The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 289 - The Confederados

Episode Date: August 22, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine The Confederados.SOURCESTOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Black and white cat early in the morning just as day is dawning Pat thinks he's a

very happy man. You're reaching out to our English audience. Postman Pat, Postman Pat. You're listening to the dollop this is a bilingual American history podcast each week. I read a story in both Spanish and English at the same time too about American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. I didn't say my name my name's Dave. Okay this is all messed up. Things went downhill after the Postman Pat so let's be honest. It just threw me off. It was just so fun. We were having fun. Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave okay.

Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly podcast. Okay. You are queen fakie of made-up town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle and do a frame. Hi Gary. No. Is he done my friend? No. April 9th. 1865. April 9th. My mother's birthday. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. How are you? Alright 1865. Robert E. Lee. Oh boy. Oh boy. What? We got a buzzword. Triggered. Triggered. Shots fired. Robert E. Lee surrendered to Union General Ulysses S. Grant in Virginia essentially ending the American Civil War. Some called it the battle of one letter middle names. No. That was wordy. A South Carolina resident described the state.

The banks were ruined quote this quote. The banks were ruined. The railroads were destroyed. There a few factories were desolated. Their vessels had been swept from the seas and rivers. The livestock was consumed. Notes, bonds, mortgages, all the money in circulation. Debt all became worthless. The community was without clothes and without food. Never was there a greater nakedness and desolation in a civilized community. You shouldn't have done the own slaves thing. So war hurts the fabric of your country? Apparently if you have a war it's not great for stuff. Well that is I will say I mean that's we've been really good about exporting it for a long time. Oh my god we are so great at exporting war. So we'll have one here soon.

Okay. An Alabama county official wrote to the governor quote I pledge you my word I've never heard such a cry for bread in my life and it is impossible to get relief up here. The provisions are not here and if they were there there is no money to buy with. If anything can be done for God's sake do it quickly. Oh god. We want bread. Yeah. I mean bread. Bread. Bread. From the direct of a confederate officer. Well that sounded different at first FYI. I vowed it did. Yeah. They just go ahead. Okay. I vowed to leave the country without ever being a prisoner of our detested foes. I am to quit the south. There is no reason why I should put myself into the hands of the loathed Yankees. Okay. That guy's out of here. Who is that saying that? That's just

a confederate officer. Just some guy. He's fucking throwing a walk. He's taking a walk. The indictment of Jefferson Davis for treason and union refusal to allow a trial led to more doubts and fears. Okay. Former confederate secretary of state Judah Benjamin wrote I would rather risk death in attempting to escape than endure the savage cruelty which I am convinced the federal's will would inflict on any confederate leader who might fall into their hands. Okay. So was that was that a rational fear? I really don't know. Yeah. I mean probably. Yeah. I mean at that time that that seems like it would be rational. So are people are people trying to get out? People are trying to get out of America? Yeah. Well hold on. Oh boy. Louisiana's general PGT

Beauregard. Oh one more time. PGT Beauregard. How are you? Puget Beauregard. How are you? I don't know. Pigeon Beauregard. He tried to negotiate with Brazil, Italy, Romania, Egypt, France, and Argentina to find a country that could use his military skills. Oh, okay. So he's shopping himself right. So look, I just was in a war. I was on a side that lost. Would you like my services? I'm not very good at this. I'm SGT PGT Beauregard. You know me. So he, okay. So, and the, I mean really what's behind that is that people like people with skill and combat want to leave. Is that sort of? Yeah. I mean the guys who did the fighting are worried that they're going to be brought up on charges. So they're all looking. They're all looking for the bounce. Yeah.

Okay. Looking for the bounce. Yeah. Virginia's general early refused to donate money to build a monument to Robert E. Lee because the granite to be used was from Maine. Oh, God. I mean, that's pretty. Come on. Yeah. I mean, I thought freedom fries was too much. We won't be using Maine granite to build a step. By the way, you can't spell granite without grant. Granite. Grant. You can. Can you? Well, it's not grant. It's gran it. G R A N I T E. Yeah, but if you took us to some of those letters out, you would be spelling the word grant. So you're more doing like a word jumble for. I'm having a word jumble. Southern pride. Absolutely. We're not going to use any of this Maine granite or granite nonetheless. And you can't spell

granite without grant. It's also just a rock. Like it's a rock that was there before there was. We won't be using none of the granite. We'll build it out of coal. Okay. Idiot. That's gonna. Okay. Foolish man. That's fair. Stupid. Okay. You're an idiot. You're you lost. I know it. Okay. Many Southerners headed out west are moved to the north looking for jobs. After the war, tens of thousands of refugees roamed the south. Many were homeless. Between 10 and 15% of the entire pop white population of Alabama left their lands in the 1860s. Southerner Frank McMullen quote fully resolved never to submit to nigger rulers appointed by the Yanks and struck out to find a home for himself and families. So there's there's a

couple things going on. So they are very upset that they lost the war and that they might be persecuted by the north. But they're also very upset that black people at this time are starting to win office and actually become right. People who yes make laws and right. A company that sold land in a British Honduras which is now believes hired a lecture to go to the south to entice colonists. Wait. Okay. A company that sells land and believes is now hiring a person to go around the south to try to get people to come and colonize the story of how sandals started. This is about about Bergen stocks. Okay. No, I mean sandals resort. I'm talking about Bergen stocks resort. Okay. That works.

This was a week after Lee's surrender on April 16 1865. Missouri residents John H. Blue and his son sailed from Baltimore to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Okay. Normal normal thing. Horace Manley Lane of Louisiana sailed. So Pal Pal. Is that a name? That's a name. Horace Manley Lane. Horace Manley Lane. Horace Manley Lane. Did he just come up with his porn name? Horace Manley Lane. Yeah. Okay. You just want to drive by that one. Right. Pass it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Of Louisiana sailed his wife and two sons a month later. Judge John Goulay and 20 members of his family left on July 1 1865. In September, a South Carolina doctor contacted a Brazil agent of immigration in Rio de Janeiro. He asked about transportation for southerners

saying there were many good farmers who would go to Brazil if the Brazilian government could assist with transportation. The official promise to relay the doctor's request to the Brazilian minister of agriculture. So. Okay. But these are like racist people. Well, yeah. Right. I mean, that would be my. Yeah. So we're getting rid of our racists. Yeah. It sounds like they want to go. Yeah. I mean, that's. So you're down. Well, I mean, you know, it's like it's an option. It's an option. It's a I mean, a grand Brazil, you're going to go to Brazil and be like, Oh no, the Confederate flag. Oh my God. Is that the Dukes of Hazard theme? What is happening? Oh, shit. The Southern Colonization Society of South Carolina was formed led by

Major Joseph Abney with the sole purpose of finding a place for southerners to emigrate. They sent a dentist and a former army major to explore Brazil. Several. They sent a dentist on an army ranger to explore the army ranger I kind of get. Yeah, he's a guy. Well, and then we'll send the army ranger and in case he has a problem with his teeth, the dentist will be there. Yeah, I do have a toothache. So we'll deal with that when we're exploring Brazil on the road. I'll bring my tools. Several other southern associations were formed to help families relocate. General William Wallace Wood. So they so then so that was probably a Scottish family. Right. Hold on. What is this animal doing? What is your cat eating? Why? He just threw that cat down.

What was it eating? I don't know what he was eating. Some paper. It's still there. Hold on. Rolling papers. It's like a Cheech and John cat over there. Okay. All right. Okay. Are we good? He's looking for other stuff to mess around with the face in the box. Okay. Okay. So we have a General William Wallace Wood. Right. Okay. Toward Brazil for Mississippi and Louisiana planters. When his ship docked in Rio on the dock, a Brazilian band played Dixie and chanted long live the Confederos Confederados. They're trying to entice them. Okay. It's like it's like I just okay. Yeah, they're just it's just like a way like we love you down here. Right. So I mean, they're recruited.

Right. Yeah. Basically, they're trying to get people to come that will farm the land and right now. Okay. But this class this type of people. Well, okay. An advisor to the advisor to the Brazilian emperor was an admirer of the United States and wanted to duplicate the American Republican model in Brazil. The Republic model. Brazilian political reformers organized immigration to offset a shortage of farm labor. Okay. You catch now eating money. All right. Let me get one. Why don't you just pick up that tray thing and move it because you're a cat. First of all, that's barely a cat. Oh, come on. Man, when does it when does it just transform into a hippo? Okay. No sleep till Jose. Sorry, the Brazilian government recruited

Confederates taking out advertisements in United States newspapers like every day they're putting ads in newspapers in the South and sending representatives to the South to persuade Southerners to live out their dreams in Brazil. What is happening? What is going on? What? I mean, genuinely. Well, they need they need Brazil. Okay. So Brazil is purely looking at this like these are people who could like till get them over here. They can snake and like send, you know, it's like got a great dentist and a great army ranger. They'll teach us some of the skills skills, but they sure there's a little bit of a downside. They hate non whites seems like they don't care about that part at all. Yes, that's my I feel like that's might be a bug. Well, in Brazil, slavery

is still happening. Okay. In 1865. Sure. Now, this is a this is a point that some research said you couldn't import slaves, but other research said that these people brought slaves with them. But I'm going with they couldn't. From what I believe it's that they couldn't import slaves. So you couldn't bring slaves into Brazil, but you could own the ones that were there. What kind of these that is so insane. It's just a nice the mincing of those words. It's just it's just a great compromise. It's just insane. Okay. So so they can't but whatever. Go ahead. Cotton production had increased. So Southerners saw economic opportunity. Colonist JD Porter wrote quote slavery will not be abolished soon in this country. Negroes are advancing in price

and Southerners are all wanting to buy ex Southern soldier Frank McMullen wrote to a friend about quote this new land under the Southern Cross where a gentleman is treated like a gentleman. And there are thousands of rich acres waiting for us progressive farmers. I tell you, we're going to empty the old South for the Yankees and let them have it if they think they know how to run it better than we did. I'm taking my family to Brazil, the empire of freedom and plenty. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Somewhere between what are what are people like what is the world what do you think speculate on the attitude of the people who were anti slavery with what is happening with the threat of these people leaving the South? Is that viewed positively? Yeah,

I'm sure they're absolutely happy for anybody to leave. Okay. Although they were okay. So somewhere between 2000 and 4000 went to Brazil after 1865. Most of them were from Texas, Alabama and South Carolina. Gosh, usually a Southerner would go to Brazil, find land, negotiate with the government and then come back to the US to recruit colonists. So a guy would go down and buy a giant thing of land. And then he'd come back and say, Hey, come come down and I'll give you land to farm. I got a new four. Come check her out. It's in Brazil. She's a big she's great. At least five colonies started this way. Many first families of South Carolina, including members of Preston Brooks family left for Brazil. I mean, could you how do you like that's not surprising that he is Preston

Brooks is the name of the douche in an 80s movie. Preston Brooks. I'm leaving. You remember who he is, right? No, he's the guy who beat. Oh, shit. Yeah, the canning of something. The Reverend man, that wasn't too long ago. No, like two weeks. The Reverend Ballard. I'm not a listener. No, I know the Reverend Ballard as done of New Orleans was a chaplain in the Confederate army who decided to emigrate to Brazil after a long argument with church leaders. So they didn't want him to go. Okay. They didn't want him to set up a church down there or whatever. He visited Brazil and purchased a piece of property for 42 cents per acre. Okay, the land was described in his book, Brazil, the home for Southerners. My book, a terrible title.

And he used it as a recruiting tool. Okay, the Brazilian government paid for one ship for every two provided by done. The government provided provisional housing to immigrants. Okay, right. From a young woman's diary quote. How'd they get that? What is young woman's diary? There's a bunch of people that had diaries that I'll be reading. You're going through people's diaries? I went through some diaries yet. Well, David, those are private. I feel like because I am a fake historian that I should be allowed to read anybody's diary. You're historian ish. I'm a historian adjacent. Yeah, like I have no degree. I'm a comedian. I'm basically a fucking idiot. But I like to read history. Hey, that's why you brought me along. I'll pick up the slack.

So from a young woman's diary quote on April 6 of April 1867, we left Montgomery, Alabama, taking passage for New Orleans on the steamer doubloon. Our steamer was chartered by the Brazilian government to carry South immigrants to their country and cost $40,000. Wow. The price for each immigrant being $60 in gold. After one month, we landed in Rio at the government house in which we were to be sheltered. We met the landlord, Colonel Broome, who greeted us warmly. He had been a Confederate officer. But it wasn't a great trip for everyone. One woman wrote that they had to wait in Galveston while their dilapidated old ship was repaired. Then right when they were about to sail, the North Northerners, the Yanks seized it to prevent any rebels from

escaping. Okay. That sounds like every time we fly. So then this sounds like they don't want... Yeah, they don't want them to go. Which is weird to me. Yeah. It's really... It is a little paradoxal because you're like... Part of the idea used to be like, you could change what people thought. And it definitely feels like now we're in a time much more like this time when you would just be like, look, if you want to go, go. Get the fuck out of here. Just go. Just hit the bricks. Yeah. I'll take your stuff. Um, so they kept the ship until a large fine was paid. And then the ship barely reached Cuba.

And it was said the captain had been paid to wreck the ship. So the ship wrecked. And the people on it thought that they were let go by the Yankees because they had paid off the captain to wreck the ship. Oh, so they were like, all right, you can go. Crash this thing. Yeah, right. Okay. Hit Cuba. Uh, but everybody lived on the ship and they reached land. After a month in Cuba, they were put on a steam ship to New York City. This does not sound fun. It's not a good trip. Okay. So now they're going back. And then after many months, they finally headed for Brazil, all together six months. When Southerners arrived in Brazil, they were greeted by Southern officers and put up in a big hotel, which had been assigned to the

Confederate colonists by Emperor Dom Pedro II. Okay. The emperor would come to visit the immigrants. Fireworks would be shot into the sky. Huge crowds. This is just, this is a little too, I don't know. I'm not. I'm having a problem with the greeting of racist. Yeah, I have a problem with the greeting of racist. And I also feel like they're overdoing it so much that there's going to be problems for these racists. Well, I mean, the emperor coming is kind of weird. Yeah. What is that? By the way, yeah, let's talk about that soon. The emperor would, uh, would, uh, would try food at the hotel to make, food at the hotel to make sure it was good enough for these Southerners to eat.

So he, the emperor was the food tester? Don't put that in your southern mouth first. Let me, oh. I've also slept in all of your beds, tried on all your clothes. You guys are going to be fine. You're going to be great. It's great. At least one shipload of Southerners docked in the port of Bellum, then set sail down the Amazon River and survived on berries and monkey meat, but then, God almighty. But then perished from malaria. Oh my God. So that was a bad ship. Jesus. I thought I wouldn't eat the monkey meat if I knew I was going for sure. They're monkey and berries? I mean, that's a classic diet. That will be an LA diet eventually. Monkey and berries is going to be a new, uh, new chain. Yeah. Pink Monkberry. 33 people on a ship

from Alabama, uh, were on a ship from Alabama when it was hit by a huge storm. Quote, when waters calmed, it was discovered that the ship was far off course. The nearest landfall was the Cape Verde Islands near the coast of Africa. So they were way, so they were way, they were way. Something a little delicious about being like, you know what? You don't want our skills. We're out of here. Shit. We're in Africa. What the fuck? Man, did we take a wrong turn. Oh man. I mean, yeah, they're like Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny. Boy them Duke boys are in it now. As their ships mid-flight. I don't know about the Duke boys on this one. Uh, three days were spent repairing the ship before the journey could be resumed. While there,

it was discovered that the metal hoops that the women used to support their skirts had been stored directly under the ship's compass. What? It had cost the instrument to deviate wildly. I mean, there's losing your shit and then there's what you do when you find out that dress hoops have taken you so far, of course. They're in Africa. I mean, that is, that's pretty delicious. They finally reached Rio after months of delay. Once we moved the hoops for the dresses, we was right back on board. Then it was all good. It was easy then. Ladies, if you could not be what is known as fucking stupid, we will be able to get to Rio and not Africa. This is not a captain issue. Clearly, the captain's very competent. He's just wasn't going near the compass often,

I suppose. Not much, no one. Yeah, he's also. He's a susser. We call him a susser. Susser? He's a susser. He likes to suss. He's a susser and gentleman. So all these people would get there and they would head to settlements in the interior of Brazil. They'd be putting canoes with their baggage. There were elderly people and children. Quote, a nest of tubs with a washboard across made a seat for one lady who assured us it would be very comfortable. What? A washboard? Oh, you'll love it. A nest of tubs with a washboard on top. It'll be great. Imagine a person seated in a rocking chair in a canoe with an infant in her arms and an umbrella in one hand. Well, I am. Oh, good. I'm imagining exactly that. You know, the pictures on the site were different.

Yeah, this is not what we were told. Quote, the dullness was changed for a moment when one of the children lost a hat, which the boatman would not stop to rescue. The lament was great as this was the seventh hat, which the wind had carried to the water since we left Alabama. Who's counting who cares? It's very important. Well, they got naked heads now. It's like having your dick out. You're not going to turn around and baby lost its hat. Some were put on a donkey or ox carts and driven two weeks into the country camping on the side of the road at mule shelters. At what point are they going, hey, you know what? You know what wasn't terrible? Yeah. Was the part of the country we ruined? You know what I miss is war torn Georgia. Yeah, I miss war torn Georgia. They were

shocked by the cart drivers who went barefoot with shirt tails out, whose wife would have her bare arms exposed and was also barefooted. Also what? Bare arms, bare feet? What's next? Breasts? Out! Quote, as well, bareheaded. No hat. Except sometimes she wore a handkerchief tied on her head. Well, just not enough. A lady should wear a hat. Now behold our cartman with his old battered straw hat as he walked the dusty road, his long pole to guide and drive the slow going oxen. Oh boy, I mean. Excuse me, sir, how much further is it? All. All. All? I don't think he should know that is the answer. It's not a good sign, is it? Crowds of Brazilians came to visit the people. One said Brazilians are the kindest people in the world and that they treated strangers with

great consideration. They would make friends with Brazilian families, even though they could not speak to each other. The Brazilians would bring the Southerners to their homes and show off their quote fancy needlework. But our young ladies and young men blushed when they brought out their underclothes, all so beautifully embroidered, never dreaming it was improper not knowing American ideas about such things. Oh here, look at our underwear. Would you like, welcome to my home, would you like to see my underpants? Well, we've taken to your custom. This is where my dick goes. Okay. I put it in there. Alrighty. Well, do you like the black colors? Honey, take your broth. Take your broth and show it to him. I will show you the tip of my undergarment here.

You can see this goes right around my waist. And then this is my wife, Henny's bra. Yeah. So now all of our underwear is out on the table. Cardi-ball! The Brazilians often visited in thongs. Okay. So this is what is so stupid. Is that if, if you are like, I don't know, so because the whole, the whole, I guess the reason of the war was obviously because slavery helped them from an economic standpoint, but also embedded in that is an inability to try to learn about other people or try to empathize with people or try to get to know how other people, you know, are and what their culture is. And yet when they go to Brazil, they're meeting a different culture and they're open to it and they're showing underwear.

I mean, maybe we just wrote the showing underwear part. I don't know if they're open to it. I mean, they're shocked by it. Okay. But still, they're not open to it. They're not into it. Also, well, yeah, they're, it's just, I mean, think about the southern codes that we talked about before. Now this people just cruising in in thongs and showing them their other thongs. Like, they're not, they're just like, this is fucking insane. Okay. All right. All right. The Brazilians often visited in thongs, which as which was a shock to the Southerners. Brazilians are great. Quote. They generally came in thongs and the Americans were compelled to receive their visitors in this way. They just showed up in thongs.

Oh, no. Look at your, I can see all your parts. They were polite as possible, but their ideas of civility were different from ours. It was an evidence of great respect and admiration to examine our articles of dress. And they begged us to show them the contents of our trunks. The younger Americans soon learned enough enough of the language to converse with them. Okay. So the Brazilians would come and enter the southern, the Confederate houses and start examining things like their stove and food and clothes. Quote. Okay. They are trying to be like us in every other way. Someone suggested that we should go in a group and pay them a visit and started once inspecting and peering around.

But the idea was so ridiculous, we can only laugh at the absurd picture. They do not mean to be impolite. They wish us to know they're much interested in our manner of work and living and this is the way they show it. Okay. So they're just like wildly uncomfortable with them coming over, going through their trunks and thongs and they're just like, okay, that's what we're doing. Okay, sure, sure, sure. The Confederates were amazed. I miss Africa. The Confederates were amazed at the way the Brazilians lived. Just a bed with some straw mats, a raised chest and some three legged stools. They ate and drank out of gourds. Brazilians women seem to be a bit jealous that southern ladies would visit each other alone and have

a social life with each other. So I guess they traveled in groups. Okay. A 12 year old wrote, quote, that that's okay. Sorry. The 12 year old wrote, quote, I cannot help thinking that such a life as this is far happier than one of fashion forms and etiquette. I think it is delightful to have them as we do without being troubled by our style of dress. Okay. So 12 year olds like into it. Right. Okay. Into it. Millennials. Yeah. But due to the language barrier with, and a lack of capital meant that very few Americans acquired large numbers of Brazilian slaves. Because that's a hard thing to come across, to get across when you don't, when you don't have a common language, it's very hard to sort of mime. I would like to own

some people. The whole thing is so messed up. I mean, it's just like, okay, so okay. And for some reason, the whole reason for going there is to get slaves, essentially, right? Or they just want to, they want to continue their life that they had one with slaves and now they're having trouble. Now their life is no, it's nothing near like what it was. It's not as great. Right. Right. And for some, their bracelets, for some crazy reason, Brazilians didn't want to be the servants of white Southerners. Hmm. One woman quote, it was impossible to hire a servant by the month or even by the day, we could not understand this, as there were a number of free Negroes. But what, go ahead, servants, like, oh, I just, I can't get a servant. Yeah. What's your problem?

Well, when we learned the reason we were amazed, they feared it would be a drawback to their standing in society. They would be considered servants and had no intention of being classed as such. So they're amazed that people that are brown don't want to be the servants of white people. They're like, how could, how is this even a thought in their heads that they, they're upset that that would be their standing in society when that is their standing in society. All right. Who told them how we were the last time? Who spilled the beans? Those who already owned slaves couldn't spare them. So the Southerners now found themselves doing things like washing clothes themselves. That's where I sleep. Oh my good Lord. I wash it

on my bed. I have to use my hands. No, when you, when you say these are Brazilian slaves, these are Brazilians as slaves or these are. That I didn't look up. Okay. Because I assume it's a little bit of both. Like, I think it's a, my guess is it would be. I'm sure there's African slaves, but I bet there's also, you know, people from other countries that are like Argentina or whatever. Like, I bet they, right. A little bit of all that. I would imagine. All right. So it's a cool melting pot sort of vibe. That's cool. Okay. So quote, but not quote. One day, the Booga Indians came to a colony town. Okay. They were a well-known cannibal tribe. Oh boy. Not a good MO. So the women all ran into their homes and closed their doors.

Quote, these beings were entirely without clothing, wearing only a knife suspended from a string around their neck. They just can't get away from the nudity. They're like, nobody wears clothes around here. There's so many dicks. Their heads perfectly bald and their skins the color of a young mouse. What? A young mouse? They had, they must have put gray stuff on themselves. So that's, could be called a mouse. I don't know why it's, yeah. Their bodies large and their limbs small. The ugliest objects imaginable. Who could be contented to live where they are liable to such scenes as this, such interruptions to our daily occupations. So this is obviously

a horrific experience for the Confederates. Right. Right. Fear. What must that be like? They all sat hidden in their houses when there was a knock at the door, which terrified them. But then a yell came and it was Dr. Dunn. They asked if the cannibals would do them harm and Dr. Dunn replied, none of, none in the world, they have no sense, no malice and only obey their chief like automatons or so many dogs. One American gun could scatter the whole race. Make yourselves easy. Make yourselves easy. Yeah. That is a weird choice of words. Is he from the 70s? Make yourself easy. Okay. So cannibal Native Americans have, or Native Americans, cannibal natives have shown up to town and the Southerners are freak,

the former Southerners are freaking out. Yeah. And then Dr. Dunn comes in and is like, guys, like I always say, make it easy. So when he said that they all cheered in the house and opened their doors and windows, the cannibals had passed through or now setting up camp on the outskirts of the village. Oh, man. How long until one of these people is sitting in a cauldron while someone's cutting carrots into it? So great. Quote, we did not feel satisfied until we heard they would leave the village on the following day after making their purchases of wheat, tobacco, and rum. So they're clearly shocked by the differences in culture. Obviously, it's very different. Oh, they're eating. Oh, they eat us down here. Okay, that is not what we were told.

Quote, the most singular and barbarous was their manner of burial. The graveyard lay very near our door with no stones to mark the resting place of the departed. Whole families were buried in one grave. And sometimes when a new body was deposited, the grave digger would throw out old bones or skulls while adjusting the place for the new. One morning, such a scene as this occurred, so near us, we could hear a little boy exclaim, that that is my old aunt's head. Oh, my giving it a kick, which made it roll over. So they have a different burial. Who wants to play ant heads? Different burial situation. But I mean, how how packed is it getting in there that you got to lose us a skull and a femur? Well, but they but they're just making room for a new

guy. So you're just kind of moving stuff around. It's like when you get something, like you've put a watermelon in your fridge, you got to move, you got to move some stuff around, move the milk or whatever to get that baby in there. Same thing. It's just people. That's kind of where that's where we split, I think. Of course, they attempted. What if they were just making room for watermelons in there? Come on, guys, you're going to get these down here and throw this, get the bones out. Of course, they attempted to settle in and eat the local fare. Okay, okay, here we go. You ready? I'm ready. Quote, we are baking a monkey. Alrighty. Okay. Heartless, cruel, it seemed, for we had seen it before death. And the sad cries were ringing in our ears. Oh, god,

damn, we had seen it looking at its little hands and showing them to us, which were stained with blood from having pressed them to his wounded side. How, how, how could you ever eat something that was like, fuck, look at this. I'm, look at, I'm bleeding. Look at this. And they were just talking about cannibals. And this is pretty fucking close. That's a tough one. But Father said he and Mr. Spencer wanted it for dinner. How could they eat anything that looks so much like a human being? The grief was mine to put it in the oven to bake. I heard an exclamation from Father, who came back to see how the delicate meat was cooking. Lo, he had drawn it out, brown and dry, withered and distorted, looking like a headless and handless mummy. Its ludicrous position made

him laugh and saved us from his displeasure at allowing it to dry up. So now they're eating fucking monkeys. And they're not, I mean, they're not even cooking it right. You put, you put something through all that. Well, you cover a monkey in tinfoil, first of all. Oh, gosh. I mean, just a monkey. Man, if I'm ever in a place where I have to eat monkeys, just go in and kill me. No, I can't eat a monkey. Okay. I can't eat a monkey. All right. Well, let's see. It sounds like we might have a, yeah, all right, that's locked in. Cut to us in Kenya. Holy shit, Kara. Dave. You know what the best part of the monkey is, is the thigh. We just hung out with them. Of course, this is a rain forest. So it rained quite a bit. The roof's leaked.

And they do nothing. They really picked a great place. Okay. The roof's leaked and the water dropping through was dark and would, and would stay in their clothes. Okay. Quote, oh, for a clean new roof of palmetto leaves that has never been smoked, as the Brazilians around us keep mosquitoes out by building fires on the floor. So they would build fires in the, in the hot, whatever the fuck this thing is, a hot smoke. So when it rains, it's just black all over you. It's black. And then, well, thong doesn't sound too crazy now, does it? Thong sounds good. Our only alternative is to bring the provisions inside the house until the wet season has passed. We have divided them, putting so many trim. Great pieces of dried beef are spread on poles,

which are laid across the rafters. Some of our books are also piled up there on boards. This we call our attic. The dampness in the air makes the beef brine, makes the beef drip brine in the middle of the floor. And we can imagine how delightful this is in a bedroom. So they, What are they doing? They're making roof burgers? Well, they can't. So when they, when they kill a cow or whatever, they can't keep the meat outside because it's too wet and rainy. So now they're hanging it in their fucking bedroom. They have, they have beef hanging from their ceiling, essentially. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just dripping. It's dripping meat. I mean, okay. I mean, they've, again, war-torn Georgia. Yeah. Sounds really good. Yeah. You know

what's not happening in war-torn Georgia? Yeah. People sleeping with meat. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Meat ceilings. Meat ceilings. One family had their oldest daughter come down with a fever and the family was becoming overworked. So Captain Johnson, who was nearby, sent a servant to cook and wash for them. Quote, his Negroes had arrived from Rio. This was welcome news. And we thanked him most sincerely. After that, we had our meals cooked and clothes washed by an April-Abel Negroes. We were greatly relieved. Well, just like the old days, these immigrants would write letters back to newspapers in the South, explaining their life. One wrote to the Lancaster ledger in March 1866. Quote, I am pleased with

our move. It is no trouble to get lands cheap, but there is such a variety of climates that I will look well before settling. I am offered 10,000 acres, 26 slaves, and all the crop and stock for $17,000. The people live better on less work than any other land on earth and are polite and exceedingly kind. All are anxious to start growing cotton. Several of the Brazilian provinces are preparing to build houses and to send ships for Southern Americans to emigrate. Quote, you can be horribly racist here. Another wrote that the land was just as cheap as in Arkansas as it was in Brazil. With the biggest difference being that the lands in Brazil were more wild and that it was a complete deception. And that he slept in a meat pool. Dr. John Blue,

who's one of the very first guys to leave as we recall, wrote to DeBow's review in 1866, saying they had located at the settlement around Colonel Swain who had brought land near a river. They had already built houses, a store, and were working on a blacksmith shop in a schoolhouse. They had planted crops of corn, beans, and potatoes. So again, nice puff piece. So okay, that is a puff piece. Okay. In May 1867, the New York Herald printed that 300 Southerners were emigrating per month for the last six months. Quote, of this number, we have prospects of doing well here. Others are suffering from the necessities of life and are perfectly destitute. So exactly what they left. Right. Those who expect to do well already have wealth. Those from the South who

converted their plantations into money, went on to describe the immigration scheme as poorly organized. The land people were given was wild. In some cases, no man had ever stepped foot there. They would arrive with no tools to clear the land and no shelter. They would have nothing to eat except what was growing nearby and no seeds to plant. If they did manage to farm, they had no way of getting their crops to market. Quote, above all this, they have no money for the necessities of life and the immigrants are a class of people too lazy to work in their own country and by their laziness have been reduced to poverty. Who's being called lazy right there? The colonists. So they're used to having slaves work. They don't want to do it. Totally. That is the whole thing.

It still is. Really. And it's like, I mean, the idea that you are like, where are my servants? Where are my slaves? It's like, it's so hard to fathom and it's a shame where we are today. But it is still, it's so, they're just so lazy. Yeah. Americans. I had to make my own lemonade. All my stars. Southerners that did have a trade were driven from working in their chosen field by Brazilians and Portuguese. The laboring class in Brazil had a great hatred for the Americans. It would not tolerate them. So they're, they're like, you're coming to take our fucking job. Now it's anti-immigrant shit. It's Americans that they, yeah. Yeah. It's funny how when America does that, it's okay. And if they feel like that, that's, I mean, to call that a double

standard. Yeah. Quote, I have known 20 Brazilians mechanics attack a party of five Americans and brutally beat them with sledgehammers, iron bars, etc. The Americans having to run for their lives. The laboring class of Brazil are a mean and treacherous people. Sounds like they have good tools. Yeah. They got nice tools. I mean, the sledgehammer guy, sledgehammer guys, no joke. The New York Herald report ended with an appeal to Washington authorities to help those destitute and unfortunate to return to the US and at least stop further immigration to Brazil. It said the immigration agents were misrepresenting Brazil in every respect. Sure. Yeah. Fake news. Yeah. Fake news. Others said that Brazil offered a life to those

who had the will to work the land and live the pioneer life. If you work, yeah, you have to work. Yeah. If you didn't want to work, you'd need at least $5,000. The average financial assets brought by immigrants to Brazil was between $500 and $1,000. A Dr. Cicero Jones arrived in Brazil with only $7. What? Cicero just shit together. And had to work various jobs before he finally established himself as a doctor in Rio. Oh, man. Talk about a Cinderella story. The climate was very difficult for foreigners being hot and rainy, which caused a lot of fever and illness. Sure. From another diary, the first year of the colony, quote,

this was said to be an unprecedented season, hot, dry weather, following months of rain. The Americans were nearly all discouraged and making plans to leave. Those who had bought Negroes for farming were most anxious to leave as they were having chills and generally disabled. Brought, it must be brought. Some of Mr. Russell's Negroes died. So they must, some of them must have brought some. Right. This is where it's, there's a little bit of right. Yeah. That parts. So it's, it's an area that I would call the color of a baby mouse. Uh, one, a colony broke up. The dream of their own Confederate settlement dashed. Her family moved to Rio. So I mean, yeah, what do you do? You're like, all right, shit.

Her father was said to be bitterly disappointed. Very few people were willing to remain and run the risk of death. Thankfully, all was not lost. Quote, Captain Johnson has kindly offered us the use of his Negroes again to help us all the way if we need them. So that's nice. That's always, that's nice. It's normal. Nice. Great. So a lot of American men were now in Rio looking for work, like daily, daily, for sure. Oh man. Oh man, job. You guys did any jobs? You guys got any work? Hey, guys. Others were trying to buy established farms. One man, a Mr. Slaughter, stayed in Rio, studied Portuguese and got a job as editor of a paper. Another, a Colonel Sensor, went to Rio and started a publication, which was in English. A small American, Mr. Sensor started a paper. Yep. Okay.

A small American. I know, not that. Then began to take shape in Rio. So now there's a little and we've got a little American town. Sure. Yeah. So yeah. Rednecksville. A Susan Porter arrived in Rio and her husband quickly died of yellow fever. She then lost all her money to an American con man and moved to a nearby village where with her brother in law's money, she opened a boarding house for American and English immigrants that were populating the town. Okay. Reverend Dunn's colonists did not do well in the first year. There was a flood that destroyed pretty much everything they had built. And so everyone left the colony. And that doesn't sound like it went well. No. Some went to other parts of Brazil

while others gave up and came back to the US. Dunn himself came back to the state saying he was going to recruit more colonists. Okay. But he never went back to Brazil. Okay. Dunn and Dunn. Quote, much to the chagrin of those who had followed him to Brazil. Yeah. You're not going back. No, I'll be back, you guys. I'm going to get some more people. Holy fuck. Get me out of here. Has anyone seen Dunn? Last I saw me said he was headed down the street to buy some cigarettes. That was four months ago. Four months. New boats of immigrants came. And this time, they're being told things are great. This time they went to the Sao Paulo area in the southeast of Brazil. Okay. There were three different colonies there. Anyone coming now would go

straight to Sao Paulo. A Boston ship captain wrote, the going and returning immigrants were occasionally among my passengers. The stories told by them were a very opposite kind. According to some, there was a land flowing with milk and honey. All that was needed was to clear out the natives. It's just the worst. All you need. Well, one thing we have to do is get down there. There's just one thing on the to-do list. Steal a country from its people. And to have a colony of their own to be independent of all the world. The disappointed, homeward bound men, so the guys go on the other way, told us that it was a country not fit for a dog. Okay. That the locals destroyed the cattle. The ants ate seeds faster than they could be planted. There was either too much rain

or not enough. The Brazilians were bad neighbors. No labor was to be had. It was discouraging and cheerless. And for the record, there's no milk and there's no honey. Wow. So there that guy was, he was love hearing the people on the way there. Yeah. I heard they got a unicorn too. I heard that too. I heard they also got a unicorn. Do you want to book passage back now or? No, I'm not coming back. No, we got a great situation. We're going there. We're going to live off milk and honey and something tells me this nobody's going to go through my stuff. I'm going to have a good time. Now, when you say honey, do you mean eating a monkey? No, I'm a monkey. Can't eat a monkey. Okay. Can't eat a monkey. Yeah. No, honey, milk and honey, no monkey. Monkey. I'm not going to

eat a monkey. Monkey. And then the trip back. Oh my gosh. I hate so many monkeys. A doctor in one of the colonies summed up the problems. Quote, the principal problems are dissimilar with the language and customs, difficulties of transportation, low price for skilled labor, differences in religion, inability to vote, discuss for the Brazilian idea that a man who sweats from his work is not a gentleman. And that Brazil offers and gives nothing for the American, which he cannot get in his own country, nothing worth the sacrifices of exile from his native soil and kid. So man, everything. We got to get to Brazil. The only community of Confederates that survived was a group that got to a place they called Americana,

near San Paulo, which they chose because it closely paralleled their home in Georgia. The ones who did stay took credit for changing the country. They said there were no brick houses when they came. Everything was made out of stone dirt or sticks. Plaster was made from cow shit mixed with water and sand. They brought and planted the first grapes and introduced plows. Quote, no one wore shoes or socks when we came. Now every hick wears them. A Georgia man brought watermelon seeds in his coat pocket to Brazil where the plant flourished. Eventually the harvest was so large that 100 box cars were needed to transport the crop out of the region. When the railroad refused, farmers threatened to dump the watermelons at company

headquarters. It grew too many watermelons. Too many watermelons. So down south, in this one area, it's going fine, but up near Rio, it's a shit show. Right. The Confederates kept their feelings of superiority. I hear that they got so many watermelons, they don't know what to do with them. In 1872, a seminar wrote, quote, foreigners flocked into Brazil and established railroads, telegraph, steam power, machinery, agriculture with the plow, masonry, and protestantism. All of these new ideas from abroad for this race has invented nothing but have admired and adopted. Some of the original colonists were at this time earning a living by teaching plowing techniques on Brazilian farms. Americans were also introduced also introduced lighter and faster wagons with

steel rimmed wheels that replaced the ox cards. But by 1870, which is about five years after the exodus, almost all the people who had gone to Brazil had either returned to the US or relocated to towns in the state of Sao Paulo. Colonel William Norris purchased a 400 acre plantation that became Villa dos Americanos, which today is called the city of Americana. First generation Confederates like Colonel Norris continued to call themselves Americans, but they were from the Confederate states of America, not the United States. They called themselves Americans and were proud of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, etc. The Fourth of July holiday was a major event in Brazil in this town. Sounds like some way to get rid of the watermelon. But their lovely new

slave paradise would come to an end. The Brazilian Republican Party was formed in the 1870s as abolitionist ideas grew. America was identified with progress in Brazil and the Republicans attached themselves to that. The Brazilian Republican said, quote, the Americans came from the land of Jefferson, the philosopher of American democracy from a nation where more than 16 years before slavery had been abolished. The emperor took the first steps to emancipate Brazil's slaves in 1871 with a plan to gradually buy slaves from their masters over a period of years. Brazil completely outlawed slavery in 1888. The Brazilian Republican Secretary of Agriculture gave incentives. So, you know, I mean, that said this move kind of probably pushed it pushed Brazil

to outlaw slavery quicker. What, the people coming down there? Yeah, that I don't think you don't think. And no, I think that they I think it was more just them watching what had happened in America and that that gave abolitionists a little bit of steam to push for it. The Brazilian, because remember, this is a huge minority, but there's just not that many of these Confederates. The Brazilian take a lot to ruin the party. It doesn't. The Brazilian Republican Secretary of Agriculture gave incentives to farmers to use the American plow and require required Brazilian farmers to come to the city of Americana to learn new methods of working the land. Okay. He arranged for the sons of Americans to give demonstrations for using plows.

And in 1928, an article from the geographical review titled an American colony in Brazil. A group of a group of descendants of Southerners was covered. They were called the Confederos. They quote, maintain racial purity, the English language, and many elements of the material culture carried from Georgia and Alabama. They raised their food easily enough and some for a money crop, but were apt to become Brazilianized as they put it, which seems to mean lazy, shiftless, and content to get along on little. So they're a colony of white supremacists in a country looking down on the millions around them. The colony is not expected to endure. It may be said to be passing away. Economically and socially, they had been better off in Georgia

than most of them ever were in Brazil. Many of the descendants worked as interpreters and executives for US and British companies. And they remained. A historian wrote, quote, the Confederados, the Confederados, who had learned how to come to terms with the Amazon and its people and who invested not millions of dollars, but their own hearts and minds are still there. And they kept the Confederacy alive. The fraternity of American, the fraternity of American descendancy was established in 1954 to oversee the maintenance of a Confederate cemetery and schedule reunions that draw Southern descendants from across Brazil. Wait, there's no bones in here. These are just watermelons. Bastards. Though the Confederate flag was removed from the city crest of Americana because

so so Americana got the Confederate flag out quicker than the US. Yeah, cool. Because so they did that because only about 10% of the population could trace their ancestry to Americans at that point. In 1972, Georgia Governor Jimmy Carter visited Brazil and went to the grave of his wife, Rosalind's great uncle, who was one of the original Confederados. I think that little boy over there is kicking her uncle's head around. That's his skull. In the late 1970s, a writer heard about Americana and went to visit the town. There he met a dependent, a descendant. A dependent. I need help. Help me, please. There he met a descendant named Jim Jones, who had an accent that sounded nothing like he'd ever heard before. It was a slow Southern drawl

along with a Portuguese accent. Wow. Quote, his speech was wobbly and splintered run together. So some of the words didn't make didn't make any sense. Okay. Did they before the people he met had white fair skin. Okay. At that point, more than 90 Confederate descendants still lived in the area, which had a population of 120,000. In May of 2016, a reporter from the New York Times went to a, I think, I think this got changed by auto, but Campanus Brazil. Sure. The article described a stage covered in Confederate flags as a singer song Dixieland delight by Alabama. This is 2016. Nearby, a stone monument honoring Americans who fled to Brazil after the Civil War. Cicero car. We get that one down. Cicero car, whose great grandfather came from Texas. Quote,

we're not racists. We're just we're very ancestors who had the good sense to sell in Brazil. He wore a fedora with the rebel flag on it and spoke Portuguese. There's a big sect of this group that loves to say I'm not a racist, but it's and it's never. No, no, if you say I'm not a racist, but you are. Yeah, don't don't go on. I mean, just like there was so many of those people who got blown up after the last week, like on social media and stuff. We were just like, no, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with all I'm saying is we're better like to stop from the article quote at the annual celebration of Brazil's self described Confederate autos, Confederate flags adorn the hoop skirted gowns of young bells. Put them near the compass and the trucker caps worn by

beer guzzling bikers as well as the graves of pioneers. So it's just become a big and rich show. The Brazilian descendants of the American settlers, many of them clad in civil war uniforms, mingle that food stands offering southern fried chicken and buttermilk biscuits. What are they doing? They're just they're crazy. The motto of the organizers is to live and die in Dixie. Vendors at the event so they're just like Confederate soldiers just pounding fried chicken. Yeah. Drinking beer going like hey, try to take our freedom and play in Alabama. We got to go inside. It's raining. Vendors at the event sold t shirts with a slogan rebel and proud of it. But everything could be paid for with Confederate dollars, which one could get when they entered.

Sure. So they have like Disneyland money. Yeah. The descendants of the Confederates are believed to number in the thousands across Brazil. Sergio Porto, 38, a worker at a truck parts factory in São Paulo, was was wearing a Confederate bandana and had a t shirt that read hillbilly treasure. He said, quote, I'm here just because I love America. Amazing. Sergio is part of a subculture in Brazil that idolizes the culture of the southern United States. He listens to Brazilian bands that perform country music in English. The president of the organization of descendants of Confederates said, quote, for us, the Confederate flag symbolizes family, unity, fraternity and friendship for white people for white people for white people only for white

people. While they go out of their way to argue that the topic legacy of slavery has been diluted over the years, a Brazilian historian says quote, many of the Confederate immigrants were remorseless white supremacists. Many endured a sour distaste when contemplating a different kind of relationship with Africans than what had existed previously. The Confederados celebration even brings some Americans from the south, of course, Stanley Hudson, a lawyer from Dallas, heard about the event from the sons of Confederate veterans, an association of descendants of Confederate soldiers. Lord, quote, I feel right at home here. You got to admire them for maintaining the culture through so many generations. Yeah, you really got to keep your hat onto them.

Jim Jones, the descendant of the Confederate immigrants who had explained to the reporter years before that they own slaves and they're good to those slaves. Sure. Quote, don't go making out our ancestors to be mean, not for one second. They treated damn slaves as though they was family. Nope. No, they didn't. No, they did not. That's not in Brazil. That is still in Brazil. What? Export. Yeah, it's franchised. They've got a location in Brazil. It's just... So, it's tough because you're like... No, you're like, it's fine, you leave your racist, but they take their racism with them. Yeah, exactly. So, it is like you don't know what... I mean, it's like whack-a-mole. It's bigot whack-a-mole. You just don't like what is better. Is it better

to just have it like in one pool here that we need to sort of fence around and then just drop water? I don't want to export this fucking bullshit. Keep it here. We'll deal with it here. Take the fucking statues down. It's not about your history. They own slaves. Take them down. Those people all fought to keep slavery. It also, I think... I definitely think that statues and Confederate flags, people say that it doesn't cause any damage because it's just a monument or it's just a flag, but it definitely sends a message that that was more okay than the gesture of tearing it down or removing it and you have to go with what's right in that situation. Yeah. And also, they're fucking statues. I mean, the idea that this is such a big fucking deal, that there's statues.

They're there to intimidate. They're statues. They do nothing. All they do is tear down the thinker. I don't give a shit. All they do is remind people that white supremacy was a thing. And that it was and that it is okay enough to have monuments of it. That's right. So that's sending a message to people of color. They should all be torn down. Yes. And they should have been torn down. They should never have been put up, obviously, but we've gone through a little bit of a funky phase. But we should absolutely be gone like 50 fucking years ago. The Democratic Socialists in Los Angeles a day later got there was one at the Hollywood cemetery. And Josh Androwski of the Democratic Socialists got it removed on on his own on his own. He didn't move

that whole thing by himself. You know, that's the kind of shit that that, you know, people on the ground are getting shit done. But yeah, he could they put it on a truck and they took it away. Yeah. And that's what that's what needs to happen. I mean, particularly in states that that we're not like why the fuck are there so many Confederate statues in Arizona? Come on, guys, just do fucking get in Arizona. Good Lord. I was in Arizona once and we were driving in the mountains. And there was just a guy firing a gun into the side of a mountain. What is going on? It didn't stop didn't care. Nothing like that. But in the end, take down the statues because it's not right. And if you like, it's, yeah, let's get this going. Like if we have to if this has

to be confronted and dealt with in a crazy way, let's fucking do it. You know, let's start, let's start poking the hive a little bit and see how many wasps we got. Yeah, I agree. We signed monkeys. I mean, I'd sign a monkey. That sounds a little inhumane. We don't eat monkeys. We don't eat monkeys. Yeah, that's a good one.