The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 37 - The Past Times with Bilal Zafar

Episode Date: August 4, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and guest comedian Bilal Zafar.   Redbubble Merch

Alright everybody, welcome to the Pastimes Podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Belal Zavar. Hello, Belal. Hey, how's it going? Good, how are you?

Very good, it's very hot here. Where are how's it going? