The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 322 - Hank Vaughn (Live in Portland)

Episode Date: April 3, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the life of Oregon outlaw Hank Vaughn SOURCES TOUR INFO DOLLOP REDBUDDBLE MERCH

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All right. Oh shut up. Oh that's like it's interesting. That was in that was around it felt like people were on separate rhythms. You're listening to the dollop. This is a bilingual American history podcast. Twice a week I read a story in German and Spanish about American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has nice and talking up and up on chugs. That meant nothing. That meant absolutely nothing. Used to. April 27th 1849. Henry Hank Claiborne. You can't have a name be Henry and Hank. Wow that's his nickname. Okay that's a better nickname man. All right. He didn't come out in there like let's call him Henry Hank. No Hank.

Henry. Hank. Henry. Hank. Henry. Hank. Yeah that's our boy. Yeah. We're two men. With Jimmy Smitted one time. Are you talking about Walter Stone? Yeah. From the movies. Switch. Yeah. 91. I loved him in law and order. Yep. Henry Hank Claiborne was one of the first children born in the new officially recognized Oregon Territory. Okay. He's the first of eight children in 1860. That's a lot. Yeah but it won't amount to many. No but they actually I actually just realized I never read any more than any of them died so they must all hung in there. Really? There's no way. They just stopped writing about it. They were just like don't ask about grace anymore. No. I mean if this happened they'd be like

miracle family in Oregon. Family retains all youth. Wait a minute some of them are stuffed. You lost 70% like the rest of us. So I will ask before I get here I'll ask the name of this city. It's either the Dales or the Dallas. Dals. The Dals. All right. Hank was the first of eight children in 1862. Hank's dad moved the family to the Dals. I totally nailed that. Nailed. Hey. Now don't you like our new system as opposed to the earlier show where the one where I just read a word and everyone and I thought maybe they might run up on stage and kill me. Yeah. Yeah that was fun. Yeah. And then suddenly it's not recorded. Yeah someone's like lose the audio. We're moving in. Someone already apologized to me about that. So it's an eastern river front town is what it says

here. So I assume it's east. Sure. The Dales was happening. It was a fucking happen in place. It was the most one of the most happened in places in Oregon at the time. Everyone's laughing but back then it was the fucking shit. And my guess is now it is shit. Sounds like it's not that great now. Sounds like it's not that fucking great. Yeah. When you bring up how great a town was and people are like imagine that shit all being livable. What. Now I've heard everything. One local merchant quote there was more life in the Dales in a day than there was in port. Is that not Dales. Dales. We still found the rhythm. Dales. The rapport is alive. There was more life in the Dales in a day than there was in Portland in a month. Wow. So you're fucking town sucked

ass. Yeah. Compared to the sweet fucking. Why do they call it the. Is that a fucking thing. Does anybody know. They're just assholes. Like who puts a fucking thought in front of their city name. Oh come on. Fuck them. Oh come on. Okay. Anybody from there. I've got the mayor of the Dales. Is it the Dales. Did he just say the Dales. You are like rebels. Yeah. What's better than you being like I'm in a power position. I can correct you for fucking up. No. But you fuck me up. Yeah. You came back. I've already got a problem. I don't need you fucking me up. I'm worse. Dales. Man. It's the Dales. Valley of the Dales. Oh man. I mean we need to never say it again. It's gonna be all throughout this episode. Well I'm retiring. Hank was 12. The family spent five years in the

Dales. This is fun. At this point I'm just having fun. All right. Wait. Last time. No. No. No. Do you. Yeah. No. Yeah. The Dales. The Dales. Okay. Dales. Dales. Dales. No. Not the Dales. Chip and Dales. Not Dales. Chip and Dales. Dales. Dales. Dales. Dales. What can I do. Try it. Yeah. Hank worked with his uncle on his ranch but was mostly living on his own traveling while he's 12. He's a he's like 14 15 at this point. Okay. So he's on his own. Nice. Yeah. That's when you take off. Sure. Well I'm all set. Go to face the crazy world we live in. You can't be living at home when you get hair on your balls. Which I promised will be happening. So he was traveling with friends and they they would herd small bands of horse and cattle when it was 15. Hank was in Canyon City. Is that right or is it Kong Kong. All right. Sorry. I just got an email from a guy in

Sweden who told me I pronounced Jorgen Jorgensen wrong. And I was like and I was like motherfucker. When I got out of Mexico I'm not like it's not David. It's David. Like just fucking relax bro. Take your fucking Swedish shit and stick it up. All right. All right. Come on. Let's remember the countries we're trying to spike our numbers in. So Hank delivered a horse to a man named William Head Spot. Okay. All right. So names were better. Yeah. No. Names are better than head spot. Probably had a big. Yeah. No. Yeah. They were just like and your name again. William. We'll call you William Head Spot because you've got that weird thing on your head. It's paint. Huh. It's paint. Keep it. No notes. So when he delivered the horse he only got partial payment for the horse. So Hank knew he'd have to have a hard time collecting the

rest, collecting the rest of the money from Head Spot. So from Head Spot. So he went and had some whiskey before he. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean you know what's great is that I was like this child. I know. And then I thought back to when I was 14 or 13. Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels. My friend. Or whatever you could get your hands on. I wasn't as lucky to get Jack Daniels. I'd more be like all right I'm going to pound vermouth. They won't notice. Just go fucking steal it from the safeway. Why do you think they made duffel bags? So. I wish I was kidding. So. It's not a safe way to live. If you really. There is a twist. The cool thing is is when you get it when you get busted by the security guard at Safeway for stealing Jack Daniels and you're 14 you can just start crying and

it'll be like I don't know what to do and then he lets you go. I would imagine you just cry. It's for my dad. Right. That's what I thought. That's the line you'd pull. Oh. It's for my dad. Yeah. My dad beats me. Go ahead kid. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Hey. Take these Paul malls too. Go get out of here. Get out of here. Come on. Come on. Unfiltees. Go baby. Go. My dad smokes camels. Yeah. I actually googled you and you don't have a dad. I mean boy. Oh boy here. He smoked camels. Take these fireworks. Take these fireworks. Take this porn. Take this porn. Get out of here. Get out of here. Come on. Oh poor kid. Oh I should have not judged him. Turns out that kid's 41. Found out the other day. Checked him.

So he has some whiskey and then he goes to confront Headspot and Headspot's like there's no money and he had a good excuse. He's like I gambled and I lost the money for the horse so. Okay. So they argue and then Hank said if he didn't have the money in a couple hours he was going to repo the horse. Repo the horse? Well I put that in but that's my version of taking back the horse. Yeah. Okay. Repo. He's a repo horse guy. Yeah. Break the point down. So over the two hours Hank went and drank. He just keeps drinking and then he goes back to see Headspot but Headspot still didn't have the money. Sure. And now he had no horse because he'd gotten rid of it. Wait how did he what happened to the horse? He must have given it to a friend or something. He's

like there's no horse. Okay. But and then he said well none of that matters anyway because you stole the horse. Oh interesting. So now he's a detective. So Hank, Hank pulled out his gun and shot. Okay. Well this is taking a turn. He hit Headspot in the forehead. He hit Headspot in the headspot. Yeah. And the bullet bounced off. What? No way. Like glanced off his forehead. It honestly? Yeah. A guy named Headspot from a bullet got a spot on his head. This is what this is what life was back then. And then Hank Hank just fucking ran. He's bulletproof. He can't be killed. I shot a wizard. Oh the wizard. Headspot was finally like oh that's actually probably gonna help. That'll be fun. Seven days later Hank was found and he was arrested

for assault with a deadly weapon. He got out on $400 bail and then went to the bar to celebrate. What's going on? I feel like he's yeah. I feel like he's just going to the bar and then he's framing it under different emotions. I'm happy. I should go to the bar. So he's drinking with his buddies. Sure. And and while and so he's getting ship-faced and he and then he says he would also shoot one of Headspot's friends. A guy named Anderson. It's a boring name. Just cuz if he saw him if he goes if I see Anderson that motherfucker I'm gonna shoot him too. And then Anderson walks in he's like oh fuck and he shot Anderson. And Anderson's like what's going on? I said I would. Anderson got hit but he didn't die and then Hank was arrested because he can't shoot a guy.

