The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 268 - Gunfighter Dallas Stoudenmire

Episode Date: May 25, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine lawman Dallas Stoudenmire of El Paso, Texas. SOURCESTOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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This is like a live show. Yeah it really is. It's a bi-weekly American History podcast. Each week I... Now I reminded you of this not to get the credits. What? Go ahead. Dave Anthony. Read your story. Oh don't be sitting. No come on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the I'm sorry topic is gonna be. I'm sorry about. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fine. It's the fun. The fun's gone. I mean... The fun's gone. Don't do this. It's December 11th, 1845. Dallas Stuttenmeier was born in Aberfoil, Alabama. One of nine children. Good Lord. Good Lord. The whole... Everything's crazy so far. They backed an extra eight in case Dallas didn't

work out. That's what you do though. Yeah. You get back then you had to beg. Totally. You gotta have a bench. Yeah. Gotta have a bench. When he was 15 the Civil War kicked off. Okay. So he enlisted in the Confederate Army. All right. Fighting for the... Good side. Good guys. He was already six feet tall but officers soon discovered his true age so he was discharged. What was his true age? 15. Okay. It's a little young. It's a little young. Really wanted to kill people. He enlisted again using a different spelling of his name and once again his true age was discovered and he was discharged. Okay. Alrighty. He wants in. Yeah. He's ready to go. He wants fucking in. Yeah. So he enlisted again. Alrighty.

Finally. So there wasn't a lot of vetting when it came to what your name was. I don't know how to do it. It was as difficult as just being like, here's a new name. You're a different guy. I'm selling you had an ID back then. No. You're just like, hey, I won't fight in the thing. God, it must have just been so... It's such a bizarre thing to not have that stuff. Yeah. Like to just like, you know. There was nothing. Nothing. You could just go to another town and be like, my name is Bob. Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob. With a bunch of other liars. I'm Dominic, Anoying Irish. Little do they know. You're not Dominic? Oh God, I'm still in the bar. I mean, still in the bar. Hello. Finally, they probably just

screwed it because Dallas was allowed to serve as a private in the 45th Alabama Infantry Regiment. Okay. Finally, we're just like, all right. Use your real name. Get in here. Shouldn't you just have to be over a certain height to fight anyway? Probably. He sounds like Meatloaf and Fight Club just hanging out on the porch. He does sound like Meatloaf. He wants in. Yeah. He wants in. But they should be like either 18 or over 5, 10. Of all the things that they care about in this era, an age like an age to fight in war doesn't seem like one that's important. So Dallas saw a lot of action was and was wounded several times. Okay. Two bullets remained in his body for the rest of his life. Okay. All right. He's

got stuck in there. Sure. A couple of stickies. Yeah. When the war ended. Rib stickies. Yeah. What? Go ahead. Dallas headed west and took a bunch of different jobs. He was a sheep farmer. Okay. He was a wheelwright. Do you know now or later? Now. Okay. So he would be like a guy that now would work at like Goodyear or just for tires. He fixed they fixed wagon wheels. Okay. Take the wooden wagon wheel and repair it. Wheelwright. Like if you had a wrong wheel. Yeah. Like your wheel is wrong. Yeah. The wrong wheel. He would write the wheel. He go to the guy who writes it. He was also a proprietor. I write the wheels. I write the wheels. Unnecessary. Wait. He what? A proprietor. That just means he just. Yeah.

He got stuff. He was a merchandiser. Well, vague. The last couple are very vague. And he was a carpenter. Okay. But yeah. The last the two before that sound like a fake job title on a reality show. Yeah. He lived in Columbus, Texas around 1867. Now at this point he is six feet four inches, which is basically back then like being a giant. Yeah. Right. Right. Just throw anybody or whatever. Right. Yeah. When the war ended, Dallas headed west and took different jobs. He could probably see jobs from another town. He already said that. He was also known to be quite a gentleman with the ladies. Alrighty. And they liked him. Sure. Quite a bit. Also, he was handsome. He had green eyes and dark hair and he knew

how to dress. He's tall. He's fucking making it all. Making shit happen. He's got it all except for his views on race. He also enjoyed booze and had a horrific temper. Okay. Alrighty. Also things the ladies like. Sure. Well, the horrific temper. Yeah. Yeah. He sure seems like. Okay. He quickly gained a reputation for becoming violent when he was drunk. Okay. All right. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty standard. Yeah. Dallas was also becoming known as a shooter. The basketball. Okay. No. It's a West shooter gun. All right. He constantly worked on his shooting skills and so became equally accurate with both hands and he always wore two guns. Okay. Was that an uncommon look? I feel like. Having two guns? Yeah. I just

