The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 355 - Detroit Criminal Sophie Lyons (Live)

Episode Date: December 4, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reyonds are live in Detroit to examine extraordinary criminal Sophie Lyons. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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American history to my friend Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Now we should say we did some shows in Boston recently and I'll let you handle this. If you want to talk to someone close to you don't because some two assholes who were right up front ruined a recording for the most part that we're trying to fix by just I guess hitting it off. Which is a great story but not as good as this one that he's prepared. December 24th, 1898. The eve of Jeeze. Jeeze. Jeeze? No no Jeeze. The J-man. It's almost his big b-day. Jeeze? It's my man. Jeeze. Jeeze and chrism. Sophie Levy was born in New

York into a family of criminals. Alrighty. In New England her grandfather had been a safe cracker. Her parents both had criminal records in England before they immigrated to the United States. So you're telling me she's got a good shot. She's got a good good chance. Yeah thanks her yeah. Her mother, mother Sophie Elkins was a Baltimore shoplifter and then in New York a quote keeper of a disorderly house. That's a promotion where I come from. It's pretty solid. No no no no. Is that what that means? For those of you listening Dave is extra. Dave is pretending to vacuum the floor. Is that what that means? No no no just it's an audio thing.

We're doing an audio. I don't want to extra. Let's just say there's options. No one knows what happened to her mother but you do. I don't. It sounds like you do with your gestures. I have no idea. I looked. She just vanished. Mama? She's living with her father and stepmother when the Civil War started. That can't be 1898. That's got to be wrong. Oh who knows what that date is but it's not 1898. Sure. Let's say you want to reshout. Well I'm thinking of Civil War 18. Yeah no I'm trying to do the math of when she was born not when the Civil War started. So it's probably 18. Welcome to Dave's hell. I mean when other people are shouting

the dates at him. So that clearly should be 1858. Okay. Yeah. Do you want to reshout? Nope. Okay. Nope. So no one knows what happened to her mom but she's living with her father and stepmother when the Civil War started. Okay. Her father left to fight for the north so at least. Yeah we've got one person to slightly root for her for now until the bottom drops out from him. That's right. And young Sophie was left with her stepmother who she did not like. Well that's a classic trope. Yeah. Quote my stepmother was a thief. Okay. Once dad was gone. Oh that's the end of the quote. Yep. Oh. Short but sweet. Once dad was gone her stepmother forced

young Sophie out onto the streets to snatch purses and shoplift. She wasn't even six years old. Oh my god. That's when you get them going. I mean it to me it does have an Oliver quality which I like. Yep. You know sort of a like young pickpocket. Oh Chum Chum Cheerio. You know sort of a like if you sing when you pick pocket it's a lot cuter. It really is. It's like a lot. There's a charm to it. Then you get caught. Yeah but you know you say that's when you go. I'm putting my hand in you purse. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to pick a pocket or two. You know something like that. Huh. I'm gonna back up so I don't keep looking over my. Don't. Not gonna look at you

anymore. So she's not even. Jesus Christ. So she's not even six years old. Right in the red light. Am I in the red light. So she's not. So she's not even six years old. Her stepmom was very very patient and she taught Sophie the basics of thieving in the family apartment. Which is just remove things. Well. So before she got on the street she showed her how to open shopping bags and feel inside for a pocketbook. Oh this totally is a musical now for sure. This is before people use purses so you would just put your wallet in your shopping bag. Sure. Yeah. Or your socks or your undergarments or pocketbook. Yeah. I'm back. Hey. So quote I was very

happy. Oh wait. First. Oh she also learned how to use a knife to slit. So she'd put her hand in. She'd feel it. She put a knife slit the bottom open and take the money out. I mean we can we say that for someone who's six years old this is pretty good. Yeah. I mean kids were different then their fingers were better. Yeah. Yeah. This before kids fingers were just on the iPad. Don't even get me started. Kids today they're not even cutting the bottom of shopping bags for change. They're just like oh where's Fortnite. It's just disgusting. I took Finn for a hike. It was his first hike up in the mountains and we're walking down.

He comes back right. And we're walking down and he said and I quote this is just like Fortnite. Well son another moment soiled. And then he just heard the sound of a gun and turned around and my head was just blown wide open. So Sophie was a very beautiful little girl. She's very engaging manners. Right. She could really sort of suck people in. OK. That helps her blend in with the rich. When she went out and stole her first pocketbook. Everybody remembers the time. Oh my god. The first pocketbook stealing you never forget that. It's like a quinceanera. The first time I saw a pocketbook and then the first time I cut a guy's Achilles

heel. Memory. The sound of that guy hitting the floor. Yes. Screaming when you get a job. That's my boy. This is just like Fortnite. So she steals the first pocketbook. Her stepmom is outside waiting for her to come out of the store with her her stolen pocketbook. Quote I was very happy because I was petted and rewarded. My wretched stepmother patted my curly head gave me a bag of candy and said I was a good girl. Oh boy. Well you know that's not good. Sophie was sent into crowds of shoppers and stores every day. She was whipped if she came home with less than three pocketbooks. Oh my god. She had a quota. Quote. Yeah. Quote

I did not know it was wrong to steal. Nobody taught me that. Yeah. Sad. Exactly. Yeah. You have every right to act like a full house audience right now. Aw. You guys are all like aw. But the other kids were like working in mines. So. Honest living. Clean coal. That's right. She was fracking. So she never went to school. A policeman caught her trying to pickpocket in a crowd near a merry-go-round. But then she like cut his gun out. And he was like god damn it. Where the. Oh god. Move it. Nice try copper. Where's my wallet. That's exactly right. Oh man I'm so good at these. Her stepmother was watching and when she got grabbed her stepmother

just disappeared into the crowd. Like Homer Simpson into a bush like. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's where the step part comes into play. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess not my kid. Not mine. Little robber. Cut her head off. See you later. So he said the policeman took her and kept her at the Hoboken jail for several days until a strange woman came to collect her. Turned out to be a friend of her stepmothers. Okay. So a step friend. Step friend. So if he was caught many times as a child but not officially arrested until she was 12. Geez. I mean old enough already. I know. Enough with the games. Yeah. So she got arrested for

shoplifting and she spent time in jail. That was the first time she was in jail at 12. In the Hoboken prison. No. Well she's in Manhattan mostly so. Oh that's important. They just went over to Hoboken for the fair and the merry-go-round. Sure. Try to keep up. Lots happening. Sophie was a very good actress and she could use her skills and range of emotion to get out of it whenever she was nabbed by the cops or like a security guard. When she was caught by one guard while shoplifting he let her go after she convinced him she had kleptomania. Well she kind of did right. I mean I know she's acting but it's based on a real life experience. Yeah

I mean psychologically speaking. I mean couldn't you make him feel bad for you by just telling your true story? Yeah. My mother vanished in a cloud of smoke. I was left alone. I shoplifted. My stepmother's disowned me. Here we are. He's like not good enough. I don't feel for you. So all of her friends were thieves and criminals. She ended up marrying another pickpocket named Maury. At what age? She was 16. She's okay. I guess the... all right. Sure. Whatever. Rules are out the window at this point. You reside to that so quickly. Well I mean I'm just thinking back on her history. You know at six she's an effective thief so sure. But then Maury

was arrested and sent to New York State Prison for two years and then she divorced him. Okay. Can't wait when you're 16. Yeah. Two years is like fucking 40. Yeah. No. Yeah. You exactly. You lived to 35. Yeah. So you're like well yeah. That's half of it. Yeah. Yeah. Next she fell in love with Ned Lyons who was also known as the king of the bank robbers. So his last name is Lyon and he's the king of the robbers. That's right. It was said because of his extreme near-sightedness he could quickly identify liars. By whom? Who said this? Everybody. There's New York gang. Yeah. It was near-sightedness is when you can only see near or you

can't see. I think that's you have a far-sighted. You have trouble seeing near. I always forget. Right? No. Okay. Right. Near-sightedness you can only see near or you can't see far. So for some reason they all thought this made him be able to pick up liars. Makes sense of you. For sure. If you don't think about it it makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Let's use near logic on this one. That's right. Yeah. Being able to identify liars earned him a high position among the gangs in New York. Quote physically he had a striking. Oh dear. Quote physically he had a strikingly large head. What was his name again? Ned Lyon. So Ned the head? Hey Ned the head. He could see a liars from

a mile away. He's near-sighted. What's that a palm tree? It's Ned. Hey. My fucking neck. It's fine. He can't see us. Oh my bad. My neck is so bad. You're holding up the bowling ball. I've hurt so much. Ned also had one ear. All right. Let's get all the details about Ned out on the table. He lost. I can't keep changing him. He lost the ear. It feels like a Mr. Potato Head that fell out of the car. That's exactly right. That's what all the photos are. Okay. So one-eared big-headed near-sighted thief spotter. Ned. Bank robber. He lost one. He lost the one ear in a bar fight. Well, I'll be honest, Dave. That's the one thing that's not surprising I've heard about him so far. That's for the

era. How do you lose an ear in a bar fight? It's an ear. Yeah. But it's also a bar fight. I mean, it just seems like in the time that was like one of the moves. I bet someone bit it off. That's what I always hoped for in ear beatings. So they had a child and Sophie wanted to give her kid everything she didn't have, but they still lived like a small head. Two ears. Yeah. They still lived the life of crime, though. He robbed banks all over the East Coast and she wasn't easy to identify. They were like the mask was enormous on him. Looked like an Easter Island statue was in here trying to take the loot. He came in. He was like, I can spot a liar. This is a gas station. Oh, okay. Yeah. He lived his

life like a guy who was dozing off on the plane the whole time. He was just like, hey, how are you doing? God damn it. This hurts so much. God damn it. So they had tons of money because he was a bank robber and they pulled off a famous robbery with a gang stealing one million in cash bonds and securities from a Manhattan bank. Okay. The rolling in it. Yeah. And with the money, Ned but a villa along on Long Island. So Sophie's living the life. Jewels, servants, a carriage, beautiful clothes and young baby George is there. We all love George. Yeah. But neither of them could stop being criminals. Even though he kept robbing banks, Ned didn't

want Sophie to keep working, but whenever he went off on a business trip, she'd slip into the city and steal and fence stuff. Just like, but now it's just for the rush for its love of the game. Clearly, she just can't not do it. Right. And she was part of Marma Mandelbaum's crew, which at some point we'll do a podcast on, but she's very famous. No, she's like a very famous. What's her name? Marma Mandelbaum. Marma Marma Marma. She was a a fence in New York. Okay. So she was like the fence. So then Sophie had two more kids. And so if he got busted was sentenced to six months on Blockwell's Island. Okay. Then she got out and then Ned got popped for robbing a bank in Perry, New York, and he was given

seven years. Heavy as the head, sir. You'd like to plead head. Why do you keep saying head? It's really big. All right. Do you know what a mirror is? Your honor, I would like to point out that my client has not enough ear proportion for the size of that enormous nogginie drags around. It is gigantic. Yeah. Turn up. What just happened? This was a little low. Okay. Had to not listen to you and turn it up. Sure. I'm here for you. That doesn't feel like it at times. I was doing some tech stuff. Awesome. Sometimes I do tech work. Turned up the brightness. I'm going to come over to your place. Do you have an app that gets everyone to their seat? Be great to utilize. Those two are still not here. Yeah. I don't

know what happened. And there's, is there stuff here? No, there's nothing. That's other people put their stuff on there. That was someone's feet. Yeah. So he gets seven years for Robin the bank and Sophie hired the best lawyer in Buffalo and got Ned transferred to syncing, which is closer to New York. And then Sophie got busted trying to steal diamonds from a jewelry store and she was sentenced to that's a hard griff right there. Diamonds is tough, right? I think she was, I think she just tries to grab them. Okay. Now you've laid out a pretty easy scenario. Yeah. Just slowly pluck the plucking pot. You can do this. Look, huh? There's nothing. Anyway, when's the wedding? Where'd she go? Hmm. My diamonds.

So now a plan is hatched to break Ned out of jail. Sing, sing. You're going to need a big hole. I'm almost out guys. It's just, there's one part. Damn it. It feels like we've beaten the head humor to death in this room. People are like, yeah, yeah, you had a big head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Big head. Got it. Detroit. We don't do that here. So a guy from his gang came to the prison posing as his lawyer. Okay. And when he comes in his sink sing, they give him a pass. Okay, right. Yeah. He looks like a lawyer. He's got a briefcase. And then he goes into me with Ned, his client, and he put the pass on the roof of his mouth. And then when he was leaving, they're like, where's the pass? And he's like,

I lost it. I don't know. Okay. Must have dropped it somewhere. But then they noticed the, I mean, if you have a pass on the roof of your mouth, you're like, no, I don't know. I don't know where it is. Somehow they didn't notice that he was on some bar. I expect that. No, right. You talked. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. No more questions. Sorry. So when he got back to New York, he made a copy of the pass. And then he got that to Ned along with a change of clothes and a wig. What? How did he okay? I mean, this is before they searched or did anything apparently, right? I don't I don't know how we got that stuff in there. But then Ned just put on the wig and the clothes and left. Hey, hey, it's me, the guy you didn't

let in. Hey, well, you got a pass. I've had a blonde afro for a while. I feel like we'd remember a guy with a big blonde afro coming in, but you got this pass and clearly regular human clothes. So sir, by all means, no more questions. But then he wanted to get his lady out. So a few months later, just before Christmas in 1872, Ned and a buddy drove up to the prison entrance in a sleigh. Now it's snowing. Wait, wait, wait, wait, sorry. You're too familiar with your material, sir. They went there in a sleigh. They pull up to the front of the prison in a sleigh. Is that crazy? Or is the sleigh times everyone's standing around town? There's a blizzard happening. That still is not a justification to travel like Santa Claus.

