The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 348 - George Lazenby (Reverse Dollop)

Episode Date: October 19, 2018

Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine Australian actor George Lazenby. SOURCESTOUR INFO MERCH BY JAMES FOSDIKE

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quote is jam-packed. Jam-packed? I'm the fucking hippo guy. My name's Gary. Wait, is it for fun? And this is not gonna come particularly quite good. This is like an ad on a five-part coefficient. My room's a place! Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. Don't sleep down hippo. Not sleep down hippo. Action part. Hi, Gary. No, I sleep done, my friend. Shall we? You're listening to the dollop! Did I do that? No. No, do it. I did it now. So this is a reverse. You guys are doing a reverse dollop. You didn't even do the intro. This is a bi-weekly American History podcast. Each week Dave Anthony blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Read a story from American history to my friend

Gareth Reynolds. No idea what the topics are gonna be about. Hey Dave, let me stop you because this one's a different one. We're gonna actually do a different one. We're doing a reverse dollop. Jesus, talk about shooting your load. All right, come on. Buckle up. Look at my phone. Here we go. September 5th. That's my favorite day. 1939. This is the day that you were born before you were born. George Robert Lazenby was born in Gulburn, New South Wales, Australia at the Ovada Private Hospital to George Edward Lazenby and Sheila Joan Lazenby. Uh-huh. The couple had been married earlier that year. Yeah. Sheila worked at Fossey's. Oh, Fossey's.

Which is like a target. Sure. And then his father worked on the railway, which is like a railway. We have those here, so that's what that's just so far. So this is in Australia. And by the way, we should say we almost did this as a live reverse dollop, but we weren't sure how that would go over. Yeah. At 3 George was put in the hospital because he was having issues with his kidneys. As he would say, he was quote, peeing backwards into them. What? That's right. After multiple surgeries. I just want to point out you're not supposed to do that. No, it's that's what that's what the doctor said. Second thing is that is a hell of a

trick. It's it's a party trick. Yeah. For my next one. Oh, go back in. After multiple surgeries, he was left with half of a kidney. The doctors didn't think that George would live past 12 years old. So this made him decide he was going to live every day to its full. That's three. I mean, yeah, three made that decision. Every day. I'm going to leave it to my fullest. You're three. Yeah, I'm going to build with blocks all day. You're already. I'm barely sleeping. Okay. Oh boy, what will tomorrow hold? I might collect bugs. George was not an attentive student. He was bored by school. He felt that quote, he had no use knowing where England was

or where America was. I was in Australia and I wasn't going there. Science. Who gives a shit about science? Love this guy. It's basically how my school mantra growing up. I was like, prove it. This attitude led to the headmaster never trusting George and always blaming him for everything bad that happened at school. Like one day, someone brought a snake into school and George was punished for it, even though there was no evidence that he did it. Oh, yeah, I knew that guy. Yeah. Well, to be fair, it was George, but still there was no evidence. Joey. Joey, he was your Joey. Mine was Gareth. And another day, someone brought

in a bag full of bats and George got playing for that too. Wait, wait, wait. What are you bringing in a bag full of fucking bats? Where are you getting bats? Well, are they alive? Living bats. No, for sure. I was getting living bats. To be fair, creepier to bring in dead bats. That's like what Batman does. But yeah, and it was George. George brought in, George before school went and collected a bunch of bats in a bag and then he let him go to school. For some reason, he didn't graduate high school. I wonder why. And so he said, fuck it. And Lazenby enlisted in the Australian Army. He rose quickly to the rank of Sergeant, where he gained

techniques in unarmed combat and how to maneuver his growing frame. He was now six feet tall. So he's a big guy. That's not that big. But to me, it is. I'm a little guy. When you say growing frame, I just picture a big man. A picture of what? When you say growing frame, I subscribe to growing frame magazine. So when you say growing frame, I picture a large man. Yeah. Trump Jr. was on that. So when his spell of four months in the force ended, George moved to the Australian capital, as you know as... Canberra. Canberra. Just wanted to make sure how we pronounce it. Where he took up a variety of odd jobs before settling on becoming a car mechanic at

20. So he's making dog shit money-wise and as he sat in the cars getting greasy, he would watch the car salesman across the lot with great envy. They seemed to have it made. They wore suits. They talked to girls. They got nice cars to drive and they made lots of money. So George told his boss that he wanted, nay, he demanded to be a salesman. He said he knew he could do it and that the boss man wouldn't regret it. So the boss believed in George's confidence and promoted him. Sadly, the boss was an idiot because George sucked at closing deals. Yeah. He didn't sell any cars at all. So his boss sent him on a course called How to Win

Friends and Influence People. Now this is a course that taught certain rules to follow in order to, well, win friends and influence. Exactly. It's a very, it's a great title because it sort of encapsulates exactly what it is. It's a great course. Thank you. I've always said that. One of our sponsors. I've always said that. Yeah. It was written in the course How to Win Friends and Influence People was written in 1931 by Dale Carnegie or Carnegie and has since inspired many people like the first two names that are on the Wikipedia page. One, Warren Buffett quote, took the Dale Carnegie course on How to Win Friends and Influence People when he was

20 years old and to this day has a diploma in his office. Or two, Charles Manson. Fucking idiot. Or Charles Manson who used what he learned from the book in prison to manipulate women into killing on his behalf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually the sample I'd use. So you, you could see the spectrum. That's the guy. I would use, I would use Manson over Buffett. I mean, we're different, we're different people. Okay. The course was transformative for George and what he took from it was to just shut up and listen when he was selling cars or selling himself or whatever. So now when George was selling cars, he would just

spew back whatever the customer was interested in talking about and it worked. And he began selling 30 used cars a month, one a day. This got him promoted to the used car sales manager at age 24. At the time George, yes. 24 is pretty good. He's a go getter. You'll see. You'll see. George began dating a girl named Belinda whom he fell madly in love with. However, she was the daughter of a wealthy and respected Australian man who wanted her to marry up and George was poor. So he hated George. So before they could get too serious, the father forced her to move to London. And when she stopped writing George letters from

England, he wanted to get her back. So he abruptly just decided I'm gonna move to London. Yeah, why not? So he packed up his things, got in a boat that would take him to Tilbury, England near Essex. Fuck you, dad. Yeah, what's not his dad? I know, but he called him dad. Yeah, okay. I don't, again, I would, somebody looked at up because I don't think that's the case. On the boat, George shared bunks with some fellow Australians who he'd get to know very well, mainly because of the boat, the boat's puzzling route to get to England. Hello, mate. Hello, mate. The boat first went to Sydney. Hello, mate. Then to Melbourne. Hello, mate. Followed by Adelaide. Hello, mate. Then to

Perth. Hello, mate. Then Singapore. Hello, mate. Next to Delhi. Yeah, hello, mate. Then Portside. Hello, mate. Over to Africa. Hello, mate. Followed by Italy. Hello, mate. Next was Marseille. Hello, mate. Then they went to Gibraltar. Hello, mate. And then Tilbury. So it's quite a route. And by the time he got there, she had a new guy because yeah, probably because it took. Yeah, it took forever. I mean, she was like, he's dead. I haven't heard from him. He stopped at every port in the fucking world. We're getting to England. That is definitely a thing you want to run over with the person on the boat before. Like, I'm definitely like a ask-question-second kind of person, but even that, I like to

think I'd be able to flag. So he didn't know what to do, so he got a job selling Mercedes-Benz's in London. Sure. Because the relationship with the girl was over. So he's settling into his new job well, had a little apartment, and then one day when he's working, a photographer comes in, and he's looking for a car, and George helps him. Now this, Derry Anthony, was a day that would change the trajectory of George last in his life. Derry's a real name. It's your name. Derry. That's what everyone calls you. Derry. Derry. I know, but it's not a name that anyone's ever used, so it doesn't make sense. Derry. Derry. Derry. Derry. Derry.

Davo. Davo's a... Makes no sense. So this photographer wants to take a picture of him because you see, Derry, George had become attractive over the years. Very easy on the eyes. Now he's tall, he's 6'2", he's got dark hair, he's handsome, and the photographer is immediately taken aback by George's good looks, and he wants to take some pictures of him. Now George assumes that this is some sort of come-on, and he wasn't interested, but the photographer said he would buy a car from George if he would let him take pictures. I've done this. I would love to see this happen to you. So George agreed to take pictures, but in reality

his mind couldn't fathom why a guy would want to take pictures of another guy or him, so he blew the photographer off. Oh my god. And when the guy comes back, he comes back to the place and he insists. He's like, you can be a model. He's telling George he thinks George can be a model. So George finally relents and he agrees, and they go and they take George's first headshots. So through that, George gets a call to go to a shoot. It's his first shoot. It was a last-minute fill-in because the original model had to quit because it was a shoot with a baby where he's kind of like holding a baby, and the baby just kept pissing on the guy.

Classic baby. This is why I don't work with babies. Yeah, or have kids. So George is like, I'll do it. So he goes down, he says he doesn't mind baby piss, he's given the job, he's getting pissed on, and the shoot goes well. The photographer likes him, the photographer is fairly popular, so it opens the door to more work quickly. So once George Lazenby got a UK-based modeling agent, his career began to pick up, and within a year of successful jobs, Lazenby became one of the highest-paid models in Europe. He's 28 years old, he's making 40,000 pounds as a full-time model in 1967, so he quits his job selling cars within the

first 18 months, and within the first 18 months, he's also hired as the European Marlboro man. Oh, I was up for that. It's a big gig. Yeah, I don't wonder where they went in another direction. I don't know, I'm pretty manly. Yeah, and you always look comfortable with the smoke between your lips. That's one thing I always say about you. I was like, let's do sweatshirts. You know what I mean? I wonder where it went off the rails. Let's have this guy wearing sweatshirts, and he likes hiking pants and sweatshirts. Yeah. That's his deal. It's more Griffith Park less. I just think it's very manly. Yeah, yeah, no, for sure. He's wearing sweaters and walking. He yells at people on Twitter. He sure does.

So George's career as a model is booming. His visage is posted on billboards all across the UK and Europe. He starred in a number of television advertisements before trying his hand at acting a little, but he didn't feel like acting was for him. Modeling was just looks, and he didn't feel right saying lines. His only real film experience came from a walk-on part in an Italian James Bond spoof called Espionage in Ten Gears. Great movie. It's a spoof. Great film. It's not a film. It's just like a short sketch. Wonderful movie. Okay. In 1968, he is making great money, and he's making lots of sex. He is embracing the 60s and the sexual

liberation. Sometimes him and his roommate, a guy named Ken Garrity, another model from Australia, would play this drinking game called The Devil's Triangle. I'm kidding. It's not a drinking game. This guy is not going to be a Supreme Court Justice. One of my boofen over here. So it was three-sums. They were way down the two of them. A couple of guys having sex with a lady. A couple of guys having three-sums with one lady. Sometimes you slip in the dude. You're broke. It seems pretty hard. Well, no. Actually, that does seem hard. It happens. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. So George, as he's you know fucking his way through London, he's up for a commercial role as the big

fry chocolate guy. Sure. It was between he and another male model, and when the company offered the deal, they said it would be 30 pounds a day and 300 dollars for the contract. And George said he didn't like those numbers, and that he wanted 300 a day and 3,000 pounds for the contract. And he was laughed off, but then later that day, they called him and they hired him. He's doing his own negotiating? In like a banana's way. Like, yes, absolutely. Yeah. And he just says it because he's like, why not? Yeah, he's got enough money. He doesn't care. Yeah. And he's just sort of, he's like, well, maybe I'll just give it a whirl, you know. So, so

he does that and they hire him. And so this sort of taught him always to look for a better deal in things. And the same thing happened with the wage gap between women and men in the industry. Women would make 8 pounds a day, and male models would make 4 pounds a day. That was fucking bullshit. It's unbelievable. But George told him he wanted 8 as well, or he would stop doing it. And wouldn't you know it, male pay went up to 8 pounds. Goddamn right. Finally, Dave. Fucking men finally say that for themselves. Finally, men are getting equal pay. Enough of women getting paid more. But it wasn't until he became the big fry chocolate guy, that

