The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 255 - Fake Navy Man Fred Demara

Episode Date: April 3, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine The Great Imposter Ferdinand Demara. SOURCESTOUR DATESREDBUBBLE MERCH

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week. I, Dave Anthony. Did I do that right? Yeah so far. Yeah read yeah yeah read a story from American history to my friend. You're thrilled to has no idea what the topic is going to be about. What is that? Train. That's a train? Yeah. You don't got trains where you live? I didn't realize we lived in like Ohio in the middle of a... What do you think it says? Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah look with a voice like that you could be the train Barker. We need some of those. That's what we need. The guy who's you know just shout, train's coming! Move stupid! Is this a thing? Is this a position? Yeah I'm like

workshopping it. I'm hoping it will be. God do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gira. Dave okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to tickle you quite good. Okay. You are queen faking of made-up town. All hail queen shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle and do what? Train. Hi Gary. No. We've done my friend. No. December 21st 1921. December 21st? Yeah I did a... Colin Firth calendar? Is it Daffy Duck that talks like that? That's close. Yeah.

December 21st 19 what? 21. Okay. Year of our Lord. Ferdinand Waldo de Mara was born in Lawrence, Massachusetts. Okay. And you warm it up. Also known as Larry, Massachusetts. That's right. To his friends. The family is well off when he was born but when his father lost a bunch of money in the Great Depression they ended up moving to a poor neighborhood. Okay. It's that story so far. Yeah. Well he was living there. He had a very important moment in his life. He tricked a store owner into giving him and his friends free chocolates. Okay. Another time he found some fake legs.

Necro pants? No. These are fake legs. Necro pants are real legs you put on. They don't feel like them. Okay. So that could be a new come online. What? Let me wear your Necro pants. I don't think it's a come online. I think that's a threat. Let me get in your legs. That's a threat. I got to take this one. So no, like the kind you would see in a window display back then you know with like. Oh, just like a set of games. Yeah, like a set of legs with socks on them. Sure. Stockings. Right. So I found them in the trash so he took them and put them so they were sticking out of a snow bank on a busy road. Okay. And so and then he

just sat back and enjoyed the reactions of people slamming on their brakes and jumping out of their cars to save the person who had been crushed by the snow bank or whatever. Honey, this lady with great stockings is dying. He did the prank over and over. He enjoyed tricking people. He liked pranking. Yeah. Okay. This is about the show punked. All right. Fred Ashton Kutcher was born. Fred was a big kid. Have you ever heard the Wilder, Wilmer Valderrama thing where they had a prank done on him where he came out and he had like a porche, like a very expensive porche and some kid was like smashing it and Wilder Valmerhan just

beat the crap out of it. I think he was like 12. There are a few. There's a Frankie Munez one where they mess with his porche and you're just like, well, I don't know why he signed a release form for this. Yeah. Because he, I mean, you're just like, he's like 17. He's like, bro, are you serious, bro? Are you serious right now? You're like, get over here, Frank. Oh, anyway, back to our story. Sure. So Fred was a big kid. I know his name's Fernand, but he was called Fred. Sure. Fred was a big kid. He started playing football at his Catholic high school when he was 14, but he never made the starting lineup because he didn't take the

coaches orders seriously. Is that important? I mean, the coaches to some coaches like that. Some do. Okay. Most don't. That's interesting. He read a lot, but he didn't study for school very much. Okay. Side reading as they call it in the business. Sure. He was said to be a very entertaining talker and very religious. Okay. And Fred ran away from home when he was 16, ends up in Rhode Island in a very small town that had a Cistercian monastery. Sure. A Cistercian monastery. Yeah. That's where they do Cistercian. Yeah. Cistercian nations. Yep. All the different. You know, as, sorry, as we're going through it, I'm thinking, while you

and I know what Cistercian monasteries mean, right? Do some of the listeners maybe not know? A lot of them probably don't. Idiots. Why don't you tell these dumbasses? More on stupid? Tell them what a Cistercian monastery is. I mean, it's a guy. It's where you can talk. Yeah. You do stuff with people. Aren't you sick of not talking? Let's see if it says right here. It doesn't. It's cool. So I go to the Cambridge app and it just doesn't have a, it's fine. Yeah. People don't care. That would just be great to get a monk to talk. I remember when I was... Any monk? Yeah. Like, well, a silent monk. A Cistercian is a member of the Cistercian order.

All right. I hope that clears it up for everyone. A religious order of monks and nuns. So they're monks. Known as the trappists? What? Yeah. So, yeah, it just sounds like a fancy name for whatever. Cistercian. Sounds like they do agricultural work or they did. Okay. So they're monks of the land. Cistercian by name, white monk or Bernardine member of Roman Catholic monastic order that was founded in 1098 and named after the original establishment at Situ, Latin Cistercian. Okay. The local of Burgundy. Oh, so it's just the place. Oh, okay. There we go. Long road to home. Oh boy. How much was that not worth it? That's why we don't... We dig and

we dig and we dig. That's why we don't Google things here on the dollop. So he joined the monastery as a novice, which meant he was clothed in monks' robes and officially became a member of the order, but it would be at least five or six years before he took the vows. So that is quite an internship. So he's like a pledge in a motorcycle gang. Right. So they're giving him all the stuff. Yeah. He gets to wear it. All the upside. You get the robe. You get the silence. Yeah. You get the quiet. All the... You get all that upside, but you just... You don't have to fully commit yet. You have five years of a sort of... Let's see. Trying it on. Yeah.

Sort of... Put on the robe every day. A monk rum springer. Right. A monk springer. He didn't make it. After four years, Fred left. Four years? You put it in them when you're one year away, you bailed. Dude, it was, you know... Come on. It seemed all right. You're a second semester senior. Right. It's nothing but free periods. Well, he left in 1944, 1941. World War II was coming and Fred enlisted in the army. Okay. But they gave him all the equipment and guard, but he wouldn't be a soldier for six years. Six years. Five he quit. But it turns out Fred did not like life in the army, and so he went AWOL. Okay. Now, because he deserted, he needed a new name, so he took the

identity of an army friend named Anthony Ignolia. So wait, he... So this guy likes the path of least resistance. I mean, he's definitely finding it. He likes... He likes... I mean, he's... And maybe got some commitment issues. Maybe. Yeah. But so he... So he just goes AWOL and takes his buddy's existence. Yeah. Who... Who... If I'm reading this correctly, he's already in the army. Yeah. But he took his name and then just bailed. I got to take this flight. I missed my train because of the podcast. So as Anthony, he joined the Navy. What? The week after Pearl Harbor. Okay. Does he think that this is... Okay. Because he thinks that the Navy

is really different than the army. The army was the worst. I'm not... I'm not made for something like that. I got a new name. Oh, you know what would be great if I was in the army but on a boat. I got a new name, a new take, a new life. I'm doing the Navy now. Not an idiot. I'm Anthony. He was trained as a hospital corpsman, but at some point he realized he would be landing on a beach in a war, right? So he's being trained to basically be a... It sounds like a medic. Yeah. So he's getting off the fucking boat. Tough. Tough. Rush in the beach. Tough position. Yeah. And he realizes that people will be shooting at him. So he decides to create

a college background for himself which would let him apply for officer candidate school. So then he wouldn't be one of the guys rush in the beach. Because he's he's gotta go learn it. Right. As an officer you're not one of the first guys off that fucking boat. So if he gets into these officer courses and takes them then he doesn't need to get off the boat. Yeah. So... Smart. Okay. So he makes up this college background. He's now a graduate of Iowa State College and he had a letter from Senator Kapper of Kansas who praised his character. How did he get the letter? He just fucking... I don't know. I don't know how he got

that letter but he managed to... He might have just written it. Yeah. Okay. That seems like the best version. But he did not include enough mathematics in his scholastic history and he was turned down. So... Okay. You know... He's not very good at the Forge. We all make mistakes. Yeah. Okay. It didn't stop Fred. From what? He's not doing anything. He doctored another transcript of credits including one with more math. Fred was an amateur when it came to forging documents and the Navy realized the credentials were counterfeit. Okay. And so he ran for it. Time to get a new name. He went back to what he was familiar with and he joined a

Cistercian monastery. No. What? The trappist of the Abbey of Our Lady Guest Mani in Louisville, Kentucky. There's other options. No. He... Then being... Go where you're comfortable. A monk or... Go where you're comfortable. Go to the army. Army or monk. He really wants a crew of pals. This is the 40s. This guy just wants a crew of pals. He wants some bros. He wants some bros to kick it with. He wants to hang with bros. He wants bros. Then he joined a biker gang. Then he joined the sharks. This time he used the name Robert Linton French. Okay. So this was also a person whose identity he took. Okay. Hold on. I gotta catch this flight. No, that's mine I think. I missed

my last one. That's the choppa. Oh, people are gonna... In this this podcast you might get the feel of what it's like to live in Los Angeles with helicopters flying over your head all the time. I told you that story when I was in England and my family saw a helicopter and you would have thought that Ringo Starr was swapping on the street. And I was like, what? I was like, guys, no. They're not good where I live. There's like two above me at all times. Like, what are you up to, asshole? Hey, dude, what are you doing? Okay, so... Okay, so French was this French guy, Robert French. Which is still Anthony who is still Fred. Right, it's still Fred.

Right. So Anthony's gone now. Now he's... Well, I mean, he's not gone. He's still a man. Okay. That's true. He hasn't... When he takes people identities, they don't vanish. No, yeah, he's not like a soul collector. I've got Anthony. What's next? So, French was a graduate from the University of Michigan with a PhD in psychology from Stanford. He learned the background, Fred learned the background of French from a college catalog and then got copies of documents using the mail like birth certificates and university credentials. So he just scoped this dude in the back of the magazine and he was like, I'll be him. Yeah, he goes through a

college catalog. He finds a guy who's smart and accomplished and then he figures out where he's from and, hey, he was born here and he gets rights and said, I need a birth certificate and just does all that shit. He's just hitting the identity theft lottery. Fucking nail on it. So next he goes to Chicago where he entered the clerics of Saint Viator, an order of Catholic teachers and studied philosophy and ethics at DePaul University. He studied ethics. It's weird that he is studying ethics, is he? It's a little bit ironic. I want to teach people what is right and wrong. Hello, my name is Robert French. He got straight A's. But actual earned straight A's?

Yeah, no, he got it. So now, well, Robert got them. What? Robert Fred, Anthony. Robert Fred, Anthony, French. Quote, maybe the instructors were impressed by my PhD. Well, you didn't have one. Well, yes, he did because he's Robert French. Right, right. He has a PhD. So he he's method. He loses himself in the character. He does. One day when he was parking a car at a railroad station in Chicago while wearing his Roman collar, a bunch of Navy sailors came out of the station. Oh, boy. Fred recognized them as his beach battalion and was very worried they would recognize him and give him up, but they passed him by. Okay. That's a

little hairy. Yeah, that's nerve wracking. But as you got closer to taking the Holy Orders and becoming ordained, so he's getting closer to becoming a priest, right? Now, he's he's going he's in he's in he's a modest he's in the monastery. No, he's in he's in he's at DePaul University, but he's studying. He's studying. Okay, got to become a cleric or whatever. Yeah, whatever priest situation, big, big shit monk, big shit monk, by the way, which is a new show coming out on MTV. It's gonna be great. Everyone. It's me. Big shit. Monk. Monk. It's already around. Huh? We canceled. I took the file of silence. I shouldn't even be doing this shit. Get my

agent out of the phone. So he so he he's becoming close to being ordained and he can't take it quote. In this little game I was playing. There always comes a time when you find yourself getting into deep. Now Fred was actually super religious. So what he was doing was too much. He was about to be ordained as a Vitorian priest. So once again, he bailed. So he is he actually starts feeling bad as he gets the doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hut like how is he the sweet like who no shit he starts feeling he starts feeling weird inside like up until a point and then when it like when he because because then it's between him and God right like

if he's being ordained, then it's like a then it's between him and God and he can't then you've got the certificate that you're lying to God. Right. Yeah. So he bailed. I think he's got commitment issues wherever Fred was. He always kept a stash of money in case he had to make a quick exit. He called this his mad money. All righty. Okay. Next. He's really pious. Next you went to Erie, Pennsylvania and taught psychology at Gannon University. Okay. So he now he's teaching psychology. Okay. He's again. I think he's still Robert French. Yeah. Yeah. After that because Robert, but he's been learning about psychology. Well, after

that, he moved to Los Angeles and got a job. So when he would teach, he would he would stay a chapter ahead. He would read the chapter the week before and then teach them the next week. That's how he taught. It's airtight. After that, he moved to Los Angeles and got a job as an orderly at the Brothers of St. John of God's Sanitarium. Okay. Then once again, that's quite a name. Yeah. That's a long one. This is God's Sanitarium. Brothers of St. John of God's Sanitarium. Okay. Then once again, using the identity of Robert French, he got another job teaching psychology this time at a college near Olympia, Washington. Now, he's never

studied psychology. Right. Okay. So he reads the book, studies a chapter and stays a week ahead. And what can go wrong with this point? Well, for the first time in his life, since since the Navy, he felt safe. And he liked his life there. And he decided this is what he was gonna do. He's gonna settle permanently. Robert French's. Yes. Right. As Robert French, he's now just gonna, you know, I think I've just been a little crazy as Robert French. Time for Robert French to settle down. Robert French will have the omelet. I'm Robert French. He didn't. I don't think he talked in his eye. Robert French, for sure. Fair. How can it be

anyone else? He was very popular at the college. Robert French party of me. He made a lot of influential friends in the town, one of whom was the local sheriff. Okay. Always someone you want to befriend. They became very close and the sheriff made Fred a special deputy so Fred could enforce the laws around campus. As Fred? As Robert. So this is like a breaking bad situation he's got going on here. He's flying too close to the sun. Being popular in the area, Fred... So now he's just a cop? Well, he's a campus cop? He's a campus cop as well as a popular professor at the local college. Interesting. By day, he teaches psychology that he doesn't know.

By night, he enforces the laws under a name. It's not his. He is the bullshit artist. So he's super popular, right? So popular that he starts going around making speeches in support of the sheriff who is running for office again. Okay. But one day, the sheriff showed up on campus and arrested Fred and handed him over to the FBI. Yeah. Okay. I mean, that really... That's what I was... You just can't get cocky if you're in that situation. Like, look, you got a great life as Robert French. Okay? Yeah. Teach your bullshit. Stay a chapter ahead. Don't start hanging with the cops. You don't need to be campaigning. Don't become a cop. You need a spotlight on

you. The ego on you, French. When he came in to the sheriff's office and saw the two FBI agents, one looked at Fred and said, hello, Ferdinand. Fred's true identity had been discovered and he was wanted for going AWOL. Fred defended himself at the court martial, but he really had no chance. It was an open and shut case. He spent a year and a half in the U.S. disciplinary barracks in California. And while he was in the barracks, the army discharged him. So that's nice. Nice. Finally, closure. When he was let out, Fred went home to Lawrence, Massachusetts. But he wasn't there for long. Once again, using college catalogs and then reaching

out to different agencies for documents, Fred became biologist Dr. Cecil Hammond, who lived in Kentucky. Now he's lying about biology. He's a biologist now. It's so fun. You know, I think I'm a biologist. So that's done. But I figured that out. Fred was very good. I'm a pilot today. I am a pilot. This is gonna be a weird one, you guys. Here we go. Fred was very good at stealing an identity in as little as 10 days he could do it. He even managed to get Hammond's birth certificate, even though he didn't know what city Hammond had been born in. He wrote the state statistics office with a sob story telling him he'd been abandoned and

didn't know where he was from and they told him and then he wrote and got the certificate. You got to train people to know, like, I'm just so I don't even know where I am or from. I don't think you could do this anymore. Hello. I mean, although people still do it all the time, like they call up Amazon and they just talk to him and they get all your information. I'm trying to be strong through this time, but I just my name's Hammond and I don't know where I'm from. Using his new identity, Fred got a job as an orderly at a Harvard affiliated eye and ear hospital. Oh boy. Remember, he took the he took the identity

of Dr. Cecil Hammond. Oh boy. While he did this, Fred went to night school and studied law at Northeastern. What is his deal? He's a jack of no trades. Why, when you said he's studying at night, the only assumption one could make is that he's in the field that he's now currently stuck in the lies of, but instead he's like, no, no, no, no. Well, he didn't. He just wanted to. I got these eyes and ears down, pretty pat. I just feel like when the malpractice so it hits the fan, I want to be ready to go. So he's been to prison, right? So he wants to figure out ways to do this again without getting caught. So he's studying law, not

as with the goal of becoming a lawyer, studying law, because he's going to have to defend himself and his actions in court eventually. And he knows this. But he only completed the first year. He thought a formal education was bullshit compared to hands-on experience. Well, that's not not true. Well, first off, like acting, like I would recommend you don't go to acting school, but I would recommend, you know, you can get hands-on experience doing different things. Hey, hey, hey. I can't take those four years back, asshole. But a biologist is different. A biologist is a weirder. I certainly don't think, yeah. Or a doctor,

Dr. Hammond is different. Well, but I would also say that you're probably going to pick up, I mean, you're going to pick up a lot of big things just by being thrown into the cobra pit anyway. That's true. I mean, you're probably going to be like, oh, I've seen this before. Just you got to categorize that. Fred then left Boston and moved to Alfred, Maine. I think he's picking places just based on Alfred Lawrence. Yeah. Well, he's probably going to steal it within no time. His name is going to be Lawrence Alfred. Well, there he jumped back into the religious existence. So he's back into this time. It was as part of a teaching

order, the brothers of Christian instruction. The brothers were very excited to have such a, quote, highly qualified man in the order. The biologist Hammond. Yeah, Dr. The biologist Dr. Hammond. Quote, I was regarded as a windfall. They rolled out the red carpet and all the bells in the place began to ring. It was such a big deal. Close that window. It was such a big deal. The story was written about in the local papers. Can't be doing this. Now, press is usually not a good thing for an identity thief. But one story took a different path. A scientist who is a former student of the actual Dr. Hammond was sent a package from Boston.

The package was padded with newspapers to keep the thing inside secure. Sure. And he, while unwrapping it, noticed the story, which he then sent. So wait, so he's literally like randomly someone has thrown newspaper into a box and he's like, oh, what a lovely guy's opening up a box with a vase in it and it's wrapped in newspaper and he takes out the box and he's like, wait a minute, I know that man. So the thing in a movie that you'd see and be like, I'm out of here. So that guy sent the story to Dr. Hammond. Dr. Hammond vowed to take action and was upset, but was apparently very lazy and he just never told authority. What's that?

He's that lazy? He, I can't, I can't imagine. Alzheimer's is the only excuse for this. I mean, so Fred took the name of Brother John and spent hours telling his fellow brothers about the adventures he had taken in India, Japan, India, Japan and Tibet. Just making shit up. Yeah, that's great though. You know, they have a very rare tea in Tibet that is made out of a monkey's finger that we would drink every day after Yotra, which is soup time, which they have every morning at 9.45 when a bear blows a whistle and you go down a water slide into a soup factory. Yeah, Andy, you have a question. Yeah, it's not Andy. Oh yes, you there there.

Sijin? Sijin? Yes, hello Sijin. Yes. Oh, I didn't notice. Those not words. Huh? What part are you from? That's the problem right there. Sijin, I don't mean to call out a liar, but Sijin, my guess is you've never been to some of the places that I've been to. You've never heard a bear blow a whistle and they've gone into a water slide into a soup shop? No. Well, I don't know. One of us is lying and I'm the one on stage, so I don't know what to tell anyone here. Why go on stage? I love a spotlight. I love to dance. So he also helped the seminary figure out the bureaucracy of becoming a registered American college. It turns out he was

good at navigating bureaucracy. So once again. With the right system. This mind could be valuable. Oh yeah. So once again, the time for him to take his vows came, but he was first sent to Grand Falls, New Brunswick, and Canada to study theology and prepare for his vows. So it's like some little excursion thing before you do the thing. Sure. You got to go up in some sort of ritual situation. Immersion, right. So while he's there, a doctor was treating a monk for arthritis. Okay. And Fred was becoming very interested in medicine. So this doctor, Dr. Sire, heard that Hammond was a biologist before he became a monk, so he asked Fred for his

advice with the treatment. Fortunately, Fred had an idea. He had just read an article about bee venom that it had been used to treat arthritis and he told Dr. Sire and it worked. Oh God. Dr. Sire was now super impressed by Fred, who was not a doctor, but just a guy who read stuff. Let a bee sting him. The two men became friends. Such good friends that when Fred returned in Maine, Dr. Sire asked Fred if Fred would bring his credentials across the border. Fred, back away. Dr. Sire was trying to get an American medical license so he could also practice in Maine. But when Fred got back to Maine, he was, quote, too busy

with other things to present Dr. Sire's case to the state medical board. Oh, he got swamped suddenly. Yeah, he got all very busy all the time. That's tough. That's tough. It's hard to be a fake brother. It's not easy to be a part-time monk biologist and a liar. When Fred got back to the school in Maine, he found out the brothers had gotten their college charter, which he had helped them work towards, right? Okay. Great news. But then he found out he was not going to be head of the college as he had apparently expected. Oh no. So Fred was mad and decided to do what anyone would do. He stole one of the brothers' cars and drove

to Boston. Right. I was gonna say, whose car did he steal and where did he drive? From there, he took a bus to Grand Falls, New Brunswick. Why didn't he? So he's going back to where he drove the car down and then left it and took a bus back up. So he's straight? I don't know. That's where he... You know, I don't like driving. He entered a Canadian Navy recruiting office and enlisted as a Naval Surgeon as Dr. Sire, whose credentials he had. He's now a Naval Surgeon. Yeah, a Naval Surgeon. That just means he can do belly button surgeries, right? Oh. Quote, I told them if they didn't take me in a hurry, I'd join the

Canadian Army. They did the next day. They didn't even bother to take his fingerprints. Quote, one of the admirals on the selection board told me the processing that I went through in a day usually takes 10 weeks. So because they wanted a surgeon so badly... Oh, they'll get one. And they'll have bees. You know, bees always helped cancer. You know, some bees in that gunshot ought to help. Quote, put bees on his chest. He's drowning! I'm a bee doctor! Did I not tell you that? Come on! In 1951, he was assigned to a Naval base in Halifax for two months. The cases were pretty routine and he handled them all with confidence. So he's just treating

soldiers on a base. Sure. Yeah. Just a guy. A guy is... A man who's using the secret to become a surgeon. He's not even just a guy. He quit school at 16. He's... Yeah, but Dave, you read a couple articles. He also treated some psychiatric patients. Oh good. Quote, you know delusions of grandeur can be quite difficult on the psyche. Quote, there's no mystery about psychiatry. Anybody with common sense could practice it. My wife would not be happy about that. Yeah, I don't think that's fair. Fred met a woman, a local, and they fell in love. Sure. She fell in love with Hammond. Right? Or Sire. Oh, now he's Sire. He's Sire. Okay. Dr. Sire. Dr. Sire. They

wanted to get married after Fred's tour of duty as Dr. Sire was up. It's gonna be tough. He planned to settle down and... Maybe I have eight names. I am so many people. You'll be a polygamist. So they planned to settle down and he wanted to start a medical practice in the area and start a family. In the area, I should add that this other doctor whose name he took lives... Well, he's in the same... He's in the same zone as the doctor who he saw. It's close. It's close enough that like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I mean... It's just really gleaming the cube here. I don't like it when you... Bring up. Yeah, the gleaming the

cube. You know that. I mean, what is this? Pump up the volume? But Canada was fighting in the Korean War and sued Fred was aboard a ship, aboard a ship headed to Korea. On the ship, Fred, a ship's doctor who was not actually a doctor, went about his doctor duties. Sure. He helped with routine treatments and performed small procedures. Crazy. One day, the ship's captain asked Fred to remove a painful tooth. Yeah. He had never done dentistry before. Eat these bees. He had never done dentistry before, which is odd. Well, no, it's shocking. Would you be fair? He'd never done anything. So... Everything's a first, but he

managed to stall the procedure until the next day and read up on it all night long. And it worked. Fred, you look tired. Are you sure you could do this procedure? Yeah, it's just, you know, I really got into the Americans on Netflix last night. What the hell is this man talking about? Time of travel future, man! Oh, boy. It worked. He pulled... He came up with a better name with all the time he had in the future. He pulled the tooth of the captain with no problem and continued on as ship doctor. But not even... He hasn't... And what I... Okay. Yeah. He hasn't done anything super crazy yet. A tooth removal? I mean, that's crazy, but I don't

think that... Okay. I feel like I could remove a tooth. Okay. All right. No. Can I try? It's super hard. Well... I mean, often they break apart. It's a whole fucking thing. Well, I'd love to have a shot. Okay. I feel like you're really shutting it down. Where's your little seal? Let's do it. I like that you call them little. He lost a pound, didn't you buddy? I don't believe that. When the ship went to the Far East, then the ship went to the Far East. While there, Fred enrolled in the General Medical Council of the United Kingdom. Quote, I don't know whether Dr. Joe Sire realizes it, but he is now a licensed to practice medicine and surgery,

not only in Canada, but also in England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland. I'm doing him a solid. Thanks to me. Yeah. Plus, he's a dentist kind of. You get work everywhere, buddy. In late September, as the ship was bombing enemy positions on shore, a boat carrying three injured men pulled alongside. Oh, boy. They were brought on. One had a bullet in his chest near his heart. Oh, boy. And an operation was needed. Oh, boy. What? This is he pulled the tooth. What's the difference? We're talking much, much more treacherous situation. The ice is thinner. This was not great for a couple reasons. First, I can name him. First, the

ship wasn't equipped to sterilize instruments. And second, he wasn't a doctor and never operated on a person before. Right. Well, the second one's bigger than the first. I think the list might be backwards. Yeah. Yeah. I think the first one kind of encompasses most of it. Quote, practically, everybody on the bloody ship was standing there watching me. Oh, God. Now, he had a philosophy. I mean, this is like real world operation. He's playing the operation game. He is playing the operation game. Don't buzz. So he had a philosophy for surgery. Did he know? Quote, lie. The less cutting you do, the less patching up you have to do

afterwards. It's not a remodel. It's not a bad. It's not a bad way to approach it if you're not a doctor. I just do exactly. I just don't think doctors put those sort of restrictions on them. Right. But if you're going into a surgery, but if you're not a doctor, you're right to say, look, I'm not good at this. The less stitching I have to do, the better. But how about I make fewer holes? He opened the chest above the heart and along the sternum. And he went, whoa, it's crazy. I mean, I've seen this before. So he didn't. I don't know how much time he had, but he would always run off and study really quick. He's like Superman. He wasn't

just guessing. I think he ran and Dave, I'm going to go ahead and say that he wasn't not guessing, but he quickly read a book on how to do. Oh, look at that. The diaries acting up again. Will you excuse me? Two moms. Okay. I just want to look at the order. Oh, it is boy. Oh, oh, one cigarette. Then we start gentlemen. One private cigarette. Okay. How's he doing? Oh, God. Okay. He cut and bent a rib. And then I think he cut a rib and then he found the bullet. Quote, I pulled it out and slipped some gel foam, a coagulating agent into the wound, and it clotted almost immediately. Wow. It worked. Jesus. He

nailed it and saved the life of the soldier. Everyone in the room cheered. 12 hours later, the bandage soldier walked off the ship. Okay, he's a doctor. Now he's a doctor. He might just be a doctor now. Well, now he's a dog. Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, he's a doctor. I might go see him for some of my ailments that are in my pants. Probably gonna be very old that I don't think you want him touching that stuff. Thanks for coming, Dave. The next week. Excuse me for a second. I need to make a long distance phone call and I'll come back and work on your dick. Okay, I wasn't reading. Hello. The next week, like a good

doctor, Fred left the ship and went ashore to check on his patient. Okay. Okay. As a not doctor doctor, he was horrified by the conditions and lack of medical expertise in the South Korean aid station. I'm going to read that again. As a not doctor, he was horrified by the conditions and lack of medical expertise in the South Korean aid station. Does he get to be offended by the lack of he does because he just did surgery. I'm not against him. Being a Christian, he wanted to do something about the conditions he saw and he started volunteering as a doctor at the aid station. Oh, he's totally lost in this

delusion now. He performed tons of operations and amputations. Very quickly, he became well known for his charity work. He was actually, they actually, they did this on an episode of MASH. They took this. Really? Yeah, they did this on episode of MASH. MASH has always been one of those shows where I'm like, I don't like it, just cuz. The first year and a half are funny and then it's all garbage. Right, okay. So, he performs, I just can't believe he's performing amputations. I guess not hard to perform an amputation. Dude, if you would take a bullet out of a heart. Yeah, okay. I mean, I'm like, at this point,

you're probably like, quickly, turn a kit, hurry, let's move. Get that leg off. Throw it in the stump pile. Move, time is money. I'm almost a doctor. So, he becomes well known for his charity work in this area of South Korea. A South Korean military commander walked 17 miles to thank Fred personally. Oh boy. Okay. When the ship's public information officer heard the story, he decided to write something about Dr. Sire up for the dispatches. Okay. Fred was not down with the idea and tried to talk him out. Oh, no, no, no. I've never liked the limelight. You know, I won't do it. I'll stop. The problem was being mentioned in the dispatches was a huge

honor, so he couldn't push too hard to be left out. Like the more push harder, well, the more the more that he would say, don't do it, it would look suspicious, right? So he after a while, he did as much as he could, but it's the lesser of two. You have to just be like, no, no, no, no, no. I would completely ruin my psyche. So instead, he tried to downplay his heroics when the guy talks to him. This is like a real Brewster's million quandaries. I mean, when I didn't, I opened the chest up and the bullet popped out. I didn't. Yes, but you did it in front of everyone. The steady hands of this man. No, I just, but it, I hit him and it came out. That's not what some of the people around are

saying. They're saying that your hands were delicate. I'm not. And a dentist to boot. So the officer wrote up an incredibly dramatic story. Oh boy. And included a description on the, of the operation on the deck of the ship that caught the attention of the media core and it was then passed on to newspapers. All right. Bye-bye. The actual Dr. Seyer then read about what he was doing in Korea and the surgeries aboard the ship. And unlike the last guy, he immediately called the authorities. Okay, good. Finally. The captain of the ship asked to see Fred quote Joe. That's what Fred is. First name is Dr. Dr. Seyer's name is Joe. Right. Okay. Joe, I've got something here about you. It's a lot

of rot. Somebody in Canada made a mistake. It's so embarrassing. I'm not going to read it to you. Because what else would you fucking think the guy been doing surgery? You saw him take a bullet out of a heart. He's got a fucking stuff pile. Yeah. So Fred, Fred pushes him to read it. Fred's like, no, just read it. So the captain did quote. We have information that Joseph Seyer, surgeon, Lieutenant zero dash one seven six six nine is an imposter removed from active duty immediately repeat immediately conduct investigation report facts to chief of naval staff Ottawa. So the captain refused to believe it. Sure. And was certain this was a huge mistake. He told Fred to go back on duty and he'd work it out. Now go back to bending ribs.

But the captain was obligated to send Fred back to Canada. Okay. As he was flown back, newspapers began trying to figure out who the mystery man was. Sure. All his aliases were discovered. Dr. Seyer, Dr. Hammond, brother, John, Robert French, and many of the places he had worked were discovered, but they still didn't know who he actually was. So they still don't know that he's Ferdinand. They just know that he's not six people. Yeah, they figured out everyone else. He is right in a CSI yarned up room. But his shipmates did not care. They sent him a Christmas card and said they considered him a friend forever. You're whoever you want to be, buddy. Fred said he could only think about his

fiance and didn't believe he could ever face her again after what he had done. Okay. And would she want to see Joe again anyway? Well, because Joe's not there. Canadian authorities began an investigation and finally discovered who Fred really was, as well as all the identities he had taken. The captain of the ship recommended clemency for Fred's stellar work. Wow. The Canadian government also didn't want the bad publicity that would come with the prosecution. So in the end, it was decided to just charge him for fraudulent enlistment and to port him back to the US. That's quite a package. And they paid his salary first. Wow. So he ends up just getting money and sent back home. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Yeah. You're not going to like the sentence. We're getting you out of here, but we're paying for it. It's a bucket of money. And your salary. And here's a hot meal. So he is sent to Blaine, Washington. Their US immigration officers were waiting for him and shook his hands. He's like a celebrity. He flew to Chicago and started hitting the booze. Okay. Quote, I guess I did a little drinking. I couldn't get the girl out of my head. I mean, you could have used your name. Sure. And I kept. But he's probably a little reticent to use names. He's just got 80 names swimming in his head. And he's like, don't say anything. And I kept thinking about how happy I was in the Canadian Navy. Oh, no. If only that story hadn't gotten into

the newspapers, everything would have been all right. For sure. 30 year old Fred, he's 30 years old. Oh my God. He is a picturing of 50 year old, right? Yeah. He's lived a fucking life. Yeah. Many of them. 30 year old Fred went back to live with his parents in Lawrence, Massachusetts. How was your trip, dear? Very complicated. Tell us everything. I'm a surgeon and a brother. I'm a priest surgeon biologist and a psychologist. Oh, we're proud of you. Whatever you do. He tried to keep a low profile and would dash from the house to the car with his collar up and his hat pulled down to his eyes, hoping the neighbors would not see him. Okay. People send him tons of Christmas cards. Many urging him to keep his head up. So most people are like,

