The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 337 - Bonfils, Tammen, and The Denver Post (Live)

Episode Date: July 25, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Wil Anderson in Denver to examine the Denver Post.  SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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Danny Anthony ladies and gentlemen! Hi. Hi. Thank you for coming. Next month we'll be in Minneapolis. There's still a few tickets left for that. We'll be in Nashville. That's sold out. You fucked up. Go to the dollop podcast, the dollop podcast. dollopdolloppodcast.com I think. Yeah dolloppodcast.com and we're going to Australia. We're doing a tour there so if you're an Australian you get tickets and yeah New York we'll be going to New York. Mm-hmm. That's on sale. Pittsburgh's sold out. You fucked up. Mm-hmm. Cool. Glad we're being public about that. I'm sorry I'm having a hard time with the altitude.

That's a fair year affected by that. I don't know if I can tell the story as well. This altitude is affecting me. You're listening to the dollop. Each week, it's a bilingual American History podcast. Each week, I know. You've got the face on where you're gonna do it. Pool swimmer. Pool swimmer. Interesting. Lawn fertilizer man. I fertilized lawns. New lawns or your lawn. New driveway owner. Dave Anthony. Reads a story from American History to his friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. What but what if I told you it's about Denver. Oh yeah. Ladies and gentlemen

fresh from Australia, Will Anderson. Look, it's an Ultimate. Ando. Ando. Ando. It's nice to be here at the Robert and Judy Newman Center for the Performing Arts at the University of Denver. I just call it, uh, March 6th, 1856. It immediately occurs to me that I should have looked up how to pronounce this guy's name. Well, let's... Harry Taman. Harry Taman? Mm-hmm. Okay. Is it my wrong? Taman? What? Go with it. I think Mickey from Rocky's here. Go with it, Dave.

Yeah, that was good. Get the chicken. Did I say it wrong? No, okay. Who cares? All right, Dave, come on. We're not gonna turn this... Get him a poster. Get him a gift basket. No, no, no. We found a fucking hero. No. You can't even see where anyone is with your glasses. Work in the mines. Harry was born in Baltimore. His mother was German. His father was Dutch. That's it. That's the story. Not very good. That's the end. It's not good. That was the whole thing. It's a bad short story. His father died when he was eight because that... because someone has to fucking die in the first two sentences. That is a tradition. Yeah. His... his mother had no

money, penniless, so she was forced to send young Harry to an orphan home. Okay. Fun. And how old is he at this point? He's eight. He's eight years old and he's going to an orphanage. Okay. That's always good for your psychological, you know... It's like summer campion sensitive bastard. Yeah, when your mom gets rid of you. Dude, these... for God's sake, I'm sick of this debate. I mean, we're still having it today. Kids like to be separated from their parents at a young age. Put tear on their chests. Boys and girls. Are you a giant or is that a small pepsi? Did you grow? I got really big. It's the altitude. I swel.

I don't know. He's expanding. The last words, she said to young Harry, were, my little son may love and good cheer always be with you. Well, anyway, see ya. Anyway, see ya. Wouldn't want to be ya. Anyway, take care. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Catch you on the flipside. No. Can't come visit. No. I don't have pennies. No. No pennies. Boy, your dad really screwed us, huh? He just couldn't... Little dying thing? Yeah. He just quit on it. Could have fought. Just black lung. Yeah. Right through. Or maybe how about leave a little money? Yeah. He worked at the fucking consulate. He had cash. Don't spend it all, motherfucker. Yeah, I'd like

to be buried with my money when it's all said and done. These are my wishes, my dear. So for the rest of his life, Harry signed all of his letters with love and good cheer. Well, it's fucked up, right? Surely. You know what? I know that it is fucked up, but we also know that this is gonna make a heaps more psycho person when they grow up. So, like, this is essentially just Batman's parents being killed in the alleyway. It's sad. It's sad, but if it doesn't happen, you don't get fucking Batman, so they've got to fucking die. Yeah. So what I'm saying is, kill people's parents. We need stories. No, no, no. So if you're out on this street and

see someone with their kids, you're gonna be a great dollop in 20 years. David, Dave. What? No. Stop. We need to always be generating stories. David. Well, we're out of stories. I gotta go kill some families. Dave Anthony behind the dollop. Harry got a job working at a German beer garden, so he's eight. He's eight? No, he's not. He's doing that eight. He got a job working at a German beer garden because he only spoke German, so he had to hook up with some other Germans. It's not the German beer garden that's throwing me. Well, the Germans didn't have any other businesses. But he's an orphan. Well, they're just like, well, you gotta bring in some money to

pay for the gruel. I mean, we're over budget. I mean, it's a garden. He's just walking around like picking up Steins. Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming he's taking beers to tables. Hello, you people talking about your beers? Okay. It's a German, but a little one. It's what? The voice you're doing. It's a little German. Yeah, he's a tiny German. Well, eight years old, I can barely pick up out of the Steins. With love and cheer. I take up Ostersteins. No food looks good. Then I close my eyes a dream of sausage and chocolate. Did you? Did you forget that you don't speak English? Yeah, but this is a translation. I'd advise people would have no idea what I

was saying. Okay. Yep. If you're signifying that I don't know German, you're crazy. For years, Harry would work in different saloons in many cities. He learned to speak English listening to customers in bars and taught himself to read using the newspapers they left behind. So if he's picking up English in a bar, like his language is awful. Good morning to you. He eventually worked his way up to head bartender at the Palmer House in Chicago at age 11. Yeah. And then the owner of the fancy Windsor Hotel in Denver spotted Harry and talked him into coming out west to pour liquor for him there. A bar scout? Hey, I know you like Chicago, but Denver's got a great bar scene. We'd

love to get a 12 year old like you slinging ales. Yeah. All my guys, they missed the glasses. They poured it all over the bar. I need a guy who can put it in a glass. And I seen you work. What you do is fucking incredible. He's like a young Tom Cruise and cocktail. Those speeches you give when you pour those drinks, kiddo. Are you ready for this? No. He was considered to be the best bartender in all of the West. What is happening? First of all, is Chicago the West, it feels? No, when he went to Denver. Oh, when he went to Denver, they're like, look at this guy. Hey, wait, watch, watch, watch. Hey, can I get a beer? Yeah. Look at this guy. I make it appear. A beer. You're like 30 now. Yeah,

but, um, there was an accident with a combine harvester. And, um, well, let's say that I have nothing down in zoo. So it was an accident for the combine harvester. Okay. Anyway, joy your beers. Uh, so Denver in the 1880s and 1890s was considered a wide open city with lots of gambling vise and con men. Sure. Right. Interesting. Some of them here tonight. Honestly, that's nice. Not a, not a proud moment. One con man claimed he dug up a petrified prehistoric man in the mountains. I'm worried. Don't do this. Like that sort of guy. No, he was like, I found one. Uh, he turns out he just paid someone to make it out of cement. He got teeth from local dentists. He used corn cobs for fingers and toes. I'm sorry.

