The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 297 - Carl Tanzler

Episode Date: October 17, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Germain immigrant Carl Tanzler. (Warning - This is a dark episode and not a good first episode to listen to if you are new to the podcast).SOURCESTOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Hi, you're listening to the dollop. Hi, this is a bi-weekly American History podcast. Sure. Each week, once a week, I... Dave

Anthony, jet lagged, jet lagged, and someone who got on a plane in flu 16 hours to do a podcast. Dave Anthony, read the story from American History. Two. Two. Gareth Reynolds, his friend, his good buddy who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Am I too loud for a shoe setup? I just wanted to let people know that we're recording. Into a shoe. Yeah, so I put that it's in a shoe but that doesn't matter. But we don't have mics so we're using the... Right, so it might sound a little weird but again I mean this is a podcast recorded from a shoe. Yeah, it's the recording. With two jet lagged men. Sitting in a shoe and we're jet

lagged but we're doing it for you. Yeah. January 12th, 1877. Okay, January 12, 1877. George Carl Tanzler. Tanzler. Sure. I prefer Tanzler. Tanzler. Was born in Dresden, Germany. Great place. Sure. He says he grew up in a castle but he probably came from a more modest background. It's a big start. So this this man's talking about a castle upbringing. He went by Carl. His parents were Carl. Is there something else he should go by? George is his first. Oh George Carl. Right, okay. His parents were Carl Tanzler and Pauline Schultz and he had two sisters. He was interested in science. Okay. And in high

school he had no interest in music or girls just building glider planes. Okay, well that happens. That's a phase. Yeah. That's a 16. I went through my glider plane phase. Yeah, I would say... It's really for the glue. I would say it wasn't in a girl's between 12 and 38. I was just doing a glider plane. Yeah, it's a little and it's a fun phase. Yeah. Flies by it. Yeah. He went to the University of Leetzig where he studied science. Carl claimed to have earned a final degrees as a master of the arts in medicine, philosophy, mathematics, physics, chemistry, etc. He said he passed nine different examinations when he was 24.

But the thing about degrees is that a lot of times claiming is not something you did. Well, unfortunately, Leetzig University has no record of him. Okay, I get the claim. I get why you go with the claim. Carl was probably self-taught. Okay, okay. Did a tutor get him at the castle? What? Sir Carl. The Carl was a storyteller. He told tales of his world travels. He claimed that he also owned an island coconut plantation near the equator. Okay. Okay. That's a very specific line. Well, it's just it's so hard to fact check in the 1870s. It's oh, no, you can't fact check that. That's like now saying I have a girlfriend.

Now, I also have a island that is full of coconuts right near the equator. Is a coconut island is mine? Yes. I said I was gonna buy the island. Everyone was like, is this got coconuts? But I bought it for godless. Quote, near where Amelia Earhart went down. Okay, so right off the bat. Right off. I mean, who uses an unsolved mystery as a place point? I mean, it's not it's not great. It's not great. Oh, I own a beautiful ranch right near where Jimmy Hoff is buried. What if he's the only one knows where she went down? Oh, she's right down there. Hounding coconuts. Also, she was way off. We don't know where she was. Yeah. If she hit the

equator, she was member like a month ago when we found her for a week. Yeah. That was a fun week. That happens every couple of years. Yeah. Carl served in Germany in the German army as a member of the submarine division and was taken to Australia as a prisoner of war in 1914. Okay, we know this sort of we know where the Genesis Carl had a different version in which he moved to Sydney lived there for 15 years and became a British citizen. I almost fit into the shoe, Mike. Yeah, don't spin into the mic. So wait, he is actually captured. Should we just call this man claim in the submarine? But he just told everybody

he went there. He just moved. It's holiday. Super great holiday. Carl had visions. He said Countess Anna Constantina. I can't read this. Constantia von Kossel died who died in 1765 came to him when he was young and said he was her descendant and therefore he was a count. Wow. That's how you get to be a count. Yeah, someone told you. A lady of lady at ghost comes. Right, right. No, that's the best way. Yeah. Oh, she almost she might have like colomboed it too. Oh, just one more thing. Your account. But he was 12. The count isn't gonna sound fucking crazy. I'm a count a ghost said so. Wait, did she come to you last? Yeah, she came to

me last night. Fuck, you're so lucky. Colomboed me. Just one more thing. Huh? Your account. What? And your brother's a magician. Ha ha. Barrett, you're a magician. Oh, no, we get burned. When he was 12, the countess introduced him to his future bride in a vision. So, okay, right, okay. So she's setting him up. Is she doing anything? She's she's made him a count and now she's showing him the lady he's gonna marry. Okay, great. He's like powerful, powerful sessions. She said quote, look here, look here, Carl, I have brought you the bride whom someday you will meet. Carl was spellbound by a young girl so beautiful he couldn't attempt to

describe it. Well, that also happens with bullshit. Yeah, can't make an attempt to describe it. Checking the checking the boot mic. When he was in Australia, the beautiful girl apparition came to him and stayed for seven days. Okay, that actually the best way to test out a new relationship. Yep. Just jump right in with a week, see how it goes, you know. She would follow him while he worked during the day and stand by his bed while he slept. Hey guys, sorry, ghost wife's coming again. Yeah, you know, the smoggy ball and chain. Hey, Carl, who's that, that like a see through girl stand up a size. That's my wife. She is so up my

ass. She didn't insist on coming to work with me is Helen. This is the guys. Hey, hey, hello. Hi, would you like to see your future vibes? No, no, I'm good. I'm gonna go a surprise. I want to be surprised with my here she is. This is her. Oh, God, I'm gonna throw up. She has no arms. I see all she does is scream. Okay, I want a different one. One of her eyes fell out. Oh, Jesus. Why do I talk like this in film Austrian? She would follow him. Oh, I did this when she eventually vanished. Carl was distraught and vowed to be reunited with her. And when this is the bride. Yes, she was over seven days and then she vanished and

he's like, I'll be with you again. Okay. So after work, Carl was returned to Germany and he learned that his father had died and one of his sisters had moved to America and gotten married. Okay. The home his mother still lived in was destroyed in the castle. Well, Dresden got firebombs. Sure. Quote, I lost my library, all my documents, my collection of diamonds, emeralds and opals. Oh my God. Is he talking to an insurance adjuster? I had some big one. Fiery Opals. It's the Fiery Opals I'm gonna miss. It really is. I lost my collection of emeralds. And Puff is in the fire, Carl. That's so bad. Well, there's all the golds, the

pirate booties, the emeralds. It's just like everything. Pots of treasure. Pots of treasure. I'm a dragon. Yeah. My wife was in that fire. Sometime around 1920, then 43-year-old Carl married 18-year-old Doris and a shaffer. Shaffer. Okay. They had two kids. Now, is this the woman from the apparition? No. So, what do you just... Well, I mean... What happened to ghost girl? He's 43, right? His words, they will be reunited. She hasn't come yet. All right. So, he's 40. They never do the first time. So, he's like, all right, I'll do this until she comes around. So, he's the slow play. Yeah. So, he's... So, wait. So, he is back-burning the ghost bride, and he's

just taking the one right now just because he's like, well, what am I gonna do? 43. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. He had two kids, Aisha and Krista. Carl decided to follow his sister to America to find work. And on February 6, 1926, he sailed to America, leaving his family behind. He arrived in... Do you have a room for all my bullshit on board? He arrived in Zephyr Hills, Florida, which is close to Tampa, to join his sister and begin a new life. Similar scenes. You see this in a lot of Disney movies. Yeah, just the hit in Tampa. Hey! When he arrived, he... Boys, there's a lot of strip clubs here. Oh, look at this. When he arrived, he Americanized his

first name by switching from spelling it with a K to a C. Okay. That'll do. And he and to use the title, he believed, belonged to him. Here we go. Also gave himself the title of doctor because of all of his degrees. Uh-huh. This man's title, really, this really should be Queen Shit of Liesville. Carl tonslar became Count Doctor... Whoa. Oh! Count Doctor Carl tonslar von Kossel. Jesus. Dr. Von Kossel. Count Doctor? Yeah. I mean... You know. Isn't that the the vampire from Sesame Street? It flows.

Yeah, okay. He arrived? It really does sound like a guy who's good with numbers though. Yeah. What you need is a nine. I'm gonna write you a prescription now for 27. Nine. So it's gonna help you.

Nine. His family arrived the next year. Soon Carl walked out on his family and left them in Zephyr Hills and he moved to Key West Florida. Okay. That's where a lot of weirdos go. Sure.

Carl was hired at the Navy Marine Hospital. He said he was a doctor, but the hospital couldn't verify it because he wasn't a doctor. Yes, but all of his rubies and documents were burned in a fire. Good Lord, have some compassion for the man. That's right, right.

He's a count doctor. So they hired him as an attendant and he worked his way up to technician. He operated the X-ray equipment and did laboratory work, including taking blood samples. So this is how you know that he's full of shit because any actual count doctor would be like, no, I'm not gonna be like an orderly.

I'm a doctor. Excuse me? Yeah. No. Yeah, but instead he's like, okay, yeah, I'll sweep the floors. Yeah, that sounds cool. Whatever you need.

Carl brought about a wrecked airplane and he hauled it behind the hospital and began restoring it. You can see that coming, did you? So he's just white trashing the lawn of the hospital? Yeah, once I get her motor up and running, she'll get out of here real quick. Although he called it building it from scratch.

So he, okay. Another muggable shit for this tail? The plane had huge wheels over five feet high and a foot half thick. Shit. Carl said they were like a pontoons and would allow him to land and roll on water. Is that?

Huh? I feel like biplanes. It's gonna be fine. I feel like biplanes exist for a reason. This is good. They're just gonna roll and it'll be fine. Think about it. The problem is I'm thinking about it.

I think that's the problem. At this point, Carl wore a Van Dyke beard and had a cocksure attitude. He dressed well, walked with a swagger and carried a silver tipped cane. There it is. There it is, Dave. It was, could you imagine?

Canes, truly, red flags. You're just waiting for your X-ray and a fucking dude walks in with a goatee. A cane. A white suit. Wiping oil off his hand. Sorry it took so long. You see, I'm making a boat that can land on water.

So anyway, let me look at your vitals. He puts them on the X-ray machine. Well, that's the wrong thing. I can just actually look at them here. I think we should pop you. Yeah, I think you need to buy a plane ticket. It was obvious to anyone who saw him that he felt superior.

Silver cane kind of gets the vibe. Yeah. Elena Miragros Hoyos was the middle child of three sisters. Her family was poor. Their home small and dilapidated. Their parents had immigrated from Cuba and her father worked in a cigar factory.

Not everybody can grow up in a made-up castle, though. Elena was universally regarded as very beautiful with raven black ringlings of silky hair following around her shoulders, giving personality and she had a lovely singing voice. I think we found our apparition. The same month Carl left Europe, 18-year-old Elena married Luis Mesa.

She was soon pregnant but suffered a miscarriage in November. Okay. After her health began to deteriorate, at first her family thought it was from the depression of losing the baby. Right. But then she developed a recurring cough.

Okay. In Key West during the 30s, tuberculosis was the number one cause of death. It was untreatable and usually fatal. Now the number one cause of death in Key West is... Jimmy Buffett. Old. And Jimmy Buffett.

Cheeseburgers. Actual dying. It's actual cheeseburgers of paradise. Cheeseburgers of paradise. Cheeseburgers of paradise. Elena's doctor referred her to the Naval Marine Hospital for a blood test and an x-ray. While Luis stayed in the waiting room,

Elena went to get her blood drawn by Dr. Carl Van Custle. Okay. I'm not... Carl recorded his first impression. Quote, I looked into a face of unearthly beauty, the face of the bride which had been promised to me by my ancestor 40 years before.

Her voice was soft and sweet and childlike. It reminded me of a mockingbird song in spring. She's very beautiful, but she doesn't have tuberculosis. This voice is probably a little different from... You're probably gonna fix it up and she's gonna be like, oh, thank God, I'm back. Carl, give mama a hug. Mama loves you.

Even though Carl and Elena were married, Carl... You don't flirt with me like you used to. What's your deal? That's the stuff that... The blood that comes out of your mouth. Oh, that? Give me my rag. Okay.

Why? Why are you talking like that? Yeah, this is me regular. God, you fixed me. Remember when I sounded all, oh, Carl, you're the best. I finally coughed through it. Oh, God.

Carl was feeling this woman was his destiny whenever she's married. Right. From this moment forward, Carl became devoted to Elena. He stopped sending his wife and daughters money from his paychecks. Nice guy. The next day, Elena returned to the hospital

for a chest X-ray. Carl was ecstatic to see her. Oh, God. She asked him if he thought she had tuberculosis and he replied, quote, tuberculosis is a strange disease. If you have it and we don't know this yet, but if you do, I can treat it.

So if you have it, we don't know it. If you have it and we don't know this yet. Oh. But if you do. I can treat it. I got it. Okay, so he is promising the cure for the uncurable. Well, that's the weird thing to say

because you can't actually do that. It's also, yeah. And it's also like, it's not very good. It doesn't show a- Compassion? Compassion or actual professionalism. Or yeah, it's definitely not professional. Who knows?

If you got it, we got you, but we don't know. But we also don't know if counts are magical. Well, that's true. Dracula is the one who kind of threw that argument in flux. There are strains of tuberculosis and the most dangerous form was the kind that Elena had. It was, it used to be called hasty consumption.

As in it was in a rush? Super, super fast. I gotta get out of here. I gotta kill you quick. I have a 230. Soon after her diagnosis, Elena's husband left her for another woman. Okay.

So, so now. He was like, oh, I don't wanna do that. Right. When Carl learned that the couple had separated, he said, quote, this fact filled my heart with joy. Ugh. It's a very weird. I started masturbating.

Dave's not reading anymore. Just an FYI for everyone. This is horrific. Elena's parents were beside themselves with worry. They barely had enough money to get by in normal times. So to them, Carl seemed like a godsend. He was knowledgeable about her illness and had a treat and he wasn't charging them.

They welcomed him into their home and he gave Elena radiation and extra treatments to build up her physical strength. He brought her fruit. Did you know what I said? He gave her radiation and extra treatments to build up her physical strength. I was letting you get through it.

He brought her fruit and a medicinal wine he got from a priest. Okay. So. All what we use today. Problems. There's problems in this argument. So radiation.

Very good for you. Not known as the coffee of cancer cures. Very good for tuberculosis. For a reason. Yeah. So his plan is to radiate and booze her up. Yep. And.

Cause a priest gave her wine. And oranges. Right, and oranges. So basically his plan is to make sangria. It's gonna work. Right? Carl would recall Elena's visits to the hospital the way someone would remember a date.

But she's sick again and worsening off my lucky stars. We took the time out to inspect as a plane together. Yes. Those moments were of great delight to both of us. When we sat side by side in the little pilot's cabin and imagined how it would be when it carried us into the air and across the ocean. So here's what that scenario is.

That scenario is a woman terrified that she's going to die. Yeah. And she has a doctor who's crazy and saying I'm gonna, not a doctor, but claim a tech who is saying that he can fix it. You can save her. And all she has to do is listen to plane stories.

So she's just like, okay, I'll go out and listen to this idiot's plane story again. Why don't you sit as a cockpit with me and we can pretend that we live on an island? She can talk about this sea. Look outside the window. Do you see that coconut island near the equator where Amelia Earhart is mayor?

That's mine. Nope, name. That's ours. He named the plane La Contessa de Cussell in honor of Elena and the title she would get. Oh, accountess? He's calling her accountess. La Contessa.

But Elena continued to weaken and her parents became skeptical of Carl's treatments. Weird. You would think that going out and touching plane wheels every day would help. They started to resent the condescending way that Carl treated them. He would come into their home and demand,

they stopped smoking cigars around Elena because it was bad for her health. Not crazy. Okay, okay. And look, look, even a broken clock. But they took this as an insult to their Cuban culture. Right, right. Sure.

Cause, right. Okay. Whose side are we on in this one? The family sought out other doctors for treatment options. They had to go behind Carl. Sorry. No, they sought doctors. Actual doctors.

Yes. They had to go behind Carl's back because he was so obsessed with it. Meanwhile, Carl bought her gifts. Jewelry, a big radio console, a silk kimono. He had everything planned out. He'd cure Elena, then they get married and he'd fly her in his plane to a South Sea Island

and they'd live happily ever after. And to him, she is the apparition girl. Yeah. Right. Okay. Just wanted to make sure. Cause otherwise this would be crazy. He proposed multiple times

and every time she'd have an explanation for why she... I'm dying. Fix that. Either she was already married. She was too young for him. If she was to remarry, her mother would insist to be another Cuban. She was being polite to him

and just hoping that he'd keep giving her medical attention. Right. And probably appreciating that he was trying to help her. Right. Get that. Soon the family started actively trying to keep him away. He started writing her letters daily. Quote, Elena, I can give you so much more

than someone your age. I can give you my science, my experience, my capacity to save your life, all of this and more. I will give you undying love. This is so weird. This makes me feel weird. She replied, quote. Fuck off.

Let me get well first. Then we'll see what happens. Oh, God. I mean, if this were a text conversation, you would be like, she ain't into it, bud. She's not into it. She ain't into it. She just wants your doctoring.

Yeah. I have brought two paragraphs and she brought two words back. I think she still likes me. She loves me. Carl, quote. I am already collecting all the things we are going to need on our wedding trip.

Oh, boy. Silk dresses for you and a bridal gown, which is our white silk and all the rest of your trossée, even lingerie and slippers. And last but not least, all of your medicine. I was going to say, like all of your medicines last.

Well, I've got some nice slips for you, some sweet dresses, these things that will keep you alive. lingerie. I, as an old man, can fuck you. Wouldn't it be nice? He signed his letters forever yours, Carl. And she signed hers, your friend, Elaine.

Oh, bud. Hold on. She put her full name in it. Oh, yes. Bud. Come on. Full name. I mean, literally read the signals.

This is when you go for the kiss and she turns her. You don't even need to go in for the kiss. There's no kiss. Your friend, pretty clear. Then Elaine has stopped showing up for her hospital appointment. It is the mentality, though, sometimes of a man to think

that the way to take signs like that is like, I just need to keep trying. Yeah. I just got to keep messaging. Push. Push. She's going to get this. She'll understand.

I'm amazing. So she stops going to her hospital appointments. And Carl tried to bring a powerful transformer to her home to administer intense electrical therapy. I'm a decepticon. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm buddies with Carl. We're going to fix you.

He's a count. Let's do this, Transformers. Hey, have you guys seen Godzilla? Okay, wait. So he brought a transformer over for what? The family wouldn't let him in. He was going to shock her. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Carl, I didn't think it was a real transformer, but I assumed there was some good that would come from a transformer. No, no. So now Carl can't sleep, because he can't get near her. He knows she's getting worse. He's having nightmares about her worsening condition.

And after a year, Elaine is conditioned and worsened to the point where doctors would only give her painkillers to make her comfortable while she was dying. Right. So one day Carl saw Elaine at probably the hospital and she was pale and emaciated. He then forced himself into her home

and announced, quote, I have come to stay. From now on, you might as well consider me in charge for good. What? This is not how... He's a count, bro. It works. He's a count. No, he's not.

These are count rules. These are not count rules. Do you know what count rules are? No, but neither do you, and neither did he. Well, that's number one. What? I'm allowed to come into your home? I make him up as I go. I'm a count. All right, I live here now.

Next. Transformer. More than meets the eye. Carl was the only doctor who still was offering a cure. Elaine's parents were so desperate, they allowed him to return. Boy, that would be a fun conversation. I mean...

What did you imagine doing this to this day? At this point, I think the only thing we can do is let Carl give it one last try. Let the crazy guy come in. Let's let the crazy guy come in and go a little crazy. No transformers. No. Yeah, I think let's let him get his thing.

Yeah, okay. He bought Elaine a new bed, a matching dresser. Just what are you doing? It's not the time, how to say it. It's not the time for like, oh, now this room, you know what it needs? Coffee table! You know what's gonna fix you?

Some nice books for the table. Just a nice little spread. Something that says, eh, I'm inviting, but I'm also fascinating, and I'm interesting. You know? He bought us silk sheets, so we can slide around.

You can slide around. You can slide around. So you can slide around, sorry. And a mosquito net. Sure. And six silk dresses and silk stockings. Okay, so, his priorities are fucking... Yeah, seems to be.

But he wasn't able to bring his home-built million volt equipment because it weighed, quote, tons and would have necessitated the laying of concrete foundations in Elaine's house. Oh my God. So he can't bring the big stuff. Right, okay.

He did bring some smaller inventions. There was an inductor box powered by a dry salt battery. Carl would attach electrodes to Elaine's chest and then turn on the electricity. It would jolt her until she would cry out, begging him to stop. Yeah, that's how you like it.

Then he would bribe her with more presence to allow him to continue the treatments. Did you like some silk stuff? And then I can shock you. So she's just like... Okay, when you say chest, he's fucking looking at her titties. Ah, so there's no even medical...

I mean, I know, I'm sure there's no medical basis for any of this, but he's going chest probably just because he's a perv. That's what I thought when I... Maybe he didn't, but... He made a, quote, high-powered, high-frequency medical unit with violet ray equipment, vulgaration, and throat-examining attachments

in induced artificial fever. What? Carl described the treatments, quote, I switched on the Tesla coil and hooked it up with one of the throat vacuum tubes. I slowly inserted the tip of the glass tube until it almost reached her tonsils. So he, and what does this device do?

I mean, it just, is it electrifying? Yeah, most of these things are just different ways to electrify it, but this is a throat vacuum, but also a Tesla coil, so this is a fucked up. Yeah, this is like what a bond villain has going on. So all this is going on, Elena grew weaker and weaker, and seemed to come to terms with her fate, according to Carl.

We have big medical things to talk about. I'm dying. What kind of dress do you want to wear to spring formal? I've got two options. Elena, wake up! This is important! Good lord, I know you have TB, but come on, be it fun, I sing flowery yellow, but I'm also not insane to go stripy pink, okay?

Oh, wait, I've got it! Wardrobe change, you can verbose! Oh, she's so happy she's passed out from pain again. Corinna Carl, Elena said, quote, if I must die, all I can leave you is my body, for I am only a sick girl, so I can't marry you while I'm sick, but will you take care of my body after I am dead?

I mean, obviously there's a dreadful insinuation inside of that. He considered that their marriage vow. Their marriage vow, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. She said, will you take care of my body after I'm dead? Dave, Dave, Dave, David. Do you know about count rule? David! Are you familiar with count rule?

Dave! Have you been to Germany? David! Okay. Dave! No! This is not going... On Sunday, October 25th, 1931,

Carl's was at the hospital when he learned that Elena had just died. He raced her home as a doctor arrived and pronounced her dead. So he goes there and then a doctor shows up and he's like, good, let's get our heads together. Let's fix this. Okay. I don't think we're out of the game just yet. I have a transformer in the trunk.

We just need to figure out a way to get it on the plane. If we stick these things inside of her butthole, it'll send enough of a shock. Look how shocked you are just from hearing it. Carl paid for the funeral. He made all the barrel decisions. He selected the most beautiful casket available, lined with rose silk, colored silk.

Every carl would visit the cemetery and he would sit beside Elena's grave. Okay. And then he became worried about the lack of drainage. No, no, no, no, no, no. We know when you're sitting down at a cemetery and you're like, this can't be draining well. How they drain in these bodies? What are you worried about drainage at this point?

He thought about Elena getting wet in her casket and decided he needed to build her a mausoleum. Oh my God, what? Then he could move her from the ground and she'd be safe and dry. Build a mausoleum? Yeah. Yeah. Just to keep her dry?

Yeah, that's right. She's dead. Well, Carl went to talk to Elena's family about the mausoleum. Hey guys, so I'm, you know, obviously things are crazy. When are you going to go away? Obviously things are crazy. Right. But since Elena and I have become husband and wife.

Do you ever leave? Is there a point where you leave? I have to be here. Who would pick her dresses? So I think the thing is that we need to build a mausoleum. Go, yes. Go, please. And obviously I will be here for the entire construction.

Go. Because we've got to make sure we do it right for Elena. She's probably sitting down there soaking wet. Her face when we show her the mausoleum, she'll be all like, ooh. Or you know, like, well, she's dead, yeah. When he arrived, he announced that he'd be moving into their home. Of course. It's a dollar winner.

I got to touch it. They were so poor that they agreed to rent him Elena's room for $5 a month. Oh my God. So now he's sleeping in her bed. Quote. No. It still preserved the sweet scent of her hair. She didn't like him.

Except for when my comb is on it. Day. We need to wash the sheets again. Elena had a very sexual evening again. Hey, OK, this guy's fucking the bed, all right? So I know we're poor, but are we $5 a month this man fornicates the bed poor? Carl spent all of his free time designing it, constructing the mausoleum. Elena's name was inscribed near the entrance, but she left her married name off the inscription, right?

Mm-hmm. He left her married name. I was going to say, I don't know if that's a decision. When it was finished, he got the... I'll say she's single now. The Olio's family and the state of Florida, to give him permission to dissenter Elena's body, she had been done for about six months. She was taken to the funeral home where Carl convinced the undertaker to allow him to re-bed her body.

He brought in new sheets, pillow, chemicals, and other inventions. An incubation tank. For the dead? What are you incubating? Her. He...no. Wait. What?

Wait. He spent hours peeling the rotted clothes from her body. He sprayed her with perfume and covered her with layers of sterile cotton. What is going on? Carl picked a new special two-part coffin, a metal outer coffin, with a custom inner coffin that had valves. What happens if she liked him? Inside the inner coffin, he put Elena into the incubation tank, and through a valve he poured a special solution he prepared. He created a state similar to suspending objects in formaldehyde to protect Elena's body from further decay.

He's going through all this just so she doesn't decompose. He doesn't want her to go by and by. She's gone by and by. He loves her. He doesn't know her. This is what love is. This is not what love is. This is exactly what love is.

Love is shared by two people. This is sharing. No, it isn't. For 18 months, Carl visited the mausoleum every evening and sat outside. Then one night, he thought he heard something. Yeah. Uh-huh. So he opened the door to the outer coffin and pressed his ear to the valve.

Uh-huh. And he heard her voice. No, he didn't. He did. No. It says he did. It says right there. I'm not interested.

Stop. Nice of you to come, sincerely, Elena. Take a hint. No way forever, please. Carl started to bring her gifts. Petty, pretty handkerchiefs, a Spanish shawl, a comb, a vanity case. Was anyone friends with Carl? I don't think so.

Did he have a friend? He's no friend. Was there anyone who was like, hey, Carl? He's no friend. No. He thought he was communicating with Elena's spirit. She would ask him questions and they would have conversations on... Will you leave?

On Christmas afternoon, Carl came to take photographs of the tomb and he felt hands feeling his face and head. Uh-huh. Where were his hands? Face and head? When the film was developed, it showed a white human shape standing at the entrance of the tomb. Uh-huh.

Sure it did. That might have been Carl. Uh-huh. Yeah, it was probably Carl. Oh, it was a flash. Right. Simulator began to sing to Carl. Always.

She was singing to Carl. Yeah. Because she sang... Please, please, fuck off, go away. Remember, she had a beautiful singing voice. She used to sing a song or she introduced him to a song about a lover who opened the grave of his dead fiance. The love this is.

The song was called La Boda Negra. Uh-huh. Which I don't know what Boda means, but... Boda? The black... No, no, no. It was a song she played for him when she was alive, but at this point Elena started telling Carl to remove her from that cemetery.

This is what I was worried about. Why? Because this is... This is what love is. This is not what love is. Naturally, he objected. No, Elena, it would be crazy. What do you mean?

We can't. We shouldn't. We must. But only because the cemetery was surrounded by streets and houses, surely he'd be seen. Oh, right. Okay, good. Right. So the gripe is not moral.

No, surely. There's no ethics in the man. How would we get away with this? Elena, we shouldn't. At least not during a high traffic time. They don't have to be night. I might have to dress you up. She told him to wait until there was a new moon, so it'd be pitch dark, and to hang a

large blanket over the fence to block the neighbor's view. Okay. Honey, did you notice a blanket up in front of the cemetery? Yeah, you can't see anything through it. Weird. What do you want to watch? Certainly not the fence. When the night arrived, Carl wore his wedding suit and a new black...

I'm out of my mind. A new black felt hat. Oh, my God. Oh, my good lady. Well, we want to make it special. Oh, is he here to steal your body? Oh, hello, my love. He brought a little...

To death to us pot? I don't think so. He bought a little wagon, a blanket, cushions, and... Hey, what's the wagon for? A rope. In the darkness, he loaded the inner coffin into the wagon. Okay. The outer coffin was re-locked and left in the mausoleum, so if anyone looked, they

wouldn't know Elena was gone. Right. Carl struggled to lift the coffin over the cemetery. Jesus Christ, that's going to be insanely heavy. Just him? The ground collapsed under him, and the coffin fell on top of him. I mean, this is not good. Guys, I came.

Did you come, my love? Elena, let's smoke a cigarette, then we keep going. Fluids dripped down on him. Jesus Christ. Running down his wedding jet. And he's still in? A casket valve had opened. He was finally able to get the coffin over.

He still has that sweet smell, Elena. He then took it to a house he had rented for exactly this occasion. So he got it through? Yeah, he somehow got it over. Good Lord. There was no running water at the house, so he washed himself in his clothes with a bottle of whiskey. Okay, so this man is what?

Oh, now he's fucked up? No, no, no, no, Dave. No, no, no. He's been fucked up the whole time, but... You can wash in whiskey, those are count rules. What are you... He let Carl noose up. No, it's just whiskey.

He left and snuck back into Elena's parents' house without waking anyone and bathed. I'm washing your dead body, your dead daughter off my body. Sorry, I fell in a barrel of whiskey. Carl left Elena at the rented house for two days and then loaded her into a taxi and moved her to the hospital grounds. What is it? His plane was. Oh, Mike, okay, I'm having a... Remember, they're going to fly to an island.

No, no, they're not. She's done flying. So, how does he get her in a cab? Well, the taxi driver just thought it was a box and he didn't know what was in it. What does this look like? So he actually helped load the box on the plane. Just a box? A box, like a shipping box.

That's all I could find. So the taxi driver literally helps load. What is this, books? Carl would work on Elena at night behind the curtain window of his plane. She'd been dead for two years so she was in pretty bad shape. She's not in great shape. Their clothes were covered. Neither is he.

With a slimy mold. His clothes were rotted and sunken and there were maggots on her head, ears and abdomen. Oh, look, Elena, excuse me. Come on, how many times I told you, don't let the maggots eat your brain. Great. That's where your sinking comes from. Great episode of CSI. Yeah.

This right here. Yeah. Carl peeled away her clothes, loosening bits that were stuck to her. He washed her and applied perfume. A little whiskey bath? A little perfume. That'll do. He then bought glass eyes.

Oh, it's now even for this entering a level that I can't handle. Because there's now like some new level of delusion to it. Like he's like, oh my God. He bought glass eyes from a male art catalog and dressed her in a bridal gown and they rolled them crowned. Oh my God, what? She's a countess. Jesus Christ.

What is going on? So, quote, trembling with burning love, I sank gently into the coffin with her. So he wrote about this. Trambling with burning love, I sank gently into the coffin with her and kissed her as if we were alive. Words could not express the heavenly bliss that we were experiencing. What? So.

What? Here's, I'm starting to think Carl's off. You think he's off a little? What's the problem? I just feel like at this point I'm like Carl, buddy. It's when it now. Until now it was normal. You see, when I find out he bathed in whiskey, but your threshold is more when he's in the

casket making out with the corpse. Yeah. That's where you're sort of. I'm also not comfortable with his actions. He kept working on Elena. He put splints on her nose to form it back in a nose shape. Does he know that other women are out there? One of her arms had been folded across her body in the coffin, so he created a cord and

pulley system attached to the ceiling of the plane. All right. Which would slowly turn the arm. We're good here. We're in a position, then Carl made several death masks. You know, death masks. They used to make death masks like in the wild west when someone gets shot and they make a mask of their face.

Okay. They made death masks. Then in 1934 Carl's daughter, Krista, suddenly died of diphtheria. Doris wrote to her estranged husband and told him of the tragedy. He didn't go to the funeral and he didn't send any money. That's too bad, but I have a new woman. Well, first of all, she's fine. Okay.

But when you said to my daughter was dead, all I could think was, I am in love. Where's that living woman? Months went by and then the Naval Station got a new commander. Okay. Who ordered Carl to move his plane off government property. Okay. So Elena's brother. Oh, my God.

So this is where I got confused about this point. Yeah, this is where you're confused? I think it's her brother-in-law. I think it's her. Right. X's brother. Help Carl attach the plane to a truck and towed it through the streets of Key West to a shed on a place called Rest Beach. The whole time the guy had no idea Elena was inside.

He thought he was just towing. There's a really, you can see a pattern with this plane and with his romantic life. Yeah. They're never going to get anywhere, but he still thinks it's happening. I think it's great. Yeah, I bet you do. So now he doesn't need to live with Elena's parents anymore. I can't believe we're still going.

Yeah, he's been living there the whole time. So they let him take the bed. They let him remove the bed from the house. Oh, my God. The new house was actually just a rundown shack that had been part of butcher pens back in the day where cattle were slaughtered. Okay. So it's got like a good vibe already. Oh, cool.

I mean, I just pictured it to be like a stall. Right. Cool. That'll do. But it was a waterfront property with a beautiful ocean view, which is great for a new couple. The guy, the brother-in-law, Mario, helps Carl fix up the place. Sure. They laid a concrete floor, added walls, and installed a laboratory for his inventions.

In the lab, Carl built a new and improved incubator tank. He placed Elena in the tank, filled it with an antiseptic salt solution, and left her for 24 hours at a time to let the fluid circulate over her. So essentially the incubation element is just some form of preservation. Yeah. And just like an air freshener. Keeping her. That was not okay.

He was sure he was beginning to make progress toward bringing her back to life. Oh, Jesus. So he really is just, I mean, I don't know what's worse. He's not sane. No, he's not sane. He's way off. He's not sane. It almost, honestly, it almost makes it a little better that he believes that,

because then you're like, okay, but it's, there's no scenario. Well, I've got some interesting news naysayers. Guess who's a vape and in love. Only took five years. Meet Elena. Huh? She's not... We're married.

No. Yeah, we live in a barn. Carl and Elena celebrated a nice Christmas together. They shared some wine. Carl, quote. Dave, just real quick before you get into it, just to be clear. This is insane. I drank half of it and drew the other half into my mouth.

I pressed my lips firmly against hers, which would open just a little. Thus slowly I forced the wine into her mouth. Okay. That's how this couple drinks wine. Okay. They had been living there for two years when the WPA arrived in Key West as part of Roosevelt's new deal. Okay.

What is the WPA? I don't know what it stands for, but they're, it's a, like an association square. I'm fixing up. Okay. Different places. Sure. And putting people to work. Oh, that thing that Trump has.

The WPA started cleaning up beaches, including Rest Beach. Okay. They were too close for Carl's comfort. It was time to load Elena back onto the plane. I'm just picturing a sitcom called Too Close for Comfort starring Carl and Elena. So he's going to put her back in the plane and tell her to a new home. He found a home on the Flagler Avenue. It was a large shed.

Was it Red Flagler? Among bushes offering needed seclusion. Carl and Elena had 13 dogs. What? I wonder what they want. Well, the truth is they were like, there's meat in here. Oh, are we ever going to eat that sausage? Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, it's bacon!

The kitchen door was always left open as a shelter for the dogs who guarded the home. So he's got the dogs. His guard dogs didn't want to come around. He doesn't want to be looking in. I mean, this is really one of those things that, you know, you just can't tell anyone. Yeah, you really can't. The amount of dogs, I mean. You can't.

There's no one you can tell. Yeah. No, there's no. So what have you been doing? Just getting some new place in order. Yeah, that's it. That's it? Yeah, started seeing someone new, but don't want to talk about that too much.

No? What's she like? She's great. She's unbelievable. She's got, she loves wine. Yeah, she loves wine. The kiss all the time. Yeah.

She likes it when I put some sort of lavender mist through her incubation tank. Would she do a double date? Yeah, I mean, I would love to, you know. But you guys should come to us, because she's sheepish outside. Yeah. She just is like, you know, like anytime, well, she doesn't blink, you know, because she has two glass eyes, hers that I bought her. And she only wears a wedding dress.

And what else? She loves to fly. Well, she loves to be in the plane that will fly. She just says like any other couple. We like laying in the coffin, her coffin. We like, you know, putting each other's fingernails back on when they fall off. Mainly hers, you know, her nails pop off. So it's not good.

We don't like to do the double date. That's, we're fine. Yeah, I just think she's not that kind of person. Yeah. Maybe even more comfortable. Okay. Yeah. Plus the dogs are always eating her.

In 1935, Carl lost his job at the Marine Hospital due to budget cuts. And marbles. Not for being crazy. No, no, no, because they were like, we can't afford you anymore, Carl. But now you can spend all this time with Elena. That's good. The only time he talked with anyone was when he went to the post office to pick up his monthly check, probably a German military.

I'm crazy. Bye. Carl was not able to run his incubator at the new place. So he moved Elena into the bed. Oh, but just, just in the bed? Now I slept by her side to be close to her and to protect her from insects and other dangers as if I could feel it for her. And I've already discovered another leakage.

Whenever I discovered another leakage, I sealed it up right away with silk and wax to stop any plasma from running away. Oh my God. Oh my God. So she's just popping wounds? To protect her from insects. He gave her whole body another layer of silk sealed with wax and balsam. So, so she, what is she?

Is she a candle? Silky, silky's nice and smooth. Elena was, Elena's still talking saying to Carl. Oh, okay. Cause I was worried she was dead. But now that she was not on the incubator, Elena was drying out. Dave, this is just. And losing weight.

Oh gosh. Well, I mean. From 90 pounds down to 40. That's trouble. Quite a loss. Quite a loss. Normally you would take someone to the hospital. Are you feeling okay?

You've lost a lot of weight. Her feature changed as she mummified, but she was still beautiful to Carl. By 1940, Elena's sister, Nanya, was her only living family member. Both of her parents and her younger sister died of TB. Guess who's moving in? Nanya was already sick and would succumb to TB soon. Okay. Nanya heard rumors that Elena might not be in her mausoleum.

So there's like, for whatever reason, there is chatter around town that she's not in there. Sure. Well, you know. Which is weird. Yeah. Well, Carl's showing up to work with red wine lips and goo around it. People are like, what is he doing? She told Carl to come to the cemetery and demanded he open the coffee.

He was the only one with the keys, right? So he's the only one that can open up the coffin. Boy, this is not good. He refused. Okay. Cause that's not going to happen. Okay. Later, she tried again. Again, he refused to open the coffin.

Why are you so worried about? Then he invited Nanya to his house. There, he pulled back a curtain. Oh my God. No. What? He's... What?

Revealing Elena in the bed. You should see your face. You're shocked. He was excited for Nanya to see how beautiful Elena was in her silk dress and jewelry. He told Nanya that Elena was safe with him. It's good. She's good here. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Pretty shoes. No, we all feel good. All right. I should go to the police home. Yeah. I should go home.

Okay. Go home. Yeah. And I'm like, she stay here. Of course she stays here. She's in great loving arms. Yeah. Look how many times you've laxed and silked her.

All right. Well, pitter patter, I should get at her. I am good to see you. Good to see things are good. We're both of you. Good day. Good day. Bye.

Nanya told Carl that if he would return Elena to her crib, she wouldn't tell anyone. Okay. Yeah, I was going to say, my guess is a man who feels comfortable presenting this situation is not going to be someone who's like, I fear the law. Later that day, 70 year old Carl, 70 years old now, was arrested for being in possession of a dead body. He was booked in the county jail on the charge of wanting and maliciously demolishing, disfiguring, and destroying a grave.

It sounds like it's accurate. And there's also another crime that I, this is like, you don't, we haven't carved out a crime at this time. And you've been married to a dead person. I don't think that's a legally abiding marriage. I don't think so either. Elena's body was taken to the funeral home for the third time in nine years, but this time it was put on display over 5,000 curious people came to see the body.

Because they're like, well, meet the woman that a crazy man ruined. What the fuck was, I mean, this is. Anything associated with it. This is the 30s. I know this is 1940. What the fuck are people doing? Out of our mind. Stop looking at bodies.

When did we stop looking at bodies? I guess at some point we just got like uncomfortable with the idea, hopefully. It was a state sensational story. Reporters from around the world came to Key West. Carl went from a virtual hermit to international fame overnight. Most of the press portrayed him not as a gross weirdo, but as a devoted lover. This is truly, this is always going to be the problem. This will always be the problem.

These people will be reality shows before they'll be fully chastised. Instead, you're just going to cut to like, hey, I'm Carl, a fake count doctor. And this is Elena. And she's like this all the time on an all new TB, TBH. Women thought what the count had done was marvelously romantic. See you later, bud. Most people were non-judgmental. Sure.

October 7th, front page of the Miami Herald. Quote, dead girl's highly educated lover sees no wrong in removing her from crypt. Also not highly educated. A man with nine college degrees. No. Fantastic love affair has startled this island city, sits in a jail cell here, bewildered and puzzled as to how he committed a crime, removing from the crypt the remains of a pretty young woman he idolized in order to bring her back to life.

Just listen to the slant on that immediately. Yeah. Yeah. As he sits bewildered. What the fuck is he bewildered for? Where did it go wrong? But we still say the same media pattern. Oh, yeah.

Miami life called out the Herald. Quote, these papers, especially in Miami Herald, have probably caused you to sympathize with the crackpot scientist. Von Kossel should be put away by American authorities or deported. Key West's oldest and most experienced attorney offered to defend Carl for free. Oh, my God. Hey, man, we both like Buffett. Yeah.

He's a great. Yeah, that's it. That's why I'm doing this. Yeah. So we have a lot in common. Buffett? Uh-huh. That's enough.

Yeah, it's plenty. Yeah. We'll exhaust ourselves on that topic. Perot heads, right? Yeah. Perot in big time. Perot head. Elena was too.

She loved him. Yeah. Yeah. We'd sit there and listen to him all the time. That's great. I tapped her foot for her until it came off. I love defending you. Yeah, it's going to be great.

So many women came to visit Carl that there wasn't room inside the jailhouse, so the jailer allowed Carl to greet his admirers out in the front yard. They had collected money for him, which Carl accepted so he didn't offend them. For court. Carl dressed for the occasion in black pants, white shirt, bow tie, tuxedo jacket, and tennis shoes without socks. So he basically looks like he's a teenager getting married? This was a hearing to determine whether he would stand trial.

If tried and convicted, he could face a $500 fine in two years in jail. All right. This is just absolutely okay. Elena's sister, Nanya, testified about her horror at seeing her sister's corpse. Quote, your honor, it was the most grotesque thing I have ever seen in my life. Her hair was still on her head. She had glass eyes. Her arms and legs were like sticks with stockings.

It was a monster. It was horrible. What I saw will haunt me for the rest of my life. Then she turned to the judge. Quote, something else I would like to know. Why won't the doctors who examined Elena's body make their findings public? What has been Kossel done to my sister's body? Was he doing something too horrible for words?

Yeah. The judge asked, quote, Kat van Kossel, did you at any time during the more than seven years you had her, kept her, whatever, did you at any time sexually molest the body of Elena Oyos? I'm so nervous. We've created a condition where he might be okay answering. Karl replied, quote, no, your honor, I did not. Then in a low voice he added.

She was mummified. Oh, that's, that's not a reason. That's not why you'd go, no. You try to fuck a mummy. Oh my God. How many times have I said that to you? Of course not. How could I?

I have a mummy fetcher. I like when dust comes out of you. When Karl testified, he introduced himself. My name is Kat van. My name, my name is Kat Karl van Kossel, and I am a chemist, engineer, physicist, a scientist, radiologist with degrees in philosophy, psychology, and medicine. Sure. He explained.

Does he know he's not making a singles dating tape? He explained about the child division, searching the world for her, and trying to save her life and building her a monument, several women in the courtroom audibly weeped. Oh God. Jesus. The judge granted Nanya's request to have Elena's body buried, and ruled that only relatives would be told where her grave is. I'm a new relative from the Cuban side of the family, there's the body!

Karl protested. Of course. Quote. I resurrected her. I brought her back to life, your honor. I will carry the fight to the highest courts of the land. If I live long enough to obtain sufficient funds to regain her, she is mine. Her father gave her to me.

I am more entitled to her than her sister. Oh my God. That's like what you'd say about a dog or something. Well he is 13. The judge ordered him to get a psychiatric evaluation. On what grounds? Two QS citizens posted Karl's $1,000 bail. Okay, great.

The court appointed lunacy board found Karl to be insane. Of course. And able to do his trials. How? How? What detail is not troubling? The state decided not to prosecute because the two years statute of limitations from elesting a grave had expired.

Listen to that statement. Elena had been removed seven years before. So she might have been just getting the itch. And I knew as furious to hide her body, Elena's body was dismembered and put into an 18 inch cube box. All three men who buried it took the location to their graves. Karl started getting visitors from all over the United States, Canada, the Bahamas, and Cuba.

He charged a quarter to tour his lab and see all of his inventions. He also bought a huge pipe organ. That's always a good sign. First in a body, first in a body. Karl appreciated the support, but he really wanted seclusion. He decided to return to Zephyr Hills and stay with his sister. Can you imagine just wanting to be left alone and people not getting that so you have to go move into the middle of nowhere?

What would that must be like? To have people so consumed with you that they just want to see you, but you don't want to see them. And they don't respect your wishes to just be left alone or left dead or dead. She was having, his sister was having medical problems and can use Karl's help. His wife and his old wife and their teenage daughter also still lived in the town. Six months after his leave from jail, Karl prepared to leave Key West. He hired three large trucks to bring all the things he couldn't leave behind.

That included Elena's casket, the wingless airplane, and the pipe organ. Then Karl built a tomb. The night before he left town, he snuck into the mausoleum, that got changed. Then Karl built a bomb. The night before he left town, he snuck into the mausoleum and placed the bomb. It went off 24 hours later, the next morning, at 1.40 a.m. The explosion smashed part of Elena's empty tomb. The blast could be heard throughout the city.

Karl had left four hours before and the police were never able to tie him to the bomb. That is pretty, am I crazy to think that that's pretty ahead of your time as far as building a delayed detonation? I don't know. I mean, he was in the military, so I might have learned how to do that. I don't think delayed detonation is a... Problem? No, I think for the time, it's totally...

I wouldn't be able to get it together. I know you would. Yeah. Once back in Zephyr... Keeps going off in my hands! Look at that, you're dead. Yeah, exactly! Got to live with you!

Silk me! Once back in Zephyr Hills, instead of helping his sister, Karl spent his time writing a book and painting watercolor illustrations to tell the world about his love. He moved into his plane in the yard. Oh, my God. I mean, this... How... Dave...

No! Fuck you, I'm going in the plane! What is the bottom for this man? He's going... Now I'm just going to live in a plane in a yard! Because Karl was a German immigrant and we were at war with Germany in 1942, Karl was put under surveillance. That's what got him?

Finally. That's what got him. To make... 13 dogs, pipe organ, corpse, he says, your wife... To make sure his plane couldn't fly, they made Karl take the wheels off. He's not... No, no, no, no, guys, guys! It's fine.

It's fine. Oh, fuck. Now it was slanted backwards, so it's like on its tail. Karl still felt most comfortable in there. He felt Elena with him in the plane. Eventually Doris took him to his daughter's grave and Karl made a monument for little Krista the way he had made one for his Elena. Yeah, but that's like a guilted move.

It's not. It doesn't come from the right place. In 1944, Karl moved to a house on his own where he erected a shrine to Elena. He placed her casket on a long table and put one of the death masks atop a model of Elena's body. That's horrible. A local said, quote, you know, he used to take people over to his house and show them the replica he made of that girl.

He always dressed up and looked neat walking around town. Yeah, he sure did. Sure did. I'll tell you what, he looked good in a suit. He looked neat. Say what you will about the guy. He tied it together. Yeah.

I mean, at the end of the day, he looked good. He looked good. In 1945, Fantastic Adventures, a pulp publication, bought and printed The Secret of Elena's Tomb. So he got money for that, but he soon spent the money and once again was destitute. He refused to take a job that was below his dignity and no hospital would hire him because What is he, 80? The Corpse Bride Story.

Yeah, he's like, what are you bringing to the table besides a plane wheel? Doris gave him $250 a week from her $15 weekly salary. That was enough for him to buy sardines and a few staples to keep him from starving to death. Sure. In 1972, neighbors reported that they hadn't seen him in a few weeks. The sheriff found the Count's body decomposed badly on the floor next to the table with the shrine.

He was 76 years old. After Carl died, the airplane he never finished was moved into a neighbor's yard for children to play on. In 1972, the doctor who performed the autopsy was interviewed, quote, the breasts really felt real. What? What? Wait, this is of Carl?

No, this is the guy who did the autopsy. Of Elena? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The breasts really felt real. In the vaginal area. Sorry.

In the vaginal area. Sorry. No, no, no. What? That's a crazy way to start. The breasts really felt real. Like, they were, they were hot. Legitits.

Like, they were sweet. Legit. Titties. Um, what else? Uh, I mean let me. Butt wouldn't quit. Uh, I wrote up, you know, I wrote up my report. These titties are killing me.

All right. Yeah. Tight. Oh, no, I don't work here. What? Oh, no, no, man. No, no. I just delivered.

I teach surfing. I teach surfing. Why do you come down? Why do you gotta come down and surfers? Oh, they've always loved the dead. The breasts really felt real. The vaginal area. I found a tube wide enough to permit sexual intercourse.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, you really save, you really save a bite for the end, don't you? At the bottom of the tube was cotton, and in an examination of the cotton, I found there was sperm. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Then, I knew we were dealing with a sexual pervert. And only then, says the man who started with the breasts felt real.

What happened? So, wait. Hey, Gary, you want to, can you feel these, these boobies? Look at these. Get over here. It's weird when the fake guy's name's Gary. Yeah, I usually go Larry. Because then I gotta be him.

So, he built a, he, a doctor, Dr. Foraker, who was also at the autopsy, confirmed it. So, he put a tube in her, you fucker. What kind of, I don't feel good. Can I shower in your room? Even knowing all the information. There are still people in Key West who knew Elena's family and still consider Carl to be a romantic who did nothing wrong. To this day, if you take a tourist trolley tour of Key West, you can hear the romantic

story of true love between the count and his corpse. Yeah, because if you're giving a tour and you're just gonna devote a paragraph of thought to it, you could probably find a way to make it sound somewhat beyond necrophilia, I guess. It's not even necrophilia though. It's so passable. When you put a bang tube in someone, it's necrophilia. I know, but, I mean, yeah, but he's not, it's not just a necrophilia because necrophilia didn't sound fucked up.

No, he's a devoted husband. He really, it seems like he was really into her. He was really into her. And thanks to the tube, literally. When she was alive, she just had the misfortune of looking like his ghost girl for his 20s. But you also, like, yeah, like this is genuine, I mean, he's a psychopath, completely. But the media has always been atrocious. Yeah.

Atrocious. Well, and also the, yeah. They look for the thing that would spin it and keep selling papers. They're gonna look for the reality, which is, here's a fucked up guy, he's clearly got some serious mental issues, he's been doing this. They turn you something and they would sell paper after paper after paper, whereas that would just sell one day and be done, right? Yeah.

No. Yeah, well, I think you're right, the media used the sensationalized stuff, for sure. I mean, Dave, I don't even, what do we, what, like, to someone who, I can't imagine just starting listening to this. This podcast? Yeah, this one. Like, what do you do at the beginning of this one? This isn't the one.

This is a crazy one. No, I'm sorry. I don't think anybody got past maggots, to be quite honest. Oh, my God. That was a Phineas Gage moment where there's just a lot of throwing up. Unbelievable. I just can't, it really, like, in the climate of today, when it just seems like men are maybe starting to come around to the plight of what women go through on a daily basis

with men. Are they? Well, it seems like, to some extent, like, we're, at least it's starting to get called out a little bit more and shit like that, but I think a story like this shows you what happens when the word no isn't allowed. And it'll go to a crazy fucking place. I know it certainly did. Oh, shit.

Wow.