Giggy was talking about, that he actually became recognizable. So I'll show you now, Dave, a little bit of what the big fry chocolate guy is doing. Okay, let's do this. Hey, look, it's Big Fry Dragon. It's a whole wagon load of fabulous prizes, and you could win the lot, not just the new mini, not just the TV set. You could win the whole wagon load of these wonderful prizes in the new Big Fry competition. And lots of individual prizes, too. So there he is. He shows up. That's it. And an entry form from your creature. Come on, move in. So he basically got all that

money to hold up chocolate bars? He would basically, he would show up. The whole thing would be like some party or something, and then it would be boring. And then he'd show up with a huge, huge crate of Big Fry chocolate. Yeah. And then the party would go great. Yeah, yeah. Everyone was happy. He appeared extremely tall in the ads, partially because he was tall, but also because they would always hire smaller actors. Sometimes they'd even hire little people to make him look, you do a lot. Is this about you? I do that for the podcast. Oh, it's not, it's not a good idea for an auditory release. So yeah, so he's killing it. And then one day Ken, the

roommate he had, who he would always have the double triangle drinking games with, asked a favor of George. Ken had agreed to go out with an agent whose name was Maggie Abbott in London, but his girlfriend was coming to see him as well. So Ken was double booked. So he's in a panic, and he asked George to go in his stead. And so George goes on a date with Maggie, and he makes a good impression. Clearly, because a few weeks later, he's in Paris, and Maggie somehow calls him, and he's like doing, he's there for a job, and he's at some girl's place, you know, having sex or whatever. Sexing. Whatever, whatever happens.

Sexing. Between closed doors. Don't say that, and look at me. Sex time. Stop it. And, and she, so she tracks him down. She tracks him down like this girl's house, and she calls him, and she's like, I want you to come back to London. She tracks him down at the girl's sex house. Basically she calls, she knows he's in Paris. So it's something like she calls a restaurant where she knew he was, or she called a few restaurants. Whatever. Somehow the guy, somehow the guy's like, oh yes, he went home with this girl, and she lives two houses down. This is a great example of what we used to do, we had to do before ourselves. Yeah. Impossible. Yeah.

So, so she says that she wants to come back to London right away. She thinks that there's something, there's a film part that he would be right for, and he really didn't know what to do, because again, he's like happy just modeling, he doesn't want to act, he doesn't really think interest for him. Yeah. But this role, Mr. Pepperoni the movie. Mr. Pepperoni. Yeah. So good. Big fry, Sergeant. So eventually he sits down with Maggie Abbott, and she insists that he listens to her, and she says, you know, this could be a big deal. She told him that she thought he could land a role, a big role, a movie role, maybe the biggest role ever.

Maggie Abbott told George that she thought he could be the new James Bond. Yes, I agree. So, you see, Sean Connery had done the first four films, and he'd made the franchise enormous, but he'd grown weary of the part and what came along with it, and Connery found the plots to be redundant, he didn't feel like the character of Bond could ever really grow or change. Come on. And in general, the public's demands on Sean Connery and his privacy were getting old to him, so he called the quits after four. So here the franchise is in 1968, Bond. I always thought he should battle cancer. Sean Connery? No. James Bond. Oh, yeah. I was

gonna say Sean Connery did that in Lorenzo's oil. Oh, maybe that's what I'm thinking of. No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to slowly deteriorate without a noticeable cure. What do you mean? Well, you see, Mr. Bond, this will slowly render your organs irrevocably repaired. Meh. Or we could shoot him. Again, we're definitely out on shooting. Shoot. So here they are in 1968, Bond was producer Albert Cubby Broccoli. Fucking the best of all productions. And Harry Saltzman, embarked on a frantic search to find the next Bond. Nobody remembered Harry. Oh, yeah. Because Cubby Broccoli was... Cubby Broccoli. I do wish Cubby Broccoli came

back in, but he seems to be more of the silent parter. But they found it was not easy to replace Sean Connery. So they were seeing all these actors, but never coming up with their guy. They'd seen thousands of people. They tested over 300, but alas, no Bond. And George was shocked when Maggie told him this. He said he didn't think he could do it. He wasn't even in SAG. Maggie said it was more of who he was rather than who he could be. She really believed he could do it because of his arrogance. Bond was arrogant like George. And she told him that she could not get him in for the audition, but told him just to go there

and get in front of the casting director. And he said he would try. Yeah. So he goes in unannounced a couple of days later and there's an assistant who would not let him in without an appointment. George keeps pressing her. She keeps rejecting him. So he eventually agreed to leave. But before he did, he looks around the room and he sees all these guys in suits who looked like they were all trying too hard. They were like stuffy and proper. And he was like, that's not what they're looking for. So George decided he would return, but not until he looked the part. So he knew a couple things about how Connery operated in

London from his car-selling days. So he went to where Sean Connery got his hair cut down the street, got the Connery, like the Rachel. Okay, got the Con. Of course he knew where Connery got his hair cut down the street. Yeah. Because this is when London was a tiny town of 400 people. A magical land. Who's the, yeah, we've got one person in front of you. James Bond's in front of you. So he goes and gets the Connery. And then he knew where Sean Connery went to get his, where his tailor was. Yeah, right. And of course he did. So he goes to Connery's tailor and he says he wants a suit. They say it'll take six weeks. He says he doesn't have that

time. They did, however, have one suit there that Sean Connery had never picked up. Boom. So for a high price, they would sell it to George. And George says yes, they make a small adjustment, suits his. And then just for safety, George bought Rolex. So this is for an audition. Yeah, yeah, this is what I do. Yeah. It's in, like, for me, if I ever had an audition, I got to wear a shirt. If they're like, if they're like, wear a blue shirt. I'm like, impossible. I can't make this. I'm not going to this. I can't make it. It's not happening. What am I, your puppet? Yeah, it's not happening. And then so with that, Lasmie showed up the office again

without an appointment. But this time, he waits for the girl behind the desk to sort of turn her back and do some busy work. And when she does, George just runs past her and goes up to the casting room. Love it. So he gets to the audition room and there sits casting director Dyson Lovell, or Lavelle. Who the fuck are where are these names coming from? London, baby. It's Lavelle. All right. So George stood in front of him. And when Dyson looked up, he saw George with the bond haircut, the Connery suit, the shiny Rolex. And George was nervous, but just said cockily and calmly. Here you're looking for the new James Bond. Oh shit. And so

Dyson likes what he sees. So they start talking. And when he asks George what movies he's done, George simply lied by saying he'd worked on films in China, Hungary, Russia, and Ukraine. Where we do all the films. Wherever he could come up with that could not be corroborated. Bulgaria. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And he's also using his tactics that he learned from how to make friends and influence people to sell the product of George Lazenby. So Dyson is impressed with George for whatever reason, just because he kind of looks the part. He's calm, he's cocky, you know. And before he has George read one line, he calls Harry

Saltzman. And he starts selling George to Harry Saltzman, one of the producers, Cubby Broccoli's partner. And Saltzman says, bring him over. So they go right over there. And when George meets Harry Saltzman, Harry Saltzman's got his feet up on the desk. And Harry tells George to sit down. But George, who again was just trying to kind of act better than everybody like Bonn, said no. He refused to sit down. He wouldn't sit down in front of Harry's feet. Harry was taken aback. So he asked George for his life story. And Dyson's looking on. And at this point, George is quote, shitting myself. He just told all these lies. And

he didn't feel like repeating them for fear that he may slip up. He didn't even remember all the countries he said. So he felt overwhelmed. And so here Harry is being like, you know, what's your deal? So he's like, what am I actually doing? So instead of answering, he points to Dyson and he goes, let him tell you. And Harry could not believe the attitude of this guy. So Dyson starts kind of going off and he's regurgitating all the stuff about what George has done to Harry. And again, it's all BS. And by the end of the meeting, George was so noticeably different than everyone else they'd seen that Harry wanted him to

meet with the director, Peter Hunt, who was location scouting. So George still has not read a line. And these guys are like, why would you want a guy who's going to star in a movie to read a lie? It's true. I think that's fair. Yeah. I think, well, because he worked in Hungary, true, Russia, the great, the big home empire. He's been tested. This is a Bollywood A-lister, baby. This is the guy. Okay. So so Harry tells George to come back Friday to meet the director. But at this point, George is just freaking out. He feels very in over his head. So he just says he can't. And they're like, why can't you? And he says,

I'm doing a film in Paris. He just wanted to go. He just wants to go. And Harry is furious at this point because he's kind of fallen in love with him. So he tells him, he's like, whatever you're making on that gig, I'll pay you that to stay in town. So the lie to lie just gets George 500 pounds to not go anywhere. But he wasn't going anywhere. So yeah. So Friday comes around and he goes to meet with the director, Peter Hunt, who is irritated because he'd been busy in Switzerland location scouting. Oh my God, they flew in the director from the director's like getting ready to make the move. You know, a lot of wheels are in

motion because he's got to be limited. Yes. So they bring him back. And Hunt was a long time bond editor, but first time bond film director. And he's feeling a lot of pressure. So he feels like he's under the gun. And so when he's sitting down with George, Peter wanted to know what George had done film wise, his resume. And George is very intimidated at this point and he didn't know what to do. So he did something crazier than lie. He told the truth. Quote, I had a meeting with Peter Hunt and I told him I didn't tell the truth. I said I'd never acted before in my life and I was willing to walk away then. And Peter just bust out

laughing and ran around the room holding his belly. You said you can't act. Quote, Peter said, you fooled two of the most ruthless men I've ever met in my life. He goes, stick to your story and I'll make you the next James Bond. This is exactly how crazy Hollywood is. Yes. I mean, truly, yeah. It really is. This is how, yeah. They love this. Just wait till the end seems to be the Hollywood lesson of auditioning. Just wait until the very end. So when Harry finds out the truth that George is lying, he's livid. He wants George gone, but Peter liked George a lot and he insists that he wanted to test him. So George did a screen test, then

another screen test, then hundreds of more screen tests. He did around 200 screen tests on film for around four months. There were stunts tests and George impressed everyone when they did like a horse stunt test. Yeah, he's a fucking man. He's good on horses. Yeah, so he refuses to wait for a saddle. They're like flying in a saddle. He's like, man. He just gets up on the horse bareback and starts to ride. I mean, again, Australian, we better remember that. He did swim tests. He did ski tests. There were acting tests. There were look tests. George even claims there was a sex test. One day he's in his room. They're like put him up in

a hotel, the door chest or anything. And a guy shows up at the door with an attractive girl. And the guy's like, she would like to meet you. And George is like, okay. So then they go into the room and George and this girl quickly start hooking up minutes past and then they're just, you know, having sex. And the man is just sitting in the corner while George has sex with this girl. And George is like looking over like, what the hell is going on? But, you know, doesn't ask any questions. And when it was over, the lady and the gentlemen get their things together and they both just left. That seems normal. And he later found out that

that was a test to make sure that he was not gay. The studio had checked that over. That's how you do it. Yeah, he was probably looking for his roommate. He's like, Kenny, it's not guys, me and Ken. So towards the end of the four months, George is getting very sick of it. George said, quote, I got to the stage where it was tell me or fuck off. That's where I was at. So then during a fight scene test, George accidentally hits and knocks out one of the stuntmen. Good. Quote, well, he stuck his chin out and I knocked him out. I was supposed to miss. Harry Saltzman stepped over steps over the guy passed out, stepped over him, grabbed my arm,

took me over the wall and said, we're going with you. George cockley replied, it's about bloody time, which made Harry furious. And so George quickly started thanking him. He's like, thank you. Thank you. I'm sorry. He's still trying to be cocky. So George, you know, thinks he's going to be the next James Bond. So he calls his mother and he tells her that he's the new James Bond. And she said that was great. And then she quickly also had news and she goes, your license has run out. And he's like, okay, so there's his actual driving license or his license to sell cars or his actual driver's license. Jesus Christ. What's

he gonna do? Yeah. Well, I mean, that's it's just that he calls her and he's just like, I'm James Bond. And she's like, are you a license? But she's she's grounded. She is grounded. Yeah. To the point that it's insane. So with that, it was on George Lazenby, chocolate model, three way sex lover, first time actor, labradoodle daddy, Australian take my was to be the next James Bond in the film on Her Majesty's Secret Service. Yeah. So Harry and Peter, the director, Harry and the producer and Peter, the director were surely taking a gamble. But George was cheaper. Lazenby took the gig for only $50,000, which was a far cry from what

Conorine was pulling in for the role. Plus, they felt that George was going to be surrounded by great actors like Diana Rigg and Telly Savalas, who were big names at the time. So go ahead. If you got a bad actor, just put it some Savalas's around them. It's like the big fry guy. Just get little people. Make them look big. George, understandably, could not believe what was happening. They told him to zip it, not say anything. The announcement was going to be made public on the cover of Life Magazine. So on October 7th, 1968, a press conference was held where George was suddenly being asked questions. This is at the reveal

that he's Bond and he's being asked questions about like what it's like to be a huge star. And so he takes it all in stride and he told them everything except how he lied to get the part. He just pretended to be calm while he drank and smoked from the article. Quote, Lazenby twirls a gun beside potential Bond girl Marie-France Boyer. And when he's asked what excited him about the role, he said, quote, I'm really looking forward to being Bond for the bread and the birds. Sadly, the Pope banned the pill that month and life went with that as the cover. But still, quote, we got four pages on the inside.

