The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 306 - Gay Life in the Tasmanian Colony (live in Sydney)

Episode Date: December 12, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Aussie Justin Hamilton to examine the life of homosexuals in the colony of Tasmania.  SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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A lot of things. Are we creating a dollop called the Name Wars right now? Yeah one at a time. What's happening right now? It seems to be pockets of gas out there. Gareth is doing his laundry downstairs. It's true. So excited to do it too. You've never... I wonder if when the Stones play here if they got that excited to find out there was a washer and dryer downstairs. Believe me Keith needed to wash his clothes. Pissing him the whole time he would play and name one person who went downstairs and didn't go oh it smells like nice laundry. It's a very good vibe down there. Smells like a

fluff and fold. Well first of all only two people came down. Still all two were like whoa. Where are we? Is this a beautiful country side where someone has thrown tide on the countryside? Excuse me? I don't have it. Tide? Yeah. Do you guys have tide here? Is that a detergent? Way to go. Way to go Gareth. You're already fucked up. They don't have tide. Don't even know what you're talking about. Tides are turning. We actually don't need you to yell at detergents. Yeah this should not turn into a detergent yelling contest because that's happened at every show. People really supportive. You're listening to the dollop.

This is a bi-weekly American History podcast. Once a week. I, beer drinker. Lawn mower. Ping-pong player. What? Dave Anthony. Reach a story from American History to my friend. Gareth Reynolds. Who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. What's it gonna be Dave? We have a third chair and a third mic and we have wine. So I wonder who's going to sit there. We have a guest? Oh do we have a guest? I think we may. Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Hamilton. Ham-o. Ham-o. 1830s.

Specific. Big fans of the 1830s in Sydney. They love it. Oh yeah. You picked well. You guys love your 1830s. Australia was in the middle of a land boom. Meaning they were, a lot of people were getting land? Yep. Okay. Not just all of a sudden there's. No they weren't making land. Right. They were, they were take, they were just like, I'm gonna take this from the people that live there. Oh. Yeah. Because a land boom, it sounds like you're buying land but actually you're just, the people live there. Yeah. Right. So you know when you make that joke ironically at the Gold Coast and they laugh, they won't be laughing ironically.

Right. I'm excited to meet them. Sounded like good people. Have fun at that gig my friend. Speak slowly and clap out the syllables. Wow. The good thing about the Gold Coast people is they will re-listen to this podcast four or five times before they go, I think fucking Hamo's having a go with us. I feel like, I feel like you're not going to do the Gold Coast Comedy Festival. I hope not. Squatters in New South Wales ran amok and started cranking out sheep. So they're getting land, they're making more sheep. They're making more, you mean the sheep are banging. Yeah, sheep fuck each other and then they have another sheep. Right. So the sheep are banging. You get,

you get some wool, you get some sticks, you get some jam, you get some glue, you get some guffatite, you go to fucking shame. There we go. That'll play. Put it on, Tom. Yeah. There we go. Whalers were having a great time just killing whales. Whales? Whalers? Whalers, okay. Money flowed in from Britain and growth exploded. New colonial banks were established. All was awesome. Nothing could stop Australia. Great. Besides those spiders. Except too many sheep. Whoa. Whoa. Suddenly there were so many sheep that prices of the fine wool dropped. Then came a big drought in 1839 and now sheep farmers had to import expensive wheat and money start to dry up in the colonies. Okay.

So there's a sheep issue. Yeah. Great. Britain had its own financial crisis in 1839 and even less money is coming into the country. So it's a shit show all of a sudden. And the sheep are the scape. Well, the sheep, everyone. Yeah. It's always easy to blame it on the sheep. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. She was here. It's my version of blaming it on sheep. Hey, target. Sheep that had been producing fine wool were now being boiled down to tallow to make candles and soap. Ah, sheep candles. Tough times for sheep, right? Yeah, fucked up times for sheep. Oh, this is great. You have a bunch of sheep in here? No, it's actually a new essence candle I have. Yeah. That's most nice. Oh, the sheep. Sheep water. Land

was suddenly impossible to sell. People could not pay their mortgages. The banks made it harder and harder for sheep farmers to get credit. Shop started to close, then the banks started to fail. And this is blamed on sheep. Well, there were too many sheep. So you can't base your economy on sheep. How many times do I have to fucking tell you people this? Tell that to the people in New Sheepland. They're having a big year. In the 80s, we tried to do it with cane toads. And do you know about the cane toad epidemic up in Queensland? No. Introduce them to get rid of some things. And then the cane toads went, oh, well, why don't we just keep fucking and take over Queensland? And then if you picked up a cane toad and

licked the back of its neck, you saw three times. And so I heard. Why did you get rid of them? I didn't. I've got a lot at home and I'll see you after the gig. It's lick, lick, pass. There you go. Nothing sucks. I don't know what's happening. I think it's pretty clear Justin and I are going to go over to his place after this and lick toads together. Yeah. Not in a weird way. Just mates hanging at the pub kind of way. Yeah. Talking about sport, you know, talking about music, lick a cane toad, see three times, have a little hug because I didn't know my dad. It's good, right? It just feels good. Justin's had too many licks of the toad. And where's my dad? No, no, no, no, no. You have

to drive, mister. I feel it. All right. How many sheep have you had tonight? None. Toads. Two at a party. Step out of the car. Oh, fuck. I feel like people who say talking about sport don't actually talk about sports. Yeah. Going out with my mates, talking about sport. No. That was a euphemism for we're going to be wrestling on the ground. And in Tasmania, things were about to get very convicty. Okay. With the establishment of Port Phillip in 1835 in South Australia in 1836, the decision was made to send England's convicts to Tasmania. Right? Okay. Between 1830 and 1837, Tasmania received 60% of free immigrants, but now those people had a choice. They chose not to go to Tasmania. And between 1838 and 1859, only

3% of free immigrants went to Tasmania. The rest were convicts. Okay. So 97% are a little shady. Yeah. By the way, Hobart's going to be the best place when the climate change really kicks in. Like I'm thinking of buying a house down there in the mountains down in Tasmania because when the sea rises, that is going to be some beachfront shit. It's going to be amazing. They have a great museum, the Mona Museum, right? I know that'll be confusing for you, but anyway, keep going. Convicts serving in Tasmania. Convicts serving in Tasmania were sent to Port Arthur. Others were sent around the island as labor. Women at that time were put on the prison ship Anson, which was anchored in a river. They wanted

to keep the new women on the ship and away from the, quote, old hands, which were the female prisoners who ruled the factories. Wait. So they put a bunch of women on a ship to keep them away from the women who would beat them up, essentially? And other stuff, yeah. Yeah. And we turned it into a TV show called Prisoner, and it was amazing. Sometimes you're going to know your audience. Yeah. Wait. What was other stuff being? Governor Arthur wanted to, Governor Arthur wanted to treat the ladies differently. And in 1823, plans were laid out for the Cascades Female Factory. It was built on the site of an old rum distillery. A female factory is what we now might call a house of correction. Okay.

So back then, they thought they were teaching the convicts how to be women again and making them useful members of society so they could get jobs and work. Okay. And according to John Oxley, quote, the colony needed a well-regulated factory to teach women habits of industry so they would become useful to society rather than a burden. Nice way of putting it. So it's basically like they're just picking up trades in this... Uh-huh. Okay. The factories were for women who were too much of a problem to be assigned as a servant. So sometimes you'd come and your sentence would be to be a someone's servant if that was your... Indentured servitors. Okay. Or women would be in the factory if they were between assignments and

women who committed crimes while in the colonies were sent there and women who were sick. Also women who were pregnant and then women who were nursing because that's the same as someone who commits a crime. Wait, so criminals, the sick, the pregnant and those who have just given birth are all put together because they're sort of considered equal problems? Yeah, they're burdens. Yeah. You know, you're in London, you steal a loaf of bread, you should be alongside someone who enjoyed sex and had a baby. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. What are you in for? I'm having a family. Yeah. So it's just... I had a bun in the oven. Oh, you stole bread as well? No. No, no. No, but I've been baking. I... So the women worked in the factory, most

of them did laundry, but they also... Boy, doing laundry is just... Right. As someone... As someone who knows the euphoria that runs through your veins when you got a fresh bag from Target of Clothes Done, he was very excited downstairs. It was like you entered the room and then you entered the room. That's how excited you were about the laundry. I get it. I'm empathizing, Dave. Yeah. Not sure you know what that word means. Of course I do. So the women... That means to make a point very clearly. Allow me to empathize what I'm talking about. The women also learned how to spin wool, sew, and make shoes. And they were taught religion, which I'm sure they'd never heard before. Oh, that's always good when you get that involved.

Now some women who could not get out of the prison by getting an assignment would try to escape. Okay. Catherine Henry's, who was in for life, escaped cascades in 1841 by dressing as a man. Oh, okay. That's what Gareth did to get into the country. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. It was a man of my big boy clothes. Yeah. I'm thinking of drama. Yeah. What are you here for? I'm so nervous. I'm a grown ass man. See this guy? Okay. Oh no. The gloves. Gloves? Well, I mean, I always ask them to take them off, but they insist. Well, I have a boner. So she then got work as a Tinder splitter. Oh, you mean Tinder splitter? That's where you swipe left and right, right, right. It's why I decided. Yeah. It's why I pop.

I'll get in touch later if I'm desperate. That's a Tinder splitter is someone who just made a bunch of Tinder and then they split it. Isn't Tinder split a bunch? Go ahead. What has to get split down to be Tinder doesn't, it starts out not Tinder. Yeah, but then it becomes Tinder and someone splitting it. I think you're splitting it into Tinder. I don't think you're splitting. Well, then you should be called Tinder. I think the title might be appropriate now that I think. Tinder divider. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. We should get in touch with them. Let them know they can change it. So she was, she was caught and then she escaped again this time by sharpening a spoon and using it to cut through her cell bars.

Wow. That's how I leave my house every morning. I make a little spoon, cut it into a knife and I escape. Well, don't get me wrong. I know I've got keys, but it's more exciting to start the day that way. Well, how, what do you, how, what are the bars made of? We got to be shit. I mean, licorice. What is she like? They made that was easy. Time to put on my man suit. Holy fuck. Good penis. Hey, all righty. As everyone's penis. Awesome. All right. I should get out all. Excuse me, Catherine. You seem to have a very black mouth and teeth. Have you been chewing licorice? Ah, some of the bars were a little harder to negotiate than I'd imagined. Catherine. What? No, you answered. Yeah. Prove that

you're a man. My love, pasta. Oh yeah, you're a man. Well, no, it's my for sure dick harder than a big bowl of Guiney. Well, since you've escaped, why don't you wander into the rest of Australia that doesn't properly exist yet? Thank you. Would you like Adelaide? You can have it. And that's the settlement. That was real. Exactly how it happened. So after she cut their cell bar, she scaled down the factory wall on a rope made out of blankets. So this is a whole Batman thing. Might have been the first time that move was pulled. Yep. Were the sheets clean? You could also get out of the factory by getting married. Men both settlers and convicts would come to check out the ladies and see if any were

good enough to marry. Is there a worse, like, is there a worse feeling than when a bunch of men come in to potentially be like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, all right. Yeah, all right. Yeah, I can put it in that one. Yeah, you look a bit of a project coming with me. Yeah, we'll clean you up. Put a bun in the oven. You got a vagina. That'll do. Yeah. You like living in mud? Have you, have you just turned into Tom Hardy? What the fuck happened there? Yes. Yes. Good answer. So, so they come in to see if the women are good enough to marry. This was known as ranking up. Oh, my God. Ranking up. Who's ranking up? The women are ranking up. Yeah, no, they are not because because initially they had the sheet because they

had to do something with the sheet and then you get rid of the sheet and then you've got to rank up and then you've got the licorice bars. Right. And then you think, well, fuck it, why don't I actually date a woman? So that's how it worked out. So now you've ranked up and now you've got a lady vagina. It is great to think that any asshole who comes down there is going to be ranking you up just because he's like, you, yeah, because he gets sick and tired of just sitting by yourself and ranking. Yeah. No, yeah. Ranking down is painful. I ranked down once. It was an accident and I didn't walk for three weeks, but it was, I remember reading about that. Yeah. Well, I snapchat the whole thing. Yeah.

Nobody did a snapchat for three weeks like you. Yeah. Well, it was before Snapchat. I invented it. Yeah, it was weird. I started with the snap and ended with the chat. You know, I, uh, I ranked in my wife and now we have a son. There's no way. Right. You got ranked. What happened? Shooting star. Did you make a wish? Imagistrate explained how the marriages went down. This is not going to be good. The convict goes and looks at the women and if he sees a lady that takes his fancy, he makes a motion to her and she steps to one side. Some will not, but stand still and have to wish to be married. Uh, but this is rare. So it is like upside down bachelor. So yeah, a guy, a guy goes like,

I guess motion story just goes, all right. And then she moves, she takes a step to the side and he's like, okay, that one's mine. What's the point of the step aside? Well, I think if they just stand there, it means that they're not, they're not attracted to the, the man thing. My guess is not a lot of stepping aside. Yeah. Most of them went for it. They did go for it. Yeah. They want to get out of the factory. Factory is a shit house. Right. So they had a very short courtship. So sure. Well, I mean, yeah, when the inciting incident in your relationship is that a man has picked you, it feels like courtship maybe isn't a phase you're about to approach. Also, I met like, imagine when you finally together

and you're with all these, uh, your friends and they say, how did you get together? It was amazing. I was standing in a corner. I didn't know if he was into me. He told me to fuck off to my left. I did. And it was love that seventh side. It's been a nightmare ever since. We're very unhappy. Uh, so a man would come down to the factory. He would pick out a woman. Yeah, I'm glad I wore that lipstick. Then he would court her and marry her the next day. So by courting, by courting, you mean that he was like, all right. Well, see you in the morning. Yeah. Welcome. When they say courting, they either used to talk about, uh, Margaret court and that's what they used to do. That's a reference for these

guys. I would imagine courting just means they fucked. Well, that's not okay. It is where I'm from. Oh, good courting. And then on such a busy day courting, mate. Oh, I'm all courted out. Oh, I'm chock full of the court. Oh man. And then so that's the second we courted twice. Oh, twice. Yeah. Fuck. You can bounce back. Yeah. He literally. Yeah. What's your secret? She hates me. Right. That's why I rank alone. I rank alone. The new album from Hamo. It's back. Two songs, 15 minutes each. Triple M. We whisper it cause we're embarrassed. Triple M. I'll explain it to them later. So he carts her and marries on the second and the third day takes her

home. Like a long weekend, except instead of a hangover. So sorry. Uh, he, he meets, uh, they get married and then he takes her home. Yeah. And then the third day they go home together. Um, perfect. In 1832, the reverend, gay people can't get married. Wow. Uh, you know what? The last thing I need is you guys turning up here to our country and pointing out how we're fucked. And oh, no, no, no, no, we're doing a postal vote. Like, and we're eventually going to get around to it at some point in 2000. We do a real vote, but rear votes are for straight people. Yeah. Oh, what happened? What happened? Okay. Um, in 1832, the reverend Samuel Marsden advertised in a new South Wales government cassette for applications

to marry female convicts at the Parramatta female factory. Yeah. Just sounds horrible. It just sounds like where they were called because they're cranking out females. Yeah. Where are you? What are you going to call a place where you make females? You're not making female. You're turning them machine. That's like, but they come in. All right. Label them guys. Label these ladies. But when they come in, they're like animals and then you turn them into something they can sew. Right. Reform school. A factory. Okay. Other factory women were known to have sex with men who came down and in return they get some rum or tobacco or other, you know, good stuff. Sure. Um, when bringing female convicts to

the factory, it sometimes took a very long time to get them there on the journey. Okay. The independent quote, the disgraceful scenes which have been carried on by the parties conducting the females to and from Georgetown. Females sent for punishment have been weeks and weeks on the way, stopping at almost every hut and cabin of the government's lawyers and remaining till satisfied with the botchery. Owning it. It's like, uh, what do you call it, a fuck train? Sure. Sure. Yeah. One recommendation to stop all of the fucking talking was to shave the heads of female convicts. Oh my God. What is going on? Well, none of them had seen anything three, right? You know, but nothing will stop a guy from fucking

a woman like a shaved head. Yeah. No, yeah, that. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. She looks like me. Yeah. Oh, figure out. Come here, me. Yeah. I've married myself. I'm a lady. Quiet, me. He always talks. Classic me. Shit. It's like me, but with a vagina. Yeah. The perfect me. This is our son, me. He looks like her. He looks like me. With me. Another idea was to label the women, which meant they'd have to walk around wearing a sly, a sign that said slut or whatever. Oh my God. Slut or harlot or whatever, you know, a sign. Right. So it's different now. Now you can just wear like Nike or Adidas, but, uh, actually, sometimes they do still say that. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah, they're those shirts. Don't

wink at me. You have to stop mid-shell winks. He did wink at you. I saw that wink. He does it a lot. Was it a wink or a twitch? It looked a bit flirty. I'm hoping it's a twitch. Oh, it does make you feel special, though. I will say that. And then there were normal punishments like reducing rations, solitary confinement, hard labor, stuff like that. But Governor Arthur was super into the head shaving and solitary ideas. So the Cascades had 100 solitary cells built in 1832. And women who wanted sex and booze would be put into the cells instead of the fucking, if they got caught fucking, maybe put in solitary. Right. Sex cells. Yeah. The solitary cells had just enough light so they could work, and their work was unpicking

ships' ropes. Oh, that's a goddamn nightmare. That would be hell. Oh, that's a huge one. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, my shoelaces are fucked up. I'm like, I'll just buy a new pair. I'll start from scratch. There's no undoing this. Rope was made from hemp, so it had a limited lifespan, so they had them. Hang on. What was it made from? Hemp. Oh, you'll fuck us now, aren't you? Yeah. Let's smoke some rope, dog. Yeah. I'm going to go to Hamos and smoke rope after the show. I'm just going to do some bongs of rope. It feels good, doesn't it? Yeah. You tie yourself up. You get stoned. You forget to untie yourself. You have to chew yourself out through the licorice bars again. Anyway, I've got to stop talking about

Wednesdays. So the women would pick apart the rope and then they used the fibers on the seams of ships to help waterproof it in the cracks. The worst women were put in completely dark cells with no rope. It seems like I'd rather do that. Yeah. So what would they... Oh, so my choice is to sleep or pick apart a rope? Unless you're bad, then you get nothing. You can just sleep in a room, see how you like that. With no rope. No rope. No rope done not. If a woman was not married and she got pregnant, she got locked up in the factory, the idea was that would stop other single women from having sex and getting pregnant, which this naturally just led to a huge increase in abortions and infant side.

Right. I'm so glad you brought this topic in. And it's one of those things where we've got a politician called Tony Abbott who still lives by this. So this is a good warning to everyone too. If you see Tony Abbott, plunge a steak through his heart. It's the only way to kill the undead. Didn't some guy headbutt him? Sorry? He's the one that ate the onion. But some guy headbutted Tony Abbott. Oh yeah, someone headbutted him. And it was kind of great, but it was kind of terrible because, you know, it's because then it allowed the media to give him a bit of sympathy. But the headbutt, it was fucking great, right? Yeah. That's such a great Australian move. Yeah. It's not often that you get to watch the news

and genuinely go, oh yeah, that was a good moment. Headbutts. Ozzy Mike. I mean, could you imagine headbutting Bush? Like how fucking great would that be? Are you talking about the president? Yeah. I'm a little lost down here. Anything? Are you satisfied my love? I just need a reaction. Punch it. You want to watch a movie? I've got some rope. I panicked. I'll admit I buckled. Arthur, Governor Arthur was very worried about a ton of fatherless babies running around, so he was probably totally cool with the killing of the babies and whatnot. Quote, the colonies overrun with illegitimate children born to no certain provision of inheritance, but the

vices of their parents and consequent misery. Naturally, he thought the best answer was to separate children from their unwed mothers. For sure. Yeah, that's the right way to go. Yeah, absolutely. So they were taken away at nine months old and put in nurseries in the female factory. Quote's terrible. Which is not a great life for children. When Arthur visited the factory in 1832, he discovered the kids' beds were, quote, quite black with fleas. Oh, black with fleas. Wow. Who uses quite? Yeah. Yeah, in that situation. Adequately. They have fleas to see. That's cool. So the kids are happy. And also, they don't know anything else. Right. So when they eventually get out, they'll be like, where's the flea

bed? It'll be like, no, it's a regular bed. What? Yeah. And how good would those sheets be? You'd go to sleep, you'd wake up, you'd be in another room, they're moving along. Oh, I go to bed, I get motion sick. We're fleeing. They also suffered from poor nutrition, overcrowding, and the damp housing. The Cascades were just in a cold wet valley that got no sun in the winter. Cells were damp and beds were wet. Just how you like them. Yeah, mm-hmm. Like a nice wet bed. Yep. So there's a high mortality rate for infants than out in the actual world where the single mothers would be if they had their kids. And when the kids were old enough, the kids were sent to an orphan school, which wasn't that bad, though,

because the mothers could come and visit them four times a year for three hours. Oh, so they're able to maintain a relationship then. Yeah. It's not like you're getting, it's not like you'll never see them again. Yeah. You get 12 hours a year. Mate, you see them four times. Yeah. I imagine it'd be great. So what's been happening since I last saw you? I'm dying in here. Okay. And have you made any friends? The fleas. Oh, yeah. And what are their names? This is going to take a while. Four hours later. You're over time. That's Benjamin. No, I just got to the bees. Bye, mama. See you in three months. Bring some rite. A group of convict women ruled the factory. Okay. They were called the flash

mob. Sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I think they, I've seen their work. Yeah. Terrific stuff. Went viral. They were not violent. Sorry, they were violent and not big. Total opposite. I was like opposite. Yeah. Okay. They were violent and not big on listening to authorities. They had no interest in working towards assignment. They were very happy in the factory. There were nice dresses and smuggled stuff in. They harassed the other inmates and apparently got into trouble for singing dirty songs a lot like that. And they like to riot. What were the songs that they used to sing? I like pussy. Oh, yeah. That's a classic. Did they ever sing that song? Am I ever gonna see your face again? It's one of our traditional ditties.

