The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 27 - The Past Times with Lisa Curry

Episode Date: May 20, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Lisa Curry New episodes of The Past Times will be right here every Thursday. Redbubble Merch

All right, everybody, welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. Lisa Curry. Hello, Lisa. Hi, Garrett. Thanks for playing.

Thanks for having me on. You know, we're just going to go through an old newspaper, just like when you're going through like a hoarder's garage, and you're like, why is this, like, we basically just... I just yesterday, and I, who knows if Goodwill wants this stuff. I'm guessing no, but I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I just dropped off a stack of newspapers from September 11th, 2001, because I was in high school, and I thought, someday these are going to be worth money, so I saved them all, because I come from a family of hoarders, and I just let them go.

I was just going to say, that is literally the hoarder mentality, someday this will be worth money. Like, that's what is always in the mind of the hoarder. Like when they're just like, Miss, you don't need this hungry, hungry hippo, just like, someday it'll be worth money. They're like, there's a cat under here that's dead. We can't even... I have a box of beanie babies, I'd say.

That's really tragic, but if anyone wants a 9-11 newspaper or magazine, there's a whole lot of them at the Goodwill at Fairfax and Beverly. I would love to go to that Goodwill and find out, because there's no way they... But if you were just like, hey, honey, I got a bunch of 11 newspapers, you want to read them like it's the day of the game? I think one of two things happened, they immediately threw it out, or someone there was like, shit, these are going to be worth a lot of money someday. Yeah, it was a relative of yours that you don't know about, who's throwing those out?

Before we get in too deeply, so we should remind people to listen to your show, a weekly show on Sirius XM, on the She Funny channel. She's so funny. She's so funny. Channel 778. I don't know why I made it. And my show is called Long Story Long. When you're on Instagram at Olympian...

I am at Olympian Lisa Curry. Please follow me there, everyone. She's an Olympian. Okay. And you're a big 9-11... She loves 9-11. Truth. She has all of the 9-11 collectibles.

Yeah, all of them, the plates, the snow globes, you name it, Lisa's got it. Rudy Giuliani sifting through the rubble, I have all of it. All the action figures, it's so... That's great. Collector's coins. Yeah. I have a diorama of Abu Ghraib, just so many times. Oh, well, that is actually worth a lot.

That'd be great to see at the Goodwill. Hey, look at that. Lighty England or whatever. Okay, well, Lisa, you'll be very comfortable. I mean, I'll tell you what, if this is from 9-11 2001, you're probably not going to enjoy this very much. You'll be like, heard it. Let's keep going.

But Dave, I don't know if you'd pick that one out. But Dave, what are we dealing with here? I like to sometimes guess what year we're in. Yes, we'd like to guess the year. Lisa's going to take a guess and you can, too. Anything from the 1600s up to today. It's weird to me that you said the 1600s, so I'm going to guess from the 1600s. I'm going to treat that as some breadcrumbery.

And I'm going to say 1671. Let me. I'm just going to. Oh, I'm guessing. Yeah. 1989. Wow. She goes.

And it's, by the way, I should mention it's price of right rules, who's ever within a hundred years. And if they don't go over, they get vote. Well, Lisa wins because it's 1904. God damn. Very good. December 10th. Well done.

This is the news tribune from Tacoma, Washington. And as it's December 10th, this is the Christmas edition. Oh, how cute. They really. Okay. So the paper, they really took a holiday. I don't know what they're doing. The front page is just a bunch of cartoons.

There's a big Santa that says only 15 more days. It's really December 10th. Not normal. Do you think there were more? Do you think they were just doing a Santa theme for the month? Or you really think this is? I think this is their, they're going to put a bunch of Christmas stuff in this one. I don't get it.

I don't get it. Okay. Okay. Page one's just a lot of. December 10th Christmas paper. Page one's boring. It's a there's a war between Russia and Japan, blah, blah, blah. Nobody cares.

It's news. I didn't know that, but of course they went to war. Yeah. Page two, we got a little story here. Mr. White needs rest. St. Louis E. Norton White, chief of the department of admission at the world's fair announced today that he had declined the offer of the same position at the Lewis and Clark exposition in Portland, Oregon next year.

Mr. White gave his reason that he needs rest from his labors. He's tired. I do feel like they fucked him a little on that headline. They could be like, uh, they could be like, you know, he declines, he declines to do it again. Oh God. Are you in it? Lisa has a cat.

Is Michael Winslow at your place? Lisa has a cat. Is that Michael Winslow? Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. Look at that eye contact that's going on. She's telling me to shut up.

You shut up. It's possible that it's possible that he sends to Chris D'Elia in the neighborhood. Yeah. I don't know what she's talking about. Did you have your 9-11 papers stacked like the Twin Towers? A lot of people think that's me. You know it. You know it.

And then when you took them to the Goodwill, you just knocked them down. It was like that, uh, Robin Williams movie, 24 hour photo where it was just one wall of my house was dedicated to clippings. What, uh, just no, it was, it was normal. Don't think it was anything. Oh no, it sounds normal. Yeah. No, no, no.

That's normal. I was worried it was going to sound strange. Okay. So Mr. White needs rest as the headline. That does definitely sound like a, uh, children's book. It feels like they could have been a little more like, he's worked and left it all on the field. I would just say it's not newsworthy that a guy didn't take a job.

But what do I know? Cause he's tired. Well, I mean, especially if you're taking two weeks off. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, was he like the only person in the country with some sort of special knowledge? Nope. No, not even that.

Okay. He was the only tired guy. He was the only tired guy. People were like, wow, that is unrelatable. Yeah. He's tired. What's that? So we have more, uh, World's Fair news.

Uh, this is headline. This headline is an expensive desk. Jesus Christ. I mean, talk about like the two bangers out of the gate. The editor was like, what are we leading with? I mean, we've got the desk and the tired guy. Flip a coin. One of the exhibits in the St. Louis World's Fair was a roller-top desk on which a cabinet

maker had labored daily for four years and three months. Oh, what? This guy doesn't know about it. All right, your desk. This guy's not doing, there's no way he made money if this is all he did. Yeah. This is before Ikea. Way before Ikea.

Yes. Cause actually some Ikea stuff does take four years and three months. Yeah. But to put it together. Yeah. Um, it is inlaid with. His friends are probably like, I don't think, I don't think there's a desk. He was like, I gotta go home and work on the desk there.

All right, Dan. All right, Dan. It is inlaid with thousands of dollars worth of pearl button blanks, which were all shaped and polished by hand. All sizes of blanks were used and they covered the desk, both inside and out. So it's bedazzled. It is bedazzled. Inside.

