The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 314 - The Baron of Arizona (Live in Phoenix)

Episode Date: February 7, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine James Reavis, the Baron of Arizona. SOURCES TOUR DATES DOLLOP REDBUBBLE MERCH

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fuck would you ruin that fucking sweet outfit. You don't like Blink. Oh my god. I just love Phoenix it just brings out something. You love it here. My cab driver from the airport I go to you like Phoenix he goes no. How about how many of you don't don't like Phoenix. It's about half and half. It's cute. Everybody so from now on we all just like doesn't matter on what but 50% disagrees with 50% on everything now. 50% of you guys like this place you shit. The other 50% are like I don't mind dying in a hot place in 10 years like I don't care dying here because there's no water in 10. That's fine. It's fine. Now you guys

like water. Don't worry about it. It's gonna be there. Don't fuck off. Hey you know. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Maybe maybe you should have made her better deal at 1900. What you fucking think about that shit. Oh snap. I don't know what we call this. Why don't you dig up the Corpse of Mulholland and renegotiate. Historical roasting. You're listening to the dollop. This is a bi-weekly American History podcast. Once a week I read a story from American history to my friend Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Did you say your name? Because you didn't go through

your resume. I didn't Dave Anthony. I don't need one today. Who are you sir? I don't always need a resume. Go to a place like Phoenix. I'm like I'm good. Okay. Just a man of the people. I don't think you know what that means. I don't need to brag here. I don't need to brag and tell you guys I have a lawn or whatever. It's not what it's about. May 10th, 1843. How many people know about this gentleman? James Addison Arivis. That's it? One person was getting stabbed for sure. That was not it. One guy just lost his fucking mind. A few people were very excited and then there was a stabbing towards the end. No, one guy just acted like Sting came

out and it was 1982. Did talk about punk rock. Fields of gold? I will. Yeah. Fuck the queen. Fields of gold. James Addison Arivis was born in Henry County, Missouri to Fenton and Mary Arivis. Don't get that excited about Missouri. Come on. He was the second of five children. His dad was a Welsh immigrant and a wandering laborer. Meaning? Job to job. He just peed. He enjoyed stumbling upon occupations. Yeah, we just move around. He got work. No. Yeah, and then he'd wander to the next place. Okay. Sometimes he'd just stumble into a job. Yeah, right. Hey, you're stuck in shelves now. How'd that happen? Okay. His mother was Scottish

and Spanish. She loved her Spanish roots and would tell James they were from Spanish royalty. Okay, sure. And she told him it was his right to reclaim his heritage. It's a good way to raise a kid. So, right there, Dave. Yep. I feel like we're gonna follow that thread a little. I don't know why. Mary was also super into the Confederacy. Oh, Dave. Hey, me from before. When James was 18, she made him join up when the Civil War kicked off. Okey-dokey. And she believed the entire reason for the war was so Northerners could steal her family property and believe the Confederacy, I believe after the Confederacy won, her

family would be elevated to its proper place in society. What is that? Royalty. Oh, because they're Spanish royalty. So she thought that if North lost the Civil War, then she would be recognized as a monarch. All Spanish royalty would be. Okay. That was one of the reasons they fought the war. The Confederacy. It was about states rights. States rights, restoring monarchies, and then slavery. And slavery. But those other two things were pretty fucking good. I go back and forth on slavery, but I want more Spanish queens in the South. So that is my cause. Okay, I'm here. It's a Spanish queen that's all I had. It's my accent. You

shouldn't be on the battlefield. No, I don't think you understood how this was supposed to work. Hi. Arm her. I am not, I'm torn. Dance. I believe. Are we still going? Yeah. But it didn't take James long to realize he was not really into the cause of the Confederacy or the war. He also became bored super easy. So naturally, this led to forgery. He started forging. Naturally. Yeah. Yeah, I put that in. Yeah. He started forging overnight passes for himself and his military buddies. And soon he was forging furlough passes and then requisition papers for army supplies. Oh my God. Which he would take himself the local merchants who were having a hard time

getting, getting proud out. And then this, this helped him because he was making money doing that. That helped him afford more furloughs. But then, I mean, I do love the, like, God to be ahead of, like to be a forger in the 1800s. Oh. It's just like, yeah, that looks like Hanks. And I'm done. Yeah, that looked like Hanks. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Okay. At some point, it became pretty clear that the South was going to lose the war. So James just switched sides. We did it. That is the best move. That's, that's how you do it. That is how you do it. Hey, are you guys winning? Yeah, it's almost over. You guys lost. I'm going to come over. What? No, we're gonna, no,

we're taking you. I'm going to come over. What do you mean come over? It's pretty much over. I think I look better in a different color. If you're gonna do it, you better go now. I'm not Spanish royalty. The fuck are you talking about? I'm a normal guy. I don't even say Bartholona. That is the best way to play that. If you're a fucking, if you're in the Super Bowl and you lose, you just put on the other jersey. Boys, what did I tell you? We fuck. Yeah, we won. We fuck. We dug deeper. We fuck. So he just left in the middle of the night and headed over to the Union Army. Wow. And it worked. They were like, yeah, come on over. You know, it's over tomorrow. Is it? Wow. What?

Crazy that I had my revelation on the beef. No, weird timing. Crazy timing that is. Oh, man. All right. We're gonna stop some ass or what? And by the way, fuck you, Atlanta. I agree. No slaves, but I wonder if we should have more Spanish royalty wandering around. Am I not, sir? What the fuck did you say? Oh, you know, just have a... What do you think we're fighting for? Sorry, sir. A lot of people think this about slavery just so you know, but yeah, okay. So he joins the Union Army and then he goes back to forging papers. But the Union Army was a little more on top of things and he was caught forging his commander's signatures. So he just left the Union Army. Okay. Again, he got up in the middle of the night and just took off. Does he

go back to the South? Hey. What are you guys doing? I still have feelings for you. Well, he ended up just leaving the country completely and he went to Brazil. Okay. He stayed for a little while and learned to speak Portuguese. And then he came back to Missouri and got a job as a streetcar conductor in St. Louis. And then after that, a real estate agent. Okay, sure. So when he was a real estate agent, he forged an old deed on some faded paper to show that he owned some land that he didn't own. Okay. And then he sold the land. Okay. Sort of. And someone gave him money and took over the land and nobody noticed. James had just discovered a great way to make money. Yeah. I mean, if you can dream it. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah, it's pretty good, too,

because people already bought it. So I just sell it to him. And then his life really changed the day he met Dr. George Willing in 1871. I don't, I don't like that. Dr. Life change. Well, Dr. Willing was not so much a doctor as a traveling bullshit medical cure salesman. Okay. He also sold whiskey. Well, I mean, yeah, it cures a lot. Dr. Willing told James that he had a leg. Dr. Willing. Yeah. Oh, I'll write anything. Any prescription you need. Oh, you don't even need to show me. Yeah, they're all good. What do you want? Actually, that's just like now. There's a doctor in LA that advertises as Dr. Ganja. And I was working on a show and one of the writers said, Hey, man, your wife's a therapist, right? Can she write me like a note for the airline for my dog? And I was

like, no, she's not a like an asshole. You should go see the vet Dr. Ganja. No, that's someone else in the writer's room. Oh, you should go see Dr. Ganja. So he goes to see Dr. Ganja. There's people sitting in the waiting room and he goes, Hi, I'm here. What? What do you? It's a Russian reset. What do you hear more? He's like, I'm here too. I want to. Sorry, Dave. I'm here. Dave. What's David? I don't do Russian Dave. You do it. Can we hear what she said again? What? What are you doing there? I think we found our loop on Irish. You've got your hand in the borscht. Bloody Vladimir Putin. Put a potato in your Putin. Okay, so wait, so they, so they, so Dr. Ganges, so he goes, I'm here also being like, there's German, you need it. Are you here for a medical marijuana? He's like, No. I have a dog. She

goes, Oh, dog note, sit down over there. And there's like different places where people sit. And then he just goes into Dr. Ganja. And he's like, Hey, I need my dog because I get nervous. He's like, Yeah, yeah, it's $180. It's like, it's like Dr. willing, but it still happens. Dr. willing told James that he had a land grant that was worth millions of dollars. And it was in the Arizona territory. He had bought the land grant from a man named Peralta for some supplies. Okay, James did not actually believe Dr. willing, but it sounded like a great way to make some money. So he went with it. But he does, so it's neither will acknowledge its bullshit. But yeah, great. Okay. Well, this land that you have sounds great. Let's sell it. Yeah, yeah. All right, Dr. willing. Yep. You live up to expectation. I like

working with you. You're great. Let's sell this land. Yeah. You've got it. Let's sell it. Yeah. No, for sure. It sounds legit. Absolutely. It sounds like you own it. So I do. I own it. Yes, you've said. Oh, this is good. You should do it more often. I do like working with you. I love working with you. Yeah. The two men teamed up. We should team up. If the deed could be validated, they would own over 2000 square miles of land in Arizona. They okay. So under the under the Treaty of Guadalupe, Hildago in 1848, you know about that one big one land grant. So basically, you know, you got the fucking Mexican American War, whatever, take a bunch of land, blah, blah, blah. So basically, after we steal a bunch of land from the Mexicans, or beat them up and they go, hey, we'll buy it.

Land grants are still honored by the US government to people who own the land previously. So they don't just take it. So two men, these two guys, Dr. willing and James Rivas, work on the project for years. That's what I kept trying to figure out what they did for years. But they were, they just kept working on this scam to get this land. They must have been forging papers or like trying to get convinced people to be witnesses or some shit. I'm not sure what they were doing. Just trying to like make their story airtight. Yeah. But you could within that time frame of years, probably learn a skill and put it to use. You know, like at what point does a scam just, I mean, this is a, this is seems like a skill convincing convincing people you own land that

you don't own is a fucking awesome skill. Yeah. And you're, you probably don't learn how to do that overnight. Yeah. Yeah. That's not easy. Ask Trump. So it goes off for years so long that Dr. willing died. Oh, so that's a that partnerships not that great now. So then James, tell me he links up with Dr. Ganja. Well, he goes to California. Okay. The trip was very hard and his health was not good when he arrived. He ended up living in Downey, California and worked as a school teacher to get back on his feet and make some money. Okay. I have no idea why you would do that. There's no, there's no part of that sentence. That's great. It's all kind of a bummer. He then moved to San Francisco and got a job at the examiner. And this helped him become very

close to important people like railroad tycoons who lived a lot of them lived in San Francisco. Okay. And he convinced them the deed was approved by the US government. So everybody goes, he's working people about this fucking land grant. Sure. Okay. The railroad tycoon saw as a way to get the right of way across his property. So they're just looking to get their fucking railroad tracks somewhere. And they hear this and they're like, Oh, we can throw down our railroad tracks. Sure. So they gave him his land. They gave him $2,000 to get started getting back this land that he had. You can't even say it confidently. No, no, it's his. If he said it's his, it's his. I trust him. Sure. So James then went to the Arizona Territory in 1880. He told people he still worked

for the examiner and kind of snooped around as a reporter. Sure. And then he headed to Prescott to discuss business with Dr. Willing's family. Oh, the Willings. The widow Willing. The widow Willing. He forged paperwork. Sure. That authorized him to take possession of the deed and presented them to the probate judge who was like, yeah, that's so good. So now he, now he got his hands physically on the deeds. Okay. So now he has the deeds for this land that's okay. Yeah. Okay. That's not his. So after all these years, he's finally got the deeds in his name. Okay. So they're faded and the writing could barely be made out. That's helpful. The two signing witnesses were vagrants who could not be found. Sure. Also, the agreement had been signed and dated three years before

Dr. Willing had arrived in Arizona. That's not a problem. It was not. James did not give a shit. It was great. Yep. Yeah, no questions. And he went to work. First, he examined the record book of the Mission San Xavier del Blanc. Right. Blanc. What? Javier? It's not Xavier. It's no. Oh, this has an X. Is this not an X? Is it a J? Not anymore, motherfuckers. Call it the way it's spelled in my document. I think it means a former Javier. Yeah. I'm gonna admit something right now. While I was writing this, I was watching a Xavier basketball game. Oh, boy. So happening. Who were they playing? There's a fucking dude on there who was just money. Then he went to Mexico, again, posing as a reporter. Sure. And he made friends with fake news archivists. Okay, made

friends with our archivists. Okay, guys who take care of the archive. Sure. And they let him have access to a cool group, by the way. Yeah, you want to go out? You got to hang out. Archivist yeah. Archivist bar. Oh, have you been to archivists? And pull up a seat at archivist. That's just dogs. I know. Yeah. Oh, what do we talk? What do these things do? Archivists. Archivists. They said, bark of it. So they you go there and it's just a bunch of dudes talking about old papers and stuff. He make friends with them and then they let him have access to all the documents in their archives. And so he would take documents out. And then he would forge copies and then he'd return them. So he used a bunch of different types of ink and paper and wax seals and titles. And

so he's just stuffing fucking documents in the archives. Well, these guys are just like, he's a cool dude. He's a really nice guy. He's fun at parties. Yeah, he's really great. And I love how much he loves our documents. He loves documents. Nice to see someone with enthusiasm. Someone really wants to talk to me. They want to talk documents and they want to take some documents. I'm pretty sure it's Zavir. It's nice to see. Zavir. I don't think it is. I don't believe that it is. Have you seen that guy dunk? He created documents that recorded the entire history of the history of the Peralta family. They were high born Spaniards and made a bunch of money in the 1600s. Did they? They had titles and a few moved to Mexico. He created birth certificates, land grants,

promotions of non-existent soldiers and wills. It's still an honor to get promoted though. Yeah, yeah. Now the archives show a fortune being passed down to family members until it was in the hands of the quote, heirs to the barony of Arizona. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, what? Arizona. What is that? What did he say? Read the last bit again. Heirs to the barony of Arizona. Okay. Don Miguel Peralta had died at 116 years old. At how old? 116. Okay, Doki. What's his secret? Not being real. He could have gone longer. He really couldn't. His son married a Mexican noble woman and they had a daughter named Sophia and owned property in Arizona. Okay. Then tragedy hit. No. Brace. Oh boy. Brace for it. No. The family fortune was lost. We just lost the grandpa's 116.

Don Jr. was now living in poverty. Sorry? Who was? Don Jr. Oh, that's exciting. His dad lived until he was 116. It's easier that way because you don't have to make two or three dudes. You just make one who lived until he was 116. Yeah. Not having no money, Don Jr. had no need for land, so he traded it for some supplies. We're saying Don Jr. Don Jr. Okay. He trades it to Dr. Willing, Dr. George Willing for supplies. Okay. Now, he's done creating his document trail and James Revis goes back to Tucson and files his claim in 1882. Okay. And he's slightly increased the size of the property from 2,000 square miles to 18,000. Sure. Sure. It's fucking greedy, man. Go big or go home. Where's home? Home isn't home. You try creating a fake fucking family in Mexico and documents

and not coming back. I don't want 2,000. I want fucking 18,000. Yeah. Just like after coming up with all the bullshit, you're just like, you know, I think we deserve more. I mean, if you look at our history that I just made. We're an amazing family. I think we deserve... An amazing family. Probably all nine times. Yeah, all. I think we should just take it all. 18,750 square miles. His property claim was now 75 miles by 250 miles from Phoenix to Silver City in New Mexico territory. James was claiming he owned mountains, deserts, mines, ranches, railroads, entire towns, and Phoenix. Dave, my only worry is that he's greedy and that someone might catch him because of this embellishment. On bullshit. It's one thing when you're embellishing reality, but when you're

building embellishments off of total horseshit, a little different. Yeah, but when you come in so big, people are like, really? Yeah. No. It's so bold that people are going to be like, is that it? Is that true? It has to be. He said he owns the mountains. Fucking hell. Who would say that if they didn't? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay, we're all moving out of Phoenix. Yep, it's his. It's all his. His grandpa was 116. So, so there's a guy called the Surveyor General in each territory. He's in charge of shit like this. Sure. So he looks at all claims and does all the... Well, what happened to him the day this one came about his death? Well, he had doubts.

On what grounds? Ownership of the rivers? But there were so many claims coming in at the time that were legitimate that the office didn't have time to examine his documents right then. So James leaves the documents at the office and goes back to San Francisco and gets a job at the examiner again. Sure. Well, I mean, he never really didn't have it in his hand. Hi, I've been working here for a while. Sure. You guys sent me some paychecks. I was doing stories down in Mexico on myself. Yeah. Own Phoenix. How was your month? So the examiner is owned by George Hearst and Hearst let James write anonymous newspaper

stories that supported the Peralta land grant that he owned. Oh boy. The articles claim there was quote, irrefutable evidence that James was the owner and that brought in investors in San Francisco. Yeah. So James goes back to Tucson and now he's got two henchmen with him. Oh, that's never good when you're adding that to the mix. Are they called that? Hey, this is my henchmen. Oh, that's not good. They're bad. Everything I know about henchmen, not good. These are my henchmen. Oh, no, that one, that one beats you up. But this one gives out strawberries. Hey, open your mouth. Open your mouth. Yeah, pop one in there. Now spit it out. I don't like the other one. Give it back to him. I'm the mean one to be clear that you're the

mean one. Yeah. What about the other guy? Yeah, it was both, maybe. Terrible. Batholona. So he brought, when he comes back, he brings even more forged documents that filled up two trunks. Whoa. And this, I mean, he was fucking working overtime in San Francisco. Sure. And this demanded that the surveyor general inspect them immediately. But as the survey general looked over the documents, he became worried. They appeared to be legitimate. He said he would register the claim and begin an investigation. So James went out and started asking for rent from people who were on his property. Oh, shit. All 18,000 square miles. That's when it gets scary. That's going to take a while. That's also when it gets scary, though, when it's like you have the balls

in your bullshit to be knocking on doors, being like, you owe me money. Yeah. I have two trunks of horseshit I threw on a guy's desk. I'm your landlord. You know, I own Phoenix. Yeah. And those mountains. Yeah. And the mountains in the river. No fishing in there. And don't go up those mountains neither. Sorry. I'll, they'll tell you, oh, wait, this one will, that one's the strawberry one. No, no, no, don't give them strawberries. No, come on. No, we're being mean. Don't throw those. And then your henchmen come over. I'm from ICE. Oh, no. He hired gunman, which he called rent collectors. Better. Good punch up. And he had them go after the mine owners first. He figured if people saw the big mines paying money, then all the little guys would get in line. Okay. And

the Silver King Mining Company was making $6 million a year. So when some dude showed up demanding $25,000, they were like, okay, fuck, here, go. And they just gave him 25 grand. And he in turn gave them what is known as a quit claim. So that's like, so you, you say you own the property, someone else says, well, we do, but okay, if we pay you this money, then they sign a quit claim, meaning you now own it, right? So that's what he's asking for. Okay. Quick claims from people or people, he'll give people quick claims for the money. So now, now the mine, now the mining company owns that mine, even though Finally, even though it's all told bullshit, they just didn't want to hire a lawyer and go

through it. They're like, okay, yeah, right, whatever. Right. So James then posted notices across his claim telling residents to register as tenants or they would face trespassing and expulsion when the grant was validated. So people are freaking out. He got newspapers, and he hired publicists to state his claim. It was for sure going to happen. And that it included water and mineral rights. Whoa. Oh, no. So at first people didn't believe it, but they were also concerned about the cost of litigation. And so they started coming around, especially after word came that James made deals with the silver mining company and the Southern Pacific Railroad. Of course. Right. I believe owned by guys in San Francisco.

Who just happened to want to get their rails across his territory. So panic sets in. Everyone starts flipping out. James is offering quick claims to settlers for a fee. But the prices were all over the map. Whatever he thought he could get out of someone. Yeah. How about he's just spitballing? Some people, he would tell 1000 while others, he'd give a quick claim to if they just bought him a couple of beers. So he's, I mean, he's. I tell you what, I was going to say like 2000, but then I got here and I'm like, fuck, it's hot. I could use a beer. And I'm like, what do you got? You've got beer. I got thirst. Here we are. It has to, it has to start like it. I mean, if you're haggling,

like, it takes, like it's got to take so long for him to just take his standards down to two beers. I'm looking for at least $2,000 right now. I can't do that. I can do it for 1900. And then I, I mean, I got to walk away or I got to have anything. I can do 15. I mean, I could do $1,500. I was just an 18. So you're going to have to meet me. Look out back. There's two goats. One's dead. Okay. All right. I'm going to do it for, here's what I'll do. I'll take the dead goat and I'll do it for 1100. I'll do 1100 and I'll take the dead goat and I want to pet the living one. Dead goat. Uh-huh. Legally, my wife. Okay. Now, goat is off the table. I don't have any money. Goat is off

the table to end this conversation. I can go to 900. I can go to 900. I can go to 900. You're not listening to me. I can go to 900. We're not actually outside. This is my house. That's no roof. I can go to 900. I can go to 500. I can do it for $500. And this is me being a friend of you. And I don't want you talking to anybody about this. I can do it for 500. 500. You get to keep your wife goat, but I still want to pet the living one. That hole? That's called the plague hole. All right. I'll do it for, I'll do it for, we can do it for $100. If you just maybe take me down the bar for a couple beers, I think we can do this. I just want to, I do have a tab at the bar. Okay. Let's go to the bar. Let's go to the bar. And I'm still petting that goat. Okay. So that's not,

you're also banking at that point on no communication between anyone in Phoenix. Hey, don't talk to each other either about this, but he would let anybody who wanted to inspect the documents. Like he wasn't hiding anything. He was, why would he every, I mean, if everybody thinks they're real again, I mean, it is just like, it's just like, if you're early forger, if you're an early forger, yeah, you're, you're fucking killing it. Yeah. So people who refuse to pay were attacked. James had people beaten. He started stealing livestock and destroying homes. Okay. It became too much and people started to rise up. Newspapers, particularly the Harold and the Gazette went after James big time. They told residents to not pay for quick claims

from James. They started a whole campaign about it. People were emboldened until it was discovered that the Harold owner, Homer of Gneel, had purchased a quick claim. No, no, no. It's always that. So people are so angry that Homer McNeil had to go back to James and, and cancel his quick claim. Oh my God. No, you own the property. You own it, not me. James had mostly focused on the Phoenix area, but decided to push out his next target was the town of Florence. He demanded money from the publisher of the Florence enterprise who responded by going after James. He called them an extortionist and James offered the publisher a bribe to stop writing the shit. Hey, come on. I'll take you down for a couple beers. Shut the fuck up. I'll be in an asshole.

I tried to extort you and you won't shut up about it. Shut up. You need to go to beers. Want that go? Okay. I'll give you $100. This little deal, give you $100. You need to play a hole? Give me $500. You play a hole? I could do this. I'll give you $2,000. By the way, the girl, that's a lady. That's a guy's wife. Look at me. That's a guy's wife. Want a beer? Yeah. You like beer, bro? So, so this publisher starts going after him and then he vandalizes the publisher's newspaper office. Then all the newspapers start going after James even more and they form a committee to raise funds saying they should hire a lawyer to fight James Raves. I'm a lawyer too. I'll take the case. So soon anti-Raves committees were started in Florence, Phoenix, Globe and Tempe. Okay.

While this was all going on, the Surgeon General sent an expert down to Mexico to inspect the documents. Okay. Now James followed... How long did it take to get an expert? Apparently a while because he was a 70-year-old guy. I still got 46 great years ahead of him. Trust me. I double-checked it too, yeah. You were worried, right? Buddy, buddy, buddy. You were worried. Tightrope. Are you getting worried? Oh, god, the fucking... Sweat and bullets. The Twitter, the Twitter brage that comes after you for getting math wrong. Math wrong. What a nightmare. Hey, dumbass, that'd be 126. So this 70-year-old expert goes down there and James follows him with a lawyer. Hey,

I'll be right behind you, bud. And James is incredibly helpful to the old guy. He introduces him to all the archivists he knows, right? And he's like, this is Bobby. He does wills or whatever. This is the whole world I don't understand. But he's friends with them all. He's introducing them and they're all back-slapping. He shows the old guy where the documents are in the archives. James even took the time to look for new documents and just happened to find paperwork from 1748 recommending the initial grant. So that's fucking lucky, right? When he's down there, he fucking stumbles across that shit. I've been looking for this. So after all this, the expert, the 70-year-old investigator comes back to Arizona and says, it all looks good.

Oh, good. Good, good, good. So even the expert, good. So it looks like he's going to get the land grant of 18,000. He must just be like, how am I getting away with this shit? So in 1884, the Democrats won the White House. I think that's the last time that happened. And Grover Cleveland appointed a new surveyor general named Royal Johnson. Whoa, hello. That's what Prince Charles calls his wee-wee, right, Dave? Don't you meet the Royal Johnson? Don't say it. Don't fucking say it. She threw Royal Johnson. Don't say the joke. Okay.

No. They called me Dick Johnny on the boat. On the boat over, they called them Dick Johnny. How did you think he got here from England? Jesus Christ, I cannot fucking work with Phoenix. I can't work with Phoenix. Dave, David, Dave. No, no. Like we talked about it in the van ride, no. 12k for a roof. So Johnson really, really, really wanted to take down James Reeves. So he starts a lengthy investigation into the land grant. James then started rumors

that the government was going to buy him out for $100 million. Why wouldn't you at this point? Yeah, but yeah, it also just, again, just like forgery, and I mean, truly, obviously this is reflective on our time a little bit, but like starting gossip must just be so much easier. Oh, so fucking easy. There's nothing going on. So you're just like, yeah, don't tell anyone, but do you hear? Do you hear that James might be getting 100 million, but you're James? Tell everyone. Okay. You've got nothing else to talk about. Since the news surveyors, since Royal is being so secret about the investigation, everyone thought that Royal is now in on it. Because he's one of those, he's like really,

you know, stick up the ass kind of guy who's like, I'm not telling you what's going on with the investigation. Meanwhile, the other guy's going, I'm getting 100 grand and some clams. So that's the clams part's not true. Then the attorney general of the territory, Clark Churchill filed a lawsuit against James Revis over his own property. Okay, his personal property. Okay. Under deposition, James couldn't explain how he had gotten the Peralta land grant from Dr. Willings Widow. He couldn't explain. No. Okay. He was vague when answering questions about the boundary of his claim and his own finances. And he tried to argue that it was a Spanish land grant, so the court didn't have jurisdiction. Okay. He lost. Okay. Yeah. Churchill's property was his.

And a president was set. So now James Reeves land claims are all fucked. Oh, no. Well, the whole thing's blown up by this one attorney general fine move to a new town. So James Bolts for California. I own it. Hello, welcome to James of Fornia. Welcome to James Angeles. So Arizona fucking celebrates the jointed last long, though, two weeks later, John Geronimo left the reservation and war was back on. So you guys had a run. It two weeks of fucking awesome hell of a two weeks in California. The most amazing thing happened. So James is on this train. Okay. And he sees this young woman. Oh, boy, who looks exactly. No, no, no, exactly. No. Like Donna Sophia Peralta. The last air to the Peralta family just happens to be on a train with this

young lady. So he talks to her. He asked her about her background. And incredibly, he had met this young lady's mother in California several years earlier. Okay. Soon he's explaining to this young lady, 16 years old, whose name is Sophia Treadway, that her resemblance to the Baroness was too strong to ignore. She was almost certainly the daughter of the Spanish heiress. Oh no, where are we going? So she goes she goes to the place she works. She's like a maid and they write to each other. They exchange addresses. They write for a while. And then he comes to visit her where she works at a place near Sacramento in a home. And then he proposes. She says yes. Okay. We'll talk about a mixed reaction.

A gutting off. Love is happening. Why are we getting upset? It's just an old con man fucking a 16 year old girl. What is your problem? What is your problem? He somehow over this time convinced Sophia that she was the lost Baroness of the Peralta family. Jesus. Whether she's too young or too naive or just wanted fucking out of the maid life, we don't know. But she was all of them. All of them. I mean, truly, if someone's like, you're a princess, it's like, well, I'm not going to fight too hard against this. I don't know. I don't know. Say it to me. Say it. We'll see if it works. I normally won't do this twice in one day.

Don't try to look. I'm looking out the window of the train. You're looking out the window of the train. I'm not saying it. No, you're not. No, you're, you're a princess. You're a princess. Hi, birdie. What the fuck? I'm not gonna. You're a princess. Yeah, it was like a fifth time I said it. You. Oh my god. I don't want to. You gotta. Okay. He does. Oh, sorry. Of what? Huh? Of what?

You name it. I can make it real. Okay. You tell me. I will fuck you. I own mountains. Um, these people would be so confused if we started fucking right now. This is, this is when I get a letter from teachers and they're like, I wish I would like to play to my class, but that's my mother. My mother will be like kids are 16, but the part where you said you'd fuck Gareth on the stage. I listened to the one when you were in Arizona and Dave, I didn't like the bit when Dave said you were having sex with each other. Why? You're not, are you? I mean, it would be all right,

but it seemed it would be complicated. So James then sends his new fiance, Sophia, to a convent where she used to learn the skills of to be a high-born woman. So she's to learn the social graces and poise that will allow her to pass. So he sees her on a train says you're a princess, dates her and then sends her to etiquette academy. Yep. Okay. It's the fucking 1800s. This is fucking common as shit. James also changed her name from Sophia Treadway to Donna Carmelita, Sophia Makayla de Peralta, the baroness of Arizona. Subtle. What? The baroness of Arizona? Oh my God. Did you not know we were going back? The baroness. Holy shit. I mean, yeah, this is really what is going on right now. I mean,

we are like, you're just rattled. You're like, I can't keep up with what the fuck? She's the queen of Arizona. Yeah, he owns it or doesn't? I'm not sure. We're going to need to fuck. I think he's in charge. Give him money. Get him out of here. I don't know. I don't know. I own the mountains. He owns the mountains. Give him a bunch of money and get the fuck out of here. I'm not looking to fight anyone. So he puts her in the convent, then he goes to a church in San Bernardino, and he commences a priest to let him into the parish birth records. And there he finds a birth certificate of two twins and he raises their name, replaces them with the name of the Peralta twins. Oh my God. So yeah. So okay. So this is a super

sad story. So it turns out, it turns out Donna Sophia had a twin brother. What? She did. Well, that'll be great. They can reunite now that they know of her. No. Why are you shaking your head, mister? Well, her, her twin, her twin brother died right after birth. And so did the mother, the heiress. And all the doctors. And anybody who could see it, you know, only one person made it. You know, the husband, he was kind of a shiftless, lazy guy. And the alive twin girl, Donna, was then given away to a man named John Treadway to raise. And the action, you know, the father of the twins runs off to who gives a shit island. So this John Treadway is a rancher, but then he fucking died. So Donna Sophia is having a rough fucking, it's almost like he can't follow who her

parents were. And I don't know, it almost is. And, and then, and then, and then so she's there till she's five and then Don, and then John Treadway's wife dies. So yeah, it's just fucking. I mean, it's like just double orphan shit going on. What are they eating? I mean, were they okay? Like someone, someone maybe ask at this point, maybe Donna Sophia is cursed. But nobody did. She was taken in by the family of John Snowball. John Snowball. Yeah, you know, that does not sound made up at all. This is Jeff Flake and John Snowball. I want you to John. Now it's literally, it is one of those things where you just say the first thing that comes to your

head. John Snowball. Now John Snowball would later remember that young Donna at five would talk about her inheritance. Sure. No, as five-year-olds will do that. I want a pony and all of my Spanish money for sure. For sure. My five castles. Sure. No, well, the thing is, you just think they're pretending because all kids are saying shit like that. But this one's being for real. I'm a princess. We are all princesses. Now that's not like an actual princess. Okay. Well, I'm not sure. So James forged new documents to verify who Donna was. I mean, and then he went to his friends in San Francisco and got letters of introduction from them and his business contacts. He also got a few Spanish contacts from a Spanish reporter he knew. Sure. And when the nuns said

Sophia was ready, James came and picked up his Baroness. What's so weird? They married in a civil... Detailing a car. They married in a civil... Is she ready? She's done. Hi, hon. How's your new brain? Wow. You know, and what's crazy is she almost took the 1230 train. And that's what we always talk about, how she almost got on a train an hour later. But she didn't. And what a life changing decision she made. So they got married in the civil ceremony, which made James a Baron. Well, I mean, what an honor. Really got to be honored at that point. So he now had a legal claim to the fake land of the fake family he had made up. Okay, so a lot of that doesn't feel real. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I'm saying, though? And James immediately started

calling himself and introducing himself as the Baron of Arizona. Baron. Hello, I'm the Baron of Arizona. Call me Baron Zona. Hello, everyone. Hello, everyone. So James takes his new bride to San Francisco where he explained to anyone who had listened that Donna Sophia was the rightful air to the land in the Arizona territory. So crazy that he just saw her on a train. But here's the fucking thing. What? This isn't his fight. He's not doing it for himself. No, no, no, it's for her, obviously. It's for her. Yeah, no, he honors. Donna Sophia. Oh my God, did anyone think the contrary? Because he has no interest in the land. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, he wants it going to the rightful owner. The monarchy invented on a train. He said it was his duty to quote,

see that her rights are given to her. And I'm also marrying her weird. So I guess I get a piece of of the pie. Rich industrialist John McKay was so blown away by this amazing story that he gave James and Donna Sophia $500 a month to go to Spain to search the archives for documents. Imagine his face when he's pitched that. Now there's a common, there's a thing going on in America where people are thinking like, maybe rich people aren't smart. Like maybe they're actually fucking idiots who just inherited their money. Turns out that's been going on for a long fucking time. Now 500 a month back then is about 12,000 a month in today's money. But the amount was so high. I mean he probably thought he was busted at

the beginning of it. Now listen, I know what's going on here, okay? And I'm going to need you to go to Spain. I'll pay you just twice a month. Just get more documents. For sure. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I'll definitely do that. That's so freaked out because when you first said, when you first looked at me and said, you know, I know what's going on here. Oh, I know exactly what's going on here. Yeah. You and Sophia need to get to Spain. We need to figure out more of that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just didn't know it would be so easy. And you know what else I was thinking. It's really easy. Oh yeah, it is easy. Yeah. That's why I'm going to pay you guys a lot of money. What? I don't have

a lot of friends. Is that coming across? No, you're a big friend. Friendish. You're my best friend, James. Baron. So the reason that the amount was so much was it was because that people of such high blood wouldn't travel on common trains or they had to go at the highest level. So that's why he's paying 12k a month because they got to go first class and have a hot air balloon. Right. Exactly. They're going in hot air balloons. Not cheap. Quite a distance too, but it's hard. It's hard to work with it. Not easy to work with it. Basically someone who has the mind of a beagle. Yep. Nope. You're working with James. You are working with a beetle minded man. I agree, Dave. The couple stopped in New York

on their way to Spain. James met with Senator Orozco Conkling and convinced him the federal government should stay out of his business. Okay. On a layover? Fuck. It's ambitious. The senator would become. I feel like this side of the room stopped laughing a half hour ago. You guys okay? How are you? Oh, the wings. It's like a state of the union over here. Oh, yeah. That was great. That was a great state of the union. Yeah. Play to him, Dave. Play to him. Favorite speech. If they don't want to laugh, Dave, play at him. I might go crowd surfing. There's a cop who saved a white baby. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I just think it's great to hear, to hear leaders of countries talk about saving white babies. It's a powerful

moment. It's never been done before in the history of a country like Germany. Yeah. Sorry. Twenty years later, though. Who's laughing now? So... Oh, man. Oh, fuck. Oh, god. Now the crowd's turning into me. It's all terrible. Yeah. This is black mirrory. They became Dave. The greatest thing to do, by the way, is go to the dollop... Thank you. The dollop reviews on iTunes and look at the dates of when Trump people start getting mad. So you just click at least liked and then there's a... I don't know where to start again. It's all fucking political. When you start being an asshole. And I think it's going to age well. When I get shot in the back of the head. Yeah. Oh, man. Talk about a spike. And then

I got to do it. I'm doing the dollop alone. All right. So it's just like how you started it. I'm just in a garage. So this is like blew my mind, kind of. I was like... I'm just gonna... Fucking crazy. I'm actually doing Ted Nugent now. Boy, Miss Dave. My last tweet will be, how can I do that on the podcast? He somehow blocked yourself and then he blocked himself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if someone's friend brought them here and they're a Trump supporter. I apologize to whoever you are, but we're trying to bring you around. So they stopped in New York. The senator's on their side. Now the senator's a powerful ally. And then there's a bunch of other influential New Yorkers who fucking jump on board the Baron

of Arizona story. And then they go to Spain, where most of the Peralta family accepted Sofia as a long last relative. Wow. I get that at this point. You're like, okay, yeah, you're one for sure. But a couple didn't. Oh. So James goes to... Now this is really, this is getting soap opera-y now. So James... I don't think she's the princess she claims to be. Look at her. Oh, okay. So James goes to Madrid and Sevilla and searches the archives there for documents. Sofia... That was... That was just the utterings of a sad, desperate man in the audience wanting this story to not be true and unable to understand how it's happening. It was the deepest guttural, no, please, no. It was reflexive. No! Man should

not be allowed to touch paper anymore. Oh, yeah, go right here. This is where we keep most of the secret stuff. I'm going to have my lunch break, James. And you have a good time in here. Lock up, don't lock up. What's the worst you could do? You're just reading. It's an honor to have a Baron in here alone for a couple hours. An honor. So while he's at the archives, Sofia is treated as an honored guest by the Peralta family. And James, in his search, found many, many documents to verify Sofia's story. He even found paintings and photos. Some of them went. People. He sent her ancestors because they looked like her. No, what, Dave? Some of them, he may have bought at flea markets. What? Now, after

some months, the Baron and Baroness returned to the United States, now with a shitload of proof of who she was. Oh, it was fruitful. James had found the will of Jesus, Miguel, gave his property, specifically the Peralta land in Arizona, to his granddaughter, Donna Sofia. Oh, man. Wow, what a trail of bullshit. I mean, the extent, the height of the bullshit. Yeah. That's why his rich acquaintances in New York were blown away. James. James Broadhead, a congressman who previously thought the claim had absolutely no merit, was now totally on board. I owe you an apology, sir. Those paintings say it all. Quote, the Peralta claim has been submitted to Mr. Conkling, Mr. Ingersoll, and Mr. Herd, who have pronounced it good.

I have associated with them in the case, and in my opinion, coincides with theirs. Mr. Conkling, a former New York congressman and senator, said, quote, having made a somewhat careful examination of the ancient papers and on the facts and history of the case, I find they all go to show Mrs. Rivas to be the person she believes herself to be, namely the lineal descendant of the original grantee. Sure. Easy to, yep. Robert Ingersoll, a very well known order and attorney, was very impressed and agreed to represent the Baron and Baroness in their fight for the land. So the Baron and his wife went to Arizona in August 1887. Okay. He was now calling himself James Addison Peralta Rivas. Sure. Sure. Fine. No problem

there. Now, on his way to Tucson, they're in a carriage. Sure. And they just happen to come across. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dave, Dave, Dave. This is amazing. Dave, Dave. Hold on. Dave. This is amazing. The original monument that marked Sophia's great grandfather's land. No, Dave, what? Imagine the fuck it's like God is pointing them the way. Hey, made up Baroness, that's where your made up grandpa's made out plan starts. What are the odds? Well, that's where he decided to build a mansion. Okay. In Tucson, he filed the claim on behalf of his wife, Donna, Sophia, Mikayla, Maso, Rivas, Iperolta, Della, Cordoba, third Baroness of Arizona. Sure. Third. On September 2nd, 1887, he filed a

second claim. Sure. This one included documents, photos of wills and a photo of Sophia standing in front of the monument they had found. Sure. Well, just to prove that they didn't make up that they faked it. Right. Here's a picture of her in front of the thing I'm pretending is old. So argue that. Good luck, Judge. Here's a painting of it too. For the haters. But because they had found this marker, the entire claim, it turns out, has moved and it has shifted eight miles south. Now he had an explanation for this. He believed that Dr. Willing had probably forged some documents on the... Are you fucking kidding me? That fucking doctor we trusted? Dr. Willing is forging docks. He's a goddamn doctor. I never trusted him.

I'm gonna need a minute. I didn't trust him. Ever. He had a walleye. You know what hurts the most is I believed him. He conned us all, including me, the Baron of Arizona. You can call me Bazzona. So James put down a $10,000 deposit to pay for an official survey of the land grant. He's got balls. Can we get his balls measured? But the survey general refused to allow it and do an official survey because if he took the money and did an official survey, that would mean he approved the claim. Oh, okay. Okay. So it was a trick. I'm genuinely shocked that didn't work. It was like this in the time. Here's $10,000 to do that. No. Just me. No. Probably for a half hour. The people of Arizona who are like, what the fuck

is... I thought we did this. What's going on? So they're super not down with the return of James and his new claim. An editorial in the Tucson Citizen stated the solution to James Rivas was, quote, a tall tree and a long rope. Wait a minute. Yeah, short rope. So what they're saying is, if I understand this correctly, they want to just chain him up like a dog and have him run around the tree on a rope. So they're not that smart. In Tucson, with that one, I would have gone short rope or... Yeah, it's only you could do it. Tall tree short rope. Short tree tall rope. Short tree tall rope. Let him run as far as you can. Think he's got a way. Give him a little area to play in. See if he likes

that. And I'll call to him and he'll come running and then yank. Fuck you, James Rivas. Want to go on a walk, James? Go on a walk, boy. Other Arizona newspapers recommended killing James Rivas. Arizona was up for the fight this time. But James had come with a strong plan. He immediately offered investment land development opportunities. And the wealthy... Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I want to give you a piece. Yeah. You should never trust a guy with that voice. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I want to help you out, guy. Come on. I'm friends with the archivist. Whoa. So the wealthy of New York and San Francisco started giving James Rivas millions. Jesus

Christ. In investments. He incorporated a company, the Casa Grande Improvement Company. The Big House Fix Place. I mean, he's a fucking idiot. James was the director and well-known business leaders were picked to be presidents and vice presidents. The company was going to develop that land by building railroads, dams, irrigation canals, telegraph lines while raising and selling livestock and leasing water rights. So he's got a whole fucking plan. He's pitching to rich people and they're like, oh, that sounds great. He's building an empire of bullshit. Angersaw, the attorney was the first president. James dressed like a wealthy man. He wore the finest linens and Donna Sophia wore the best dresses from New

York and San Francisco. But the big problem was that everyone in Arizona hated them and wanted to kill them. Okay, tough, tough. There was so much hostility. They could not stay in Arizona and James rarely spent any time in his mansion. Okay. Yeah, that is sad. I told you to be sad. It is sad. Let him live in there. They shared time between San Francisco New York and St. Louis. Now while in New York, Sophia found a two-month-old orphan and kept him. If you've been listening to the dollop in chronological order, you would just nod. You would say to yourself, well, at least that one didn't have to get on a train. Okay. So she went to the pet store, got a kid. Well, they were just on the street. You could just

grab one. Hey, you! Which we're actually getting back to that. Now, you should go to LA, you guys. James bought a hacienda in Mexico and opened a hospital and a home for the blind. So he's fucking doing charity work with millions and millions of dollars. He also built a monument dedicated to Don Miguel de Peralta, a fictional human being. That would be like making a statue of Spider-Man. Or Rocky. Or Rocky. Did someone over here say it? Oh, I don't know. Oh, did they? Yeah, same time. Nice to meet you. Do you want to hang out? No. I guess you're saying no. I guess you're explicitly saying no. Never wanted to hang out with a guy more. No, why don't you do it, Gary? Why don't you do the fucking show with Gary? Dave, come live with me. Everybody's

shut up. Marry me. Thank you. Now, Benjamin Harrison was elected president of the US and a new surveyor general was elected. The surveyor general. Once again, it was good old Royal Johnson. Okay. All right. And Royal had been sitting on his investigation results from previously. He came in strong and immediately called James Claim, quote, fraudulent, absolutely worthless and utter fiction. And then he dug in more, got more information and then released it. Royal's official report stated that most of the documents were written with a pen that had not been invented until a century later. I've said this so many times, but if you're writing shit from the 1700s, do not use a bick. That is amazing. It's amazing to do it if

you're him. And then it's amazing to be like, I mean, that's like CSI for the era, right? Holy shit, we got him. They sent a guy to Spain and many, it turns out many of the Spanish documents were not found in the archives there. Weird. There were tons of spelling and grammatical errors. Fucking tons, like constant. Sure. James had used incorrect warning. There were signs he had... Is James Nostradamus potentially? There are signs he had erased words. And there were places he just wrote over sentences and used paste. So he took out an old document and put paste down and then wrote over it as if everybody in the world is a fucking moron. He's like, that looks like a, that looks like a thing. Paste. Paste. So he actually invented

liquid paper. Yeah. Not the Nesmiths. Not the Nesmiths. The report concluded the claim should be denied. Quote. It being in my mind... I know. It's shocking. It's shocking. I missed that one. Quote. It being in my mind without the slightest foundation in utter fact and utterly void. The people of Arizona were jubilant. The governor held the reception for Royal Johnson in D.C. in New York. Not as happy. Months went by and there was no response to the report from Washington. Finally, the commission of the land office wrote to Royal Johnson. Quote. Strike the case from your docket and notify Mr. Rivas of the action allowing the usual time for an appeal. But James Rivas was James Rivas. And he wanted his fake land

grant. Oh, no. What? Yeah. He filed a $10 million lawsuit against the United States government. Oh, boy. He claimed the U.S. had stolen his land and sold it to settlers and companies. A Southern Pacific Railroad attorney as well as Ingersoll and Broadhead acted as his attorneys. James' proof was that money had already been paid, which proof that his claim was valid. Sure. Yeah, that definitely does it. All together, he'd collected $145,000 from landowners, which would be about $3 million in today's dollars. So he's saying because he swindled people, that makes it... Yeah. I condom. Yeah, I condom. So we're good, right? Yeah. They bought it. Maybe they shouldn't be stupid. Case closed. While the case is

being ready for trial, the Court of Private Land Claims in Santa Fe was created to deal with old land claims. And James brought his claim before the new court and then went to California to find witnesses who could testify to Sophia's early years growing up. And he found them. And they gave depositions. One had been a friend of the second baron, Sophia's father. Another said he had grown up with the second baron. James also discovered another Peralta. No. What are the odds? How? A third cousin. Another one? How long until we find that dead twin brother? And that cousin had actually been in Arizona when Dr. Willing bought the contract three years before he'd ever been there. That's going to be valuable

though. That's why the timing's crazy. James then went to Mexico and found more Peralta family documents. He even found records of the entire Peralta family genealogy. Oh my god. And in March 1893, Sophia gave birth to twins who were named Carlos Jesus and Miguel in honor of the first and second barons who were not real. Still. But then all this traveling, all of this lawyers, all of this stuff cost money and financial problems hit. Whoa. All the travel and research was expensive. Plus he had a bunch of houses now that he had to keep up. So James got a loan from some businessman for $30,000. Tonight he's in debt. James Rivas is pretty sure he had an open and shut case. He rolled up to the court of land claims

with trunks of new proof. A worker said, quote, when all was unpacked, three large tables placed end to end filled with documents, ancient books, pictures. And there were documents with large seals signed by the king of Spain. There's a complete history of the marquee and letters to and from him. So he's got all this shit. James is so confident he moved back into his Arizona mansion while the court sent an investigator to Mexico and Spain to check the archives for this new shit that he had found. Sure. In Mexico, the investigator believed every document was complete bullshit. Weird. In Spain, it turned out James had been closely watched the whole time he was there and then had been determined that he was altering documents.

So an arrest warrant was at the paste. So an arrest warrant was issued for him, but he bailed and left Spain. He forged the arrest warrant and he was like, we're looking for the police. I'm the James. Wait, what's happening? Yeah, I'm in charge. We're going to go get the cops arrest him. I'm James. Let's get the cops. Look at this warrant. It's for the cops. What the fuck? It's just a little bit of pace. Let's go get the police. Okay, so I'm going to arrest myself. Your officer, James. I am under arrest. You are indeed. Okay. Didn't they could get this far? Like. So as the government's evidence became known, James' attorneys started one by one totally bailing on it. Jesus Christ. As did all of his friends.

And on the day of the trial, his lawyers did not show up. Good. And James did not show up. Sure. Why bother? Yeah. So the trial, this trial begins and witness after witness testifies that the claim is bullshit. And it went on for a week. And then a week into the trial, James shows up. Hey, I overslept. And asks for a continuance. So he could find an attorney. And the judge said no. So he asked for the case to be dismissed. No. That was also a no. Will you be my attorney? I'm the judge. Jesus. Excuse me. You're my employee. Say it again. You're the what? Employee. Yes. No. Wait. So. Your honor, permission for you to be my lawyer. I'd like to own the bench. So he then takes the stand and just rambles.

Quote. With the wait. Is this okay? I mean, this is obviously not how it works. He's questioning himself. So he is actually questioning himself. Well, but yeah, but is he bothering to stand up and play both roles? Or is it just sort of like, is he just chilling? Like, what did you, well, then what? Well, that's what I'm saying. That's when I found those documents. That's what I say to you. And you for sure got those? Absolutely. Yeah, I got all of them in the painting and I laid all that out. You saw that before. So I mean, your honor, this witness seems to know what's going on. I appreciate that. You're a man of honor. I'm not sure. It feels like it's lunch. What were you gonna say? Yeah, I just don't want

to be a judge anymore. Yeah. That's the goal here. I'm playing the long game. Let's end this. Maybe I'll be the judge guilty. Get the fuck out of here, your honor. All right. So he said on the stand, quote, I never cared much for the grant except the honor of having done something in it. I am not a lover of money, but I am a lover of development and building up a country. I mean, no, that's gonna turn it. That's gonna, that's gonna pull the heartstrings. Yeah. He babbled on the stand for two and a half days. Oh my God, what's just himself? Then Sophia took the stand and stuck to the story, despite questioning, making her look completely absurd, including the prosecution revealing the actual

birth certificate of the twins that James had altered. It turns out the church had a second copy. One without paste. Okay. So on the final day of the trial, James brought his biggest piece of evidence. I can't wait. What a statue. What is he gonna do? The 160 year old grandpa. I'm 151 now. I was just sleeping. He pulled out a painting. It was a portrait of Don Miguel that he said looked exactly like the twins. Case closed, motherfucker. Game over. Then he fucking dropped the mic and walked away. This shit's over. Yeah. Got that painting. Boom. It's a Banksy. The court ruled against James. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? And then he was immediately arrested for fraud, forgery, presenting false

documents and conspiracy to defraud the federal government. You're just clapping because you're from Arizona and you're biased. He had no story about a man who just loves America. Yep. So he had no money for bail. So he spent an entire year in jail awaiting his trial. Oh well. Donna Sophia moved to Denver and changed her name back to Sophia Treadway. Whoa. That's a reality show. And she got a job as a hat maker. Of course, thinking about the time, that means she was packing dead birds onto hats. Normal trajectory. I was on a train and I was told that was a princess and now I put owls on hats for ladies. So pretty common for the 1800s. I'm 31. That's right. Yep. Oh, I have the same story. A lot of people

do. Most of us here used to be princesses. James was found guilty on July 17, 1896 and given a two year sentence and a $5,000 fine. I bet he forged that. Didn't this say 12 years? Two years. Anyway. On April 18th, 1898, he was released from prison and walked out after saying he would, quote, return to the world of business. No, no. It's in my blood. No, you were never in business. Ever. Greatest of them all. No. No. I owned a whole state. No, you didn't. You just said you did. I did. I married it. I married a queen woman. No, you found a woman on a train. You lied. And for whatever reason, she just didn't want to be someone on a train. I have a dragon. No, you do not have a goddamn dragon. I do.

Where is it? Where is it? It's in my business house. That's where they live. Oh, there's more than one. Yes. I have one in each business house. Is that right? Okay. Yeah. You have dragons. No, but you have one. Why would you put a dragon anywhere else? It's business, son. Good God. You don't know shit about business. You don't know shit. Okay. Well, who's walking out of prison? Well, I'm not in prison as a businessman. Oh my God. Idiot. He traveled to San Francisco, New York, and Washington to drum up investors for his plan to develop Arizona. Oh my God. So there are, there are, there are, I always think of there's times on my head if anyone events a time machine, there are times I want to go back to one of

them is when a guy was giving a big speech and at a company meeting in Chicago, there were a thousand people there and he was doing slides and actually a picture of a naked boy came up and he was like, oh, it turns out he had naked pictures of boys all over his computer. I want to be that one to be in the back and go, fuck yeah, there it is. Interesting first. I know, but these moments where people, they're little moments, they're not huge historical moments, but they're just these moments where people have a really awkward moment. This is one of them where he's trying to talk investors after fucking twice being just found out to be a piece of shit. You guys should go in on this one. It's, so it's take three. It's,

I'm calling it Arizona three, the reckoning. And we just need some investors and we're going to build cows and there's going to be water and water slide. So we just need investors. Also, so here's the kicker. I haven't brought this up yet, but it turns out, I just found this out. I'm a queen, right? And I just found this out. I was going, I was in jail and I started digging and I fucking hit. I mean, it's like a well of documents and it's just under the jail for whatever reason. And I started going back through them and it turns out I am a Scottish queen. I'm actually a set of twins. So what I need is just like 25 K and we can fucking set this shit up. You think it also, he spends that time in

Arizona. He probably comes out and people like, so how are you going to bounce back? Well, you know, you're gonna like this. I'm thinking of buying Arizona came to me in jail. You got a lot of time to think and mold stuff. So I figure I'll just, you know, take over Arizona again. It worked twice. But it turns out that none of the investors want to jump on board this time. Well, there was a flag they saw or something. I want to start to get in the amway. So there weren't as much into this. Sure. So he moved back to, he moved to Denver and got back together with Sophia. Okay. Who is now a regular person? This will be interesting. Although he would occasionally hit the road and try to jump up investors

for his land grant in Arizona. In 1900, he started a magazine called, man, Peralta Rivas Real Life Illustrated. What? I feel like it doesn't do well. Look, man, people were asking for it. What is it? I mean, it's the magazine is going to reveal the true story of the Peralta fraud. Only one issue was printed. You know what, I knew I shouldn't have gone into magazines because the idea was, there was a tight idea that the information was there. I should have done a talkie. I should have done that. James then wrote a memoir, which was published as a series in the San Francisco call. It was titled Confessions of the Baron of Arizona. Oh boy, a tell-all. In 1902, Sophia filed for a divorce. 1902, she's like, I feel like

you're not going to change. I just had this weird feeling. What did he do that made her be like, I just don't think it's right anymore. I actually can't take it. You know, here's the thing. Either we get divorced or the next time you say Arizona, I'm going to blow my fucking brains out. Actually, that'd be a good look for a hat. Brain sort of, brain on the outside of a hat. So James disappeared for a while after that. There was no record of it. He put paste over himself. James, we see you. And then he returned as a general. No. And then after a while, he popped up on the streets of Phoenix, where he was homeless and he was just seen wandering around. It's a weird, weird applause. Weird applause time.

Aren't you a baron? I'm sort of, can I get a dime? I'm a baron of needing biscuits. You met the biscuit baron? No, no. So he spent, it was said he spent hours in the public library reading newspapers about his days as a wealthy baron. Fuck. Wow. That is. He went back to the documents. Dave, I mean, that is holy shit. It's like, slowly watching someone Google themselves. Ah, the pain. The fuck is he, does he read about himself again? I remember that boat. Oh, that was fun when everyone bought the bullshit. Scroll down. I married a teenager. I convinced her she was Spanish royalty. I just need pants. Look, sir late fees are late fees and the papers didn't come back when you said they would. So we have to charge you. I made a castle out of mud. Sir. No, that's because you're

not wearing pants. Oh my God, that's not mud. It's not a castle either, sir. It's pretty straightforward, obviously. Oh my God, it looks like my great grandfather's monument. In a way it is, sir. In a way it is. In 1913 is somehow found his way. I can't believe he's like a terminator. The fuck is it going to take somehow found his way back to Downey, California, where he lived in a poor house. And then can I be in charge? Sure. And then at some point he was back in Denver, where he died in 1914. And he was buried in a popper's grave. Sophia would make extra money by selling her story to magazines and newspapers. She lived until 1934. James Manchin in Arizona was rediscovered in 1953. For years it had

been used as a barn by a farmer. It belongs to who? It was determined to be beyond restoration. Wow. Jesus Christ. What a crazy chapter from American history. You guys had a fucking nutball. Like a genuine fucking lunatic. Whatever happened to John Snowflake? You ever wonder? Oh, John Snowball. He became Senator John McCain. I won't melt. By the way, has anybody tried to throw water on his wife because she looks like she's made of wax? Wax. They don't have any water. We took it all. For our fires. Boy, I feel good. Boy, that's crazy. That is so ambitious. Vincent Price. They made a movie out of this. Vincent Price was in the 50s. Vincent Price was in it? Wow. But it should be remade. I mean, this is fucking

crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you see? I'm the Baron of Arizona. No, I'm in charge of all of it. I met my queen wife on a train. I can't even hear Vincent Price anymore because when you do it, all I hear is James Addome in doing Vincent Price. Oh, I didn't know. Oh, man, that dude. He doesn't write Vincent Price. Whatever. I'll do. I'll try to do a Jesse Ventura. It is his impression. That's all you did when you were a kid. When you'd be like, I do a Johnny Carson. It's Dana Carvey's Johnny Carson and I do it. I'm sorry. It wasn't whoever you thought it was going to be. I know a lot of you guys had an idea and it wasn't that. Oh, yeah, I wasn't going to do that. It's too close. Also, I know, but since

we're in America, we're doing an ethnic purge. It's an awkward time to do that. It has become a little awkward with that phase. A purge is a weird thing to live through. It's so weird how everything's happening so fast and then slow. No, I'll do him when he dies and he's going to fucking die soon. He'll die. And when he dies, we will celebrate. You should all have house parties, maybe have a fucking block party, but that's a celebration. People say you shouldn't celebrate death, but... I mean, there's some. There are some that should be... get some Roman candles. That's all I'm saying. It's okay. He's a bad man. Also, Steve Nash, let's celebrate his death. Wait, is that not... I don't know. Steve Nash?

Wait, am I not... Look at the basketball player, right? Yeah, he's Canadian. You got Steve Nash. He never won a championship. Wait, am I not understanding whose death you celebrate and whose you don't? I thought... I thought if an athlete didn't win a championship, pure evil, no? I get mixed up. Did he ever score 60? Celebrate it. I think we might have talked past the close on this one. I was just trying to think of one local person besides Jeff Lake I could think of, and all I could come up with is Steve Nash. The Canadian point card? What do I think, Arizona? Didn't he live here? Did he play? He played here, right? I think Mike Dan Tony. Charles Barkley? Oh, yeah. Is he from Arizona? Well, I mean,

yeah, he was... Steven Spielberg. What the fuck is happening to you people? Dan Marley's your guy and you know it. Dr. Ganja. David Spade. Well, that made him happy. They cheered. Let's leave on that, Dave. I got a David Spade story. Am I a David Spade story? So I'm a brand new comic in Los Angeles. Oh, boy. And I go to a party and David Spade's there and this manager's like, hey, I want you to introduce... David Spade should see you. Maybe you could take him on the road. You could open for him. Get to know him. Get to know him. And I go over and he goes, hey, David, I want you to meet Dave Anthony. And David Spade doesn't look at me. He looks at the manager and he goes, is he a chick? And the manager says,

no, he's a young comic. He goes, then get him the fuck away from me. So that was cool. Well, at least I finally know how your I suck David Spade's dick story starts. I didn't go it. I didn't want to... At that time, I got... I didn't want to go into the second half. It seems weird. Y'all should just throw it away. It sounds interesting. It's a good story if you leave that part out. Oh shit. Thank you guys so much for coming out. We appreciate it. Truly. We will be back. Thank you kindly guys. Appreciate it.