The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 361 - The Truck Nuts War - (Live in Phoenix)

Episode Date: January 22, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the Truck Nuts War. SOURCES REDBUBBLE MERCH TOUR DATES

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Anyway, thanks for having us. God bless Berry Goldwater. John McCain. You're listening to the Dalip. This is a British history podcast each week. That's right. I, Dave Anthony, story from United Kingdom history to my friend. Gaza, who's got no bloody clue what's going on in it, does he? No. No, governor. No. Don't do it. I just want to say tonight if you brought somebody who's never seen the podcast and you and you brought them and you thought that tonight you would get some intelligent really good old-fashioned American history that's not happening. What? What is it? By all means, late 1980s Northern Arizona. Okay. Late

80s. John Sallers. John Sallers? Sallers. Sallers, okay. Said he was out for by foring with some friends. Interesting start, sir. When someone yelled quote, go Ernie, show them you got balls. Well, Dave, you are setting quite a scene here. It's classic. Is this how Jackass starts? It's classic, classic Arizona. Floor wheelers and someone inflating an ego. Another version of the story. Oh. Is that one of John's friends actually put plastic dangling testicles on the back of his truck? Either way. Oh my god, wait, Dave, wait for that cover-up issue. I feel like balls are coming off. Either way, John Sallers was struck by a lightning

bolt. What if he sold plastic testicles? Oh my god, this is the guy? Who? What? This man? To hang on the back of trucks like a beautiful ornament. I feel like you're doing ad integration for Spencer's gifts and not telling anyone. He, am I wrong to think that a pair of balls got ripped off on the four-wheeling expedition? No, it was, there were just some balls. One, one version is he just someone just yelled Ernie, show him you got balls. Another version is that one of the trucks out there, someone actually put plastic testicles on the back of their truck. And he's like, I'm going to invent the thing that exists. Right. Sure. Okay. All

right. Basically. Sure. Okay. So he, he started researching truck testicles. What? Okay. What library did you go to in 88 for this information? Excuse me, would this be in history or biology? Well, like I told you before, I don't think we have a lot of stuff about this. I think it might be in science. It will not be in science. I know the science area. You know, normally guys like you sit at the computers and pretend to write while they're masturbating. Well, it's the 80s, so we don't really have computers. I mentioned word processing, which exists now. You're thinking of microfiche. I'm not, sir. Look, do you want to learn about

plastic truck balls? Or do you want to sit here and bust my chops about how we don't have word processors in the back? Which we do. There are a couple of computer companies right now that are competing, honestly. Maybe open a paper every now and then, because that's where we get our information, but we can still word process. Do, do you think it would be an automotive? Is there an automotive biological section? Not yet. I'm talking about truck testicle. I'm aware. That's why we say shush so much. Maybe you're not a good librarian. I'm not. Quote, as far as I've been able to find out, there was a woman in northern Nevada who started

selling them in the mid 80s, but smaller in a different look. She was like, she was like, that should be funny. He's like, they should be accurate. That's where she fell short part of the pun. It sounds like she just put like normal sized testicles on a truck. Normal? What one's his heap? He is what? Big ones? John was gonna take it up a notch and make much bigger testicles. Bowl size testicles. That's right. Awesome. Because in this hypothetical world, size matters to him. He's like, man, someone's gonna laugh that truck off the road if they see regular nuts. You need big meatballs. He got to work using CAD software, a common

tool of mechanical engineers. I want CAD software. And created a three-dimensional design. I mean, imagine walking like this is so 88. Take a look at this drop I have here. You can see I can rotate them. What do you think? Those are testicles. Exactly. But they're kind of big. So from that, he made a prototype and then contacted an injection-molded plastics company in Southern California who took him off of speakerphone to clarify what he wanted. Sorry, brother. What do you need one more time? It sounded like you said big bull balls for trucks. So I throw you off speaker there real quick. Mom and dad are here.

The plastics company was run by Chad Tomble. Chad, quote, he approached me as a professional. Of course. Just brings in a suitcase. Sorry, not a suitcase. Yeah, bring in a suitcase like a professional. How are you? I'm going to Hawaii after this. I know I seem crazy, but I'm here to talk about balls. Don't worry about a thing. I'm doing Europe and I'm doing it right after this. So that's why I got the two and then the one carry on. People got his stuff, showed up to offices with suitcases. Yeah, I agree. It was the weekend. I was in the manufacturing business at the time and he approached me in a way not to offend

me because he didn't know if I was going to be receptive to the idea. Fair. So he spent some more time trying to describe it tactfully and it took me a long time to know what he was talking about. You know, skin to show off a truck. What? Skin to show a truck. Humanize a truck in a way. Show a manly truck. Skin to show a manly truck off. So put skin on a truck? Exactly. And you're the guy to do it. So just skin around it like a wrap, like a truck with skin all over it. No, not all over it. Just a little something in the back maybe. Just hanging. Whatever part you think hangs off of a body. Could be man. Could be man. Like a tail? That's a

great idea. Let's go ahead with that. The only thing is I don't think fellas have tails do that. Another wall we've hit. Good pitch though. What does a guy have that hangs that isn't a tail which again was a dynamite call if only guys had those. Who knows. That's great. Maybe two noses next to each other and they're inside a chin. Wait a minute. That sounds like balls. What an idea. Quote, we were probably talking for an hour and a half before I realized he was talking about balls. So that happens when you bring a suitcase to a ball debate. So Chad agreed to make them. Sure. John named his company bowls balls. Creative.

What was it inspired by? Bowls balls trademarked the phrase made to swing. Was like the hammock industry like what? I assumed we had it. And truck nuts were born. Truck nuts are fake testicles that hang down from the back bumper of a truck usually from the hitch. But John Sallers wasn't alone. I can't believe this is something we're discussed. This is like. Me neither. What I yeah okay. Better than Barry Goldwater. Or is it the same? It's tough. But John Sallers wasn't alone in the new truck testicle business in New Mexico. David. Oh, the debate is still rife. David Hamm was racing in a desert rally. For those of you who are

elitist that's a desert car race. And as David was racing he saw that the truck in front of him had a pair of custom made testicles. Those are mine. Hanging from the hitch. His life was changed forever. David was taken by the quote large fleshy testicles. Not literally. Get in the car. Thought you was a novelty. Shut up. We're FBI. And he decided to make them himself to sell them to like-minded gents. So both of these geniuses had their inspiration and idea from literally seeing it somewhere else. Well you yeah. Yeah, I think yeah does it honestly. They're not. You can't patent them because they're. No, because you