He bedazzled the whole fucking thing. Here. The inside bedazzlers just for you. What was he working on leading up to this? Like, is this something where he's like, now that I have the clientele that we're waiting four and a half years for a desk and like it bedazzled. Or the guy who ordered it is like, are you close? And he's like, we are 19.

I'm so tired. I won't be working there. They're checking the shipping link and they're like, it's not even in transit. It's not even out for delivery. It's been in that area. I bedazzling the inside. Give me months. That's just for you.

The bedazzling on the inside is you just don't want to finish the project. Yeah. It's 60 inches long, 30 inches deep, 54 inches high, and it has 53 drawers. What the fuck? 54 inches high. That's very tall for a desk. That's like four and a half feet tall. I'm trying to figure.

It's crazy. I like that they're deep. How deep is the desk? Wait. So is this also the world's first standing desk? He just puts a treadmill under it. You guys make 53 drawers. What the fuck is happening?

Dave, we're getting there. We're getting the 53 drawers. 53 drawers. But were they tiny drawers? They had to have been. They had to be. They had to be tiny drawers. It had to be like when you'd go to the library and do the dewy desk.

They had to be like, whoever got the desk was like, I was going to do files and stuff. And he's like, oh, well, I'm afraid we don't have a big one. We had to get all 53 in this. It was not easy. At what point is it not a desk? Because that sounds like some kind of weirdo storage credenza. This is now a mental health. This is something you make when you're in an asylum and they're like, no, keep going.

And if you're bedazzling the inside of 53 drawers. Yeah. Yeah. That's why it takes so long. He's like, well, I have a drawer for pencils and erasers. And then I'll plan, I'm going to live in one of the drawers, obviously. The wood used in the construction of the desk and chair, which accompanies it, is black walnut. And with the pearl decorations offers a striking contrast.

It took more than two years to find a shell that would make the keyhole piece. The maker values the desk at, do you want to guess? No. Oh, because this is 1904 money hot. 1905. Yeah. So. $30.

I'm kidding. I don't know. $3 million by today's standards. Inflation. I'll guess they've, they've valued the desk at 1905. I'll say $43,000. Oh, I was going to say like $5,000 because I don't know. I have $5,000.

Then I, it feels like if you take housing prices, that would be $15 million now. Fair. Okay. $50,000. Wow. Which is the equivalent today of $1,058,000. What the fuck? What?

What the fuck? For a desk that you can only put paper clips in. Yeah. That is, it only has like storage for thin pencils. I really like when you said a desk was at the world's fair. I was like, the world's fair was, but you let, I would want to see this desk. Yeah. I would too.

Yeah. It should be in maybe a museum of stupidity. Yeah. Like this is somebody. Yeah. And welcome to the hall of wasted time. Hello. Yes.

Hello. And your parents who were like, so you're going to get a job like, well, I'm not even done with the 30th drawer, father. Yeah. What do you mean? That is the height of privilege. Yeah. If you could spend four and a half years fucking whittling.

Yep. Making a million dollar desk. Yeah. He's polishing every pearl and sticking it on himself. Yeah. Oh, it's like, it's Lego. We get it. Is this before or?

We get it. You had a breakup. We get it. Yeah. Yeah. So have you talked to Marjorie? I don't need to talk to her. I don't want to.

I've moved on. I'm seeing someone else now. It's a desk. I'm dating a desk. He's fucked every single drawer. That's the catch. By the way, gentlemen, I'd be careful. I'd be careful with the drawers because I've been inside every one.

Those aren't pearls. That drawer is pregnant. So there's more news about the war. Fury. This is the headline. Fury of fighting unparalleled during war. Japanese and Russians fight with ferocity of fiends. Scene of hand-to-hand conflict.

String with dead bodies. This sounds awesome. Well, that's when you used to fight wars, you know, like people were like next to each other. Like, come on, we're at war instead of like, oh no. Yeah. Those bombs are coming from. Yeah. I won't go into it, but it's a lot of those people.

Is that the first mention of that conflict on the paper? No, there was a bunch on the front page that I didn't want to go into. Okay, okay. Right, okay. I just want to make sure that. When I hear hand-to-hand combat, I just picture kind of karate moves. That's exactly right. It's all karate and there's a lot of hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

Well, it's the end of like every 80s movie where like one guy doesn't have a gun and the other guy's like, and he throws his gun because he's like, I want to enjoy this. Yeah. And then they do a dance in the midst of it. It's like parkour. Yeah, it's silhouette. Yeah, right, exactly. Or capoeira, that's what I was thinking of.

Or parkour. Well, I mean, listen, if you want to talk about Brazilian dance fighting, I'm your guy. Obviously, a day will tell you that I've spent a lot of time working on my capoeira. And a lot of times when you break it out in an alley fight, guys will start to laugh until they have no choice but to respect them. That's right. So the next page is a lot of ads that look like stories. And the worst part of doing that when you're like trying to defend yourself is like, can someone put on some music? We're just going to like take your money.

Like, come on, someone put on something. The next story is beat the shit out of you. The next page is a lot of ads that look like stories. But in the middle, there is John Nimi was arrested at Melmont on the charge of seduction. Preferred against him. Sheriff Graham of Cehalai County was expected in Tacoma this afternoon to take the prisoner back. Seduction. He was seduction.

May I talk to you? There's Google seduction here. And it was a thing from starting in 1848 to 1935. The United States embarked on one of the most ambitious, expansive and intrusive judicial experiments in all of history. The attempt to regulate seduction. Meaning they are regulating. So if you seduced a woman and had the sex. I can't.

Her father could sue you. And have you arrested him. We're going to be back there in a couple of years. It's good to know. We're on our way. Because essentially you broke her. She's no longer... Oh, she's...

It's harder to sell her off with the property. You know, now I understand why this guy was busy stand up desk fucking. I just don't want to go to jail for trying to get laid. I'm not saying that because I'm sure it was a very... I mean, even today, knowing how dudes are, I'm sure there was a lot of unwanted advances and stuff. But that would be a very tough time for me. To just be like, I just... It's good to meet you. I'm going home.

But also, what if a lady just wants to fuck without her dad getting involved in the law? What if you just want to have the sex? Well, I'm not turned on anymore. You know what? This must have been in the time before the t-shirts that say that some toxic men wear that say, like, come near my daughter and I'm going to reload or whatever. It's before these men had an ample warning. These poor guys.

Thank God for those t-shirts now. I was going to say, this has got to be a rat one. Someone was like, you know what we need? The judge was like, we need to make t-shirts. Clear t-shirts! Nothing lads that comfort and beauty of your home like a well-equipped bathroom, which can be installed by the William Coffee Plumbing Company for from 100... Coffee Company?

