The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 14 - The Past Times with Jake Johnson

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and actor Jake Johnson (New Girl). New episodes of The Past Times will be right here every Thursday.   Hello Fresh

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and use code TPT65 for 65% off plus free shipping that's HelloFresh.com slash TPT65 and use code TPT65 for 65% off plus free shipping. America's number one meal kit HelloFresh. Alright everybody welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week Jake Johnson. There we go Jake you're famous right? Relatively so. Great that's all we need to hear we're in. You were the Jake Johnson who was in the capital riot is

it? No, no, no, no, no, no. That's Jay Johnson. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were, oh, I apologize, I apologize. There's also another Jake Johnson which is my favorite where there's I guess apparently a little boy after name Jake Johnson and our friend Scott Gimple wrote to me watching spooky buddies with my son when do you appear man? I don't appear in spooky buddies and he's like your name's on it and I'm like listen asshole I thought it was a spooky buddy. Oh man. The whole time he's like you know the good thing is my buddy Jake's in this at least. Oh we're going to ask you about plug. Dave do you mind at the end of this plug in spooky buddies? It's currently streaming. Oh yeah no problem. Thank you so much my friend. You can not see Jake in spooky buddies. You can see his name in the credits for spooky buddies. Hang in there and watch the full credits like

and let us be some at the end. Is Jay Johnson confirmed? I had heard. Confirmed through yeah my connections he's confirmed. Wow. So this is a newspaper from March 19th 1890. Okay. It is the I thought I'd you know this is just for Jake because I knew he grew up there. This is from Salt Lake City Utah. Oh great. That's inspiring. Thank you for making it here. Oh yeah no problem. Thank you. Everything's catered. It's all it's meticulous. So it's not like a plug and play kind of show up. It was really just for me today which is just for you. It's also my birthday March 14th or whatever. Yeah March 19th. Yeah it's your birthday. Yeah 14 19. It's all. Spooky buddies. Spooky buddies. Spooky buddies. I tell about a bunch of friends. Okay page one first story. Okay. This is happening in a key point New Jersey start from key point New Jersey. So the first story in the Salt Lake paper is a New Jersey story. That's right. Okay. William

Pauling a youth of 19 married Miss Adela Stairhart at the Baptist personage last night. Jay Francis Moulton a wealthy resident held a loaded revolver in full view of the bridegroom. Moulton is the bride's brother in law. Okay. Wait. Moulton is the bride's brother in law. So it's the groom's brother. Yeah. Yeah. So why is the groom's like that. I don't know. Amazing. So the groom's brother is holding a loaded revolver during the ceremony and they're like we don't want to make the brothers seem bad. That's what some language is. It's the bride's brother in law. Exactly. It's got to be wrong. Right. It's got to be. OK. Well the young man was caught in the girls bedroom Saturday night and the brother in law broke in the door. But the young man escaped fleeing through the streets to his own home in his night shirt. Wait. There's a lot going on there. So

it's not his brother. It could be. So the guy with the gun was having sex with her. Right. Is that what's happening. No. The guy the guy. So a guy was having sex with a girl and his brother or maybe it's maybe it's his brother in law. Maybe. Oh. The Salt Lake City confused. Maybe this is the maybe this is he's married to now that can't be right. Man. This is Jerry Springer. It doesn't make sense. All we know is that number one this dude had sex with a young woman and number two he brought a night shirt to have sex with her. Night shirts when you're just porky pigging it out of the room. Like you know you don't have time or night shirts are you've been in a pandemic and your body has turned into that of a toddler's body. Somebody wants to see you with your shirt off and you go I'm into the sex. I promise

you you don't want to see a three year old muscle tone on a 42 year old's frame. I look like I'm a good buddy. Yeah. Yeah. I promise you you're not going to want to see what's under this night shirt. So let's just roll through on the box and do this thing. All right. We'll show the parts that matter. Everything else we keep behind the curtain. Does everyone understand. These are the rules. A night shirt is like a way to be mysterious. I think if you know what you got isn't a good. I mean yeah it's what we thought what like the three stooges were to bed. Not a night. It's my night shirt. Yeah. OK. So he has his night. He just runs out. I'm still not sure what exactly has happened. But I mean either the visual of a man standing at a ceremony with a loaded gun is I mean

that's good enough. My question with the guy with the gun is is he defending himself or was he coming to show whoever was with that woman that he like who is he defending. Yeah. And who is he going after. Why the gun is the question. Yeah. I wonder if he's married to the the sister of the that works. Yes. Yeah. I wonder if he's married. Yeah. So that's how I think it works. God someone who's smart listening to this was like what just happened with these three people. It's sad when three stupid people are saying like the writings can choose it. We're treating it like one of those riddles where it's like how did the man get to the 50th floor. There's a second brother. I'm not being mentally sharp. But everything's a riddle. Yeah. And I asked somebody for directions

and they don't write it down. Part of me when the person's talking and they've gotten through the third turn is I'm like this is cool that he's still talking because now I'm done listening. I'm going to have Maple Street take a right at your second stop sign. Once he keeps going I just want to go like fuck you. It's over. You're clocking other people to ask down the road. You're like that guy has that guy. He might write it down. I heard him say Maples Maple Street and then my brain turned into mashed potatoes and now I'm under the next thought process. It's just I just picture you reading a newspaper in 1890. What? No. What the fuck is this? What is this? It's like word jumble. The whole goddamn thing. It's the sister. The sister. It's the sister. Relax.

