we just get this page twice? No, no, I go eight from wherever we were. You get twin double outer push block. And there's a picture of a sexy SWAT team woman. It looks like she's catching a high kick while she has sort of a disgusted look on her face. It's kind of like a push you would use to sort of get through like a crowded subway. Yeah, I'm pretty, I'm just picturing like an air breaststroke. It's kind of it's like a push you would use to sort of get through like a crowded like subway

Yeah, I'm pretty I'm just picturing like an air breaststroke Kind of but their hands are together like like someone just tried to kick her in the face and she caught it by the shins I can use this because of the power of teamwork Eddie gave me Zardoz tunic. Yeah, I reach out with my breaststroke hands hooking my claws my bear claws of the claws of all bears into the suspenders of the Zardoz tunic, and then breaststroke them right off of his shoulders, stripping him naked. Now I'm completely in love. And we, we, it's no longer a creep move because this is, this is totally consensual. You've, you've, I was going to say you've, you've activated consent mode.

Yes. Amazing. We are all winners. Again, I feel like you two really understand women. That's the key to self-defense right there, just understanding women. I think this is a win for you and as big a win as a parking lot creep has ever had. Listen, they can't kill you if you love them. I think that's a chapter in this book. Yep.

Yep, that's ape style. I think that's a move. Yeah, that's a chapter in this book. Yep. Yep. That's ape style. I think that's a move. Yeah, that's a move in this book. I will give you the win for that. And I'll give you one parking lot sex point. Can I also get a Zardoz point? I just want one.

Yeah, I'll give you a Zardoz point. Just want a Zardoz point. All right. I'm gonna use that later. It'll come in handy. You are waiting for a bus, and a man with a bag on his head grabs your boobs from behind. I'm just reading precisely what Looking Forward to Being Attacked says. Eddie, pick a move from a die-eight.

Six. Oh my god. Upper, cross-block, hard-school karate style. Fuck. And there's a woman who looks like Rosie the Riveter just throwing the sweetest upper cross block. Like, if you were to axe kick this woman, no, you're not. Nope. Nope. You just have a crotch ready for destruction. That's all you got. Can't get better than that. Brockway, roll a move, please.

So not being familiar with the made-up karate of maniacs, I'm picturing like the Power Rangers stance with the forearms crossed over the head. Absolutely. That's exactly what it is. That's what I have access to. Well, it's Eddie's move, so you'd have to ask Eddie for the move. But yes, theoretically you have full access to it. I rolled a 1. You got Upper and Downward Block Soft School Moriwazan Preference. And this is... That means nothing.

That means fucking nothing. I've ordered that before. I've ordered that off a takeout menu. Two people are kicking this woman and she's blocking them both gently with very, very broken arms. Not because she's getting kicked in them, but because his CGI model has been shattered at every joint. You got a couple of blocks. I guess we're in a real block heavy section of the book. them up because his CGI model has been shattered at every joint.

You got a couple of blocks. I guess we're in a real block heavy section of the book. I don't think either of them are super appropriate. Actually, no, this upper and downward block would work if your breasts are very different sizes, which we haven't discussed. Feels early, but I'm gonna use Zardoz Point. I summon the giant stone head. Wow. To like dump rifles on it? To arm the populace so that they might defend me. You're like holding up your block against him and

you're just like, come on, let's go, I can only hold this for so long. It looks like a block. I'm really doing the Zardoz. That's the Zardoz signal. Oh, of course. That summons the giant stone head. It does sort of look like a Z the way she's holding her arms. Oh, see, I already knew. This is the perfect time. You already knew. So you have an army of people who died during armored car robberies and an army of like local militia.

Wait, do we get to keep our previous powers? You do. You get to keep all your previous powers. This has been a new scenario each time. Man, it's gonna be hard not to default to the souls of murdered armored car guards every time. But I'm gonna default. I'm gonna give them the weapons the Zardoz head spit out, and I'm going to command them to kill until there's nothing left to kill. And I'm sure the robber's one of them. Like, he'll get caught up in that. He'll get caught up in there. And Eddie, you have that cross-block if you want to try to avoid this senseless death that's being unleashed.

