The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 349 - Nauru - (Live in Adelaide w/ Gen Fricker)

Episode Date: October 23, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Gen Fricker to discuss the history of the Pacific Island of Nauru. SOURCES TOUR OFFICIAL MERCH

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Adelaide. It could be so nice. What is this? There's no alcohol here and this is grape juice. So... You're listening to the dollop. This is a biracial American history podcast. Sorry you keep... Each week I read a story from American history to my white friend. Gareth Reynolds who is white and has no idea what the topic is about so that's why I'm just kind of curious why. It's biracial two white guys. You think because there's two white guys you're gonna be able to say bye as in two like we're biracial because we're two individual white men? Yeah biracial. Two separate

white guys. I don't know if that's how this works. I mean I as I'm all for getting as far away from being white as possible at this point so... Ladies and gentlemen we have a guest unannounced. Jen Fricker from... JJJ. Triple J. Or people call it triple J radio but I call it JJJ radio. Also real quick want to thank Salem Cafe for bringing us amazing vegan food before the show. Everyone eat the fried chicken because you'll be like hmm I think this tastes like chicken. There's a chicken here tonight and yeah Salem Cafe thank you sass. Someone just dropped a handful of pins. Sorry I developed a cold when I

came to your city. So don't get too scared. This is a dark one. He means the lights are gonna go at halfway through. There's one guy that's way too fucking happy at the start. Sir and he's wearing a hat obviously he understands dollop etiquette. 1798. By the way don't forget to do a little trapeze work. Oh man how great of an exit would that be? Thank you everybody. Yeah. An English whaling ship was out killing whales in the Pacific. Nope. That sounds like a whale ship. It's from whales. When Captain John Fern spotted an island until then no European had ever seen. John Fern? Fern. Okay. He called it Pleasant Island. Pleasant?

That sounds nice. I'll tell you what I feel I've got a good feeling about this one. Yeah sounds good. It was inhabited by eleven clans. Okay. Called Neruans. Wait called. Not gonna lie that's ominous. Called Neruans. Neruans. Each clan was called Neruans. This is when white people neruin an island right? Thank you sir. One guy gets it. It's gonna be a story of how they got there not what you guys are doing now. I mean I am great. I have so many questions I should be in the Riddler costume right now. Well after after the podcast is over I'll tell you what's happening now and you'll curl into a ball. They practiced aqua farming and

ate coconuts and pandanus fruit. And what? Pandanus fruit? Pandanus. I like pandanus. Yeah I bet you like pandanus. It's fruit that comes out of a pandanus. I think those are baby pandas. Yeah that's right. These are baby pandas. You should not eat those. No no. If they come out really if they're fresh you can peel off the screen. Oh there it is. Sweet middle. Neru was a very green island. Captain Fern was surprised by how many people he saw. Several hundred in canoes and more on the beach. Still he moved on without going ashore. So he was just like he was like noted. There they are. I don't want to die. Okay so that was

the vibe. So Island Life was full of festivals, singing, dancing, sports, games, storytelling and just being normal social island good happy people. It's all panda eggs or whatever they are. Yeah pandanus. And then the occasional pandanus. Pandanus. Aside from times of drought it was easy to take care of needs. They had normal disputes some led to conflict. The little work that was needed was done by middle-aged men so there was kind of the only people who worked there when else was just like you know fucking kicking it. Island Life. Island Life before the white man. Starting around 1830 Europeans began

stopping at the island. Okay. It's gonna be good. What yeah it's a terrible start for sure. Whaling ships and traders came for supplies especially fresh water. Some sailors would jump ship and stay on Neru. Okay. Others escaped Australian penal colonies and made it all the way up to the island. Sounds good. Yeah. Yeah sounds like that everything is good so far. It's a good feeling. A good vibe. Yeah. Are we close to the end? What? Is the story almost done? Oh yeah. Because I'm worried that we're not gonna find the heart of evil within this beast. No look. I've listened to the podcast before and it usually goes for much longer. Yeah.

That's it. It flew by. I think it went really well. That's it. Now that's it. Okay. That's the story. Let's go to the bar. Alright. Everyone else everyone here is like oh I wish that was a story. So the guys who escaped and the guys who jumped ship were called beach comers. Beach comers? Yeah they were sort of all over the islands. Before metal detectors they were comers. Yeah. Yeah. They're mostly cool but they they became valued because they could help with the trading ships and there was a lot of bartering with the Neruans and then were introduced to the concept of money which they had never experienced. Oh god. Just the word. It's

just terrible already. That to me is the worst. To just be like no but it has value for this paper dummy. Don't you understand? You're giving me a hundred dollars. Okay. So you know how you used to give me five coconuts and I'd give you a fish? Yes. We traded. It was fair. Now I give you now I give you five coconuts and and you give me this piece of paper. But it is useless paper. And then I take that and I buy fruit. You've been eating pandas. Yeah yeah I get panda fruit. It's almost like when like Jack went and got the magic beans. It's just like you traded it for what? Paper. I have paper. Damn it. He was a sweet talker. I don't

know what just happened. So the money didn't really make sense to them. You know why would you want paper? It doesn't make sense to me. Yeah. So over time the Neroons as they traded they became more aggressive and they started trading for guns and booze. Well is this the story of America? There's a lot of parallels. They had a palm wine that they had made for thousands of years but there was nothing like rum. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I think we still all agree with that. A bunch of people who can't buy alcohol hearing about how great rum is. In 1852 they tried to buy a cannon from a ship. I love how they're just like so that's the

biggest gun. Let's fucking get that. You get one of those. That's huge. Yeah. It doesn't fit in my belt so easily though. It really is taxing. So the the negotiation over the cannon went south pretty quick. They ended up capturing the ship, killing the captain and several of the crew and then set the ship adrift. Who needs money? Who needs cannons? It seemed like you were doing fine without them. Sure. So then the island got a bad name and ships started to avoid it. But there are already tons of guns on the island and they would drastically change the island. During a marriage festival in 1878 there was a

discussion of etiquette that became heated and then a guest shot a chief. Is that not the most ironic thing that can happen at an etiquette fest? Yeah. Yeah. You just get into an argument and then kill the person you're arguing with. It's like gentlemen we are not listening. We put this festival on for a reason. It's pretty obvious the etiquette. The guy who shot the chief was the guy who didn't understand etiquette. Yeah, for sure. But he knew the salad fork. To be fair though, he showed up to the etiquette festival. So he came with an open heart. Yeah, he was ready for, he was ready for fucking etiquette all day long. Yeah. Right. Anyone

else want to discuss what's polite? I didn't fucking think so. So in in their culture you had to death. You had to, if someone got killed, you had to deal with that by killing back. Sure. And then you killed and then someone else was like sorry you killed that guy. Well there had been there had been wars and feuds before but they'd never done this with guns. Guns are really helpful. And booze. Guns and booze are just so, like talk about a yin and yang. I mean that's your tango and cash right there. No, this is like a whole island like when pubs close. Which in Adelaide is 4 p.m. So, so there were several shootings that led to

deaths and then more and then more and soon almost every Neruan was fighting. Drunk people were shooting other people accidentally or breaking into an enemy's house and shooting everything that moved. Women and children being killed it was just on. I mean I'm desensitized and I'm alarmed. And I'm from America so this is like yeah. Yeah. Talk about a Thursday night. Was there football on? Well people are gonna die from alcohol. In 1881 a British Navy squadron stopped at the island and a convict who had escaped Norfolk Island in 1842 came aboard the ship. His name was William Harris and he explained the situation of what was

