The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 323 - 1908 New York to Paris Car Race (Live)

Episode Date: April 10, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by James Adomian to examine the 1908 New York to Paris Car Race. Recorded live at SXSW. SOURCES OFFICIAL DOLLOP MERCH TOUR DATES

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up than yesterday's crowd but it is Gareth. I yesterday we came out to a yeah so this is better. Yesterday they they didn't know what we did and when they found out that was not good. Give it up for the aloft hotels. Yep they're great they're they're the manager of the fucking dick. They didn't check Gareth until seven in Houston there was a used douche in the room what's the difference a loft hotels get yourself a douche and a dick manager it's a loft. It all happened. Ladies and gentlemen you're listening to the dollop. This is a bi-weekly American History podcast. Once a week I read a story from

American History to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. This this show we have a guest he is one of my favorites. We don't just do this setup to just make you the whole show go why. We just started screaming at people halfway through stop looking at the stool. This guy's one of my favorites he's fucking hilarious. He he's the best Bernie Sanders impersonator in the world. He's better at Bernie Sanders than Bernie Sanders is. Bernie said that. Ladies and gentlemen, James Adamian. Hi folks. Hello. One percent of one percent of one percent of one percent of one percent is a very small percentage. That was two-thirds of one-fifth is greater than four-fifths of one-third. That's just pure fraction.

1907. This is a history podcast James. In 1907 a peaking to Paris car race was held. A peaking to Paris car okay. It was brutal through rough terrain. There's no fucking roads. They're just going crazy. This is quite a start. This is just this is just a setting up the next thing. The winner was an Italian guy and he won a magnum of champagne. That's it. I'm good. I love it. The second place was someone who was deceased during the journey. Also someone was like fuck. Damn it. What was the route? Did they go through the Himalayas? Just go. You know that? I don't think they went through the Himalayas. I can't imagine but they might have known these guys.

Are they in rock crawlers or they're just in cars buddy. At this time a car cost between $6,000 and $12,000 which is like $150,000 to $300,000 today. Like Teslas. Without charging stations and a dick who runs the company. After the... Is he going to drop in here? He was. I think that we're doing the same thing that they were doing then. Instead of going from Peking to Paris we're going to the asteroid belt for no reason. There certainly isn't life on the asteroid belt. We don't know that. Are we guys hiding up there? Yeah. Inside the rocks maybe. There certainly have to be space villains if they live in the asteroid belt.

We're not saying there aren't space villains. We firmly believe on this podcast there are and we need to get them. I'd rather fight them in the asteroid belt than fight them here. Am I right guys? Yeah. That's right. What a planet. We will take the fight to the asteroid. We won't rest until Earth has become its own asteroid belt. They have to be British, right? Obviously, yeah. So after the Peking to Paris race, a New York to Paris race... Who's designed... Okay, go ahead. It's 1907. The Explorers Club has not quite yet perfectly mapped the world.

We believe that a route is possible. Have faith, gentlemen. Keep pushing. I was co-sponsored by the French newspaper Les Matins and the New York Times. The winner would get a... 14 hundred pound trophy. What? Who's... Okay. Who's in charge of everything but then who's in charge of rewards? Who's like giving them the spoils? Do you get champagne? It's something you can't lift. Choose. Well, there's no way to extend your life expectancy beyond 40 years so we can give you large things. You're going to win something heavy.

Okay, so the question, of course, everyone's thinking is how do you drive from North America to Asia? So the route would go across the US, north through Canada, then turn... We're about to hit an issue. A left turn at Alaska and then... They went the wrong way. They went through Canada, they make a left Alaska and then go over the Bering Strait. Wait. I mean, there's a lot of problems. When do we start talking about them? Okay. So the idea is that the Bering Strait is going to be frozen in the middle of winter so they could drive across it.

Oh, my God. I don't think that happens. It's salty water. You'll have to listen to find out, won't you? Oh, boy. That's ambitious. And then after that, through Siberia, which no one had ever... After that, I don't think we need to worry about. Who's the guy who's like, what do we do after we get through the Bering Strait?

I want to write this down. There's a gauntlet of machine guns and poison gas. After that, you take a tour of the Rose Garden. So then through Siberia, which has no car had ever traveled on. And then to Moscow, Berlin, and then Paris. And then that's 22,000 miles. And then you get the big, heavy thing. Sure. Great.

Now, each car at this time, the average life of a car was 10,000 miles. Are they just trying to kill these gentlemen? And there's no gas stations. There are no gas stations. There's nothing. There are very few gas stations in America. There are none in Alaska. How many are there at the Bering Strait?

Or Siberia. Do they have a 76 on the Bering Strait? They're all over the Bering Strait. Sorry, pal. You pulled up to full service. Shit. Fucking Bering Strait. So gas was put along the route by Standard Oil. That's the plan. Who was working on a way to make gasoline the wooden freeze.

So those are the real heroes. Again, the oil men are the heroes. And still are today, my friend. And what are they setting up? They're just setting up buckets. Buckets of gas. Okay. Great. Keep going. Imagine this sad mule cart that has to take gasoline somewhere.

Mush. Mush. Mush. You're gonna get this damn oil if there's a fancy New York car driver and get to Paris. And then we got a lug of 1,400 pound trophy through the Bering Strait. The trophy had to make the route. Obviously, we just get a two month lead. But it'll take longer. The mule don't like ICCs.

So at this point in history, only nine people have driven across the United States of America, but none, none have done it in winter. But they have to do it in winter because the Bering Strait has to be frozen. Obviously. So 16 teams entered the race. What? 32 people have agreed to die. Yeah, pretty much.

Okay. Yes. 33 because I, Cleveland J Mortimer, famous race car driver from Indiana, have decided to bring my three year old son along to see his father's triumph. I can't wait to see him hoist that trophy up. That's right. Of course I have a scarf. Not to give anything away, but he stays three forever. Okay, off we go. So car companies did it for the publicity, right?

They want their car to win. No, you want to be attached to this nightmare. Yeah, get involved. Get your name on it. So it's a very international group. There is G bossaise de chafre, who was driving the French D Dion car. He had once organized a... All I can imagine is Poro. We have to stop to solve a crime. Poro. Focus.

I am smarter than it believes. I sing a bearing straight murder to her. You've just, you've lost him. Chafre had once organized a motorboat race from Marseille to Algiers that resulted in every boat sinking in the Mediterranean. Great. All right. We've got... Okay. His captain was Hans Hendrik Hansen, a Norwegian,

who claimed to have sailed alone in a Viking ship to the North Pole. Why did that, too? It's impossible to verify or deny. What happened? He said he and his crew would reach Paris or, quote, our bodies will be found inside the car. Why did they play on that? He could certainly achieve that promise.

Or we'll die. For the dignity of France. Frenchman Charles Godard was driving the Moto Blanc, who he had sent an insurance record by driving single-handedly for 24 hours non-stop. So that was his claim to fame. What? Just around a certain around this month.

Zoom, zoom, zoom. Emilio Satori, Italian. We drive the Italian Zest car, and his car was a 21-year-old poet. Who's dad? You gotta have one. You can't do something like this without a poet-rided shotgun. And back to me.

His dad owned a newspaper, and the poet threatened to take a boat across the Atlantic alone if his dad didn't let him enter the race, so his dad did. It's great when you can pull off threats like that. Otherwise, I'll sail there. You don't allow me to go here, and I'll go do something else equally insane in the other direction. This threat has impact upon me.

So wait, so his dad did that because, like, the poet basically was like, do it or obey an asshole, so he's like, now you're taking the poet with you. Yeah, but he was like, well, the poet was like, well, then I'll die on the seas. And his dad's like, all right, get in the fucking car. He's gonna die on the seas in a car. But he did it with an Italian accent, so he's like,

oh, right, okay, sure, yeah, he said that. Yeah, okay. We're gonna get that, we're gonna get that. We're gonna be fine, what do you want? He's a big fat, he's a big fat Italian poet. What do you need? Got a couple of sandwiches, huh? Gabagoo.

There was the German Hans Kopen driving the Protos. He was an aristocratic army officer and saw the race. No, that's the guy. I don't believe that part. Yeah, okay, sure. Did he have a spike on his helmet? No, he did. That's five-year driver convertible.

Sex atop town. It's Inspector Climp from young Frankenstein. Ah! This was a Frankenstein! Everyone's like, we should watch that movie. You should, I can't believe you haven't. So he saw the race as a way to rank up from lieutenant to captain. Sure, yeah, this is definitely gonna get you a good start on your career, for sure.

And he had to pay a percentage of the costs. Then there was a third French team driving the car Cisray Naudine. The Cisray Naudine had no body. It was just a sheet of metal over an engine. Hey, can I pick a winner now, or do we want to wait until the end? Ah! Is it time to pick our winners? Jesus!

Is it the third or fourth French team? Third. That's the third French team. We will do it in the Flintstones car. So that's the... We'll take a horse-tron wagon of baguettes. We are driving a baguette there, fuck you! We will put the system on trial.

So that's what they announced. There's two Italians, German, three French teams, and Teddy Roosevelt is like, what the fuck? I'm also racing, Teddy. He's like, we got to have an American enter this race. It's in America, so... Sort of. Well, mostly.

Teddy Roosevelt was like, I'm going to join this race, and if you don't let me, then I'm going to swim across the Atlantic. Teddy, damn it. Shoot a bear while I'm there. These weird threats, let him race. So 25-year-old Monty Roberts was the most famous American driver, and he was like, I'm ready to go. I'll race in this thing.

He was the first racer who was like a pure athlete. He would train by running and doing weights. He had a huge following, ladies and gentlemen. Which we now take for granted that we have that knowledge, but this is before people knew that working out got you in shape. So, weird era. Cars were like a great workout back then. Oh, I'm sore from driving.

Look at my arms. So the Thomas car company stepped up. The best Thomas car was a 60-horsepower touring car called the Speedway Flyer, which had been used in tons of races. Now, a flyer was supposed to be being delivered to a customer, but they just took it and used burgundies that car for the race. Other cars in the race have been specifically designed for the race, but the flyer is just a fucking road car.

Is that the French one? That echoes current day as well, the Tesla that they shot into outer space. That was actually Harvey Weinstein's Tesla, and they just grabbed it from him and they shot it out there. The New York Times put a reporter in the flyer to ride along and file stories along the way. Wow, that poor bastard.

I booked the story, huh? The guy's driving and the whole time he's like, One picture, one picture! Come on, ah, Jesus! Jesus, God! Come on, come on, give me a picture for the boy! I can't see where the bearing straight freezes! Ah, Jesus, God! The reporter was said to be very obese.

We're going to need to pull over again. So this is a Laurel and Hardy sketch. This just got... You're almost out! It did just get very slapsticky. You're supposed to turn left, you're supposed to turn left. I can't, you're on the right side. I'm nervous, we're not going to make it.

I don't know if we're going to make it. Oh, great, another pickle you got us in too! Robert's... So that's who we're sending! Well, now those in the car is Robert's teammate, George Schuster, who's a 35-year-old mechanic who worked in the Thomas factory and he agreed to do it if they would give him a job for life at the factory. That's not going to be very long.

Job for life. Job for life. So the day came, 250,000 people lined up on Broadway up to Harlem. Celebrities watch from a grandstand. The race is supposed to start at 11am so everyone's waiting and the son of a Civil War general was supposed to fire the starting pistol, but he was late. Did the time change or something?

Daylight saving, sorry. 1115 came around and the president of the automobile club of America got mad and just grabbed the pistol from the table and shot it. And then the race had begun. Okay, cool. Do we know what happened to that guy? He died, right? No, we don't know.

Okay, he's dead. The poet wrote, quote, between two thick hedges of extended hands amidst a roar as of a falling torrent and then he blew a kiss to the crowd as they drove off. So poets are four. Beautiful. Yeah. He was worth every penny.

So every car has suitcases, bags, crates and boxes piled on top of it. Absolutely. You got to Beverly Hill, Billy, your way to the Bering Strait. Yeah. Take it all. I think the bathtub was maybe too much. You're going to thank me when we get to the Yukon and your groin smells like a potato. So now I'm going to try to not use as many names of all the people I named

so I'll mostly talk about the cars, right? Sure. So it'll be like the movie Cars. Yeah. Cool. Except for Robert. Yeah, we've actually, the Pixar franchise Cars has never imagined any of those adorable characters freezing to death.

No, no. Where the fuck are we? We're underwater. Well, we're going to have to eat the reporter. That's become painful. Oh my God. Let's thank God there's so much of him. I'm full on him, this just in, I'm stuffed.

Deep line. Deep line. Can I spell Montana? We've gorged ourselves a dear. Now I'm picturing him as Sheldon Whitesides and the man who came to dinner. Good one. Good. That was a nice one, James.

1942. He knows it. Hey, I'm going to name a movie that only I have seen. You know what this reminds me of? It reminds me of my aunt's movie from when I first went to school. She took it that day. You guys remember that? So he's like the teacher that was in there.

I sold out that quip before it was done getting quipped. Yeah, that was an early bail. So the Dedeon had chests filled with a month's supply of goods and a portable kitchen. What? Cheese. They're blue-apering. They might as well have had the Donald Duck camper from the cartoon. Eating corn on the cob like a typewriter.

So the cars headed north to Poughkeepsie, the driver of the French. I mean, that is very much like a Donald Duck cartoon. Poughkeepsie? Yeah, straight through Poughkeepsie. So the driver of the French, Césaire Nadine, got lost immediately. There was a lot of snow which started to become thicker. Excuse me, sir. There was a bearing straight.

I know how to get to Doug's house. Fine. Take us to Doug. Maybe he knows. She wins the weeds early on this one. So the roads had deep ruts and there were no, there's no signs. There's also no maps and no direct routes. Hey, what is there?

There are only timetables for how long it would take you to get there. There's the contact of hard rubber on untilled soil. Yeah, that's it. That part. And an instinct. There's the torque of a wheel. And that's it. And a gut feeling.

And a dream. We can't lose. Steam and fire driven science. To destiny, gentlemen. So what would happen is local automobile enthusiasts in each town would come out to meet the racers. And then guide them and tell them which way to go. Or take them a distance and get out. So dorks.

Oh, you've got a car. I want, I'm going to get one soon. Okay, great. We look forward to that. We're in a bit of a rush, sir. Well, you want to eat something? I have some soup here. No, no, we have supplies in the back.

Please, please. Point us to another dork. You dorks are the backbone of this race. You're really just a lifeblood. Um, they were dorks. So the snow got deeper. So the flyer's mechanic had to get out and walk in front of the car with a stick. This is the Americans.

Yeah. To probe the ground under the snow to find the ground. And then put down planks so they could drive over and then they would take the plank out and put it in front. Well, that sounds fast. Oh, yeah, that sounds like something that moves pretty quick. It's a great race. Yeah.

It's like building a road for yourself on the fly. And we all know how simple that can be. As an experiment, I would have wanted to just try riding an elephant and see if I could beat them. Aw, is that brilliant fucker. Look at him. Elephants seem better days. Yes, son of a bitch. I think we'll have the last laugh once he hits the sea.