The thing is the Pope and James Bond have always had a thing. Yes. No women. I expect you to figure out how to conceive a child without a pill. That's right. So within two weeks, George is off to Switzerland to start shooting the film. Sure. The producers insisted that they had to get rid of his Australian accent, so they brought a dialect coach who trained him by putting a match in his mouth. So he had to talk with just the match like in between his jaws to take the Aussie out. That's how we talk? Yeah. No, that's how the Aussies talk. He's English. They're trying to get him. They're not even trying to get him

English. They're just trying to get him not so bloody, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So instead, he's just sort of like, oh, yes, if I talk like this when I'm out in my mouth, and that's the end of the limit. I haven't taken notes to it, you know? Hang on, yeah. What are your questions? I just... Me, I'm from Essex. I feel like... I'm from Essex. I feel like the accent coach doesn't know what he's doing. I'm from Essex. Yes, you're from Essex. I'm not from Australia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then look at it, it got from Essex. Yeah. So in his first day of shooting, he rolls up on a motorcycle. The security guard didn't know who he was, did not believe he was James Bond, would

not let him in. Who rolls up and says they're James Bond? If that guy does, you just let him in. Nobody does that. Well, I mean... There's never been a guy that rolls up and says, hey, I'm James Bond. Part of the thing they were saying was because he was on a motorcycle too. Like he's on maybe just like a shitty motorcycle. What ended up happening was they were like, you can't ride a motorcycle anymore, so they buy him like an Aston Martin or something instead. They're just like, he's like, he refuses to give out the motorcycle, but then they're like, we'll give you an Aston Martin. He's like, throw it in the trash heap. I don't care. So

there's a ton of pressure on him, but George decides that he's just gonna try to be calm and enjoy it. People keep pushing him to be like Sean Connery, but George insists that I'm being himself. George also felt like he was being asked to do more than Connery. So he kept saying, quote, I bet the other guy didn't have to do this. Quote, some days I was doing stunts for nearly 16 hours going from first unit to second unit, and I kept giving him that line. And they were just filming in Portugal. Peter Hunt came over and he said, say that line of yours. So at the beginning of, on Her Majesty's Secret Service, Bond is saving

this woman from drowning. Then he fights off these three men with oars and anchors. And as he finishes the fight, he says, well, this never happened to the other fellow. And that just came from, that just came from him constantly like saying that on set. He was right though. He was asked, he was asked to do a lot more than Sean Connery. There's no way Connery's doing that. A lot more stunts, way more than Sean Connery. And the reason why was because Harry Saltzman knew that nobody had ever seen George. So if George died, they could just replace him with someone else and start over. The loss would merely be financial. So they're

like having him do all the stunts. The camera shots in the movie are crazy. Because they literally think if he dies, if he dies making the movie, nobody's gonna be like Sean Connery died. They're just gonna be like, oh, this guy you never heard of died. And they'll just get another guy to play him. What a beautiful human being. Hollywood baby. So Peter Hunt, meanwhile, is so busy running two camera units full-time that George and his acting almost became secondary in the film. This led to rumors that Hunt and George stopped getting along. But what really happened was Hunt thought that George was better when he

was irritated. So the more that the director ignored George, the more intense his performance would get. So Hunt was trying to get the best performance out of the first-time actor by telling people, quote, the longer we stay away from George, the meaner he looks. And it works for the film. George remembers it, quote, so he told everyone not to talk to me, not to hang out with me. It made me angry and very uptight. Exactly. But apparently it's good. George also didn't get a lot of takes. Or even two, quote, nearly every scene in the movie was one take. He gave you one take. He would tell me that and I would do the best that I could. It was

another way, it was another one of his ways of increasing the intensity for me. And just trying to save money. I mean, at that point you're not saving money. And if you've never acted, like you probably don't know how to object. It's almost like they're making that fake Windy City heat movie. It's like they're making a fake movie. It's very, I mean, one take. At some point George probably was like, ah, they're missing with me. This is an elaborate prank. I mean, we, we did more than one take on Marin and that money. Three takes is like not enough. No. But that's kind of where you are if you're working on like a cable show. Three

to four takes. But really you need eight. But really you need one just to be like, oh, it's this, these are the parts that suck. That's right. You know, and, but instead he's just doing one and he's not talking to the director. The director is pretty much ignoring him. So George was definitely meanwhile offset enjoying the perks. He took private jets around Europe to socialize while shooting. He claims he drank a bottle of vodka a day. He smoked lots of pot. He had tons of sex. He barely slept. He was also getting offered money to just show up at parties. But the thing with that was that grew tired because deep down George knew that those

parties, they didn't want him there. They just wanted the new James Bond. At the end of the film, spoiler, Diana Riggs character is killed. Oh my God, Dave, why would you do that? It's shocking that they kill bond. Fucking ruined girls. So while they're filming, George is so caught up in this kind of death scene where she's dead and he's kind of holding her in her arms that he actually starts crying and he's kind of giving like a real performance and he's it's happening. The emotion is there. He's proud of it. And halfway through the scene, the director yelled cut. Peter Hudscrape's cut. James Bond doesn't cry. And then he resets them.

That's right. So he was like, I'm really an actor. James Bond doesn't cry. Yeah, but if you're an actor, if you've never acted. No, it's impressive. You're the big fry chocolate guy. You're like, well, I'm good. Shut up. Don't do that. Yeah, but yeah, James Bond doesn't cry. Let's be honest. True. All in all, the film was pretty good for a Bond film. You know, George wasn't the best actor, but then again, he wasn't an actor. He was good with all the action. Like I said, he did all those crazy stunts. He was also forced to dub a lot of his lines after the film was shot, which maybe has to do with doing one take. Yeah, I don't know.

