The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 359 - Sam Houston and the Archive War (Live)

Episode Date: January 9, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Texan Sam Houston and the Archive War.  Recorded live in Dallas. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun your home might be worth more than you think find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host yes hurry up hi Dallas no no no nope no yeah yeah yeah yeah no no that's all fine

you're listening to oh sorry I don't know how this supposed to you're listening to the dollop this is a bi-racial American history podcast each week I beer drinker yes sir don't say anything else nobody talked during the show because this gentleman just did it as good as it can be done if the timing on that was a part is like a Simpsons episode bow I think it was a negative goat I'm gonna start over ah beer drinker bow fuck you that guyer new puppy owner Dave Anthony reached a story from American history to his

friend Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about you don't I don't you don't know what it's gonna be about I do not March 2nd 1793 Samuel Houston was born in Virginia's Shenandoah Valley yeah yeah his father was a was a militia inspector sure sure yeah everything on the up and up with you guys all right good you're all good I promise well I guess there's no laws all right see you later all right bye yeah thanks for what are you again I'm it's I inspect the militias make sure they're not doing anything I don't know why my position was created I'll be honest the people pay you for that I

thought so I don't know I've got a lot of things to look into any who's will be I should roll is that what you doing you leave you whistle yeah very well boys all right keep doing everything or anything great inspection not sure why I'm here okay but you keep whistling but not leaving yeah it's almost like I'm lonely his father was also very bad with money he was in massive debt and in late 1806 he sold his property and moved to Tennessee where some of his family lived okay but but before after he sold the property before he moved to Tennessee he died so did he move to Tennessee didn't he saw he sold this property with a plan

to move to Tennessee where his family live but then before he moved he sold the property and they they just went ahead and died says a lot about Tennessee where you like nah you know I'm good I just rather the cold grasp of death before they left oh sorry his wife Elizabeth was actually good with money so Sam Sam's dad is good we've got a sitcom intro I mean good Lord she settled all the debts and moved with her nine children Jesus Christ in 1807 to the farm that her husband had bought near Maryville Tennessee okay Sam's just a teen at that point sure but he was just under six feet tall so he's a big he's

a big one Jesus yeah back then people were tiny so he really stood out like he was like a giant you can say it it's okay Sam are you now Sam Houston was a giant he's so afraid of the outrage culture that giants are gonna be like hey man I would you said that during the last podcast is a little fencer you we're not tall you say that smally challenged that somebody did that to me on Twitter well I think my feet will blow up then hey man it's me again that's tweeting from a high point it's weird that someone get mad about something on Twitter though yeah no says you I'm great on Twitter not mad fuck off feels

like we're on it so they cleared the land that he bought they built a home they farmed sure Elizabeth was very good with money and invested in a store okay but Sam not big on farming or working or working in a store he doesn't okay this is not any one of those okay he liked to read hmm okay nerd he liked history and geography nerd he did not however like school okay you like to you know do it on his own okay he loved the woods also sure like most boys yeah he was very curious the farm was near Cherokee Nation and he'd just wander off and there it is there it is we have our setting he liked to wander off and meet Cherokee

people okay just out there how are you yeah hey nobody gets me where I'm from they make fun of how tall I am I'd go to school but I hit my head on the doorway so I just started to drop out just read alone was it harping a giant you know sometimes you're so tall but you feel so small what sometimes you feel so small and yet you're the source hall oh sometimes I wish regular size just like one of the small guys yeah I think I find out why people don't want to hang out with you cuz it's so tall yeah sure the height difference that's right bro yeah nothing to do with the singing no the singing is okay yeah I get it sorry oh

I know you're leaving that's what dad did so in 1809 Sam Houston ran away and joined a band of Cherokee oh man if he'd just joined a band he could get elected to Texas Senate so he goes off and joins a band of of Cherokees yeah really you know probably not a common thing back then what did he play the leader of the village who whites called John Jolly because whites are fucking horrible yeah like Sam and adopted him okay all right he's got a new dad all right they gave him the name Kelowna which meant the Raven okay yeah so he's coming in hot I like it looking Raven sure he lived with the tribe for three

years and would sometimes come back and visit his family and be like hey what are you guys doing what's up what what you guys live in my father my other dad loves it I'm tall loves I'm tall I'm Raven don't do that around the Raven okay well at night the Raven saves people from crime what I don't like crime oh god can you go back to your not your Cherokee people I will I just came here for supplies okay well please looks yeah leaf okay and then in 1812 he returned so this is three years later returned to to Maryville he comes back okay and he announces that he's going to teach

school okay sure yep so he charged he built a log cabin and then as most teachers do yeah well you gotta pay for your own supplies though obviously yeah nobody else gonna pay for him he charged a tuition of eight dollars a term okay and to deal with unruly students Sam had a set of lead knuckles whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa sir what yeah so don't fuck around in that class or I'm gonna I or I'm literally gonna break your face hey what how was school today a giant broke my cheekbone yeah I don't know if you say that clearly then somehow the school is successful and he paid off all his debts so it's not his own school

now yeah he said oh his own school okay so he's got a you could do that back then you be like yeah well you can kind of do that now if you're rich but yeah you could do that yeah you just back then okay I'm gonna set up a school right so nobody was like you know looking over his shoulder nobody could look over his shoulder so damn tall but yeah no it's like a charter school okay which I hear of the baths great the bath no problems no issues don't look into that at all nope making it better but like his dad Sam it was not good with money and soon he was back in debt okay and then that's when the army came around recruiting in