Oh that makes sense. Holy shit. OK. And by the way that's to me because in some of these Jake like the first article you're like what the hell is that feels appropriate for like a front page. That seems closer to like news rather than a hedgehog scene or something which is next one. A Lecturous Stone. Miss Margaret Shepard of Boston lectured tonight on the Roman priesthood exposed when leaving the hall Victor Segner threw a stone which stunned her. A policeman chased Stegner and on his refusing to stop shot and seriously wounded him. Jesus Christ. How is that not number one. Right after I said that you pitched a way better one. Pretty badass lady in 1890 making that speech. Yeah. Yeah. But and dealing with the time there's some guys like you know what

I don't like what she's saying. I'm going to toss this rock at her. That guy is still here. Yeah. That guy's been president. He has not changed. Yeah. That guy. Yeah. It's just the stone is like the stone is now just like social media or other things like that. A hundred percent. I mean it just the part of that that ages that is quite right. He threw a stone and now it is we're like what an asshole. Yeah. Yeah. Shoot someone would you please be like that mysterious brother in law who came from some sort of lagoon. And then the cop seems to also be of the time he would work today as well. Like someone throws a rocket. He's like I need to kill that guy. He's got a loaded rock. Yeah. My guess that the writer didn't put in was that there was a lot of back and forth with

this drunkard about calming the fuck down. I don't believe the way the world works is like all right. Let me let me listen to your speech. I throw a rock at you and then you get shot. There's a lot of down. Sit down. Sit down. You're honestly my anger is at a five. It's at a seven. I am going to shoot you in the back. I hate you with every fiber of my body. Three two one time out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK. Solid. And I agree. Yes too. It shows a strong gumption on the part of the lady in the story and gumption a term of the time. Yeah. I do like the idea of the big revolt is throwing a stone at somebody that could come back and actually help us in twenty twenty one. You're really bad. Throw a stone man. Not even at her near her. That would be great. What we

need to do is they did that big gun exchange in Australia and it changed. We need to do stones for guns and everybody and you'll if you have an AK forty seven you get a big rock guys. OK. We're not saying it's a pebble. Here's the problem with America is we would figure out a way to make rocks so scary and we would do it so fast. There would be some new invention that you're like man I would rather be shot from stone by that thing. That thing's going to hurt so bad. Someone would put the rock in a gun and be like now we're talking. You're like no no no no that's the whole thing. That's an automatic rock shooter. It shoots 90 rocks in a second. Yeah. USA. And then they would cut the rocks into bullets. Yeah.

It's the same thing. Exactly. Yeah. We're still in Iraq. OK. All right. Solid page so far. Yeah. Still on page one. A bank records clever trick. A story is published this evening to the effect that Lester B. Faulkner the wrecker of the Danville Bank supposed to have died January 27th is still living in Mexico. He availed himself of the death of his gardener to have the body buried as his own. And then quietly left. Wait. Wait. OK. So he what did he do. He thank you. Death with his body. Yes. Gardner died. And then he was like oh there's a body. I can use this. That's a very convenient way. Dave the idea of he's like I got to get out of under this fucking bank. My gardener just had a heart attack. Happens to look exactly

like me. Well the five foot ten hundred eighty five gardener who has facial hair like mine had a heart attack on the day that I needed to leave the country and leave my identity. I could not have planned that. Doesn't it also not work if people know the gardener died. You kill a hobo five towns away. You bring that back. You fake your own death. Then you have that body buried and nobody knows about the existence. If it's your gardener you don't just go. Oh I'm also die. Yeah. I'll say this though. And in the 1890s a lot of gardeners when they died you would just leave them in the garden and they would you know. Yeah. That's what they do on their last day is they just dig through a little grave and five thirty fall into it. So pull some soil

themselves. Their last act is sort of soiling themselves into the hole. Tomatoes. Tomatoes look great this year. Yeah. I'll be died. I'll be died. I tell you I'll be died under the maters. One thing that's so sad about that year as opposed to this year is how easy it would be to be a criminal back then. Oh yeah. Like you know you fake your death. There's no way of checking. Then get even new ID down there. There wasn't picture ID. You just say like what's your name. My name Jeannie. Welcome to town Jimmy. Where'd you go to college. You got it. There's no way of us to check anything. No and we are missing out on millions of little scandalous crimes because someone was just like well he's a he says he's an angel from heaven. We should give him all our

gold. You know like that just never got reported because people are like an actual angels here. But well that's again. That's still happening. Yeah. That is. But one thing we talk about on the dollop a lot is like to be a doctor. Dave wasn't it basically just like you're like I'm a doctor. Hey kind of a doctor. You just need a sign to hang up and then you're a doctor. And that was like it for so long. Did you guys hear about the kid a couple years ago who just got arrested the teenager for impersonating being a doctor. No. Yes. I mean it's a real kid is at 17 and getting actual clients then he got busted. You know he was probably 16 at the time got out of jail or were juby wherever he went paid his fine did his time then went back and got some

more patience. And when he got busted again he was like at a certain point I just want to help. I took an oath. I did take an oath. No you didn't. Like this kid I love like he was one of those hustlers that at a certain point you start believing you're on bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. You know I'm doing a lot of good for these old people in the 1840s. You're talking about the greatest doctor we had. Yeah. And now he's in jail. But in the 1840s a legend. He's like I love Doogie Houser. Yeah. I tried to just rock recently watched the Doogie Houser pilot. I did too. Did you really. I like three nights ago. I swear to God creepy creepy as fuck creepy as fuck. Why did you do this. The whole thing is creepy. Honestly I grew up watching the show. I saw it on and I thought like I was

