The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 342 -The John Paul Getty's (Live in Minneapolis)

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Jean Paul Getty III - recorded live in Minneapolis. MAIN SOURCE: Book - "All the Money in the World" BY John Pearson SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH

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It's Gareth. It is Gareth. The name is Gareth. Look the name is Gareth. It's Welsh. No, no, no. Shut the fuck up because I want to do this one last time. It is G-A-R-E-T-H. It's a Welsh name and there's been some miscommunication from I don't know how it started. I don't even know how it began. Seems organic. It certainly wasn't my man Dairy over here. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't Dairy. I'll savor that one guys. The problem is that Gary's a name. Sure. And Dairy's a lifestyle. Yeah, Dairy's a food. So it doesn't make sense. I want you to tell the audience the story you just told me about your mom going to her first baseball game.

Well, so she'd never been to a baseball game. So my brother and I took her to a Brewer's game and she was, it's okay guys, and she was starting to get like, I asked Dave, I was like, what do you say when you're at your kid's baseball game and a kid strikes out. He's like, sit down. And I was like, I can picture that. But then so my mother's at the game, doesn't know anything. And then by around like the eighth inning, she's kind of into it. And one of the guys on the other team strikes out and she stands up and goes, that's it you go to your little house pointing to the dugout. We were like, good, sit down. Sit down, mom. It was like coming to America. I was like,

take a seat. Don't you're listening to the dollop. This is a buy American history podcast. Because of what happened backstage. We're going to be in Australia in October. Oh, what a tease. Jesus, man, dollop podcast, the dollop podcast.com for all our tour. Cleveland, New York, we got a bunch of cities coming up. Well, then I'll be in December 15, 1892. Yeah. What year? 1892. Okay, I'll be in Albany in Austin coming up. Go to gearethrentals.com for all set shows. In 1892. Yeah. Yeah. Albany. Yeah, Albany, New York. What? Don't help. What crime did you commit to have to go to Albany, New York to do comedy? White collar. That's where we all go. Everyone's going to know as soon as I say, John Paul Getty was born in

Minneapolis, Minnesota to parents George Getty and Sarah Getty. Sarah gave birth to, they call them Paul when she was 40. Okay. Wow. Yeah, for 1892, I would imagine probably something that happened. Now Bridget Nielsen at 55. What? Yeah, just had a baby at 55. The fuck you talking about? Bridget Nielsen. Who put it in there? Sly Stallone, it's a sequel. The fuck? The last part's a lie, but I don't know who did it, but yeah. A baby at 55. Yeah, no, not a toddler at 55. A baby. Yeah. Inside of her? No, on the outside, like a heart. And it's going to come out of her like a... It came out of her, bud. It already came out. 55 years old. Huh? 55 years old. She's 55. The baby's not. Much younger. I don't want to do this anymore. So they call them Paul. George

bought a successful Minneapolis insurance man. Okay. Sold insurance probably to a lot of your parents. George bought the oil rights to some land and quickly struck it rich. He called this company Minahoma Oil. Minahoma Oil? It's a combination of Minnesota and Oklahoma. Oh, well, it is very catchy. Doesn't feel Frankenstein at all. Minahoma. Imagine the unveiling of that. People were like, oh, good. Good. Really good. I put the names together. I mean, Okla soda just sounded ridiculous. Okla soda. Sounds like a sports drink. Minahoma. Minahoma. No. Stop suggesting other names. Oklaman. My God. Everyone leave the party. Leave the unveiling. I've gone all in on this. Oklahoda. Oklahoda. Okla... Okla-doka. Ok... Okasoda. Wait, now I forgot what he went with. What

did he actually go with? I'm wrapped up in here. I've pretzeled my mind. What did he actually go with Minahoma? Minahoma, yeah. By 1906, George was a millionaire. Wow. George assumed Paul would one day take over the family business. Sure. Why not? Now Paul was an only child. He shouldn't have been. He had a younger sister who died just after being born. Okay. Because that is the law. Right. So Sarah was obviously thrown by the death of her child. So she didn't allow Paul to have contact with other children because he might get a virus. Yeah. Okay. So right there, that is a great parenting decision, you know. Keep your kid away from other kids. Yeah. The Jenny McCarthy move. Just... McCarthy. Yeah. That's McCarthyism, isn't it? Yeah. That's what I've been told. When I think less

people died from McCarthyism. No, she's good. I've, forever I've taken my health advice from playmates. Hi. Hurry up. I'm growing a beard. Sarah was also careful not to love Paul too much. Right. Again. Yes. Yes. Sarah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Because he might die also. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Because you love the first one, right? He will be, of course, he will be pining for the affection of friends, but he can't have those. And then you also pull back. Yeah. Just sort of, you know, hopefully creating a void so large, you can see it. Yeah. Yeah. Sort of like a black hole in the kid's stomach. Yeah. I'm sure it'll, I'm sure it'll be fine. He'll be fine. I mean, he's big featured on this. I'm sure he's... Sure he's fine. This might be the one that's about the nicest

guy ever. As a child, they began to hide his emotions and kept his feelings to himself. I wonder why. No idea. Paul was quiet and soul and later in life, a long time associate would describe him as always quote, looking like he was attending his own funeral. Wow. Yeah, that's fucked. That's layered. That's not just, it looks like he's at a funeral. No. He's at his. Yeah. And he's bummed or he's smiling. No. It seems like if you're miserable in this world, if you have the appearance of someone who's happy at their own funeral, you'd be like, haha. Woo. Yeah. Instead of just being like, God, I miss me. I was so young. I'd like to say a couple words about myself. Yes. What can I say about me that I haven't said already? Meh. Young Paul became obsessed with girls. It's

weird when you starve someone of affection and love that they would then become obsessed with girls, but that's what happened. Right. Mom stopped lifeguarding at this point, I guess. By the age of 14, he was telling people he had already lost his virginity. Interesting. Okay. Which wasn't great because Sarah and George were very religious. Sure. Right. So then Sarah decided Minnesota was too cold, or maybe she should get Paul away from the influences. They moved to Los Angeles, so she's like, let's get some more water. She's like, he's trying to fuck too much. Let's go to L.A.? Probably. Yeah, I think the winners when he's really out there being active. I don't think she knows what the Midwest winners are like. That's not prime hunting season. That's when people are

like, do you want to go outside or how do you want to handle today? Don't people just stay inside and fuck? Yeah, but you need to have, it's not like you're out there playing the field in like, you know, negative 17 degree weather. You're not like, hey, let's go. Want to take a walk? What if you're stuck outside and you have to rub your genitals against someone to stay warm? Is that a thing? No, no, no. You're like in a parking lot. It's just not how it works. Like a Walgreens parking lot and somebody else is like, I'm cold too. You're like, oh, we should rub it. What? No. Let's rub until we're warm. Yeah. Oh my God, a baby. What? You're 55. So Paul went to work for Oklahoma oil. Sounds worse every time you say it. Yeah. Absolutely. It sent him to Oklahoma to

search for oil. He bought oil leases and soon made a million dollars for the company. Wow. Yeah. So he went home to Los Angeles and in 1919 he started buying oil fields in California. Now Paul had a thing for young virgins. Oh my God. That is like a haymaker you just threw. That's what is a sucker punch. Wow. Okay. That's not all the ones. Young ones. No. Right. I've been waiting. I'm 54. I haven't been fucked yet. 54. The first time I want to make a baby. I loved you in Beverly Hills Cop 2. Jesus. Okay. So that's a detail that it feels like will matter unfortunately. In October 1923 he married a 17-year-old high schooler in Mexico. How old is he? 31. She quickly got pregnant which disgusted Paul. Not the name I thought was going to be

coming. Wow. Okay. So you're fucking gross. Who did that to you? You did. What do you mean? I didn't fuck you. I didn't do that. That's how this happens you idiot. That's why I said butthole. So he was so disgusted with her pregnant condition that he left his teenage wife. What are you going to do? She's all ungrossed and full of baby. I mean it's like she's human. So she would later say he was abusive. So he had it all. Yeah. Three years later he met another teenager and married her in Mexico. Jesus. But then they split up and at that point he took a vacation to Europe where he met 17-year-old Adolfine Finney Hemley. He was 36. Jesus. They eloped and moved to LA. Okay. This is quite a run. She got pregnant and Paul became disgusted with

