The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 369 - Ben Reitman (live)

Episode Date: March 19, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the life of Ben Reitman. Recorded live in Chicago. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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it's gonna be a minute anyone have Rosetta Stone cuz I think we could use it podcast uh-huh oh my god no each week I hot bathroom man always said that lover of the bush family man who watched the criminal invasion of Panama all right all right let's not look that's not a good callback those are the bad ones Dave Anthony reads a story from American history to his friend Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about I know I know what it's gonna be about yeah no that's why the intro is structured that way we thought about it

so we're something I want to say you said it no no that stuff before you made me do that yeah right sorry how dare I oh I will I will do the live Houston doll about George HW push well that ought to be fun for them that'll be I'm just getting an alert downstairs that our numbers went down so that's interesting I don't know how that's possible the Austin one is one of my favorite stories of all time that had never done a dollop about that I wrote with another guy oh okay script that's going out next month me and me and the writer of history violence wrote a movie based on the story in Austin so if

you're an Austin the writer of history of violence and a man with a history of violence have combined yeah the great so go to that who hates the intro structure yeah he really gets mad at it he's not happy with a preposition at the end but yeah fuck it yeah he can fuck off boom another preposition he's fantastic and then we just announced Philadelphia Atlanta we're gonna be in Los Angeles Phoenix Dallas so go to dollop podcast calm and get tickets yep yep I miss you this much gin is really I picked a hotel I picked a hotel without looking in pictures of the rooms because it was a

brand new hotel and we're at summer camp there at summer camp each room has four bunk beds yeah you know that feeling when you open that hotel door and you're like how nice is it gonna be and then you open it like what a guy pops out of the bathroom welcome camper hey guys how's your canoeing we're burning merit badges this weekend you know how to fish yeah it's good yeah January 1st 1879 happy new year happy new year Benjamin rightman was born in St. Paul Minnesota to Russian immigrant immigrant Jews shock me and Ida rightman no questions he had a two year old brother older brother Ben was a

sickly child and was very close with his mother sure well yeah sickly children need to nurse he's like I love her yeah her milk is what keeps me what come on you never heard a breastfeeding dog not like that I did it till 15 that's one of the bones are so strong yeah oh there you go that's right oh sad burp yeah I did that still his mom Ida believed that he could do no wrong when Ben was one his dad just left mm-hmm well he was sickly and this was a time when if your kid was sickly like I don't like this situation I'm gonna get a little mulligan going you know what

I mean have another take at it plus the mom's like he's awesome yeah no he's not awesome no deteriorating looks like ET oh my god I would that'd be so great to have a baby look like ET walk around be like no it's ET I don't think it's a good idea especially you teach me to go far oh the second his finger lights up that guy's like I'm definitely out of here I just came back to get my hat but what the fuck is going on here no so he's one years old one year old his dad bails Ida tried to give her to get her two boys then admitted to a Jewish orphanage so she was like that was a great idea I knew I loved that man's

instincts yeah yeah yeah Ida go to if I could yeah yeah I love you bye just keep saying phone home and that doesn't make any sense in this era phone mean somehow a charity intervened and gave her tickets to go to Chicago where she rented a room in the red light district with him with the boys okay so I thought they were just like well you have won a great little package you're our millionth dropper balloons no they were trying to keep the family together so yeah okay so the red light district yeah okay some of Ben's first friends were sex workers okay nope for those of you listening Dave just smiled

Ben found them warm compassionate and generous well many customers did but Brett Ben and his brother were expected to bring in money so he lifted higher Ben lift it show that ankle baby work it Ben so he dropped out of school at 10 years old and begged and stole food and sold used bottles and newspapers and worked as a shoe shiner sure classic ten-year-old part-time jobs yeah at 12 two hobos convinced Ben to hop a train to Cleveland okay so now all right you know I'm trying to hang in there early but then now we're obviously if hobos are throwing a ten-year-old onto a train it's not great they didn't throw them on

they well okay oh sorry I didn't mean to mischaracterize their behavior they didn't throw they didn't pick them up and throw them they were like hey man train ride is fucking great follow that trail of beans there you go boy get in the back hope you like whistling that's all we do now that's it so so he comes back and then he's just fucking in love with riding trains he comes back to Chicago after a round trip sure Cleveland comes back okay sounds like he gave it a real shot he's not for me so after whenever he could he hopped trains he'd travel for days or weeks and then come home mom didn't care

and what do you do what do you do like what's the recreational side of it are you just the exhilaration go on wow yeah you're just riding the fucking train simpler times yeah for sure you're hobos what hobos did they rode the fucking trains all right hobo attorney relax Jesus someone's been riding the trains Dave was on the L today he was like y'all go to Cleveland the big city it I'm looking for gumption and gall which way y'all he's emotional because of anyway sorry man someone literally just goes oh feel bad for Dave just so everybody knows that bell train is not good at Cleveland some people got to

find that out the hard we'll learn lessons the hard way yeah boy that was fast well wait I'm still in Chicago so he traveled with rough guys the many traveled with with pretty brutal he witnessed men murdered in fights oh my god drunks being rolled and boys sexually molested Jesus Christ that is like a terrible sandwich just like being on Amtrak could I get to know a molestation car yeah we're all out fuck anything in the quiet murder section no no we have well there's still a couple tickets left in the beating to death with a rock no no no it's graphic how old is he at this point he's 12

so I certainly expected like a 10-year jump okay he's experiencing first sexual experience with a sailor in New York when he was 12 would not describe as an experience as experience they describe that as statutory rape right yep in Virginia he escaped an attempt attempted gang rape by quote a mob of crooks who were working for the state fair so so that the rumors about the state fair are pretty true well I mean we can I'm out of tickets can I get on the ferris wheel one like dribbling tooth you're like sorry my tongue just does that Dave smiled again if there's one thing we we can say that has never

changed in America it is carnies yeah okay so jump forward he is he's just riding trains for years and then at 20 he got a job in Chicago as a lab boy as a lab boy lab boy working in a lab I don't this is how this is on the island of Dr. Monroe where he's like Ben you'd look fantastic a monkey paw to his forehead I can pick stuff up yeah yeah yeah so what he was doing was he was assisting physicians with experiments on this is on so Jesus Christ this is hopefully he also someone's headed to nozeless town just drink this sure sir he also sold stray dogs to med students so they could practice surgery on them good can I get

a cot to lay down on coming in hot yeah doctors are very impressed with Ben and pushed him to study medicine okay one offer to pay his tuition at the College of Physicians and Surgeons so at 21 he entered medical school okay first year was hard cuz he remember he dropped that school at 10 yeah yeah so there's probably you know there's a little catching up to do can you read the first chapter this is a dog I found mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm okay so read that chapter and no more dogs the wiener gets painful and then your nose come off mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm okay so you know let's do the reading mm-hmm

mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm when I was on a train okay all right you know what let's let you know it's skit reading you know you know what a sailor is mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm no no no we've done this mm-hmm I like medical school mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm okay great second day I mean we've made some tremendous leaps I feel like from the first one can we cut the dog open mm-hmm mm-hmm all right that's it let's just that's lunch so I don't have a watch on but I should get out of here I he met a woman and fell in love and was gonna marry her but then he lost his shit during the ceremony and he started