I can cross block all the bullets. That's very reasonable. Exactly. Power Rangers style, of course. And just to clarify, I do not release them from their pact. Do I roll for cross blocking bullets? Oh, absolutely not. That's automatic action. Oh great. Amazing. Amazing. We're so good at karate, you guys. Karate's fucking easy. I didn't know it was like this. It's been this easy the whole time.

I thought I had to do push-ups, man. I'm already a black belt. You are now, your next scenario, running a bakery and a horny customer charges you. You know, classic scenario. Customers looking at buns, getting all horned up. Oh, look at all these buns. I'm just taking exactly what this book trained us for. Not this book we're reading, but the other book I mentioned. So Eddie, roll a move, please.

Seven. Trapping hands and sticky fingers, praying mantis tiger animal traits, no opposing thumb needed to grip or control the assailant's body. Then there's a hand with one, two, three, four, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 arrows. I'm not, well, no, I'm sorry, I missed two. There's 13 arrows. I missed there's a couple dotted line arrows that say twist on them. I'm actually doing the posture.

Hold on. I'm missing my camera. The hand is helpfully labeled thumb and digits. There's several the arrows say push. When I say several, eight of the arrows say push, and the others say trap. Extremely versatile hand contortion used for pulling in the assailant with a wrap around transition to actual grip used to temporarily trap the assailant's

arm without gripping. So of course, that's the kind of karate move we're dealing with. Just the concept of a human hand. Yep. Okay Brockway, roll a move please. I rolled a six. Two clocks on top of each other inside a badge. Fuck yeah. Very Eddie. V-twinette page. The badge says Muriel was a twin clock theory. Both of the clocks are at two o'clock. Both at the same time. A little seal, it says Gemini. That's it.

That's your move. This badge representing double clock. All right. And Eddie's got the concept of a hand? Basically, a hand, what a hand does. So not to peel back the curtain too much, but the software we're using, we all have cameras off, but I turn the camera on to demonstrate, and now that's like my profile pic in this. So if you look there,

Robert, that's what I'm doing. I can't see what you're talking about, but that's perfect. It would be crazy if something worked. The thumbnail, he's seven tigers, but with like, the souls of every security guard who ever died behind him. And he's got crude usable hands. Yes, his hands kind of work if you really follow these instructions very clearly, but they're not great instructions. So how are you dealing with this charging bakery pervert? I'm going to create an opening for you, Eddie, and you can use your hand to do something. Yep. I'm not going to judge what that is.

Yep. can use your hand to do something. I'm not gonna judge what that is, but I'm gonna create an opening. I, according to my understanding, and I have actually gone through quite a bit of this book doing the team working day with Sean, I now master time travel, but double time travel. But it's twice, they're both at two o'clock, so it's both to the same time.

So I can travel back twice to the same time is what I'm taking away from this. So I'm gonna travel- To any two o'clock so it's both to the same time. So I can travel back twice to the same time is what I'm taking away from this. So I'm going to travel to any two o'clock yet. I'm going to travel back to the two o'clock when I decided to become a baker and I'm going to not become a baker because it's way too dangerous and these people are way too horny. What I'm going to do instead amazing is I'm going to become a creep and then I'm going to I'm going to rush up and I'm going to attack this baker and then I'm gonna I'm gonna rush up and I'm gonna attack this baker and then at the last minute I'm going to fall to my knees and turn around and present my ass as though for an animal mating ritual. Now I'm gonna use my second time travel. I'm gonna go back and

re-decide to be a baker again creating the opening you need. If I'm understanding this correctly, you are now presenting your ass to the Charging Maniac? No, no. I'm back to being the Baker. I use my second time travel to go back to the same moment and become the Baker again. So now I am the Baker and instead of a Charging Creep, I've got one presenting to me as though a lion. Oh, I get it.

I get it. Time travel is hard. It is. It takes a high IQ to understand four dimensional physics. Yeah, double time travel is rough. But I get it. Anyway, that's the opening I've left you to use your hand for whatever. It helps that you describe the time travel in the language of butthole, which really helped me as a layman understand it properly.

