The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 335 - Need a Hiroo - Reverse Dollop

Episode Date: July 10, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Hiroo Onada. SOURCESTOUR INFO MERCH BY JAMES FOSDIKE

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Can I speak for everyone? No. You point? Does that mean we're ready to go? Hey check me out on the camera. You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. You can check out the video of this podcast on YouTube at All Things Comedy. And called it quote his jam-packed. Jam-packed? I'm the fucking hippo guy. Steve, okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tiggly Podcast. This is like anarchy. I'm a five-part coefficient. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments.

No sleep, no hippo. That's like no hippo. Actually partner. Hi Gary. No. I sleep done my friend. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's a lot of swearing in that and I want to apologize to any of the nuns listening who don't swear and they get upset with that kind of thing that I recall from Catholic school. Not going to Catholic school for two years. Sure. And Sister Catherine, once I had- We haven't said what the podcast is yet. It's the dollop. This is an American History podcast each week where I read a story from American History to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Now the business is out of way. Let's have some fun in.

Yeah, I mean, there was a book and I just added a lot of swear words in and Sister Catherine found it and I got in a lot of trouble. I like put dick and balls. I added words into it. It was a book. I was reading an English class but I added- Dick and balls. I put some flair in. Sure. Notes for the authors. Because I didn't think Herman Melville really knew what he was doing. You mean Herman Balls, Melville. Boom. Let's just get right into this. All right. Well, actually, wait, wait, wait. No, that's not the intro for two notes. It's not the intro. Second, I feel like it might be a good time to do the thing we do every now and then. Well, I just yelled at the date. No, no, no. Where I take- I'll do one. Let's do a roll up or a pollot as they're called. I have one right here. Let's do a reverse dollop. I have one right here. It doesn't matter. Let's have a reverse dollop.

David, let's have a reverse dollop. Shut up. And as you know, I have different rules. I'm allowed to go anywhere in the world whereas you are, for some reason, shackled to America. Can't afford rent. That's actually bad because if you can't afford rent, you gotta live in the street. You gotta do things like junk motorcycles over fountains to just get by. Sure. So, I mean another guy putting together a night of comedy for the Glendale Tenants Union. And that's to try to get something going where it's just- Things are better. That's July 17th.

At- I got her hand looking up the name. Come on, we got momentum with the roll of the pollot. Do we get momentum? Yeah, pollot. I hate this podcast. Yeah, now people are complaining on Facebook about this. That's fine. I'm pretty drunk. What?

And Natius. The Natius Theater. Natius Theater in Glendale? In Glendale. In Glendale. I'll put up a thing on the Facebook page and I'll, you know, hit it on Twitter. Hey, Dave, do me a favor. But it's me. It's you. It's Moshe Kascher. It's a- a- a- a- Hadomian, uh, Jackie Cation. Um, so I got a couple of Armenians in there cause it's a bigger Armenian town.

Smart. Dave, do me a favor and shut up, because March 19th, 1922. What are you doing? Over the driver's seat, whew! It's like when a kid has a learner's permit to quit harshing my mellow pops Travis Pastrana He made the jump. Okay Hero Anoda was born in the wait. What are you talking about? Hero Anoda? That's the guy's name. You guys name is fucking hero HIR let's just wrap this up of the age. I

Are oh, I even have why even have one of the guys a lot more to this story There's a lot more to this tell me about your hero. No, he's not my hero His name is hero hero and now hero Anoda now You're messing me up was born in the village of Kamakawi in Japan one of my favorite villages He've always said that He was the fifth of seven children. There were five boys two girls. How many lived all lived At the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't they you know, they're they made it out of like they made it out like one And two they got out of the right out of the pipe. They made it

Did human size I can't I can't guarantee that they all lived but in 1922 the family was humming We had five of we had five of seven so that's seven I mean five of seven he was the fifth of seven so that's seven out of seven. Anyway, he's small, but he's scrappy He said quote. I was always defiant and stubborn in everything. I did he would save his childhood That's like me. That's very much like you're very you remind me this guy a lot. Yeah Hey, yeah in 1939 World War two was just getting warmed up. Oh, I love World War two great one I'm into this one at 17 hero found himself working for a lacquer ware company in China Which he did to get a chance to see the world outside of Japan. Wait a minute, but he's doing it for lacquer ware

So sure so is he traveling with it or is it just making it in China? He's making it. Okay. Yeah, but he thinks he can make money Does he think he's lack of where it's gonna take him around the world? He I mean no He just wanted to leave Japan. He never left Japan. So he just went to China Yeah, it's not a great place to be if you're a Japanese and World War two starting. I'll tell you that right now Well, he would look he I mean lack of where it called So but in reality what he's really doing was he was just killing time because he knew within two years He would be drafted because every male at the age of 20 had to register for two years of service in the Japanese Army 20 Yeah, you could skip 18 and 19 just fuck off. Yeah, I guess. I don't know that was weird to me, too

Yeah, I mean you should start killing young if you're gonna have a war Okay, I mean I would start around five but go ahead. Yeah, well, you're don't get in Dave's army, obviously I like a young soldier. You know what I mean? He's looking at the camera. This is what happens when you're not reading You're just doing a little photo shoot over there So while he was waiting for his definite service, he did what we'd all do he danced He smoked a lot of cigarettes and he played mahjong He smoked around 20 cigarettes a day on but nice when he played mahjong that number went up to about 50 What is that mahjong? Yeah, mahjong. It's a game kind of game. Yeah, you know cards. Oh, it's a card game

I think it is. Yeah, I hope so. It's not I just I'm right now picturing guys in a field rolling balls No, no, no, no, it's nothing near it's so much closer to cards for sure. Yeah, okay. That's not as good No in May 1942 hero was called up for his army physical. Here we go He passed with flying colors and he was a class a bonsai This essentially meant that he was expected to give his life for the cause of war wait They just told you that he didn't volunteer. They just said you you're a bonsai. Well, that's kind of where you start I said, I mean, I think that's like a lower. Oh, not a kamikaze. No, no, not a kamikaze. No, no, no Yeah, so but what it essentially meant was you had to give your life for war in the sense that you if even if you didn't die in battle

If you you were you were expected to kill yourself before you were captured sure Honda still has that for their employees Absolutely, I drive a Honda. Yeah, which is a hard thing to time out. Obviously like when are you when is it time to kill yourself? Yeah, when you do it. Yeah, like, oh, no, they weren't coming for me. That was just like a dog Yeah, yeah, my dad's still going. Yeah. No for sure With a little time before his service began hero quit his job and he immediately returned home to get in better shape He spent his day swimming in the ocean and his night's kendo sword fighting in a gym. Fuck. Yeah, this is like me so far This is totally 100% me. It's totally a you story, too. That's why I think you're gonna like this It's really you I picture you and now and now this guy's our hero, right? He's our

Hero under basic training and was an immediate standout so much so that he was later transferred food to Fudamata, Japan for training with the devil's Karuma, which means the devil's karma, which is pretty badass Which is an elite class of soldier that would be trained as such. Yeah, he was in a class of 200 You're still picking your picture yourself. So he's yeah, so far. This is my story Yeah, so he's like a like a green beret type gentleman now I wouldn't even say he's like a green beret, but he's like it's a lower He's a beige beret. Yeah, he's like well. How does it work in karate? So before green? I think he's a purple Okay, he's a purple beret. Purple's all right purple beret. We got no problems with purple

So he was a class of 230 other soldiers They were packed into classrooms like sardines and it was really revealed to them why they were there The purpose of this branch of school is to train you in secret warfare. They were told Oh, good. It was to be guerrilla warfare which called for irregular tactics to fight enemy like ambushes Hit and runs and raids like so drop this guy in Chicago What? I'm saying drop this guy in Chicago. Yeah, I guess but that's more like they're more like a Chris Angel thing I'm just no Chris Angels a magician. Yeah, but what are you asking them to do drop this kid drop the guy in Chicago?

I'm fucked some shit up. What I don't even understand. Are we fighting Japan or not? Yeah, but so put this guy in Chicago Let him fucking turn shit loose. No, it's not like a movie preview Okay, it's not a really good. Yeah on paper, maybe So it also relied on smaller smaller groups to do it effectively I thought you're gonna say s'mores and it's a required s'mores says yummy. They're good Another good thing is as a guerrilla if you were to be caught you were not expected to kill yourself and all on right Well, I'll tell you see if a regular soldier had been taken prisoner at some point If he was returned to Japan, he could potentially be sentenced to death for not taking his own life when he should have

So the punishment for not killing yourself was to be killed by others It's fun Yeah Okay, so if you don't kill yourself, they're gonna kill you if you don't kill yourself and you get captured So then and then it's so if you're getting captured for the most part The mantra is if you're captured kill yourself before you're captured because they'll get it They'll get information out of you So if you return home released from capture for the rest of your life

You'll be walking around like you an asshole You're a man of shame or they'll kill you in court or the way or you'll get like you'll go to court And they will sentence you to death which is potential. I mean these are bad options The number one option I see right now is don't you don't join the army, but go ahead. Well again, you were forced into it Mm-hmm. You're still picturing yourself But as a gorilla that was out the window he was told you are absolutely forbidden to die by your own hands Well, what the fuck it may take three years complicated It may take five years, but whatever happens we will come back for you until then so long as you have one soldier