He used corn cobs for fingers and toes. He's a big, big fucking big guy, but go on and tell us how people saw through it. Uh, he got hair from the barbershop floor. Put a hard ask. Yeah. Can I just get a bunch of hair? I got a thing going on. The hair kids here again. Yeah. I got a thing going on up at the mountains. Okay. I don't need some. I got to get some more teeth. Just coming to town to get some teeth, some corn and some hair. I'm on a scavenger hunt. Uh, he then sold this fake prehistoric man for 772 pounds. Wow. Wow. So this gave Harry the idea to open up a Curio store. A Curio store. I believe for the curious. Well, I don't know why you had to drop the last part, but okay. I guess

that's part of the curiousness in its own right. Go on. Quote, he must be pretty smart for Barnum himself was trimmed plenty here and he was the baby who said a sucker is born every minute. So Harry planned to take advantage of the tourists or as he called them, suckers. Nice. Nice. Okay. He opened the store selling arrows quote direct from the reservation moccasins and wigwams, headdresses and other tons of other stuff that was not real. You could buy war clouds, baby bonnet. You could buy what? War cloud war clouds, baby bonnet help with some details here, bud. Well, war cloud war cloud is a is a chief. Native American chief and he never had a baby bonnet. That's fake. But even as a baby or were they implying that

he warded around as a fully grown adult person? Like as an affectation because he was so fucking powerful. He was like, you know what? I'm going to play off this like flavor Flames clock or whatever. Yeah, totally. Just a tiny little hat. And when he's the chief, so you can't really say anything. Love the new look. Yeah. Adorable. He's got a pacifier. I'm going to go make booboo in my day day. Sitting bull's hat. He sold. Sitting bull didn't have a bonnet too. He annually sold 80 authenticated scalps. What? Wait, quote slain by Geronimo. So there are white guy scalps that were killed by Geronimo. Where are they fake scalps or he just had. Okay. So he made scalps. Geronimo's personal scalp was also sold many times. Right. Sure.

Well, yeah. No, there's nine of them. They just different sections. Yeah. Just kind of like cured bacon. Yeah. I mean, this is a horrible case of scalping. Yeah. I mean, he's scalping. Scalps. Literally. I call the fingers stub hub. Oh my God. Okay. So this is kind of the invention of bullshit again, which we've stopped on a few times. This is at the time of Barnum, right? So he's just getting on that fucking wagon. Sure. Quote, sometimes I am led to believe that our workmanship surpasses that of the Indians themselves. He's saying he makes a better bonnet than War Cloud made for himself. Sure. Sure. Did War Cloud ever catch wind of fist thing? You're like, what is he doing? You're bonnet. Bonnet? Oh, sitting

bulls corset. No. This is Geronimo's brooch collection. He loved flair. He was a big flair guy. He laughed at the gullibility of the suckers and made it enough to build a home in 1890. Then he got his hands on an embalmed Native American woman from a bankrupt undertaker. What the fuck? Who? Oh, yeah. I mean, he's like storage wars. The other taker. Oh, man, I hit hard times. I mean, the only possession I really have left is this embalmed lady. I'm selling her, but why are you under value? She'll be yours for two easy payments. So he put up a sign. What does this sign say? Quote, moon eye, the petrified Indian. That's the right noise. One young woman came up and took a close look at the corpse and immediately

said it was a fake. Her name was Agnes Reed. In two years, she would be Harry's wife. Oh my God. How'd you guys meet? Well, I mean, it's the ultimate meet cute. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Funny story. Funny story. Well, I accused Harry's Native American. It was embalmed of being foe and he denied it and then asked if I liked Italian and I did and I did. He then produced an embalmed Italian. So Harry was killing it. He was now worth over $150,000 and had two homes. And then the panic of 1893 came and Harry was broke and he was determined to make it all back. The evening post in Denver went up for sale and Harry wanted to buy it. He believed someone could position himself as the people's champion and make quite a

bit of money. Uh huh. What was the panic of 1893? I mean, I know, I know, but I don't think well done. Yeah. Obviously, I know a lot of this history. So in capitalism, in capitalism, if you've noticed about every 20 now, less years, everything completely implodes and the rich run away with all the money. Okay. That was happening. Then why is the economy booming? Fair point. Yeah. You want to buy a bonnet? Things aren't good. I have so many Native American bonnets. I got them all. So it's real? I mean, they invented bonnets. Sure. Yeah. And pacifiers? They invented most of the baby stuff, except for beorns. They used to put babies in their head and walk around. It's in the books. You got

me there. I'm not going to look it up. So good bluff call. So he wants to buy, he wants to buy the posts and turn into a people's champion newspaper. But he was, he was, he had no money. Okay. Big setback. So and Denver was broke. So he went to Chicago to try to make some money. And there he heard about Frederick Gilmer Bonfills. What's his name? I mean, what happened? Seems like the people in the elite seats know some stuff. I mean, that was a, that was an audience just going, Oh, no. But that's what it was, wasn't it? It wasn't like a boo or like this message of villain. It was just like, Oh, he found out. Fuck. We've revealed the Joker now. Yeah. What's the name again? Frederick Gilmer

Bonfills. Bonfills. Here's where Dave gets angry about that. I don't care because you're about to find out the whole name is bullshit anyway. I think he was born in Troy, Missouri on December. What? Hey, guys, what just happened? Okay. Yeah. It's just maybe if we could just get one of you to sort of lead Dave through some of it instead of a bunch. One person want to handle the yelling. Thank you, sir. No, I had no idea what happened. Anyway, we've got the spokesman. His father wasn't a judge named Eugene. Juge. His father was a huge name. Thank you. Eugene Napoleon. Buon figlio. What? Huge to the judge. Oh, wait, that was his dad's name? Yep. Eugene Napoleon. Buon figlio. And what was the what is the other

guy's name? Hold on. The family was respected and well off. So they decided to change their name for simplification reasons. Eugene Napoleon. Bon figlio became Eugene Bonfils. Dave just gave the thumbs up if you're listening at home. From now on, we'll call him Fred. Now Fred always had a bit of a temper. It's just like a much more gritty version of the King's speech. King just doesn't give a fuck when he knows it. He's like fuck you all. I don't give a fuck. Now it is. Fred, you happy bitches? It's Fred now. Fred always had a bit of a temper. His dad was thrilled when he was invited to get an education at West Point. Sure. But he dropped out after he was held back a grade because of a deficiency in mathematics.

Because he had a deficiency now because he discovered a deficiency. No. I found a deficiency in mathematics. Get the fuck out of our school. Hey, hey, hey. We're not looking to reinvent the wheel. This is just simple addition. No, but there's a. Shut up. It's. Stop poking holes. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Get out of here. Get out of West Point. I've ruined math. Go. I would say go. We're subtracting you. Get out of here. He became a door to our salesman in New York and then he got a job working at Chemical National Bank where he learned about finance in 1886. He moved to Kansas City. He saw an opportunity in the 1889 homesteading rush in the Oklahoma territory. That's a great rush. Yeah. He bought land

on the Texas side of the Oklahoma border then advertised the lots in Oklahoma City, Texas. Oklahoma City appeared in large advertisements with Texas in tiny, tiny letters below. The land was miles from any water and there was no railroad. It was all sagebrush and scrub oak. Fred sold 5,000 lots for $2 to 225 each, making $15,000 before the law shut him down for fraud. Okay. So another good guy. Yep. So he's got this bankroll and he starts a lottery. He starts what? A lottery. Okay. Oh boy. Back then, lotteries up until, well, the mob took over lotteries, but for ages the lotteries were just was just run by a dude. A guy ran a lottery. Or in like Bronzeville in Chicago, it was the rich black guys ran

it and then the mob took it over. The lotteries were just run by different groups for their own community. And then eventually the state was like, oh, let's do that. And then they took over all the lotteries. What are we talking? Like a pick three? A power ball? What are they running? It's just the fucking number. It wasn't a pick three. It's like a pick five usually. Okay. And so, yeah, so a guy would just run the lottery himself. And then you would publicly or was he just coming out like, here are the numbers nobody has. Yeah. I mean, it was publicly in a lot of places it wasn't illegal. And so you could just fucking run a lottery business. Okay, sure. Yeah, sure. Well, that doesn't sound shady. It was a

super popular form of gambling at the time. And I wish someone would win someday. Lotteries hard. A good, good sign of a lottery. A guy run a lottery was if they use various names. He used L E win. And he used the little Louisiana lottery company. He just had a bunch of different names always cranking them out. He made more than $100,000 in lottery profits. So he won the lottery. Yeah, because almost no one ever won. Yeah, that's I mean, so he was just taking people's money. Yeah. And being like, thank you. Yeah, no, good luck. Good luck. Was it these numbers? No. Try again, pick better numbers. Well, thanks for trying. Was it this bunch? No. Well, what were the numbers this this week? Well, why don't you tell me what

your numbers were a a. Oh, he's a number. I found a deficiency with the math. Well, Roman, Roman numeral 11. Did you pick pick X, X one? No, that was the first number. The second the second number was Infinity. What? And then the third number was Woodchuck. Was what? Nobody won this week. By the way, no one no one picked those. So the lot is just going to roll over till next week. It's like a it's like a almost $100,000 now. Oh boy. Yeah, I better start working and now I know you can pick letters and abstract numbers and animals and also animals. Yeah, we're we've got one of the most diverse lotteries out there. That's awesome. If you ever win, you win big because it's animals, Roman numerals, letters. Oh,

vegetables. Oh, that's carrot was on the one last week. Well, I certainly didn't pick any of those. If you want him, it's $100. And I want your daughter. Just give me a second here because she's fantastic. Yeah, yeah. I mean, now that I know you can pick vegetables, I'll do broccoli, cow, D and question mark. That's pretty good. So the numbers this week were 12, 14, 7, 9 and 8. This week was all numbers. Yeah. Was that next week? No, it just it's you just did another lotter in your head. Yeah. Whoa. You got a lottery brain. I got a spinner thing in my head. All right, then I'm going to pick numbers now. Okay, 17, 2, 8, 5. Oh, you were so close. What is it? Donkey cabbage. How come every time

I pick numbers that goes to characters and shit? It's just how the numbers come out and the and the objects and other stuff. Man, you're good at your job. Yeah, lotteries are tough. Yeah. You try running it with all this stuff. I couldn't. Yeah. Okay, well, I'm just going to take your daughter. Yeah, yeah. No, you earned them. You're in the money and the daughter. So bye, Grace. Go with this man now. He was arrested twice. For what? What's for loitering around a lottery? What loitering around a lottery? What is that? You hang around a lottery. I love that. He's running an organized gambling syndicate where nobody has a chance of winning, but it's the loitering charge that they fucking got him

on. I'm standing around. Once he was arrested for conducting a lottery, whichever time he was in that was illegal. He just paid small fines and then would leave the town and go on and start a new lottery. Harry was working in Chicago and he'd heard all about Fred. He thought Fred might be the guy to partner up with. Sure, he's got a good track record. And by that newspaper. So one day he learned that Fred was in the lobby of a Chicago hotel and Harry walked in and looked at Fred. Fred looked back and said, quote, who are you and what do you want? Harry, kid, I hear you've got a million dollars in safety deposit boxes and I'm going to shake you down for half of it. Fred was impressed. What? Every moment

of that was unpredictable. Yeah. Horrible intro, terrible pitch. I like what I see. Yeah. They had much lower standards for the original version of Shark Tank. So they sat down and they talked and Harry said he wanted to buy the Denver post, but needed capital. So Fred agreed to put up 12,500 to buy it. This is right after they met. I think they talked for a while about it, but yeah, they went to lunch. They had lunch. Oh, they had lunch. Okay. I didn't know there was a meal. That makes sense then. Harry would be the, quote, publishing brains. So the two men bought the post on October 28th, 1895. Fred was 34. Harry was 39. They were now newspaper men. Oh boy. Oh boy. Yeah. Is this Rupert Murdock

in some way? Sorry, it goes. They were very different. Fred was private with few close friends and very tight-fisted. He once told Harry not to tip big, quote, it only spoils a man to overpay him, to give him something he doesn't deserve. From fucking crooks. He will spoil him. He'll get a taste of it. Harry was short, roly-poly, fun-loving and a showman. Well, now I'm having fun. A showman. Yeah. Hey, look at me. I don't know if that's what a showman is. Look at me. I'm Harry. That's just a weirdo standing up. Hey. Want to see me tumble down a hill? That's not a show. That's going to be fun. All we need are curtains. You haven't hit on the show yet. Da, da, da, ba, da, ba, yah, yah, yah.

Wow. I'm going to spin around. Look who's got a cane. Pow. Pow? Yeah, ma. Their plan was to attack everyone who wasn't a working man with their paper. Oh, boy. Fred's advice to Harry was, quote, write the news for all the people, not just the rich and important or those who think they are. Harry said, quote, half the town is good and half the town is bad. The good ones will read the post to congratulate themselves on being so holy and the bad ones to see what we found out about them. Okay. So they immediately began sensational attacks against anyone in authority, saying they were, quote, unsuited to the people. All the governors were, quote, bad for the state and unfit for office. How many governors were there? Well,

each one, they came through. Okay. I thought there was like seven or eight. Hello, we're the governor's unit. They hammered Senator Tom Patterson, owner of the Rocky Mountain News. Patterson tried to ignore them, but he finally fought back in his pages. This led Fred to write the first of his editorial columns titled, So the People May Know. Oh, no. This column would become a regular fixture and Fred would use it as a blunt instrument against his enemies. Oh, that's like Sinclair. Yeah, but, but, but can't kill us. And Harry dove into the label yellow journalism. Oh, no. Quote, we're yellow, but we're red. R, R E A D. Wait. R E A D. Oh boy. Oh, no. Oh, they really should just have to fucking burn the whole

place down based on that. Yeah. We're yellow, but we're red. Yeah. Do a second draft. Come back to me with something else. We're one of the first newspapers ever. All the good slogans aren't taken yet. Fucking go back. It's the Wild West slogan wise attack. We're yellow, but we're blue. Oh my God. Get an office. Go to work. Yellow. Red. Catchier. Get a showman to sing it. They came up with slogans for the post calling it your big brother and the paper with a heart and soul. What is it like a smooth jazz station? That's right. Meanwhile, rumors immediately began swirling that the post was blackmailing and strong arming advertisers. That doesn't sound like it. It didn't help that Harry and Fred, for Harry said he and

Fred were quote dangerous babies. Dangerous babies. It's fucking great movie, by the way. Have you ever seen it? Mel Gibson and Danny Glover are dangerous babies. It came out after the Lethal Weapon movies. It was kind of like, look who's talking meets Lethal Weapon thing. I'm getting a little too young for this. I'm a racist. Let's go find sweet kids. Choose from the media. Harry also said that they had ways of knowing things and it would be good for businesses and others to buy ads in the post. What? So that sort of sounds like strong arming. Yeah. If you're saying that. Making money, they moved into a new building. The walls of their office were painted flaming red. Sure. Nice. That's a nice vibe. Welcome

to hell. Yeah. They called it the red room. Everyone else in town quickly started to call it the bucket of blood. Oh, Jesus. What? They should have got those other people in to do the slogans too. It's heaps better. It's wisdom of the crowd right there. That's a writer's room. They punched it up. Everyone's idea is going to be better than one person's idea. Come on, guys. Chip in bucket of blood. That's fucking great. I love it. Print. Red room. Get fucked. We call it the red room. It's red. And also, you read newspapers. Well, you read them. Oh, fuck. It doesn't work as well when you say it out loud. Reads better. Oh, again. Reds better. Reds better. Got a grammar deficiency.

So Fred's so the people may know column kept blasting away at the powerful to the delight of the working man in Denver. One taking heat was an old architect named Ed Brook. He had served in the Civil War. Ed Brooks sent warnings telling Fred to stop his attacks. But that just made Fred keep writing the attacks. Ed Brooks office happened to be across the street from the post. So Ed started sitting in his window and cleaning his rifle while staring across the street. It's quite a move. Wow. While staring across the street, Fred suddenly stopped writing about Ed Brook. Wow. Why was that again? Because of the rifle cleaning? Yes. He's a fucking kick ass architect. It's like Denzel Washington is the architect.

So the post under Harry and Fred was an amazing success. It's ad revenue grew and circulation increased. When Fred and Harry had purchased the paper in 1895, circulation was 4,000. So three years later, it was 27,000. This is a city of 133,000. It's pretty good. Merchants in Denver tried to boycott the post saying ad rates were too high. So the post launched a child labor campaign against the leading department stores in the city. Oh Jesus. Well, I mean, who would know more about child labor laws than someone who ran a pub at eight? Who was the best bartender in the West at 11? So the people may know Fred attacked the stores. Quote, little girls poorly dressed with pale

faces are employed in the department stores, sweatshops, paying a dollar a week to work 75 hours, maybe okay in New York, but not in Denver. It's good for shadowing for the future though. So the merchants quickly back down. This just helped their reputation as looking out for the little guy. When local coal companies refused to drop their prices below $5 a ton, the post bought a coal mine and sold coal for $3 and 75 cents a ton. The coal trust then dropped their prices too much Harry and Fred's. So Harry and Fred dropped the price to 330 a ton. Harry came up with a slogan, a full ton and an extra lump.

In your lump, right? Again, I really should get someone else to do slogans. An extra lump. Yeah, I got a lump right here. That's right. We told you an extra lump. Yeah. That's right. I'm going to go with a full ton and a tumor.

That is catchy. The other papers in town controlled by the wealthy nicknamed Harry and Fred, not and lump. Not and lump. Not and lump. God, this is the problem. It's just, it's, you can't bring weak shit to this fight. No. You lose. We've just keep seeing it.

Yeah. Yeah. You got no chance. It's not enough. You got to go hard. Yeah. The post attacked high water rates and said the private plant should be public. They went after the man who ran the trams.

While all this is going on, the post went full on promotion crazy. The promotions were endless and insane. They installed... I mean, insane for this era is very insane. They installed a siren on the roof of the building and would just set it off whenever they felt like it. Like an air ride siren or something. Like just a siren.

Siren. Oh. What does that mean again? Okay. We own a newspaper. Get a bad vibe from them. Just a roof siren? Yeah.

Never been replicated for some reason. Just throw sirens on buildings. Totally. I'm just sitting around the office, hey, you want to set up the siren? That's a good idea. More cocaine. Once Harry had a well-known spiritualist drive a two-horse carriage through the streets of Denver blindfolded, searching for a hidden needle which the spiritualist found.

What are you talking about? But like, was it also a needle that they just hid? Like it wasn't like a lost needle, right? Like the whole town of Denver hadn't come together and gone, someone's lost this needle. We need a fucking spiritualist to track it down. No, yeah, they were like... It's just a needle that they fucking just went and put somewhere and they looked, the spiritualist knew where it was, yeah, he actually took off his mask and put it there before.

It wasn't fucking missing. It's in the haystack. I found it. There was one needle in Denver. What? And this seems just lost it on the way to the pharmacy. What? Is this true?

And so they had to bring... I can't tell. So they had to bring in a spiritualist to find it and the only way... I'm communicating with the needle. It's in grave danger. Put on the siren. This is an emergency. I feel it over here.

Good. Yeah, put the siren on. I'll tell you, the blindfold we could have done without because that would come in super handy. Obviously, they also had to blindfold the spiritualist or else it wouldn't work because the spiritualist can't find stuff. No, for sure, it's like pin the tail on the donkey's bastard brother. Right.

Yeah. So obviously, it was all set up. What? David! And people loved it. Loved it. Amazing. Loved it.

All brought to you by the post. I know which paper I'm going to read. The one that had that spiritualist find the needle. One day, people were walking down the street when they looked up to see Houdini in a straight jacket hanging upside down by his feet from a rope attached to the post balcony. I mean, now they're warming up. They've got Houdini in town. I'm interested.

Why didn't they start reading that paper? They never let him down and that's where he died. Oh, no. Well, they got the first story, though. Houdini dead. No, not now. Don't use the siren now. No, it's for special occasions.

It's crazy. Now a lot of man's dying. Backward siren, you think this is? Another day, people walking down the street were met by cages full of lions in front of the building. What? What? Yeah, all right.

Now I'm... I'm starting to like this paper. Yeah. This is a lion. What the... Hey, Fred, I got an idea. Lions and cages. Uh-huh.

Just right up front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. Yeah. I'm gonna put the siren on. Oh, my God. I'm the siren. Okay.

That's awesome. That is awesome. You are the siren. You are the motherfucking siren. My man. We are both the motherfucking siren. Yeah. Oh, my God.

We forgot to get that Houdini. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Act chill. What we'll do is... Okay. What we'll do is we'll throw them in some of those lion cages. Right? Get rid of the evidence, huh? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit. Good brainstorm. Is it Thursday? I don't... They believe in days anymore. But we haven't put out the paper in a few days.

Could be problematic schedule-wise. Some days, Fred would prance about on the balcony holding cloth sacks full of pennies. He'd grab fistfuls and toss them down onto the street. And men would fight over the loose change as Fred yelled, lucky, lucky, the post brings you luck. Except if you're the person punched in the street. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

A lucky penny. Ow. Oh, my God. I wanted to say that that wasn't the craziest thing. Because the other things are so crazy. But what he says, I think, tips it for me. That really... If I didn't know better, I'd say we had ourselves a bruseless million situation.

Lucky, lucky, the post brings you luck. What? Give me the penny. Snap. What? That is childhood trauma, though. With that mother penny list, now he's like, I'll show everyone how many pennies I have. For I'm the pennyman.

Take that, Batman. The post really big first stunt was to sponsor a statewide beauty contest. Miss Marguerite Frey won, and then the post sent her to Chicago to take part in a larger contest against other newspapers' contestants. What an era. What a great time. It's like the beginning of the Miss USA pageant. Miss Frey won that contest, too.

She won that as well. The post bragged about their girl until a post employee blew the whistle. He quit and took the story to the rival news. Apparently, Miss Frey had been forced to sign a contract to turn over all her winnings to Fred, who in return would give her a job at $10 an hour. Fred had been forced to sign the contract, was not told what was in it, and after signing was refused a copy. Well, that's how that works, normally.

That's good. So yeah. Yeah, good deal. Good deal for her. Yeah. The prize was like $1,000, and he just took it. Oh, yeah. The art of the deal, for sure.

He didn't have enough money. No, for sure. No, he didn't have enough money. Yeah, that's how you get money, is you just take it from people. Yeah. Yeah. Then you feel good. You're in the dressing room while they all get dressed.

Well, as long as you're public about it, that, I mean... As long as you just say it, and no one cares. Yeah. And then you keep increasing the sort of language that you use as far as what you're able to do with your power. Yeah. And eventually, you're just a rapist sexual assaulter, but James Gunn gets fired from directing.

Yeah. And you just let the apathy slowly soak in. But the problem is he did it on Twitter. Right, right. If he had done it in real life, totally cool. Yeah. Don't you tweet. Yeah.

Your jokes about bad things. No, what we've learned is you can say anything you want on an entertainment bus or Twitter. It'll be fine. Yeah. Nice vibe in the room. I get weird. Some guy wrote... It's literally a few people just saying they go, so when does the purge start?

What's the sirens on? We're so close to the purge. The post moved to a new building on Champa Street. Someone goes, yes, good. Good. Good. Good. Champa!

Yeah. They had open air shows daily. The entire block was closed off so people could watch. Sometimes the event would last just seconds. Like the time Vaudevillian act Jean Bendini caught a turnip on a fork he held in his mouth. I mean, it's no lions in a cage. It's no Houdini when you're just chucking a turnip at a guy who's got a fork in his

gum. Asked me where the turnip came from. Like I waited until the turnip came from. It was thrown from the 12th floor of the building across the street. Yes! I would fucking watch that all day long! All day long! Get that guy back!

Dave, that guy's dead. That guy's fucking awesome! Fuck Houdini! You're freaking... Houdini hung upside down from a building that had lions in front of it. I've got a fucking turnip across the street and a dude caught it with a fork in his mouth. Jesus Christ! Settle down.

A man. Calm down. America needs heroes. Do you know Dave? That guy's gone. Like, turnip man is more than just a man, Dave. It's a symbol. You could be turnip man.

It's a legacy, Dave. My wife is like, what are you doing? I have something I have to tell you, Heather. You've been reading in the newspapers about turnip man, surely? No. Well, I'm him. What do you do? I'm afraid you have to find this out, but when I go to the turnip cave, the garage,

I... I've quit my job. The podcast is over. I also got you fired from your job. We're both going full time in the turnip business. I have a bigger calling. Put the fork in my mouth. Just stand...

Right, stand down the driveway and throw that turnip. Go to the park and throw that bucket of turnips this way. It's practice time. You got to wonder as he was practicing how many times he got hit in the face by the turnip. And how many times people were like, this probably isn't a good thing to do. Well, turnip's not a soft vegetable. You're getting hit by a fucking baseball. Like that's...

A nice, rooted vegetable. I mean, I even admire the accuracy of the thrower though, right? Like that's a long distance. Like it's as much a thrower as the receiver of the turnip. That's right. It's as important. That's... Yeah, the unsung hero.

Right. That's turn work. Yeah. Yeah. The post... I bet you the people who are descendants of the guy who threw the turnip are like, it's nice to finally hear him getting some credit. Yep.

I think for years they've been like... You know, actually I think you get argues throwing the turnip is actually harder than actual... I mean, he gets all the fucking credit, but throwing the turnip... Like it's a guy... It's a fork. It's a moveable guy's face. Yeah.

And he threw it right at the... And he gets nothing. Nothing. Yeah. Until now. If you are a relative of Jean Bidini, please reach out to us. We need photographs. I mean, I wonder if there's a photograph.

I mean, this is going to be... Bidini. Google's going to be like, are you okay? Jean Bidini turnip fork thrower. That's the greatest. Boy, this is... This is not... There's a lot of graphs.

This is not what I was expecting. Are you telling me a graph through that? This is the first thing that comes up. That's... Oh, nice read. Can I get a print out of that? That seems important. There's a quantitative Jean-specific analysis of the tomato.

It seems like this is... So Jean Bidini led to a lot of really important shit. The post would also have, quote, human flies crawl up the front of their building. Circus ladies would slide down a rope as they held onto a pulley with their teeth. This is a newspaper, right? Yep. Okay. We're still there.

I also enjoy that their promotion model is only to advertise people in the vicinity of their building. Yeah. I got to read that newspaper. They put what was called a time ball on the roof. Each day at noon, the ball would fall and smash down on the roof. People would gather to watch. What is going on at this place?

I mean, so much cocaine. Tom, what are you waiting for? Ah, fuck, I was looking down at my watch. You lost your job two days ago. I got to wait here until tomorrow. You know you have a beard now. God, because it's... It hits noon.

No, the sirens on, they don't do it at the sirens on. And then it goes down. Wow. We live at a wonderful age. You're 65 now. I never thought I'd see anything like it. At the same time every day, it just goes down. What a world.

You're dying, Tom. I just realized I'm blind. It's a crazy thing to have dawn on you. Yeah. Well, I've been staring at the sun for like six weeks. Oh, you thought the sun was the ball. I thought that was the ball. Oh, buddy.

Oh, fuck me. I mean, the doctor says you have like an hour and a half to live. Yeah, Jesus, my neck hurts. Yeah, you're petrified. Oh, that went on so long the iPad turned off. What? It's a bad sign. People listening home are mad at me.

Give the funny one. The promotions were endless and constant. There were treasure hunts, crazy quilt contests. Crazy quilt contests? Yeah. What? Is that just a sheet? No, you would make a lady make a crazy quilt.

Yeah, like there'd be crabs and corn on it. Like what? Those don't go together. Oh my God, look at that quilt. Who knew? What an era. Kid Ben contest, the biggest trout contest, birdhouse contest. What?

They go down for a second one more time? I need to go by them one by one. What were they? Kid Ben contest. Kid Ben contest. Kid Ben? Biggest trout contest. Biggest trout.

Biggest trout. But I mean, that's, I guess, did they have to specify caught? No. Like one guy's like, well, yeah, I saw one over there. I was like, real big. Like, of course it's caught, right? Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, I saw it if you're going to try it.

I win. He's a big guy. He's a big guy. Now you wouldn't know him. He's from Canada. But he's bigger. Well, your story checks out, Canadian trout are very big. I think we know who gets that bag of pennies.

Birdhouse contest. Okay. Wow. And of course, a contest held for the best shaped foot. Oh my God. I mean, practically, aesthetically? Like what were the guidelines for the shape of the foot? I don't know.

Like handy to hang off something? Yeah. Like what are your parameters? The best shape. It's got to just be some huge foot pervert. Right. It's just like, oh, yeah. May I put it in my mouth and I just, to weigh the toes.

Oh, bird is nicely shaped. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Oh boy.

Hold on. Let me check again. Ah. Ah. Oh my God. Oh my. Oh God. Oh God.

You're going to need a new crazy quilt. Oh, yeah. This quilt has a birdhouse and a big trout on it. Okay. I came. This one wins. Um, sorry. Is that the prize?

Remember, tomorrow we're having a butthole contest. Oh my God. Oh my God. Getting ready for it. You're lucky you're listening and not seeing. I've done a horrible thing. Terrible. Um, there was also the most handsome back contest.

What? What? You gave, come on. The most handsome what? Bat? Back. Back. That, okay.

That doesn't make it better. Ah. I paused for a minute. Like that explained it. But no. The most handsome back. Handsome back. Oh, that's a handsome back.

Handsome back. Oh, you got a good taste in food and a handsome back. You are what I call the full package. I like big backs and I cannot lie. What a handsome back. Wow. Next. Whoa.

Yeah. Buddy. Next. Buddy, your back is cute. Get out of here. Come back when it grows into a handsome back. That ugly dog contest. Ugly dog?

Ugly dog. Ugly dog contest. I love this dog. And a dog that scratched itself the most contest. What? Absolutely. Without question. Horrible owners are fleeing up their dogs like it's the roids era.

Oh, no. I swear to God. She don't have fleas. She just itches like this all the time. She's always been super itchy. And look at how ugly she is. I think we got a two-fer. Merchants would pay to have their name associated with events.

Sure. It would cost the paper nothing to do the events. When the Broadway show The Underdog came to town, they reached out to the Post. A classic. I don't know if you've seen that. That's the Hamilton of the 1800s. They reached out to the Post and said they would pay for a lot of ads if the paper could come up with a publicity stunt.

Oh, how dare you? A man from the Post went to the Dog Pound and asked to borrow all of the dogs there. Nice. I like it. Prepare yourself. No, this is great, right? He's got all the dogs. No, no, no, no.

Nothing could go wrong with this. He's got all the dogs that need rescues and he's got them all together and there's going to be some sort of event and then people will see the dogs and they'll love the dogs and they'll be like, I should get a dog. Dogs are amazing and everything will work out fine, right, Gareth? No, no, no, no. This is some weird person who's going to turn them into a coat. What would the person's name?

Go ahead. Yeah, they put, so they got about a hundred. And the pound is okay with that? They're like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's fucking the eight. Yeah. It's the 1890s. Like, yeah, take all the dogs.

Yeah, take all the dogs. That actually does a huge favor because it's trying to hide a lot of these. You set them on fire. What are you doing? Take them. Take them. What are we going to do now? So they put all the dogs in a chicken wire pan in the back of a very old wagon and they

rode on the side, come see underdog, and then the wagon was tearing through the streets. But as the wagon reached City Hall, a wheel came off. Oh, God. It collapsed. Oh, no. Fell over onto its side. David, don't do this. The pen broke open, releasing over a hundred dogs.

Okay, I like it. Yes. Yes. Yes. And it was the greatest day that Denver ever saw, a hundred free dogs just released into the street. Oh, amazing. Amazing.

Just the ass sniffing going on. Oh, yeah, we got some catching up to do. Good to see you, Todd. They charged into City Hall into the police department. What? They charged City Hall? Yes. They charged City Hall.

They ran into the police department. They ran into a meeting. We want to file a petition. They ran into a meeting the mayor was having with the town supervisors. One dog went into the... They're taking meetings? What? They're in the meeting.

Yeah. What? How did the dogs know to go to the mayor's office? And they're all barked, like all the dogs are barking like crazy. Are they animated dogs? One dog made his way into the mayor's office and shit on a clerk's desk. What the fuck? I mean, the dogs had a vendetta against the newspaper because that fucking siren would

set them off like crazy. How did that happen? Were they dressed in like top hats and... They're just smart dogs. These are dogs from the streets. No. Smart dogs. While all these promotions are going on, Fred was blasting the other papers in his column.

He said, the Denver Evening Times was on its last legs, a paid shield for corporations that the people no longer read. The owner was furious, and he struck back with a story about Fred's past. The headline read, quote, FG Bonfires, that's clearly a mis... auto correct, FG Bonfies forced to leave Kansas City because he swindled poor people. The reporting laid out all of Fred's lottery and other crimes while in Kansas City. The article took a swipe at Harry saying, without Fred, he would be ruined and forced back to the slums from whence he came.

The Rocky Mountain News called the post, quote, that blackmailing, blackguarding, nauseous sheet which stinks to high heaven and which is the shame of newspaper men the world over. Jesus. Well, somebody forgot about the quilt contest pretty fast. What have you done for me lately in the stunt business? But people love the post. Oh, of course we did. We're the idiots, yay.

One of the post most well-known reporters was Polly Pry. Polly Pry? It's a... it's a... it made up name, but yeah, because she pried into stuff. Oh, cool. So Polly Pry. Pry. Pry. Pry.

Pry. Pry. Pry. Pry. Pry. Pry. Pry. Like you would pry open a door or you would pry into someone's affairs?

You'd pry open a door. Okay. Well, both are applicable. And then you'd get into someone's affairs, they're prime affairs. Okay. Like the dog's pry into a mayor's office sort of deal. Right, right. Their first article was about Colorado's mental health system titled Our Insane, Treatment

of the Insane. Nice. People loved her writing because she decided to do a story about Colorado's prison system and was in the Cannon City Prison, Canyon, I assume, Canyon, Canyon City Prison when she met Alfred Packer. Now, Alfred Packer had been a prospector who in 1885 had traveled across the Colorado Mountains in the middle of winter with five men. It did not go well.

Everyone died except Alfred and he ate them. No, what? Alfred. Sorry. Hang on. His name was Alfred Packer. Oh, Packer. The confidence on your face with that one, you're like, next.

You should give him a football to spike. Yeah. He'd throw it backwards though. Yeah. So, he just ate everyone? Yeah. When that happens, it sort of feels like a guy who'd just like to eat people when on a hike.

Yep. It's like, when did you try to get down? When I was finished eating the gang. I was out of meat. So, I call my gang the trail mix. So, he was convicted of killing and eating the men and sentenced to death by hanging. But the Colorado Supreme Court. Whose heart just broke for him?

Aw. We found our cannibal and he got off at his fondle meal and he said, I know we're another gang member. Someone's like, oh, he was hungry. My only wish is that after I'm hanged, I'm allowed to eat myself. But the Colorado Supreme Court reversed the conviction as it was based on ex post facto law. Which basically mean the law didn't exist when he committed the crime.

They had to invent it for you eating everyone. Yeah, basically. You don't get to call dibs. Oh, I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have done it. Okay. Now I know not to eat 12 of my friends. I think I can admit to him ignorance on this one.

We just figured I would eat them, but now I know, you know, try to get down. Yeah, that's the next move. With them. Yeah. Whew. Well, back to civilian life, I'll walk amongst you. So Alfram was tried again and convicted of manslaughter and given four, given 40 years. Four years?

40. That's way better. So after 14 years of this sentence, that's when Polly came to the prison and met Alfred. And she was like, mm-mm. She talked to him and she decided that he was innocent. So the post took up the cause to get him pardoned. Oh no. It's like Joe Arpaio time.

They hired Alfred an attorney, W.W. Plug Hat Anderson. Wait, I thought he was going to be the first website. Www.legalzoom.com was hired. His name was H-T-T-P colon, backslash, backslash, this is my assistant and valid server. Oh my God. So she meets him and she's like, you didn't eat those people. The hired attorney, W.W. Plug Hat Anderson. Shut your mouth.

It's his nickname, Plug Hat. His nickname is Plug Hat. Yeah, I'm assuming you were a Plug Hat. I got to charge it. Are you related to Plug Hat? Is he Plug Hat? Did you say? I think it's a kind of hat.

It's a plug. Oh, okay. Sorry. I assume it's a kind of hat. I don't think hats have plugs in them. I don't think you can plug up a hat. The Sharper Image catalog has a bunch of them. And maybe when he puts on the hat, everyone's like, it's like a plug.

A lot of ways to go. So a lot of hearsay happening up here right now. Anyway, Anderson would be paid $1,000 if Alfred Packer was pardoned. So the Post launched stories and editorials, but no one was budging. The governor said he would not pardon Alfred under any circumstances. Not unless a hundred dogs come in here. My word. So the Post went with a new tactic, they printed all the cases of guilty people convicted

of crimes like murder and rape who had been pardoned, asking, quote, why not Packer? Two days later, Alfred Packer was compelling of all, like, you know, arguments in your FIFA, but you'll take it. Yeah. Among eating, there is also a lot of murder. Two days later, Alfred Packer was purled. What? He then?

Are you going to eat any more people if we let you out, Alfred? He then started hanging around the bucket of blood as sort of a bodyguard weirdo type. And then Polly heard that the lawyer, Anderson, had taken Alfred's prison funds, which he'd earned working in the prison and making hair ropes and bridles. It totaled $1,500. So when Polly told Fred and Harry, Harry yelled, quote, we ought a sick Packer on him. You should not say that. What?

He's like curly from the three stooges. They totally know they got a fucking lunatic release. They don't give a shit. A cannibal. They know they've got a cannibal. They've not two fucks given. They were there. Oh my God.

They released a cannibal and they're like, ha ha. Don't go eating us now. Ha ha ha ha, y'all, y'all scamp. High five. Oh, don't eat it. High five. Don't. Mouth closed.

Close that mouth. There you go. We got a petrified guy you can eat if you want. Tastes like corn. And then Anderson was told he would not be paid the $1,000 from Harry and Fred. Does this upset the cannibal who just got out of jail? He's not there at the moment. Anderson's office was across the street.

He put on his silk hat, buttoned up his top coat, and headed for the post. He walked into the bucket of blood furious. Harry immediately started... I'm hungry. He's like, bucket of blood, huh? Oh, that's human gravy. Harry immediately started calling Anderson a criminal. Anderson drummed his hands on the back of a chair and said, quote, sir, I'm a Missourian

and a man of culture. What? That's not... Yeah. Uh-huh. No. Uh-huh. Well, you can't be both.

Harry yelled at him, you're not a man at all. You're a low down son of a bitch and a robber to boot. Anderson then put his hand into his pocket and Paul yelled he's got a gun. Harry could pull it out, Fred was on him, punching him in the face and knocking him down. Fred then got on top of him and started to beat him and was going to beat him to death, but Paul yelled at him to stop. She said it would create a scandal. What?

She talked his talk. She's like, she couldn't be like, don't count him. She's like, people don't talk about this. The other people's are right about it. Yeah, you're right. People will gossip if I murder him with my hands right now. You know, I also love that he's a man who can still be reasoned with at that point. Like, is that actually, you make a compelling argument.

I hadn't thought this through. Makes a lot of sense. Plus my hands are starting to hurt. It really hurts. Well, we could just kill him and eat him. So Fred got off Anderson and told him to leave. Fred pushed Anderson out the door, but the door swung the other way and Anderson came back through shooting a gun.

The first shot went through Fred's shoulder and up into his throat. The second grazed his heart. Fred went down. Harry jumped behind a desk and started swearing at Anderson. That'll do it. Yeah. That'll... Anderson walked over and shot down, hitting Harry in the wrist and shoulder.

Paulie then stepped over Harry and hit him under her skirt. Oh. And he was like... Oh, well, he's gone. He was like, this is all right. I don't mind getting shot if this was what goes on. Would you keep your fucking voice down right now? I love butthole!

Oh, shut up. That was my butt. That's why we did that contest. Oh, boy. She then grabbed the gun, holding the hot barrel. Anderson stopped and calmly walked out of the room in the building. I should go. He went straight to police headquarters, handed over his gun, saying, quote, arrest me.

I'm a murderer. I've killed two snakes. Harry's wounds were more painful than severe, but Fred would be recovering for a long time. One bullet was never removed. It was said he never fully recovered and had a hard time sleeping. Anderson was put in jail where he received flowers from the governor with a note that read, I congratulate you upon your intention. Tough note to write.

What do I say? Even after all that, the post would not stop as tabloid ways. Oh, my God. And when local churches were complaining about the content of the post, Harry and Fred challenged a group of them to put together the paper one day, and they accepted. The headlines were pleasant and pasteurized. Circulation that day nosedived. Even the pastor's own flock criticized him for putting out a, quote, dull and silly newspaper.

Just a little too accurate. The church leaders' criticisms of the post stopped. Harry and Fred didn't just attack, though. They also made up headlines and stories that were baffling. One classic was, does it hurt to be born? Completely ignoring the mother's situation. What's the baby going through? Ow!

That was hard to get out of. Whew, I'm chafed. Imagine, how do you find out? And what was it like for you? No comment again. Something happens in there they don't want to talk about. It's probably like a summer camp. The post had the best hustlers on the streets selling their paper, like Bird List Collins,

who was a blind boxer. What? Xboxer. Okay, for a second there. How am I doing? He's not in the ring yet. I'm gassed. They had the crying news boy, a child who stood out in front of the post every day, arms

full of papers, crying from what seemed like the world's worst heartbreak. People bought the paper because they felt so bad for him. Wow, that guy's the best. Is your change? The post encouraged the Bedlam amongst the news boys, they would toss out the editions in front of the plate glass press room and watch the boys fight over the papers. Oh my God, this is Penny's all over again. Quote slaughterhouse style.

That's where things die. But their success continued by 1907, Denver had a population of 170,000 and the post circulation was 83,000. Wow. More than the combined circulation of the other competing papers. The promotions were in tune with the style of Harry. He started a dog and pony show and a tent called Flo-Doh Dog and Pony Show. Why Flo-Doh?

Well, a guy in the office had the last name Flo-Doh and Harry loved it. Harry's a weird guy, huh? I mean, a dog and pony show, does the dog fuck the pony or do the pony fuck the dog? That's a different dog and pony show. That's down in... Tijuana. Tijuana, yeah. That's the Tijuana Dog and Pony.

Oh, no, Dave. It is so... I mean, it is adorable. But Harry wanted more. He soon increased the show. Every wanted more. The post went into the circus business. Let's get a lift and get out of here.

But the circus was tough and they needed a name. So they brought in a partner named Selz. Selz? Selz. Selz was from a famous circus family and they had sold their circus to Ringling. Oh, no. Harry named his new circus, Selz Flo-Doh, to give it cachet. Cachet?

And then he used the Selz family photo for PR even though only one member of the Selz family was in his circus. Oh, I'd be a single Sel. So Ringling was furious because he had bought the Selz circus for the name and the images of the family. And he bought the whole thing so he could go, the Selz are in the circus. So Ringling sued, asked for two million in damages and a restraining order to prevent the Selz Flo-Doh circus from using the PR photo of William Selz and his family.

The battle went outside the court with Ringling sending men across the country to talk shit about Selz Flo-Doh and even damaging the circus' property whenever possible. If Selz Flo-Doh was coming to town, Ringling would put up signs that they would be there the next week even though they weren't coming. The Circus Wars. The post started calling Ringling Circus the Coming Soon Circus. That's pretty good. Compared to other things, I mean…

Harry's brother Frank ran the circus, which was, despite all this, somehow successful, although at one point a tiger got out of its cage, leapt on a pony, and then attacked a family and killed a girl. But on a pony, so it was adorable. A judge ruled for Ringling and the Selz Flo-Doh Circus was not allowed to use the Selz family photo, but could use the name. The circus would never be a huge moneymaker, but Harry loved it. He also named his favorite elephant…

No. Flo-Doh. It's a weird phase he's going through. It's perfect for everything. Well, he also never gave any money to Flo-Doh, so this guy in the office is like, what the fuck? You're everything. Ha ha ha ha ha ha, precious.

I love my Flo-Doh. The post kept attacking the rich, and politicians are hated. One politician said in a speech, quote, FG Bonfeeze is a public enemy and has left the trail of a slimy serpent across Colorado for 30 years. Their feud with ex-Senator Patterson, owner of the Rocky Mountain News in Denver Times, kept up. Just after Christmas 1907, Patterson was walking to his paper's office. His paper had been attacking Fred for several days before Christmas.

As he cut through a lot, he heard, good morning. Patterson turned to reply and was punched in the face. Oh my God. He was then hit again and he fell. It was Fred. Fred kept hitting him on the ground and yelled, quote, if my name ever appears in your paper again, I'll shoot you like a dog. A groggy Patterson said he wouldn't stop.

Fred was arrested. The trial was held on December 29th. A crowd gathered in the courtroom and actually cheered when certain things were testified about. Oh, wow. Jerry. Jerry. I went on for two days with merchants and people in power testifying against Fred.

Finally he was found guilty and fined $50. Oh my God. Jesus. Harry and Fred also had an ongoing feud with Denver Mayor Robert Spear. They attacked him relentlessly and called him a puppet of the city's private utilities. When a tram company was given the city contract, Fred screamed fraud in his column. The owner of the tram company sued Harry and Fred for libel. Fred wrote that the judge in the case was already bought and called him a pinhead.

The judge gave Fred 60 days in jails and a $5,000 fine. Harry was like... Wait. He got... Okay. Yeah. That's right. Swift justice.

He beat the shit out of a man in the street and got a $50 fine. $50? He called the judge a pinhead, got 60 days and a $5,000 fine. Interesting how... That's right. You got America right. Yeah. Good thing that'll continue.

Harry was on vacation in Hawaii at the time, but he learned when he got back he'd get the same punishment. So when he got back, he marched right into the court, heard the charges, and when he was about to be sentenced, he yelled at the judge, look here, judge, you and I know this is nothing but a cat and dog fight. You can put me in jail for 20 years, but I'll get you yet. The judge was shocked and said, case dismissed. What?

Who is... I mean... The honorable Judge Pussy, presiding. What? That's a brave defense. Yeah. That's what you got to go with. A few years later, Fred got into it with Thomas O'Donnell, who is a corporate attorney, currently

working for the water department. The water department was looking to renew its franchise with the city of Denver. The post was against the deal. O'Donnell called the post the black hand. The two men were in the courthouse walking into a courtroom one day when Fred said he wasn't scared of O'Donnell. O'Donnell said Fred had never scared him. Fred that said, quote, Fred that said, quote, I'm unarmed, but I will go into a room with

you and fight it out. O'Donnell replied, all right, let's find a room. I think there's a conference room on the third floor. It's already red. If that's empty, we can move the table, get some of the chairs out of there, really open it up for a fight club. Fred then punched him in the face. Hey, what about the room?

One of Fred's muscle men then grabbed O'Donnell from behind and Fred punched away. Neither man ended up pressing charges, although Fred wanted to, but the other guy didn't. He hurt my hand. Even with all these transgressions, the post was still the favorite of the working men of Denver. Until 1920, when the streetcar workers went on strike, they demanded higher pay. Harry and Fred for the first time went against the working man. Fred's column attacked them saying they were being driven by foreign agitators.

All union men in Denver went out angry with the post. On August 5th, the strikers began to riot. Three streetcars were overturned. They fought with the cops. Two strikers were killed. The mayor asked for citizens to volunteer to help. The riot went on from 5 p.m. until after midnight, when someone yelled, quote, let's get the post.

Okay. A mob formed around the building and kids started throwing stones at the large plate glass windows. Soon everyone seemed to be armed with poles, iron bars, and shovels. The workers in the post ran away from the windows and then out the rear door, and as they did, the mob stormed into the building. Suddenly a ladder appeared over the mob in front and leaned against the building, direct access to the bucket of blood.

Men streamed up the ladder. One ripped out a water faucet and water gushed out. Then they looked to rip every water faucet out to flood the building. That's how you get them. Someone tried to light a fire with all the files. Well, that's a ridiculous thing to do when you've just wet everything in the building. Other way around, boys, other way around. We try to burn it, then we try to drown it.

It doesn't work the other way, Gary. Why isn't this tinder lighting? So they tried to light the files on fire, but the gushing water put it out. Men then went into the basement and attacked the printing presses. The post offices were to completely be destroyed for over an hour until the chief led men in to stop it. The chief, his head was banished because he had been hit in the head with a brick. But the post managed to get the paper out the next day and Fred attacked the mob and

the Soviets who had influenced them. What is going on? Do you blame the Russians? Always got to be the Russians. Quote, Bolshevism, Sovietism. Why would they do something like that? Wouldn't, wouldn't. Play the tape back.

You'll hear I meant to say wouldn't the whole time. Quote, Bolshevism, Sovietism and anarchy with gun and torch have leaped from bloody and ravished Russia to our beloved land. So do not feel sorry for the post. Feel sorry for yourself, for your children, for your country, and for civilization, for no man may know who is next on the list. American history is actually just filled with rich people losing battles and using it to say the common man needs to be saved from the left.

Anyway, the striker's lost. I mean, it's also a controversial opinion to go after the communists when your newspaper slogan is most red. The strike for livable wages had failed. Fred Blame used in the city for attacks, the attacks instead of the workers who he'd always supported. He was totally delusional. There were said to be many well-dressed men in the mob.

Harry sold the Sel's Flato Circus in 1920. He was getting older and having no kids. He started talking about giving his money to charity. What? One that I started. Teapot Dome was a place in Wyoming. It was on top of one of the richest oil fields in the country, and was set aside as a naval reserve for oil.

The corrupt secretary of state of the interior allowed two oilmen to get no bid lucrative leases on the teapot, and at the same time, they fucked another oil man out of a nearby deal costing him millions. Fred was friends with the guy that had been fucked out of the deal and began writing about the teapot dome in the post. The post was the first newspaper in the country to question the leases at teapot dome. He kept investigating and coming up with information that at one point, all the involved parties met, including Harry and Fred.

They walked away with a couple hundred thousand and killed the story. But other papers kept at it, and sued Fred and Harry had to testify in Congress. One senator went after Fred until Fred yelled, quote, you talked to me as though I was a common criminal. Yes. Yeah. It went on like this for some time as the senators kept pointing out the post had stopped printing anything about the scandal while Fred claimed it was not true.

After the Denver Post praised Fred under the headline, quote, Bonfee's exposed huge teapot conspiracy. That's quite a headline. That's not a good headline. I just would have gone with Wright said Fred. The Rocky Mountain News made fun of Fred's version of events, quote, apparently devoid of all shame in any sense of morality, Fred Bonfee is one of the owners of the Denver Post today put on a bold face and coolly confessed to the Senate committee, and best

of the getting the teapot dome oil scandal that he and his partner, H.H. Taman had shaken down Harry F. Sinclair. But things got awkward a couple days later when it came out that the news owner had also profited from the scandal, of course, but it turned out to be one of the biggest scandals in American history and they had killed the story. The American Society of Newspaper Editors formed a committee that issued a report saying Fred should be thrown out of the society. He tried to work things behind the scenes to save face, but in the end he resigned from

the group. Even with all this, the post continued to do very well. They knew how to put out a paper people wanted to read with salacious stories and people kept buying it, and if people bought it, advertisers would pay for ads. As Fred said, quote, a dog fight in a Denver street is more important than a war in Europe. I mean, for the dog, at least, it was a dog care about the war in fucking Europe, you know what I mean? Like marching to the prime minister's office, go to parliament.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. All right, Dave, all right, come on. Harry's health had declined ever since he sold his precious circus. In 1924, he was diagnosed with cancer and died.

He donated half of his fortune to the children's hospital, and the other half went to his wife. Fred was now alone at 63. In 1928, Fred declared in the post that he was putting all of his fortune into the Frederick G. Bonfee Foundation for the Betterment of Mankind. That's nice. Oh. That's a good thing to see what that charity does with that money. For the Betterment of Mankind.

No one could figure out what it meant. Sure. Wow. There was no explanation. Wow. It was just a thing. Sure. That's whatever.

Fred bought a room in the Fairmount Cemetery in Mausoleum, which cost $30,000. Nice. That's good to get those accommodations right for your corpse. Yeah. Fred died in February 1933 after coming down with a flu, which turned into pneumonia at the time his estate was worth an estimated $20 million. Wow. The house that bullshit built.

They were just a lot of parallels. They were like the first tabloid, guys. Yeah. I think we all felt like there was a second half to that sentence, but I guess leave them wanting more. Okay. Right, David? They were the first ones.

Well, I will say this. I'm right there with you, man. No collusion. I'm right there with you. Oh, boy, that's tough. Anyway, they were cool. You got some cool people in your town. It is so similar to the way that we get our fix now from the sensationalism of the ship

that's happening. What? No, no, I'm sorry. I'm going to point out some parallels in what you've prepared, but we enjoy that so much more than the boring truth. You'd rather the wild bullshit than the boring truth, and that just doesn't seem to be working out great. It's going great.

No. No, it isn't. Everything is fucking awesome right now. What's wrong in this country? Oh, boy. Things are great. What do you have a good feeling about right now? I'm curious.

Schumer's great. Amy Schumer? Amy Schumer, yeah. No. It's great. Her uncle. Yeah. Her uncle, Chuck.

Her uncle, Chuck. He's the spokesman for good posture, Chuck Schumer. The man whose head is buried in his sternum. The man who were like, you must have the spine to fight this while he's just like, what I had was too dry at lunch. I forget what I was fighting for. Anyway, that guy, I like him. And then we, sure, we're not, we're not arresting Irish immigrants or Swedish or Norwegians

or Dutch or English or. What's happening right now? I'm just thinking of all the people who are not arresting it. But the Mexicans are in cages. Anyway, Russia. Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia. Kids are in cages. Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia.

Hey, kids are in cages. Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia. Hey, that's what the Nazis did, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia. Oh my God, we are just so fucked. This would be a really good time for someone in the audience to release 100 dogs. Well, we know a finish when we hit one. Thank you very much, guys. Thank you to Will Anderson.

We appreciate it so much. Thank you. VIP stay in the room. Yeah, VIP stay in the room at the Robert and Judy Newman Center for the Performing Arts at the University of Denver. Thank you. If you can see what I got is a