happening on Nehru. After speaking to Harris the ship's crew was told to, was told quote, civil war on the island and escape convict is king. I think he threw that part in. He said yeah, I'm the king. Hello. Yes. Any questions? William the King. All hands constantly drunk. No fruit or vegetables to be obtained. Nothing but pigs and coconuts. The present. That's a book title. Nothing but pigs. The present island king wants a missionary. He is evidently hungry. Okay. Sure. That's the speech. He doesn't have a taste for coconuts and pork? No. Okay. You get pretty tired of coconuts and pork. Me? It's all I eat, bro. So then next German

merchants came to the island and they set up plantations and they brought with them European diseases. So that's good. It's always a nice touch. We bring you illness. Yeah. Do you want to die? You got your fucking import. Let's do this. Let me cough in your mouth. He likes that feeling. The German businesses whose safety could not be assured because of the war asked for Germany to take over running the island. That's what this needs more Europeans. Yeah. This is totally what we need in this situation. But I love that they're like, they got to an island and are like, this place is fucked up. We need more of us. Yeah. Germans

especially. When have we ever done bad? We deal with power properly. Germany must just be like, stop. We get it. We started a couple of world wars. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. What do you stop? Enough. Okay. We're building like great metro trains. That's what we're up to. Okay. That fucking asshole. Why did he do it? My shoes match the coke. You'll only drink what matches. I love that about you. You're like the Cardi B of soft drinks. I really am. So Germany annexed Nero on April 6th, 1888. Okay. Which basically just, it's just like when you're far away from something. That's mine. Yeah. That's a form of robbery.

Sure. Yeah. They immediately banned alcohol and guns. Time to move islands. A gunboat arrived on October 1st, 1888. The German flag was raised. And then all of the tribal chiefs were arrested for the people for being just around. You're under arrest for not being a German. First of all, they're trespassing on German island. Have you not seen the flags? This is ours now. What are you doing? You look ridiculous. The flag is up. Come on, guys. If the flag was down, you maybe have a case, but the flag's raised. It's like, figure it out. Seriously. You do the mass, huh? So they were told. I don't want to do it. You guys have really like become

assholes since we put up the flag. Like you guys are really big, like ownership's not a thing that's attractive on you. Anyway, you're under arrest and you're ours and everything's ours. Okay? Have some more coconuts. Support coconut combination. Come on, eat your foods. Gosh, you guys are really just sticks and mud. It's so annoying. It's like they don't know the flag was raised. Like we raised the flag. It's like, what is a, what is that gripe? So good to have someone to talk to. I was like, like, you're my best friend. You know what I mean? Like, you're like the only guy that like, I'm into talking to right now. Seriously. That's it. It's like

you and I and like, against the world, you know? So the clans were told if they did not turn over all the guns and ammunition in one day, the chiefs would be executed. Jesus. This like attack against violence is very bizarre. Yeah. You guys are too violent with your guns. If you don't turn them in, we're going to kill you. But it worked. The next day, 7, 765 guns and thousands of rounds and ammunition were turned in. Okay. The war was over. Nearly 500 people had died around a third of the population. So the war is over, but now the narrow ones have no control over their island. Missionaries arrived. Always good.

Yeah. And they said about changing the way the natives dressed and eradicating dancing, singing and other traditions. Okay. Wait. So no guns, no booze, but no dancing. No singing, no dancing. It's like smiling and there's Germans around. It's basically like if footloose were to invade you. Yeah. There'd be no merriment anymore. There'd be no smiling, no cavorting, no drinking, no dancing. Okay. You guys, the flags raised. I'm like, what are you even doing anymore? Like the flag's up and you're being all like, well, the flag's not up. Like it's up like for real this time. Okay. These people don't get it. It's like it's just

you and me against like this world right now. It's so crazy how we had like, you know, Kismet. I mean, it's like we are, we have what we are. We're best friends. What deal was it? Oh my God. Yeah. See, like the back and forth is just like contagious. Who's not going to want to be like, you know, a fucking fly on the wall while we do this? It's like, bam, bam, we rally back and forth. Like we're always talking and always like completing each other's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Okay. Yeah. Exactly. Sort of. So they, they get rid of all that stuff because it's pagan, right? All that. That's what the showers think. And then the

clans learn the joy of paying taxes. Each islander had to pay. Do you have receipts is what I'm asking you. That's not a ride off then. Oh my God. It's a fish. Yes, it is a fish. But like, what am I supposed to do with it? Do you have a 10? What sort of tax documents do you have fish? Do you have a receipt for it or any sort of? I just got it from the ocean. So they don't did the ocean take any of it because you could write off a commission. No, I just got a fish. You're going to Oh, I'm going to be right up front with you right now. You will. Oh, you're not getting anything back. What we do is we take this fish, right? Yeah. And I'm going to cut the head off.

Right. And then I'm going to cut the tail off. And the government's going to take this middle part here, which is just meaty and juicy. That's ours. That's for the government. Right. And then we got to hold on to this. We're going to put this in an IRA for you. That's the fish tail. So here's what you get back. Fishhead. Welcome to democracy. I don't like it. Yeah, no, exactly. That means you did your taxes. Yes. So they pay tax in the form of copra, copra, which is the meat of the coconut, the white. So that's like a thing that they pay taxes by in the form of the white part of the coconut. That's how I pay taxes.

Your account is going to be over the moment. Everyone is doing it. Yeah, yeah, you can do that anywhere in the Pacific still. Yeah. Yeah. And then a missionary fucked the wife of a chief and all the missionaries were deported. What kind of bullshit is that? But you know how they did it, right? Yeah. She's talking about anal. They did anal. They did it pandanas. So it's the only position we do. There's not another one to do. I'm the egg. But still over the time that missionaries had been there, the damage was done to island culture. In 1896, a cargo officer took a weird looking rock from the island and brought it back to Australia.

He took a what rock? Weird looking rock. Okay. He thought it was a petrified tree. Was it kryptonite? Yes. This is the story of kryptonite. I knew where we were headed when his home planet right now had to get sent to Kansas. Go ahead. Another guy came to the office and asked about the rock, thinking it was phosphate. And he was told it was not. But then he had it tested and discovered it was. And not only was it phosphate, it was like a highly potent, amazing, like the best phosphate ever. Can I ask a question for Jim? Not for me. Why don't you explain to some people here what the upside of phosphate is?

Phosphate is used for fertilizer. So it's very... In a time... I just want to make sure we're all on the same page. In a time when you're expanding your colony, that's very important. How grim is life on this island? Well, you can't dance or sing anymore. So his name, this guy who tested it, his name was Albert Fuller Ellis. He was born in Queensland and raised in New Zealand. He worked for the John T. Arundel and company where his father was a director. The company had been mining guano from Pacific Island since 1860. Which is bird shit. For those of you guys who don't know. Oh, I thought it was bat shit. Bird. No, it's bird shit. You're bat shit crazy. So this is Batman's story.

They're reminding it on Caroline Island, Baker Island, Howlin Island, Jarvis Island, Manor Island, Rayyan Island, and several others. So they're just digging up the whole fucking Pacific. Ellis had discovered that Neru was mostly phosphate rock, which he called, quote, a good find. Oh, boy. It's a red flag. Anytime a white guy says a good find, watch it. Neru's phosphate was created from these shit of birds who migrated across the Pacific for millions of years. This is the bird shit economy. Yeah. It was an essential ingredient in fertilizer. I told you that already. You did. Yeah. And I knew, but it's good that we all know. And thank you so much again. Again, I just couldn't have done it without you and me. Go ahead.