totally like how does it start. That's exactly what I did. Same. The what's the neighbor character video. Yeah. Yeah. A little sex per man. He is all he's not right. Right. He's not right about. No. No. This nurse this nurse fakes seducing him in front of all the other doctors and nurses like she's like she's like saying she wants to get on with them and it's just a setup and everyone's watching they're like happy birthday and it's like what you just you just fucking permanently scarred a 16 year old. Congratulations. ABC was like we'll do 24. I will say Neil Patrick Harris delivers a one or to open that thing where they do a shot where he and a bunch of doctors are walking down a hallway and it starts at his feet and goes up. This 15 year old boy has probably

three pages of the chunkiest medical diet. Yeah. I'm like oh yeah there's a reason why Neil Patrick Harris became a big star forever. Yeah. That's how it was a if I if I was watching a kid do that for I've worked with kids. Most kid actors are exactly what you think they are kids who happen to be actors because their parents are pushing them. Yeah. Neil Patrick Harris was a fucking star in that pilot. What were the kids like when you worked with them on spooky buddies. Is that group easy to work with that they have their lines down or when you know we were that was a different time of my life. We were partying. OK. Right. So me and the kids we that felt like camp on coke. You know what I mean. A grown up and a bunch of kids do it. Yeah.

Well it was more at that point in my life. I was a different person mentally. I was a child. So I did have the body of a gross adult but mentally they were all my older brothers. Right. Right. You're just a guy. Yeah. Just got a nice advice. I was crying and a lot of asking for advice and a lot of those kids were rich. OK. All right. David I still on page one. Miss Flack testifies the wife of Sheriff Flack was a witness today in the case against her husband for conspiracy. She was hysterical under cross examination. She told the story now familiar denying that she had signed a petition for divorce from her husband and charging as forgery certain signatures handed to her for inspection. Among these was her own a petition in the present

action. The defense seeks to establish that she is and has been and a neighbor. OK. Let's see. I mean that does it. I think they're just straight forward. I mean they're just trying to say they're trying to say she's crazy. Right. Yeah. But that's just slander on her character. They're saying she's a terrible. She's a nut. She's drunk. An inebri. They're saying that she's a drunk. That's a great way to say something. By the way. An inebri. Yeah. Well normally they normally what they would do too is they would talk about her physically and like disparage her like that in the paper of this era like they. So I mean this is as nice as it gets when reporting on a woman who you want to be rude to. But what is the paper get out of you know losing her credibility.

Yeah. It's just great to attack a woman. I mean it's you know it's you just get to you just get to just break down a woman and call her a drunk and hysterical. In the papers called. And now time to attack a woman. Well hysterical bitty on the stand the other night. That is a normal front page. Yeah. I'm impressed. Gareth we are brought to you in part by hello fresh. Look you get hello fresh and you don't have to make the trip to the grocery store which we all know it's hard. There's a lot of crying. I've seen they approve this copy. No this is terrible that I've seen fires. OK. There's been floods. Where are you shopping. I mean I. Yeah. It's sure it's it's way better but I lost my grandmother Gareth a long time ago and there's

long long checkout lines so you can spend more time doing the things you love with delicious craft created recipes delivered straight to your doorstep. And of course I'm talking about hello fresh. Gareth you've had hello fresh right. Dave. Yeah. I'll say hello to fresh a lot. When Pam Reynolds was in town we made a mushroom shepherd's pie and it was a hit. Jack with the two of you were there. Yeah. A high five. Well when we high five we do the top gun high five where it's like up top then you get back down. So we did that for sure. Actually there were not a lot of differences between that scene and top gun with volleyball and when we made it. Yeah I could I could totally picture that and I'm going to picture it up for a long time. Gareth my wife and I

recently had the Tuscan chicken and kale spaghetti and when I said we both had I made it for both of us and then I just ate it all. So it's interesting. There's ways to celebrate your love with hello fresh. Not sure I understand. I'm going to go ahead and say that's one way to do it make the meal eat it and then go I don't know right. I will say there are many things I like about it. The recipes are just so easy to follow. You know you look like you know what you're doing which is really what anywhere is all about. It's making it seem like you know what you're doing when you don't. So hello fresh has 40 weekly recipes to choose from so you can say goodbye to your recipe rut and just treat yourself and your family to exciting new flavors every week like I do.

Dave Anthony. So go to hello fresh dot com slash tpt 65 and use code tpt 65 for 65 percent off plus free shipping. That's hello fresh dot com slash tpt 65 and use code tpt 65 for 65 percent off plus free shipping. Hello fresh America's number one meal kit. Number one. Is that a good ending. Yeah. Well no. So this this is another story. This is from this I guess is happening in West Virginia. A school teacher on deck. Barry Goff age 16 was stabbed and killed by his school teacher. Oh my God. That man. Wow. That is. You know what. Don't fuck with your teacher in West Virginia. That's always been a thing. Does it give any back story or is that there's going to be some Morgan Rose.

