The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 308 - The Victoria Gold Rush (Live in Melbourne)

Episode Date: January 2, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Wil Anderson to discuss the Victoria Gold Rush SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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Penguins. Pictures of penguins, actual penguins. Holy shit. This is where the penguins got turned into oil. Ladies and gentlemen, Will Anderson. We want to just get into this because there's a second show. I know we can't sit in babble like we usually do we just got a fucking roll. We don't like to babble anyway. It's not what we're into. We're just here to listen. Absorb. Would you call those salmon colored? Salmon colored. Salmon colored pants. Yep. My sammies. You're listening to the dollop. This is a bi-weekly American History podcast that I do once a week. Each week

I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. With a side of Ando. I forgot to say that I'm Dave Anthony. It's alright. I'm a poet. Oh boy. Beer. Oh boy. Consumer. Sure. Yep. Salmon pants. Looker. He's accurate. That's the problem. Is they're true. They're just low hanging. I nail it. When I nail it I fucking nail it. Yeah. No. Bit nailer. What? You could add it to the res. You're a bit nailer. February 15th 1823. Of the year of our Lord Jesus Christ. Finally. Have you spoken yet? That's Will Anderson. Oh because we're pressed for time he's not

allowed to talk. Yeah. Yeah. So enjoy the beauty of Will Anderson. That mic's not on. This is just eye candy. Gold was found by surveyor James McBrien at Fish River New South Wales. I mean that's convenient for him though isn't it? Die after Valentine's Day. Yeah. Right. That's when you find the fucking gold. Like alright. Oh really. Oh really James. Really. Yeah I didn't know. Before I didn't. You didn't what? You're stumbling a lot for someone who didn't have a fucking gold yesterday aren't you? No I. No. What? What? I was just. You was what? I was. If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. But the New South Wales government was not

interested in his find. Then Jalotsky found gold in 1834 and the government was like no we don't know. Don't. And then in 1839 Sir Powell de Streliki pulled some gold out of the ground. The government was like no. Streliki. Streliki? Streliki. How do you know his name? Did he do something? This doesn't follow him at all. All I know is he found some fucking gold and I thought we were done with him. What did he do stuff? Yeah anyway whatever it's another dollop. It's another dollop for another time. Well someone hissed so I gotta look into that son of a bitch. So the government was like we're not interested and then in 1844 Reverend William

Clark went to Governor Gipps. Sure. Gippy. Yeah. And showed him gold he had found west of the Blue Mountains and Gipps pretty much squealed put it away Mr. Clark or we shall have our throats cut. What is going on? Why do they hate the gold? The colonial government did not want gold hysteria breaking out because convicts would see that as a way out and it would lead to an uprising. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. You can't have gold. Right because then you become legit. Yeah well then there's poor people around and you can't have gold and poor people. Right. Then shit fucking gets turned upside down. Yeah. And pretty soon you're not the

guy on top. You're. Oh sorry. Did we go into a toll spice? Is that what happened? But the attitude of New South Wales changed when gold was discovered in California in 1849. The man who found gold in California was said to have yelled Eureka. Oh. Which is not true. Okay. He said something more like hey guys there's gold here. Can we do another take where you pop it up? Like this is gold. Hey guys. I found gold near the where I thought it was gonna be a mill. I think we're gonna have to. We're gonna have to recap. It's not. There's gold. Listen to him. So I'm pretty happy. I'm happy. Stop. Yeah. Stop. What? What? No. How about

something like. I don't know. You're got it. I was jumping off point. No it's good. You got it. Anyway that's what he yelled. Okay. So America went bug fuck about the gold and so did the world. People from everywhere float into California and started digging it up including Australians. That's where you guys are. Yeah. The dirty criminal class. Some guy was very excited about that. What do you mean? Like I said the dirty criminal class and some guy went whew. Don't give us gold. Also I love the idea that you're mocking us for going over to America hoping to fucking make some money when you're in

Australia doing your fucking podcast. I thought we agreed you weren't talking for this one. I don't know what happened since you got out here. I didn't realize you were just going to criticize us. This isn't about money. This is about getting to know people. Love. Love. This is love. Have you heard the last episode? Not since penguins as an episode been received and upset so many people. I'm just getting message after message like I was trying to eat. Yeah. Well who's trying to eat during this podcast? Who would ever do that? Yeah. I mean it was fine until the tube. That was the one where you can't think whatever. I don't

want to talk about it. Welcome to tonight's episode of Talking Dollop. I'm Chris Hardwick and I'm here with the creators of The Dollop. So what were you guys thinking at the time when you were doing that dollop? You know Will. Sure. How about chivalry's dead? Comedy's hard. It's tough. Now that people were heading to California, the New South Wales government wanted to find gold to get people to stay in New South Wales. Okay. So totally reversing position. The government then offered a reward to anyone who discovered payable amounts of gold in the colony even though four guys had already found it. Yeah. So they know

where it is. Yeah. But they're acting like that didn't happen. Right. But also I just love the idea that they think they have to offer someone a reward to find gold. Yeah. Like gold is the fucking reward. If you are money motivated it's enough to say there's gold. Go find it. You're allowed to. You don't have to go. Plus if you find gold you get a bonus. Don't need it. I've got gold. I can buy you fucking bonus. Holy shit. This hundred dollars worth of gold is going to get us a dollar. Yeah. It's funny. I wrote this and I didn't even think that at all. I was like, oh, that's cool. This guy's going to get a fucking reward for

finding gold. Never popped into my head that he had found gold. It's the keen comedy mind of Will Anderson right there. Listen. Will found some gold. One man who left Australia for California was Edward Hargraves. He'd work. He worked in the past diving for CQCumbers. Sure. Sorry. It was just a classic the fuck up. It was just a classic 1840s profession in Australia. It was going to get CQCumbers sounds like something someone brings out at Aquaman's Box and Art. It just sounds like someone's trying to teach you how to spell CQCumber. It's like a big slug. I assume it's for eating. Like you're

like, hey, I found this thing. I would hope it's for eating. I don't know. You guys know. Do you know he's a CQCumber much like an actual CQCumber? I'm not actually sure. No, no, no. It's an animal and it's like a it's like a slug. Jesus Christ. We were picturing an underwater farm. I was picturing groundwater melons. No, this is like a man diving for big worms. Okay, so this mando for worms. He also worked on a great charity. Yes, go ahead. He also worked on a steamship and ran a pub. So he was like, oh, gold. I'm gonna go there. Okay. So all these jobs sucked. They weren't making a bridge. So he goes to

California. But it turns out mining for gold fucking sucked ass. He lived meal to meal and avoided freezing to death in the California cold by sleeping in flower sacks that had been soaked so the flower particles formed into a thick paste. What? Like ins like insulation but food. He spent too much time on the bottom of the sea. He, yes, that's like a crab behavior. It's like just put sand over and leave my eyes out and then I can just have a good little nap. He basically made a burrito. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm gonna turn in. Yeah. Good night, boys.

I mean, look, they found a way to make a flower bag work. Sure. Yeah. So apparently sleeping in the in the burrito sucks and Hargraves decides to come back to America. He went to I should have looked this up. Car core. Wait, he went to Australia. Yeah. What do you say? Car core. C A R C O A R. Yeah. Car core. Sure. Yep. We got it. We got it. Yeah. Sometimes when I know a fact, I been Trilla quasi into the audience. Absolutely. Also, that's a real word. Yep. Excuse me. I'm been Trilla quasi. I actually just said that throwing, throwing your voice, but then

Trilla quasi is also that's the scientific term. That's actually when you give a ventriloquist. This is such bad. This is such bad podcast etiquette. What you're doing? Oh, my God. How are you not on whose line is it anyway? Space jump. So I So, um, he's back. It's cook. Car core is near Bathurst. He went there. He stopped it and in and asked for a guide. He's looking for a guy, but there were none there. So the owner offered her 18 year old son to go out with him. John Lister and Lister brought a friend named Tom. The three of them headed out and quickly

found gold like right off the fuck of bat. Okay, gold. Good start. Hargraves found specs in his first five pans and later said quote at that instant. I felt myself to be a great man. Yep. So he's pretty cool. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's what makes you a great man is finding gold. Yeah. Well, yeah, you got like $400 worth of gold. You're gonna get five bucks. It's big, big moment. So they dug for six weeks. Hargraves taught them all the mining skills you learn in California. And while Tom and Lister found some gold, Hargraves came up with absolutely nothing. And then Hargraves took the gold that Tom and Lister had found. Hey, I found your finds.

Yeah. And he went to Sydney to collect the reward. Okay. So I mean, technically he's also found gold. Yeah. He just found it from their drawer or something in their pockets, but he still found it. They just found it in the ground. He found it in their pocket. They were found it. Yeah. No, they were like, did you get that from the mine? He was like, yeah, mine. So he goes to Sydney and the colonial secretary looks at the gold and said the reward would depend on the value of the actual gold fields. So he can't you can't just show them specs and go, there's gold there. You got to it's got to see he's got to see the source.

Yeah. Or that there's more gold there. You can't just be like, I found a little bit like it's got to be kind of policy is that it's fucking genuine. It's fucking serious policy. Like they're not it's actually a pretty good policy. Yeah. Because otherwise we done the a few specs of gold you could sell anything. Yeah. See capitalism. Is that like a CQ cover? Yeah. So when Hargreaves went back, he found that Tom and Lister had made huge gold finds and they were like, okay, so let's keep this on the down low. We'll keep digging just as much gold as we can. And then after that, we'll then we'll go tell people. So Hargreaves went back and immediately told everyone who had a pair of ears that they had found gold.

Oh, it sucks for earless Tim. Yeah. Well, that's why I didn't. I didn't include him in there. Isn't it? Yeah. Luckily never heard about it. Yeah. What? Where is everybody? What? Hello? What? Huh? What? I don't have ears. I don't either. Huh? Hi. Hi. Hannah? Where's all the guys with ears? I can't. And yeah, I don't have ears. I can't. I don't have ears. So I don't have ears. Are you? Hi. Hey. Do you know where the people with ears went? What is it? Huh? The people with ears. Do you know? I can't. I really am like, what? I don't know what you're saying. I can't. I don't even... I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna turn. I'm gonna turn. Okay.

So, people poured into Lewis Ponds Creek, a tent town popped up. Lewis Ponds Creek? Yep. Lewis Ponds Creek. The pond that turns into a creek at some point. What? Double it up. All right. A lot of fucking water. Sure. Greedy. Yeah. A tent town popped up. People quickly started, quickly started finding gold. And with the gold rush and silver and copper already coming out of South Australia, people started grumbling about self-rule in Australia. So the fears were true. That's what they're fucking talking about. Yeah. They nailed it. Britain agreed and the colonies were allowed to draft constitutions. Okay. Yeah. It's exciting. Britain's fucking really, really, really cool. Yep. Okay. You can have rules. Just this once. At the same time, Mel Borneans, is that what you

guys call yourselves? Mel Borneans, is it? Yep. No, that's exactly what we said. You're a sarcastic people, aren't you? What? So the Mel Borneans wanted to be free of New South Wales, because right now, Melbourne is part of New South Wales. Okay. You don't, you don't know. Right now, he doesn't know that it's not. Today, he doesn't realize that it's in a different state. That's not true. You guys have states? I once went to the WWE wrestling. They came out and did a show in Melbourne. And I think it was like edge the wrestler. He was obviously trying to do a bit of stick where he like played up the rivalry between

Melbourne and Sydney. And so he goes, Melbourne, you're the best audience in the world. You're so better than those guys in New Wales. And then just pause and did not quite get what everyone was like. What just happened, Mel Borneans? He was talking about actual whales, though. Fair. That's a wrestler. Yep. So on November 11th, 1850, the Australian Colonies Government Act was enacted, which meant Victoria was born instead of Victoria. So they're going to carve that shit out of New South Wales. Finally. Doesn't work out that great. It works out worse for the other half. So we're the good twin.

So Melbourne had a party and a parade, and a pig was greased and chased through the streets. Good God. I may have spoken a little too well. What the fuck happened? Well, he was wrestling the edge. They chased a pig through the streets. But what did they do to the pig before they chased it? Did you say they oiled it? Yeah, they oiled it. They greased it. So you can't catch it. So you try to grab it and it squirts out of your... Have you guys never been to America? Melbourne truly is the sporting capital of the world. And 90,000 people saw that happen.

Melbourne! Members complained they couldn't get tickets. It's all corporates that pig greasing these days. Everyone in America is like, what's happening right now? Yeah. Also, every day when they read the paper. What? In a lot of ways, America's chasing a greased pig. Back to the party. Yeah. Mayor Greaves wanted to make a... Mayor Greaves? Greaves. Thank God. Otherwise, you know what he's doing. Maybe a little campaign tie-in. Grease him. That's all I've got is grease. I'm a greaseman.

Father was a greaseman. Grandfather was a doctor. So it's not a long legacy. Mayor Greaves wanted to make a six-foot-wide meat pie, but there wasn't a big enough oven. Well, Mike, we're having a sporting event. Well, we need to do a fucking poi. Yeah. They couldn't find a big enough oven. Of course not. No. Nobody's cooking six-foot meat pies. Anybody has a fucking oven at this point. On May 19th, 1851, the Sydney Morning Herald wrote, quote, A complete and mental madness appears to have seized every member of the community,

and as a natural consequence, there has been a universal rush to the diggings. Any attempt to describe the scenes, grave, gay, and ludicrous, which have arisen out of this state of things, would require the graphic power of Dickens. The graphic power of what? He's a graphic novelist. It's gonna suck. So people are going bug fuck for gold at Sydney. Well, they're greasing pigs. They're trying to make six-foot meat pies. That's Melbourne. We're back in Sydney now. Oh, okay. Towns around Sydney emptied out, wealthy people, poor people, everyone packed up and headed for the gold country.

Ships were abandoned in the harbor. Cops just left their jobs. Hotels were empty of owners and workers. The upper crust started going back to England because they could not find decent butlers. Wow. Holy shit. Excuse me, Reginald. Could you bring me another spot of tea? Nah, fuck off. Excuse me. Found gold, mate. All right, go on. You bring me some fucking tea. I will not. You're my battler. I'm not your motherfucking battler. One number two. Quote, you hear endless stories of ladies who have been used to large

establishments and giving parties now obliged to give up all thoughts of appearance and open the doors themselves. The fucking horror. Could you imagine being a rich woman and having to open a door for your fucking guests? Like some kind of animal? Yeah, like some greased piglet. But the first time has got to be really strange because you've seen it done a bunch. You're like, what was he doing before? I don't remember. He'd put his hand on it and go, go you, go, go, go open, go open you, go, go on, get open, open you, come on, damn it. I think I may die in here. Yeah. So on the road from the gold fields or the trailer, whatever the fuck it is,

to Sydney, 160 miles, there was a continuous line of men, women and children. Governor Fitzroy said that everyone had gone crazy. All the stores in Sydney were selling mining equipment and that's all people were buying as they left town. Tons of stores closed down and the owners headed for the gold country. What? I mean, it does seem like a business that doesn't have a long term plan. Like if you're selling people the thing they need to fuck off and not buy anything from you anymore. Yeah, it's pretty temporary. But why not? I would just stick around in this case and just steal food from an open store and live on a boat. Maybe a hotel. No, I agree with that. Yeah. All right. Well, I didn't want an argument. This is good. All right. Then on May 20, Fitzroy

announced that Queen Victoria owned all minerals in the colony and anyone who wanted the pleasure of digging for those minerals would have to pay 30 shillings a month. Then a gold commissioner was appointed to collect this new tax. But everywhere he went, men were just standing around with shovels and picks besides holes saying they were not mining. No. No. No, we're not mining. No, no. We're fucking a hole. No, just. Mate, the fucking hole was here when I got here. I don't know. I'm just waiting for a mate. What do you mean? What am I doing? I'm burying a shovel. No. Look like gold. Not here. Golf. I'm playing golf. Big hole. Big hole. Big hole. We haven't got this stuff in proportion.

It's a new sport. We don't. Things weren't much different in Melbourne as people poured out of the city and into New South Wales. This was not good for the new colony. To stop the bleeding, Superintendent Latrobe offered a reward if anyone found gold within 200 miles of Melbourne. A month later, a dude rolled in and said he'd found gold 20 miles from Melbourne. That same day, another guy said he found gold that year near Clunes. Another guy told Geelong Advertiser that he'd found gold a month before. That guy turned out to be the real deal. It turned into the biggest gold rush in the history of the planet as more and more gold was found. At the same time, New South Wales find was turning out to be not great for a lot of people. A few found gold, most did not. Winter

came and sad-looking people started to bail on the gold country. Quote, mortified, half starved, and crestfallen fellows, some looked so gaunt, savaged, ragged, and reckless that my thoughts turned involuntarily to my pistols as they came near. Wait, who wrote that? Some guy who saw him walk him by. He was like, I should shoot these fuckers. Well, they sound like, they sound like zombies coming out of the gold country. People are like, what the fuck happened over there? Gold, gold. Just going to shoot them. It is amazing. Everyone keeps a diary and is so honest. Now, just keep thinking about killing them honestly. Anyway, got to do lunch. Bye. I think I'm going to poison my wife later, diary.

Also, you know, there's got to be one of those people who did the big storm out of their former employment situation. Like, fuck you, I'm never coming back here. And then like six months later, they're like, so you still need a butler? Oh, do I still need a butler? Well, well, well. Yes, open the door. I'm famished. I've tried to eat the door. Go. So Hargraves pushed, remember Hargraves, he was still pushing to get credit for finding gold first so he could get the reward money. At this point, Hargraves, though, is considered a world-class bullshitter. So someone looked into the history of finding gold in New South Wales, and they came up with the names of McBrien, and it's just lucky. Yeah, yeah, sure. And Clark, Lister then said

Hargraves was full of shit and had taken the gold and run off to Sydney without telling them. Also a Sir Roderick Murchison, the president of Britain's Royal Geologic Society, who had never been to Australia, said he had told some guys to go to New South Wales and mine for gold. It was a bit general, but he thought he had a pretty good case and should get the reward. Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, it sounds pretty airtight. He sent to some guys. So the government ended up giving 5,000 pounds to Hargraves and 1000 each to Lister and Tom. Lister and Tom would go on campaigns for the rest of their lives trying to convince everyone they had found gold first. That's cool. A good way to spend your life. Yeah. Hargraves went on to write a book about his

discovery titled Australia and its goldfields, a historical sketch of the Australian colonies from the earliest times to the present day with a particular account of the recent gold discoveries. The original title they pitched was gold, gold, gold for Australia. So that's our Eureka and other things I made up. It does seem like Australia needed a good title rush at some point too. Yeah. From what we've heard the past couple of evenings. So Victoria produced one third of the world's gold between 1851 and 1861 and just like Sydney people left the city in droves, 33% of Melbourne's men went to the gold fields. Children were abandoned by their fathers. Desserted wives became known as grass widows. Why? Because I think the men went

off to the grass fields. To find gold? I don't know. It's stupid. It's hard to see and there isn't any. I mean it feels like that was so close to gold widows which just would have suited it. Yeah way better. Gold grass widows. Maybe they ate grass. I'm so sad. What's wrong with men? The community became very concerned about the children that were left behind and decided the best thing they could do was to put them in jail. Oh my god. Oh my god. That's how Australians do things. What? Well that's I mean if you're found like an isle of convicts then all of a sudden that's like your solution. You're like I'll just throw them in jail as well. What's he sick? He'll be fine. He'll be fine. Well I guess if you technically chart the history of Australia

we were like starving convicts in like plague riddled London. Yeah. We stole a loaf of bread. We got sent to the most beautiful country in the world where apparently you can just go around dig up a hole and there's a third of the world's gold just fucking there. Like of course they're like thrown in prison. It's the best thing that ever fucking happened to me. Australia is the final scene of Shawshank. Like this country is Morgan Freeman and fucking Tim Robbins on a fucking boat going how good's fucking life. They dug up the money. Australia. Meanwhile America is one of the guys who tried to fuck Tim Robbins and that didn't work out. Come here Andy.

After a while the community realized that maybe putting children in jail was bad and they stood out in the bad part of it. They built orphanages if you can imagine. Melbourne pride itself on being a of never being a convict colony. So when Tasmanians tried to get in Victoria made restrictions to stop them. Ships were stopped at the harbor and sulfur was burned below decks which would make stowways scamper out. Luckily and never again in the history of our country have we tried to stop boats for a mentoring. So it's fine. That was the one and only time. In 1853 one reason England stopped transportation at Tasmania was because they were worried people would commit crimes just to get a free boat ride to Tasmania so they could

be closer to the gold. Wow that's quite a move. Yeah. But people still float into Victoria from all over the world. The city of Melbourne grew and expanded with gold money and it started to stink. Literally. Yeah. From a government report quote in the backyards and enclosures more astounding accumulations of putrescent substances of rubbish and rubbish of all kinds than I ever inspected in the very worst parts of the dirtiest English or continental towns or that I should have thought could have occurred in a civilized community. Many of the foundations of the buildings are greatly injured owing to the saturation of the subsoil by liquid excrement matter. Jesus Christ. So they just built houses on shit. I mean people are shitting everywhere so that sounds like the

whole fucking place is sinking. Is there no... They're shitting so much that their city is sinking. Shitty city. And that's because they hadn't found toilets to be appropriate. No there's no... I think this is when they just shit in a pot and they throw it outside. Simpler times. Sure. And with that came the flu, dysentery and typhus. Lord Robert Cecil wrote quote Melbourne thronged with the ephemeral plutocrats generally illiterate who were hurrying to exchange their gold nuggets for velvet gowns for their wives and unlimited whiskey for themselves. And who made the streets and hotels clamorous with drunken revels which now and again culminated in crimes of audacious violence. So criminals are now just fucking robbing everyone

because everyone's rich and got gold and almost every miner starts carrying a gun. Okay. In gold country towns are surrounded by tent cities. Giant dogs guard each tent and most men dug mines and came up with nothing. And since the miners didn't own land they couldn't vote. And since a lot of miners came from the US and Ireland they were like what the fuck. Also not a lot of women around. Okay. So when a new boat came in miners would rush to the port to try and snag a woman. That's quite a way to handle it. Cool. Not very different than Tinder. It was actually the original reality TV show, The Miner Wants a Wife. It turned out a lot of the women were not looking to hook up with a dude at all and instead wanted

to make a go of it on their own. The gold rush. It's weird you would think a man who came over and was like you're mine. You'd be like oh great this guy seems chill. Hi I have a dick. Hey I'm sorry. You were on a boat and I have a dick. Okay. Hi. I'm not even gonna say hi. You're mine. Goodbye. I saw you first. What? I saw you first. Just gonna scoot along here and just pardon. You're my woman. No I have accommodations. I get to pick one when she comes off the boat. It's not how. And I picked you. Welcome to Australia. You're gonna get back on that boat actually. That seems like a great place. Don't know why I left it. Good to meet you creep. Bye now. Come here. No I'm on the boat now. I've

left completely. I'm on the boat for sure. That gold? Goodbye the boat's leaving now. There's some of my pants. Beep beep. Oh here we go we're leaving. What was that you made that. No it's the boat. The boat made that. You made that with your mouth. Beep. Nope. Oh I gotta lay down on the deck now otherwise I'll die. Hey I have ears. Everybody get ready the boat's leaving. Oh shit. I gotta go the boat's going. Yeah it's going. Bye. The gold rush is attracting women who saw Victoria as a place where the old rules didn't apply and having a man wasn't necessary. What the fuck. Match up. This blew the mind of the upper crust. The whole situation was ridiculous. Quote emancipated wenches in unbecoming.

It's quite a start Dave quite a start. Emancipated wenches in unbecoming writing habits with smoking cigars. Hi guys we're emancipated wenches and hey. Are you guys ready for some writing samples? We are the emancipated wenches. With smoking cigars in their mouths appear on horseback and crazy gentlemen careen madly after them and laugh delightedly if a flirtatious equestrian in a spicy mood aims a mock smack at them with their writing crop. Wait. Hang on what the fuck's happening now. Well now Melbourne's like a fucking Looney Tunes cartoon. Yeah. This started sounding like some weird fucked up fan fiction like who's gonna fuck the horse what's happening. It's someone fucking the horse. No it's just there's a hot lady on a horse or all ladies

are hot at this point and when she just is like mockingly smacks the horse the guy the guy's like come at least that's my interpretation of just men in general. Oh my god so okay so they're just like riding horses and the guys are like I can't handle this. I want to have sex with the horse. Five dollars. Well I've got that I just turned in five hundred dollars worth of gold earlier so I have six dollars. Ten dollars to fuck the horse. Let me go digging. Because of all the crime in the gold towns Latrobe sent police and gold commissioners to keep order. They would live in camps nearby but they didn't seem to care much about crime fighting because they just made money from extortion. They didn't care about what fighting crime fighting their cops but they

just okay extorting people right miners are told they needed to get a license to dig or trade gold but since they didn't own land they couldn't vote right as it should be right. We can only assume how annoying the American miners were at that point. We don't have that we don't have that we don't have that. How much longer. Yeah fucking dumbasses. Oh my god so stupid here. She throws some tea in the fucking bay bitch. Yeah. Greatest country on earth. Yeah fuck yeah. Yeah. Greatest fucking country on earth. Yeah. Greatest right. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't we do this let's get the right to vote and not do it. Fuck you losers. That'll show him. That'll show him. It's a good way to teach him. But even worse Latrobe then banned the sale of alcohol. Oh bad move anywhere but

that's not good. Now this led to Sly Grog tense popping up which I believe is just beer right Sly Grog. Sure. Yeah. Sly Grog tense. Yeah it's just tense like little tense speakeasies where you just get a mug of Grog. Beer yeah but yeah. It feels like something you could still get in this modern day and age in like Collingwood. This is like a Sly Grog pop up like just trying to really capture the spirit of like 1823 you know the gold rush it's a gold rush thing. It's a modern take on a pop up gold rush. You shit in a thing out the back. You have to shit in a thing. That's what the smell is but it's authentic. It's like a real kind of shit table experience. That's what we're going for. Table. We're actually Grog fusion. Does that make sense. It's a take on Sly Grog.

It's like deconstructed. You get a cauldron of Grog and we serve it with a pickaxe and like he was saying everybody shits outside. It's just a whole thing. It's fun. You get to pick a woman off a boat. Oh yeah you get no there's a boat of women and you pick one. Yeah it's a whole thing. What. Find us on Yelp. Oh god. I don't have ears. Yeah I just noticed. Did you guys say something. Yeah we were saying we're Grog fusion and the whole thing is I'm just going to go ahead and push a lady. No good good good good good good. The police would burn Sly Grog tents if they didn't pay a bribe. Anti cop feelings were growing. That has never stopped. In 1853 miners in oh here we go. I'm going to say it the wrong way. Bendigo. Bendigo. Is there no. Oh I have an N here. Bendigo.

But I like the other. I like the first one better. Yeah. Bendigo. That's what I'm calling it from now on. Bendigo. Bendigo took me baby. I'm Bendigo the Dingo attorney. How are you. Bendigo Dingo attorney at law. How are you. I'm excited to represent you Dingo's in court today. I'm a Dingo lawyer. Niche. I saw a hole. I filled it. I don't know what to tell you so it's not easy because they don't understand law and court but um yeah like I wish I was a dentist. I mean what do you want me to say. I'm fucked. You know what I mean. So the miners in Bendigo Bendigo only paid one third of their license fees as a protest. They got 23,000 miners to sign a petition 12,000 marched. William Dexter a china painter from England designed a flag for the miners. He had a shovel,

a pick and a mining cradle and the scales of justice and a bundle of sticks and a kangaroo and an emu. Basically the shittiest flag of all time. Hi guys this is a flag brought to you by the people who title books. Our philosophy is everything fits. Did you put yourself on the flag? Yeah. Yeah I did. See that emu though? It's very busy is my only note I guess. Well that's great. There's not enough there. I'm gonna put a wombat on. Do not. I'm not done. This is a work in progress. Should not be. It's past done. I'm gonna put Rupert Murdoch on there. It's too done. Do not put Rupert Murdoch on there. All the great things though this here country. Where are you from? The other one. The town of Ballarat went from...

We didn't ask for that. The town of Ballarat went from being a little tiny sheep town to a gold town in three years. 32,000. One third of the people were Irish and in 1854 pubs were finally allowed at the gold fields. James Bentley opened up one in his hotel. It also had a bowling alley. Whoa. I know right? Yeah early. Fucking way early. Yeah. Like crazy early. Yeah. But that's totally you know that's our thing America. We invented it after you guys did like how we discovered our country. Here's the thing I don't know how much like because I don't want to skip ahead and ruin anything but sorry I want to like no no I don't want to skip. This is a very common story. Yeah this is more... Oh I know the story too. We all know the story of Bendingo.

I have Google. I mean not an idiot. So when I was in grade six which is like I guess you're like 10 or 11 or something like that there's this thing called the Great Australian train ride or something and it would go to all these like old and like so is it where's Sovereign Hill? Is that Ballarat? Yeah so they one of the things you do is attend in bowling and when you're a kid but that's how they get you interested in history because you're really like the rest of it. Also when you're an adult. So anyway I did know that one. It's fun. It's the best bit of Sovereign Hill. That and Castle Main Rock which is a weird obscure candy that they only sell there and it isn't actually that good but while you're there you just get in the fucking not anymore. Anyway

let's not get bogged down and... A new governor arrived Charles Hawtham. Okay. People were pretty happy about Hawtham thinking he'd get rid of the gold license fee. When Hawtham went to the gold fields they greeted him like a hero. Bendigo had a band flew flags and put up arches. Put up arches. Yep that's what it said. Yeah. It's very nice. It's like they opened a McDonald's. Oh that's what it is. That makes more sense. He rolled into town on a carriage. Three served. He rolled into town on a carriage being pulled by three minors. What? That's not a good look is it? No I think that's very bad. That's a bad look. I don't know why you're celebrating this guy. I'm a man of the people! Move you assholes! Go! Mush bitches! Mush!

Can't wait to work with you guys. I really can't. Swear to God if you look me in the fucking eyes again. Turn around you're a pony. Do you understand me? I've had it up to here with you. Swear to fucking God. You guys are awesome. I'm excited to work with everybody. I'm so pissed. You're shaking. I'm just livid at these horsemen. At Ballarat Hawtham tossed a fancy drink back and spoke forcefully against those damned gold licenses. But the fancy drinks seeing gold nuggets and minors drinking champagne from buckets made Hawtham think minors were loaded with cash. So instead of getting rid of the license fees, he increased license inspections. He also then learned Melbourne was seriously in debt and he reeled in spending. He threw a ball and served

beer instead of champagne. The beer was brewed with city water so everyone became horribly ill. Hawtham then got the nickname of this small beer governor. Is this the story of fosters? Gareth came to my house in LA and brought me a fosters. I think as a joke, but I wasn't quite, was it a joke? Okay, cool. You know when you're like, I think this is a joke, but I don't want to offend him if he thinks he's gone out of his way to bring something nice to me. I'm treating my buddy right. One of your favorites. I found it at one of our local liquor stores. And I'd never had one before because we don't drink them here. We just send them overseas as a joke. But then eventually there was no beer in my fridge and I was like, it was a big one. It looked

like a novelty. That's why I thought maybe it was a present because it was so big. Anyway, three dollars. They're giving it away. Quantity. That's what it tasted like. And no, you know, I've got to be honest with you. I've always mocked it, but I was like, I was like, you know what, this isn't that bad. It was all right. It was okay. It was all right. I mean, they're not going to get me through the ad campaign based on that, but it's probably not as bad as you imagine. It's Australian. In a pickle, it'll do. I've got a bunch of lines. We'll work on some of them on the day, but actually it's a sin when you're in a CQ cumbers that we'd rather call it. Not a pickle.

Possible. So James Johnson was a gold commissioner and he was put in charge of inspections. And if a miner was digging without a license, he could be arrested or beaten up. If they decided not to arrest him, they would just burn down his tent. So Johnson quickly became the number one douchebag. He upped the number of what we call digger hunts going to five a week. And by October 1854, anger against the government was at an all-time high. Then on October 6, there was a conflict between a Scottish miner named James Scooby and the Bentley Hotel. Scooby? Scooby? Scooby? No, I prefer James Scooby. He had a van. He had a couple other friends. That's what I'm talking about. They had a series of adventures. You won't believe who does this at

the end, but it's the old guy who runs the amusement park. It's the old guy who runs Sovereign Hill. Anyway, it's a whole... He would have got away with it if it wasn't for these pesky miners. So instead of having a talking dog, they just have a talking Scottish person. Could I have a bloody Scooby snack? Because I'm bloody famished. Swear to God. Shaggy, you're the only one who gates me. You really are. So a friend of Scooby described what he said happened. He said, Scooby went to Bentley's hotel to drink, but found, quote, the house was shut up. Scooby then went to one of the front windows, and a hand broke through the window and punched

him in the face. Not what I was expecting. Okay. So was it being filmed? Scooby tried to get into the hotel. This is the origin story of the world's first home alarm system. Scooby tried to get into the hotel, but his friend managed to get him to go, quote, 100 or 150 yards away. Some men and a woman followed them, though, and Scooby was hit with something that, quote, resembled a battle axe. Jesus. Scooby was dead. Rip the mask off the amusement park owner. The people in the hotel had a different story. They said Scooby broke into the Eureka Hotel after it was closed, and when owner Catherine Bentley wouldn't serve him, he called her a whore. Okay. Different. But they didn't touch him after that. That was their story.

So you can see where there's a middle ground. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think of a fist went through a window, and I don't think they were like, well, your language is abusive. Have a cocktail. A couple of days later, inspectors beat the shit out of a pre-servant who was in a mine without a license date, and then they trampled him with a horse, and then they charged him with assaulting the police. What? He assaulted the police? Yeah, he fucking his blood got on the horse foot. The next day, a court ruled no one would be tried for the death of Scooby. That was it. 5,000 people surrounded the Eureka Hotel and started throwing stones at it. The hotel was then invaded, looted, and burned down. That's when authorities decided to charge the owners and a couple of

the bar staff with murder. Okay. Interesting how that worked. Yeah. Three men were then charged with burning down the hotel, which was a bad idea. Another protest with thousands. The Ballarat Times wrote, quote, we are worse off than Russian serfs or American slaves. You know, comparisons. I mean, it's good that even back then, Australia didn't really get it. Yeah. Very true. It's okay to be bad in your own situation. You don't need to bring other people's experiences. Truly. You don't need to compare. It's fun. Yeah. Let them have their point. Yeah. Well, there were no slaves around to disagree because they were slaves. Right. Police holed up and waited for reinforcements. The Ballarat Reform League was created to fight

for the rights of minors and against taxation without representation. We're super into that. Thank God. The hotel owner and his staff were tried and given three years hard labor. And on the same day, the three charged with arson were given three to six months in jail. And then the Ballarat Reform League went to meet with Governor, Governor Hotham to make demands, which resulted in him sending 150 troops to Ballarat. So that didn't go well. Doesn't sound like it. Hotham then concluded if they just sent women to the gold fields, everything would be cool. And what? Get him fucking. You know what I mean? What's going up there? People burning down hotels. What about some chicks? I'm governor. It is. It is like a movie. It's

like party governor. Well, have you tried air dropping beer? Send some women to party with them, man. Do they have a tequila luge? Limbo station? Well, fuck, it sounds like it's pretty fucking miserable. Jesus. Is there even a t-shirt cannon? Fuck, man. No wonder they're bummed. Van Hotham party liaison. I go, I have the one who talks to the party and then talks to you guys. I'm the go-between. Have you ever tried surfing? Shit. You ever run out of steam? I have. American Thanksgiving came and the Americans got completely shitfaced and then attacked the troops as they marched into town. During the battle, someone shot a little drummer boy. Not the one

from the song. No. It's a different one. Just another little guy. You ruined Christmas. So who shits a little drummer boy? Well, he was just fucking. Take him out. I don't think that's a real drum at all. He's holding cocaine. I'll show you parumpa-pumpa. Let's go over there and shoot him parumpa-pumpa. And then when people gather around, we'll act like we didn't see anything. Parumpa-pumpa. Then we'll come back here. Act cool. Parumpa-pumpa. Next thing you know, we're sitting in a hotel. Nowhere is no world. Parumpa-pumpa. Parumpa-pumpa. Parumpa-pumpa. The next day, 15,000 miners burned their gold licenses and flew the Eureka flag. Okay. That was 600 yards long. This is a different flag. This one has like a white cross on it. This was apparently considered

treason. James Johnson then held the biggest digger hunt yet because he knew everyone to just burn their licenses. He started arresting miners and then all hell broke loose. The police were stoned. The troops were pulled from their horses. Miners demanded a leadership change of the Ballarat Reform League wanting new leaders who were in favor of physical force. Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. The miners had a meeting and hoisted their flag and the leaders of the Ballarat Reform League did not show up. So a young Irish man named Peter Laylor stood up. He was the son of an activist Irish MP and the brother of a leader of the young Ireland movement. So he's a fucking shit-disturber. Okay. He yelled liberty and then gave a speech, blah, blah, blah. Everyone knows

it. No one gives a shit. Lawler was quickly elected. Their new leader and Americans formed a calvary. Oh God, what, why the worst? Just wear a cavalry now. Whatever. So they had 200, no. No, I'm not. Come on, dude, wear the cavalry now. Pound it. Yeah. I just, I just, I came here to look for gold. Hey, hey, I think we found it in each other's hearts. Give me some. I want to want a double pound and it explode. One more and a boo. Do you hear the drummer boy got shot? Yeah, I was totally fine with that because it was just a lot. Yep. I get it.

You're pretty cool. So there are 200 men on horses. They call themselves the independent California Rangers because we're just fucking assholes. At least we kept the title short. Yeah. The new leader, Lawler, ordered pikes to be made by blacksmiths. That's not good. Pikes. That's never good. Sticks with points. Pikes. Yep. Things you can get shot holding from far away. Sure. Pikes. Lawler ordered. Is that a commercial for pikes? Yeah. Not a good one. So Lawler ordered a stockade built on Eureka Flat on the flat part, not on a high ground part, or on a hill, on a place that was called Flat. When finished, it was not much of a stockade as just a bunch of shit put in a circle. There was wood, plants, barrels, carts, and rope.

In some places, it was just three feet tall. We're going to build a wall. It's going to be a great wall. Some of it will be just chic pants, three minutes high. Three foot high. Who are you keeping the drummer boys out? The only people who are going to be like, yeah, we're fucked. I mean, we could maybe hop it, but we got to leave the drums. To enter this stockade, Lawler came up with the phrase vinegar hill as a password. He took it from an Irish battle in 1798 at Vinegar Hill where the Irish Republican forces were absolutely fucking slaughtered. Okay. So now all this Irish stuff wasn't going over well with the non-Irish miners and the non-Catholic miners, and they thought this

was now about establishing Irish home rule. So a bunch of them just fucking bailed. And then Layla tried to get him to come back by swearing at oaths of the Eureka flag, and they were like, no, it's not, no. Okay. And then the Calvary just took off to look for British people. What kind of, what was their plan? They were like, we're going to go find the British, they're coming to attack. And everyone's like, what if they come from the other way? Not worried about that, dude. So then the Sabbath came, your favorite. Yeah, I've celebrated it hard. You know that. Most of the guys in the stockade headed to their tents to enjoy God day. Sure. Because they believed the government forces wouldn't attack on the Sabbath.

Right. But the, it's the government, so that's a bad idea. Right. They did at 3am, total classic attack time. This is the one story of when the Australian government worked on the fucking weekend. Is that what it is? So they attacked 282 troops. Most of the guys left inside the stockade were sleeping. So it didn't last long, but 20 minutes. There was over a lot of bad stuff happened. But surrender didn't mean this, so they surrendered, but surrender didn't mean the government forces had to stop shooting. Their commander even told them to stop, but they were having too much fun. They were just bayonetting miners. Tents were set on fire. Some women and children burned inside. The official count of the battle was 22 miners killed and six soldiers, but that total

does not include women and children who weren't then considered people. Even one woman who, quote, was mercilessly butchered by a mounted trooper while pleading for the life of her husband. Jokes are flying over here. I mean, imagine if that was the end of the podcast. Yeah. All right. Thanks. Good night, everybody. How many penguins died? The Eureka flag was taken down and trampled. Then it was torn into pieces and handed out as trophies to the women and child killers. Some leaders escaped by dressing as women. 114 miners were taken prisoner. Layler had been shot in the arm. The first he was hidden under a pile of slabs while the soldiers looked for him, and then he made his way to a church where he had

his left arm amputated. His arm was then thrown down and unused mineshaft. What? Why that choice? Go find gold! Well, so if there's just been a battle and then some soldiers come by and they're like, where'd that arm come from? You can't have an arm just laying around. I'm in the army! I mean, I was. He's trying to complain to the nearest guy, but he's got no ears, so he can't fucking hear him. You know, I just lost my arm. What's that? I've lost my arm. Hi. I threw my arm. Nope. I threw my arm down a shaft. Would you throw your ears down a shaft?

What? Did you throw your ears down a shaft? I'm making a joke because I threw my arm down one. I can't hear you. I threw my ears down a shaft. I can't hear you. I threw my ears down a shaft. How are you holding a microphone and pointing with different arms? It's my ventriloquism. I love that your ventriloquism is also a little bit karate-like. He's ventriloquizing. The priest later ordered the arm retrieved and, quote, properly buried. What? Where? Do you have a service for that?

Buried that arm. Yeah, the arm cemetery. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. The Ballarat paper called for, quote, vengeance, terrible, and immediate. Okay, makes sense. That editor was then arrested. Governor Hawtham randomly decided it must have been a German behind the trouble and put out a reward for a German guy named Vern. Like a specific German guy or just that what he's like? I reckon it was a German guy. Anyone. Anyone of them. Yeah, I feel like it was just any German guy named Vern.

Yeah. Do you guys not remember your great Vern purge? The verge? Vern. You name Vern? John Vern. You gotta die. Pat? Layler had a 200-pound bounty put on his head. I mean, this is like the opposite of the fugitive. It's a one-armed guy looking for another guy. At one point looking for his arm. He was hiding in Geelong at his lady's home. Hawtham picked a black American to be tried first for the rebellion. A black American. How could he not be convicted? He's a black American.

But in the greatest court verdict of all time, a black American was found innocent in Melbourne. That's amazing. And then never again. And to make it worse, he was then carried through the streets by 10,000 miners. Oh, wow. So this is the only time 10,000 white Australians carried a black guy through the streets cheering, right? Don't get all fucking weird on me. I read your fucking history. You're lucky this is what you're getting. Yeah. We could talk like that because you know our track record is better and different. Smooth and clean. America's the greatest country on earth. Yeah. Because we said it a lot.

Then they tried another guy. He was not guilty. And he was Italian. Did he get carried out or no? He's like, where's all the people? Are we just the carrying the first guy out or are we? Especially me bald, huh? Of course. Eight witnesses said he'd attacked with a pike. Didn't matter. Then six were tried. They all got off. Hawtham was starting to realize Melbourne was pro-miner. Uh-huh. What was telling him this? The Goldfields Commission put out a report on the day the final miners were acquitted. The treatment of the miners

would be found to be, quote, repugnant to British experience and derogatory to the manly feelings of independence. What? The manly feelings of independence. Isn't that... Wait a minute. If you got a vagina, you can't really understand independence. But if you got a fucking dick, you get it. Manly, manly independence. Yeah. There is a way to spin that that actually makes more sense. Than what I said? Yeah. I don't think so. Okay. I mean, just, you know, you don't need them. Be independent. Go ahead. The Commission, uh, the committee recommended, commission, no commission

recommended getting rid of the gold license in charging and export duty. This was a crazy idea. Only charge miners for gold they found and sold instead of for having a hole in the ground. And it recommended miners be allowed to vote. The government accepted the committee's recommendation, recommendation, taxation without representation was done. The miners won. Peter Laylor came out of hiding, ran for office and was elected as a representative. He still had one arm. I mean, that makes sense, right? Just tax people on what they're fucking spending and using. It's like a golden service system. Yeah. But we're trying something different

where we come from and it's going pretty good. So we're killing it. I think that's the name. Yeah. The actual, we are literally killing it. Yeah. Yeah. How long until we only have one arm and are hiding under tiles? Please God. Well, there's another normal tale. That's their tale. And I also found when I was researching it, there's a lot of people who are really into the Eureka stockade. It's very, it gets very American when you go down that wormhole. There's a lot of,

there's a lot of fucking dudes. You're like, all right. It's really a sea cucumber hole. Yeah. There's a lot of, then you find your way to a lot of nationalism sites, which are pretty fucking cool. I found some cool people. Someday the FBI is going to take your computer and be like, we knew it. No, I do a podcast. I do a podcast motherfuckers. Sure you do. All right. We got to go.

Guys, thank you so much for coming out. Will Anderson. We really appreciate it. So thank you very much. Have a good night. Appreciate it.