The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 20 - The Past Times with Catherine Reitman

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and writer, actor and producer Catherine Reitman. New episodes of The Past Times will be right here every Thursday. Redbubble Merch

Alright everybody, welcome to the Past Times Podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Kat Reitman. Hello, Katherine. Oh, hello. You know, very few people call me Kat Reitman anymore.

It's really exhilarating. Is it Katherine? It's Katherine. Look, that's what's on the old birth certificate. Is it because you're successful? No, it's because it's... Because you've done so well. Look, you want me to go by Kat or go by Kat all day, Garrett?

Can I call you a... Is it because do you think you're better than me? Oh, well, if we're going to really get into it, yes. Yeah, I think the business has validated that. What were you going to say you call me? Because if you're ready to get into it, let's dance. Go on, say it. Now, listener, I know that you're already impressed with Garrett.

If you think he's funny, you think he's smart. What do you think he's from a big city? Listen, I know Gareth in a way not a lot do, and I've seen him and what he is in his core, he's just a little piggy that's trying to make his hoof mark in this industry. The quick history. I'm loving it. Do you want to give the history of how we know each other? I know we have to get to newspaper readings, but...

No, no, we have a minute. Why don't you do it? And then if I need to contextualize why you call me pig, I'll help. Okay. You do it. Okay, okay, okay. I met Gareth, I don't know how many years ago. We did a TV show for NBC called The Real Wedding Crashers.

Now this show is what is promised. We crashed real weddings. It was Gareth... You got slapped? I got slapped, in fact, and Gareth for whatever reason. Real quick, real weddings. This was an Ashton Kutcher joint. It was a spin-off of Punk'd, where we would go, along with Jason Goldberg, of course,

and go to real weddings in Las Vegas. And the bride and groom were in on it, and we would, you know, make mischief unless... Make them... Yeah. No, well, make mischief, you know, about the wedding party, et cetera. And Gareth... Ruined their wedding. Ruined their wedding.

It was with some of the funniest people I've ever worked with. Steve Byrne was in it, and Ben Gleebe and Desi Lydic, incredible group of people. And we went to promote it by, we did a photo shoot where Gareth, for absolutely no reason, dressed in all flesh-colored tones. The way a pig appears. Wrong. You are... No, no.

They dressed me as the baker, which is still my IMDb picture, and I can't get rid of, and had an issue with it this week, for the intro of the show. So not even just a picture, for the intro every week of the show. They dressed me in what you would put Porky Pig as a waiter in. Now, in conjunction with the pig-toned... In conjunction with the pig-toned colors. We lived in Vegas for almost two months, and I put on what I would estimate as 20 pounds. Well, I didn't want to say that.

So by the time... But, yeah, you insinuated it, and you would have said it. By the time it was time to fill the intro, I was stuffing myself in a pink tuxedo, and we just started calling me the pig, and Catherine has just never gotten up. My fangs went right in. I couldn't stop. It was so funny. Yeah, just endless.

Little piggy. Little piggy on the scene. And it didn't help that I was... I mean, I had become a unfuckable pig. Dave, how about a dirty, dirty little pig? Have you ever seen Gareth as any kind of animal, maybe a barn animal, some kind of pig, bringing true for you? I've only seen him as a pig.

And we're talking about the dreams I have. Sure. Yes. He is often... He often shows up in my dreams as a little, little piggy. Tiny. Oh, see, he's more like a pig man in my... I was kind of like, I ran the farm.

I was like the... I was like the elder pig that like the little pigs would be like, what's slob's good? And I'd be like, look, there's no bad slob. Yeah. I was... You ever seen those videos of like, just those enormous pigs that, you know, it's an any day now situation, the kind of pig where the eyes aren't opening, there's flies all over them.

That's my Gareth. Yeah. Just run in the farm. I would have been like, I would have been like a like, like a blue check, 1.1 million follower Instagram pig. Yes. You sound... Wow.

You sound more like one of the pigs from Deadwood who eats people or corpses. I wouldn't turn down a body. I'd eat a body. I'd eat a body. But I feel like this tracks. Yeah. Never seen. Dave, don't lose track of what we're talking about.

We're talking about... Have you found our... Is this our first fight? What? Excuse me. Pigman ready to start the podcast. Oink, oink. Let's not divert.

This is exactly what he does on the farm. Everyone focus. That's it. We must eat husks of corn. That's right. Why are you... Katherine, you've, talking about doing well, better than me, you've got a show called Working Moms that, first of all, the person who runs the social media for our podcasts, she doesn't

care about anyone we ever do anything with. But holy shit, when she hears that you're involved, loses her mind. Oh, that's so nice. Your show is Working Moms. Not in a good way. She kills four people. Oh. Yeah.

She's a nightmare. She's terrible. She literally went crazy and started slashing people with a razor. Her name's also Kat. Oh. Yes. Her name's Kat. That's some crazy shit.

But you're Katherine. And your show Working Moms is like, is, I mean, well, it's a... You started in Canada, but then it goes to Netflix. It's done amazingly well. Season seven will be coming to Netflix. All the other seasons are already on there. Correct. But season seven will be coming to Netflix pretty soon.

This will probably come out, you know, in the next round when it probably comes out. But it is a great show and it's done amazing. And you, not only are in it, this is your... You write it. You direct it. You do everything. You produce it. You and your husband, Phillip, who I hear is a bit of a nightmare.

But... It's not unlike what you do on the farm, Gareth. I show up. You don't even have to pull up my bootstraps. My hoofstraps. Yeah. You get... Yeah.

You get to touch your hoofs. I can't finish the bit. Because you want to run to the slop as fast as possible. You can't focus on the tasks. They had... You're too hungry. Pig's got one thing on his mind. What do you want?

Feed. Yeah. Piggy got to eat. Piggy hungy. The audience is like... Get more. What? A lot.

It'll be trimmed down, don't you worry. And speaking of trimming down, that's not what I did on the real wedding crashers. Okay. So, we... So, Dave has picked a random newspaper. Okay. It could be from anywhere from like the 1600s to... Oh, shit.

Could be recently. Can I swear? It would be weird if he did like... Yes. Yes. Fuck yes. Fuck yeah. Fucking eight.

Please fucking swear. And I'm just fucking furious. And I like to guess what year... Since we're talking about Deadwood Pigs, I'll guess it's around 1847. Catherine, you can take a stab at it as well. Why are you guessing so soon? This is just a fun prediction game. A gamble of sorts.

He's gonna tell us, he's gonna tell us right away. So this is just a fun... You don't have to guess. I'm gonna say 1940. You had to pick a year. Interesting. Okay, Dave, who wins? Who wins the game show?

She is the second closest to ever guessing... You were one year off once, Gareth. She is two years off. Cat was... Wow. Is 19... No, three years off. It is 1938.

Wow. And November 25th, 1938. So you were very close. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Oh, Piggy. He's jealous.

Sorry, I just had to... When another pig tries to guess correctly, this pig comes. He kind of turns into a dog. No, no. That's just the way the pig communicates. He's a dog pig. Easy, Piggy. This is a paper out of Arnett, Oklahoma.

Oh, boy. Gorgeous. This time of year. It's called the Ellis... The Ellis County Capitol. Okay. Sexy. Oh.

Let's see. Page one. Another winner. Oh. Sunday's Oklahoman carried a picture of Roy Kelly's Satan, a white, setter bird dog. What? See, a lot of times, Catherine, it is like this where it's like, what the hell is happening right now.

And people are just reading it and just being like, uh-huh. People back then were like, very interesting. Now, wait, where is this from exactly, Dave? The paper? Oklahoma. Yeah. Arnett, Oklahoma. Okay.