By the way, I've got to be honest, we caught up two hours before the show, all of us and we rehearsed that. That's good. It paid off in the actual performance, I think. The women would riot when it was head shaving time. Jesus Christ. I mean, quite a picture we're painting here. Yeah. They would riot because they didn't get enough rations. They'd riot when their illegal smuggled goods were taken away and really for anything. One day there was a reverend who they really disliked for all his preaching and he found himself in the middle of one of their riots. Quote, as he was crossing the courtyard, some dozen or 20 women seized upon him, took off his trousers and deliberately endeavored to deprive

him of his manhood. Wow. Just like a licorice bar. Yeah. Over this side, lots of cheering. Over this side, a lot of legs being crossed. That's interesting. Well, the reverend doesn't need it anyway, right? No, I mean, no, reverends, the reverends can. A priest wouldn't. No, a priest wouldn't because that's his main job is to fuck boys. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do I not know what they do? Do you do? No, I mean, look, let's be honest, it happened. Yeah, sure. A lot. Mostly. Sure. But I still don't think you can condemn Catholicism completely because there's a couple of cool guys and they make chimney go out of the smoke when there's a new one. And I don't mean the penis. Don't

you? I do. The penis has made smoke. So yeah, they tried to either rip his dick off or I'm I was hoping they'd try and bite it off. I like the idea of biting. You guys make your own visual. I'm going to go with biting. I like the idea that they punched it off. Yeah. The nail just lined up. Boom. Holy shit. Ethel. Boom. Sandra. Boom. And they just kept going until it went. It's just so upsetting. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. It's been great. Take care. Thank you very much. When Lieutenant Governor John Franklin visited Cascades to see how he was going, he brought along his wife. The ladies decided to give her a show. Quote, 300 women turned right around and at one impulse pulled up their clothes

showing their naked posteriors which they simultaneously smacked with their hands, making a very loud and not very musical noise. Weirdly enough, you can see that very show at the opera house next week. Who the fuck was that David Geffen walking in? You guys were off rhythm. Let's go from the top. Not very musical. It really wasn't. Oh, that's dynamite. Why was it David Geffen? I'm in music. I was losing it. Rhythm. Sir John Eardley Wilmot. Sorry. That's how we know him. Anyway, sorry. John Eardley? Eardley. John Eardley? Wilmot. What's happening? It's not real. No, he's real. Eardley? Yeah, he's from Narnia. Eardley. I can't read. Took over as Lieutenant Governor of Tasmania in 1843. He was a lawyer, a prisoner, former

and an MP. Lord Stanley described him as quote, a muddle brain blockhead. Time for politics. Between March 1844 and February 1846, Wilmot was formally rebuked by the war and colonial office 27 times, which is still a record to this day. Also, there's not a lot of colonies, so it's hard to break that one. We'll get back. Tasmanians who were not happy with the big influx of convicts turned their anger toward Wilmot. They thought the colony was being turned into a giant jail, and they weren't happy that England expected the colonists to pay for the criminals. And probation was introduced a few years earlier, and it was more costly than assignment. What does that mean? Fuck if I know. To me, I just

hear all these things. Assignment, you get assigned a guy, I guess, probation is like what we would have today, where you got to report in, but you can have a job and stuff. That's a good way to go. We call it work for the doll. A lot of artists in tonight, so you got the joke? By 1845, the free colonists had had enough of the probationary system. Six members of Van Diemen's Land Legislative Council blocked the finances to pay for it, and then they all resigned in mass. Now the council did not have a quorum to govern, so there was no way to overturn it, and they became known as the patriotic six. And this was, the end was coming close for eerily Wilmot, and was about to get worse because of the

gays. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hold on. Note the female factory at the Cascades in Hobart swarmed with lesbians. Right. Well, you know that the first giveaway was within two weeks of bunnings, had opened up really close. And that's how they knew. A lot of Katie Lang was being played. I don't know. I'm just giving you facts. So because they'd confined them to this situation and because the options as far as men go was like, yeah, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, make sense. It was that or the fleas. So they just form into a man in a trash cart. We love you. No, no, no. Oh, no. You look itchy.

Put that on a Tinder profile. Possibly itchy. I am ants. I am fleas. Anyway, whatever. Sorry. Now because of the all the talk of there being sex in the factories in the prisons in 1841, ex lieutenant governor back then and ordered an inquiry into female convict prison discipline. Sure. But there was a lot more action with dudes. There were 4,367 female and 24,824 male convicts in the colony in 1845. So you throw restrictions on marriage, rampant alcoholism, long periods of solitary confinement, and bros start to bro it up. Bro takes care of a bro. Bro takes care of a bro. Tough situation, I guess, yeah. They give you your friend a tug, you know. And then the next thing you're like, you know, I can do this with my mouth. Yeah.

It's a buddy bloke. Yeah, buddy. Like if we were trapped in a mine. Yeah, we're traveling together a bunch. Or traveling together around on the road. Or just touring a country. Yeah. Or you're in Sydney and it's past 10pm and everything's closed and you're lonely and you know, it's, you know, it's comforting. Yeah. Yeah. Just to stroke your friend. Just a bro job. Just a bro job. Bro a guy out, you know. Couple bros. Yeah. Jarbing it out. It's not weird if you go past the second knuckle. That's all I'm saying. It's not. I'll tell you what, it's weird to not once you got one on there. Yeah. When I finish it in the mouth. Yeah. Yeah. And it's always good if you lose your watch, you know who to ask. Gareth, can I check your

asshole? Absolutely. Check your asshole. I have a 12.30. Yeah. You'll be right. Excuse me. Gareth, can you check your asshole? Sir. Right. So it turns out men and women have sexual needs, needs, and when they're around their own sex, it happens, right? So British officials knew that a penal colony with mostly a male population would make it, quote, almost impossible to prevent the settlement from gross irregularities and disorders. Meaning, dude's fucking dudes. Right, guys, guys. Some wanted to bring in more women as an answer, but early governors described female convicts as quote, a disgrace to their sex, utterly irreclamable and the refuse of London. Well, you're shaving everybody's fucking head, throwing them in dark rooms. I mean, these are

like, nobody's going to come out of that like, hello. Yeah, but also some of these people just stole handkerchiefs. So they're still fucking. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Super fuckable. Yeah. No, I remember. At least they got the hanky. Yeah. Might need it, I'm saying. Man, sometimes you need one. Yeah. Others said all the convicts were, quote, damned whores. A government report on convicts said, even said, quote, all of them was scarcely, scarcely an exception, drunken and abandoned prostitutes. Well, this was obviously the case for some. Many more were forced into the practice because they had no other options. Right. On convict ships, captains put up with sexual freedom to keep things calm. Was that like a flag they raised? You're with a sexual freedom.

You're on the ship, you can fuck whoever you want. Discharge cannons, not the cannons. Not in me eyes. I mean the eye, the eye. Make them walk my plank. This is when a parent goes, this was the wrong show to bring my kid to. It's only going to get worse. No, there have been a couple of shows on this tour where we will just be disgusting. Like the blowjob tree. Yeah, like the blowjob tree. And then after there's some 11 year old who's like, you guys are great. And you're like, I'm so sorry. Yeah. I don't, I don't know why your mom did that. You're going to have weird dreams and get a boner. From here on out, you're going to ask ladies for weird stuff. Because you went to the dollop in Perth. Yeah. Must be great

to come back and see your kids, though, when they come to the kids. It is nice to see them. I mean, I get, I get four hours with them three times a year. Yeah. That's great. You like this. It's just nice. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So the captain, they let everybody fuck. And there was on the ships, there was an opportunity to engage in quote abnormal sexual behavior. And once in the penal colonies, power based homosexuality became rampant in a tradition based. Yeah, like in a prison. Okay. Yeah. Like in America. Yeah. None of this. Are you having a good, boom. Yeah, just get in. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm picturing. Yeah. Boom. Yeah, just a boom. Yeah. You hear that a lot in prisons today. You're walking along. You're going to go and get a loaf of

boom. It's happened. And then you get your loaf of bread. Yeah. And then you buy your food. If you, if you ever hear, if you're in a prison, you ever hear boom. Yeah, you're fucked. Literally, you're getting fucked. And metaphorically. Nice watch. Oh, I've been looking for that. So, uh, changangs and in jails, they use coercion to get what they wanted. That's what a power. Of course, some guys and ladies just are in love with each other, right? Right. One convict was sentenced to hang for mutiny. And when he tried to take, when he tried to take over a transport ship with some others, and he wrote what may be Australia's first same sex love letter, quote, Dear Jack, I hope you won't get mad at me when I am far away and all my bones is moldered away.