think most, a lot of the gunfighters would just use the one gun. Right. But he became proficient. Well, you've got that gun sag, we've all seen. Yeah. He's got the one. You've got crisscross pants on the gun belt. Total crisscross pants. Yeah. But he didn't keep him in a hole. He kept his guns in his pockets. Okay. So he's kind of loose in that part. That part I don't quite understand, but yeah, he kind of kept him loose. Okay. He didn't like the holster. Like to rip out of the pocket. But even if you don't like the holster, you've got a we the thing about a holster is pockets or the gun comes out quick, but a pocket and not great for gun unless they're just always kind of hanging. I should stop

picturing cargo pants because that's kind of what I'm picturing. No, they're not cargo pants. They're tight. But still, there's no what do they call the Dengarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Dungarie. Sure. Or they had like a leather pants situation or maybe a snap. Oh, great. Something of that nature. Right. Breatheable materials. Surely the smells were great. Best. So I've been drinking and sweating and my pants is leathery tight. I always whatever people talk about leather pants and how dirty they are. I was thinking Jim Morrison, because he apparently didn't change his pants for like a year. Oh, you look. You don't hear a lot of the lyrics.

Yeah, no, you don't want to like have those. We could do a dollop about his pants. Oh, so so he's become a shooter. A legend has it that he killed a number of men when he lived in Columbus, but we can't we can't be absolutely sure about that. Okay, again, because there are no records of anything in 1974. Dallas joined the Texas 1874. Sorry, 1874. Dallas joined the Texas Rangers. Okay, and served in this as a second sergeant. After that, he left and then he briefly lived in Mexico and landed a job there as town marshal in Socorro, New Mexico in 1878. Okay, goes to Mexico becomes enjoys it then then moves to New Mexico because it's a town marshal, right? Okay. When he was there, his brother in law,

Doc Cummings, who lived in El Paso, talked him into coming there and taking the job of Marshall in El Paso. Okay. Now, Doc Cummings was pretty similar to his brother in law. He married Dallas's sister in 1874. He was also very large, enjoyed drinking and was prone to quote explosive anger. All right, a couple of pals. Be fine. Oh, yeah. Surely these two will get along. He was not a doctor. So it was just a nickname. I do love when people back then they were just like coming back. All right. I'm lawyer. Oh, hey, lawyer. Hi. Doc ran a hotel and restaurant in El Paso called The Globe. Okay. The restaurant had a great ad slogan quote, no dust, no noise, no flies. Wow. That's the no shirt,

no shoes, no service of the wild west. No dust, no noise. Your little dusty and loud. No flies. Look at this loud stinky dust machine. Get out of here. So Doc was incredibly loyal to Dallas and liked acting as his unofficial deputy in El Paso. Sure. So he's like, he's like a volunteer. You know, I also want to be in charge of the police as well as a doctor. A little bit. I'm a doctor and the sheriff. So El Paso is a very rough town and had a reputation for violence. Sure. It had quickly grown from a small adobe village into a bustling border town very quickly. And lawlessness came with that. Okay. So businessman and leaders were looking for someone to come in from the outside who had a reputation that was as scary

as the town itself. Okay. To control things, to like come in and try to fire everyone into being behaving. Oh, teachers here, teachers here, teachers here. It's called the teachers here theory. This never goes wrong. Well, I mean, in this case, they're kind of just looking for a wash in a way. A little bit. Yeah. So Dallas was the perfect fit. He arrived in early 1881 and was immediately hired. They were desperate as Dallas was their sixth town marshal in eight months. Oh my God. So this is kind of like the dangerous minds of a city in the West. This is not the job you want. How many previous been spending most time. Most guys last I'd say four weeks, maybe three. Yeah. It's the

shining of sheriff. So Dallas's first assignment. What's Jose doing? I don't know. He's eating something. What are you eating? Jose? Whatever it is that's in him. Okay. That's fine. He's lost weight. Look at him. Yep. Dallas first assignment was to get the jail keys from a deputy marshal. Okay. His name happened to be Bill Marshall. Jesus. So he's got to go get the keys from a deputy marshal. Yeah. So he's got to get the jail. But this is kind of this is kind of just like picking up your apartment keys. Kind of. But you also but also in the way things are working maybe bill doesn't want to give up the keys. Okay. Bill's also the town drunk. Well, it sounds like he's going to have some competition. So Dallas approached

Johnson and asked for the keys. Oh, it's Johnson, not Marshall. Bill Johnson. Yeah. Okay. Bill was drunk and he mumbled that he would have to go home and figure out which keys were the jail. I'm going to need a bit of time. You get some time and look at all my people. I like to put them on desk. This was prearranged, sir. Let's put them on desk and then I'm like which key, sir. Use the key. No, use the key and then and then eventually one of them was like, that's it. I'll be back in an hour. I give him and then I bring him door closes. Bring him to the Dallas was not. Dallas was not patient. He said he wanted the keys immediately. Okay. Okay. And Bill kept on delaying. Hey, we'll get him. Now, Dallas, as we said, is huge and Bill

was a much smaller man. We'll get to him, dude. Relax. Dallas picked up Bill and held him upside down and shook him until the keys fell out. Oh my God. And then cartoons took note and then he threw Bill on the ground. Jesus. So there's a new sheriff in town. Yeah, is that worth? Yeah. The point I'm making is I'm larger than you. Yeah. Let's just let's just stop for a second. What? Before we started. Don't comment on this. You said my feet are cold. I need to put on some socks and you scurried out of the room and you put on some socks. Yeah. You just took your socks off. What do you want? I'm getting worked up. So this treatment of... Do you mind if I take my shirt off? No, it's fine. Okay. This treatment

of Bill Johnson was exactly what the town leaders were looking for. They're looking for someone to come in. Right. Literally right away. They're like, good, good. Yeah. Exactly, boy, that. No, you're a crazy asshole. Turn them upside down and shake them. Not only had he handled the problem, but he humiliated the town drunk at the same time. Right. So things are already pretty tense in the town, which was a result of constant problems between Mexicans and Texas Rangers. Okay. Recently, two ex-Rangers had killed two Mexicans and local Mexicans wanted revenge. Okay. So they hired these these Mexican guys hired a bunch of I guess vigilantes. Yeah. Hired help. Okay. 75 Mexicans rode into El Paso. Wow. Three days after Dallas had taken over looking for a fight.

Okay. And justice. Right. They wanted the guys arrested. The Rangers for their part were mostly considered by the people of El Paso to be quote, drunken blowhards. Okay. Fair, fair. Sounds fair. In the town that day, there was an inquest being held into the killing of the two Mexicans. Rancher John Hale, who probably killed them because they were found near his ranch. Okay. Yeah. And he was, of course, on the side of the ex-Rangers. He did not like how the inquest interpreter was handling the situation. He thought that the guy was favoring the Mexicans. Everyone just had a short fuse. Everyone's looking for a fucking fight. Right away. Most of the whites in town were on his side, of course. Yeah. An argument broke out in the

inquest, and then it was adjourned. Okay. So some of the men went to Keating Saloon to drink. As you do, when an inquest breaks up. Yeah. Right away. Yeah. Yeah. It was one of the worst saloons in El Paso. I mean, that has got to be saying something. Yeah. No, it definitely is. I mean, that's bad. It's a shithole. Yeah. Yeah. Ex-City Marshal George Campbell announced at the saloon, any American that is a friend of a Mexican ought to be hanged. Okay. So then he's getting right to it. This is like cheers. Where everybody knows you're a Mexican. The interpreter said he hoped Campbell didn't mean him. Okay. And Campbell responded, quote,

if the shoe fits, wear it. Right. Sure. Now, Rancher John Hale, who probably did the killing, who also happened to be a defender. He was defending the men as a lawyer. Right. I'd been fucking drinking heavily at this point. So he's shitfaced. So everyone's just, he really did just like kind of wake up and drink. Yeah. Yeah. There was just sort of no, like, I got to clean. I didn't need more juice. There was no thought of AA. Right. This was just let's keep doing this until something bad happens. Right. So he's shitfaced. Right. And George Campbell and the interpreter are going at it. So he doesn't have a gun, John Hale. So he reaches over and pulls George's gun out of its holster. Whoa. And yells, I got him, George. And shot the interpreter just

under the heart. Good Lord. So the interpreter is wounded, but not dead. And then, and then Hale ran out of the saloon and stood behind a post because he saw Dallas come running up the street. Okay. Now Dallas, geez, being a fucking expert gunman, pulled one of his guns out of his pocket pocket stood and took aim. And then carefully, you know, he had a long gun. Sure. Well, takes careful aim at Hale who's standing behind the post and then shot a guy who was just standing nearby. What about the guy behind the post? He missed him. Did he keep trying? The cool things about gun back guns back then is their their aim is not what we are. Right. It's not we've we've advanced. Yeah, with no movies, we act like that you could shoot whoever you

wanted. Right. Sometimes you'd aim at Hale and you'd shoot a Bob. Sure. Yeah. Bob did nothing. So he kills that guy. The idea that your post plan works out is pretty amazing. Well, can't believe that. Oh, okay, keep going. I got a bad feeling about our post guy. So after that happened, Hale peaked his head around the post. I should have a little looksie poo and see what's going on. And then Dallas shot him in the forehead. Oh, bad idea. So he's dead. Okay. Now Campbell seeing all this happening. Sure. He comes running out of the saloon waving his gun yelling gentlemen, this is not my fight. But the wounded interpreter was laying there and he was not down with that. Right. Well, bullshit. I got shot in the heart. So he shot Campbell

twice. Okay. Hit him in the toe and in the hand that he was holding his gun in. Wow. Was he I mean, I know, look, I know he got shot below the heart, but the aim is it's I'll show you. You'll be working funny and not holding shit. Have funny stumbling and dropping. So Dallas then shot George Campbell in the stomach like reservoir dogs and Campbell fell into the dirt. And as he was falling over, he yelled, you son of a bitch, you murdered me. And then he fell and died. That's crazy. So he's dead. It is good. It is. You do want last words are important. Yeah, that's a good always always have him ready cognitive always have him ready. Just go with brutal honesty. Oh my God. My heart's popping. Goodbye.