Yeah. That would that be funny if that's the whole story. All right. Toad's breeding. Morgan Rose in Clay County Monday. Goff was late to school and the teacher punished him. Oh well. We didn't know he was late in our defense when we heard the headline. We didn't know the kid was late. Goff left and returned with his father and two other men. A quarrel resulted and Rose stabbed Goff. A general fight ensued in which the elder Goff Rose and several others were seriously hurt. Yeah. This fucking teachers are badass. Yeah. That makes more sense. The kids. The kids families were wild. Yeah. He's coming in late. The teacher said like skadoodle buddy. You come in late. The kid goes like I'll get my fucking

dad and my uncle and we'll whip your ass. The teacher went like that's enough. Yeah. Also like that if you do that move like you bring your uncle and your dad which is bold. If you're the teacher still going for the child. It's just oh fuck yeah. That kid not that kid not doing it. Yeah. Like not this is it. You fucking son of a bitch. They're grown ups escalating but you're still like I'm going to kill your child. Like that's just move. That's because all of the shit he took from this kid the whole fucking school year. Yeah. And now he's bringing his fucking dad and uncle down and then now it's like diehard in a school house. But you know what I will say there was no description of dad and uncle. It could have been

father and uncle the gentlest poets in town. We just want to talk to you about emotions. Yeah. And then like one bad seed of an amazingly kind family of men and the teacher said like if we just killed this seed the family is great. You don't know what happened. Just cut it out and smash it. If you are like a story I mean it would be refreshing to hear of this sort of school violence as opposed to what we hear now. You know this like much more controlled when people are attacking with rocks and things. Still still on page one. Here's a headline. Not afraid of white men. There we go. Wow. That's that. We would come so far if we could have that in a paper today by a white man. 100% guarantee. No doubt. No doubt. New York. New York. The Chinese

laundry men of New York could not be made to believe that the American Laundry Union is able to freeze them out of the business. The president of the Chinaman's Union in an interview today expressed the opinion that they will be able to hold their own. He's just saying yeah we're going to stay in business and their headline is these guys aren't afraid of us. What are we going to do to them. It takes it's just amazing how little it takes for a white to be like see we're not that bad. They're not terrified. The only problem with this show concept in hearing about the past is to see how terrible it still is. Oh yeah. Well you're like oh like 1890 when I was really hoping it to be like God that was a billion years ago. We were monsters. There are so many where

we are like like on the dollop or even here where you just are like it is I mean it's like like we'd already had a Trump. That was something like it's just crazy shit where you're just like how are we not and when you I've been watching Adam Curtis documentary can't get you out of my head and the amount of stuff that you're just like man it's just the same shit. It's just a little different a little more advanced. It's got takes form but it's the same power structure same shit over and over again. Yeah. Anyway not to be super light. Yeah. Way to get way to bomb us. You got so the next headline an alligator's dignity offended also out of New York a professional female alligator charmer. Well that's not something I'm an alligator charmer. I'm Lady Bates. How long did you do that? A day

a professional female alligator charmer in one of the museums was badly bitten last eve by one of the pets an alligator resenting not a professional not a professional judging by what I've heard so far the professional is not justified by one of the pets the alligator resenting an undue familiarity. I love I love getting in the head of the alligator to tell you what the alligator thought as a journalist. So I guess she's I guess she's out of that job. Well I like that there used to be and they had it with snakes too. If you worked with animals now we have like animal behaviorists and we have these great terms and trainer. I like that used to be charmer. Yeah. Right. You're like you're like better. It's a better way like you don't study them. You charm them. Yeah. So like

there's a wild animal and what you do is you wrangle them. So we have like snake wranglers now. I wish I could go into town and be like you guys know this guy. I'm the snake charmer. To be on a call sheet snake charmer 3 30. But what's going on. They go like guys this is crazy. The alligator is fighting. Take everybody take it easy. Have a cocktail. Give me 10 minutes with this fucking reptile. When I come back to the second reptile will be on its back. Has anyone talked about its parents to it. Yeah. Yeah. Get to know it a little bit. Yeah. Change it. Change it. Throw Frank Sinatron. Why. I'm sorry. My teeny. I want to be considered a charmer of an animal of an like you know they have like dog trainers

now it I would spend good money that somebody coming to my house who is a dog charmer and what they can do is they'll be like so your dog lunges on a leash and I go yeah and they go let me charm the fuck out of this dog for about 20 minutes and you'll be fine. You got it. Take my gold. How dog charmers not to show an animal planet. But charmer is great. That is so true. Good Lord. I will say every story though people who work with them not every but most at a certain point it's going to be an unhappy ending. There is something about like I was doing press for a movie a bunch of years ago and they wanted we are at the San Diego Zoo with Charlie and I guess they were animals in the

movie but I don't really remember that part of it but for a photo for like the San Diego newspaper they wanted me and Charlene to go in the rhino cage with like a real docile rhino and and at the last second I did obviously as you guys know at the beginning of this I didn't read my prep email right. We're either doing the walk and talk interview and then we get to the rhino cage and they go now hop on in and I'm like not on a fucking we let it full on knife on its nose. And they're like no no it's really nice. I go look at the eyes. You're telling me that thing has a personality. Yeah it's nice. It's one of those nice rhinos. By the way it's not zoo nice is Xanax. That's what they mean. Oh it's nice. We made him super nice about an hour

and a half ago. I like the term zoo nice to describe a business associate where you're like I don't know so I have to go in there to meet with him. How is it. He's all right. He's zoo nice. He's nice. He's got a zoo nice though. You know what I mean. Don't get too close. He's clearly a wild animal but he's really trying to act behave so I'll just be really careful. Bring a charmer. Bring a charmer. Bring a charmer. How you doing. I'll talk to him. You got beautiful eyes my friend. So I'd like to introduce you to my dad honey. It's a really important me. He's zoo nice so please be a rhino charmer because he's a scary individual. Let me smell her. He's zoo nice like I said. He just wants to get a little sniff. Still on page one. This is another story out

