The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 307 - Naked Joseph Knowles

Episode Date: December 19, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine great survivalist Joseph Knowles. SOURCESTOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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history podcast. So what happens is once a week I read a story me dog owner X Goldfish owner. What happened to the fish? The doggie? Ice-tea drinker Dave Anthony. I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds cat owner. No. Dammit. He has no idea what the topic is going to be about. No your place. Thank you. And called it quote his jam patch. Jam? I'm the fucking hippo guy. Dave okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gareth. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tiggily podcast. Okay. This is like an ad on a five part coefficient. My room's a place. Now hit him with a puppy. You both present sick

arguments. No sleep, no hippo. That's like no hippo. Action partner. Hi Gary. No. Nicely done my friend. Can we just talk about how your cat is actually sleeping 100% on my backpack like it is a bed? He's awesome. Like there's no... Oh yeah. No he really it's not like he's leaning on it. He's fully formed it into a bed. He's awesome but also you can't see my backpack anymore because he's so... Dude you can... First of all see your backpack. Okay this will be a good... You should post this after this goes up so that you can corroborate. I mean he really... He's a big boy. He's a good boy and he's lost weight. I didn't say good. I said big.

And he's lost weight. So anybody who's having fun like your Dave Anthony's of the world who are... Oh this picture is gonna counter. He's lost weight. All your talk. He's lost weight. He's licking low. How do you know he's lost weight? Because I could tell with his dexterity. Okay he's way more flexible. 1869! The Lord of our Jesus Christ. The year of our Jesus. What? Dave don't riff. Your Lord. Stick to the script. It is the year Lord. The year Lord? What's going on with you? Good Lord. Next thing you're gonna be picking up a cup with three hands. Joseph Knowles was born in Maine. Okay. He had three siblings. Sure. How many... How many did he have when he

grew? Oh they all... I think they all live... They fall off. We stop following them right after that sentence. I'm gonna guess that the... For my sake can I just assume that they all perished? Yeah. I mean we actually never hear from them again. I don't know what happened. I think I know. His dad was a disabled Civil War vet. Okay. That's the one crutch look back then, right? Yep. And probably on heroin I would imagine. That's what happened back in the day. We'll get there. We're there now. His mom sold moccasins, firewood, and berries that she gathered in the forest. Okay. That's how the family got by. Sure. On moccasins,

firewood, and berry sales. Sure. They... Yep. Pretty typical. Oh yeah. Well those three go hand-in-hand. They were poor locals in Wilton, Maine, and the other locals made fun of them. Okay. Why? Because of the... Because of the moccasins, berry, and twig money? Yeah. Well when the lady comes out of the woods with the berries, then you make fun of her. Hmm. That's how it worked in America back then. Wilton is a small town about 75 miles north of Portland. Okay. Joe quote, the scholars poked fun at my home spuns, tore the patches off my clothes, and stole my lunch. Wow. And to make a good job of it, they broke up the bread and threw the

crumbs to the birds. Well that's... I mean that's just... that's bullying. That's... Yeah, that's... That's too far. Yeah. Right? Bullying went on all the way until about 1999. Mm-hmm. Thank God it stopped. Joe was also bullied by his own father. What? His dad got in it? Yeah, you idiot. Give me those patches. Give me your bread. Hey, eat the bread, birds. Dad, that was our bread. Shit! Shit! After he was given a beating when he was 13 years old, Joe ran away from home. Okay. And then he got a job working on a cargo ship. Okay. Yeah, 13. Which is how a lot of dogs started. You know, at some point, Dave, that would have... that sounded crazy to me. Yeah. At some point when we did this podcast, I would

have said, 13 on a cargo ship? What? And now you're like, yeah, that's... you're pretty pretty old. Yeah. I'm serious. He traveled the world on various ships in Cuba, South America, the Mediterranean, China, and Japan. At 17 years old, he joined the Navy and returned home for the first time in four years. Yeah. Time to break dad's bread up. He now had a tattoo of a woman twirling a snake. That was... that was... you had to get that, right? Yeah, that's... I think that was Navy... Mandatory? Navy standard. Yeah. So he's got a lady twirling a snake, okay? Nope. He came back to visit a couple years later and brought a bottle of whiskey as a gift for his dad. I have a

feeling... I don't think he likes his dad. I think we got a real boy named Sue's situation going on. His dad did not say a word and did not touch the bottle. Interesting. Quote, he just gave me a look and that was all. That hurt more than all the lickings he'd ever given me. It feels like this guy... maybe their relationship would be better with a little bit of a wonder year's narrator. I think that's what I am. That was the last time I gave my dad a bottle of bourbon. I think that's what I am. That's what his dad was. Quiet. Quiet. But Kevin's dad in the wonder years was at least a good dad. Yeah. Stern. Except that episode when he

beat the shit. I think you're thinking of this story. And then Kevin went and worked on a cargo ship. No, no, that's definitely this. I think he was in his... he was in middle school. No, that's this. And then he got that tattoo of Whimmy. That's this. That's what you just read, dummy. Whimmy swinging a snake. Whimmy? Good, Dave. I didn't realize I was going up against the Ken Jennings of the wonder years. Shit. You got a deep edge, sir. After the Navy, Joe worked as a trapper and hunting guide in the main woods. Okay. Apparently, he wanted to be an artist. Joe eventually made his way to Boston where he worked as an illustrator. So he's like a cartoonist. He gets gets job working

doing cartoons. Okay. Which is a big, big industry. So we're in the early 1900s, though. I think it's now like the 1890s-ish. Okay. So he spends a lot of time in Boston. He's living there. He spent some time working in the Boston Post. I really like drinking. Like going out to bars. Okay. Well, he's in Boston. Yeah. So I should have just said living in Boston. Yeah, no choice. The early 1900s were also the golden age of publicity stunts. Well, Dave, and there we are. Nineteen-O-Woman. That's what brings us here. In 1901, a woman became the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Uh-huh. She lived. It's funny. People have sent me that as a as a dollop

suggestion. And that's pretty much the story. Yeah. She lives, right? Yeah. Yeah. But then many, many other people have died. Yeah, a lot of people have died. Yeah. It's a bad thing to do. Yeah. They actually, to like fix it once, they actually, they actually stop the water and then fix the cliff area. It's kind of a weird, yeah. There's a picture of it. It sort of takes a little bit of the natural wonder out of it. Yep. And I turn off the river. They just have a switch. Yeah, there you go. Things are different up in Canada. Sure. So in 1911, a Ford dealer in Kansas invented auto polo. Auto polo? So cars, yeah. He invented auto polo? Yeah, like horse polo. Yeah. Oh, he was, he wanted to do polo from cars? They did. He did do

polo from cars? Yeah, he invented it and then they did it. I mean, it's a, it's a weird. Invented feels like a strong term. I might not have used the right word. Yeah. 1924 to promote a movie. An actor sat on top of a high pole outside of a theater in Los Angeles for 13 hours and 13 minutes. This started the short lived flagpole sitting craze. What? I don't know. We'll go into that one. I'm sure at some point. People sat on flagpoles? Yeah. I kind of knew that, but I didn't realize that was, what is it? You just sit, you'd sit atop, you'd sit it on, you'd just sit on the very top. Yep. Right. No, right. We could probably go right up your butt. Yeah. That's, I mean, is that really much of a contest?