Good luck floating on your fucking elephant. Yeah. He's not going to get through Moscow. Uh, so, um, the flyer also has no heater in the car. That's fine. Um, so they drove through farms. They would just go through a farm. Just buckwheat.

I got a good feeling about this one. Of course. The clothes line. I get it out of my face. You get the scarecrow on the windshield. So move him. All of the tropes of old movies that involve cars originated from this race. That's right.

There's an old woman sitting out in front of the house. Paw. Get my shotgun. They drove by. There's a pie in the window and they just grab it. Hey, this ought to be good. Reporter. Um, so the César Nadine broke down near Peekskill and the engine died.

They fixed the car, but we're out of the race after 96 miles. Wow. That's an amazing non-achievement. The luckiest one. Yes. Well, we were going to call the winners at the end of all of this. The men who stopped right away. Well, we had an hour and a half on our dream race.

That's man. That's good. So we searched town, an old farmer waved down the flyer and told them about a shortcut, which turned out to be total bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. The farmer hated cars and so he sent them. They sent them straight into my barn full of pitchforks.

I hate cars. So he sent them the wrong way on purpose. A lot of people at this point in rural America hated cars. People would put nails on roads and just shoot at passing cars. You want a shorty cut? Well, we sure do, sir. Thanks for your help. Boy, am I glad we ran into you.

Keep laughing. How about some words? Okay. Shoot at you, Michelle. Just a car drive. Hey, shitty fella. Normal. Normal.

Fine. Uh, nothing's really changed. Nothing's changed. So? We are getting closer. Do they hate cars on religious grounds? Um, I think that they... Jesus didn't make rubber.

Yeah. They believed in the horse and buggy and they didn't... They just thought... There was also a giant war against telephone poles, which I'll do, I'll do a dollop at some time, but there was an insane war. Like, people were just like, Fuck you, progress!

Well. Um, the flyer crew spent four hours shoveling snow with the other cars waiting behind them, and then the flyer reached the Hudson... There's genuine traffic? It's not much of a lot. Well, the race now is just, you know, crawling along because they're putting fucking boards down.

It's really a train. It's a train of cars. Right. The flyer reached Hudson by 8.30 p.m. The Dedeon and Protos arrived a little bit later. The moto block got stuck in snow, but got out at 1 a.m. The New York Times headline said, quote,

Racing to Paris. Pretty slow work. Oh, so the New York Times starts rubbing it in immediately. Yeah. Our idea, but... You know, some people end some problems aesthetically with the progress. Not sure where to point the fingers,

but, ugh, what a failure. In the morning, the local police had gotten a complaint that a horse was spooked by the cars, and they made the zest crew pay the $3 fine because everyone else took off. So there's a... There's a horse spooking fine? Yeah, you know, I don't mean to come on hard on you boys,

but the horse was pretty scared. So... Well, the old book is. Well, he spooked, and he was banging his horseshoes together. Oh, he spooked. Medically speaking, he spooked. Yeah, for sure. Well...

So now the Italians were just completely disgusted with their fellow drivers. The flyer, the Dedeon and the Protos traveled in single file on the snow, and then the Dedeon went off the road, and the flyer stopped to pull them out very gentlemanly. The zest took advantage and just took off. The race, okay, good.

Yeah. Glad to hear it. Only to be found just a few miles later, shoveling snow eight feet deep. After eating lunch, a local told them they had been shoveling in the wrong direction. He just sat there watching them eating, and then after he's done, he's like,

yeah, you want to go that way. Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee. There's a lot of bad news coming at the racers. Yeah. This... I mean, this is a great cartoon. Oh, fuck yeah. I really want to make this cartoon.

Snow became so bad that even the guides would no longer come out to meet them. And then the snow turned to slush as it got warmer, and the cars started sliding everywhere. Well, yeah. I mean, when you're in a race and the seasons change, that's a good feeling. You're like, okay, the year's almost done.

Whoo. Is it... Was it late winter? No, it's still winter. It just got a little bit warmer. But in March or...? No, it's February. It's February.

So they're just luckily getting some slush. Yeah. Okay. There's a lot of power steering, and sometimes two men would have to hold the wheel at the same time to steer. So they're tanks. Driving tanks.

One is almost like a tank. The German one, oddly. I don't know how odd that is. But Roberts was one of the only ones who could drive the lightweight flyer by himself. So there's no road west out of... I don't know how to say this, but... Schenectady.

Schenectady. Schenectady. They just inched through snowdrifts and fields. The Italians arrived at... There's no road west out of Schenectady. Now they're just driving through whatever. They're just driving. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. My beans. Sorry, pal. Driving on my beans. Sorry, buddy. We're driving. Hey!

We're in a race sort of kind of. Where are we? So outside of Buffalo, the racers started fighting over who was digging more snow, and they agreed they would alternate every five hours, but the agreement quickly fell apart. So it turns into a shit show. The metric system.

Yeah, you're right. Right? The moto block was broken down in Syracuse. The protos was 50 miles ahead, but it got in four flat tires because it was so heavy. This just flipped over in Rochester. Four flat tires. It is important to talk about how many tires flat that is,

because that's all of them. That's all your tires. I mean, this has to be scored by a zany ragtime piano. Yeah. Oh, God. The zest flipped over in Rochester, and they were furious. That's not what we needed.

There's enough cars that everything can go wrong, goes wrong. It was the Murphy race. One of them was sliced in half by a saw. They were furious that the Flyer and Dedeon had not waited for them as they agreed upon. What kind of a race attitude is this? Well, they think they're being gentlemanly, but gentlemen racing is quickly falling apart.

Yeah, OK, good. So the zest is now mad, so they go off the official route and just drive 24 hours straight to Erie, Ohio. And now everyone was upset. It seemed as if this was no longer a gentleman's race. No one was helping anyone else out when they broke down. So the Flyer arrived in Erie and set off early the next morning. A crowd gathered to watch them go.

The New York Times reporter had a very hard time getting into the car, and someone yelled out, quote, bravo, fatty. Oh, boy. Oh, man. What? Why you got to do that? G-U-I-O-L.

Because he still tries to get in. The door slamming while liquid fat is still around the edges of the doors. Yeah. Because he just lifts it out the windows to get the door shut. Yeah, here we go. Sorry, boys. Let's stop less.

When he finally got in, everyone applauded. Hey, there you go. That's very funny, you guys. Thank you so much. And then they sped off. I don't know if they sped off. Sped off. And they left.

The DD on left 40 minutes later. The flyer got into Toledo. Now, Roberts was starting to become a hero. He ate a two-inch thick steak while people stood around and watched and asked him questions. This bogs down into a freak show. Well, when not racing, you're just kind of road tripping. So why not eat a great steak?

Is Roberts the driver of the flyer or the reporter? He's the, like, good-looking athletic dude. Yeah, watch me eat his steak, and I'll make this fat reporter salivate over it. Yeah. I wish I could get out of the car. Might and tie the gristle. Might and tie?

Shut up, Hamhawk. The, uh... Might and tie? The DD on could not keep up because their headlights fell off. Okay, okay. So Knight's off the table now. It's windy. Whack!

Whack! In Indiana, the state was experiencing its worst blizzard in years. Dave, is it safe to say this isn't going well? The region was totally shut down. The snow was four feet deep and rising. The cars were going one mile per hour. It took 13 miles, 13 hours to go seven miles. Wrapped in thick clothes, the racers struggled through deep snow on roads,

limping along in single file, and stopping constantly for repairs. They would get gasoline at hardware stores one bucket at a time. Yep, we do it. Each team, though, was worried their opponents would sneak off in the middle of the night, so they kept watch of each other. The French... So, like, the treasure of Sierra Madre.