hopping around and babbling like a lunatic my guess is he didn't want to get married that's what I feel like I'd do at the altar yeah yeah do you take this woman mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm okay mm-hmm his mom took him home and put him to bed well I mean talk about a catch obviously how was he single for so long but the next summer he got it together and he married 21 year old May Schwartz okay her parents paid for the honeymoon and they went to Germany on a train no then stop as soon as they got there Ben bailed on the now pregnant May dad you'd love me if you hear this I'm your boy instead of

enjoying their honeymoon Ben went off hoboing spending spending spending weeks bombing food money and hooking up with ladies and Antwerp okay well doesn't sound terrible then he worked his way onto a steamship and left Europe and came back in time to start his second year of med school do we feel like he started his first okay I mean the when he showed back up they were like oh god damn it hey Ben Dr. Ben how presumptuous how's the wife we figured all right um after giving birth May had a breakdown and she was put in a crazy house in Hamburg they didn't call it that but I embellished sure so Ben finished his second year med school and

then he went back to Europe to see May in the sanatorium and there he met his daughter for the first time what is going on with him are there like two people playing him it's just look he likes to travel how you been not well it seems oh hey cutie pie yeah okay great as long as we're he brought them back to America and then may return to her parents and divorced him okay on what grounds what about this was she not loving Ben was then expelled from med school for trying to get another student to take an exam I mean yeah of course what are his options I'll give you a dog give you syphilis give you a syphilitic

dog the nose come off but he he then he got into a different med school and graduated now he's a doctor what I mean another one Arizona online University where did he snow on right in Chicago all good oh yeah all good for sure he opened an office for he has a piece practicing medicine doctor he no he's not he graduated from medical he's had no years in medical school three or four or whatever no he hasn't he's been on a train oh that was I was summer break get your face right now you can't believe your bullshit you know what I need so he opens up an office for poor people Ben's patients were quote this is so bad

already Ben's patients were quote an incredible assortment of homeless men and women unemployed mothers dope addicts whores pants pickpockets and bootleggers god damn it they called him the clap doctor I don't think it's a applause based I don't think this was people like I keep Brendan phraser ring I can't like eight people get it but well they call him that because he treated VD patients without judgment yeah let's not let's not get no no no no guys who have yeah yeah yeah just hooded out yeah well yeah they hooded out because they already have the clap they don't need to a hero rises from the ashes

he just charged patients what they could pay so he didn't make very much money this is okay which meant he ended up depending on the women he was with for support and he had no problem attracting women Ben had shoulder length dark hair and an untrimmed mustache why yes it's we call a pussy sweeper yeah oh boy I just he wore a silk tie this is enough cowboy hat this is carried a walking stick oh my god and wore a cape I'm super bad all right so okay sometimes if he got stressed out needed a break he would just leave his metal medical practice hop a train and take off okay so or ship he also hop ships well I don't

know yeah it's just so far not at all a doctor but he hoppships more than once yeah okay went to Paris at one point and worked for Buffalo Bills Wild West show and your doctor was doing this I had an appointment on the 30th I'm sorry what is he doing when will he be back he's the best he don't care what do you give a guy who fucked a dead dog a metal that says hero I'm from a different medical school yeah all right so he's have you been to dog fuckers medical school I think we know who has also in France he treated circus boys who had VD in Ireland he was falsely arrested for murder I feel like he

wasn't falsely arrested well the murder they looked the murder they were looking for was an Irishman so Ben quote showed them the evidence of a right that had been performed on me by a Jewish rabbi during my infancy they were highly amused and roared with delight and then released him wait okay wait so are you are you insinuating do you know what a lineup is I have a guess it's like I think a man with a cape and a mustache who looked like Wyatt Earp took his cock out and then everyone was like go yep yeah okay that's exactly right that's how 98% of murders that get off so in other words to be a serial murder and

off I mean they can't thank you to be a serial murder in Ireland all you had to do was have the tip of your dick cut that's right okay great pretty simple boy this room got really loud in 1907 in st. Louis Benson ad for a meeting of hobos okay he I'm fine I'm worried about our main character a little in a large vacant store 300 men gathered to hear speeches but just long winding nonsense that's the other thing that's why we got to figure out a way to make sure that everybody has another thumb and if you get another time yeah in the back how do we get rid of fleas yeah well fleas are your friends and every time I go to

name them they become different but it's hard to figure out so you got put a thread around them and then create a chain of fleas and then you gonna make a song about it be like what we gonna do about that sailor in New York yeah a sailor in New York make him they go yeah he's big got a big brain then you eat a brain and you're getting the man's knowledge that's another way to do it and you know and then you go and you got your different ways of putting your legs and then you think about it and you learn gymnastics he can and well so you have a bean and you eat a bunch of beans and you find a fleas again and then

your fleas are there and then what else I'm gonna say about this meeting hold on I ain't done and then you go and you hey friend your friend has said you know you get an extra thumb if you get some then you got four thumbs because you already had three thumbs if you're lucky genetics been smiling on yes it has the sound of us and then you go but I see about your life and I sure that's my time you've been unbelievable yeah oh I forgot about it eat pasta raw thank you your next speaker you're gonna love this guy the meeting was put on by the International Brotherhood Welfare Association which wasn't an educational

movement to improve I can't believe the one legit thing I just shit all over yeah awesome thanks for letting me walk out there yep I'm dire it was to improve the lives of the homeless okay a real son of a bitch Anthony so they started what we're called hobo colleges where hobos could attend lectures and organize I'm gonna be respectful until I learn the details right now what is this the story of Trump University is that what this is going hobo college I'm majoring in spindle stiff Ben was impressed and said he would open a Chicago hobo college okay back in Chicago he got to work on the hobo college the Freeport

journal standard 18th of May 1907 quote Chicago is to have a hobo's paradise yeah I mean honestly you got to imagine if you're like some affluent Chicago and look yeah yeah oh my god no I just threw up my stomach oh dr. Ben rightman will establish the institution doctor was it quoted as doctor he graduated yeah well establish an institution on Monday are you a bow out of a job where we have with that bed can I get it and just have a little lay here you will find plenty of soft snaps all soft snaps I think like it's like yeah we like what you're saying well like a off poetry jam yes yes all who would like to

volunteer their services in this latest phase of the uplift may can communicate with dr. rightman so far all the doctor has toward the fulfillment of his plan is a little printed stationary so he the starting point is that he can write scripts yeah he's got some paper sure okay yeah well I have five beans and call me tomorrow let me know how that goes okay so Ben held a banquet for 120 hobos at a fancy hotel it's a great call surely no shoplifting there where's the silverware did we see it anywhere one speaker spike Andy gave a lecture oh I bet he did and what else about fleas I have to say you gotta you know name them

that's important because they'll identify for column and spike Andy gave a lecture titled under the ice box fast asleep I'm like curious when momentum is gonna kick in on this story cuz so far it just feels like some like truck trying to get out of a snowy hill okay what was it titled under the under the ice box fast asleep also from a paper quote shoe string chase oh my god Dave come on was it found improving the golden occasion by filling his pockets with the good thing see I mean I come on you called it yeah I called the shot so Chicago was a big are you ready to go on stage is just a bunch of rolls drop out