It's really just whose butt can swallow a flagpole? He must have been so sore after 13 hours. Oh, yeah. I assume he had like a little piece of wood or something. Oh, I got a little piece of wood for him. So in 1913, Joe was at a bar with his drinking buddy, Michael McCow, okay, who was a freelance writer. Okay. And the two men were drinking. And as usual, Joe was going on and on about his main adventures he'd had in the woods as a trapper and hunting guide. Oh, you should have seen the berries. Mom would have cried. Yeah. I don't know if that was probably more like, and then we came up on a bear. And I found a moccasin. Yeah, probably like that. So McCow had just read Robinson Crusoe and was amazed that the book

was still selling so well. It's two centuries after it's been published. So he's like, there's something to this story. Right. And he came. Oh, boy, he came up with an idea. Oh, boy. The idea was Joe. Oh, God, naked. Oh, my God. Living alone and surviving in the woods. Uh huh. Oh, that's what that's. Mikio said, quote, will make a million. Then he wrote up an outline of his idea on a notepad. Boy, this writer needed a job. This would also be a book. Quote, Tuesday kills bear. That's what he wrote down on the notepad. Oh, my God. Part of the book adventures. Obviously, they were, uh, they were getting into some very interesting stuff. He's coming up with some great ideas. So Mikio asked Joe, quote,

but are you sure you, are you sure you can do this, Joe? And Joe described five or six ways that he could do this that he could survive or that he could kill a bear. I think both. So this writer is just sort of blue skying things he can do in the woods. And he's like, yeah, I got that. They're coming up on outline for the woods. Never been said. So Joe went to see the Sunday editor at the Boston Post. Post was a struggling paper. There were 10 daily papers in Boston at the time, and the post was losing readers to the new and exciting Boston American owned by William Randolph Hearst. Okay. So yellow journalism. Sure. So Joe pitched the idea saying the paper could boost its readership by sending him to the

main woods to live naked for a while. So and the angle, so they're not, they're not pretending that this is like crazy man in the woods, comes forward. They're like, we'll pitch. This is going to be like a survival challenge. Yeah. Yeah. I go out into the woods with nothing, but my skin and I will, I will survive. This is like my favorite show that you've seen me watch. I know. What's it called, Dave? Naked and afraid. Yep. Thank you. Shake your head. It's a great show. It's this. While he was there, Joe would make drawings and write status reports on with charcoal on birch bark, and then he'd leave them in the crook of a designated tree. So reporters would know where to get, get the notes. Why not have

paper and because that takes away the charm. He's got nothing. He has nothing. He's using what's there in nature. Okay. Okay. Probably could get some good facts out if he had a pen and paper and that was it. But he, that's not in, if he finds, if there's one grown from a tree or whatever, then that's totally game. Oh, if he finds a pen bush or notebook bush. Oh yeah. Local guides would come and get the reports that bring them to need pen. Other reporters like Mekio, right? The guy who came up with the idea who would be, they would be in a nearby cabin and they'd write up the stories about his crazy survival in the woods. Sure. Nothing. Sure. Naked part was important. Of course it was. Because

Tarzan of the Apes was incredibly popular at the time. Uh-huh. Pulp magazines had also come about in 1896 and they gave working class people a chance to get lost in the wilderness they would never know, right? So the idea is that it's an immersive tale about this man and people are going to sort of follow the day-to-day drama. Yeah, we've gone through, we've also gone through industrialization. People are living in cities now. Right. They're much more distant from nature. Right. So this idea, people are like reading about these sort of things and they're loving nature stories. Oh, honja, here with the naked man in the woods. Oh, the little Tarzan one. That's right. I think he found himself a pen. I don't

like this paper. I don't like you. Oh, honey. Jack London had best-selling novels like Call of the Wild. I still like that one. In which tough men tested their limits in nature and Teddy Roosevelt had changed the way people looked at nature after the brainy elitism of Thoreau. Roosevelt said modern men needed to avoid being overly soft and overly sentimental that came from living in cities. Quote, unless we keep the barbarian virtue, gaining the civilized ones will be of little avail. Bulley. Bulley. So Joe and McKeough's idea of a naked man in the forest was perfect for the time. It would answer Roosevelt's question, had man become too soft. This is a big deal of the time with all the new modern mentions

coming. It's such a rapid place. The car, the elevator, the telephone, et cetera. Could man still be primitive and live in a forest? How's he going to play auto polo? That's my question. That's not, well, the Sunday editor said yes. Of course. And agreed to pay. This is the Joe millionaire of the paper. It really is. And agreed to pay Joe a now unknown amount. The paper pushed the story for weeks to get people excited. And then on a drizzly August morning, Joe headed to Eustis, Maine. I probably said that wrong, but E-U-S-T-I-S. Eustis? That sounds close. Right? I'm sure I said it wrong. People are going to scream at me. I'm from Eustis, Maine. It was in... I live in Eustis. Yeah, right.

That's exactly what's going to happen. It was in western Maine, right? So it's over near the border of Canada, about 30 miles from the border of Canada. Okay. Or 40. It's about 30 miles from the nearest rail line, so it's pretty isolated. Sure. It's all good. It's a perfect place. Right. In the sense that there's no one there to help him. Right. Joe went to his designated starting spot at the head of the Spencer Trail. He was just in a brown suit and tie. Why? A bunch of reporters and hunting guides surrounded him. Joe then removed his clothes until he was wearing just a white jockstrap. So he is wearing something. He was not exactly a physical specimen. Oh, boy. He was 5'9 and 180 pounds. Okay. His

gut hung a bit. His arms were flabby. Sure. Since he had a bit of a dad bod situation. And this is before dad Bob was in. Correct. No muscle tone whatsoever to speak of. Alright. I think we're being a little harsh now. It's like looking at a fit, like a blobby fish sort of thing. Okay. So we're talking about a blinking scallop going in the woods. Yes. He had the body of a 44 year old cartoonist who liked to drink. Right. Okay. I'll be fine once I find my whiskey river. Draw some trees. Yeah. He told the reporters he would come out of the woods in a full deer skin outfit. This is ambitious. Maybe even with an entire deer skin wardrobe. I don't know. I might have deer mittens. I don't know how many deer

I'm going to kill. Let's just say I might be actually I might be walking as a deer when you see me. I may come back as a clothing line. I think I might marry a deer. The reporters asked now for the new fall lineup. I've come up within the forest. The reporters asked what he was going to eat. Quote wild cherries, artichokes and frogs legs. Oh, buddy. None of those. I don't think artichokes grow wild in Maine. I doubt it. I mean, cherries, I think so. Frogs. Yeah. There's plenty of frogs around there. Of the frog. Yeah. I think of the frog the legs are actually the best part. My guess is there's a lot of meat. I don't think so. Get a little bit of rib meat. Yum. Rib. There's no ribs on a frog. Good ribs.