That's what I'm here for. Sure. The Pacific Phosphate Company was formed to mine Neru and nearby Banaba, or Banamba, or ba, ba, ba. It's just the island next door. It sounds like banana. They made contact with the Banabans, for the right to mine for 999 years at 50 pounds a year. What is this deal? This is like the Scientology contract. But they don't. Why not just go for the extra year? It's like someone charges like $999 and 99 cents and you're like, well, it's not a thousand. So I mean, I'd be a fool not to bargain. But they don't, just like the Neru, they don't give a shit about money. So like, yeah, okay, give us 50 bucks a year. Why do I fucking care? So on Neru, the agreement was with Germany.

Landowners would get half a penny for every ton of phosphate. Oh my God. You can't give a penny for a ton. No, half a penny. We created a currency that doesn't exist. It's so low. You guys are going to be thankful we came here. You're going to love it. Get ready. But you know, the Neruans were fine with this because they did not see a reason to acquire money. They're like, yeah, whatever. We're not down. So the mining started and went on for a few years. Then World War One came. Neru was captured by Australia. Nice job. No, we shouldn't. We shouldn't. Let's not woo that. I reckon it doesn't work out later on. Probably the wrong woo time. We did it. Finally.

After the war, the UK, Australia and New Zealand split control of the island and agreed to take just the worst. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As if people don't live there. Yeah. I mean, as if there's not like people who are already there. Like what's going on? I'm sorry, chap. We're just deciding who owns everything. Yeah. Give us a minute. Yeah. Would you? Chill out. Mate, back off. All right. Back off. Don't really like his attitude. I haven't liked it the whole time. These guys have been such assholes. I lived here for like five years. You should have heard them pushing back on this half a penny stuff. They're like, that's not enough. It's like, oh my God. We're the real victims here, mate. So the three countries agreed to take, all take phosphate at production cost. So that's really

cool of them. Yeah. It's nice. That is very cool. It's pretty great. Neruans still did not see reason to join the whole work thing. In 1933, fewer than 50 out of 500 adult men were working for money. After all these years, the locals were still isolated from the mining business. So they're still around the edge of the island. The mining's happening in the middle. They're just like, all right, whatever. Yeah. They're definitely probably like, what are they doing? It's just very busy. Constant almost. World War II came. If you don't know that was a big one. Oh, I haven't heard of it. I haven't heard of most stuff history-based. In August, 1942, the Japanese invaded and they built an airfield.

This is just kind of being set up like the new UN headquarters, essentially, slowly, but surely in the middle of the island. And then that was bombed all the time by the allies. And then they built a bobwire around the whole island and dug deep ditches in the reef. And they put machine gun bunkers everywhere. Did they still have that cannon? I think it's time we use the big one. We worked really hard for that cannon. It's stuck in my belt. I just can't. My hip is just killing me. They deported 1,200 Neroans to work as slave labor on another island. Deported. Well, I mean, it's more like kidnapped. Deported is probably not the right word.

It's theirs. Yeah, yeah. So they took some people. Yeah. Sorry, old chap. You just didn't have the cut we like on our island. Well, they're Japanese. Well, I'm not going there. We're slowly learning about all the minefields. Where did they get deported to? Oh, they took them to another island where they had, they were all making them work on fucking ammunition or some shit. Cool. They had a solution to the 49 Neroans who were suffering from leprosy on the island. The Japanese put them on a boat, took it out to sea and sunk it.

Wow. That's a cure of sorts. So that's going to the leprosy. Wow. You put it out there. I get it. In September 1945, the Japanese surrendered. What's going on? No. The Neroans who had been taken away as slave labor were returned. One out of three had died. So they didn't all return. There were fewer than 600 Neroans left alive on the island now. But they can fix that. Yeah, you put your thing in the lady. What's this? It's a whole operation.

What's going on? It's only, they only do it. It's their special, one of their special things. They lay on each other. I don't, you have a child. Hey, I'm telling you how I did it. Sounds a little guano to me. Okay, first you give your wife a pot brownie and she relaxes. Is this the handmaid's tale? True story. You're lucky she doesn't listen to the podcast. You've got a secret identity out there where she's like, I listened to one. What are you?

Someday I'll tell Finn that he was made to Pink Floyd. It was bad. I thought Nara would be the worst part of this whole thing. Certainly a new visual I can't shake. Hello, hello, hello, hello. Is there anybody in there? Oh yeah. Yeah. There is. For another 90 seconds. Oh yeah. So the island was battle scarred. Villages were raised. The entire social fabric is torn up by the Japanese. You're welcome. So their way of life is destroyed. Narrowing suddenly had to get jobs and work.

This is such a nightmare. I mean, this is essentially like the condensed history of white control. I mean, this is colonialism and it's most pure form. We bring you money. Oh, there's taxes. You got to work for money. It's like, we were really happy when we danced and sang. Yeah. That's bullshit. How fucking lazy are you? We could set around eight coconuts and pigs and then we dance. Yeah. You don't know how to do it. Yeah. What about getting in a factory for about 12 hours a day? We've imported misery. So their way of life is over. They get jobs. Before the war, 10% of men worked.

After 88% were working for. It's a great economy that's an unbelievably booming economy. 88%. You've never seen numbers like this from anybody else. Come on. Are you serious? So now they're working for the British phosphate commissioners. Now they're digging up their island and sending pieces of it away. The UK, Australia, New Zealand were made trustees of Neru under a League of Nations mandate. So that was nice. That was nice of them, the League of Nations. Administrative power went to Australia. See you guys. Congratulations. Which is wild because we'd only been a country for like 20 years at this point. Yeah. They're like, they're doing, this is fine. It's time. Yeah. We deserve this. 2% of revenues went to the islanders.

That's a little. And then Australia charged them 1% for administering the island. This is like when you look at the back of a pay stub, when you're just like, where is it all? What? What's going on? How is 50% going to administration? You got to help us. We're funding a lot of important businesses. So Australia is supposed to be getting Neru to a place where it can be self-governing. That's why they're put in charge of the island. The council of chiefs then put in a request to self-govern in 1848. But Australia convinced them to withdraw it. Australia went to the UN and explained that the phosphate industry was helping the Neruans. It was progress for humanity. It gave them jobs

and profit as God intended, which they didn't have before. Before this, they didn't have jobs. So digging up their island is helping them. You know, Jesus was a capitalist. Yes. The phosphate business was caring for the islanders, but the Australians said they really needed to remain in charge because the Neruans couldn't manage their own affairs. Wasn't the island taking care of the Neruans before everybody came there? What? Huh? I'm sorry, what? Did you hear me? Nope. Okay. No, they didn't have jobs. Before any white people got there. But wasn't their job to just sort of thrive? Yeah, but they weren't working. They weren't... They were just dancing all day. Yeah. Yeah, I know. That's kind of what I'm like. I'm like, I like... Have you guys... Do you dance?

