The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 303 - The Crutchy Push (Live in Adelaide)

Episode Date: November 21, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine one of Sydney's toughest gangs. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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listening to the dollop. This is a bi-weekly American History podcast once a week. I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Sir. Okay. Let's do one about chlamydia. Why not? We're not sure. Maybe now is a good time to talk about show shouting. Yeah. Our new favorite announcement. Don't do it. This show is brought to you by no shouts. No shouts. Come on, shut up. You're supposed to do it. What? Say the fucking date. Any date? Sure, it doesn't matter to me. October 24th, 2017. Yeah, let's do this one.

I'm supposed to shout a date? Yeah. October 24th, 2017. No, not today's date. The date. The date. Of this. What does it, what's the first thing it says at the top of here? Besides that title that'll probably not help. Did you see that? I can't see what the title is now. Oh Jesus, relax. I'm not cheating. I'm not, I have no interest in cheating at this point. Did you guys see he almost just ruined the podcast? You guys saw that, right? You know, monkeys got wandering eyes. April 28th, 1878. Valentine Thomas Keating was born at home to Irish immigrant parents. Okay. Thomas and Bridget Keating in Chinatown, Melbourne. Oh, it's Australian.

Valentine Hanwood brother, Thomas. How old was he when he died? Why? Just let this family live in peace. And he had three sisters, Catherine, Hannah, and Nora May. Okay. Plus one, one brother and sister that both died as infants. Right. There it is. Okay, as long as we're hitting the marks. Got a couple always got to go, guys. Couple, the 1800s. Don't get too attached. Yeah. One's gonna start coughing and you're gonna be like, eat its heart. Let's end this. If there's ever is time travel, just don't. Not a good. You should name them till they're two. Yeah. In the 1800s. Yeah. There's no reason to. Just count them off. Yeah. And then when

they hit two, you're like naming ceremony time. All right. Someone's getting a name today. Look at you, you little fighter. We're gonna call him champ. We know almost nothing about Valentine Keating's childhood. Probably not great though. His father drank a lot. And when Valentine was 11 year old, his mother was jailed for six weeks for running a sly grog shop. Sly grog? Selling unless unlicensed. Right. So she's just street groggin. Street groggin. Right. Street groggin it up. Yeah. Oh, you. What's that? You thirsty, mate? Don't look at me. Are you thirsty? Valentine was missing. Tough day at the grog sly. Valentine was missing his right leg above the

knee. Sure. And used a crutch. Wait, his right leg above the knee? So he just sort of had a weird missing part? No. No, no. Maybe I said that incorrectly. I meant like from right above the knee. Down. Down. Okay. Down. Not up. Makes more sense because I'm like. Yeah. It's fucked up if it's the other way. Yeah. Well, in that day and age, it was just like you had a squirrel between. You're like, stay there, squarely. Look at me. I'm jogging again. He used a crutch. Makes sense. He may have been born that way, but we know for sure that the leg was definitely gone by the time he was 12. Okay. Well, we'll take it. That was the age Valentine was first arrested. Okay. Was he out legless? He's

half-legging around. Yeah, sure. From the North Melbourne advertiser, quote, Valentine Keating, a boy 12 years of age and a cripple. Okay. Was charged with unlawfully assaulting Ah-Hung. That's a name. Ah-Hung? He's pretty hung. Yeah. Okay. Ah-Hung. That's how they say it. That's how they say it in the brothel. Ah. Oh. He's got a slow name. Sure. So Ah-Hung was walking on the street and then Valentine walked up and hit him in the face with his crutch. Sure. Okay. What was he arrested for? I know, so far it's fine. Valentine claimed self-defense. He said Ah-Hung had attacked him with a bamboo pole. It was a different time. Okay. Sure. All Asian people had bamboo poles. Right. And you got a guy crutching

it. And he's crutching it around town. Okay. Valentine was found guilty and fined. Okay. The next year, Valentine's mother was in trouble. A warrant was put out for her arrest after she allegedly stole from the woman who employed her as a servant. Okay. She took, quote, a brown cashmere skirt, a loose-fitting dress, a white apron, a Holland apron, and a black hat, not trimmed. A Holland apron? Yep. It's from Holland. You just keep joints in it? What's the difference between a regular apron and a Holland apron? One can handle... One's better for... It was orange. Yes. And... Orange. It's good for wet. Go ahead. The newspaper gave a description of Bridget Keating, his mother, five feet, five inches tall, stout

build, dark complexion, wears maroon dresses. Oh, boy. Someone's a troublemaker. You're talking to salmon pants, so... Other times, she wears a white dress and a straw hat, walks lame on right leg. So it's genetic. Well, she still has leg, but she's moving sideways or whatever. She can't. Like, if she... She just goes in a circle. Oh. Gotcha. So... I'm just guessing. Sure. We all are. In 1892, when she was 14, when he was 14, Valentine and his six-year-old brother, Thomas, were picked up by the police. What is this? Okay. What is this, six-year-old? Okay, what happened? You know, six-year-olds back then, it's like a 20-year-old today. Yeah. Just tagging with finger paint, daring his friends to drink

weird drinks. Yeah. Weird drinks? Go ahead. Police who, quote, found them begging and selling matches in Collins Street. Boy, what a great time. Fire was so... Selling matches. I would buy matches from a six-year-old today. So mom's Sly Grogging, and he's match-dealing. Mom's Sly Grogging, one, the older brother, doesn't have a leg thing, and then the little guy is selling matches. Right. Okay. Cool. Sounds like a... And mom has a bad leg and dad drinks. That's what we call now an entrepreneurial family. They were police reported to the court that the boy's father was a drunkard. Okay. Then they turned them over to the Royal Park Boys Receiving Depot. Sure. That's a fucked up thing. For you, throw boys. If you have

a receiving depot for boys, your whole situation is fucked up. Like the whole country... A receiving depot for boys. Go ahead and just... Bring him in. Just go ahead. Got a lot of boys. Go ahead and drop them. Got a lot of boys. All right. See you tomorrow. All right. That's a load of boys, huh? Look at the boys, huh? So they have a depot for boys. That was Victoria's Government Run Center for Criminal and Neglected Children. Sure. That's a better title. Yeah. Then boy depot. I like boy... Well, boy depot in the movies is pretty gay, but it's great, but it's about something else. I haven't seen it. I'm not sure why I brought up... Why weren't you taking a bath earlier? Were you watching boy depot? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. So after four months, Valentin and three other boys escaped from the center. Okay. Valentin was now free to pursue his chosen larrican lifestyle. His larrican? You will get to it. Okay. And then his brother was released after five months and went back to dad. Okay. The late 1800s to early 1900s was a heyday of larracans in Australia. That's weird, right? Yeah. I mean, a couple people seem... What the fuck is a larracan? A what? Larracan. Larracan. Larracan. K. Larracan. Yeah. Okay. What are any of them? Well, they've changed it around a little bit, but they used to be real fucking assholes. Okay. But now they act like they're fun scams. They're still around. Well, they call people. It's an Australian term. It's an affectionate term

now, like a rascal or a scamp kind of fellow. But in the late 1800s, it was more brutal, similar to a biker gang today in America. Okay. Okay. I think rascal and scamps used to be worse, too. Like if you were a rascal back then, they were like, he's a murderer. He's a rascal. Stab his mom in the face. What a scamp. It's a scamp. What are you going to do, these kids? He's a little rascal. Wanted for two murders. Yeah. He's just as like, ooh, grow up. He's adorable though. You will love him. Killed 42 people. What a scamp. What a little rascal. So larracans were generally young and not hardcore criminals. They focused mostly on petty theft, vandalism, and insulting behavior. Okay. I like that niche. Although there were some that were very bad. Okay. They annoyed

customers in busy shopping areas and storm pubs and shops to steal drinks, food, and clothing. Okay. It's a nice move. A key character. We're naked. Give it to us. I forgot to mention they were naked. He always do, Dave. A key characteristic of a larracan was contempt for authority. Okay. They always fought the cops when an attempted arrest was going on. Okay. Like it. Yep. Larracans were from the slums, but they dressed pretty fucking sweet. Well, they were stealing all the good clothes. Their style originated in Spain. And from Spain, that style went to Mexico and then to California. And from California, it was brought to Australia by the gold diggers of the 1850s. Okay. Okay. Larracans wore coats tailored with tight waist and velvet collars. All right. Their coats

were often decorated with pearl buttons and braid. Like it. Their trousers were an extreme version of bell bottoms. No, sorry. Bell bottoms are an extreme version of pants. What's an extreme version of bell bottoms? These are tents. Let's go. I saw drawings on them. They're super tight. Then they just go, they just fucking come straight out. That's where the six year old comes out and sells matches from. That's how you slide Grog it. You hide mom. She's five foot five under there. One gimpy leg. All of a sudden a couple of Grog comes out underneath that bell bottom. What's happening? I'm not sure. They wore black hats often with wide brims and bright silk ties. Okay. Their boots had high heels and were buttoned up at the calf. And they had pointed toes. So what's

Valentine doing as far as? Oh, he's got one. Okay, right. He just needs to find a buddy that's got the other leg. Right. And then their team. Right. Okay. The toe cap of the boot often had a photograph of the Larracans girlfriend on it. Whoa. That is what an honor. Huh, ladies. I mean, good Lord. Imagine who needs a Facebook status changed if I'm on his shoe. So pretty serious. I think I'm hearing wedding bells. He put me on his weird boot finally. It's official. It'd be so amazing if Australian still did that. Yeah. We should be the best thing ever. I miss her. It ain't easy being on the road, but I miss her. Actually, a little turned on by her. What's that? Huh? Get out of my pant leg for a minute. I got something to do. Hurry, my legs hurt. Some

Larracans grew their hair down to their collars and often had small mustaches and smoked stumpy clay pipes. Not gonna lie. Loving the look of them. Yeah, loving them. They're Donnas, which is what they called their girlfriends, were bright colors often in crazy combinations. Their hats featured ostrich feathers and they wore plush velvet jackets. They had short skirts to show off their elaborate high lace up boots and feather boas were very fashionable and some Donnas carried a small parasol for style and also to use in a fight as a lance. Love it. Smart. It's not raining. Get out of here. Most Larracans belong to pushes. Boy, we are terminology heavy. Gotta get deep into it. These guys all know. What are the pushes? You are the one learning.

I'm learning. Before World War II, Melbourne had street gangs of Larracans, which were known as pushes and Sydney, the term, the talent was used often instead of a push. What's a push? You'd be like, this is my talent to be a bunch of dudes and then they'd answer something. Wait, no, sorry, no. I'm gonna need to treat you like the boy depot back up. I might be adding things that aren't true. Okay, so the talent, what is the talent? The talent is a group. It's a gang. It's a bunch of dudes. That's what you call your group. You're like a hotel. If we went out, as we do, and like, so if me and Fosdyk and his friend Dave go out tonight and then I introduce, I behave, I'm Dave and this is the talent. Okay, why in this hypothetical situation am I cut out? No,

you're there. You're part of the talent. You didn't mention me. Didn't need to, I thought. I didn't realize you were considering going back to the hotel. The bath's drawn. Some pushes had fantastic names. That's always a good start. The Fitzroy murderers. So they went a bunch of rascals. Yeah, those guys went straight for it. They didn't really fuck around with that name. Sure. The battle ridge push. The Devil's 13. The Montag flying squadron. There we go. We've got a winner. Ring the bell, someone. We've got a winner. The coffin mob. Okay. Many push names referred to where the gang members lived. The Waterloo push. The Gips Street push. The Greenwich 40. Pushes were often around a common interest like fans of Sydney prize fighter Chris Dunn were members of

the Cow Lane push. Butcher's apprentices formed the Livers push. Stay away from the Livers push. They just throw Livers at you. And the Blood Reds. Give me the flying one again just because I think the Montag flying squadron is a great group. They seem pretty fancy. Were they were were they capable of flight? I don't think so. No, it's a weird name. Then maybe they jumped off. Well, then the jumping the jumpers depends how you look at it like they probably unless they use those maybe you should let them dream a little bit. I like to let people dream from America. And then there was the crutchy push. Feels like I might go back to the hotel. I'm guessing. Go ahead. The crutchy push was named so because it's leader George renegiel renegiel reginal. Whoops. I like

renegiel. Well, sounds like a gel I'd make someone should have left. I should have probably put an N in there when I wrote it. Sure. Reg short for reg. That's what they call them hill. He had one leg and used a crutch to get around. Well, his options were limited. The crutchy push originally consisted of not used to it yet. Originally consisted of only members who are missing a limb, but eventually they admitted some four limbed men to that's nice. That's nice. That's nice. At its height, the crutchy push contained 20 to 30 members. Maybe half of whom had one leg. Okay. Plus a one armed guy who kept a rock in his sewn up empty sleeve. He would lead his push into battle swinging his weighted sleeve around his head. So he kind of tied the jacket off and then just had

this weird sort of rock thumper. They fucking do the chicken wing to get it moving. I mean, that's like you're dropped in the middle of nature and have no idea how to do battle. When that guy starts swinging, you're like, I've never seen this. What's my play? All right, boys, let's get the party started. Finish him. Fuck, that was good. Alibaba fight, swinger. Pardon? Swinger. Right. Yeah. Put it there. Oh, wait. Sorry. Put it in my hand. You don't have a hand. I've got the one. They weren't the largest push, but the crutchies were the most violent. Wow. I guess you got to make up for a deficit, though, in a way. Truly. Like I feel like you got to like, step it up. Yeah. They can't necessarily step it up. But you do, you go like you go crazy. You don't know karate, but you know

crazy. Yeah, they and they and they probably had a little bit of anger because you weren't treated great. Oh, like now, like now when you're treated awesome for having one leg. No, when you have total rights. But back then, yeah, you had one leg, you got treated like fucking garbage. They're like, well, you're not a person. So they probably they formed a gang and they were mean as fuck. Anyone who underestimated the danger of a crutchie based on his handicap was in for a shock. They would balance on one leg and jab their opponent in the midsection with the tip of their crutch. Jesus, that is a power move. Truly a crutch is a stronger it's stronger than a limb. Oh, no, it's a serious. You have a constant weapon near you. Well, I don't know if it's stronger than a limb. But