It's just all rack of ribs. Slop. A little bit of sauce. It's like a bag of organs. Yeah. Chewy organs. Once you run out of artichokes, you're going to get desperate. Yeah. Artichokes. I'll be eating pineapples and coconuts. Artichokes. You name it. Clearly a man who knows the Maine woods. Yep. Ready to go. Two doctors examined Joe. He's in terrible condition to verify that he was not smuggling out any survival tools. Well, I think we know what that means. That was a butthole check. That's a butt check. All right. Now pretend we're a flagpole. Someone offered him a last cigarette. Put it up my butt. Joe took it and enjoyed a few drags. Then he threw the cigarette. This is not going to go well, obviously. He

threw the cigarette butt on the ground and said, quote, see you later, boys, and turned and walked off. It's actually the other way, Joe. See you later, boys. That was the highway. I'm really going to have a lot of trouble getting over the artichoke. Yeah. Oh, you should. He went over a small hill named Bear Mountain toward nearby Spencer Lake. The lake was about four miles away. Okay. When he could no longer be seen by reporters, he took off his jock strap and threw it into the bushes. All right. So now we're where we need. Now fully nude. This is the one thing like, do you need to be fully nude? Because this is the most upsetting point. I don't want my stuff out for the bugs or whatever. Well, I will say this is where

my expertise from watching every episode of naked and afraid will come into play. Bugs will go after your genitals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They will be biting them. And it's from what I've heard. Itchy, right? Oh, it's a painful process. Yeah. I mean, you can get, like in some areas like what the damage that bugs can do, it also depends on your skin type and that sort of stuff. But yeah, they can, I mean, completely ruin your quality of life completely. Yeah, I mean, so the idea of removing your jock strap, if you had it, I would say, yeah, leave it on. Yeah. But he didn't, he stuck with his, he would later write in one of his notes found by reporters. So, so that he can enjoy quote the full freedom

of the life I was to lead. Sure. It was raining now. Yeah. But he kept hiking. He had bare feet. So he slipped in the mud, but managed to get over bare mountain. At some point he saw a deer. He wrote quote, she looked good to me. And for the first time in my life, I envied a deer her hide. I could not help thinking what a fine pair of chaps her hide would make and how good a strip of smoked venison would taste a little later. Therefore, before me was food and protection, food that millionaires would envy and clothing that would outweigh the most costly suit the tailor could supply. Yeah. How are you going to get it? Throw your penis at it? Well, he decided not to kill the deer due to gaming laws at

the time. And he's respecting gaming laws. It's out of season. See, I gotta, I just gotta wait for the artichoke. I'll just check my lobster traps. He was hungry, wet and cold. That night he couldn't sleep. Why? He really wasn't sure what to do. He did pull ups on a tree. What? Okay. I mean, that's sort of smart. Get your body temperature up. Quote, on a short spruce limb, I drew myself up and down trying to see how many times I could touch my chin to the limb. When I got tired of this, I would run around under the trees for a while. Okay. So, so he knows survival better than most. Yeah, it also sounds like it's lonely and he might be already going a bit bad. It's two hours. I'm on the Olympics

again. All this information was gathered from notes he left in the designated tree. The second day. Oh my God. Day two. He made a basket out of birch bark and started gathering berries. Okay. Smart. He speared two. Gonna need some water soon. Yeah. He speared two trout, but found out the hard way he wasn't alone when a mink stole them. Oh, wow. Jesus. Fucking minks. You can't trust a mink. Man, if he came out of there with a mink coat on, how are you? Hello, everyone. Hi. I went into the woods and came out gorgeous. Hello. Joe tried to light a fire, but it was due to damp from the rains. He built a shack out of dead sticks, fur, moss, and then laid down naked and hungry. Sure. Yeah. Not ideal. On the

Sunday he went into the woods. The post ran a whole special section on him with the headline naked as caveman. He enters woods. This isn't a newspaper. No. There was a profile studio portrait of Joe. His head was bowed and smoke drifted up from his cigarette. An affidavit was printed signed by 17 of the witnesses who were there confirming he entered the woods at 4 a.m. on August 4th, quote, alone, empty-handed and without clothing. A Dr. Dudley Sargent, the founder of the physical training school for women and the physical director at Harvard, wrote, quote, his attempt to live like primal men would have a scientific value. He will be interested to know how the lack of salt will affect nobles. It'll be interesting to

see the lack of salt. Yeah. So what happens to him when he doesn't have access to salt? Yeah. Okay. Is that that's very specific? That's the Harvard guy, though. He's working worried about sodium levels. He's got his own sort of thing he's into. Yeah. I would think there's, I mean, Minks are stealing his food. Yeah. I mean, yes, but he will not be able to use salt. And I think that'll be quite a predicament when he finds how bland some of his forest food is. That's all I have to say. My name is Dr. Sargent. I'm from Harvard. Thank you. On day three, Joe sowed a pair of witch grass leggings and built a dam across Little Spencer stream to trap fish. So he's, you know, all right. Pretty good. Yeah. I

mean, he wouldn't want witch grass leggings. Yeah. I guess I really can't picture what those are, but I think he, I think he, I would just picture like he, so I think witch grass is larger, thicker grass. Sure. And I think he just basically made something to protect his shins and because when he's walking around, how, how does he keep, what does he do? He's just like we've getting some sort of cordage or something. He's weaving together. Oh, okay. Okay. Oh, that's a good look. Yeah. The fourth morning, he was able to make a fire and ate baked trout for breakfast. Pretty good. Shits coming together. Then the report stopped appearing in the tree. Okay. So that's not good. No one knew what was going on. Okay. The silence

would last for 11 days. Oh, shit. The post ran with it, making drama out of the lack of information. The paper reported as main woodsman thought Joe was injured. Yeah. The paper filled the void by writing about Joe's past covering his days as a Navy man and stories about what men used to do in the wild. So they're, they're vamping and also what, what men who spend their time in the wild think of Joe. Yeah. And how did jockstraps come to be? Yeah. Also what's up with jockstraps? Minks, the new dinner stealers. Trout. Trout. Trout. Trout. The musical. We're out of fucking ideas. Good God. Find him. 11 fucking days. Come on. It's 11 days. We have nothing left. Water. It's what's in rivers. Oh, shit. These

are bad. But the real reason Joe wasn't putting notes in the tree was because he was a sad, lazy son of a bitch. The truth was, he had actually gone straight to a cabin after leaving the reporters at the trailhead. What? He arrived just hours later. We know this because Mikio was there, though would not report his side of the story for years. Joe entered the cabin wearing the jockstrap sat down and said absolutely nothing. He was the living embodiment of melancholy. He just sat there in the cabin for weeks. So his 11 day absence was just because he didn't want to leave any more notes after four days in the fake wild. So he's just too, he's sitting in a cabin and he can't even make the walk to leave the notes. That's

right. Because he's lazy. Yes. I really was starting to think this guy was like doing great out there. He's having trout breakfast. He made witchgrass pants. I wanted to bring in a little bit, but none of that's happening. A dam? He built a dam. Yeah. It's that he's just in a cabin like, pork's a little undercooked. I mean, the minks stealing the fish kind of a giveaway. I mean, yes, because you would think there would be like, I mean, but you could also put the fish aside as he's trying to catch more fish and a couple minks come over and take them. A couple of minks just cruise by and grab them. Look, it's not, it's a bit of a rich shirt. Sure. After 11 days, on August 24th, a note appeared. A page one

of the post, there was a sketch Joe had made of a wildcat. Whoa. Memories of cartoonists. Yeah. The headline read, Noel catches bear and pit and kills it with club. Whoa. So his 11 day absence was because he was in a bear brawl in a hole. Cause look, shit's gone up a notch. Right. Man fighting bear now. With a club. Yeah. A fucking club. That he made out of witchgrass. He made it out of when he, yeah, there was a, there was probably a branch. Okay. And he took that down. And he fashioned it into a club. Rocks maybe. And then when did he dig the hole with his hands deep enough for a bear to fall in? I'm sure he made a shovel out of stone. It's an artichoke shovel. I made a shovel out of mink bones.

Okay. So, uh, you ever seen a fish spade? No. Welcome to my world. I'm a woodsman. Come on. Uh, right. So he kills his bear. The story said the bear was just a year old. So I think to give it a realism. For sure. Cause he's not going to kill a, an old, uh, big, large bear. Right. Yeah. So it's like a cup. He's also going to have troubles with, uh, a cup, I would guess. I mean, he is naked. No, it comes like, it, it comes like, it'd be hard. I mean, I've boxed bears. So yeah. But that was for charity. Yeah. Yeah. But a, but a cub, a cub, even as big as me, I mean, a cup size is still large. It's claws. Yeah. Also they have the claws razor sharp claws. Those are in early. So, uh, it's not yet bunting.

It's not yet, uh, bear hunting season. So the post story discussed whether or not Joe would be arrested because the post is trying to make more drama out of whatever is happening. Sure. Quote, the wardens are mustering the courage to tackle the forest man in his lair and drag him out. So wait, the cops are so now, so now he's a fugitive. Well, now the, now the newspaper is trying to get people to think that the, that the, the fuzz is after him in the forest. There's so much going on. Different times. Um, uh, they actually did come. Okay. In late September, uh, Mikio said Joe, uh, was so brooding and lethargic that he just ignored Mikio's repeated orders to run because the game warrants were coming.

Is this true? Yeah. This part is true. Yeah. But Joe's in a cabin. Yeah. Mikio's with him. And he's like, dude, don't get out of here. Get out of here. The wardens are going to come. They're going to come knock on the fucking door and you can't be in here. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm watching my stories on the TV. Come on, my stories are on. Let me watch two more stories that I'll run from the sheriffs. Uh, quote, you'll be put in prison, Joe. You'll be put in prison. Joe just sat there. He finally only got up and took off when he heard footsteps right outside the cabin. Wow. This guy is definitely a crammer for exams. He's, he's

a real piece of shit. Mikio said Joe was a complete nightmare of a roommate when they lived together in the cabin. Uh, worst of all, it was when Mikio walked 12 miles to Eustace and bought an apple pie, which he carried all the way back. Oh God. When he got back to the cabin, he put it on the windows sill to stay cool overnight. So that actually happened. Yeah. That's a real thing that people did. I would just assume that's a cartoonist's way of pursuing it. It came from, it came from what life was, man. Sure. Um, and the next morning when he woke, he heard the sound of feet and turn in time to see hands coming up and grabbing the pie from the windowsill. This actually happened. And then he watched

as Joe ran off into the woods. Is Joe animated? Where Joe sat down and enjoyed the entire pie by himself. So Joe, the cartoonist actually like lived a cartoon. I mean, he liked Pepe Le Pew to pie. So the thing here is, is that they are trying to get Joe to lose weight. So when he comes out, he'll be thinner. So I think that Joe's not happy with the starvation diet or whatever he's on. Right. So he sees a fucking pie. Yeah. And he's crashing. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, none of this, none of this stuff. I caught a pie in the river. I killed a pie with my own hands. Now this stopped Joe from writing a letter on Birch Park to President Woodrow Wilson. My object is to demonstrate that modern man is not only the equal of primitive

man in ability to maintain himself, but that civilization has so improved the human mind that he may add to primitive life accomplishments, which our early ancestors never knew. Written from a cabin where he had to eat and pie. Also almost identical to one said by Tar Tarzan's father, Lord Greystroke, just before he is killed by an ape. Oh my God. The man is plagiarizing Tarzan's father. It's yeah, it's not. He's not. He probably, I would assume, uh, McEw is writing those things anyway, right? Who knows? To the president. He wrote it on Birch Park. Yeah. Let's say you write letters to the president back there. Yeah. Well, his name is Wood. I'll stop. I should. Don't even want to take off. I mean, should I leave it

as my home, but I have no problem leaving it. I'd rather just be here. Meanwhile, the city and others around, uh, meanwhile in the city and others around the country were enthralled by the naked man's life in the woods. Turns out McEw was right. This was exactly what the public wanted between August when he left and October when he returned. The post circulation rose from 200,000 to more than 436,000. Okay. So they got a winner. Yeah. So people believe this man lived in the woods for two months basically thriving. Yeah. Beating bears and bear pits. And they're loving every day of it. Mink trout fights. Trout fights, mink and mink fights. Meanwhile, he's just cartooning pies off window sills and eating them in the