I understand conceptually what you're doing, Robert. What I'm trying to figure out now is how that can pair off of the attack I'm doing. I've just presented an opening to you. Sure. And you know, whatever you do, that's on you. Yeah. That's for the audience to judge you and not me. That's fair.

You do have a human hand with all Predator Cat abilities. Nature's fister. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just gonna flick ears. Okay. That's it. Okay. I'm really gonna annoy the. Okay. That's it.

I'm really gonna annoy the shit out of him. So like a gentle like schoolyard humiliation. No, just like big brother flicking ear and make the banker pervert know that there's nothing he can do about it. Gonna have to lean over that butthole to get to him. That's fine. And the butthole is more just like a,

it's sort of like the, it's like jazz. It's the notes not played, right? So like it's a matter of, he's thinking, my mantis fist is gonna go in his butthole at any time, but no, it's not, I'm just gonna flick his ears. Sean, are there any deadly pressure points in the ears? There can be. If there are, I wouldn't know how to look it up

in this book because there's no table of contents or page numbers. Or page numbers. Robert, I got you. I'm just going to flick all of the air until I find the pressure point that makes them explode. So it's just a barrage of ear flicks until I land on the pressure point. Could you roll for that? Four. Got it. He's dead. He exploded. Good. Good. He only had to beat a four? A little peek behind the curtain. Anything he said, that guy was going to explode. Good. Good. I was only- I only had to beat a four? A little peek behind the curtain. Anything he said, that guy was gonna explode.

Okay. Our next attack. Very well done, gentlemen. You're on your way to the bathroom, and a man's arm shoots out from the ladies' bathroom to grab your wrist. Uh, Eddie. I need a- I need a roll. Uh, that'd be a two. Gemini clock theory vital points.

Malvolius spider takes the place of clock hands. The 12-legged spider acts like the hands of a two. Gemini clock theory vital points. Malvolius spider takes the place of clock hands. The 12 legged spider acts like the hands of a clock. The time spider. You got the time spider. The karate time spider, of course. There's two motorcycle cops back to back. And it says side caster clock attack areas, face head, neck, throat, shoulder area, elbows, mid body,

lower abdomen, pelvic area, pollox clock groin area, femoral arteries, femur bones, knees, tibia bones, fibula, and talus bones in steps toes. That's just what it says. It's basically how you would attack a motorcycle cop looking away from you. This is how you would surprise Eric Estrada at a birthday party.

I've seen this episode of Chips at freeze frames right there. Right? Somebody, or right as the time spider attacks him and you see this face like, oh, not again. And then freeze frame. That's your move Eddie. Rockwell, let's find you a move. Fucking how am I gonna beat Time Spider motorcycle cop?

I got an eight, that's good. Muriel Waza, wave unlimited techniques, double kick. Pollock's lower mid-level kick initiated at three or nine, bent joint areas, high kicks are most effective at the upper levels of the castor clock areas. Dim mock techniques attack pressure points and meridians. I'm doing a pressure point double kick? Doing a pressure point double kick.

However, there's some pros and cons for this move. The pros are great balance and leg strength exercise. Impressive. Cons are easily thrown off balance when kicking, especially in a multiple assailant situation. Combatant must be in good physical shape with a good degree of flexibility. I should say so. There's a badge that says double kick and there's a skeleton throwing one kick.

That's the badge? That's the badge. Double kick, skeleton, one kick style. So I'm picturing like the classic Van Dam style leap up split double kick, only both of his big toes land in like a vital pressure point on two different opponents. Yeah, exactly. That's pretty good, but it's no time spider. I think I'm losing this one.

Random arm coming out of the bathroom is fucked. I mean, I don't even think we have to roll for anything. Like, there's just overwhelming amount of firepower on our side. I'm going to double kick both of his dimmock pressure points, the one in his neck and the one in his crotch. That should kill him twice, but like, the warring pressure points should stave it off for a little bit while Eddie does whatever he's gonna do with his time spider.