Yeah, it says coffee. No, that's just his name. Coffee. William Coffee. From 100 to $1,000 according to the quality of the fixtures. So people are getting... This is when the people are getting shitters, as they say in the business. Nice. Indoor plumbing.

I'm excited. God, that would be so... I mean, that's an exciting piece of news. A nice bathroom can change your life. It really can. Oh. But then also it must have been really awkward as well. Like, well, honey, I'm going to go to the upstairs and...

I'm not going outside anymore to do the business. They must have created a division socially because once you get a bathroom, you're not going to dinner at your friend's house with an outhouse anymore. That's a wrap. Oh, yeah, absolutely. As well as you probably had those, like, welchers who were like, hey, Bob, I just thought I'd swing by and say hello. It's like, look, you're not shitting here, Al.

He's like, what? Shitting? Me? I just want to come by and say hello to a good friend of mine. Look, we had a talk about it last night. You're always dropping by to shit. Well, oh, the nerve. Do you mind if I use the bathroom before I go for a good?

I'd just like to stop by an hour after lunch. What's the big deal? Yeah, just after my morning coffee, I'm going to pop over. Yeah. Speaking of which? Speaking of coffee, isn't that the company that put in your... By the way, you know how sometimes in a older house there is a downstairs toilet, like a smaller, without a shower, like just a toilet situation?

That was because when they put bathrooms in, they didn't want workers or delivery men to go upstairs to use their bathrooms. So they basically had that shitter for basically what you were just describing. Wow. Why did they get rid of that? I like that. I like that a lot. I like that.

I like that move. Oh, thanks for the package. Want to relieve your bowels in any way? Here's yours. It is weird. I do wonder, delivery people when they're driving all day, where are they going? Oh, there's Lisa. Starbucks?

Don't look at the video. I know. As someone... I used to do children's birthday parties and dress up like superheroes, and you were not allowed to use their bathrooms. And you were going like... What? Birthday party to birthday party.

Yeah. Well, because it's also kind of awkward for Spider-Man to be like... So what do you do? You shit in their pool? Well, the shitting became tough. The shitting became... Shit in the truck. The shitting you'd have to go to a gas station.

But the peeing was pure bottles. Bottles... Oh, really? Yeah. Pea bottles. Yeah, I'd pull over to the side of the road. Why the fuck would they let you use the bathroom? I'd pee in a bottle.

What, Spider-Man? Yeah, it's not like you're going to undress in the living room and then go into the bathroom. I don't know. I think it... I mean, it's a fine line with convincing the children that you are these characters. So if like a transformer goes in there and is gone for like 15 minutes taking off the gear to piss... Yeah, but is it good for the kids of Spider-Man wet his outfit?

Well, guys, don't worry about that. I just shot a little crotch webbing. All right. Now, where's Timothy? You know, David, as Gareth is explaining this more, it sounds like it was him personally that wasn't allowed into people's homes. That's correct. This doesn't sound...

There's a lot of holes in this. Let's stop recording it. Let's stop recording and take it. Let's have a pow wow off mic, everybody. I don't like where this is headed. But then with the Amazon drivers, I mean, they are... Yeah, they are defecating in bags and pissing in bottles. It's a very good company.

That's great. They have great benefits. Wait for the whistle. All news carrier boys have been provided with whistles which they are expected to blow each afternoon when delivering the paper. Thereby warning subscribers that their paper has arrived. Subscribers will confer a favor on the news if they will notify the business office of failure on the carrier's part to blow the whistle.

Can you imagine your mailman just fucking with... How annoying. So annoying. Just out there whistling at every door. I'd be like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, please. Your goddamn whistle. Stop.

And he's like, can I come in and shit? Here's how you know if your paper's there. You look outside and see if the paper's there. Well, also, how could you tell that the whistle was for you? I keep hearing whistling, but it's not like it's a whistle. It's not like it's just like a cone. It doesn't go directly to your home. You're just like, I'm hearing a lot of...

There's eight paper boys. They're all fucking whistling and there's no goddamn paper out here. And yet someone... Yeah, this sounds like... Yet someone is complaining. Well, I didn't get a whistle. Yeah. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Another wife beater was arrested yesterday. Officer Foster... That's really... Officer Foster arrested... We were having whistle fun and then Dave just... Dave, look, that's the way the paper's set it up. It's drawing himself.

This is all page four, baby. Officer Foster arrested George Erresquit of 3101 Asiton Street when he was in the act of beating his wife. The charge against him on the blotter is drunk and disorderly. Okay, no, wait. Wait, what? That's not the charge. What?

That's not the charge. I mean, I'm surprised to hear... We're throwing the book at him. I'm surprised to hear somebody got arrested for hitting a woman. Are we sure that he didn't violate something else? Did he forget to blow the whistle? Yeah. The secret you're supposed to blow a whistle before you hit your wife.

Sir, you're not... Look, you've got to hold her tighter if you're going to shake her like that, sir. Come on, bring them in. But I'm guessing there was... I mean, either there was no domestic violence charges to Lisa's point or... I think Lisa's right. We're not enforcing it. I think that it probably wasn't even illegal.

I would imagine. Yeah. Yeah. She's screaming so much that a lot of people think the paper's coming. So is there any way to control her a little bit? You're doing this wrong. He was hitting her because she had been seduced by someone. That's right.

And he's like, that's enough of that. You will not shit in the worker bathroom again, Catherine. And then, well, I was just going to say... I don't remember. I smoke pot. Go ahead, Dave. A spokane woman obtained a divorce because her husband squandered his earnings on efforts to invent a flying machine.

Instead... What? This is the domestic violence one? That is totally separate. This is the next story. Oh, okay. I thought he was like... This is their neighbors.

Okay. Yeah. And instead of providing the necessities of life, the inventor can now devote all his energy in making his money fly. Wait. I'm sorry. One more time. Give me that story again.

A spokane woman has obtained a divorce because her husband squandered his earnings on efforts to invent a flying machine instead of providing the necessities of life. So he was just like, we don't need to eat. The reporter at the end... The reporter put it in a deep. And the reporter at the end is just like, finally, he can fully focus on the flying machine. Yeah.

While squandering. He can devote his energy to making his money fly. So he's telling him... He's calling him an idiot. He's telling him to fly away. Well, it definitely feels like a shark tank situation in today's terms. Yeah. A shark tank situation?

Yeah. Where someone's like... Yeah. Where someone is just like, this will change everything. If people use this belt, it'll be fine. And people are like, it's not, it's really like it's a long shot. It's not good. Yeah.