her. Oh my God. What? What is it about the women that I choose? They're so great when I meet them. Yeah. Well. Couple of fucks and they're gross. I got to meet a 54-year-old. Hello Paul. What the fuck? So Finney went back to Germany. But Paul did not want to pay for a divorce. So they lived apart but married. Okay. So he has a couple of active marriages at the same time? No. He's divorced. He's divorced from all of these. This is the first one he hasn't divorced. Right. Okay. So then George died and Paul became president of George Getty Incorporated. Okay. He also started dating a 21-year-old in the fall of 1913. Easy. He's still married. Well still. Well actually you say a little old but they had originally met when she was 14 when he tried to

seduce her. Okay. Like you've never tried to seduce a 14-year-old. How do you even call that seduction? I think I think 14-year-old should be able to carry swords. And then and then a guy comes up and they just go. Just go right through. And then they just turn it to the side a little bit. And he goes I want it to fuck. And then his guts come out and she goes I was mid seduction. I was seducing you. We can't a 40-year-old try to fuck a 14-year-old anymore. What happened to America's Miss Alabama Roy Moore. So yeah. Cool. Okay. Great. So he was. But now she's legal. Right. She's 21. Sure. And now the dad who was upset he tried to fuck his daughter when she was 14. Now a millionaire is rolling in who's after and she's legal and he's like yeah cool. So the dad

who was on board. Okay. Great. Cool. He's also great. Yeah fuck him. Fuck them all. They're all monsters. I'm going to cut my balls off after the show. Insolidarity. It's a troubling language. So he's still married to the German one. Right. And then the 20-year-old got pregnant somehow. A bad feeling about his reaction to this. No. No. It's fine. Paul was disgusted by her. Okay. Alrighty. I'm starting to think he's the problem. A little bit. So this one's sad. What kind of protection was there back then? Well. Well I mean a long time ago. Had they invented pulling out. They had invented pulling out. I don't know if they still use reusable condoms but condoms were reusable for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You would get like the bladder of a pig

or whatever. And then you would just reuse it. You'd wash it and I guess put it in the dishwasher rack or whatever. And now you just keep using that bad boy. Wow. I don't know when that stops. I'm starting a new podcast called questions I wish I hadn't asked. And this is going to be the first episode also. So it'll be a fun little crossover. But at this point 1930 I don't know when condoms were invented but probably not yet latex. That's a test group you want to get involved with. France. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. France. Of course it was France. You're late. You missed it all. Fuck. Guy doesn't like girls. He fucks them. They get pregnant and then he doesn't. He's like eh. And he used to fuck a pig and a woman at the same time. Yeah. He used to fuck a pig

and a woman at the same time. Okay. All right. You're caught up. Okay. Welcome back. Okay. So he's still married. Of course. He gets his 21 year old mistress pregnant. He's disgusted by her. She tries to kill herself by drinking iodine. Thankfully, thankfully she survived. And then she gave birth on September 7, 1932 to Paul's third son who he named Jean Paul Getty Jr. So the third. The second. So it's a second. Sorry. The second. Yeah. So we've got a Paul. A Paul and then a John. Right. And then a John. And then a John. And then a John. And then a John. John Paul Getty Jr. The third. It's a second. Sorry. The second. Yeah. So we've got a Paul. A Paul. And then a John. Right. A junior. So we're going to call the second one junior. Okay.

Not Paul Jr. We'll just go with junior. So we've got Paul and junior. We've got Paul and junior now. Okay. Thank you. So Paul divorced a Fini and he married. So it was Fini. Fini. Yeah. They didn't marry. That was like someone was strangling a pig. Yeah. That's how you used to make condoms. He married. He married the mother of junior and Paul believed a man could not be successful both at business and marriage. Right. Well, that's a great attitude for a husband to have. Well, I wish you told me your little policy before you impregnated me and married me. Well, now we're married and we're fucked. We're going to live in poverty. Yeah. Because you baby maker quote a lasting relationship with a woman is only possible if you're a business failure. Wow.

What a crazy take. So normal. So normal. Just a normal human. Okay. Created right in Minnesota. Yeah. Anyway, I'm actively in five marriages. So after George died, the entire family was set up with a trust. Paul invested in oil stock. When it was low and it went up, but he made a killing as personal personal fortune in 1938 was $12 million. Wow. The Sarah Getty trust was worth over 18 million. So then and divorce his wife divorced him. She was she was tired of obviously him being horrible. Right. That can get old. He was in Europe and he met and married a 23 year old singer. Jesus Christ. He's 44. What? What? This is I mean next level marriage game. This is yeah, yeah. She stayed in Europe to work in Italy to sing and he came back to the US. Well,

I'm sure he was faithful. Yeah. Yeah. This guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. During World War two, he owned and worked at Spartak Spartan aircraft company in Tulsa. He built a concrete bunker where he lived and worked. I mean, cause you know, Oklahoma with the Germans bombing Oklahoma all the time. Well, they were against Minahoma more than anyone, the Germans. In 1941, Sarah Getty, there should be more to that. Okay. I think she died. She must have died. The rest of that sentence is gone. Jesus. That sentence is gone. Can we come up with a death for her? I'm just going to assume she died from what are we guessing? Can we just for shits and gigs say blimp crash? Old. She died from old? Yep. Okay. Fair enough. So Paul

kept, kept fucking the lady, even though she was getting pregnant and wait, which lady? And wait, who's he married to now? Well, he's married to someone. Oh, no, the 23 year old, right, the singer, the singer who's from another country. But then she came back during the war. She got put in term of camp and she got out and came home. Jesus. Okay. Well, you got to get to the depths to be a good singer. I don't know if that's how it works. So they made a baby. His fifth was born in 1946 in Los Angeles. Of course, Paul was living in Oklahoma, so he didn't come see the baby. He was disgusted. Yeah, a fucking baby came out. Why would you go see that? Yeah, I'm sure he was disgusted. Paul made an oil deal with Saudi Arabia and Kuwait in 1953, which is described

by Fortune magazine as quote somewhere between colossal and history making. Quite a specific scale they've got going there for themselves, isn't it? In 1956, he changed the company name from Pacific Western to Getty Oil Company. Okay. Now, Paul had a mistress, Penelope Kitson. He's a busy guy, huh? I like to fuck. Yeah, yeah. They didn't marry because a fortune teller had told Paul that if he married for a sixth time, he would die. So he can learn. He is capable of lessons. It's just they need to come from a shiny ball. Well, I think he was done with marriages at that point. Imagine if a fortune teller said something like that to you. What your reaction would be? Yeah. If you get married a sixth time, you'll die. Yes. Well, I should not do

that. She's right. I mean, I have to. I love her. This costs $35. She's absolutely right. She's got beads on the door and everything. But the fortune teller thing might not have been true because Paul would often quote fortune tellers to excuse things he did and avoid doing other things. Wait, what do you, sorry, say that again? Like, if he didn't want to do something, he'd be like, oh, no, fortune teller told me. He just used that as like a scapegoat? Yeah. Honey, I can't take out the garbage. Remember the fortune teller said? Yeah, like that. I could drive fine after a few drinks. Fortune teller told me I wouldn't die in a drunk driving accident. I'm invincible with drunk driving, fortune teller says.

Uh, because I can't get women pregnant, a fortune teller told me, good luck, you disgusting animal. If only my condom wasn't in the sink. Yo. Around this time, Paul became convinced that he had been Roman emperor, Hadrian in a past life. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, whoa, buddy, whoa, buddy, whoa. Whoa, buddy. Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, bud, bud, bud, buddy, bud, bud, bud, bud, bud, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up. Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy. So bad. He, once more. He became convinced that he had been Roman emperor, Emperor Hadrian in a past life, like we all haven't been there at some time or another.

Every once in a while, like, I was like, come on, I had to have been Caligula. Oh my God, okay, so that's who, and what was the, I mean, you know, I'm obviously big into Greek history and Roman history, whichever one you said it was, but what are some specifics of the reincarnate? I don't know, you know, this was so long, I was like, I can't go into that. He was obsessed with fortune tellers. I think he was just, he just figured this guy's super powerful and I am too. We're probably bros.

Boy, that fortune teller was like, jackpot. I probably should have looked more into that, but I didn't. I just read that and I was like, yeah, okay. I mean, for me, I'm really just picturing Ghostbusters too. Yeah. Sort of. Kind of. Kind of a little bit.

Are you planning on standing for the rest of the show? I know, I feel like standing right now. I think they're fine with it. Sure, yeah. In 1958, his son Timmy died during an operation. Okay. And Paul, for some reason, was sad, which is surprising. He then said life was worthless.

Jesus. But he hated kids. I know. Okay. The one he never went to see when he was born. What? What a shit. He bought an Italian house and moved there.

He bought. Okay. He became paranoid. He was. He became very paranoid. He was convinced he would be kidnapped by pirates. Whoa. That is, again, really specific.

Well, because, because the house was near the sea. Still. I mean, that's like, you don't know. You don't know for sure. They are pirates, but I mean, that's like quite a, you make fun of the guy and tell pirates come and kidnap him and then you're like, oh, he was right. Oh yeah, for sure. He was right about Timmy.

What? So he put bars on the windows and had intense security. He kept a loaded shotgun in his bedroom and never stayed in the house for very long. Okay. Cool. Nice vibe. Now, junior never saw much of his father. When he was 12, he wrote him a letter.

Wow, so you can tell the parenting skills have been passed down. Yeah. He's like, I never saw dad much. Well, you're not supposed to. I'm your parent. You live your own life without your friends alone. You go crazy. Then you blame everyone for the rest of your life, for everything.

Have you never been a kid before? That was a Roman emperor or something. I can't remember. Paul returned the letter. You mean like returned to sender? He returned it unanswered. With the spelling mistakes corrected. Oh no.

No. No. No. What? No. No. What? Someone finally is worse than my dad.

Oh my God. I mean, holy fucking shit. Like, and surely that letter was like some kind of olive branch, just like, you know, I wish we could hang out, you know, something, and then he's just like, gets that back. You're like, this is the worst thing to give back. This is worse than a fuck you letter or no letter. This is, you're an idiot. Son, there's an E in lonely.

There's no I in sad, sure feels like there is. So he grew up, you know, without really knowing his dad. Yeah, cool. When you fought in the Korean War and when he returned, he married Gail Harris in January 1956. Paul did not go to the wedding. Right. He was disgusted.

No, he's totally disgusted. He did, however, send his mistress, Mr. Penelope. No, sorry, he did not send his mistress Penelope. She made him send congratulations, which he did via telegram. Nice. Congratulations on your marriage. Stop. Yeah.

Seriously, stop. And for the record, he's writing stop before the actual stops. Junior, so Junior needed a job. In 1956, he contacted his half brother, George, who got Junior a job pumping gas at a Gary oil, getty oil, getty oil-owned gas station. That's not all correct. Okay. So he got a job at a gas station.

I'm aware of how slippery a slope that can be. So that's cool. So Junior got a job at a gas station. Yeah, he's pumping gas. Yeah, for someone his father's right. In October, 1957, Fortune magazine named Paul the richest living American. He was used to anonymity, but was now in the spotlight, quote, to my cute discomfort, I became a curiosity, a sort of financial freak overnight.

Nobody cares. Yeah. Well. And sad as you have. So Junior was then given training for a job at Tide Water Oil Headquarters, which getty oil-owned. And in 1958, Paul contacted him about working for Getty Oil in the Middle East. Paul told Junior to bring his family to Paris so he could meet them.

Right. For the first time. If I'm going to meet the, if I'm not going to meet the wife and the kid. He literally has not met them yet. No. He's never met. Wow. Which is cool.

It's good, right? Yeah. Paul had shingles, but he still enjoyed his son's family. It's a very specific thing to know. Well, he was suffering, but he still even, even through all that suffering, he was able to enjoy. What a trooper. Gail.

Right. He was still able to meet his family. When he met Gail, he looked at Junior and said, quote, no one told me that your wife was pretty. Oh, Jesus. It's quite the smooth talker, huh? Still got it. Still got it.

Check out your wife, Tits. They're great. Oh, my God. I eat rats at night. So he very much enjoyed spending time with Gail and his grandson, and he took his daughter in law out for dinner and dancing. Junior was not invited because he did not bring a dark suit to Europe. What?

If only he knew someone with money, that would be helpful. Maybe get one, you know, as a sort of barrier to, you know, fucking my wife. Right. So two things. So you're an old man who is clearly a perv. Yeah. You think your son's wife is hot. Yeah, you've declared it.

You go out to dinner and dancing with her a bunch of times. A bunch of times. Well, yeah. It was going on while you were in Paris. Okay. I wish you brought a black suit. You tell your son to stay home because he doesn't have the right suit, and your wife is cool with that.

There's no way they weren't fucking. Ah. Ah. No way. Okay. That's awful. So Paul then decided... He was probably so damaged, he was like, it's my fault for not bringing a dark suit.

That's stupid. Idiot. He has every right to have sex with my wife. I brought it on myself. All right. This is my doing. Why did I bring my white suit? Another classic pickle I've put myself into.

So Paul decided the Middle East was no place for the young family, and he sent Junior instead to run Getty Oil, their branch in Italy. So Junior had no management experience at all, but he went anyway and took the job. Paul moved to England because he was living in... So he's living in Italy, and he sends his son and new family to Italy, and then he moves to England. Right. Okay.

He moved to a 27 bedroom house outside of London. It was reportedly haunted by the ghost of Anne Boiland. Anne Boiland? Wow. That's a serious haunting. Oh, yeah. That's A-list. That's A-list.

That's fucking A-list. Anne Boiland's there. He's like, oh, God, you again. Hello. Hello. No, no, no. They killed me. No, no, no.

He killed me. No, no, no. No, no, no. The fucking tutors. No. No. Oh, he would just be trying to sleep. Hello, governor.

Oh, Jesus. Anne. Anne. Anne, stop doing a shitty English impression, Anne. Hello, governor. Stop it, Anne. Boo. Stop it.

Oh, my God. Oh. I'm a governor. What? Anne, go away. Boo. Stop it, God damn it. I'm trying to sleep.

Shut up. I should ask some porridge. What? You can't. I'm not. No. You can't make ghost porridge. We've been over this.

We've been over this for the last nine evenings. Now shut up and get out of here. God damn it. Hello, governor. Shut up, Anne. 27 bedroom luxury, my ass. Anne Bolin's in every one of them. How about Arsenal?

They look good. What are you talking about? First of all, I don't even like Arsenal. Let's stop. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

I know what you're doing. You're making small talk and then you're going to go into a long winding monologue. Now shut up. I'm going to bed. Anne Bolin. Bang is a mash. Oh, for God's sake. Oh, my God.

It's like you have ghost amnesia and are doing an impression. So Paul was also very cheap. Yeah, it sounds like it. Because why not? If you're the richest man in the world, why not be cheap? He reused envelopes and rubber bands. Oh, I thought you were going to say rubbers. I was going to say that's normal for the time.

Wait, he reused rubber bands? Yep. So what? That actually was very common because rubber... It's very common now, is it not? The fuck? Who's going out and buying rubber bands? They're giving them away everywhere.

If you're going out and buying rubber bands, you're living in a different economy. Fuck you going to Staples, spending a buck thirty-nine on eighty rubber bands? All right. What? All right. It's anywhere that sells anything. Look, I'll give you a handful. I'll send you some for God's sake.

I have a million. Wait, didn't rubber bands when I was alive? God, no. No. He wouldn't turn on the heaters in the house and instead use small electric heaters. Okay. I realize that guests were making expensive, long-distance phone calls from the house. Oh, boy.

He installed a pay phone. Oh, my God. That is dynamite. That's how you do it. That's awesome. He did have solid gold water taps in his bathroom. Sure. And a pay phone.

Because he believed gold killed bacteria. Sure. Well, listen, a fortune teller told him, right? Yep. And he had expensive art. He had a chagall above his bed and in front of it a monnaie. He had a $100,000 alarm system. And at night, a guard would walk from one door to another back and forth.

What? Like bucking in palace style? If he didn't get to the next door in 30 seconds, an alarm would go off. What? He had... That guard was like, it's literally as bad as a job can be. He's like, this is worse than Amazon. Yeah.

Barbed wire fence around the house and there were up to 15 guard dogs. Cool. It's like an inviting vibe. Yeah. The guard dogs were vicious. They were trained to kill. Well, to be fair, they're not supposed to be like... Yeah, they're not supposed to be nice.

Yeah, they're not supposed to be like, he smells my guard dog sort of vibe. They're supposed to be like, pissed. Go ahead. So they were vicious, trained to kill, and turned loose in the house at night. What? Turned loose in the house for a comedic set piece. Guess that it would not be able to leave their room. Got to pee.

I just want to make a long distance phone call. Now, Junior is living in Rome and he hates his job at Getty Oil. By 1962, Junior and Gail had four kids. Okay. Wow. They hung with celebrities and partied every night. Okay. They tried to have an open marriage.

Oh, boy. Instead, Gail fell in love with Lang Jeffries, an American actor. That always happens. Seems to be how they work. Yeah. It's like... Yeah, you crack the door and then it's open. I want to fuck other people.

I really want to fuck this other person. I'm in love with this other person and we're not fucking other people. The whole... Should have made me come. What? So... That's a... Fair.