I think because he was such so good at being a doctor that I think that people are like, well, I know the guy is great. It also screams of likability. It does. It's just probably a likable guy that you were rooting for. And you he'd you're just like, look, he's got a gift. People sending him letters didn't know his address. They would just write his name and Massachusetts on an envelope and the post office would deliver them to his parents house. That's when you're fucking big. Yeah. It's a shame about the parents. That's and there are fan mail, hon. They're going to do anything with your life again. No. Okay. Wait, I'm a butcher. Oh, dear. So there at his parents house,

a reporter from Life magazine reached out to ask for an interview and Fred was so desperate for money. He accepted. Okay. The papers had already written about him and we're calling him a fake Navy doctor. Fred is so much better. Dr. BS. Fake Navy doctors. Awesome. Hello, I'm fake Navy doctor. How are you? Fred figured he could now tell his side of the story. Finally. He also allowed them to take several photos of him. The article began, quote, Ferdinand Waldo Damaro, Jr. is a bright and lively young man who usually seems to enjoy life. He has a crew haircut and the build of alignment on a professional football team. And he knows how to take a board and indifferent hat check girl crumple with laughter make. So it's talking about how he's good with women. Right. It couldn't be

less clear. But his father could have sex with a lady's hat if he tried. But his father had another take on Fred, quote, I love the boy, but I don't know him. He's a good, he's good and he's kind. And he has a really brilliant mind. But I've never been able to understand him. I don't think anybody else understands him either. Hey, dad, how'd the interview go? Good. Oh, cool. We're too honest, hopefully. Very honest. I don't know you. You know that he was probably just like, hey, dad, that'll handle this. I don't even need to say anything. He's like, my boy's a liar. It's like knowing a board. Fred said his actions came from unbridled ambition, quote, I guess they always wanted shortcuts and being an imposter is a tough

habit to break. Okay, I could see that. Yeah, I could see once you live that exciting life. I could see once you just say you have a different name. You're in surgery. You know, this feels like a leapfrog something. It's certainly faster. When the article was printed, the ending said, quote, Fred has disappeared once more, whether temporarily or for another exploit, his family does not know. Fred was back on the road, working different jobs using both his own name and fake names. Then he started drinking. He was mostly upset. One thing all his characters had in common. Oh, yeah. The one thing was most upset about was the fact that he had to leave the love of his life. Okay, in Canada. Oh, he's still pining for her and thought

he was Joe. Then in 1955 in Houston, Texas, Fred applied to join the Texas Department of Corrections using the name Dr. Benjamin Jones. And he not use I mean, literally. So now he's like got just like some sort of problem where he can't possibly. Well, it sounds like he tried to live like himself and he was like, ah, fuck it. I'm gonna be Benjamin. Yeah, this will be better. Benjamin Jordan. What do you think? Benjamin Jones was a professor from Mississippi. To increase the legitimacy, he applied directly to the head of the wrong department. To sorry. So he's applying for a certain job in the Department of Corrections of Corrections. So he purposefully sends the application or resume, whatever, to the wrong head.

Okay. Okay. Department. So that he is. Okay. So then that head sees that it's for the wrong department. And he puts an envelope and sends it to the right department. So it looks like it was a bit of an endorsement from the head of another department. That's really a genius. He's a fucking genius. If he went to school for something, he had to give eight character references and he just wrote them all. Yeah, but come on, he he is eight character. I mean, what? Yeah, I know eight people who say all this shit. Yeah, this is my friend Dr. Rubon Paprika. He got the job. Of course. Fred was assigned to be the Lieutenant of the Guard at a prison farm.

And but he could. He couldn't take the environment of the prison. There was too much violence and the guards were racist. So he transferred to the Prison Recreation Department. He performed well and was sued made Deputy Warden of a new prison called Shamrock. He is going to be a warden. He's a deputy ward. That's still pretty high up. The prison was designed to keep the most violent inmates from the rest of the prison population. Wow. Also, he succeeded. Didn't hurt that he now had a he had it like a knowledge of psychology and was a bit of a sociopath, right? Yeah, I'd say both are fair. Oh, and he would also dose the violent prisoners with tranquilizers. It's a fun technique. Boy, they seem way calmer

since you've been feeding them those special mass potatoes. Oh, yeah, that one, the one drooling off of his face. Well, the two are drooling into each other's faces. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I swear to God, those guys have been holding the cards without anyone betting for at least 30 to 45 minutes. Yeah, it's pretty quiet in here. That's a game of murderers. Yeah, pretty quiet. I don't know what your secret is, whatever the hell your name is, but you're the prisoner whisperer. I just talked to him. My name's a long pause to find out what your name is. Oh, well, oh, I like your style. Yeah, everyone want to know. Okay, see you later. Hey, I have a hankering for some mashed potatoes myself.

But then one of the prisoners read the Life magazine article about him. It was probably just sitting in the library somewhere, right? Well, I would you'd think he would do a once over on that. And he told prison authorities. Okay. Fred was then confronted by his superiors. And in true Fred fashion, he denied everything. Sure. Smart. In the prison, they take him inside. What's going on? What is all this shit? Who is this guy? He says, I don't know. It's all fucking horseshit. And then he leaves, he goes to his room, he packs up all the shit, jumps in his car and he takes off. Okay. I think that's an admission. In 1956, Fred landed on North Haven Island in Maine as Martin Godgart. Wow.

Wow. It's just really going with the aliases. Martin was the new English and Latin teacher at the local high school. Okay. Wow. Soon, Martin was popular in the community. So he's one of the he's fucking living and everyone loves him and he's great. He's a good teacher. All the kids like him. The parents like him. Sure. But all was not well with him. He started drinking heavily again and began to make indiscreet comments. I couldn't forget what they were. In school, you mean? But just around the town. Right. So he's just kind of probably, well, he's, but you've seen the, you know how drugs talk. I don't know. I like pussy. Well, when a drug turns, like when there's, when you deal with an alcoholic and there's

the turn where it's just like, all of a sudden, your buddy is just like, eh, come on, let me hit you in the fucking face. Yeah. All right. Well, let's get the check and get out of here. Totally. And you know, also, like, like I had a friend in, he was a comedian in New York and he would get really drunk, like shitfaced drunk and then he'd be gay. So he's like totally straight and then when he's really, and like, like he would try to kiss every, yeah, try to kiss every dude. Yeah. So I imagine if you're living this alternate life when you get hammered, the comments are, are, are from you, right? Yeah. That you're mad at yourself for what you do. Yeah. Totally. So people became suspicious. And for some reason, again, I don't know why

the mother of a student ordered a copy of the old issue of Life Magazine. So she must have read about the story and then thought like, is this guy, and then anyway, she gets a copy again. Yeah. She quickly realized Martin was actually Fred and then tricked him into leaving his fingerprints on a drinking glass. Wow. So now she's like fucking deep into some CSI shit. Well, look, she sees him and she's like, he's a biologist professor monk who's never done anything. Why can't I be a forensic pathologist? Yeah. But who in this day and age knows to get fucking fingerprints from a glass? Like that's all I know that from television. I don't know. Probably TV. Okay. She then sent the glass to the FBI. And on March 14, 1957, Fred was arrested again. Wow. But the judge only

sentenced Fred to two months probation for not having a legitimate teacher's license. It's pretty. Because what else could they get him on? Really? If you're pretending to be a teacher? Yeah. Right. What have you really done? Right. You really want to make an impact on either like, well, I just wanted to teach Latin. Oh, well, I find you non guilty. A cat on two feet. Yeah. Well, he's prairie dog. But after that stint, Fred drops off the radar. There's rumors for a while. Some believe he spent six months in a prison in Canada. In 1959, Robert Crichton published a biography about Fred called The Great Imposter and the book was a bestseller. It made Fred Damara a household name. Of course, Fred took advantage of his new fame, taking a small part

in a horror film called The Hypnotic Eye. Sure. Now I want to see. Sure. Fred played a surgeon in the movie. Well, familiar territory. But he quickly realized he didn't like real acting. Oh, is that right? Because it's not the same rush. No. Being a surgeon in a movie is not the same rush as pretending you're a surgeon and cutting up a Korean guy's chest. Well, he realized that he could be whoever he wants to be without a crew around. He also appeared on Groucho Mark's game show, You Bet Your Life and There's video of that. Really? Post that. Yeah. In 1961, The Great Imposter was made into a movie with Tony Curtis playing Fred. Wow. Fred was unhappy with the casting quote. He looks nothing like me. Well, okay, Fred, to be fair, you've taken people's names before and

not known what they look like. So and he really didn't look like him because Fred had now put on a ton of weight, which was affecting his health. He doesn't look anything like me. I'm fat and drunk. He's good looking. Fred then got a job as a counselor in a homeless shelter in downtown Los Angeles for several years using his real name. Have you tried using other people's names? You can get jobs through that. Yeah, it's a great way to get hired. Yeah, just pick a guy that you want to be in this town and be him. You can just be anybody you can take over his house, you can do whatever you want. I'm Governor Peter Anderson. No, it is an honor, sir. Don't start his government. I'm the governor of the United States of a president. Not a thing. I declare all

people. What? Oh, there he goes. Then in 1967, Fred Demara actually got real credentials, getting a degree from a Bible college in Oregon. So when are you going to talk about the real credentials? He got a job as a chaplain in a hospital in Anaheim, California. Now, that's where you wear a priest collar, have a cane, and you walk around with a little mustache without talking, right? I believe so, yes. Okay. Three years later, the hospital learned of his past, and he was almost fired. But because he was now actually using his real name and had legitimate credentials, the chief of staff vouched for him and he kept his job. That is so important, because if you teach him there that he can be succeeding under his own name and still be fired,

you're asking for more impossible. That is correct. That is correct. Yeah. Fred rarely discussed his past, but he was incredibly unhappy living as himself. His doctor said, quote, he was about the most miserable, unhappy man I have ever known. Wow. In 1980, Fred's death, sorry, Fred's health deteriorated to the point he could not work anymore. In the hospital, he switched from chaplain to patient and he died in 1982 at the age of 60 from complications due to diabetes. Wow. He had lived as a trappist monk. That must have been a weird eulogy. We've lost eight of our closest friends. He lived as a trappist monk, a doctor of psychology, a dean of philosophy at a small

college, a law student, a zoology graduate, a career researcher, a teacher at a junior college in Maine, a surgeon in the Royal Canadian Navy, an assistant warden at a Texas prison, and a teacher in a Maine village. That is crazy. Hero. That's how you, that's how you do it. That is how you, that's how you skirt the system. That's how everybody should be doing it. Just dream. Nobody, just take it. Dream big. I'm the governor of the United States. You have to say you can be whatever you want to be. Literally. And now more than ever, it seems like you can, I mean swing for the fences. Go all the way. You know, doesn't matter. Don't take, don't take shit from anybody. Do not go out there and grab life by the pee. What? Lock a room talk.

We sign P. We sign that. I can't believe that guy. Wow, the nerve.