The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 224 - Bundy 2: Oregon Takeover (Live w/Wil Anderson)
Episode Date: December 5, 2016Comedians Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, and Wil Anderson examine the Bundy family's latest armed stand off with the federal government in Oregon. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH...
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motherfuckers it's actually sir it's Gareth it's Gareth for the love of
fucking God it's Gareth sir oh my god and a kitten spoke hi hi guys thank you
very much for coming out twice sometimes thank you for what you're no thank
you for being here all right well let's let's let's not let's not do that
obviously that's not okay hi hi should we just bring out our guests you guys
can talk about what you want to talk about yeah this kid oh my god we found
him we found him not at an open mic but in a gutter outside of an open mic he
he was living in Australia we saw a YouTube clip and we sort of did what
journey did with the Malaysian singer we were like you join this yeah because the
future's a bright and and he's coming along he's coming along he's not fully
formed okay eating you all right I think we definitely hit the high part of it so
we can he's uh I'd say he's about a third of what we bring him out why don't we
bring him out why don't we just bring him out ladies and gentlemen will
Anderson
there he is uh 1994 wait
yeah yeah yeah yeah oh shit I did this out of order just you're out of line
again fuck I don't know if you know but we do a lot of retakes and these are
highly edited yeah you guys hear the podcast we like it perfect yeah each one
is like nine hours and then we cut it down legal pot so and by the way
premature doleping is a problem that happens to a lot of men
it's not unusual sometimes if you just occasionally yell at it you suffer from
PD you're listening to the dollop this is a this is a bi-weekly American history
podcast each week I Dave Anthony read a story from American history to my friend
gareth reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about
will Anderson edition 1994 didn't see that coming
ah organ rancher Dwight Hammond Oregon rancher rancher okay what just happened
guys people are already that's not good they know exactly where this is going
organ rancher Dwight Hammond said he was willing to die to save his ranch and
threatened to kill us fish and game officials who got in his way us fish and
game officials you and wildlife officials sorry okay right how many
fish not like NBA referees no traveling they're next though yeah you
got a question good cuz it's just the first sentence I mean I do but I don't
want to bog down your story yeah but how many fish were on the ranch was it a
big fishy it was like how many fish do you normally have on your ranch try
to go slap the fish how good how good how good is this they're jumping out of
the river there you go they love this lot they love this lot little fishes land
fishes oh my god I was like oh the first page isn't gonna be funny and it all
started over a fence us fish and wildlife was building a fence that would
block Hammond's cattle from foraging for food and water they said great they
said a grazing permit had been revoked and Dwight said he still had water
rights the manager of the Mal-yur
wildlife refuge said Hammond threatened to kill him Hammond disagreed quote quote
I said that I was willing to die maybe they're willing to die I don't know not
a great defense it's not the best defense I've ever heard I mean I was
shouting about death yes not in the way this liar conveyed the government said
Dwight also made threats to kill BLM BLM employees in 1986 1988 1991 1994
what's amazing is the years off when he was like I gotta chill the fuck out right
you know what I got that itch again that's not I'll kill you motherfuckers
sorry sorry I'm gonna go away for three years and think about this can you just
run this with the Dites again cuz it's not even a real patent no it's just a
rage scale 1986 okay oh I see a pattern right oh 1986 1988 1991 1994 so he went
two to three right oh there is a better interesting yeah interesting remember
that yeah when some bad shit happens in non-enon the mathematicians they're gonna
fucking lose their shit we think he's gonna lose his shit on January
21st look what's going on with the Hammond clock look three years later the
case was dismissed okay it's just what they do but many ranches across the west
see belt BLM regulations as an attack on their freedom wait what are what what's
BLM Bureau of Land Management okay okay listen he's from fucking Wisconsin
yeah people people anybody like on the other side of the Rockies has no fucking
idea what this is yeah no idea get out of your Mount Rainier ivory tower in 2001
hunters saw Dwight and his son Steve illegally slaughtering seed Steve okay
better illegally I named him after my ejaculate what do you want to call him
either jizz or see right what direction do we want to steer him in I like
gravy you know it's a family name and important to me all right seed gravy hey
load get out and meet your new brothers stop calling me that grandpa come get
over here uncle orgasm you sit there too this is serious
jizzy where's your sister jizzy wet G spot your dad wants to talk to you hey
cup of stock now at this time of the year when we gather let's remember
the second to meet that boy God but not forgotten born with oh the twins where
have you two been so Steve yes in 2001 hunters saw Dwight and his son Steve
illegally slaughtering a herd of deer Jesus Steve's nephew dusty oh my god that
was vasectomy yeah that's a hall of famer come here you just did a hall of
famer Steve's nephew dusty said his uncle came over and gave him matches and said
start lighting matches quote like the whole countryside on fire whoa whoa why
because they want because they knew that they'd been seen by the hunters so they
wanted to set a fire to cover up the fact that they were slaughtering deer
start a fire people to do with the fire then get rid of the deer it's a whole
thing yeah no that's good it's always good it's called thinking yeah no of
course dusty did start the fire and then he almost died in it barely escaping the
fire just she didn't make it to fire destroyed the evidence of the deer
kill but the Hammond said they lit it to stop invasive plants from growing right
so they're lying right in 2006 they started other fires to protect their
land from a larger wildfire so they're doing back burns right so there's a
huge backburn so that the fire won't get through I mean for a second so weird
they were literally like that's a fire let's start another fire the first guy
who pitched that they were like Carl take two weeks right just relax for a
little while I got a lot of fires we got a fight fire with fire that's a crazy
statement that's never gonna catch on the one sensible guy in the office is
like it's water it's definitely water why does he keep shut up Teddy stupid the
fire is almost trapped for BLM firefighters the two were arrested and
tried at the trial Steve Hammond said the situation could get sticky if the
whole thing didn't go away that's a terrible thing to say to trial you know
this might get a little weird for everybody in here if I don't just walk
on out my son seed is gonna make things sticky for y'all in court Steve said to
a BLM manager if I go down I'm taking you with me you lighted those fires not
me whoa okay so he's fighting fire with fire and lies about fighting fire was
stupid yeah yeah okay interesting that's fun the Hammond's were convicted
no it's just not telling the truth so it technically lie a liar pants on fire
which is I mean this is deep level fire shit
alright so they get convicted Dwight gets three months Steve gets 12 sorry
Dwight got three months Steve got 12 months okay the sentence the judge
ignored the minimum sentence that they were supposed to get with the crime
which was five years so they haven't served their time what is the okay
there's a minimum sentence we're starting I understand that but I that's
always so weird when they're like yeah but that doesn't matter it's two weeks
like well what is the idea of a minimum sentence I mean alright anyway time
served I would give you the the minimum but the way you threaten that guy in
court was so cute yeah so they serve their time and then the government
appealed the sentences and appeals court agreed and they were told to come back
and serve the full minimum sentence of five years they left and they went to
jail they did the time they got out the government's like I don't think so and
then they appealed and now they have to go back to jail that's always I mean I
feel in some ways the government just went hey remember minimum sentence yeah
the judge what it should have been in the first but the judge was on heroin two
months I sent you to strawberries court is a gavel so this was in October of
2015 they were ordered to return to prison January 4th 2016 this is crazy many
flare-ups had occurred between the BLM and Western ranchers the biggest
happened in April 2014 between the government and Cliven Bundy a hero
all right an absolute hero the first dollop yes this was covered in the first
Cliven yeah the first episode of the dollop he's alive that ended with a tense
arm standoff and the government backing away because crazy people many in the
movement though sought as a pivotal moment the free land movement was emboldened
that included one Amon Bundy who was one of Cliven's 15 children during the
standoff so yeah why 15 children what not related to dust have you heard of
Mormons when they're down in the desert they just get fucking like they just
keep on fucking a really yeah yeah they don't they're they're not allowed to use
stuff that might stop making so I know it's like a hardcore Catholic thing where
you're like why do you have 18 brothers like that's what God said hey God said
don't pull out he hates that technique do it properly through a hole in a sheet
like a normal man in your magical pajamas I mean a wet dream is when God
jerks you off it's God's way of saying it's time to detense the balls now during
the during the Nevada standoff Amon experienced what he called a turning
point in his life and that was basically when he saw his aunt getting I think
maced and then he attacked the cops and kicked a dog and got tasered twice and
fell down and then he was like it's a turning point hang on is that a real
thing or is that just an episode of cops you watch I think that's every episode
of cops it wasn't episode of cops because he had his shirt on wasn't in November
2015 Cleven Bundy told Amon about the situation with the Hammons quote I'm
afraid what's happening to the Hammons is the same thing that's happened to us
wait is it this kid's name's amund amon and the Hammond and the Hammond and the
Hammond's yeah it's not great a dr. Seuss dollop is this a drawlop the Hammond's
and the Hammond's Ammon responded quote I had this overwhelming feeling that it
was my duty to get involved to protect this family so Ammon went to Oregon and
met Steve he also met with Harney County Sheriff David Ward to talk him into
intervening sorry David Ward Ward a Ward better okay sorry Warden Ward W. A. R. D.