Yeah, watch out. He did it again. That's another movie you should watch, though, you guys. The French and the Dedeon started giving orders. The French leader and the Dedeon, he said to Roberts, quote, when you wish to go into a city ahead of me, you ask me, to which Roberts replied, quote, from now on, you will know this is a race.

But it's been a race. They were racing. So, he's played by some Brad Pitt guy. If you can get Brad Pitt, it's Brad Pitt. Otherwise, it's just the next one available. Second pick. I'm a World War I-type gentleman. You'll soon know the meaning of the word, honor, sir. You are too good. You have more hours. The Germans and the proto started fighting with each other.

Sure. The drivers were mad that Copen, the leader, was getting all the credit, so Copen hopped on a train and said he would meet them in Chicago. And don't miss this. Copen's got a good vibe. He's getting off on a train. I'm seeing you in Chicago. No, Copen, don't get on the goddamn train.

I said, like, I'm standing on a train. Goddamn it, he's on. The flyer was... So, he was accused of being in charge too much, so he's like, I'll go to Chicago and meet you there. Yeah. Good. The flyer is now 30 miles ahead of the Zust,

but Roberts was seriously pushing himself, and he fell asleep and crashed into an eight-foot snowdrift, twisting the steering gear. And the mechanic had to... Schuster had to repair it for two hours, quote, stopping intermittently to use un-gentlemanly language. And the reporter? Sorry, I got to do all this.

Will you get out of the car? No. He's trying to jack it up and then... What do you think the problem is, guy? Yeah. I can't stop this un-gentlemanly language. You're a real wet rag. That's what you are.

You're a darn... No, damn fool, I'll say it, you're a damn fool. He's having a tirade out there again. Worst language anyone had ever heard at that point. Goddamn it! I've pissed things that I enjoyed more than you. Oh, I've got a real distaste in my mouth right now. You're like a flat soda, pal.

Yeah, you're the wrong side of a knuckle. But the flower had an advantage being in America. Throughout Indiana, farmers and other rural people would come out and help them. Oh, he's American, all right. American know-how. They dug snow for them and would give them tips on which way to drive. At one point, 14 Clydesdales and 20 men shoveling snow

got the flyer through some fields. That's a bit of an advantage. So race rules... Now we're in just Christmas commercial territory. We're into the polar bears with these Coca-Cola show-up. So race rules stated that cars had to move under their own power. A push here and there was okay, but being dragged for miles by horses was a little bit different.

So the other teams protested, and they almost learned that they were all doing the same thing. The Zust had set a record using 17 horses. The difference was that the foreign teams had to pay for the help while the flyer got it for free. So they had to pay to cheat. It's just different. In some places, the Hoosiers refused to help the foreigners at any price.

So the moto block and the protos appealed to the president of the Chicago Automobile Club, which the Tribune printed under the headline Foreigner's Pathetic Appeal. The Chicago Tribune? Yeah. Foreigner's Pathetic Appeal. The note read, quote,

We are discouraged. The peasants demand $3 per mile for helping us. They charged $5 to permit us to sleep on the ground. Peasants along the way have filled up road dug by leading cars so as to help the Thomas car. So there, as the Thomas goes by, then they're putting the snow back in the fucking road. So the French refer to the American citizens as peasants?

Peasants. And then at the end, they ask, Would it be possible to influence public opinion to aid us? Well, the peasants thing is going to hurt you. By sure. We'll put a team of publicists on the next steamship over from Paris. So the foreigners did not like the locals believing them to be boorish. An Italian sent off a dispatch, quote,

I do not like the Americans as a whole, just as I do not like the cheese monger whom a prize in a lottery or a sudden rise in the price of potatoes has made wealthy. There is still too much of the herdsmen about them. Well, that's not going to get snow out of the road for you. Bad attitude. Yeah. I mean, when you're like,

You profit the same ways of people who make cheese, then you're an asshole. To make it worse, the Northern Indiana Railway gave special clearance for the flyer to drive along their track. Like an on xylophone. That's how you would score that. Yeah.

Railroad ties flying up. But the Zust and Dedeon arrived then and they were not given permission and had to continue through the snow. It's not a race. It's a race. Yeah. Now it's a professional wrestling event.

Yeah. Now the rep has his back turned and he's like, You guys be quiet while chairs are getting smashed in the ring. So things are not going great for the flyer. When they reached Michigan City, the guide there refused to take them into Chicago and gave them the wrong directions, sending them into snow drifts.

Turns out he was a Frenchman. The American Scott Snowdrift. Hey, well, I'd do whatever I can to help you guys. You're awesome. Just go up that way. Turn right. And if you see that barn, you went too far. Fucking foolish Yankee Drift.

I set the trap. You still continue. I'm not your local at all. Snowdrift. So that day, Chicago lying the streets, the 24th of February, ready to welcome...

Hey, you heard they said you had a little crazy car race coming through. This is big. There's a car race. Come on. This is what it's all about. You're taking them all the way down here. I've never been so excited to see not like this before. And they sat there all day,

but the flyer did not come because the wrong... The wrong turn had cost them a lot of time. After a while, everyone just went home and the flyer arrived the next day. To no one. Well, no, then everyone lined up again and there was a big banner and parade. But it's never the same when you got a re-parade.

The re-parade is awkward. You're like, we're still into it. Yes, there's a bit of a fucking bust. All the ticker tape has already been fired off. They're gathering it up. It's not as poofy for sure. So being ahead, Roberts took the day to take steam baths and long naps.

Sure. As most race... Yeah, that's the feeling you want to have in a race. Yeah, a day off. Spade. Spade. Day for you. Day for you.

The Dedeon, Zest, and Motobloc arrived the next day. That night, the Motobloc was robbed of its supplies while parked in a garage. Chicago! What do you know? Pity that happened. Shame if something happened to your French car. Something has happened.

Someone's removed most of the pots. Well, what can I do? You are in charge of the operation! It's not gonna be good enough. What the fuck? They had a banquet. They invited 50 guests. Roberts had a lot of fun.

He pretended to get an electric shock from a man who had received electricity treatment for a cold. It's a great bit, though. That's a great bit. So he's a real card. Yeah. He had handkerchief bits. Yeah.

Also, he got electroshock therapy for a cold. It was a different time? Cool. How's your nose feel? My temples hurt. Bingo. I am Doctor... I am Doctor Gesundheit.

Hello. He was a little creepy. Why'd he turn the lights off? Hanson, the Norwegian, who had claimed he had sailed to the North Pole alone, then stood up at the banquet and announced he was leaving the Dedeon team. Okay. Turns out he had gotten into a fight

with the... Gunfire leader. Gunfire leader. Yeah. So he got into a fight with the leader of the car, and they had almost come to a duel. They were about to duel, but then the other guy said, I could just fire you instead of us dueling.

Way better. But then before he fired, he was like, well, then I quit. So he was done with that car, and so he got invited to join the flyer. They're like, why don't you guys jump in our... Because he was considered... The North Pole?

Very cold, no more questions. So then he pledges allegiance to the American flag. Whoa. That's all you had to do. That's a great scene in this movie. Yeah, that is a great scene. And of course, the pledge of allegiance back then would have been worse than it is today.

I pledge allegiance to this country and the people it displaced. 4000 came out to watch the flyer leave the next morning. One of the Italians wished Robert's luck, and Robert's turn around said he'd never wanted to see the cheating Italians again. Sure. The race was now one week behind in schedule.

They were supposed to get to the west coast to take a ship up to Alaska to then drive across the Bering Strait. So they're behind schedule. The flyer had now averaged seven miles per hour, which meant it would take 100 years to reach Paris. So is it better to just jog? Is the man who leaves the car going to get there fast?