So far, it's not a great love letter. I have not closed an eye since I lost sight of you. Your precious sight was always a welcome and loving charming spectacle. The only thing that grieves me love is when I think of the pleasant nights we have had together. Sweet. I hope you won't fall in love with no other man when I am dead. Yeah. Don't move on. Don't move on. That is always thinking me. If I find out you're touching another dick, I will be a ghost and haunt you. Yeah. You try to touch some of the other man's balls. I will come back from the dead and I will fuck you up. It was such a sweet letter. It really is a sweet letter. And then he really fucked it up at the end. Yeah. Well, I mean, look, he's a man. He's possessive. You know what I mean? He's still

got the... Word began coming from the factories and prisons of homosexual activity. The Maria Island superintendent wrote, quote, One night I found that eight men had removed the separation boards and were sleeping together under most suspicious circumstances. Pretty sure you laid out the suspicious circumstances. They were sleeping together. I think they might have been up to something. Yeah. This is turned into Brokeback Blue Mountains. I got that. Quote, Two had the disgusting effrontery to say they had never heard sleeping together prohibited at other stations where they had been. Yeah. Right. Well, I don't know. I couldn't... I can't sleep with other guys. Really? Nobody said I couldn't fuck Doug. So I don't know what you guys are talking

about. So is this like a new prison rule? But I do always think that like the idea, like when people make the argument that people choose to be homosexual, it's like if you go through the history of time, there are... Like these people would not choose to be persecuted any further than they already are. They're just fucking gay. And they're... It's always been around and people are fucking... They like each other. So it's like, it's not like society... It's not like we live in a world now where there's so much choice that people are like, maybe, oh, fuck guys. It's like, no. You've always had a drive. People have always had drives and they've had to subdue them over the years. Yeah. Someday it'll be legal. Do you... Also, I reckon there are some people who grow up and go, you

know what? Everything's going really well for me. I need to fuck it up in some way. I'll become a minority. Yeah. I'm sure that's happened. I'll choose the hard path. I tried to be gay. I tried to be gay for such a long time, but I just... We musicals. Yeah. We did try. Remember we went and saw Wicked? Fuck, that was tough, wasn't it? That was tough. Yeah. We just weren't into it now. We fucked anyway, but we just weren't into the music. Well, obviously. I mean, you bought the tickets. I had to take care of the kid. You know what I mean? I appreciated it too. As you said. It's good to see you every full month. The situation was infecting all of the prisons. On Norfolk Island, a visiting magistrate said, quote, on the doors being open, men were scrambling into their bed

from others in a hurried manner. Look straight. Look straight. Look straight. Look straight. Oh, man. Do you see how far I threw that rock? Look straight. Oh, yeah. That good spot. Not a lot of people know that Norfolk actually came from No Fuck. No Fuck. The inquiry into female convict prison discipline that Franklin had ordered noted the case of two women, quote, detected in the very act of exciting each other's passions on the Lord's Day in the house of God at the very same time service was performing. What? What? Fuck in. Yes. I mean. What was happening in the church? Yeah. Yeah. That is a movie. Yeah. That I rented many times. I thought they were praying. Then when she shouted Jesus Christ for the 95th time, I thought something was amiss. I mean, that's.

I thought she was dying because she kept shouting, Jesus Christ, I'm coming. Yeah. Give me more of the body of Christ. I'm not going to do it. I always, I always fuck up this name of the city. Launchestan. Launchestan. Or as we know it here, incestan. So that's right. That's right. It's a fair thing. Right. Officials at the Launchestan female factory reported sexual activity between prisoners was common and they were women who played the man's part and they ruled the inmates. Oh, that's great. The Hobart. I love the little acting. The Hobart factory reported four female prisoners, quote,

dancing perfectly naked and making obscene attitudes toward each other. Obscene attitudes. An imitation of men and women together. Obscene attitudes. I don't know. She was looking rude. I could tell. Yeah. I didn't like her attitude. For this, they were, the four were given 12 months hard labor. Another woman, Francis Hutchinson, who was there was only given six months hard labor because, quote, she was not so bad as the others. She was only dancing naked and not making any indecent attitudes. What? Who is the determiner of the attitude of a dancing? Yeah. You, you, you. No. You, you, you. Get out of here. Yeah. It's quite clearly it was her head and snot. So. She had a little penis straw.

Now, Erdly Wilmot was aware of the goings on. In 1843, he wrote to England that some of the women prisoners, quote, have their fancy women or lovers to whom they are attached with quite as much ardor as the would be to the other sex. Then William Gladstone took over as secretary of state for war in the colonies. He just lost the forefinger on his left hand when he had accidentally shot it off while loading his gun. Yeah. We've all done it. Yeah. He now wore a glove or a finger stall. A finger stall. He had a fake finger. Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. That seems stupid. Is that just for glove behavior? Well, you could, if you, I mean, yeah, if you saw it, you'd be like, what are you doing? Like it was totally, it's just like

a piece of wood. Well, we all have five fingers here. So we're all the same. Yeah. Look at my glove. Five of them. Just like you guys. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What? You seem to be pointing at the five finger thing. Just saying we're all regular. Boy, my buddy has four fingers. He's a real piece of shit. Oh, yeah. Can't do anything. I think he did it. Loading a gun. I'll stumpy. Fuck that guy. Give me five. Yeah. That felt like four. You should have said give me four. Fair note. Okay. We'll rework it for the second show. So Gladstone was raised very religious and his politics were all wrapped up in evangelical beliefs. That's good. He argued in 1838 that non-conformists and Catholics should be excluded

from government positions. I still agree with that. In 1840, he started his own personal crusade to rehabilitate London prostitutes. Are we still talking about Tony Abbott? I'm sorry. Sounds very familiar. Gladstone walked the streets of London and encouraged sex workers he found to change their ways. He would continue doing this for years even when he was prime minister. Okay. So he would, as prime minister, he would walk there and be like, don't you want a career? Do you want healthcare? You want me to teach you how to type? Your finger fell off. My bad. I don't get off by walking around talking to sex workers. I'm trying to talk you out of this.

Okay. Okay. Got nothing to do with me talking about what you do and how much and just telling me stories about how you suck guys off. When do you start talking me out of it? Because it seems like... Right. So you suck guys off for money. Sure. So... And you do that and you put it in your mouth. I think you should get a job. You have great tits. Excuse me? When do you start talking me out of this? You shouldn't be doing this. Okay. What's next? Because it's hot down there. What is hot down where? Why are you buttoning your trench coat? Oh my God. Man. That'll be $50. So Gladstone is now in charge and he wanted to know what eerily Wilmot was going to do about all the lady-on-lady-rubbiting that was happening in the factories. Right? The ladies are rubbing

together. Sure. But eerily Wilmot... Sorry. Can you act that out again? Yeah. We've seen how it happens. So if there's two ladies... Oh yeah. Yeah. It's basically like making a fire in the wild. Right. I've never seen women have sex but I'm pretty sure this is how it happens. After seeing this, you know that he's rubbed two Barbies together. That's what that is right there. Yeah. And then guys... Whoa. What is that? Whoa. That was a quick cucharoo. That'll translate to audio. That was too much. That was very graphic. You better check to see if your hand's pregnant. Oh my God. But now eerily Wilmot was not really all that bothered. Most of because he was all about having sex with straight ladies. Stories of his naughty behavior

were being published in the London Naval and Military Gazette. Oh yeah. I've got every issue with that. Yeah. It's great. Really good. Yeah. It turns out he was involved in many a nasty sexual adventure. For example, he was seen putting his arm around girls' shoulders on the sofa at government house. Oh my Lord. That is disgusting. So he invented the yawn move. Yeah. Why don't you just faker her, sir. In front of us all, you monster. He also flirted at a formal dinner party with she would have been good at it. Julia Sorrell, a granddaughter of her leading seller. And to top it all off, he held dinners during Lent. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? This monster. So Gladstone lost his shit. He wrote two letters of dismissal to eerily Wilmot. One public, one

not. The public one was about how he wasn't doing anything about all the ladies doing it with each other. And the private one told eerily Wilmot that due to his moral nastiness, he'd never work in the colony's service again. So eerily Wilmot fought it. He did not leave Tasmania after being fired. Instead, he stayed there to gather evidence that he wasn't a sexual deviant. How does one... How do you prove that? Negative. Yeah. Well, it didn't work because he died of nervous exhaustion a year later. He died of nervous exhaustion? Exhaustion, yeah. Jesus, should have left Tasmania. Yeah. That was a lot of time ranking by yourself, right? Yeah. Yeah. Having a rank. Now, the concern about homosexuality in the colony exploded into hysteria in England in 1844.

No. Imagine doing it where it should go inside of a lady, inside of a gentleman who's dead. Could you imagine? I mean, what that would feel like? Sure, we've all thought about it. What would it be like to experience the loins of passion with another man, you know? Surely some of us have talked about it and stewed over it while you spoon your wife and just think, what would it be like to have this big Greg? We looked at some photos. Have him here and finally consummate what has been bubbling for years. I mean, the tension's there. Someone's got to make a bloody... Imagine. Oh, the nerve. Keep talking. I'm ranking up.

Nope. Someone just got stabbed in the audience. So, right. So they're freaking out in England after a connection was made between men having sex and the amount of convicts in remote prison probation gangs. So now they're putting together that these men are being put on probation and they're all living in huss together and they're just like... Yeah. Well, let's just fuck. I like how England can be outraged. England is just... About anything, really. About anything. But let alone the idea that they just like put this together and they're like, what do you mean it's not going according to plan? Yeah. They don't have irrigation. They're all banging. What do you mean we sent them down under to a place that

seems to have blue skies and beach and good weather and now they're all fucking? What? I might need to go down there and investigate myself. Eight months later. Well, this is Tom and he's... I love him. He's terrific. I should inform you it's going exactly as I planned. There's that guy. I don't know who he is. I don't know. That was a good... Well, that was a mind moustache. Well, something that was good. It feels like you broke it off like an icicle. Yeah. So the implications of all the same sex sex were considered a matter of imperial concern. Politically influential evangelicals believe the fate of all British society and maybe the entire empire were at stake because of the rampant homosexuality.

Well done, Australia. Yeah. I had a feeling that we would take him down that way. So that is good, right? Gladstone also held this belief. So Gladstone brought in Charles Latrobe. He was a temporary Lieutenant Governor of Tasmania. Latrobe had been the superintendent of Port Phillip even though he had zero experience. And people hated him there because he allowed convicts in. Melbourne prided itself on not being a convict city. Still do, yawn. Yeah. When you go up to get an espresso from a barista who's truck full of tattoos with nail polish and eyeliner and a necklace, those real individuals, that's the first thing that they point out. Yep. You weren't listening. I was watching you. So but now the ex-convict thing

is now being, it's intertwined with people being gay or homosexual activity. And so now they're both worried about criminals and the fact that criminals are having sex with their same sex. Right. So more convicts to them means more homosexuality. So Dr. James Clutterback. What is going on? What is going on? That's not a real name. You've picked the wrong name for this story, sir. The last thing you gotta do is send Clutterback to fix up the homosexuality. Have you seen his back? It's a mess. It's disgusting. He's a hoarder. Look, I like a lot of dudes in me at once. They call me Clutterback. What? Someone had to say it. So he thought that England was just unloading all of its homosexuals on boats.

So now they've come around and they're like, they're just putting gays on boats and sending them here. Amazing. What a fucking idiot. And saying they had... Seriously. There's a way to... Like they're vetting that. You gay? Yes. No. Get on the boat. Damn it. Get on the gay boat. I mean, that would never make it to land. They'd just be in the ocean like... He comes the boat to... From what I've heard. Clutterback said, quote, they had sunk to the lowest depths of vice and wickedness. Gladstone wanted the trope to take care of the moral nightmare and told him, quote, unhappily there appears to be no doubt of the wide prevalence of an evil

so hateful in its character and so formidable in its penal consequences, not merely to the actual victims of vice, but to all who tolerate such evils. I really wish we could go back and explain to them that it's hard now to not make jokes about calling it penal at this point. Yeah. It's really hard. The men are fucking on the penal colony. We couldn't have seen this coming. I told you we should have called it an anal colony. I stand corrected. It would have been the cleanest of the colonies. I don't think you know what I'm saying. Yes, of course. They're anal. They'll keep it clean. And they'd be the gayest group because it'd be so clean. They'd be happy. The anal colony would be full of gay people in a good, non-gay way. And the people who steal. That too. Sorry,

yes. Yeah, right. The receivers of swollen goods. That's right. I am strong. It was a bit awkward. I asked one of them to show me what was in his bag and I'm not going back. Do we have spare shirts? The trope was the man to pull off Gladstone's mission of getting rid of all the homosexuals. Oh, my God. He told the trope to look into reports that convicts and probation gangs had quote, fallen into the habits of life so revolting and depraved as to make it nothing less than the most sacred and imperious duty to adopt measures to arrest the process of pollution. The trope began a double secret investigation into quote a double secret. Yeah, I mean a non-secret. Oh, shit. I wrote that wrong. He won public. Yep. Foolish. I'm undercover. Abort, abort, abort,

abort. You're onto us. Probationers were interrogated about whether or not they would enjoy the sweet love of a man. How does that even work? Soon word was out amongst the gangs that the trope was on the hunt. So the trope took it over the top. He ordered that convicts clothes and bed coverings be checked for dried semen. Oh, my God. Wow. Does that just mean sailors who are on land? Yeah. Who gets the job of checking for cum? You know, the cops from CSI Tasmania. You get that black line out. Now you promised that you've just had a bit of a cold. Yeah. That was sneezing all night. Yeah. Go ahead and smell it. Well, my Lord. I might need to take this down to the liquor's office. Yeah. The smells of pineapple. How was work today, honey? I mean, I found a lot of cum.

That's good, right? If you found a lot of cum, that's good. Didn't you say that was good? No. Oh, it's bad if you find cum. Yeah. But then, okay. Sorry, babe. It is all dry. Yeah, well. Do you want to get another job or do you think you're like good here? Like, no, I feel like I'm doing what I always meant to do. I know that your dad was a cum scratcher, but I feel like maybe it's time to, like, he was out there. It's just been part of our family for so long. I know, but I was, look, I found some of your short stories and they're beautiful. They're absolutely beautiful. Mom, yeah? When I grow up, I want to be a cum sniff-a-lot dad.

You leave this room. Why? You leave this room. You see what's happening? Tommy, you will not sniff cum like, I want you to be better than that. I've already started. On the next episode of cum sniffers. How long until we have a show on TV called Cum Sniffers? We're like, what, eight years away? I think everyone in this theater should be concerned about what James Fosdock is drawing right now. Oh my god. Yeah. As James Fosdock rolls a left-handed cigarette. Yeah. Cum sniffers, they said. Let the magic begin. He just goes into a trance and his body takes over. He's licking toads, just drawing. Latrobe had medical practitioners look through records to see if they could find any evidence of, quote, habitual penetration. Oh, right. What do the records say?

Also, he has tuberculosis and his butthole has been very worked over. Like what? Yeah. I mean, what are the records? I mean, really, you're at the point where people are just looking for cum in sheets and then doctors are like, you say it's just fiber, huh? Okay. The Trubb reported back to Gladstone that quote, vice of every description is to be met with on every and not as isolated spot with vice of every description is to be met with on every and not as isolated spots, but as per a pervading stain and that homosexuality was a stigma on the colony. I honestly don't know if you're talking about it in a larger sense or if you're talking about sheets at this point. Sheets. Like a nice 800 count. Right. So England is totally freaked out

by his report, even though the published report did not include the section on the quote prevalence of unnatural crime. Unfortunately, not releasing that section of the report just made people more interested in that part of the report. Sorry, what does that mean? So the graphic shit, he leaves out and then people are more like, what's, what is the left out? Walk us through it slowly, very slowly, super slowly. Look me in the eye. Yes. Yes. Act it out. Yes. Yes. Here, I'll be anyone and and I'll be anyone as well. All right. Together we'll be anyone. I'll be a pony. Sorry. Am I doing this right? You're in the wrong room. Oh, sorry. I'm going to give a pony play. Good boy. That happens all the time. It happens every, I see him every four months.

The trope was so worried. The trope was so worried that the crime was quote common talk with the lower classes that they were consequently tainted. He concluded that as long as convicts were put in gangs, the quote general tendency is to deeper degradation. So now they're saying if convicts are put in gangs, they're going to fuck each other. Right. That's just how it's going to happen. Right. This opinion was shared with those who worked in the colony. Amos Hutchinson, matron of a factory said quote, the moral evils have existed all along, though they have increased in proportion as the buildings have increased and become more crowded. England's totally freaked out by the gay sex that transportation to Tasmania was suspended for two years. Wow. Wow. Transportation

to Tasmania finally stopped because ladies were going down on ladies and men were going down on men. That's crazy. I always suspected. The trope's temporary rule wrapped up and a lieutenant governor Denison took over. Also super anti homosexuality. He took it up a notch. What? That's how he got the job. Sorry. He took it up a notch and started having probationers, assholes checked for regular signs of fucking. Wow. Like he was just going up to people who were assholes and saying, are you fucking? Yeah. Oh yeah. Literally having guys come in and doing asshole checks. Right. I mean, pretty hot, right? Not, not, not. Have you seen asshole checkers one, two, three or four? I saw the fourth one, but I was lost. Yeah. I saw the one in 3D and that was a mistake. I'm in it. No royalties.

Denison also ordered that lamps burn all night in the sleeping quarters and sidewalls were installed in bunks to keep the men from having easy access to each other. So you're basically proven, you're basically gay until proven straight at this point if you're a convict. The Ross female factory was located in the Midlands area of Tasmania. There the superintendent started seriously looking into female masturbation as well as the usual lesbian action because he believed female masturbation caused heart disease. Oh my god. Well, you know, I know it's given me heart disease. So. Well, I hate to tell you this, man, but your heart is very swollen and I think you need to lay off the clit. Lay off the what? We've got these patches. Just go

ahead and stop, stop rubbing away down there. And then my heart will be better. I think so. No. I am actually not a doctor. I wandered in here. I am what's known as a pervert. There must have been guys who walked in there like just like, show me what you were doing then. I'm in the jail next door. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be in here. I am. So this guy broke lesbians down into two awesome categories quote those who fell for when playing the man's part and man man slash women men slash women were butch looking and quote developed a pair of imperfect mustaches and what and would what the what developed a pair of imperfect mustaches developed a eyebrows. No, I think what like one here and might be one somewhere else.

I'm not sure. I don't know how lesbians work. What does he mean? What did he say again? Developed a pair of imperfect mustaches. Yep. You said it right. Yeah. So you got one up here. Yeah. And the other one. The other one's somewhere else. You know, they're connecting mustaches. Yep. They're like the mad magazine when you put the poster together at the back. That's a new shape. That was for the older people. Again, I'm I'm straight. So I don't know. I don't know what happens in this crazy world. But a couple of weird mustaches are hanging around somehow in a way. Imperfect. Imperfect. Right. The superintendent found lesbian equipment. Quote. What? Lesbians. I have learned. Keep going. I have learned that artificial substances

mechanically secured to the person form the substitute for the male organ. So I speak of sausages. So we just found dildos. Yeah. Early 18th century. So what the fuck? So they're not allowed to have dildos. They can't have gay sex. Well, they can't have dildos because that'll give them heart disease. Right. Gay sex will ruin the empire. Right. Yeah. But they're allowed to have two perfect mustaches. Right. But your option is celibacy is really what they're having. But that's all they want you to do is not fuck or jerk off. Oh, yeah. You'll be able to teach that. But the superintendent didn't last long at his job, even though he was doing great anti-lesbian work because he was caught stealing booze and drugs from patients at the

factory. Yeah. Always. A man of God. Yeah. The Reverend Robert Crook, a convict. Well, it was disappointing for him. He was always going to end up in Australia, wasn't he, with a last name like that? He was a convict department chaplain. He said that quote, blood runs cold at the thought of a sodomite being the servant of a respectable household. Wow. So now there's concern that after convicts are released, they will bring the infection of homosexuality into the houses they get hired into. So everyone. What do you mean released? Well, they're convicts. So when they're done being a convict, they usually do it on the face. But sometimes if it's a good movie and it's tender and loving, it'll be inside of

what? So the, the, the, the idea is that once they leave, they might still be homosexual. Well, they're thinking that if you ever had sex with another man or another woman, then you become a servant, then you're sort of bringing that into the house. Oh, right. You're going to tag people with your gayness. Yeah. Right. Sure. You know, you've got a nice heterosexual house. Right. Next minute you come home on the TV, repulsed there. Fuck, they've done it again. Right. So this is the era when people thought gay was airborne. Yeah. Pretty much. Right. Yeah. So in 1847, Britain decided to redo the whole convict situation. The first convicts would serve time in a British jail and then they would spend time doing hard labor and then they would be

transported to New South Wales. So like, like they're trying to keep the part where they are in groups in England where they clearly don't have sex with the same sex. Right. Yeah. But once you leave the continent, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Once you're off England, you're like, where, where, where can I fucking do that? If you're on England, you're like, I like women. Women for me. Yeah. Go out and get some vitamin D. That's what would happen, right? Yeah. Not sure what just happened. The people in New South Wales were not down with all the homosexual stuff happening. So they started protesting at the ports when the ships came. In 1849, the trope was forced to turn away a transport ship that arrived to drop off a bunch of criminals

in Melbourne because people were so upset that there would be so many gays on the ship. The ship then went to Sydney where it found 8,000 protesters and then it moved on to Morton Bay where they were finally allowed to land and, and release their homosexuals into the wild. Right. Yes. Big shout out to Morton Bay. Nice work. The last exile ship in New South Wales was in 1850 and the final one to Tasmania was in 1853. The result of the investigations and attempted crackdowns was that the mid 19th century view of homosexuality would for decades be associated with Tasmania. So they thought in a way homosexuality was born of Tasmania. Yeah. Which is amazing because if you look at Tasmania and the shape of Tasmania, that's very

funny. What does it look like? In 1867. What does Tasmania look like? It's the first. I think I know. That's the first funny thing someone said on this whole tour. Yeah. Truly. Yeah. Truly. Usually someone yells something out and there's a horrible awkward silence. Yeah. We got a good one. And we look at the guy and we go, see, you shouldn't do that. Worth it, bro. Worth it. So. That's actually Will Anderson out there. Well done on the show, but he turned up in the audience. Well played, Will. In 1867, Tasmania was the last place in the British Empire to hang someone for being gay. Gay people continue to be persecuted on the island. Over the next century, Tasmania had the highest per capita rate of imprisonment

for consenting male sex anywhere in the world. Though until 1949, the death penalty was still on the books for sodomy in Victoria. Holy shit. So congratulations to you, Melbourne. In the late 1980s, Premier Robin Gray said that homosexuals were unwelcome in Tasmania. Yeah. Police would record vehicle plates of people who attended gay community meetings. Right. You know what? It's not quite as funny when you get closer to the time now. It's funny when it's hundreds of years ago, right? But you would really think that we would have become more comfortable with it by now. Oh, fuck. Do you remember America? I'm trying not to. Things were not great. Things were not great at this point in America either. Have you ever

heard of Reagan? In 1988, the Salamanca markets in Hobart had their usual Saturday community market of people selling stuff and promoting causes in booths. One was the Tasmanian Gay Law Reform Group. So the Hobart City Council the next week banned their stall. Okay. But the gay, by the way, you're banning the stall of the Gay Law Reform Group. It's going to be a hard ride for you. The Gay Law Reform Group kept running it and the council told the police to then arrest them for trespassing. So they were like, how can we arrest them for trespassing? It's a public place. So the city council drew a yellow line around their booth. Instead of the activists stepped over it, they would be arrested for trespassing. Yeah. There's, look, Australians,

we fucking rebel against all sorts of things. We're our own people. But if you see a yellow line, you fucking respect it. Do you know what I mean? You got to respect it. They're saying they can't cross it or they can't leave it. They can't cross it. Cross it. They can't go past it. Right. Okay. So they're like sitcomming. Okay. Cool. So they're activists. So they did and they were arrested. Also anyone who had a petition or was carrying a banner or wearing a badge, a badge that had the words gay or lesbian or a pink triangle were arrested. And they just kept coming back weekend after weekend and getting arrested. Altogether 130 were arrested. Jesus Christ. Some were banned for life from the market. Others were threatened with arrest if they just left their houses on

Saturday morning. Just Saturday morning? Yeah. Well, Saturday is a big gay day. So I call it Saturday. I mean, I really think it's a big. Yeah. So they're not allowed to leave their houses. Yeah. What? It's just typical 80s stuff. If you're gay, can't leave your house, so they get arrested. Right. It's 1988. So this went on until the charges were found to be legally dubious. And then they stopped. Now in the early 1990s, Tasmania had the harshest penalty for gay sex in the entire Western world. Yeah. Someone could get 21 years imprisonment for consenting sex. Yeah. So basically, if you sodomize someone, you were locked up in a place with lots of other people who will sodomize you. That's what I mean. Like it's like they're just

like, well, we'll throw them around men. That'll fix this problem. Yeah. That'll teach you. You want to be gay? Well, get in this room with a bunch of hot prisoners. Oh God, stop them. Stop them. Yeah. Yeah. Damn it. Stop fucking. You're making me so hard. God damn it. Politician Robert Archer called for homosexuals to be quote, tracked down and wiped out by police. They held rallies where people chanted kill them. Oh my God. Normal. Weirdly enough, when they brought the police down to enforce that law, they got the policemen from the village people. And this guy's terrible. He's just fucking the guys. Yeah.

Many LGBT Tasmanians moved off the island or lived in a closet or worse. In 1993, Nicholas Toonan, a gay activist, challenged the Tasmania sodomy laws. He argued since he was a well-known gay activist and live with a man that his life and liberty were being threatened. And Tasmania said they needed the laws to stop the spread of HIV and AIDS. And also because morality. Right. Yeah. So they have a pretty good case. Yeah. No, the argument, it holds up in a couple of different really good ways. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. It's clearly they got a fucking legal home run. Yeah. Absolutely. By the way, I can't believe you're not doing this story in Hobart. But anyway, keep going. What's going on? What are you gonna move? What are you doing?

That's my up your Hobart move. There we go. He's only used one finger. He doesn't love you. Now that's a blooming onion. Now you know what a blooming onion is. No one listening has any idea what's happening. I think that's a great joke. Toonan brought his complaint before the United Nations Human Rights Committee. Okay. And they agreed. And then the Australian federal government also agreed. Okay. We're really good that way. Yeah. Oh, hang on. What do you think? Oh, yeah. Now we agree as well. Yeah. But Tasmania, the parliament refused to repeal the laws. So the federal government passed the Human Rights Sexual Conduct Act in 1994 legalizing sexual activity between consenting adults. Okay.

And in 1997, another man applied to the High Court of Australia as to whether the Tasmanian laws were inconsistent with federal laws. And Tasmania finally repealed their laws. There we go. What followed in Tasmania was education in schools, health departments, the police all over. In 1988, support for decriminalization was 15% below average. But in 1997, it was 15% above average. In August 2016, Tasmania became the first state to pass support for same-sex marriage. Oh, education. That's weird. Yeah, it's crazy. It's almost like if you treat gay people as if they're normal, that everything's fine, right? So bizarre. Crazy enough to work. The anti homosexual acts had been based on an act passed by English parliament in 1533. Holy

shit. Called the act for the punishment of vise of buggery. Vise of buggery. You know, I have to be honest, I really enjoyed listening to Dave say that. Can you say that again in place? Yeah, baby, I can. The act of the punishment of vise of buggery. Yeah, that was good. Get that as a ringtone later, kids. Oh, Dave's on the fine again. It's amazing that that's a time when you're trying to sound so competent, but you're still using buggery as your term. Yeah, you will find a guilty of crimes of buggery. Do bugger him, medically speaking. The 1533 act defined buggery as an unnatural act of the will of God and man.

That is so fucking vague. Well, so, so there are a lot of things, but if you're if you're holding on to, you know, marriage shouldn't be between two men, then you're holding on to shit from 1533. So congratulations. Also, why don't you go burn a witch, you fuck. Yeah. Yeah. 1533. Yeah. So when they would die, like anything they would diagnose you with, they would just be like, well, I've got good news, bad news. The bad news is you've got trolls living in your heart. The good news is we've got a way to get at them. Yeah. We're gonna light a fire inside of your stomach. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be touch and go for a minute, but medical science has proven that this is the wave of the future. These damn trolls, they are. We also have a new idea. We

have these things called leeches. Yeah. Yeah. Seriously. There we go. Feel better? No, I'm losing blood. Hmm. It's definitely not the leeches. The hell is it? You're not gay, are you? So in 2011, the UN High Commissioner for Human Rights described the Tasmanian decision as, quote, a watershed with wide ranging implications for the human rights of millions of people. So basically, this guy in Tasmania and Nicholas Tunein sort of changed the world. Right. Right. It's good. God damn. And the great thing now is Australia's perfect. So that's worked out well. Yeah. You guys nailed it. Yeah. We nailed it. As we like to call you the next America. We see it. We see the signs. It's pretty fucked up. We see a lot of us and you guys. Yeah. And congratulations.

Right. That is so fucking crazy, though. I really, I'll just, you know, you just never understand that shit. And it's all the idea that this stuff comes from religion is just like who believes in this person who lives in the sky, who created you. Yeah. And yet somehow he fucked it all up. And now people are like, if he's got, if he's so fucking smart or she, whoever the, whatever this bubble of energy that people shut the fuck up. Yeah. Finally, whoever it is, preach all seeing all knowing has a perfect plan knows everything created gay people will answer that shit. Yeah. How the fuck did he do it? He fucked up. Well, then he's stupid. Don't worship it. So fucking legalize gay marriage here. Just legalize. And

by the way, the only reason it's legal in America is not because of we voted and not because of the politicians who all of them, Obama, everybody was against it. It was because the courts did it. Nobody else fucking did it. Yeah. It was the courts. So we're, we didn't do anything awesome. Our courts did. Yeah. Right. And I mean, really came it like the idea that we like we really threaded the fucking needle on a couple of things like gay marriage and legalization of weed. I mean, we had like three years to actually get some cool shit done. And now we're, you know, undoing all of it fast. We're having a fucking yard sale. Anyway, when I can't believe you have a reality star as your president, but when you come down and

meet Prime Minister Osha Gunsberg, it will be. I mean, I mean, literally, if you've ever heard my album, literally my dad, my dad is the president of United States of America. Like literally, it's the same guy. I believe it's called emperor now. Yeah. So do you want to move here? Yeah, there's some great places in Tasmania. So well, the problem is if you move here, you got to marry some. Like I wouldn't be able to shut up, Dave. Like I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be able to shut up. Stop ruining it. Like I wouldn't be able to move here unless I like find somebody who like, like cared about you. Yeah, but like genuinely cared. Like somebody who was like, like I'm not looking for some bullshit. Like I'm talking about bullshit anymore.

I've had my heart broken too many times. I've just, you know, so if you know of anyone, I think I do. Thank you guys so much. We appreciate it. Thanks for coming out.