No, no, I work... It fills one with joy. I've heard of it. I did fair. I didn't know you were so lazy. Okay. Australia said they couldn't manage their own affairs, and sadly, they couldn't be educated or trained to govern their own country. So it's a fucking total catch-22 situation. You guys feeling weird about your colonialism? It's really all Britain. Britain started this. Britain made us and America. They're the fucking assholes. Yeah, they really are. And I'm them, and they really are. Oh, terrible. The UN kept pushing... Sir, get out. What? That was scary. Have him deported. So the UN kept would push for independence all the time, but it would always be defeated. One

reason was that Australia would not give up any of the information on the phosphate mining finances. So no one knew if they could actually run their own island because they didn't know how much money was... Right. I'm sure this had nothing to do with the fact that Australian farmers were getting phosphate at half the international rate. No. But by 1966, two-thirds of the phosphate had been mined from the island. With each year, it became more expensive to dig up, and then behind it, you leave a path of destruction. So the entire center of the island... Does this sound like anything going on nowadays at all? Yes, the earth. Okay, good. The center of the island once green was now a giant pit. So they basically opened a hell mouth. They opened a hell mouth on this island. Yeah,

they opened a hell mouth. That's about right. The island is 21 square kilometers, and phosphate is not easy to get at. So phosphate lies between two cone-shaped pillars of fossilized coral up to five meters high, and it can't be mined without leaving uneven, unformable, nightmarish, impassable, huge chunks of white stone pinnacles. Well, at least it's white stone. Let them know. So the island was so fucking ruined that Australia declared Neru uninhabitable and offered to resettle the entire population to an island off of Queensland. Wait, hold on. They offered to resettle the population. Every Neru, and they said, now you guys can move to an island off of Queensland. That doesn't sound like us. Yeah. That doesn't sound like something

we do. No? No. The only catch is that they would have to give up their sovereignty. Sure. So they would move to another island, but then they'd all be Australians. Sir, ill-timed. Yay. So that the people in Neru were like, no, I don't want to do that. So the colonial powers were not just going to let that be the end of it. They needed one more final act of sweet, sweet exploitation. Oh, God. After all the money they had made and all the phosphate they took at insanely low prices. I do not like what I'm about to hear. Australia, New Zealand, and Britain forced Neru to borrow against future mining earnings to buy out the phosphate companies. Dude, they enroned them in this year? It's not their company. They fucking are taking an island.

They're like, you can, you know what? You can buy your own island. You've ruined our whole island. Yeah, but now you can have it. We don't want it anymore. It's totally ruined by you idiots. Keep it up. Double the price. Keep talking. I triple. Can I say one thing? Yeah, quadruple. Deal. Well, I got a pretty good deal. I talked to the whites again. They were impossible as usual, but every time I talked, he kept doubling the price, so I stopped talking. So that's good, better. So Neru bought the company using debt. Control the mines was for the first time under Neru control, but they had been kept totally out of running the company,

so they had no idea about what to do, management, or the phosphate market, anything. And the Australians refused to tell them anything about it. Cool. Nice. Because they knew as soon as the Neruans found out, they would realize just how much they had been getting fucked all those years. So Neru became independent in 1968. They're now totally dependent on the outside world in a money-based economy, not a coconut-based economy. The government planned to put aside some mining revenue to rehabilitate the land, public services, economic development, and investment to provide for future generations. It's an island of optimism. They're all very optimistic right now. I mean, to be fair, at this point in Australian history, Aboriginal people still

not recognize as humans. So you guys are pretty great. Right, they were fauna. It's just tremendous. Actually, I need a drink. So now they no longer have to sell to colonial powers, and they find new buyers like Japan and South Korea, and they start fucking making money hand over fist. Wait, who does? The Neruans. Not here, Matt. Maybe it works out. Under 10 years, in under 10 years, 1975, they had amassed today what would be $2.5 billion in profits. They could support their entire population for generations. Are you about to pop a cork to this? Let's celebrate.

Hey. That's the right time to do it. I'm waiting for the other side of the coin on this one. That's going to be great. Nope. Thank you so much. In 1976, a journalist for National Geographic visited and wrote an article, quote, this is the world's richest nation. The, quote, government offers free or low cost everything for everybody. People had modern homes, motorboats, motorcycles, jeeps, cars. They pretty much had everything that had wheels. They were super into cars and motorcycles. If there had been jet skis then, they would have been fucking going off. Is this the story of the jet ski? Nice twist, David.

There was only one paved road around the entire island. It's great. But everybody had a car. Boy, I mean, so that's just like, oh boy, one guy broke down. We're not leaving today. It's over. We live here now. We live here. We will resettle on the side of this road. Only Saudi Arabia had more wealth than Nehru at this point. The islands per capita GDP was 50,000 per person. You want to be compared to Saudi Arabia right now for sure. Yeah, that's a good place. That's a good place. Many got educations paid for in Australia. In 1989, Nehru filed a suit against Australia in international court to pay for rehabilitation

of one-third of the island destroyed by mining. Fair. One-third. Yeah. Well, let's get ready to stop clapping. Australia sailed out of court for 75 million dollars. I'm just happy to hear the millions attached to that. I was expecting 75 dollars. Well, it went pretty well. We didn't lose money for once, which is good. Good. And they gave us a pizza and 60 dollars. So, hey. So, it would be 10 years. So, there's still a lot of foreigners on the island. Australians are serving as managers, doctors, and engineers. The Chinese ran restaurants and shops. Other Pacific Islanders did the shit work at the mines

and then phosphate production peaked in the 1890s. So, they started investing all their money. In the 1890s? Yeah. Sorry, 1980s. Okay, right. Yeah. So, they started investing all their money. Okay. They bought property and invested in other businesses around the Pacific Rim. There was the Nehru Pacific shipping line, Nehru House in Melbourne, which at the time was the tallest building in Melbourne. They had hotels in Hawaii, Washington, D.C., Guam, Houston, the Marshall Islands. They had a brewery in the Solomon Islands, even owned a forest near Portland. Wow. Okay. Investments were estimated at over one billion dollars in the early 1990s. Just take that other shoe off whenever, bud. What are you talking about?

This is all ending great. These guys know this story. Let's drop that shoe. There's a lot of sighing and wondering if this is their penguin episode. But they also had a national debt of $600 million. Okay. They had a revenue coming in of $60 million a year, but expenditures of $100 million. That's not good. Those are bad margins. And there's no taxes. The government employed 95% of working Nehruans. Electricity, telephones, housing, all subsidized. Islanders got used to being paid for jobs they didn't even have to go to. So going to the office was optional. Like you'd be like, I don't know. But that's also how it was before. So they're back to the thing where they get to dance. Well, sort of. But now they know about capitalism. But if you

have the option to not go into work, it's like, yeah, I'm not going. What? Okay. Nobody else empathizes with that. Everyone's like, what are you talking about? We own love work here. Oh, no. The best world possible is when we're known goes to work. Yeah. So the hard work at the phosphate plant was done by workers from China, India, the Philippines, and other Pacific islands. Islanders enjoyed a way of life many would envy. They had a golf course, a three par. I like that you're giving. So not a really not a beautiful course. That filled some of the last green space on the island. Even though money was set aside for schools, the teachers said they felt a lot more like solicitors. Solicitors, they spent most of the

time trying to get kids to come to school. Why did the teachers even show up if it's optional? The most popular pastime was slowly driving the 20 minute road around the island while drinking imported Victoria bitter beer. That's not a hot end fest. That's a very that's not a hot end fest at all. And so their favorite pastime became drunk driving. Yeah, basically. And then you're welcome, Ireland. And then they throw the empty cans out the window. Well, they are slowly learning. Maybe that's why the kids weren't coming to school because they were just getting pelted with cans while they were trying to walk there. I mean, somehow we turn them into people from Arkansas. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, how long until they have southern accent? I'll tell you a problem

with this island. Traffic's a nightmare. I black out when I drive. So I don't know if I drive to drink or drink to drive. You know what I mean, brother? By your head, Dear Lord, you are so gracious. Thank you for inventing beer. We are natives of this island. We're ma'am. Thank you. Thank you. So there's a huge car per person ratio that just everyone's got cars like an episode of cribs. Did the cars take over the island? This is where we're going. I've seen that movie. Exercise was basically wiped out of the lifestyle. Hey, the old ways of eating were gone. The island's biggest store was Capellis, where three times more shelf space was devoted to biscuits than fruits or vegetables. It sounds like a store I would run. Welcome to biscuits.

Greasy fried rice from Chinese restaurants became a staple. The traditional diet of fish and vegetables was out. Now it was spam, canned corn, beef, potato chips, and beer. Oh my God. Well, it sounds like they're drinking a lot in traffic. I mean, that diet. Well, so these are people who genetically they're eating, they've come about eating fish, going through periods of drought because whenever there's El Nino, there's a drought. So it's a it's a not eat much society. We all were at one point. I mean, we all were just it was basically like you used to have to go out and hunt like the disparity between being like, all right, if we move over there, we can slowly perhaps trap a buffalo and that'll give us two

weeks of sustenance to where now you're like, well, how much for the extra large? Well, I'm not an idiot, but I'll take that. And let me get two sprites. And what's with the winged ink dish dinner? Well, let me get a seven piece. All right. Hutton's over. Yum. The burgers coming to bucket here. Yes, of course, your burgers come with a bucket. Absolutely. You want a bucket of burgers? Yeah, a bucket of burgers. Okay, that's nine burger patties. And that's eight bones. You want any biscuits of that? Yep. Do you want to support a bunch of gravy in it? Yep. Do you want us to serve it in a bathtub and you can suck it through a fucking straw you animal? I didn't know there's a back. Hey, at what point are you going to wake up and

realize what you're doing is unsustainable? I want to, I want the bathtub. All right, we got one tub. And then do you want a bucket full of pie? Yep. All right, we'll get you a bucket of pie. So we got a bathtub full of bullshit and a bucket full of pie. You ready for that? You recognize you're on an unsustainable course. 2999, please put around the second window. So Nehru turned into a case study for obesity and diabetes. Around 50% became diabetic. Which in America we call a dream. Imagine. That's America after everyone gets healthy. They had one of the world's most obese populations. Cancer and heart disease became common. Male life expectancy fell to 55 years, which was 20

years less than New Zealand. This also means they were now flying more and more people to Australia for healthcare, which was costing a million dollars a year. That was money that was not going to keep up their own health facilities. In the mid 1990s, phosphate was running out. And in 1993, a man brought in to run the Nehru Trust resigned after two months, saying it was on the brink of insolvency from mismanagement. Yeah, their fault, obviously. What? Nothing. The price of phosphate kept dropping, reducing revenues, so the government just kept running up huge debts. But there was another way to make money. Oh, God. Investments, my friends. And what is it? Investments. This is just, I mean, this is like, this is an accelerated history.

Is every episode of this podcast just filled with intense anxiety and terror? Yeah, you're supposed to sort of feel. I think this one is especially filled with that, more than others. But in general, it's supposed to feel uncomfortable. Okay. It means you're doing it right. All right. And this is not alcoholic, is it? No, but you can have some of my water. It's grape juice from the grape people. It's the grape berry. Okay, so one investment came in the form of Duke Minx. Of what? Duke Minx. Duke Minx? M-I-N-K-S, Duke Minx. Duke Minx. He's a man born in Liverpool. He had been a roadie for the one hit wonder pop group unit four plus two. Dude, when this started, if you weren't going to tell me I'm going to hear about a manager of a

pop group, I'd have been like, what are you talking about? Okay, so Duke Minx. Minx. Okay. They had a song, Concrete and Clay, which took over the number. You don't need to tell us the catalog of one of the greatest bands that's ever existed. You're talking about the Beatles of the nineties jerk off. Okay. I've got the tattoo. Show it off. I mean, this is Kismet. Their song took over the number one spot from the Rolling Stones in 1965, as we all know. Sure. Minx had left the world of music though and gone into banking and he was now an executive at Citibank Australia. My Citibank people. The island of Nehru was a client. Duke had developed a musical. Keep going. Music is still in his blood. He can't let go. Sure. He had developed

a musical about the life of Leonardo da Vinci. This is very off Broadway, right? And he, he's done it. He'd done it with the ex lead singer of unit four plus two. Okay. And the lead singer said they should approach the Nehru and government to fund the musical. What, how, who was, what does this, like, how much cocaine must one do to come to this conclusion? What? They were just like, uh, and then I think Nehru could fund it. Boom. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm saying. Exactly. Nehru will fund the musical. It'll be about Leonardo da Vinci. I'm glad we did this. It's good to see you, man. I like the idea that someone saw the tallest building in Melbourne and were like,

these guys should fund my musical. Yeah. This makes sense. It's like, yeah, this is gonna work. Quote. Yeah. Cocaine's delicious. Right. So the lead singer says they should approach the government and he says, quote, because Nehru was famous for bird droppings, I thought they'd like to brighten up their profile with a musical about one of the greatest brains of all time, Leonardo da Vinci. So this is cocaine based. I thought that was going to end with their famous bird droppings. So they'll buy into any old shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, these people love shit. Bird, bat, dog, whatever. So two keys got turned on this concept. Another person was like, yes. Yeah, there's two people.

We will approach them to fund it exactly like you said, because they have a history of bird poo. Imagine being the actors auditioning for that as well. So where are we doing it? We'll be doing it at the Nehru Theatre, which we've just built. You're going to love it. So Duke met with the president of Nehru and played him some songs from the musical. You liking that? See, it's a lot of that stuff. You see what they're doing there? You like that? Leonardo da Vinci was an unbelievable guy. I hadn't really looked him up, but I don't think you need to for something like this. Right? The president loved them. Love them. This is what we need to be doing. Yes. I think the people will understand why we're making this move. The musical is called Leonardo the

Musical, A Portrait of Love. And it was about a love affair between Da Vinci and the Mona Lisa. I want to see it. More like the Mona Lisa. This is, I'm not going to be able to shake the cocaine was done. And what if Mona Lisa had an affair? Yeah. Yeah. You know that the final song is called Mona Lisa's smile, right? Yeah. Finally, a smile. Quote, I came up with a sort of plot that might have been in his life. Why wouldn't Da Vinci have had a bit of affair with Mona Lisa? You know, a lot of people ask why. I was thinking about calling it history. Fuck it. So anyway, Nehru was... I need a minute, David. This is... Come on. What? And Nehru's on board.

Anyway, Nehru is in. They're like, this is fucking awesome. This is a great investment. What? I like that so much evil in the world can be traced back to musical theater, though. Yeah. Everybody, there's always a guy that wants to be in musical. But remember, this is after the guy who came in to run the trust and bailed saying there was tons of mismanagement. So at this point, a lot of islanders are pissed about what's happening with the money. It's weird. So in June 1993, over 100 Nehru and VIPs flew to London for opening night. What is going on? But they almost didn't make it off the island because so many islanders were furious. Protesters flooded the tarmac to try to stop the plane.