of New York. Mott Street terrorized paper just the scroll. It's a lot of it. Mott Street in New York. Yeah. Terrorized the appearance of a leper creates a panic among the Chinese. Wow. A well just a well dressed Chinaman hurried through Mott Street from Chatham Square yesterday afternoon with his hat drawn over his eyes. One of his countrymen noticed that his face was inflamed and at once suspected he was a leper. The story quickly spread among the Chinese that there was a leper in their colony. A searching party was organized and all the Mongolian haunts were visited but no trace was found of the stranger. The Chinese dread leprosy as much as Caucasians and there was terror in Mott and Pell streets last night. It is supposed the man came from the west

and vengeance is valid upon anyone who should harbor him. Good God. I don't think it was on Mott Street. I think this was in Salem. Okay. Sure. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I think this was Salem. I think this was a couple hundred years early. So he was a witch. He was a witch and they were going to get the witch because the witches are bad. First of all the comfortability of Chinaman is so their comfortability still rubs me. It's like. Oh yeah. And also the idea that they're like you know the Chinese people also fear lepers. It's very strange much like we do. It's like yeah no they also don't like disease. That's like humanity. It's also nice to see very clearly who this newspaper is for. It is not a newspaper for all. It's not like City. I mean we are.

But the Chinese people of Salt Lake City are like let me get my newspaper. That's true about us. Oh we really do feel like you do about disease. Well put. Why doesn't it say Caucasian man feels the same as the Caucasian man. I will say a wild thing is to be able to accuse somebody of that and how quickly panic would set in. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. I mean like no mask on a plane. You know like totally. You would. That's same shit really except that that probably leprosy wasn't made by the government. Anyway keep going Dave. I mean it could it could. It couldn't just have my friends. Yeah. So it really became good for you. We're like oh he's crazy. OK good. Half the people I texted with last March. Oh stop it. Yeah. I know. Yeah. We're still on page one.

Married his sister-in-law. Whoa. This is a continuation from the brother-in-law gun story. No. This is totally different. Pittsburgh. Dr. Elling for 25 years pastor of the sixth United Presbyterian Church in the city was today arraigned before the big word. Monahongala Presbyteria Presbyteria. It's it's Monahongala Monahongala. Yeah. Jake knows a lot of that religious. There you go. On the complaint of some of his congregation who objected to his marriage with his deceased wife's sister. Oh. Well yeah. But that's all right. Like it is fine. She said it. She said though. Yeah. It is fine. I mean you don't like Mary now. So it's all right. But here's what it is. He bought into something. He liked the brand that he had.

The thing that he had. I like the civic. You got an accord. He looked at it like cars. He likes to Honda. He's been with Honda for 20 years. What all of a sudden is going to drive a motorcycle or or walk everywhere. He goes like he looks over and he sees another kind of nice looking Honda of the same year essentially and goes like I could get into that pretty easily. We could just keep driving. I got about 15 more good years while I'm off this rock. Let me just lock it up with a sister. It goes to the dad. He's like do you have any other models. He's like actually we have a I've got a six year younger one and one that's four years older. That is male. Give him a younger female. I'd like to take a look at this

male option too. He's playing the family. But what about you sir. Maybe you and I go on a little run. I too am happily married just to a dead woman. It's funny about marriage how it used to be. And they're still like traditions where you still have to ask like the father of the bride. We don't have to but it's respectful and the idea of like negotiating with the father of the sister of the brother bit that is the beginning of our tradition where you would say like I would like like you know when I married my wife I asked like my father and all like and I have her hands or you know all that bullshit. But like I really should have done has been like I really like your daughter. I think she's great. I'm going to offer you X amount

of money a car cattle cattle like couple acres. I don't have a lot but here's what I can offer you for her. And then she belongs to me. She's mine. And then if she passes if God forbid she passes we can discuss then we can discuss what's next. Let's make let's figure out a discount on her sister. Yeah. I mean I've already I've already I've already put out a date down payment on the last one. So I feel like we can do a deal. I'm just looking for low APR and that is in his yard. There's just 60 sisters. He's like a lot of these are used. OK. Continuing a church law declares such marriage incestuous permitting a man to marry no nearer relative of his deceased wife than he could of his own. So much incest going on at this time.

There just has to be. Oh yeah. That that was that's a law that I don't that was then. Yeah. Yeah. No it's I think it's a church law. It's a church law is like now that they're basically eunuchs. I mean yeah have nothing. I think that seems really odd that they would make like I I understand the laws of saying I don't marry your cousin or your second. I don't get those. Well but we'll deal with your point. You can't marry your deceased partner. Clearly it was an issue because they had to make the law. So it must have been a thing where it's like you guys we got to stop fucking our sister's sister because they didn't know there wasn't that many people around. That's right. Yeah. And well if you're if you're like a priest or something

you know what I mean like it's hard. That's a hard that's hard. You know it's hard to be a man of a person of God and also be like but I would also really love to go to TGI Fridays and talk to you about some. Right. God's a pal. So discontent spread in the church. The result that was that Dr. Ealing tendered his resignation which the congregation refused to accept. What is happening. So they're like how dare you. He's like I'm out of here. They're like don't go. Yeah. So a bunch of people were pissed. Right. And so he was like all right. And then everyone else was like no. And then the matter was taken to the Presbytery which today. Yeah. Today has a lively wrangle over it. It ended in a resolution of a century vote of 20 to 12. The minority