Flip to the end of the newspaper when you figure out it was choose Mary to one of the right brothers. Yeah. And she's like, God damn it. Orville says he'll keep working. Yeah. Oh, we got a Christmas thing. One of the most difficult tasks about this Christmas shopping is to remember not to give

the same person the same present this year. That is... You know what? That keeps me up at... Is that true? Really? Really? Is that really a thing?

Does he know? I've never heard... The closest experience to that is when I get gifts I don't want and then I save them to re-gift them later and then I'm like, wait, fuck, who did I get this from? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

But then it's also kind of nice if you give them that gift because it's your way of being like, it wasn't a very good gift. But I love that this paper is just a guy... I don't like it. Yeah. This paper is just a guy worried about something and putting it in the paper. God damn it. What if I do this again?

Yeah. What if I give Frank the same cane? Yeah. Yeah. Which is basically what the gift was. This is early blogging. People are just like, I'm fucking stressed about this. I can't take it.

Yeah, this really is such a first world issue of like, this is so tough, giving people the same thing. The key to this is not to give people gifts, which is basically what I do and that's a way to... Yeah. By the way, most grandparents just give the same gift over and over again and they have no clue. Yeah.

Nobody cares. Yeah. Nobody cares. No. Nobody gives a shit. Yeah. Nobody gives whatever the... The only gift you should be giving anyone over like nine years old is cash.

That's right. That's it. I agree completely. That's right. And heroin. No more scented candles. No more lotion. Yeah.

And heroin. Well, actually I do a lot of lotion. I give a lot of lotion. I didn't. And for some reason people find it to be strange. You know it's weird. I don't think people... I don't know.

It's bad. Well, it's like I would love to see you a little moist. Don't. I just don't like you dry. What's not? Is that crazy to say? Yeah. Yep.

Yeah. I like you. I like you moist. And when you're dry, I'm not pleased. Okay. Let's keep going. Cut it out if you like. Keep it if you do.

Still on page six, headline the Irish Muse. If there be anyone on the face of the earth who does not love an Irishman, it is morally certain that he either does not know one when he sees him or he himself is a most unlovable character. I'm sorry. What's the angle? What's the stance? Anti-Irish?

No, it's pro-Irish. So if you don't like the Irish, yeah, if you don't love the Irish, you are morally fucked up. I do think that this is a big issue and I think that... I'm glad that they said it. I'm citing... Finally. You ever wrote this?

Yeah. Well, but wait, would you read the first line again because I definitely believe this person's Irish. If there be anyone on the face of... If there be anyone who doesn't like the Irish, then they be crazy, I tell you. 100%. It was an Irish process. It's written by Shane O'Finnisee of Limerick.

That the Irishman has faults in plenty one may readily admit. Look, we're not perfect by any stretch. But there is... We're flawed. There is something lovable even in his faults for they all dwell on the surface and are readily perceived. This is too confusing. Now I'm...

I feel like it's... Is it come back around? I mean... It's becoming a bit like a neg. Yeah, it started with all, aren't Irish great? Now here's the list of what's wrong with them. Yeah. They do not...

They dwell on the surface. Yeah. Well, they don't hide their emotions, right? It's just all out front. Okay. I was like, are we... They upset that they're not mole people then or what's going on? I was definitely thinking a mollish person sort of deal like, they come out at night

with the worms. By the way, I didn't... All these years, I only recently found out that mole people is a... That's a real thing. Oh, yeah. I thought that was just something we were all saying jokingly. No, no, it's real. Sorry.

I'm... What does that mean? Hi. I'm Lisa from a little while ago. You're not a documentary about the mole people? I'm sorry. What's happening here? You're a documentary guy.

Go... Love a good doc. Just go look up the mole people. The mole people. I'm sorry to ruin your whole week. No, I... It's obviously... It's tough to keep going.

I don't know if we want to maybe pick up tomorrow night while I have a little time to kind of process what just happened. No, it's a... It's a great... The mole people? That's what some America is, you know, there's people live on the ground. Don't worry about it. Well, here we go.

I feel like it's going to be based on poverty, so that's a great idea. It's just a modern day situation of people living on the ground. From the description, mole people, you're like immediately thriving. They're thriving. Yeah. That's the first thing. Thriving. People there by choice.

Eating rats. It's all good. Oh, good. Just like regular moles. They were back to the Irish people. I think. I think. I mean, yes.

Who I'm now picturing just as like clovered mole people. They're not. They're above ground. Did someone open a kind of ale? I'm thirsty. If you catch me, you get tree wishes. They do not lie hidden in some dark recess of being to spring forth in the night to wreak devastation and death.

I'm going to read that again. That's such a specific not. They do not. They don't jump out from the shadows. They do not lie hidden in some dark recess of being to spring forth in the night to wreak devastation and death. So they're not. They're.

They're not shadow murder. They're not stabbing you in the dark of night. I think they're saying, uh, and I think, yeah, there is a lot of. There was a lot of laboring over words and which ones to use here. There was a thesaurus right next to the art as they wrote, but I think they're saying like they don't have some hidden darkness that's going to fucking lash out at you in some weird moment. Oh, so they haven't met anyone in my family.

Which is absolutely not true. Yeah. The Irish famously don't have demons. That's why we're writing this article where this comes from. Here's a bunch of stuff. They're not. Yeah, nothing to prove. We're just mentioning.

Good Lord. Nothing. Why? I guess your question is, why aren't we writing this about other ethnic, well, we will about other national. Okay. Next we'll do the Spanish, but this week we're going to talk about what the Irish aren't. They're not drunk and ill tempered and they're not living in the shadows and they don't come

out from the ground at night like the mole people. Yes, they're real. The virtues of the Irish men are always in evidence too. If an Irishman be your friend, what a loyal friend he is. His money is yours if you need it. And what is more? I don't know if that's the right message. Look at that money, infinitely more, he will fight you until you, until the last drop of

blood. Wait, he will fight for you. Sorry. He will fight for you. Okay. That sounds more accurate. He will drain you of blood. He's a pal.

He's a little dark mole vampire people. Hey. What happened? The vamp? Have you heard about the vampire Irish, the vampirish? He will fight for you until the last drop of blood has oozed out of him. When some truthful enemy of yours has told all the secrets that you have been covering up for a generation.

Okay. This is getting very specific now. Yeah. Trust me. This guy didn't tell anyone I killed for him. This is like straight to a buddy of his who like stood up for him when someone was like telling his secrets. Yeah.

This is 1904 version of a sub-tweet. The Irishman who will call Patrick has a perfect genius for friendship. And in this hour of friendship, sad decay in so many quarters, now he's attacking the other guy who was talking shit about him. This is also transparent at this point. It is refreshing to find someone who will not allow its glorious banner to lie trailing in the mud. So that's it.