At some point is he trying to shoot. This is like a shot for help. I feel like. I mean he's crying out a little bit. Yeah these are cries for help. The sheriff quote he was a problem. We chained him to a ring bolt in the center of the floor because he shouted and sang ribald songs which disturbed the neighborhood for blocks around the courthouse. So wow. I mean he's just having a good time. Sure. Sure. After pleading guilty Hank's family came and told the judge that they should let Hank join the army instead of going to jail. Yeah I mean he's 15. It's time for him to move on. It's time for a new chapter. It's time for the military. Yeah it's time for him to go to the military. Yeah. He's been drunk and in jail.

So the judge agreed. The judge like great and he fined Hank a dollar and said you got to join the military. Sure. So when Hank's dad was like I will join the military with you because you're young and this will be yeah right. It is touching with you. So as dad goes in and and they're in the line and Hank says you can you fill out the forms first and then show me how. And so it's bad. So as dad fills out the forms and he hands them to the guy and he turns around and Hank's gone. So now I just joined the military alone. Where's my oh shit. We're going to shave your head. Take those clothes off. No I'm looking for my boy. Your boy's gone. Get over here. Hose him down Larry. But Hank's family got him and and brought him back and later that day made

him sign up. Six weeks later Hank was discharged quote by reason of general unfitness for the service. So as dad and now his dad's in and he's like out. So it worked out good for his dad. General unfitness is a tough instructor though. Yeah he he's hard. That was that was an officer and a gentleman if I believe. Yeah that's right. This room is filthy. Oh no it's general and fitness. Hank had a friend named Dick Bunton. Sure. Absolutely he did. My guess is he takes a bullet that ricochets off his dick. It was a real button right off his dick. The two paired up and they were trading horses with Native Americans and selling them at much higher prices to miners. Not not. Yeah explain. Guys who dig in the ground not the ones that are

like I don't have hair in my balls or whatever happens to. We have a counter offer. They also stole horses from local ranchers. Sheriff Maddox then after they've stolen horses for a little while deputize several men and headed out after Hank and Dick word came that they were camp nearby. So the sheriff decided to go in with just one deputy since they were only two boys and he decided to try a surprise attack. Hey fun one. So the sheriff got close and then he yelled throw your hands up and Hank and Dick just jumped up shooting and the deputy and Dick were killed instantly. A bullet smashed through Sheriff Maddox left cheek went through his head and came out the base of his skull. Well he's fine.

He fell to the ground bleeding profusely unable to move. Hank was shot in his thigh and he took one of the sheriff's horses and rode off. Okay. Sheriff Maddox and Sheriff Maddox lived. I don't know how. I never understand how a bullet goes through someone's head. He just can't ever say air do much with his head. Yeah. He can't move his head. He can't open his mouth and he can't chew. He pronounces it the dowels now. Yeah. And that's why we're changing it to that weird pronunciation. Hank was caught quickly and angry mob wanted to lynch him but they were talked down. He was charged with the theft of a mare and shooting the deputy during a felony shooting the tip. Oh no shooting the sheriff during a felony because the sheriff lived. So this was

besides the murder charge. They separated those two things. So Hank pleads not guilty. He's 16. A local paper described him as quote five feet five inches tall of a straight build and weighing 119 pounds. So he's fucking he's huge. Yeah. Big boy. Big boy. He had light Auburn hair, blue eyes, light complexion and a long scar in the hairline on the left side of his head which was the result of a gunshot wound. So just a classic like 16. 16. Yeah. I mean you know it's it's a phase. Yeah. It's a phase. You're kidding. Yeah. It's just gonna happen. So Hank's defense was that he had a contract to buy the horse from Dick. So he's like I didn't steal the horse. Bought it from Dick. Yeah. No it's yeah it's like when

you hotwire a car and you're like my buddy was supposed to leave the keys in. Yeah he didn't. So I had to appear to have stolen it sir. You're wrong. Your premise is wrong. I know the guy. So they found him guilty. What? He was sentenced to 10 years. Holy shit. Then the same day they picked a new jury to hear the murder charges. This time Hank said he thought the sheriff and the deputy were Indians. He was like they're Indians. So that's why I shot him and the jury was like no. Don't say it. No. And he was found guilty and given a life sentence. Boy I will speak for most of us when I say I thought that would work. That they'd be like you promise. Let him go. Where are these Indians? We got to get them on trial. Oh right.

So his dad got out of the army in 1866. Hey I didn't want to do this. How is everyone? What the fuck just happened? My life. Shit. That's a quote. So then the family focused on getting Hank out. They sent out a bunch of petitions around Oregon, Idaho. The argument was that Hank was just a boy when he committed the crime and he was justified in shooting because he didn't know that they were the law. Right. Right. Sure. And it worked. Sure. Okay. So after four and a half years the Oregon governor gave him a full pardon on February 22nd, 1870. But you have to promise to learn what badges are. Okay. So Hank's now 21 years old. He moves to Nevada to sell horses in cattle. Sure. A local newspaper quote. Hank has purchased Moe's McBurney's Moe's. Moe's? M-O-S-E. Moe's. Moe's? That's not

Moe's. Let's not shod day the shit out of this name. I think we could go for it. How about I just got one. It's like Rose but with an M. How about fuck you? Yeah. No, it's like Rose. It's Moe's. Moe's. Moe's. Moe's. Moe's. He buys a river ranch for 1500 upon which he was driven some 600 head of cattle proposing to settle in and become a fixture in the township. So everyone's like, this guy's great. He's awesome. On May 15th, 1875, Hank married Lois McCarty. She was 19 and they had a son. Okay. Just turn it around, you know. Rehabilitated, learned his lessons. Nope. I would say based on not only this podcast but what you do in moments like this where you try to sell me in the other direction that he's not making a turn for the positive and that we're going to have

some problems ahead of us. Well, he's a legitimate businessman with a wife and a child. So maybe you should give some people a break. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Give them a fucking break. The guy turned it around. Oh yeah. Yeah. Next, next three, one of the next three sentences will be problematic and it might be this one. I'm going to put $50 on this one. The newspaper in Prescott, Arizona, October 1877. Quote, two noted desperados, one of them Hank Vaughn, entered Prescott and began amusing themselves by shooting dogs. Oh, fuck. What? No. You know what? Those fucking things are everywhere in Prescott. That's not a great way to come into a town.

And presenting their loaded revolvers at the chest of citizens. Okay. So in other words, what you're about to read is fucking crazy. They just went into town, shot dogs, and then put guns on people's chest. They were like, we're new here. How is everyone? Are you guys cool and good? You guys like to party? Huh? Oh, you like dogs? Well. I'm a cat man. I'd be behind that gang. Like I just didn't know we were shooting dogs. I thought we were just going to play with cats. We're the cat boys. Yeah. And yeah, but we should talk about how we hurt dogs. I feel like we should just gravitate more towards cats instead of hurting the dogs. You guys didn't even say anything about going anywhere. It's going to be a dog genocidal.

What the fuck? No, no, I'm not signing off on this at all. No, I know a place where there's a bunch of cats. We could go play with them. I mean, I'm going to go. You're talking about that cafe in Tokyo? Yeah, yeah, the cat cafe. Yeah. So I'm going to start walking there. I figured I'll die. So like I'm eight months. Good to meet you guys, though. Hell of a run. All right. Well, we'll see you. This is the worst cat gang I've ever been in. You haven't seen cats. All right. So continuing the quote, then mounting horses, they rode down through Montezuma Street at full gallop yelling and shooting like demons. As a matter of course, the officers and

citizens were obliged to put an end to such proceedings. And in doing so, one of the Ruffians was shot to death and the other nearly killed. Okay, so don't don't shoot dogs. Right. Also, Hank was not the one that was killed. Okay, buddy. So, okay. New guy. I'm not going to bring up a new name because he's he didn't last long. Yeah, no, yeah, no, for sure. He's definitely, yeah, he's definitely like man four in the credits. Yeah, man on horse. His partner was hit with eight bullets and buckshot. Hank was shot in the head and it was believed he would die. Okay. But he kept on living. The paper reported quote, such men seem to be hard to kill. What? I mean, the paper. Honey, did you hear that? A lot of people are hard to kill. Normal shit. Hank had a second son.

Okay. Well, so he's procreating with a hole in his head. He's married. He's fucking married. He's a married man. Okay. Doing he's doing what he's supposed to do. Yeah, but I would just take care of his wife and okay, having you know, kids and yeah, while he's been right. So but then Lois left with the kids and she went back to Oregon because she's like the whole shooting dog thing's a bummer. Okay. So there were rational people. Okay. A little while later, Hank rolled into the town of Pendleton with horses to sell. The locals assumed he was a legitimate trader. And then he quickly met and married Louisa Jane Diddy in August 1878. He's already married. Yep. El Diddy. Yeah. El Diddy. She's 27. He's 29. Louisa and her sister

were recent transplants and had no idea of Hank's history. Oh boy. Or that he had a wife and family. Yeah. He was like, no, can you believe it? I'm available. You believe I'm still on the market? It gushes. It will gush. It does do a bit of a gushic thing. But it'll be fine. I just can't move it too much. It's like a full goldfish bowl and trying to run with it. It was me when I run. Yeah. There will be spillage is what I'm saying. I got this herd and dogs out in the ranch. Yeah. I'm a cat guy. So obviously I tried to murder all the dogs. Yeah. Available. Yeah. Nope. Never been married. So the couple moved to an isolated log cabin in the Blue Mountains. Hank said about finding a location. I'm going to murder this where he could keep stolen horses in

cattle. I don't want to say his name. He was friends with some of the... Come on, buddy. Safe place. I like. I like that you're looking at me. You trust me. Therapy's working. Do this. Umatilla? Umatilla? All right. I went with the Spanish version. Umatilla Indians and they let him use pastures on the reservation. Hank hung around saloons and pilot rock playing poker, drinking and socializing with possible horse buyers while keeping a tab on the movements of big cattle herds. So exciting and exciting time. Well, the cattle herds, when he found out they were going, they would always a few would stray off and then him and his buddy would... Like the law of the land was that if some cattle strayed off, you would grab them and you would

hold them until the guys came back or else you would bring them to them and go, hey, these good ones got away. But he would just grab them and keep them. Yeah. Okay. So he's got a little gang for me. A little gang. The sheriff knew what he was up to but could never get him with the goods. Oh man. Okay. Picture that. I could never catch him. Son of a bitch. The Duke boys. 1982. Silver City, Idaho Avalanche newspaper in November. I get you. 1879 reported that Hank was part of a gang of criminals who operated in a larger section of the Pacific coast. Hank was said to be one of their leaders and had recently, they had robbed a safe. So one day Hank came across Pitt Smith. Is he related to Jimmy Smith?

Pitt Smiths? They switched. Oh yeah, they sure did. Okay, wait, what's his name again? Pitt Smiths? No, Pitt. Pitt Smiths. P-I-T-T. I've already done it. Okay, Pitt Smiths. So they bump into each other sidewalk, immediately get into an argument. Wait, they just bump into each other. Fuck you, Pitt. No, fuck you. What's your deal? You dog-killer. I'll die for this. Smith pulled his gun, shot and missed, Hank then shot Smith in the hip, and then they were both arrested. And the same cell? Boy, imagine if we touched a pair of magic handcuffs right now. I shot myself? What? Hank was freed because it was self-defense. He went to Spokane in early 1880. When he was there,

he went into debt to J.C. Davis. So Hank offered to give Davis his stove. Quite an offer. Let's make a deal. It's a different time. Well, you could have the stove that, uh, the hell am I gonna do with the stove? I don't have anything. I really, I, uh... Hank said he was going to, quote, sell every damn thing there was and leave the country. Hank said he had no money, but he would, that he would, quote, give me a bill of sale for the woman, and that was the only chance I had to get my money. Wait, what? Yep, I read that, right? So this J.C. guy says he would, quote, give me a bill of sale for the woman, and that was the only chance I had to get my money. So he, uh, I'm not... It sounds like he's gonna sell his wife. Uh, yeah.

Unless, but unless he calls his stove a woman. Well, we've all done that. Uh, but, um, a little uncomfortable about where we might be headed. No, it's fine. Hank said he was gonna, Hank said he was gonna leave his wife and, and Davis asked why. Well, I don't have the, I don't have the original deed. I can't prove ownership. The mortgage. Hank said, quote, I'll be goddamn if I want to live with a woman. He does sound like he's part of the cat gang. Uh, she just complained about all the fur anyway. J.C. Davis told him he shouldn't sell the stove and that he should leave it with Louisa if he was gonna take off. And Hank said he did not give a goddamn. It turns out he was having problems with Louisa. Oh, it's not coming across in day-to-day combos. She had become upset about a woman named

Nancy Tucker who kept visiting their cabin. I'm sure you're air quoting. One time, Louisa caught Hank kissing Nancy in the cabin. Oh boy, wait. She feels like we're deep in a euphemism. Yeah. She told Hank this was quote, not a proper way to treat a wife in her own home. And Hank laughed at Louisa and told her it was none of her business. Wow. Okay. Interesting. So, I mean, he's got a point. It does feel like he's on a date or whatever. Just because it's in their bedroom doesn't mean that it's her fucking business. It does feel like a guy you'd see on Dr. Phil with a montage before they bring him out. Like, yeah, I kiss other women in my cabin with my wife. So what? Yeah. I took Nancy up there and my wife freaked out. I don't give

a shit. Ain't nothing anybody telling me you're gonna change that. I kiss who I want. Listen to yourself. Boo. Yeah. Boo me, motherfucker. Boo me. You're jealous. Y'all jealous. You're jealous of my lifestyle. You're jealous of my lifestyle. Dr. Phil, I love you, man. I follow you on Twitter. He's got a point. So Louisa finally left in September, 1881. For what reasons? Hank gave her enough money for a one-way stagecoach fare. At this point, Hank was grown. He was 165 pounds. He wore... Well, he's acting pretty grown. Yeah. So he, he, he, this is his outfit, his regular outfit. You wore a white hat with a rattlesnake band around it.

Okay. Big, big start. A Mexican sash and chaps. Oh boy. He's fucking killing it. He's killing it. I'm an extra. When he wasn't drunk, he was a very courteous gentleman, very charitable and very pleasant. Good storyteller, very quick thinker. When he was drunk, he lost all fear. Wow. Quite a superpower. When I drink, I become fearless, man. I can run through fire now. He's on fire. Get him out. He's on fire.

Quote from a paper. On the southeast corner of 8th and Main Street, there used to be a hardware store owned by Frank Coffin. That's a bad last name for a hardware store. Coffin's hardware. No, we don't sell caskets. What a fucking nightmare this has been, huh? On the roof of the store, there was an iron coffee pot about six feet tall. It is weird. It is weird. I mean, one of the, they're like, we're going to be in the Guinness book for the most coffee had. Look, it's just a normal hardware store with a coffee pot on top. Welcome to Coffin's hardware. Want coffee from our roof? We have six feet of it. Just, no, it's just people coming in all day and going,

could I get a casket and some coffee? We ain't got no caskets. We ain't got no coffee. All right, hold on. We got coffee pots. Okay, okay, okay. No, the name is misleading. And we have made it our tag phrase because literally everyone asks if we sell pieces for Coffin's. And we have so much coffee on the roof. So go up there and have some. It's full. It's full. We have, you think it's just up there for show? Well, we have, it's up there to see who really, really, really wants coffee. Yeah. We have what they call in the business world, a flawed model. I don't know what the fuck I am doing. No, none of us do. We actually started selling Coffins because

full of coffee. Yeah, we sell, we're calling them coffee ins and we have absolutely lost all control of what we should be stocking and what we should be passing on. But at this point, we solely sell Coffins full of coffee and no hardware. And I'm going to go to business school. And it is, it's showing in the quarterlies. I thought these were all good ideas. And everybody calls me stupid. Well, Shom, something tells me someday you won't be able to get buried unless it's full of coffee. That's brewed.

I see a future America where people just go into a store in Seattle and say, may I have a little coffin? You've always been a dreamer. Quote, he'd go into the saloon across the street and get a drink and then come out and shoot at the coffee pot. Okay. Alrighty. Alrighty. He did do that until he was blind from within. So shit-faced. That's a great way of putting blackout. Yeah, blind from within. I wasn't blind from within. I shouldn't be driving up a little blind from within. I closed one of my eyes. I'm a little less blind from within, but I can't see my lungs.

And when he finally missed, he turned his spectators around and grumbled, I guess I'm getting old. Oh, boy. Everyone's like, oh, God, am I the only one who is so happy when he says that? So Juggersober, Hank was an expert horseman, maybe the best in all of Oregon territory. One of his favorite stunts was to chase dogs on his horse. I don't like where we're headed and I don't like our setup. And lift them from the ground without getting off of his saddle. So what? We've got like a Michael Vick situation on our hands now. No, he's just picking them up. Didn't say what he did with them after he got them.

He just said, it's a fucking great show. A guy rides through on a horse, picks up all the dogs, takes off, normal. Like Milo and Otis was a good movie. He also loved to gamble. In 1881, Hank spent several weeks in Portland and lost $8,000. Sure. Well, you got to, yeah, I mean, you got to go down before you go up. They say that, right? You got to go way down before you go way up. One gambler won $2,000 off of him in one game. The floor was covered in cards because Hank kept projecting decks. Quote, give us a new deck, he would call out. And he would raise his hand above his head and scatter the old deck with a vigorous flip that filled the smoke-charged atmosphere with 52 flying

cards. So he's the worst person to play cards with ever. It definitely creates an environment that's pro-cheating. You're like, well, there's an ace on the ground. It's all aces on the ground. Yeah. I mean, and at this time as well, it's not like they had a bunch of different options. They were like, well, blue's blue. So there's two kinds of cards, the red ones and the blue ones. So if this guy's legit, super specific, lost everyone, keep going. Hank wrote into Primeville? Yeah, it's really, really impressive. In December... Look how little they clap when you get it right and how much they react when you get it wrong.

No, if you get it wrong, they're like throwing spears and shit, like it's crazy. Oh, one guy threw a spear once. Sorry. So he writes in there in December 1881. He let everyone know that Hank Vaughn was in town, and then at one saloon, he came across Charlie Lang. Oh, wait, it's longer Lang. Who cares? Yeah, I don't think... I really feel like you might be able to get away with this. It's probably Lang. This is probably a correction thing. So Charlie said... Charlie was supposed to be slow to be provoked, but once he got going, full on rage.

So the two guys knew each other's reputations. Charlie suggested a game of 7-up. Charlie agreed. I mean, Hank agreed. Charlie didn't agree with himself. Hey, you wanna play 7-up? You're goddamn right, I do. Well, I'm gonna get out of here. This guy's out of his mind. I had to kill myself again. I cheated. Quote, drawing out a pack of cards, Hank sat down on the floor, and Charlie joined him down there. Okay, so weird start, right? Not traditional? Taking his bowie knife from its sheath, he calmly thrust the long blade through Hank's

new buckskin trouser leg, pinning him to the floor. Jesus Christ. What? A card has not been dealt yet, right? Hank then did the same, pinning Charlie... What? What? What? Pinning Charlie to the floor through the leg of his leatherchaps. Okay, now the dance continues. I guess this is how you play 7-up. Okay. What if you didn't know how to play 7-up and you were just trying to sound cool? I'll play. Oh, we play it on the ground.

Fuck! What? What is happening? No! You? Ah, why? What is this? I'm so thirsty. If only there was a beverage. Uh, so first hand, Charlie beat Hank's hand. Hank then pulled the knives out of the floor and went outside. Sorry. Yeah. I feel like I'm listening to Planet Earth. They...

They're both okay, and they've jammed knives into each other. And pinning each other to the floor. Pinning each other to the floor, right. Hand of cards. Right, and the card. Okay. The other guy wins. Right. And then he's like pulls the knives out and walks out.

Okay. Pretty normal. Yeah, quite a normal dance. So Hank pulls the knives out and goes outside. When he's outside, he bought a really fast horse from someone he knew. What is going on? Is there a timeline? I'm in the middle of a game of cards. I'll buy him. So he buys this horse from a guy he knows,

and then he had the guy hold it around the corner for 50 bucks. This dude is so shady. What is... He then came back into the saloon and said to Charlie, quote, you'd make a good sheep herder. That's... That's right. That's the right response. Charlie responded, quote, you'd make a good canner... Canner...

Caninator. Is that the whole quote? Because that would be the worst comeback ever. You'd make a good caninator. It's not actually a word. It can... It's like a... Canner.

It's a guy who shoots like artillery. Okay. So he's like, you'd be a good caninator. You'd make a good caninator in hell. Hank Vaughn, boom. Right, shits on. Hank asked Charlie to drink with him, and after asked, quote, which is it, peace or war?

And Charlie said, they both sound the same to me. Wow. I mean, so they're having a one-liner off? Yeah. Yeah, it's a rap battle. Yeah. Well, I hope you wake up tomorrow to decide, well, maybe I will be sleeping and maybe I won't. Well, maybe I'll see you tomorrow then.

Well, maybe we can have a bite. Maybe we can have a bite. Hank then pulled off... We're gonna fuck, right? Just to be clear, we're about to fuck. The tension's unreal. That is what the up is for and seven up, my friend. Hello.

Hello. Hank then pulled off his bandana. Both then gripped the bandana with their left hand. This is like listening to Planet Earth. I mean, what is going, like, this is like what birds do. Now, so they're holding the bandana, and with the other hand, they are going to shoot, quote. Someone put beat it on the jukebox, right?

On the piano. Quote, with a whoop and a leap to one side, Hank drew his gun first but held his fire. Charlie let go with his 44 and cut a streak across Hank's scalp. Hank fell backwards against a car table, came back on his feet with a jump, brushed the blood out of his eyes and cut loose. Charlie returned fire shot for shot,

but at first he stood still while Hank leaped from side to side. Because of this, Charlie stopped every bullet while he hit Hank only twice. In the final seconds, Charlie grabbed Hank and pressed the revolver to his head but the hammer fell on a defective cartridge and the bullet misfired. Charlie got a bullet in the hand that coursed up his arms,

another through the body over the heart, one through the abdomen, and the last through his right arm. Holy shit! What? This is called the Missouri Duel. You hold a bandana and you shoot at each other. In what is the greatest example of America ever? That's how Kid Rock was born, right?

What are these ceremonies? Even with the bullet not working though, this is just like tickling all the fancies. Yeah. They were both taken to a nearby saloon that had a bed in the back room. I love how the first... They were taken to a nearby saloon,

obviously, for further evaluation. You just say they were clearly both put on the same bed. Well, you guys did that, now let's sleep together. Well, they're not letting go of the bandana. I was like, I'll kill you. I won't kill you. It's like two dogs with a bone. Hank was sitting on the bed and he told the friend,

Jim, I wish you'd pulled my boots off. My old father said I would die with them on and I want to fool him. I mean, this is where you're like, I don't want to talk to you. No, Jim took off his boots. He did? Yeah, Jim was like, oh, all right, that sounds reasonable. Sure.

Friend's a friend. The local doctor came in and he looked them over and said, quote... Oh, this ought to be good. ...meat doesn't spoil in the mountains. Okay, so... I love this medical mumbo jumbo dog. Put it in terms the rest of us can understand. Meat don't spoil in the mountains.

And don't go bad with all that salt. What are you talking about? I'm a butcher doctor. I'm going to prescribe a bunch of turkey for the both of you. So what he was saying was that both men were going to live. Okay. It's a long, really belated way of saying... Really long.

Doctor, what do you mean? Well, you're not gold cuts, are you? We're both kind of worried about dying. You got a lot of nitrates in you, son. May as well call the two of you sandwiches. Doctor, how about I give you each a pickle and a bag of chips? Because I think this is going to work out nicely. What is he saying?

Do you want to supersize your combos? Do you want to supersize your combos? But papers reported that Hank had died. As an East Oregonian, quote, latest advice says both men are dead. Hank was a well-known desperado and has had a checkered career on this coast. If it is true that he turned his moccasins up the sun...

If it is true that he turned his moccasins up the sun, there will be but few to mourn his loss. Okay, so the moccasins up towards the sun is coffee coffins. A new... So when Hank healed, he's better, he rode to Pendleton to the East Oregonian newspaper office where he dictated an editorial that he had written to the editor, quote, to whom it may concern.

Always a fun start. Hank Vaughn is not dead and has never been dead. All right, yeah. Not for a goddamn minute! I've never been dead. Not like Charlie Lang. But is now, as always, a citizen of fine character and an unblemished reputation.

A genial, kind-hearted individual responsible to every noble impulse and a credit to the name of American citizenship. Who wrote this? Yeah, it's weird. Hank Vaughn makes his statement with totally unbiased mind. Wait, so he's even saying that he's writing... He's telling this to...

He's telling this to the editor to write it, yeah. Because he knows the editor is being without courage and states further that he is a louse, a worm, a snake in the grass who deserves to be stamped and trodden underfoot. Hank then ordered this to be printed and said that if it was not, he would blow a hole through the editor. Alrighty, well, that's how you mark it. It was not printed.

Hank then went to Walla Walla to threaten the editor of a paper and also said Hank was dead and that everyone should be happy about it. Oh, boy. Hank first walked in and shook the editor's hand and said he wanted his statement to be printed. Then he punched the editor in the mouth. Interesting. Hank was arrested and fined $25.

Sure. What a time. After Hank went to Idaho Territory, from there he sent his wife, Louisa, a letter on March 4th, 1882, quote, dear wife. I mean, how are things? Well, keep this formal. I will write to you for the last time.

This is an amazing start. Yeah. I have come after my things and will send your things to you. I am well and I hope this will find you well. I am living in Boise Valley, Idaho, but I will not stay there very long. I'm going to Wood River. I wish you would send our daughter, Fanny's picture to me,

H.E. Vaughn. He had used the middle initial E on his license to marry Louisa because he had not divorced his first wife, Lois. According to Louisa, Hank sold everything they owned, including furniture that was hers before they married and all of her clothes. Well, so the exchange is off? Yeah.

Okay. And he kept all the money. Okay, cool. Cool. After that, Frank headed back to the Dallas. You must have been so nervous to go back to it. I said it. No, no, you love it.

Yeah. I just said it wrong. Yeah, I'm aware. Because he was going on the trial for his duel with Trilong. So now he's been, he's, they got arrested for shooting each other with the, in the bandana dance or whatever it's called. Well, I thought that was Missouri legal, I believe. So he's on trial.

Hank was acquitted after witnesses testified that Charlie shot first. When they were holding a bandana in a bar? Yeah. Charlie was out of line. Hank was respectful of the dance. Charlie instigated the bandana duel. He both shot first and grabbed that bandana first. Definitely instigated.

So Hank then moved in with his new wife who he'd already married six months before getting his stuff back from Louisa. Sure. He married the widow Martha Roby. She had five kids and a ranch on the Boise River. From her ranch, Hank ran his business of stealing and selling livestock. It's nice to have an office again though. Yeah.

The couple did not live at the ranch. They lived at a hotel in town. They appeared wealthy. She wore fine diamonds and Hank had a pocket full of 20, gold $20 pieces all times when he'd went from playing cards. So he's fucking loaded. Sure. Hank also had a habit of riding horses into saloons.

I mean, I'm sure that was a gray area. And hotels. Yeah. That had to just be a thing where you're like, okay, here he is. It's like open carry now. It's like sometimes people would just roll in on a horse and you'd be like, oh, well, it's frowned upon, but let him do his thing. It's awkward.

I'm not used to horses being indoors. Hello. I have a reservation. Here's my ID and debit. A Spokane resident said, quote, after drinking his favorite pastime was to ride his horse into the nearest hotel. So it's a hobby. It's a bit of a hobby.

Interesting. He used to have the manager of the California house dealt with it on the two or three occasions when Hank appeared there as uncertain, but he was persuaded to stop without involving the law or firearms. He always rode the finest horse he could get. And in Spokane, he displayed his horsemanship by picking up coins on the street from the saddle with his horse on the gallant. Oh, cool.

So he's fucking showing off, right? He's a showman. Yeah. Well, I mean, it sounds like the same trick. He's just a little lower. Yeah. It seems like the kid who's like, he wants like coins thrown in the deep end of the pool. It's like, would you like to throw a bunch of coins and watch me pick it up?

It's like, nobody gives a fuck. Okay. Just. A Spokane newspaper wrote, quote, we had to have a ride, sorry, he had to have a ride in a new horse carriage and proposed to do the driving. He attempted to drive into a bar room under the star lodging house. As the horses were going at some speed, the body and wheels of the carriage became separated. Hank and the horse team were lined up at the bar.

So he drove, what? He drove a horse, horses in a carriage into a bar and the carriage got split off and then they all slid over the bar. And then I assume he ordered a drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he grabbed a bandana and it all started over again. In April 1883, Hank ran across gunfighter Bill Singleton in the town of, fuck you, Sprague, Washington.

All right, whatever. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I'm dead inside. He's been hurt, guys. You got to know he's been hurt. He's been hurt. We're in here for the Willamette shit. It was a violence rarely unseen.

Look at her hands, she was like, oh, he did it wrong. Oh, I don't care. I don't care anymore. Yeah, yeah. No. Dave has a real Phil Collins attitude about it. I was on the radio today, you are a fucking champ. He uses everything during the day.

It soaks it in. Now people had always wondered what would happen when the two men would meet. So when I met up, they played cards at Pat Dillon's saloon. Everyone watched and both men knew that there was an expectation. Yeah. Soon they had a disagreement and were both on their feet. Uh-oh. And Hank asked, quote, how do you want it, singleton, quote, make it over a handkerchief,

if you like. A lot of fun parties start with lines like that. Each took hold of the end of the handkerchief, wow, with their left hands. Oh. They put their other hand on their gun. At that point, the crowd freaked the fuck out. Yeah, because this is not what you do not want to be in a crowd for this. They're going to spit around and shoot at each other.

Yeah, you don't want to be like, hey, where's this go, oh, Jesus God, almighty. So everyone in the bar fucking runs for it. Yeah. Uh, they all ran for the door, knocked over chairs and lamps, and Hank and Bill were separated in the melee, and by the time everyone had ran out, the two men had cooled off and decided not to duel. I'm so sorry. What an asshole I was.

I'm so sorry. I would never. They ended up becoming very close friends. Okay. Yeah. That's probably a good way to get a bunch of free booze in this time. Yeah. Yeah.

They just, everyone runs and then you just drink a bunch of liquor. Anyway, degenerates are done thinking. Go ahead. A couple of months later, the Walla Walla Statesman reported, quote, it is reported that Hank Vaughn has turned farmer and is tilling the soil near centerville. He has 640 acres of the finest looking wheat in the country. It was believed that Hank Vaughn was retiring from his ways and settling down. Believed was it?

He went to Boise City in the fall of 1883 to stand trial for previous crimes committed. Okay. He was indicted on three counts of assault with a deadly weapon and two counts of grand larceny. He pleaded guilty to one assault charge and not guilty to the others and was fined $10. Okay. And then something went wrong during the pleading part. What?

With the plea? Yeah. How did he do that wrong? Because he ended up shooting his lawyer. Oh my God. And then he was arrested for assault. Will you represent me? No.

What? Come on. You know my whole case. What? In that situation, what I picture is not guilty. Guilty. What did I say? Then he was like, how do I plead?

Oh Jesus, what? Hank actually showed no sign of slowing down or retiring. A resident in Centerville said, quote, Hank stood in a store and shot through the open door of a grocery across the street down through the aisle and put six bullets into a sack of flour which was resting against the back wall of the grocery, much to the discomfort of the merchants and patrons in the store. Yeah. Yeah.

The merchant's bag's a flower. You're like, we should go. We should get out of here. On June 9th, 1885, Hank and a friend named Doc Whitley rode in a one horse buggy down a street and it overturned. The horse landed on its back and Hank and Doc were tossed out. The buggy fell on Hank. He broke his nose in two places.

Well, first of all, how many places can you break your nose? It's not like a super complicated thing. It's just like, yeah, it's done. Or it's not. Secondly, a buggy's pretty big. Yeah. When you think you'd walk away with more than the whole thing, just sort of like, ah. Wow.

Guys, guys, careful. Get it off my nose. Get it off my nose. It hurts when you move. It's a hold on. Hold on. What are the odds of this? Holy shit.

It's like I'm wearing really heavy glasses. Pull it up lightly. Let me reacclimate. Oh, God. I got both of them, both pieces, all two are damaged. I can feel it. The very next day, Hank was back in the buggy racing through the town. All right.

A little while later, a drunk Hank drove up in front of a saloon behind a team of half-broken young horses hitched to a light buggy. Doc came out, jumped in the buggy, and took the whip and lashed the horses. Hank tossed the reins to the ground and gave a, quote, Indian yell. They flew down the street, doc whipping the horses, and Hank yelling. They were going too fast to make a turn, and they rolled into a heap beside the road. What is going on? They're just like...

We're getting into fucking racing in buggies. Yeah, but they are doing... It's like they're jackass, right? Yeah, they're not good. Yeah, it's jackass. Right, they are. They're just like, oh, we got a new way to get a rouge. Doc and Hank were severely injured, and for a few days, it was thought they would both

die. But as usual, Hank lived. But he broke his finger in one place. I broke my ear in four places. Ow. A little while later, Hank got drunk in Pendleton, and he was heading home, driving a horse hitched to a buggy. He somehow flipped it and was thrown to the ground.

What's going on? A couple of Hank's friends happened by, and found him passed out, surrounded by gold pieces. Like a wasted Mario? Ah. They tell my brother. They started picking up the gold, and they picked up $6,000. They're like, oh, my God, we got to do something. Don't wake him.

Don't wake him. Do not wake him up. Do not wake him up. Hank always carried a lot of money, 6,000 pieces of gold. In 1884, the East Oregonian reported Hank had one of the finest farms in the United States. Yeah, remember you bought that farm a while back? That retirement farm? It was on that reservation.

There were 900 acres of wheat, 480 acres of barley, 15 of oat, 30 of miscellaneous vegetables, my favorite kind. Absolutely. Those are just like frozen. Can I get that with oyster sauce? Yeah. Yeah, that's just like a frozen bag of birds eye, like on a leaf. You're like, oh, look at that.

Oh, it's mixed vegetables. Those will be nice. 160 acres of pasture, an orchard, six or 700 chickens. There were ducks, hogs, hundreds of horse and cattle. He had the best machinery. The paper said he would clear 22,000 from his crops that year alone. Between March and November of 1884, Hank and Martha had taken out seven loans for the purchase of farm materials and equipment.

On January 27, 1885, a local paper reported, quote, Pendleton will celebrate the 4th of July. There will be grand procession, races at the fairgrounds, and a fight between Hank Vaughn's cinnamon bear and a wild bull. What is what? In one of the worst, worst cases of U.S. press history, I could find nothing else about the cinnamon bear. Wait.

So there was a fight between a cinnamon bear and a fucking bull. Nobody wrote about it. And this time, there would be walking events, and people were like, bear versus bull, pass. Despite the press about the farm, things were not going well for Hank. Papers reported, Hank's animals were being sold now to pay debts, okay? About two center bill merchants are attempting to recover on a promissory note for $3,054. Hank Vaughn was the agent. 56 of his horses have been seized as collateral for the loan.

So it was all bullshit. Right. Yeah, he was pulling an N-ron. Right. Okay. But it worked out worse for him. Pendleton resident Billy Mays said everyone was afraid of Hank. What just happened?

I don't know. Do you know what happened? No. Who's Billy Mays? Oh, what? What? Wait. I don't know what's happening.

Say what you said again, and then I'll explain what's happened. Pendleton resident Billy Mays said everyone was afraid of Hank. Okay. Shut up. Let me tell Dave, Billy Mays, and I don't, this does not deserve a sidebar, but Billy Mays is the guy who came up with OxyClean and died, take it easy, Dave. He's going to get beers, but Billy Mays was the guy who came up with OxyClean, the thing that would clean grease out of any bib you wore to a barbecue.

If you put it in a fish tank of OxyClean, and he somehow died of cocaine, and when you said Billy Mays, no, no, no. And then just for your information, Dave, the ShamWow guy, he had his tongue bitten out by a sex worker that he abused, and then he went to jail, and now he does slap chop ads. And that's why you were laughing, because of Billy Mays? Thank you, sir. How long have you been here?

So Billy Mays is the guy with the black beard? Was the guy with the black beard. No, you- And he died of blow? Cocaine. Yep. Yeah. Not OxyCotton, which would have been the thing that we all wanted him to go from.

Well, he was what I call a bad American. Yeah, yeah. I still OxyClean, but I'm OxyDirty. And then the guy who jumped in his place, he did some stuff with a sex worker, is that what he said? Well, no, the guy who jumped in the place is arguably the guy who is putting together screen door boats that go over the Everglades. ShamWow guy was also around the time of Billy Mays, and yes, there was one night when he

had a sex worker over, he was aggressively kissing her, so she bit part of his tongue out. He freaked out, beat her up. The cops came, and now he does commercials for SlapChop, which will really dice your veggies. I didn't think we needed to do it either. So she was like, she didn't want to be kissed. Well, the craziest part, and I will say this, there was blood all over his place.

He tried to clean it up with a ShamWow, didn't do shit. The whole place was covered in blood, so I don't know what he's using. All right. So his tongue looked like it got SlapChopped. I think what we're trying to say here is respect the boundaries of the sex worker. They put up a boundary. If she doesn't want to kiss, don't fucking kiss her. Just because you're the fucking ShamWow king.

That's how you react though. You're like, well, it's your job, oh, you sell with your mouth, and he's like, I'm not SlapChopped. I'm SlapChopped. So he's now just around like a low rent guy who already was a low rent guy? Yeah. I guess what happens when you lower low rent? Well, that was a great sidebar.

At least you got a couple beers from the sidebar. I mean, I didn't know what I was getting into. I should have just said a resident of Pendleton now that I look at this. Well, Dave, come on, we need another eight minutes. So a resident of Pendleton has said, named Billy Mays, said his heart felt weird, and maybe he did too much blow. Dude, for a minute, I was like, Dave, you're walking into their trap. Hank gave him a bandana.

I can't believe how much it absorbs. So Billy Mays said everyone was afraid of Hank, and he used the fear to avoid paying down his debts. Quote, I used to be a constable, and they would give me a bill to collect from Hank. Just as he took pride in refusing to pay his debts, he also took pride in helping anybody who was up against it and needed a loan. So when I had a bill to collect for Hank, I would meet him up and say, Hank, I am, I'm up against it.

I know you have a heart as big as a steer, could you loan me 20 bucks? And he never stuck a man to return a loan, so my system worked fine. So this guy was hired to collect money, and so he would go like, hey, man, can I get a loan, and then he'd get the money and give it to the guy to collect a loan from. Don't worry about it. It's good scam. It's perfect. Hank never paid.

It's just too easy payments at $29.99. Most of the debts from Hank's farm were paid because the courts would just take his horse's cattle or wheat. Smaller debts went unpaid. Through all this, Hank continued to have a good time. Quote, Hank would ride in about Saturday at noon, patronize the various bars, and then he would ride up and down the street shooting out the few lights or go into stores. Two guns on his hip and take without pay whatever he wanted.

So he's like the opposite of the Lone Ranger. Oh, no. Merchants would never worry about it because Monday morning, Hank would come back to town with a repentant headache and ask the various storekeepers what he had charged Saturday. Oh, boy. He would then pay what they asked and go without a word. So wow, that is, he's drunk riding. Yeah.

Hey, boys, what did I, a pound of peanut? Well, you had a hell of a weekend, Hank. You stabbed my wife. She's going to be fine, but you stabbed her. You shot out two of my lights, you took a bunch of screwdrivers. Yeah, what do I owe you for that? Well, I'm getting through the list, God damn it. You did a lot of damage.

Yeah, I charged it all, though. Put it all in the card. Do you have the chip? Put it in the lower thing, then just punch your pen. I'm pissed. I hate that beep. I can read when it says remove. Well, just yank it out, then.

Nobody likes the beep. You're out of control. I swear with you. Sometimes I'm like, no, but then I'm like, okay. And Pendleton, Hank would often ride up in front of the Sloan and shoot out the light over the front door. Hey, thanks, asshole. What the fuck?

Don't pull lights out. Let dark do its thing. That's not a cause. It's a going. Hank Vaughn, champion of darkness. No, you are not. You're pretty drunk. Go.

After you shut out the light, the owner would tell his bartender, quote, take a drink out to Hank now so he won't ride in and shoot all the glasses and bottles. All right. Well, we've heard him bark now. Go to give him whiskey. But people had finally had it with horse thieves. Vigilante committees were formed. Good.

Always good. Two of Hank's gang were lynched and left hanging at the lane that led to Hank's ranch. Okay. That's a message. There was a posse that was formed, and they chased Hank, and they chased him out for a while, and then they came to this bank that would, oh, no, said it was like a 70 degree fall. Right. Okay.

They were like, well, he's going straight at that. So that's it. We got him. It's the ending of Point Break, essentially. It's the end of, it's the ending of, yeah, it's the ending of Point Break or also the Butch Kesson Sending. It's a kid moment. We're Thelma and Louise.

It might have been where they took this. So, so they're, they're just like, well, we've got him. So they just kind of fanned out and they figured he'd either give up or jump and die. And he just kept riding and never stopped and his horse just jumped over and it was finished. And they were like, holy fucking shit. Wait, he landed it? No.

No. Some go over. They just don't go over. Okay. In my head, I'm like... The horse wings came out. Pegasus. He was on Pegasus?

Yes. He was on Pegasus. Dude, you veiled this so good. So they ride up, they're like, holy shit, this guy just fucking killed himself. And what he had done was there was like a little embankment down a little ways. And then from that, a little trail that he could go down. He had been training his horse for months. Oh, shut the fuck up.

So the horse wouldn't be scared to jump off this cliff and land on this little fucking bank. And so he literally trained his horse for months for this fucking getaway when he needed it. And he ran and looked like he was leaping off a cliff and everyone was like, what the fuck? And he was actually just landing and taking off. And they came up to the edge and they see him just riding off being like, it's like fucking flipping him off.

So long. I mean, yeah, wow, yeah, he's really great. I would blow him. I would blow him. Jesus. Dave. Look, he's a good horse. Actually, I know him.

Oh, okay. I'm going to take back some of the stuff I said. Why? The respect. So but after the hanging of his friends, he basically took off and went on quote a long camping trip. But in May of 1886, Hank came back and he was playing cards with the son of one Colonel Stuart.

Hank saw Stuart's son take a card from the discard pile. And so Hank beat him, quote, tell he was a sight to behold. And Colonel Stuart vowed vengeance. A few days later, a paper reported quote Colonel Stuart while asleep in Whitley's saloon when Hank Vaughn approached him with a hatchet and pounded and cut him until he was battered almost to death. Well, don't you don't you don't threaten Hank. Yeah.

Oh, no. Yeah, you don't want to make threats. That's rude. Point made. Right. For sure. Hank was arrested. He got out on bail and soon was back in center.

That part I don't understand. Well, yeah. They're like, well. All they did was almost kill a man with a hatchet. He's allowed to go free. Couldn't agree more. So he's soon back in center. Bill, he decided to play one of his favorite jokes, which was he'd pick a random person

in a bar and shoot at the person's heels to make them dance. What a funny prankster. Everyone loved it in the bar because they knew it meant when he was done, he would buy everyone a round of drinks. We're a simple specie. We don't require much a laugh and free booze and we're like, anything can happen. So one day he did it, he goes out, comes out of this bar and he did it to a guy. Well, he did to a group of people, right?

So there's a group of people on a corner and he walks out and they're all just standing there talking and hanging out and he just starts fucking shooting at them. And then one guy who didn't know Hank and he wasn't a local. He was this big guy. He just walked out while he was shooting and he just beat the shit out of him. Yeah. He was like, don't tell them to dance. And everyone was like, why didn't you shoot him?

He goes, oh, that goes awesome. He's a total man. You guys are all weak. Another time he did it to a stranger who did not enjoy it, his name was Bill Falwell. After being forced to dance, he went out and traded his horses for a.50 caliber revolver. Okay. Oh boy. So it was harder to get a gun.

And then he went around, and then he went around and searched for Hank and he found him in his store and Falwell immediately started shooting at Hank. One bullet hit Hank on the arm, which broke Hank's arm. Hank jumped behind a case and Falwell unloaded the rest of his bullets into the case. Hank then rushed Falwell and beat the shit out of him with his good hand. Falwell was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, found guilty and sentenced to four years in prison. Of course.

Yeah. You got it. No, but you guys, you got to throw the book at some of these people. You really do. You got to figure it out. Now, a local guy went to Hank's house a few weeks later, quote, I was met at the door by a stepdaughter who advised me to be careful about entering Hank's room as he was practicing target shooting.

Okay. Great. Good to meet you. This sounds awful. Okay. Upon entering, Hank was propped up by pillows with a pistol in his left hand and several boxes of cartridges on his bed engaged in target practice. The target being an ace of clubs pinned to the wall near the foot of his bed.

He explained that his right arm had been crippled, so he decided to learn how to shoot with his left hand. Okay. Sure. He later had to have surgery on his right arm. Hank managed to stall the trial for his axe attack on Colonel Stewart until the spring of 1887. And when he could stall it no longer, he went to see Colonel Stewart and asked how much it

would cost for the Colonel not to show up at the trial. Turns out 500 bucks. Wow. That's great. That's great. Not very much for an axe attack. No, no. Yeah.

Yeah. He probably kicked himself for a while. They should have gone higher. Hank took Colonel Stewart to a saloon and had the barkeep put the 500 in a safe with instructions only to give it to Stewart if he did not show up to the trial. So the trial was held and Colonel Stewart did not show up and Hank walked. Colonel Stewart was then fined $150 for a failure to appear in court. Well, that'll cut near profit margin.

In August 1888, Hank signed a complaint against his first wife, Lois. What? What? The nerve. She was very hard to read. He charged her with deserting him without cause and asked for divorce and custody of his boys. Oh my God.

I'm excited to see him. Meet him. See him. Lois denied the claims and granted him a divorce. Hank then publicly married Martha, a woman he had been living with for seven years. Hank was injured again in May 1890 when he was thrown from a horse during a roundup. He had a completely fractured leg, a broken rib, and internal injuries. Quote, he is in the hotel Pendleton and is suffering intense agony.

Physicians are doubtful of his recovery. He was fine. Okay, of course. Yep. Surely. Right. Have they checked him for metal parts yet? Are they?

We may have the first terminated. Yeah. In January, papers reported he and Martha were headed for California and would stop at a hot spring there to try a health cure. In California, he was suspected of being the mastermind of a bank robbery, but nothing was proven. Back in Oregon in May 31st, 1893, Hank came to Pendleton to get new shoes for his horse. As usually, he could not help but show off.

He rode up and down the streets, giving the locals a show. He rode, quote, he rode furiously down Main Street, a rider and horse nearly being concealed in a cloud of dust. At a cross street in an attempt to make a sudden turn, the horse stumbled and fell, hurling Hank over its head into the gravel, his foot caught in the stirrup, and the animal sprawled on top of the luckless rider. He was picked up, bleeding, dirt covered, and insensible. His right eye nearly forced from its socket.

And how many places? Just get a sham wow all night. And it looked for a time that the man who appears to have nine lives, so often has been hurt and wounded, had at last been the victim of his own recklessness. The next morning, Hank said, quote, it's pretty hard to kill me off. Wow. John Connor. The e-storey goning and wrote daily stories about his condition.

June 5th, quote, Hank Vaughn is regarded by his physicians to be in pretty serious condition and the outcome of his case is problematic. He began to grow worse Saturday and the severe concussion to his head has caused him to be flighty and irrational. What's that? Yeah. How can you tell? You're like, what does he want to do?

Well, he wants to go shoot out some lights. The Hank's back. He keeps yelling about shooting a coffee pot. Oh, my God. That's Hank. That's Hank for you. June 8th, quote, Hank Vaughn took a turn for the worst last evening and his life is in danger.

Some of his family returned to the ranch and brought back some personal items for him, including his pet monkey. What? Why am I just hearing about the monkey? I don't know. This is the first that they was ever brought up. He had a pet monkey the whole time. How the fuck does a guy have a pet monkey and that's not the lead in every fucking story

you write about him? Yes. That's the guy who shot the coffee pot had a pet monkey. Yeah. I mean, guess who I'm rooting for now? Hank and the baby monkey. Oh, I hope the monkey's armed. Now I've changed my whole philosophy on firearms based on the possibility of a monkey.

If he's got a little monkey gun, that's fun. That's adorable. You can kill anybody you want if you have a monkey. Absolutely. It's legal. Sorry, we didn't know you had a monkey, as you were. But Hank was so ill that he paid the monkey no attention. Oh, my God.

Dude, that was a long pause. The idea that he's going to pay the monkey is like, I'll give you what I owe you. But no more. All right. A deal's a deal. No. No. June 13th, quote, Hank Von lies in a stupor and is unable to recognize those that his

bedside. Charlie Long came to see his own friend. He bought Hank fake flowers and put them in water. I'll get him near the sun here for you, Hank. Can touch him if you want. There are 100% flowers. I don't like the way that monkey's side-eyeing me. Charlie said Hank had shot him several times, but he did not hold a grudge.

I mean, yeah. What do you want, they're bros. They operated on Hank for three hours on June 15th, removing a portion of his skull to release pressure. Quote, it is impossible to say at present whether he has a chance for recovery, yet Hank Von has passed through many bad experiences, none of which an ordinary man could survive. He died that evening, I mean, when they're finally like, they can't kill this guy. We finally found the indestructible, he's dead.

He's gone. He has left us. For sure. Yes. A physician said his body had scars from 13 bullet holes. Two days later, his funeral was held. The East Oregonian, did they quote, a runaway accident occurred this afternoon on the way to a cemetery during Hank Von's funeral, what?

The horse was like, it's showtime. This is how we do it. A horse team attached to a buggy containing five men collided with a carriage occupied by two others, badly wrecking it. The horses were tangled up together for a long time, but were finally gotten out of control. Did Hank stand up? I'm back.

I'm Jimmy Smits now. Yeah. For many years after Hank's friend said he had been the mastermind for a gang that was guilty of many, many crimes from petty larceny to highway robbery all over the West. Hank did not take an active part, but made the plans and directed the hits. And he also provided bail money, hired lawyers and gave advice to the gang members. Jesus. What a life.

It's normal. Yeah. No, nothing weird there. Yeah, just a typical fucking guy in Oregon. Yep. Yep. Classic guy meets horse, guy steals horse. Everything you could imagine happens to guy.

Weirdo fills coffins with coffee. Guy dies. Guy's coffin spills over. Horse crazy. Guy buried. Now horse talk. I'm assuming. Oh, what's happening here?

Oh, you son of a bitch. Do you want some? What if you just mercilessly beat me? Oh God, that is, took a turn. We did it. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. We did it.

We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it.

We did it. Yeah, that's fucking nuts. I guess I speak for all of us when I say, our only question is, what's up with the monkey? And what's his deal? Can we see him? And this little gun you talked about him shooting. Yeah, they should be, I mean, there should be a whole chapter about the monkey in the book.

And without quite, like, well, how did he get him? They must have gotten along. Where the fucking monkey come from? Yeah. And also, he was in the hospital when the monkey came back. Yeah, he was in the hospital and they brought him the monkey being like, this will cheer him up, but he didn't even pay attention. Well, good doctoring, for sure, to just be like, get the monkey around the wound.

If a fucking monkey... Get the monkey near it. Let him put his little digits inside his skull. Maybe he'll help release it. Oh, you don't know. You don't know. None of us know. But if a monkey can't bring you out of your little fucking coma, what can?

Yeah, no. Just, honestly, at some point, you just need to give a monkey one of those, like, little repair sunglass kits and let him go at your brain. See what happens. What's the worst that could happen? Where of them? Maybe you don't want to get a hairy monkey hand around a wound? The doctor.

Doctor, should he be in here? Yeah, absolutely. The monkey has to be in here. Let him do his thing. Again, I know how alarmed you look and how alarmed a lot of you look, but again, they're old friends. So I'm not going to be the guy who breaks up a reunion between a best friend and a monkey. No matter what's going on with his brain.

Okay? Yeah, and let him, and let him, and let me tell you something. He's in pretty serious condition or whatever we call it. Let the monkey do it. Oh, boy, that's a lot of brain. That is a lot of brain. Why didn't someone, oh, did you? Oh, boy.

And he's eating it. Well, let's let this play out. I don't know. I'm not going to call anyone dead. Well, that should probably conclude this. Guys, thank you so much for coming out. We appreciate it. Truly.

Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Bye.