People don't get musicals. I mean, they never have. Go walk around Manhattan. There's a lot of people out there not happy. This exact same thing happened with cats. Yeah. Thank you, David. Yes. 50 women sat in front of the plane. The cops had to come and clear the runway. And then off the VIPs went to be fair. The runway was also the one road around the entire island. And it was blocking a lot of traffic. They were really just for emergency services that didn't happen. The lead singer, quote, we had a party at the ward, the Waldorf, and it was very nice. To be honest, I don't think the narrow ends cared very much. They were just happy to be in England.

Somehow Leonardo, the musical was a massive flop. But what? No, sorry. Leonardo, the musical didn't work. Yeah, apparently it was. Who played Mona? Judy Dench? Yes. Amazing. I would have loved it. She can do anything. What can she do? Footage. I was watching a documentary. There's footage. There's footage of the musical, which I'll try to find, but it looks pretty great. Well, the finale we're canceled was a bad omen. We're over, we're done, it's over. Over. All righty. Reviews were brutal. The musical closed within a month. It is considered to be one of the biggest flops in the history of London theater. Well, they haven't seen the island. Also, I feel like the title invites criticism, like a story of love. It's like a story of shit,

right? Like, I don't know. Some really hacky writer could have really had a really fun day. In 1993, people were probably like, oh, I thought it was about the Ninja Turtles. This is... It's different. The Neroon government, in today's money, it would have been seven million dollars that they lost on this musical. The investment above all angered the Neroon people because it was so ridiculous. And it was a symptom of how the country was being run. But there were many more. The government spent 60 million on, quote, prime bank notes, which is a sort of derivative that turned out to be dodgy. An Australian lawyer was behind that one. Many investments had nothing to do with economics. The island was far too remote to be an air travel hub, so the government

created Air Neroon and bought five 737s. And again, just clogging up that main road. Yeah. Oh my god. There's no fucking parking anymore. This guy's waiting for a gate. It's gonna be forever. It's such a small fucking island. What is happening? I mean, these are big swings. You can't say they don't take risks. Well, look, Leonardo, the story of Mona Lisa and Leonardo's affair didn't work. So we're going to buy five huge planes. You have no faith in us? Presidents would just take the planes and use them for their own holidays and leave paying customers sitting on the tarmac. This could not be worse. And also all the meals were either coconut or pop. Yeah. Like they're trying. Fuck. Well, so you've got this generation of people

who just grew up with tons of money doing nothing. And so now they're in charge. And they have no sort of sense of how to run stuff or be economically. They just wanted to dance and sing. They just wanted to dance and sing. Much like Leonardo da Vinci. And then they make a musical and it's terrible. We don't even know how to dance and sing properly anymore. So all the investments are not working out. Some investments that were even decent like property started to fail due to a lack of management, interest fees, rates, taxes, royalty payments evaporated, workers weren't being paid suddenly, and neither were suppliers of food. When fresh food showed up at stores, mobs would rush to the store ahead of lettuce with $7. And the lady in the biscuit store was just like,

I'm still selling my biscuits, world famous biscuits. The island was becoming a nightmarish hell full of people with no employable skills. And it was worse off environmentally. Farming had stopped decades ago and now there was no land left to farm. Environmentalists said it was unlikely the land would ever produce enough food to feed the population. Until they put a KFC on it. Eat up. The new farming. In 1995, the island was a case study for environmentalists and anthropologists on how easy it is to destroy a tropical ecosystem and crush a native culture. You can't tell them why you're there then. What's the article about? It's a lifestyle piece. It's called You're Fucked. And yeah,

that sums it up. You're welcome. You're welcome. We did it. Congratulations. So happy for you. Your democracy. Sort of. Four fifths of the island had been mined out. New York Times quote, inch for inch, narrow is the most environmentally ravaged nation on earth. So much of the island has been devoured by strip mining begun 90 years ago that narrow ones face the prospect they may have to abandon their bleak depleted home. The mining was so extreme it affected the weather. Uncle. It's almost like this is a small microcosm. No, it is almost like it is an exact microcosm of something. I forget what it is. I don't know what it is. Waves of heat rise from the mind out plateau and drive away rain clouds leaving

a sun baked island that is now plagued by constant drought. Dave, come on. There's a happy ending, right? Yeah, when everyone dies or we die before the end of this time. Taps were running dry more than half the day in 1995. Whoa. The Reverend James and Yamia, minister of the narrow congressional congressional church said quote, I wish we'd never discovered that phosphate when I was a boy. It was so beautiful. There were trees. Just like God. Tell us the story of trees again. All right, gather around, children, gather around. Where that hungry jacks used to be, there used to be a bunch of green monstrous things. Oh, were they scary? Why no, son. They provided us with air that we could breathe. Oh, great,

now what? Now we drink smog with our lungs, huh? There were never trees. Don't mind your grandma. It was green everywhere and we could eat the fresh coconuts and breadfruit. Now I see what happened here and I want to cry. Now that was the, but he's out of water. Yeah. His tears turned into steam. Yeah, face drought. Yeah. But that's also the Reverend. So the thing that also destroyed their culture, religion, he gave that a pass to that. How much did religion play into the huge? Why? Because it was just sort of like they're like, we're on a, I mean, they blew his brother it. They're on a mission from God and that's why they need to take the phosphate. Well, they, they just, there was the point where they made them stop dancing and doing all of their traditional

stuff that was all religion. Yeah. I feel like that, like, so I'm malty, right? So heaps is my family are in like Hillsong and stuff like that. And I feel like it's a thing of like, oh, like, you guys have community and you won't like be mean to us about our community. Like we can just like go exist in a place. I feel like give the Reverend a break is what I'm saying. All right. Give the Reverend a break. Most of really playing to this church crowd in front of right now. You're just saying, I think it's cool. Yeah, you're just upset we made him put the crucifix in back. I didn't know there would be preaching here tonight. So now, now only a handful of elderly Nehruans have the slightest recollection of how sacred dances should be performed,

because they were seen as pagan and all stopped. A Nehruan, a Nehruan teacher quote, our cultural traditions have been basically wiped out, white it out, white it out. In 1998, they got the Asian Development Bank to lend them $5 million to help overhaul the public sector. It's just even hearing public sector, it's just like, why? I like that. It's like, well, you're, well, you're paying our way out of this, and then we'll debt our way out of this. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, use the tactics that never work. Austerity had finally arrived. Because of the loan the government had to fire, well, it would end up being one third of civil servants. It was time to privatize telecommunications

water and power. Because that's how you get out of this situation, privatization. I mean, we all know Nehru resorted to desperate money raising ventures, including a favorite of cash hungry third world countries becoming friends with Taiwan. I didn't know this, but if you become friends with Taiwan, they'll give you money and then you fly their flag at an embassy and they feel like, yay, we did it. So now the Taiwanese flag is flying outside of the island. So it's just like those people who have like ads on their cars? You're just like, all right, I guess it's like, yeah, it's like in their mind, it gives them legitimacy because the country is backing them. Okay. So in return, Taiwan let narrow money at bargain rates. And then China counter offered

and gave a $1 million grant to revive phosphate production. Oh my god. Why? So the devil wants to renegotiate. And I think I'm open to it. I really do. At this point, like the plant that they use to refine the phosphate is not never been, you know, kept up and maintained. So it's all falling apart. So the idea is to fix that. Yeah, get that going again. So the president, Renee Harris, took the money and with it, he got cash advances, bought furniture and reimbursed his ministers. Not $1 of the $1 million went to the desperately needed updating of the phosphate plant. So what, they're just going to run a non...

When the operations manager complained of the maintenance failures, Renee Harris fired him. Got nice furniture though. Renee Harris came from a wealthy family, was educated in Australia and entered parliament in 1977. And then he became the head of the Nehru phosphate corporation. In 1998, he was convicted of assault and jailbreaking after forcibly releasing three relatives from Nehru prison cells. Forcibly? Yeah. Okay. A year later, he was elected president. Sure. Well, listen, let the people know you're one of them. And then, yeah. Yeah. Jesus. Every story needs a trump. Harris and his ministers acted as if the golden era had never ended. It was hard to find anyone

from the government on the island. They were always away with their families, shopping in Hong Kong, Sydney and New York, sometimes on Air Nehru's now only plane. What happened to them? They had to sell them or they were repossessed. They're caught in traffic. They're on their way. They're closed down. Repo-ing is 737 is a bummer. I don't know how to fly this. Well, we're in. Let's just do it. You're a fucking repo guy, right? Yeah. Let's do it. Okay. No. He didn't know how to do it. But Renee Harris maintained a penthouse apartment in Melbourne.

You have to. You got to reward yourself. I mean, you're so exhausted from running it into the ground. Yeah. It's tiring. Money was getting tight. Prime pieces of property the government owned languished for decades. Fiji repossessed a hotel in their capital that Nehru had bought and then left to rot. Another hotel on the Marshall Islands was under construction for more than 20 years. Over 50 million was spent on a site in Melbourne that was later sold for less than 20 million. That's a good profit. That's how you do it. That's how we do it. Harris then negotiated a $236 million loan from General Electric. Oh, this is from the army. You're one of the great charity corporations. Yeah, tiny one if you haven't heard of it.

But the collateral was the island's property around the Pacific Rim. What worried? Now, this loan was needed to pay off all a bunch of other little loans, but rental money was now being swallowed up by loan payments and the Nehru and property advisor, Angus Reed, Australian, he helped put together this deal. He just he got a million dollars for doing it. GE was also given a management fee, 9% interest a year, and a bonus of 18 million for appreciation and property value. Awesome, dude. That's awesome. That's awesome to hear. Finally a win for someone. And finally someone to root for. Finally a hero in the story because I've been a little lost, but now I know who we like. Harris. Yeah. In 2000, the government would

not pay civil servants wages and had to limit withdrawals from the state-owned bank of Nehru. It was like, do you want to take this plane? We have one plane left. We'll give you a wing and then shut up. The government turned to offshore banking. For just $25,000, anyone could set up a bank on Nehru. You didn't have to go to the island? What's it at now? I'd love to set one up. What do you mean? I want my own bank. Now things have changed, but back then you could own your own bank for $25,000. Pretty great. I mean there's one upside to the capitalistic attitude. By 2001 there were 400 banks on Nehru. Sure, sure, sure. Is that a problem? Do you think at all? But they were all housed in one building. It's like a shack. So you need a bank to store all the banks.

They were all registered to one government mailbox. There was no regulation whatsoever. The banks were not required to keep records. That's a problem for banks or used to be. This made tracing transactions impossible and then Nehru started selling citizenship so criminals could avoid extradition. Who doesn't want to move there at this point? I mean at this point it's humming. It's a humming economy. You've got a bunch of convicts living there. It's the second chance at life. Yeah, they've made a little Australia essentially. Yeah, we were all convicts and look how that turned out. Yeah, shook out all right, didn't it? The Russian central bank said that in early 2000, 700 billion was taken out of Russian banks and

put into Nehru and accounts and was never seen again. The Russian mob took all of their money out of Russian banks. Did they just throw it into the hole in the middle of Nehru? No one will find it here. It's called laundering. Special laundering, phosphate, yes. Push in. So the group of seven, you know, the economic leaders, the winners identified Nehru as an uncooperative country in fighting money laundering and large Western banks would no longer handle transactions involving Nehru. It is their fault, for sure. This led Nehru to a more heinous money-making scheme. Oh boy, more heinous than having Russians push money into phosphate holes, which I'm just, I know we're at it. I enjoy the visual. Rene Harris, agreed to house Australia's

unwanted asylum seekers in exchange for millions of dollars. Now you're booing? What took so long? It was called the Pacific solution and was internationally reviled. So people are trying to get to Australia invoits are now being put on sound. Nehru got eight months for this deal. They got eight months worth of free fuel, two new electrical generators, and 10 scholarships for students at Australian universities. Who's signing this dotted line over there? Who's like deal, for sure. I don't think we negotiate any further. I think this is pretty good. 10 scholarships, some fuel for eight months. Come on, guys. Rene Harris did this deal. Oh, so he, right, okay. When was this again? What year was this? This is, I think, 2000, 2001. Yeah. So the people in Nehru

liked this because the fuel meant they now had electricity around the clock again for eight months. It was being rationed. Yeah, but at this point they were getting it for a couple hours a day. So now they got it. And they're pulling every car back onto the road, like, finally. Traffic, we're back. Move it. It also brought tons of high spending government and contractors to the island. Islanders greeted the refugees with songs and flowers and a beautiful example of capitalism. Competition popped up on other poor Pacific nation islands, beholden to Australia, like Papua New Guinea and Kiribati. The neurons did notice that the detainees had been, did notice that the detainees had been, had had better housing. Quote, one thing is for certain,

they eat better than us. We are going by on one meal a day. It's a fucking capitalism of love story, guys. It really is. Really quiet. What happened? But in 2002, the U.S. imposed sanctions on the island's banking practices, which were as harsh as those it had just slapped on Iraq. Sanctions usually just do the most damage to the poor. And with failing healthcare and bad diets, narrow is said to now be one of the sickest nations in the world. Renee Harris was voted out as president for a man named Bernard de Wogo. Then two men, the two men would swap the presidency several times. During one month in 2003,

both men held the office of president twice. What? It's not a fan club. It's almost like during times of economic crisis, people vote in crazy people and do weird things. It's almost like a bunch of rapid leadership changes will destable some kind of country as well. Yeah, it's weird. I wish there were other examples of this. There are, goddammit. I'm so rung out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be a beautiful hotel, Nauru. You're going to love it. De Wogo died in 2003. From eating money. From listening to the history of Nauru. Yeah, fucking necked himself. Harris was reelected and remained president until 2004.