We resolved it. The guy, someone, a friend of his talk shit, his Irish buddy stood up for him and this is a love letter. I like that he said, who will call Patrick? There's two other Irish names and every third guy is named Patrick. I put that in there. That was just me. Oh, okay.

I thought that was what he said. I thought he was getting very specific like his friends like, Jesus Christ, they know it's me. Who will call Patrick O'Shaughnessy? From 1301 Brinsmore Drive. Who lives under this building? My mall Irishman. Well good for them and their friendship.

How sweet. Yeah. Yeah. It's normal to take it out. How sweet of your friend to bludgeon someone for you. Yeah. Yeah. That is a very violent compliment.

Yeah. You know the Irish. They'll murder your enemies. Oh. Is that really? But not like some dark weird way. No, no. Yeah.

They're not violent. They don't jump out from the shadows. They'll kill your, they'll kill your enemies for you. Oh, this is sad. Known pedestrian dead. Rollin H. Cook. Known pedestrian. Well known pedestrian.

Died today as a result of burns received by the explosion of a kerosene lamp. He was 61 years of age. Do you know what a pedestrian is, Lisa? Yeah, there's those things that are in my way when I'm driving. So at this time in history, people would go in stadiums and stuff to watch people walk in a circle. Listen. You can't be serious.

I'm 100% serious. Oh, yeah. 100% serious. Think about how fun that was. They were famous. So it was like mall walkers, but people are watching them. You would walk kind of, you would walk fast, but it was a fast, it was an event. Well mall walkers walk fast.

And they would walk. And everyone in Manhattan walks fast. What's the big deal here? They could have been pros. Well, you could sell tickets to that time. What is it? Yeah. I can't believe it.

But like stadiums. Stadiums. Like stadiums of people being like, oh my God, he's like, I mean, when I grow up, I just want to walk as fast as tad. How fucking bored was everyone? It was very boring. Good God. It was a boring, boring.

You know, as bad as the internet is, at least we have something to do. I mean, it says a lot that we've like run, like a lot of times I'm like, there's nothing to look at or watch, but it's like, look, come on, you can, you can throw on a fucking rom-com. You know what I mean? You're not like. You could walk fast. You could watch someone waiting for four and a half years.

Come watch an Irishman suck the blood out of an enemy. Exactly. There's so much to do. What happened to this guy? An Irishman defeated my foe. So Friday night, want to go to a walk? This is, did this cost money to attend? Oh yeah, you paid.

Yeah, you would go. Well, maybe you paid it, but they would also, but they would also be like always parades of like, like some people be like, I'm going to walk to Detroit and people be like, the guy who's walking Detroit is coming through town today and people be like, oh my God. And they'd stand on the street and they'd be like, look at him. He's almost there. 100%. Yeah.

Like parades were like. They were sitting there with the Thomas guide or, I mean, honestly, it was just in, he would ask people, am I close to Detroit? No. Oh, fuck. You're in Kansas City. Well, oh, this sucks. I walked beyond it way beyond it, pal.

Oh, God. Damn it. Uh, we're now on. Did I go that way? Or now on page eight, early morning sprint. This is out of Philadelphia. His duties frequently compelling him to undergo tests of endurance. Chief Matthew Griffin of the local US Secret Service Bureau has for years, but an apostle

of physical culture every morning about five o'clock. He may be seen sprinting around the boundaries of Ontario Park at 13th and Thompson streets. Rain or shine when he is in the city, he emerges from his home daily at five AM clad only in trousers and a shirt and wearing a pair of light slippers going. So he's clothed. What? Slippers going to the square, the wrong footwear, a short distance from his home. He sprints around the asphalt pavement, bounding the green green plot.

Okay. Let's be honest. If you saw this guy, you'd be like, sir, you know, he's sir, sir, sir, sir. He should be 51 50. They're writing about him, sir, sir, because he's exercising. Yeah. It's in slippers. No, but no one did this.

So they're amazed. It's a guy exercising. Everyone is shocked because he's sprinting. Yes, he's exercising. So it's a story. Wait, hold on. Like how slippers are ballet slippers because ballet slippers at least would stay on your feet.

I don't think it's ballet. I think it's a much bigger story if it's ballet slippers. I think it's a whole different league. I also like that they're bragging that he had a shirt and pants. Oh, yes. He's not nude with slippers. He has the other parts on too, but so the guys sprinting and everyone's like, this guy's, how does he do it?

Yeah. I also love to Gareth's point, I love that this is a point in history where you have to clarify. No, they are clothed in outdoors. Like don't worry. Where that's not just the default. He's not a weird streaker. He's not running away from the law.

He's sprinting around the park by choice. This guy's running. Usually he makes 12 round trips at good speed as if a means of keeping himself in physical, as a means of keeping himself in physical condition. He began the practice about four years ago in Ontario Park has been his exercising ground ever since. He says that running has proved the most beneficial form of exercise. It's an article about a guy because he exercises.

That's what just fucking happened. He's could be killing himself. I mean, 1904, was it Jack Willing? Yeah. I mean, it's just, but the other thing is we, and I don't, Dave, you know these years better, but we've done episodes on this. It was like for a while, people are like, running will kill you. And then they were eventually like, men can run.

And then they were like, women, it'll kill you. And then women started running and they were like, women, you are on a death march. That was like the order of like how, yeah, while no women couldn't run. Same thing happened with pants. Yeah. Yeah. Women couldn't wear women wearing pants. People are like, kill her.

And that, oh yeah. That's coming back. She's a witch. That's coming back for sure. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait.

Understanding poker. The women believe that every man knows all about poker, but only a few men do. They sure do. It is true, however, that nearly every man pretends to understand the game thoroughly. When there is a poker joke at a theater, all the men smile and look at their women folk with sort of bitty. Oh, Barbara, I can see your dumb little head doesn't understand what three of the times.

I love that it's news that men in a group of other men will pretend to know something they don't. Yeah. That is so fucking true. Really? Next, you're going to tell me people are out there saying they've seen movies they have. Come on.

Sometimes men pretend to know things they don't know. But also, this guy's kind of like the undercover reporter. I went undercover as a regular man and laughed at poker jokes I didn't understand. When there is a poker joke at a theater, all the men smile and look at their women folk with a sort of pity. But the fellows who smile know very little about the game and are afraid to play it. For at almost every little social affair connected with chips and pears, there is a tin whore gambler industriously engaging in working chumps.