I feel like at this point, if there was a guy walking this race, he would be ahead. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good. But then Robert's blew through Illinois. At this point, they were going so fast, the car was shaking so much

that the New York Times reporter quit. That dude quit? Bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh. I'm all jiggled up again. I can't take this anymore. I'm done. Bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh, bluuh. Ten miles an hour!

So, the flyer arrives in Cedar Rapids on a Sunday, which meant no one cheered because they were Christians. Yeah, obviously. We all knew that. Obviously, we can't cheer then. Yeah, no, joyless. We believe in the lack of joy. joy. Yeah, that's the off day. The DD on broke down and was stuck in Cedar Springs for six days.

The flyer skidded into a muddy creek and it took a day to get out. The zest had a wheel fall off. Oh my God, Dave, while all this was going on, the Moto Blanc arrived in Chicago. Okay. And they couldn't stop talking about how much Indiana sucked. Pretty good. They'd get a pretty good reception in Chicago. Well, we kind of like you guys now. One farmer had given them dinner and then after charged them $5, which was a huge price at the time. And the farmer explained that they were his two pet chickens. This guy's an asshole. Leave $5 each possible. They were my best friends. You ate my best friends. Why did I mention it? It would have been weird. A fidget. Fidget because you got them fancy boots and lacy shirts on. I was drunk when you all came over. I killed my best

friends and let you eat them. The Germans arrived in Chicago a day after the Moto Blanc. The two drivers told Copen either he left or they would leave. So the Germans have fucking had it with each other. So he refused to leave and the other two drivers bailed. Okay. So now he's by himself with the right. Yeah. So he's the fifth car in a five car race. He's 1000 miles behind. He's got a shot though, huh? And now he's paying for the whole trip himself because the other guys who because the German car was all self funded. But then he found a new German driver in Chicago and they drove off together. In Clinton, Iowa, the Germans were presented with a giant pretzel decorated with flags. Sure. Absolutely. Idiots. American flags. No German because there's a German town. That was

the coolest thing they could have done back then. That was as good a gift as you could think of. Right. Here's a giant pretzel. I'm so grateful. Wow. What a beautiful gesture with your flags on it. Oh my. He said he would he was thankful and he would send it home to Germany. I don't know if he understands how pretzels are. I need a quick tutorial. I do everything I can to send it back home as soon as possible. The moto block broke down immediately after the left Chicago. So the flyer blew through Nebraska doing 500 miles in three days. Robert was driving brilliantly. They had also lost the reporter. Yeah. Yeah. So he's gone up through. Yeah, that's I guess they're not I guess they're not doing Canada, which is originally the mouth. So they're going through a boat to

Wyoming, Nebraska. So they're going to Cheyenne, Wyoming, where Roberts had always planned to quit the race. He's going to quit the race in Cheyenne. Well, we find that out. Well, he had the French he had the French Grand Prix coming up. So he's going to do that. So Schuster now replaces Roberts as the driver of the flyer. Okay. Is he the angry mechanic? Yeah. And the reporter's gone. Yes. I think Hanson's in the car also. Okay. The trio band. We're going to do this the whole ride, guys. We have four songs. All right. There's also not radio yet. Good. There's no radio. A lot of talking, a lot of great conversations. Oh, man. The Norwegian guys just keeps talking about how he went to the North Pole.

That's great. Could you tell us any specifics about when you went to the North Pole? Very white. Okay. I just figured it'd be interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's different, there's different shades of white. Right. Do you want me to go through them? There's Santa Nick and class. He's up there. Yeah. Making his toys for the children that survive the winter. Yeah. I killed Santa. He just has to start embellishing to make it interesting. I dated and murdered Santa. Okay. It's a long car trip. You're going to hear some shit. It was self defense. So now Schuster's taking over. But the plan is, is that Roberts would take over again in Europe right as they went into Paris. So he would get the glory. Oh, cool. So when the flyer left Wyoming,

it was ahead by two states. The moto block driver was going crazy. He was having mechanical problems and thought he would lose his mind if he didn't get out of Ohio. I mean, Iowa. So against the rules, he shipped his car to San Francisco by train. What is this? What is this? It's a race. It is not a race. I don't know what it is, but it's no verification process at any step. Race implies like pushing it. This is a bunch of people. They, there's a spa day getting there. I don't, but what's the point? Can you ship a car? I think we can prove that. Okay. So it is against the rules. So people found out. Did he sit in the driver's seat the whole time? That's the question. I think legally speaking, he should have. So people find out about it. And a small group gathered in Council

Bluff to see the moto block, quote, shamefully riding a freight train. It was mounted on a flatbed, quote, exhibited to the rude gaze of an unfeeling public. Wow. A newspaper reporter started setting up council bluff Iowa. Yeah, sounds like council. So a newspaper photographer starts setting up his tripod to take a picture of the car. Sure. And Godard, the driver loses his shit, yelling, quote, no photograph, no photograph. And he said in French that the car was in privacy now. It's a special time, special time. Right now, it's not the car, it's the train. And there's no reason to take pictures of a train. Foolish man. This car sleeping. He's in a coma and some respect was a dead. So the photographer just keeps setting up the tripod ignoring like this. I got to get

it right. Also, the French guy is on the train. He can't what is he gonna know he's come off the train now he's off the train. He's right there right in front of their screaming at each other. So guitar. So the photographer is just setting up not giving a shit while the French guy screams at him. And then Godard's mechanic runs at the photographer with an with an axe yelling, quote, I will fix your machine. And then railroad workers come running out. And they come to the defense of the photographer and they they grab the mechanic. And then the Frenchman run over to cover up the car before you can take the picture. But the photographer got a picture off before they raise up the sheet. Is this on horseback? How are what? Are they? How are they? What running around?

I mean, you could make this movie. But you would have for that scene to play correctly, you would have to have it that sped up film speed. So it's like the newspaper guys are like, Hey, and they run out. We are the railroad guys. Hey, stop that. So the photographer gets a picture of it. And then after it was printed, Godard received a cable from the car owners, quote, quit race, sell car, come home. You got to pay by the letter. So it's a great Hemingway pole. So the moto block is out. Now four cars are left. In Wyoming, the route took them up 10,000 feet to get between two towns that were 40 miles apart. The snow is very thick. So the flyer got

special permission from Union Pacific Railroad to drive through a train tunnel with quote, special train designated status. And they blew out three tires in the tunnel and were almost hit by a train that did not slow down. Well, when you're when you're granted train status, you're a train. So turn around, turn around, what they said we could call they said we could go, but he didn't. Oh, boy. Thank God the report is gone. I think that's the one thing that I would change about this story to make the movie. The fat guy stays. I also, I also think you want him in a situation like this. So when the Italian zest team reached the same tunnel, they asked Union Pacific for permission

and it was denied because they used the excuse that the flyer disturbed a lot of gravel on the tracks in the tunnel. No bully. So the zest had to go over the mountains. The DD on fought against people looking to make money all the way through Wyoming. One group tried to steal a spare axle as it was lying on the ground. The flyer broke down in Utah, which stranded them in the desert. One of the men rented a horse from a rancher, took a gun, rode till five a.m. the next morning to the nearest town to get parts. The Thomas dealer there in town didn't stock the parts that were needed. So the guy from the flyer ordered the dealer to go around town and just take parts out of local people's cars with or without permission. That's quite an order. That's quite an order.