You are to continue to lead him and then you just fall in love with Chicago. No, and then what no no Isn't that you know, he's going to shows get you see it bands the fucking bears. You're like, I love the bear Yeah, if he loves the bears that's gonna be a problem for this mission. It's all yeah, he was torn because he loved the bears Who's the enemy now he wants to be the running and then he and then he starts fighting a war against Wisconsin Oh my god. Okay. This is conversations over For six months in the army Hero and Oda learned how to conduct guerrilla warfare with sabotage counterintelligence and propaganda So that was the main reason why they didn't have to kill themselves because if they were captured

they felt like they could mislead who capped who like took them prisoner by misinforming them and Misleading them and that in a way was sort of like poisoning them. So that would that would sort of help their side. Okay He learned there were no right answers in guerrilla warfare quote You do what seems best suited at the time with the circumstance This was around the time when the Japanese army had gotten control of the Philippines from the Philippines and the American forces The Philippines already had but the American forces were there But Japan needed control of it between the US army

Because they needed they needed the Philippines so that there was no way America could get a direct route into Japan I knew there was or else we can lend our planes there and shits on yeah God forbid we would do something you guys remember World War three, right? hmm In October 1944 US forces landed in Leet in the Philippines And it became a real possibility to the Japanese that the war in their homeland was possible fuck. I don't know I'm rooting for You're rooting for Dave in Chicago. Okay Hiro and 42 other students were informed that they were going to help clean up that mess

Okay, Hiro immediately went home to say goodbye to his family not knowing the next time he would see them He's got a wife and kids. No, no, he's got another family. It's like his mom his dad Okay, his mother gave him a dagger and as she handed it to him. She said if you were taken captive use this to kill yourself Classic mom. Yeah, she's a sweetie. My mom said this and I was going to college. It's like it's like a mom. Yeah Okay, and then I have a picture. Oh, we got pictures When I the first time I killed myself In a battle situation was this is him. Yeah, you can go to YouTube and see this at all things comedy and that's young hero There he is. Okay. It's got a nice hat pretty serious, but his uniform

Yeah, he's serious. No joke. Well, he's Japanese guy. You didn't tell me that Yes, I did. He's Japanese. He's from Japan. Very clear His name is Hiro Onoda. They took off in two bombers on December 17th, 1944 This is the Japanese bombers. Yeah, two bomber planes and they landed at Clark Air Force Base and the next day they went to Manila In the Philippines. Yes. Does does Japan control this part of the Philippines? Yes, right now Well, basically right now Japan has this part of the Philippines, but the Americans are coming to take it They're gonna sort of we're gonna fucking take it cuz we're fucking America. That's how we roll shit So when he gets to Manila, uh, he sees that the American bombers were already dropping leaflets

He picked one up and they read we are now in the South Pacific Hoping to ring in a happy new year with you and this made hero furious. Yeah. Yeah, cuz that's a that's way too nice Yeah, well, it's also I think a little sarcastic But me it might admit for the Islanders But for whatever reason he reads this and he this is where his hatred for the Americans really starts from a little from a note From a leaflet drop. I mean, let's let's reel it back a little bit Well, the thing is that during the war Roosevelt created a branch of the army that was devoted to leaflet dropping The leaflets were a way to inform and warn enemy civilians, but it was also used as a way to psychologically affect the enemy

Well, it sounds like it worked it right away. He was a goddamn them Uh, the the next war is gonna be fought with post-its. I think tweets, okay? I think it already is actually now that I really think about it right now The Germans use leaflets in World War two Effect the Allied soldiers the Germans who the Germans they're a big player Why are you just throwing stuff in at the last second the Germans are in World War two? Yeah, okay? Yeah, big players huge players. Okay, kind of the you know the pippin in the musical pippins I guess maybe just don't assume. I know stuff. I'm in love with that. Okay. Sure. I thought you were the okay, okay?

No, this I'm so the German leaflets were used to psychologically affect soldiers One depicted a passionate kiss between a man and a woman and read farewell remember her last kiss Gee, we were happy then together you spent marvelous times Lounging on beaches dancing enjoying parties galore great listening to the tunes of your favorite band What's wrong with this? Well, that's if you're an American in Germany you read that you're like a miss Helen Oh, what if you didn't miss Helen though? What if you're like, no, but you're like, I need Helen I need a Helen. I gotta get me a hell of things got weird. Fuck Helen. Also. I'm starting to realize I'm like dudes. I'm around a bunch of dudes right now dudes are pretty cool

So then they drop one's like a it'll really complicate your mission. Don't shit where you eat Go home and meet a nice guy that kid you played baseball with Gary I don't know what it is. Well, you're right. Why do you jump it into my fantasies? Can I hang out? Can I just watch a little I Just want to call it. I want to I want you to bang a guy named Gary. Well, I call him Garrett. Okay, fine That's that's and he corrects you. That's what I'm getting paid for. Okay So at the Air Force Base hero met with his commanding officers among them was a major Taniguchi hero is told to go to Lubong Island where he was promoted to officer love Lubong by the way

If you guys can ever get there the pool you love Lubong. So I got a picture Sheridan is ridiculous. So oh, we got a we got an actual picture. Well, no, that's not very good You brought up Adobe show Photoshop Express You got Adobe Photoshop Yeah, this happens You want to open the file and then and then say, okay, we're keep using This is terrible, whatever it's it's basically I can touch the screen touch screen. No, that's not working

Okay, whatever the point is there's a picture. It's very green. Yeah, this is just a picture of some guy Yeah This is a good podcast, yeah, so it is a picture of Do you want to see if you can get a goner because I think that's gonna be for the others This is bullshit and so it is an extremely precipitous island had high mountains that were covered by jungle It was full of rice farmers and when their hero met with General Muto who simply told him the war is quote Not going well at the moment. That's not something you want to hear from a general not at all Oh, this is okay. So you could see oh, that's nice. There's a guy in it. Is that the soldier?

No, no, that's just some dude. I couldn't find one of it just on its own. Well hero looks pretty good He also has a casual. That's not hero. Okay, so it's a nice that you could swim in the lagoon You got a lot of sure you're there for a lot of mountains. He's there for war. Okay. Well, you know take a break during war Catch it catch it catch a swim I remember when I was a kid my mother was driving me somewhere and we were talking about war and I was like So during war you're allowed to sort of say I need a minute. This is lunch or something I was like six and she was like boy. My son's an idiot. Oh So it's full of rice farmers when they're he met the general he said it's not going well

You know he then looked at hero and said that heroes mission was going to be to blow up a pier and an airfield If the Americans were approaching got it a job that proved daunting because General Muto thought it was a better tactic for the Japanese to try to kill try to keep that area. So on the morning of January 3rd Oh, hero woke to someone screening screaming enemy fleet sighted fuck and by February 28th 1945 It was starting to hit Lubong They started with bombs on parachutes mortars guns and explosions that rang out all over bombs on parachutes big player slow Slow bomb coming in. Yeah, and those those drive soldiers crazy too because you see it coming Yeah, and you and there's tons of them. Yeah when they drop them

It's just like I mean it looks like you can't run around and catch you soldiers you get at a birthday party. Yeah Yeah, yeah, but you can't run around catch them in the car like in a cartoon because there's too many I mean it might be fun to try. I would try it. I'd give it a whirl if it was a birthday party. I think you get your bomb So and then the Marines moved in they were guarded by four tanks needless to say hero side was outmatched General Muto had a kidney infection and he was laid out drinking coconut milk. Well fucking kill yourself Hero lamented not wiring the pier and the airfield seeing the level of screwed They were yeah, hero urged the men to move into the mountains where it was more covered by trees But the morale was low and everyone seemed pretty resigned to the idea that they were just going to kill themselves instead honorably

Well, I'd go into the mountains and fight. Well, I mean, but that that's a great place for guerrilla tactics But he's trying to get people so seeing their impending defeat heroinata located two soldiers private first-class kazooka and Corporal Shimada love these and they ran good and Shimada There's who kid Shimada. They're quite a pair Mada and Kazooka. No, no, no That's in the rider Kazooka will not perform if Shimada's name is first. You know that she's looking come out of shizuka You're combining them now and that's not okay. They've morphed So those three all ran to the mountains and they hid from the Americans Shizuka

Chicago No, no, no, so the coast became clear after a few days and they started to make us became clear Well, there weren't as much like it was there's gunfire was sort of subsiding it sort of felt like Probably hadn't gone well for the people of Japan. Okay, but they were still afraid to return what they hid in the mountains so they were able to survive up there by making a low smoke fire and Making dishes to eat that were basically banana or heavily featured banana And the sounds of war really stopped. They were up there until like August the sounds of war it stopped So they wouldn't win how many months is that they came there in February?