God, what I wouldn't give for this to be our news now. These are the big scandals of the day. I know. Seriously. It really would be so great if like, I mean, but you would think about how it would be covered. It would be like CNN would be like, the desk is one year away from being done. So we will get a man to be like, I think that he should not be making the desk.

I understand why he's making the desk. Well, let's bring on this pearl polisher. Well, when polishing purr, you'd be like, Jesus Christ, they really, I mean, that's almost what CNN is at this point. It is. Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty close.

By the way, I don't watch CNN, but my mother's in town and we have gotten to the point where I am like, you can watch it as long as you understand. She's I've gotten to the point where and she kept talking about Don Lemon's beard. What? And I'm going, I'm going, I'm just going, I'm, I go, I don't care about Don Lemon's beard. She goes, you've got to see his beard. It's the tiniest beard.

And I'm going, I don't fucking. It is the craziest thing. It is just like three long hairs, like on the under part of his chin. It's absolute. And it's long. Really? It's crazy. That's it.

Now I have to see it. Yeah. Now you're going to check out Don Lemon. I didn't think anybody would ever make being want to look at Don Lemon. No, that's, and that's what my attitude was. I was like, mom, I don't ever come on enough of this. But then I walked into her hotel room and I was like, what is going on? She's watching, just tracking his beard like it's Ponsitani Phil.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not, I can't believe it's not coming up quickly. We'll have to look for it. Damn it. All right. Yeah.

Well, let's do the podcast. Headline. What's going to be? Destroying Santa Claus. Oh man. Oh, here we go. This is, it didn't go this far back. A number of very good.

Yeah. A number of very good and well-meaning women decided some years ago that the story of Santa Claus was a wicked fiction and should never be told to little children. Every year they begin a crusade against that old gentleman with the long white whiskers and sleigh. This year they have begun earlier than usual, hoping to head them off before his arrival is too generally expected among his small admirers. Wait.

So how are they? I think that they think it's bad to tell their kids a lie. Yeah. So I think they're out there going, they're out there telling everyone Santa Claus is not real. So kids won't believe in Santa Claus because why give kids joy? It's also, well, I kind of, to some extent, I do think it is one of the weirdest things that we do.

100%. It's very weird to lie to your kid. Yeah. Like, because I remember when I busted my mom, like, there was like five minutes of silence where I was like, what is, what's your deal? What is your, what are you doing? See, I found out because my, my mom owned a Santa outfit because we're Polish, her side of the family is Polish.

So Polish people do Christmas on Christmas Eve. You do a big thing. You do your big dinner and then at midnight Santa comes and hands out gifts. You see Santa. Yeah. He comes to the house. So we usually have a family friend dress up and one year we were in a pinch and my dad dressed up as Santa and I was like, oh, that's just, that's my dad.

Yeah. Like I was immediately, it was like, oh, that's, oh, this is all made up. Uh-uh. Yeah. Yeah. Cause he's like, and what do you want? Like he just can't good. Could he, he's an iron worker.

He's not getting into a character. He's like, were you good this year? Like just so fucking tired. He's just, I can't come home in the steel mill. I mean, what's your name? I mean, I don't know who you are. All right. I just want to update everyone.

Can you see? I can't see it. Stop it. It doesn't look like a beard. It looks completely insane. It looks like a weird shadow. It's like he missed the spot for four months. Don Lemon, what are you doing?

It's crazy. He needs a, he needs help. I hope that was a bet he lost. Because otherwise. There has to be something. That should be the news. It's up under my chin. Okay.

Ceremony interrupted. Bishop Chandler of Georgia recently told one of his, one of the national lawmakers from that state an experience he had when he first began to preach and tie nuptial knots. Quote, one day I was called on and engaged to marry a couple in one of the out of town districts. I found the house a rudely constructed a log affair with but one room and a loft above, which was entered by a ladder and a trap door. A big table was in the center of the room and it was loaded with good things to eat.

Something having been cooked on an open fireplace, which took upon nearly all of one side of the room. Wow. It's a big fireplace. It's also a really, this is the attic. No, he's, I mean, no, he's talking about the main room right now. Oh yeah. Okay.

I thought he was talking about the loft. But it's not an attic. It's a loft. It's a separate room. Yeah. But it's like, I don't mean kind of. I mean, if you're, if you're putting this on Airbnb, it's, it's the separate room. Yeah.

I was just going to say, yeah. It's like two rooms. You get up there and you're like, oh, come on. Yeah. I think it depends on whether it's haunted or not. Because if it's haunted, it's an attic. Right. And if it's not, then it's a lot.

Yeah. So if there's ghosts, then attic. Yeah. Hello. And if there's, if there's, if there's a, if there's a young group of brothers and sisters having sex, it's flowers in the attic. Wow. There's no idea what we're talking about.

Yeah, I do. I just don't want to laugh along because I feel like I want to feel like there's a divide in the group. But I do understand the joke, Dave, and it was very good, but I just don't feel like playing along right now. And let's not even explain what it means. Let's just keep going, please. Thank you, Dave.

So I'll be grown-ups about this. The, okay. The bride and groom lined up and I was proceeding with the ceremony and while in the most impressive part of it, the old lady poked her head out of the trap door and the loft and called. Hello. And called Sally, turn them chickens. With a fork.

What? During the ceremony? Why wasn't the grandmother there? Maybe. Why is she popping out? Maybe she's from a different family and that's her. She's a mole person. Maybe she's been dead for 15 years, so it is an attic.

It's her mom. So she's getting married in the room. Why is the mother not? She's not at the ceremony, but she's, yeah, she's like on chickens these days. She's taking care of business. She's still on the ball. She's like, you gotta, you gotta turn the chicken. And she's like, I'm getting married.

She's like, there's no excuse to not turn chickens with the fork now. Even your nuptials. No, the bride did it. The command was obeyed by the daughter. She leaving the, excuse me, Randall, I'll be right back. Pardon me, Bishop. I must go turn the chickens. Nobody likes dry chicken.

She leaving the trembling bridegroom while she jagged him with a fork. I could not help laughing at the ludicrousness of the whole affair and I've never witnessed a marriage ceremony since without remembering this experience. So yeah, could not think of a more ludicrous affair said the man whose profession is to talk to God. The absurdity. She's turning chickens. Anyway, let's put, let's put rings on each other's fingers and you can never end this

because a man in the clouds. Gareth. Gareth. Oh, Dave. I'm sorry. Gareth. I didn't mean to. I still understand that flowers joke you made before.