I feel pressured just hearing that. Like, it's like ultimate choice paralysis. I mean if I could just make a quick suggestion, please. Eat him as a baby. Yeah. Lay eggs in him as a young boy. It's right there. It's a classic. There we go. There we go. All right. And so I'll amend that. If he's got eggs in him as a young boy, I'm going to double pressure point the secret egg sacs, thus causing him to explode in young spiders Yeah, like pre premature fussy spiders. So like they'll come out extra angry So this guy grabbed for a lady from the bathroom and exploded into spiders. I can't imagine losing worse than that

Bad an overwhelming victory. You are now entering into the bathroom The ceiling blinks at you a A blanket-like creature falls. It's a lurker above! It has 10 hit dice and standard magic resistance. Eddie, roll a karate move. Is this a humanoid? No, it's a fucking blanket monster from the Monster Manual Dungeons & Dragons.

Oh, shit, okay, all right. I switched books. I switched source material. Oh, okay, good, good, good, good, good. Good. That's a five. It's a great joke. Sorry, that's a five. It's a great joke.

Sorry, it's a five. It's a great joke, but there's no way you could expect Eddie to not believe that that was in this book. That there's just the words. It's true. We've long passed Time Spiders, so I figured it had to be an extra. Of course. There's a lurk.

Where I get Lurker from above style, I won't even question it. Yeah. But yeah, I rolled a five. Just a front kick. I don't know. I just have a front kick. It gets a goddamn lurker in the monster manual. Oh, Jesus Christ, I choked.

He does have a tip. It says aim, and that's where the kick will be, which I think is kind of how aiming works. But it's in quotes as if someone said it, but it's not attributed. Why is that the funniest thing you could possibly say in this book? Aim and that's where the kick should go. But he says it like Wayne Gretzky told him that. That sounds like when your uncle is watching your karate tournament and the league is trying

to give you advice from the sidelines. Oh god. Be like water, aim and that's where kick will be. Sounds like for just one brief second Eddie got possessed by the ghost of a sane person after all of the insane ghosts had possessed him. He's like, wow. The most preposterous thing I heard all night was front kick.

Just front kick. And all the other ghosts are like, what the fuck was that? No time spiders in there at all. They have CGI demonstration of a front kick. Just front kick. And all the other ghosts are like, what the fuck was that? No time spiders in there at all. They have CGI demonstration of a front kick. And as someone with a nine out of 10 front kick, this is one of the worst front kicks I've ever seen. There's no information. I'm painting a mental picture.

Sean, is the leg bent in the photo? Is it not at full extension? The leg hitting the guy high in the chest is at full extension. And the other one is like kind of shattered in three places. Like again, his CGI models are a little octopus-y. Got it. His hands are just like randomly in front of him.

He's not leaning back. It's a bad front kick. Got it, okay. We've got a bad front kick. That's like a pet peeve of mine is like a photo of a front kick or of any kind of kick or like any front kick and it's like the leg is not even at full extension because the guy has just been holding his fucking foot up there for like 30 seconds while the photographer takes a goddamn shot. You got to time it just right when you kick your photo partner through a wall. Yeah. Did you get the shot? Nope.

All right. Reset. Rebuild the wall. Find a guy without a caved in chest. I could see how taking karate pictures could be hard. All right, Brockway. Pick a move. Going again. All right, I rolled a two. You have landed on solar, in quotes, vertical punch, piston type punch, cast a clock. Fuck yeah. Your guy is doing a straight punch. It says straight attack, immovable elbow, is what it says on the elbow. It says will-o-leaf block on the other hand. Bonus. And there is a clip art of a piston on the arm.