So they're they're up there for a long time like just waiting waiting it out There's still activity, but they're not coming into the mountains or when they are coming to the mountains They're hiding and they're sort of what's going on socially are they getting along? Socially things are tense things are tense because you know, they're very afraid and they're eating only banana You know, so bananas good though. Yeah, not as every meal. It's not an every meal Oh, have you ever heard of the banana diet? I have not if this guy invented it in Japan and the Philippines and the ford Oh, that's what the story is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, yeah so

It wasn't until October 1945 when there was contact with the enemy again But it was nonviolent on the 15th hero saw a leaflet on the ground that said in Japanese quote The war ended on August 15th come down from the mountains Oh, by that in a second the men are buying that the men all looked at each other was this true at the highest rank hero Studied it and deemed it was a fraud. Fuck. Yeah, it was a curious coincidence though in that shit because it had all the activity Had stopped in August and oddly enough Dave the war hadn't indeed ended no It was announced on August 15th 1945 and it was made official on September 2nd Well, why are you sending sneaky notes? Well, there's not sneaky

This is not someone likes you in class Well, then send a note that says hey invade down down in the valley. No, no, no, no, no, they're going their psychology I don't know if that's reverse that would get a lot more people killed probably if you think about it You haven't thought about it And what caused the war to end was, you know, obviously that the US dropped two atomic bombs on Japan. What in the fuck are you talking about? We're just incorrigible. We're scamps. Sorry everyone. I didn't know that. Yeah, I don't think America would ever do that America's a really good country. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah, next thing I tell me is that Japan tried to surrender first

Yeah, so her rose training had not only taught him to brainwash and confuse an enemy but that the enemy was trying to do the same to him Yeah, yeah, so he saw that in this leaflet and instead of telling the men to surrender He told them to use this time to learn the terrain for when it was time for the Japanese counterattack Is the letter in English? It's in Japanese. So they've all read it. They're two dudes Yeah, they all read it. They all read it and they're all looking at him like what do you think? Him and Laverne and Shirley. They've all read the letter. Laverne and Shirley, Shimada and Kazuka. Same thing in Japanese Laverne and Shirley Yeah Shlameel. No, Shimazel. Hots and pepper. Let's go to Chicago. Yeah

So I'm telling you There was and it was a new leaflet and it uh, oh, sorry on December 1945 a b17 bomber flew overhead and dropped leaflets all over the area Where the men were mainly where they were This was a newly flip and the front had orders to surrender from the great general general Yamashita And on the back was a map of the area where the guys were circled in red and the three men gathered and hero weighed in So they know they're there That's pretty clear that they know where they are. Yeah, uh, so the three men gathered and hero weighed in

He believed this to also be false. Yeah, the men wondered why there were a few issues Hero thought first on there it said it would be they would be hauled off to japan. Thank you hauled seemed like a strong term It's a fucked up word seemed threatening The second red flag was that it was called a quote direct imperial order, which hero wasn't sure was a thing The other men agreed and this was also deemed fake. Yes Hero also saw no world in which the japanese would wave the white flag. Thank you or lose battle until there was nothing left That's right But that is the mentality that was instilled. Yeah him in this training is like a

People are going to be like trying to mess with you all the time. Yeah And b this war it might be a hundred years Like literally have you ever seen a japanese prank show? I wouldn't think they'd surrender This it would be great to see this with a little camera in the corner of people reacting to his story. Yes I guess that's your role. Let's get a camera on dave. Oh, we already have one So when 1946 rolled around, uh, there were fewer and fewer gunshots One day, however, they thought they heard an enemy approaching They quickly saw it was a fellow japanese soldier fourth private class dave

Sorry, i'm doing uh dramatic, but this is nobody the video is less than the audio So you should pay attention to the story. I was doing good reactions. Yeah, but there's complicated stuff in here So, you know, you should listen. Okay, uh, there were fewer and fewer gunshots one day However, they thought they heard an enemy approaching they quickly saw it was a fellow japanese soldier fourth private class akatsu kill him Uh, there were a few other stragglers in the mountains at this time and he was among them Why didn't he kill himself? Well, you'll find that akatsu if you look at these four guys like The cast of multiplicity akatsu would be the fourth copy. Okay, so he's like the one who's like you're stapling his shoe and like Yeah, he's not he's not great. Yeah, he's not great. Uh, he's like lenient squeaky. No

I really would not I'd rather not frame it. It's called painting a fucking picture. Oh god Uh, so he joined them and they soon realized that not only was he useless, but he was also hungry and now they were Well, fuck this guy. Why are we bringing in a hungry guy? How many bananas do we have? There's a lot of bananas. Okay, bananas are pretty ubiquitous. So the food situation wasn't easy It was mainly banana. They would slice them with the skin on and wash them They would then boil them in coconut milk. It was quote not good But what we ate most of the time and then now they're their name is officially the pasty shitters, right? Yeah, for sure. They got jackets

Totally fair Totally fair. How you guys feeling? I hate bananas. We all hate bananas. Send a lot of toilet paper. Listen, we're not going to talk about how much we hate bananas anymore Okay, we've talked about how much we hate banana. I'll tell you what's not going to make the bananas taste better It's talking about how bad they are. Yeah, can I just say one thing though? Not a fan of bananas. Yeah, no, none of us are Okay, we talked about how bad bananas are. Yeah, this conversation is ending. Okay, this conversation is ending right now Can I tell you about something I said? Oh man, the bananas are great. They're really fucking great I really want more bananas

Hey, can we have more bananas? Yes, we can because they're fucking great. Well, that's all we can have So they would cut them. Oh, uh, they would also Poach from farmers so they would steal cows. So wait, there's fucking farmers cruising around not no not cruising around They basically they're like living in the mountains in this jungle and if they go down at night down into like where the islanders are They could there's a lot of farmers. There's rice farmers. Yeah, and some of the farmers have Animals so they would go down there and they would poach they would take rice and then they would also poach cows From the farmers how they would do it is they would they would cut the they would kill the cow Then they would carry the cow up

They would disembowel the cow Jesus Christ and they would cook the meat for three days in a row What the fuck is happening right now and they would eat it then on day four. No, hold no, you don't just go on day four Who's like hey, let's go down and kill a cow. Is anybody else like that's a big fucking animal Do you remember the banana debate of 1940 whatever the fucking fridge or anything? What are you doing with a fucking cow? I'm telling you there's a plan Okay, so they cook the meat for three days in a row. Take him to get up the hill That would the cow. Yeah, that's a while it's a bit of a hike. Okay, not great Uh, so they cut it they they would cut open the cow

They would cook the meat they would eat cook and eat the meat for three days in a row They basically do that on a little grill Then on the fourth day they would put as much beef in the pot as they could and they would boil it And they would keep doing this with the meat that remained every two days to keep it from rotting No, no, what so every day they're No, no, no, what are you talking about? Dude, they need their pros bro. Who came up with this fucking idea? They need their pros. Is this a hero's idea?

Yeah, re-boiling meat. Well, that's how you keep it. You don't fucking re-boil meat. Tell you what this cow did not die in vain Oh, Jesus Christ. I think it's weirder to eat it in an outburger. This is fucking diarrhea city at this point Are you really worried about the bells? Yeah So this would last them four months if they one one cow a day one cow would last with the side of bananas Well one cow would like last one person four months. Okay, uh, they would also dry some for long-term snacking fun Uh, they were there were also water buffaloes available, but they didn't taste good or there was horse meat Which while it was tender had an odor. It's pretty good though

So the main is you can ride that you can ride the horse up the hill and then kill. Oh my god. That is actually That was actually the move That was a vegetarian. So wait, you're saying four months. How long have they been there? Oh at this point they've been there for Uh, almost two years. Okay, but the war ended in two years ago. The war ended in 1945 and now they're in 1946 Okay, that's so they've been here for a couple years hanging out in the mountains. Yeah eating bananas and cows. Yeah Yeah, and good cows healthy cows Uh, and uh, and so they were basically the main dish was rice banana with cow meat Uh by april at the end of that year the other men who were in the mountains had surrendered

So there were other like soldiers groups. Yeah, there were other groups and stuff by but this this time they'd all surrender They started giving up. Uh, this could go home In fucking shame for being alive Cowards, right? I mean should have killed yourself. Yeah, uh, this caused more leaflets to drop again Urging the four remaining men to pack it in because every time a dude rolls in out of the forest They're like, holy fuck. What is happening up there? Yeah, how are you guys living? They're like, we just keep boiling cows for four months and they're like, what are you talking about? Basically, they are like they tell them and people are like, well, how how was your diarrhea?

And they're like the whole the whole mountain is really bad full of diarrhea. Oh my god. It's a bad mountain Uh, so the leaflets, uh had notes telling the men to surrender quote nobody's searching for you now But japanese come out can nobody cares anymore. Please come out. We don't we really don't give a shit. Seriously Hey, we're gonna start inventing electronics. Stop eating nanas and jerky Uh, but hero, that'd be so great if they were eating all old women nanas. No, no, no, not nanas or those cookies Or both Nana brought nanas She's the best both gone. Yeah

Oh, no, uh So hero saw through this leaflet, uh that asked them to surrender He believed that the surrendered soldiers were being forced to do this by their captors Sure, hero anata was getting used to their bs. No matter how specific the note hero saw through it Notes like quote lieutenant donata. We have established established contact with the search party. Please come out We are at point x calling this whole area. Please come to this point We're tossed aside as enemy. How do they know the names of these guys because they know Well, first of all the other guys other groups of people who are up there

Oh, they come out and they're like, there's a fucking there's a fucking there's lever and surely up there There's a lenient squiggy. There's these guys keep biting their palms when hot stuff happens I tell there's a faunsey and we think they're writing a musical about chicago There's a whole crew up there and the diarrhea is not good. I gotta tell you something There's a reason they call that place diarrhea man Well, why dad first of all bananas But secondly, have you ever eaten three month old cow that you've boiled 94 times? Yeah, if you've been to mcdonald's Uh, but that didn't stop constant leaflet dropping and uh, maybe it was affecting just go up there

Well, that's okay. Relax, bro We've been dropping leaflets for nine years because they're basically going like hey guys. It's over Come you would think I think they think that these people are going to be like. Oh, okay for sure It's in japanese. It's got like specific stuff from generals roll up in a japanese uniform But you're a the fucking commander and go hey guys are in charge of this Jesus christ. What is happening right now? So it was starting to affect the guys the leaflet started to affect me Uh, hero shamada akatsu and kazooka were all sort of at this point one night

Over dinner akatsu the bad hungry one asked lieutenant. Don't you suppose the war has really ended He's got to take his hat off for that moment. Can we can we oh because he because he's in charge But he's like can we really get fucking serious here right now? Don't you suppose the war really is four of us Do you not have friends? Is that what you don't want to go back because you don't have any friends And you want a fucking little crew of guys you can tell what to do hero was silent fools shamada broke the silence I sort of have that I sort of have that feeling too. I feel like it has shamada Shlameel shamada Uh, annoyed at this foolishness hero said that there was a way to find out at this point

He was the highest ranking member. He would go down there and check if he came back Then they would know the war was over Which again it was but if he didn't then they would know it was still going on You keep saying that like it is but we don't know for sure it is no for sure is for sure is we don't know that for Sure, yeah, uh, so as he got ready he grabbed two grenades and that was all he's taking Uh, but that was when kazooka stood up. He said that herro didn't need to do that Not over what were clearly fake leaflets This made the other two men back down and agreed that they were wrong and that the quad should stay up there and stay the course

I mean, this is a group of fucking idiots. Can we just can we just rude? They're idiots rude Uh, so they would all share one tent and they moved around a lot so that the enemy wouldn't be able to trap them How does the story get worse every time you tell a detail rainy season was hard because it lasted from july until october What the fuck? That's that's a lot of the time. It's a good amount of the time And they don't have new clothes so they smell. Oh, yeah, and I imagine their clothes just started falling off Dude, they ran up there. They just ran up there with guns. They didn't grab anything. That's all they had a couple grenades

Guns and that was it. They ran up there. They've just got to be in tatters at this point Yeah, uh, so the less they saw the american soldiers the more they saw the lubong islanders If they saw islanders, they would shoot gun in the air to scare the air to scare them off Sure, I do that if they were spotted they would shoot to kill and run away and change locations By the way, still a tradition today if you visit there. Yeah, a fun tradition. Yeah, you can shoot it only one sign though. Yeah Seems foolish in retrospect. It's fine the amount of dead Uh in 1949 four years after the war had ended Akatsu had tried to escape three times from the group to surrender unsuccessfully That's why don't why don't you just kill yourself though?

Well, I mean I think at this point like because they're not going to be captured It's if you're like if if he goes down there and the war is actually over It'll be okay. Like that's what the leaflets are saying like if you come down. It's cool They're not like misleading them So you don't have to kill yourself. Yeah, the honorable suicide thing comes into play Like if you are going to be captured a dead person is better than a jailed person. First of all, you don't tell me I will tell you anything. I'll tell you I will tell you what honorable suicide is Ever talked to me like that again

Hiro knew that if Akatsu actually did get away he would tell the enemy uh In the war what they uh, sorry Hiro knew he would tell the enemy in the war that he believed he that was still happening Everything he knew this is if Akatsu gets away, but that was better than having him around He was that annoying. Oh, yeah, so Akatsu ended up splitting You know from the group Yeah, and he ended up spending six months lost in the jungle alone after he left It was not ready to not get down to the fucking village or the

It's high these these these are high. These are like, you know, these are tall mountains So how do they get the fucking cows up there? They're I mean they're carrot. Look, these are guys who are fighting for survival And they are they truly are like machines like the Akatsu isn't the other three guys are especially two of the guys Well, fuck Akatsu so Akatsu wanders off So he's lost for six months. They eventually find him and after just full of bananas Just so just so full of bananas So this guy couldn't survive with the four like he was annoying. So by himself probably not a good run Yeah, uh after he was found he made contact via a note for the three men near a campsite that read quote

When I surrendered the Philippine troops greeted me as a friend and quote it was indeed It was indeed in his handwriting So this was when uh, this was followed by more aerial activity looking for the men But hero didn't buy it. No, no Akatsu was a prisoner being forced to do this. He thought they moved camp. Yeah, he's right. Yeah, he's right for sure Even though the war ended four years ago. No, uh, okay The next day a new tactic was used when they began hearing messages blasted over loud speakers that said in Japanese Yesterday we dropped leaflets from an airplane

You have three days that is 72 hours in which to surrender in the event that you do not surrender in that time We will probably have no alternative but to send a task force after you Well, fucking bring it because I'm up here. I'm I got fucking cows and bananas and I can go all All fucking year. So every part of the loud speaker did seem legit, but hero Thought that the use of 72 hours was odd. Jesus Christ. It sounded like a translation to him So he's so was he always a paranoid lunatic? No, I don't think I think they instilled this in the army I think they really did. I think they were in the army. They were like you no matter what? Yes, you miss lead and they're gonna do the same. Well, you know something to that effect

Uh, so they basically trained lunatics to go in the mountains Well, they weren't supposed to go in the mountains, but we have trained lunatics in the mountains now So he thought it sounded like a translation that was not how a Japanese person would have phrased that right He said he was impressed by the accent though whoever did it had done their homework But if anything to hero, this was evidence that the war was indeed still going on a little bit like reading an american sushi menu If I'm being honest, it seemed desperate to him. Yeah Shamadu a shamada and kazooka agreed Hiro was still hung up on the idea that if the war had ended someone would have been sent to discharge them

Thank you Beyond that Japan would never surrender the mission was too important. Nothing could change that Japan wouldn't surrender until everyone was dead. He really believed that Well, sure enough after 72 hours. There was a surge of philippine search parties looking for the men. All right They would rotate between hiding and shooting to scare uh to scare them Uh to what they they and obviously they thought these search parties were also fake Uh, they also had an advantage of living in the mountains for years And at this point knew the mountains better than even the islanders

Of course they did. Yeah, that's they're fucking island now at this point. I think the islanders should leave I got cows up there bro Anybody who can carry a cow to the top of a mountain owns the mountain This is like when a party like a group of cool people go to do cocaine Are you in the cocaine room or are you in the lame ass party room? Why are they the cool people though? Sorry, what did I say cool people? Yeah, it seems like the lame people Lame people. Let's move on. Uh in february of 1952 Seven years after the war had ended february 1952 seven wars

A philippine air force plane flew above them and shouted their names over a loudspeaker while dropping leaves their own their own names full name Full name. I mean at some point you got a big man. This war is super focused Like it's just a really focused war It's a lot of money going towards us. Yeah, they're really into us. I think we're important kills of them And maybe and maybe perhaps Just i'm gonna just throw this out guys Maybe this war is actually about bananas and cows and maybe we're fucking winning Do you ever think about that? We got any more bananas and cow

Uh, so there were a few different leaflets that were dropped on that day This is when the loudspeakers shouting their names on repeat. Uh, one of them appeared to be a letter from hero's brother toshio Uh in it He said that the war had ended and that the family missed him and that he could leave Kazuka and shimata also had letters from their families. I assume these letters are a little more detailed than what you're saying Well, there's a lot of them, but yeah, but no, essentially it's like yeah, it's like his brother's I mean, essentially it's yeah, it's like you have you have it's me your brother favorite toy was this and your kid blah, blah, blah It's no it's not that specific. I don't think our mom was pretty hot

I know that's a weird thing to say in a letter right now, but oh my god. I hope they don't only give me one piece Shit, I just talked to him. I can only use this one. All right. Look mom was kind of hot. Yeah, anyway You can leave don't you miss us? How hot do you think mom was though check a box come back? We got to talk about mom. All right dibs I've been up here a long time man Uh, so hero studied his and he shook his head and he said that the Yankees had really outdone themselves this time off, isn't it? The other men who had been up there long enough listening to hero also found issues They scrutinized everything and a road took real issue with shimata's family pick the most

The letter had called the picture of ones of their quote immediate family But in the pick there was a relative who was not immediate family. What the fuck just family Well, who's this guy? It's like an uncle or something It's just some fucking random and that was it the whole thing was called. Yeah, of course more fake news because they put a Fucking fake guy in a family. What kind of fucking shenanigans are they up to? I know who my family is that guy's not in my family. Give me more boiled cow Sir, it's it's only banana time What?

We're out of cow. I thought this was cow day We couldn't find a cow. So we're gonna have to do but Hey, listen Listen, listen, listen, listen Listen, I can't do banana No, no, no, listen. Listen. Listen. Here's what we're gonna do. Okay. We're gonna do what we did a couple weeks ago Remember, we said it was good when we pretended we were eating chicken and it was the banana

Okay, we're gonna do that again. So so let's make the chicken noises and let's just eat the banana. Okay, so it's seven years banana So then about a month later more loud speaker announcements a month later Yeah, they held they they were a month later. They're like these guys are these guys are uh, they're not buying the family shit I know we should have put that fake uncle jesse in there. It's cuz toshio wrote that thing about his mother She's pretty hot though. She is hot Uh, so when they take a look at the setup, they found a japanese newspaper had been left for them

It was the first newspaper, uh, that they had seen in seven years. Nobody thought to fucking do this right off the bat Now it's suspicious in there was an article about lieutenant colonel nobihiko jimbo Sounds a little weird who had negotiated peace between the nations and helped end the war That article was circled in red. The men studied it. They looked a hero who called the newspaper real But he called the article candied poison boom it looked good, but was deadly So real paper fake article. Thank you. Nice try. I didn't want to say it, but that was thanks news That is fucking clear fake news. It's clearly fake news fake news In 1953 shomado was shot in the leg while trying to scare some fishermen. We've all been there

Well, Jesus christ. Why is he scaring fishermen? But now what now what war are we fucking fighting? Are we just just scaring random fishermen? Well, I think it's in I first of all he might have just been like out walking around like he probably doesn't look very good Yeah, no at this point. They look like they're like But uh, so he got shot in the leg and immediately they got him back and hero made a tourniquet and they got him out Oh, uh, the wound was bad though. And since they had no medicine hero had to make a splint for his leg Hero would then suck the blood out from around the wound and cover it with cow fat every day. This one I'm for 40 days. Hey, uh Just so everybody knows uh, go ahead and kill me. Yeah, go ahead and wrap it up. I'm good. I'm good with that

That's when you like are like give me banana to take away the taste of shomada Why don't you cram a banana in my eye? Just do something bad right now Because the uh, if I'm ever in a mountain for seven years and then I get shot You start putting calf fat on me. Fuck it. It's not working out. It's not working out. It's not working out It was down there giving you like wound to lingus that part. I like okay interesting Uh, now somehow shomada turned out he's gonna be okay. However That was physically something had changed in him. Yeah, he got shot by the fisherman He talked about his family more. He pondered if his grandfather was dead or if his eldest daughter was dating

Um, this is he also when he left his wife was pregnant. So he's like was it a boy or girl Uh, shomada was fixated on the leaflets as well. He would talk to himself a lot and reply with a oh nothing when asked What he'd say? Yeah, yeah, yeah That's your sit dude fucking kicking it in a banana forest. That's classic stuff So he'd say oh nothing when they were like, what what was going on? He's like nothing So then one day heros snuck up behind him to hear what he was saying and when he's He snuck up on just to hear him. He snuck up on a guy to hear him talking to himself That's where we're at now. So he sneaks in the guy and shomada is looking at a picture of his family and he's muttering

10 years 10 whole years And it had been 10 years. That's a long fucking time on May 7th, 1954 Shomada was in some shade close to their tent when an islander man was making some noise kill him Hiro spotted and fired two shots at him. Yeah, the man screamed and retreated But shomada stood up with his gun pointing to nowhere in particular. He was spooked Hiro and kazooka could only watch in horror when suddenly a bullet shot shomada in the head He was dead instantly. Is he okay? He's dead. No, you got shot in the head dead instantly. Is he okay though?

He's not gonna make it. What if it runs over and starts sucking on it? Get the cow fat get the cow fat um But the truth is had he gone home it probably wouldn't be great either because his wife had already married his younger brother Oh, fuck now. So what's her fucking problem? She was sick of this guy So don't marry the brother. Jesus fucking Christ. He looks like him. It's good stuff It's like when you replace a cat with a cat. You know, it looks like they look at Holy shit. That's not what I like when you're the president and you Replace your that means she was always into the brother. Let's be fucking honest before you went after a younger hotter version of shomada

Gimme gimme gimme. There's no way she wasn't fucking in during the fucking war or before the fucking war now not before I don't think that's fair bullshit. I think when your husband is you already got three four years Fuck his brother. Well, you don't hear anything your brother's there. He's comforting you You know it gets late all of a sudden, you know the The restrictions that were put on you before aren't there because you needed someone to console you And here you are just the two kids in the night wondering what's going on and someone brings out some wine Well, you have a little bit of that and the next thing you know It's later than it should be you should go home

But it's cold and you don't want to And he doesn't want you to either that's when someone Comes up and a back massage turns into a sweet little neck kiss And you know where a neck kiss goes Right to the bedroom Well after that you've already sinned. What's the point of not having another morning sin Then you can't get him out of your goddamn head

Weeks go by massages sex It's non-stop, but you shouldn't you shouldn't you shouldn't Have to you you should should I be and I'll tell you what? Should I go no no no stay I mean go go and then come back in like 10 minutes I hope they fuck and I hope every night they fucking wake up and they smell bananas and they don't know what's happening Well, you know what's happening. That's the fucking ghost of Shimada. No, that's unfair

Uh, so then there's two hero and kazooka now the death of Shimada was reported. I thought there were No, I remember Akatsu went off and got lost in the jungle for six months alone But then he came back heat. No, he didn't come back. He let him know in one of their campers. He was like, hey guys It's pretty cool. Hey guys. It's all good. Yeah. Yeah, so he uh, so the death of Shimada was reported And caused the people of japan to protest wanting the other two soldiers back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah so now like people know that uh That hero and kazooka are alive It's four it's 55 and people are like we got a couple of bros up there in the mountains

So this results first of all second of all we're losing a lot of cows That's that's true too. Pita was like we also have a protest So it was an islander guy. It was a some yeah, some Filipino towns guy who shot and these attacks are like happening You know fairly regularly, but the but the Shimada one. Yeah, there's confirmation that there are two other guys that it's a row and uh, I assume the the Filipino villages or whatever do not are not enjoying the fact that there's some crazy japanese guys living up in the mountains Yeah, because they're also taking their food and stuff. They're taking their food and they're shooting and they still they still think an active war is going on in every philippine every islander they would call them the lubang islanders every one of them

Uh, they would just assume was an enemy So if they ran off they weren't an enemy, but if they were shooting back then that was viewed as You know a threat and that was enough to shoot at I I still do that if I go on Wherever I go on vacation as an american I view you're allowed to have you anybody How long until we start looking for that international gun permits as an enemy we want international gun permits So if you if you have a hotel You're you're my even though I'm staying there You're the bartenders an enemy

The bell the bell boys enemy the bell boys the guys It's time to the flight with the flood. No good lord. All right. We're moving on Uh, so after this sort of results in a national movement in japan Um to go get these guys and the result of that was that uh what they did instead was uh, they didn't They went and collected bones of dead soldiers uh from world war two and you guessed it more leaflets Wait, what what do you mean? They went on a bone hunt people are basically like this they go on a bone hunt. Yeah, it's fun What the fuck that's fun. Come on japan get your shit together So within 10 days an air force plane dropped leaflets saying hero kazooka the war has ended

Uh, and then there was more search parties and the search party could not find them because they were so good at covering their tracks Yeah One day on a walk hero spotted a japanese flag that had his the names of his family members on it It's a fucking warning as far as i'm concerned hero decided this was a fake The biggest tell was that his brother's wife's signature and her name was spelled yasue looked like the e was left out But hero didn't think this was a fake message from the americans. He thought this was a message from japan to him Through the americans sure the americans dropped it

But that was japanese trickery with all these leaflets that came from america the japanese were probably worried that hero may give in So they probably gave the us the flag to drop it saying it will help them Uh help them get him to give up But they used the subtle misspelling in the signature as a way to signal that a counterattack would happen Hiroto kazooka his theory and kazooka obviously totally agreed. Yeah makes sense makes total sense It's easy to explain at this point. None of this doesn't not make sense. It's all coming together So they believe that the japanese counterattack is days away Fuck yes, they did enjoy the leaflets though because it was good to see their families

Oh, yeah, sometimes the work of the americans was so sloppy For instance, one leaflet had a picture of kazooka's family standing in front of a house that wasn't theirs Quote, how do you expect me to believe this kazooka ass? Why would my family be standing in front of a new house that doesn't belong to us? Holy shit This is exactly so the fucking propaganda here is so sloppy. It's deep You get first of all, they're coming up with the wrong people that don't even belong in the family Now it's fake fucking houses fake news. This is a fucking shit show The leaflets were also printed on cheap paper which meant to the pair that they were probably being dropped en masse

Which in turn meant the japanese had armies all over the philippines So they think that like very specific leaflets are being dropped in specific areas. Yeah No, that all makes sense years went by and routines solidified. No when you say years I mean, we're at about you know We're somewhere in I mean, we're about we're about 10 to 12 years now. It's about 12 years now

Okay, um So Yeah, you wouldn't you just go talk to someone they had a few places wouldn't you just roll into to the village and be like Hey, man, can I ask you a question bro? No, that dude when they go to the village They were like we're gonna take hostages if we need to Uh, so they had a few places where they would settle they made huts and they would break them down to stash the pieces So they could rebuild them when they returned. Yeah Yeah for safety

They moved around a lot and never stayed in a spot more than three nights when it wasn't raining during the rainy season They made a bamboo hut and they stayed inside it for longer stretches and it was lined with coconut leaves Inside of it. They made a rock stove to cook I uh, my dad and I made a rock stove during vietnam when we were trapped on an island Does your picture not work? Yeah, it works. So there's a rock stove. So this is these are actually heroes drawings So they would do stuff like that's pretty good rock stove. Yeah, I had a good drawing of it Um, but yeah, they would they would make stuff like that. So they're cooking up there Um, they're basically having they're having a good time as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, it's a great place to cook up all your bananas

They're right underneath the stove underneath the stove. It said we shot a cow. We shot a cow. Yeah, and they're bragging Yeah, uh, the conditions were brutal There were five types of ants on the mountain that had stingers the stings would swell up immediately Hero called the island one big ant hill once a row got stung on his eardrum and he couldn't hear out of his ear for a week Okay, so let me just say this right now. I'm out. I'm out after two days. I'm out I was out alone. You never brought up ants It's how do you not fucking start with ants? It was oh by the way, there are ants like that's how you tell his story It wasn't uncommon to be attacked by a swarm of bees or to find a centipede or a scorpion where he slept

Rats were around nine inches long. This is the devil's dominion and the snakes were as wide as a thigh Jesus what the fuck is happening laundry was hard because clothes would not only get laundry was hard But literally rot uh like you were talking about the trousers would rot in the knees the seat the bottoms and the crotch Which I think is everywhere Uh, so they would make a needle out of wire and they would use some thread from the tent and a piece of canvas from the tent To patch up their clothes, but there was no soap. So sometimes they would just boil their clothes What in the fuck they're good and then eat the close to fucking ants. I don't care about the clothes Yeah, you got started the eardrum couldn't hear for a week. There are fucking ants all over everywhere stinging you everywhere

Why just kill yourself or surrender? No Dude, it's not honorable Ants now they certainly kept up their gorilla tactics Uh, they would carry out what they called beacon fire raids where they would leave the jungle mountains to burn rice fields of the farmers every October Fuck them since that was the beginning of the dry season. It was exceptionally problematic. Yes So while carrying out the raids they would sometimes steal canned goods coffee cigarettes Sometimes they would also try to collect intelligence from the islanders. Yeah, uh, this would sometimes result in direct conflict Which they would handle with guns threatening the lives of not only the farmers but the farmers families

They killed when they felt that they were threatened and that they had to and they felt no guilt because to them. This was war Water was easy because all of the streams were there But they always boiled the water because there was always some animal pissing in it upstream classic fucking Philippines every night He wrote took notes on the day's events and sightings thinking it would be helpful for the japanese counterattack They would cut each other's hair would make shift scissors on the 28th of every month hair pals Uh, they would keep an eye on their urine to see if they need if they needed more rest or would dehydrate or okay So we do that when we're on tour. Absolutely. Yeah, they would examine each other's stool to see how their health was stool

It's up. I mean, there are there are limits of friendship. You know what I mean? Like there's a there's a there's a place in a friendship where you go Why we don't have to do that. It's very specific as to what you want to see I don't want to I'm not no matter what happens between us. I'm never going to look at your shit and be like you either Are you all right? We have a tour is not over yet. Uh, that was my last podcast In the spring of 1958 almost 13 years after the war it ended a large search party was formed With more of their families and a small army now his family is coming out

They went all over the mountains and simply kept repeating on a loudspeaker lieutenant onada private first-class kazooka We have come from japan to look for you. Please talk with us and come back to japan with us They played the japanese national anthem and japanese folk songs. They went all over the island cute The americans seemed to be starting another one of their fake rescue operations hero said kazooka agreed. What a nuisance Let's move somewhere where it's quiet. I mean it's gotta be having someone of a good time Well, the truth is the bond between these two was the strongest of all the kind of friendship going on They were brothers a couple of bros. They probably didn't make each other laugh and stuff I mean sure you've heard well, they've heard heroes same joke a lot, but I don't think they were

Uh, even making each other laugh, but their lives are literally like we should go over there and try to forge And you'd be like yeah forging over there would be good. Yeah, and I was like every day Yeah, but don't you ever want just a really simple basic life? Yeah, but I would love to have variety. I mean without ants without ants. Yeah, so you remember remember the ants But but but there's a peace to the simplicity of their life I don't know how what time my life without twitter Yeah, but I think you could I think I think there's a middle ground and it doesn't have ants in it Uh, so after a while they snuck out to get another peek of what the search party was doing and to hero's surprise

He heard his brother toshio over the loudspeaker. I can't believe they have him as prisoner. He said he He said hero come out. This is your brother toshio. This is our last day here Please come out where we could see you hero was curious and after all was his brother's voice But he was sure it was a recording of some kind so he snuck closer to get a look He couldn't get close enough to see the man's face But he was sure that it was the build of his brother and the voice was identical That's really something he said they found a prisoner who looks at a distance like my brother

And he's learned to he's learned to imitate my brother's voice perfectly Jesus christ I mean the weird thing is is that the war is now all about him That's how fucking important. That's how important the work. He's doing is yeah, that's how important Well, his mission is to eat all the bananas and lose his hearing that's close to completing it Mission is almost accomplished and to get as much ant venom in you as possible so that his brother's saying heroes Tokyo high school alma mater and towards the end His voice began to crack and get emotional and go off tune hero laughed to himself. He knew this hack would show his true colors Yes

So the search party left behind a stack of newspapers and magazines like two feet tall like playboy You know, no, no, no like no like is penthouse out yet now probably not even then I don't think fifties But no no playboy, but so there's got to be like uh, you know like in mash like the the nude women playing tennis and stuff No, this is jerkoff stuff, right? No, again. I'm being really clear. I said more like eight times underneath you Why would you leave anything in the forest that wasn't nude for guys to jerk off? Well, this is actually this evolves into forest porn, surely Fuck yeah Clearly they were fake because on the papers a lot of them talked about life in japan after the war and again

There was no way the war was over if the war was over there wouldn't even be papers. Thank you So one of the ads in the paper called Was for a book called general yamashita the man the ad read Quote why was it that yamashita who was considered the greatest japanese general did not succeed in the war? Here is the life story of the fiery militarist a story that might be entitled the tragic general Jesus when hero and kazooka saw that they laughed yamashita was the best general ever Boy, the americans must be very afraid of him to go that far with a fake ad. They write this is really shitty writing Yeah, it's not good. It's fucking bad. So this game goes on for a while search parties

He's begging for them to come out hero and kazooka scoffing laying low They almost welcomed the rainy season because they'd be left alone. Thank you and that basically happened And banana season and banan which is year-round And banana hammock season is summer months that basically happened because in 1959 they were finally declared dead. Ha So they're officially dead mother fuckers by the japanese government. They're like, okay. Fuck it. Fuck these guys. Fuck these Here's the headline. Can you print this up? Fuck those guys Fuck

Those guys Guys, okay, and then just the story will be they're fucking dead. Fuck them. We don't give a shit. We didn't fuck them They're not our fucking problem How much how much fucking paper have we wasted? How much paper have we wasted? Someone tell me can anybody tell me how much paper? It's a lot of fucking paper. It's a lot of fucking paper Gestures to herself. They're dead. They're dead to me. They're dead to you. They're dead. They're dead to you Great. We'll run that tonight, sir So

knowing wasn't true Um, well like the philippine like the islanders knew obviously they were still alive because they had been killing them Yeah, yeah, which is a dead giveaway. That's a super bad. It's a tell and knowing it wasn't true This made the japanese public call for their finding more than ever signs went around japan. Oh my god It's a strike followed by a protest and petition Jesus, but it was all ignored by the japanese government because they're dead six years later on new year's eve 1965 Six years 20 years after the war After the war it ended 20 years after the war ended 45 now

They got a big score. It's close. They got a big score when they stole the radio Oh, no, they're 40 because they went in when they were 20. Uh, he's a little older. I think yeah He got I think after the training he's a little older Uh, so they they got a score though after 20 years, dude, they got a prize. Did you relax? They got a toshiba eight Transitor transistor radio. Oh, they went they went into the village and they got a fucking radio Yeah, like they would do like little thing, you know when a farmer would leave or something They may be sneaking to a pad again. They take some cigarettes some coffee. They've got a battery. They got a radio They got a bunch of batteries. They stole all right and it was it was new year's eve

So they went back up and they listened to the new year's show from japan Yeah, now the radio gave the men their first world update since the fake news of 1959 that they received However, they had to play it low. They did not want to believe anything they heard as far as as far as the military or the war Uh, so anything they heard about military or the war there Anything that pertained to that they believed to be something that the americans had edited So any mentioning of the war was bs kazooka looked at hero and said when you think about it The americans are really good at this, aren't they? Yes, heroes said they had to take out anything They don't want us to hear and rebroadcast that in almost no time. I take my hat off to them. It must be very tricky work

By 1968 23 years after the war it ended hero and kazooka weren't getting along famously anymore Yeah, I mean at some point just being with another dude in the mountains with with apple No, I'm rotting. Sorry bananas and rotting clothes and ants and snakes You look at each other's stool every day. It's gonna be hard on a relationship. Can I see your stool? I don't want to show it. I don't want to look at your stool today. Look at my stool. How do I know if i'm okay? How do I know if i'm okay? Well, look at my shit. None of us are doctors Uh, so they would have petty arguments and that sometimes ended in rock fights But that's like classic dude. Yeah rock fights for sure

Uh on october 18 1972 27 years after the war it ended they went out for their annual beacon fire rates This year was a little different because the rainy season had gone longer than usual So by the time they got to the farms that month's harvest was near done Which left them fewer options, uh as to when they could light the fires They decided that they would go after the farmers the next day So the following afternoon they come down they shoot their guns in the air the farmer scatter as there's ought to do And then kazooka lights a fire. They're lighting the rice on fire

Hiro stole some left behind coffee and some cigarettes And they're close to getting away when one more rice pile was just calling kazooka's name So he runs back to light it, but that's when the cops arrive Fuck so then gunshots ring out and the two of them dive down into different areas and start hiding But hiro was it on fire is everything on fire and they're hiding in the fields No, they ran they kind of ran up into the mountains a little bit like they they coverage gets better the further up You go, but they're starting to get in there. So they're trying to get into the shrubs And um kazooka had been hit in the shoulder

Fuck so hiro shoots at the men trying to buy them a minute But then kazooka was hit again But this time in the chest he fell blood was coming out of his mouth and hiro watched his eyes whiten he was gone Dead hiro ran off vowing revenge. Fuck. Yeah, he's gonna get fucking revenge So now hiro had been spot. So even if the war is over guess what? Yeah, it's back on. Yeah, it's sort of that's kind of what's happening. Yeah. Well now it's or a new war now It's fucking right. Yeah, like uh, yeah, sort of We call this world war three now. It's now. It's still well. Let's call it. Let's call it point. Let's call it 2.1

All right back on let's say Let's say world war two back on Let's pitch after um So hiro had been spotted which ended the debate in japan over whether he was alive or dead So the outcry Swells and this makes his legend grow and ideas on how to get him out range from having the emperor record a message saying that The war was over to him to having a fake army of japanese soldiers return to make him think to come back So that's what you're saying. Well, this is yeah, this is also what they did to me is uh after

Vietnam I stayed in the ymca for a good 23 years and they eventually had Uh, they're like, hey, it's actually had the yellow gang. No the emperor came out the emperor came up the y Yeah, you have to leave. These are rented rooms and I was like, no man You can boy. It smells like banana in here. Is this not a christian organization? Uh, I don't think that's my question for you, sir It's a lot of stool. I've been growing bananas. Oh my god. This is like the martian Uh, second question. Am I okay? No get out. Can you check my stool? Absolutely not And I saw some it's not good

Um So but in the end they landed with this plan Search parties and leaflets good because that's that has worked so far Onada son anything is going to get out of this. It's fucking shit written on paper Onada son wherever you are come out We can guarantee your safety or we had a report that you had shown up here And we think you are somewhere where you can hear this speaker Onada son if you don't believe we are japanese load up your infantry rifle before you come out blasted on loudspeaker

Dude the rockford files were almost on hero laughed at them We're about to get into hawaii 5o. He wasn't gonna fall for this So they called off the search party, but they again left newspapers and magazines behind and this time there was a full page story on Kazuka hero wanted to believe them, but they made it so hard because in the paper They said that kazuka had a 5 cent and a 10 cent piece in his pocket, but hero knew that he had it In his waistband not in his pocket So sadly well, dude, it's more be he's trying to buy it the little things. It's the subtleties But now clearly clearly that is a clear message

That is obviously a message. Yeah from his family from his family Also the spider's and the spider's who knows it's a message from someone might be god Um, so there's this one person who's fast everybody's fascinated by this story, but there's one guy named norio sezuki He's a college dropout who was well traveled and he was prone to taking trips around the world And for his next trip he said he wanted to see quote lieutenant onada a panda and the abominable snowman in that order Fuck yes that order. We finally have a fucking hero. Who's gonna track down here? He's not here. Yeah, okay. Well done Uh by february 1973 28 years after the war it ended The loudspeaker and leaflet campaign continued this time involving people hero went to middle school with pleading for him to come back

Hero felt sorry for all these people who didn't know they were being taken advantage, right? Everyone is getting fucking good to see the gang though. Yeah, I hope they wore their uniforms That'd be weird a weird call and uh, we want you guys to wear uniforms Still sorry guys Yeah, my hand is just to know from the network justice on this network wants you to wear them It'd be so weird if they were if there were a bunch of japanese guys there doing a world war two reenactment Oh god, and he's like finally here. We go. Go time. Just So it seemed like his huts and his little campsites were also known as well because friends left a signed school uniform in one

His brother left a note in one But the saddest one of all was a poem from his father that he left in one of the huts that read simply quote not even an echo Responds to my call in the summery mountains Jesus dad drops a hammer. That's not dead. Holy shit. He comes with a fucking echo. Hey, cool. Yeah brutal Dad knows how to fucking get you in the gut man every time so now they're even leaving magazines and Newspapers like in the huts where they know he's staying so it's like he has a subscription So he replied he actually replies to his father's note says he's okay, and then vows. He's never gonna go back to that area again

So February 19th 1974. He notices this mosquito net at a camp and hero had no choice But to attack so he turns his safety off his gun and he approaches a man by the river He called out to him and the man is totally freaked out for whatever reason. Not sure why the man was none other than norio Suzuki and he could only cut his hair on the 28th I don't at this point. I don't know. I mean now that because I don't know I feel like there's certain rituals and i'm letting go once my bro's dead his hair No, and his hair's still he's still keeping it tight. He's tight for sure. Still keeping it tight. Yeah, absolutely Uh, so he calls to this guy

And he's stealing clothes from the village, right? So he's in clothes. Yeah, and he's dressed Ish ish. Yeah, I mean as far as you can like he doesn't look that crazy He's uh, uh, he's not he is he is shaving. Yes But he is also not like he's not wearing whatever clothes. He's still in his army uniform Like so he's just repairing his uniform Oh, so he's using clothes that he takes. He's using that like fabric. It's like an AIDS quilt. So he is pretty much Sure. Yeah, he's very much. He's got that vibe. Okay. Yeah, he looks like something you'd see at the Goodwill and be like No way. No, absolutely not. It's like when the 70s when they just had a clothesman had a bunch of different patches

What about all this shit? And we're getting on the buzz. Yeah Uh, so he calls out to him the guys freaked out and uh, all he could say was i'm japanese i'm japanese And he's shaking. So hero wasn't sure what to make of him. I'm a tourist. He said does this guy have a panda with him? Or or no, no, none of the order is he's gonna find him then the panda then by the way panda Start with panda. I start with panda for sure. Um, so he said I He couldn't believe it. He said are you are not a son and hero admitted that he was Suzuki couldn't believe it. He said, uh, I know you've had a long hard time, but the war's over Won't you come back to japan with me the emperor and the people of japan are worried about you

He wrote told them that quote the war is not over for me You wouldn't understand. Yeah, if you want me to go back to japan, bring me my orders There must be proper orders that reminds me that wrestling clip where you know, the guy's like You're seeing that clip where the guy's like in the stands and he's like talking to pro wrestlers and he's like, you know 38 and he's just like look it's still real to me damn it. Oh, it's just worth watching. Oh, that's pretty great So that's what he and he wants orders that makes sense. He wants orders. He not only wants Yeah, it does like he wants like official. He's been he was told early You do not quit. Yeah, so he needs orders. Yeah, so suzuki offers him a cigarette and some gin

It's kind of all rambo wanted so and I assume this is based on rambo This is not based on rambo, but good guess again. I think that's your second time guessing rambo. Well, I work in the first time Uh, so he offers him a cigarette and gin hero takes the smoke, but he passes on the gin What because hero is still not sure how legitimate this guy was He still thought there was a very good chance. He was going to have to kill him Yeah, so hero did take some beans that he ate straight from the tin and he said that it was it felt like quote It was the first time in 30 years. I was eating something fit for human beings. I bet that just went right through Uh, so suzuki kept wanting to know how he could actually get hero back, but he was consistent

Uh, he said major major ton of gucci is my immediate superior until I won't give in until I have my direct orders from him He's dead I guess it's my I had to I had to call back one of our hackiest references, but then it's weekend at major ton of gucci's It's go time or reanimation Uh, so hero was beginning to actually trust and like suzuki suzuki the main reason he thought he was okay Wait a minute. Who's the who's the suzuki guy? Some nice nice day. It's fun to be in the it's fun to be in the passenger seat, isn't it? Yeah, just little floods like hey screw you, asshole

Uh, so the main reason why he started to trust him was because he was wearing sandals with socks Which he had never seen on an islander. Oh, fuck. No, so by the end of the night They're hanging out nobody near a beach doesn't do that. That's like tourist shit That is yeah So by the end of the night, uh, he even lets uh, suzuki take some pictures of him Uh, one with the two of them together and with that they part ways and suzuki left him with quote I'll come back for you as soon as I can the press will make a huge story out of this You won't believe it

So no no any any sort of technological advancement that comes doesn't mean anything because time is passing So he just thinks yeah everything's different. So anything that's different. He just wraps into his little He at this point time. What is time? Uh, so this is the one of the pictures they took of uh, Uh hero and suzuki. Oh my god. Look at them. So suzuki is like this dude. So he's essentially like they look fucking great Yeah, so he's essentially suzuki is just like this dude It's amazing and he's just like finds him and now he's like can I take some pics? How is this not it like a show like this should be on longer than mash? So they agreed that they would leave a met the hero agreed that uh

To communicate they would leave messages in this box because of the search parties There were all these little weird note boxes that have been set up sure to try and communicate So they agreed a specific box they would communicate through and suzuki was not lying about the press He was going to get either he made his way directly to the japanese embassy in manila and showed the proof Within a day the pictures were on the front page of all japanese newspapers The government got taniguchi. Yeah, because it's literally like he fucking found bigfoot totally totally it really is people like Oh, shit. Yeah, so the government got taniguchi Uh and with suzuki and then they also got hero anoda's brother toshio and they all sent them back to lubon

After two weeks hero checked the box and there were items in it one was one of the pictures of hero And it was the first time he had seen his face in 30 years And he thought to himself that he looked like one of his uncles. Oh Shit, this is when stuff starts to hit you. He had a certain age. You're like, oh my god. I look like my uncle So here he is that old rascal Sam after it's that's actually probably not one of the pictures, but uh, I don't want anyone to show me. Nope Get out of there. That's an ending. Shut up So and then there's a note with the pictures. There's a note that says uh from suzuki that says quote

I've come back for you just as I promised along with that There were two army orders one which was required to be given in person by taniguchi, which is exactly what hero wanted So hero was now fairly confident that this was all real But he still wouldn't let his guard down as he walked to the rendezvous point. He thought to himself I'm not going to let 30 years of hard work go down the drain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get ready with a fucking gun Have a nice ready. Right. Hello. Yeah. Yeah, roanada. Yep. Let's get some motherfuckers No, let's settle down. Let's end this by shooting some motherfuckers and come out of the jungle like a man No, like who like Rambo shut up, Dave

Uh, so he readies his rifle and he moves towards the tent kill him and uh, he first sees suzuki And he suzuki immediately yells out. It's anata made a ton of gucci It's anata and hero approaches and sure enough. It's major ton of gucci. Holy shit. So they like stand there They're having this moment and then ton of gucci Um, you know starts reading these orders and the orders say that there are absolutely no more orders for him to carry out Yeah, and he's relieved by him and these are official dismiss dismissal papers. Yeah, so his service was over He was 52 years old Hero's backpack became heavier than it is a lot of but that's a lot of back pay a lot of by the way

That's a fucking shitload of backpack. So he said his backpack feels heavier than ever. Yeah He's silent and then he just looks and he gets angry. He wanted to know what he had been doing How could the japanese be so sloppy? Why did they give up? He's like, why didn't we give up? He's livin and then he comes down fucking legit questions Palms down they spend the night and the idea is the next day He was going to get a pardon from the uh, from the president of the philippines Um, because he had obviously committed a lot of crimes Well, I don't know if they're crimes if you're if you're a war. No, well, that's fair

Uh, but there was one rule he couldn't clean up too much They wanted him to look like he had been worn down as a prisoner for a little bit So he could however sneak on the fresh undies that taniguchi's wife gave him to pass along Okay, so he puts on the new undies. Let me just tell you something right now You can be out in the mountains for fucking 30 years But you get a fucking fresh pair of undies and it is a new goddamn day if they're mac weldens You got another 30 years. It's no joke. Okay, so Oh, we're the worst. This episode was brought to you by mac welden

So, uh, later hero meets with president marcos as planned. Am I not seeing the underwear? Uh, no, you're not gonna see his underwear Uh, he meets with president marcos's plan and hero presents him with a sword in an act of honorable surrender So that's that's no it's no fucking coincidence that marcos gets killed Dave after this, Dave, that's not that's not for now. Um And uh, he got a full pardon. It's estimated that he killed 100 men in his time there Fuck, yes, this guy's great. He is Rambo. He's a mass murderer. He said it was more like 52. He's a mass murderer Well, I mean he's a mass war. He's a fucking psycho in the mountains. He's a gorilla in the mist

So, uh Within an hour, he's on a helicopter. He's headed back to japan So hero inata arrived in japan to great fanfare. Is he where is he like fuck? I killed 50 people for no reason No, he feels no guilt. He's a fucking lunatic. Look, he feels no guilt. Okay hero inata arrives in japan to great fanfare He was greeted like a beetle. He was swarmed by the press and photographers constantly That's a lot. A sign went up to his house. If you've been living with ants and bananas for 30 years and all of a sudden people are talking That's a lot. You might make you end up back there like That's some PTSD shit. You're like I miss my aunt. I bite my eardrum. I miss my aunts. I look like my uncle

He can't even sleep without getting bitten by ants right now. Yeah. No, can we get an ant bed in here? Like he sleeps like it's just like a waterbed with ants in him so you can just sort of feel them But they don't bite him, but he's like, oh, that's nice. I need a big snake to roll through. Is that a thing that can happen? Oh nice rat. Oh, like get a small dog and put a rat tail on it. God damn it. It doesn't smell like bananas That's it rub some more under my nose Um, they ask him how he feels he shits on the floor. No, no rub his nose in it That's the only way to get him to stop He's been warned

So there's he's sworn by photographers the press assigned those up near his house that told fans they were close to where the living legend lived He received over 100 marrow marriage proposals from women he'd never met. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's a real man There was even a character on gilligan's island based on him as like a guest star. Oh shit. I remember that it was Extremely racist. What answer your question not gilligan's island. It was extremely racist gilligan's island So the government did not look great in this one because what their ministry of defense and their armies had not been able to do for Almost 30 years was done in five days by a 24 year old college dropout with no tracking ability And he wore sandals with socks. Yeah, that's that's a war crime. That's a war crime Um, hirona nada wasn't the only soldier who stayed hidden after the war

There were a number of stories like this, but none is long So why was hero the hero? Well, there was a guy named sochi yokoi For instance and he was gone for 28 years in guam But he hadn't kept fighting like hero and he hadn't waited to be relieved He was found by two hunt hunters and he was and it was viewed as he was captured So when the two were compared which they were a lot hero and nada was by far the more heroic story In 1975 hero went into seclusion. He moved to brazil where one of his brothers had relocated

Sure, he started a family of his own and ran a cattle ranch His brother once said of hero's return that he quote didn't know whether to congratulate him or call him an idiot Well, he's a fucking idiot. Hmm. Oh He was left up there like we'll come for you. I know but he's an idiot potentially for sure. There's some signs There's a certain stuff. You gotta be okay. There were a lot of signs There's a couple a lot of signs one to two he got his He got his two bros killed because he wouldn't fucking reel it in On his fault. Yeah, totally is fall with those guys. I'm not gonna talk those guys into it

Oh, not a died of heart failure combined with pneumonia on january 16th 2014 in tokyo at the age of 91 So japan did away with their army after the war and they only had a self-defense force Which while it is technically a military with branches of the army navy and the air force is not allowed to conduct Any offensive operations or leave japan? So this has made some less fanatic about hero's story as time were on But hopefully that will all change because in 2014 prime minister shinzo Abe Announced the major revision to the stf that japan would now be allowed to defend friends and allies under attack for the first time

Even if it was overseas here we go Here we go. They're coming for us Watch out. Uh war is bad War is bad. That's what you take from all war stories is war is fucking bullshit Yeah, but this guy. I mean, I think obviously it is You know, it's insane and he killed people. Uh, and you know 50 to 100. Yeah 50 to 100 people mass murderer Well, but he was he was he's got bundy numbers Yeah, but bundy like he genuinely thought look first of all

First of all the the like the japanese army was really like vicious like even in when it would come to like pow Is like I think the germans killed something like, you know, six percent of pow Is it like the japanese killed like 27 percent like during the war and stuff really gnarly experimental thing Yeah, so they were super like violent So he was just sort of bred out of that and yeah, he is crazy for sure But uh, you know the whole time he's like I'll be there. They'll be back tomorrow. They'll be back tomorrow. Yeah So that's the story of hero and nada. I'm not on his side. Yeah, I'm not on his side either, but

But when I like I'd heard this story still a banana. Yeah, sure. Yeah, he wanted to be buried with bananas 90s like yeah, give me a banana probably. I mean or or you are the opposite like if you hear banana or you see a banana Like you're like the per there's one person who's like scared of pickles on tyra banks like you're that person They go get that banana out of here Or he just yeah every time someone has a banana. He goes hey, I got a banana story for you And it's not a story I was like, oh my god, so we could mix it with coconut milk But the cow wasn't good and that's when my friend kazooka died

But I still ate bananas even then Did you believe that like he's the guy at the party where you're just like I gotta go. Yeah, I gotta go bananas were bad Huh bananas were bad. Yeah Okay, you know it was 1944 First time I had a banana that I was forced to eat And that went on for almost 30 years and I'm gonna walk you through each one now Who are you signaling nothing? No one. No one. I just had an itch. I know who sent you. Huh?

I know who sent you We're talking more. I'm here. You're an islander. We're a islander word. What do you think? What? Brazil party. Oh, he's still talking. Brazil party little party. I would move I would move to Brazil too I would move to another country to get away from it all but also he's a fucking dick. Yeah He also became like a right-winger like he was like Of course, he's a right-winger Militant believe it or not. He was within his later life. He was like that we need more army

Yeah, of course he was he had to justify his whole bullshit existence in the mountains Which was a bullshit existence No matter what We're knocking on heaven's door Do you at least make uh Like things to hang in and sleep in the trees. No No, but some of their like areas were pretty You know, they look nice after years. I mean if you've been here up there for that long like you're gonna have like a crib style

Like welcome to our bamboo shelter Oh, fuck that guy. All right, I'm not a fan. Well, his story's interesting, but he's that's been a polyd fucking Or a Raleigh. He's an ass clown That's not gonna be the title Okay, bye. Bye