thought the sentence was too light. They wanted the doctor discharge for the ministry. Wow. I mean everybody church. Yeah. I would go to church. If church was like this I would go to the church. Plus wait until they hear about all the kid fucking that's coming down the pipe. Like when that information comes there. That's going to be a thirty two to zero vote. A strong center vote has come down. That guy's out by the way. Let's go back to the guy who married his dead sister. You may marry whatever you wanted that family. Let's just be clear from now on. That is fair game. Oh. So page two we have a notice of public notice. A notice of removal. I have removed my office to the corner of Maine and Second South Street's room 20 second floor

over Union Pacific freight offices in a wassach building where I shall be pleased to see my friends and patrons take the elevator. Jaycee. I got a new office. Yes. Yeah. You know what it's called. Social media. That is very true. Yeah. I'm a brother Chipotle. He has that mentality that everyone has now which is yeah. Why do you care. Why do I care. Who gives a shit. Can you believe it. I got an eighty seven Ford Mustang. I wish people could see the face pose. Really sells it. And he and he's bragging about the elevator. He's like hey by the way take the elevator. That's what my building has. He's got some money man. He's got that. He removed his office. Yeah I said it sounds like what the Hulk would like how the Hulk would

relocate. I removed my office put on top of bigger building office there now. What is nice to hear about that one though is the idea at times gets so grossed out with people of this era. It's nice to know people have always been equally gross. They just had to do so much harder to take an ad out in the paper. So if everybody back then had access to social media how funny would it be to see social media from eighty nine. Oh just the social media. My lord. Selfies and other farming. Yeah. Blinch it from the outhouse. Yeah. Check out my two mules. Hey who's pulling who? I mean I would love to see 1890s social media. Yeah. Grade planted. Yeah. Oh wait is this my bike? It's your bicycle man. Congrats. Dusty AF.

Every hashtag is Dusty. Dusty AF. Hashtag Dusty. Try to eat some pie. Hashtag Dusty. From the richest to the poorest. I mean honestly it's really Dusty AF. Good to see my dad. It's just so Dusty AF. Everything. I mean that's what it is though. It's like your eyes. You like touch your eye and like dirt's coming. You're like oh fuck. That's what I think about too. I was like Dusty. There's a part of it that always would be like oh it just seems like so unthinkably dusty. Dust is everywhere. Everywhere. Only baths. It ain't coming off. It's not always there a little bit. It's always a film. Oh god. So there's a little section called late locals. I guess it's like

late news that came in. At last midnight at last midnight Werner the German tough who was shot in the neck by Weston is still alive. Wow. Jesus. Great update. To the astonishment of doctors and the police he gives the deceased a bad name and says the latter was an accomplished thief and had planned to rob one of the railroad depots. I kind of didn't really know what happened after that. I believe the German tough. Yeah. I mean if you're considered a German tough you're not a snitch. So if he's going to say that it's just a fact. It's not even a snitch. If the German tough goes like this is what he was going to do. He's not snitching. He's just saying like this dude was going to do it. Tough's going to talk. If the tough wants to talk after

getting shot in the neck whatever he says is gold in my eyes. Okay. I'm sold. Yep. Sold. I'm sold. That's my take now. Yep. The coroner's inquest over the remains of the unknown dead thug was held at the sex's office yesterday. Is this a different story? Is this a same story? Yes. Okay. It's a totally different story. Wait. So right away. Oh wait. No. Is it? No, no, no. This is follow up. It might be connected. Let me. Okay. Weston. Yeah. It's the same guy. Okay. Otherwise that would be quite a run. Okay. It's just in a different section. So. For a page too. W.H. Crosby of Grand Brothers company testified that he recognized the deceased man as the man who was shot Monday afternoon. He first

thought the shots were from the sparrow guns until he went out to the back door of the stable. Oh, that's a tough. Sparrow guns. That's tough. It's tough. Oh, just some sparrow guns. It's like Steve Martin and the jerk with the cans of paint. Sparrow guns. And by the way, specific guns for sparrows? Yeah, just tiny little pistols. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That probably is true. Sparrow guns. Witnesses saw both deceased and Werner running out of the bus with guns in their hands toward West Temple Street. Weston followed when the other two turned on him and the deceased struck it Weston with his gun. You can say shot at him. Yeah. Yeah. And deceased. So they won't say the guy. They did say who died, but they just keep referring to him as deceased. He's the unknown

German. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. My read was incorrect on the German tough. I jumped right on board. So if I feel like an asshole too, very clearly seems like the German tough is a snitch and he's trying to get out of trouble. A major problem. They all come running out of the building with guns. Then at the last second, they turn and shoot one of them. There was a decision while they were running where one just went like blame everything on him. So the deceased, the deceased shoots at Weston with his gun, but missing merely knocked his hat off. Oh, that's a tough one. That's amazing. That's amazing. But you're like, oh, that has, yeah, that's tough. That really is. I mean, because everyone had a

hat. You probably, if you're shooting, you probably had to get good at hat target practice. Yeah, because everyone wore a hat. I mean, that's what's always so surprising that Lincoln got it, wore that. That's right. Really threw you off the center. What was like, where his head started? What would be when hats changed from cool? Because you can imagine the cool hats those three guys were wearing. Oh, fuck yeah. I mean, just unthinkably cool hats. Those unthinkably cool hats made it all the way through the 40s and 50s in America. You would still have like super cool hats that people wore. When the fuck did this shit happen? Went to the baseball cafe. Hey, generic baseball cup. It was after the 50s because there is an