Straight attack, upper mid-level, closed fist depicted, choose animal hand contortion, is what it says at the bottom. Oh, I get to choose my animal hand contortion. Fucking, I choose Time Spider. You have access to Time Spider, I will allow it. All right, this is some anime shit. I'm gonna solar piston punch him

and then do a Time Spider pressure grab. And then, you know what? Plumsy front kick. Well, it only has 10 hit dice from what the monster manual said. So that's easily 10 hit dice with the damage. So the first move is like, I'm gonna say does 47 damage

and then the front kick does two. That sounds about right. So with the damage. So the first move is like, I'm going to say does 47 damage and then the front kick does two. That sounds about right. So 49 total damage. Yeah, that should do it. Hit dice you'd average, what about four and a half? About 45 hit points for that? I'm just going to add this on. Shouldn't even really need to say it.

Going to eat them as a baby. Going back in time, using the time spider. Having the time spider eat them as a baby. So this never happened what do you think a lurker above baby looks like like uh like a little security blanket okay that's cute like how many do you think they have in a litter do they like squat out a box of kleenex i'd like to think it's just one so that it's really precious it's really precious to the mother and she's heartbroken after this. That's beautiful. I've effectively taken out two lurkers from above

because she's never gonna pose a threat again. Her despair runs so deep. She's just gonna lay on that ceiling and die. And you know what? Eddie can find her in that bathroom and front kick her. I like appear out of a time portal just to deliver a kick and then run. Oh.

No, it's all these years. It's decades later after she has been moping there in despair and you just kick open the door and then... Oh. No, it's all these years, it's decades later after she has been moping there in despair and you just kick open the door and front kick her. It doesn't really hurt, but it's very insulting. Killer over the course of several months with this shitty front kick. You are playing tennis and a shadowy intruder chokes you from behind.

Eddie, we need you to roll a move. All right, four. This page has two naked CGI men back to back. It says Malvolius Spider, the 12-legged spider, acts like the hands of the clock. We've heard that before. Yes, we have. There's a badge that says Pollux Clock for stances. It's at about 540.

And then there's, it says, Example how to use Pollux Clock in a stance. And I can tell you from someone looking at this page, it does not show you how to use Pollock's clock in a stance this is madness it is a man standing on the clock kind of shows where his feet go I'm like okay that makes sense and then there are 12 spider legs coming out from his crotch oh yeah touching different sections of the clock two arrows meaning with unlabeled, just random arrows pointing at things. Oh fucking fantastic. I love the 12-legged time spider. It's the best. So basically, I'm going to take this as literally as possible. So, okay. So it's hands behind me, you said? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So basically, I just whisper in like, I just whisper behind me, the

clock is on the wall, meaning I go into a handstand, spread my legs, okay, all the little arrows come out of my taint. And they're spider legs made of metal. And they just fucking claws face off. Holy shit. That's almost exactly what this drawing is. Yeah, I believe that's the only way. That's what I'm saying. So like if I was just standing up like a loser, the clock would be underneath me. But no, handstand stance, do a splits, and now the clock is as it should be on the wall. Therefore the legs, the little tines are coming directly at my attacker.

Holy shit. And you're in a little tennis skirt too, so there's one moment where he's really optimistic, and that's right before the spiders come. It's another creep who thought he was getting a big win today, and then iron spider legs come out. Rockway, there's not much left of this guy, but roll a move. Alright, I rolled a six. You got a fixed whale dozing against an object at upper high level 2 and 3 area, impact received at upper high and mid level areas. There is two different bulldozer cliparts.

Well, I say different, but they're just different sizes of the same clipart. A picture of a sperm whale, another guy shoving a lady in the tummy, and then a skull next to her, implying that maybe she's dead. It was really fun describing that. That's what the after, he just found out after the spiders killed him, that's what the afterlife looks like for him.

Whale shoves? He's being destroyed by several bulldozers and then crushed by a whale over and over again. I love it. I think whale is an underused style of kung fu. Yeah, me too. Eddie, are you familiar with whale kung fu? Yeah, you eat a bunch of shrimp and shit to death.

I picture it as you leap up and try to get your belly as high up above them as you can before landing on them. That's a good idea. I was sick this day at kung fu school, but I did the makeup assignment, so it's coming back to me now. You know, when a beach whale is dead and then they, all the gases in their tummy make them fucking detonate. Right. It's that. That's how you do it?