Ward you the Bundy's are part of the constitutional sheriff movement that
believes the local sheriff is the highest authority in the country and he
should there's nothing nothing nothing weird about that that's how we set it up
I don't know if you know but we've got Sheriff Trump coming sorry Sheriff
elect Trump I mean hit him go ahead it's fine it's at moments like this that I
realized you guys are born here so it's not your fault but I fucking choose to
live here no no that's why have I jumped on board this because you're from a
nation of criminals you're like home and just one more thing before I go on and
I don't mean this to be offensive is is it's is Cleveland and name it's a
lifestyle name that this is actually very interesting you got to get Cleveland
or get died yeah yeah yeah Cleveland the dream baby Cleveland on a prayer
he's carry on here he goes what are you guys doing so this is interesting so
yes it is and I once was doing a project and so I was researching Mormons and
then they're they're they're super into like crazy weird names like the first
names they're super into like off sort of off beat names sure yeah I actually found
web pages of Mormons discussing it it was very interesting like fuckface
Charlie is one of the names by the way that is the best chat room to jump in
and just be like oh I'm naked what's up they're like okay sir no no no come on
let me come over and mess around with your sandwiches sir don't I'm crazy what
kind of dog you have boy or girl sir come on I'm asking for a buddy who I'm
bringing come on you like Mike's heart lemonade come on it's party be weird come
on let me lick those golden plates come on
so the constitutional sheriff movement says that the sheriff is the highest
authority and he should defy all federal laws but who now where does that come
from just total they just fucking made it up and there's a bunch of sheriffs that
belong to it and they're like right yeah it's great it's like it's quite a loophole
but in this town the sheriff was like yeah I'm just gonna be a regular sheriff
so he told amen is it amen or a mon there's no way it's a bond amen amen yeah
I live in Texas fighting for cows it's all more all more
amen amen so amen he met he went he then went and met with some like-minded
groups like the Coalition of Western States the Pacific Patriots Network and
the Oregon Constitutional Guard right any OCG out here what's up bro yeah they
drafted you down with OCG so they drafted a redress of grievances and
sent a letter to local and state officials on December 11th demanding of
the officials fight the federal government and help the Hammons quote
we the people United individuals of these states United come on come on man
come United individuals steady on with you know it might just fucking cut it out
one unitedly declares that we are united I flew United yeah that's right United
the individuals of these states United Coalition of Western States the Council
of the cows going cows they might have just swung me I'm a sucker for an
acronym that works Pacific Patriot Network Bundy family and supporters
Oregon Oathkeepers Idaho 3% Central Oregon Constitutional Guard etc on and on
right there's tons of them they're all gonna kill you thanks for coming and then
they went on so that's the lineup of the worst little fair ever and then they
went on we have principled evidence that Dwight and Steve Hammond committed no
crime in the act of performing the burn and backfire that the U.S. government
does not have authority to enforce territorial law under article 4 blah blah
blah yep if we if we balance this town hall meeting of the dull apice when do
we get to pot hole I've waited my time what is this oh no and they went on if
we do not receive your response within five days we will have no choice but to
understand that you do not wish to do your duty therefore govern yourself
accordingly wait that's that's that's not okay no everyone who got this is
like what the fuck yeah I mean but like literally if someone puts like a five
day deadline on something like wait that's bullshit we got to get in touch
with him we have to respond with him five days he's crazy he set this on a
Thursday business days all right first of all we are not gonna respond in five
days asshole even though this is to tell you that you should be waiting longer
we are responding oh my god he is this is airtight
amen then moved to Burns Oregon leaving his wife and six children well I got
shit to do in weird town his brother Ryan joined him Ryan left behind his wife
eleven children and his melon farm what that's actually what he called his
wife I can't melon farms pregnant again you know God hates the pullout didn't
jerk me off of my dreams again so he must have wanted a baby so I've discovered
a new way of contraception it's called moving to another town yeah it's mirth
control so when the local and state officials did not respond to the
read redress of grievance in five days the groups all got together to figure
out what to do next soon word was out others were coming 54 year old Arizona
ranchard or Robert Lavoie Finnecom totally normal had been at the Cliven
Bundy standoff and was the first one to show up then in the middle of the night
on horseback I've come from the 1600s you sir I need to see no more
qualifications the Mormons are coming the Mormons are coming you are a Mormon
in the melon farms
Levoie was a Mormon who operated a ranch and a child farm and a what what
sorry oh I said child farm run by them or growing them he was making a lot of
money fostering children in 2009 he got a hundred and fifteen thousand dollars
to foster kids every year I take every year I take my pumpkins to the child
farm and we have a whole day it's all over Instagram so how okay so he is
thank you eight people so he is he's just got a he's got a lot of property so
he can just keep bringing in kids and getting money for him most of the kids
are like vulnerable they have had issues start an orphanage on a farm just no
he's not an or it's not an orphanage he's just giving kids away they're not
giving him away he takes them in it's like oh hey you know what we're in
Portland it's a pop-up family you know I didn't have one I just popped up I got
15 kids now come in check them out it's great you got to get the app this one's
made of get pop-up I scream sticks look at that necklace the macaroni necklace
like that baby that child's made of coat hangers you can't buy that 80 dollars
80 dollars quote my ranch well the cows just cover the costs of the ranch we are
very successful foster parents though yeah I agree with that oh did we find our
hero no the boy had also stopped paying be a BLM grazing fees in 2014 he believed
in the law of the line the law of the lion lion oh okay I thought yeah sir do
you want a microphone or how do you want to handle this I mean it feels like it
feels like he's involved in the show yeah take on so it's a little war law of
law of the lion L-I-N-E not like a lion where they're just walking out of the
street come on guys not a lion no not no line just through Brian come on guys
this is about the circle of life let's eat the baby move quote the BLM claims
this land is theirs and I claim the forage right the grass is mine we all
know this naturally because for example we know about lines when you're the first
one in line everyone could see that I have created a right when I am the first
one in line what he's saying he's the first one in line so he gets to do
whatever he wants you know like lines I don't think that like you know if you
wait for a concert you don't get to change the band I don't want Queens of
the Stone Age I'm first that's not what I'm here for the band I want to see is a
supergroup I put together in my head I mean the truth is sometimes even like
today when you have TSA approval you're front of the line but you're fucking
going nowhere so oh you went somewhere but David is that what happened in the
family bathroom that's a changing station six guys come out of the family
bathroom yeah we're Mormon we are literally Mormon we are literally
naturally La Voie decided to support the bunnies in Oregon as he got his
Cardi drove and as the La Voie drove he spotted a bald eagle on a fence post it
took flight as he drove by there we go La Voie took this as a sign yep yeah he
was doing the right thing that's the redneck double rainbow this matters this
is aimed at me former US Marine John Ritzheimer served in the
reserves from 2004 to 2013 he was a motor vehicle operator in Iraq John said
he was forced out of the Marines because of a revised tattoo policy what no
anchors no mobs and no anchors what are we a fucking stereotype
I hate that Popeye nothing in 2015 John was working as a motorcycle mechanic out
of his home while receiving disability benefits for quote combat related
post traumatic stress disorder and back injuries in May 2015 John organized a
draw Muhammad cartoon contest outside of a mop no no whoa you have to listen to
this whole sentence it's it's it's my favorite sentence okay in 2015 John
organized a draw Muhammad cartoon contest outside of a mosque that had been
attended by two gunmen who had opened fire outside of a previous draw Muhammad
cartoon contest okay so the good news is he's put his passions into something
thank you you know he's found something he's been looking for something and now
he's found something he's interested in I think that that it makes sense and I
get it I think that that is wise on a number of levels especially under a year
ago a couple of weeks after after organizing the draw Muhammad cartoon
contest he launched a short-lived ten million dollar GoFundMe to protect his
family because extremists wanted to behead him yeah are you leaving
stand okay that one my god I left my drawing of Muhammad in the car that is
unbelievable yeah but right GoFundMe shut it down on what grounds in November
the victim also I want to know what he was spending the 10 million on cuz I
love that he's done a fucking budget like he's gone clearly I'm in trouble now
because of my stupid idea you're building a time machine at that point yeah
I'm gonna go to the bother of putting my email in to GoFundMe and set up the
page it's like at least half a day a fucking busy work to get this going he's
like what number should I ask for fuck it ten million let's just honey amazing
news she had 97 says he'll drop it off if we give him the address a Christmas
miracle baby doll in November John posted a video called what's up America
finally in it John said he and a friend were driving wait what in it John said
he and a friend were driving to New York to see those assholes at the Islamic
Post that he that called me a terrorist I don't understand I like how do you
that's like he's goading these people and then he's like I need to defend my
goading yeah I mean it you know the people we're talking about right they're
not there's not a lot of thinking going on I don't trust me we're gonna get so
deep into it quote we're going to stop at every mosque on the way take a picture
flipping them off telling them to get fucked
I mean talk about sticking it to them but that's also encouraging suicide
bombings because the fucking happens in the sky
I'll take it I don't give a fuck that is 20% of a lot of people
hey guys I just got back I've been off stage for a couple of minutes hey nothing
happened I got cold all the jokes murdered I got going pretend it went great
by December 30th John was in Burns Oregon where he told the local paper he
was standing up against tyranny militia members were gathering at Burns where
they demanded Sheriff Dave Ward create a sanctuary for the Hammons where they
would be immune from going to federal prison the sheriff again said yeah no no
I like I'm a sheriff man but I love how these guys rock give me ten million
dollars make me immune from laws whatever the fuck look all I'm asking for is
$10 million in a bio dome I want a coat of mirth come on
Hobbit fans got that I also love that this is December 30 like so not only is he
asking for these unreasonable things but a day before fucking you yeah can you
imagine the guy who's dealing with this off shut the fuck up right now what is
your deal after the sheriff said no he was labeled an enemy of the people he
began receiving death threats from around the country three militia men and a
woman holding guns spoke to the sheriff's seven-year-old parents at a yard sale
they had words about the sheriff the three men later came to the sheriff's
office to complain that his mother had threatened them pretty bold God bless
her it was over an ashtray I mean I felt so intimidated it was KWA knitters
with attitude a Burns community meeting was held it is like knitting in case
anyone my accent is not your accent I just wanted to make that very fucking
clear in case for the rest of the fucking show some people like I'm not
laughing or anything else he said I people are going home in the way you
know he said knitters like old people knit that was the joke he was making it's
actually a clever joke knitters with attitude it's close enough but she was
an old lady with attitude so it's actually a really clever joke but I feel
like I was gonna go grab a beer I just thought people they did yeah I felt like
I needed to back back over that one a little so the whole community had a
meeting on December 30th and residents confronted the militias asking what their
agenda was the president of the Idaho mission militia said quote we're not
coming into your town to shoot it up we won't fire unless we're fired upon well
is that okay that doesn't help when residents said that is not what they
were seeing on social media one militia member said they didn't have control over
that quote when you start asking for help you know how the internet is it
really is the worst that we could just blame everything on the internet now it's
a goddamn internet that I'm here that's why you it was on the internet and now I
came to kill it's on the internet it's on the internet look at Buzzfeed remember
the internet we talked about nothing the internet hear about Justin Bieber forget
about it the internet no idea the internet posted share it the internet I
mean it's a good riff but all these people are literally here because of the
internet
that's fair they're not clapping up there I don't know they might be
dead the internet thank you other locals said they were being harassed by
militia spouses and children of federal employees were being followed home or to
school that's great when you're following a kid in your truck yeah what's up Jimmy
nothing I'm just going to school yeah yeah yeah yeah you go to school to kill
us nope won't you tell me about freedom boy I'm gonna run now yeah you are run
for freedom happen again the militia explained to the town they planned a
rally in a parade for January 2nd that's the day right before the Hammons are
supposed to go in two days before it would start in the Safeway parking lot
and then go to the courthouse well you know most great movements are in a
pharmacy parking lot that's where the that's where the whole tea party
started yeah the tea party thing started in a in a long so I think a long
parking lot CVS one of those two hey look the movement is real I mean the
movement is real yeah you know grosser lives matter it is a whole so they
started the Safeway parking lot and then go to the car courthouse where they
would throw pennies to show how the government has sold out so we have
enough money in the budget to throw nickels no sir no we don't what about
the two-dollar bill thing is that totally dead to have pennies we we have
$20 pennies are just so lame I just feel like oh good yeah they they throw good
it's just it's so just so cheap why don't you quit being a fucking sellout
all right oh people were then told at the meeting that Safeway was stocking
extra flower bouquets for the rally was stuck in what extra flower bouquets for
the rally for the rally and parade yeah
having a rally and wait they're having a rally in parade and like this is the
flower market we've been dying for guys get the bouquets cooking the Patriots
are coming yeah just some big just you know what these guys say you got a
plant a tree to make a cross no that's actually what I said that time so I now
John posted a video on YouTube for his children that's that's where you
communicate I've seen this I've seen he was behind the wheel of a car crying
and holding a same constitution at the camera he told us this guy yeah fuck
ah I he told his kids quote your daddy sworn oath to protect and defend the
Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic that's why he couldn't come
home for Christmas and why he can't be home for New Year's the oppression and
the tyranny that's taking place in Oregon we the people need to take a stand
the Hammond family they are not terrorists Dwight Hammond he's so old he
may die in jail and I hope he sees this video because it's really simple Dwight
do you want to die in prison labeled as a terrorist by these oppressors or do you
want to die out here with us a free man I'd want to die a free man either way you
die I need to point out again death is very close to you there are bad options
ahead for you door one is death door two is a different death oh oh shit sorry
kids you should have shut this off by now yeah oh shit I'm still talking this
part is for Dwight how do you not send it shit uploading what posted comments
no I'm chocolate rain I'm vanilla rain the Hammond's lawyer then sent a letter
to the sheriff saying they had nothing to do with this the bunnies didn't speak
for them and they would surrender when told yeah I actually want to die in
prison so thanks on the day of the protests now they sent home all the
all the employees from the the wildlife refuge okay about 300 people marched
peacefully to support the Hammond's as it finished
amen Bundy ran up a snowbank and called on other protesters to join him in taking
a harder stand he was pushing people to take over the wildlife refuge the local
organizers were furious those who drove long distances were upset quote
everybody was like you've got to be kidding me I came up here for a rally a
lot of these people were angry because they didn't get that intel if they would
have told us that we wouldn't have shown up we wouldn't have drove in over 3,000
miles it's all the people there didn't know a lot of the people that didn't know
what it's like what did they don't know that it was gonna involve stealing a
wildlife yeah they thought they were gonna walk around the street you go
don't put those guys in jail and then go home it's like when you go to a protest
that you're like no blood for oil and someone's like save a remba you're like
get out of here sir get out of here don't help we it's like when you go to a
chump protest and people start breaking windows
mate windows need to then be fixed and that will be bringing jobs back to
fucking America true if you cannot see the job creation he's already bringing
them we're gonna make America glass again it's gonna be unbelievable double
pain double pain the screens forget about it second pain's gonna pay for the
first pain yeah we're gonna build a window so impenetrable and the flies
are gonna pay for it I don't know man I can't believe he just called Mexican
flies not okay so some of my best friends
of flies so so amen and his group took over the wildlife refuge what yeah they
took it over so John was the John was the first one to arrive like I remember
said this is insane I just remember like seeing moments of this yeah just like
oh yeah they took a while later after animals I remember watching like they
had a documentary about this on a fucking plane I watched a tiny little bit of
it but I also watch we bought a zoo and I think they're blending into each other
did he have like did he fall in love with someone as he took over the wildlife
place because that's what I remember you're so good with the animals and I'm
uncultured I get this confused with Marley and me so the wildlife refuge is
butts up against the Hammond's property so that's where the idea is just to take
it over just to sort of why yeah we're we're awesome why don't we listen to the
story and we might hear their point of view if you listen back there was some
matter yeah if you listen close John was the first to arrive entering the
headquarters armed then he drove his truck and blocked the the entrance town
resident Walter Butch Eaton entered the refuge then turned back quote in some
people's eyes I was a pussy I left their convictions honestly say inside
people's eyes I was a pussy he did you people cannot stop saying pussy I was
such a pussy the president let grab me I regret it his wife told him to call the
police so they wouldn't see him on video later and think quote who's that bald
redheaded son of a bitch so he called the police and told them so he was a
pussy wait he called the police was like I'm like to make an admission you know
what I'm an enormous pussy I think you might need to chop her me out of here and
at minimum weeding an ambulance you got a special prison wing for pussies it's
where I belong you're gonna have to put me in a female prison because I am just
one huge pussy and I aman started doing telephone interviews right away good he
told the Oregonian quote we're planning on staying here for years absolutely this
is not a decision we made at the last minute we ain't leaving they hold up a
baby human home they claimed they had around 150 militia there in reality it
was just over 20 and a couple of giraffes dressed up as militia those are
our taller buddies who like leaves
amen told CNN the next morning the group wanted the federal government to
restore the people's constitutional rights but what are they what are they
asking for I don't know what they want what do they want honestly they want to
people's constitutional rights yeah but what are they do the constitutional
rights but tell me what they want but the what they want what they really really
want
amen Bundy posted a video on his Facebook page asking for militia members to
come blow the video was the statement in caps all patriots it's time to stand up
not stand down we need your help come prepared that day the Hammons turned
themselves into prison
it's just shaking their head holy fuck how do you edit the post where's edit
post I thought I was crazy so Clive and Bundy said he had nothing to do with it
but the Hammons and Sheriff wouldn't stand up if the Hammons and Sheriff
wouldn't stand up then the people had to do something so always good right so if
the guys who are going to prison won't stand up for themselves yeah if the
sheriff sheriff won't stop them from going to prison then the crazy fuckheads
from Nevada have to do it always good okay so what you're saying is that the
person who's meant to put people in prison is putting them in prison and the
people who are meant to go to prison are happy to go to prison yes and this
other person has got involved for reasons I don't quite understand no for
Pete he for people's constitutional rights okay I'm sorry what are they
again it's a cow cow it's a vibe what do you want we're not sure what do you
want it really soon assholes the the mission militia settled into their new
life on the refuge yeah you know we live amongst the animals they had a routine
at 11 a.m. amen talk to the media he would ramble about the government and
Constitution and then take questions you know government's bullshit the
Constitution's crazy you CNN CNN you you'll air me on turn it off oh god turn
it the fuck off never watch CNN again cable no two words that's it that's all
I need to know some interesting context is Charles Manson listen to me and
listen good Charles you make a weird point counterpoint Charles president
Joe Biden counterpoint Charles Manson everybody should die Joe Biden or do you
have to say I don't think they should die you can make wings out of sheets if
you're a bird human interesting Mr. Manson I mean I know that you are both
doing this riff to make a point that like news media has got terrible stop it
if someone offered counterpoint by fucking Charles Manson I would watch the
shit out of that show okay I know that's your example but fucking sign me up
much like literally and now to Charles Manson oh cut to Will Anderson's next
fucking show on Australia they've got a Charles Manson show they're out of their
fucking minds well even better it provides me with some work all I'm saying
is your toilets a time machine interesting mr. Manson we are on the
fifth day a reporter said a woman drove up jumped out of a Chevy Silverado truck
red flag quickly walked up to the building and started yelling at the door
to be let in quote I have to give Carolyn her curling iron she needs it
tomorrow for TV wait now what goes to a zoo and it's like where's my dressing
room it's about amazing on January 5th the boy was interviewed on MSNBC as he
sat in a chair with a blanket over his lap a rifle under the blanket and a blue
tarp around his shoulders okay good look about FBI Joe Jay Gabana about FBI
agency said quote well do not point a gun at me you do not point a gun at
somebody unless you're going to shoot them that is the first thing your thought
is do not point guns at people and so I am telling them right now do not point
guns at me so he's making that point and there is a point there the point yeah
do not point don't point guns at me right don't okay me guns no yeah that's why
I have a gun to prevent pointing of them do not put this through the logic
machine don't be a gun pointer point gun people are dumb people I point back but
not is the pointer first second pointer that doesn't mean I'm not first in line
just because you point a gun doesn't mean you're first in line because I had a
gun I'm actually first in line a gun having I tell you when I got to the
heavenly gate say Peter was a dick until I pulled out an AK-47 yeah what's that
like a goddamn flower what's up painter you want some well I see you sin
greatly I don't know if you're ready for heaven my boy I'm gonna put this in your
asshole you know we could actually I can do it if I punch the code in I can
punch the code there you go doors are open get in there have fun enjoy the
ham what oh heaven's full of ham my boy you didn't know we have a carving
station oh we're basically an old-country buffet in the clouds
the boy also said quote I want to make this very clear that this is no way
condoned by the Mormon church I'm not speaking for the church I do not
represent the church these actions must rest squarely upon my shoulders and mine
alone not the church
oh well good on him yeah load it's really nice yeah it's good that he's
protecting the good name of the moment yeah I don't want to make them seem
crazy no way anyway the Garden of Eden is in Nashville so to end the interview
LaVoy pulled the blue tarp over himself and now I'm invisible a wizard told me
so I cannot be shot under here good luck breaking through this what I still
didn't hear it we can't keep too shouting through a top it's very hot
Patronus well we'll talk after after this he was called tarp man on social
media social workers began to remove his foster children later he would say with
a rake they were like get them out there are 90 put them in the bag like leaves
boys later he would say quote they must have gotten to the governor who told the
state to get them out of there that was my main source of income I won't get a
license again if this means rising beans for the next few years so be it I mean
god damn it you're taking away my money in the form of little humans well
Franklin Jackson Lincoln Washington I'm gonna miss you boys grant not so much
you're a weird one you've always been strange to me I see you so rarely sorry
kids it looks like you're gonna have to leave your fucked up crazy weird not real
dad I just wish I had the chance to sell you boys that it couldn't do it one
minute the refuge would only identify himself as Captain Moroni or gladiator
hey I what he'd only identified himself as Captain Moroni or gladiator
Moroni by day gladiator at night the Sun is down do not call me Moroni now I
am gladiator I'll tell you I love Moroni I just love gladiator
Captain Moroni is a Mormon scripture figure who rescues his people by raising
pronounce pronounced moroni now that I'm hearing it I think I don't I would
never want to correct you what I've heard is a Mormon scriptural figure who
rescues his people but raising a flag called title of liberty against an evil
force Ryan Bundy also spoke of Moroni during the standoff so it's you know
it's got nothing to do with it anyway gladiator slash Captain Moroni told the
Oregon Public Radio reporter quote I didn't come here to shoot I came here to
die is that helpful I think I came here to shoot me I think he's not gonna shoot
at anybody he just but he just wants to get shot and be a martyr yeah I believe
so right okay cool my plans a little banana sure kill me I will do nothing
about it he said that he said that God in the form of a flock of geese had
validated I gotta go I mean we have to go get the uber get the uber we got to
get out of here I mean I okay there's so many things that are problematic about
that statement but why a flock of geese how God is it why can God not just be
one goose oh no God's a flock like that's problematic who am I listening to is
it the lead geese or is it like a general goose God what happens coming from
the flock or is there one in the middle and I can't see him because there's like
another goose in the fucking way or is there like one smart goose who's passing
it on to the rest of the flock but now it's like telephone so the first goose
had a fucking good point but by the time it gets the last fucking goose in the
flock and I hear it it's fucking crazy shit that's the problem right I don't
know I've got no notes on that theory those are solid questions yeah the three
wise geese we're going the wrong way so he said that God in the form of a flock