of his jacket mm-hmm it's to teach with where's the butter so Chicago was a big hobo town okay in 1907 the New York Times called Chicago a quote drainage basin see that's why this is a good town they're like goddamn right still is thinking Dave appreciate it very nice yeah yeah yeah hobos were considered lazy stupid dangerous criminals okay people believe they were homeless because they lacked morals boy a lot has changed oh Ben wanted to change that perception and so he wrote a paper titled the American Tramp okay let me ask you this is he competent no okay great just wanted to check in and make

sure I shouldn't like pin any hope on him he's 100% bluff bluffing what's going on fuck was that what happened is the ceiling oh my god it's snowing it's a Christmas miracle did you guys have like a snow thing that happened here no the guy whose teeth are rattling sneezed was there a performance where stuff fell snow fell it is snow okay okay guys stick around the nutcrackers up next and we're very excited what what what was the show did a meteorologist talk about this a what a mall a mall mm-hmm mm-hmm yeah I think we're a mall was here you guys come here to see the mall yeah what are you stripping down it came off of

you I I'm snowing wait does this salt shirt have salt all over it is that what just happened you just like dust came off of you like you're a spirit that's dandruff Dave Drift yeah don't worry it's supposed to hail later I check the five-day we got a nor'easter moving this way what is it what is a mall what is that huh that's where you get a bunch of stuff at Spencer's gifts and there's a Sabaro we've all been there all right so so Ben writes this paper he's totally bluffing he's bullshitting it says the typical hobo is a boy and 75% of them are under 21 and some were as young as eight so he's kind of just writing from

his personal life right he's like making up staff he's trying to make people like hobos right okay normalize the hobo community by making up statistics from his own biography yeah and and then he actually after that then he then he actually went out after the thing was published and people thought he was an expert then he went out and actually interviewed sociologists and cops and railroad people and found out the truth so then he could be an expert but the truth match up with his earlier statements I don't know I feel like no probably not I mean I would imagine most hobos were old guys right no hobos

yeah yeah for sure yeah no exactly like the pic the picture you have in your head of a hobo it's not like a boy like hey it's like a crazy old hobo right you should hit with a chain no no no no no no no no no no no no nope nope nope nope nope if they come at you no no no you swing the chain no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Dave your watch is set to 20 years in the future and if they if they keep coming you just fucking hit him in the head no right with the fucking chain nope okay all right can we cut a little bit and then we'll just jump back in whenever you guys are

ready on the side get that snow going that was fun I'm probably I'm probably a bad socialist yeah yeah one would think so so he's given lectures all around the country about being a hobo expert okay based off of his new facts or his old facts new facts new facts okay gotcha all right thank you in 1908 Ben started hanging around the offices of Chicago's socialists and meeting all the top radicals like mother Jones okay and it and in 1908 anarchist speaker Emma Goldman came to give lectures in 1998 and in 1892 she had helped her lover Alexander Berkman try to assassinate Henry Clay Frick okay but there was no

proof of her involvement but people knew that she'd had a part in so the press loves to attack her right she's an anarchist okay the assistant Chicago police chief said Emma would not be speaking at meetings and no anarchist meetings would be permitted in Chicago our anarchist the people who need permission oh yeah we can't speak yeah okay we'll obey that anyway laws don't matter okay when asked if she would be arrested he replied quote the trouble with Emma is she misbehaves herself that ain't illegal I'm living proof so they would they shut down the place she was gonna

speak at so Ben offered her his hobo meeting space okay and then fire inspectors condemned that building as a fire trap okay all right so they start hanging out together and pretty soon they're they're fucking okay she wrote him quote you have opened up mm-hmm the prison gates of my womanhood got that magic key I'll take your hand on that I'll hold you let go now you've opened up the prison gates of my womanhood and all the passion that was fettered and unsatisfied in me for so many years leaped into a wild reckless storm of boundless as the sea I am famished do you hear the woman in me Jesus this is

an overtext this is when you're like there's more dot dots I don't know how deep this is gonna go do you hear the woman in me is famished what else is there for me but to follow the call of the wild the savage the master lover can I get a cape Emma was ten years older oh dude you the lot of pauses there okay okay she called him hobo he called her mommy I don't know what's going on in my body chemistry but it's just Adams are smashing I'm turned on I'm grossed out fix me David I'm broke so she's you know she's torn giving speeches so he goes on the road with her and then he became her manager someone didn't find that

professional wait a minute that's a crossing of business lines can't be the manager of a famished woman the hobos were not happy that Ben had allied himself with anarchists it's against the hobo rules yeah the hobo code the hobo code yeah so they passed a resolution resolution they passed a resolution sure sure sure sure the hobos passed a resolution on favor meow all right we're yay or nay for the last time guys whoever's meowing not how we're voting all right so it's a thumbs up or a thumbs down is what we're gonna go with and I can't believe we know Bob's dead for sure that's tough to hear so

the hobos were not happy that he had a allied himself with the anarchists so they passed a resolution quote we the regular representatives of the hobo unemployed do hereby renounce forever our allegiance to said right man okay so he's out of the hobos he's been I'm not even trying to be rude but it is weird for a it's just like a weird anyway Emma had manners while Ben was very not when she was writing my stars Ben is very crude she said his clothes quote were successful what I didn't do anything they're laughing at what you said oh snow more snow oh snow is coming wait I think it's whenever you say hobo I mean

where the fuck is it coming from no Dave Dave my lesson is that we need more snow shows yeah yeah yeah we need more of this stuff people get very excited can we get some wind give me that cape it'll look great so this is when a light drops on us and it stops being funny they made 20 minutes of snow jokes which was followed immediately by two lights falling on the gentleman the festival is canceled what city did that happen in though we were somewhere where they were thinking like yeah the lights were gonna drop on us and they were like we need a minute we're like okay great thank you so Emma said Ben's clothes were

quote successful fugitives from soap and water boy talk about a glass half full kind of gal I mean it's really like an empty glass that she's calling three quarters full yeah but he did that on purpose because his look was a comment on bourgeois mortality as he called it no it wasn't he was just dirty morality still that's just he's making a comment on the rich I'm a Banksy yeah he's a bank I'm a comment on society yeah yeah that's my whole thing that's why I wear the same outfit and smell because I'm like trying to show the system that like stinking right is wrong you know what I mean

system smells like soap and I'm anti-system yeah so it's like mmm yeah that's why I stink anyway give me those keys to your woman jail I'm ready to yeah woman yeah whatever you called it I mean my name is Ben oh my god I'm sorry I hit my head earlier when I some snow fell on me and then a light so Emma was constantly embarrassed by him and asked him to think about what he said in company Margaret Anderson editor of the Little Review said his behavior quote wasn't so bad if you could hastily drop all your ideas as to how human being should look and act well again very complimentary there's a way he's not

awful if you know nothing read my tiny paper emin gave lectures on freedom and independence as an anarchist been acted on it he had sex with whoever and wherever he wanted but is that that's not oh Jesus I mean that it's the problem with dating an anarchist like no I think we're committed no commitment is a law and like you said we don't believe in those anyway your sister's preggers so no laws right let's kill her we can do anything I've got a cape I stink let's party whoo that's the name of his biography I had a cape and I stink so Emma had a tough time with this she

believed in free love but did not want Ben sing other women yeah exactly I definitely think there's a fair line to differentiate between like lawlessness and commitment but she's into free love but she preaches free love don't come at me like this he tried to convince Emma she was the one by writing that his quote will shrink up when he was trying to have sex with another woman I do love old-time euphemisms that's just like a nice little reach my will shrink look honey I love you and here's how much I love you when I tried to fuck another lady I couldn't get hard yeah that's love yeah putting that I'm putting that in

the vows which is I'll act like a monkey when we're getting married by the way and then leave gotta ride the trains for a while Emma responded quote your affairs nauseate me because they are so common were they not having conversations they were just sort of like note-passing under a door well they wrote a lot that you know sure so it's this is a very dangerous time to be an anarchist police would harass and arrest them but Emma still filled 5,000 seat halls authorities would find where she was speaking and get the lease cancelled when the tour ended she went to New York and Ben went to Chicago because of the calm stock

obscenity laws they wrote sexual letters in code oh it's what they already were it's much more coding you can do okay for example treasure box meant vagina by the way so far I'm adopting a lot of these will he meant penis well yeah duh that one out mountains meant breasts okay so here's a letter oh I you've given us the key and now we look at the map Emma to Ben quote I'm sick of your river spilling on the mounds of others my treasure box is the only one you have a map to quote so excited I will have your love if I have to drink it through your blood if I have to suck it out of your willy if I have to tear it out of you

it's mine oh my god how long until I can spread the treasure box over you my god I over him you shall wear my treasure box upon you head the red red rose red with my blood so that you can take its perfume and the mountains how they hurt now with the fullness of passion for you hobo I am mad mad mad I need a little more snow out here I'm okay so Ben wrote back wait red red rose can may I yeah that we know what that is sure so every now and then Aunt Rose comes to visit and sure Ben wrote quote lover lover I come to you full of hope and life full of burning desire take the mountains and treasure box Willie is

starved and wants mommy by the way if you get these letters you're like oh they're fucking totally fucked for sure they're 100% banging boy oh boy so it was like their version of WhatsApp yeah okay now around this time there was a 30 year old Iowa Telegraph operator who had documents stating he was the king of Serbian okay wait I mean a little late to introduce this Jim he said he was a Telegraph operator said he was the king of Serbia yeah okay and he was and he had documents that he'd been collecting and he was now ready to seize his throne so he wrote to Ben why okay quote I understand through the I do have

a treasure box I think not a hundred percent my mounds are not they're more plateaus quote I understand through the papers that you are the head of a large number of unemployed of Chicago I have a proposition to make you oh boy you can this is like I want a million dollars if you can gather up about 3,000 men out of employment and can raise enough funds to charter a cheap ship across the ocean and get the man across with arms ready for war I will provide them with an income for life this is a Nigerian Prince email and either that or this country truly yours Theo Max true claimant to the

Serbian throne so Ben said he was up for it what is happening and then Ben did his best to get the support of rich wine merchants to finance the invasion what because in return when the king got his land he would yeah right no then you get $500 million yeah the great land in Serbia so so he's doing this all to get a bunch of land in Serbia yeah okay great cool but the phone operator couldn't raise the 250,000 and 5,000 why didn't he just call the king we're neat he is the king oh okay never mind why didn't he have money as a king so it's a never happened okay okay but they tried for a minute I thought we were taking a

banana's turn you've heard of the Serbian hobo war right Prince Telegraph became the king of thy throne Ben had accessed all the mounds and treasure boxes he wanted and Emma was livid if you still bring up hobos in Serbia they go crazy yeah right okay should ask Milan about this they came on trains like the first guy who's seeing it is like that can't be real I mean I'm I sort of got I'm seeing a bunch of they're carrying bean cans I can't and swords are those sticks with little bundles on them no no no no no come on come on we're dehydrated come on and they all got little tiny cigars come

on they've been blown up so Ben goes back to touring with Emma they tore was she alerted about his like possible side gig I mean I'm sure he told her but she was like sure thing anyway this treasure box is yours only motherfucker so so for the next eight years he toured the country with her speaking about an archy getting arrested Ben spoke also and he gave vulgar speeches sure sure in a speech in 1912 he discussed teenage incest sex between ministers and parishioners masturbation orgies by the way great orgies fantastic orgies like when do we oh oh I could have just okay what are we the no still a cool idea

great dip by the way this is oh my god it's not oh my god the Beatles had a masturbation orgy yeah the best interview McCartney gave 74 he said on that his whole life and we used to jack off together anyway let's talk about hey Jude oh no back to that yeah John and I loved it yeah yellow submarines about a coming cock yeah sorry I mean a wheel that's full of river so Ben also said men had the natural right quote as a man I don't know I don't like the start the right to have a heart on what this is what is his speech about he just wrote a speech about his dick but shouldn't that be an amendment in the Constitution well

I mean sure with our with our government absolutely in 1912 the IWW the wobblies were organizing in San Diego a wobbly named Joseph McCullis sick was killed by police in his home okay no one knows what really happened but one cop was shot another was hidden ahead with an axe and then Joseph was shot and killed I think I know what happened do I need to matlock the moment we're not sure what happened but one died from an axe and others dead and he's dead and we will never know so no local funeral parlor in San Diego would bury

McCullis sick okay so Emma had his body shipped to Los Angeles that's where her and Ben were okay they held a memorial in a memorial in LA and it seemed like every last leftist who got off the train from San Diego was bruised had blood drenched clothes or broken bones okay they're just being beaten up in San Diego okay by people okay right right all right good old-fashioned San Diego sure yeah no the warmth San Diego culture so Ben and Emma headed to San Diego for demonstrations okay when not a good idea when they're trained pulled in to the depot is that a euphemism now that's an actual okay I thought they

trained banked a large crowd was waiting cars blocked the tracks women dressed for a night on the town yelled quote give us the anarchist will strip her naked will tear out her guts they still do that in San Diego yeah yeah I know you could have a Pacific Beach you're like that next stop a little aggressive so that's local San Diego stuff and so no one had considered that Ben and Emma might take a shuttle so they just snuck on to a bus unobserved okay great that's the best way to do it sure but then so it's a double-decker bus and there's the open top and so they went up top and bad move every bad move if

you're trying to be incognito oh let's see the city while we're here love come on so that someone saw Emma on the top yeah no shit yell quote there's that Goldman woman up there and then hundreds of people attack the bus okay pounding on the doors trying to scale the sides the drivers freaked he flores it and just speeds down Broadway well it sounds like he had good training he was like a farmer's market he speeds all the way to hotel and at the hotel police had formed a gauntlet to keep the crowd back so they could walk into the hotel okay so then the police chief came up to their hotel room and took Emma

downstairs telling Ben to stay in the room mm-hmm and after she left men broke in and kidnapped Ben at gunpoint yeah the police were working with the vigilante committee to get Ben kidnapped okay so they drove Ben out to the desert Jesus Christ they're gonna like good fellas and yeah they stripped him naked and beat him quote with a lighted cigar they burned I ww on my buttocks with one cigar yeah dude that's like the bingo dopper you're like Jesus do we have more cigars cuz this is I'm not even in that second W but also that just makes you part of the union like you're forever a union guy at that point for

sure yeah no that's what you come back with you're like well you should all get these nothing weird happened in San Diego cool look I got going who's the best wobbly yeah then they poured a can of tar over my head oh my god and in the absence of feathers they rubbed handfuls of sage brush on my body okay who so some dude forgot feathers and he's like I have a bunch of sage I was just making sure there weren't a evil spirit I don't know I'm sorry my girlfriend got this stuff I don't even know what I'm doing so they tar and saged him yeah haven't heard of that well it's like he's fighting in the movie Predator now sure

right it's an old reference but a good one so on attempted to push a cane into my rectum whoa whoa whoa whoa and another treasure box of the man who's that guy is he going rogue he's like yeah let's do what what come on this is too far we're burning his buttocks but I can't put a little okay I'm the weirdo you know what you know no I don't want to do this anymore you guys say we're a gang we're cool and that we're all friends of this is a safe space and then the second it came goes happily and it was a me me me come on come on I don't need it to walk what did you think I was doing I had it the whole drive Tom the

whole drive just put it in his butt and shut the fuck up I want to anymore now you guys made all weird like I'm the cane butt guy whatever yeah okay yeah come on back oh my god whatever whatever honestly I don't even I had other stuff I was gonna do but now I feel like I'm weirdo so I don't even wanna yeah I'm gonna put a balloon in his mouth and then blow it up all right all right for those of you listening Dave is smiling big I forgot I had a drink beer yeah no easy Emma it's snowing I think we know who'd the cane guy'd be out of the two of us the last time we did a show here we were we were out back oh boy and

they have canes who guys walked by and they didn't know we were there I want to go man Dave was actually funny and it was me and this other guy hey by the way just real quick if you do want to take pictures we don't give a shit that's okay right yeah and we say that after this point because we've already said all the crazy shit oh no oh my god so they they twisted his testicles hmm mm-hmm then they ordered him to kiss the American flag and sing the star spangled banner with feeling so they're proud boys and then with feeling yeah I don't believe it twist his balls more huh oh my fucking balls not sorry at the

very end they made him run a gauntlet sure yeah quote when they were tired of the fun they gave me my underwear for fear we should meet any women what who gentlemen they're multitasking like this yeah you don't all right put on your underwear might be some broads about you know we don't look weird we don't want to be seen as some sage cover dick can we keep the cane in them when he put never mind never mind I'm done pitching so he walked and took a train back to LA he stood when he saw Emma at the train station he said quote oh mommy I'm with you at last take me away take me home look who comes crawling back to

mommy now he wants monogamy a year later they returned to San Diego bad idea a vigilance committee was waiting the police took them to jail for their own protection and the vigilantes gathered outside the jail and yelled quote right man we want right men Emma wanted to face the mob but Ben refused to why what what do you think he had resistance based upon please expound police put them back on a train the San Diego Union quote city purges itself of anarchists drives out Goldman and her pal that's tough for him he's like I'm the other guy LA Times the shrew is tamed god no wonder we don't subscribe

Ben was now very over the violence associated with the movement and Emma saw him as a coward but does Emma know what happened to him when he got his balls twisted and he had to sing the national anthem with a cane but she said he was just like a ghost of what he had been I wonder why she's had plenty of stuff in her rectum she's fine go in Patterson New Jersey Ben held the rally against evangelist Billy Sunday left us believe Billy Sunday's message hurt the labor movement he told workers to be thankful for the few blessings they had boy I already don't like him yeah

mother earth wrote quote his job is to make the workers content and satisfied with their misery so on Easter 1915 in Patterson Billy Sunday preached to a giant crowd of 8,000 while Ben had held an anti-billy rally across town at Turn Hall okay that night Turn Hall was burned to the ground okay miss Garrett a Hobart widow of the late vice president said quote I look upon the fire as a visitation from God the millionaire who financed Billy's coming to Patterson said quote the Lord said vengeance is mine uh-huh yeah we all know how God talks yeah no he's the villain in a lethal weapon film that's how that's how I like to

picture the Lord we imagine in the space and clouds he's just some vindictive prick lay the plastic down I'm gonna pop him one I'm God fuck it huh before Anthony come stocks anti-obscenity laws were passed in 1873 wait Anthony come stock was the one who got profanity laws passed come stock well still you don't remember that episode yeah I do but it's still weird that is he's the one who's getting profanity laws passed with last name maybe that's why so before that my name before that birth control information and devices were easy to get but now it was illegal what were they what the nevermind was it just pulling

out no they had different things back moleskin they had condoms back then the condoms back then they must they're made out of like sheet bladder yeah that's fun to put on they're hard enough now snow get the package opening on some of that Jesus it's gone my will won't puncture your treasure box with the lamb any longer so middle and upper class women could easily get birth control but the poor could not and our kids believe a person should be allowed to limit the number of children they had weird crazy yeah imagine not what God wanted right yeah on their ninth tour Ben and Emma gave out birth control

literature Ben spoke to large groups about sex he used for the words like vagina uterus and intercourse okay he wrote yeah top he wrote an anonymously published a pamphlet titled why and how the poor should not have children a little aggressive with the angle clearly it explained birth control methods he said to check condoms by blowing them up like balloons no no no no no not the way to know nope and tie a knot and then make an animal then you got a winner give it the tail there it is he described rubber cervical caps douches and what we're then called womb veils which is a diaphragm it's so

great it is better yeah for sure 100% yeah is your womb veil on allow me my love special day October 6th 1915 Ben and Emma were arrested in Portland for giving out birth can a birth control pamphlet the charge was handing out literature of an illegal character a very large crowd gathered for the trial the organ daily quote when deputy city attorney Latterette declined to read aloud the pamphlet that caused all the trouble audible signs of disappointment were heard from all parts of the room oh my god just a bunch of guys are like oh fuck it let's get out of here he's not gonna read it my will

has shrinketh they were fine guilty and found a hundred dollars they appealed and the judge agreed amazing the next year Emma was jailed in New York for speaking about birth control a few days later Ben was arrested for unlawfully distributing printed matter of indecent character at his trial he represented himself not good he said quote we believe by birth control the human race will be better and that we will have better and happier babies your honor what kind of fuckery is this lord if people can fuck and not have children what hope do we have so he was convicted in given 60 days okay while in jail he

received so many letters from women that it stunned the prisoner trustees who checked the mail one was from Anna Martin Dale a suffragette who had met him four years before she was attractive and a believer in free love and fine not being the only woman in his life Jesus this is not he's like she's perfect for me match up perfectly he was arrested in Cleveland for giving out birth control letter and given six months and a thousand dollar fine it was the longest term ever handed out in the U.S. for birth control agitation Jesus control agitation yeah laugh but it's coming back yeah honestly it's fine only three

of our Supreme Court justices believe in it mm-hmm so he's a release pending appeal and then World War two sorry World War one started and the espionage act was passed and now feds were arresting anarchists and labor organized organizers for treason and anti-war activity so Ben wanted out of the whole fucking deal sure and he was also upset Emma wouldn't marry him and give him kids so he moved to Chicago with Anna it's a weird angle yeah for the others now Anna and Ben never married but they went by doctor and Mrs. Reitman and they had a son named Brutus but you're throwing a lot here let's Ben open a

medical practice again good three weeks after Brutus's birth his appeal was denied and he had to serve six months letters to Anna were not as hot as the ones he'd written to Emma well because Emma was the one who seemed to have the euphemism game down pretty strong like yes he's got to take the lead it's not gonna be good he's like my penis no not my penis term for leg third leg no the other prisoners are pitching in that's good Todd that is unbelievable good this is getting better this is getting better than the last one we just called it the weird leg okay now quote this is to Anna you have been a great force and

blessing in my life I am so glad you are my wife I can understand now why a joy lady has a pimp wait no it's not no she makes him understand why sex workers have pimps she that's how much that's how great she is like she he now gets but I mean so he's like workers have to give money to a guy who beats them up boy and makes them fuck it's weird that I miss treasure and mounds like I never thought I'd be in that position where I was like that's the best one so we got out of prison after six months and was appointed as a doctor at a VD clinic in the Chicago House of Correction World War one had made a big focus on VD is a

public health problem yeah at the same time Emma was building a railroad above us it's it's a tink tink tink it's gonna be great on the recording yeah it'll be your fault somehow yeah people scream at me come on Dave did you have to build during it we get that you love welding Emma was released from prison and deported wow okay a farewell banquet banquet was held in Chicago and everyone gave speeches attacking the government then but Ben stood up first he said Emma was the greatest feminine force in the United States and then he said she had seduced him away from religion what quote you evolutionist

you radicals you anarchists go on with your petty talk and your petty ideas but you'll never achieve the millennium in that matter you may accomplish good and you may accomplish harm I'm not a revolutionist not an anarchist I'm a reformer and everyone's like man you're a bummer yeah you're a real loser now what about you saying we love you we liked your early stuff yeah so then Ben returned to his place as the leading figure at the hobo college that's still cooking yep how many years are they like how many degrees have gone out a lot of hobos their full like PhDs and sure sure sure for sure hobos came again to

hear Ben's lectures other Hobos spoke Professor Patty Carroll taught how to live without eating what this is before they knew food matter? Yellow Kid Wheel America. What's that now buddy? Slow down. King of the con men taught finance. Now it is Trump University. That's Eric's class. Professor Ohio Skip lectured. What? Your professor's name is Ohio Skip. Do you not go? I need to go to a better place. All right boys. Professor Ohio Skip lectured on the best towns to hit and miss and the relative habits of the bulls and bulldogs in each. Hobos also gave lectures at University of Chicago sociology classes.

You can open up a can with a rock. What about the bulldog sir? Fight back you bite them. That's good stuff. Just squiggly lines. The University of Chicago and the College of Hobos held. It's not getting any more normal. Held debates. Oh, to be a fly on the head. In 1923 the Hobo team of Boxcar Bernie, Larry the Loud, and Fred Fordeis beat the University students. You knew you had an applause break coming. Give me the names one more time. Boxcar Bernie. Sure. Larry the Loud. I am Boxcar Bernie. The one percent. Fred Fordeis. Fred Fordeis for sure. One of Ben's favorite places to hang out was a

club called Dill Pickle. An ex hobo had opened up a big barn-like place for hobos to hang out when they were in town. But then all kinds of people came. Tycoons, bums, writers, gangsters, labor organizers. Ben was the press agent. He published the Dill Pickler. And he couldn't use that when he's writing letters to the other woman. It's right there. My Dills looking for a picklin. I'm gonna put my relish in your hamster. I'm looking for men in your lady jar. Oh god I almost threw up. Oh that got ya. The Dill Pickler was a collection of stories, poems, jokes, and gossip from the community. Gossip. Did you hear this one?

The government became concerned about what was going on in the Dill Pickle. Oh my god. Informers from the FBI and the War Department infiltrated. The War Department's like the Dill Pickle is a problem. Have you read the gossip column? They got poems. I think they're bugging the beans. One informant said a report, quote, they were there for anything that came. Girls were observed smoking cigarettes one shot on a man's lap and there was much freedom. Oh grumble, grumble, grumble, grumble. They got a CSI board. One sad smoked a cigarette set on a man's lap. We've got him! In 1919, the president of the Stockyard Steamfitters Union took

exception to Ben calling him the quote Cuspidore philosopher every time he came into the club. So he's just kind of like... Cuspidore is a spittoon. So what the fuck is his title? Well he's Ben's calling him a spittoon philosopher so I guess he's calling him like an idiot who talks a lot. So like this spittoon was the water cooler so he's just sort of like... Yeah he's saying you're an idiot who talks a lot I think. Okay I know what that feels like. So the... So the guy wrote a nasty poem about Ben and that's how you'll show him. Go Limerick on the boy. This dude had a cane almost put up his ass in a cigar tattoo and he's like I'll write a poem. That'll silence the man.

So he read it out loud at the Dill Pickler. It was also printed in a paper with the swear words blacked out. They're redacting that? Ben was upset and he resigned from the club. Oh. And he said he was going to start a new religion to get even. Oh dear. Oh boy. Quote I have the same feeling passing through my aura that Muhammad and Brigham Young had when they founded their religion. No no no no no no no. There has to be a new messiah. No. I'm that guy. No no no no no no. This is why you don't give men capes. Jesus. So now he's like you know what I'll show him. I am Jesus. Little word. Exactly how Scientology started. I said it was going to be based on Freudian theory with a bit from all

other religions thrown in. Sure. Right. Just sort of a cocaine cake. Yeah. From the Chicago Tribune May 13 1919 quote all who wish to help the poor are invited to do so through the new church which promises to supervise the moral and intellectual requirements of the poor. Sins will be forgiven for the lowest possible penance. He called it the new church. Okay. Which didn't catch on so he changed it to the house of blazes. I'm closer to signing up. And then no one paid attention and it went away. Okay. In the 1920s in the summer Ben swam for an hour a day. And sorry. Sorry. Is that the end of the Jesus portion. He tried to start a religion and no one cared. I wish that was the Scientology story. Okay. So he had a two year dalliance with being

Jesus and nobody gave a shit. He's like all right I'm a swimmer. I swim. Yeah. So he would swim an hour a day in Lake Michigan and people would come out to come out to watch him swim and then he'd give impromptu lectures from the water. Is he not tired. What kind of stroke is he doing the breast. He's like and then let's talk about vaginas. This guy's the best swimming prophet. He's unbelievable. So at this time he turned water into bullshit. At this time 10 percent of the population had syphilis at some point in their lives. And two to four times as many had gonorrhea. Many infected were unaware until they became sterile, had heart disease, paralysis, blindness, insanity or died of complications. Boy. So Ben knew syphilis was preventable and made it his

mission to stop the spread. But does he know how to stop syphilis. I don't feel like he has the training. He does. He does. Yeah. Are you serious. Okay. Ben wrote. Because I just remember a pile of canines. Ben wrote the procedure for prevention is unbelievably simple. Oh no. Rubber preventatives are fairly reliable when intelligently used by a sober person. Yeah like blow them up like a balloon. Yeah. Soap and water and immediate voiding after contact also gives protection. So he's right. He's right about the condom and then wash your dick and then wash your dick off. Sorry. I mean clean the will after the treasure. But it's very taboo to discuss. The secretary of the Chicago Board of Health told Ben quote, I haven't any objection to you doing prophylaxis propaganda.

We're going to take it up someday. But for the present, you have to be very careful and don't get us into trouble. So she's like just let him get syphilis. It's kind of uncomfortable for some of us. Yeah, right. Okay. In 1930, Anna became pregnant, had an illegal abortion, developed an infection and died a few days later. Brutus was 12. Ben missed Anna quite a bit, but also used his sadness to get sympathy from women and get them in bed. Use what you got. You know what I mean? No, for sure. Rose Segal, a woman he'd been seeing for years, became his new wife in July 1931. She was 52. She was 38. Ben's friend, Dr. Frederick Cook from episode number 240, North Pole Madness, served as his best man. Oh my God. What? Yeah. That's right. This dude has another

chapter left in him. Why not just take bed for the rest of your life after that? Even though Rose had been having an affair with Ben for years, she was now not happy that he was cheating. So they separated. Emma published her autobiography 1931. In it, she said Ben was a thief, a coward, and the villain in their relationship. Yeah, but he also had the key to the treasure box. Thank you. Ben wrote to her, quote, my dear mommy. You do not get to call her mommy anymore, motherfucker. And ever in my whole life was I so outraged, humiliated, bitter, disappointed, and crushed. He then wrote a book called The Second Oldest Profession, a scholarly study of pimps, complete with statistical tables. Let me guess. He just put like a bunch of tables out. He's like, so these

are the tables. How does this work? Ben visited Rose in New York over the Christmas holiday in 1932. He was also spending time with a new woman, Matina Holliday. This dude, okay. And another, Alina O'Connor. Clearly, he should be the voice on how to avoid syphilis. He asked her to help him write a book. So Aline moved in with Ben, his mom, Ida, and Brutus. She was his secretary helping with the book, handling his mail, which included letters from other women he was sleeping with. Is that what? So she was opening letters. Oh, she was having sex with him. You had a lot of fun with her. Alrighty. Oh boy, you're very popular. What's a mountain? Ben's codename for Eileen's vagina was Margaret. Terrible. What? Not how you do it. You may as well make it vagina. I can't

wait to be inside a Margaret again. What? Is it? What is this? No, it's not what you think. Margaret's a vagina. Terrible. One letter to her quote. Glad that Margaret is recovering. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tell her she has to be prepared for heavy work. The next 15 years, she will have a daily task. Let me put a 15 year limit on fucking her. Who's got an expiration date? Oh, I mean, that's what? Who's Margaret? It sounds like she's getting worked over. Anyway, next. I love you, sugar. So the manuscript was rejected by the publisher and Ben then blamed Eileen saying quote, she satiated him with sex and spoiled his book. Dude. She was upset and she left Chicago, but she still wrote to him hoping they'd get back together.

In January 1934, Ben got a job as a sociologist for a federal study on homeless men in Chicago's shelters. That spring, Ben went to New York City to spend two weeks with Rose and see Medina on the side. He also wrote to Eileen that it was the quote, two most perfect weeks of his life. Oh my God. Oh my God. Like, yeah, like it's hard to keep up. Yeah. Hearing it, I can't imagine doing it. Yeah. Ben then convinced Eileen to return to Chicago and help him with a new novel about a woman hobo. A wo-bo? Medina said she wanted to have babies with Ben and he wrote a counter proposal.

What is, what he's pitching? All right. Let me tell you. How about this? He wrote that they should have an affair and she should help him write his book. How about this? I'll be your child. Huh? But I'm a child who gets to have sex with you. I mean, Margaret the fuck out of you. Medina passed. Weird. Why, what was her problem? Now, Ben was often referred to in newspapers as the king of hobos, but hobos in other cities also claimed that title. Sure. Like, a monarchy struggle.

Yeah. Like Happy Dan O'Brien, who believed he'd earned the title after a brutal 50-year career on the rails, during which he'd broken nearly every bone in his body. There was also Al Kauffman, Jolly Jo Hamilton, and Joseph Leon Cohen, Senegal Lorazowitz. Well, I think we have our frontrunner. Who also went by DMAG and DHO. So this man just peddled for names. Spare a name? Doctor of Migration and Doctor of Hoboology. For sure that guy.

Another guy, Jeff Davis, ran the hobos... What? Get out of here, Jeff Davis. You weren't hanging with this guy. You fucking loser. Jeff Davis ran the Hobos of America in Cincinnati. He was friends with Ben, and at one time Ben gave Ben his organization's highest honor, Order of Night of the Road. This is Scientology now. But in 1935, the organization crowned Jeff, quote, Monarch for Life, King Jeff the First, Emperor of the League of Hobos of America. Elrond signed the Sea Org deal for a billion years.

But newspapers kept calling Ben the King of the Hobos. Jeff did not like it. Ben was then summoned to a trial. In what court? The Hobo Court. The Hobo Court of America. For sure. Oh, rise for Judge Stubble. Oh. Hold up, hold up your hand and put your hand on your jar of urine.

And wink. Do you swear to say crazy stuff, rambling stuff, and stuff that makes no sense? It's something like this, so help you me? Glad the moon's a fish! Yeah, take your road. So, Ben, after the trial- He shows up? Yeah. Who shows up?

Hard to get people to jury duty. He got subpoenaed. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Yeah, he got, yeah. No, he did not. The fish came. I know what this means.

I'm off. So, the trial happened and Ben was stripped of his knighthood and put on probation. You cannot eat cold food for five years. You're in trouble in makeup world! Ben responded, quote. Oh my god. There is nobody fit for the title but me, but I don't want it. Dude.

He said that his natural modesty forbade him to list reasons for his claim to the title. Then he listed all the reasons for his claim to the title. Sure. He had hoboed for more than 40 years, had led a march of hobos in 1906, and had started the hobo college in Chicago. Well, I ask you, doesn't that entitle me, but remember, I don't want it! Right, right, right, okay. Sure.

So, early in 1935, Ben moved to New York to live with Rose and see Medina on the side, and Eileen was there too. Oh my god. One day, Eileen walked in on Ben having sex with a young woman in his office. He apologized and she forgave him. Sorry about this. Close the door. Just, can you high five me really quick?

Yes, I love you. How can I stay mad at you? Wait, just wait until I'm gonna come and then high five. Okay, oh my god. We're in love. Pleasure to meet you. Nice mountains. In the spring of 1935,

Brutus left for a hobo tour of Europe. So it's genetic? Yeah. Ben drove to Texas with Medina to meet her parents, who were very conservative. Ben tried to convince them of the merits of anarchism, and then he asked them for a loan. It's pretty hard to follow up your anarchy pitch with I need money. But I do believe in the monetary system, so if I could get a floater, it'd be nice. Ben had money trouble.