So he dies. The interpreter dies. The other guy, the guy, the random guy, Bob, Bob didn't make it and hail died. So four guys four dead. Dallas living three involved one just hanging out. So the gunfight was a big deal was written about in newspapers all over the country. And suddenly Dallas Stodenmeyer was a legend. Okay. He had killed four men in his first six days as Marshall. Oh my God. And the gunfight by everyone around the country is called four dead in five seconds. Okay. And from then on, Dallas was known to get shitfaced and reenact the shootout all the time. Oh God. Now everybody come outside and show you why I did. So he's Dallas nobody knew is in the bar. Nobody knew is in the bar. I run up

and I take aim at that son of a bitch and I fire and I shoot him right in the forehead and he just dies. And then and then George come out like, I'm gonna kill you too, mother fucker. So I shot him and killed him. Everybody. Dallas. That's four guys. Dallas. Dallas. George must have shot the Dallas Bob Dallas. Dallas. You just told that 19 times in a row we're closing everybody left. You're talking to a coaster. Dallas get up off the fucking bar. I tell you about the guys. Oh my God. I tell you about the guys. Oh my God. So over the next few months, Dallas killed about six more guys in shootouts while trying to make arrests. Okay. And El Paso's crime rate dropped dramatically and his reputation just

continues to grow. He's William Wallace in the West. He really is. This is the fucking some cool shit aside from the fact the murder. Yeah. The town was now divided into two camps pro and anti Dallas. Okay. On the side against Dallas were the Manning brothers who had been friends with George Campbell. Okay. The guy, you know. Yes. Okay. The Mannings were from Alabama also. Frank, James and George, who was also known as Doc. Okay. Of course. Though I love that there's two dogs. Yeah. You can't have a town in the old West without a couple. There's only going to be one dog in this town. It's another nickname shootout. Hey, doctor, doctor, come quick. There's been a doc duel and one of the docs is down. We got double doc problems. Although unlike Dallas's

brother-in-law, Doc Cummings, Doc Manning was actually a doctor. He was a doctor. So he was probably pretty awkward for him when he was around Doc Cummings. Yeah. Excuse me. Yeah. I went to school to get my education. That was stupid. You should have just given it to yourself, dumb ass. Yes. I'm able to treat people as- I can treat people as a physician. I can treat people as offensive that you would just call yourself a doctor. Okay. How about this, sir? A doctor. How about this? My name's doctor. No. So get out. Now, I don't know what that means. You have an affliction. You want to know what it is? No. You're a bitch. I don't- Get out. I would prefer- What? If you would not use the formal name. Dude,

I'm turning my back to you. Get out of here. A doctor. Idiot, shut up. I can't heal the sick. I can't, but whatever. Who cares? I'm a doctor. I can heal whoever I want. Heal you with being a dumbass. Did you hear what I said to him about being a dumbass? Stupid doctor. Do not care for this town. Actually, can I ask you something? My knee's kind of hurting. Oh, yes. I fell on it the other day. I was moving a couple things and then I accidentally stepped on a step and I kind of- My knee- My ankle buckled, but it hurt my knee if that makes sense. Maybe that's because you're a stupid son of a bitch. Piece of shit. All right. Get out. He had actually been educated at the University of Alabama and studied in Paris, so he's a fucking highfalutin doctor. Sure.

But he cut his time short in France to come and fight for the Confederacy, which most- Any reasonable doctor would have done. No, no. There's a few- There's only a few things that would make you want to leave France, but one of them is definitely fighting for the Confederacy. Yeah, fighting for slavery. So after the war, the Manning brothers vowed, all three of them, to never shave their- We play football from now. Oh, god. Never shave their beards again until the South Rose again. So they are like the football players. They're growing Super Bowl beards. But not even. They're growing- I mean, they could have these beards forever. Well, they do because it never fucking rose again.

So wait, wait. This is actually a story about the three longest beards. This is how it's easy to top for. Oh my god. So I assume at this point, they're pretty hairy. So- They're going to be stumbling and they can't walk. We got to go to wagon right. Beards in the wheel again. So Doc Manning. Do you have a little reefer? What do you do? Doc Manning, like Dallas and Doc Cummings, also had a terrible temper. Okay. This is three bad temper guys. Right. When he was practicing medicine in Giddings, Texas, he got into a knife fight with the rival town doctor. Oh my god. I mean-

If anything brings you out of a saloon, the doctor's going to stab each other. They're fighting over who gets to treat Larry. Yeah. Well, that is the thing. I mean- The second that you're done stabbing the other doctor. Yeah. Oh, you know what? I got this. Time to go to work. I got this. Time to go to work. Ooh, that is a bad one. He's bleeding. Oh god, I've lacerated his liver. Hold on. I'm going to need some iodine. Good lord. I should have brought my tools. This is a train wreck. Who saw this? What happened? I also love that there's a rival town doctor. Yeah, rival town doctor.