So it is Oklahoma. Because a lot of times they'll be like talking about a story in like a bigger city. But okay. So someone is a winner for carrying a bird dog? Dave and... What's that name? Picture? Gareth, are you guys historians?

Do you know... Are you good with history? I mean, yeah. Let me walk you through the podcast, the dollops ruse. You guys are idiots. Dave loves history, knows history, researched, very smart. I thought Benjamin Franklin was a president until we did an episode and Dave called me an idiot live.

Franklin, he was life-all, right? So my history is not great. I think so, yeah. Okay. Now, hold on. Electricity? Yeah, sure. So Smarty Dave in 1938, November 25th, 1938, this is...

This is right before the... No, this is the end of the Second World War. This is... We're in the war. The beginning. We're not entering yet, but other countries are now kicking off the... Yes, the... War?

This is the tail end of the Depression. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And someone has... Now, someone is parading around a picture of a winter bird dog? Satan? Yes.

The Oklahoma paper has a picture of a Satan, a white-setter bird dog, owned by Tom Duffy of Chickashaw. The dog's name's Satan. That's correct. Tom's dog. Okay. That's helpful. Tom said his name's Satan.

Can you imagine? You get this little puppy and it's... Parade him around. To parade him around, he's got to be gorgeous, right? Yeah. So they're like, hold on, dear. What do you see? And she's like, no, I don't know.

The neighbors call them Domino. I don't want to do the same. We have to stand out, Tom. I was thinking Satan. Well, hold on. Um... No, no, no. Here's Satan.

Bad boy. Good boy. He must smell your Satan. God damn it, Satan, shit under the table again. Well, maybe we're sort of setting him up for failure with the name. No, Tom? Yes, Satan dog has chewed his way through every leg of furniture and I don't know what to do.

Satan. All right. You know what? Tom, I don't know a better time. It's time for us to have the conversation. My girlfriend's told me not to say it, but I think... Satan's fucking my leg. God damn it.

I want a divorce, Tom. I can't do it anymore. Honey, listen. Nope. You can't leave me with this dog, this demon. Look at the bloody bile. I know. He ate our child, Tom, it's too much.

Oh, God, enough. Here's Satan. Die, Satan. Now, does this feel Dave like the world in which Satan was marching about? Yeah, I think so. Is that what was happening? Yeah, that's it. The dog won all the age stakes at the Ada Child...

Field trials last week. Did you see Ada Child? I seriously thought that's what you just said. Ada Field Trials. It's not like this dog, Ada Child. I think we're covering some tracks. The 30s were hard. Depression era.

Dog meat, good as any. Yeah. Yeah. Satan also won all the events in the Enid Trials. Is anybody upset that they've named the dog? I would imagine this has got to be a far more religious time in many ways. You're right. Nobody flags.

Do you think maybe it was Satan or something? Yeah. Oh, it was like the meat substitute that us vegans eat. Yeah. It was big in 38. Satan. I think it was fine. You know, they're super religious, so I think they did stuff like this.

Okay. So that was okay because they're super religious? Maybe Tom was just hilarious and he was being ironic and he's like this dog. I like that. Dark Angel. This way. Satan, come on. That's right.

We'll just move on to story two. So we're done with Satan. Yeah. I mean, there wasn't much more to Satan except... It's pretty, it's quite a bold opening for a paper. It's really, it's really... I just... You think that the editor was like, oh, this one is going to...

This, this is the one. Satan dog. This paper becomes the weekly world news eventually. I just don't know how you write a story about a dog named Satan and never say like his name. Yeah. Comment on it. By the way. Whoopsie.

Be a reference. Yeah. All right, Dave, do horoscopes. Next, next one. Witchcraft Revival. This is a wild paper so far. There's a lot of dark, like a lot of dark energy. Yeah, I agree.

Yeah. Okay, witchcraft revival. I found out that it's not actually Oklahoma. This is like out of some like ice school. It's like the craft come to life. They're just like Satan dogs. Yeah. Yeah.

Witchcraft. This track. I think this is actually a screenplay. Oh, I see. This is... I want to be a part of it so good. A lot of times in these old papers, they would just throw you facts from other countries that are usually just complete nonsense.

Yeah. There's no organization normally to a paper. Please have a 38 to have a little bit more, but it's still pretty weird. Yeah, because this isn't that long ago. Yeah. Witchcraft is an increasingly serious problem in... Oh boy. Tang...

It's... Sorry. It's broken up. Better say another syllable pretty quick, sir, because you just left it out there as Tang. Whichcraft is pretty prominent in Tang. By the way. Tang Unica.

I think I heard what I need to hurt. Yes. I'm going to say Tang Unica. That's what I'm going to say to this. Witchcraft is a problem with Tang and Tang. Tang, you need it. I'll tell you. I lost two fingers in Witchcraft Tang.

She'll get it. She doesn't mess around. She's always got a grudge. Yeah, but it's really bad. Okay, so this is East... Do you think this is actually the story? Go ahead. This is East Africa.

Give us the real story. This is East Africa, so I'm sure everyone was like, oh, it's East Africa. British officials, their report. Here we go. They believe death is not a natural happening, but the result of a powerful spell cast by an enemy. So when a person dies, his relatives are supposed to seek and kill the witch or enemy who caused the death.

Wow. And that would be the British people, right? Those are the Brits. I would hope so. I mean... Classic. But this is what we call... This is some Joan of Arc?

Yeah. Imagine just a society in which anytime someone died, you then have to kill other people. Well, we've got to go find the spirit. Yeah. Or you've got to go find a person? Well, I think... But by witch, aren't they saying somebody else, like a witch is always a person? Yeah, I guess.

Yeah. So every... Here's how I'm... Here's how I'm... Tell me if I'm capturing for your audience the story correctly. Sure. Which is... A death occurs in Africa.

East Africa. Sure. And because the mourners, the grievers, the bereaved are so upset, and as one does when they're grieving, just has a number of questions, the only logical answer outside of all of the issues that were probably plaguing East Africa in the late 30s was that a witch had cast a spell that was responsible for the death. And... Mm-hmm.

Are they saying that the deaths are increasing because the locals are wreaking havoc on said witches? Well, here's the problem with the story. I haven't seen one yet, so I'm excited to hear this hot take. If this is what's occurring, and you're like... So Uncle Jimmy died, which is a classic East African name, Uncle Jimmy died, and then you're like, well, clearly it's a witch, and the witch is probably Nathaniel. And then you go kill Nathaniel, and Nathaniel's people are like, okay, Nathaniel's dead.

Oh, shit. But clearly the witch who killed Nathaniel is burnt. It's endless. And then it's just a non-stop... Like, everybody dies within three weeks. The way that you're able to just sort of pull these African names from your side so quickly is also impressive. Let's start there.

But that is amazing. So every time someone dies, we've got to go find that witch. Yes. You know, I had a fight recently with my husband about the word witch and how loosely it's thrown around. You've been married so long that you need to find... You got along too well, because you're now having witch arguments. That's true.

We don't talk about normal things. We don't fight about normal things. Only witch things. But you know what it was? One of my kids, I got two boys, and one of my kids was complaining. Like, they called a girl in their class a witch. They're like, oh, she's a witch. And I was like, guys, you can't say that.

It's not even you can't say that anymore. You can't say that. And here's why. And I tried to give a really uneducated, quick synopses of why the term witch is so misogynist and how deeply rooted and troubled, like how you're questioning the very belief system of just someone who's standing out and you don't understand her yet. And Phil was like, no, I mean, there were just, there's just witches, right? There's just witches.