In retrospect, maybe not the best of calls. In 1969, wait, it came out in 1969 on Her Majesty's Secret Service was getting ready for wide release. As the premiere was approaching, everyone seemed to be very happy with George and they knew they had their future Bond. However, somehow George shot the whole film without signing a contract for anymore and United Artists wanted that taken care of immediately. The truth is they wanted to see how he did when it was all put together and when they did, they liked him. And when they liked him, they needed him. So this job of getting him to sign the contract fell on the

shoulders of Harry Saltzman. So Harry was relentlessly pursuing George to sign what is known as a slave contract. This contract tells you how you can act, how you can dress, where you can go, not just what you're not just for the movies. They wanted him to sign up for the next six Bond films. Totally worth it. But George said he wanted 50k a pop. But George said he wanted to think about it, which shocked them. You see, George was deep into being a hippie. After he was done shooting, he grew his hair longer and he started sporting a beard. Oh, fuck you. And he had it leading up to the premiere and it helped him not get

recognized. This ruffled some feathers with the studio and the producers. He was told to not attend the premiere if he had a beard. They were like, they were so like James Bond does not have a beard. What are you doing? Yeah. I mean, even if you see he's not that it's not like he like grew like a shaman beard. He probably he probably I mean to them he went from like James Bond to the spin doctors. Yeah. And this is 60, you know, 68 or whatever. This is like they're they're as stuffy as they can get and they see a hint of hippie on him. They're like, oh no, no, no, no, get the stench hippie off. So he was told to not

attend the premiere. He thought that was ridiculous and he still showed up with his beard. Now the studio was not happy with this violation and they canceled the publicity door tour that they were about to send them on due to the beard. Yeah, they're about to send them all across the country and Georgia's live it. By the way, there's a there was a in in England for even up until recently, there's always a weird thing about Beards. I think it's gone now. But like when when when Zach when Zach Galifianakis went to England in Oh, like this recently recently, like 2000, some dude was like, what's with the

fucking beard, man? Like, yeah, it's just a weird thing. Yeah, even when English people grow a beard, it's not like the kind of beard that guys like you and I grow. No, like it's like, yes, yes, trim it, trim it. Like a professor. So they cancel this press tour. So George is pissed because he was very excited to see the US. Like that was, you know, one of the main reasons he was pumped up. And so he he takes himself on a press tour. So he pays his way to go across the country on his own press tour. I got this. So he would just show up at like local news studios. This is the best. And he would pitch himself. He would knock on

the door and he'd be like, hey, I'm James Bond. And since there was no PR behind him, it led to some fun headlines like, quote, George Lazenby, the new James Bond says he has taken, quote, a beautiful trip on LSD, quote, the Australian star of On Her Majesty's Secret Service tried the hallucinatory drug because, quote, my curiosity was getting the better of me. But he added that he was under medical supervision at the time, quote, I realized the harmful effects of it. But to me, it was a beautiful trip. He said earlier, he said earlier in the day, Mr. Lazenby admitted to 400 youngsters that he had

smoked marijuana. So he's just he's gone rogue. The worst nightmare. He's gone rogue. And he's full on hippie. Yeah, he is now a full on hippie. And it's really not Bond. It's really not. It's not Bond. No. So when the film is released, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, as you asked, it did get released. It did. It is a film that is released. He is, yes. The film is released. It was a pretty big hit. Huge hit, actually. It broke UK and US box office records. Okay. And people, again, like they were not like, you know, even if you watch Bond movies, like it is a serviceable role. It really is more about like the action and like, you know,

the few tropes. Yeah, like they get all that shit. So, so everyone's happy. They're like, they replaced James Bond. So this puts the studio in an even more frenzied state to get him to sign the contract. So there the United Artists is breathing down Harry Saltzman's neck. And Harry is anxious. So he keeps telling George to sign it keeps telling George to sign it until eventually he just tells George he will straight up give him a million dollars to sign it off the books, under the table. That's a million dollars. Amazing. But George still fucking loves his beard. You know what a dude, a dude loves his beard, man. He was still

by my fucking beard. He was still very bothered by what had gone on. There's Beardgate, the slave contract, the amount of ownership that it would take over his life. The one takes. The one takes. Yeah. It's all bad. The director not talking to you. It's all bad. But the truth is he also had a manager who, let's just say, was not a genius. Ronan O'Rehealy was his name, which is a great name to say, O'Rehealy. O'Rehealy. O'Rehealy, Ronan. O'Rehealy. So his manager, Ronan O'Rehealy, told George that he didn't think Bond was going to have staying power. Quote, I had Ronan O'Rehealy with me at the time. And Ronan says, quote, Clint Eastwood

is making $500,000 of Western in Italy. You can do two of those and make a million. Forget about it. Ronan suggested with the films at the time like Easy Rider and The Very Hippie Age coming on strong that James Bond looked very dated. Oh my God. So with all this weighing on George, he knew what he had to do. Yeah, cut loose. And he passed on doing any more Bond films. That's right. Fuck Bond. It's fucking a shitty ancient franchise. It's clearly going down the shitter. You know what is staying power? Western. Yeah. Spaghetti Western. As we all know, the producers, the studio, the press, the public, and basically anyone else who knew

what the deal was, was stunned. Just doing one James Bond film was totally a shocking decision. I thought it was fucking mine. So shortly after, George, who was still confident in his decision, was quoted as saying, quote, I'm terribly impressed with Dennis Hopper. I'd like to work for him. I also like Arthur Penn, John Schlesinger, and Peter Yates. What I'm going to do is look for a great director first, a good screenplay second. Fuck yeah. So even then, like you can hear in there that he like, it's Easy Rider. Like Easy Rider was like the hippie movie. And like he and this manager are like, that's the way. The first writer is

like 12 hours or something. The original cut. The original cut. Yeah, there's a cut of Easy Rider that's just like... Doesn't sound that easy. Literally. You hear what I said? It doesn't sound that easy. But it's just them riding motorcycles. It's why people should be allowed to do LSD and make movies. I mean, I, well, I don't disagree with you. I can't fully sign off on that. So, so meanwhile, like everyone is like, what are you doing? You know, but he claims he has no regrets on leaving the Bond franchise. Quote, I make better money doing commercials. And it's much more rewarding. Yeah, no, you get to carry a

big crate of chocolate around. Yeah, hold up chocolate bars. Headline. Quote, Lazenby quits 007. Quote, Monday George Lazenby, the 29-year-old Australian, chosen to succeed Sean Connery as the screen James Bond says he is quitting after his first 007 film. Lazenby, who first drew attention with his appearance in a British television chocolate commercial, was picked from 500 hopefuls for the plum bond part in the movie on Her Majesty's Secret Service. Now, Lazenby has stunned the filmmakers by saying he is not interested in making any more films. Quote, they disregard everything I