That's an Aerosmith song. In a way, it was an Aerosmith life. So Gail and Junior split. They moved into separate homes, but they did not officially divorce. Cool. So they had an open divorce. Yeah. Yeah.

Wide open divorce. Now their son, little Paul, he didn't see much of his mom until he was around 10. So let's just keep that cycle going. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. Let's never stop that cycle. No. Let's keep the...

Have you thought about therapy? We don't need therapists. We have fortune tellers. Very accurate. You know, I live with Anne Boleyn. And I was a pretty big deal in Rome back in the day. Not too time name drop, but many a man was a little afraid of this guy. Any who's will be.

It takes times. That's right. It takes times and you can call anywhere. Just hit nine and you're out. That's as easy as pie. Don't call it night. There are rabid animals in the halls. Unless your wife wants to leave the room, that's okay.

Bread pudding. Oh, shit. Shit. I didn't say anything. I... Nothing. Excuse me for a moment. Fucking Anne Boleyn.

You shut up, Anne Boleyn. You shut your mouth, Anne Boleyn. How about those gunners? How about those what? Gunners. Gunners? Arsenal. You're talking soccer with you, you asshole ghost.

It's footy. Shut up. I'm trying to have sex with my friend Todd's wife. We call it football. Shut up. I know what we call it, Anne. Now shut up. I'm not going to do this good cop, bad ghost thing with you anymore.

Okay? Shut your mouth. I'm not living the odd couple with something my hand goes through. In a non-sexual way, Anne. In case some real weird perverts out there think it means something different. God almighty. Do it again. You liked it?

I was almost there. Do you have an open thing going on? Yes. Well, then maybe later tonight. Come to the room and I can try to push it away a couple of times. The gunners put stuff in me too. Okay. All right.

Well, this just got a lot less sexy. Back to our regular roles, Anne. So he was looked after by a nurse until he was 10. He spoke German, English, Italian, and French. Cool. He just had no one to use that on. Yes. Right.

Each Christmas they would go and visit Paul in London. Little Paul slept in Anne Boylan's room. The ghost room. Okay. But what else would you do with a child? No, for sure. Put him in there. How'd you sleep, Paul?

Paul? Oh, my God. Paul! So strangely, Paul did not do well in school. What do you think it was based on? Complete neglect? No. At the end of one school year, he sprinkled kerosene in the school boiler room around

the entrance on blackboards and on all the furniture. That's a fun little goof. A little end of the year pranksy poo. Then he lit it. Well, it's getting a little darker. And then he went to the boarding master and said, quote, strange, I think I smell burning. Whoa, he said I smell burning? Oh, boy.

He was expelled for some reason. Anyway, he's a normal child. No, any kid who gets expelled for burning down the school is, I mean, it's a problem child. I've always said that. At his next school, little Paul thought all the other kids were stupid. He didn't drink or play sports, and his grades were bad. In 1965, Junior and Gail finally divorced. Gail and Lang bought a house in Tuscany, and they married.

While Junior married an actress named Talita. Talita, okay. Talita. She wore a mink-trimmed bridal miniskirt. A mink-trimmed bridal miniskirt? Yeah. Sounds like a pikey marriage. You're not going to believe this, but Paul did not go to the wedding.

What? No, dependable Paul? Yeah. Instead, he sent a mistress in his place. Okay. Junior dove into the hippie lifestyle and started doing drugs. Nice, of course. This was bound to happen.

Yeah, with his new wife. Yeah. He spent less and less time doing his job at Getty Oil. Paul's latest mistress, the Duchess of Argyle. What? Look, this is batshit crazy. Okay. The Duchess of Argyle.

She told them she heard Junior was doing heroin. Okay. And Paul broke off all relations until Junior promised to quit doing heroin. That's how you do it right away, for sure. Junior refused, and instead quit his job at Getty Oil. Well, yeah. At this point, if he's cutting people out of his life, it's for selfish reasons, and he's creating the condition.

But he also got $100,000 a year from the Getty Trust, so he really didn't fucking need a job. Right. Junior bought a house in Marrakesh, which at the time was a big hippie hotspot. All kinds of guests came by and visited, like Mick Jagger, Gauravadal, and Prince Dada Rasbooli. Rasbooli? Sure.

Who fucking cares? Not you. But the housekeeper later said everyone was on opium, and they'd like to have a grand finale at every party they held. They like to have a grand finale? Yeah. You want to hear one? Well...

Quote, I remember once they got an American film star to screw his sister. Oh my god. What just happened? What? That's a grand finale. That is a grand finale. Oh my god. God, I want to know who it was.

It had to be one of the two of the Arquettes, is my guess. If we're just spitballing. What? She said everyone was screwing everyone. Junior was having an affair. Talita had a son. They had a boy, and they named him Terra Gabriel Galaxy Gramophone Getty. Oh.

Brought to you by Opium. That's a great name. Is it? That's a great name. That is a great name. And if you have Galaxy in your name, and it's not the craziest part, you've got a really good name. That's what you got there. You've got a good name right there.

So little Paul visited his dad when he was 11, and then he started acting like a hippie. Okay. Wow. He grew his hair long. He and his dad became closer. He stayed at the house, and he partied with Roger Moore, the Stones. Jesus. Jane and Peter Fonda.

So he's just a normal 11-year-old kid. Uh-oh. Wait. Who did he party with at the end? Peter and Peter. I know. Jane and Peter Fonda. I know.

I know. Trust me, I know. I know. I just know what Sweeps is like in this household. I know, Don. Yeah, I know. I thought the same thing. Okay.

Oh, God, let it be true. Junior and Talita became addicted to heroin. Okay. Jesus. So then she left and went to London to sober up. That's the place to go. Somewhere nice and quiet where drug use is on the down. That's right.

By 1970, Talita had almost kicked heroin. She's pretty much off. I assume she's on methadone or whatever. Sure. She had moved on from junior and become friendly with Paul. So she's got a relationship, you know. We don't know. We don't know.

It could just be a family. No, no, no. We do know. Anyway, she asked Junior for a divorce. Well, that seems to be tradition. Yeah. And he asked her to come to Rome so they could discuss things. He said he still loved her.

Right. She agreed to go down there. She died of a heroin overdose that night in his apartment. Wow. Okay. Junior refused to tell anyone what had happened. And he ran off to Thailand and said he was looking for Talita's ghost. Oh, my God.

What is going on? Which is how you handle death. What? My relative that I have had die, I have gone to Southeast Asia. I just wish I had access to a ghost that I could take with me. Try to find a ghost. I found my grandma in Laos. And my grandfather was in Campuchia.

Interesting. Which is now known as Cambodia, but at the time it was Campuchia. That's awesome. Yeah. It's like a sci-fi ancestry. It's just life, man. Not necessarily. No, a lot of it's afterlife.

Have you seen the beach? I don't want to go any further in this conversation. That's what it's about. Okay. I wanted to take Anne Boleyn on an adventure through space and time. Have you seen Platoon? Yeah, I've seen these movies. A lot of ghosts in that.

What? You got to slow it down. Play it at 25%. I think you're thinking of Three Men and a Baby. I am. That's right. Weird little kid hangs out in the little area. You don't know what I'm talking about.

I always get Steve Gutenberg confused with ghosts. So he comes back from Thailand. I don't know if you found the ghost or not. Well, he's not telling people his wife died, so surely that information is top secret as well. Well, they know she's dead. They just don't know how. He wouldn't say to anybody how it happened.

Because clearly he... So he starts doing even more drugs. And then in Italy, he was supposed to buy off the corner and he forgot to pay him. What? So then there was a long delay and then after a while the corner's like, well, if you're not going to fucking pay me off, I'm going to do an inquiry.

What a good corner. I feel like that hasn't changed in Italy. No, that seems to be the same. Yeah. So as soon as the inquiry was called, he fled to London. Okay. Now little Paul is grief-stricken because he loved his stepmom.

He developed an issue where his right eye would roll up into his head. He suffers from sarcasm. And we're hoping it doesn't spread to both eyes. He will never be taken seriously again if that happens. So Gail decided to take him to Los Angeles for an exam. Yeah, take him to the Venice city on the planet with his weird eye. Well, she found the top doctor for, I guess,

eye rolls back in head. I'm the only name in the eye rolling back in the head business. Have you tried looking down, boy? This is preliminary. So the doctor said there was nothing physically wrong with little Paul. So he's got a psychosomatic eye roll. Yeah.

I mean, talk about damage. Yeah. So Gail blamed Junior. Okay. Because he was, you know, she said he was rejecting him and not spending enough time with him. Right. What you need is a montage, then his eye'll unroll. That's such a Hollywood inside joke.

I feel like people know what a montage is, aren't they? It doesn't feel like it, but I thought. In June 1971, at 14, little Paul was expelled from school. Oh, boy. Case of the fires. That's when he tried pot for the first time. Quote, I saw the light. It was better than my first woman.

I felt like hot shit. Wow. Now I'm starting to think me and him at 14 could hang out. Okay. He started visiting his father. They'd watch movies and smoke pot together. Okay. It's nice.

Nice. Just a dad and his 14-year-old getting high. Well, you got to learn puff puff pass from someone, man. Little Paul started dealing weed. Cool, cool, cool. Everything's shaping up pretty great over here. And he had quite the connections. He sold to Elton John, Charles Bronson.

Charles Bronson? What a nerve-wracking pot deal experience that must be. Hey, I'm here to give a dime bag to Charlie B. Okay, Charles Bronson. How old is he at this point? He's 15. 15? Charles Bronson's like, yeah, I buy QPs off of this kid.

He can't drive. He runs it over. So he's selling to a bunch of celebrities. I mean... Not going to school, right? He's out of school. Why would you go to school if you're Charles Bronson's pot dealer? You will go nowhere higher.

You are at the apex. Yep. So, one day, Junior's mistress, Victoria... I'm losing a little track of some of these people at this point. They're really stacking up. Well, just know that Junior has mistresses and Paul has mistresses, though. She gave Little Paul two lines of coke.

Okay, good, good. Right age, for sure. She would later say that it was actually irresponsible of her. Oh, well, that's... That's brave. I think we can all agree that's pretty brave. Yeah, that might have been bad. Yeah.

Because his mind's still developing. Another day they did Coke together and went and saw Clockwork Orange. Oh, my God! What? What a horrible decision! Is there a worse movie to see on cocaine for the first time? Hey, what's this about?

Fruit? Bunch of talking animated fruit on a deadline? Huh? Oh, my God! Oh, my fucking God! Let him close his eyes! Let us all close our eyes! Little Paul loved it.

That's a bad sign! And went to see it 23 more times. That's a red goddamn flag! He went to see it 23 more times? You should be on an FBI watch list for that. 23 times! Oh, my God! I'm exhausted.

I left it all out there. And then little Paul started doing acid. Of course. I mean, without question, for sure. One day he had a really bad trip and was at home and he went outside and fought garden statues. To be fair, it could have made a lot of sense.

Yeah. Probably did. I hope he won. It's hard to know who's winning in those fights. He thought he could walk through walls and try it again and again to get back into the house knocking himself black and blue. Acid's pretty powerful.

Yeah. Now, Junior was home and he said to Victoria, quote, What do you say? There's something unpleasant going on outside. My son is on an acid trip. He's threatened the servants with an axe and he's halfway up the fucking drain pipe. What?

Talk about trumping walking through walls. It's just threatened the staff with an axe. And he's King Konging a drain pipe. Yeah. He's... Jesus. No more acid at home, man. Maybe there's something wrong with rich people.

Probably. Oh. Get that for me, Daddy. Yeah, I will, Daddy. I got you, Bug. All right, so... After this incident... It's got a mullet.

We're in the Midwest. A little business in the back for you. So your son has attacked the garden gnomes, crawled up the drain pipe. Wait, were they statues or garden gnomes? Because otherwise that's real unfair. I assume there are gnomes. Oh, they'll drop like flies.

So he's attacked the garden gnomes. He climbed up a drain pipe. He tried to walk through the wall and he threatened the servants with an axe. What do you do? Take an acid. That's right. You make him write an essay.

You put him in literal hell? You make him write an essay about what he thought drugs would do for him. Oh, my God. And he just draws a picture of his chest without a heart in it and points to Dad. Son, do you mind if I give this to my father? I'm just going to spell check this and send it on.

So, now Paul, I'm pretty sure you just walked through one of those walls. I think he did it. What happened to all the gnomes? So little Paul now started going to his grandfather's house. And Paul was, of course, disappointed in Junior, but he thought maybe little Paul could give him some faith in his family.

Right. Maybe, yeah, being a dipshit, skips a generation. That's right. So the two Getties worked on plans for the J. Paul Getty Museum in Malibu together. Just an old man and his 15-year-old grandson working on plans for a museum. Like I did with my dad and you did with yours.

Absolutely. We sure did. It really helps if you can walk through those walls, too. You can go inspect one ever. That's right. But then little Paul left London to move back to Rome. He moved in and lived with his friend Marcelo in a studio apartment.

And the two fancied themselves painters and decided to be painters for the rest of their life. Okay. So that's the end of them? Nope. Okay. While he was there, little Paul rarely talked about his family's money, but everyone knew.

He'd often eat by paying the owner of a nearby restaurant with a painting. That's... This is a good time to just hate hippies. Well, rich hippies. Well, he was only able to pay with a painting because they knew who he was. If he was just an ordinary dude, they wouldn't take a painting.

They knew it's a Getty painting. It's got to be worth something. More than two bucks for the spaghetti. Yeah. What's the tip situation? I mean, there's a lot. You got to tip out the buzzers. You're talking about a whole system here.

This isn't tipping, it's Rome. They are normal there. They pay people money. No, the way to do it... The way to do it is to have the restaurant not pay anything and make sure that they depend on strangers. That's the way to create a stable business model, you jackass. Good lord.

It's called capitalism. Yep. So in Rome, little Paul became a minor celebrity. The press called him... Wait, does he become the Pope? Yes. I knew it. Oh.

Now I don't have to do the end. Now you know the end. I love it. The press called him the Golden Hippie. Nice. That's a great title. He was once arrested while protesting and got a reputation for siding with the oppressed.

He spoke out against the rich. Quote, the rich are the real poor on earth. Their malnutrition is of the spirit. One should pity them. Okay. Yep. In London, a disappointed Paul read that in the papers. I'm sure he was like...

Oh, my... Oh, my... No, son of mine. So little Paul, now 16, started seeing a... He's 16? Jesus, God almighty. He's like Macaulay Culkin. I feel like I've been with this kid forever.

It's just... He started seeing a 24-year-old German divorcee with a one-year-old child. Okay. Let me guess. Let me guess. It was his grandpa's baby. Small world.

Well, I met him when I was 13. He swept me off my feet. He did a real seducer. He cheated on her. Well, that's genetic. He parted discos and smoked hash, and then he started doing a lot of coke. Oh, my God.

The area of Rome little Paul lived in is where a lot of the mafia lived. Oh, boy. Shem Beluna was the main coke dealer. Little Paul started asking for advances. Advances on coke. Yeah. You know you're in a good spot when you're doing that.

It's like you're in a good area. He started hanging out with gangsters, and one night met two Air France pilots through them who said to him, quote, Why don't we kidnap you? I'm sorry, Air France pilot. You're cut off from cocaine for the rest of the night. How's that sound for pushback?

You know what we should do. We should kidnap you, man. That'd be so simple. Huh? Oh, man, we'll just fucking get you. Take your hostage, huh? Fucking in between flights. Being banged wood next day after he's thrown, huh?

Left all the way to the fucking bank, huh? Boy, this is good shit. I can feel my mouse. Your mouse? Yes, this little mouse I carry around. Also, my gums are numb. So... Yeah, so they said they were...

We should kidnap him, right? A fake kidnapping, and little Paul said he was, quote, ready to do it just out of economic necessity for political reasons and wanting to buy weapons and things. Wait, okay. So a lot of boxes are checked for little Paul here. All...

I don't think any normal, right? Nope. I mean, I guess money. He needs the money. The other one is he needs to buy weapons. Yep. Okay, and the last one again? Political reasons.

Okay, okay. I think you could... Two and three could combine pretty easily. He told his girlfriend he considered it, but he had changed his mind. Once I stopped doing cocaine, I realized that was not a good idea. So he was hanging out with Andy Warhol

and Mick Jagger in Rome. Why the fuck are these guys hanging out with a 16-year-old? It's just rich people. Good drugs, probably. They're all fucking ahead. He got a small part in a Roman Polanski film. Oh, Jesus Christ. He's hanging out with all the good ones.

Jesus Christ. A woman he knew who was also connected to the mafia said they should fake a kidnapping and... What? ...and make some money. People are keep soft suggesting this to him? Yeah. I feel like there's a little BS-ery going on here.

But then he started to worry. Is it me? Do I give off that vibe? So he went to Gale, and he told her he was addicted to Coke. Okay. She cried. Sure.

