The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 302 - Hume and Hovell (Live w/ Wil Anderson)

Episode Date: November 11, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Wil Anderson to examine Australian explorers Hume and Hovell SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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No, no, no. No, no, no. No, I thought we got away. I thought we got away with it. I want to say happy birthday happy 14th birthday to Eli. Is that you? You're gonna learn some stuff about your country. Yeah, you know you're 14 it's time to be ruined. It's you've had a good run. Do we want to say anything about anything? Sure. This isn't gonna go out for a while. Oh I should probably say you know I got everyone's hope up with the 300 but I didn't finish it so that's just gonna be a regular episode. You know fucking deal. What I'll do is I'll skip 300 so I'll go T99 301 and then I'll we'll do 300 like in December I'll be

like yeah that was sure no that's how this works that's how it works yeah you can like if you sometimes in buildings they skip 13 you go 12 14 that's just what we're gonna do with 300 also an insane call for a building to be like we don't have a 13th floor it doesn't exist well they don't because it goes from 12 to 14 it's still 13 if you're counting the floors no it is not it is Jesus do you know no they lost that argument fast no they didn't they literally didn't put in that floor oh that's interesting okay interesting call on their part yeah I don't have to make the beds here so whatever yeah cool

not there great have you seen the John Bing Zhang Malkovich I have seen it's sort of like that but there's nothing sure sure this was fruitful I've mentioned I'm jet lag you're listening to the dollop this is a American history podcast each week nice I shirt wear I have her Dave this is really low pillow on head sleeper Dave Anthony read a story to my friend Gareth from American history Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about so we have a special guest he is a Melbourne comedy festival favorite sure Arch Barker a lot of stuff no well Anderson yeah hello hello he doesn't

his body isn't bend anymore so fuck you my body bends a different way in this country than yours yeah yeah goes the other direction yeah and we've read that how are you well yeah I'm good well I'm terrible I have a broken back that means I can't sit down anymore I haven't sat down for the nearly four months it's not great to be honest I have a television show that none of you give a fuck about cuz you're out on a Wednesday night but I'm well well well wow that got weird I got really weird to sit down panel show and I need to sit down for the fucking panel show and so I've been getting steroid injections in my

back so I can sit down to tell jokes on the fucking tally like it's the most wasted steroid in flight I get mad at the audience I get roid fucking right that's roid rage yeah exactly but here's the thing what I really wanted them to do was like just dig a hole in the sand in the hole why just pretend I was at a desk why did they get one of those Sean Spicer Saturday night live desks that's just around my body and other motherfuckers can stand around it cuz I'm the host but anyway turns out they would not arrange that so my life is shit now I've been catching the bus yeah I know that a lot of you do that no no

I'm great you just said my life I have to take the bus to a thousand people who are now like I take the fucking bus yeah yeah no they catch trams but my I'm on the fucking side of trams I'm a star and I thought you meant I thought you meant I'm huge in this town I'm about to host a bi-weekly radio show that comes out five days a week my weekly is what you want it to be yeah yeah it can mean anything oh June 19 1797 okay what am I meant to know yeah June 19 1797 yep Hamilton Hume am I saying that right yep Hume was born but it's Hamilton what I'm all done but human eiling but hum old done I don't know

what you're having a seizure was born near oh boy doesn't matter where he was born near because he can get to another place anyway whatever so paramata paramata paramata what paramata paramata yeah yeah New South Wales his father Andrew was a free settler who would escaped England after shooting his Colonel while in the army okay interesting so he probably wasn't gonna be free very long yeah but he was free when he left sure get caught he hopped on it well that's disobedient by the way that's no way that that's allowed no you're not you'd know it's frowned upon to shoot your Colonel unless they're

like how about target practice I'll take it right yeah yeah weird call yeah his mother was the headmistress of the colonies biggest girls orphanage in paramata okay yeah sure the family moved to a grant of a hundred a hundred acres on the southwestern frontier of the colony Elizabeth gave her four children a very good education and a respect for local native people oh not okay good the only one yeah I was gonna say what I fell out of fashion good run though yeah Hamilton had red hair and grew to be a tall fit man European children born in australia I didn't know this European children born in

australia were looked down upon by the British born oh okay that's you can imagine that's cool so a divide shocking the I mean literally they you know we were that where they sent their worst people so of course they looked down on us yeah but they were gonna turn around gang you showed them yeah little did they know this place was beautiful and if we just dug shit up it was full of gold and oil you guys only look good because of us oh my god we're Adam Sandler and your Rob Schneider yeah and we just made male gigolo too with an option for a third so things aren't bad in the Schneider camp pal doing fine so

if you're born in Australia you were referred to as a currency lad or a white native as opposed to a sterling British boy that's normal so that's causing a lot of beef fairly that's an issue all right there's a strong class divide in Sydney with the wealthy British born residing on the hills while the white natives lived at the rocks the white natives lived at the rocks yeah the rocks is now now it's now it's like the central business district well yeah it's the same day but the rocks is kind of like a tourist area it's near Sydney Harbor oh okay sounds like shit Hamilton I was really convenient for them

they're close to the opera house for shows like that's true real great place to live for the white night you don't hear the term white natives a lot nope wonder why that is the plight of a taker Hamilton and his brother explored the bush around appen I don't know sure accompanied by do all a young local Aboriginal man the three went on hiking adventures sometimes for up to four days you say they bought do all no they are accompanied by they were accompanied by do all yeah okay sorry that was really fucked up that's what I thought you said no no I'm glad he clarified yeah please move on please

move on so the three when they were like teenagers go on hiking adventures for up to four days just classic teenage stuff yeah leave home for four days on a hike normal they explored a land where no white European had entered yet and and they were helped by do all and they went as far as shulhaven whatever in the fuck that means so Hamilton loved the bush and he had a great sense of adventure 30 years after the first fleet the colony was looking to expand and the government needed Bushman to find the best routes to new pastures and surveyed the land and by 1815 Hamilton had a growing reputation and was even visited

by Governor McCrory at his home whoa so he's the shit right between 1817 and 1824 human joyed expositions to places like I should have just taken this out no no no this is my favorite bit of the show please sir go on Argyle sure yes yes yes yes yes it has the most famous mcdonald's sign of all time because it has the golden arches next to the name of the town and it looks like it says my ass ah okay well that's amazing let's go eat at my ass I mean he actually found that so I'm gonna take that out port kembla yep yep shulhaven jervis bay javas by fuck bateman's bay that's not yet bite men's Bay what be

respectful like get it right nope mad now so he on could speak a number of Aboriginal languages because he actually was nice to them and would talk to them sure but this only confirmed his status as a lowly currency lad for his work he received a land grant of 300 acres and he built his first home William I should have looked this name up hovel sure sure all right no pushback hovel's right human hovel hovel hovel is it hovel no not hovel how the fuck you people not know I just think we'd know if we had like a famous person called hovel like it sounds so fucking straight where you going hovel so no one night out in

hovel no no one knows if it's hovel or hovel hovel hovel okay a lot of people know hovel well they were told to not shout out anything they were all like let him do it but I asked if I ask a question all right so hovel hovel have you not read my hovel novel everyone has one William hovel was born in Norfolk England on April 26 1786 he was 11 years older than him hovel went to see when he was 10 hovel went to I was expecting more after that like what did he go see he went to see yeah yeah that's when you get a job he was working at sea at 10 what's always is the story of the famous pirate black

can't grow a beard because he's 11 he can't grow a beard anyway I know keep up to date with the podcast it's a really racial one so he just worked to the sea for years working on ships with family or something right he hasn't gone as an honor no he won a no he just went alone in yeah that's what they did back have you never heard the dollop but I didn't know you could go to see alone at 10 that still feels like we can agree that he was not good like it's a ten-year-old and like guys so fucking distracted he probably started out as a cabin boy which is not hard I think what are the actual responsibilities of a cabin boy

to the best of your knowledge bring stuff to the guy and you throw the shit bucket out oh yeah that sounds like a dream I didn't say it was good I just said you could do it if you're 10 my I make my kid play cabin boy all the time play cabin boy just me shit in a bucket in the bedroom take it outside I don't know if this is playing we're playing cabin boy I don't like the game you're learning about Australian history I just think you like shitting in buckets for being honest with you dad oh every one of your stories this is how they wrote the cost Constitution shit

in a bucket by 22 he had become a become a captain of a trade trading ship yeah in 1813 he and his family emigrated to New South Wales but in 1816 a ship Hubble was captain of wrecked and the crew survived for 10 weeks on an island before finally being rescued after that hovel was done with being a sea captain he didn't like it no because he almost died on an island yeah he's like this isn't fun okay it was the first season of Australian survivor right yeah Anthony Lepalia who hosts our version was very young oh is it no Jonathan

Lepalia sorry fuck the lesser known Lepalia he's like the Liam of Hemsworth they're both pretty good but one's definitely heaps better than the other like the war brothers in cricket anyway let's not like well we'll just let's just move on guys let's not he was granted 600 acres in southwestern Sydney and took up farming he made some short exploratory trips into the bush and as a British-born sterling fell in nicely with the upper-class society oh I smell a rivalry in 1821 Governor Thomas Bresman wanted an expedition to the southeast coast which is present-day Melbourne

it's actually Melbourne you're gonna you guys are gonna like one of these Melbourne episodes cuz I'm gonna tell you where that name changed where Dave corrects everyone and you're gonna feel great the area had been described by Matthew Flinders from a ship but he had not been approached by land so he just saw it he's like should we go on there no and off they went that was what I envisioned Flinders saying wait what he might he might add a boyfriend Flinders he might have a boyfriend okay I mean what happens is a yeah I don't know is this about the vote yeah I'm saying why do you hate Flinders vote yes it's

a clear message yep yep and what is his name again Matthew Flinders that he's got a street named after him here what Matthew Matthew it's a very popular train station I've just found out about here we go train is so affordable and what if we find out Will's getting a cut from the train I'm under if I get the powers of big trade yeah yeah big trades got its hands all over you will Anderson and Thomas seen at 9 o'clock Thomas is hammered I fucking hate the track Thomas you should not drive right now I'd drive better after a couple it's rather

fucking tracks are there fuck this oh boy a lot of steam coming out of his train chimney seem pretty miffed so Governor Brisbane wanted an ardent and experienced traveler who was a Bushman and could engage with the indigenous groups along the way there was only one man for the job do all Hamilton Hume dammit you know that was so he was 26 he was in peak physical condition and was known as the best Bushman and surveyor of his day but the governor had concerns about Hume's youth and enthusiasm also he wasn't British born he wanted someone more experienced in navigation so Hubble offered to fund some of the the

expedition if he could come along even though he had very little experience in the Australian bush he was appointed chief navigator and official leader oh no also British born okay so because he's born in Britain he's now the main producer yeah he's running the show right okay it's gonna be fine I don't think it will be Brisbane gave orders to fully equip the expedition from the colony supplies but then immediately started renegade he ended up offering only six saddles one tent two tarps a few bush utensils and two skeleton charts hang on just run me

through what the checklist is again we've got six saddles six saddles one tent one tent I mean that seems interesting already right there right there really feels like you've got extra horses or not enough tents it's definitely not matching up yeah well I figured some of the guys will just sleep on the horses I don't know okay two tarps that's two more tents baby yeah right there boom a few bush utensils sure that's vague assorted bush yeah what is that like tremors I think are forks that can also cut it's essentially the amenities pack they leave you at a nice hotel yeah like this is like a tiny

little toothbrush right yeah and a little tube of toothpaste maybe a few tips and you're like shower cap why I don't need that who in this day and age is like I need that and then two skeleton charts now let's let's do that one so what's that where to find skeletons that's pardon what is it that so you can find skeletons or avoid them depending on your mood hang on but but also what are they really yeah have you seen the Pirates of the Caribbean yeah no I assume the rest of them what's so that I saw the previews they get better they don't and then a guy and then a guy and then a guy flies in his dogs and he gets

arrested oh when sparrow brought the puppies yeah this actually just blew the ending cute throat island fuck you that sounded like one person moan it was one person I'm assuming she was stabbed because it was very very anger I'm leaving yeah so Governor Brisbane gave human hobble his sanction and protection which meant absolutely nothing out in the bush can we get more tents no no but you can have with you guys you tell anybody that I got your back all right I'll do anything can we get another fork no I mean have another saddle but not another horse but it's also a great thing to offer someone

isn't it you have what what did he call it he's sanctioned and protection you have my sanction and protection whoever you meet and whatever dangerous animal you meet will be warded away by a man they've never heard of making up a thing you don't understand good luck to you sir and now I just picture six guys dragging saddles across the ground we should have asked for horses why did we literally three of the guys have to pretend to be horses I mean it's kind of fun it is a little fun it's a little fun it's adorable it's what it is it's adorable and they swap at lunch time yeah all right your turn get on so who

gets the tent tonight who's the lucky bastard so Brisbane ordered six convicts be taken on the journey if they return safely they would earn their freedom okay oh my god is this some sign of suicide squad oh oh interesting this is what it is right you've gone we're gonna get the baddest the bad and take them with us the thought out this trouble it really is this the origin story of the movie Suicide Squad is this Captain Boomerang's origin story from Suicide Squad again this would be killing if more people had seen that movie I'm actually me go home watch the movie write me an email will it will Anderson dot com dot

are you okay a fucking nice one and I that was a good joke but I emailed you later I would I mean comparatively I just hope that this story is actually good as opposed to suicide girls which squad squad which I still masturbate wait where's that where did that are you reading I think I'm reading are you sure you think I don't know I'm taught I'm having definitely talking yep talking a bunch yeah words are coming out of my face coming out immediately yeah tattoos are sorry you only have five saddles now this one stained and ruined so sorry you pick three convicts Henry Angel James Fitzpatrick and Claude Basawa Angel had

been transported for stealing 40 pounds but he was actually framed by his uncle Fitzpatrick was a large strong man and an Irish activist and Basawa was a cocky little guy who bragged about being a boxer but in reality was a coward why wouldn't you went through it did I know the last guy was an idiot yeah I was like I don't like his name hobbles convicts were William Ballard Thomas Smith and Tom Boyd Tom Boyd was a courageous man who has transported for highway robbery Tom Boyd Boyd or Boyd Boyd oh Tom Boyd okay I was gonna say Hume sounded like Tom Boyd yeah don't touch me okay Hume got on well with his convicts hobble did

not get on well with his okay so after Brisbane backed out of the funding the expedition was mostly financed by Hume and hobble themselves to raise money Hume sold an important iron plow which was very sought after in the colony people at plow envy this is a time I imagine oh just imagine being a top that monster oh I mean it but imagine a time were you you weren't at the plow again were you now I was feeding ducks I promise get my hands on that baby but imagine a time when to raise money you sold a plow you're talking about my fucking childhood plow day I was out fucking die every year can we sell a

plow this day all right we'll sell a plow yeah you know I just stop yet no one's buying you're I'm a man of the people shit you you're on buses you're on the side of a bus he's on plows to puttin in the hours hobble sold some of his land they each brought brought a cart as well as three horses and five steer for food they brought a few sacks of flour a barrel of salted pork tea tobacco coffee each man had a gun and Hume brought his kangaroo hunting dogs you guys still have those because that's the most fucked up sentence it's not good the expedition apparently a lot of people had them back then I would think

in a matchup and this isn't just based on our foz that conversation but in a matchup of dog v kangaroo yeah I guess I'm having the realization as I'm saying that that they didn't care about the dogs right keep going bud the expedition was if we have enough dogs they'll get tired worst case we ride a couple we're we have saddle we have too many saddles no so the way it works is you have a dog the dog supposed to kill a kangaroo then you eat the kangaroo but if the kangaroo kills the dog eat the dog it's a fucking win-win oh my god welcome to the bush I want to go away the expedition was the first to use a

pram what huh hang on what you mean a baby carriage what do you mean like a thing they use a pram they used a baby carriage which had a primitive odometer hooked on the wheel to measure distance hang on it was a fucking Fitbit is this the origin story of the Fitbit yes yes was the problem that it just wasn't adorable enough so they were just like throw it oh put a little bonnet on it oh look at that what do they use the pramful they it's it's it was a wheel that turned and it would came up with the items on this I mean the pram had been being used in the colony for ages it would they use it to measure land it

was the only pram hooked up for mile reading pardon there's no baby in it and they and they take the pram out and they just it measures how far they went it's better than counting with your strides get a baby buddy sorry I put myself to sleep yeah you got by the way before you napped uh-huh you went crazy absolutely crazy on prams on October 3rd 1824 the men left Hume's farm heading for his other property near Lake George where the expedition was officially to begin so they had to go from his property to his property before they were like okay we're officially stupid they took it

pretty easy over the first few days with the bulls pulling the carts and Claude Basawa pushing the pram which became known as Claude's wheelbarrow this pram having a plot line is just insane if we find out this entire story is about this fucking prayer this is gonna be a massive misdirect they spent the first few nights at different settlements in Mitigong range Hume and Hovel slept in the tent together while the convict slipped under the tarps okay at night Hume would mark the their journey on his chart while Hovel made notes in his diary on the sixth night they checked their compasses and Hovel's navigation

instruments while Hume's work perfectly he Hovel's tools were either defective or he was just shit at navigation did he try putting them in a pram put a diaper on or something stop little stop baby shoes I like the pram you're hurting my feelings it's crazy about prams the next day they came across their first river Fitzpatrick did not well on the water my god this is a game-changer we're also about to invent the submarine put the putodometer in it Fitzpatrick did not know how to swim so Hume told him to hold the tail of one of the bulls which he did and he got across and when he got to the side Fitzpatrick just

started laughing and triumph and as he did the bull shit on him okay so personal revelation I was when I was 14 to 17 I used to have to milk cows before I went to school after the plow yeah my famous catchphrase don't have a plow man and I would get up in the morning and I would have to milk the cows before I went to school and it was freezing cold in East Gippsland and one morning it was so cold so my job was to take the milking machines off the cows and so essentially all you have to do is just take the machines off and you have to watch for the cows tail coming up because if the tail comes up they're

about to like shit or piss oh yeah one morning it was so cold that my brain said move and my body went nah this will still be better and the cow shat on me and it was warm and it felt okay anyway so sorry and that was the moment I decided farming not for me are we insinuating that it's almost a lever on the back that he grabbed the tail and it was like I must be ready my tail moved it's more a warning sign yeah it's more like if you see that coming you meant to step out of the way right my body was like nah yeah there's like a like goes ding ding ding ding

and then it's out and then how it comes man I wish you had a POV camera on so they made it to Hume's other piece of property and they rested there for four days and on the 17th of October they set out into areas not yet settled by Europeans oh here's a fucking name on the 19th day they came to the Muram bridgey River Murambiji which was flooded Hume tried to make a canoe out of bark but it cracked and failed at this point Hubble cried out quote we shall never get on with our expedition we cannot cross these rivers oh my god negative Ned all of a sudden not helping so Hume

took the wheels off the carts covered them in tarps and made a punt also known as a gondola or dingy he made a little boat okay mocking hobble he told him it's a boat Hume and Boyd then swam across the freezing cold river with fishing line between their teeth to secure a rope on the other side this allowed them to get the carts across hobble swam across and did nothing to help move the other supplies I didn't realize that Hume was the original fucking MacGyver like look at this guy's like we'll make it into a boat it'll be fine what do you want a gondola what do you want speedboat jet ski what are we

talking let's do this kayak what are we after in his diary of all made it sound like who didn't keep a diary was that just everybody everybody I'm journaling everybody had a diary back then so it's like a YouTube channel yeah everybody fucking did it okay hobble made it sound like he was part of the solution quote we were fortunate enough to succeed far beyond our expectations and did we accomplish what we thought impractical Hume saw it differently quote my associate hobble had he been dependent on his own resources would not have under any circumstances crossed the river so so we're now of the odd

couple in a tent yeah on October 23rd they faced a series of steep hills so they sent two parties to find a way through Hume went with two men and hobble went with Tom Boyd hobble quickly got lost and he and Boyd spent a uncomfortable night out in the open in the morning Boyd told the hobble he would never go anywhere with him again okay they were finally saved when Hume fired guns off as a signal to for where they were turned out hobble had been going in the wrong direction the whole time every man at that moment completely lost confidence in hobble the chief navigator okay good angel later said

quote in fact he was the worst man in the party except Claude now I get it Australia is Hume and you guys are hobble I think we're Claude I think we're the odometer in a pram on the 25th of October Hume decided they would have to leave the carts and some of their gear behind us it was too difficult to move with all of it so they camped and decided which equipment to leave behind so we're gonna leave hobble two saddles I think that's it Hume took his tarp hobble decided to leave his tarp behind the thing the convicts sleep under okay they set off west along an aboriginal track Hume had heard about so hobble started

complaining that his arm was sore from marking trees with the axe oh my god and Hume thought it was totally pointless to mark trees with the axe but he still refused to let another man take over for a hobble's pointless job that's the best way to play at the start of this story I thought oh you're gonna ruin Hume for me but I'm loving him more than ever oh yeah Hume's falling great the high rough country sapped the strength of both men and the bulls for five days they scrambled up and down cliff faces the heat was blistering and there were blow flies and mosquitoes hobble wrote that his legs were one

big sore Jesus hot that's terrible they finally reached a grassy flat area rested killed a kangaroo and caught crayfish they saw learbirds liar liar birds liar liar birds liar birds but how about a dog well don't say I was a fucking close one huh starting to think they know what dogs are you're a fucking liar yeah I am not I'm your buddy touch I'm your pal okay it's just a liar man look I'm a human lawyer you know me hobble caught liar birds pheasants there's the real liar liar man on November 8th the in this day and by the way while we're at it that

is not a fucking pram yeah I never never November 8th they saw the Australian Alps I don't even know you guys had that congratulations I don't patronize me motherfucker we've got Alps I didn't know you had mountains no we decided the mountains so decide it's no some songs I think that's great like a bit in one place if you go there it's up a bit you have to drive uphill yeah for a bit yeah couple hours and then like for eight days in a row it's no so Alps season yeah I am you've decided they should head west to avoid the mountains but hobble disagreed this became a furious argument so heated that Hume

and hobble decided to separate and continue independently wow so they're divorcing yeah but also I feel like Hume was more in fiver of this idea than hobble yeah well I hope they get joint custody of the pram because that is so bad for an odometer when one of the parents leaves well this meant they had to divide the equipment but they had already reduced the amount of gear they were carrying so they agreed to cut the tent in half what they're fucking King Solomoning a tent does not does the same like the best plan isn't that isn't that supposed to be a moral moment instead of like no right well enough it

goes there it is I think at that point it's not a tent no it's two more tarps how do you get to the point okay yeah all right we cut the tent in half into two tops yep and we take three settles each yeah but I want to cut in half so six half-settles per I'm not an idiot they could not come to an agreement over the frying pan cut it in half they physically fought over it and broke it splits ease turn it into like BFF necklaces if they come together at the end of this story and join the frying pan a hovel stormed off taking his convicts Tom Boyd said quote I had to go with Mr. Hovel but after a while Boyd

realized they were heading straight into the snowy mountains where they would definitely get lost and be totally fucked well be fine we have three tarps in a quarter frying pan it took a while but he finally convinced hovel who who let Boyd guide them back to him so this convict Boyd talked him out of being an idiot sure hovel claimed in his diary he suggested going west around the mountains you know diaries are like reality show confessions like in this time that was just the aside where you'd be like hovel doesn't know where he's going he's the worst I'm never going with hovel again the following day it was

very awkward as they headed Southwest but the mood was lifted when they came to the best country they had ever explored the dogs just realized what's happened they've had this massive fight to the point where they've broken their frying pan in fucking half they've cut their tin in fucking half and then like a couple of days later they're back together like nothing fucking no one bring up do you want an egg just don't fucking mention it just hold them together and don't fucking mention it yeah but every night when they get in the tent you son of a bitch yeah they start stitching it back together I mean

it'll just be warmer it'll just be warmer for us do you want to be a bigger little spoon how do you want to they're like a band who split up but then realized they were no good solo yeah I had to come back for a union tour but they all fucking hate each other so all they do is communicate on stage but hovels garfunkel he's like let's do this huh I miss writing songs with you I'm just here for half a frying pan motherfucker the mood was lifted by the best country they had ever found the dogs killed two kangaroos though one dog was injured in the process cool so everybody's winning next next they

headed out and they were back in wild mountain terrain clouds of flies and mosquitoes followed them hovel was losing it quote I have no plan to adopt unless it is to be like the natives themselves and go naked and lie on the dirt and smoke wait what is he saying I do not know what I love about hovel is he's the original overshara on Facebook that's what he feels like he's the guy is that all hovels drunk again he shouldn't be near fucking Twitter but all these opinions are coming blow flies keeps bringing them up if you're in the fucking bush mate fucking get used to the floor it's hard enough motherfucker

it's Australia there's flies everywhere that's actually your guys tourist slogan it's Australia there's flies everywhere it's virgin Australia flies everywhere but what is he saying he's saying basically he's just like the only way to do it is if you just get naked and smoke I think he's saying he doesn't want to do this okay yeah that is the subtext I feel they exited the mountains the next day and camped on what is now called Mount Pleasant they were there and they were in such a place on what they're now in such good spirits that they were singing as they walked what so they're the dwarves you'm often

scouted ahead of the group and on November 16th he ran back to them excited he discovered a big river which he named the Hume after his father that's how you do it I mean fucking good work Hamilton it's fucking great oh no it's not after me it's after me fucking dad as long as after dad otherwise it's bullshit because it's god rest his absolutely I had to respect your decision yeah I'll just take this pond over here for my dad hovel pond it's got a fun ring to it don't it crossing the Hume was not as exciting as naming it they didn't have a cart this time and the river was 60

meters 70 yards for those people who live in a country that won't and get together with the rest of the world they walked again the maths of that doesn't seem quite right but anyway move on yeah it doesn't does it so it is definitely not 70 no it's not anyway who cares it's it's American math you just say whatever you want we didn't count on someone who knew both no he had me I was like that's accurate the way the way American math works is we say it and then if someone says you're wrong we kill you it's pretty simple they count bullets they walked up and down a stream for two days but cannot find any trees

or anything that would help them cross maybe we should call it the hovel it's the Hume it's already now that it's really shitty the great man of the sea hovel started whining again saying they should turn back and go to Sydney but Hume had an idea he used his tarp in a frame made from a wattle tree to build a craft hovel refused to get in finally Hume yelled at him if you don't do what I tell you I'll throw you in it worked the man got across the Hume River hobble wrote in his journal that it was his tarp they used good to point that out cool he's like Trump technically he's half of the fucking tent at best

that I use but also if you're lying in your own journal it's purely for the idea that others will read it when you're gone so you're like let's be honest this night has proved him right yeah yeah he wrote his take so he'd be so happy thank god I thought I was crazy so have they used my vision boards no dioramas don't just your journals so hovel now started totally rebelling he said the tarp his tarp was wearing out and that they had completed their mission when they found the Hume River Hume was pissed quote I do not think it necessary to point out the defects to of the tarp to the men if they don't like