suggested simply because I hadn't been in the film business like them for about a thousand years. His co-star, Miss Diana Rigg, former Avengers star, is quoted as saying, quote, I can no longer cater for his obsession with himself. He is utterly, unbelievably, bloody impossible. They fucked. Actually, they did, they actually did date a little bit and she said she was like if we're going to date you cannot sleep with anyone else and he's like okay and then like literally the next day he's sleeping with some girl and like the stunt coordinator opens the tent to show her him in mid-coitus and she's like okay

well this is over but she's also like she's like an actress like she's like a legitimate like so far her she's like oh yeah but for him he's just like oh man what a potty, he's a great potty. Yeah, he's still the guy that's just looking for the next cool thing to do. Yeah, I mean he's James Bond it really is like it's just got to be mind-bending so despite the controversy brewing in the Bond world Lazenby was nominated for a Golden Globe for his performance in Majesty's Under Majesty's Secret Service. Jesus Christ. Only time that a Bond has been nominated for a Golden Globe. And with that, the search was on for the new Bond. Again, so they went with this guy named Sean Connery. That's right, Connery came back for his fifth and final Bond film, Diamonds Are Forever. Because Connery was probably doing it the whole time to get to get a bump and so they went

through the fucking rigmarole and they're like well yeah we'll show you. Well they also probably there was also probably an element of being like we can't just have a new Bond every film. Yeah I guess that's true. You know like and there's some consistency there. It seems less weird to reset after another Connery but also he was convinced to come back for the role for 1.25 million plus 12.5% of total gross which resulted in around six million dollars total which is the highest salary for any actor at the time. Wow. And George got 50,000. He got 50,000. And almost got killed. And that was that. George was out. Connery was back in. During one interview shortly after saying no,

George was asked quote, which would you prefer to be a stereotype James Bond or a car salesman like you used to be? George smiles and says, car salesman like I used to be. Amazing. I get it. The craziest thing about the story is still the fact that William Buffett has that thing on his wall. Warren Buffett. Yeah, Warren. William's his little brother and he's very little. So George waited for his new hippie roles that him and Raheely were waiting on. Yeah this is the thing that his manager didn't take into account is that he wasn't a hippie on screen. Yeah. So they never come. Yeah. In 1971, George decides he's gonna follow up with

a role as Riker in the film Universal Soldier but his attempt at a more serious production failed at the box office. Wait, Universal Soldier was a more serious production? Yeah. A dramatic turn. Yeah. Shows you how cartoony Bond is. Now I'm looking to do something grounded like we're robot soldiers. You know, something that's not bananas. Something that I can really stick my teeth into. Bond is just not he's not a grounded character. Yeah, it'll be like a half-man half-robot kind of thing. I'll be Riker the half-man half-robot who goes a little evil. Is that cool? So George is blackballed in the U.S. in the UK. Five years later, his career in

Western cinema is seemingly over. Without any prospects... Did he get his license renewed? Let me follow up on that after. That's actually a T that I didn't cross. I apologize I should have done that. Yeah. So without any prospects of work, George headed to Hong Kong in the 1970s and starred in Kung Fu Adventure films. Fuck yes. I'd much rather do this than be some bullshit James Bond thing. Yeah. I fucking Hong Kong Kung Fu movies all day long. He is such a hustler too. Like he's just like, you know, I mean dude wasn't even an actor. Yeah. And this is four years later, three years later, and he's just like whatever. He's

just trying to make money and have fun. Yeah. So with that, George saw a way with the Kung Fu cinema. George saw a way to make his name back. In 1973, Bruce Lee was a huge star. So George Lazenby did what George Lazenby does. He charted a flight to Singapore to meet Bruce Lee without any arrangements having been made. So he gets in with this PR girl that he meets at the Hyatt and she tells him to go to Hong Kong. That's where Bruce Lee was. Which is amazing to not do that amount of research. Very normal. To not to just go to Singapore and then be like, where's Bruce Lee? But what kind of, there's no Google. There's no, the research

then is meeting a PR girl. Yeah, but I thought about this and I do think there would have been a way to be like, oh, he lives in Hong Kong. I feel like you could find that out. I don't know. Maybe not. Well, anyway, so yeah, he James Bonsett and he talks to this girl and she tells him where he is. So he takes a bus to Hong Kong and he gets to the office of Bruce Lee and he walks in and he talks to a producer who told Bruce the George Lazenby was there to see him. The. And Bruce Lee sent him away. What? Yeah, he had no interest. So George, so George is down and out walking around Hong Kong during a typhoon. This is the worst Bruce Lee story

that has ever happened. So George is down and out walking around Hong Kong during a typhoon. You better fight Bruce Lee. You gotta listen to what I'm saying. Or the typhoon. George is walking around during a typhoon. He's like depressed walking around in a typhoon. Yeah, but you do want to, this is the sad part of the story. You walk around in a typhoon. So then a Mercedes Benz pulls up and it's Bruce Lee. Fuck you. And Bruce Lee tells him to get in. And so he kind of saves him from a tsunami. And they go to dinner and they hit it off right away. And by the end of the meal, Bruce decided that he and George would indeed make a film together.

Fuck, yeah. This is. Bruce told his manager to give George 10,000. What year is this? This is 73. Oh, boy. Okay. He tells George, he tells his manager to get George $10,000, get him a new suit. The next day they set George up with a bank account and he and Bruce Lee are talking nonstop about what the film would be. Bruce Lee is calling him at like three in the morning. They're discussing characters. And then sadly Bruce Lee died five days later. That's what I asked. That's why it's the year. Yeah. Because Bruce Lee died. It feels like that's one of those. It feels like there was no punctuation at the end. It's

like a double typhoon. It is. Yeah. Talk about, yeah. He was walking around in two typhoons in one week. George is now the grim reaper. Yeah. He might have, he's the cooler. So over the years since. So that movie didn't happen. That movie did not happen on account of the death of Bruce Lee. Exactly. Yeah. Over the years since, George has become a bit of a punchline in ways. But he still thinks it was the right thing to do. He doesn't regret passing on six more Bond films. Quote, do I have any regrets? Only when I was broke. But I did a Bond film and that's all you have to do. After that, when I was broke a couple of times, I thought,

shit, I should have done another Bond movie. It's so inherently Australian. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it really is. It's like he's just like a small time. I think that is the thing he thought in his mind was he was like, worst case scenario, I go back to. I go back to what I was doing, which it wasn't the worst thing in the world. During the 80s and 90s, Lazmie was on General Hospital. He was on another soap opera called Rituals, which I know you loved. He was on General Hospital? Yeah. Fascinating. Yeah. He signed a contract to do General Hospital. And then he even took a role on an episode of Baywatch, where he may have actually