I think it's sleigh time. I'm gonna let you cars. Okay. So traffic was brutal. So they pull up and the guards like, what are you doing here? Delivering gifts or coal, depending. Said they were delivering fruit. Okay. So just to, for those of you who like refreshers, Ned and a pal drove up to a prison on a sleigh when asked why it was for fruit delivery. That's right. Okay. In the middle of the night on Christmas Eve, yep, right. So they had a basket in there. Do you want to throw anything else out where they have big white beards on at this point or anything? Or one of them have a big red nose? No. So the guard reaches in to get the basket of fruit. Sure. And Sophie just ran through the open gate and jumped

into the sleigh. And they sped off in the sleigh. I'm not going to get hung up on science. But how do you, do you speed off in a sleigh? If it's a blizzard, yes. I'm going to let you go. I'm assuming it was like a blinding white blizzard because no one went after them. They were like, oh, fuck, fuck that. We can't catch them. They're in a sleigh. Hey, it's not a total loss. We got two bananas. Hey, what is that? A strawberry? Yeah. All right. What a ruse. Good work. Hey, is it just mirrored that guy looked like that blonde Afro'd man who left? A little bit. It's pretty easy to get out of here, huh? Well, part of that is because we're fucking idiots. Yeah. Idiots with two bananas. So Ned and Sophie head to

Canada and they continue with their criminal ways. I'm just going to picture them on a sleigh on a map at this point, just like. But they fought a lot. They were no longer getting along. Five years later, they were back in the US and we know this because they were both arrested for picking pockets at the Long Island Fair. But they did have money, right? Yeah. Okay. So they're still just nickel and diming at the fair. Well, that's their job. Yeah. But they like, I mean, at this point, couldn't they take it a little easier? I know if you are like a guy who runs races, you know, at the race tracks. I feel like you're already in quicksand with your analogy.

Say you're Carl Lewis. Okay. And you win, you win a couple of Olympics or whatever. You got a bunch of money. Do you stop running? Yes, absolutely. That's what athletes do in the Olympics. Yeah, they eventually stop. That was a bad example. Yeah. Yeah. It's awful example. If the last time you were in jail, you had to make a fruit sleigh escape. Yeah. You fucking retire. Anyway, they were both then sent back to syncing to finish their sentences. That's so awkward. Hey, guys. Oh, well, well, well, hopefully you didn't sneak in a blind afro in a saliva pass this time, huh, Jack? We learned our lesson. Yeah. In that five years of freedom. Yeah.

So while in jail, Sophie took stock, Sophie took stock of her life and decided she needed to make a change. How old are we talking at this point? She's like 22 ish. No, she's much older than this point to 30s. Okay. She went to jail a lot. They both did. No, it seems like they added up. It was like, you know, it's like one of those six months here, six months there. We've all been there. So you say she decides she needs to make a change from now on, she would be a blackmailer, bank thief and con woman as a single lady. Good. Yeah. No, I think the problem is she's been tied down too much. That's right. For sure. So Ned's out. Okay.

Sophie said Ned was quote a desperate scoundrel and constantly in difficulties with and all he cared about was money, money, money, money, money. Yeah, men. So then the state of New York then released Sophie early on one condition. She had to leave New York. Okay. Seems a little, I mean, it seems like you could put another condition on there. Yeah. Like no more theft, but instead they're like, one thing, you got to learn your lesson. Don't do it here. Okay. Get out of here. Good luck in the other states. You should have fun. You should crime elsewhere. No. Yeah. So she did. She ended up pairing up with a guy named Billy Burke and together they followed a circus around the country.

Just following a circus, essentially. As the circus would come into town, they'd have a parade, right? To show everyone that. Sure. Show off all the torture in the city. Here's what you could come see. Look at all the possible nightmares. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. This clown can get crushed. Like, that's the first thing that gets tortured in your head. To me, I'm thinking like the animals, but you're like the clowns. Think of the poor life of the clowns. Have you ever seen? Already in a car. Have you not seen the documentaries about circus clowns? They're really not treated well. Send me titles. I'm in. I, my wheels are spinning. I'm just picturing like a lion tamer with a clown like open your damn mouth

sparkles. Big guy. Have you not seen sad clown? I've not seen sad. Dark, dark clown. Not seen dark clown. The clowns have ears. Well, I know who can't be one. So what happened is the circus had come to town ever to come out on a main street to watch the circus. And then Billy and Sophie would go into a bank to rob it because the tellers were distracted by the lions and the clowns. Again, it is, it is the, it's just like the first. That's, it's an advantage of being the first people to be like, Oh, people just leave the bank when there's a parade. Open. Another trick was to go to the bank at lunch. I think it is. I think you're okay. Go ahead. It's calling it a trick is fun. There's, I don't know

if there's a to dodge us because there's open bank vaults. What a trick. So at lunchtime that usually meant there was just one bank teller in the bank. Okay. So Billy would go in and say there's a rich woman outside in a carriage who wants to open an account, but she's unable to walk and she can't get out of the, let me get out of the way. He gets. So the teller would go outside and get into the carriage, opening account and meanwhile Billy would just steal all the money inside. Ma'am, ma'am. Hmm. Nobody in here. I wonder where that. Oh, she's in there. Oh, she is. So she's, she's faking. Okay. A little stronger. Okay. Yeah. He wouldn't just go in the carriage and be like, where's this magic woman? Well,

ma'am, you're affluent. So much. Oh, very rich. I am. I want to give it all to a bank, but first my story. Okay. Doki. Well, it was a snowy day. It was the night before Christmas. Oh, do you mind if I take a nap before I finish ma'am? Absolutely not. I'll wait all day. I should probably go close the door. I don't want to be rude. So after doing this for a while, Sophie made her way to Paris where she pulled off cons and thefts in France. She lived posing as a Southern belle under the name Madame de Varney. She stole jewels from royalty and sold phony gold bricks. She fleeced wealthy Parisians of about $200,000 a year. That's pretty good living. She's making some scratch. Yeah. One day a French cop spotted

her slipping her hand into a man's pocket and he grabbed her and then she acted outraged at the accusation. Her performance was so convincing that the American ambassador intervened and demanded she be released and apologized to. That's an awkward apology. My dear, I'm sorry that I saw what I saw. I realized I was talking to the ambassadors that you are merely reaching for the gentleman's man bear. And again, I regret. Apologize. I should not have accused the woman who so clearly his heart is in the right place. It's just that when you started telling me your life story so slowly, it felt like a con. Would you like to buy a gold brick? Of course. Do I look like an idiot? I'll buy two. Take everything. Have it all. Now that

I know you're a good person. Sophie did so well in France. She bought a villa on the Riviera. So eventually she returned to America. Why? What are you leaving? What is, what hole is she trying to fill? You've got it all. I wouldn't leave France, but I just assume that maybe people start to know who you are after a while. Okay. Well, that's why you don't buy. You rent. That's right. So she decided to start blackmailing rich men. She'd flirt with them and eventually get them into a hotel room. One guy, a Boston merchant, she locked in the hotel closet and said she wouldn't come out until he wrote and slipped a $5,000 check under the door, or she would tell his wife. And he did it. You got a sweat

of God. You're not going to tell Sally nothing. Okay. I will not tell Sally anything. Why do they make these lock? I wish they, I mean, it's just the suit coats. Yeah, it's weird. All right. There you go. You're going to come out and have more sex? What? Huh? What? Will there be more sex? I can write another one. I only do a guy with guys who have big heads in one ear. It's my jam. I can figure it out. I know a surgeon. I like to hold on with one hand and poke my finger in with the other. And then you ride, you're like a Bronco. Hold on. I'm going to make this one out to cash. So, but then she got caught trying to cash the check, but the embarrassed guy refused to testify against her. Oh my God. In 1877,

