The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 364 - Proctor and Satan (Live in LA)

Episode Date: February 14, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Karen Kilgariff to examine Proctor and Gamble and the Satanic Panic of the 80's. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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That's nice. That was that was so much longer than what Phoenix did last night. Oh man yeah Phoenix came right away. Let's bring out our guest. Ladies and gentlemen I don't even have to say what she's from. Karen Kilgarib. Yeah we'll do a show on everything. 1966. Hot time. Anton LeVe. Yeah. Talking about the ice skater, right? Yeah. Found at the Church of Satan. LeVe was a professional organist who turned into an occultist. Basically he played in bars and burlesque shows and then he was like bam. He played the organ at bars? Yeah. Like if someone like plays piano at bars I'm like buddy can we just get how much

to get you to leave? Jesus Christ this guy. How do you get that pipe organ in here? There's like eight organ songs that are appropriate. This is a nightmare. I can't dance to it. But he wasn't the only demonic satanic thing going. The people of America were about to get a large occult shock in the name of the Manson family. Hey we're actually talking about some pretty bad shit right now. Sorry we're thinking of the partridges. Partridges. Sorry. Oh the bus. That's what we keep thinking. We do that all the time. It would be great if the Manson's in a partridge sort of family show. The Manson

family. Well come on guys we got a big murder Friday night. Squeaky Fromm gets braces and then she can hear songs through the radio in her braces. That was the best partridge family ever. Because it seemed like Laurie had schizophrenia. It was just braces. Nine times out of ten it is. Yeah a lot of time. Of course the Manson family we go on a famous murder spree during the summer of 1969 in Los Angeles. Charles Manson was then the man to be afraid of. The nation was shocked because the organized religious ritualistic nature of the crimes. That same year Levé published his philosophical treatise The Satanic Bible. Which we all own.

Yes. Read it every morning. The Satanic Bible mostly plagiarized several sources and regurgitated philosophies of writers like H. L. Menken and Ann Rind the most Satanic of them all. It's weird I feel like she would be in the regular Bible. The Satanic one I would love to get a different vibe from but it sounds so they're just kind of similar. Go ahead. Ann Rind. She's. I know who she is. Yeah. Then prove it. She's one of the greatest conservative minds of our time. And she. Oh I guess he knew. Easy. Easy to like. Super easy. She had a great taste. She had a great taste. Yeah. A lot of cool hot takes. Yeah. Yeah hot takes. She wrote

that column hot takes. That's right. Yeah. As people became next. It's gonna be a long one if we do this for everyone. So it's become a game. As people became concerned about this rise in Satanism the novel The Exorcist was released and became a bestseller. Okay. So good. Art was picking up what the country was feeling. The book was then turned into a successful film that claimed to be based on a true story. Yeah. I am taking questions. Are you gonna talk about the fact that there was an actual serial killer in the film? Did you know that? There's a man. Are you talking about the one that came down the stairs like a

spider? No that was that was the girl. There was it when she goes in to get like that crazy MRI and it's that really upsetting hospital scene. Yeah. The X-ray technician was a serial killer. Really? In real IRL. How many how many people did he tap as I call it? I don't think they call it that. I think it's a medical term. Yeah. You think. Can't remember. No. Four. It's gonna be a dog. Four is pretty classic medical. Yeah. It's you start you get used to it then you stop. Yeah. Must be so crazy to have that guy on set after being a serial murderer sitting there. He was probably like no that's not how you do it. Let us see it. Let us see it.

No. Do it. No. No I would get too into it. As I always do. Make some punch. Hmm? Doctor have you thought about just dipping your hand in and rubbing blood on your face? You don't work here and never have. And your scrubs color doesn't even match everybody else's. Calling them scrubs is nice honestly. Where did you get black scrubs? These are bottomless pajamas at most. People were now freaked out about the possibility of demons in Satan. The Ouija board was no longer harmless fun. It was now a malevolent device that could bring harmful spirits or demonic infestation into your home. Sure.

In 1972, Satanic Cellar was published. Satanic Cellar? The book Satanic Cellar. Okay. You mean super downstairs? The Satanic Cellar? This is where we keep the old vintage ones. Anyone want some devil potatoes? They're down in the Satanic Cellar. Go into the cellar. S-E-L-L-E-R. You like Peter Cellars? Yes. This is where all my characters live. Oh Peter, hello. It was... Characters popping up of the cellar. What an abstract tour. It's me, the pink panther. He just says it out loud. Oh hello, my lord. It was a memoir by a Christian evangelist who recounted his orphan childhood spent in intense Satanic

worship. As he became a young adult, he served as a satanic high priest and enjoyed the perks like ritualist sex orgies and drugs. And robes. Awesome. All the robes you could wear. Oh my god, the robe game. So many robes. Five robes a day. Yeah. He said he presided over satanic rituals including magical spells and the summoning of demons. And everybody bought it. Well not everybody, but religious folks bought it. Within three months, it was a religious bestseller. In 1975, he put out a live album called Alive. What? Okay. What Psalms did he cover? Mostly Frampton. This is John Denver. Burning for you.

I mean it's mostly blue oyster cult. Yeah, it's almost all blue oyster cult. So he puts it, the album Alive was about his conversion from Satanism to Christianity. That's cool. The entire book would be completely discredited but not for 20 years. Leves put out another book, Satanic Rituals. It also pushed the claim that dark occult rituals were now a routine part of life for many Americans. Sure. 70s, I was a kid. I'd be riding my bike around and be like, there's another orgy. Like it was just non-stop satanic stuff. You eat half a grapefruit in the morning, you get on that exercise cycle, worship Satan for a half an hour. Boom,

boom, boom. And then you're out to the office. Right, off to the office. Pretend you're not crazy all day. Wait, just pine for robes. I'm going to get home. I'm wearing six robes and I don't even give a shit. Rope time. It's almost rope time. It's almost time. We found a bunch of robes in the garbage can in the communal kitchen. I don't know where you're talking to me about it. I'm talking to everybody. Very crazy way to respond to a group meeting. I thought you said it was a goat meeting. No, what? Shit. Tearing a lot of stuff. We're killing the goat. Tonight? Yep. Hey, we're at Starbucks. The 70s saw a bunch of self-proclaimed former

Satanists saying the world was being run by a ritualistic Satan witch cults. There was John Todd, who said he had been born into a Satanist family and had been a witch while serving in the Navy. That's the position, right? Well, if you ever keep fighting, you might make witch. Quite a position, too. Johnson, get me the shipwitch. I'm here, Captain. I have been the whole time. Cast a goddamn spell on them Russians. I shall indeed. Bubble, bubble. How do you keep that hat on? Stapled, honestly. It's hard in here. It is so hard. It's very windy. Tough on deck. Yeah, exactly. When I'm up there with... What? I'm peeling back the curtain. I can't

every now and then, my lord. I'm one of you. There was Herschel Smith, who began dabbling in Satanism as a young teen, and eventually said he was called the skin eater, because he would eat pieces of his own skin and any pieces that people gave to him. What's this now? Who's giving him skin? Who? I'm not saying it's okay to eat your own skin. The 70s were, that's just how shit was. He would walk down the street. It was a real free skin era. Free skin. Hey, man, it's cool. Wear my skin. I'll wear your hair. We ate ten, man. But also, once you're known as a skin eater, people are just... Oh, you're labeled for life. It's like when you say you like frogs and everyone gets you a