So Doc Manning was also very good with a gun. Okay. Frank Manning had run tense loons as the railroad was being built towards El Paso, as we know from Judge Roy Bean. Yeah. When the railroad did arrive in El Paso, he opened the Manning Saloon in El Paso. The Mannings were well known. By the time Dallas arrived, they owned a couple of saloons. James wanted to be a politician and had once run for mayor and lost. The Mannings were all huge drinkers. That's just all you did though. Yeah. There really was nothing else. It seems like- It's like when a flight gets delayed.

There's just nothing to do, but your life is a flight getting delayed. It seems like they just went west for the whiskey. Yeah. And if they were crossed, they were dirty fighters and had no problem using violence. And now they're upset that the new Marshal had killed their friend George Campbell. Okay. So what to do? What are they going to do, Dave? Well, they kept getting Bill Johnson drunk. Okay. The guy Dallas held upside down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, keys. And humiliated. And they kept playing with liquor and talking to him and getting a more

and more mad at Dallas. This is the only guy that I'm picturing animated. It didn't take them long to convince Bill Johnson to assassinate Dallas. I should do it. He turned me upside down and he shook those keys. You're right. I'm not a purse. I've never been a purse. We closed two hours ago. So they made sure he's good and drunk and three days later after the four dead and five seconds fight. So it's just three days. Yeah. Dallas and Dot Cummings were walking their beat so they're cruising through town. Yeah. And at the intersection of El Paso. Oh, it'd be a fly on the wall.

At the intersection of El Paso and San Antonio streets, Bill Johnson was waiting behind a pile of bricks. Interesting. He had a shotgun and a bottle of whiskey. Why? Ready for a party. Okay. So he's the whiskey is purely celebratory. Yeah, I'm sure. Well, who knows how this will go. I don't want to be rude and not have a beverage. I keep the party going as well. I'm going to do. I'm going to shoot one of them and then offer the other one a drink. Oh, shit. I'd be sober. When Dallas and Dot walked up, Bill stood up and fired completely missing them with the shotgun because he was shitfaced. Okay. Okay. Dallas and Dot Cummings then shot him a bunch of times. Okay. Look at all these keys.

But he's just flying out. That's that would be how he lived. He shot 18 times when he's like, thank God, I carried all those keys. Each one hit a key. Except the jail key. Oh my God, I'm shot. But Bill wasn't the only one there to do the deed. Other people then started shooting at Dallas and Doc. Okay. Dallas was shot in his heel. These are yeah, this is what it was like, I think the town orthopedist was a fucking loving it. Boom. But he Dallas still managed even being shot in the heel to run at one of the shooters and then they all got scared and ran off. Okay. Now, Doc Cummings was becoming more and more of a law man, right? So he's kind of like hanging out as law man and then he starts officially becoming yeah, I kind of felt like this was

going to happen. That's how it happened. Yeah. Yeah. It's the security guy who wants to get on Mike eventually. That's right. Yeah. So in February 1882, he was deputized to go with a Kansas sheriff to hunt down a criminal in Mexico. So now he's getting a fucking actual taste of the business. Right. And when he returned, he found himself in charge as the law in El Paso because Dallas went to get married in Texas. And the chief deputy became sick with the flu. So now Doc is that how that works? Oh, how else are you gonna fucking work it? Someone did they talk to each other? I got a hand it to a bro was a bro did a bro handed or did he show up and he was just like, wait, Dallas is gone. Other guy's sick. Well, he's the next right. He's the

next right. Yeah. No, yeah. After Bill Johnson died. He's the house majority. Yeah. So he's yeah, he's the house majority leader. So he in Oh, right. So he he went to Mexico. Okay, right. There we are. So he decides to take this moment now that he's head law man in El Paso for however temporary it is. This is like when you make like a kid, the mayor for the day, and they start changing. I'm gonna take care of some business. Yeah. He decides to get rid of the Manning Brothers. Okay, before Dallas can't came back. Maybe it's like a honeymoon gift. Okay, because Dallas would want the Manning Brothers. Oh, yeah, Dallas is not like the right. So it is it is like it is like a hey, hun. Yeah, while you're out. That's what I did.

And Doc first asked Jim Manning to drink with him. But Jen declined the offer because he was a recovering alcoholic. Who asked Jim to drink James Manning. Doc went over James Manning to drink and James Manning's like, Oh, you know what? I'm a friend of Bill. Okay. But he did agree to quote sip some cider. Okay. And while they were having a beverage, Doc accused Jim and his brothers of getting others to do their dirty work for them like the now dead Bill Johnson. Right. Jim denied it and doc called him a liar and then asked Jim if he was fixed. That does not mean that does not mean if his penis that was ordered or his testicles. Oh, was he fixed? That means is he holding? Is he armed? Is he holding? Yeah, is he armed? And Jim took off his coat and revealed that he was unarmed

and said quote, would do anything to settle this in a quiet way. Here's what you say. You don't say that. No, ask me. Are you fixed? To the teeth, brother. You don't want this right now. Oh, I'm ready to pop off. I got more guns than emotions and I got a lot of those. I came here to chew tobacco and kill people. And I'm all out of tobacco and ammo. I don't damn it. But I didn't know you're going to do a monologue from reacting class scene. The two men then went outside. Okay. Why would you go along? Just as they walked outside. Don't go outside. Just as they walked outside. An innocent bystander passed. Oh, God. And Doc Cummings spun around quickly and said, quote, now are you not one of his friends?

And the bystander's like, I'm not. I'm just walking by. I didn't do nothing. I was just walking. And Doc Cummings allowed the guy to keep going as long as he walked with his arms up in the air the whole time down the road. Okay. So he's watching that guy. Now chicken dance. As he does that, Jim darts back into the saloon. He got so distracted by the guy walking by was also making the guy hold his arms up. So it's pretty easy. Don't go anywhere, Jim. I just got to watch this guy walk out of a shot. All right. God damn it. How do you get away? So when Cummings went back, when Doc Cummings went back into the saloon, Jim had a pistol. He grabbed guns. Yeah, first thing you do. Anybody got a thing you shooty thing? What can I get you?

I need a gun. I need a gun now. Jim said, quote, all right, Doc, let's have that. We'll have this out and both men fired their guns. Doc Cummings was shot twice. He staggered out into El Paso Street fell and died. A trial was then held and Jim Manning was acquitted. Yeah. Okay. That's foolish, Doc. I mean, literally, had he not told the man to go walk with field goal arms out of eye shot, he would have. You know, when you're trying to do something for a bro, but give him a nice wedding gift, you know, might not always go great. I don't think you're listening to what you're reading. That's why I shop at Target. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. For the best. No, no, no gifts of all. No. Newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs. Stodenmeyer returned to El Paso

and Dallas was furious. The El Paso Lone Star paper was a pro Manning paper and the paper wrote, quote, the streets could be delused with blood at any moment. The town leaders tried to make peace between the Manning brothers and Dallas. And two days later, the El Paso Herald printed a treaty that the two sides had signed. Okay. Quote, we the undersigned parties have this day settled all differences and unfriendly feelings existing between us. Hereby, agree that we will hereafter meet and pass each other on friendly terms and that bygones shall be bygones. Well, they signed it. That's the same treaty. Good legalese to between the Japan and the United States. That's what ended World War Two. Yeah. Yeah, it ended a lot of words. Yeah. It ended a

lot of wars. Yeah. But boom. And kindergarteners signed it. The thing about treaties is there's also booze around. Right. And Dallas loved whiskey. Right. And that pretty much always led to total belligerence. Right. And Dot Cummings seemed to have been the only one who could calm him down when he was shitfaced. Okay. So Dallas went on a bender. The local religious townspeople got a little tired of Dallas being constantly drunk and shooting at their church bell. Man. But so fun. Yeah. So fun. The noise. Just getting hammered and shooting at a bell. Why not? That's why you're in the Wild West. Listen, that's what you trade for having leather pant crotch sweat. Okay. That you can walk into the streets boozed up and just shoot at a bell.

I don't know what that has to do with the crotch sweat. I'm saying it's a trade-off. A trade-off? Why would that be a trade? You got a trade-off. Dallas started publicly confronting people he thought were responsible for Jim's acquittal. Just anyone? Yeah. And then, well, friends of the Manning's, however, and then people stopped coming to town and started completely avoiding saloons. Okay. So he's bad for expression. Makes for an interesting vibe. Now the town council wanted to get rid of Dallas, but we're too scared to ask him to leave. Okay. Well, they, I mean, they now, they're like, what did we do? Yeah. Monkey paw man.

Yeah. This is a big, well, then you could have seen this comment. This always happens in the movies. As a matter of fact, a lot of movies might have been based on the story. Yeah, but they didn't have those movies. They're based on them. They don't have those to reference now. They're like, well, this should work out. Oh, no, they'll make this as a movie prototype. I mean, I did halfway through my sentence realize that I was saying this is like a lot of movies. And then realized, well, that's because the movies are about this. Y'all want to go see a thing that ain't existing yet? It's about me. It's about me. Hey, y'all want to go see a wormhole in a forest? Go watch a movie about how this ends with us?

What's a movie? Man, I'll tell you on the walk. So they passed a law, the town council passed a law. They all passed a law making it illegal for officers of the law to drink publicly. And if they got caught doing that, they would be fined. Okay, that's such an easy thing to do. Well, the problem with the law was that it was Dallas's job to collect fines. Oh, boy. So he just kept drinking. And then I guess he'd find himself and then just I mean, I can only imagine. What do I owe me? Well, who's going to get fine 10 bucks tonight and give it to me? I am the one man finding machine. So the El Paso Times wrote that Dallas should retire and produced crime stats that showed the city's crime rate varied depending on whether

or not Dallas was drunk. Wow. Wow. Anebriated polls. Dallas responded by storming into the newspaper's office and threatening to make the editor leave town. Fair. That's okay. Well, he's drunk. I mean, this is what people are talking about. Finally, in May 1882, the town council met with a plan of firing Dallas. Okay. But Dallas heard about it and came into the meeting drunk twirling his guns. And he yelled, quote, I can straddle every goddamn alderman in this council. Dallas, Dallas, let me tell you about God damn one. Dallas, let me talk to you about threats. Who's a sheriff? I am Dallas. Hey, that's not true. I'm a deputy. Why don't you fire me, motherfucker? Dallas. Oh, shit. I'm the Marshall. Oh, God. Look,

spinny spinny spinny gun. What do you got? I just don't want to be straddled. Dear alderman, bitch, you may speak. We'll not speak to that. Go ahead. Speak it, tough guy. You need to be fine. Okay. Catch you around. So they joined the meeting and they didn't reach a decision on the whole firing the guy who was going to kill him. Yeah. But then I can see that going awkwardly. About a week later, Dallas finally sobered up. And on May 29th, he realized this wasn't working out. Everyone hated him and he handed in his resignation. Wow. Okay. So he really had a drinking problem. No, he had a serious drinking. He had a serious drinking problem. Holy shit, I did what? Yeah, when you wake up a week later and you're like, I should resign,

they are right. Oh my God, I killed how many? I am dangerous. Oh, good Lord. So, uh, so they named his deputy James Gillett to succeed him, right? Okay. Now, for whatever reason, instead of leaving leaving El Paso, Dallas decided to stick around and he ran Doc Cummings restaurant, The Globe. Sure. And then on July 13th, because nobody gives a shit about anything, Dallas Stodenmeyer was made US Deputy Marshal for West Texas and New Mexico Territory. What? He fucking moved up. He got promoted? Yeah, because they don't know shit and the fucking feds way out in the middle of nowhere don't realize what he's doing. So they're like, Hey, the law man's out of work. Let's give him a job. He's good at killing the famous law guy. Oh no. He kills bad guys. No. But he was on better

behavior. He maybe cut down on drinking because his wife, we don't really know, but all was well for a while. And the Mannings made sure to avoid him alone. So they would, if they saw him, they would make sure they were in a pair. Buddy system. But it was the buddy system. But Dallas would still have occasional drinking episodes. Sure. Okay. And one day Dallas showed up plowed in town and went outside of the Manning Saloon and mocked them, daring them to come outside for a gunfight. Oh boy. They were just messing with so far. Come on, you son of a fucking hell. I got boats. I mean, he's not going anywhere. He's still just out there. Running around. Right? Lady not manning. Yeah, he keeps. Hold on. I got him to do impression of Jim.

Hey. As a brother, that does not sound like that. Wouldn't it? That does not sound like you. I'm gonna do impression of dark. Oh my goodness. That is rude. Nailed it. Nailed them out here. Hours. Hours. So they all refused to come outside and fight him. And other townspeople came and tried to convince Dallas to go home and sleep it off. But he went on six four for hours and finally, finally he called the mannings. It did go on for hours. Yeah, that's yeah. And they he finally called them cowards and went home. Okay. On September 17th, I'm going to get some jag in the box. On September 17th, he was shitfaced again. Okay. And he went into the Manning Saloon looking for a wanted man that he heard was there. Okay. So he's purely professional capacity, drunk professional

capacity. But very professional. Right. Drunk, but he's doing his job. We need to make a show called Drunk Sheriff. He did not find the man. And then he staggered off to a brothel to get to get some fucking done. Lucky lady. Yeah. But when he woke the next morning, he learned the mannings were armed and looking for him all over town. Dallas, by being a drunken idiot, had broken the treaty by coming armed into their saloon. Okay. That's apparently not letting bygones be bygones. Sounds like he bent the treaty earlier in the streets anyway. Well, it sounds like yeah. But apparently, once he crossed the threat, that's that's a problem. You have to invite a vampire in. Right. Right. The same guys who had come up with the first peace treaty, then talked to both sides and it was

agreed another treaty would be drawn up and they would sign it again. No, they're being very good. Now you got no cake. All right. Look, well, yeah, if he comes in and signs a double treaty, then we'll be cool. I'm here. I'm ready to sign the double treaty. Oh, shit. Here we go. So Dallas, can I sign it with my finger, please? Oh, come on. Let me shoot him. Please. For ink. Uh-huh. I'll be using. Nope. Ink. Okay. What did you think? I'm sort of kind of animal? Yep. Well, you want to know what the inquiry really is? What? It's just regular ink, you asshole. Okay. Could you, could we not do this right now? Because you seem slightly inebriated. Between us. Yep. The secret ingredient. Okay. Is it ink? Squid ink. Okay. I'm going to fucking

kill you. I'll sign it. I'll use a pen to answer. I'm being dramatic. So he goes into the banning saloon to sign the treaty. Weird place to sign the treaty. Yeah. And I'm armed. Frank wasn't there. And then Jim said, hey, I'm going to go get Frank. Oh boy. And that left Doc Manning and Dallas alone. And Dallas said, quote, Doc, someone or somebody has been going about telling lies. You. And Doc replied, quote, Dallas, you've not kept your word. And Dallas said, quote, whoever says I have not tells a damn lie. And then they pulled out their guns. Oh no. And a treaty signing. But a bystander, a guy who was apparently friends with. Bystander is a big player in this story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, the one thing we've learned on

this podcast is don't talk to white people. And then also, if you're a bystander, get the fuck out of there. Yeah. You don't have a name. But this bystander decided to try to stop the gunfight. So as they're both pulling out, they're apparently so close to each other, he was able to jump between and push both of them backwards. Okay. Of course, Dallas was drunk. So he, he started falling backwards. And at the same time, Doc fired. And he hit Dallas's upper arm severing the artery artery and the bullet ricocheted into his chest. And then Doc shot again. But that bullet was stopped by some papers that Dallas kept in his pocket. I'd like to think it was stopped by the very key he got at the beginning. Thank you. So that one didn't hit him. But he said he's got a severed

artery. But the shot, the shot had enough force that he stumbled backwards out of the saloon. Like an old timey movie. Right. Right. A stunt. So he goes into the street. And then Dallas pulled out his other pistol that had not been knocked out of his hand and shot Doc Manning in the arm. And then Doc dropped his gun. And then Doc rushed to Dallas and the two men started wrestling in the dirt in the street. So they're in the dirt wrestling in the street in a blood circle, blood circle. And then Jim Manning came running up and put pulled out his cult and carefully aimed it at Dallas and then shot a barber's pole. Okay. Oh, no one will know if I'm open. Oh, never mind. He fired again and he hit Dallas just above the ear and killed him instantly. Okay. And then Doc

Manning pulled out his other gun and beat the dead Dallas Stottemeyer in the head with his gun repeatedly until Jim pulled him off. Oh, geez. That's a doctor. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Yeah. I guess he could have a flair for the more but sure. Doc and Jim Manning were put on trial for murder and both were acquitted by a jury mostly of their friends. Okay. Frank became the city Marshall in 1883 but that only lasted a couple of months and he was fired for shaking down a starkeeper and refusing to arrest anyone who was his friend. Okay. Jim eventually moved up to Washington State and died of cancer in 1915 and Frank was put in a mental hospital and died in 1925. Doc Manning moved to Flagstaff and practiced medicine but also died in 1925. So that was the

end of the. What's the title of this? What do you call this? I mean the drunk shooters? I mean it's fucking crazy. Yeah. Everybody is shitfaced and they're shooting at each other all the time. Yeah. This gives us a spin on the Wild West because you know in the Wild West it's very romantic for the guy to come and go give me a whiskey. It's dusty out there and he takes a fucking shot but they're shitfaced. They're fucking shitfaced. Oh yeah. They're just drunks with guns. Yeah. No it's always funny too like if you you know when you like if you ever actually do this for as weird as it is go out with people and don't drink while they drink. Yeah. It's a very strange experience. Yeah. Because you're like I'm gonna go. Now imagine that guy walking around with

fucking twirling his guns. Yeah. Well the thing is that you would like you would not want to sober up. Why would you want to be sober in this time? No way. No I would be drunk. You would like there would be everyone or that's what I mean like when you go out with the people and they're drunk you're like hey look I should either go home or just drink. Man I could go home sober and sit in my dusty shithole and look at a lamp. Yeah. Like that's. So your other option is like I guess I'll just drink the weird juice everyone else is having. And then maybe shoot Larry. Yeah. Fucking why not. I'm just a bystander. Anyway this is the period of time that we romanticize. Let's call it let's call it shots shots shots shots shots. That's what a good title for this one can be.

That's fair. We signed. We signed cars and also guys go down to wagon rides if you guys got a wagon wheel that's going a bit of straight wagon rides. We'll ride your wagon wheel. Wait we'll fix the wheel on your wagon not the. I'm out cut. That's good. Not the chassis I believe it's called. You just fix the wheels. I'm done. We will not we're not chassis repairs. We also don't repair the top part the hooded the big billowy white part. I think I'm sticking of a is it a wagon or a stagecoach. I'm thinking I'm done talking to you. I'm all the way over here now. Well I'm shitfaced.