played like he did stuff where he would like like he did commercials, where he would play Bond like for a VCR. Yeah. So it's kind of like this. I don't want to say sad, but it's like, you know, he rejected the role of James Bond, but he would still do it for like commercials. But he didn't have to live it like they wanted him to live it. They want to be a different person. And that really is like even the stuff that his manager said, like to him, it was more like, I don't like what they're doing to me. Right. You know, he was like rejected their system a little bit. So yeah, so he did, he did all those things. He married twice. He's

back in Australia now? He kind of went back and forth, but basically lived in LA mainly. Okay. Yeah. He married twice. And you know, he lived in Asia for a while as well. He had two kids. He developed a bit of a drinking issue, which made him less than a stellar family man. He even discovered he had a daughter that he didn't know about until she was in her 20s when she contacted him. And he right away was like, well, let's meet. George does take solace over the whole bond thing in a meeting that he had with Shirley McClain. George's son was sick and would eventually pass away and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with

him. So McClain said, quote, take him to a psychic. So George went to the psychic that she recommended. And while they couldn't figure out the psychic couldn't figure out what his son's disease was, she did quote, analyze my life. And when I said I gave up James Bond, she said, quote, just as well, I said, why? She said, you'd have probably had three wives in Beverly Hills in different houses and you would be a drug addict. And I thought, quote, wow, it's a good thing. I did give it up when you put it like that. Definitely like wanted to hear something like that. Um, and George still isn't done waiting. Recently still alive. Yeah,

he's still alive. Yeah. Yeah. He's, he's like in his seventies, but he's still like, he's still actually still around. He will still act. He's still around. I mean, he doesn't, he's definitely not a full time actor. Yeah. He ended up like for years riding dirt bikes. Like he really did just kind of like, what else are you gonna do? Yeah. So we like competitively rode dirt bikes. Like I said, he did commercials, you know, anybody tried. He sailed like he sailed for like 15 months at one point or something like that. Um, he's kind of living the life in a lot of way. I mean, well, when you think about the trade off you have to be bond, like

that is your life. I think his life I would never be. I think Jim being James Bond. Besides the money, I think that life sucks. The slave contract thing is like contract, but also just being that famous and the amount of time that that honor majesty secret service shot for nine months. I mean, these movies shoot. Yeah. For a, you know, they shot for like almost a year. Yeah. So if you're doing six and if you're doing six, if he signs up for six, I mean, you're talking about like the next 10 years of your life fully defined as James Bond. I mean, you know, it's been sick. So George still isn't done waiting. He says, quote, I'm still

waiting for the right perfect role to set things right. I'd really love the chance. So I learned of this story from my friend, Josh Greenbaum's documentary called Becoming Bond, which people can watch in a number of places. It is a great way to sort of hear it from George, what he thinks, what he went through. There's also this really kind of, you know, a lot of his life was kind of driven by a girl who got away. At the end of the doc, Lazenby has asked what he hopes people remember about his life. He takes a beat and simply says, quote, I'd like him to know that you can defy what is expected

of you and write your own story. And George Lazenby did just that, David. Yeah, I mean, that's a fucking really good story. I mean, he's good looking dude. He looks like a Bond. Yeah. But, but yeah, you, the people who walk away from shit, those are the guys that are the quality of life. I mean, the people don't get Hollywood to play the game and to be in that circuit and to live that life, to me is intolerable, like literally intolerable. On that level, I mean, even when you see, like, you know, obviously both probably know some people who are extremely, that, that existence is difficult. Very difficult. As far as like

having your own life, you know, you certainly, like money, money is absolutely something that when people say money, like money takes away a lot of your stress. Yeah. Money eliminates a lot of worry. Yeah. Money does a lot of that stuff. But it's still, there is a compromise you make if you are like, I will be the biggest star in the world. Yeah. You, everywhere you go, every, every place you're being watched, you're never not being watched. Yeah. And imagine, imagine, imagine if, yeah, I mean, how many people would turn down the opportunity to be James Bond? There's just not a lot. Even if you're getting, even if you have a

manager telling not, he just was like, fuck your system. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And my friend Josh also told me that if I want to hang out with him, I probably can. So, Oh, we ought to do that. Yeah. For sure. I don't want that to happen. Yeah. So that is, that is, and, and when I heard this story, like, I was not sure if you'd heard, because I'm like, you would think that you would know all, like he's just like forgotten, even in the James Bond franchise. Yeah, totally. Because the next Bond was huge. He made a movie. He was a James Bond. You hear about, like, even, I mean, I wasn't alive for like, you know, some of the other bonds, like Roger Moore,

like, if I think of Roger, you know, I know Timothy Dalton. I know Roger Moore. I know Sean Conn. You know who they are. I think of Roger Moore, having to come along and really taking over that role. I think that then it would be more one, one, one. And then you'd know him more. Yeah. Because he rolled with it. And they blackballed him. And they were like, they wanted him erased. Hollywood's so great. Yeah. Makes you want to be a Cubby Broccoli sometimes. I want to call this the Cubby Broccoli story. Yeah. Okay. Now I recognize him as an older guy. Yeah. I've seen him. Yeah. And he's still like, you know, he still gets like, yeah, he's, he's

still a play, like, you know, he'll be at awards shows in Australia every now and then and stuff like that. It's such a, it is, it's hard, like, the feeling I get from Australians at times, like, when you, when I read their history, so this is a fucking guy that's very Australian. Yes. Truly. He, I mean, yeah, he, I mean, he really is like a small town kid. Like, even there, I mean, there's a story about when he loses a virginity that he loses virginity. And when he ejaculates, he thought his dick blew up. Yeah, yeah, I've done this. So he has sex for the first time. And he literally finishes. And then he tells the girl he's in a car. And he

tells the girl to be right back. And he runs over and he expects to see his penis as explode. And he sees it there. And he's like, oh, okay. And then he just like, well, it did kind of. Yeah, no, it didn't. But it can repeat explosions. Takes a lick of it. Exploded 10 minutes later. Yeah. Much like a gadget that Q would give him. You see, James, if you use your prick, it would blur out. Wow, that's a crazy story. Yeah. So now let's go to the land of him tonight. Yeah, tonight. We're leaving tonight. Yeah. All right. All right, then. Here on as you come to the shows in Australia adult podcast dot com. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye.