The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 145 - Squirrel Tooth Alice
Episode Date: January 13, 2016Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine famous Old West madam Squirrel Tooth Alice. SOURCESTOUR DATESREDBUBBLE MERCH ...
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Hello and welcome to the dollop. My name is Dave Anthony. This is a bi-weekly
podcast in which I read a story from American history to my friend.
Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. He doesn't.
He doesn't. Alright. I thought you just started doing a really good intro and
then it got real weird. I forgot what I was going to say. Sure, sure. It's hard
to say the exact same tiny sentence every week. I don't think it is. It's very
easy. It's very hard. It's very easy. Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle.
People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave okay. Someone or something is tickling people.
Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to tickling podcast. Okay. You are
queen fakie of made-up town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville. A bunch of
religious virgins go to mingle and do what? Frey. Hi, Gary. No, I see you've done my friend.
Oh, no. October 18th, 1855. Alright. Mary Elizabeth Haley was born into a wealthy
family in Belton, Texas. Okay. She would be nicknamed Libby. Sure. That's fair.
Right. Nothing crazy yet. Right. Elizabeth Libby. I love it. I know Libby.
Uh, Belton was a frontier town north of Austin surrounded by rich soil. So a lot of farming
going on. A lot of just people are probably able to eat the soil because it's so rich.
Right. Rich soil. Yeah. And it was the last civilized place for people traveling west.
Okay. So you go past it. Yeah. The soil is poor. Yeah. Poor soil. Not like the other
soils. Like we're off to the opera tonight. This soil is like, man, I can eat a can of beans.
Yeah. I live in a box car. That's the guy that's over. I'm this soil. I'm poor soil.
He's over there. Yeah. Look at all that rich soil. It's rich ivory tower. So that's out west.
Yeah. Okay. Don't you come here. Okay. Unless you got beans. Okay. I don't want to go there now.
Come on. Give me fucking beans. Okay. West train robbers and Comanche lived just beyond the town.
Nose heading to California were often attacked. Okay. Libby's father ran a plantation and was
very rich. Okay. Like the soil. But the Comanche's often raided farms and ranches in the area.
They were after horses, supplies and captives. So they were taking prisoners off of the plantations.
Well, now this is a time when Native Americans have been decimated by diseases that were brought
over. They just weren't careful enough. And obviously, fighting with the white man, the
battle that occurred. So they're numbers that dwindled. So one way to increase your numbers,
take people and put babies in them. Oh, okay. So they were taking female captives.
Yeah. And they would be impregnating the female captives. Put a baby up in there.
This is captive seems like a nice word for what is happening. Because of this.
Most men in the area were always armed. Okay. Even though raids that got into
Belton were rare. Okay. In the 1850s and 1860s, most Texans were in favor of slavery and joining
the Confederacy. Super different. Texas's greatest hero once came to Belton to speak
in favor of joining the Union, Sam Houston. Okay. But he was booed and shouted down.
Of course. Yeah. Well, maybe why wouldn't he's the greatest hero? Why would you want to hear
what he has to say? Let him up. I do not agree with your opinion. No, listen to me.
One man there leading the anti Houston yelling was James Haley, Libby's dad. Okay. He was super
into slavery. I don't know if that's the correct term, but that's what I came up with. Super
into slavery. Super into it. I'm just super into this, you guys. Oh my god. I'm loving it. You
know what I'm super into owning people slavery. I'm just loving it. And he was into succession.
Texas, you know, leaving and all the southern states leaving. Sure. And his beliefs were passed
to his daughter. Okay. So she was also a free thinker. Haley was one of the main reasons
the town of Belton was a Confederate hotspot, right? So he's like the big rich man and he
brings in people that he hires like minded and all that shit. More than 1000 men from
Belton joined up with the Confederacy and fought against the Union. Okay, and it didn't end there
during the war and after mob violence ruled, which led to the hanging of a few Unionists in
Belton. They got they were hanged just because they were that's all I could find out of. But
he eyes him so okay. Yeah, but they were they they were like, I don't like people being owned by
people lynch them. Yeah, string them up, teach them about the value of life and kill them.
You don't want to own other people. I'm going to end your life. You think that's wrong? You think
I have moral problems? Kill them. Because so many men went off to war from Belton, there were not as
many to handle the defenses around the town. Okay, crime increased and Comanche raiding parties
figured out it was easier to get deeper into the area. Guys tonight, we're going to have a raid
party going in far. You know, you usually don't go past that fence. Yeah, go and pass the fence.
Now, does this headdress go with these streamers streamers ribbons, decorations, plates? Am I the
only one who brought cake? Yes. Oh my goodness. The tribes were upset about the whites moving
closer to the homelands and the loss of Buffalo herds. So they figured we'll take what we can
get from them. Yeah, I get it. Is it just me or do you do you always feel understanding to whatever
the Native Americans are like anything they're doing I'm always like totally get it.
Oh, yeah, no, we're we're we're the yeah. When I read stories from history,
even though I know what happened, I'm rooting for the Native Americans to win slaves and Native
Americans always. I'm always like, Come on, you guys, you guys can win this one. And when I read
about a story, like the story of the Nez Pierce, I believe was an Oregon, and they just slaughtered
an American army, they were they like rode down on their horses and they would and they would
they would hang on one side of the horse and shoot their arrows. Yeah. And they just decimated
and I was just like, Yeah, baby. I totally kill me kill my people. The Comanche were not merciful
in battle. They were considered to be some of the greatest horsemen in the world, which meant
they could raid deep into territory, grab what they wanted and be long gone before a search party
was formed to chase them. And in 1864, they attacked the Haley plantation. All right. James Haley
didn't have as many men as he used to to fight them off because, you know, being a big supporter
of the Confederacy men and many of them went off to fight. So the Comanche came and took what they
wanted, one of which was 10 year old Libby. Oh, shit. Didn't see that coming. I mean, it seemed
like everything like I put together all the pieces. And you should have seen it coming.
What is this? What's happening right now? You should have seen it coming. What's happening?
Her parents were devastated. Are you giving me notes on how to dollop during a dollop?
You prick. Her parents were devastated because, you know, they liked her. They were like,
That's our kid. Sure. Right. I would. I would understand that being a tough thing to go through.
Wild Native Americans have stolen our daughter. I could see that being a tough pill to swallow.
Yes. But that hope she'll be fine. You know, you know those situations where someone's like
something bad's happening and you say something to someone and you realize you've overstated it.
Yeah. She'll be fine. She might be better. I shouldn't have said that. She won't be better.
She won't be better. No, she's in trouble. But that hope because when the Comanche took kids,
they usually adopted them or turned them into just slaves. Either way, there was a good chance
Libby was still alive. They just needed to find her before she hit puberty because then she
be married off and that made it nearly impossible to buy her back. Wow. What a great time this was
to be alive. Now we got a ticking clock, right? Yeah. But you're also, I mean, now you have to
buy your slave daughter, which has got to be weird for a plantation owner. It's hard. It's not right
to own another. Give me my daughter, you son of a bitch. Oh, then they're black. That's fine. Come
on. Look at her skin. It's different. What are you talking about? You're a little dark too,
my friend. Oh, my God. This is very ironic for me to have to pay this money. A lot of people
are wondering when I'm going to have that Eureka moment not coming. Pick that cotton motherfucker.
Now my daughter needs her freedom. She's a human being. They put out a word to trappers,
hunters, traders and the Texas Rangers. And everyone knew they had to get her baseball team.
Yeah, I like where we're headed. I know, right? Smart. Everyone knew they had to get her back
before she was changed for good through either marriage or abuse. Haley thought if either of
those things happen, his daughter would no longer be accepted by polite Texas society.
Well, doesn't that really say something about Texas society that you can get kidnapped and then
chastised? Oh, James Haley would rather be died at the hands of the Comanche than be deflowered.
Wow, that's a pretty reasonable, bold, pretty reasonable, bold policy. Yeah, fairly, shall I
say, you know, when people put that stuff about Muslim extremists, very, very similar. Yeah.
But the years went by three years exactly. And because she was nearing puberty, the Haley's were
losing all hope. Then in 1867, they learned Libby was with a nearby tribe. The tribe wanted
to ransom and the Haley's paid it. James Haley thought it had been way too long and she was
probably soiled. And he was right. When he laid eyes on rich soil, though, yeah, she was rich soiled.
When he laid eyes on his daughter, he saw she was now a woman and that she didn't have any signs of
abuse, which meant to him that she gave into their demands. In other words, she'd had sex with some
Comanche. And this is based on seeing her. Yeah, she looked fine, but she was she was now a woman.
She looked fine, but clearly she was sucking a lot of Native American dick. That's exactly how
healthy she looks. That's not the face of a girl who said no once. Probably ran a goddamn train on
her like a fucking clown car. Everyone get in. Unbelievable, you whore. Oh, daddy. Oh, I mean,
hello, Libby. Libby was thrilled to be home. But the welcome she dreamed of for three years
was not coming. Her dad was cold to her. He just knew a penis had been inside her,
even though he couldn't see it. You don't need to see it. Once you've invented it.
Once it's in your head. Yeah. At the time, people were prejudice against former slaves,
especially women slaves, and even more so if she had hit puberty. So just they were known as marked
women. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, marked women. Yeah. It sounds like there's a hit out on them. Well,
there may as well have been. Oh, God. So the marked women were basically scarlet lettered.
Yeah. All right. Yeah, pretty great. Great. James cold feelings. And keep in mind that she was
kidnapped. Right. This is none of us. She was kidnapped as a child. Okay. Yeah. I like that.
I'm saying keep in mind to you. Yeah. Now, Dave, keep in mind when we're talking about this. I
will keep that in mind. Thank you. I had just for you. I just to let you know how to do this.
Keep that in mind. James cold feelings toward his daughter rubbed off on the rest of the family
and soon the town of Belton. After a little while, no one would have anything to do with her.
And her father decided he couldn't let her get married because she had had a
Comanche penis inside of her, obviously. Sure. And to make it worse, when he tried to ask what
had happened, Libby would not talk about it, which was very common of former slaves of Native
American tribes. Yeah, because they didn't feel safe talking to anybody. Yeah, it's trauma because
it wasn't it wasn't like they were like, Yeah, oh my god, tell me what happened. Tell me what
happened. This is a safe place. Right. Did you see a dick? Get out of get out of here, whore.
Libby was completely alone. Her friends and old neighbors avoided her. And when they did
see her, they wouldn't speak to her. They called her squaw woman. She's 13. It's kind of like
when Mowgli returned who the Jungle Book kid. Okay. Unfortunately, this was very common for
kidnapped girls who were returned. Some would actually go back to the tribes that had kidnapped
them. Yeah, because they're I mean, they're by because they're treated better by the kidnapping
tribe. Hey. But Libby was not one who wanted to return to the Comanche, even if she was a social
outcast. When she turned 14, she met and fell in love with an older man who didn't care about her
past. He just wanted her. I'm very wary as to how old this he's just 10 years older. Okay,
it's not that bad. He's 24. She's 24. She's 14, which is normal for back then. Hey, it's normal
to me. 14 was a Marion age. There it is. Wait, I think we're really yep, we're going to jail.
But so that's the Marion age back then 14, 16. Sure. So she's thrilled. She meets this guy.
He's treating her like a person. Right. Yep. This is it. Yeah. This this this has to be a Dave.
I'll start the car after she'd been thinking she's gonna spend her whole life alone. She meets this
guy she can spend her life with. It's all awesome. Libby was excited. She brought him home to meet
her parents. And because he was so much older, she thought it was best if she told her father
that they were already married. Okay, interesting. So this family just has good judgment all around.
Yep. James, however, was not pleased. And when he was introduced to his new son-in-law,
who was twice his daughter's age, James thought the older man was just taking taking advantage of
her spoiled state as he considered it. And the fact that she was so lonesome. James didn't even
speak to the man. He just pulled out his revolver and fired around it. It was chest. Excuse me.
He just shot him in the chest. Yes, she walked up and she said, Daddy, this is my husband.
And really, boom, right in the chest. It's quite a reaction.
He didn't make it. He dropped dead on the porch. He died. Yeah, right there.
She brought him in and he fucking killed him. This is for when you're introducing your
fiancee to your parents. This is like a worst case scenario. Yeah, it doesn't go much worse.
Right. I mean, and you know, the truth is too, this is what's so, I mean, this is terrible,
but almost funny. It is that before he went in, he probably was like, is this the best way to handle
it? I know, should we, why don't we just maybe, maybe this, go tell him, give it a couple days
to say, no, no, trust me, no, he needs to hear this. Yeah, we're going in there and he's, and
I'm going to actually even tell him that we're fucking married. Okay. Watch your look on his face.
I don't feel, I feel like, look, you don't know him like I do. The only way to get dad to sign off
on something like this is to make him think it's already done. And you know what, otherwise you
might shoot you or something. Can you trust me? Yeah. I'm, I'm 20, 24, 28 around there. You're
14. I understand. I understand. I'm still growing. I'm going to knock dad. I have some amazing news,
father. He's going to love you. Boosh. Thud. James Haley thought he was completely justified
in the shooting and local law enforcement agreed. I mean, no charges were filed.
What? Well, he did what? Yeah, I don't know. I think your father's right. It does look like
he fell down some stairs. He was fucking, he was fucking my daughter. It looks like he fell down
a set of stairs. Case closed. All right, Libby. Good to see you, whore. There was no official
inquiry into the shooting. No. This also just further cemented in people's mind that Libby
was having sex outside of marriage first with the Comanche and now with an old man. I mean,
why, why are people always so fixated on what women do? Oh, God, yeah. Women's privates.
There's everybody's business. That's what the whole Taliban is about. That's really you boil
it down to what it's about. It's about ladies. Oh, yeah. And then like, yeah, abortion. It's like,
nah, it's all give me that womb. Yeah. All those fucking the, what are the, the crazy right wing
Christian teabags? No, there's, there's the promise keepers here. The promise keepers here in America.
Yeah, actually, I have some interesting info I'd like to give you on them. They're really
okay. We're a great organization. Libby ran away. Okay. She fled to Abilene, Kansas. Oh,
you mean the city of whores? Well, there she got work at a dance hall where she
both danced and was a prostitute. All right. So I'm starting, maybe people were right.
It was a cow town and there were a lot of single lonely men. She met one named William Thompson,
whose nickname was Texas Billy. He was 10 years older. He she liked that age. He had boyish good
looks was very charming and led an exciting life. His family had immigrated from England in 1851.
And his brother was already a famous outlaw nicknamed shotgun Ben shotgun Ben had shot his
first man at the age of 15. He was also active in this in Kansas during this time. He ended up
shooting like 21 guys shotgun. What kind of gun did he use a revolver? Texas Billy loved to gamble.
If he had a losing streak and ran out of money, then he'd sign on to work with a cattle ranch
and herd some cattle. So that was like his life. So he'd gamble, gamble, gamble, work, work, stay as
long as he could gambling. And then if he did run out of money, then he'd be like, I'll get a
fucking job. Hey, I need to work again so I can lose. And then he'd save up his money and this
time is going to be different. You ain't going to see me again. Trust me, this is the last time.
But often he would live as a gambler. Billy and Libby shacked up. But she still kept working dancing
and having sex with gentlemen for money. Sure. Back then, dancehall girls made good money and
even more if they would have sex. It's very similar to today. Right? Yeah. Because she loved
Billy, she'd give him some of the profits so he could play cards. Okay. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Have
that vagina money to throw around. I mean, that makes a guy makes a guy feel good. Yeah, right.
Man, what you must have come into some good money, huh, Texas? Yeah, you know, they always say that
men have a hard time if their wife makes more money. Yeah, not Billy. No, he's totally fine. Well,
look, I mean, if you let it go, it seems like a pretty great gig for him.
Billy didn't seem to mind her work probably because it kept him at the tables.
They didn't stay in Abilene. They moved from town to town. More often not, they were broke.
When they came to a new town, they tried to appear as a normal couple telling everyone
they were married. While it was completely legal for her to be a sex worker, it was illegal in the
West for a man and woman to live together if they weren't married. Why? I mean, how? It's just
mind boggling. The conclusion? I mean, it's just if it really just comes down to if something's
established, that's all it is. If something has been established, it is. But she can have sex
with people for money, but she can't live with the guy she loves. She can't live with the guy she
loves. No. No, Dave, she'd be a whore then. In 1873, Libby went with Billy on a cattle drive
because he was the trail boss. He was allowed to bring his family. So off they went on a cattle
drive from Kansas to Oklahoma. Oh, also she was pregnant and she gave birth in the wagon to a
son named Rance. Okay, okay. Let's take a TO real quick. She gave birth in the wagon. Yeah.
So I'm assuming that is a very hygienic scene. Here's cinnamon the dog while I cut his umbilical
cord with a spoon. Yeah, but they heated up the spoon. But he's got a lot of hay on the blood
on his back, huh? And then so the miracle of life happens in a wagon. Yeah. And the cherry on top
of the moment is you name your child something that you use the poison rodent with. Rance.
Rance. Yeah. It sounds like raid for ants. I mean, this is like Francis being here.
Oh, God. Yeah. Four months later, though, Billy married her. All right. Now, surprisingly,
they weren't the best parents. They still kept on the move from town to town. And he was in a
gambling and she liked drinking and honky tonks. Neither of them were home much. They lived for
a time in Dodge City, Kansas. They were there during its heyday and became friends with western
celebrities like Wyatt Earp. Is your cat looking in a backpack? I don't know what he's doing. He's
in a really weird little mood. And I'm very, I'm very wary of what's happening with him. The truth
is what he's trying to do is find the love laser. Oh, right. Fair. Always on him right now. He's
just like, where did that red dot go? Yeah. Um, in another town they were in, Billy was pulling
an all nighter with some fellas. When he managed to shoot and kill Sheriff Chauncey Whitney,
Billy was locked up, but he maintained the accident. The shooting was an accident.
But how do you shoot a shit? I don't know. You're drunk and you take out your gun.
How about this one? Boom. A sheriff. Yeah, the sheriff too.
But the local, the deputies, the locals were very fond of the sheriff and they started talking
about forming a lynching party. Cool. Billy's cattle employer bailed him out of jail and Billy
got the fuck out of there with his family. Yes, smart. But the Texas Rangers hunted him down
and brought him back. He stood trial thinking he was doomed. But somehow the shooting was ruled
an accident and he was set free from the creators of making a murderer. But still, he got the
hell out of Kansas taking Libby with him. They ended settling in Sweetwater, Texas and considered
making it their home. They bought a ranch and a dance hall with the money. A ranch hall. The
dance hall had a gambling and a whorehouse. Why go anywhere else? It's all there. It's got all two.
And Libby turned out to be a very good business woman. Okay. She wasn't shy about how she made
her living. When the census was taken, she wrote her occupation as quote one who diddles and squirms
in the dark. Wow. She's a bed bug. That's a good thought. She must be an insect. Wait a minute.
We got an insect and okay. I think she's a house snake. They continued to have kids.
Libby cranked out nine over the years. Six of which were billies. Wait. I always think about
how the Comanches come to town, old timesake them. But you gotta think about how hard it was
to be a prostitute back then. I mean, you're just none of it. It's hats on hats on hats.
Oh, it's just diseases. I don't even want to say the I think we've maybe talked about this.
But I don't even want to say the thing that I I don't want to talk about it.
Though he was okay with her working as a prostitute early on.
He was lest into it as the years went by. They split up and both ended up in different
relationships. But these two crazy kids couldn't stay apart and they got back together. Just love.
Romeo, Romeo. And then Libby was super into prairie dogs.
She thought they were really cute. Well, I do too. And she started taking them in as pets.
Interesting divided between us. How many? Okay. When she was in the dancehall saloon or brothel,
she was often accompanied by a couple of fat little prairie dogs. There's only right answers
to this question. But were they like on her or like walking behind her? She would take them
out of their cages and let them crawl all over her. Sweet Libby.
That might have meant what she was inferring by what she wrote on her census status.
She was a prairie dog. Um, so
Okay, so she would she would scratch them on their head and they would just love it.
They were like lap dogs. Oh, she gave them treats and she walked them around town
on leashes. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Just make everyone know things are fine.
This became her gimmick. So it actually helps the business, right? Because she's the prairie
dog lady. And everyone's like, go to the prairie dog. So it's like a, oh, you're looking for a whore?
Go fuck the woman covered in prairie dogs. One night she was working and for whatever reason,
uh, she's sitting with the prairie dogs in her lap and a drunk guy was watching her.
Well, and he thought it was great. He could not get enough of this lady with prairie dogs all
over her. I like this guy. And then he noticed she had a gap in her bucked front teeth. Uh-huh.
So he called her squirrel tooth Alice. Um, okay. I would hope that that would be a fact that,
uh, okay. Well, first of all, people often confuse prairie dogs with squirrels back then.
Okay. And everyone immediately in the saloon loved the nickname. The name again is
Squirrel tooth Alice. Squirrel tooth Alice. Yeah. Okay. So much so, and she liked it too,
so much so that from that day forward, all her customers and everyone in the town started calling
her squirrel tooth Alice. All right. That's who you want coming up with your nicknames. A shit-faced
guy who doesn't know you. And it turned out to be good for business as a name. And it brotha
became, brotha became even more known around the frontier. Because it's a squirrel tooth Alice.
Yeah. Like that's where you want to fuck. Yeah. Well, that name's crazy. It stands out from the
other places. It does. People know there's a squirrel tooth lady there. It's, but it's basically
the same gimmick when like a company will be like our number is 800-444-4444. It's just, yeah,
well, it stands out. Yeah. That's business. Welcome to business. This is your first business lesson.
Don't welcome me to business. Okay. I'll welcome you to business. Squirrel tooth Alice had a large
velvet chair in the saloon next to the stairs. Beside that, beside that, she kept her prairie
dogs in cages when she wasn't, you know, with them. And she was very protective of her prairie dogs.
One night, as she walked down the stairs, she saw three grubby bearded men around the cages.
One of them, quite drunk, started poking one of the prairie dogs with a stick. Boys, thank you
to kindly stop that, she said. They turned to see who it was, then laughed at her and went back to
it. They assumed she was just one of the dancers. They didn't know who they were dealing with.
Finally, one of the prairie dogs squealed. So squirrel tooth Alice pulled out a revolver
and pointed it at the drunk's head. Don't make me ask you again, she said. He turned around and
looked at her and told her to go to hell. Oh boy. And she responded, I'm on my way. And then she
pulled the hammer back on the gun and said, I don't mind sending you there first. Jesus. The men
slowly backed off and left the saloon. Squirrel tooth Alice picked up her prairie dogs and kissed
them repeatedly. I mean, she could have written Michael Bay movies. Go to hell. I'm already on
my way. Click wouldn't mind sending you there first. Yeah. Pretty badass. Billy took a gambling trip
to Colorado to make some extra cash. He was hitting up the mining towns and while on the
trip, Billy got sick. He had the consumption. He had the consumption. What's the consumption?
Consumption is just, I mean, a TB or, you know, other sort of things, but it was it's not good.
You're going to die. It's definitely checking the male dead time. Yeah. Okay.
When he returned, squirrel tooth Alice quickly realized he was going to die
and that she wasn't capable of caring for him. So she put him on a stagecoach and sent him to his
family in Texas. Now that's love. I don't want to go get in there. Yeah. Just put him on there and
get him out of here. Yeah. He died in 1897. Squirrel tooth Alice didn't stay single long. She
moved in with a man who is only known as Mr. Young soon after he had three kids. So she had 12 kids
now all together. Good. And she kept working. She kept working at the brothel in Sloan until 1921.
So she's yeah. Since she wasn't big on raising her own kids, most of them, the girls followed her
into the prostitution profession and her sons were mostly ended up as criminals. Cool. Winning.
Libby died in a rest home in California in 1953 at 98 years old. Wow. Fuck. Yeah. That's amazing
to think you could have gone and seen her. Right? Yeah. Just fucking have a chat with that. Hey,
squirrel tooth. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. The West was insane. Well, that's, you know,
that's why you don't want your daughter to be taken. Yeah. That's what that's what happens. Or
if she comes back, how about loving her? But you misunderstand. I feel like this was pre therapy
years. Yeah. No, no, nobody. This is not when anyone talked about what they really felt
ever. Honey, now that you've been taken by the Indians in your back, I'm going to send you to
see a man that you just talk to, you know, talk some stuff out. I understand that you've probably
had sex with them, but I'm going to be understanding and send you to a professional professional
man and you just chat with and you tell him your feelings. Oh, no, wait a minute. Horror. Oh,
no, wait a minute. I'm going to shoot your fiance in the chest and I'm going to shame you for being
human. All right. People are awful. Can I just give you a nickname like that? Yeah. It has no
connection to anything. I'm going to call you Blue Sweater Charles. I love it. It's going to be
great for my drug business. Yeah. All right. Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. We're signing cars.
We're signing cars.