That was the year Nauru defaulted on its loan to General Electric. The devaluation of the Australian dollar against the US dollar blew out the debt and GE took control of all Nauru owned properties. Now we have a country of GE. Well, every single investment they had around the Pacific Rim and they had tons of fucking property. But GE's slogan, right, is we bring good things to life. And fuck you poor people. Yeah. There's two slogans. One is internal. They just use it on emails. Yeah. In 2004, with no other options, Nauru passed anti-money laundering laws. Their offshore banking sector vanished. The Minister of Finance from 2002 to 2003 was asked

if he qualified to be the Minister of Finance, and he said, no. Okay. Normally, there's more to a quote like that, but that's just. There was, but it was just more no. No. No. Next question. I don't want to do it. No. Next. Dumping money into a country for the detention centers, Australia was back as a colonial power. Australians led the Nauru police force. Australian officials took up key positions in Nauru government departments in finance, police, utilities, and planning. Asterity and pushing for privatization that had started in 1999 was full on. Nauru's public works department was gone, replaced by a quasi-private sector body operating under a business plan prepared by Australia. But all the banks

had closed up. Privatization without banks is apparently difficult. There could be no competition. This meant the privatization of services was just a move to private monopolies. That's good. Yeah. AusAid. That sounds good. AusAid. AusAid. They give aid to other places that need it. By the way, at this point, I assume it's just importing aids. That's where we're at. We will give you so much money if you let us bring aid into this country. So I've got a new great deal. Australia will give us all aids for $50 a month. I say we go. Let's do it. This quote, community resistance to user pay systems will be difficult to overcome and political will is necessary to pursue this critical element of utilities reform. So AusAid was pushing

privatization, which is awesome. That's what we call aid. Then the detention camps were closed down in 2007. Most of the people resettled in Australia. Rene Harris lost his seat in parliament in April 2008. This was the first time he had not been in government in 30 years. Within a couple of months, Rene was stirring up anger over talk of restarting phosphate mining. This was called secondary mining, which would come from phosphate left over from previous, less efficient mining. And Rene worked people up in a protest renewal riot, and Nehru's main police station was burned down. Oh my God. He's Trump. Yeah. I mean, it really is like the recklessness is just crazy. The ability to just be able to be like, I don't give a

shit about anything that happens tomorrow. It's a small island, right? And that dude's been there for 30 years, like fucking everything up. And people are still like, let's hear him out. What's he talking about now? Well, there's no other better option. So I mean, we've got two candidates. So I think we'd go with Rene. The top cop, Australian federal police officer, Robert Lehman, sworn 100 civilians to suppress the riot. It was reported this included high school students. That's what you want. It's like 22 Jump Street. That's the angle. Just for sure. Get in there like that. That was later denied. But people still cruise around in their cars, now driving on pothole filled roads. They drive to the island's barren interior, which is called

topside. Mining has rendered the inner 80% of Nehru uninhabitable. People still want to know what happened to the money. One woman, quote, we need to account for all the lost money for our children to understand why we have such a big hole in the middle of the island. I mean, it's a valid question. Sure. Yeah, you want to know where the big pit came from. Like, if you were a kid and you were growing up in this essential, essentially like a doughnut, yeah, you'd ask your parents like, why are we here? That's the way you frame it too. Oh, we're God's doughnut, honey. Don't tell them the truth. Do not ever tell the kids the truth. We're a doughnut. Mm-hmm. Yeah, eat it. Yeah.

Like a jelly filled doughnut that someone came in and sucked all the jelly out of and then cut the middle out. And then shitting it and made us pay for it. Yeah. Made us pay five times what it would have actually cost to purchase it. In 2002, the Liberal government of Australia reopened the detention centers again. Money was again coming into Nehru. Foreign journalists are forbidden from entering. Information is restricted with laws against leagues. One refugee from Baghdad said he came, quote, from hell to hell. With the election of the Waghu government in 2013, Nehru went about cleaning up their financial reputation. The EU announced the island was fully compliant and off its gray list. This was the same year refugee detention returned for the

Australians. There is only one bank left, Bendigo Bank, which opened in 2015. Is that a bank here, Bendigo Bank? Australian detention is responsible for two thirds of Nehru's revenue. Nehru continues to decay. The government has been forced to ration electricity and water. The petrol supply regularly runs out. Many people live in cinder block wall housing, quote, at the moment Nehru's main industry could perhaps be described as misery and suffering. I gotta say, that's not an industry. But it's booming. Never been a hotter time to be in the misery business. Rare visits from international dignitaries are disrupted by protesters demanding to know where their money is gone. Buying another island and starting afresh is again under discussion. This is such an

earth microcosm. Mars. We'll go to Mars. It'll be better. Mars will be great. Matt Damon planted poo potatoes. It'll work out fine. Oh my God. Here we go. Let's leave earth. We had a good party. Let's go to the new spot. I'm still thinking about poo potatoes. I don't hear anything else. No, the Martian. What a fun romcom. The love story between Matt and Mars. You get there, you're like, it's a waterless pit where you can't go outside. What? But the Martian want to go to the globe. Oh my God. We've gone from hell to hell. But the refugees have begun to be sent away as other nations take them. The detention center has been shut down, but the people are still there.

Which means the industry of caging humans is still running its course again. What is left of the phosphate mining brings in $22 million a year, but it costs $27 million to mine it. Is it clean phosphate or just the old dirty kind? The deficit to mine the phosphate is covered by a loan from Taiwan. Who's just happy to be at the party. So in September, an article appeared in The Guardian explaining Nehru's newest hope. Superman. Deep sea mining. Oh no, why? A deep sea mining venture by a company called Deep Green, which is run by an Australian entrepreneur and backed by mining giant Glencore and shipping company MERSC. It's called Deep Green? Yeah, you'll hear. On the floor of the ocean

around the island are fields of potato-sized smooth brown rocks. They're rich in nickel, cobalt, and magnesium, all essential for the clean energy industry. The minerals are needed to build electric vehicles, solar panels, and renewable energy storage. The nodules will be vacuumed up. The company plans to begin mining in 2025. They plan to employ Nehruans and pay, quote, tens of millions a year in royalties. Many Nehruans believe that colonialism damaged, if not destroyed, what had been one of the most advanced island cultures of the Pacific. I thought I'd heard it all until that. Dr. Karen KK says, quote, Dr. Karen KK? Yeah. So her initials are KKK? Well, first of all, his initials, wow. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm Dr. Karen. How are you?

You're not going to be like, just call me Dr. KKK. How's everyone doing? I'm here to undo a lot of the racism here. So Karen KK says, quote, that big what could have been feeling lingers through everything we look at. We did it, you guys. Oh my god. We destroyed a human race of people. There were people on an island and we took their insides out and we sucked on them. But now you guys have tons of farmland. If you could go back in time, would you nuke Britain? Rather, yeah. Well, that's what happens when the sun never sets on the British Empire. And later we'll tell you, not on stage, but what's happening on that island now.

I got a good feeling. It's too, you guys want me to tell them in front of you? Yes. Okay. So they close the detention center, but the kids, the people are still there, the refugees. And they can't go anywhere. And so some kids have been, essentially, it's a prison just in there for years. And some of them are just, they're stopping to live. Their bodies are shutting down and they're dying. Well, it's just good that that doesn't sound so crazy because I live in America. Thankfully, that's something now that is the norm to detaining children. Yeah. This is the fun part of the show where you kind of get to deal with it and process and

I feel like I've got to provide like the case for Australia and this and I'm just gonna to be fair, we gave it a go. And isn't that the Australian way? But can I also just say just from a, I mean, you know, okay, so Australia is doing that, but from a worldwide perspective, why is no one else ticking these people? What about any other fucking country? Why aren't they, why haven't they gone? New Zealand wants them? Yeah. So New Zealand government has asked to take them and Australia and now we're like, nah, because they're paying money because it's a fucking cycle. It's money. This is capitalism. And the product is human lives. Like that's where the profit comes from. And then I think

the American government were going to take some. We did. We were forced to. Right. Because Obama made the deal. Trump was furious, but still took them. Donald Trump? Yeah. Yeah. That guy, he's pretty great. He's got a heart of gold. Doesn't sound like my Donald. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you guys so much for coming out. We appreciate it truly.