At 3M on July 10th, 1973, a drunk little Paul was walking the streets of Rome in tight jeans and a t-shirt with glitter on it. So he was walking around as the people in Rome do. Suddenly men grabbed him and shoved him into a car on the floor. One asked little Paul who he was, and Paul said, Paul Getty.

He immediately realized that was a mistake. So now the guy who has been in a couple pitches for fake kidnappings is getting real kidnapped. Yeah. And he's not mentally gone through any steps of how he'd handle it. No. Paul Getty, I have access to money. Oopsie daisy.

That seems like a big snafu early. They drove all night, stopping to have him get out and march in circles. Awesome. So they didn't know, so they couldn't, they were like, he won't know where he's going.

No, that's the way to do it. No, yeah. If he's blindfolded in the back of a car, he'll still make him go walk in circles. That'll disorient him way further. Gale got a phone call. He said, quote, we have your son, Paul Getty. Oh, no.

We have your son, Paul Getty. They told her not to go to the police. She called the police. Interesting. Junior told Gale she'd have to ask Paul for the money because they weren't speaking. Oh, Jesus Christ. So awkward.

Yeah. He'll listen to you. Scotch. So the carabinari arrived at Gale's. What did? Carabinari. It's an Italian military force that has police duties. I thought it was spaghetti with bacon in it.

So they questioned Gale for five hours and then said, quote, we know your son, Signora. He's probably with a girl or his hippie friends. Classic stereotypical Italian police work, right? That's what they're always like in the movies. Yeah. He's probably out for having a fun. Yeah, well, what are you going to do?

He's probably giving a meatball. Yeah. We put out an APB, a pasta bolognese. We got fire to your boy. He's a fire. What are you worried about? Why are you crying? She asked them to keep it out of the press and they agreed.

20 minutes after they left, the press called. I mean, of course, yeah. First pay phone. Yeah, yeah. First pay phone. Yeah. It's front page news. Could have been in their house.

One headline in Rome, quote, joke or kidnap. Articles. Is that a new game show? I'd love to play that. It's a joke or a kidnap. What do you guys say? Okay. Articles focused on little Paul's social life.

London's Daily Mail wrote, quote, Paul was more likely to be in the hands of a bewitching French woman than ransom seeking gangsters. According to his hippie friends, Paul has fallen in love with Danielle DeVret, a 25-year-old blonde go-go dancer with honey gold skin and has run away with her. What with honey gold? What kind of kidnapping article is this? She's got a honey gold skin. She's got tight, tight buttocks.

What paper was this again? Daily Mail. Daily Mail, of course. Hey, but I'm a transfer. I'm an Italian reporter and I work in a London. It's a crazy story. You've got to hear it, huh? They turn it into a little musical, huh?

So Gail refused to talk to the press and the press just started making shit up. One article quoted Gail, I think the phone call was some sort of joke, which wasn't true at all. Right. Okay. Then they dug into Junior's life. A small group of mafia, the Greg Getta, Dren Getta, had kidnapped little Paul. He usually didn't kidnap foreigners, but he was the grandson of the richest man in the

world. So Paul sent an XCA spy who worked for Getty Oil to Rome to help out. Now, the XCA spy was big on conspiracy theories and was very, very confident in his abilities as a spy negotiator. No. No. He like just shifted from Liam Neeson to just like a comedic figure in my head. I will get your son instead.

It's a guy like, huh? No, you just got to grease him up a little. Yeah. He went straight to Paul Blart. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So after he talked to Gail, he went to investigate little Paul's friends.

Now, little Paul was trying to impress his kidnappers. What? A weird angle. Telling them... Can you juggle four? Telling him he had porches, motorcycles, and that he was worth $850 million. No. Is that the right angle for kidnappers?

No. No. I feel like I'm cut off from my family. I'm useless to you. It's better. Yeah. So... I mean, they're negotiating like that one dude in the original Die Hard with the beard

is doing coke all the time. Yeah, yeah. That's the best. Hans, baby. Hans. Hans, we got this, man. I'm your guy. Five minutes later...

Oh! Nice. Uh, so the kidnappers took him to an old World War II bunker in the mountains. Oh, shh. That's always a good sign. Yeah, for sure. You're like, oh, cool. A layer.

Is it going to be fine? The hue inside of a brick of oven right now, huh? After ten days, Gail received a note made up of letters cut from magazines. Oh, right. They wanted 10 million lire, about $70 million. Okay. Which would be about $94 million today. It's a pretty, pretty piece of change.

She called Paul. Paul would not call her back. What? I'm swamped. I got the dogs. They won't let me out of the room. Also, not enough change for the pay phone. He just gets back at her through telegram, soup's hung over.

Call tomorrow. Paul had become even more terrified now that he would be kidnapped. What an amazing reaction. Yeah. Are we all as worried about me as me? What if I'm not okay? So he then refused to answer the phone. They can drag you through the phone.

A fortune teller told me. He then released a statement to the press, quote, I have 14 grandchildren, and if I pay a penny of ransom, I'll have 14 kidnapped grandchildren. All these people are like... I don't negotiate for grandchildren. What an amazing policy. And then, you know, the next thing you know, all 14 of them will be kidnapped, and guess who they're coming to?

All money bags. Well, I'm not falling for that one. I'm the richest man in the world. I'll believe the kidnapping was little Paul's fault for being a hippie. Okay, I'm kind of with them on this one. Of course you are. Right? No, not right.

Why? Just fucking hippies. They're not hippies. So on July 30th, Gail got a call from a kidnapper who said to call him Shinkwanta, which means 50. Shinkwanta? Okay. Gail said she couldn't get the money, and a furious 50 couldn't believe it.

Why in a negotiation with money would you ever change your name to 50? Just adds a layer of possible confusion. Well, he just said... We want 50. This is 50. What the hell is going on over here? What's happening? So a furious 50 couldn't believe she couldn't get the money.

Who is this so-called a grandfather? How can he leave his own flesh and blood in the plate of... It sounds like a vampire, right? For sure, for sure. Don't think of a vampire? Yeah, absolutely. And we have your boy. He's got a very pretty neck.

All right, I'll just do it. Who in the... It's a little over 50 liter of blood, which would be 550 liter today. All I can say is it's a spicy meatball. I can't do anything else. Even that's treacherous. That's right. That's good.

Quote, who is this so-called grandfather? How can he leave his own flesh and blood in the plate that your poor son is in? Here is the richest man in America, and you tell me he refuses to just find ten million dollars for his grandson's safety. Senor, you take me for a fuel. What you say is just not possible. It's not possible. Right.

How can that be? We love a family in Italy. The press really... When are you here? Are you family? Like we always say. So the press really did not like Gail. And Paul's ex-CIA guy convinced Gail to fake like she passed out to get sympathy from the

press. Jesus Christ. What? Like publicly? So she went outside and collapsed. Oh. I'll take two... Ah!

Ah! And they took her... Too big! Even a firmamia! And they took her in an ambulance away to Paul's house in Italy for a few years. That's where patients go? We'll take you to our local Apollo's house. So the kidnappers moved little Paul to the bottom of a gorge and changed him up near

a stream. Oh my God. He built a little hut for himself from trees, branches, and plastic for a roof. He made friends with a bird, feeding it crumbs. If you remove the chains, I'm into this. And the kidnappers. The kidnappers gave little Paul paint and paper, and he painted rocks and kept a diary. Oh my God.

But then the kidnappers killed his bird in front of him because they were frustrated with him. They're kidnappers! They're bird killers! Who the fuck? You now you get upset? Yeah, I'm upset now. That bird did nothing, knew nothing.

How do you know that? Unless it was a parrot, it wasn't talking. So 50 started calling Gale's lawyer to try to get the money. It's a me, a 50. I'm really frustrated over here. He just didn't get what the problem was. By August, the carabinari went back to their theory that the kidnapping was a hoax. There was absolutely no evidence to corroborate this, but they hadn't found him, so why not?

On August 16th, another letter came, Dear mother and father, I have been with my kidnappers a month. The waiting is terrible. Will my family pay or will I be killed? Mama and papa, see that they don't kill me. I am so young. I am not even 17. And I sound a lack.

What? And I sound a lack. I'm an Italian. And I'm not even 17. And never. He's not 17 yet? No, 16. He never, as in these terrible days, I have dreamt to live for the rest of my life, even

in misery. That's clearly, clearly written by an Italian guy. The amount was reduced to 3 million, 5.5 million. It's getting kind of like Lebowski-ish. Totally, totally. Gale's lawyer got her to appeal to the kidnappers on TV. And you need to faint again, Gale. He need one more.

The interviewer asked her if she thought little Paul was dead, and Gale fainted. Oh, no! Oh, boy. Well, okie-dokie. 50 had seen it, and he called her and assured her that Paul was alive. She asked questions only little Paul would know, and 50 told her the answers, so she knew he was alive. Right.