to risk themselves in it they can stop and be damned hobble ignored him and talked Claude over to his side now Hume was really pissed he wrote quote I told mr. hobble that I would prefer being rid of him all together rather than having one in his position setting such a bad example I gave him to understand very plainly that for me or all I card he might just remain on the side of the river he was on but I was determined to pursue the journey as originally intended so Hume called hobble and Claude cowards he then picked up Claude by the scruff of the neck shook him and threatened to throw

him in the river quote I frightened the fellow into crossing with me I mean that feels like workplace bullying but a frowned upon now I feel like if there were no rivers they'd get along fine but this is the third river and it's not going well no now alone as a rebellion hobble said he was going home once again the group split up they decided that they again divided up the equipment all right let's do this shit one more time we know who's frying pan half is whose the unstitched the tent so awkward why do we even get back together huh separate the shit again huh Tom Boyd told me it wouldn't work out oh yeah well I

should have always listened to Tom Boyd oh wait why don't you just go hang out with Claude oh don't even bring up Claude this is unbelievable that you would say that right now that is just vintage classic you Hume that's what you do the once again very sad Tom Boyd wrote I was obliged to remain with Mr. Hobble so it's not unusual for me you won't understand this reference but it's not I knew I've got to get off my chest because it's the only thing I think every time you say this man's name but anyway the tomboy wasn't happy with his original club and then he went to a new club and he won a premiership so yeah I

know I'm so sorry I get it he switched clubs yeah yep yep I think we don't know about Tom Boyd I can move on from the one thought that's been in my mind every time you've said Tom Boyd for the last fucking hour so go on please totally hi totally hijacked the show anyway you kick this fucking really good goal in the grand final like it was amazing from the center like Dale Morris had a broken back and Buddy Franklin their best player here at the ball and then Dale Morris with his broken back tackled him and Tom Boyd our recruit from another club grabbed the ball and out of the center he kicked a fucking goal and

won us the game anyway let's move on with this podcast I'll just move on we can move on is he talking about midnight oil 90% yeah 90% so Hume and his men then crossed the river easily and when hobble saw saw Hume cross the river so easily he started shouting from the other side and begging for help to get across hobble then made Tom boy let's stitch the tent again I was emotional my god I meant like less than half a frying pan only works when it's whole I want you to want to do the dishes oh my god if I don't get over there it'll be impossible because I'm feeling this side with tears of regret I need my

little spoon back so hobble made Tom Boyd swim across to get the boat for him across here's a good idea do you do everything Hume later wrote that the trip would have been fucked if hobble had gotten his way and hobble wrote that it was his tarp and that it was a good idea to make the boat he keeps he keeps claiming his tarp and it's half the original fucking tent so it's a random idea whether it's his top or the other guys fucking top he loves he loves his tarp so on the other side of the river once again it was super awkward they continue hey hi you good yeah I just I mean I were you here there was a crazy

guy on the other side of the river just screaming shit haha very funny I know I went a little crazy sorry I just wanted to see you well I'm sorry did you say sorry yeah I'm sorry whatever what fucked up or whatever it's like I should like hmm dude my tarp got us like mostly you know so I'm relive it or whatever you lost weight skinny yeah they continue south they were now exhausted their clothes were wearing out and the bulls were struggling they shot a few kangaroos and caught a broga sure which is a crane type bird that they I do not believe it it was a liar bird I'm a broga shit I'm running out of shit I really am I'm

I'm not a fucking lies. You told me you were a dog! A rough, rough, rough, rough, rough! Ah! Ah! Wax tail, wax tail, hmm? Ah! Ah!

Around this time, they became aware of the Aboriginal fires that were burning on both sides of them. Hume was actually using Aboriginal tracks and abandoned campsites to guide the men. On the 24th of November, a hobble decided all the river, river waterways they had been crossing

flowed to an inland sea. Ah! Okay. Which was a common theory on the continent at the time and he wrote about it in his diary. Hume thought it was bullshit because the Aboriginal people had never told him anything about an inland river and they would fucking know.

Oh, by the way, spoilers. It's bullshit. Does not exist, even though- You guys just haven't found it. Yeah, well, you know what? I don't know if this is in your fucking story, but like there's some people who still believe that there it is there.

Like there's popular radio hosts who put out the idea. There's a guy called Alan Jones from Sydney who talks a few years ago about, we've just got to find that inland sea and we'll be fucking fine. Well, you gotta be careful. You'll fall off the earth. It's flat.

Go too far. I don't even. Those people need to just go try. Go for it, go. Be away of fitting the hurt a little. At the Buffalo River, Hume's horse fell on its back in the water and ruined most of the flower. It was carried-

It's not the horse river. I mean, what do you expect? The hunting dogs were now exhausted or wounded in two a week to bring down kangaroos. On Monday, December 6th, they went through a bush that was so thick they couldn't see more than 10 meters ahead. That night, they were exhausted.

So Hobble rewarded the convicts with a nip of brandy, which made them incredibly thirsty. That's before they knew alcohol dehydrated, huh? They spent the night being attacked by leeches and flies. The next morning, Hume tripped on a log falling on a jagged branch that went into his groin. Oh, well, for me, that's what I'm like. All right, no, we can go back.

He was in so much pain that they had to stop. He named the peak they were on, Mount Disappointment. It's... I mean, it's good to know that he still had a sense of humor, you know? Yes, well, and he's still being fairly polite. You could easily just call it, like, Mount Armables! Oh, you're talking about that?

Yes! Oh, you're talking about the famous mountain... Oh, Minazza. Mount... Oof, my dick! So they had to wait five days for his balls to get better. Oh, my God! All right, I'm going to go check on his balls real quick. How are your balls, bud? You know, they only got Hobble's rotting in his diary.

They only got bitter when I wrapped them in my tarp. I created a tarp-like scrotum for him. And I got Tomboy to hold it on the journey. Oh, Jesus Christ, I'd loved it. I am not sleeping under the tarp! Can you see how much it smells? See, fuck. Can you see how much it smells?

I can't believe. Fucking jet lag. Oh, no, on this side of the equator, you can see smells. It's different here. Yeah, but we smell sides. That's some buzz knowledge. The statue of Liberty! So now their food was almost gone.

One morning, Hume went scouting ahead. And when he came back, he found that Hobble had started a rebellion. What? Him? Hume was furious. Hobble had destroyed the last of the group's morale. Like, he left him for a couple hours and he came back. Now everyone's Hobble. Everyone say, okay.

Hume wrote, quote, I found a strong disinclination among the men to proceed further. While I was trying to reason with them, Mr. Hobble stood aloof and mute. Hume did everything he could, showing them the map, explaining how far they had come. And he finally convinced them, but promised if they didn't reach the south coast in the next three days,

they would give up and go home. Okay. So Hume did everything, I'm sorry, Hume was scouting ahead when he started to feel the ground was sloping south. He cheered and the men came to meet him, except for Hobble who was fixing the pram because Claude had run it into a rock.

According to Hobble's diary. I'd love to get in my hands on Claude's diary. Fucking Hobble. That is how you want to see him though. Late being like, one of the wheels is off. I hate it. Stupid odometer. Hobble eventually joined them.

Even the stubborn idiot could see Hume was right. They were heading down to the coast. The next day it was all downhill. Hume said he could see water and Hobble ridiculed him. The pram finally completely broke and Claude threw it away. They named its resting place Mount Odometer. God. Now you're just making shit up.

That's not true. Is there really a Mount Odometer? That's what it said in this book. Mount Odometer? Okay. All right. Creative, I vote for it. The next day they came across an aboriginal campsite

with oyster shells lying around it. Okay. Hume picked one up, looked at Hobble, and said something to the effect of, so where did these come from? And Hobble replied, from the sea of course. Duh. Duh.

They washed up. What are you, stupid? Hey, this guy's pretty stupid. Do you hear what he just asked about the shells? He asked where it came from. Obviously the sea. I can't believe I used to have a full temp with this guy. I'm so much better off now than I'm playing the field

as far as tent mates. You know what I mean. The next day, December 16th, they made the coast. They camped and ate fish, Hume and Hobble cut a large H into the only big tree in the area. Hobble never mentioned in his journal the success of reaching the coast just as worries about getting back. Wait, the H is adorable.

I love the fact that they've got there and they fucking tagged the place. Yeah, but they also were like, let's not say who it stands for. Yeah, one H. Better. That's better for us. That night Fitzpatrick is away from the group

shooting ducks when he was attacked by Aborigines with spears. He ran. Hearing his screams, Hume rushed to help with his gun and chased them off. Hobble never moved the whole time. I'll watch the pan. Later, Hume went to find them to talk to them about the local area. So he shoots at these guys and he goes, I just talked.

I had to go talk to him about it. And they were totally cool. Sorry. And then he even brought some of them back to the camp, which Hobble was very upset about. We don't have enough tarps. And he wrote disapprovingly of Hume's familiarity with the Aboriginal people.

Hume compared the land with descriptions made by Matthew Flinders and concluded they were in Port Phillip, which is here. Hobble fiddled with his compass, looked at the sun, and claimed they were at Western Port, which is what Governor Brisbane's objective had been. Hume pointed out the lack of any big islands or small penguins. Look, we're here, OK?

Hobble was chief navigator, so it was Western Port. Hume would turn out to be right. Chief navigator Hobble was, as usual, wrong. Hume wanted to survey the area for future settlement, but Hobble wanted to go home. They couldn't walk for all this time, and they get there and are like, well, let's hang out here and eat fish,

and we'll explore it. No, I'm done here. No. No, whatever. Have fun. Have your fun. I'm taking the pram wheel and half of a tarp. Quarter.

Now the quarter tarp. Whatever it is. I don't need you. OK? Fine before Hume, I'll be fine after you. I'll just go get a bunch of tents and saddles. So on December, I'm right here still. I thought I left.

No. OK. Yeah, nothing's happened. I just get so crazy sometimes. Don't go through my journal. So on December 18th, after just two days on the coast, they headed back north. Hume used what he learned from the Aboriginal people

they met to take an easier path. The next day, they heard a cannon firing off the coast. OK. It was a ship. What else? Yeah. It was a cannon, a rogue cannon. It was a lyrebird.

So it's flying by. We're dogs. What are they? We're dogs. We're dogs. All I see is birds. We're dogs, not birds. We got this shit.

We are birds. So they hear the ship. Hume wanted to go back and find the ship. And everyone agreed, except Hovel, who argued and debated and started switching everyone's opinion. Jesus. Hume was eventually outvoted. Things got awkward again.

Hovel and Hume. Here's the thing I will say, though, because we're clearly on Hume's side, but you've got to admire that Hovel obviously has some persuasion because as soon as Hume's out of the room, Hovel is able to fucking turn the rest of the crew. Oh, he's bullshit. Everything's bullshit. Right. You've got to admire that a little bit.

He's the little finger of this situation. He's also the best antagonist. I mean, he's just fitting. He fits the shithead role. I mean, he is. He's like the bad guy in Karate Kid. He's like, no, you're wrong. I'm right. Sweep the leg.

Sweep the leg. Sweep the leg. You know, he said he named the river after his dad, but we all know he named it after himself. Yeah, you are kind of right. And that H in a tree, you think that stands for me? That's all Hume. Nightmare.

And his half of the tarp was terrible. Oh, terrible. Even case. No tarp. Name one thing his half of the tarp did. Name one thing, okay? Think you'll find it didn't do anything. It was my tarp.

I think it did four things, if memory serves. I think it did four things, or three or four things. A couple of rivers, a squirtum. Yeah. Three or four things. Remember when I made the tarp ball back for him? Made one out. So now, Hubble and Hume are only speaking when necessary.

The group started the 700 kilometer trek back to Sydney. They killed the bull that was struggling the most, and soon the journey became desperate. They ate their last beef on Christmas Eve, and then went on a no-food diet. Isn't that diet called starving? Yeah. Right.

It's interesting. Hume kept morale high. He was a great leader. Hubble spent his time complaining to his journal. You're the only one who gets me, me. Hume pushed the band to go 30 kilometers a day. Their clothes started falling off in the baking heat. Oh, my God.

That's hot. Yeah. Oh, shit. My pants melted. All right. I'm going to daffy duck it for a little while, gang. I don't know what to tell you. This is me now.

Wish my shirt went first. That's kind of a buccaneer look, but here I am just porcupigging my way through the bush. Don't. Over here. It's so weird that he just doesn't have pants on any time. Come on, guys. Figure it out.

Pull this shirt down a little bit. Cover up my tarp nuts. That was the name of the book he wrote, tarp nuts. I guess it has two meanings. Top nuts, the great Australian hovel. Hume met another group of aborigines on the way to learn easier routes. He built such good relations with them that his men were invited to visit their camp where they were treated as honored guests.

Hovel, however, declined the invitation and went north with his three convicts, including Boyd, who was very disappointed. I feel like Tom Boyd is the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of this story. I would love just to see a whole thing about Tom Boyd. And the way he gets, like, when your parents call you in, he's just like, oh, hovel said, oh, we gotta go again, so. All right. Anyway.

I'm probably gonna die, because he's such a fucking idiot, but at least my leader has pants on. He wrote a book. It was just calling, fuck. With eight U's. So hovel then got lost again. Hume eventually had to find him. They had run out of ammunition and the dogs.

How many times are we gonna do this? I miss us. They had run out of ammunition and the dogs were now useless. Each man had three kilos of flour to last them 220 kilometers. Their shoes were worn through and they were starting to hobble. And then they remembered they left a bunch of gear by the first big river with the carts and a barrel of salt pork. Hume took them to find it.

Wait, but the salted pork didn't make it in the what we need to go on category? Well, that's a barrel. Still, I mean, I would, how many saddles came? Well, they figured on the way they'd eat a bunch of meat that was out there. And how the fuck do you have to remember that? That'd be the first thing. You'd be like, we've got a barrel of pork. Let's go get this.

I just remembered we can live. Just dawned on me. Existence can continue. Oh, shit. Whoo. Hopefully I got some pants there because I am a weirdo. I'm like your dad on Father's Day all the time. I don't know what's going on.

I mean, it was the first example of somebody pork barreling a regional area in Australia. Oh, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I had a moment. Sorry, try to get political. I don't know what that means. Hume took them east to find it. And for once, Abel did not argue. They struggled for six days before reaching the supplies.

At this point, three of the convicts were basically walking skeletons. Claude was one of them. He was now naked and had to be carried. But I knew that was skeletons because I had those skeleton shots. Yeah, you know how. Oh, my God, he looks like the trouts. Thank God we fucking brought these. Now we know what you're going to look like.

This. Who's carrying Claude? My guess is not. No. So they ate the salt pork and had a boost in energy and morale. So then hobble decided to ruin everyone's fun by demanding Boyd and Bollard stay behind and put together his cart. And to use the bowls to drag it back to Sydney.

What? Hume simply left his cart behind. Yeah, I mean, who get like what? Yeah. What a dick. He wants his cart. He was going to die. He paid for it.

Now I need my stuff too. On Tuesday, January. Get that half the frying pan as well. That's mine. On Tuesday, January 18th, they reached Hume's southern property. They had made it. January 24th, Boyd and Bollard arrived with hobble's cart. Six days later.

At age 26, Hamilton Hume had done the impossible. He gave the colony hope of expansion into new lands. The only life lost was one dog and a bull. Hume and hobble agreed they would go to Sydney together to tell the governor about their success. The day before they were supposed to leave, hobble said he had to do some business. Here we go. What a bastard.

What an asshole. I'm excited for tomorrow though. Ready to cross the T's and dot the I's on this other appointment that I have. And then I'll be back to talking about this. Nothing suspicious to do. What do you think? I'm up to something? We shared a tent.

Come on. Come on. Anyway, if I could just get tomboyed and clawed, I'd be here please. No, no. Come with me Claude. I'm so cold. Yeah, you are. We'll just call you cold from now on.

Get over here. There you go. Claude's now cold. Yep. So he says he has a meeting in the next town and then he would meet Hume there the next day and they would go to Sydney together. But when Hume got to the meeting place the next day, he learned hobble had already left for Sydney.

What? Shocked. Shocking. Hume was furious and wrote after him as quick... It's fine. It's just in the weird old school ring. That's the problem. I just picture someone actually with a phone.

It feels like hobble. It feels like hobble. That was hobble ringing Hume. Bad news, dickhead. I didn't have another appointment at all. And the weird thing is a lot of you were like, the phone wasn't invented then but the trick was it was actually a bird pretending to be a phone. While I just got off the phone with Hume, he was sounding like a bird again.

He just kept saying, I'm a dog, I'm a dog. I know it's him. So Hume manages to catch up with hobble and they had a very awkward ride to Sydney together. Yes. Yes. Hey, remember that time you said you were going to do some business and then took off to Sydney? Yeah.

Yeah. That was today. I know. How much longer is the ride, do you think? Is it a lot longer? Yeah. Anderson? I didn't know he rode public transit like us.

Why the fuck is he standing up in a Miata? Hume had already sent word to the governor of their success but did not mention how big of an asshole hobble had been. When they returned the government supplied equipment to the colony store, officials complained that some of the equipment had worn out. Once in Sydney, hobble got to work trying to take credit. He tried to use his upperclass contacts to gain a private audience with the governor. He uses contacts at the Australian newspaper to emphasize his role in the expedition with

the publications putting hobble's name first and referring to quote Mr. Hobble and his party. That's weird because that's the only time in the history of the Australian newspaper it's been used for fake news. One description of the journey made hobble seem like an expert bushman and navigator and gave warnings from him that the country was impassable. Hume wrote replies to the paper saying the country was not impassable and that he bet any man 500 pounds he could take a horse and cart down to the south coast. No one took him up on the bed.

One of the expedition group anonymously wrote a letter. Had it not been for the perseverance and abilities of Mr. Hume, the object of the journey would have been accomplished. We regret much that Mr. Hume allowed such a person as Mr. Hobble who possessed such poor abilities as an explorer to be part of the party. Hang on, they're blaming Hume for hobble? No, they're just saying hobble is the worst. Another newspaper jumped in and questioned why Hume sent a letter to the governor that

didn't refer to hobble enough. The paper implied Hume's status as a white native currency lad meant hobble deserved more respect. Hobble then retreated from public view knowing the convicts would back Hume's side of the story. Hume was given more land and in 1826 the new governor Ralph Darling wanted to settle the south coast to keep it from the French and he wanted Hume to go and survey it. But Hume passed.

So Darling turned to hobble. Oh yes. Hume then agreed to go. He can't resist him. Oh my God. Such a love-hate relationship. What is going on? We're traveling together, although this time...

Why the fuck? Why? What is... Why? This is like the reunion sequel of fucking Will and Grace, like there's a Netflix reboot? What the fuck's going on? He couldn't let him go alone because then he would go down there and just fucking lie about everything they had done, so he had to go with him.

Okay, so it's a spite trip? It's not even a spite trip, it's just save the truth trip. Hume's going to fucking lie his ass off and Hume's going to try to stop him. Yeah, but you've got to think that Hume's got to, like, I mean, he's hate exploring a little. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's true, yeah.

Right? Yep. He's like, he likes it a bit. Yeah, he likes the drama. I can't really get off exploring unless hobble's there fucking bombing out my vibe, you know? I mean it was kind of fun. He's like a guy who needs to strangle himself to get off when he masturbates. It's like I like exploring, but it's not a challenge if there's not like a guy fucking

it up at every opportunity. I need to know I could die. I need my Costanza. Like... So this time, this time they went by boat. Two frying pans? What are the adjustments? They're on a boat.

Okay. They landed at Western Port, which is like how white until they have an argument and cut it in half. So they landed at Western Port, which is the area hobble believed they reached on the expedition. It wasn't. They fired cannons and declared it for Britain. They slowly realized they were in the wrong area. Hobble had clearly led them to the wrong place, and he refused to admit it.

He insisted they set up a settlement there, which they did. Okay. They were just pretending. That's fun. They're playing house. So hobble received a thousand acres of land for his efforts. Cool. Not finding it properly?

He complained it was not enough. Okay. Sure. Well, he thinks he did find it. Does he? Yeah. He really does. No, he can't.

Yeah. I don't think he does. I think he's just like out of his mind. So he's like, it is everyone's smile. Him on the other hand was very helpful in 1827, he set off to find an easier route over the Blue Mountains after a month he came back and said he had found several routes. He was rewarded with 1,000 acres of land. The settlement hobble had pushed to be set up at the wrong location failed after two

years. One official wrote, quote, nothing could have been less satisfactory than the information obtained from Mr. Hobble. What just happened? Sorry. What was that? That little thing just dropped on you. It looked like a moth, but I believe it was a bird in disguise.

I'm a moth. I'm dead. It's not out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't want to stop. It's like dropped on your pants. It's trying to be professional. Yeah, I know. I didn't want to talk about it either, but it was super weird. Yep.

You know a show is going well when a dead moth falls from the sky. The moth is like, God, how long is this? I give up not using my wings. I'm going away from the light away. Fuck everything. So quote, nothing could have been less satisfactory than the information obtained by Mr. Hobble. Okay, right. He began turning down offers of expeditions to focus on his property.

He was now breeding sheep, which would become the best sheep in the colony. One of the trips he turned down was an 1830 expedition following the Darling River South. On that trip, explorer Sturt found a great river, which he called the Murray. This was actually the Hume River, already discovered, and named Hume. Okay. Yeah, but it was off the Sturtstead Murray. So Sturt second discovered it, and from now on it'll be known as the Murray. That's called Christopher Columbus-ing a river.

Years later in 1853, Hume was a hugely successful farmer. That's when Hobble started making public appearances, recounting the famous expedition in 1824. He bragged about what he had done, and his version quickly became the accepted story. Oh my God, this is like in sync, getting back together without Justin Timberlake. Yeah. Hume was pissed. In December 1853, Hobble held a meeting in Melbourne and took credit for the whole expedition.

He even took a group to a place he claimed was the end point of the expedition, which it obviously wasn't. Hume was livid, though none of it turned out to be true. Hobble had never taken full credit in his speech. Hume had never written about the expedition, but now he decided to write an account of the journey called A Brief Statement of Facts in Connection with an Overland Expedition from Lake George to Port Phillip in 1824. Catchy.

The other working title was Hume Dare's Wins. I was going to call it, I'm going Hume. Hume is where the heart is, and Hobble is the cunt. I've got a whole bunch of ideas. Tom Boyd picked the wrong side, I've got a lot of working titles. My bottomless journey. My bit of the top was fine too, my story by Hume. How frying pans work?

My way or the highway. So it took Hume a year to write the book. He reached out to Boyd, Angel, and Fitzpatrick who all backed him. They were now respectable members of society, and that gave their accounts more weight. Hume's book was published in 1855. Hume politically criticized Hobble, but the ex-convicts didn't hold back, oh sorry, politely criticized Hobble, but the convicts did not hold back. They depicted Hobble as a coward and a liability.

Boyd wrote, but for Mr. Hume, we would never have come back at all. We would have died in the bush had we depended on Mr. Hobble. Hume made sure people realized that Hobble's mistaking western port for Port Phillip had delayed the establishment of Melbourne for a decade. It's quite a legacy. Yeah. Hobble thought that his status as a sterling Britain would protect him from attacks by a native currency lad, but it wasn't.

His great name was being soiled by social inferiors, and he was horrified. He wrote to Hume immediately after the book was published. There is one passage that compels me to take immediate notice of it. On page 17, and in Henry Angel's statement, are the words, Mr. Hume got in a passion, and I think called both Mr. Hobble and Claude Basawa cowards. In order that there may be no ambiguity on the subject, I want now, sir, an immediate answer from you whether or not you did apply the word coward to me. This was basically an invitation to a duel.

Okay. Hume replied, quote, and replied to your last paragraph referring to Angel's statement in which he says he thinks I called both you and Claude cowards, he may be right. Cool. Hobble being hobble did not challenge him to a duel. Okay, just wanted to, you're good? How are you? You're good?

Okay. No, I was just trying to make sure. I'll meet you at six for a duel. I'm in Galvin. But he did accuse Hume of... I miss us. He did accuse Hume of mendacious innuendos and cooked sentences. Hobble published two pamphlets, replied to a brief statement of facts and connection...

Reply to a brief statement of facts and connection with an overland expression for expectation for late George. Imagine if he knew what titles were. But also, what I love is mendacious, what was the fucking prize? Mendacious innuendos. That was like the old way of a fancy way of saying fake news. Yeah. Yeah.

Essentially, he's just saying fake news. Like, mendacious innuendos. That's what we should switch to. Yeah. Well, no, that's mendacious innuendo. That is another mendacious innuendos. I never said that. I don't talk like that.

That's a mendacious innuendo. CNN is full of mendacious innuendos. I only do Fox News because they have less mendacious innuendos. So what am I going to do? What am I supposed to do? You know? I'm forcing the Post New York Times failing mendacious. Who are you doing?

I don't know. Nobody. Nobody. Because it seems like you're doing... No, just a guy. A random guy. Somebody who maybe needs to talk to a therapist, but I don't know. It's not a person.

I think you're crazy for thinking that's someone specific. The other pamphlet was titled, an answer to the preface to the second edition of Mr. Hamilton Hume's A Brief Statement of Facts. Longer than the pamphlet. Let me just tell me the sequel's name again. An answer to the preface to the second edition of Mr. Hamilton Hume's A Brief Statement of Facts. No.

I mean, it just should be mendacious innuendo too, mendacia innuendo. But the narrative then turned against Hubble, and he was now referred to in newspapers as having, quote, accompanied Hume on the expedition and not a very good Bushman. Hume became ill in 1865. He started drinking and lost some of his property, and he died on his property named Hume Wood on April after his dad. Mr. Wood. He died April 1873, 75 years old.

For most of the 20th century. 75? 75. Pretty solid. Okay, that's not bad. For back then. It really isn't. It was hate small back then.

Yeah, that was hate small back then. For most of the 20th century. It's like 150 now. Yeah. Yeah. For most of the 20th century, school kids in Australia were taught that Hubble played a defining role in the 1824 expedition. He was actually just shit.

Hubble died a wealthy farmer on November 9th, 1875, so just like a few months after Hume. Hubble mistaking western port for Port Phillip delayed the establishment of Melbourne for a decade. That was his claim to fame. I think the lesson that we learned from this is keep a diary. Yep. Just inflate yourself. Yep.

Yeah, saved an old woman from drowning today. Another day in the life of me, I guess, while you're just sitting there bottomless with a shirt on eating pizza. Well, took a bullet for a man today. Oh, I never, I never, I forgot. So they never got pants again. I left that out. Oh, they spent the rest of their life without pants?

Yeah. It's a good look though. I think that's a look everybody wants. But every time people saw them, they're like, oh, you're the expedition guy. I was, I was. What? What? Really getting burned up out here.

My legs are sore. Yeah, you can actually put pants on. Hmm? Yeah, we don't need pants. We need shirts and booties. In the top hat, good day, sir, to you. Flick my tails in your direction. Off I go.

Genitals aimed. It's actually the name of my book, Genitals Aimed. Well, it's actually a response letter to the initial perception of the idea that genitals are something that you are having exposed if you don't have pants on, a preface to the version that will be released. You think about it. Who is sad that their friend brought them? Hugh?

And that'll do it. Thank you guys so much for coming out. Thank you. Thank you to Will Anderson. We appreciate it very much, guys. Thank you. That was close.