I like that. And he started to like defend. I like that. And I was like, no, no, no. I was like, no. It's like the same way that there can be demons and zombies, like he's saying, you know, in this, in this hocus pocus world we're talking about, there can be witches. And I was like, no, but demons and zombies aren't necessarily male or female and witches

are exclusively. It's like great. It's great. And the kids are present. Oh yeah. They're like. I like that. I like the back and forth rallying of like, so she's a demon.

She, yeah, she maybe was a demon, but I need to talk to your father a little further about this. And then you leave the room and he goes, what a witch, huh, boys? Fist bumps. Fist bumps. Fist bumps. Exactly. The only one who looked psycho in this whole thing is me.

But you know what? I think the takeaway for them was to find a partner who wasn't so triggered by witches. That's good. That's a good lesson. Actually, on your side, because having read some history about witches, witches is very was a threat. History has been like, there's a woman I don't like. She's fucking dying in a lake like that's all very lighter on fire.

It's a very simple way to win an argument to be like, all right, I lost the argument. Well, she's a dark wizard. Yeah. That's right. Like tired of it. Yeah. I mean, Game of Thrones wasn't just like completely out of nowhere. There's some middle.

It's documentary. As far as I'm concerned. Gareth and I, the way we were educated, it was an absolute, that is raw footage, found footage. Yes. That they just edited together. The love story of a woman and a dragon. Yeah.

Thank you. Anyway, so Africa's dealing with a witch. So now every time someone dies, you've got to go find the witch. So then the article says, but civilized people shouldn't laugh at Taganica ideas. In Yugoslavia, a young man whose sweetheart had been asleep for many weeks decided she was bewitched. Dead. Dead.

Dead. She's dead. No. Bewitched. She's in those. You know, those three weeks. Hold on, Dave. You're saying that because in Yugoslavia, a woman was took too many naps, her husband

thought she was asleep for a long time. And so she's bewitched. She's sleeping like a witch. She had the sleeping sickness. There's a whole every, I like the, like, this is the WebMD for back then. My wife is sleeping too much. I think she's a witch. No, she's not a witch.

She has sleeping sickness. Has anyone taken pulse? We don't need pulse. She's napping witch. Why are you covering my wife with leeches? We're trying to win her out. It's actually far. It's become pretty difficult.

It's actually far worse. You wake up. You fight me to the nail. Cover the leash. Oh my God. To prove this false, he had hot lead dropped on her feet. What? How do you do it?

What are you talking about? Oh, how do you? What does that even mean? Yeah, when's the last time you were in a relationship? You don't have to wake up a woman. It's been a while, but I didn't know we were lead-footin' them. Wait, wait. So what is he trying to prove that she's sleeping?

What's the point? Yes. Also hot? Hot lead? Yeah, there's not a, there's not a great solution in any metric. Yeah, it's a... I love the idea that I've made a living off of telling the stories of these complicated women who have to deal with men who treat them slightly differently when they re-enter

the workforce, when in fact these women couldn't take a nap without getting their feet covered in hot lead and burned at the stake. Without their husband being like, something's wrong with her. Yeah, he dropped the lead. Oh, so he put the lead on her feet and argued she was bewitched because she didn't wake up. So she dead? Oh, she is dead.

Okay, yes, she is dead. Okay, she's dead. Or maybe she just, or she's in a coma. Like, she could just be in a, he just burned a woman in a coma, maybe. Oh, right. He's a doggo. He's like... I like that you're...

Also everything's speaking my part. Okay, let me tell you. She's not in a conversation. She doesn't eat her dinner. She wouldn't be out there. She'd just lie there. I tell you. If she's alive, she's just not present.

I need the poor lead on Lady. Dave really showboating everything today. The pants, the dog. Is this... Is this accent cancel worthy or a week in the school year? No, I'm white. You can do whites. We can still...

We can still... You can still muck around with whites. Yeah. Okay, so this is, this is kosher. I'm allowed to do that. I can still muck around. Believe me, there are many times our day will be like, and a Japanese man, and I'll be like, continue.

Yeah. Right. Keep reading. Yeah. Nothing for me to do here. There's no talk for me. Right. Right, right, right.

Yeah, no. So this is an article about a man who's white. I can do a Japanese accent because I'm the person of color. Dave. No, don't. Don't. No, Dave. You're really...

Don't do that. Don't do that. Okay, let's just keep going. No, well... Oh, yeah. I'm from Pig Island. Don't you do that. What's up, everybody?

This is Gareth, not Gary from The Dollar Podcast. The show you're about to listen to. Listen, I would love to invite you to see some stand-up comedy I'm doing on the road. I'm all over this great nation of ours. Be part of the Gareth Army or the Garmy, as everyone's calling it. Everyone's calling it that. Don't look it up, but everyone's calling it that. Monday, March 13th, I'll be in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

March 14th, I'll be in Indianapolis. March 15th, Louisville, Kentucky. March 16th, Columbus, Ohio. March 17th, Dayton, Ohio. March 18th, I have two shows in Perrysburg, Ohio. March 19th, I'll be in Cleveland, Ohio. March 21st, Lexington, Kentucky. March 22nd, I will be in St. Louis.

March 23rd, I'll be in Kansas City. March 24th and 25th, I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa. March 26th, I'll be in Omaha. Then April 12th, I'm very excited to say I'll be in Tacoma, but I will be doing a crowdwork show. I'll be filming it, so I really want people to come out to that. That's April 12th, which is a Wednesday, Tacoma Comedy Club, Washington. Come on out.

Then April 13th, back to regular standup at the Spokane Comedy Club. And then April 14th and April 15th, I'll be in Bozeman, Montana at Last Best Comedy. Also Los Angeles, my home city kind of, whatever. May 5th, Friday, I'll be at the Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Then May 18th, I'll be at Standup Live in Phoenix, Arizona. More shows coming, like July 12th and July 13th. I'll be at the New York Comedy Club. One's in New York.

One's in Connecticut. It's wild. Then I'll be in Pittsburgh, July 15th. And that's all for now. Go to garethrenalds.com to get tickets and information and join me. Be part of the Garmy. Everyone's calling it that. Quit pushing back.

You want to hear the next headline? Sure. The Sin Eater. Wow, this is good. That's a good question. You can say that. Is this a high school? Is this a scene?

Was some guy handing this paper out on corners? You can say that about most papers before like 1960, I think. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Is there anchor? Was this scribbled with pencil? Is this blooded? Is this like blood writing?

It is in bloody pencils. Was this on a bathroom wall? Yeah, exactly. The Sin Eater is a person hired to eat the sins of one who has just died. Stop. Enough. Stop. What the fuck?

Every article. I miss the simplicity of the Satan dog. I know. We're Satan. We're Tom. Yeah. I do think that this was designed to keep a wife within the confines of the home. She's like, I don't know.

I'm getting all sorts of ideas. I feel like I should go get a job. Well, I... And he's like, now hold on. You know, there's dangers out there. In fact, let me just get the paper. Have you read the paper? Yeah.

If you go to Oklahoma, keep your wife at home? She's like, this is the paper? You've never let me read one before. Well, I don't want you to go out into that big scary world. Good Lord. We'd have to hunt your witch down. How scary could it be? Oh, you'll get lead on your feet.

And by the way, when you pass away, we've got to get a Pac-Man over here to eat your sins up. The practice? I mean, doesn't this sound like a BS newspaper to keep a... Yes. Yeah. You know, violence towards women, which maybe that was just the third. Sin eaters...

It's been most of the country. Sin eaters... The sin eaters are real. It used to be a guy. It's pretty gross. And what do you do that? Um. Okay.

This is what it... This is actually what sin eaters actually did. This is real. The practice used to be... Face slowly? The practice... Sin eaters. Sin eaters.