frog. That's right. It's the same thing. Yeah. He likes skin. But with eating skin. Yeah. That frog thing sounded super personal. We have, we all have preferences. You're gonna get so many frogs now. So, and then there was David Hansen, who was a board high school gym teacher who saw a Satanist on television one night and thought it sounded cool. Wait, he saw what on television? He said one night he was watching TV and he saw a Satanist preaching stuff. Sure. That happened all the time. In the 70s, after the love boat, there was the Satanist preach hour. I think we stayed up too late, hun. The hell? And then he started going to a Satanic church in Thousand Oaks. Great spot. Yes. Yeah. It's a great one. Well,

where is my local branch? Oh, Thousand Oaks. That's good. You actually have two options, one is equidistant. What's the other? Well, you got your Thousand Oaks and your Sherman Oaks. Basically, you're looking at some Satanist Oaks. Well, I am in Westlake. Oh. Well, we have a new chapter opening up there in July. I don't know if you want to postpone worshiping the devil till then. Wow. Save it for summer. It is going to be a very hot spot. Yeah. That sounds good. Well, great. And scene. And that's it. I was in the Navy. Oh, no. In Thousand Oaks, they had orgies every Saturday. Sure. Yeah. He worshiped the devil for two years then converted to Christianity. It's a hard turn. Yep. Tough turn to make. That's what

the kids, like punk rock and drug addict kids in high school do. They just go hard for a couple of years. Oh, straight edged. And then they fucking fall in love with Jesus. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Find that. And then you can't even have a little Satan around them for the rest of your life. No. Yeah. Yep. It makes sense. It feels like it doesn't. Okay. Like the author, author, author, like the author of Satan's Seller, they all grew up in Southern California, where Manson had really done a number on people's brains. But also sellers don't exist here. Yep. It's true though, Dave. Oh, it's just hard doing a show with two Gareth's. Not sure where we're finding it. That's a compliment. Yeah. I was gonna say,

yeah, it's actually Gary, but that's fine. Karen, you have all people. I don't want to get involved. All right. No, that's not Jerry Springer or Steve Wilcox, the show gang. Thanks for your help, Karen. So each of these guys said they had conversion experiences which just happened to make their stories very appealing to Christians. Smith Tord, he purchased a witch mobile. Sure. For sure. Which was constructed by his fellow Christians. It was a traveling anti occult exhibit made up of witchcraft paraphernalia, which was designed to educate Christians about the trappings and hazards of the occult. By covering your car in witches? Yes. Don't do this. And I had a big witch hat on top. I should be a witch.

That guy's right. No. You'd hit the horn. You Florida brooms that comes out. Here we go. Every one of them were linked to the new rising fundamentalist Christian right. Todd was supported by Jack Chick, who used Todd's claims to create comic style pamphlets that attacked Satanism. Those stuff you could hand out for the kids. Yeah, fun comics for the kids. Can I just tell you really quick, a man knocked on my door the other day and he had a pamphlet and it had a hand drawn woman holding her own head and the headline said, will the suffering ever end? I was like, I have bad news for you, sir. I don't need to see your pamphlet. I know the answer to this. Thanks for reminding me, sir. Thanks for showing up. It's never

going to end, is it, sir? Well, thanks for coming by. Did you hope his witnesses came by my house the other day? They are fun. They were like, there's been a lot of shootings and climate change. Wait, they said a lot of shootings in climate change? There have been a lot of shootings and they're trying to say that everything is going back because they want everyone to freak out and then be like, what's the answer? Well, the answer is 10 people get into heaven and you should have a shitty life. Because it sounds like open mic comedy. It was like, what else is in the news? Shootings, climate change, satanic bands, witch cars. Witch cars. It's a witchmobile. I mean, a witchmobile. Sorry, a witchmobile.

A witch man. So Todd posted an expert in satanism for the fundamental evangelical Christian community. So he's just making the rounds as an expert, firing people up, telling people about the child that he had made up as an example of how real satanism is in work. So he had these guys who made fake books and then they went out as experts around the country and told people fake stories. So everyone's kind of getting riled up. There's also a time when there were a lot of serial killers at work, the Zodiac, the alphabet killer, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, the hillside stranglers, son of Sam, many of whom were so creepy and real who's who. Right? Also, there was a whole bevy of freeway killers that you didn't even

mention. Yeah, yeah, I know. I didn't go out of them. LA had like three freeway killers going at one time in the 70s. Well, it was a very competitive time. There was so much commuting. Yeah. Especially to do it at rush hour, bold. Just you just read these and it was like the Zodiac would just be like, oh, a guy's being a clown. Oh, nice. Nice. Okay. So he's a prop comic. Nice. Nice. Nice. Real original, pal. Holy shit. Is that what it's come to in the game? The media fed the fear, particularly in the cases of the Zodiac and son of Sam. New York was basically in a panic. So while all this is going on, Christian fundamentalism keeps rising. The ones who could save you from Satan. Yeah, thank you. They had a literal

belief in a battle that a battle was going on between angels and devils. Yeah. Guys like Jerry Falwell as moral majority were founded at this time in 1979 became very popular. There was also Pat Pulling who became an anti cult crusader after she claimed her son committed suicide because of dungeons and dragons. It's hard to follow up. But have you ever lost a level 26 elf? Oh, Dave, don't do this. Get me the shotgun. You know what I mean? He was invincible. David, for God's sake. David, shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Jesus Christ. That's what takes place in the Satanic cellar. Seriously. But it's not funny like the pink panther. They made, I think that's the one they made a movie out of where Tom Hanks

that's in Dungeons and Dragons and then and then he eventually wanders off into this maze of caves and is never seen again. Are you being serious? Yeah, yeah, there's a Tom Hanks, like I think it was a TV movie. What are you talking about? Very, very like in like around this time like I think it's pre buzzing buddies, which is very politically correct. Yeah, he becomes he gets into Dungeons and Dragons and then slowly loses his mind. Okay. I thought this had happened like in the last 10 years. And I was like, that's a very questionable choice on Tom's part. I'm saying Tom Hanks. Now he moved to Beverly Glenn and started playing Dungeons and Dragons and lost his shit. Listen, Larry Crown was not a good movie.

We'd all spin out if we were the star of Larry Crown. Let's still. So everything seemed very scary at this time in the world. Sure. The age is starting. Kids are on milk cartons who have been kidnapped. There's the Tylenol murders, trick-or-treat scares are happening. America is becoming a panicked and terrified of stranger danger. A terrifying, a non-evil could be lurking right around every corner. No, it was safe. Satan was everywhere. Even, it seems, at Proctor and Gamble. Wait, wait, what did you just say? Sir, I said Satan was everywhere. Okay. Yep. Even it seems. Proctor and Gamble. Yeah, that's what I said. Okay. I just wanted to make sure we're. Yeah, I got it. Okay. Yeah. Party's over, Karen.

Right now Nick is like, yes. Yeah, right. Proctor and Gamble was started in Cincinnati on October 31st, 1837. When candle maker William Proctor and soap maker James Gamble married two sisters of the same family. Hot. Yeah. Among, among being an important moment. Right. Also real hot. Hot, hot, hot. Well, hello, Proctor. She's a mighty fine lady you've ended up with. Well, of course, Gamble. Well done to you, my friend. They're new father. That'll be the end of our dialogue for now. Surely more will come of this. Their new father-in-law called the meeting and talked William and James into becoming business partners. It's a story Proctor and Gamble. Okay. By 1859 sales had reached one

million dollars. The company won a contract to supply the union army during the civil war and it grew and grew and grew. In the 1880s Proctor and Gamble had a new product, inexpensive soap that floated. Float soaps. Float-ups. So before this time, I guess in the bath you'd lose your soap and you'd be like, oh, that's the end of bathing properly. Every bar of soap was filled with gold doubloons and it would just go right to the bottom. My $500 soap. That's my life. My nest egg. The soap was called Ivory. Game changer. Never look at Ivory the same way again. You walk down the aisle, you see Ivory, give a little fucking nod. Change the whole fucking soap world. I don't think anybody- Don't fuck you.