I mean, you could do more damp like you got distance farther away. You can hit the guy pretty good. So they would hit the guy in them in the midsection. And then while the guy gas for breath, they would spin the crutch around and beat him with the other end. Jesus Christ, the armrest end, which was basically a club. Well, and I think you also like you picture like crutches nowadays, like there's a lot of comfort. We are talking about at bat. Yeah, there's no foam back there. Christ, it's just would be eating a man with wood. Essentially, okay, God intended. 15 year old one legged Valentine Keating joined up. Valentine, Valentine, I don't know, Valentine was good looking about five foot nine had dark hair and dark eyes. He started to pop up often in police

gazettes alongside other crutchy push members on charges of riotous behavior, willful damage, obscene language and resisting the police. Okay. Newspaper articles warned of the danger. Some titles quote the cripple terror. I feel like we're going to hear that again in America at some point. Some propagandist move, the new enemy. Yeah, they took our jobs. Yeah. The larrican outrage. The larrican outrage. Yeah, they have every headline better end in an exclamation point. Otherwise, yeah, okay, good. The crutchy push terrorist of Melbourne. Okay, Melbourne's cripple gang of hooligans. Jesus. Okay. So they've got the papers. Valentine usually was given short jail sentences for his offenses. Often he was caught for stealing. For example, one day a man put his

coat and vest aside before playing football in the park. And Valentine and a couple of other crutchies grabbed it and pawned them. They were then arrested and fined. So it's a crazy time. Yeah, yeah, okay. Another day, police tried to arrest Valentine and David Hunt for obstructing a footpath. The irony. Well, to be fair, it's not a feet path. There he is. They said he was creating quote a perfect nuisance on a compliment on Abbotsford Street. The police went to Bridget Keating's home and asked her son's name explaining he was to be summoned for loitering. And Bridget said was said to have quote used very bad language. Cool. So she was some summoned also. Okay, Jesus. In court, Valentine explained that he had not been loitering. His mother had left and locked

the house and he was waiting to get in when the constable showed up. He and David were given the option of a small fine or 24 hours in prison. Hmm. I think you take the day. Yeah, you take the day. Yeah, save the money. Yeah. Okay, we're in agreement. Yep. Fantastic. All right, we'll see you guys later. Bye, guys. In court, Bridget denied using bad language, explaining she only told the constable to go to Halifax. He didn't let her finish. Got a hell. If facts now, why, why? That's it. Yep. That was the whole. You should eat shit. Talk in my shrooms. What the fuck? You fucking cunt. Cut cake, cut cake. You're right. You're right. She also said that if she had used bad language, it was inside her door, not in a public place. Okay. The complaint against her

was then thrown out. All right. One of the crutchy bushes usual acts was demanding free drinks at bars. If the crutchie was denied drinks, he would sweep the bar with his crutch, sending all the glasses and bottles crashing to the floor. Jesus. That's quite a move. That's a power sweep. He might also break a few windows just for good measure. So give him drinks, right? Well, one Tuesday night in 1899, Valentin and David Walsh went to the commercial hotel and demanded free drinks. Okay. They were refused. One through a lemonade bottle and the other a glass. Constable Noon was then called and he arrived and tried to arrest them, but Valentin bit him. By the way, they did have a glass of lemonade total. So. They had a glass of lemonade? Yeah. One through a

bottle of lemonade, one through a glass. So they had a drink. Unless they grabbed it, it was on the bar and they grabbed it and threw it somebody else's. Look, I get their plate. Okay. So they went apeshit. The constable had to call for help in the in the bar and two railway firemen handcuffed him. But Valentin kept fighting and more police were sent for for reinforcement. It took 45 minutes to get both of the crutchies into a car and to take them to lock up. So they're fucking badasses. They're one the one legged. They're just like little tornadoes. Well, they just caused disaster around them. Oh, yeah. I think that makes sense. I don't know why I was thinking of them spinning. Well, they are spinning. I picture them fucking matrixing a crutch. Yeah. And you know what happens

if you go fast enough. What? Someone whistles. In another incident, three crutchies were drinking whiskey at the Rose of Australia hotel. When they refused to pay the owner quote, detained the hat of one of the men. No. No. The nerve. That says everything. What's he supposed to do? Go outside. Now it's time to retaliate. I mean, I love the fact that they took the hat and they're like, well, what are you gonna do now? Go crazy. Checkmate, motherfucker. He's good. They took our hats. We're nothing. The crutchies told her if she didn't return the hat, they would smash the windows of the bar. Then they attacked her kicking her and grabbed the hat. And then as they let they smash the windows. I think the lesson is don't take a crutchies hat. Yeah. Yeah. They were

eventually arrested. Okay. On what grounds? Hat. Hat retaliation. Hat retaliation. Even if a crutchie was arrested, property owners would not have the damage paid for. So bar owners learned it was cheaper and easier to just go along with the crutchie pushes demands. Yeah. Yeah, get them liquored up. See how nice they are. Yeah, just let them fucking drink and don't worry about it. Yep. Here we go. Crutchies would also threaten witnesses break windows and damage other property to keep them from testifying. So they're like the mob. Yeah, but there's just, yeah. I mean, but they're not looking for like a greater score. They just want to drink and have a good time. That sounds like a greater score. For me. Not sure you know what a greater score is. I don't. Many push

members work regular jobs. Valentin had a few jobs over the years. Each time he was arrested, his occupation was recorded. He was listed as a laborer, a hawker. Just someone who deals in hawking. Yep. Or owns hawks. Sure. He was a painter. Okay. A boot finisher. Sure. Absolutely. They finish boots. Yeah, for sure. Well, you got to make it look nice when you put your lady on it. Yeah. And he was also a stone breaker. Over people's heads. Maybe. But stone breakers usually just broke. Let me guess. Go ahead. Hearts. Stones, actually, fair. That makes sense. Actually, the stone breaker. Yeah. That you break stones. Because of the name. Super clear. What do you do with stones? If they're too big, you break them. Most weekend nights, crutches hung out in the

streets, harassing people who were walking by. Cool. Sometimes they would chase them pursuing them on their crutches. It's probably it's got to be a little bit of like a Oh my God, they're really gaining fucking steam here. I don't think I have that second gear I thought I had. Are you tired of the crutch guy or the other guy? I'm the guy running from the crutch guys. Yeah. It's like, yeah, they just got a good pace going and you're like, Oh God, fear paralyzes you. So you're like, No, just kill me. Cut off my leg. I'll join you. That would be awesome if they were cutting off people's legs to make the gang bigger. Look at that talent. Senior constable Healy responded to a disturbance in Abbotsford Street and found Valentine Keating and two other

crutches using obscene language. Okay, they were probably just saying go to Halifax. As Healy arrested one of them, Valentine punched the constable. The constable then chased Valentine quote, but he was off like a flying kangaroo. There's a gang name for you. A flying kangaroo. He was off like a flying kangaroo, although he goes on a crutch. Context. Okay. I think he's saying he was hopping and potentially flying a little. Don't worry about him. We're better than him. Fuck, we lost one. Don't worry. He's got shorts and a sweater on. I mean, he doesn't know what's he's what's happening. It's called a fuck. It's called classic Adelaide. Yeah. How about a t shirt and pants? Oh, God, that one. My legs are so hot, but my torso is so cold. What's my deal?

Well, I'm just going to wear crocs, a thong and then thermals and it'll balance out. So after beating up the constable, the third crutch he was arrested for inciting Valentine to arrest a resist arrest. A later Valentine was found and arrested in a fish shop. Sure. Okay. Three go. Yeah, for sure. That's where you hide out. Valentine's sister Hannah was dating David Walsh, a fellow crutchie. Okay. So we've got a their mother, Bridget was not happy about the relationship or that he was spending so much time or she was spending some time at David's home where he lived with his mom. And on the evening of the 7th of July, 1899, Bridget went to David's home and she asked Mary Hunt, David's mother if Hannah was there. Mary said she'd

left. Bridget then grabbed a cup from the tea table and threw it at Mary. So shit's getting fucking crazy. Sure. Immediately. The first one missed. So she threw another cup and then a plate. Then she grabbed a burning kerosene lamp and threw it at Mary. Jesus Christ. Escalated. That's when you miss the tea cup being thrown out here. Like throw more cups, get more cups, get the fine china. She hit Mary on the back of the head and Mary was done for a minute or two. The police were called while Hannah and David put out the fire. A couple of started because someone threw a kerosene lamp. Right. Forgot about that. Meanwhile, Mary grabbed a pair of tongs and chased Bridget off the premises. Jesus Christ. So the there's a lot of bark.

It's a different time. Yeah. But I mean, they have the crutchies and the crutchie families have run out of fucks to give. I mean, are you talking about because they're chasing each other around with tongs? Tongs are like enough to get you to be like, run! It should be. It's like a Benny Hill move. It doesn't. Well, that music, it is adorable. That's how you get the crutchie show off the ground. It's adorable until until you realize he's a sexual predator. Well, I don't think any amount of we'll cure that, but never mind. It's still funny. Yeah. He was gay. Benny Hill. He was gay. Yeah, he was gay. So he should have been chasing around dudes naked dudes. But then that, I mean, yeah. Different time, though. My guess is people weren't ready for that. Some

countries are. We're talking about your country there. By the way, our country is just all dudes fucking each other now. Yep. That's right. We're happy. It's our concession. We get weed and gay marriage and then everything else is fucked. Yeah. I'm just looking at the flames outside there on the porch and like, I miss home. It's the fires. Don't you miss living inside the devil's asshole, Dave? Yeah, we'll get back soon. So everybody was arrested when they appeared in court. Mary charged Bridget with unlawful assault and breaking four panes of glass. Bridget countercharged Mary with assault and illegal detention of a hat. Mm hmm. Well, I think that is that was a crime. That's why the value of hats were it's just it's international mind

boggling you go. Your hat is an extension of you. If someone took your hat. Oh my God. There was a actual crime on the books that covered that. And it was the tension of a hat. I thought that was just some outlandish reach, but she's citing an actual crime. It's a real crime detaining someone's hat, detaining a hat. It was a different hat. Whose head were you on the night of the 14th? Shine the light on him. Dammit, he blocked it. All right, let's good cop, bad cop the hat. I'll go in as good. Hey, man, look, I want to get you on another head as soon as possible. Okay, let's get you out of here, right? I mean, I know your deal. You blocked this. Maybe you should be on a foot, mother. All right, all right, you got to excuse my partner here. He's a little hot from

a case earlier. He comes in a little spicy. You got to ignore him. I'm trying to help you here. I'm your guy, okay? Don't make me bring in the bulldog because we will. All I'm saying is, why don't you just go out, you know, we'll get you out of here at 3-3-30 this afternoon, put you on another head. You ever heard the phrase, shit in a hat? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Nobody's shitting in you, my man. You want a coke or something? Cigarette? What do you need? I'm your buddy. On an all-new good hat, bad cop. And then he becomes your partner. Can't believe I'm dealing with a goddamn hat. 40 years on the force, six days away from retirement, and I got you. Don't give me that shit, rookie. You don't know anything. You got a gut hunch. Let me tell you something. If

there's something I've learned about those over the years, don't pursue them. Here we go with the young person speak again. You hats think you know it all. Shit, incoming. Give me your gun. Cover me. Fucking hat. So in court, the right court, the cases were heard at the same time. Bridget accused Mary of harboring her children and allowing them to come to her house at all hours of the night. Bridget said, quote, your worships, she's talking to the judges or jury, your worships, she is always harboring them and she wants my daughter to marry her son, who is a cripple. Wait, but this is Valentines mother, right? Yep. Who is a quote unquote cripple. Yep. And her son. Okay, so. Well, okay. Great. She has some self image issues. Sure. That would be like someone

marrying Valentine. Mom, no. Mama. Mama, no. Shut up, you hatless fuck. They detained it. And we got a confession. Tell them what you told me back there. Let the record show he pointed at the defendant. The judge then asked about the hat. The defense calls the hat. Hello, mate. Okay. So, of course, the judge's interest is the hat. All the details. Let's get down to business, shall we? What about the hat? Bridget said she'd gone to Mary's house about her daughter and Mary assaulted her with a poker. Her hat came off. Okay. And she asked Mary to get it for her, but Mary refused. That's it? That's the, that's the hat story. The hat story is that it fell off of her. And then she asked Mary to give it to her and Mary wouldn't. So that's not. So if you have a, that's a hat,

that's hat detention. That is just clear. That's hat suspension, but it's not detention. That is clear hat detention. You're detaining a hat. No, I don't think you are, Dave. Well, then the hat should be free to go, but it's not. No, it's not. There's more talking to do to it. I don't want to get upset about hat stuff right now. Nobody does. Nobody wants this. The judge asked Bridget if she broke the cup's plate and lamp by throwing them at Mary. And Bridget replied, quote, not to my knowledge. Okay. The hat charge was dismissed and Bridget was fined. Okay. The judge handled that shit. Yeah, really well. Hannah and David would go on to marry. No. She married a cripple. Ah, the nerve. Imagine. In 18. Sorry, Valentin. I love you so much, baby. But I feel sick with

what you're doing. You're unbelievable. Aim for the stars, sweetie. In 1899, the crutchy push made the newspapers for being involved in an arrest aided by the newest technology. Mr. James Farley, a clothier, was seated in his shop one afternoon when a buggy drove up and a man hopped out and approached as if he was going to enter the shop. Instead, he unhooked an overcoat from a nail and threw it to his companions in the buggy. Before Farley could reach the door, the buggy was speeding out of sight. Wait, so he just got a jacket and threw it in the car and then they took off? Buggy is not even a car. Yeah, buggy. But yeah, right. Horse situation. Well, that makes sense. I guess they're not there yet. But Mr. Farley. Yeah, that's all they just took a coat, threw it out and that

was it. And then they threw it in the buggy and they took off. Fucking crime. Sure. Mr. Farley telephoned the North Melbourne police to intercept the criminals and the cops waited. But when the buggy didn't arrive on the road, the constable concluded that it was a local vehicle and they started searching local stables. Soon they found a frothing horse and an unharmed, being unharnessed from a buggy. Okay. If you find a frothing horse, it's like a, like today would be like if a car was hot. Oh, the horse is just like foaming at the mouth? It's, well, it's frothing. Okay. Sorry. What'd you think frothing? I would, I, if you said frothing, I would be like, oh, yeah, but you said frothing. Oh, so it sounds like, sounds like when the canterbury tails. So I'm

like, fair, frothing, frothing, right. So he's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now, I don't know what's happening. He's like, what's going on here? He's like, nothing, the horse ate of El Cacelser. They didn't have those. Sure. They did that cars. Keep going. The driver was wearing a, the stolen coat. James Welsh, Geo Ascroft and Valentino are arrested and put in the North Melbourne watch house. Australian football began introducing more teams and football became a tribal game, pitting suburb against suburb and creating an intense rivalry, not only with football teams, but also their supporters. The pushes began terrorizing opposing teams, umpires and spectators. Uh, North Melbourne, home of the crutchy push, were considered a team to avoid.

Well, sorry, they were a team, or they were rooting for a team. Home of the, that's where they're, that's who they rooted for, the North Melbourne. The crutchies like the North Melbourne team. Yeah. Okay, gotcha. Oh, I fucking got rid of the name. No, they weren't called the kangaroos. They were calling something else. And, uh, what? Shinboners. Shinboners? And it's correct. Uh, yep. They're called the shinboners. Shinboners. There's a thing back then. Um, it's exactly what it sounds like. People in Australia in the 1800s could get little erections. I think they still can. On their shins. Oh, on their shins. On their shin. They

had, they had penis. That explains the big wide bottom is at the pants, because you just got, yeah. You hard. No, look. All right. Eventually they changed their name to the kangaroos, because that's much better than shinboner. I don't know if we're giving enough justice to shinboners. That's an amazing name. But they would like, at one point, the crutchies rushed the field, because one of their own players was about to kick a ball from somewhere that he wasn't supposed to, and so they punched him in the head. So they're going at the shinboners? Their favorite team? Well, they were just trying to stop him from doing an illegal kick. It's still an attack. It's called being helpful. Right. Okay. Sure. Shinboners. But the crutchies were very,

very important to the shinboners team for a while. There's a lot of terms being tossed around right now. And then the thigh dicks were, that's a different thing though. Sure. No, I know the thigh dicks. Not to be confused with the backpussies. They had a hell of a draft. Say what you will. I think the backpussies are in for a big year. I really do. Apologies, ladies. In 1901, Valentin and his girlfriend Harriet Adderley had a boy they named Valentin. Creative. Or sort of. On one record, Valentin Keating is listed as the father of the baby. On another Harriet's husband, James is listed as the father. Wait. So Harriet. You see the issue there. So Valentin slept with Harriet who was married to a man named James. And then she got pregnant. And that was, James was

like, okay. I don't know if that's what happened. But that seems like. But they just, but she had, she was going, she had the baby. Yes, she had the baby. She just did it in one, on one place. She listed him as the father. And then the other place she listed her husband. Her husband. That's nice of her at least. A little shout out. It doesn't. I forgot about you and this whole thing, huh? James, you were key. You were the one who weren't fucking me. So it's just. I mean, it doesn't matter because the baby died after nine weeks. Remember, don't get attached. Don't, certainly don't name it after you. I mean, that's like heartbreaking. Jeez. You name him number one, number two, number three. You don't name Valentin because then you're like, oh,

he doesn't have a shot. Oh, that's a good name for a baby also. This is our boy, no shot. And our daughter, not a chance. So twins. Isn't that amazing? They both have tuberculosis. So that's fun. Born with it. Born with it. Just like their other nine sisters. Whooping, go to your room. This kid is teenagers. I mean, he's six, but we treat him like teenagers at six here because they die. In 1901, 24 year old Reg Hill, the leader of the crutchie push and his roommate, James Walsh, were out drinking in a hotel with other push members. Surely paying for all the beverages. James was the brother of David Walsh, who is married to Hannah. Right. While they sat and drank, James said to Reg, quote, I wish I had your mustache. I would steal your girl.

I loaded. How do you even respond to that? Right. I'm glad you're fuck you. Pretty sure. Well, it really pissed Reg off and he punched James in the face. Okay, knocking him down. Then they took the fight outside and reg punched James in the face again, knocking him to the ground. Well, James was on the ground with blood pouring from his nose. Reg said good night to the fellas and walked home. That's what you call a hide. That's a high exit right there. Good night, boys. Boom. That's my time, guys. Thank you so much. James left soon after allegedly remarking, quote, I'll be even with with that blank yet. That's the paper said blank. So I just assumed. Son of a bitch, fucker, bastard. This is Australia cunt. During the night as Reg slept, someone entered

his room and smashed him on the forehead with a stone. Well, well, well, shattered his skull. Still alive, Reg fought back. The Senate then pulled a loose firebar. What? I think that's from the, I assume, some from the fire escape or firebar. I mean, it sounds like where you drink in Russia. Anyway, it's some dude with a fire and it's a bar and he pulled that and then just started a whale on Reg. Might be like a poker, maybe. Yeah, probably. Yeah, he's beating him. Hit him on the head a couple of times. Reg, quote, bruised and battered almost out of recognition and speechless. Somehow walked a quarter mile to his cousin's house and then the two of them walked another two miles to the hospital. Oh my God. Ambulances are so good.

Truly. I know. I know a lot of people knock them, but fuck. So much. Yeah, all those people are like, there's a better way. I don't know. So much better than walking with your cousin who's probably a dick. And by the way, that two miles, it's not about how are you? What's up with you? It's just like, ah, how much further? Ah, are we close? Oh, let's take a break. No, we should keep going. Fuck. Do you even understand? Are you good though? As how's everyone with you? Yeah, I'm fine. Oh, shut up. I was just thinking about hats. I wish I could wear a hat. Yeah, I don't know if that's going to happen. It's not going to happen. If it's just look at me. Oh man. You're so loud, I kind of want to hit you with a fireball. Oh my God. Where is my hat? I hope the cops

didn't pick him up. He's got loose lips. Doesn't have lips. When Reg got to the hospital, they quickly gave him an operation and they drilled into his skull. Jesus Christ, that skull's having quite an evening. Yeah, it didn't work. Reg died. If you can imagine. Thought they really had him there. It would be amazing if the surgery was just putting a hat on him like, okay, he's going to need nine months, but I think he's going to be okay. Worst case, he looks respectable. That's nice. Police found James Walsh the next morning and he had blood stains on his clothes, but he said it was his blood from the bloody nose. James was arrested and charged with inflicting grievous bodily harm on Reg. It's called murder. He had a solid defense. He said he was angry at

Reg, so he didn't want to share a bedroom with him and instead slept at a stable. Wait. They were roommates. Still, but they shared a bed? Yeah. So they're not roommates, they're bedmates. They were rumors about Reg and... Oh, so maybe they were... Yeah. Right. They might have been thigh bonering. Potential. Potential thigh boners. Yep. Okay. The jury brought back a verdict, but not guilty after half an hour. Well, no one saw anything. It's just because you're covered in blood. Yeah, I mean... And say you're mad at a guy who just died, doesn't mean you did it. Well, he said he slept in the stable. I mean, what normal do we need to hear? It feels like this is pretty open and shut. With Reg Hill dead, now 23-year-old Valentin Keating became the leader of the crutchy push.

Oh, boy. News reports kept warning of the crutchy push, calling them a quote, standing menace to the safety of the society of the district which it infests. Okay. Standing menace. They're fucking... I don't want to do it. Another, another news report, quote, William Stewart and Fred Collard were attacked by members of the infamous crutchy push early this morning and kicked and beaten and frightfully maltreated. After the push had finished with Stewart, they threw him over the railing of a house. Jesus Christ. One day, Valentin was fighting a man on a street corner while about 200 people watched. What time of the world is this? How many beatings are you allowed to inflict? I don't know, but if there's a one-legged guy

boxing a dude, I'm watching. Yeah. Not only that, like kicking the shit out of him. Yeah, I'm fucking in. Yeah, I would be one of the 200 people for sure. Yeah. I'd be shouting shit. He thinks you can't do it. Watch this. Just throw a hat in there. They freak out. They're fighting the hat. Look at him go. They're beating the shit out of the hat. Unpredictable. This is why we need time travel. We need to go back to the hat era for a little while. Just fuck some shit up. Yeah. One day, Valentin was fighting a man on a street corner about 200 people watched and Constable Noon approached. The crowd scurried off, but Keating came back and, quote, threatened to murder a man named Walsh. He also struck a little boy and pushed his hand card

off the footpath. Okay, cool. Throw that in. Valentin then ran to his mother's house to escape Constable Noon and Constable Noon chased and tried to arrest him. Valentin hit Constable Noon over the head with his crutch. Jesus. The fight escalated as Valentin's mother and sister joined in. Constable McSweeney entered and joined the Malay and Valentin kicked Constable McSweeney in the stomach. They finally managed to get hold of Valentin when his mother tried to hit a Constable with a chair and missed and hit Valentin instead. I mean, that actually happens? Yeah. That felt like it was just movie invention. No, it's real. It's all based on that. It has to be. Valentin, quote, was taken to the lockup struggling violently and using bad, bad language. There

we go. At trial, Valentin arrived with his head, quote, bedecked with sticking plaster and he had evidently been through what turf men would call a severe preparation. Who are the turf men? What is the preparation? What? I have no idea. The turf men. But it's seriously the best thing ever. Are they insinuating that it is hammed up for sympathy? I'm thinking they're actually saying, I mean, turf men, I'm assuming, is from either sports, the football or horse racing. Okay. And then they're really talking about evening out the turf and that's what they did. So these are just a gang of groundskeepers? Yeah, they're talking about groundskeepers, but instead of fixing grass, they fix this guy's head with plaster. Cool. Okay. So he's just got a case of the divots. Yeah,

right. Quote, state evidence showed that the woman in Valentin had attacked the constables with an iron bar, a chair and a bottle while Thomas Keating called on his brother not to go with the police. Valentin made a strong case showing, quote, he had been persecuted by the police and what they said was all lies. And also he'd been hit in the head with handcuffs and then he had to be treated at the hospital because of the thrashing received by police. Valentin's mother confirmed he had been beaten in the head with handcuffs. The court said, quote, the bench would deal with you much more severely, but for the injuries you have received on your head. Get a hat for God's sake. A big in you are fine from $5 or one month in jail for using language

and two, two, sorry, two pounds or 14 days on each of these salt charges. Bridget Keating, Margaret Walsh and Thomas Keating were charged with assaulting constables McSweeney in noon. Thomas was also charged with inciting a prisoner to resist. They each find 20 or seven days imprisonment. Thomas was also fined for making a hole in Constable McSweeney's helmet. Helmets or hats, got to get them. Even with all that in 1904, Valentin was 26 years old and still going strong in the crutchy push. He and other push members entered a private parlor of the Sportsman Arms Hotel and ordered drinks. The owner told them to go into the bar to be served instead. Valentin and push then attacked him, one hitting the owner in the head with a stone wrapped in a

handkerchief knocking him out. Valentin... They are operating on it. People should just be walking around with crutches. Everybody. Ready when you go down. Yeah, ready for the fucking crutchy push. They just have axes, like they're just operating on another level. I don't know why... I don't know what you're so worried about. People are playing checkers and they have stones in their sleeves. Because of their crutches. Yeah. Valentin and the stand-hunker handkerchief man were arrested for unlawfully and maliciously wounding and inflicting grievous harm. The trial was delayed a week so the owner could recover to testify. Valentin requested bail. The judge had had it with the crutchy push. Quote, you are evidently both members of a class that is getting a perfect

nuisance. We have not been severe in the past, but our leniency is not appreciated. We will not grant any bail. A trial, Valentin handled his own defense. He said, quote, I thought I was in the bar parlor when told to leave and before he had time to walk out, I was roughly pushed out. When some distance from the hotel, I was struck on the head with what I was told was a poker, which had been taken from Boyle's hotel. The jury found him guilty of unlawfully wounding. That's splitting so many hairs. That gives the impression that there's a lawful wounding. Yeah, that you can lawfully wound someone. Right. Did you deserve to be beaten? Yes, I did. All right, there we are.

This is when the crutchy push is about to start falling apart. Valentin is girlfriend Harriet and friend John Collins broke into a house one night where they just started eating and drinking the food. Wait, no they didn't. They were, wait, drinking the food, eating and drinking and eating food. Right, okay. I thought they were making smoothies for a minute. So they're just, they just walk in there like raccoons and just start fucking mowing and pounding booze. Yeah. Okay, I like that move. That's a crime I can get behind. What about the fact that the people who live there were home? I think still, I think, you know, as long as we're leaving it here, I think for the crutchy push, this is okay. Let them, you know, they're like gremlins.

You just got to like handle them. So the couple told the crutchies to leave, but they did not. So the couple then called for the police. How do you call for the police back then? Do you just shout? I think you send up a young urchin, street urchin. So you just call a street boy? Run and yeah. Okay, that's amazing. Right off the bat. So Constable McKay he arrived and he told the crutchies to leave and demanded they tell him their names also. Instead, Valentin just started yelling obscenities. Okay. The Constable then tried to arrest Valentin. Let me guess. Valentin somehow beats the shit out of him. Well, Harriet yelled, quote, you put a finger on him and I'll split your skull. And they started tagging the

Constable. Valentin and Collins wrestled the Constable to the floor, which allowed Harriet to kick him in the face several times. Jesus Christ. They are a good couple, though. They are. They get it. They get a good date night. The Constable's beaten unconscious and portions of his scalp were displaced. Quote, ordinary stitches were insufficient to bind the wounds together. Oh my God. I mean, those are, that is, I mean, you're really splitting hairs. Uh, Senior Constable Crooks arrived and Constable Crooks. All right, all right, all right. What's going on here? So, Constable Crooks. The three crutchies took off, but they were soon caught and arrested.

In court, Valentin tried to get Harriet released. He said, to the bench, quote, I think you ought to discharge the woman. Great, really strong argument. The passion. The magistrate was completely over it, quote, hold your tongue, sir. Don't attempt to dictate to me. I know what I ought to do. I'll deal with you for contempt of court if you give me any impudence. You ought to be put in a cage like a wild beast or chained up like a dog. Senior Constable Mochehi testified, quote, when I... Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Eww. Eww. Where did he hit you? Eww. Eww. Eww. Let the record show he went to a different octave. I think that's important. You can tell now he's clearly injured. And what he's saying is that the gentleman over there clearly assaulted him. I mean, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Eww. No, okay, let's not. Let's all be polite here. This is a court of law. Sir, I will ask you to respect this court. Sir, you will stop pigeoning. Stop it. Sir, stop it or I will misplace more of your scalp. Eww. See? Good heart. Good kid. Okay, he testified, quote, when I got up to the place, I asked Keating what he was doing, and Keating replied, that's got nothing to do with you. I mean, he's in someone else's house, so that's weird. Well, to be fair, he doesn't have anything to do with him right then.

He afterwards said, I always do as I like in North Melbourne and will show you I will do so now. He then struck me in the mouth with his crutch, breaking a tooth. There was a general struggle in which the woman kicked me when I was on the ground. While I was struggling with Keating, the latter called out to Collins, crutch him. Sir, they have like X-men catchphrases. Flame on. Crutch him. Crutch armed. Crutch up. And I was struck on the head with the crutch. Crutching tiger-hidden dragon. Some guy goes, fuck! I am still suffering from injuries. Some pieces of broken bone came out of the wound this week.

Okay, all right. Enough with the sob story. Just the facts, man whose brain is dripping. Just the fact that there was a time where you could get hurt and then a couple days later be like, well, it's a bone. How's your head? I'm still picking pieces away, but I think it'll get better. You know how skulls heal? Valentin had a different story. He told the jury quote. I was going- His head hit my crutch! I was going quietly home from Smith's place when Constable Mulcahy said, what are you doing here? And I said, I have done no wrong. And he said, get from here. And he struck me on the chest, knocking me down. I got up and walked away. I was suddenly grabbed from behind. As I turned around, I was struck on the chin and knocked down.

When I tried to get up, I was beaten unmercifully on the head with handcuffs and knocked insensible. I did not strike Mulcahy. The story is only made up a pack of lies. He was sentenced to five years in prison. Hard labor. With the first four days of the fourth month of the first year to be passed in solitary confinement. Wait, okay. So four days? First four days of the fourth month of the first year. Good Lord. There has to be a simpler way to say that. Just like even he's like, yeah, fuck that. How long? When?

Oh, four days. Yeah. Right. Of the fourth month. What? Of the first year. So four days? Of the fourth month of the first year. Sorry. Four days of the fourth month of the first year. Yeah, that's it. Four days of the first month of the first year. What the fuck?

It is four days, right? Yep. You don't need a veils for when someone's open to solitary confinement. How does March work? No, March is bad for me. All right. April? I could do April. Well, I could do three in April and then one in May. That works. That works for us. Yeah, we can do that. That's great. Okay, let's do that. All right, awesome. Get in there, you scamp. He's Rascals. He's a murderer.

Harry got 12 months while Valentin was serving his five-year sentence in 1906. He was tried at Pentridge Penal Establishment for making two toilet brushes without authority. Whoa. How dare you, sir? You will have a dirty shitter. No, two toilet brushes. Nobody in civilized society needs two. Who the fuck is going at it like, let's go. You're not making Caesar salad with them. Come on, flick that. Let's go. Maybe he was just really into cleaning toilets and he wanted to clean everyone's toilet in the prison.

I can't imagine they had individual toilets. Oh my God. In the regular world, they didn't. So I'm sure it was just one toilet. I can't believe they had toilet brushes. Look, don't look at me. I don't know a lot of history about toilets. I think that's good. I really don't think we want to get into that. The cleaning of them, but this guy liked to clean the place to put his butthole.

Sure. Well, I don't know if that's... That's the actual... The end of the crutches and the pushes was near. In 1910, Melbourne formed a task force of the 10 brilliant police officers and authorized them to literally beat push members into submission. Jesus. One source said they were given lengths of hose to use. To beat them?

Yep. They're hose-beating? Yeah, that's a good... That's a serious beating to beat a guy with a hose. I'll show you later. A hose? Yeah, yeah, I'll show you. I feel like you arm them with like... Why not just tie frying pans on rope? I mean, I can tell you right now that's pretty fucking heavy.

What I'm saying? Yeah, to swing a frying pan around. Yeah, I mean, it's my first pitch, but yeah. I would say frying pans on rope deadlier than hoses. It's not about being deadlier. It's about the simplicity and ease of swinging the hose. Dude, you give me a frying pan on a fucking string. I'll show you a winning formula.

Okay, so let's do this. I'll show you a winning formula. Let's do this in the parking lot after the show. Fine, let's go. Let's go. How fucking frying pan string fight you against the hose any day? You want a frying pan hose fight? Let's go. Yeah, let's see if you can get within ten feet of me, because I'm swinging that shit around and hitting you on your stick.

Ten feet? You won't know what ten is by the time I'm done with you. Okay. Be fucking flinging those frying pans around. I just... And that's just my first pitch, by the way. I could come up with better than a frying pan on rope. Well, we're already fighting in the parking lot, so it's too late for your... I'm in, dude. Let's get the shirts off. Let's dance.