He began performing illegal abortions. Oh, Jesus Christ. He didn't like earning money off women like this, but he had no choice. Eileen moved to Long Beach where she slept with Ben's scarf on her pillow and started writing a biography called, I Love Ben Rightman. A Memoir of Scarf Sex. Medina had a baby, a girl named Mecca, and moved in with Ben. He loved his new daughter, and then he and Eileen finished the book,

Sister of the Row, The Autobiography of Boxcar Bertha, as told by Ben L. Rightman. Who better to tell the tale? In 1937, the surgeon general got 600 doctors and social hygienists to work on a massive anti-VD campaign to fight syphilis and gonorrhea. Ben formed an organization, the Chicago Society for the Prevention of Venereal Disease. It was just him. He might be the one spreading it at this point. Well, this gave him the clout to be hired by the Chicago Syphilis Project.

Okay. So he studied possible solutions to syphilis. Boy, it hits the mouth first, doesn't it, David? He pushed for prevention over treatment. He gave talks all over the city to anyone who would listen. Quote, wash with soap and water, use douches, use condoms. He told crowds they could have all the sex they wanted and never catch the syph. The secret to prevention should never have been a secret.

Use condoms. He approached the surgeon general with his plan to distribute condoms and promote their use. The surgeon general was a Catholic, and he preferred abstinence. Yeah, as all Catholics do. Unless you're in the church. Or a boy. Yeah. He...

Oh, sorry, gang. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Did I say something? You're right. No, you're right. I apologize for saying facts. No, you're right.

No, right. No. Take the side of the cardinal. The surgeon general said, quote, take it easy, Ben. I'm doing whatever I can. We agree with you that prophylaxis is important, but there's a great deal of opposition in the clergy and the women's clubs and the educators.

So we'll do it eventually. Just let people die. I mean... That year, drug stars were sort of being raided and people being arrested for selling condoms. My God. Ben gave tours of Seedy Chicago areas. He took respectable people like a group of Gary women.

Gary... Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Sorry. It's like a... They wanted to visit, quote, some really slummy places. They visited a pornographer named Hard-on Slim.

Hey, how's it going? It looks like a spaghetti, but you'll get used to it. Anyway, how you doing? Spaghetti? Yeah, yeah. No, it's like spaghetti. Like, you ever try to open like a car with a piece of spaghetti? Boom.

Cooked or not cooked? Well, rarely cooked. Mostly cooked. Al dente. You're not going to feel a thing. They stopped at a club for female impersonators and then went to black... ...where black sex workers offered themselves for a little change or a cold drink.

Okay. Then Ben publicly criticized the public health service for not supporting prophylaxis and was fired. So he's saying use fucking condoms. Yeah, pretty... You know, the thing that'll save lives. Right, yeah. For the rest of his life, Hobos visited Ben's house looking for money or a meal.

He never refused anyone. He continued to lecture, but now he drew crowds in the 20s instead of thousands. For years, he had lived with untreated diabetes and in October 1939, he had a stroke. He was now unable to dress himself and had to give up his medical practice and he became depressed. Ben's son, Brutus, graduated from the University of Chicago and joined the Air Corps Ferrying Command Service, whatever the fuck that is. Ben and Medina never married, but they had two more daughters. Eileen would pass in and out of Ben's life.

She never finished the biography. And on November 17th, 1942, Ben Reitman died of a heart attack at the age of 63. Rose telegraphed the surrogate court, quote, Stop all legal proceedings of the will until I, the legal widow, arrive in Chicago as soon as possible. She arrived. Wait, the legal reading of the will being talking about his penis? Yep. Okay.

She arrived and learned she got nothing. Ben left everything to Brutus except his life insurance policy, which went to his daughters. Ben put in his will that Brutus should use $250 to throw a party for hobos. That should be in every person's will for sure. I agree. Shortly after Ben's death, Medina gave birth to their fourth daughter. Then Brutus got measles, which led to spinal meningitis, and he died two months after Ben. Oh, wow.

He was 25. Brutus, Brutus's wife also had a baby after his death, but then they have something to bond over. So there was never a hobo dinner then. Right. In 1972, Ben Reitman's book about the female hobo was turned into a movie called Boxcar Bertha directed by Martin Scorsese. Oh, shit. Jesus, that's how you leave it?

Jesus, God. I mean, can we play the film? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What a crazy theory about condoms, though, huh? Imagine.

It's coming back. Yeah. All of it. Ciflus. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. We got cocky. Yeah.

So I want to talk about something. You guys probably heard it at the end of our thing, but I want to approach it from another angle. Obviously, things are not great with the climate. They just released a study about insects. And when I was a kid, we had a ranch and we would turn on a light outside of our ranch and mobs would fucking attack it, 20, 30 mobs. And when I turn on a light outside my house now, I turn on a light a week ago and I left it on for five days. Not one month.

Because a study just came out that 80% of insects have died over the past 30 years. Literally an insect apocalypse because of climate change. And guess what? We can't live without insects. We die. So I started a group with Gareth called Planet Change 10, two words, PLAN, IT, Change 10, two words. We don't have any time. There is no time for fucking pragmatism and oh, let's wait it out.

It's over. It's time to fucking change everything and do it fucking now. So there's been a lot of psychological studies when people hear about climate change and when people say stuff like, oh, 80% of the insects are dead, that people shut down and don't know what to do and they get freaked out. So our group is to bring people together and to talk about that stuff and get those people who ordinarily don't know what to do and are scared of this shit and get them talking. And then from that, we want artists to come out and we want to create propaganda like the shit Banksy puts on walls. And we want to put it fucking everywhere and drive it into all these motherfuckers' heads that it's happening and they can't avoid it. Put it on every fucking wall, everything on the internet.

So that's our idea. And also the kids in Australia this week, the way they handled that shit. I've been talking about this, get kids out to just say how they feel, not have kids read statements about science, but have them come out and say what they feel. Because I know kids that are crying themselves to sleep. I know a bunch of parents that say their kids cry all the fucking time. Because I think they're going to die. So have that kid read a fucking statement and say, Nancy Pelosi, you can't put people who take fossil fuel money on environmental committees because I think I'm going to die. And see what the fuck she says to that.

The way the kids handled that this week and the way the politicians looked like huge dickholes when they were like, I mean these fucking kids, they just looked like old dumb shits and the kids looked light years smarter than them. They lost their fucking minds. The politicians lost their minds. So that's the plan, attack them with our emotions and how we feel about stuff, instead of reading facts, that's not going to work. Get out there and say, why are you killing our children? Straight up. Please join Planet Change 10 on Facebook, on Instagram. We got a Twitter, P-L-A-N-I-T Change 10. Two words, Planet. Two words.

We're building the website and then we're going to start putting everyone into groups and putting shit together and then taking action. So please join. Thank you so much, Chicago. We appreciate the shit out of it. Really, thank you.