amazing, there's an amazing history with hats. We've covered a lot of the hat. It is fucking bonkers. Like you would get beaten up if you weren't wearing a hat at times and shit like that. Or if you're wearing the wrong hat at the run, like you wore a straw hat after Labor Day, you get your ass kicked. People would beat the shit out of you. No way. Yeah. There were riots. There were riots. Straw hat riots. People beating up people. And then it was normal for women of the time to wear these crazy hats. Eventually, they would just have little ornaments on them, but eventually it would be like you'd have an owl on you, like a stuffed owl on your hat. And she'd say, hello. Oh, hi. Oh, don't mind me. Just sneaking through. Amazing. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. So the latter presently rose and walked to the stable, remarking to witness that two men out there had attempted to roll him, but he shot and they shot pointing to his wounded head. Well, I mean, you don't need to update everything. And plus they shot too. It's like, no, we know they shot. Your head is, your brain's out. Asking for the police, he was sent to the office where the police could be called. Witness found deceased where he fell with a black purse by his side. So he must have shot that guy and killed him. The air in the bus was blue with powder smoke and blood was on the seat and the steps. Oh, so he did kill the guy on the bus. Witnesses, witness heard no pass between the two parties.

Witness identified the black person in the corner's hands as having laid by the deceased and thought he identified the gun. All right. Well, that's that's pretty exciting for Salt Lake City. I mean, that's a wait, does he get racist at the end? What happened? No, black. Oh, black purse. Okay. Sorry. I am very you. I'm like a dog that heard a noise. My ears are already perked up. I would be really interested to know if in that black purse, if there was not a lot of money, because it feels like they could have been a frame job. They killed somebody through the purse near him, through the gun near him. I like this. You know, you got to think, I mean, if the purse is full, then it probably just got closed. If there was a robbery, what they get,

well, the thief who got killed got away with $3. Dave, what was in the purse? Do the big reveal. They don't say. They don't say. Damn it. No, I know. I figured it out. I'm sorry. But yeah. And then the other guy got wounded in his hat, right? Yeah, that's one of these. Yeah. Ready? Ready and go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the grays. Yeah. It's like a tiny bit of money in that bag. Throat near it. Yeah. Oh, here's, uh, so here's another, uh, this is a local town news police uniforms. The committee on police reported an amended ordinance designating the regulation derby hat as the one

to be worn by the police past. Uh, okay. Hat news. Hat news. Yep. Hot. See. It's always popping. I would like to see the guy who was really against that. The if you could actually go back and see a scene, the guy being like, they need bowlers, bowlers. The derby hat is official. Like, God damn. What's next? What are we doing? Are we police or clowns? What's next? How am I going to take a lob and seriously if he has a derby on? What are we doing? We look absurd. Well, it had to be, if it's in the paper, there had to be some. Oh, I mean, there's just nothing. Again, there's nothing going on. So someone's like, oh, you know, the police have to wear a hat. Now they're like, what? Let's get that in the

late entry of the day. In everything, there's always a few people who are really pissed off. Oh yeah. Everything. There's always some people who went like, you've got to be kidding me. You're passing the derby hat and they let it pass. There was 30% of the cops who sat in a courtroom went like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. As people are stopping on derbies in the street, like now. Oh yeah, really smart. Good call. The fucking derby hat. Really good. We're being run by really smart guys. Yeah, yeah. Because the cops have to wear a hat. Because that makes sense. Jesus Christ. Honestly, I got to get out of this line of work, man. This department is killing me. Another headline, died on the way to jail. The police were called to the Colorado house about

five PM yesterday where Maggie Cope, one of the police court rounders, had thrown a pail of hot water over several persons. What's a rounder? I don't know what a rounder is. It's Matt Damon and Edward Norton. That's all I know. So she had thrown a pail of water over several persons. She was arrested and while being escorted to the cells, she stumbled and fell. The officer thought it was merely a drunken stupor and stopped the cart and dumped the woman into it. Oh, God. This is quite the scene. Give me a break. They beat the crap out of her and killed her. Yeah, there we go. Okay, yeah. And then dumped her in a cart. Well, carted her and dumped her in a cell. They thought she had fallen in a stupor,

so I decided to throw her in a little box and then drop some ricks on her head as billows. You know, when ladies walk more than 10 feet, they die. That's what happened here. They're not ready to walk. Yeah, this is a case of she died while driving because she was hysterical and had too much to drink and no charges were filed against the police officer because he was just a bastard. Yeah, no, they were in derbies. Respect them. So on reaching city hall, she was found to be dead. So the cart continued up to the section's office. The body was a most repulsive site as it was marked with syphilitic sores,

which made the undertakers men handle it very gingerly. The immediate cause of death was apoplexy, no inquest was necessary. So did she die from? Well, apoplexy, that's a stroke, right? That's a stroke. So she was syphilitic and then had a, okay, so. And they figured out she had a, she figured out, they figured out that she had a stroke just by looking at her. Yeah. I liked, I liked that that she's on the side of the conspiracy. Well, what happened? Stroke. Should we look into it? No, no. Yeah, it's true.

I should somebody look at it. I can tell by looking. Yeah, look. Officer, you've got a blood all over your hands. Why is that? No, I just got it. Okay, have a good day. She strokes bloated. Well, I'm good friends with the police chief and this seems like an open and closed case. Pretty good, says. Yep. This case was closed. This was some of these sores.