That's how you do it. You are a pharmacist and one of your co-workers bare-hand strangles you from the front. Sure. This is a rough pharmacy, man. This is a bad side of town. Eddie, roll the move, please. All right, here we go. Three. Spin around, kick. move, please. All right, here we go. Three. Spin around kick, the cinematic kick.

And there is seven pictures of a guy spinning around throwing just the worst spin kick. Then there's a badge that says spin around kick, and it is a skeleton throwing a side kick straight up, like a karate clip art, but with a skull. Got it. Can I add some narrative context to my spin kick? All right.

So I didn't realize that this was an attack. I've done so much neck training, iron neck training, that I thought they were, my coworker was simply greeting me. So I went into what our standard greeting was, which was a high five via spinning back kicks. So our like our feet high five, which I thought I thought that's what we're going for. Because I haven't clocked this as an attack yet. That might cost you. That's dangerous. Also another some more bad news. There's an X-Men

symbol on the end of this guy's foot after he finishes his kick, and it says high percentage of misses. Oh, shit. God damn it. But there's also an arrow that says great level, and it's just pointing off the page. Not sure what it means. But I think that's the level you want to throw the kick. But again, it's pointing very literally at nothing. So Brock, we need to have a move to follow up what Eddie thinks to be a greeting spin around kick. All right, I got a four. Oh, wow. You got kicks warning on use. Any kick must be used with caution and under discretion for the human leg muscles are massive and very powerful.

All castor areas are very sensitive, traumatic impacts, and that's extremely susceptible to breaks, tears, compressions and dislocations from their place and connection. compressions and dislocations from their place and connection. Pertis yes. These types of internal injuries, especially in the thoracic area, has a... Okay, this goes on for a very long time. So what I'm hearing is, every kick is devastating. It doesn't matter how bad this kick was. Yes. We just... we exploded that man.

Yes. It says kicks can lead to a lengthy rehabilitation period with the probability of permanent disability or complications that can cause infections, a need for amputations, and even death. Okay, I'll take all of those. So we spun kicked him. He didn't explode, but he was disabled for a very long time. He had to have... He got gangrene.

The infections. He had to have several amputations and eventually died in the hospital after quite a bit of pain. That's a dark ending, but that's what happens after every spin kick. Yep. Like they don't have time to show it in the Van Damme movies, but every single guy he's spin kicked then went on to have a lengthy hospital stay suffering from sepsis that had to result in amputations and eventually an unborned death.

He had to have his elbow amputated. Now the rest of the forearm was good, so they were able to keep that. But the elbow had to go. But now it's just loose. Well, they put it on the end of a nunchuck for him. Which is taunting, because he can't use it. Yeah. Just flops around down there.

Just flops... It makes, uh, it makes, uh, bedroom time complicated. And Eddie, you're so lucky that you did a really shitty kick, and then I discovered that all kicks are deadly. I just did, like, a spinning back And Eddie, you're so lucky that you did a really shitty kick and then I discovered that all kicks are deadly. I just did like a spinning back kick and you're like, no, this toe kick will give you gangrene. So.

I think another big win. At the end of the day, I think you defeated most of your attackers. You even got laid a couple of times, if I'm understating. Yeah, we fell in love with one and I regret nothing. Yeah, consensually, yeah. So you you're safe but no one else ever will be again for you have given this woman a taste for blood and far too much karate to stop. Our podcast is great! And with maximum Ciao! Does Frankfurt's podcast say? Correct!

Yes! The power is not without Send it to the dog's ass For an hour! Come on! You know the number! 1900 1900

Frankfurt 1,990 1900 Frankfurt 1900 1900 Frankfurt Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Einstein, Hunder, Frankfurt! Ja, Neuntausend!

In the future, all war is handled by elite warriors doing single battle in immense high- tech fighting decks. We call these warriors... The Supremes. Aaron Crosston. Adrian H. Aiden Moat. Alex Nolenberg is right, there's nothing in the rulebook that says your robot cannot have a giant chainsaw cock.