Maryville because the war of 1812 was going on okay they were offering a silver dollar as a signing bonus and Sam joined up well I could just say no I mean boy oh boy great a dollar a second joya we'll find out if that's racist later to Twitter hey I'm a giant who was related to Sacajawea unlike what you guys did was not cool that's like in this day and age good luck hosting the Oscars his first battle in the war was I was fighting under Major General Andrew Jackson hmm well oh hickory now I know that I said they were fighting a war against the British but Andrew Jackson was fighting the creeks sure is he was

he had a side war well he loved to he loved to kill Native Americans so he's just sort of what if I he's like we guys are doing that I'll I'm gonna clear this out stand I yeah yeah it was the bet the battle is a standard Jackson slaughter that he was known for Sam was wounded but kept fighting and he was and even they were like stop fighting it was like I'm still fucking going and Andrew Jackson like that guy's awesome he got shot and he's still running around okay so he got he got like shot in a couple places his wounds would bother him for

the rest of his life but he was back with his regiment in 1815 and by 1817 he was a first lieutenant so he's fucking rolling up through the sure through the right in 1818 he went with a Cherokee delegation to meet with the Secretary of War and President Monroe so he's sort of straddling both worlds kind of like he's work he's in the military but he's also like he knows him very well so like well why don't you represent them in negotiations okay and then you can fuck them over or whatever they said to him but wait he's trying to help yeah he's trying to help but I'm sure they were like well you're one of our boys so right

yeah so what happened was is some Cherokee signed a treaty to give up all of Tennessee and then a bunch of other Cherokee were like no what right and they're like yeah but Frank signed it so yeah he he speaks for all you guys right and they were like no well he signed it so again I read the fine print yeah Tennessee's ours and we've got some great ideas great oh my god it's gonna be great Dollywood hello so he goes he goes there to talk to the Secretary Warren president Monroe but all he did was talk the Cherokee into leaving Tennessee without fighting he was like you'll get killed by these guys

okay so they bail they leave Tennessee but then he showed up in the Secretary of War's office wearing Cherokee clothing whoa and the Secretary lost his shit and just started fucking screaming at him and then Sam had to resign okay what what was his angle well he's in the mill he's in the military right and they're like all Native Americans are bad and then if you come rolling in in the enemy's outfit does that help no the Secretary Warren's like that's not right so so is so we had a shitty plan it'd be like if you came in dressed like a Russian doll right and then I got to be the president yeah no idea what you're

talking about that's what we call a half applause where it was a haplod yeah yeah yeah applause ish so he goes back to Tennessee right okay gets into politics moves up the political ranks all the way to Governor in 1827 okay so Sammy Houston's fucking killing it yeah fucking he's the shit then he married 19-year-old Eliza Allen how old is he he's about 39 okay so it's definitely pervy because people didn't live as long pervy but it's also awesome don't Dave no Dave no no no wait you're doing what we like to call David's advocating so they were all everything was going great until the wedding and then after the

wedding all of a sudden shit wasn't that great he was in a snowball fight with some other guys shortly after wait wait the fact that that sentence is even starting is troubling everything's going great yeah till the snowball fight we know what happened one kid put one with ice inside of it smashed another kid's nose Billy's mom came out tore him apart Billy went in the house crying saying he couldn't feel his face now his big brother thinks he looks like a pussy the dynamics have shifted you guys can't play king of the snow hill anymore I think it was just a snowball fight so he's a 39-year-old getting into

a snowball is he living groundhog day it's having a good I'll try everything you don't know what it's like to be out in the woods I know what it's like to be 39 so so they're in a snowball fight right and Eliza is standing there with another woman watching oh I'm sure super impressed with well look at him what a youthful soul and Eliza says quote I wish they would kill him imagine being the woman next to her oh my god I just wish they would kill him I wish someone would put a knife in a snowball and instead of throwing it stab him with it is the worst I hate my big tall dumb husband hi honey that's

unbelievable look at him looking over at me like I'm impressed big dumb empty headed oath Sam heard this if there's one if there's one thing that you save extremely quietly it's that you don't say it like I hope they kill him wait what baby what why would you say that I'm just beating up these kids with snowballs oh the strife come on hurry let's go home let's go home but I got a song it's about it I was gonna run strife with wife and then you ruined it let's go so over this yeah no I ruined it so he was a little bit bummed out when he heard his wife say that she wanted him to die didn't he didn't enjoy that some believe

that what happened was right they had the first time she saw him naked was on the wedding night and he's got all these fucking scars from the battle like a mangled shoulder right penis was shot off and she was and she was like what a fucking monster and then so four months after that she it was based on his scars I thought that's a little dick territory well that's what people think okay but four months later she left him okay but that's classic 19 year old shit like you like a guy a couple weeks later Sam resigned as governor because he's totally bummed so he's all sad about his wife leaving he's like I don't

want to be governor anymore yeah goes off into the woods palining as we call it and and he joined up a join back up with the Cherokee who are now living in Arkansas territory my wife left me you guys were my only real friends you guys like me right snowball fight come on the Ravens back Ravens yeah okay so the Ravens back you guys think I have too many scars yeah there's a lot yeah it's a good thing you can't see the ones inside me no but we it's weird because we hear them all day long all day I wrote a really good song about inside scars no we stop we when we moved to Arkansas we made singing

illegal oh right because I told you leave Tennessee yes you did yeah that's not why we call you the right let's build me wings let's not okay go sorry I'm easy live with another tribe either way I'm gonna conk out so he's living there quote he let his hair grow and braided it with a long queue which hung down his back he became a Cherokee citizen he took a wife and he drank so much the Cherokee called him big drunk does he know about the name switch it's me the Raven you are no longer the Raven you are big drunk you guy who falls down all the time okay so he's just Andre the giant ink through the Cherokee tribe yeah

save it for fucking Twitter where I can ignore it okay so he was an actual giant it's not funny me it will happen but he's still during all this he would still keep in touch with Andrew Jackson and he represented the Cherokee Nation in Washington he'd go there and they still want him representing him yeah yeah Tennessee went so well that yeah but I you know they they trusted him he's they're drunk sure I mean we all have those yeah that's what you call your dad yeah my drunk hey drunk how's it going no I actually call him lush so which that wasn't true so uh so he'd he'd war he wore Cherokee clothing when

he go to Washington he's like this is who I am it's my fucking jam it's like it's like a guy who travels with the dead and when he comes off a dead tour he still wears the tie-dice sure so you mean every guy who follows the dead yep okay so when there when he was in Washington he ran into a congressman who at one point who he alleged salmon committed fraud like there was some sort of bid on on some food or something I thought you said alleged salmon had committed for salmon yeah we're talking about salmon me to be like yeah we went downstream you lying sons of bitches fraud all right so this guy said

he had committed fraud so Sam saw the guy in the street and just beat him severely with his cane I like how one person clapped once and that was like well we're not else no we're not all we're not clapping at the canine we're not down for canings in the street no no no no I thought that was good I guess my watch is set to five years from now so after this he went to Texas he had a couple of friends who convinced him to go there and it's it's thought that Andrew Jackson saw Texas as a place the US could annex so right but two friends are like look people are getting property there get in on the fucking jam go leave so

he went to Nakadotius so he goes there and he's practicing law he becomes a lawyer okay now Texas has been an independent colony did he how did he become a lawyer did a wizard just sort of he just he just studied law yeah he studied came home and his little cabin well back then to be a lawyer another lawyer be like hey you want to be a lawyer yeah and then yeah no it was like being an Uber driver yeah yeah you just get a license at a car and you can be a lawyer so Texas has been an independent colony and settlers had come but then Mexico merged Texas with the state of cool so text so Mexico's like that

that's ours we're gonna take that okay and and everyone who lived here was like no no we don't know and then in 1830 Mexico ban immigration from the US what a topsy-turvy time yeah they're like stop they're just they're like we are gonna build a wall and the US is gonna pay for it so so then in 1834 Mexico became a military dictatorship with Santa Anna running the shit okay so almost people don't know this but it wasn't just Texas that rebelled almost all Mexican states rebelled so it was a whole fucking jam going on so no good noca doches NACA doches NACA doches that's right it was

misspelled someone told me back there they said that one's misspelled NACA doches the NACA they made him they made him commander-in-chief of NACA doches I guess so he's the president he's the commander-in-chief of the town okay I didn't really understand this part I was like okay I'm gonna just keep going on like that makes sense I am the president of NACA doches now and so he went so Sam Houston went to New Orleans and bought a General's uniform that's how you handle that situation you're like I will be I will be right back so uh-huh in order to be a lawyer someone just needed to be like he's a

lawyer now yeah in order to be a general you just needed to know where there was a Halloween store open yeah basically and then some other and then like a some guys in a town have to be like you're our big guy sure okay so he's now a general because he was not a general he's a commander-in-chief sorry but he's got a general's outfit of NACA doches so so he's a commander-in-chief of the city and he's wearing a general's that's right that's right yeah okay it's fucking Texas no for sure anything goes back then back then so along with John Austin Wharton and others Sam helped organize a provincial

government for Texas okay so they're basically gonna they're telling Mexico to fuck off right the whole play yeah well I mean you get a generals out for you're pretty clear yeah and then the Texas Provisional Government made Sam the major general of the Texas Army hmm it's weird it's like the secret but with clothes well yeah I'm sure that first meeting he walked in with a generals uniform on everyone was like oh he's the one we've read about in the scriptures it is him and on March 1st 1836 Texas declared independent what are all those medals for their chocolate so some of them have nuts you just have to take

one's got one's back in Damia pick one they're cool though aren't they they still jingle on March 1st 1836 Texas declared independence from Mexico congratulations congratulations Sam was now officially in charge of the entire Army the Texas government was modeled on the US Congress okay there is a two chamber government elected by the people except black people and Native American people so there's a two chamber government elected by almost a lot of people not all of them they're about 70,000 official citizens if you don't include the other people that because they had different skin so white white

white people right so you're counting the white counting the white people yeah right oh wait man yeah okay man the distancing the distancing from white men it's just it's amazing not white people white men we were yeah yeah but I don't women were at home saying don't the whole time they're like don't you dare I think that women were counted as official citizens but they couldn't vote but they're still counted as citizens we're not counted as citizens for sure white men for sure white men yeah for sure no trust me white man we're fucking rolling yeah so not all Texans are on the same page James Fannon wanted his

troops to be quote paid out of this first spoils taken from the enemy so he wants to go and fight the Mexicans and then take their shit right okay and Sam called that piracy Sam wanted the Alamo destroyed because quote it will be impossible to keep up the station with volunteers okay so he wants the he wants to fucking razz the Alamo because he's like look that place is fucked it's gonna be a fucking nightmare and everyone else is like shut your face here we go Alamo Andy's back I'm telling you it's not gonna work let me be come on dummy it's the Alamo all right well just remember I said that about the Alamo

most people don't even know the Alamo god damn never will it's not it's not gonna go well all right all right Alamo Andy hey Nostradamus is here and he's talking about the Alamo again that meanwhile the Mexican government refused to recognize Texas as an independent nation okay so Texas is like we're independent Mexico's like you're not though you're not so the Mexican army started making raids across the southern and western boundaries during 1836 five Texas cities served as temporary capitals because of all the Mexican attacks so you were almost like

Saddam Hussein with homes with capitals you were just like this one's the capital now yeah they'd be like okay now this one's the cap we have a rotating team of capitals who's the capital today it's oh hey hey what Washington on the Brazos is that still is it still called that that's the capital still isn't it Washington on the Brazos Harrisburg Galveston Velasco Columbia so those are the five cities it's rotating around okay as Santa Anna led his troops into Texas backstabbing and second-guessing became common amongst Texas government officials particularly interim president David Burnett okay though the

problems also spread amongst Sam's own soldiers and his big-time drinking problem didn't help so he's in charge but shit can't yeah he's getting shit based he loves to party okay does that it's fine okay if you say so yeah they love him I trust you yeah word came that Santa Anna had surrounded the Alamo inside where William Travis Davey Crockett Bowie and other Texans are all trapped the government seen this coming so this happens you know right so so Sam's in charge of the army and the government said to march to San Antonio and Sam's like no that's a bad idea let's just do some shots that'd be cool

too round of lemon drops it's kamikaze's you guys feeling like which I'm paying no fucking arguments Ted I don't have all right so I'll buy okay how about you head down to the Alamo okay we'll do one run then I'll ride okay I can't drink and ride I know because I've got two H.U.I.s so Sam called going down to the Alamo to try to save them quote madness but he still agreed to march there with a few many had and he set out on March 6th and then he took his sweet time okay and he got there four days later okay that was too late really everyone was dead state that the problem is there's too many

sites you just want to stop at every one of them yeah it's a nice trip a lot of places yeah a couple weeks later Fanon and his troops were executed at Goliad now Sam only had 374 men and not all of them had guns we have shoes no I don't understand the point of an army well you're just a guy in the army like I hope one of these guys with guns gets killed yeah yeah you got to share hopefully you all grew up with brothers because sharing will be key today when the fighting starts I'm gonna go that'll be my job men without guns you will be the front line what timeout or no men with guns you'll be in the back that's

what need you to protect them what as soon as we start moving shoot ahead no even if it means striking some of the gentlemen of the front lines trust me you ever done this before I'll tell you what I am so full of Jaeger I could be a bottle whoo I want to see me tomorrow good luck getting me out of caught also most of the men in his army did not have experience so this is pretty good yeah yeah it's as far as what you want you want guys who aren't ready yeah and most don't have guns yeah so he orders a retreat he's like everybody get the fuck out of here we're going to Applebee's

good come on two for 20 and he ordered everybody living in the area to come with him he's like come on everybody we're gonna have a rager so with no preparation people just start leaving their homes and they're all heading towards for the US border okay this became known as the runaway scrape the entire area is evacuated okay then that night 20 of his men deserted they're like I don't have a gun so I'll be over in New Mexico others want to fight Santa Anna and get revenge for the Alamo but Sam was like yeah there's like a thousand of them so well and then most of you guys don't have guns so what what if you

listen to me and we run I've got some songs no 12 actually enough for an album but I mean I don't want to like push it on anyone last time you sang we had 13 suicides 13 suicides last time he sang that's why we got rid of the guns yeah it's a concept album yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wake me up if you want to hear it I don't okay don't I'm good no no no we're not singing there was this group who didn't have guns and wanted to prove that they were good who needs a gun we're up we got one gun a new gun so he knows they'll be slaughtered if they fight so the journey's a nightmare constant rain people are just

fucking dropping dead okay I remember there's tons of people fleeing so Santa Anna splits up his troops to cover a bunch of different ground because Texas is big so he's trying to find Sam Houston and his men right and when an interim president Burnett heard that Sam was retreating he was furious and he sent a message quote the enemy are laughing you to scorn you must fight them you must retreat no further the country expects you to fight and Sam was like fuck you I mean is that not just the easy that's like the easiest thing to do when you're on a couch yeah where they're not yeah like would you hurry up try harder good

lord you look foolish you're the thing where you kill people good oh spaghetti yeah I'm getting my I'm getting my toenails done oh spaghetti and nails someone's having a man day so Sam knew he knew they'd lose if they fought and Texas would be toast but as he continued on where Texas toast came yes I love the stuff yes a meal's not complete without it yeah so he continues on and as he continues on all those people who are abandoning their farms and their houses start joining up with his army okay so he's he's getting more and more men as he goes along and they double they double in size and then Santa Anna caught up

with him at San Jacinto innocent yeah I know I'm from California I know that I fucking say Spanish words he had so salmon now had 783 men okay I've seen it I've seen a bunch of different numbers for Santa Anna but it's probably around like 1400 okay and they have nowhere to go Sam Sam's trap between a river and a marsh and they're just fucking stuck there river marsh in a hard place as we say so the next day so they they get there and Santa Anna's like alright well let's let's take a rest we got him trapped it's an amazing move and alright after naps we fight well then they didn't fight the next day they know it's

Sunday I mean you know football's on take a breather and then it the next day at 3 30 in the afternoon the Mexicans took their traditional siesta okay so we are at what two and a half days of pretty much one and a half one and a half of sleeping and chilling okay so so they're taking a nap so then Sam saw this and ordered his men to attack what and literally caught Santa Anna's men napping no the battle lasted 18 minutes what this is where apps forever this is where the phrase remember the Alamo came from because they're screaming and as they're killing all these guys the Texians yelled it as they slotted the

Mexicans while Sam was protesting he was like Jesus easy with a slaughter and some of the Mexicans were heard to plead me no Alamo as they were being killed oh my you don't hear that that's not a phrase you guys hear yelled out a lot so Sam was in the position of killing sleeping well he can't fault him for that if you're if you have an enemy army okay who's just killed your your fucking fort all your guys and then and then you you're there and they start taking a nap I mean Jesus Christ feels bad during the nap and at some point he was like whoa this is fucked up come on that guy's really asleep not him some of

these guys are dreaming look at their legs moving they're fast asleep have some respect here's what we're gonna do we're gonna wake them up with graham crackers and milk and we're gonna do it the right way so 600 Mexicans were killed in the nap in 18 minutes that was fucking brutal Jesus Christ hundreds were wounded the Texians only had nine killed and 30 wounded so the the moral or the the thing to take away is if you're a big army no sleepies you know I mean or how about have a guy on guard yeah I think what it is is you sleep in shifts yeah that's sort of take a bunch of different siestas yeah I bet you

anything and I didn't look into this I wanted to but I don't have time but I bet anything that in in Mexico they were all like okay it's just time that everyone both sides right you take like a siesta breathe so this happened they're like what the fuck yes the rules bitch come on 335 no wow wow you guys are dicks wow even for war wow you think you know war we gotta we gotta put this in the Geneva Conventions so one of the wounded was Sam who took a musket ball in the right leg just above his ankle bone was shattered Santa Anna tried to slink out he took off his generals uniform and put on a regular soldiers

clothes and then Americans captured him ways away but they didn't know who he was they just thought he was a Mexican so he's Hans groupering them right now totally and then they so they capture them and they bring them back to camp just thinking he's a regular Mexican soldier and then as they pull into the camp there's a bunch of Mexican soldiers who are like no no no I know I look just like him just a regular soldier no need for the salute at all no I actually saw him a couple of minutes ago way over there could tell by the uniform I am NOT we switched we switched face faces have you

seen face off with a face off it's like that so I'm just a regular guy I think this guy's El Presidente if I have any any of us so Santa Anna was forced to sign a treaty granting Texas's independence congratulations okay Houston Sam Houston stayed on briefly for negotiations and then he returned and then he returned to the United States for treatment on his ankle wound okay the victory made Sam Houston a hero and he was elected president of Texas in 1836 so they're there were presidents of states yes well there wasn't a state well okay yeah so he's just president of the country of the country of the

country of Texas okay alright fuck off I'll get oh Jesus of course you had to yell out the Republic I missed the boo guys so much they may they named a town after him called Houston I don't know if you've heard is it it's down there they keep douches in their hotels used ones used ones would you like a room with it without a used douche oh well I did say with online but I want something now but hopefully there's a used douche up on the shelf and if it's so far up on the shelf that I'm able to see a little bit of it to be like hmm what are you and then touch it with my hand that would be gimme gimme gimme we were going to call

this place a loft of douches as you should have but we just called it a loft hmm well I'll sleep well knowing it's clean not the douche the area so Houston was named the capital of Texas now the republic's archives which included military records official papers land titles war banners and trophies the seal of the government international treaties we're all moved from Columbia to Houston okay the people of Texas wanted the US to annex the new Republic so most people want most people wanted Texas to become part of US right some people did but most people did right trying to normalize the

relationship with Mexico he released Santa Anna okay awful off with you now little fella right and he and then he comes back and he's bad Sam had to leave office wait Sam Sam Houston had to leave office because the the Texas the Republic of Texas Constitution barred a president from serving two terms in a row okay so he then he then served in the House of Representatives from 1839 to 1841 Mirabu Lamar became president I think we're on Lamar Street right yeah yeah yeah see I can fucking I could make shit I can bring shit together yeah ways people can't even yeah no it shows that you're really studious when you say

shit five times during your point thank you thank you undo shit I'm gonna make shit I'm a shit guy I love to make the shit connect right I'm a shit connector and a it's me the funsiest shit that's right a he's two biggest issues Lamar's to be issues we're wanting to expand Texas all the way to the Pacific bold and some people just said that's that we are they just started saying we're we're all the way some Texans are just being like oh we go all the way across now huh sure and then the other thing he wanted to do was exterminate all the Native Americans so that were his two big plans for Texas which they sounded

outdated and then Lamar moved the capital from Houston to Austin in 1839 because it was in the center of Texas okay and a lot of people thought this was stupid and and the most opposed to moving the capital to Austin was Sam Houston I don't know if you know what his last name is so like what a length of time are we talking since he's left and since Houston since he hasn't been president yeah essentially not that long it's been like a year okay cuz I'm picturing him like bedridden in his old age like weird no no I think this is just two-year terms okay so he's so he's furious obviously he's still in the

house of representatives I mean he's still a guy okay he so Sam's sorry for me thinking that old people would stay in the house of representatives yeah that would imagine imagine if it looked like a thriller video that would be shocking a bunch of 90 year olds like I get four more years and then I'll die all right all right I like anything about Feinstein I mean we just elected a bag of dust with hair I need to be emptied all right I am all right we'll do it outside otherwise we'll get the place Dusty so Sam Houston said Austin was too remote not developed and too close to

Mexican and Native American it's terrible it's awful it's an awful place too close to the enemies specifically the Comanche and Cherokee and then Sam was elected to be president a second time in 1941 what's his agenda was he got 75 percent 75 percent of the votes okay I can love him uh-huh he did not hide how much he hated Austin calling it quote the most unfortunate site on earth for a woman's poll numbers like they're good or not good how was that working for a seat you know what's one of the things that's so great about Texas is it's so big that the hatred between the cities is like a country not really

is it's like they like you're up where they're just like unlike you know like the English and the English are like oh look the Germans bloody Germans Texans like that with other cities like fucks Austin man you want to get herpes good of seeing Antonio without fucking they don't know how to barbecue there I one time when I visited Houston I was with a girlfriend at the time and we walked into this bar and I had a hat on and the guy goes you're gonna have to take the hat off and I go okay and there was a hat bag and as I'm taking the hat off I look and everyone in there has cowboy hats on and I go how come everyone gets

to wear the cowboy hats he goes cowboy hat ain't a hat I was like alright I didn't know I was an idiot town okay all righty okie-dokie where's that hat bag so he refused to move into the so he goes to Austin right where that's where the capital is now but he's so against it being the capital he refused to live in the president's official residence and instead live down the street in a boarding house what in Austin yeah it's just a total bullshit stubborn like fuck this ain't the capital I'm gonna live in a shithole all right we got a really nice house here who's my bug mate hey Al how are you I'm Sam fuck this

town dibs on top no kicking being very popular he tried to move the capital back to Houston which is named after him oh okay but the legislature resisted and defeated his proposals hi I'm Dougie San Antonio I think I've got a compromise for all of us Sammy I'm Jeff Washington on the Brazos all right get out of here Jeff told you this is a losing battle so Austinites or whatever they're fucking called we're proud of their city and losing the capital they knew what hurt growth what was a rapidly developing city and that would drop property values so they do not want it to be moved they also thought Sam was

exaggerating the seriousness of the Mexican threat in order to move the capital where he wanted it so they're like the Native Americans and Mexicans aren't gonna fucking attack right Sam was also all about austerity and drastically reduced government offices and salaries he even tried to sell the four-ship Texas Navy but the people of Galveston refused to let him do that good check and balance we're selling the boats the fuck we are all right all right all right I didn't know you guys were still up can I be honest I've had a bunch of a fireball and I'm just like I'm I think there's something in it

besides booze because I'm spicy tonight just nuts tonight I don't even know where my shirt is do my stupid be honest do I have too many scars yeah do I yeah 19 year-old girls are screaming everywhere and in a good way they're screaming kill him sexy way they're screaming kill him all right yeah with a snowball oh man I had this epic snowball fight one time the snow was fall no no what come on man no presidents don't sing 17 songs it's a musical it's a musical nope and then in March it's called hues tune what hues to the musical and then in March 1842 Mexican troops crossed into Mexico

into Texas once again on March 5th they took over San Antonio which is 80 miles from Austin okay Austin was put under martial law and many people left they were told to leave they get the fuck out here the Mexicans are coming okay the Mexican army retreated from San Antonio two days later but Sam was now we can now very concerned about Austin and wrote to his new fiance that he also thought the Comanches would burn and destroy the city and the Republic archives with it so they're really concerned about the archives who's this fiance it's a oh yeah he got he met a new 21 how a 21 year old this dude's shady she's good she's

good one watch me throw snowballs with the kids isn't it hot are not hot now I know what she meant aren't I sexy hope you die at least they're starting to say it quieter there were reports of the Mexican army had tried to reach Austin but were turned back by high waters from a storm so Sam ordered his secretary of war to move the archives from Austin to Houston okay now Thomas peg leg Ward whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa sir I think this man was one leg shy he was interesting he was the new commissioner of the general land office which maintained government records okay he's also an Irish immigrant okay he

was Paul he was called peg leg because he had a peg leg okay yeah back when nicknames were nice and literal yeah he had a tough time around cannons in what regard well he don't shoot me out of them he joined up to fight in the Texas Revolution now he wasn't living in Texas he was in New Orleans he's an Irish guy and moved to New Orleans and then he heard about the Texas independence movement he's like that's where I want to that's it that's my Colin I'm gonna walk there so he goes and he joins up and on his first day of battle during the siege and assault of Bexar in 1835 he lost

Bihar Bihar bear it's bear bear bear well Dave we've been through this before as if there's no X Dave we've done this one of you you one of you you one of you say it now that's not one of you is it Bihar what the fuck everybody's fucked I would never have thought a city named after Joy Bihar would be in Texas we just love her take such a spicy New York Jewish lady she's nuts we're gonna call it box are so he's fighting at box are in an 18 in 1835 he lost his right leg from cannon fire on day one day one day one yeah so this is why he's not around cannons yeah it's also

luck of the Irish there yeah so it is rumored that his leg is buried with Ben Milam what what Milam Milam whatever who gives a shit he's dead it is also believed that peg legs started the rumor that that's who his leg is buried with do you know my leg sleeps at Bennett night he fell in love in a fair with my leg they wanted to be buried together your leg in a guy yeah frowned upon by society but their love no no bounds it's like a how did they show their love for each other oh you don't want to know me like man to give in copy let's go they couldn't find it you know couldn't tell her families well he

couldn't tell his family and yeah that I wouldn't tell me yeah right cuz you're the family right well of course I'm in charge it's absolutely right you're in charge of your leg was until Ben got his hands on it filthy man grill you like it behar so now he's now peg leg is the commissioner right sure now just a year earlier when peg leg was mayor of Austin still adjusting to the name yep he was manning a cannon during the boy was he doing around cannons well they're doing a 21 gun gun salute it's the four-year anniversary of the battle of San Jacinto so they're doing a big celebration that's one of the bucks

classic Texas buck so they're doing a 21 guns load he's near one cannon he he goes to shoot his off it doesn't shoot at malfunctions no it blows up and he loses his right arm no man you just get the balls to go near a cannon again but at least and this time I'm on the right side of the cannon but at least they call them peg leg instead of like half Tom or whatever so so all he has is a left arm and a left leg the other the right always all left yeah the right parts got the right these parts are gone okay boy that is it's not great tricky yeah so possibly because of

those incidents or PTSD he had a hair trigger temper an impulse to violence and hatred of cannons and not not great with his wife so very few people use the name peg leg to his face like you he's not gonna hurt me he also won an election to be mayor six months after he lost his arm because who's gonna fucking vote against the guy who blew up his arm right so that is his term for mayor ended he becomes the commissioner of the general land office so now peg leg was told by Sam Houston to prepare the archives for transport and he agreed about Austin quote I cannot consider the archives at all safe at this point and

should be most willing to yield the implicit obedience to the order of the president if the removal of the archives to place of greater safety just say yes yes the military commander in Austin Colonel Henry Jones was not having it okay he got all the angry Austin citizens together to discuss the situation and they formed a committee of vigilance to guard the archives and stop their removal okay nice well the title is strong so now Sam Houston called a special session of Congress on June 27th to find a solution to resolve the matter he again tried to explain how important it is to move the archives from

Austin because it's a dangerous place to keep them in the legislature was like yeah no and are they they're reticent because of his recent bias towards the city of Houston no they want to keep it there because they by any means that most of them live in Austin and they own property there and if everything goes away then property values drop sure so their hearts are in the right place yeah in September peg leg wrote to the vigilance committee and citizens of Austin he said interfering with the removal of the archives had the potential to put the records and the republic at a great risk okay if the

enemy captured the archives quote it would be a greater victory than the most glorious battle won in the field okay this is pay for this barely super important sure no it's like national treasure then peg leg ordered all the business of the general land office to be suspended until further notice some in Austin said they would burn the records rather than let them leave so worried about the threats peg leg moved the boxes of the land office into his private office he's doing it he's just moving it into his office in the same building he took it all out of the main room and put it in the back room basically this dude

really wants change in the fall Mexican troops attack San Antonio again and Sam Houston brought Congress back on December 5th this time in Washington on the Brazos which he made the capital okay he's in again implored Congress to agree to move the archive and told them not to listen to what the quote so called seditious citizens of Austin had to say about it I is he is he Alamoing right now what do you mean now is he calling the right is he being sincere Houston yeah yeah yeah okay yeah no he's not wrong no I just I keep thinking I would also enjoy a battle to just move everything to where Houston is just

because you're like that's me yeah I'm Houston I'm the Raven so the Senate president did not like Sam and he held up the vote with a procedural move so Sam couldn't take it and on December 10th he secretly ordered two Texas Army officers to gather a force of 24 men and go get the archives from Austin with quote secrecy efficiency and dispatch and to take them to Washington on the Brazos and no cannons sorry well that'll be cannons Sam wrote quote while they remain where they are no one knows the hour when they will maybe utterly destroyed so on December 30th the covert force entered Austin early in the

morning Jesus with three wagons and started loading the archives up okay peg leg Ward was helping they were done at noon but a local lady named Angelina Eberle had seen them Eberle was an in and saloon owner she had moved to Austin in 1825 with her husband who also happened to be her cousin they had three kids oh boy did they husband cousin died that's tough on a couple levels you're losing a lot there family and a partner yeah and then he ran then then she ran the in with the slave she owned for a while so that's nice and then she went to South Carolina

because the the Mexicans were threatening and it's I read that she destroyed her own in to keep it from falling in Mexican hands but I have a hard time believing that I wouldn't so she went to South Carolina and she made it she married Jacob Everly and then she came back to Austin 1839 and she ran the Eberle house okay which was the boarding house where Sam Houston lived while he was in Austin okay right right the president's office so she understood she understands what the archives mean to Austin she's a land owner and she's apparently not happy the Capitol had been moved also if the

archives are gone Austin would be screwed so Eberle spread the word around Austin and a small mob gathered on Austin's Main Street there was a loaded Howitzer was loaded with Grape Shot which was just it was just always loaded in case the Mexicans or Native Americans attacked so you just had a cannon in the street ready to go oh boy I know someone is sweating most we have that pilot just I've got bad luck that's my nemesis they just did they I think I've got cannon magnets inside me or something so the mob brought out the cannon and oh Eberle pointed it toward the wagons and she said she would blow

them to kindling at the first sign of movement inside peg leg was in his office no dude it man if I swear to God if he gets I will literally run out of the theater if he is involved in another cannonball incident well there's only Grape Shot in it inside his office inside his office he heard yells of quote blow the old house to pieces oh my god my nightmare shots hit the land office quote shots perforated the buildings it was said peg leg was lucky to get out of harm's way Jesus if I find out who invented the cannon I'm gonna use a cannon on it went maybe

not a cannon but Sam's officers and their men took off with the archives in the wagons heading northeast to Kinney's Fort salmon ordered them not to let anyone sees the records no matter what peg leg also sent a Spanish translator and his assistant clerk so they were pursued by about 20 vigilantes who had the cannon with them Jesus please just shoot me now at noon the next day the vigilantes caught up to the guys with the archive records and blocked their way just north of Austin and then they started shooting at each other over papers yeah but I assume Sam's men didn't want to die because of the records so

they surrendered they gave up the archives which were then brought back to Houston the next day 68 Austinians or Austinites told the assistant and translator if they got in their way they would kill them and the archives are brought back to Austin okay peg leg quote the archives were lodged in Miss Eberle's house I have employed all the exertion I could to have them restored to this place but in vain many threats have been made against me but however dangerous or unpleasant my situation may be I will not complain if I can do a service to the Republic there we go the records were guarded day and night at

Eberle's house quote an attempt to take them by force would have precipitated a civil war Jesus Christ really they really this has Nicholas Cage written all over it it really does just give me them the paper work I'm just here for some of the maps I just need a few of the maps the committee of vigilance celebrated with a New Year's Eve party quote in the form of a hearty meal wild we're turning loose yeah who wants more stew what a night peg leg kept pushing for the vigilance committee to return the documents to the land office he said the office needed to open so citizens

could find a way to buy land titles he said what they were doing was an illegal detention of land land claims and anarchy would ensue sure negotiations went back and forth Congress investigated Sam for trying to steal the records and he was reprimanded the the seat of government relay still remained at Washington on the Brezos Austin without the status of a capital city slowly started to turn into a ghost town a bit peg leg created a new land office in Washington on the Brezos he's like fuck it all right because the land business cannot be suspended so now he's creating new archives in a different

town but there's like no business to do because no one has the old records so no one knows who owns what right so land in 1841 there are 145 patents issued and in 1843 only six okay so what had been luring immigrants to Texas was gone like no then no one was coming right the whole state's gonna fall apart if they don't get their shit together right so finally on January 8th 1844 a year after they were taken and with little struggle the archives were returned to the land office and was reopened in Austin and then the government came back to Austin in 1845 so sorry I got lost don't apologize you're fine baby so they won

the people in Austin won okay so okay the Republic of Texas joined the United States of America a few months later on December 29th yeah she'd never done that yeah awesome idea right it's only worked out yeah because of better and then Ted Cruz was born and grew I'm sorry no I'm sorry hatched yeah I apologize you're right he was hatched clever girl but we could all agree it is beard looked really normal yep for sure Sam and his wife who he married in 1940 had eight kids Jesus Christ yeah after second term a Houston man succeeded him so a guy who believed the same thing he he did right when Texas joined the union Sam became

a senator he was very against the south leaving the union but he was a slave owner he ran for governor again but lost probably due to his anti-slavery votes in Washington and then the legislator kicked him out as a senator peg legs wife would eventually leave him after he threatened a shooter baby what did I do that was wrong I didn't say shoot you with a cannon just a guard you'll keep your appendages I can't I'm right handed oh cotton my cotton as he's saying goodbye to her there's just a cannon being lit 400 miles away oh no boy no what that means so he she left and he used his connections to delay the divorce

proceedings for years what and he hid his assets he failed to pay alimony and he defied a race training order the Texas legislature legislature stripped peg leg of his office in 1848 many considered him to be a despot but he was appointed US consul of Panama City in 1853 hey I'm back baby and then when he came back he and his wife tried to make it work a second wow that is always I didn't mean to try to kill you I wasn't it was just words well I mean I can't stay too mad at someone who's got it all a little to the left little more I'm always moving to the left little more

all I do is move to the left little more you fucking monster he must have chickened out okay I guess I will stay but it didn't last peg leg died in 1872 was he buried with that Ben guys leg I hope that would be karmic Sam ran again for governor and won in 1859 he wanted the US to become a protectorate over Mexico and wanted to use the Texas Rangers to do it Jesus so he all he wanted to do was to take over Mexico totally normal thought yeah when like same that crazy yeah when Lincoln was elected he warned the south not to secede because he said it would lead to a northern victory in

total destruction of the south plus screw this guy I'm taller than him with the hat on and Texas seceded Sam refuses taken oath of loyalty to the Confederate States of America so he was removed from office on March 16th and then he went into exile and he moved to Huntsville that's that's exile on July 26 1863 he died of pneumonia at 70 geez in April 18 his wife Kathy of 14 was bereaved in 808 in April 1846 Angelina leased Edward Clegg's Tavern House in Port La Vaca in 1851 she was running a hotel in Indianola and then she died in 1860 today archivists celebrate Angelina Everly as if she were a hero she's on

poster coffee mugs other collectibles there's a statue of her in Austin but she wasn't she was about self-interest but yeah we're putting up statues of people who are they have a really corrupted they have a statue of her in Austin and they I guess she did save the city but she was still right but there's sort of there's a whole I found an archive this site and they were like she is not a hero she is a bad archivist yes or they're mad about it yeah no you know things are good when you're blogging about archivism anyway they all died Jesus

nice summation good Lord so that's Texas that is Texas that's their boy he really was number one hero right that's like your guy he was he's not I thought that everyone loved Sam Houston you don't okay I don't know it's someone you'll go cannonball I think a man might have yelled Clark Gable which means we need to go thank you guys so much for coming out we appreciate it truly thank you guys