of geese had validated his desire to join the refuge takeover it's just it's
not it's not possible right it's not what he's saying is not possible his real
name they spelled words in the sky oh maybe that's how they did it another v
vvv v what are they trying to tell us the visitors coming www
what's the rest dot net why I'll stop you guys I was just thinking about
vaginas hang on are they spelling out squarespace is this a podcast that I
think anyway his real name was Dylan Anderson they were a number
of a number of leaders of citizens militias who were very prominent in
this they posed in military uniforms and carried automatic weapons they included
the included Ryan Payne of Montana Blaine Cooper of a reason Ryan Payne
yeah really I fucking love it already 90 was Skeletor Blaine Cooper of Arizona
seriously leave you a little on how sexy these names are very in Brian Buddha
Cavalier or is I you know when I done then when I Google BBC it's for Brian
Booth a Cavalier I'm gonna guess Brian was the only name that was real starting
point guard they all had stories of their time in the military being captured
held as POWs and being wounded then the press started looking into it
specifically the POW network.org Blaine Cooper said he was a Marine Corps
combat veteran never was he signed up for the Marines but never went to bootcamp
his real name is Stanley Blaine Hicks he took Blaine Cooper because it was the
name of Jesse Ventura's character in the movie Predator
just when I think I'm out you drag me back in what I I there's no one will
make it to the job up we've been short snagering all day when you're in a
three-hour car ride from when you thought you were flying yeah turns out
that you will look up the best lines from Mr. Freeze in the Batman ice ponds
at the same I'll see you in the cooler that's a real one please look it up
Brian Brian Buddha Cavalier told everyone he was a Marine who had served in
Iraq and Afghanistan but on January 6 newspapers reported he had never served
in the military and was a tattoo artist with several DUIs he then when it was
reported he fled fled the Oregon refuge and hold up on a nearby motel drinking
heavily if you're in a motel a fellow militia member said it was like finding
out Santa wasn't real I mean that is delicious firstly it's not and secondly
you're a grown adult get over the fucking Santa thing like why are you
still holding on to that has been the worst thing that ever happened in your
life boy this reminds me of that awful moment when I found out that that
stocking was not filled by a magic man controlled by dear when when I saw the
second plane going to the building I saw a sleigh my first thought was my God
this is like finding out Santa Claus is not real either we're gonna find them
there or we're gonna have to buy that Santa ain't real they hate us for our
Christmas John Ritzheimer had never earned a combat action ribbon which meant
he had actually never engaged in combat in Iraq Ryan Payne claimed to be an Army
Ranger veteran not one never was one on and on every single guy there every
single guy there said he was in the military every single guy there is a
fucking liar but also the other thing is if you're gonna lie these are such
fucking modest lies like but they work with each other because they're all
sitting around just fibbing over a campfire you're not gonna call the other
guy out on it because you're also a liar they're all fucking liar if a real
military guy coming to be like bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit but these are
all liars just fucking talking we're gonna have to ask you to leave the zoo we
don't like your attitude you're very lying in a gazelle patch we've been here
for months but that is crazy yeah that connects so strongly like I I remember
hearing none of that part and just the part about like oh this military
militias yeah fighting for their freedom they're fucking little that's crazy
they're not real guys they're they're guys who play military that's what they
are Spider-Man you had something to say I did again I apologize for not being
able to shoot the webs it is very dry up here and they had the sockets but I am
here I'll tag you guys in the pics I took for Facebook because they came out
I am also anyway I am now King Arthur what did you have to say well it's the
only 500-year-old man who's supporting the mission we must keep searching for
the grill also could you add me some more rice Aroni I am just smitten I am that
is a the San Francisco treat is real what's the Wi-Fi I'm not I'm not I guess
it's overloaded I can't my snapchat won't on January 7th Ryan Payne wrote up to
occupation headquarters in a golf cart wearing camo pants and a black jacket
with his sidearm on his hip mind if we live through golf jokes there he saw
a reporter standing nearby Lenny against the building talking to a couple of
other occupiers and he pointed he pointed the reporters bag and shouted he
could have a bomb in there or a listening device wait wrong order wrong
order for like worrying people he could have a bomb or a phone and it is
possible in bag land you guys were in the military you don't know about bags
they should be flash pots that go off her puns he beat me at the hotel check
in yesterday so beautifully so a 20s-ish guy named Joe from California told Ryan
Bundy he wanted to be mentally strong for the upcoming battle good good call
Ryan told him to try fasting or get a new brain quote the key is you got to
get through the first 24 hours then your stomach will start to shrink and you
won't get any hunger pains uh-huh but isn't he meant to be staying strong for
the battle oh fat yeah for a fast so he's fast he's just not a right staying
strong for the battle is fasting you got to get ready to be starving starve
yourself wow Joe said he'd gone one day without water before and Ryan said quote
I don't think you should ever go more than two days without water one's hard
enough after two you get real dizzy and collapse and fall to the ground so they're
having great conversations well it says like all the options are good Ryan said
he went 96 hours without eating before seizing the building so Ryan Bundy
did not eat for 96 hours before he went in to take over he was probably just
looking for meat I've had a change of heart let's eat
zebra steak you know what I'm gonna try to overthrow the government but it's my
cheat day really it landed nicely he believed fasting or turtle he believed
fat I would have said beaver but he believed fasting not with the Mormons
you can eat it but through a sheet
to our Mormon do Mormons use sheet with no no no no no they do a bunch of
other crazy shit but you know the hole in the sheets always a lot of fun I get
it fun fun card to play Ryan and also makes Halloween a lot more sexy right
someone rocks up dresses a ghost you like oh hello hello hello daddy that
eyes open daddy my ghost costume smells weird honey that's not a ghost
costume that's your mom's honeymoon dress
Ryan believed fasting would give him divine guidance as to how the how to end
the occupation peacefully for sure the days were on and the men became more
ready for a battle of some kind Kelly quote fat man of steel nighting what
that's his nickname huh man of fat steel did I say man of fat man of fat steel
who is he I think he's a fat guy so they were given a nickname man of man of fat
steel that's not I like I think he's a fat guy and they're like how about sure
that's great but you still can't come up with way better stuff well man of steel
but instead of super fat I mean look yeah but who are you talking about what
about man of fat as opposed to man of steel how about man of meal man well
now they're so fucking bummed how about when they hear this podcast gonna be
like fuck man of meal man of meal man of meal versus fat man that's I could
have done that oh my god don't don't let the studios hear this weird Al's
attached so nighting charged Chris Chrissy to set ten sumo bouts to settle
the refuge dispute you said sumo right yes sumo about by the way when you say
things like Chris Christie I keep being reminded that this happened not in the
past yeah like I keep thinking this is like a hundred years ago and I'm like
America she's so crazy but Christian I'm like is he a mortal I'm like oh no this
happened like a year ago but and yet now Chris Christie is in the past so that's
cool okay yeah yeah he promised he promised that if
Christie could win one bout the Oregon occupation would disperse Christie had
nothing to do with the occupation the federal government or nighting it was
just something he did but it was like I'm interested the militia asked for
supplies instead of money if people wanted to help they said they could use
cold weather socks snacks energy drinks equipment for cold weather snow camel
gear they put a plan a wish list up plan we're starting a Kickstarter for a better
idea a plan they put up a wish list which included marboil red a hundreds
marbo light 100s Paul mall menthol 100s and Copenhagen chew I mean we need
help cigarettes and Fago when he picks he sticks real bad one Jeff Fox worthy of
one Jeff Dunham DVD slim gyms when he's all slim gyms you can stand we want
these DVDs and slim gyms to be dropped off by Larry the cable guy to pry the
sick jet ski through a flaming hoop of freedom and we need you to cancel Ellen
she's not a man on January 6th Gawker wrote about their needs and included a
children's book about the signing of the Constitution and extra large condoms
in the list and extra large condoms I mean now you're just boasting no one's
fucking on that farm for us that unless the giraffes have asked for protection
right we need giraffe size rubbers they are going crazy a children's book and
some extra we need to smuggle a children's book and you by the way you
could totally find extra large condoms at a wildlife sanctuary be like it's
weird but it's for a horse it'll play on January 13th a headline read Oregon
militants want you to stop sending them dildos I love you I love you the
militia was said to be overwhelmed with dildos we could carve them out they
could be big rubbers launch them over the wall John Ritzheimer put up a
response video quote this one is really funny it's a bag of dicks you honest to
God that the huge mistake is acknowledging that it happened absolutely
you absolutely are like do not you don't call it out stop sending us dicks
everyone's like I'm gonna get a bit I'm gonna get 12 pack of dicks and just get
it right click click you so I said they spent and waste their money on this
hateful stuff right here it is sad that there are people who would spend this
kind of money on this rather than spending it to do good in the world
said a guy who took over a fucking bird sanctuary Max he doesn't understand
they're just trying to protect the cox the sushi
sorry it was hard to say I choked on the cox a little but I I feel like I got
it out of the end choked on the coxon and I amended yeah it was an amendment
little second amendment the only thing that'll stop a guy with a cock is a guy
with a bigger cock we know what you're saying NRI excuse me sir Max Temkin my
dildo when you take it out of my dead gold hands Max Temkin co-founder of the game cards
against humanity announced on Twitter the next day quote I sent a 55 gallon
drum of personal lubricant to the Oregon militia that I mean there's a couple of
things about this that I just want to stop down on firstly congratulations to
the dude who came up with cards against humanity the bad he has barrels of
fucking lube spare cash like that's how well that's everyone in this audience if
you have a fucking dream if you have an idea and you're thinking I can't do it
he came up with that fucked up board game and now he has so much spare money
he's like fucking bucket a loop does not give a shit remember that has is how
well he's doing put the lubricant and lubricant yes we lubricant yes we
lubricant make America slippery again but secondly I want to know about that day I
want to know that the logistics is what fascinates me does he order the lube
himself I can do it does he's the guy just walks over and he pops it up he's
like fuck fucking god these motherfucking sons of fucking bitches god damn it
for those of you listening Dave is masturbating which is something that
Gareth is technically meant to say by law at the start of every episode so I
know I get what would happen was delivered yeah but I want to know about the
dude ordering it does he like really is assistant and go can you all Johnson and
Johnson hello right hello 55 gallon lube house like where do you even get that
delivered from that's like a ball of fucking move that's like a whole day of
organizing your bucket a lot it's not like on Amazon they're like click here
deliver a bucket a bucket as like they are okay I'm sorry that's how they did
it I apologize Amazon outlaws and saviour you're fucking ahead of me I'm
sorry so as someone who was for five years 55 gallons no for five years I was
a wholesale loop man and you get it in big you made a lot of lube money yeah
you could you you get it and then you cut it up in a smaller amounts it's like
cocaine you know you called it fuck lube money yeah my fuck lube money got
the fuck lube money yeah
because it really thousand one thousand three hundred no he knows how much
you just look it up is it on Amazon by the way I I might be buying so that is
not I just gonna roll that into my wife tomorrow get ready we're having a baby
farm we're not using the vagina anymore get in the loop cozy I mean I in
Australia we had this children's thing I hope it was the same year caught a
slip-and-slide is it code guess who invented them the rednecks the rednecks
invented lube slides yeah for sure I had MTV for a while they are it's not
safe good Lord like how you're standing now too hard not just I can't sit all
right so so the town of Burns is totally coming apart the schools closed for
safety reasons there were arguments over the occupation in churches and debt
threats made against federal employees security measures were costing the
county seventy thousand dollars a day the are you fucking serious yeah that's
like 55 buckets of lube you deliver it there in a luber all right now no tell
me this is a lube-based economy tell me a lube I just got a couple of loopholes
oh my lord we struck lube clear gold Texas P it's just a guy holding his
dick over it Terry no this is how I want to
kind of feel like just stopping so so refuge employees are being stocked
cars are idling outside of their homes and they were being questioned in
grocery stores over half of the county residents were employed by the government
and they were all getting shit on January 19th the town had an open meeting in
the high school gymnasium and shit went off speaker after speaker were furious
at public officials the federal government and at Amon Bundy who was
sitting high up in the bleachers I want to be prom king I want my day in prom
court a county judge got up and told aiming to go home then challenged him
to a fist fight anywhere outside the county wait wait I'm sorry I'm sorry
wait wait what this judge how is this judge not on TV I don't know he's the
best I am a very familiar with TV judges and this is someone we need to get
filmed the first rule of county court is that you do not talk about what happens
in the car park of county court a chant then grew in the gymnasium go go go go
and aiming just sat there never saying a thing when it finally ended he just left
quietly driving off without saying a word and it went on each morning in the
refuge Dwayne Elmer would climb on his horse and take a pre-dawn inspection
ride around the refuge quote I'm looking for anybody that ain't supposed to be
here I'm looking for everybody I am searching for where am I if I find me
I'm gonna kill me I don't think this canary's allowed to be here is it a human
or bird sanctuary I keep going back and forth there were about 25 people there
but sometimes more as visitors would stop in visitors included Matt Wandersee
26 a barber from Texas Christy Jernigan 44 a Christian missionary from Tennessee
quote I'm just here to spread love I'm not really interested in politics Paul
now he's very anti-love Paul Nelson O'Leary was a man from Idaho who came
dressed as one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence and just
walked around all day I don't know I type square yeah are you still doing a
dollop or announcing the next cast of survivor or the new cabinet of the
president that ain't funny as Secretary of Defense the naked cowboy great to be
here do not wear shirts or pants on January 23rd the Sharp family singers
came they were a mother and seven children who were a singing group they
had also sung at the they were not sharp they had also sung at the Cliven
standoff in Nevada and here they performed at the refuge that is the NBA
all-star game of cows it's huge break but also I love that even though this has
been a terrible event that is happening it's been a bit of an opportunity for
this family to train for come on guys the cause is insane but a bookings a
booking two three come on guys come on from the top two three come on guys
come on the osmonds did it we can do it come on guys come on we're the osmonds
come on two three four six three two three four well I'm the mom and these
are the kids and this is a band oh my god so things started to get weird and the
guys like North Korean here's a happy mom and seven kids come on everyone
everything's fine the dad is at home yeah good take him to the fucking
refuge and sing Jesus fucking Christ yeah he's hanging it on he's like a
weekend alert I mean a gig go go so things started getting weird the guys at
the refuge at one point the refuge noticed that the FBI was suddenly acting
not as friendly they were now carrying their large weapons around and showing
them to the guys in the refuge and they sensed a change had happened and they
what they sense there was a change happening okay John Ritzenheimer John
Ritzenheimer for some reason then decided that he was done with the
occupation and left for home on January 24th the horse guy right no John Ritzen
heimer's the guy who made the video oh okay yeah what's guys still there horse
guys there yeah and then John Ritzenheimer why but I've taken a real
shot into the horse got a great future I get it he's not gonna come back all right
well it go another dollar for another day love to know what happened I'm just
gonna go home and Google that guy so John married the horse that's what the
extra lives condoms before you can't get no more easier way to do this nope hey the
nays have it oh god the nays have it so come on night means that suck John so
John Ritzenheimer leaves on the 24th and he was allowed to drive all the way home
to Arizona without incident the bunnies were invited to speak on Arizona by the
way keep going sorry but that's where they're like welcome back we missed the
crazies hello hero the bunnies were invited to speak at a public meeting in
the town of John Day a hundred is that a town in Oregon yeah sounds like it's
run by a fucking idiot it was a hundred miles away and they agreed to go they
were planning on speaking about the Constitution and hope to meet with Grand
County Sheriff Glenn Palmer so they just let them so they're like all right
we're gonna drive to that we're not weird we're just gonna take over a while
there for you to then drive a hundred miles it'll be fine on the afternoon of
January 26 that I'm losing you know what I've suddenly realized like all
through tonight I've the whole time I've been late struggling a little cuz I'm
from another country and I'm like this plan just doesn't make any sense to me
but what I've actually realized is this plan makes no sense no that's any of us
there's no sense it wasn't just me the whole time none of this has made any
fucking sense no what are they doing now why are they doing this they're driving
to give a speech about the Constitution because clearly they're experts on the
Constitution yep I read it little wordy on the afternoon of January 26 they
headed out from the refuge in a few cars a short time into the drive two of the
cars spotted police vehicles lined up on a force service road off law enforcement
weird timing law enforcement vehicles with their lights on began following
driving his truck Levoix yelled it's a setup we're going to see the sheriff
wait wait wait they think the sheriff has the ultimate authority but they think
they have a free fucking pass but again they're out of the fucking minds but
then so you're gonna chase by cops like not now we're headed to a cop like the
cops do not now state cops I'm going to see a county cop sorry stupid you talk
to him bitch the sheriff of Grant County had always supported them and Levoix
was determined to get there but Ryan Payne told him to stop and Levoix did the
cops got out of their cars armed in moments in the other car Ryan Payne
Amon Bundy and Mark McConnell were in custody Levoix yelled that he wanted to
go see the sheriff lasers were pointed at the truck then Levoix said go ahead and
shoot me he again said your Martian gun he he again yelled that they had a
meeting with the sheriff God damn it we have a meeting with the sheriff what are
you little motherfuckers doing I'm going to see the king a woman named
I hate the sheriff but I do not hate this deputy a woman named Sean who's in the
truck tried to call a nearby county leader of the oath keepers but she
didn't have cell service now the oath keepers are fucking nut jobs no there's
no way and they're they're fucking crazy but they told all these guys get the
fuck out of here because you're too crazy so she was calling someone who was
always already like no we're good so so to go back to Charles Manson it's like
him being like relax come on this is you sound nuts I killed a game recognize
the game can ask game so then Levoix yelled get down and floored it so they
start driving again and Sean asked Levoix how far to the town meeting and he
said about 50 miles about a minute later they found three cars blocking the
highway and Levoix drove his truck into a snowbank Ryan Bundy stuck his hands out
the window he was shot at Levoix jumped and ran screaming show me show me show
me then he reached to his jacket where he had a handgun and Oregon State Trooper
shot him dead wow that's where that's fine
it is but it's crazy yeah that that one that one's like okay no no that's not
the horseman that's the tarp that's tarp man
that's fine I think I want my last words to be shoot me oh they will be in
the truck oh tough to hear in the truck I'm on set ah wrong guy in the truck
pepper spray canisters were raining through the windshield then the cops
through flashbangs Ryan got out Shawna tried to calm Victoria Sharp by Prang then
Victoria yelled out I forgive you and Shawna yelled we hope God forgives you
then they started singing the star-spangled banner
take off your hats we're about to die
the star you got to admit how much we love the star-spangled banner it's same
you know what no no no you know what it's a fucking good song that is a
national anthem like you know what that is a motherfucking national anthem the
whole thing you play it backwards it said we're racist forever I mean I
don't even know what it means and I fucking love it when you learn what it
means it's insane here's the easy thing I would say is most other countries only
sing one song about how great their country is before a sporting event you
guys will do two or three you're like that's the star-spangled banner now
America's fucking awesome you guys need Toby Keith because he is just like you
need to eat the flag and sang a song Toby Keith and Kid Rock man that's the
show kid rock yeah kid rock yeah the Sharp family singers made it to the
meeting in John Day except without Victoria and they they still perform
despite the news and they cried as they sang a lot of the occupiers thought they
had an FBI mole almost everyone in the convoy was arrested and sent to jail but
Mark McConnell was set free immediately and started posting videos telling
supporters not to believe crazy reports about what had happened and emphasizing
that LaVoy had not been surrendering in Arizona John Ritzenheimer surrounded to
the FBI on the 26th in the morning hours of the 27th a lot of people left the
refuge in a hurry including Captain Moroni slash gladiator hours later are
you not edit I got a roll oh my god geese I guess I'm leaving that's my thing
well time for them to form into one large bird and tell me the future I'm fine
hours later law enforcement set up a perimeter blocking access Amen sent word
for everyone to stand down and more people left by the next day just four
occupiers were left on February 10th Cleveland Bundy flew into Portland
Airport planning on going to the refuge and he was immediately arrested by FBI
agents when he landed dynamite because dumb fuck gunman went to the one place he
can't have a dumb fuck gun fuck and they just went come here idiot and he was
like oh I thought that I had powers this is what I'm an icon she like the one
place to like now you don't have a gun white like that was not clear the whole
reason I'm sitting group A the whole reason they weren't arresting him is
because they didn't want to have a shootout and then they're like oh you're
stupid goes to a fucking airport Jesus Christ these guys are dumb it's just a
fucking miracle this is an airport you can't have a gun or a random in on the
end of your night and your flight leaves at 12 hours so you're so they're
remaining four at the refuge tried and started calling militias to get them to
come but none of them would come they soon realized they were on their own and
three of them surrendered now was just one and got one guy 27 year old David
Frye he told supporters by phone that he had not agreed with the other three to
leave the refuge the call was being broadcast live on the internet quote I'm
actually pointing a gun at my head I'm tired of living until you address my
grievances you're probably gonna have to watch me be killed or kill myself he
switched from rants about the federal government to thoughts about UFOs and and
those are connected and then he surrendered after taking a final
cigarette and cooking cookie and asking mediators to shout hallelujah it's
quite a manless it feels like for the last couple of you was just saying what
he could get away with yeah I want to be able I want to make chili and have you
guys sing hymns this at all taking place in just an hour and a half after the
others had left it's on that is honestly it's sad it's a guy who gets it done it
is it's gotten really really sad the stand-up was over the refuge was free so
the refuge manager Chad Cargis found a mess a thousand gallons of fuel had been
used they stole money an ID card credit cards they'd also abandoned a lot of
their personal property they dug trenches they he found quote significant
amounts of human feces in and around the outdoor camping area good 26 people I
might have just been people who were there for the movement we are known for
the best BM jokes 26 people were indicted on conspiracy charges 14
pled not guilty including Aiman and Ryan Bundy many were released pending trial
Dylan Anderson slash Captain Maroney gladiator was released to his parents mom
dad I've given up the dream of Rome I realize now I am just your son I'll be
downstairs playing Xbox and now should be here in 45 minutes thank you and now
fun birds can you still see me okay I'm not birds the judge was concerned about
Dylan's mental health due to the geese comments and I feel like I was also
concerned about that so I'm not saying that makes me qualified to be a judge
but she asked Dylan how can you make sense of that and Dylan said he he thought
talking about geese would stir up sympathy because he was on a bird
sanctuary what I mean does that make any sense like I'm a storyteller no no
no no no no no no Dave from one story teller no no no no no no no no no no no
no it's my boy no no no he took he took one of my courses on January I'm sorry
on May 24th word came that Aiman and Ryan were considering pursuing a civil
rights lawsuit against the county sheriff's office for conditions at the
county jail the bunnies wanted more access to the jails law library discovery
materials office supplies and religious underwear and if I need more God
diapers and if at all possible $1,333 worth of loot that's what they weren't
reporting they were like we've never seen so many parrots covered in KY this is
unbelievable Merck ready to bang Ryan Bundy quote my rights are being
violated all of my first amount of rights are being violated my right to
freedom of religion is being violated I cannot participate in religious
activities and wear religious garments my second amendment rights are being
violated I never waived that right you don't but like you that is just so
crazy to be like you can't put me in jail and not give me a goddamn pistol I
got an amendment no no no no no sir the second one also I'm allowed to have a
bar in here I didn't say no I can't have a gun so I can have a gun read by the
way where are my prison slave if you read the Constitution this is aimed at me
magic underwear come on I'm allowed the sheriff's office said they what do you
mean life isn't regular in jail so they can have an extra towel and wear
religious garments under the jail uniforms if they arranged for them to be
laundered so they just have to wash their magic underwear under their prison
jumps have to wash it yeah are do you guys have magic jumpsuits well then we
need the underwear in July the jail staff found bedsheets braided together into a
15-foot rope and Ryan sell he's home alone they are just they are so stupid
it's just amazing there are a bunch of toy cars on the ground too the rope was
confiscated and then Ryan fought with the jail staff and he was placed in
solitary what argument he took away his rope that he's gonna there's nothing in
the prison law that says I can't make a rope I'm what is prison I've been
misled thought it was camp on January 15th John Ritzheimer admitted in court
to the conspiracy charge when reporters asked him about the plea John said quote
Marines believe in integrity we are just so fucked
amen showed up amen showed up to court in an orange jumpsuit because he said he
was a political prisoner who had been shuffled around in chains and molested
like an animal the defense argued I mean again the fact that like they're
molesting animals makes me suspicious about what happened in the wildlife
reserve I mean the largest basically put a condom on a giraffe and let it have
its way with me that's not from my own life no the defense argued the occupation
was a protest like a quote Martha Luther King style sit-in did you say Martha
Martha Martin Luther King I thought if they called him Martha Luther King this
is just like Martha Luther King we had a nightmare are you not massive muscle
Luther King is he's dragon I'm he would do shows I have a dream good to see you
here gladiator
Amon's defense attorney Marcus Mumford constantly disregarded the judge's
ruling she had to tell him to stop shouting several times she got so tired
of him that when she was told he wasn't in the courtroom when the trial started
one day she said I don't really care at this point I don't I don't care that
he's here and his son's band is shit get to get to that point I just I as a as
as the embodiment of law I ran out of fucks to give I really I don't care I
after Amon was done on the witness stand he stepped down and co-defendant Neil
Wampler stood up at the defense table and applauded and he said quote we all
love you Amon thank you for everything you've done Amon Bundy's wife and other
supporters with her in the gallery stood and joined in the applause captain my
captain what year are we living honest to God what are you doing this is like
captain my captain it's like six months ago but I mean the idea that you're
like water water everywhere not a drop to what year I it was revealed during the
trial the FBI had 15 confidential sources given an information from their
contacts with the occupying so wait yeah there was they had a mall convention
yeah it was more of a loser you got you guys remember
Amon Bundy's lawyer demanded to know who they were because there were so many
and the judge called it a very unique scenario but ruled she wouldn't order
the government to identify them but it was revealed Mark McConnell was indeed
a mole also a man who went by the name John Kilman had been sent by the FBI to
infiltrate don't you tell me Terry murderers next I got a great I got a
great name and I came up with infiltrate John Kilman don't don't do that I'm
Gussie Billarats freedom Jones John Kilman at all Anderson
what not a mole it always a very lovely member of their family and we value her
John Kilman was there from January 23rd through January 26th the FBI paid him the
whole time at the refuge he oversaw the shooting range providing training on
firearm safety and proficient use of firearms okay I know occupiers I know
we've already been there but literally his job is the guns and his name is John
Kilman like like it feels like it's too much to me it's insane
he's also been sent by the FBI to train people how to shoot at the FBI right you
gotta point away from them that's the trick these are magic bullets just like
our PJs these are the ones that got Kennedy you gotta shoot through a hole
in this shit no no no not like that not like that not like that no no no good
Lord no no no no no I swear I got anytime you find some a dumber then the FBI
comes along you're like wow yeah well really in closing arguments the
defense kept hitting the point that the FBI had sent a guy to train the
occupiers with guns he had also trained one man in hand-to-hand combat the
defense asked the jury quote how can you trust a federal government who placed a
dozen informants into the conspiracy then doesn't tell you they who they are or
what they did the liberation started and then quickly stopped when a man on the
jury revealed he was a former BLM employee and hadn't said anything the
whole time and he started jury deliver deliberations by saying quote I'm very
biased that better have been his name so so they kicked them off the jury and he
was replaced by an alternate and after five hours the jury declared everyone
not guilty it's cuz the FBI fucked up 100% as they always fucking do every
if you go through and look at all the terrorists fucking guys they've caught
it's always an FBI going hey man you want to pull something up when there's
always some fucking informant that's like you want to kill a bunch people you
want to do it come on I'll give you guns all right fucking buddy calm down I
swear to God they blew this shit Marcus Mumford then argued Amen should be
released from custody immediately but there was a US Marshal there to arrest
him for the Nevada Bundy standoff like is it ever been more unclear who's in
charge ever it feels like there's nine different levels it's it's not great the
sheriff the sheriff's in charge sir you've chimed in 18 times and finally hit
a winner finally it's true though but it'll give him fucking encouragement
because he fucking kept swinging hell yeah was not deterred by the other seven
yeah I've got a movement you might be interested in so after he learned that
Jewish marshals there to arrest Amen Mumford started yelling at the judge
six US Marshals then stood up in the courtroom and moved toward him the judge
told them to move back but they didn't and they grabbed Mumford and slammed him
to the floor he was then hit I mean this is like a Christmas Carol is another
slight seven Mormon children six US Marshals for crazy guys now there's only
three now there's only two one he's in court and a big thing a fucking loob
one kid named seed budget crazy shits one guy on a horse and a fuck ton of this
loo so their their lawyer their lawyer was arrested
remember the airport yeah yeah
I'm emotional I wanted him to be freed so much beer just went up my nose it's
legal here so so all the occupiers were free after this decision John Ritzheimer
and others who had already pled guilty decided to reverse that decision Steve
Hammond will be released in January 2020 Dwight Hammond in September 2020 the
Department of Justice opened an investigation to determine if the FBI
had failed to disclose that they had shot at Levoix an FBI agent is
suspected of lying about firing twice at Levoix and four other FBI agents may have
helped to cover it up they are awesome after the trial Ryan Bundy was asked if
the group plans another standoff and he said quote absolutely it's tough that's
the best thing in the world to do he went on to say I get knocked down but I
get up again
it's a chumbo wovement read the Declaration of Independence it says right
there that if the government becomes abusive it's our right and our duty to
abolish that government if the government won't restrain itself whatever
happens is their own fault obey the Constitution read it understand it
abide by it there doesn't have to be violence none of that has to happen if
they would just abide by the Constitution but it's it's over like
that is valid like that that that is like valid for us sane people to be like
let's get them the fuck out of here these people are like let our cows eat
everywhere right we hate your law now let's use law no they're out of their
fucking minds yeah and there and there's there these constitutional
share constitutional sheriffs who are doing shit that is crazy particularly in
Texas I'm shocked about that that is a that's been our rock the whole time I
Texas get your shit together I guess the whole thing is just how do we like how
do you keep holding on to the you just pick and choose these amendments and
the things in the constant like if you bought Benjamin Franklin to today oh he'd
be like what where the kites what the hell is go what is this pizza video game
like it would be like Bill and Ted's excellent adventure and he'd be like
one of these things one of these guns to be like well we're protecting you he'd
be like no no no no no no no I didn't see this I he saw Trump though he called
Trump but he's the one who says bait but that but that is again that's that's
what they sort of hold you know that they they they say that the second that
your government's out of control and not for the people then you got to
overthrow it and yet these are the people like we finally got Trump we're
good no need to overthrow we're fine well I mean the you know what the good
news is they're out of they're out of prison in 2020 and we're gonna get
murdered just in time for a second dude that's just the two guys that aren't
doing anything the crazy guys are out of prison they already are they didn't get
put in prison that's they're all they're all fucking ready preparing for the
next one cool cool cool right now cool cool cool cool cool cool but at least we
have a we at least we have a government it's not into crazy white guys are on
guns that's cool cool cool that is cool and I think it's big for all this when
I say cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool hey have you guys seen outside of
your city we are the dollop we will come back you know will like if you like
it's raining a lot so if you so if you want us to send your car it's raining I
don't know how to get back to the dresser I literally went off the wrong way
and I'm standing out there and there's nowhere to go I don't I don't know
where I meant to go I walked off and I was just standing going it's cold it's
lonely and they're still talking and is it that way did I come on from that way
that makes all crowds are out of here and oh um but we thank you guys so much
so if you want a picture or anything signed or whatever we will you know give
us a minute and if it I left that door signing signing signing cars is hard in
the rain but you know well okay Dave saying leave thank you guys we appreciate
the shit out of it truly