AlphaScience's Jabba. Unanti. Armando Nava. BimTulsa, BrendanGarlok, BrianSalem, Burrito, Sero, CheddarWolf is also right. There's still nothing in the rulebook saying you can't have a giant chainsaw cock. Common Sense is right too. There remains nothing in the rule book against giant chainsaw cocks. Craig Lemoine, I guess that's right. There's, look, it takes time to print new rule books. Let's just say no more giant chainsaw cocks from now on.

Alright, Quavis was late to the meeting and missed the part about the giant chainsaw cocks, but that's the last one. Dan B. David Schull put a small chainsaw cock on his robot. Fair enough. Dean Castillo. Delta Foxtrot. Devin the Rogue Supreme. Doug Redmond comes equipped with Rocket Fist. Drayson uses Orange Laser. Dusty's Rat Title uses Green Laser.

Eric Riong uses Blue Laser. Alright, is this in protest of the giant chainsaw cock ban? Fancy Shark uses Cocklip. You're children. You're all children. Garen. Jell-O-Ho. Good Satan and his Hot Witches fights with a giant chainsaw dog. Okay, we're putting all synonyms in the rulebook now too.

Greg Cunningham. Haraka. Honk. Javer Al Aiden. James Boyd, it says, right here in the rulebook, your robot cannot have a giant chainsaw wang. Nice try. Jared Black, no, it can't be a giant chainsaw schlong. Jared Mountainman, right here, played English.

Banned weapons, giant chainsaw man sausage. Jared Ruiz, you cannot have a giant chainsaw hog. Oh, it's an actual hog. Sorry, let it play. Jeff Oraski, John Dean, John McCann, John Minkoff, Joseph Searles, Josh S, Joshua Graves, Justin B. Come on man, those are clearly balls. No, it doesn't matter if there's no cock, it's the spirit of the thick. Ken Paisley, K&M Banned, Chainsaw Cock, Lane Haygood Banned, Chainsaw Cock, Lisagood Banned Chainsaw cock Lisa, frankly I expected better of you.

That's a 3 day suspension for chainsaw cock. M Jahi Chapelle you know what? I'm going to allow it. It's fine if the robot wears concealing underwear. Mark Mahoney, I said concealing underwear. It's hanging right out there. That's a ban. Matt Riley

Max Baroy. Moju. Mercenary Sissetman. Yes, it's still banned even if it's uncut. Michael Lair. Mickey Loman. Mort, you brought three rotating giant chainsaw cocks. Why would that be allowed? Mr. Bob Gray? No, then four obviously wouldn't be cool, would it? Indeed. Neil Bailey.

Neil Schaeffer. Neku104. Nick Lavino brought an old-fashioned mace. Yes! Henri Weibel, Nick Lavino's tag team partner, brought a bolo. This is what I'm talking about. Oh, I see what you guys are doing there. That's hilarious.

Hilarious. That's a bad one. Ozzy Olin Patrick Herbst is allowed to bring the giant chainsaw cock because this is an exhibition match it's non-competition play guys Rianan Sarkovski Sean Chase it's not an exhibition match because you're exhibiting something. Siege it's not an exhibition match because God is always watching. Spotty reception it's not an exhibition match because God is always watching. Spotty Reception, it's not an exhibition match just because you sold tickets ahead

of time. Supernaut, an exhibition match is a formally classified thing. We'll tell you when it's not a normal match, okay? Tater's Tales just got giant chainsaw cockspanned in exhibition matches too, okay? Everyone happy? Ted H. Thomas Kavatsos Timmy Leahy

Toasty God Tommy G. Velo? I don't care if it's detachable, I know what a giant chainsaw cock looks like. Booster? Yes, even if it's on your forehead. I know you're not a unicorn that's happy to see me Waylon Russell Zack and Ava that entire robot is one enormous chainsaw cock. I can't imagine being more banned Harvey, Penguini fights with a giant chainsaw vagina I Guess that's allowed. I mean I feel like it's basically your opponent's fault if they take you up on that.

I can't imagine anyone would be foolish enough to- Wow, right out the gate. Stuck his face right in there, huh? Alright, Harvey Penguini wins Alaska!