The eight sin eaters. The eight the sins of the dead. Sin eaters. Oh, my God. The practice used to be common in England. A piece of bread was placed on the breast of the corpse. This the sin eater devoured, and supposedly with it, the former occupant sins. The right has been known as recently as 1893 in Shopshire in England and is followed in

parts of Bavaria and the Balkans. So you... This was just like a... You take a top of a swim and you put a little bread on her? Is it... And you go to town and her... Is it just a woman? Am I getting that right?

It's not a... It's not a woman. It's not gender specific. It's either. It's either. But I have breasts. As a pig. It's either man or woman.

It's just for... Okay. They would just do it... What's the last time you referred to a man's peck as a breast? This morning. Well... The smorning asshole. You haven't seen me around.

If you might. Yeah, you haven't seen David at a cake party. That shirt's off and he's rubbing it on his breasts. But I bet you... I guarantee you the sin eater, if it had to be a man, was more like... When it was a woman, he was like, Oh, okay. Great.

Versus like a dude. He was cracked. Yeah, he was more into it. He was definitely like, All right. Great. Put a little sourdough on that chest. She is loaded with...

Yeah, crump. I'm gonna need the room. Crump those tits and everyone leave. I've got a bunch of cinder buffet. They're like... They're like, he comes out more relaxed. I will say, whatever he's doing in there, it's working. Anyone got a smoke?

Now, hold on. The sinful person, male or female? We both know it's female. Is this person... This person's alive. Dead. Otherwise... The person eating is alive.

The person with the bread tits is dead. The corpse. Yeah, the one that the cake is on is dead. Not cake bread. The one that the bread or cake is on is dead. You just changed it to cake. It's a final blessing. Yeah, this is like...

So it's basically, at a funeral, a guy comes over and eats a cake off somebody. You're saying cake, but you mean bread. I know, but I like it to be cake. It's just a more fun story. You're the person in the position... You're just making it fun for you? Yeah, you're just... Yeah, I don't know what...

I have a feeling if we were to see you let the dog out again, there would be a bottomless shot. You'd be Jeffery Tubin in it. It could be pudding. Just stop suggesting that it's desserts, because it's bread, you sick fuck. Or whipped cream. So the person puts bread on the chest, and the bread is soaking... Of a dead person.

Yeah, and the bread is souping and soaking up the sins. The bread soaks up the sin. And then you eat the bread, and then this guy's like, man, oh god, it's not agreeing with me. What a sinner. But that was it. And then you were... I had a disgusting question. Yes, go.

That's the guy's job, like that's... Gross question. Yeah. Right. So back in the 30s, like when... I don't know, I don't even know, Dave, if you can speak to this. He will. Like, when you...

Before you, like, prepare a body in a casket, right? After a body's died, after a person's died. Like, are they disemboweled? Like, meaning in the 30s, did they go through the same corpse process before they go through the funeral arrangements? Because when this bread is put on top of a corpse, are they... How do I say this? Say it. Like, are they...

Are they all wet? Because they're full of organs still, or do you think they were taking out the organs? Are they juiced? Are they juiced? Are they wet? Because you said the bread's, like, absorbing. Yeah. And I'm just like, oh, I wonder...

So this is... They're talking about something that used to happen. That's a great question. It's horrifying. It's great. Sin eating mostly happened way back, like, 16, 17... What is it called? Into the 1800s.

I'm telling you, I bet you those bodies were full of organs. I'm sure it was a horror scene, what you're describing. Yeah, yeah. And so, no, they were not... There was no embalming or anything happening. They just put the bread... That's right. They just put the bread on the guy.

A rotting body. Yes. A rotting body. This job's getting worse and worse. It's a terrible job. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, he's... We're no longer like, oh, this guy already needs the room.

Yeah. This is now like... Oh, God. He's got like psych himself up. He's got nose blood. Yeah. Well, you know this started because there was, like, a depression somewhere happening and someone was like, hey, look, if you want to eat this bread off a bird, you can,

you know, maybe get through the day and some guys like, all right, I'll eat the bread off a bird and then... I didn't know what we were talking about in East African. That's just... I mean, Dave, you really... Are you sure this is from Oklahoma? Such a quick call. It's a lot of East African names you're dropping.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of East African names. I'm like, what? I don't know how you pronounce them so quick. He's very good. He's very good. That is a horrifying gig.

That's a gross one. I want a new one. Oh, yeah. But this is also food related. I bet it's gross. Drinking milk. It's called Supreme's, Dave. Drinking milk.

Okay. Is that the headline? Okay. A few days ago, in a popular social column of a leading New York paper, this item appeared. The pretty blonde debutante, Leslie Bogart of Newport, arrived at a popular nightclub after midnight last night with a party of friends. The party all drank champagne, with the exception of Miss Bogart, who followed the current debutante milk fad.

Whoa. And there you have it. Society's younger pampered darlings have more sense than you would believe. The majority of debutantes, post and present, are in their teens and they go to more parties in a week than you and I are likely to attend in a month or two. In a month or two months. I'm bogarting this move. What do you want from the bar?

Just give me a pint of milk, would you? I'll take whole milk, please. Oh, it's Leslie. Leslie Bogart. See if they have any evap. No, I didn't. She's very pretty. I just have to go back to the ladies room.

I can't stop farting. No. I mean, it's not all positive, right? I mean. She's really not been great. I should have taken a lactate. I swear. I swear.

I swear. I swear. I swear. I swear. I swear. I swear. I mean, it's not all positive, right? I mean.

She's really not been great. I should have taken a lactate. I swear to God. I don't know why I'm doing this. Yes, just another milk, please. See if they have diapers. Oh, my God. I'm living the life of a baby.

More milk and diapers, please. Ask them if they have a rattle. Well, well, well. I am shitfaced. Well, well, well. I'm shitfaced. I'm bloated. I'm milked.

What? The idea of just the girl pretending. She's like, here's the deal, guys. I hear that if you pretend you're very young, the guys go crazy. No, no, no, no. Not. I know I'm already a teenager, obviously. I'm talking really young.

Watch this. Oh, here comes a guy. Hello. It's me, a guy. Oh, wait. Oh, is she okay? Oh, boy. Has anyone burped her?

Has anyone burped her recently? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Has anyone burped her recently? Come here. I don't know. Oh, boy. I think I've met the one, Bert.

This is my African friend. Hey, I just want to, as your good friend, I just want to say I'm super uncomfortable with what's happening right now. Shut up, asshole. This is what I'm after. She's gashes from all the chest milk. This is the one. I mean, yeah, this made the paper, too, when they're like, they're like, oh, this darling,

this darling, she's now nothing but milk. She's no longer doing champagne. And let me say, she's a very, very attractive young woman. She's dead, Dave. Oh, this picture. I feel like... You sick bitch. I feel like this is a pain.

I feel like milk companies are paying young attractive women to drink milk. I feel like that's what's going on. So you're saying this is like quick? Was this like... Is what? This is how women used to literally, this is like way before Kim Kardashian pretended to take diet pills on Instagram. Yeah.

There were women who just order a jug of milk and drink them in a bar. This is sponsorship, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it'd be like... She's like, oh, fuck, I gotta push milk all night, but guys, just order me drinks. I'll meet you in the bathroom. I gotta pretend I'm drinking this fucking thick, whole shit.

That's so true. She would be doing like an Instagram video where she's like, that's right. I just had been drinking milk the whole time. Oh, shit. You gotta drink milk. That's right. Does a body get it? And then all of a sudden the fad goes?

Yeah, right. Also, I mean, if it goes to our original theory that this whole paper was just designed to keep an overly ambitious woman inside the walls of her home, the husband was like... So far, it is doing a good job of kind of... I wouldn't have picked up on that, but it is very centric towards women. Don't sleep. Beer and women? Yeah, women have milk.