Ok. So, they started talking a lot, 50 and Gale. He would call, they'd talk, what? Are you? Is this like a sleepless in Seattle sort of vibe? No, they're just friends. Yeah, uh-huh. He told her he had a wife and kids.

Oh, yeah, that matters in this world we've created. She asked him how he could be a kidnapper, and he said, quote, senor, it's like a job, like any other. It, uh, doesn't it define me? I mean, I'm a very complicated underneath it all. I like to dance, and take a poetry class when I'm not a kidnapper. You have a sultry voice. Do you ever hear of that?

Hello, customers. Where are you from? I don't know, but give me another round of you. God, is this crazy or what? It feels crazy. Oh, no, this happens every now and then. I've become a Travolta issue. Oh, no, there must be a full moon.

Oh, there is. I look outside, and, oh, no, there it is, and, oh, no, it's happening. Oh, my God, it's like, wow, like, how could this even happen? Whoa, oh, no. Starts to grow hair on his head. Oh, no. So, 50 said his accomplices were becoming impatient, and in August 23rd, a letter from Little Paul was published in a newspaper.

Dear mother and father, I beg you to pay to not have me killed. I have a great desire to live. I would never have believed that you don't care about me. I am also sick and have fever. My grandfather, please, please pay the money. The ex-CIA agent started banging a girl he met in his hotel. Well, that's an interesting wrinkle to the case. Turns out she worked for the mafia, and was trying to find out what he knew.

Oh, no. Oh, no. But all he told her is that he was starting to believe it was a hoax, which he reported back to Paul. The ex-CIA agent convinced Gail to go to London, London, saying it would confuse the kidnappers. What? This advice is awful. Well, because he thinks it's a hoax.

Yeah, but... It's terrible advice, because they could easily kill him. Gail did. She went to Junior, who refused to talk about his kidnapped son, and then yelled at her that she did not have an appointment. What? It's just... rich people are so awful. And also make an appointment next time.

I have a 12.30. Paul said he wouldn't see her... sorry, Paul wouldn't see her saying everything had to go through the ex-CIA agent. Who knew nothing? Meanwhile, the ex-CIA agent would only set up secret meetings with Gail in parks, and he promised her he was telling all of her messages to Paul. Completely insane. It's insane.

It's insane. Everything is insane. It's all completely insane. So, he will only meet her publicly in a park, when she tells him stuff that he says he's telling to Paul. Yeah. Right. And he's not.

Right. Right. Right. And the other kid lives in a hole with a bird that got killed. That's right. So in Italy, it was getting very cold, so the kidnappers moved further down the mountain. One said, quote, to Paul, please try to escape. We can use that as an excuse to kill you, you fucking little rich smut.

Mixed signals. Yep. They put him in a big cave and said he was getting too comfortable. So a, quote, mean man was going to come. And he was getting too comfortable. Okay. So the mean man came, and he spent five nights trying to scare little Paul. How?

Well, he's South American, and he spent days loading and reloading his pistol, cleaning it, and making noises to try to scare little Paul. He gave little Paul very little water and pushed him around. And after a while, little Paul told the kidnappers their plan was ridiculous and the man should just leave. Nice. The man left. Oh, my God, he did?

Okay. A second South American man came, and I'm not as mean. At night, he made so much noise that little Paul couldn't sleep. And finally, little Paul fought with him. Okay. That was the end of that guy. I guess they got rid of him, too. On October 5th, another letter was published in the paper, but this one was from the kidnappers.

The Getty family has 15 days to find the money for Paul's release. At the end of this period, maybe it will be yourself who will open the letter containing an ear with a lock of hair from Paul. After which, if you don't... Do you need both? That's true. After which, if they don't hurry up and bring the money, Paul will be killed. Okay.

So the kidnappers moved little Paul to a house. Is it... He's just getting, like, better accommodations slowly, but surely. Well, he was sharing a room with chickens. I stand by what I said. Fifty told Gail the men were planning something drastic, and she should come see little Paul, and she agreed. Okay.

But just before she was about to leave, the XCI agent talked her out of going. The kidnappers were furious. Fifty screamed at her over the phone and told her whatever happened to little Paul next wasn't his fault. He had tried. The deadline the kidnappers had set arrived. They decided to cut off his ear with scissors, but kept putting it off all day. Oh, boy.

Of course. They gave him a new radio and washed and disinfected his ear, but still didn't do it. So he just got a clean ear? Can you threaten to cut off the other one so they just look the same? At 4 a.m., they cooked four steaks for little Paul to, quote, help him. These guys are real softies. They have to bring in outside meanness. They can't help themselves.

Hey, what's about a little meat? Sorry we didn't cut off your ear earlier. How about a four steaks? Who's a big man? Paul ate all the steaks. They then asked Paul if he wanted to hold off for a few more days, and Paul said, just get it over with. What?

He's the one who's like, cut my ear off. So they got him drunk, and at 7 a.m., told little Paul to blindfold himself and sit on a chopping block that was used to butcher pigs. He sits on a chopping block? Yep. He stuffed the handkerchief in his mouth, and little Paul asked if it was going to hurt. And the kidnapper said, quote, of course it's going to hurt. Yes.

It is your ear, which is also close to our currency. Little Paul said, do it quickly. That's probably not an option. Ready? No. Why are you standing up? He felt the razor and heard, quote, a sound like ripping paper. He felt no pain until alcohol was applied.

His ear was gone. They said he was very brave, bandaged him, and took Polaroids. We want to make sure we got it. He's pretending to wave the Polaroid and blowing on it for the people at home. I'm going to write us something goofy on it. Ear, ear. No, no, I can't hear you. The ear kept bleeding, or what was left of the ear, the stuff.

They do that. Little Paul lied. The head. He laid down, and he's in pain. Which side did he lay on? Probably the other one. They gave him a tetanus shot and a shot of penicillin, and then more penicillin shots, and then more.

Turns out if you give someone too much penicillin, it makes them allergic to penicillin. Paul was now allergic to penicillin. 17 hours later, he was still bleeding. There was blood in his hair down his back and all over his body. Blood started to eat the blood and his bandages. That's my least favorite thing that's ever happened on this podcast. Such a win for the rats, though. Oh, my God.

There you go. Oh, fuck. He started to vomit and scream. After a day and a half, they gave him a coagulant shot, which helped. By the third day, he regained enough strength and consciousness to eat. They did not change the bandage because they would have had to rip it off, which would pull off the scab, and the bleeding would start all over again. And then comes the rats, and it's a whole, the cycle, the cycle of the rat.

It's the circle. 50 called Gail to tell her what they had done. Hey, so we cut off in the ear. How are you, Abin? Yeah, the kids are good. My kids are good. Oh, good. Everything is fine in the house.

So Gail did not believe him. Put him on the phone? No. We only have the right to sign the phone. Yeah, he got to get a blood on it. So she didn't believe him, so he said he would send the ear and photographs. Several Polaroids were found in a trash can in Rome. They were of an emaciated little paw with just one ear.

Fifty called Gail a few times to ask if she had received the ear, but she had not. I mean, it's awful, but of all things to be lost in the mail, when you're like, the tracking a number? Oh, boy. What's the address again? Oh, the address. It's around here somewhere. He didn't believe her.

He asked if the Getty family had bought the ill a misogero paper to hide the truth. Turns out the kidnappers had sent the ear on October 20th. There was a postal strike. So just in some warehouse, a dripping envelope of ear. So Italian. So it arrived 28 days later. Oh. No.

I got some pictures in jerky. I didn't get an ear. It was sent to the newspaper and a secretary opened the package and fainted. Okay. Then police came and got the ear and brought it to Gail. So she could ID it. What? Did they do the whole like, ma'am?

Is that the ear? No, they had four ears lined up. Yeah. A couple of cops are like, I don't think this is worth it. Well, his ear wasn't five inches, three centimeters tall. That's an elephant ear. Boy, she's a good. Gail ID'd the ear as little Paul's do to.

That's the one. That's the ear. That's my boy. Did it with shape and freckles. The ear still refused to pay the ransom. When he heard about Gail's ear ID, he said, quote, she would know the difference between an ear and a piece of prosciutto. I don't think a lot of us would after 28 days.

That's what Paul's like. That's what little Paul's like. I should never send him that best dad mug. Gail sent poster sized images of the ear to Paul and Junior. Happy holidays. Jerk off to this. As you do with most Christmas cards. She also contacted President Nixon, who knew Paul well, and the U.S. assigned an Italian

who worked in the U.S. Embassy to the case. He contacted the kidnappers and got the ransom reduced from American, but it's 17 down to 3 million Americans, so it's even less. But the ear changed everything. Paul and Junior finally gave in. Paul agreed to pay 2.2 million of the ransom. Junior would have to pay the rest, which Paul would give him as a loan at 4% interest. Wow.

Softy. Yeah. Those are just Minnesota values right there coming out. Jesus. Paul paid 2.2 million because that was the amount that was tax deductible. Wow. Wow. So what are you writing off this year?

An ear. The XCI agents plan was to talk the kidnappers to the kidnappers himself now. The kidnappers that he didn't believe had anyone, now he's like, I'm in charge of negotiation. He took the next phone call, but he didn't speak Italian, and he tried to speak Spanish. That just pissed off 50 who thought the Getties were not taking the kidnapping seriously. Jesus Christ. How? I mean, that's rudimentary.

Te gusta basketball. Yo soy un tortuga. Hola, hola, hola. Nobody in. Despite 50's insistence that Gale drop off the money, this XCI agent decided to do it himself. Of course. Yep, for sure.

He's the guy. But there was a snowstorm on the road, and then fog at the drop, and he could not locate the kidnappers for the drop. So? So he went back. So he went back. Okay, I was curious how he would handle that. 50 was livid, but he gave them one more chance to try again.

The XCI agent made the drop on December 12th, and that was it. Little Paul was given blankets, a pack of cigarettes, and new clothes. And a bird? No. The kidnappers believed a man returning home should be dressed well. That's why they gave new clothes. Yeah, without a fucking ear. You a clean up a nice, huh?

He's a put a beret. Get off a rat, get off a rat. Rats are still pecking at your ear. So they dropped him and Paul started walking. He saw a gas station pay phone, but he had no money. That's like the one we have at home. He asked to borrow money from a soldier that was there, but the soldier said no. That's not how this normally works.

Little Paul then went into the gas station and asked people for money, and they just stared at him and didn't give him any. I have a Ferrari. He walked on. Finally, he just laid down in the middle of the freeway. What? And a truck driver stopped. Little Paul told him his name, and the driver said, quote, you are, aren't you, and then

he drove off. It's not getting any easier. Probably misses that cave about now. The captain in the local carabinari got a report at 2.45 a.m. of a boy walking around. He drove and picked him up. It was little Paul. Gail came down, and when she arrived, she saw her son, filthy, skinny, barely able to walk, and head covered with a bloodied bandage.

She took him back to Rome, media surrounded the car, taking photos and cheering, helicopters followed. Doctors told Paul he could get plastic surgery to rebuild his ear. It was Paul's 81st birthday. Wow. How about that for a birthday present? Yeah. Gail told little Paul to call his grandfather to thank him, and Paul refused to take the

call. Wow. Consistent. Consistent. Consistent. Our Minnesotans known for just holding grudges. Little Paul spent three days in recovery, and then the family left for a two-month vacation in Austria.

Did he go? Yeah. Okay. He came back, and he visited his father in London. They did not talk, but just watched movies and ate. Little Paul said he wanted to make films, and Junior said he wanted to make pornos. It's just a classic father-son moment. Dad, I want to make movies.

I want to make fuck movies. Junior finally said he thought- What an amazing answer. I want to make porno. So we all have things we want, son. Sure you want that ear back. What? I want to make movies. I said I'm sure you want that ear back.

I'm going to turn, I'm going to turn around, what? I want to make fuck movies like you want your ear. Oh, I wish I hadn't turned around. I agree. It took too long. Yeah, that was a bummer. I didn't say that to say it again. It's like confession.

Oh, Jew. He fell. That guy's upset that you said confession. The place that would be rated by the FBI, if it wasn't a church. So, Junior finally said he thought the kidnapping was a hoax and he was angry to have to pay $60,000 a month to repay his father. Little Paul left the next day. In the summer of 1974, his German girlfriend, who she was still with, she found out she

was pregnant and Little Paul married her. So someone finally... That's better than saying disgusting. But this meant that he forfeited any money from the Getty Trust. Why? Because it had been written in that any child who married before he was 22 would not get money. This was to avoid the kids being taken advantage of.

And in this world, you're allowed to marry a 17-year-old, but you are not allowed as a male to marry over... Or female, either one. Right. But you still can't marry over 22 because you're not mature enough. Under 22. Any Getty cannot marry under 22 or they do not get the trust money. And yet every Getty wants to marry under 22.

Yeah, but that's just hot. Paul also then disinherited Little Paul. Jesus. No, he hadn't been through enough. No, right, yeah. So Little Paul and Martine, that's his German lady, moved to LA. He was now completely addicted to heroin. They had a son, Balthazar.

On heroin during the naming ceremony. Paul sort of wandered through life, addicted to drugs, trying to find a purpose. The ransom money was never found. Some men were caught and tried in 1975. Those found guilty served between four and 11 years. In 1977, Little Paul underwent plastic surgery in Los Angeles to replace the ear. Paul was worried because there was no one to take over his empire. In his 80s, he was taking H3, a sex drug, to help him get hard.

Jesus. At 83, he got a third facelift, which did not take and he ended up looking much older than normal. Yes. Sure, that's how his dick looked hard. He changed his will constantly. He died on June 6, 1976. He was worth one billion, which is 4.3 billion today.

The majority went to the J. Paul Getty Museum in Malibu, but all the kids got millions, not a lot, but millions. Paul was an alcoholic. His maternal grandfather filed a lawsuit and became his legal guardian. Once Little Paul tried to drown himself off Larkin Island, but Mick Jagger saved him and drank him. What? Get in my lips.

Mick Jagger. Stay there. Treat it like a bird ball. I mean, how is it not a Mick Jagger biopic? Just from this thing alone, it's got to be so fucking, he fucked David Bowie, like it's all great. Yeah. He's the best, he's the best story ever.

All right. On April 5th, 1981. A savior drug dealer for sure. On April 5th, 1981, a cocktail of drugs caused Little Paul's liver to fail. He went into a coma. He woke two months later, he was now a quadriplegic. When his grandmother, Anne, saw him for the first time, she said, quote, they should have put him down to end his misery.

Just not good greeters. Not good at greeting. The Getties are good humans. Gelsu'd Jr. to get help with medical expenses. But Jr. was then shamed, he gave in and became even more of a recluse. It's complicated, but Getty oil was sold and there was fighting and lawsuits. Jr. ended up being the sixth richest man in Britain. He got super into charitable causes and art.

And in March 1986, Jr. and Little Paul were reunited in London. Jr. was made an honorary knight of the British Empire for services to the arts. I mean, I mean, that guy, really, a knight, sounds like he's here tonight. In 1993, Paul and Martine divorced. Paul regularly visited with his son, Balthazar, now an actor in Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah. You just figured it out?

Yeah. How are you? You okay? I've been there. Yeah, that's him. Little Paul and Gail moved to Ireland and in 1999, he and six members of his family became citizens of the Irish Republic in return for investments, a process which was then abolished. So they just paid like a shitload of money to become citizens of Ireland.

Right. Because they had that low tax rate. Right. Okay. So they had to pay their fucking gobs of money. Jr. died at the age of 70 in 2003 and left the bulk of his fortune, 200 million pounds to a different son and left Paul 50,000 pounds, Little Paul. Little Paul died in his mansion in Buckinghamshire, England in 2011 at the age of 54.

In a People Magazine interview, Balthazar once said, quote, there's something called the bread of shame and that is when you get money or things you didn't earn. That is why rich kids, for the most part, are fucked up. They end up in rehab or we see them on TV making all these bad life choices. One way you can counteract that is if you give a lot. That is the way we have raised our children or give it all away and have your children try to make it on their own. That's my suggestion to the Getys because they shouldn't have money.

Or children. Right. Yeah. What about tying that shit off? Put on some pig stomach every now and then get it. In 2014, Forbes valued the Getty family at about $5 billion that made them the 54th wealthiest family in the country. That's very low.

That is the story of Minneapolis's most successful citizen, Jesus Christ. They seem chill. There are times I think being that rich makes you have a mental disorder. Well I think that's why it's good to create more people like that and get them into political office. That was the point. We would like to get all Getys elected to office. I think that's the best thing we can do right now.

Create a Getty class. It's almost like if you take a really bad person and make them rich, that they don't get better. They get worse. Oh, I don't know if that's true. There's a lot of good examples of that. There's a lot of great examples of people who have gotten a lot of money and stayed chill, Oprah.

And that's it. That's the list. Thank you guys so much for coming out. We appreciate it. Truly. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.