Okay. Now she's the flyer. Yeah. He's the hometown boys. Yeah. And they're acting like a two. Now she used to repeatedly sacrificed himself on the journey. He walked 10 miles at night to find gas and navigated the car out of gullies they couldn't drive around his skill and drive. I'd kept the car running through blizzards, freezing temperatures and sandstorms. Each night he repaired damage and got the flyer ready for the next day and no one gave a shit. He was not Roberts. Newspapers often misspelled his name when they did barely mention him. Okay. Yeah. So after 41 days, the flyer reached San Francisco. The first car to cross the United States in winter. They were 900 miles ahead of the zest. Factory whistles sounded and automobile drivers blew

the horns on Market Street. No one thought they would even get to Chicago, let alone the West Coast. So then the flyer was nobody thought they were gonna get to Chicago and they're supposed to go to Russia, Paris. Yeah, over the Bering Sea. It's gonna be great. Right. Paris and Russia. Yeah. Are these cars planning on stopping and having like children cars that then continue the journey for them? It's like how we're gonna get to Mars. We're gonna need to procreate on the trip. So the flyer was then put on a ship to Alaska to try and find a way across the Bering Strait. Oh, they didn't know that ahead of time. Yeah. On April 8th, the flyer reached Valdez. At the same time, the zest and Dedeon arrived in San Francisco and were waiting, waited for news about the

conditions in Alaska. But there had never been a car in Valdez. So people were like, holy shit. And Schuster quickly realized there was absolutely no way to get to Russia. Snow was 10 feet high. The only way to cross Alaska in a car would be to take it apart and ship it by dog sled. Hey, you're still racing. Still a race. As far as we're concerned. Please. That's that. Please. I'm sorry. Please. That's the best third act I've ever heard. James is not listening to a story. He's writing a script right now. We need to be. This is the best story I've ever heard. He's in the midst of a pitch. So the race organizers get rid of the Bering Strait plan. They're like, that's not gonna work,

which was the only reason the race had taken place in the winter. Hey, so they told the flyer to go back to Seattle and then take a ship across the Pacific. Meanwhile, the other teams got on ships and left for Japan. The flyer had been the first to arrive on the Pacific coast, but now they were the last to leave. So the other two left from San Bridge. This goes to Japan. Yeah, they waited, which not a clever move. You've got another water problem on the other end. Oh, shit, we do. Damn it. So the race committee, there's a lot of water. Judging from our map with his, which is the board game risk, there's a land bridge from Japan to Irkutsk. So the race committee got together and decided the flyer would be given a 15 day lead. So

they're spotting them 15 days. The Zest and the Dedeon would have to get to Paris 16 days before the flyer now to win. The Germans and the Protos were then penalized 15 days because it turns out they had taken a train from Ogden to Seattle. This is not a race. This is arguably the origins of Nazism in Germany, their bitterness about their treatment in this race. The Dedeon then dropped out of the race in Japan because the owner sold the car. Honestly, what the fuck is going on right now? Like, I mean, does anyone want this anymore? Anyone? So now they're in Japan and while they're there, the Russians told the racers to give up and just take the Trans-Siberian train that had just been built. The Russians in Japan? No, the Russians

who know that they're there. So the Russian leaders. It's called collusion, I believe. The poet reported, the quote, great men of the Russian government, all covered with gold lace, outlined the many reasons the venture would fail. We shall be met on the road by Chinese Briggins. They'll be attacked by Briggins. Manchurian tigers, fever, plague, pestilence, famine, to say nothing of the mud. And that's without even talking about the mud. Also mosquitoes as big as losus, locusts and other similar delights. Let's keep making up things that are going to happen until they start believing us. These are locusts who will house themselves inside you and turn you into locusts. Tornados. Tornados that also have gorillas inside of them. Imagine

if a tornado fuck gorilla fuck tidal wave is coming at you. It's not a good idea. Have you ever been fucked by Mongolian beef? It happens. There are doppelgangers of you who will have their way with you sexually impregnate you and force you to have child of yourself that you raise in your honor. Or perhaps worst of all, you end up here an imperial runner. You could end up here. You could end up staying here. What a nightmare that would be. So I was out, but then if you can get fucked by Mongolian beef, I am speeding. That's what PF Chang founded his civilization upon. The great leader. The great leader, PF Chang. The warrior. He defeated General Soh.

That's absolutely right. In the chicken wars. We will get so. I'm so mad. Oh, yes, yes, father. Otherwise he beats me with the shoe. But then no one's about to stop. They get to Vladivostok Russia Vladivostok Vladivostok I think so. Yes, judging from my risk board map. Copen of the produce and Schuster of the flyer agreed to leave at the same time. Gentlemen. They're being gentlemen again. Okay. They're the only two left now. Well, I think they're the only ones that they made it there made it there in time. Right. So now they're like, Hey, this is the worst, right?

Shall we put a bullet in it said like it's old yellow or how are you feeling about this? But the flyer was having an issue that morning. So the produce just took off. How gentlemen. Yeah, I'm not. Wait a minute. Hey, what about that deal? That's going to sound great on the podcast. That's him. I shook hands and then ran off. Tell you what, Dave, it's not about the podcast. It's about the movie. Yeah, which James and I are writing. I don't know if you attach myself to this project. So they take off. It's a nice looking highway. So they just fucking floor it and they take off. I mean, if you see a highway, you're like, Oh, boy, is that a mirage? Imagine a road.

Highway was great for about a mile. And then the produce just drove into a river. I know. More bullshit everywhere is bullshit. Yeah. This is greatest Russian engineering feats of its time. Road that goes four miles drops into river. We told you no race. Too many mouths to feed. We have to solve it somehow. Four miles into a fucking river. So locals got planks and made a bridge to get the car out and they continued on. Why not focus on road building? These cars are hardy.

They are the cars from cars. Yeah. Benny the cab. Hey, Roger. But they quickly drove into a bog and couldn't get out. Of course. Whoa. River planks. Now bog. Yeah. It's fucking Russia, man. Should have told you river lead to bog. But after bog is a big problem. Russia impossible to invade peacefully also. You see. You see. That come later. After bog is swamp. After swamp is portal to hell.

After portal to hell, things get fucked up. Then customs. Then you go to customs. Which is, believe me, you will miss hell after you see customs. You will go to verus dante. You watch your bum fights? He's no guy. He's not good. Yeah. It's not good. I don't know where I'm from. No. You're not from here.

I'm from other place. Yes. I travel. Hello, governor. Oh, boy. So, right. So they're in a bog. They can't get out. After a few hours of being stuck in the bog, they heard the flyer coming. And even though the produce didn't go by their word. That's what it sounds like. They hear it coming.

He's on the freeway. He's at the freeway. He had four mile mark. I mean, I don't want to just go off hearing, but I believe you just left river in this meat bog. Like, yes, he's in swamp now. Just landed swamp. So even though the produce didn't go by their word and had left early, the flyer stopped and helped pull them out of the bog. Copen thanked them and then popped a bottle of champagne that they sat on the side of the road and drank.

Cool. What a normal race. Yeah. There's a lot of turtle in the hair moments in this race. Yeah. It really is. They're like the wolf and the sheep and the Looney Tunes punching in and punching out. Well, days over, let's have a beer, huh? What do you say? A couple of bros.

Yeah. Yeah. Good to see you too. So the two cars then took separate roads and the flyer got stuck in a bog. 40 local soldiers help pull them out. 40 Russian local soldiers. Yeah, help pull them out. Then the guys from the flyer spent the night in the army barracks and the soldiers told them there were lots of Manchurian robbers who roamed the area.

Maybe they're maybe they're not in Russia. Okay. There's Russia. What's the deal with Manchuria at that point? They're probably fighting Japan over control. The snow melted and the ground turned to mud. We're in the middle of rolling six dice to see if Japan or Russia controls Manchuria. So it would be mud for like the next 1,000 miles.