All these little subtle digs in Oklahoma. Maybe this woman was a bit of a drunk and her husband, and she's like... I wanna go out. Why not? Huh? Why not? All the debutants are drinking milk. So...

There was? Yeah, yeah. Apparently a little bit of milk, really. Have you heard of the milk buzz? Oh, yeah. I think I have. Yeah, yeah. No, I have heard of it.

Yeah, no. A lot of these rebellious types like you, they've stopped alcohol. They're just going straight milk. So... No, I think I will, too. I think I will, too. Well, whatever you want, babe. I just...

Whatever you wanna do. I mean, the paper says it, so... How come there's no back page on this? What would happen to the health and beauty of these young girls if they sipped cocktails and high balls at every party? A large percent of New York's debutants have hopes of careers, even as you and I... That doesn't make sense. Well, it sort of does.

Did you say careers? Yeah, it's probably written by some big, like, W.C. Fields kind of guy with like a big, red, bumpy nose, fat. And he's like, we're worried about these women getting out of shape. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So...

Not that milk will help that. I think it's just a really constructed sentence. A large percentage of New York's debutants have hopes of careers, even as you and I... They are not going to jeopardize their chances of a successful career or good marriage by drinking alcohol. Wow. They're going to drink milk so they can find a man or get a job that's like a secretary. Think about the men.

I mean, imagine how, like, whiskied up these men are. It's like, I don't know, her drinking is just kind of getting in the way. I don't know what her problem is. She didn't have any respect for me. I threw up in the sink. Nothing but milk for these ladies from here on out. Young beauty can stand a lot more wear and tear than older beauty. Nature does not allow a quick rejuvenation of tired tissue.

And muscles of the youthful body naturally have greater duration of strength. That is why many young girls feel that they can eat and drink what they desire and sleep when they want to without losing any of their fresh beauty. Sleep when they want to. Oh, God damn it, you women and you're sleeping. I mean, can you imagine what it must have felt like to be a teenage? I mean, you said they were like teenagers, right? Is that a picture of a teenage girl?

Yeah, they're teenagers. Like a teenage girl. Your hormones are raging. You're still figuring out who the fuck you are. And you just know that everyone around you is just like, watch it. Like, there's just no peace inside. Lots of milk. I better.

I better. I do want a job one day. Other. Other what? Yeah, you don't get a career or a fantastic lush husband like this table of gents. Yeah, you walk up and you just see this like table full of monsters and you're like, better order the milk. Boy, I hope I can get one of those.

That's that's my ticket out of here. Yeah. Yeah, it really is. I mean, I wonder why all of our mothers are so fucked up. Well, we we go through that on all the podcasts we do all the time where it's just like, yeah, it's the the the constant. It's never stopped. It's just taken different forms.

Right. It's had different way. Like it never ends. It just has different. Like it's just like the river finds ways to run through whatever the rock is in the way and give you new versions of it, whether it is like drinking milk or like, sure, you get you get a big job in the city, you get half as much like whatever the version of it is like it or like, yeah, like the witch stuff never ends.

Right. And then the social media presence and women of like, yeah, of like what worse but like the more I'm seeing the face tune and the body tune, you know, all this like body altering and face altering of I'm like, and no one knows this. I mean, there's plenty of people who know it, but there's a lot of women in friggin Oklahoma or God knows where else that are watching it being like, oh, my body's just supposed to have a tiny waist, a humongous hips and ass. My face cheeks have to be sunken.

Like there's just lips. Yeah. This is the new drink a cup of milk and you'll be fine. Yeah. No, it is really true. I that I think like, I think that all the time where it's like we're and it is really fucked up because it's like you are kind of morphing all of us in a way, but I think yeah, women in particular, like you're morphing into this kind of one dollish sort of

figurine. It's just like that. It's uninteresting the variety. That's what I think with dating apps to where I'm like, you don't get any sense of who a person is, which is like really where a big part of attraction comes from is when you meet someone and you're like, oh, I like your vibe. Instead, you're just like, oh, yeah, she looks good by the pool. Exactly.

No chemistry has become such a strange thing too. I mean, I could really we could that's why it's good. You got married in the 80s cat. Exactly. To a guy who's terrified of witches, which that which phobic husband of yours doesn't like to talk about witches. When I start to our boys, we're raising our boys to believe witches are out there and they probably go to school with one or two.

This tin thing in front of me. 100% milk. Oh, well, calm him down. What's up, everybody? This is Gareth, not Gary from the dollop podcast, the show you're about to listen to. Listen, I would love to invite you to see some stand up comedy I'm doing on the road. I'm all over this great nation of ours. Be part of the Gareth army or the garmy as everyone's calling it.

Everyone's calling it that. Don't look it up, but everyone's calling it that. Monday, March 13th, I'll be in Fort Wayne, Indiana. March 14th, I'll be in Indianapolis. March 15th, Louisville, Kentucky. March 16th, Columbus, Ohio. March 17th, Dayton, Ohio. March 18th, I have two shows in Perrysburg, Ohio.

March 19th, I'll be in Cleveland, Ohio. March 21st, Lexington, Kentucky. March 22nd, I will be in St. Louis. March 23rd, I'll be in Kansas City. March 24th and 25th, I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa. March 26th, I'll be in Omaha. Then April 12th, I'm very excited to say I'll be in Tacoma, but I will be doing a crowd work show. I'll be filming it, so I really want people to come out to that.

That's April 12th, which is a Wednesday. Tacoma Comedy Club, Washington, come on out. Then April 13th, back to regular stand up at the Spokane Comedy Club. Then April 14th and April 15th, I'll be in Bozeman, Montana at Last Best Comedy. Also, Los Angeles, my home city, kind of, whatever. May 5th, Friday, I'll be at the Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Then May 18th, I'll be at Stand Up Live in Phoenix, Arizona. More shows coming, like July 12th and July 13th, I'll be at the New York Comedy Club.

One's in New York, one's in Connecticut, it's wild. Then I'll be in Pittsburgh, July 15th, and that's all for now. Go to garethrenalds.com to get tickets and information, and join me. Be part of the Garmy. Everyone's calling it that. Quick, push it back. Chuck Mill. You're gonna love this next one. It's the hint of the day. Here we go.

Oh, I don't know what this word is. C-O-I-F-F-U-R-E. Say it slower. Coyfer? C-O-I-F-F-U-R-E. Yeah. Coyfer, right? Coyfer?

What does it mean? It's when you fart after a croissant. Gareth. What? I'm helping the podcast? Croissant fart? Yeah, I'm helping the podcast in every way, once again. Isn't it a fashion item of Coyfer? I've heard it.

Isn't it like... Let's see. I'm gonna look it up. It is a person's hairstyle. Oh, it is a croissant fart. It's hairstyle. Okay, it's a hairstyle. Oh, like a...

You notice it's the long version of like, have you ever heard like, oh, look at that coiff? Yeah, oh yeah. Perfectly coiff? Is that the abbreviated version of Coyfer? Yeah, it's gotta be it. Yeah. Okay.

Hint of the day, if you have been down in the dumps and life has grown hum drum, it is time you changed your coiff. Coiff. This... An outstanding New York physician. So this is a doctor. This is a doctor. This is a hair doctor.

Yeah, this is great. Urges women to occasionally change their hair. I'm very glad that you're the guest here, because if this was just like a third white dude, we'd be like, well, it's very... No problem there. Honestly, this paper is great. Is this paper...

Can we still get this paper weekly? Why subscribe? Honestly, women should change their hair. It's an uplift. The problem is, I've been letting her in and feeding her, and she's starting to feel like she has these things called rights. Hey, look, are you worried about climate change and COVID and fascism? What about a new dude?

How about a new hair stylist? Now we find out that the wife that's trapped in her house has been cutting her own hair, and this guy's like, I can't take this anymore. She gets wasted, talks about how she wants a job at the bakery and cuts her own hair. Look. I feel pretty. You just described a witch. Well, here we go.

Don't do it, Dave. I just leave. Yeah. This doctor says what exactly? Women should get a haircut. He claims it boosts their dejected spirits and gives them... The idea that you're searching... Why do women seem down?

Doesn't it seem like they're down a lot in this day and age? What do you think? I think it's the hair styles. You know what? There is a lot of long hair. I mean, I'm going to defend the doctor for a beat. Oh, my God. Finally.

You know what? A haircut does lift my spirits. I feel great after a haircut. There you go. There you go. There you go. Oh, I'm sorry. Cancel me.

Cancel me, Hollywood. I like a haircut. Cut to you crying in front of a marriage, shaving it like Shanaido Connor. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's almost miraculous. It's not that I can't drink champagne when I'm going out and milk is forced down my throat. It's this dew.

It's this coiffure. It's this coiffure. It's also... It's almost miraculous, he says. Oh, yeah. Well, he's a medical doctor. And by the way, Dave, at this time you did have to go to school to be a doctor, yes? Yeah, at this point you did.

That's a shame because it was... There was an Eric hat where 1800s where you were literally just like, I put a sign in a window that says I'm a doctor, so that'll do. Confidence. It's all confidence. He's bright. I like the spirit on this guy. He's a doctor.

Look at this. He's got a sign. There's a sign up? Take my blood, sir. Okay, he continues. Oh, good. How a new and becoming hairstyle can give a woman fresh beauty and thus change the current course of her life.

Her interest in... I don't know. I like him a hundred percent. Her interest in things somehow become stimulated and new. Her interest in things... And in short time the period of... Come on. ...dejection passes.

Come on, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Have you never seen a sad woman cut bangs and feel like a million dollars after this? Forever? And it changes the course of her life? Yes. Gareth, yes. Whole life.

Yes. Whole life. Yes, a trim. I mean, I got a perm when I was like nine and I kind of fucked it up because I jumped in the pool. You're not supposed to swim for 24 hours after you get a permanent. That's the one where I make sure you're curly. Right.

Yeah, yeah. And I jumped in a pool because my brother and his friends were doing it and I was like, I had such a boner for all his friends, so I'm like, and I jumped in, ruined my perm. Oh, I had more waves, but I remember feeling like a goddamn mermaid afterwards and I was not a looker. What? Because... But those waves, I was like...

Because you'd whetted down the perm, you felt like all of a sudden you're like, oh, yeah, I found me. I did find me. Yes, the chemicals in my hair changed who I was, Gareth. And I'm just going to push back a little bit further. You would say, even today, would working moms be on the air? Nope. Were it not for one...

Interesting. Nope. The thing about a perm, the thing about getting your hair done is that you walk in one person, sure? Uh-huh. One person, yeah. A little bit flawed and you're vulnerable. You're asking this person to come and change your appearance, not any part of you, the

head. No, yeah, to give it those cutie curls. Real important part. Right. Yeah. And the day pad had it done. Let's also put out there, I get a perm every other day. It's fabulous.

Let's also put out that a haircut can destroy your life because if they fuck up, well, especially if you're like in high school or something, it can be one of the most devastating things that ever happened to you. This doctor said change your life, right? Specifically? Yeah, that's right. It can go either way. What he's saying is that the...

He's medically clear. He's like, that's right. He's playing the same. He's accurate. He's very good. Yeah. I mean, as someone who had a mullet for nine years... That should be a book title.

Dave, I'm in the middle of an important statement. As someone who had a mullet for nine years, I've not recovered from my haircut. I'm in a group or two where we meet and we talk about what happened, but the group obviously is called Business Up Front Party in the back. Sure. And I'm still working through it. So this doctor, to Kat's point, it did change. Yeah.

I don't know if I'm starting to see the lighter look. I'm going to take a personal aside here and say that this is my favorite I've ever seen your hair. Can you look sideways? Oh, whoa. Give me a little tour. Sure, I sure can. Wow.

Yeah, I kind of like this. I like that it's like... I mean, look, you need a shower. It's a little greasy, but I like the shape of it. Yeah. You broke up a little there, Katherine. Did you go through a tunnel? I like this length on you.

I like the volume. I mean, I've really not done it. I mean, I've really not done it. I mean, I've really not done anything, so that's tough because it's going to be tough to recreate. But that's nice to hear. Thank you. I've known you, I think 15 years, 15 or 16 years, and this is the best hair I've seen.

Ridiculous. What do we think about the part on the beard that doesn't grow at all, the little weird bulge? I know you do a little bulge. We're in the spot there. Dave, we're... It's like an anti-wolverine... Okay.

What's the next story, ass face? Come on. Just keep patting money. It feels like maybe there's something to do about that. Catherine has a meeting. Is this an interesting thing? No. Everything's fine.

Everyone's fine, and a lot of people... Are you drinking enough milk? He is a vegetarian. He's a vegetarian, so maybe that's why. These are beautiful. These are little... These are perfect little pockets. It's...

You know what it is? That's where the meat didn't go. Yeah. That's where the meat... That's right. That's where the meat helps. That's actually... These are...

These are tooth marks from when someone throws something in front of me, I overchomp because I get very excited. That's pig. That's pig. That's pig logic. That's pig logic for you. We have more... More...

I guess it's advice for women. Some fashion writer has predicted the return of the old-fashioned hoop skirt. Wow. In this day of speed and traffic snarl... Hold on. Hold on. I've got to stop you right away. I've got to stop you right away.

Go ahead. This is literally... This... You know what a hoop skirt does? I don't... It stops you when you're trying to walk out the door. Yeah. That's true.

I think this woman with the bad haircut and the alcohol problem has got a lot to say about getting a job inside that kitchen. She has been trying... She can't get out the door. Is it... Because it's so big. It's like... It's like a lamp...

I'm just... I'm having fun, Kat. I'm just... I'm trying to keep up. Yes. Yes. It's like... Imagine a hula hoop that is really wired to the bottom lining of your dress or skirt.

Yeah. Yeah. Except not a lot of bend. So you're coming at it. Just you know, physics can't get through. I noticed you were trying to leave again, darling. What was that? Here's your...

I've got you a new dress. Oh my God. It's so pretty. Why don't you go have some milk from your dish in the corner? Okay. Hold on. I'm due for a haircut. Use the litter.

Yeah. I can't... How come I can't get out from under the table? This dress is... Exactly. There you are. Lay down. Good night.

Good night. Lay down. In this day of speed and traffic snarls, hoop skirts would be exceedingly dangerous. How could a woman dodge automobiles going down the street 40 miles an hour while wearing a barrel-sized hoop skirt? Wow. So is this argument pro hoop skirts? It sounded like...

My God. I think it's against... Is this an argument? Okay. It's against. Okay. Okay. I think a fashion editor said it's time to bring back the hoop skirt and this guy's

like, that's madness. Oh, this guy. I'm in the street. Look at that. I imagine a woman can't write in the newspaper in 1938. So I imagine it's... No, no, no. Is it like...

Is this one of those old-fashioned... What was the official word for it when a woman used a man's name and... Oh. Ghostwriting? Yeah. Is this a ghostwriter being like, what's up with these hoop skirts? You guys hate them too, right? Not bad.

I hate women as much as the next guy. That's right. Come on. Now, hold on. That's a man trying to be a woman. Yeah. You flipped it. You're right.

Well, no. I mean, it's... She's writing. So I feel like she's... Yes, but you're right. It would be more like... No. As it just here...

I feel like these... I worry about these women in those hoop skirts. Am I right, boys? Now, hold on, Jerry. Why do you smell like milk? I'll tell you. One of those stupid women tried to kiss me outside. I kissed her back on her.

Oh, they'll do that. You get it, of course. They'll do it. They'll kiss you. Let's take our hogs out and leak out of them, huh, fellas? Very well, normal behavior from you, Jerry. You know what I hate to do with my nuts. Anyway, good to chat, everybody.

They always complain about that. That was close. It's a stealth getty. The hoop skirt would catch on offenders or radiators and the poor woman would be dragged to death. No, it's better for the woman to stay streamlined and hoop skirtless. It was a matter of life or death. I am all for not forcing, obviously, the hoop skirts.

But I feel like the author here is really going for, like, as big of a fear. They're going to be caught by the car offenders and dragged through the streets till they're dead. Picture it. Picture it. You'll be seeing it everywhere. Just a bunch of, like, hooked hoop skirts being dragged down the streets, like, I warned you of this.

I warned you. Look at them. Look at them. They're bumper dead. Oh, God. It is. It's all fear-based storytelling here. They're like, don't wear them.

Best to stay at home. That's a big scary world, lady. Pour them a bowl of milk and lock that door. Give them milk. Let their feet if they nap too much. Their feet? By all means, give them a haircut. This next story is for Gareth.

It could be for, actually, Kat. Kat's without tails. That's the headlight. That's for both of us. That is. It's a winner. I don't like it. Kat's without tails are popular breed on the Isle of Man.

Other unusual characteristics of the felines is the fact that they have larger eyes and larger back legs. Sorry, did we just finally label the paper the Isle of Man? Are we finally just calling it what it is? No. Did they accidentally just reveal that they're an island full of men? Oh, dear. Did we print that?

Or did we say, did we think that or write that? Oops. It was me, Jerry. I accidentally printed it. Yeah, it's like the Wizard of the Wizard of Oz. All right, fine. It's me. I hate women.

Give them milk. Sheer them. Okay. So there are a breed of cats in the Isle of Man who have big eyes and no tails. They're popular. Right. Cats claim they resemble rabbits in the way they sit on their haunches. After more investigation, it turns out they are rabbits.

And most men are morons. They are more, they are more high strung than ordinary house cats. And do you not regularly make friends? I wonder why? Because they're rabbits. Because they're rabbits. They don't regularly make friends. What?

Like most cats? We all know cats are super social. They love to befriend. Now, is this, did this trend start as all these like weirdo breeds start? Like, was some guy, did he like cut his cat's tail off? Yeah, that's what I would think. I would think there's some guy who- But that wouldn't mean if you bred-

Genetic. Yeah. If you cut a cat's tail off, it wouldn't mean that the- But maybe there's some Isle of Man guy, Isle of Man guy who just keeps ripping him off and being like, isn't that crazy? Five dollars more. And everyone's like, wow. Yeah.

And he's just got a pile of tails that he probably sells as hot dogs downtown. Oh, my God. This is the most horrific island. I took some liberty at the end. I turned a new knife back towards the end. You know what that hot dog would do? Fill in those bald spots, Gareth. You're disgusting.

You know what, Cat? That's it. I'm out of here. Get the leaf lure back on. This is bullshit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I like the bald spots.

They make you look smart. I just put that tail down here. There you go. Just come back from the doctor. How's everyone doing? Wapping the mic. Yeah. Yeah.

The cats also disprove a popular theory that the tail is necessary as a means of balancing because they are just as agile as other species. Have we been looking at this all wrong? Yeah. Would animals be better without their tails? Jose, come in here. Father's got an experiment. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'm curious. Can I see Jose's tail? There are still cats without tails. Is Jose in front of you? He was in here. No. Which I'm not happy about. I've got my little Wally here, but his tail is something else.

It's just an explosion of hair. Yeah. So a lot of, I mean, yeah, there are cats without tails. So this is maybe real. I would hope that Karina's even got a list of them. Also, slow news day, huh? Yeah. It's not.

Yeah. They're like, I don't know, talk about the cats without tails. It's a genetic defect. Oh, so maybe there was one. No, it's a, there are some, some cats just don't have tails. The same way there's some hairless cats kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah.

So it must have happened that it was some sort of mutation with one cat and then like he was the only, he was the only dude on the Isle of Man and he started breeding and you know, there you go. I solved it. Yeah. David always comes down to cat sex with you, which is strange. Don't worry about it. Okay.

I'm not going to. Hail beauty contest. Here we go. Catherine happy. Yeah. Some of the scrawnyest crookedest legs ever seen were displayed at Gaiman in a male beauty contest. This is what I get.

The competitors, all men were 42 a number, they promenaded under floodlights while the Gaiman cowboy band played the old gray mare. She what she used to be. Imagine how fucking thoughtful this was. And what are they? Their legs are all jacked up. They're just men. They're trying to be hilarious.

They're trying to be like, oh. What she used to be. As these like hairy legs walked by and the women. Okay. That's my George. Women. There'll be no laughing or talking during this event. Look, I got out of the house.

I got the house while they're all walking on the stage to my favorite song. Quick. Come here. Not right now with the milk, Mildred. Leave the milk behind. I got as much as we need. We're going to leave on the first train tonight off. What is it?

Isle of mail. Mail island. Isle of man. Isle of man. Quickly. Mail island. Isle of man. Mail island.

Did you say mail island? That's actually a USA show. Mail end? Mail end. Mail island is 100% going to be a foxtrot. Mail island will be great. Well, that's like they now have Milf Manor. So Mail Island, Milt manor.

That's right. is that's the one with this piggy likes dirty slop on TV and even he turned that dish down it's too shit no it's too much for you it's too it's too bad it's too big isn't that the one where they all go on an island and then their sons are the also on the island and then it's exactly right you dirty bird yeah oh yeah that's a tall order that's where they're feeling like they're feeling abs and going like oh I like his abs and it's her son and you're like hey can we not have like mom's banging their sons is that possible can you imagine being in

that pitch room and they were like hold on it gets better well because to me I'm like milf man or a show I'm like okay sure let's do it but then someone was like we got to put a hat on a hat and let's get some yeah and I'm like what's this is like too much this is not I could use it though to my advantage as far as like shaming my own sons into good behavior and don't make me take you on no violence kind of a thing Dave that's the talk of a witch what what are you putting on my feet no just up now you've been sleeping too long alright Dave what do you think one or two more day yeah a couple more so

this is so it says election day picture day but it's not election day so they're showing there's picture three pictures of politicians how do you know it's not election day because it says I guess November 25th isn't historic is it been the same day forever no this is after okay this is very confusing a favorite American political game is having your picture taken while voting here's a preview of three politicians as they will appear on November 8th so it's and this is November having fun the paper no it's actually the 18th so I'm very confused but they're saying isn't it I'm gonna be that was a 25th I think you're

right sorry but they're saying that but they're but this is a picture they're saying this is how they're gonna look when they do vote but according to the timeline they've already voted slow news strange yeah unbelievably uninteresting they're like yeah imagine a picture of them yeah yeah the reader says Governor George Earl was winning the Democratic senatorial nomination when this picture was taken at the primary election on November 8th he will vote again sighing hopefully this is this is okay this is one of that is lost the translation right yeah they're having fun but I don't know if you've seen this face or my face