Sophie landed in Detroit. I like how we're in the city and a quarter of the people are into it. Yeah. It's here. Miss, you know what? Could you sound more pissed with sparkles on? Who wears a dress like a disco ball and has an attitude like a toilet? How's this fucking story not about Royal Oak? Not in Detroit. Wish we were. I came to, I came here for dancing. What is this shit? You are looking festive. I agree. Happy birthday. It's your mom's birthday. Happy birthday. I'm talking to her now. Yeah, we were talking to you. We're on to your mom now. It's okay. We're just saying happy birthday to her. I'm talking to her. Yeah. Happy birthday, mom. Well, I'm just, but it's not your birthday. So I'm

saying, I'm saying, well, I'm saying to her, happy birthday. I don't need you. Well, she could fucking say thank you to me. God damn it. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. And I'm sorry. You tried your best. I just see like anger shimmers on the periphery. But it felt like to pass out at studio 54 from too much dust. Just like. Now at the time Detroit had a lot of criminals. Not Detroit. Criminals like big rice. Whoa. Yeah, I inflate when it's wet. Put your phone in me if you drop it in the toilet. Hungry Joe. Hey, don't let me have a big rice. I'll fucking eat the guy. Sam, gentlemen, George. Hey, pleasure. And the redheaded Jew. So, uh, Shalom, you want to...

I've got nothing. Just halfway through. I was like, yep. And then you ended it. Redheaded Jew. Oh, hi. Now, one reason there were so many criminals is because Detroit was so close to Canada. And there was no extradition treaty with Canada. Oh, right. So all you needed was, quote, all you needed was darkness, a rowboat, and a pair of oars. Stands today as well. Yep. It didn't take Sophie long to get arrested in Detroit. She was grabbed for shoplifting. She stole lace from a Woodward Avenue haberdashery. That's where they make haberdashes. Obviously. The only place. While she was waiting in trial, in jail for the trial, she tied together the bedsheets of her cell cot and hung herself right before the guard

made his rounds. Oh, so she... Right. So the timing was perfect. The guard saw her and saved her. And then the judge decided to show mercy on this poor woman and gave her a suspended sentence. Okay. The old, I'm going to hang myself trick. Well, yeah. And to that trick, like most tricks, timing is everything. Because if he's just like, oh, look, someone dropped a key, you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, God. Sophie then went to St. Louis. We're using the promise of sex. She learned another older married man into a hotel room. And it has that big glocked closet you asked about. I made sure my love. Well, this one, there's no closet. Well, I've been misled. But she got his clothes off. And then she tried to

blackmail him into writing her a $10,000 check to go away quietly. It's pretty easy to write checks naked. You're like, I'll do anything for sure. Does this end with the stuff? No. What? I'm writing you a check, but then I write the check, but then my thing goes in the park. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You just need to go to the bathroom real quick. And then I'll get naked and you'll come out and we'll do it. Just write the check. Just write the fucking check. Write the check. Are you going to write it? Take off? I'm going to, I'll stick around. Show me. Oh, show you a great time. Yeah. You just got to go lay in the bathtub for 10 minutes and when you come out, it'll be sex time. It's weird. So much too.

Real good sex too. Not any of this lame sex. So much. So much of it. So good of it. Just a lot of really good, long, awesome sex. Anything's, everything's on the table. You just got to go write the check. Remember the order. Write the check. Finish writing the check. Go to the bathroom for 10 minutes. Then when you come out, we have good, long, anything on the table, every holds a gold sex. Okay. Why, why do I go in the bathroom? You go in the bathroom so that I can prepare myself because I'm going to, because anything's on the table. So I kind of need a minute to get, you know, and I have a bunch of stuff too. Oh, like toys and like, you know, toys. Do you have any pumpkins? Yeah. Pumpkin. Yeah.

You're talking about a hump pumpkin. I got a pumpkin. Yeah. I got a bunch of those. Got those. And again, anything goes and pull and anything. I'm going to do it all. I hope you like everything. I do. Well, you're going to get it. Now, after you write that check and sign it finally, I go to the bathroom for 10 minutes. And then when you come out, 10 minutes, 10, 15, whatever it is, just like, imagine if someone were to jog away, like enough time for them to jog away, but I'll be in here getting the humpkins ready and all the toys and I'll be making sure everything smells good. I want to smell good for you because you're going to be able to do anything you want. I like broccoli. Oh, well, that's

a normal thing. And I have a bunch of that too. I got a bunch of fuck broccoli, fuck only. I got a bunch of humpkins, some fuck only. Yeah. Yeah. And you're going to, I'm a farmer. Uh-huh. That's Oh God. Yeah. You want some agricultural bang and you're going to get it, Mr. Yeah. You're going to plant seeds in me. You're going to till my soil, baby. Yeah. Yeah. And come spring. So just write the check, sign the check, and then we'll just get ready to till me with your seeds. Okay. Anyway, you go to the bathroom for 10 to 15 minutes. Anyway, he refused to sign the check. He saw through it. Shocking. So then Sophie lost her shit, started screaming at him, took

his clothes and threw them out the hotel window. Okay. The yelling and all the clothes flying down on the sidewalk created a scene. Yeah. Some guy was like, I knew it. Clothes storm. The cops were called and Sophie and the old guy were arrested. But again, he refused to press charges. Yeah. Did he get closed when he was arrested or they just cuffed him nude? I'll picture what I like. After St. Louis, she had to Boston where she called herself Kate Lorang. Again, she talked a man up to her hotel room at the Revere Hotel and soon he was naked. She was demanding a check. But he gave absolutely no shits and called the cops and pressed charges for extortion.

Okay. She went to jail. And I'm sorry, she went to trial and it ended in a hung jury. She was free again and she headed back to Michigan. Oh boy. Now, which we are, that is where we are. Now clearly this isn't working that great. So she changed up a little bit. She slept with an older guy, a prominent, older, grand, rapid citizen. The best of all fucks. And then after she fucked him, she went and she stood in front of his house every day, hoping to embarrass him into writing a large check to go away. I don't like the new version. It seems like it seems like when an artist is trying to like relate to a new audience and it's just sort of a melange of bad choices.

Yeah, it's not great. Because now she's fucking and then she's just standing. She already gave it up. Right. So he refused and then after a while he turned his garden hose on her. Again, if you're a hose away from your plan falling apart. He also beat up a quote unfortunate theatrical agent who espoused her cause. So she brought another guy. Yeah, she picked him up against each other in a way and that guy just beat him up. Yeah. So she decides she goes back to Detroit and she decides she's going to change up the what

she's doing a little bit reinvent herself. Yeah, right. So she took her sergeant peppers might be coming. This is her sergeant peppers. All right, all righty. She took a page from Marm Mandelbaum and she set up shop as the head of a theft ring. The ring was centered in Detroit, but radiated out to surrounding cities like Cleveland. Okay. No, honestly, there is not. There's not a place in this country that cares about your Detroit Detroit Cleveland rivalry. There's not one place. There's no, no one's like, what's going on with that Cleveland

Detroit shit. It's not, it's on nobody's radar. And if you bring it up, people are like, okay, we're going to bed. A guy who just took his seat was barely even listening, but he heard that and he was running over happy. So, so this is this whole ring, right? Dozens of men and women are stealing from their employers, shoplifting, they're doing graft and con games. It's just this whole criminal syndicate she's got working. Okay. Sophie funneled everything to her fence, Bob McKinney, and he would then pawn all the goods throughout Detroit. Okay.

In January 1880, Sophie bought, brought her son George in front of the magistrate and said, he refused to go to school and he kept leaving home and sleeping in the streets. So she wanted him put in a juvenile correctional facility. Okay. When he was done talking, George yelled, quote, that woman is a thief and a shoplifter. I have seen her steal in Montreal and elsewhere. Okay. He said she was lying and he was a good kid and she just wanted to get rid of him. And then he said she had two husbands. Okay. So the magistrate was like, all right, everyone get out of the courtroom.

I think we're shifting suspects from George. Yeah. Okay. So he's like, I would get out of the courtroom. I just want to talk to these two alone and he tries to talk to him. And so if he said she did have a criminal past, but she was done with that and she done everything. She can explain it to the judge in a hotel room right down the street. That's right. Bring your checkbook. Yeah. She said she'd done everything she could to keep George on the right path, but he kept associating with known criminals somehow. Yeah. Like mom and all of her friends. Yeah.

George said he had recommendations showing his good character, which is just something a 14 year old carries around. Yeah. Just in case. There you go. I'll show you. Sophie said he got one recommendation by threatening a former employee employer with a carving knife. So then the judge was like, I can't go. You need to go see Dr. Phil guys. That's what you guys need. So they went home and after the hearing, they returned home and she had George arrested. George told the cops he was a, she was a neglectful mother, but he was taken and ordered held

until the court could figure it all out. And he tried to, he tried to choke himself to death by swallowing a handkerchief. And this is when he learned about magic. And then out came a dove. Whoa, you ate all those. Hmm. Maybe. So now 38 year old Teresa Lewis became a part of the gang, native, native, what do you say, Native, native Detroit or don't, native, Detroit, or Teresa had had a rough life in two years before she met Sophie. She lost her husband. He had died in an insane asylum. And then her 13 year old son died of a heart defect. Jesus. So like Sophie, Teresa was also a skillful actress who could slip in and out of roles

of the drop of a hat. Okay. So, Theresa read a room in Sophie's boarding house on 23rd Street. What's up? She told the sob story to Sophie and the other gang members about her thieving family members who had took her home. Okay. She didn't happen.

Okay. She quickly became one of Sophie's close trusted confidence and was on the inside of the criminal enterprise. Yeah. If it starts with a lie, you become the confidant of a thief. Immediately. Right. Five days after his death on September 24th, 1881, Ohio native and now ex-president James

Garfield's body visited Cleveland during a dead guy train tour. Which we really got to start doing again. Oh my God. Bring it back. That's just very missed. Yeah. All right, kids. Time to go see a horrifying dead man.

Let's get those scars early inside of y'all. Yeah. Look, he's, and he's not been well kept. I'm never going on a train again. Yeah. Smell that? That's what a dead president smells like. You're going to tell your grandkids about this.

Not a good way. Yeah. All right. Touch his mouth and then we'll get out of here. What? Touch the inside of his mouth with your finger and then we'll leave. God damn it. I hate presidents.

Come on. There you go. That's right. Okay. Yeah. It smells weird. Yeah. Now you're not washing your hands for a week.

You know what? You got a Garfield index is what you got. People came from all over to pay respects to the guy who had been president for just 91 days. Mr. President, I know you're deceased, but it is an honor. May I finger your mouth? Mr. President, you might have put something else in your mouth. All right.

I came a long way. All right. The parade's over in this town. I came from Indiana. Sir. Sir. Sir. For five bucks real quick.

Then we got to get out of here real quick. He's my president too. I would like some alone time with this gentleman. He gave me 91 days of joy and I'd like to give it back. I mean, there must have been someone who was like, he was going to be the best president ever too. Like someone. God damn it.

Yeah. That was my sweet Garfield. So obviously a lot of crowds come out if there's a dead president on a train. Sure. Got to see that. The perfect opportunity for pickpockets. So in the massive bodies, they could bump into people without raising suspicion and just walk away with jewelry or money.

Sure. So Sophie and Theresa took the train from Detroit to Cleveland and Sophie waited to the crowd and picked the pockets of the mourners. Two of the biggest treasures from the day were two gold watches, which Sophie boxed up and sent them back to her housekeeper, Sarah Brew in Detroit. The housekeeper locked the watches away in a drawer in Sophie's bedroom. Okay. When they were back, Theresa snuck in, opened the bureau and took the watches.

She then headed to police quarters and showed them to police superintendent, Andrew Rogers, because Theresa was a narc. Oh. Oh my God. It is amazing. We are. We are. Detroit is still snitches get stitches.

Oh yeah. They're not. They've never stopped. Yeah. I think most places at this point were like, I mean, because like 20 years ago that's a movie plot. You're like, what a hero. Now you're like, God damn it.

Sophie was having a good run too. God damn pigs, shitting on everything. Trying to celebrate a dead president by getting a couple pocket goldies and then you got this narc fucking it all up with some drawer evidence. Drawer evidence. Yeah, that's right. Is that, is that like a technical police term? Drawer evidence.

That's the show title. Drawer evidence. On an all new drawer evidence. We're so close to having a drawer evidence on CBS. Oh, or like, or like a forensic. What's in the drawer? Or a forensic file show. It's like, but the drawer held the secrets.

I knew it. I had a feeling on drawer evidence. I love when they slowly open the drawer and the camera and they open it. And the bureau would be the drawer. Whoa. I like, I like when they use words that mean more than one thing. All right. They're called doubles.

I feel like I'm watching the show now. So she goes to police headquarters to police superintendent Rogers. He had hired her that summer. So she'd been working for him for a couple months. She'd come into the boarding house with several blank notebooks and have been taking detailed notes on all that went on. The police had come up with a plan when Sophie was in St. Louis in Boston trying to blackmail the old rich guys.

She's doing the classics. Yeah. So Teresa shows them the two watches. He wrote down a detailed description and then had Teresa bring them back and lock them back up in Sophie's bureau. Okay. Drawer. A twist.

Soon Teresa saw Sophie give the watches to her fence. Bob McKinney to sell and he sold them to a local pawn shop. The cops then sent a detective down to recover the stolen watches. On October 5th, Teresa followed Sophie, the fence and the housekeeper and they got into a streetcar. So Teresa hired a carriage and followed. Oh, wow. So this is the best slow speed chase.

Yeah. But it's like, there's like two roads. So it's like, follow that streetcar. Yeah. There's not a lot of options. We'll be going that way. It's going to be like five hours just so you know. So it says fast as it goes.

So she, Teresa happened to be going by her sister's house. She had the carriage stop. She went in and she borrowed a blonde wig from her sister and then got back in the carriage and ordered him to catch up with a streetcar. Sorry. I already have a passenger and she doesn't have a blonde hair. So when they caught up, she got on the streetcar figuring in her disguise, Sophie would never recognize her.

Sure. She even shoved pebbles into her mouth to disguise her voice with a gravelly tone. Wait, she shoved what in her mouth? She shoved pebbles into her mouth to disguise her voice with a gravelly tone. Look, what, so what year were disguises invented? Because I know we haven't hit it yet. She just put a bunch of rocks in her mouth and a blonde wig and she was like, I'm not a rock. That's what it was like back then.

That's how Rich Little did most of his voices, just different shape rocks. At the Grand Trunk Railroad, Teresa overheard Sophie buy a ticket to go to Ann Arbor the next day. Someone didn't have pebbles in their mouth. And Teresa knew there was going to be a hot balloon, a hot air balloon demonstration. Not a hot balloon. Not a hot shit. There was going to be a hot balloon.

Look at that phallus balloon. What's up hot balloon? Never. Okay. Never call a lady a hot balloon, by the way. No. You're such a hot balloon. Thank you.

Wait. No. Get in the closet. You're like all round and hot inside. What? And when I poke you with this, you pop like a woman. I've never been with a lady before. It's just a man in his balloon shop.

So she knew with this big hot air balloon demonstration, there would be crowds. Sure. She knew what was going on. Yeah. It's a big day. Yeah. Wherever there's crowds, Sophie's going to be stealing shit. So of course followed her.

Sophie stole a gold watch from an elderly woman. A few days later, the housekeeper received a letter. But the housekeeper couldn't read. The flaw. So she asked Teresa to read it. Go to the express office, get the watch and chain and put them in my box, don't let anyone see it. Sophie. So she was like, what does it say?

It's like, get yogurt. Get a bunch of yogurt. She's dying for a bunch of yogurt. Anyway, I got to run. So you get that yogurt, be gone for the day. Well, no, the housekeeper, she read it and then the housekeeper grabbed the letter and threw it in the fire. Now superintendent Rogers, however, went to the express office first and got the package. Now Sophie was looking at two separate charges for the three gold watches.

Sophie could understand what had gone wrong and how the police found out. Then she realized someone was snitching. That housekeeper. In December, Sophie told Teresa she was going to move out of the boarding house. But Teresa ran around and grabbed as much stuff as she could carry that she thought had been stolen and brought it to superintendent Rogers office. And then Sophie marched over to the police department and told the patrolman that Teresa had stolen a bunch of stuff from her. Okay. Including an opera glass, a gold dimple, a sort of jewelry and some stuff.

Stuff that's been in my family for generations, by the way. The sentimental value of that thimble. She even had a list and she demanded Teresa be arrested. Jesus, this is pretty incriminating. Then the patrolman went over and searched Teresa's trunk and sure enough, there was more of the stuff inside. Teresa was arrested. So this is obviously a complicated situation for the superintendent. It all went to trial with a judge, John Minor assigned to figure out what had happened.

Everyone in Detroit was beyond excited. I mean, it's such an event that it would be great for Sophie to be out there pickpocketing. It's a real bugger. The courtroom was packed. Teresa brought in her detailed notebooks. The superintendent came to defend his narc. Sophie countered in her. She was wearing her usual veil.

Apparently she wore a veil all the time. That was like her fucking jail. The jail veil. It hides her a little bit of her face, right? Yeah, right. That's helpful to not tell if you're lying. I can't tell if she's being honest because she's got a sheet over her face. It's hard to...

But she wore it just below her eyes. Sure. So there's tons of reporters writing and Teresa and Sophie are staring at each other. Tons of other witnesses came from and contradicted each other and everybody's got a different story. A lot of people said Teresa was a liar. On the witness stand, Sophie showed off her best acting skills as she claimed Teresa had stolen from her. But she had the veil covering her eyes. You wouldn't believe it.

I'm so emotional right now. I can barely speak. She was asked why she was wearing the veil and she said she was ashamed of her past and didn't want people to see her face. Well, no more questions there. Sorry to put you in that position, Darwin. When a diamond stud was presented as one of the stolen items, Sophie got very emotional. Started crying and said Ned had given it to her. You can't tell if she's crying though. She's got an eye cover.

Many in the courtroom were near tears. But a reporter from the free press wasn't buying it. Quote, Her tail was so affecting that one shyster was seen to wipe a drop of suspicious looking water from the corner of his eye and three others ran out to get a drink. Wait. Wait. I think she had people set up...

She had people set up... She had people set up criers? Fake criers. And then three guys acted like they were so upset that they were like, I got to get a drink. I'm dehydrated from all my crying. Teresa then took the stand and told a moving story about getting the diamond stud from her dead husband. Oh boy. Okay.

She said she took it from his shirt when he was in the coffin. Is that going to elicit sympathy from people? I don't know. Boy, you sound like you were really emotional. Or fucked up. Yeah. The same reporter did not buy Teresa's story either. Quote,

Fortunately she has had more than one husband and it was perhaps equally fortunate that one of them is dead. I don't know how reporters could be coming the third villain. Her story of how she removed the glittering bobble from the shirt front that lay above the pulseless heart of her dead and gone hubby was simply thrilling. Was thrilling? I think he was being sarcastic. Oh, okay. I was like, yeah, we had a dead president on a train. That's like, we should be used to it.

The attorney made closing statements, Sophie just started crying. And then the judge throughout the case against Teresa Lewis. And then he asked Sophie's fence to come into the courtroom and told them he was now facing two counts of selling stolen merchandise. I wish you told me that before you invited me all the way down here. I wouldn't have come. I would not have shown up. She's on trial, right? Sophie was then told she also faced two counts of theft.

The two watch owners also had been brought in to testify already. So they had this all set up. Right. The judge then set a date for Sophie's trial and then charges came that Sophie would be tried for the third gold watch in Ann Arbor. She's heating up. Okay. This all meant that she would have two more showdowns with Teresa. Sophie demanded she be given her diamond stud back.

Interesting choice. The attorney convinced the judge she was the legal owner. The judge agreed to let her have it if she paid a bond of what? A diamond is a person. Twice the sum of the diamond's value. So he's like you can have it if you pay twice like a bond for twice what it's worth. Okay. So a sheriff takes the diamond stud to a local jeweler to get an appraisal.

I didn't think that the diamond stud was going to get its own little side plot in this. Yeah. Okay. So he takes it to get appraised and the jeweler looks at it and said quote, this is ours. It was stolen from us a year ago. It's quite an appraisal. Don't you want to put your little loop in to make sure?

No, I don't need to. This is, it's got our name on the bottom here. This is an ours. Right on the side. It says Doug. I'm Doug. Hi. Doug.

The diamond stud had the jeweler's private mark on it with a number and a corresponding entry in a journal. The numbers matched and in the book it said stolen. Stolen. You could see right there. It's written in all capitals too. I was furious. So this meant Sophie and Teresa had both lied.

Yeah. What's Teresa doing? And that one of them had stolen it. So Teresa Lewis's reputation took a bit of a hit. The district attorney thought about pressing charges, but in the end decided against it because he still needed her to testify against Sophie. Jesus, this is becoming, I missed the drawer show at this point. That was a little more simple.