So the flyer was forced to turn around. 1,000 miles of mud. In other words, pretty good day. Hey! 1,000 miles of mud? That sounds like the evil turtle at Never Ending Story who's like, you can't get there. 1,000 miles of mud. So the flyer was forced to turn around and they found out that the Germans were driving on

the tracks of the new Trans-Siberian Railway. When did that become possible? Yeah, I mean, it's not great. They had not gotten permission and it's very treacherous. But the Germans were now a day ahead. Now Schuster did not want to win by default. He wanted to be the first into Paris. So he raced onto the Trans-Siberian Railway and narrowly missed being destroyed by an

oncoming freight train. Jesus Christ. Schuster learned the Germans were now 60 miles ahead. Then the flyer's transmission cracked and it was stuck on the tracks. Schuster hiked. That's a good feeling. Yep. Schuster hiked 15 miles to the nearest railway station.

15 miles. 15 miles. And then when he got there... He just swung on vines, by the way. He did not speak any of the local language and it was completely impossible to talk to anybody. So then he went to a town nearby and sent word to the Thomas factory to send a whole new transmission. It would take three weeks to arrive and we'd be delivered to a town ahead of them.

Can they deliver it to a train track? So Schuster got... Why, sure. But we're going to have to have one of those hand-pump things. Take it down from... And then we're going to have to have the piano guy come along for that, obviously. Not getting that day off. Didn't even have another hand-pump for the piano.

So Schuster got supplies that would temporarily fix the flyer, which is amazing to me that he's like, yeah, I'll just temporarily fix the transmission and we'll throw some shit in there. Sure. So the Germans were pulling further ahead and the flyer got going again after five days out of the race. Meanwhile, the Italians in the Zust had found out their car company had pulled their funding while they were in Vladivostok. Sure. So they were there and they spent two weeks raising money and now they just left

that town. What? So they're behind. Give them a mid-race skeleton, yeah. Hey, guys. Hey. Hey, we got two minutes to help two Italians. We got a bunch of tottebags.

We got a tottebags. We got a bumper sticker. Guys, you want to just sign up? Anything helps? We hate to do this to you guys, but we know how important we are to you. And we just do this once a month. I need a miracle, man. The Trans-Siberian Rail Company offered $1,000 to the first team to reach the town of

Chita. The Germans wanted it and decided to make a run on the train tracks at night, even though the car had lost its headlights. They literally should just start running. They barely missed being hit by a train. The Trans-Siberian Rail Company heard about their nighttime run and then forbid cars from using the tracks ever again. We did not think we'd have to say this.

Cars are not trains. Trains, Siberian Railways, very important purposes only. Transporting people from one gulag to another. The only thing outside of this is the luxury. So, instead of driving on the tracks, the Germans now drove parallel to the tracks and quickly into a swamp. Why isn't this working? Because there's a slope!

Another jam you've gotten us into. Now they're sitting in the swamp and a train comes along and there's a Russian duke on board. He is just horrified by what he's seeing, so he orders them to drive on the rails. But they now had to drive with a portable telegraph equipment machine and report their position on the tracks at regular intervals. Are they in front of his train? I think he just gives them the stuff and then he goes off. Good luck with this weird plan they've given you.

They just have to write and telegraph. You make calls. They're still on tracks. A blessing and also a worse of a curse. So, the flyer is now six days behind the Germans. The Germans tried to rig a bridge to cross a river, but the bridge snapped and they went into the river. Well, when you rig a bridge...

It's a tough way to set it up. Copen went walking to find help and found some drunk drifters and paid them to use their horses to pull out the car. Use their wasted individual! Crazy proposition! But it turns out the horses were too small. They're little horses. We got like mini ponies?

So, why isn't this working? Team horses will help you out. Oh, am I glad I'm here? Ah, yeah, horses! It's so nice to have the nice stranger help us out. They're like little foals just barely standing up. So, it's just for work. We must try!

Your horses are dead. So, Copen goes out again and this time he gets lost. In the middle of the night he came across some bandits and they say what they would take him to a nearby town if he gave them money. He had a thousand rubles on him which he didn't want to lose. So, he pulled out his revolver and fired it into the air and the bandits scattered. Copen eventually found his way to a railway station and got some soldiers to come help pull the car out. Okay, just going good.

Yeah, no, for sure. These little stop-downs aren't going to affect the overall time. Yeah. So, the Germans reached Cittä on June 14th and claimed the thousand dollars. The flyer was now three days behind. The Germans were sharing driving time. They were switching off while Schuster wouldn't. He was doing all the driving.

Ein, zwei, zwitsch! Ein, drei, zwitschen! He was the only one who would drive the flyer. He wouldn't let anybody else drive. He drove for 54 hours straight to reach Cittä and arrived two days after the Germans arrived. Two days after the Germans had left. They now raced across the thawing tundra of Siberia and Russia. The Germans leading, the Americans just behind and the Italian thousands of miles back. The Italians...

There's not a road at this point. There's no roads. The Italians, however, were convinced they were the only ones who would run an honest race and they should be the victors. That'll get you somewhere. When we learned moral victories aren't victories. The Germans came to Lake Baikal and asked to get permission to use a railway bridge and they waited for days for a return telegram. Meanwhile, Schuster was driving for 20 hours straight and his arms lost all feeling. I mean, he's driving!

I'm going knees! I'm going knees! He's on candy! Yeah, yeah, yeah. My jacket's caught! My jacket's caught! He's also got other guys who can drive and he's just like, I'm fine! I just can't feel my arms! The whole time the vibe has been a dad on a road trip who hates his family. He's never seemed like he's happy at all. He's like, I'm driving! She's having his bullshit!

Get these goddamn kids to parents. We hit you, Tom! So the Germans finally got their return telegram, which said they could not use the railway bridge. He's had news from text. So they had to load their car onto a train to go across the bridge and while they were doing that, the flyer pulled up. But there was no time to load the flyer on the train, but Kalpen, the German, was like, I will wait for you on the other side because it's fair that you got here. And then he got to the side and he just took off. Nice.

Because I am German! What's fair is fair. So now the two cars are racing across grasslands on smooth flat roads. Now they got that. The flyer chasing the produce. Schuster was so tired he couldn't go fast. The Germans opened up a one day lead and Schuster sped up, but finally he couldn't take it. And after weeks, he finally let someone else drive the flyer. Fine, but I'm going to watch the whole thing. And wouldn't stop nagging from the backseat.

This is where the backseat driving got invented. So now everyone in the car is happy again. The crew's excited. They're talking about they're going to be the first one to Paris. But Schuster couldn't handle not driving and he got behind the wheel after a half hour. Well still, I mean that was big for him. That was a big step. Big brave step. So now the crew sat again. They slowed down and now they were in mosquito territory. There is load of mosquitoes. Did I mention the flyer does not have a windshield?

Oh my God, she's so winter mosquitoes and they were so OK. So these are gogglemen. Yeah, that's right. Just eating rocketeer guys. At the next town, two of the guys in the flyer just quit. They had had enough. Schuster got the point and he then agreed to split time with the other driver. One would drive while the other slept. They would drive day and night. When they reached Tosk, the other two guys who had gone ahead by train. I quit. I don't care what part of the Ukraine I'm in. I'm quit. Right here. So they get to the next town and the other two guys who got take quit and gotten there by train.

They're like, we'll get back in. So they're back in the car. That's great. The Germans were having an issue. They had a wobbly differential which made it almost impossible to handle the car. It was being held together by makeshift pins which kept coming out and had to be put back in. B-o-o-o-O-o-O-p. B-o-o-o-o-O-o-o-o-o. B-o-o-o-O-o-o-o-o. B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. So they're going super slow. So as they near a city they see the flyer coming up behind them and they sped up. Their lead lasted 15 more minutes. Schuster was driving like a madman and started tailgating the Germans. What is it? Get out of the fast lane! Get out of the fast lane!