woods depressed. It's the true story. It's a different story. Yeah. It's a guy sad in the cabin. That would actually be one I'd like to read. Sad in the cabin. Yeah. Sad in the cabin. Pie thief. Pie thief. Sad in cabin. People wanted if Joe knew the legal danger he was in, right? From killing the bear. Boy, they really, uh, and, uh, where he was. One reporter made a quote long, hard tramp for two days to find Joe's camp. The reporter came back. He made a tramp for camp. Tramp camp. Yep. Tramp for camp. Uh, the reporter came back more than a bit confused. He had found bits of bark chopped with blunt instruments, broken branches marking a crude trail and a small lean to quote. Here was the scene of

a great struggle, not the marks of a physical battle, but the deeper, more impressive signs of a mental battle. For it was here a human being lived the strange life of self imposed loneliness after he had fought and won his battle with nature. It was here he gathered crude comforts that would enable him to conform the civilized mind to primitive conditions. Can we just, can this person leave media? Yeah, this guy's not great. Also, he found look at it. What did he find? He found fucking nothing. Yeah, he found a tree. He found a shitty lean to and some bark chopped off. Look at it. Huh? This is where man's mind bends when nature meets nurture. Who will win? Which one? Oh, sorry. Wait, actually, this

is a mailbox. Never mind. Hello. Sorry. I'm going to put a letter in here. Sorry. Didn't realize. Here's the spot right here. This is the very spot. No, that's a shiz lounge, isn't it? I'm sorry. Good Lord. Well, here, here. Oh, I smell pie. Here before. There is a nature's pie. Here is where a man sat naked and clearly had a pie eating contest alone. I don't, there's a lot of pie. There's a lot of extra pie. So many Pytons. There's just a lot of lot of napkins. Brack. Am I crazier? Did he come back 20 pounds heavier? He's a little fatter. Hello. Holy shit. There's a lot of trout out there. Oh my God. Don't go looking for trout. I think I ate them all. Hey guys, guess what I discovered? Natural

whipped cream. Whoa. You guys have to try this pumpkin pie I made in the forest alone. Many times. Many times. Oh, I got to get in shape. I've really packed on the pound since I became a survivalist. Black bristles from the killed bear were, quote, found on many projecting points and on the upturned roots near the camp. On a rock was more hair where evidently the forest man had been doing his tailoring. But so he set up a scene in case anybody came. Oh, he did. But there's also like rub up against things. Yeah. Yeah. He set up a scene to make it look like he'd had a bear fight. Yeah. By throwing clumps of hair on rocks. That's what I do. Yep. But what was missing was important. His bed clothes were not there

and neither was the bear skin. I don't know why the guy said bed clothes because I feel like he's thinking he walked off naked but under his arm was like one of those pointy hats and a nightgown. Yeah. Well, he also should just do us all a favorite column pajamas. Bed clothes. You know your bed clothes. And then when you get up, you put on your morning, your work pajamas. I'm talking about a night wardrobes. You know, when you go to bed, a bit of midnight ensemble. Yes, my evening suit. Yes, an evening suit. An evening suit. I like to call it a nine I three piece. So he wanted to this meant Joe was gone. And if so, where did he go? Did he go to Quebec? The post hinted Joe was on the run from the

game wardens and that a chase was on. Okay. So now it's like a Duke of Hazard situation. Absolutely. Yeah. It's just a guy running over the ramps instead of cars over him. Yep. Joe actually, I wonder if old Joe is going to be able to get out of this pickle. No, that's a reference for a lot of old people. Joe actually had gone toward Quebec, but he wouldn't do so until after McEw hired a Native American guide to help him get through the woods. Sure. But that's essentially surviving. Yeah, he knows he's not good out there. So that makes sense. Yeah. Where's your pie factory, sir? What? Which way to the pie factory? I'm on a strict diet of pies. I know. I'm surviving on pies alone. Chans off of that. What? What

is your problem? Survival. No, get out of there. Dave is using real props in the apartment. It's about piling money there. Get away from it. So he he gets guided through emerges from his months long survival, two months, right? Journey near and mechanic. When he came out of the woods, he's like, he's like 12 12 miles away from his town, whatever it is. Sure. He comes out of the woods and he encountered his first human. Okay. A 14 year old girl. The post of right the next day, quote, and the child of the 14 while died stared at him and into her mind came the memory of a picture of a man of the Stone Age in a history book. Something within him rose and forced a cry from his throat and kindly tears into his

eyes. She smiled. And the girl saw the gold in his teeth flash. He's a real man, she said to herself. What? Who is is this thought reporting the newspaper? Yes, there was lots of thought reporting back then. Inside the brain of a 14 year old girl. Yes. And she thought to herself as he pondered to himself. This dude has been on a two month pie break in the woods, comes out, sees a little girl, might still be naked. Just he's wearing, he's wearing an outfit. He's got a skin out skins on. He's got skins on. Yeah, like animal skins. He's wearing it. Okay. Right. So he's really had a, yeah, we'll get to that. But he's had a good pelt session. Yeah, he's been killing animals. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, more than you can handle me. So he comes out, he screams,

cries, and she sees his gold teeth. I think it's not necessarily cries, but there's tears of joy and love and happiness. That's crying, Dave. He's apparently got gold teeth. And then, and then she, she 14 year old girl, and then she had a thought monologue that we recorded. As most 14 year old girls will think to themselves, she, she thought, well, there's a real man. That's interesting. That's a real man. That would be the first thought of any 14 year old. Oh, this isn't scary. That's a hero. Yeah. Look at a legend. Look at this man dressed in mainly beaver. Yeah, no way. What a legend. No way did this not real girl turn and scream and run. No, there's no way that the cops are hearing an hour later about a man covered in hair, who just came out of the

woods with gold teeth, shouted, cried. When you try to pet someone who just bites you. Dude, you're on his bed. I'm not. It's my fucking backpack. And I just went down for a pet. He has, he has established his territory. Have you learned nothing from Joe? He has established his territory on your backpack. It is now his. And you must play by his rules. And he's got a red bandana on the fucking 80s are over, bitch. Dude, whoa, bro. Whoa, crossing a lot of lines real fast over there. Don't get so comfy over there, Dave. Axl Rose. And I mean this because heavy bites. Where's a bandana? Welcome to the jungle, bitch. The headline on the front page scream, quote, Knowles clad in skins comes out of the forest. A sub headline continued. Boston artists,

two months, a primitive man steps into the 20th century near a gigantic province of Quebec. Okay. The story said he was, quote, tanned like an Indian, almost black from exposure to the sun. Scratched and bruised from head to foot by briars and underbush. Undergarment sleeveless. He had no underwear. So he was kind of leaving the woods a little naked. Well, he's, he's freeballing, but he has on. Again, I just hate to go back to the fact that a teenage girl was the first one to see him, but covered mostly genitals exposed, crying, shouting. But I, I, I'm not sure if that 14 year old girl is real. She can't be. I can't believe she was recorded. Yeah. The story ran nationwide. People read how Joe had journeyed through the inhospitable part of Maine and then

come out of the woods near the 14 year old girl. The Boston Post said he had complete, completed, quote, a most extraordinary experiment never before attempted by a civilized man. That's right. Never before has a man tried to live in a cabin on nothing but stolen pies, but like not on purpose. Like tons of dudes have been fucking left in the woods or on islands. And yeah, yeah, this is the first reality show when he got it is. Yeah. When he got to a local hotel, reporters watched as he enjoyed his first bed in ages. Oh my God, you forget. I mean, that's kind of what the quotes were. Oh my God. It's just like finally I can, I can't tell you what it's been like to sleeping on moss and twigs. Oh, when I run out of artichoke, I never thought this day'd come. How do you

order room service? My brain not like it was. He asked for a cigarette. Me have cigarette, please. Your words escaped mountain man. Though he said he wasn't hungry, a local doctor stopped in with the mayor and prescribed a glass of milk. I would say you're gonna need a prescription for a glass of skim. Well hello there youngster. I'm a doctor and I would like to prescribe to you a glass of cow juice. Doctor, I need you to see my mother. She's very sick. She's been coughing up blood. I'm dealing with the great hero of the wild. It's just that last week when I came to see you, you said that she should have some milk. Yes. She's not gotten any, she's gotten worse. You did more milk. Well we try, I know you're in the middle of something, but we tried more milk.

She's, she's dying. Have you tried yogurt? I just am wondering if there's anything outside of the dairy circle that we could throw at this problem. Frozen yogurt. We haven't. Oh, he says he found whipped cream out in nature. Okay, so okay, thank you doctor. What about a heavy cream? Yeah, no, we've, like you said, just mainly stick to dairy. We did that. We even threw cheese at her like you suggested, but um. Well I wrote a book called Dairy to the Top. That's right, that's right. Absolutely, so. I'm dealing with this man. Absolutely. So we didn't mean to interrupt. She's just dying in full of. Well, maybe she's stupid. Okay, he's just. He sounds like a worthless old woman. Okay, I don't think he has a dog in this fight. With shit for bones. All right, asshole.

Okay, get the car. Those are around. This man came in here when I was talking to Sir Joe about milk. Now Joe, milk'll get you back. So, do you mind if I have a plane inside? Yeah, okay. We're gonna have a plane come through the apartment. Is that okay with you? Yep, no. I just invited a plane over. Uh, so people went absolutely apeshit when they heard the story. This man improved, soft city guys could go off into the forest and survive. Dad by perfect body for went for survival in the forest. He's lost like 30 pounds. Sure. He was seen as a conquering hero. When Joe returned to Boston on the train from Portland on August 9th, people were waiting as the train came into the station. There was an estimated crowd of. Don't do it. 200,000. Oh my God. So much more than I

would have guessed. 200,000 people. I mean, the picture, like it is literally people as far as you can fucking see. Is it, was it better than, is it better to have that? Is it better to? Yes. Like live in a world where that is like what stimulates the entertainment center of your brain as opposed to now when you just are so oversaturated with different ways to sort of get your entertainment fix. Like this, this became such a big deal. 200,000 people went to the same place. I think how hard it is to get 200,000 people out for something. But yes, this was a better time. Okay. For that sort of thing. Yeah, because then less so for medical cures. Yes, for sure. But then that also, I'm about to go on a rant. I won't. Men stood on railroad cars watching. The ladies

were super into Joe. They stood by the tracks hoping to get just a brief moment with him. I got a pedal for you. The stairs to the subway were packed. Move, we've got to see this man. And it looked like stands at a football game. Go Joe. He's the guy with the number one. No, go Joe. You are the best. They caught a first sight of him sitting in the train's drawing room. He had an unruly gray beard and long gray hair. He still hasn't figured out how to shave again. That was it. The crowd lost it. They surged forward. Please try to hold them back. It looked like no one was going to be able to control the situation. But then somehow the mob calmed down and people just started screaming at Joe. Great work, Joe. You're all right, Joe.

You're my bet. You're my bet. You're my bet. Can we start saying that? Yeah. You're my bet. You're my bet. You're my bet, Gareth. You're my bet, Dave. Anyway, I should get out of here. Then Joe came out of the train. He was wearing a crude bearskin robe. I still haven't figured out how to dress like regular person. Oh, somebody please bring back the crude bearskin robe. At Macy's this year, what's very hot is the crude bearskin robe. It's a Joel Chanka bath. There's the robe. The very rough guinea pig socks. You can see Joe here is wearing a beard and a bear coat. So they are really hamming up the fact that he has not figured out how to be man again.

Oh, they're 100 percent another. He looks like a guy that went into the woods and killed animals and came out. They've really got this thing. He's wearing filthy bearskin trousers. But it's just... Okay. I would now recognize it as bullshit. This was his answer to could man go into the forest and live, right? So he's making that point that like everyone is concerned with that they've lost their sort of ability to live out in the wild. But part of me is worried we're going to have some copycats. Oh, yeah. Now that I'm sure, but I didn't read anything about that. My guess is there were a lot of people who went out in the woods and died. Oh, I hope so. Pardon? I'm sorry. Joe went in with nothing but his cock and came

out covered in bear. You don't hear that a lot. We've all been there. He followed the police to the street. Then he got into a car for a parade. Please. The car is loud. I have forgotten how to fathom automobiles. What is this strange robot feature? I only ride bears now. I normally would take Bear Cab where I live in woods. Bear Burberry? Burberry? So when he got in the car, he stood up and people rushed the car. Quote, those nearest to the machine threatened to smash the running boards as they mounted the ribs and mud guards. They found they calmed everyone down and the car parade, whatever it was, drove down to Boston Common where 20,000 people were waiting for Joe to speak. He made his way to the stage to start to talk. This twig on? I would tell you one thing.

It is a whole lot easier being in the woods than it is making a speech. Oh, God. Oh, God. The Shenute Daily Tribune wrote, he says he talked to an old deer and doe every morning. Well, morning, Jack. Hi, Debbie. And that they answered. Of course. How are we? Oh, good, good. And that he later became chunky, chunky. That had to be another word that got changed. I must be like, then he became friendly with a flock of spruce partresses. Of course. So, yeah. So we have talked to do a little. Yeah. Great. Joe then I befriended a crocodile who ran for mayor of the forest. He wore a monocle and a top hat. I'm friends with a goat. I married an owl and this is my son Badger. Hi. Shut up, boy. Jack then got back into the car and took off.

And then he went on a bit of a city tour on August 11th. The heavy hitters in Boston held a black tie event to honor him at the Copely Plaza Hotel. I think that's where we stayed. I don't know if we stayed. It's Copely, but I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if we stayed right around there. Yeah, okay. We might have stayed there. Quote, a host of New England physicians, sportsmen and professional men were there. Dr. Samuel McComb, a psychologist, spoke and said that Christopher Columbus had much like Joe Knowles faced doubt after discovering the new world. And he said all skeptics could now be disregarded. Of course. Of course. We don't need any more research. Look at him. He's got a beard now. Any more bearer parts. Come on.

Dudley Sargent, the physical education guy from Harvard. How about some milk, Joe? Said that Knowles was stronger than Harvard's hardest football men. A few weeks later, 400 coeds from Dr. Sargent's physical training school for women stood in, did I say a few weeks a few days later, stood in line waiting for the chance to touch his 44-year-old man's nature-worn skin. Oh, God. Or as it was called in the article, quote, perfect. Oh, God. So just young ladies walking up to waiting to rub the back of a liar, middle-aged liar. Of a middle-aged liar. Oh, that's nice. Fellini's department store got in on it, advertising that Joe would come down for a makeover and get a manicure haircut and new suit.

Oh, God. The department store advertised the event in the post, inviting the public to come, quote, he will come in his woodland attire, composed largely of skins and bark, and will go through the process of evolution from primitive to the modern man. Wow. Sure. Now. How long until he walks upright? No, not everyone bought it. What? What? In late October, the Hartford Current amused whether, quote, the biggest fake of the century has been palmed off on a credulous public. Oh, boy. At the same time, Hearst's rival paper, the Boston Americans, started working on a long investigative story about Joseph Knowles. Oh, boy. They sent their top reporter to look into it. He headed off into the woods with one of the best trappers in Maine. Now, the reporter's name was

Ford. On December 2nd, Ford's story appeared, and in it, he called Joe Knowles a liar. Uh-oh. He attacked Joe's story. I couldn't find the artichoke tree he spoke of. Many pies, though. The artich- dude, he thought, what the fuck? All that I know is true is that if you go there in the morning, you can have a conversation with deer. I'll tell you something. I know him to be a liar. I had a talk with that doe and deer, and they didn't corroborate any of this. So he went after his story of killing the bear. The bear pit that he supposedly built was just four feet wide and three feet deep. It couldn't even hold a yearling. So in other words, a bear would still be able to really, really attack. That's like a bear. A bear would step in and step out.

Right. Okay. So, interesting. Also, the club Joe used to kill the bear wasn't up to snuff. It was a rotting stub of moose wood that Ford was able to chip with his fingernails. Sure. So that would just break. Well, yeah. Ford also said Joe had a manager in the woods and that he had bought the bear skin from a trapper for $12. Okay. Sure. Sure. The bear had been shot. Ford quote, I found four holes in the bear skin. Experts say these were bullet holes. Ford called Joe. Someone shot at me when I had it on. Yeah. Did I not mention that I got shot? The bear had a gun. People thought I was a bear. Someone shot the bear and then I killed. I came up. People said, are you a bear? I said, no. And they shot me. I was shot four times as a bear. Joe Ford called Joe's survival journey

an aboriginal layoff. Okay. So it sounds like now he's just randomly insulting native people. Yeah. Well, no, that's what you have to do, right? Experts say, oh, sorry. And he said that Joe was just sitting in a cabin at Spencer Lake and sometimes a woman came to visit him. Dude, imagine like if you're Joe reading this. I know, right? Shit. Holy fuck. Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. How could he find my such cleverly planned story? Oh, God, I mean, I should have gotten an Airbnb further away, maybe. So Ford described the nature adventure as sleeping in a comfortable log cabin, dodging reporters, drinking beer, eating canned food, doing calisthenics, and working on his tan. Okay, so quite a relaxing trip. What you would do on vacation?

Quite a relaxing little trip. No way. I guess the calisthenics. I wouldn't do calisthenics. The calisthenics was probably what he didn't like. But you do calisthenics on trips. Yeah, I love calisthenics. Yeah. Well, yeah, he needed to thin down. So he had to do calisthenics. Well, yeah, I mean, especially with all that pie weight. So Joe is furious. He files a 50,000 liable lawsuit. Interesting. My lawyer here is a woodchuck. This is the part you're gonna laugh. To prove he had done what he had done, Joe went back to the bear trapping pit with reporters. He brought a small black captive bear. What? Okay. As the reporters and some locals stood around and watched Joe club the bear to death. No, no. And picked at the bear's skin with a sharp

piece of shale. A 15 year old boy was there, quote, in less than 10 minutes, he had the hive off one of the bear's legs. We were all impressed. So now just imagine the scene where to prove you're right. You throw a bear into a bear and you put a pit and then you club it to death in front of a bunch of dudes just sitting here and watching going, yeah, no, this looks like how it probably went. Wow. I'm sorry I doubted you, sir. I thought you were a bit of a lunatic until you brought a bear with you and clubbed it to death and shaled off its leg hair. I'm completely on your side now? I'll tell you, some people say you're out of your mind. I think if you've proven one thing here today, it's that you're completely sane. I'm gonna go throw up now. Yes, and also very graphic and hard to

forget. Holy shit, you did take off the skin with a piece of rock. Yeah, way to go. Don't look him in the eyes. Oh, God. Terrible. As they were leaving, the 15-year-old saw a quote, nice, tight little log cabin. It was so new the logs had not yet started to change color. Behind the cabin, there was a pile of beer bottles and tin cans four feet high. What do you reckon happened back here, mister? Hey, when you're out in the woods, did you not see that cabin that was right next to you? Hey, you know what you should have done? You should have just headed that cabin over there and had some of the beer that the owner was clearly pounding. The 15-year-old suspected that this is where Joe had stayed. I like that the 15-year-old's piecing it together.

Grown-ass reporters are like, well, I don't think there's any more questions. He killed a bear with a claw. There's a cabin right there, though. Yeah, I know. Yeah, well, you should probably go there sometime. All right, well, Peter Patter, let's get out, or we should probably head back into town. You don't want to live in Joe's world too much longer? Boy, is it just very primitive here and very. You can't see anywhere to live except for that cabin, which is located right over there and clearly fully functional with an alcoholic owner. There's a beer fridge. Yeah, I know, imagine. You know what I'm thinking? What? We should go get a beer in town. Celebrate how good Joe is. Okay. He's the best. Come on, 15-year-old. You're brain'll harden soon.

I mean, killing a bear with a club in front of people is like how you get into a gang, an LA. Oh, God, it's terrible. A few days later, Joe went on the vaudeville circuit. All right, time to prove I'm not a clown. He also worked on his book about his nature adventure. Bullshit, by Joe. Well, on McKeough did. The vaudeville run was five months. He made $1,200 a week, which is about $29,000. And my guess is that he's just doing some sort of cliff-noted version of... He re-does his story. That's all that was. It was titled The Master of Woodcraft. Sure. When his book was done, when McKeough had finished writing it, it was published under the name Alone in the Wilderness. It sold 30,000 copies. Oh, my God. That's a lot of fucking money

for back. It's a lot. Joe then made his way to Hollywood to really cash in. Oh, good. Finally. The place... Go ahead. He got one role in a film. All right. What was he playing? Himself? Himself. In it, he chased a... He was chased on horseback by Canadian Mounties in the supposedly Canadian woods. I hope he gets thrown in a small hole and beaten with a club. Snow on a cross-rivers. His character had been falsely accused of murder. The movie was also called Alone in the Wilderness. Interesting. Joe tried to get more movie Hollywood work. He had a PR sort of headshot taken. Trying to come across. In the pelts, I'm assuming. Well, he's trying to come across as a heartthrob, so he's sitting on porch steps in a buckskin suit.

Staring at the camera. Let's get a big old hat on. He wrote a screenplay called The Poacher, in which he was two-star, but no one took him up on him. It turns out he had zero-stage presence. Really? Yeah. Interesting. He tried to restart the old nature magic by heading into the wild again. I'm going in there to do it again. Good pie! Good pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! Why would I say pie? Good pie! Good pie! I can't even say pie without saying good pie! My god, I'm not eating pie there! I'm not just living on pies! God! All right, I'll see you. So this time he does it on the West Coast, but it seems he actually managed to do it for 30 days this time. Unfortunately, while he was out there, World War I broke out and no one gave a shit. So kind of a headline grabber.

So after some time... Just on page seven, it's like, dumbass, does it again? That's exactly what happened. Yeah. Yeah. After some time, he moved to Washington State and started cranking out shitty cartoons of the American West, and people loved him. Of course. He drew and painted Native Americans, shipwrecks, and animals. He had a pet chipmunk that he drew. He named Mr. Peabody. Okay. For a second, I thought it was going to... Like, he was going to have three of them in Alvin, Simon, Theodore. That would have been amazing. I changed my name to Dave. When Mr. Peabody died in 1939, the Oregonian ran an obituary for the chipmunk. I'm going to... Let's just keep going. But it seems Joe was still an asshole. In his memoirs, he wrote of his neighbors, quote,

the natives do not interest me. They do not understand me, but I understand them, and they do not know it. He accused 65-year-old neighbor, Hattie Harmon, of trying to poison him so she could get his home. He called her a witch and an old harlot. Okay. Another neighbor said, Joe kept drinking and once bought a new car, even though he owed the local grocery store a lot of money. Okay. In 1938, 25 years later, the New Yorker broke the story of what really happened in those woods. In it, Michael McKeough finally revealed the truth. Oh, God. Joe read that. He said he was the ghostwriter of the book and how they come up with the idea and the log cabin. He just said everything that happened. Also, Mr. Peabody was a little person.

Also, that's a... Yeah, he was a real... Mr. Peabody. Man, that's what... This is about Mr. Peabody. The story is the making of Mr. Peabody. I love squeakles. And most importantly, he said that Joe was a sad, annoying, lazy asshole. So obviously, he's discredited, but at this point, nobody really fucking cares. Although, it's still... People still write about him today as it'll still come up. The amazing feat of... Yeah. Even the second bear he killed in front of reporters was bullshit. Oh, that's good. No. He was a real bear. Oh. But the bear was ready to hibernate. So, therefore, he was very sluggish. So, Joe actually had to prod the bear with a stick to make it put up a fight. Well, can I just say the good news? Yeah. It's now legal to kill bears while they

hibernate again. Oh, thank God. Oh, that's right. Thank God. So... Joe died in 1942. Or did he? A collection of his work survives today at the Long Beach Peninsula Trading Post in Washington State. Boy, I mean, that's where you want your legacy. Who needs a library? It's an antique shop and there's a glass case displaying several of his illustrations as well as his memoirs, which were unpublished. In the memoirs, he said, quote, life is a queer game. Cheat a little here, bluff a little there, smile when it hurts, hide the truth, grab what you can while the grabbing is good, hold what you have. If you play the game according to these rules, you will win materially. So, just be a total piece of shit. Con. Yeah. Wow. So, that he...

my guess is that that was written that he wrote that after he had been sort of outed, right? Maybe. I don't know. That's crazy. See, I would look at that as like somebody who's sort of trying to get trying to rewrite the narrative after they've completely shot themselves in the foot, you know, just being like, hey, man, look, you got to own it. Sure, you got to lie a little, got to cheat a little, but look at all the respect you got for a little while. It's like he would, if he, if he'd written that pre, it would just be like, all you need is a fire inside your belly and a dream in your heart and you could survive in any situation. Just ask that bear I clubbed. Yeah. Instead, he's just like, lie, cheat, steal, kill, win. Yeah, basically. Everybody's doing it.

Everybody's doing it. Wow. And yet, people, now people do that all the time on Naked and Afraid. Great show. I have no affiliation with it. I don't know what that is, but I do love it. And, oh man, that's my favorite show. Why do you want it? Gosh. You've seen me watch it. Yeah, it's upsetting. I get really into it. There's no reason to watch it. 21 days, you get one survival item, man, woman, naked, they figure it out. There was the one time where a guy brought, like normally people bring a fire starter and, you know, like a pot, like to boil water in. Yeah. Like, was, you know, yeah, that stuff. The one, the best was the one time when the guy showed up with a magnifying glass. Oh, the brand. Just like start fire. And the partner was

like, yeah, that's not great. Why did you do that? You, I want you to do the show. Oh, man. I want, I want you to only bring a pie. They do. They do a version where they send, like people who really don't know what they're doing out there for two weeks. And that gets pretty bad. Yeah. Well, the one you should, when I came over here, the last time you're watching it, like they were carting some woman off in an ambulance and you're like, yeah, that happens sometimes. Well, you got to call a medic sometimes. Jesus Christ. There's the one time where the guy drank like, he like snuck a sip of water away from his partner and he was like, tastes so good. 12 hours later, he's like, I just, I can't stop shaking. And she was like,

what happened? He's like, I drank some water earlier. She's like, you did. He's like, his name was Puma. We're so close to having actual gladiators. Yeah. We're so close. We'll get there. Yep. All right. Well, that's the story of Joe Knowles, who was a really good guy who killed a bear in front of people. We signed Knowles. We signed Knowles. Thanks. Thanks. Great. Love and kisses. Love and kisses.