Superintendent Rogers was toast. His political prominence had been after him forever. The Detroit Post had been calling him a drunk for a while. So he resigned because of this diamond scandal. Sure. So the day before the trial in Ann Arbor in the evening on February 7th, 1882, Teresa and Sophie end up standing on the train platform at the same time. Well, awkward.

So Sophie walked over to Teresa and pointed at her gloves and said that those are my gloves. Jesus, this is becoming like a little sad at this point. And Teresa said, no, they're not. They were my dad's gloves. No, they were my dad's gloves, bitch. And then Sophie clawed at Teresa's eyes. Okay. That's why you give her the gloves.

It removes the clawing incident. Teresa moved her head and Sophie scratched down her cheek. Then they grabbed each other's hair and started swinging and scratching on each other's faces. Jesus. A crowd formed around them as they went at it. The women were kicking and punching each other. They went for a crowd to form and not do anything.

No, no, no. Let them bleed this out. The guard finally pushes way through the crowd and separated the women. And then they both boarded different cars. Their faces were covered in red scratches. Good dang court the next day. Yeah, no, for sure. That's a good look for the judge.

How you all boom. But this just made the courtroom situation even more stand-in-rim only. Like people were fucking looking in the windows. Sophie's defense was that Teresa had been hired to manufacture evidence against her. They said Teresa had followed a woman in Ann Arbor, in Ann Arbor who looked just like Sophie. And that's who stole the watch. Wait, what does that mean?

So that there are defenses that there was someone else that looked like her. It's really getting weak. They presented a witness that Sophie was in Detroit the day the watch was stolen in Ann Arbor. Brascusian witnesses then said they saw Sophie on the train to Ann Arbor. So it's all over the place again. Okay. Teresa was grilled for four hours. She held firm.

Sophie was found guilty of larceny and given four years. Okay. Yeah, Teresa had won. Now the next trial was the fences trial back in Detroit. And Teresa sunk him with her testimony. He got four years. So Teresa is fucking kicking ass. Intel, the state Supreme Court overturned Sophie's conviction on a technicality.

Jesus. Now a second Ann Arbor trial would be held for the stolen watch. Okay. So we've gotten two of the watch cases gone now and now we're under the third. Yeah. So the two watches are the ones in Cleveland. That's the other trial. This is just the one watch.

Okay. Right. Right. So it's exactly the same as the first. All the exact same witnesses except one ex police superintendent Rogers was called by the defense. He said Teresa was a liar. I can name a hundred instances that bear me up. He kept losing his temper and screaming while testifying.

Okay. I've been waiting to do this for a while. All right. Slow down. Superintendent. No, no, no. I've got a whole thing. I've got a set list.

So the judge kept having to warn him. Apparently the superintendent was now super triggered by Teresa. And his constant flipping out on the witness stand hurt his credibility. And once again, Sophie was found guilty. Okay. She sentenced to four years in prison. They literally dragged her off kicking and screaming. Sure.

Sure. Three months later, she agreed to sit with a reporter for an interview. She didn't look good. She had come down with an illness in prison and had a skeletal appearance. Okay. She's not a good appearance. Sure. If you guys know any skeletons.

No. Not hot. No. No, she looks so bad that you could take her on a train tour. Are you ready for the train? By the way, that's what I want to do when I'm gone. I would love to have a train tour. We will totally have a train tour.

Please do. Please do. And I don't want any of this glass nonsense around me. Wide open, baby. Yeah. We'll get one of those ones. The guy just prompts as he goes down. All right.

He's ready for another day. Let's get him to Cleveland. Yeah. That's how I figure it. You guys are coming up, bringing your corpse here, asshole. Cleveland doesn't deserve your body. Bring it to Detroit. We'll take those teeth out and sell them to China.

Sophie said she'd been framed by police. And when the reporter brought up Teresa, Sophie lost her shit. Quote, this was sufficient to excite her to anger to the highest pitch. Every sentence she uttered against the warm wood, every sentence she uttered against her was warm wood and gall.

Every muscle of her face and body. Which isn't a lot at this point. Yeah. Suddenly her rigid, her hands clenched and her frame trembled with passion and hate. The reporter then told her Teresa was planning on writing a biography called the life and times of Sophie Lyons. I mean, so he just lights her fuse and she's about to go off

and he's like, now settle down, settle down. You seem triggered. Do you know she's writing a book about you? TMZ was invented. So Sophie lost it. But then she said she would write her own biography. But I'm writing my own. All right.

What about me? What about you? It's called Teresa's a goddamn bitch. Sophie then turned to make sure no other convicts were listening and told the reporter she really missed her veil. This is just like taking a super bizarre turn where he's like, why wouldn't you want them to hear that? I just miss my veil so much.

Are you really writing a book? Well, you're talking in a lot of sentences here. You're shifting around a bunch. I do this. Oh. This is how I walk around the prison. It's going to be hard to write with that hand out of use. I know you're not crying.

And then the state supreme court once again reversed Sophie's conviction on a technicality. Okay. Another trial was set. Jesus. But Teresa was not doing well. She'd come down with breast cancer. Oh, now where's your hate for the snitch?

Oh, now Detroit's like, oh, we'll be human. As the court date neared, it became clear she would not be able to take the stand and the trial was postponed for five months. The trial happens, jury hears the exact same shit they heard before, same witnesses, same evidence. Superintendent Rogers, you will not be needed at this one. Screamy Rogers. Sophie's lawyer said it was all a conspiracy fronted by

millionaires in Jackson and undertaken by the police of Detroit. This time, the jury did not believe Teresa and Sophie was acquitted. Okay. But Sophie wasn't done. A week after the trial, Sophie was on the corner of Woodward Avenue and State Street when she saw Teresa Lewis.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. She ran up and grabbed Teresa's hair and pulled. Oh, boy. She pulled so hard her hat flew off and all the pins came out. It's quite a tug. Quite a tug when momentum gets the pins out. Sophie then kicked Teresa in the stomach and Teresa dropped to

the ground. A crowd formed around them. Man, nobody touch anything. Everyone leave. Just back up. Let these ladies fight. Give them room. Give them room, boys.

Let these ladies fight. Give them room. It's been coming a long time. Give them room. That one's got cancer. Let's see if she can hang. Come on. Nobody crossed this line.

Come on. Fight like you got cancer. Is that insane? I don't know. It should be. Don't forget. There's hat pins if you girls want to get a little stabby. Yeah.

Nope. It's just insane. I'm on the stage too. Sophie then kicked her in the stomach and Teresa dropped to the ground. The crowd formed around them. When people realized who they were, they then agreed to let the two women fight it out in the street.

Come on, guys. Detroit rules. Teresa was swinging her arms madly in almost no direction while Sophie kept kicking her in the chest and side. You know what's great? Because of Instagram, you can just picture this so easily. Finally, someone stepped in and put an end to it. Who is the party pooper?

Who's the person who wants to see two survivors? Detroit rules are like, all right, now someone's bleeding. Now it's real. All right. So blood's running out of Teresa's mouth. Two men help her up and her head just slumps. And they carried her into a nearby drug store. And Sophia just sauntered off.

Okay. I've done my thing. Yeah. But Teresa would have another chance to square off because the Cleveland Watches theft trial had been waiting until the end of the Ann Arbor trial. Okay. A battered and bruised Teresa Lewis in failing health gave

quote, a lively and spirited testimony on the witness stand in the hearing. Now it's just a hearing. Right. And her health is failing? Yeah. She still has cancer. Wait, Teresa does?

Yeah. Okay. She now not only said she had evidence against Sophie, but also Sophie's lawyer and many other thieves in Detroit. She accused Sophie's lawyer of accepting stolen evidence as payment. That is illegal. Who toned, chafed the lawyer who snorted and said this wasn't

his trial. Objection, your honor. I'm a lawyer. I can't be. I'm a lawyer. This isn't how this goes. Huh? I'm a lawyer.

I don't know why I'm looking over there. So that's great though if you ever get to a jury trial. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I just, my client did everything. I am so innocent. All of it. It's crazy. Look at me.

I'm a lawyer. But it worked. The court found enough evidence against Sophie to have a trial, but Teresa was losing her battle to cancer. The prosecutor tried to hold off until she was healthy enough to return to court, but she died on May 11th, 1886. She lay dying. She said the second fight with Sophie had aggravated her

cancer, which newspapers printed as the truth. Sophie claims Teresa before doctors were invented. Obviously, but this is when you can just say whatever is a medical thing. Sophie claimed Teresa had started the fight. I mean, why not? Sure. But the case fell apart without Teresa as did the Cleveland

Watch case. I'm sorry. The Cleveland Watch case fell apart, but Sophie's time in Detroit was over. Every cop in the city knew her now and her fence was in prison. So that's why she was wearing the veil. Oh smart. Okay.

Now we want the cops to know what she looked like. She's Batman. She went back to New York and in six months she was in jail. Then she slowed down. She teamed up with another con woman. I like how that's slowing down. I'm going to take it easy in the older years. She had a plan to rip off widows with this other woman,

but the other con woman ended up conning Sophie out of $200,000. She's lost the step. Yeah. Sophie said, quote, if you can't trust your fellow crooks, it's time to get out of the business. What is the theft world coming to? You think you know a thief? At this point she'd also, she was 50 years old and she had been

in prison 50 times. Pretty good clip. So she also might have been getting tired of being in prison. Sure. And then she became a well-known gossip columnist. This is a few years later. It's not immediate. It's a few years later, but she became a well-known gossip

columnist for the New York world paper. What? Okay. Nothing makes sense because when she was in Paris, it turns out she was hanging out with the Vanderbilt and the Rockefellers and all these rich people. Okay. So she used her past associations to report the inside news

of society. And then she began preaching against crime. This is just, the ending is taking a lot of turns here. She moved back to Detroit and started working on a book called Why Crime Does Not Pay. Yeah. What? No.

It was published in 1913. It was her biography going through her crimes and her life. There was not one mention of Teresa Lewis. She said the book was for first-time offenders. Quote, you know how hard it is for a man or woman to secure permanent work after leaving prison? I'm going to help some of these. They will find a friend in Sophie Lyons.

Well, someone did something good in a dollop. So... I'm still waiting for this to just be a way to get people in the streets so she can cut the bottom of bags open. She had money. She said she owned over 40 properties. She welcomed anyone who was out of work. She spent thousands on poor people's shoes, clothes,

and groceries for desperate families and even found them places to live. She often gave holiday meals to jails and helped ex-cons get back on their feet. Jesus. All right. At the same time, she did not hide her wealth. She walked around wearing fancy jewelry and fur coats.

This may have been why she was robbed twice now that she was elderly. But that's like, if you get robbed at that point, you're like, nope. These darn kids. This would have been me years ago, but now it's you. So the rumor was her house was just packed with cash. It's a bad rumor to have on the streets.

Yeah. So one time, the first time she was robbed, they took 10,000 cash off her while she was grocery shopping. What was she buying? Gold pizza? Gold eggs. $10,000. How much is this?

Man, that's $8. It's eight? Because I have all the money. Crime doesn't pay, sonny. Ma'am, you have enough money. Fuck you. Ma'am. This is fuck you, buddy, little working boy.

Oh, I have a job at a grocery store. Fuck you. All right, ma'am, we close in five minutes. You've been here all day. It's a big stack. Yeah, I understand. The second time her house was robbed when she was out, she called the cops and then reporters came.

Sure. That's how it should work. Hey, we're the press. How's everyone doing? She told the reporters quote, the fools loaded themselves up with a lot of useless bric-a-brac and overlooked that gold-headed umbrella in the corner there. Do you want to be having these quotes out there?

Fools. The good stuff's upstairs. Impatient. Some people did question her sincerity. Many pointed to the fact that she had been a horrible mother. Her two oldest sons were career felons. George had died in prison. Sophie admitted she had nine kids overall and most had been placed

in orphanage in at least four countries. What? She's like the stork just flying over and dropping them? Hi. Well, definitely Paris, Canada, right? Two. Whose other ones? She might have gotten in that hot air balloon and made it rain.

Take them. One daughter Sophie had recently sent a check to. That daughter was an actress and the check, it turns out, was to make up for jewelry Sophie had stolen from her. I'm sorry, honey. Wow. Only one kid lived in Detroit. Her name was Florence.

Florence had hit hard times. Her husband had died and she'd ended up homeless. One time Sophie walked past her on the street as she sat on the ground and Sophie completely ignored her. Did she know it was her? I don't know. Okay. That's an important detail for me.

Sophie Lyons died on May 7th, 1924 at the age of 75. They found her in her home. She had been beaten by three robbers who wanted her money. That's why you don't talk about golden umbrellas. I have golden umbrellas and $10,000. How am I dead? And no security, fucking fools. The Daily News headline was, quote, Notorious Woman killed by...

Notorious Woman criminal slain by pals. That's... Pals. I mean, come on, that's not it. It's a good one. You pick up that paper. All right, I'll give it a read. The robbers were never caught.

Her estate was valued at over $700. So then the idea that you call them pals was purely just a headline grabber. Yeah, they just knew she'd been killed by robbers. They didn't know. Right, they assumed. Shocking. We're the Daily News would do that. No.

So her estate was valued at $750,000. Her will called for the establishment of a home for children of convicts and for a fund to purchase magazines and Christmas presents for inmates at Sing Sing. Although one article said that she gave money to Florence, but I couldn't confirm that, but I hope that happened. We doubt it, though, because I think we can say she is a bad mom. Yeah. As a matter of fact, this episode could be called Bad Mom.

Yeah. That's it. Jesus. That's your, that's your hometown lady. It is weird when criminals become so likable at some point, you kind of just wilt and you're like, oh, right, you old scamp. You've had your fun. Who'd you kill this time?

All right, stinker. Moja Rob. We do love criminals, though. Yeah. Boy, do we. Well, we've learned a lot here tonight, huh, guys? Unfortunately, one person just got to their seat. Hearts go out to that person who finally was like, boy, that took forever.

All right. Did he shout the date? Huh? Oh, no. That person will tweet at me tomorrow and say, I thought it was tonight. Yeah. And it's not. They'll never know who we were talking about.

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