Trying to drive ya, prick! I drive this way. This is how I race. I race at the speed limit. Yeah, right! Come on, asshole! Flash his lights at him. He's washing his windshield. The Germans finally pulled over and let them pass. They just let them pass? They're sick of being offensive.

The four guys in the flyer burst out cheering while Copen was close to tears. Then the produce broke down and had to be hauled by a pack of horses to a village. That's pretty sad. And pretty standard. But the flyer still needed that transmission and then they drove into a swamp which stripped all the gears. Dave, why would it stop? It's never going to stop. Local Villages is a lousy video game. Shit, another bog. That's like the Indiana Jones Atari coming the hole again.

He came across really old. The local villagers helped pull the car out. The produce caught up to them again. Schuster and Copen met up in a town and had dinner together. Copen knew they had a 29-day cushion so unless the flyer dropped out, he was going to lose. Off they went again. In the town of Perm, the flyer got two messages. First, the transmission had been sent to another town that was super hard to get to and two, the Thomas Company asked if they could send Monty Roberts to help Schuster make it in the final roads of Europe. So they want Roberts to take over.

Right. He's back. He's ready to start it again. Schuster was pissed. He said he could have, quote, eaten nails. And I have. Not a turn of phrase. Nail biscuits. He just replied he would be in Paris on July 24th and that was it. The flyer then went to pick up the transmission. So now deep in Russia, they started experiencing anti-American hostility. Adults encouraged their kids to throw rocks at the flyer. Which has no windshield.

They spread broken glass on the road and covered it with a layer of hay. I just picture that the Russian streets are like that anyway. Lined with glass hay. There's still Napoleonic soldiers on the ground. After getting the transmission, the flyer headed to St. Petersburg, where the local automobile club had offered a one thousand dollar prize to the team that arrived first. I was hoping you were going to say that it brings the Americans dead bodies.

That'd be amazing. But the flyer broke down after hitting a bunch of potholes. The transmission. Somebody's got to fix them. Potholes. Yeah. Potholes take you down. The transmission would now have to come to them, which would take four days. So Schuster went to get it, but he kept getting lost. The Russians that he met couldn't understand hand signals and the Americans. What kind of?

And he couldn't understand Russian. Transmission? Yes. It's cow. Cow. It's on the bottom. Your wife pregnant. You jam your wife pregnant. You do this. Keep doing this.

Oh, you're celebrating. Our only hand signal. You celebrate. You win something. You win race. You don't need transmission. We only have hand signal for lintel or famine. Are you drunk or looking to get drunk? Be clear.

Okay. I'm going to walk away. He, so they get, they get the transmission back together. Then they were taking wrong turns all the time. He lost 15 hours when he took a wrong turn. The proto's reached Moscow on July 18th and a few days later was in St. Petersburg, where they claimed a cash prize. The flyer was now three days behind. A couple arrived in Germany and there was a victory parade for him because they thought he had won.

People lined the streets to cheer their fellow countrymen. Out of the way. Out of the way. You did it. Sverka. Sverka. You won a big trophy here. Stop off. We are Tuggins in Dzerpekka. I've been a fan of yours since I was a girl.

In Berlin, hundreds of thousands of people came out to cheer them on. You did it. It was a great dinner. Meanwhile, Schuster was keeping the flyer going 21 hours a day, but at 6.15 p.m. on July 26th, five and a half months and 2,933 miles from Times Square, Lieutenant Kopen arrived in Paris, slowly driving the proto's down Boulevard Poissonner. A delegation of editors from Le Matin greeted him with tepid enthusiasm

and approved a cold buffet. Well, well, well, no heated foods. Enjoy your cold coffee. Almost. Meanwhile, Schuster arrived in Berlin where he was congratulated for a decent showing. They're like, good for you. Look what you did. They didn't know he was actually in the lead by a month and he didn't tell them. On the evening of July 30th, people in Paris lined the streets as Schuster and the flyer rolled in.

They chanted, Viva la Con American! And everyone cheered until the flyer was stopped by a policeman. Excuse me, license of registration. Schuster was arrested for not having headlights. Holy shit! Holy shit! What? How close to the finish line?

I mean, they're like so close. These people are here for me! People are cheering and people are screaming, no, it's a race, it's a race! Shut up, rules are rules, laws is laws! The code is clear, you're about to be lied. We don't need the season's fix, it was in a week, otherwise you get another infraction. We don't fix it, Dickie.

So a guy on a bicycle rides up and puts his bike in the front seat and there's a light on it, so the policeman steps aside and lets him go. Well, as much as law is something I take very seriously, legally you have fixed every problem I have. You now have a bike attached to your car, finish the race, the law has been served. Continue, Monsieur! Hello!

Now, unlike Cobain, a champagne greeting met the flyer. The Thomas Flyer was declared the official winner of the New York to Paris race. Celebrations in Paris continued for days and Schuster is just fucking loving it. Meanwhile, the Zust was still driving through western Siberia. And they believe they are the moral victors, because they haven't cheated. This is as the credits roll. Yeah, for sure! The one thing they cannot say about us is that we never cheated.

We won our way. And no one pays attention to them as they drive through Russia and Europe or when they arrive in Paris. No celebrations, also no nails on the road. Also, no horses to get them out of bogs? Probably people just get out of there yourself. The race had cost E.R. Thomas $100,000 to run his flyer. After winning, sales went through the roof for the Thomas Motor Company.

He was making so much money that he turned on an offer of $10,000 just to buy the flag from the race car. When the flyer crew arrived in New York, there were more celebrations, and Schuster told Roberts to drive the car into Times Square. Thomas offered Schuster six months of work touring the car to different cities, but he just wanted to go home, so he turned it down. After that, he went back to his job in the factory, saying he would never do anything like that for money again.

For money. For money. He was offered $10,000 by Thomas to drive the car, but then Thomas only gave him $1,600. Copen wrote a best-selling book about the race, which made him his fortune back that he lost in the race. Monte Roberts kept racing and eventually settled down with the family. The race had highlighted...

On the way to finishing, just started a family. The race had highlighted the shitty conditions of the roads in the U.S., and roads were then improved enormously. Asphalt was a method in 1910, and the first transcontinental highway was begun in 1912, starting at Times Square and ending in San Francisco. The 19-0 race was one of the pivotal achievements of the 20th century until Lindberg had his flight across the Atlantic in 1927.

So it was one of the biggest events until a Nazi did a thing. So... Schuster did really well. He was looking for his baby. It's hard to see from up here. Schuster did great. He opened up Dodge dealerships in the 20s and 30s. He published a memoir on the 60s.

Died in 1973 at the age of 98. In 1910, the Thomas Clover Company... The best words were, fuck this shit. In 1910, the Thomas Motor Company released a very disappointing new model. By 1913, the company was done. The flyer was auctioned off, and it was now in the National Automobile Museum in Reno. Jesus Christ.

And in 1916, the Italians made it to Paris. Hello! Hey, spicy meatball! I'm gonna need to see some license in registration. Wow. Holy shit. Racing before roads. Seems foolhardy, Dave.

Yeah, it... I'm gonna go ahead and say not worth it. But some people like to achieve things. Like James right here has got a new screenplay that he's working on. A new winner. It's called... ...Might and Tie the Gristle. Amazing.

Give it up for James Adobe and everybody. Thank you so much for coming out. We want to thank everyone at South by Southwest. Thank you. Thank you so much, guys. Appreciate it.