Yeah, I don't buy it. But I will say, I was wrong about the German tough. I will go down. I will die on that sort. And you felt very, it felt like you were very secure. I really got involved. That was a mistake. I was a hundred percent on that talk. Yeah, it was, it was tough. I also think I've always wanted to be described as something tough. Yeah. And I don't care what the first word is.

They're like, you know that guy Jake, yeah, he's a blank talk. What about not at all? Say one word really fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sneaking up. I think Italian accent. I'm good with it. Okay, he's not out of town. Yeah. Salt Lake Police Court.

There's a bunch of listings of what's happened. So these are two separate listings, one after the other. Otto Vonson, a German. Do I think it is a dooch. I can't, I can't really read what it is. Do I think it's UTC? Well, I think it's whatever. Otto Vonson, 34 years old, was arrested yesterday on a charge of sodomy. So that's one. The very next one is Thomas Hunterin was also arrested on a charge of sodomy yesterday.

Is there any connection? One would imagine they would put it together in the same space, but it might have been the spacing issue. Like when you used to have like a term paper and you'd be like, I need the two paragraphs. So they were probably like, well, what if we do, what if we just, I know it was one incident of sodomy, but what if we just split them into two sodomy stories? Amazing that that makes the paper.

I mean, amazing it's illegal, makes the paper. And still going to make the paper in some places today. That's still going to make the paper area. But I mean, it is, yeah, it's just the idea that anybody would be, would break the law in that way out of choice and not, you know, just natural makeup is just so. Also the, the embarrassment that people should feel if you're a police officer and you arrest them where you're like, two guys having sex,

having a great time being like, you're arrested. Yeah. Yeah. In my bedroom. Yeah. I mean, honestly, like what, what is it like, what implication does this have on anything outside of this room? And the law is like, that's not how we're fucking nowadays. You imagine if you could get arrested for how you were having sex, how many times you would be in jail?

Oh, my Lord. You came so fast. Get out of here. I knew that. You know, if you look at like two gay men, these are consenting adults. So if you had two consenting adults and what they were doing, that they were both happy with where no one was getting hurt,

not like somebody arrested for beating up their partner and sodomy. It's just the sex act. Yeah. You imagine if that was introduced in straight culture, how insane we were like, so what happened? You know what? Having a reverse cowgirl, I guess it's illegal now. What?

If they outlawed the straight 69. It would be, I mean, people, you would still do it. And that's just a sexual position as opposed to. Imagine hearing a friend going like, yeah, it was really wild. So I was with my wife, we got super tequila drunk, and she said, do you want a 69? And I thought, first of all, she had a nervous breakdown that she brought that up.

But I thought, yes, I do want to 69. Fucking feds broke my window, man. I mean, she was wearing a wire. It was a fucking setup. But you know what? That would be more realistic than a partner in a long term relationship saying like, you want a 69?

What's more realistic than a common compromise? I'm working for the FBI. That's how you know your spouse has been compromised. I would rather work with the FBI than stick my face in your disgusting genitals as you stick yours in mine. So what do you think, supper and then 69? All right, what's going on?

Woman, who's got who got who? Why do you tell you, it's the FBI. They're looking into our finances. They know some shit. Oh, damn it. And yes, I want 69 now more than anything. No, we can't. We shouldn't. No, no, no, it's a trap. But yes, we should.

Oh, shit. Charles Berg of the Salvation Army was arrested for beating a drum on Sunday. Finally, finally. They get theirs. Oh, then see, this is a better time when jump circles were illegal. They had some things right.

Yeah, you know what? I'm okay with this one a little bit. It's growing. He made the very ingenious plea that the church people had bells by which to call the faithful to prayer. He had no bell, but he did have a drum. And it answered the purpose

of calling people to his meeting house. This logic completely upset the court who took the matter under advisement. The person who called on him was the very first Karen of all time. A kid at a Salvation Army going like this. Police? Yeah.

There's a drummer. Like, just like a fucking kid drum. He's volunteering at a Salvation Army. He's raising money and he's drumming for the poor. There are two men fucking somewhere. I have my job to do. Oh, didn't mean to keep you. Sorry.

But this is also very important. But now isn't what they have the bell now. So is this like a landmark case where it was the army versus drum versus the state? It might be. I mean, yeah, maybe they used to have drums and this changed it all. Well, then this case did us a huge favor.

I mean, I'm not angry. I wouldn't want to get drummed at as I walked on. It already feels a little cumbersome to get around them if they had a big fucking drum they were pounding. It'd be too much. Yeah. Well, good.

Well, well, well, well. That was good. Yeah, great paper. A lot of fun. Learned a lot. Jake, I'm sure you feel more informed of the times now. Yeah, it makes us all feel better that we're not dusty AF. Yeah.

So, Jake, thank you so much for coming on the pastime podcast. Anything you want to promote besides Spooky Buddies, you sure? Spooky Buddies 2, 3, and 4 are in the works. Awesome, dude. And by in the works, I have a pitch for them. I'm trying to get my agent to get me into the studio. So, Spooky Buddies Studio is listening. So, if anyone from Spooky Buddies listens to the show,

Jake is interested in finally getting in one. Are they ghosting you? Dave, Dave. Yeah, I think ghosting is a tricky term. Let's do this off. Let's do this. See you guys. See you guys later, Dave.

Good to meet you. All right. Thanks again, Jake. Thanks, Dave.