I just don't. I really enjoy it. You know, it's disturbing. My best friend from high school, when we were in high school, she told me that was her favorite movie, Flowers in the Enic and I was like, that's not okay. That can't be your favorite movie. Well, I actually, I actually read the book when I was a kid, like it was a popular book at the time and I didn't know what it was and I just picked it up and started reading

it. Basically, Gareth, a mom, a mom has four kids. She, her, her parents are terrible, but her husband dies. She has to move in with the parents and the parents make her put the kids in the attic and they're just like, that's where they live. They never come out and they fucking, they fuck each other because what else are you going to do? I mean, I'm, again, before the internet, that's what flowers do.

What is this? What's, where does the story take some kind of intrigue? I know it's a love story. I know someone's going to tweet that I got it wrong. That's, it's, I'm close enough. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, but I'm not conflating it with Flowers for Algernon is honestly.

That's so good. I would actually, I would actually love Flowers for Algernon in the attic if we could conflate those two stories. Yeah. It's actually, he's coming back. Where is he? He's in the attic, banging his brother. Wait, what?

I don't know. This experiment has gone pretty weird, to be honest. And dropped bullet from his nose. Oh, pardon me. It's going around. A remarkable escape of an Iowa boy after being shot in the head by a.22 caliber bullet, discharged from a gun held by a companion, Peter Faber. Hello.

Frank Cosgrove. A responsible gun owner. Yeah. Frank. Totally. Frank Cosgrove, 19 years old, of Dubuque, has only a slight flesh wound to mark the injury. Sorry.

What? I don't know where in your head you could get shot and walk away with a slight flesh wound, but I'm going to say those doctors are really underplaying what happened. In company with Faber and a man, Cosgrove took a trip to the Mississippi River to hunt. They'd been gone only a few hours when the accident happened. Young Faber was handling the gun when it was accidentally discharged, so accidentally he shot him. So he was...

Yeah. Okay. Right. It's called chaining. It's chaining. Yeah. He chained it. And the bullets struck Cosgrove under the left eye, into the nasal cavities, and the injured

boy then felt something in his nose. He snot rocketed it? And blew out the left. What in the fuck? I mean, come on. He blew... Again, not a flesh wound. No, it went through his head.

I mean, the outer part, but it went... Went into his eye. From his eye into his nose, and then he snorted it out. Excellent. But you've got to love hunting to be like, let's not go to the doctor. Let me just... Hold on. Hold on.

I think I could snot rock it. Oh, by the way, that probably felt great. Blood came in spurts, and it dropped into the boat. Well, actually, let me retract what I just said. Keep going, Dave. Sorry. Spoke a little soon on that one. Cosgrove called to his companions to row the boat to shore immediately.

The older said, hold your head out of the boat, or you'll fill it with blood. How much blood is coming? Because if you can even fill a kayak with blood, you're in bad shape. You know, if the boat fills with blood, you're dead. Like, that's... Yeah. Well, I do like this guy's attitude, though, of like, well, we shouldn't all sink because of you.

He made no effort to move the boat, and Cosgrove snatched the rifle and leveled at him, and in a determined voice shouted, if you don't get to work and get this boat to shore, I'll kill you. The trip to land was made quickly, and Cosgrove was hurried to his home where a surgeon was summoned. An examination developed the marvelous fact that no bones were broken because the bullet grazed the bone and traveled with it. The most serious loss to the injured boy is his absence from work for half a day.

What a great country. What a great country. Jesus Christ. What a great country. What a great country. We've always been fantastic. Jesus Christ. What?

If I get shot in the face, the first thing I say isn't going to be like, fuck, you know, I didn't get this packet finished. It's going to be more like, what the fuck happened with this situation? You can get a week off of work if someone was there saying, hold your head out, you'll fill the boat with blood. You can milk that situation for a little longer. It also speaks to how much weaker the guns were to be shot in the eye, and then snot rocking it out, and for a surgeon to be like, you can go to work tomorrow.

If that was what people were allowed to open carry in this country, I'd probably be a little less like, eh, you know. I'd be like, you can outrun the bullets. Just jog real far. Now the whole front of your face is gone. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Now the cops don't even come in to help you. He took the shooting well. He perceived that he had been shot, but he paid little attention to it. I'm fine. I feel good. Are you okay? How's your gun?

Is the boat okay? The only indication of the bullet's presence was an itch in the nose, which caused him to rub, and he finally discharged it. Okay. There is. So he's picking. No, the other indication is the fact that it went in part of his face. So he has a hole over here that wasn't.

Well, aside from that. But then he was picking. Then he was like, I mean, he really, you know, that's what, once the bullet came out, I'd be like, you shouldn't have picked so much. That's why you're bleeding. You got a waterfall. It's still the time, I don't know, medical timelines, but it's just still when, like, there was no plastic surgery.

So to cover something like that, you would just have to wear like a phantom of the opera mask. No, yeah, yeah. On your face. I mean, yeah, that was. And he's like, no big. Yeah. Yeah.

That was definitely a war war. Something's different about you today, Randy. Oh, no, feels like you got to have phantom face. The body of ex mayor, Thomas Humes, who died in Fairbanks, Alaska, November 9th, was shipped from there for Seattle Thursday night. The remains are being taken out over the ice by a dog team, but the route taken is not known. And for that reason, the date of the arrival of the body and snaddle Seattle cannot be

fixed approximately. They're taking. It's being fucking dog rocketed. I mean, yeah, so they must be dragging him behind, or is he on the sleigh? No, he's got to be on the sleigh. I don't know. I don't think he's anywhere to be on the sleigh. The dogs are just sitting there motionless.

I don't know if he can mush these pups. I mean, what's the hurry with the dead body anyway? It's going to be dead. Yeah. It's Alaska. And it's clearly going to be nice and frozen. So yeah, oh, here's one. This will help.

We say. Quality is men like best. Men like cheerfulness in a woman, but they hate forced gaiting. Probably there is no other woman in the world that makes men so tired as the perpetual giggler and gusher. The woman, the woman who's conversation and a giggly guy. The woman whose conversations is a series of exclamations, who chatters like a magpie and who laughs at everything that is said, whether it is funny or not.

Is that one James Tweeted this way? Yeah. Yeah. By the way, it's amazing for men to not like a fake giggler when they're all BSing through poker quips. But you know what happened here, right? This guy went out with a buddy and his girlfriend, and he is just like hates her because she just laughs at everything.

She was a gusher. These women labor under the hallucination that the way to be vivacious is never to be still. Now in this country where society is carried on after hours, after office hours, men seek the companionship of women for rest and relaxation, they want quiet. They're like, shut the fuck up, I'm over here talking to my friend about fake poker things. I'm laughing about fake poker, and when I get home, I'm going to poke her, and that's

all she's here for. You shut up and tell them I'm ready to fuck you. You be quiet till the bedroom. They want to be soothed and sympathized with and not to be irritated by the antics of a perpetual motion machine, combined with the noise of a phonograph that never runs down. Jesus Christ. This guy is a little guy. I don't know why I can't get a girlfriend.

She's talking. She's moving. It never ends. Just unbelievable, unbelievable. And the confidence to write this article. Yeah, right? Yeah. What are you going to write this week, Bruce?

I just am so sick of women talking and laughing and being. It's just enough already. That's pretty good. That's relatable. Yeah. I feel like this is going to come out after they outlaw pants for women in a couple of years. This is going to be a few years beyond that.

We're just regressing in every way. No, it's very true that someday the court will be taking up like, well, I mean, look, she can giggle. We're not saying a woman can't giggle, but it's really, can we put a pitch count on it? The charge is excessive giggling, and I think we all know what that means. It's just too much. It's just a lot. I prefer quiet women who stare and then take off their clothes.

Yep. I'm dating a corpse from Alaska. It's the perfect match. You're just like, just staring into the middle distance. Yeah. Yep. Just sitting there, not giggling too much, but sexuality, I was still able to have sex. It's great.

It's perfect. It's a cold hole, but it works. This headline. It's where the mole people live, a cold hole. Go ahead. This is just a headline and then a one sentence story. Holidays for Japanese children. Two of the most important holidays in Japan are dedicated to the children.

That's the whole story. Is it the penis festival? Is that the one? Oh, wow. So really, I mean, it's nice to see there's some international news besides the war. Yeah. Don't forget, the Japanese kids get two holidays. What are they?

We're done with the article. Can we find out what the holidays are? The article ended. Do you want to tell us what they do on the holidays? Pretty sure I told you everything I'm comfortable telling you. One of the names. They get two. One of the names of the holidays.

There's two of them, and they're for kids. And it's from Japan. Yes, next question. Headline bears scars of war. Man who claims to have been with Custer arrested on homicide charge. Abraham McGee who claims to be the sole white survivor of Custer's command at the famous battle. I'm the only white one.

The famous battle of Little Bighorn is under arrest, charged with homicide. Late Thursday night, he got into an argument with Frank Mitchell, a salesman over the proper method for cooking a kidney stew. Oh, my God. Worthy argument. How do you not kill a guy if they're like not listening to your kidney stew talk? This sounds like the same Irish guy we were talking about earlier. This might be.

You're talking about. You don't tell him how to make a fucking stew, do you? I'm going to make a stew out of your kidneys. A quarrel followed and the men attacked each other with kitchen knives. The fracas leaving nice. The fracas having occurred in Mitchell's flat, McGee, who lived on the Western frontier declares Mitchell attacked him first. And by practicing an old trick, he fell his opponent, not however, until he had received

a severe scalp wound. Here's my question. Go ahead. And I think I know the answer, but I'd love to take the temperature of the group. Do you think he finished cooking the stew and ate the stew before getting into any reporting of the murder that took place? Yeah, I think he did. I hope so.

Right? I feel like he probably did. I mean, if you're going to kill a guy over how to make a stew, yeah, that's probably going to be. I think you're probably going to finish the job. It's also going to be probably your last stew, so you might as well enjoy it for a while anyway. I mean, it's yeah.

I could see it like for five minutes after being like, then you put in a little paprika, you idiot. Oh, don't sit off. Geez. Oh, you're foodie. We're allowed to taste this. This is unbelievable. Oh, man.

I can't believe I just killed a fella over this. Mitchell did not appear badly off at the time, but he died 24 hours later. He definitely ate it. Oh, okay. Maybe not. Maybe not. McGee was arrested in the meantime in a newspaper office where he had gone to set the paper right about the fight.

Okay. So wait, sorry. McGee's the guy. I definitely think he ate the stew. I think he definitely ate the stew. I'm going to say the fact that they thought that this wasn't, he wasn't hurt so bad. At first I'm like, who are these medical people between that and the bullet through the head being a flesh wound?

They weren't. But he was just like, he's like, ah, I've just been stabbed three times. It's not that bad. Let's have the stew now. They were like, you're right. It's not that bad. You're right. Have you tried blowing through your nose?

Good help. In telling the story of the Battle of Little Bighorn, McGee declared he was detached by Custer just before the massacre to carry a message to Majorino who was to have made... I like how they're like, yeah, buddy, we're here about the murder. He's like, you want to hear about Custer? Custer's like, now he's like, I was given a note and I was told that I had to deliver the note. You just killed the guy over stew.

Yeah, hold on a second. McGee bears scars of many wounds which he declares he received in battle. So he's showing them the scar. They're like, yeah, dude, you killed the guy over stew. He's like, look at my back. A lot of that's from that last war. Yeah, that one. That was crazy.

Well, it's a good... It's a nice... It's a sweet ending. It's a love story. Yeah. Wait, is there a recipe? Is this the recipe section of the news paper? They really should have put the recipe in there, shouldn't they?

That is... They should have... Absolutely. They should have done like... And this is actually how you do it and then said which one was wrong, right? Yeah. Or maybe... Or maybe yes.

Yeah. I was going to say maybe you put in both and then have readers write in and be like, we like this McGee suit better. He should have killed his friend. Yeah. I mean, this is a much more compelling way to sell a recipe than any other recipe you find online. There's four paragraphs about the backstory of how they came to get...

This is much better. It's much better. It's effective marketing like pink sauce. I don't know if you guys have seen what's going on with pink sauce, but I'd look into it if I would. Why? What's happening? It's a remarkable thing.

There's a woman who's made a thing called pink sauce. A lot of people think it's just a Thousand Island dressing with a little more pink or ranch dressing with pink, but she's been selling it and people are saying the consistency isn't right. It's made a lot of people sick. And then when she reported it, people noticed that the FDA had never been contacted. And when they've tried to remake it, she's clearly missing like a gumming agent in it. So the FDA has come down on her and she went on tic-tac and she's like, you guys really

fucked me by talking about it. Now the FDA is mad at me and I'm just an entrepreneur and you're just like, this is exactly, this is a representative of everything right now. I've got pink sauce and just marinara sauce and Alfredo sauce mixed together. Am I missing something? Yes. You've got to see the labels and the bottles. But anyway, that's the current times.

Lisa, thank you so much for joining us on past times. We really appreciate it. Well, thank you for having me. Yes. Again, long story long, Sirius XM. She's funny. She's so funny. Channel 77.

She said 771 every Thursday. Big Sirius XM fan over here. Every Thursday. Dave, you have anything you want to say? No. Good. All right. We want to thank everyone for listening and don't forget how to make a stew and let's

go learn about mole people. Make sure that you listen to where you're at.