when I'm not having fun with this one next story yeah it's November 25th so you're right I don't understand why they have it all what's that I have a tattoo my cat wait center with the camera does he have a third eye with a rainbow coming out of it yeah yeah he's tripping oh it's a tripping cat so you're giving that's my daddy's mushrooms oh fun yeah that's fun we chose different paths and live cat I mean relax you have a family you have a TV show I have a cat and a bunch of drugs somewhere that occasionally partakes in your hallucinogenic drugs you gotta lose you gotta lose that tail sometimes here's another one

car of death nice that's not gonna be good for the hood skirted the automobile in which arch archduke Francis Ferdinand and his wife were assassinated in Sarajevo in June 1914 was instrumental in the death of 13 persons in 12 years finally being smashed beyond repair in Romania hold on 1926 same car or this particular brand of that exact car that exact car they got a point yeah they're like well this this is this is what's the Christine did we just come up with the best movie ever yeah murder car tripping cat oh sorry no Gareth stop well they both have a lot of charm no one of them is kind of sad get stuff sold

we'll go into the Rupitch room or whatever you Hollywood types call them and we'll throw a bunch of this stuff at the wall you and me no do since starring hold on you got so many ideas no no you're so clever you know that you got so many good ideas this one though this one I feel like needs a little bit more workshop and you know well we've got you on records saying you're interested so that's a legally Hollywood contract cruelty to animals in fact I can do accents of other whites and the whole thing will be great I'm sorry I'm not saying anything I connections been bad I haven't heard

either of you for the last 20 minutes so this whole time this murder car was responsible initially for friends for an end and then tore up 13 other people I would say the car was responsible for the car has assassinated Fred's Ferdinand Dave Gareth and I figured it out this together right and then once the car had Ferdinand his wife killed in it then the car was like well now I'm a bad car and then a taste of murdering blood and then it just kept killing a lot of accidents pretty good a lot of accidents that's cool kind of amazing should we wrap up really yeah let's an umbrella story what does that mean

famed umbrella possibly the most famous umbrella in the world was recently sold at an English auction to a souvenir collector Jonas Hanway was the original owner and the man who popularized umbrellas in London that's his life in his hands when he appeared on London streets holding over his head an umbrella not that umbrellas were unknown far from it they had been used as sunshades in the East for centuries English women occasionally carried them Jonas Hanway was the first Englishman to dare appear on the streets with an umbrella and he saw it in a way to prevent sickness caused by getting wet in

the rain so he carried his umbrella though he was hooded pelted with mud sticks and stones so first of all this was a gender-bending guy who was like even though women use these parasols for some protection I am sick of getting sick I get wet I get sick and people die at like which is which is amazing to not have I mean in its own right the idea of like gosh you know every time I come home soaking wet I get pneumonia and so many went out of his house holding and people are like what is happening and they started throwing things like the mud and imagine seeing someone who was carrying something unusual and being

like oh I gotta throw a rock where's a rock was a rock like they had to stop what they were doing I mean pigs love mud but I also do think it would be very strange for sure but I think some of us would see an upside you always have to make it about you no no no I'm just saying I just just isn't like this isn't about just eat it and quit crying anyway and it's also if you're throwing mud at a person with an umbrella that is very they've also got a good layer of protection there as well they're not shielded you could kind of Captain America the mud a little bit totally also did he get to

where he like was supposed to get and he he must have been traumatized yeah no he apparently kept doing it nice but Hanway lived to have the last laugh before he died in 1786 of pneumonia most Englishman carried umbrellas and shortly after his death even the hard-boiled men of the army took them well even the even our nation's killers are now having umbrellas can you imagine like on the battlefield seeing men with umbrellas you would be like they've made some strange choices for sure well that's when you get that like I've always been a fan of that kind of rainbow hat umbrella thing you can wear

hands free and yeah and a lot of I wear that out and a lot of people have a laugh at my expense do you actually wear those out Gareth I wear a couple of them out and rain or shine you have more than one I have a 7 or 8 and I wear them pretty much everywhere I go I wear the rainbow umbrella hat yeah rain or shine anywhere I go anything inside outside I wear them in the home you said you were single you were having having trouble meeting women has never been tougher I I don't know what it is but women are just they are up their own asses now a day right you walk into a wine bar and they're just all

looking at you funny you know I don't know what I mean throwing rock and I'm I have great hygiene I smell good I look good I'm peacocking in my umbrella rainbow hat the idea is that a guy could be as smart I'm gonna compliment you for a second as like smart and hilarious and big-hearted and and and like yeah feminist like all these wonderful qualities Gareth has but it's like if you can just get around that he gives shrooms to his cats and he occasionally wears an umbrella hat in doors regularly regularly so those are deal breakers for you ladies sign the fuck

up yeah look if you if you and I can I'm I'm capable of change you know I need a woman to get in here and kind of figure it out a little bit sort of take that umbrella down yeah yeah mulch the soil a little bit till me growing over here why won't anything take root it could be the shrooms I don't know I don't know I don't think that women have just been women have been allowed to leave the house a little much in my way too much you're right yeah they're not I don't know it's bullshit anyway that guy died many years later he died after starting a huge trend that saved the army drinking

tea he was drinking yeah he was against it yeah he called it a delicious to health of an impoverishing the nation English drink tea he's not wrong it is quite frankly right amount of times we are talking nine cups a day and that's regular all caffeinated girls all caffeinated with milk with sugar it's and it's like they don't even want it most of the time someone will just walk in and go gonna make a cup of tea one and nine people be like all right yeah and then everyone just pounds tea together and then my mother's like I don't know why I have trouble sleeping and I'm like well you drink 10 cups of

caffeinated tea today full of sugar course yeah but anyway this isn't about my mother this is about this has been a celebration I don't know everything's fine and there's therapy for that this has been a celebration of Catherine rightman who's joined us on the past times Catherine thank you so much for being our guest thank you for having me you're fantastic in every way truly one of my I mean one of my oldest friends that in this nightmarish business but you are thriving working moms seventh season will be on Netflix soon you're a dream you're a treasure you push back on the witch label but the jury's still

out and other than that thank you so much for joining us truly and and Dave's been drinking this whole time so love you Gary thanks guys love you what's up everybody this is Gareth not Gary from the dollop podcast the show you're about to listen to listen I would love to invite you to see some stand-up comedy I'm doing on the road I'm all over this great nation of ours be part of the Gareth army or the Garmy as everyone's calling it everyone's calling it that don't look it up but everyone's calling it that Monday March 13th I'll be in Fort Wayne Indiana March 14th I'll be in Indianapolis March 15th

Louisville Kentucky March 16th Columbus Ohio March 17th Dayton Ohio March 18th I have two shows in Perry's Berg Ohio March 19th I'll be in Cleveland Ohio March 21st Lexington Kentucky March 22nd I will be in St. Louis March 23rd I'll be in Kansas City March 24th and 25th I'll be in Des Moines Iowa March 26th I'll be in Omaha then April 12th I'm very excited to say I'll be in Tacoma but I will be doing a crowd work show I'll be filming it so I really want people to come out to that that's April 12th which is a Wednesday Tacoma Comedy Club Washington come on out then April 13th back to regular stand-up at the Spokane Comedy

Club and then April 14th and April 15th I'll be in Bozeman Montana at last best comedy also Los Angeles my home city kind of whatever May 5th Friday I'll be at the Dynasty typewriter in Los Angeles then May 18th I'll be at stand-up live in Phoenix Arizona more shows coming like July 12th and July 13th I'll be at the New York Comedy Club one's in New York one's in Connecticut it's wild then I'll be in Pittsburgh July 15th and that's all for now go to Gareth Reynolds comm to get tickets and information and join me be part of the Army everyone's calling it that quit push it back