don't want to go to the patent office and be like I want to patent truck nuts. No you can't. But you also like. You can't because they're made after something that exists. You can't because of that. You literally can't patent truck nuts. But also you can't. I mean you can't. I mean I don't know what I guess. Someone would. But what I picture the patent office like is like a parole board essentially. I mean there's no way someone doesn't have the patent on butt plugs. Like people have patents on stuff. Hey you're looking right at him. Jack off. But there's no. That's why every time you walk into my place I say this is the house that

butt plugs built. You don't have a house. That's why that guy was so mad. We shouldn't have been there. So David did not run into a chat. It was very hard for him to find a molding shop that would manufacture fake testicles. The first nine places he went to said no. I mean okay it is crazy but get off your high plastic horse. Just make some balls. Hi there. This is my suitcase. It's huge. Yes they have to be because these are big nuts. Are those. Yep. Do you want to tell me what elephantitis is? I do now. The 10th shop said yes. Okay the 10th. I think it's the 10th. The 10th. We can do it. We have the. Now this was probably two

years after John started his business. So in 1996 David began selling fake nuts to hang from the back of your truck or car. Oh or car. Okay so that's it's a little different. Now you can get them for bicycles and motorcycles. Thank God yeah I know skateboarding but you trip over them a lot but they trip a lot anyway. I gotta be honest. It's hard to ollie with a ball bag underneath you. Last night my wife. My 920 got fucked up because of this nutsack. Last night my wife did not like the video I showed her of the glowing bike nuts. Bike nuts. Dave's truck testicle company was called your nuts with a Z. Well you know obviously

this is quite a divide as to who do you side with but your nuts. I'm gonna go with truck nuts. Anything that doesn't use a Z to be wacky. I have always a side with. Totally agree. The two companies launched within a couple of years of each other mid 90s. So of course this was before the internet so it was difficult to sell such a wonderful but niche product. You had to be a real truck testicle enthusiast to have a pair. Oh yeah you had to be psychotic to find those and then to find out they exist. You're shitting me. Yeah it's the same librarian. No the guy was here. They exist. He wrote a book. It's an automotive biology. It's the only book

in the section. Now the internet became a tool for the common man and John's website was founded in 1999. Bullsballs.com. David had begun using an AOL website in 1999 and then switched to his own website in 2002. Your nuts.com with a Z. Of course still available somehow. When asked for information about the AOL domain David said quote the website was taken down so long ago you'll never find it. So there's no definitive answer to which of these two men was online selling. Bulls. Truck testicles first. Right. But John had already been selling online creating the first website devoted to selling personalized

dog tags. So he was, John was a man ahead of the game with selling. He sold dog tags. Personalized. Personalized. Your name unlike normal dog tags. Sure. Yeah unlike normal dog tags. Yeah right. Yeah. So obviously being online changed everything. David and John became aware of each other and quickly. That must have been the greatest thing to tell one of them. You know there's another guy who's doing what the hell are you talking about? Look he's got a website and everything. I kind of like it because he spells nuts with a Z. That's so goofball. You should do that with truck nuts. Z's are crazy. Especially if they're hanging

on to the other last letter trying to like grab it like the Z's like I'm fucking crazy I'm out of here. It's like grabbing that T like T saved me for myself and he's like get off here you fucking talk about. Get out of here. Crazy as Z. Trying to make this word plural with a Z. You're out of your element Z. My site is called Bull's Balls. Not truck nuts. Well this other filler gets it. That Z's trying to get back into that. They're Bull's Balls. They're not human balls. You're nuts. They're actual. That's why they're that big. However. If they're your nuts they should be the size of your nuts. Hey you turn on

me Jack. If you buy a pair of balls online they're in your possession. That means they're your nuts. I'm gonna go smoke weed in the car. Excuse me for nothing yell at me like the way nuts as goofy as shit. So Dave and John began began fighting over who was the originator of truck testicles. It's an attractive fight. Makes the probably made the women of the 90s swoon. David insists he was the original inventor but when a reporter asked him for proof he became angry quote no not this is not court. Exactly. Okay. Both John and David were upset that another guy was also in the truck testicle. There's a third. I've

also entered the business. Then they first had contact with each other in the early 2000s when John called David quote David. So David says quote he called me on the phone one day and he said your nuts don't look enough like bowls balls. You I'm sorry you have the wrong number sir. This is a print shop. The hell's going on. I told them that he was the only person to ever tell me that and then he got all indignant and he says I tell you what I'm gonna make my own bowls balls and I'm gonna bury you. I wished him the best and sure enough about six months later I get these balls on the mail that look like he went to a

slaughterhouse and put a mold on a dead bull and that's how bowls balls were born. I have some questions. Now he's he's disparaging the quality of the bull balls that he gets it like he's like they're not like how I guess we want to see them. Yeah they're not they're not a quality setup. Not a good cut of nut. That's right. Okay. Okay. And then he's saying that some stranger walked into his or called him and said hey the testicles you're making are not real enough looking. I'm gonna do you one better because what you're doing is fraud to the ball world. Right. Okay. Is there any are they maybe playing in a

market of two. John says this version of history is a complete lie. Sure. There was no threat and testicles were not sent to David. John's testicle maker Chad said a phone call did happen but it was David who called John. Okay. David's the ham right. David is ham. Right. Okay. Quote David Ham contacted John saying he was the first on the internet and all this other stuff and he told them and he told them it wasn't true so they developed a disagreement between them. Okay. So David I based on these two stories. One sounds like it could be real and one sounds like it's from an insane person. Right. So either way contact was

made argument over testicles no resolution. That's right. Right. The fighting over who was the first online truck testicle maker guy. Like imagine telling someone you don't know about what's going on caught up in some bullshit. What's that. I don't want to tell you know I don't know if you know this about me. We don't know each other too well just a few barbecues but my job is I have an online company that sells bulls balls for automobiles. What. And regular balls and regular balls. Yeah. Probably. That's the spring anyway. There's this other guy who totally encroached on my market by also making balls for cars and

he's a dickhead. He thinks Z's quirky to put on a word. How stupid does a Z look at the end of a word. Can. Like it's trying to be part of it. Can we do this thing where we don't know each other. For sure. Yeah. No that's why I don't open up a lot. The two men shot. You know I'm. Oh nothing. Go ahead. I was just given context to why I don't open up a lot. Why I have trust issues. But you're busy. Got a story to read. Go with it. I'll be fine. I'll just be over here. You do your thing. They shot angry emails back and forth. Well the Internet's great. These were followed by furious phone calls. Though when he asked for them David

Hamm refused to show the emails to reporter Mac Lemeru of vice. Okay. Because of the Internet truck testicles were no longer a niche product. Sales exploded. What is wrong with us. We are just not worthy of earth. Each year as more people saw this amazing product popularity grew. Now truck nuts are being featured on television shows and the term entered our public vernacular. I mean sort of. Chucks in what is known as red that country by elitist coastal liberals were cruising around with nuts swinging off the back places like Florida Ohio and Arizona. In a 2008 interview John said quote I've put a lot of people to work. Yeah. And made a

lot of money. I've made hundreds of deals both local and international. I have dealerships. I have dealerships. I have dealers. No you don't have dealerships. I work like a Ford nut. This is the Ford nut. Now this mom. Yeah. This is unbelievable. Yeah. There are some truck dealerships that will sell you. Yes. Sell you what. A pair of nuts with your truck. Now did you want the testicle accessory. Absolutely. We're willing to sacrifice heating and air conditioning if it's too much to have. Imperative we get those balls. I have dealerships I work with who include a bull's balls as one of the options customers can choose

when buying new trucks. Oh for sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And there was a variety. Quote. Shopping for them. Little pink. I mean it's up to you. They don't. If you want them get them. It's like I'm a little more. Not pink. What. What do you mean by pink. Not pink. Not pink. What do you what is it that you're. I mean like these ones are good. I like these two. These are my favorite. They're both good. I don't hate the pink ones. But these are better. These dark ones are great. I don't hate honey. Are you even looking anymore. Shut the fuck up. There are pink ones. Hot pink. I mean this company has been in business for too

long if that exists just for the ladies. Or maybe Miami. That's very Miami. Has anyone stopped to think that women would like a set of ovaries on the back of their trucks. That can we start that business just to make just to like push to the brink of thought and rationality the minds of these two men where they're like you get new ovaries. It's weird. It's like right. Exactly. It's fucking weird. That's what we're all saying to you. Ovaries are on the inside. Balls hang down like people want to see them. If people wanted to see ovaries God would have put them in a sack like balls. But he didn't. They put him behind the curtain.

Ovaries backstage. Balls up front doing their hour. Oh Lord. You are mysterious. And there was variety. Quote a quick visit to bullsballs.com shows the array of options. The only way you can visit. The array of options available to the customer in sizes ranging from 4.5 to 10 inches in length. Oh. 10 inches in length. Big ball. For your truck that's in its 90s. I tell you. What are you working with there Danny? A 10 inch wingspan? My God. It's beautiful. It's unbelievable. Drop an anchor. It's like every guy I saw at the YMCA when I was in Wisconsin. Literally. What are you going to do? Abbs? I was like ahhh.

As soon as you said old guy my brain went right to the Y where I'm in the locker room. I'm just like why don't old guys ever wear towels? It's just it's not even not wear towels. It's at their knees. It's at their knees. And they're down to talk. They're down to talk. They want chat. You see they got new mouthwash in here Tim. Uh. Weighing themselves. Whoops. See how much I weigh without my balls. I mean they hang. Here hold my balls while I weigh the regular part of me. 20 pounds lighter. He gets. Oh. It's like a flesh-colored diaper. I went boom in. Welcome everyone to your first show over there. I just want to say. Congratulations. Welcome. Some people in Australia went to one where probably 5 million penguins died.

So this is much better. You maybe. Yeah you were there. You also flew to San Francisco when I had my boom boom episode. Good make the show. I got food poisoning. Shut up. Dave don't be gross. Get back to the nuts. In colors like pink, ivory, chrome and brass they even sew one pair covered with flames and another. What the herpes model. Put you in a set of these. And for the more patriotic one plastered with American flags. Yeah. That's right. No planes knocking these two fucking things down. Tell you that much. Chuck nuts were so popular people were going to any means to get them. What are you talking about? John quote theft is a problem. People steal them all the time. Maybe they're just people who are like get them out of here. They're not like oh yeah awesome to the

pawn shop. They're like stop. John kept advancing truck testicle technology. Sure. Yeah. You mean in the laboratory where he's got like his cue. He created. You're gonna like this one John. You'll see this. He is clever. Ten seconds away from the truck. These testicles are also a bomb. He created what is known as the second generation of bulls balls. Second gen come with a chain and a lock. Dave, I don't think I'll be the first person to say it. But if you are locking testicles to your truck, you've lost the plot. But I just wonder like can you get it like is it like an apple phone? Can you get like a trading? Can you bring your old testicles in? Yeah. Get the new one with the chain and the lock. The cover on this one shattered. My kid was playing with it. You've

heard a million times. I dropped it in the toilet. I dropped mine in the toilet all the time. Alright grandpa. He's going to the Y. Don't mind him. He'll be going to the Y right after this. And I mean I've been so heartbroken without having those ones working. I just put him in the flat bed and had him sort of dangle him out the back. He won't shut up about it either. They caught the eye of Maryland State Senator Del LaRoy Myers, who said his Western Maryland district was brimming with fake testicles. He said they were vulgar and immoral. Quote, people are making a joke out of it, but I think it's a pretty serious problem. Do it. Nice try pal. These truck balls are a very serious. You're stupid. That's all you see. Anyone is shouting about truck nuts? You have body

parts hanging from the hitches of cars. We've crossed a line. That's right. Meanwhile, oil money. Myers introduced legislation to outlaw them in the state. The bill would prohibit motors from displaying anything resembling or depicting anatomically correct or less than complexly opaquely covered human or animal genitals, human buttocks or female breasts. Now, wait a minute, you're telling, this is getting insane. What? I'm driving a body. There's a reason he had to ride it that way. Because someone was like, I got bumper titties. Check them out. Bull balls, eat your heart out. New bumper titties. Unbelievable. Because if you're going to make a law... Check out Hood Dicks. My new company. Hood Dicks. Don't say that. It's going to happen. Hood Dicks.

Hood Dicks. Yeah, Hood Dick. He's the kind of guy who drives your truck across the country and always thinks, man, I wish my truck had a functioning anus. If so, then we finally reached the bottom of the barrel for you. Hey, Bob, is your Dodge taking a shit? Is that what I'm saying? Yeah, I got to drive around the block and shit's all the time. So accurate. Sorry, why? I guess I'm just wondering why you would want that. I don't know. Got caught up in some kind of escalation, I suppose. My Ford orgasms. Oh, you got the Ford orgasm? Yes, I did. The Ford human body. Okay, so the reason State Senator Myers wrote it like that was because

hunters will kill a deer and throw it in the back of the truck. And if it's written just saying you can't have testicles, then they would get arrested because you could see the deer's nuts. So he had to write it through this opaquely covered human or animal genitals. So this way a hunter could still put a deer in his truck bed and those testicle testicles were real and so they wouldn't get you fined. Oh boy, this is slippery slope. So lifelike. They're my neighbors. Myers quickly became the brunt of jokes in the state of Maryland. Of course. David Ham was not happy about the possible law. Quote, it's not a perverted sexual thing at all. It's a sense of humor. Well, no. It's like Louis CK logic. Oh, it made me happy sexually. Why the

issue? No. By the way, the new Ford Louis CK, when you put it in the garage, it blocks it for other cars until they're made to feel ashamed by its behavior. The car can only start if another car is confused and feels weird. That's when the Ford CK will start up on its own. And it turns itself off when it's ready. And when it gets caught, it makes a hard right. So David Ham is not happy about the law. Quote, it's not a perverted sexual thing at all. It's a sense of humor. This lawmaker is looking out for two or three old women in tennis shoes. He's got too much time on his hands. He went on to say that 50 years ago, everyone lived in farms in America. Quote, did all the little donkeys and sheep walk around with their panties

on so children wouldn't see their bodies? Where was he raised? What is he talking about? You know, a donkey farm. You know, which brings me to my latest invention, donkey panties. That's right, donkey panties. Because there's no world left to conquer donkey panties. Nothing came of the legislation. Keep playing the 15 years ago game, too. Well, 15 years ago, you could. 50. Whatever it is. When people didn't live on farms. All right. I mean, look, let's go to the 1840s, motherfucker. You want to get for industrialization? Come on. I can't believe a guy who who puts who invents truck nuts doesn't know when industrialization happened. Yeah. Nothing came of legislation. But last year, Myers was sued for trying to force

a government worker to perform sexual favors. Weird. That guy, weird that that guy was all set about nuts on cars would do something. That's so strange. He was just trying to find out if they had a sense of humor. In April 2008, Florida Senator, state Senator Kerry Baker put forth an amendment to find someone $60 and have points against their driver's license for displaying bull genitalia reproductions on a vehicle. So you might have to go to traffic school because you insist on having balls on your car. That's right. All right. That's right. Fun hill to die on. I'm sorry, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to raise your insurance $500. I'm willing to pay this. Worth it. I'm sending a message. I want to be on the right side of

all wars. Senator Jim King of Jacksonville was not pleased about this amendment. He explained that one of his trucks was quote all pimped out. This guy is the only I'm listening to this guy. This guy I'm listening to. All right. And he had had truck nuts on it for a period of time. Uh-huh. He called it called it quote an expression of truckliness. Sure. So, huh? But in the end, he took them off because his wife told him to. That is, you know, when it comes to the voters of Florida, Dave, she took off two pairs of nuts that night. Honey, but I want my truck move. No, not wearing them. The amendment does not, the amendment passed this Senate, but then didn't get past the house. So

it's not a law in Florida. In Virginia, a house member proposed the hanging of truck testicles be a class four misdemeanor. Jesus. With fines up to $250. Jesus. A misdemeanor. He said quote, what about the kids? What kind of message are we sending in Virginia? After he introduced the legislation. That's where they came from. After he introduced the legislation, the house member learned that truck testicles kept increasing in size. And he said quote, how, how bigger they're going to go? Yes. What will it stop? Yes. Yes. Yes. When you're talking about balls and it sounds like a quote from honey, I blew up the baby. He's just, he's like the guy in the preview of the perfect storm. I just don't know how big these

are going to get. Oh my. Oh my God. Those are balls wearing a truck this summer. That's the best. Oh my God, Alan. What are you driving there? A pair of balls with a truck hanging from it? I told you not to put AI in them. I think we just made a movie from the 80s. Absolutely. Absolutely. The trucks. So the ACLU had to wait in because so many states are talking about banning truck nuts. And they said truck testicles represent an idea and are protected by the First Amendment. Also, don't call us here for this stuff again. We're doing real work over there. Okay. I don't have time to come out here and put out these little campfires. All right. John Saller was amused by all this. At this point, he knew any attempt to make truck testicles

illegal made national headlines, which in turn made people aware of truck testicles, which in turn increased sales. Sure. Yeah. And they're protected by the First Amendment. Right. Yes. Why couldn't that have gone to the Supreme Court? Judge Thomas. Oh, can I put them in my mouth? All righty. That's a yay. Once I mean guilt guilty. Yes. Nope. Wrong. Don't talk. Just write your stuff. And you can use them once Justice Scalia gets them out of his ass. Okay. The local news reported John had sold several hundred thousand last year, and they ranged in size from two and a half to 10 inches. So they're selling a shitload.

Yeah, he's making a lot. Yeah. Millions of dollars. The big sales just increased the tension between bulls balls and your nuts. But the fighting let's just take a moment to savor the fact that if we'd heard that at the beginning, we would have been like, what? And now we're like, of course. Continued it. But the fighting between Dave and John really got going in 2009, after Dave built a website called all the nuts.com. Oh, son of a bitch, he did not. With a Z. See, I told you, man, that's your problem. You got to get that wacky ass Z in there.

That Z's trying to get into that party. The bouncer's like, get out of here, Z. Now, what David was creating was basically a warehouse for all, all the truck nut sellers in America. And he would sell them all, which means it's called all the nuts. So he needs all the nuts. And that includes bulls balls. Well, Dave, I'm genuinely interested to see what happens next. So he's got his nut compound. Well, yep. And he went online, and he placed an order to get some bulls balls. David said he paid bulls balls for the testicles, but never received them, and his money was never returned. But bulls balls said after they took the order, they figured out what David was up to, and they turned him down, and they told him, and then they returned

the money. But still, David somehow managed to get his hands on some bulls balls and put them up on his website without permission from bulls balls. So John made a post on bullsballs.com titled truck nuts with an S truck nuts, a quest for the truth. Did anyone else read it besides David? No. No. Because if you're on that website, you're like, oh, look, they got some news. Oh, this is interesting. Hold on, honey. I'm reading the news on bullsballs.com. I'll take your time. That sounds crucial. Now, what is I ran up to? Oh, what's this? Holy shit. Someone is illegally procuring truck nuts. What does America come to?

Okay. The site? So someone has preserved the way back machine or whatever that page is called. It's preserved this page. So he's taken it down, but someone preserved it. So he's just basically made this. The Smithsonian, I'm assuming, is the one who got their hands on this. It's they actually framed it in their lobby. Yeah. Man walks on moon. Oh, look at that. Oh, here's the truck nuts thing. Oh, that's finally right in the order it should be. 10 inches. Different times. So the whole, this whole page is dedicated to your nuts.com. It has, it has a picture of a very large bulls whose testicles hang very low. And under that, it says ours. And besides that picture is a picture of a squirrel

whose testicles are hanging down. And under that, it says theirs. This, this has to stop. Quote, good afternoon. Yeah, that's how you start a letter where you've got two pictures of animal nuts on it. A good afternoon. To whom it may concern. That's how most people write on websites. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Unless, of course, you're reading this at one of the other few times of day we have. Good afternoon is the best way to start a letter or email. From now on, every email starts with good afternoon. Send it to AM. What's he doing? Good afternoon. Afternoon. I should, I should mention that John is much older, but John is old. And they're, neither one of them are young guys. So they're not anymore. Now they're more like an eight

inch or instead of a four. But they're not, they're not anyone who like the Internet's a foreign thing to them. The Internet is a series of tubes. Even though they're making money, it's a, you'll see. Okay. Quote, good afternoon and thank you for considering us. We are and have been the premium manufacturer and capital purveyor of bulls balls registered and big boy nuts trademark since 1999 exclamation port point. Therefore capitalized. We are the foremost truck balls company in the world. There's also a scroll that moves across the page that says the same thing. The entire page is dedicated to pointing out the differences and the prices between the two companies and how bulls balls is legit and all the nuts is not quote. This page has all the vital

information needed to select the right company to provide you with the best product for the right price and hopefully good service in the process. They're nuts. I, this is like he's a banker. Like you're selling plastic nuts. This is also on his site that he did. Yes. So if you're on, let's say you're, let's say you're part of the 0.03% of the population that decides your trucks need gender definition. Yes. Okay. So you're part of that. So you go to one of the two websites where there's balls to buy. Oh, I was going to buy a vagina. Sorry. That's a different one. Okay. So you're going to go to one of those two. And while you're on it, he points out his competitor. Yes. So the way you're like sold, you're on his site. You're like, I'm going to buy some of these.

Whoa, what's this? Oh, they got different now. Oh, there's another one. Look at price that out. Yeah. Also, you're just, you just want to buy truck nuts. You don't want to get into a fucking battle. Yeah, you're not looking for, yeah, exactly. You're not looking for like the Montague Capulet of testicles. So he's just got all the shit telling people to compare price comparisons, explanation of quality differences. I thought you were going to say expert opinions, which would be amazing. Quote, compare sizes, shapes, colors, prices, ordering methods, shipping guarantees and so on. Down at the bottom of the page is a blog with entries. And the latest post questioned David and his brother, Kenneth, their business ethics, as well as

the quality of the testicles they sold. So David was furious. Sure. Yeah, nobody. Look, you can question David. It's ball integrity. But Kenneth, no, no night. Now, now you're coming after me familiar. Kenneth, Kenneth. Okay. Kenneth has always thought about the bottom line of the ball business. Kenneth is like a Kennedy when it comes to nuts. I mean, this kid has integrity. And you cut your question, Kenneth. Quote, they're lying. That has been their motive since they started to bad mouth and belittle my company at every term. It doesn't surprise me in the least. So David's mad. So David drives from New Mexico to San Bernardino, California to Tombow Plastic, where both balls are made by Chad. And David comes in that whole drive. He's

just grumbling. And by the way, most rational people get like an hour into that drive and are like, what am I doing? I mean, what am I out of my mind? I should chill out. He's like all the way there. Just tell me my balls, my balls, my balls, my balls, walking there, telling them that, you know, I'm the only place that sells the balls. You could would show me a fucking D. So I'll say it. I'll just look him in a stupid face, throw a set of balls in and put balls in his fucking mouth. No, I can't do that. I can't do anything like that. Just got to think long just walk in there, own the place, own the place. Just would you do another my balls? Yeah, show them that. Yeah, say something like that. Oh, look at 76. I should get a Gatorade.

Well, so when he came in to Tombow Plastics, he was with a woman. So he's playing the part of a couple or just in shopping for plastic. You got to go deep in your character. We live in Reno. Yeah, we just drove in me and Sophia here. Well, she's actually the one who wanted to get a set of the balls. I found them a little strange as a man of the cloth. I work in the religious business. I don't want to get too deep into it. Let me just get my glasses on. I need bifocals. I've got weird vision, very specific, very true. David introduced himself to the floor manager. Hi, I'm Bozzie Willis. Hey, how are you? At that moment, David realized he'd not come up with a fake name for himself. I'm Bozzie Willis. Dr. Bozzie, call me Dr. Bozzie.

Who calls himself Bozzie? You have time. You have that whole drive to come up with your name. The fuck are you doing grumbling to yourself? Bozzie. Come on, man. How hard is it to just come up with two names you've heard? I'm James Frank Berry. I'm Donald Smithington. JD Witherspoon, my friend. I'm a ball investor. Hey, Bozzie Willis. You just look like what's the New Jersey hockey mascot? What's his name? Gritty. Yeah, you just look like Gritty. Yeah. Oh, whoa. Okay, guys. All right, take it easy. Jesus Christ. Play that down. After he introduced himself, Bozzie, David pointed at some testicles, hanging on the wall and said, quote, I want to buy some of them balls. Chad came out to discuss the deal.

What? For the testicles with Bozzie, Willis. And when he saw him, he said, quote, do people call you by another name Bozzie? Do they also call you David Ham? Oh, Bozzie. Oh, Bozzie. You got owned, Boz. Sorry, Boz. Boz. Bozzie looked suddenly panicked. No, some people call me Boz. Apparently couldn't believe that someone knew what he looked like. Well, also, they probably went back there. They were like, is Bozzie a name? It isn't, right? There's a crazy guy here. You mean fozzie? Is fozzie bear here? Nope, it's not fozzie. That would also be weird, but he went even weirder. I think he probably meant fozzie. But with balls, Bozzie.

Bozzie. Yes, that's right. Chad had David escorted out of the building. He wouldn't leave? Well, I guess not. When a reporter questioned David about his attempt to buy testicles under a false name, David said, quote, have you ever heard of the term industrial espionage? Well, hey, hey, Bozzie, you don't get to school us on espionage. What? This is a real neck and neck for who is crazier. I mean, this is just... Now, when John heard about this industrial espionage episode, he made another public post on the bullsballs.com website, explaining what happened. Basically, the Huffington Post of 99. Everybody was going there to see what was going on. Oh, God, he's got a new post up. Let's see

how this plot's thickened. Quote, can you believe it? David Ham, manager of yournuts.com, came by our manufacturing and shipping facility in San Bernardino, California. Who is reading this? Nobody's reading this. And pretended to be a customer. They probably got an alert when you read this. They were like, someone's reading it. Somebody is actually reading this. This is the saddest thing, because it's the posts aren't all there. You have to... Neither's the guy posting it. But you have to click on it to see it so the wayback machine didn't capture it. So I couldn't read all of the blog posts that he had put up on bullsballs.com.

Sure. But it gets better. After John's post, it kicked off. Bad reviews of bullsballs.com began appearing all over the internet. They tore bullsballs a new one. Well, easy now. I don't know if you want to put it like that. And said bullsballs were price fixing the truck testicle market. Oh, my God. A $15.99. Like literally, it's just them, right? It's only them. It's a game for two. John tried to go tit-for-tat and counter with positive bullsballs posts,

but the negative ones were far too many to overcome. Some of the posts. Were they coming from the Kremlin? It's like I'm fighting Russia, like a Russian troll farm. Quote, Saller and Beeman are weak-minded losers, L-O-O-S-E-R-S. Oh, they're losers. Okay. Interesting. Who can't compete professionally or legitimately. L-I-G-I-T-A-M-E-T-L-Y. So Beeman was John's web host guy, so he's dragged into it.

This person is harmful. Don't buy from bullsballs.com. This person is harmful. Alternately, there are certainly a few websites that provide exemplary support and cost. For example, allthenuts.com. That's a tough shift. Bullsballs, vehicle nuts, bumper nuts are the same. A Facebook post under Bozzi Willis. Oh, no, you didn't. Oh, Bozzi.

Do you think he didn't remember the name he said when he went into the sampler? I think that's very possible. I think that's highly possible. Oh, Bozzi is back, baby. So he signs up for Facebook under Bozzi Willis. I'm getting a request. What the fuck is Bozzi Willis? What the fuck? We got to make a Bozzi Willis shirt. So a Facebook poster named Bozzi Willis started making comments on

Bullsballs' Facebook page. And Bozzi was relentless. Oh, man. They were, they're starting to be- There's not a better thing you could have told me right now. They're starting to be posted by Bozzi all over the internet. When he asked about the post, David said, quote, That is Sallers vile lies again.

I should add that John Saller and David Hamm aren't the only two guys in the truck testicle business. What? There's also Wilson Kemp, who's a retired school administrator from a junior college in Florida. It's troubling. Yeah, the whole time I was just thinking about balls. Quote, I was looking for something to keep me out of trouble and off the street.

What? I don't know. It's the best world ever. It's- So he's like sister act, but with testicles? In 2002, he saw a guy- I was falling in with a bad crowd until I found balls. He saw a guy selling his truck nuts business on eBay.

It was called truck nuts with a Z and he bought it. So now we have your nuts, now truck nuts. Oh, okay. My God. But for some reason Kemp got a total pass from John and David on the truck nuts battle. Yeah, that's fine. It's probably because he does not claim to be the inventor

of truck testicles anywhere on his website. Oh, okay. He's just inspired by them. That's right. Inspired by real nuts. So the animosity between David and John was all about who claimed to be the inventor and the two men couldn't let the other guy have the last word. Sure.

Blogs began to appear with the names Bull's Balls Info, Truck Nuts Balls- What is this Alex Jones' version? And reporters 666. What the hell? That is a serious reporter. Yeah, hello from Fire Times. I have a question. If the portal to hell were to have Bulls dangling from it.

All the blogs were said to be written by an anonymous reporter who was apparently quite anti-Bulls Balls while at the same time being very pro your nuts. Who do you think it was? I don't know. Okay, me neither. All the posts were just pasted and copied from blog to blog. That was lazy. This just all caused John to get more and more into the online war.

And Chad started taking over dealing with day-to-day operations of Bulls Balls. Okay. So at this point, and remember they're both, John's especially older, but he is now being so consumed by a guy just fucking with him everywhere that he's literally no longer taking care of his business, which is. False. False. Well, it's sad until you remember what the business is. And then it's totally crazy again.

Oh, I feel bad for that. No, no, no, no, no, I don't know. I don't know. What am I talking about? Chad, quote, he did share with me many, many times that he was having a lot of issues and was contacting his attorney and everything else to try and get a lot of that stuff negated. One review on ComplaintsBoard.com was made by BumperNuts.com titled Bulls Balls Truck Nuts Slash Price Fixing Fraud.

Quote, this guy owns over 30 websites selling the same thing. He has illegally fixing prices and cancelling dealers who discount. He had a free giveaway that I was the first to request. And once he got my personal information, he said, I didn't see, I didn't qualify. Why? He uses arbitrary discrimination to defraud whom he pleases. This guy is dangerous. Who is this guy? Who is this person now?

Well, this is, this is David. Okay. Do not buy from bullsballs.com. He then recommended people buy from all the nuts.com. John responded to the review by saying this was either David or Kenneth that had made it. Imagine seeing that review and then seeing the bot in the comment below it. I know this was either you, David or Kenneth. Oh, that's from that company.

He's the spare. Oh, this is delicious. Quote, they have been posting the malicious lies about myself and my company for a long time. They're rude crude liars and sociopaths. He accused them of violating his trademark, selling inferior products. How do I mean posting all over the internet, including Amazon, you're a deadbeat.com, complaints.com, my three cents.com and many others. How do you accuse someone of making shitty nuts for a truck?

Your product's inadequate. Well, Kemp went really into the process and it's actually quite complicated. Okay. Especially the camouflage ones. That was apparently a big deal. Well, you can't find them after you set them down for a minute. I didn't even set a nuts here. Swear to God they were right there.

At the end of the post, John posted the common features of sociopaths that he copied and pasted from Britannica Encyclopedia. Then some guy, an anonymous gentleman who described himself as being a regular customer of blues balls for years hopped in and gave a glowing review. And he went pretty deep into how he had checked out all the nuts.com and said they were illegally using trademark balls balls. Hey, sorry, gentlemen. I think I'm just going to jump in here real quick.

Happen to be... I am a long time nut buyer. Well, my father was a truck nutman. My grandfather was a truck nutman. I know fraudulent nuts that are infringing upon a copyright when I see them. Well, the post went super in depth into how bad all the nuts was. Sure. It's clearly John.

Quote. So anyway, I went to BullsBalls.com. So anyway, let me get back on track with my comment. And ordered my balls and thinking about it for a couple of days. My buddy and I decided to let people know about this bait and switch operation at all the nuts.com. Who's his buddy? I agree. We need to say something.

Keep on trucking. Be careful out there. Be careful out there from Not John 9-1-1. John made more posts about, they both are making posts. John made more posts about them being sociopaths. Basically, it's two older guys who have no idea how the internet works. And they're having a flame war over truck nuts. Not even truck nuts.

Truck nuts bragging rights. Like, they're also having an insane fight on another site called the ripoffreport.com. Oh, God. It had become an early January 2009. And the title was, Complaint Report, Bulls Balls, John Saller, John Beaman of Williams, Arizona. John was accused of defamation, fraud, and criminal impersonation. This was their biggest online war. A 47-post, 17,000-word fight.

Oh, my God. That nobody is watching. And all they're doing is acting like it's four customers. And nobody is watching. Oh, those are the best ones. And now that's called Facebook. So they post in their own names, but also post with fake names, but it's pretty obvious. So they're, to be fair, they're totally losing it.

Totally. Right. They both refer to themselves with their real name while posting as someone else's name. Sometimes they completely forget their writing under another character's name. And respond to a comment another guy made. That's sloppy. During the exchange, Ham calls John Johnny Boy and John calls Ham and his brother the unscrupulous Ham gang. Solid, solid, solid.

I thought that was a John Fogarty band. The posts included phone numbers, emails, and links, which the site deleted as they were put up. They posted as lawyers and cited criminal statutes. The other had violated. I'm a ball lawyer. Let me just throw the legal hat into the ring very quickly. David listed six felonies and two misdemeanors. John had committed with his truck test.

Go activity of the people versus scrotum. Good Lord. And he actually cited the, the, you know, what laws they were breaking. Sure. John did. He claimed David or his brother had called bulls balls and made threats to employees. And they both indicated the law was coming down on the other one pretty hard. At one point to prove how old he was, John wrote quote,

I just read an article in the latest readers digest last night. Oh my God. Oh my God. Wow. Okay. That really brought it home as to what these brothers are like and what they are doing. The activities they're doing is happening all over the web to other innocent victims like myself. So he learned about trolls.

Readers digest was covering this topic. I'm bullying by readers digest. Because old people all over the internet at that time are like, what's happening? If readers digest is covering the internet, it's just to be like, don't send Prince's money. John called the Ham Brothers sociopaths again. And again, Ham Brothers is a great name though. Yeah.

And again, pasted the encyclopedia article about sociopaths. A one contemptuous of those who seek to understand them. Two does not perceive that anything is wrong with them. Three authoritarian, four secretive, five paranoid. It just went on and on. Six post links. He called Kenneth the vicious one. Yeah.

Then on that first site I was talking about. The first what site? The first site. Complaintsboard.com on February 8th, 2009. A random guy posted. And as far as I can tell in all of their fights, this is the first individual who is not one of them. Was it just some guy who wrote first? The guy's name was listed as no longer a truck nut buyer.

Have they alienated the market? Quote, boy. Boy, yeah, that's absolutely the right first word and a number of ways. Boy, you guys take the fun out of it. I mean, I saw some on a truck and couldn't wait to google the site that sells them. And I find all this crap. Oh, yes. An earnest truck nut buyer turned off by the feud of balls.

Both of you should realize that your products, no matter who makes them, are supposed to be funny. Neither of you are worthy of my purchase. Both companies or individuals should be ashamed of yourselves. Hang that on your truck. I think it's safe to say that's not either one of them. Hang that on your truck. A couple hours later, John responded, quote. Hey, is this Reader's Digest?

John responded, quote. I completely agree with the direct above posting. John D. Saller, owner of bullsballs.com. After a couple of years, it seems John may have realized this wasn't the best way to go. Two days later, on that epic battle site with the 47 posts, John posted, quote. All of the above posts from the unscrupulous ham gang are malicious lies. They should have received letters from my attorneys by now. It is out of my hands.

There will be no more posts from myself. And then John was done. A man with reason, the hero known as no longer a truck nut buyer. He better be here tonight. Come on out. Hey. He had ended the war with a simple post calling out the testicle insanity. And John Saller walked away from the online war and back to just selling testicles for

trucks, as God intended. David Hamm didn't respond, which was odd, that he didn't respond to that last comment calling him, you know, malicious liars. Ham gang. But he did continue in other places, but just not with the same fury. And then the attacks slowly dwindled off because John was not responding. It's not fun. But then something happened on May 8th, 2009.

Because John posted a letter from his attorney that had been sent to David and Kenneth Hamm. The letter was dated the day after that guy made that post. Wow, that post hit John's heart. It was a cease and desist letter from a law firm. And it stated to avoid a lawsuit, David should delete references to bulls balls from his website. Stop using bulls balls info at Gmail. The official bullsballswebsite.com. He had his own email where people could be like, hey, man, I was looking to get a set of balls.

Where do I go? And he's like, man, fuck this company. We suck over here. We're messing everything up. And I'm looking from bulls balls info. Oh, well, we're out of balls. We're dumb. Everyone's over here just drinking.

There's maybe another company go here. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Was he? Also, the bullsballs.com and the bullsballs.com. And finally, stop posting derogatory and defamatory statements on the internet. So that's why David, that's why David didn't respond after John made that post. Oh, right. Yeah, right.

He got a cease and desist next. Yeah, right. So after John put up the lawyer's letter, David responded two weeks later with more of the same. It was just all the same kind of rambling bullshit. But it was over. The reviews and blogs eventually stopped. The websites continued to sell truck nuts in peace. Thank you.

In July 2011 in Bonnu, South Carolina, police department chief Franco Fuda saw a Dodge truck parked outside a convenience store with a pair of red truck testicles hanging off the rear. Okay. He stopped. And he waited for the woman to come out who owned the car truck. And then he find her. Her name was Regina Tice. She was 67 years old. They find her $445 for the crime of having an obscene bumper sticker.

So it's not a bumper sticker. Well, but there's like a, there's like a law in South Carolina where you can't have anything obscene on the back of your car under South Carolina state law. Something is in decent quote when it describes in an offensive way as determined by contemporary community standards, sexual acts, excretory functions or parts of the human body. That's a bummer for my idea. But before, before she was able to go and pay the fine, chief Fuda requested there be a jury trial. What? So the chief wanted it to be a big thing in the community. He wants.

You want to make a point of this fucking 67 year old ball woman just driving around with her. I don't know if I like her nickname. I like the ball woman. He said he wanted the community to have their say, but the trial was delayed because the jury pool, the day of the trial was too small. And then the next time the next trial date was set and then that jury pool was too small. And then the next trial date was set and that jury pool was too small. Fuda quote center later, this trial is going to play out and justice will be served justice will be served. Fuda was also going to be the prosecutor.

What? He could finally do the thing where he calls himself to the stand. That great comedic set piece. I couldn't believe what I saw. No more questions, your honor, but I'd like to compliment the witness on being so incredibly handsome. Well, thank you. It's been great to sit in the witness area and thank you everybody. The thanks is all on the side of the law.

One more. After the third delay, Fuda said quote, genitalia is offensive. Jesus Christ, we get it. Does this guy not have balls? Feels like that's the only way to take it this seriously. As a father, I wouldn't want my daughter looking at it. I mean, fair. Okay.

Sure. Great point. Great counter. It's daughter's 24. Well, I think hate to be the one to break it to him, but she's seen him. No new trial date was set. They continue to do business and yeah. No, what's happening here?

Sure. David put up a. No. Hey, how are you doing? I'm David. I want to welcome you to your nuts.com where we feature premium novelty testicles. We feature the original nuts on the net. What you'll find here is all kinds of fun stuff for your ride, your truck, your car, whatever.

Now me and my friends, we're going to tell you all about this today. And first thing I'd like to do is I'd like to bring in Ed. And what he's going to do is he's going to tell you all about the monster truck nuts. I ain't going to steal none of his thunder, but these are the biggest nuts around. Here's Ed. Howdy folks. My name is Ed and I'm going to show you the monster truck nuts. Now most of you are familiar with the eight inch sized ear nuts.

These were the original nuts on the net. The ones that started it all. Unfortunately, they just didn't have it for the lifted trucks. So David went back to the shop and developed these, the 16 inch monster truck nuts. Oh my God. So let me just say. Dave, explain how big those nuts are to people. They go from his head down to his chest.

It's like, if you catch a fish that size, you mount it. So let's just say that that Virginia legislator who yelled how big will they get? Well, he was right. Yeah. He was right. That lunatic was right. My God. Is that a big set of nuts?

So John was getting old and his health was failing. And his web host died. Oh, I hope he needs new nuts. If he needed a ball transplant. His web host died. Beeman died sometime around then. And John sold bulls balls to Chad Tomble. A year later, John Saller died in his sleep on March 10th, 2014 with his dog, Duder, by his side.

It's the best fucking name for a dog. Duder. I cannot fucking... David Hamm read about the deaths. Quote, I read that both his web guy and Saller had passed away. And I thought, wow, they're both dead. That's amazing. Oh, tough eulogy.

So maybe the sociopath thing was right. Yeah. That's amazing. Hooray. They're dead. He called Chad, who called John's family to find out what happened. And then Chad found out that no one in the family was going to take Duder. So Chad drove from California to Arizona and brought Duder home.

Something weird. I don't know what kind of guy John was, but I looked up his obituary in the local Williams, Arizona paper. It's literally just two lines. John died in his sleep with Duder by his side. He'll be missed. Prayers. And it's just like, fuck what? Yeah.

Well, you're not sure what to say to summarize that. I know, but it's your family member. You don't have to talk about bulls balls. What are you going to talk about? You can say he's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He was born. He was 10.

He died last week. He was buried with balls. He was buried? Vice reporter Mac Lamarue discovered the online battle no one to seem to care about in 2015, and he contacted David Ham. When he asked Ham if he wrote the blogs, David chuckled angrily and said, quote, I need to chuckle angrily. Yeah.

He said, quote, I'm sure I wrote several of them. Ham continues to sell truck nuts as does Chad tumble. The South Carolina law against obscene bumper stickers is currently being challenged by South Carolina constitutional lawyer. South Carolina is also home to the Gamecocks. Uh-oh. That's the truck nuts war. Wow.

My God. Not, not what I thought would happen. Like I've had this, you know, I'm sure a lot of people have this theory, but like social, like the way we were supposed to be made is that we were living in a village and a dude comes rolling in and he's like, Hey guys, no, man, I'm from that place. The other village a hundred miles away. We got attacked. A bunch of people are dead.

It's really fucked up. And then you sit around and you talk about it for a couple of months. But there's so much information coming from the internet that it just like social meeting and everything else. Like this broke John's brain for two years. Yeah. It breaks your brain when it's not information isn't supposed to come at you like this. And so he just fucking lost it and people, I mean, it happens to me.

It happens to tons of people. Like you just lose your fucking shit on someone. It's just a gut. Yeah. Can you believe that on Twitter? Did you guys know that? Look, I'm no Jen Kirkman, but so I just think that, I mean, he's a good example. Walk away.

Yeah. Walk away. Because it doesn't matter what someone says online. You don't know that person. It doesn't fucking matter. Yeah, everybody's a tough guy too. Everybody's tough shit. Also get some truck nuts.

Yeah. Get some truck nuts. But don't buy them from allyournuts.com. No. Go to Bulls Balls. Well, I mean, actually it's kind of an awkward announcement, but we might as well make it now. If you guys go to dollopballs.com and it's balls with a Z.

Balls with a Z. We are selling not novelty kind of funds, actual versions of our balls. And we had molds made. We had the molds. Well, we had the molds made years ago unrelated. Yeah. Was it for another project? And then we were like, hey, let's actually use these now.

Yeah. For this. We were going to do a nuts podcast. Yeah. Yeah. But not tell anyone that our nuts were out. Anyway, it's a long, weird story that doesn't have a good ending, but we do not sign balls, sir.

We don't sign balls. To answer your question. We don't sign balls. Yeah. I guess, though, legally you could have us if you had balls hanging from your car because we do sign cars. And so we might have to sign the balls. We don't sign balls.

Is this going to be a thing now where people will bring us balls to sign? Yes. I hope not. 100%. No truck nuts to sign now. No way. No way. No way.

Or a boozy Willis shirt. That I'm okay with. Bozzy. Sorry. Bozzy Willis? Bozzy Willis. Bozzy Willis. It's dynamite.

That is definitely going to be the name I'm using for my next Grubhub order. All right, guys. Thank you so much for coming. We appreciate it, Phoenix. Truly. They serve beer here? They serve beer? Can I give someone a beer?

Can I give someone a beer? Thank you.