Other pitches. I don't care. I can't wait to hit you. Let's go. I got a hose to a frying pan rope fight. Good luck to you, sir. Good luck. I'll be fucking laughing. Look at the hose. Adorable.

Ding! Ding! His scalp's misplaced. Boom! Pan drop. Out. Frying pan. The task force was known as the Terrible Ten. They were giving a roving order directive to hit hard and often. With hoses, yeah. Now with frying pans on ropes.

Hit once and move. The city of Adelaide followed suit and soon formed its own Terrible Ten. Then in 1911, the federal government introduced compulsory military training, separating the gangs for service had an effect. The Sydney Sun reported in 1914, compulsory training has done much to prevent a reoccurrence of the evil for use now spent in drill. The time they used to devote to loafing, cigarette smoking,

and idle gossiping on the street corner. Okay. The crutchy push was weakened by the Terrible Ten compulsory service and Valentine being locked up, but they still weren't completely done. The Sydney Sun, 1912, quote, public opinion and police have stamped out, organized a larricanism in all but one quarter, the years have passed and seen the larrican dwindle numerically,

but the crutchy push as a remarkable example of the survival of the unfittest. Right there. That's, truly, that is why. Because if you just create pariahs based on something that they can't help, surely they're just going to galvanize and become a force, like you need to empathize otherwise, yeah, for sure they're going to form a fucking pocket of resistance. Good Lord. It's the crutchy push. I don't know what galvanize means.

The survival of the unfittest stands on its one leg as an eternal challenge to Darwin. Dude, I know we made a couple of jokes, but this is an authority being like, I mean, that's like a Trump, that's Trump. Crutchy push doesn't have a leg to stand on. They don't, they don't. Because they have a disability. 15 years have seen the crutchy push harassed by the law, routed by public opinion,

beset on every hand by vested interests, but 15 years still finds it going strong. The New Zealand Evening Post reported a group of crutchy push members wanted to buy fireworks to quote, demonstrate their appreciation of the crowning of King George. The shops were already closed. One Chinese shop owner was still in his store, but would not sell to them.

From the paper quote, Oh, this isn't good. Loaded sigh. This is from the paper quote, It too late. Close up six o'clock. Go selly now. It's from the paper.

We. Yo, doubly. We are just the worst. These, this is a paper. Do you hear what the China guy said, hun? Yeah, he said no selly. That's a quote. So the crutchies broke the windows,

stole the fireworks, and then a fight broke out between the gang and shop owners. But the crutchy had learned and took off before the constables arrived. It was not the same crutchy push that pride itself on fighting the cops. When he was released in prison, Valentin found a new line of work. He became one of the most notorious sly grog operators in Melbourne. Sly grog?

Mm-hmm. He was sly groggin? Just like mama? Mama sly grog. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. His beer house in Fitzroy was unlicensed, so he couldn't call the police when trouble started, but that was not a problem for him.

He was imprisoned once in 1917 and once in 1919 for selling unlicensed liquor. Got about six months each time. In 1918, he married a woman named Ivory Mary, and they had a daughter Lorraine. Valentin kept having run-ins with the law. In 1925, he was fined for receiving stolen goods. He explained that he had found the tools in a property he was renting,

and had no idea they were stolen. So he's just using the Pawn Stars excuse? I had no...it was here when I got here, so... Yeah, what are you gonna do? Mine? I feel like not a lot of people here watch Pawn Stars. Doesn't feel like it. Not that I do, but I have an awareness.

In 1927, he was arrested after a party turned into a brawl. In 1929, he spent a couple weeks in jail after he was found, quote, at half past three o'clock in the morning, reclining at the wheel of a motor car. Whoa, there we go. According to the rest of the officer, quote, he was very drunk, had abrasions, and his face was covered in blood.

Wow, still driving. Leaping it off. Yeah, yeah. When asked about the injuries, he said, quote, Jackie did it. Well, that'll...that wraps that up. I guess nobody has any questions about that. But the reign of Valentin Keating...

Do we know who Jackie was? No. No. That's a good excuse for anything. The reign of Valentin Keating ended. The former head of the crutchy push died in 1930 of tuberculosis at the age of 30. Wow, Jesus Christ.

Did you know about the crutchy push? No, yeah. Okay, good talk. Oh, fuck. He was a bit of a stud. Valentin? Yeah, I'm going to pull up a picture. Oh.

And then everyone's going to get wet. Happy Valentin's day. Hey, he's not bad looking, right? Did you fuck that? Let's see. Yeah, he's attractive. I mean, for the time, that's like a face and shit. Yeah, like that truly...

If you go back to old pictures, you're just like, wow, that's a lady or a guy? What's happening? Look at that. That's like a put together human. That's like a crazy fucked up... Looks like a fucking dude. So we're both attracted to him.

We've established that. He seems chill, though. He's got it all. A violent anger issue. He has most of his teeth. And there's a picture of him. You guys had the first... He can start a Tinder profile.

Disabled militia. In the world. I have another... Every once in a while, things pop up in this podcast. And if someone events a time machine, I want to go back to certain places, and one of those is watching a bunch of guys with one leg fight. No, no, no.

Fight people in the street. Not fight. Fucking thrive. Yeah, thrive. Demolish. Yeah. But it definitely does speak to the idea that, like, you cannot...

You just can't... Like, if you do make a group of people feel like shit and feel useless and feel like they need to separate. That's my act. Huh? But if you do, like, you're gonna... That's gonna happen.

This shit is going to happen. People are gonna... Like, I mean, it keeps happening all the fucking time. You marginalize people. You make them feel useless. And then they fucking rise up and you're like, What's your deal?

Assholes. It's like, no, you fucking... You can't... If you don't have rights and you don't feel like a human, you're gonna fucking be pissed. That's my time, guys. Thank you so much. Are you talking about Kid Rock?

Talking about Kid Rock? I am talking about Kid Rock. Yeah. That's what I thought. Yeah. It's all... Yeah. No, this is the

Bah-wah-ta-da-da-dang-da-dang-digga-digging of society. Which is a veil... It's a book I wrote on my site. The Bah-wah-ta-da-da-dang-da-dang-digga-digging of society. And it is... It's two and a half pages. Two of the pages are illustrations by James Faustike. And the other is a thing Dave wrote.

And it's my book. And I would love people to grab it. I really would. It's a really good read. Kid Rock is gonna be our next president. Well, Dave is crazy. He's gotta win the Senate race. He's gonna win first.

And then we'll get president... Kid Rock. Anyway, I'm looking to marry someone in Australia. So... Thank you, sir. Um... My wife and I... Are you guys doing three-way marriages?

Are you guys on Thrender? What's going on? Thank you guys so much for coming out. We really appreciate it. We will always come back to Adelaide. Because sometimes you gotta celebrate!