I don't think anybody should be shouting at soaps- You can kick my ass. In CVS or head nodding at other soaps and thanking them for their service in public pharmacies. Your tip of the cap. Don't tip your cap to Ivory, please. Stop me. I respect the soap. Oh my God, sir. It's so floaty. It's talking to it. William Arnett Proctor was now in charge. He gave workers a stake in the company because he knew it would make them less likely to strike and he was right. The company built more and more factories around the U.S. because demand was high. Proctor and Gamble's logo was first created by company wharf workers when they started marking candle crate boxes with a star. It was a crude star around which they

drew a circle. The pentagram, right? That's what we're talking about. Why won't anyone say it? Did they draw it with fragmented bone or something really horrifying? When they drew it, they went... Sorry, are you guys crazy? Hey, hey, hey! I eat rats. The company liked it and took it a little further. They made 13 small stars in a circle, one for each of the original colonies. Okay. And in 1875, someone decided the face of the moon should be in there. So they put... There's a crescent moon and a profile view on the right side of the circle. And over time, the logos refined and in 1930, the moon face was much larger and had hair and a beard, a curly beard. I think I'm going to start talking to soap,

honestly. I don't know. In 1890, Jim Peters was living in St. Paul, Minnesota, where he was the music director at the Zion Christian Life Center. Jim was also from a family of anti-rock crusaders who had started a record-burning campaign in 1978. Yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah. Burn those fucking things. Burn them. Arrow Smith, my ass. What? Arrow Smith, my ass. I'm here for God. Okay, rephrase your protest slogan. Arrow Smith, my butthole. Cool to catch up with this guy. How have you been? Pretty good. Good. I'm part of your church. You have to acknowledge me. We're a community. Satan seems pretty cool, doesn't he? Yeah. Like he lately has just been making... The thing is he's casual. Is it because I said

butthole? You can listen to whatever music you want. Yeah. I like that. No. It's sort of like it's an exclusive pop who anybody... Rock. Yeah. Okay, man. Cool. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. Thanks for that. That's awesome. That means a lot. Thank you for saying that. We're going to move on though, because we're having our own conversation. Okay. I'm going to talk to God. Hey, man, what's up? No. Don't. What? I didn't say anything. No. I was going to say. You're weird. Don't look up and talk to me anymore, honestly. I'm over this. Okay. I just didn't think this is how it would go. Well, it never has, but I'm just like so over this. You're so... I don't know. It's just like, yeah, like just don't. Look somewhere else,

man, honestly. I'm not looking at anything anymore. I'm just looking at my Bible and I feel sad. Stop looking at that. I don't want you looking at that. That's my own thing. Stop. That's my stuff. Well, what am I... Dude, I'm like trying to get off of the thing that we're communicating through right now. It's in my head. Yeah, I'm like trying to get out of it. So seriously, I got to make another prayer. So can you like get out of this? Hang this up so I can... I got to need to use this line. Okay. Fuck you, God. All right, dude. I love Satan. All right, man. Satan's much nicer. Dude, literally, I'm trying to reach someone else hang up. He has orgies in Thousand Oaks. What? Such a smooth shift. Sorry, we're

back. He has orgies at Thousand Oaks. Big ranch style orgies. Yeah, okay. So Jim Peters had two brothers, Dan and Steve. Sure. And they had become... They got a little bit of fame for seminars that they did in a documentary called The Truth About Rock. It's all the same three chords. That's what it is. That's the actual truth. It's all Eagle songs. Anyone can play music. Meet me in the lobby after I'll tell you all about it. They had a popular rock album, Burning's in Minneapolis. Oh, that's awesome. Steve became the go-to guy when the media wanted to talk about the dangers of rock music. And the media loved to talk about Satanism. They were very good with occult obsession and fear mongering. Jim Peters went

on Nightline Entertainment Tonight, The 700 Club, and the Sallie Jesse Raphael show. Reputable programs, all of them. Yeah. And what, sorry, what were his qualifications? He was against rock. Okay. Got it. That'll do it. Yeah. Top of the resume. He's scandalous. Let's do it. The Peters brothers made great arguments against rock. For instance, Kiss stands for kids in service to Satan. It does. It does. No, it does. It does. It really does. Those bastards. I know. They lied to us. They did lie. What? Yeah. It's not about Frenching. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Only sex will move him okay with. Look into the eyes of Gene Simmons. The Bible tells us the eyes are the windows of the soul. Nobody's home there. Okay. They got that one.

That one's right. That is actually accurate. Every once in a while you nail one. I have to say I saw him once at the Burbank airport. And his hair, you can see his hair coming from like 50 feet. It's the weirdest hair you've ever seen. And so I was like, I was talking to somebody who had their back to him and I'm like, Gene Simmons is coming. Gene Simmons like that. And they was like, what? And he didn't catch on. And then Gene Simmons saw me doing it and he made a beeline over to the two of us. And it was like, what's going on over here? Oh, it's that level. Yes. And we buttressed for like, and didn't say anything. Yeah. What would you say? He just kept going. I would want to talk to Gene Simmons

ever. Well, I'm Southwest seating group A11. If you guys want to, that's basically backstage. I don't know. You want to board with me? I don't know. Just we'll see where it goes. I can tell you guys are in love with me. You are pointing at me. Swooning. All right. Well, I know where to get a free Gatorade. I should. Another quote, the cover of an Allen Parsons project album has girls with syphilis sores on their faces cloaked by veils. That was big in the 70s. Disco syphilis source. I didn't think they had the medication to, you know, help out with syphilis source. In early 1980, a rumor started in Minnesota that Procter and Gamble was owned by the Reverend soon a young moon and his unification church, which

is a cult. Sure. Yes, it is. UPI quote, the moon rumor apparently mushroomed from the Lakeview nursing home. That's where a lot of good theories come from. Yeah. It's a lot of good theories. The day room at that nursing home is a hotbed of theories. Larry Schultz, the administrator of the nursing home, said a story submitted by a staff member was published in the nursing home newspaper. In the nursing home newspaper? It's almost over time, says a breaking story. Follow the light weeklies, got a breaking news bulletin. Let it happen weekly. Newspaper seems generous. I mean generous. I do a column called I can't feel my feet. And it's the same one every week, Martha. I can't feel my feet. We are

aware. The nursing home newspaper. Newspaper. Newspaper. It's a newsletter. Stated the unification church controlled Procter and Gamble. Oh, well, there you go. Their proof was that there was a crescent moon face on the company's logo. Well, there you have it next. This was taken to the very logical conclusion that moons followers own the company and word then spread from the nursing home out into the population of Minnesota. That is just not, it should not spread like that. News from an old folks home should not be airborne. It's not an airborne disease. Why did that happen? How did that happen? Who got a fucking copy of that paper? I was like, well, I might have to call the times. A nurse typed this up,

but I think this might be real. And if you look under Martha's foot is numb, which is a great column every week. I can't feel my feet. Alrighty. So talk about boycotting Procter and Gamble began spreading throughout the state. It became such a problem that the company felt that I had to respond publicly. That's the best. Hey, we are not from the church of Satan. And again, we just want to make products that help you guys. We do not drink blood. We do not love Satan. Here at Procter and Gamble, we're just trying to help you guys out. The fact that we even had to call this is a little bananas. A spokesman said they were not owned by anyone associated with Reverend Moon. The moon was just part of an

old trademark from a hundred years ago. And some of the company actually thought it was silly. So the Procter and Gamble, the Satanist section, it's very silly. That seems crazy. That would be nuts for us to do. What a laugh. Just stare at it for a while. Imagine. Hilarious. I haven't laughed this hard ever. So the Procter and Gamble logo story was in the news in Minneapolis where Jim Peters lived. Within a week, the Star Tribune reported that many local religious people had been assured Moon followers did not own the company, but there was something more sinister afoot. Oh, good. The moon. The actual moon. Yeah. Quote, since publication of that article last Friday, several people have called and written the Tribune to say

they have it on good authority that the Procter and Gamble symbol actually is a Satanic symbol and that the very same symbol is on the door of a Satanist church in Minneapolis or St. Paul. St. Paul is a rude place to have a Satanist church. Yeah. A caller to the paper said he got the information from people in his church who attended a meeting on the evils of rock music. That's what you get for going to one of those. The Tribune learned that there have been a rally of 1100 people and virtually every church in town had advertised it. That's where these people heard about the Satanic connection to Procter and Gamble. Quote, the man who linked the system of Satanism, sorry, the man who linked the symbol of Satanism

was Jim Peters. When questioned, Jim acknowledged it and that it was his great theory. Quote, Peters said he is primely interested in stamping out the evils of rock and that he devotes only two or three minutes, sorry. Minutes? Which are rock minutes. They're minutes. Music minutes. Do you know what units are? It's a new unit of music. It's called a unit. We're measuring those now because it's Satan. Peters said he is primarily interested in stamping out the evils of rock and that he devotes only two or three minutes of each music seminar to Procter and Gamble. Oh my God. So this is all essentially coming from one guy? Right now, yeah. Right now. That's plenty. One guy started reading about the nursing home story

if they were Moon and then he was like, oh, I'll just throw in some Procter and Gamble shit. Okay. From a nursing home. I mean, we just got to start listening to these people more. I think we're going to have a lot more fun if we loosen up taking them seriously. Sorry. I feel like that's all we're doing in America right now. Well, I mean, could be argued. I'm talking outside of Congress. It's true. The nursing homes really have it right now. You know, one of those ducks is trying to kill Gabriela. Did you read that in the Washington Post? Fascinating. We're going to get a new window. So that's cool. Yeah, I can't wait. You guys hear about that. We're getting a new window. So it turns out

Jim Peters was upset that Procter and Gamble sponsored TV programs that contain sex and profanity. And when he looked into the company, he saw the logo and then he said the exact drawing of the logo was in a book titled Amulets and Superstitions. It was a symbol of a coven of witches from the 13th century. The Tribune reported two staff members then looked through the book and did not find the symbol. So they went back to Jim and he said he also found this symbol in a book at the library. Hey, hey, hey. Okay. So it's in another book, but you said it's in that book. Yeah, but he could remember the name of that book. He was like that one. I don't know. Okay. It was an audio book. It's in there. That's what it was. Yeah.

Jim then said a local bookstore had the crescent above its doorway and then it was owned by quote the number two in command of White Witchcraft. Of White Witchcraft? Yeah. Of Whitecraft. Whitecraft. Okay. It sounds like Jim's just naming things now. I don't think so. It sounds like he's actually done some investigation about Satanism. Okay. And they just keep coming back to him like, are you sure? You know where it was? The grocery store. That's where it was. Well, check there. The Tribune investigated and reported the symbol was a plain crescent moon with no face and it was framed by a rectangle and it was based on the almanac. The owner then said he was not at all associated with witchcraft. Well, of course he did. What's

he going to say? I've got a portal to hell. Okay, that's fair. He did live in Florida so that's not great. That's where it is. It's not, not hell. It's in Tallahassee. We've all seen it. It's near a Cardi bar. Someone in Florida was listening and just went, they're never coming here. Yeah, literally. She'll probably tweet at him that we're not all crazy. So the Tribune went back to Jim and he said that he had sent three letters to Proctor and Gamble asking them to explain their corporate symbol. Each time he received letters, form letters explaining how the symbol came to be. Okay. Which is what you would send to a crazy person. Yeah, for sure. Proctor and Gamble told the Tribune they couldn't do anything

about these rumors. Quote, people will believe what they want to and people did. The year was 1980. We were at peak American satanic panic, but with so many things to be worried about as far as the influence of Satan, like Satan rituals at daycare centers, adult for another day. The Proctor. Georgia just did that one. She did. Yeah, the McMartin. It's so unbelievable. And just really quickly, the one of the people that was brought came forward and said that they were an expert on recovered memory and all that kind of stuff had absolutely no, did not have a college education, had no degrees, did not study child education. Yeah, that's why you don't ask the janitor what's going on. Yeah, just truly

as a woman came out of nowhere and was like, I'm going to get this. And then she put on some puppets and literally there's certain, this is my favorite part of the story, when she was interviewing these children who are just repeating back what adults are saying to them. If she asked them a question and they didn't answer the way she wanted, she'd called them stupid through a puppet. Oh my God. No, dummy. That's not the answer. And then they'd make up something else. And that's how that whole fucking story came to be. But were they stupid? Yeah. Yeah. So they're all mean, what are you going to do? Of the dark Lord. Yes. I miss the days when you can put a puppet on and call a kid stupid. Hey, dummy.

You're damn. All right, I'll see you at Christmas. Say something horrible happened to you, idiot. That's amazing. It's so good. Yeah. So with all those kind of things going on, the Procter and Gamble satanic logo connection kind of drifted away. It seemed Procter and Gamble had been right, right? People believe what they want to and nothing to worry about. All seems well. Sure. Until October 1981. Okay. Oh, just a year later. Yeah. It began on the West Coast. Oh, finally. What's up? Yeah. Yeah. California, Oregon, and Washington. What? They just got news of this? Calls started flooding into Procter and Gamble. So some elderly home had like written up their own op ed. Yeah. Yeah. And among other things, macaroni makes

you drowsy. Sorry, that's not the right one. Procter and Gamble. They're Satanists. That's it. Plus Shelly's legs are numb. It's a great column. It's just people saying they're never going to buy Procter and Gamble again because of their Satan connection. Sure. The calls soon increased to 2,000 a month. People were furious. They were upset that the president of Procter and Gamble had gone on the Phil Donahue show and quote, come out of the closet about his support for the church of Satan. What about this is true? None, right? The president then went on to say a large portion of profits from Procter and Gamble products goes to support the church of Satan. Oh, what? At which point Donahue asked the president whether his ties

with Satanism would hurt his business. And the president responded, quote, they're not enough Christians in the US to make a difference. Oh my God. I mean, sorry. So the rest home newspaper broke a story is actually what happened. Hold on. He also said the logo was Satanic indeed. And people started telling their friends and relatives. They had seen this episode of Donahue. David, I don't think this was on Donahue. It's not true, is it? Yeah, it turns out the president of Procter and Gamble did not go on Donahue and claimed to be a Satanist. All right. Okay. Was it anybody? No, it wasn't anybody. No, it wasn't the guy from Johnson and Johnson. Okay. Just the total out of nowhere, Fib. It was the inventor

of Prell. Yeah. I am obviously in love with Satan. That's why I've made Prell. Prell. It comes from Satan. We make one flavor green. Prell. We're still around sort of. Is it body wash? Is it shampoo? Prell. Prell. Prell. The only product that can clean your hair, your body, and unclog your drink. Prell. Now in green, always in green. We're Prell. Go to Prell. But now there's a new wrinkle in the Procter and Gamble logo rumor. It was pointed out that the curls in the beard. How big is this logo? The detail. Who's their logo guy? He's like, here's, we can make it a map. The logo will be a wall-sized map. The rivers are

beard hairs. Okay. And if you read each hair, Dan, Dan, Dan, what are we talking about? It's going to be this small. You'll have to spend a lifetime reading the logo to understand all the truths. My wife left years ago, years and years ago. She left about eight years ago. Nobody's checked on me. And I've fallen in love with a logo that's bottomless. I've cut mange. If anyone has a hose, turn it on. Spray it on my tender flesh. What's a woman like? Anyway, I'll invoice you all. I'll obviously send along the invoice, which has a logo to my company. It's not as endless, but it's a pickle. Oh my God. We probably should have done a screen for this one, but you can't really see it. There you go, everybody.

Not see that? All right, let's move on. The beard hairs were unbelievably curly. Whoa. Talk about chaos and facial hair. What? So the beard, the curls in the beard and the hair of the moon resembled the number 666. Each pattern of curls happened a series of three. Also, when connected, there were three distinct patterns in the 13 stars that created another series of three sixes. Wow. Say no more. Sounds pretty definitive to me. I mean, I'm just picturing the guy that designed the logo and he's just like less satanic and we'll just like get it done. I hate this logo. Either way, he's a winner. The guy just does it in 20 minutes. Are you a satanist? Whatever gets me paid. I got to get out of here by

three. Just kind of busy. Oh, really? You're going to underpay me for your logo? Watch this. Of course, your take is like he wasn't in the logo union. Now, the maker of Ivory soap, head and shoulder shampoo, Pampers and Folgers coffee realize they had an actual problem on their hands. So the company started reaching out to media. Letters were sent to all television stations in California, Oregon and Washington to deny the rumor. It had absolutely no effect. The rumors spread and soon calls were coming in from the Midwest. Oh no, here we go. The fuse is lit. Let's get nuts. Indiana's lighting up. The most calls came from Indiana. Oh my God. So good. Amazing. You're tapped in. You're tapped in. Mandy. The rumor was affecting

proctor and gaon, gamble profits. Stores like roses in Danville, Kentucky took measures. The manager told his cashiers that if a customer... It's a great start, by the way. It's going to end with a shotgun, no matter what the middle part is. Like everything else. If a customer is coming through the line with a proctor and gamble product, the cashiers were to explain what happened on the Phil Donahue show and give them the opportunity to put the item back on the shelf. Oh my God. Now, Miss, before you actually check out, we just wanted to let you know that you are actually buying a product from the church of Satan. Phil Donahue interviewed one of the guys from Proctor. I'm not sure if it's Proctor or Gamble, but

one of the gentlemen came out of the closet as a full on Satanist. Okay, so all that shampoo is fantastic and gives you nice fluff and curls. It's also putting money in the pocket of Beelzebub. And if you look closely at that logo, you'll not only find a couple 666s, but you'll basically find a bunch of signs and signatures and head nods towards, you know, hell. So as a price saver, we just wanted to give you a heads up on that. So should I get pro? Well, I would not ever recommend pro, but pro is... does not come from the belly of the beast. So, and we will hold your spot, which is obviously driving people in this line. Very... Anyway, we just wanted to extend that concern towards you. Okay, so

just ring up my Folgers and I'll come right back. Ma'am, okay, sorry. I should have done a full umbrella disclosure. Proctor and Gamble has thrown its hats into a lot of rings. Among them, the caffeinated morning beverage, including your Folgers crystals there. The best part of waking up is not going to help. So... I just like that that guy that runs the grocery store in Kentucky is from Chicago, I think. It's funny. I could see how he moved there to get away from the city. Well, if you want to know my whole story, I had a full ride at Juilliard. They pulled the rug out from under me when I lost my vocal cords in a Cadillac accident. Steering wheel went right on. I couldn't hit the high notes and hello

Dolly no more. That was my audition tune. Anyway, this conversation was about the devil. Not about my dreams of Broadway being crushed on a Wednesday afternoon after squash practice. I like that this was long enough ago that you could say something happened on a TV show and there's no way to check it. There's no way to... It's just like I saw Phil Donnie who said it was real, the ad. Yeah, you believe Jeff who told you or you don't. And this story seems super legit. I mean, it's so legit it should have come out of an old folks home. That's right. The Interior Journal of Sanford, Kentucky contacted 50 people who others said had actually seen the Donahue episode, but every single one said they had not seen it,

but they knew someone who did. At the same time, the Donahue show was also trying to set the record straight because they were getting 200 to 300 calls a day. Quote mostly from the South. This is a daily television show. They don't have time for that shit. And they're just trying to field calls from dwarves and arranged marriages from the 80s or something like strange. Like XKKK members that want to be set up on dates and instead they're answering their phone like no we did not, no we do not. Okay, thank you so much. Please don't call back. Thank you. So they're getting so many calls and they set up a voicemail to deal with them. Quote, if you were calling about Proctor and Gamble, press six now. Press

six three times now. Hello. You have blown it. I am Donahue. The president of Proctor and Gamble has never appeared on the Donahue show. If your family and friends say they've seen it, they are quite mistaken. But it seemed the more people they told the truth to, the bigger the rumor became. In June and July 1982 Proctor and Gamble received 15,000 phone calls and letters from people many of whom had seen leaflets addressed to all Christians that told the tale of the president of Proctor and Gamble on Donahue or 60 minutes or the Merv Griffin show. It was either the morning, the afternoon or the night that I saw this on TV. All right, miss. And please go their emotion. And I can't remember which show it

was. I think it was on a TV or in my head. I can't remember properly. Proctor and Gamble held news conferences. A senior vice president explained to the press where the logo came from and that no representative of the company had appeared on any of the shows and there was no connection to Satan. The company had not even been mentioned by anyone on the shows at the time. Quote, we've used the same trademark since 1882. We're still not sure what this is. Excuse me. I've got a question. Yes. Oh, no. Got away from me again. Are you from the Lakeview Nursing Home News? Yes. From nursing home times. Oh, I remember. No. No, no. Okay. We're going to move on. Please. Okay. Are there any other questions? No, no. My head

just started shaking. It won't stop. It's a light palsy. Oh, I'm sorry. Am I? The company then asked religious leaders like the Reverend Jerry Falwell, the Reverend Billy Graham and Cardinals and Archbishops to tell all their followers that these Satan rumors were untrue. And that's a reliable gang. But it was not going away. So Proctor and Gamble began to hire private investigators to find out who was spreading the rumors. What? They found out someone was sending thousands of mimeographed letters to thousands of Californians about the devil worship. They could not find out who did it. Oh, boy. So people in California are just getting these letters explaining what had happened and no one knows where it's

coming from. And everyone's fucking buying it because you're like, well, who would send a fake letter? It's mimeographed. That's official. Okay. I mean, good Lord. But they did, they did file lawsuits. Five lawsuits were filed against people who were spreading the rumors. Some were dorted or salesmen who had hand out flyers with their products. Well, like sell a vacuum and be like, also Proctor and Gamble loves the devil. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. You're selling dorted member door to door salesmen just come with a bunch of home products and be like, would you like to buy? Oh, I'm not 65. Yes, you are not. You're not. I meant to tell you that before the show. Fuck. Sorry. Well, I gave it away. I guess

it's time to take off my and my arm. One of the people spreading the rumor was a weatherman when the car started. One of the people spreading the rumor was a weatherman in Atlanta. Well, you cannot trust Atlanta weathermen. I've always told you that. His name was Guy Sharp and he had been given a flyer. Shadier than Dallas rains. He had been given a flyer and then he kept repeating the charges when he was giving speeches to local groups in Atlanta. Who's the meteorologist giving speeches to? He was a terrible alcoholic also. Speeches like that. He said Proctor and Gamble gave a 10% tiff to the church of Satan. So they're they're correcting your pronunciation. I know it's tight. Tithe. Okay. I don't give a shit.

I thought you said a 10% tip and I was like, Oh, well, finally I get it. There's a little something for you. All the lawsuits were settled out of court and every defendant had to state publicly that the rumors were not true. Guy Sharp made a statement as part of his weather segment during the evening news. It felt like we were in a court of law and then we just went to the green screen. Oh, there's a cold front coming in. Everything I said about that Satan stuff in Proctor and Gamble is not true. It'll be raining on Friday. For a cold front to move here over hell, which is owned by Proctor and Gamble. They actually have steak on hell and Satan. He's the president. Anyway, Saturday, it's looking like a little precipitation.

So Guy was just your traditional religious nut, weatherman and Amway salesman. Also into Amway. Anything else he's doing? That's all I got on him. Their efforts, the Proctor and Gamble efforts would pay off in some places, especially Jerry Falwell and guys like that seemed to quell it down, but the rumors would just pop up elsewhere like a whack-a-mole. This went on for years and then there was another major flare up in New York state in 1985. Leaflets began appearing all over the metropolitan areas. Yeah, I mean leaflet like wars are so great. Proctor and Gamble then held a news conference on April 17th in New York. Holy shit. Why do we keep doing this? We don't know the devil.

It's a leaflet. God. I just want to sell soap. I've got a question. Go ahead, sir. If you type something onto a piece of paper and fold it three times, it's true. That I agree with. The company received 5,600 calls in March 1985 about their satanic activities. It's a surprise. 60% were from New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania, so it's like moved out east. Proctor and Gamble set up a toll-free number to deal with the calls. Hello, Proctor and Gamble. We are not involved with Satan. How can I help you today? Hello, Proctor and Gamble. We are not involved with Satan. How can I help you today?

I don't know if it still works, but it's 800-354-0508. Who's got a phone? Let's try it. Probably no one. Okay. It's very negative. Let's call the Satan number. Yes. Call it up. Oh, my God. If he answers, please let me talk to him first. All right. So it's a deal. If he answers, Karen gets to go first. I just hope, but then me. I have to thank him for my podcast success. I pray to God this isn't some Ouija board shit where we're actually calling Satan.

It would be amazing to actually call Satan. Speaker. People are like, don't forget speaker. Love your can ham. Not now. Wait till he answers. It says it's dialing. Dad. Yeah. Come on, Dad. Hurry. It just keeps ending the call. So it must be, it must not. No, it must be Satan. Yeah. Not now. Let me see. Let me see if I got it right. Let me make sure I got the number right. I apologize everybody. I really thought that we're going to be the call Satan. There we go. I just like that they made it toll free for people.

So it's like, you're crazy and you shouldn't be calling, but it's on us. Don't worry about it. Speaker. Something. It's Procter and Gamble. Okay. Get more information on brand saver and PNG every day. Press one now. For medical or for medical or for medical or first aid information, call Colette at 513-636-517. Who the fuck calls Procter and Gamble if you need. Period. No, they didn't, they didn't have an option, but who calls Procter and Gamble if there's a Satan, I mean a medical problem. You're like, Hey man, I broke my leg. Look man, I shot my neighbor and his friends, Procter and Gamble.

I freaked out. I make angel dust. Hello. You guys make angel dust, right? Store locator. Oh, that was sad. I wish they still had that number up. All right. So two detective agencies, one of whom was the Pinkerton's, were hired by Procter and Gamble. Nice. To find out about the rumors, a senior vice president told the New York Times quote, do you know how hard it is to fight a rumor? Okay, tell them. The Archdiocese of Newark sent letters about leaflets to churches, warning that quote,

a false rumor is being circulated by some groups in our parishes. Jerry Falwell issued a statement, quote, the people who have spent much of the last of the past six years attacking Procter and Gamble for its corporate logo could make better use of their time fighting real and serious problems in our society. Like what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, honestly, Jerry, what's your list, Jerry? Well, first to tell it, Tubbies. A bunch of gay puppets. That's something we should focus on. I did not find in it. My research did not find any indication that Procter and Gamble sued Jim Peters, but he was still at it in 1985. Jesus. A man who lived in Minnesota would later say he

had a meeting with the Peters family in 1985 quote, these three brothers from the Zion Christian Life Center, Dan, Steve and Jim came to speak to my boys to tell them to burn their rock music albums. They showed a slide of the Procter and Gamble symbol and said it was the same as the church of Satan in Minnesota. So now they are the door-to-door salesman. They're doing in-home. Yeah, in-home demonstrations. Look at all that dirt we got in your carpet. Now, what if Satan were to get on that dirt? We're getting all that dirt in your carpet. Round the fibers. So Procter and Gamble finally decided to change the logo. They got rid of the curly beard. The sixes were gone, but they kept the symbol in use on their corporate stationery, their awards, and their company buildings.

Sorry, really quick. Yep. I missed, there were actual sixes on there? Well, no, the beard just had three little curls in it. So people were like, if you turn it upside down and sideways, you can see it. It was just... Got it. For some reason, I was like, they shouldn't have put that 666 on there because now I'm on the leaflet side. You know, it's what? It's 1985, so perms are kind of out. They like, you know what I mean? Yeah, they were pointing. Sure. Yeah. Real quick, Procter and Gamble had awards. What happened? They won a Tony that year. Oh my god, you guys. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. All that work. So getting rid of all this stuff on the... So it's on every product, right? And it's on everything. So getting rid of all that, but leaving it on your corporate

buildings, stationery, and awards. Sure. You're... Yeah. You're Rocky. I can't believe I got a Procter 8. That just made people freak out more. Sure. It drew more attention to it in the Christian community and the whole thing blew up in their faces. People are flipping out. Christians were so concerned that in April 1986, South Dakota Attorney General, the South Dakota Attorney General, issued a press release to state media reminding them that no executives at Procter and Gamble had sold their souls to the devil. Right. Thank you. No. Okay. He told all 500 people in South Dakota. Worry not. This seemed like something Procter and Gamble was going to have to live with. It didn't help that the satanic fear mongering in the media was still going on. At the time,

you've got the preschool trials accusing the daycare employees of partaking satanic rituals. In 1988, Geraldo Rivera's documentary, Double Worship, exposing Satan's underground became the highest rated television documentary ever to air. But didn't he get all the way to the underground to open it up and nothing was in it? Still good. There was a 1990, 2020 episode that telephased an official Roman Catholic exorcism. What? They don't do much different from that now. Evangelical documentaries like Hell's Bells were still tying rock music to the occult. A kid who shot himself in the face with a shotgun and survived decided to sue Judas Priest, claiming some blibinal messages on one of their albums made him do it. Al Gore's wife,

Tipper, started the parents' music resource center of songs that were inappropriate, some of which were deemed... I found it very helpful in high school to know what to listen to and what not to listen to based on what Tipper said. Very helpful. And you're also forgetting about the joy when someone you knew would come home excited with an album and you'd get to go, that's the censored one. And they'd be like, no! Or when a friend shot himself in the face because he listened to it. All right, pal. The hell just happened. Wow. I will never forget that kid's face, because he was on all the talk shows. Well, face is a... I will never forget that kid's not face. You want to get out of here?

Thanks, buddy. Appreciate it. So fun, Dave. It's such a good time. Fun. So some of Tipper Gore's inappropriate groups were because of the occult. So they labeled stuff satanic. The rumors flared up again in 1991. The Washington Post ran a story about Christians in Maryland. It just got to be really over this. I know. Good. It's back. Awesome. It's the one secretary for the whole 50 years that it's happening where she's like... Oh, God, they're back. I mean, it started in 1980. It's now 1991. So the Post runs a story about Christians in Maryland spreading flyers of which Procter & Gamble products to boycott because of their satanic leanings.

Pamper. Specific products? Yes. 49... Specific products are satanic leaning more than other products. 49 products in total. 49 products from Procter & Gamble are satan drenched. And then the rest, purchase. It might be all their products. I don't know. The Reverend J. Hurley of Greenbier Baptist Church said an army chaplain friend gave him

a copy of the flyer, and it's the same flyer with the Donahue information. Nothing's changed. Oh, cool. And then he distributed copies to his 70-member congregation. Seven-member? 70. Still. Pretty loud. The flyer was the same all these years about the president on Donahue.

The flyer stated this had just happened on March 1st, 1991. That's not true. Yeah, that's right. Even though Donahue had been canceled for three years at a time. Just see the new Donahue? Well, apparently he did one show out of nowhere and then left again. Just like Satan would. Just like the devil would with a smoke bomb!

God! Into the night! Classic Donahue. The promo program that actually aired that night, that day, was called How to Cheat on Your Spouse and Not Get Caught. Which is actually a good episode. Yeah. Huh? Honey, where are you? I'm kidding.

I love you. How do you? I'm not going to get into the minutiae of what that Donahue was about, but... Okay. I think by that point they had had all the drag queens on and that had burned out. Right. And so now they were looking for what is actually going to get people freaked out and tuned in. Totally.

Right. Some people were sad that they had to fight Satan at this point. Deacon George Snyder said it hurt when he stopped at 7-Eleven and had to pick out a new brand of soap. One thing is timeless. If you're buying soap at 7-Eleven, shut up! Yeah. What are you doing?

Sir, that's not soap, that's a cup of nacho cheese. I'd still like to bathe in it without the eye roll! Lord! It's soap if I put it on me in the shower! It's a slurpy machine, sir. I soaked the machine and you got slurpy cups for your cold soap, as far as I'm concerned. And I'm going to drink this soap, how do you like that, sassy? Sorry, I can't afford both.

I'll just take a... Spoke a little fast there. Quote, I was born and raised on ivory soap. I have sensitive skin and it's a good product. But it was a slap on the face when that gentleman was preaching devil worship and said there weren't enough Christians to make a difference. We are Christians and we can make a difference. That soap is 70% lie, so he probably had sensitive skin because he used ivory soap.

Chances are. There it is. When the reporter told him nobody from Proctor and Gamble had ever been on Donahue, he said, quote, well that's a different story. Yeah, no, entirely. It is. Absolutely entirely. It's a story unto itself, actually.

It's entirely, yeah. I'm going back in this 7-Eleven getting a bunch of ivory. Well, I still don't think it justifies what you're doing. Jimmy, I'm back. Okay. At this point, Proctor and Gamble had filed 14 libel lawsuits against those spreading the rumors. Donahue was like, another? I didn't do anything.

In March 1991, it won a $75,000 judgment against James and Linda Newton of Kansas. They were prohibited from spreading statements associating the company with Satanism. And they were both Amway distributors. Yeah. That's strategy. Amway's trying to impact that soap game, trying to get in there. Remember the Atlanta weatherman was an Amway? Yeah, I do.

Remember when I said that a lot of the other people were salesmen door to door? Yes, I do, Dave. Amway had a voice. Wait a minute, wait a minute, sir. We're talking about a door to door salesman smear campaign against Proctor and Gamble to save in-home salesmanship. Satan was just a butt. The church of Satan is like, you don't use Satan like that.

Actually, we're fine with it. It's a pyramid scheme. We're Amway. We're worse than Satan. If it's a pentagram scheme, it's called the pentagram scheme. Okay. That's two pyramid schemes inverted on each other. It's the ultimate.

You want to be in that meaty middle. Fucking Amway. Now, at this time, Amway had a voice messaging system they used to send messages to consumers. The Newtons had been using it to tell people Proctor and Gamble supported Satan. Oh my God. This was the first of a number of lawsuits that will be filed against Amway distributors. Amway was a company that farmed out sales of its products to third-party distributors, who sometimes were known to engage in aggressive tactics to boost sales.

And Amway is a direct competitor. Competitor. Both. Amway is as much a competitor as it is a competitor. Two of them. Go ahead, babe. A lot of the competitors in Africa are dying. You need competitors because if there aren't competitors in the food chain,

then there's nothing to kill. You can't just have the apex competitor. That doesn't work. David Satan. Hi. Knock it off. Well, if there's too many hyenas. Amway is a direct competitor with Proctor and Gamble.

The rumors returned full force again in 1995. And Proctor and Gamble spokesman. Kurt Cobain wrote the song Proctor and Gamble of Satan. When questioned if Proctor and Gamble spokesman was all over it, he told this to the Washington Post, quote, it's Poppycock. Cock, a lie, a ridiculous lie. So they're losing their minds.

Poppycock is also a delicious popcorn dessert treat that Proctor and Gamble provides. Yes. That's not true. I don't know who makes Poppycock. You can eat ivory, by the way. Is that true? Nope. Okay.

It's Poppycock. It's vanilla. It's what it is. It's filled with caramel corn. And in July 1995, Proctor and Gamble announced they were completely retiring the logo. So it really took a long time. Like you have a lot of attachment to a logo. If everyone's like, you're from Satan and you're like,

we're just going to use it for our awards ceremony. I love that beard so much. The beard's amazing. We're nothing without that logo that nobody knows about. Well, I would imagine if it was a, I don't know if it's a privately held company or public, but it was private. Is it public? Well, that's amazing that it's public, that they didn't get rid of it.

I believe him. It's a guy in the audience yelling. I think, in a way, you're both right. Because he said something, we went with it, and then you were like, you shouldn't just take that. Well, you live in the fake news era. First is right. So yes, sir.

I'm literally listening to a story in which people do exactly what I just did. Do you believe these people just listen to someone when they're with their doorstep about the bullshit? It is. Thank you, sir. All right. Oh, he's passing his leaflet forward. Hold on, sir.

Spread them. Pass them around to everybody. Do your thing, sir. Obviously, we don't want to stand in the way of someone who knows the answer to that question. He said it first. Dave's just doing a Facebook post, and we'll get back into this gang. No, yeah. Procter and Gamble stock price.

So it is. He's right. Oh, they're up. He would never have done it for me. You own it, sir. Is that why? Okay. Let's end the dialogue between you two for a while.

I feel like it's kind of hit the wall. I don't know what you said, but it looks pretty good right there. All right. Okay. Awesome. Thank you. The one year. Yeah, the one year is okay.

And from the top? Three, two, we are podcasting again. So they changed the logo. It's no longer going to be on the buildings or stationery. It's now just Phil Donahue's head. On a pike. They canceled the award show. They've thrown up the white flag.

The moon man is gone. The stars are gone. It's now just the simple letters P and G. And it's a circle, blue circle, white letters. The company said this move had nothing to do with Satan. It was just a... Just a... Yes, it does.

Whether you're into him or not, it has everything to do with Satan. They said it was just a friendlier, modern, global look. More global than Satan. Yeah. He's in every country. Yeah. He's like the gap. Once again, it was discovered Amway distributors were using their voicemail system to send messages to customers stating Procter & Gabel was supporting the devil.

Yes. Yeah, it is weird. I was just thinking, I'm like, I'm so on Amway's side for some reason. Get him. Yeah, get him, Amway. Also, the idea of sending voicemail messages, like you didn't call anybody. You don't want a message from Amway, but somehow they get into your phone and they're like, now that we're here, so is the devil.

Hey, whoa, I didn't see a missed call. I assume because I took this all from old news stories, so I assume it's a robo call, right? Like, yes. All right, sir, you know what? You're not on fire. You can't just keep yelling yes about everything. Hey, the fucking stock is fine. Oh, I'm an expert too.

Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, I think that's just an improviser. Get out. It's not a normal thing. Get out, it's not an oracle. So Procter and Gamble now believe Amway was responsible for the current flare-up. This is 1995. Procter and Gamble filed more lawsuits against more Amway distributors.

Amway said they had actually been fighting the satanic rumors. Quote, despite Amway Corp's past efforts to help stop this rumor, unfortunately, it appears to have resurfaced. Amway will continue to cooperate with Procter and Gamble and will continue to enlist the support of independent Amway distributors to stop this rumor. But Procter and Gamble had gotten their hands on an Amway voicemail message saying that they were in league with Sate, so they had a fucking message. It's pretty incriminating.

It's amazing when you just send out messages to thousands of people that someone who Procter and Gamble could get it. That's weird. Yeah, it's weird. That's where the Pinkerton's come in. That's right. Yeah. Well, we found one and a thousand.

We found one and killed 49 Native Americans. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, what? Pinkerton style. That's just how we do it. We did it right. It's in the contract. So the case was very, very long, the trial.

It was thrown out once and then it was reinstated. And finally, in 2007, 12 years later, Jesus, 12 years later. Jesus God, what Procter? When phone messages no longer exist. Yeah, Donahue's still looking for that daytime return. Donahue's like, I got fired off MSNBC at this point. Well, at this point, Donahue's in an old folks home, like the crows didn't. Well, Phil's got a good idea, finally.

In 2007, Procter and Gamble won a $19.25 million lawsuit against some Amway distributors. There's a lot more in 95. Yes. One of the defendants said, quote, it's hard to imagine they'd pursue it this long. Why won't they drop it? Very straightforward shooter. Yeah.

Especially after all the retractions we put out, we are stunned, all of us. He admitted that he had forwarded the satanic rumor to other Amway salesmen on the phone messaging system, which was then sent to thousands of customers. But later, he had sent a retraction on the same system. That's not, what? Hey, it's me again. Listen, sure you got my earlier crazy Amway spell. Okay, look, Procter and Gamble is not of Satan.

Blader! So then, hey, it's me again. I should have been using this phone line to call drunk, but I just feel so guilty about all my lying. Hey, it's me. Sorry, just had an omelet. Woke up 7.30 a.m. Boy, I don't even remember calling last night, but I know that I did.

I just want to say sorry, everybody. Okay, bye. Hey, it's Valentine's Day, I'm alone, and I've had a little rosé by the fire. Amway rosé. That's right, yeah, I, well, there's two of us, and yeah, we just wanted to call. And we don't want to belabor this and make this long, but... We're getting married. We're getting married, and it's sudden, and our parents are freaking out, but we don't

even care anymore, but we just want to wish you guys a happy Valentine's Day from us, who knows who we are. We're Amway, but we're not Amway, we just got the passcode to this, and Gamble, Gamble. We don't even know what we're doing anymore, we're crazy. We had so much rosé. Okay, bye. I can't hang it up proper. Hold on.

How do you do it? I think we hung it up. Oh, yes. Oh shit, it's still going. I can't feel my feet. That's Donahue. That's Donahue. That's Donahue.

That's Phil Donahue. Hang up. Am I on the system? Ask him about the slingers. I don't know what happened, yeah, but okay. Dad? Definitely not your dad. No way.

Sometimes I see blue. Okay, just try to unplug the thing, it'll work. I want someone to talk to me. Okay, it's faxing. I don't know what is even, should not be faxing. I know that. So oddly, after those 1995 lawsuits, there were no more satanic attacks on Procter and Gamble. Till tonight.

When we all leave. And the newsletters start again. In 2013, Procter and Gamble quietly brought back a bit of a moon-like design to its corporate logo. What are they doing? Be done. They want it. They want to bring it back. They totally, it's a blue circle with the P and G and now there's a little slice of moon on this side.

They're totally just like. As of yet, it has not inspired a new satanic panic about Procter and Gamble. Perhaps it's because they changed their logo or maybe it's because Amway lost 19.25 million dollars. Their logo was a dick in balls. Don't know why it didn't fly. That's the Procter and Gamble satanic panic. Jesus. This guy.

Well, more. And the weird thing to me is that Amway is such a great company because they're owned by Betsy Devos family who's a great lady. They're good people. She's a Christian woman who's never experienced life. Or blinking. Yeah, no, Amway is a very bad, bad company, but maybe we'll do a full one on them at some point, but that's just a slice of their magic.

When I was a stand-up comedian, when I was starting out, when we were starting together, and I was a part-time bank teller and this guy would come every day and do his deposits. Hey, man, you want to make a little more money? I'd be like, yeah, I want to make a little more money. And then one day he's like, hey, come, let's talk. And I was like, okay, he goes, you can leave this job. You can make money without doing a lot of work. And I was like, okay, it would work with comedy.

So he goes, after work, we'll go meet. And so I go out and he goes, get my car. I was like, I'm going to drive. And he goes, get my car. I was like, I'm going to drive. And he's like, no, I think it'd be better if you got my car. I was like, I'm going to drive. And he goes, okay, drive. And so I follow him up into the hills and we go to this house

and we pull up and there's an Amway sign. I'm like, later, motherfucker. That's why I drove. He was taking you up to the Amway mansion in the Novato Hills. By the way, here's me in that situation. I'll drive, get in the car. This door won't open anymore. Is that normal? Whatever.

Either way, oh, I'd love a champagne. Don't have that in my car. Well, I'm sorry if anybody hears an Amway salesman. Karen is. One woman. Guys, we have this amazing laundry detergent. It's Karen. Karen.

Karen, you froze. Oh, Jesus. Sorry. I was just thinking about how clean my clothes smell because I sold and my family sold and my good friends sold enough products so that we could all meet together in a conference room. That's right. So that's why I want to talk to you guys tonight. What the hell?

Well, if you can all just sell one bottle of dish detergent, I can go to Mexico on vacation. Isn't Amway the one where they like bring you in, you're the audience, but then they lock the doors and you can't pee? Yes, you can't pee? I mean, if the doors are locked. You can pee just not in a toilet. Not in a toilet, right. So I had a friend that got suckered by that same guy, the guy I worked with, and he, yeah,

they locked the doors and they had to go through the whole routine before I could leave. Lock the doors? I mean, how are you like, okay, let's hear what this guy has to say. They lock the doors and they nail your feet to the floor. Oh, are we? Are we? Can't wait for this. All right.

A film strip. Anyway. Anyway, well, thank you, Los Angeles so much for coming out. Give it up for Karen Gilgareff. Thank you. Thanks, you guys. Let's all call Procter and Gamble real soon and let him know we're on to him. Thank you guys.

Appreciate it.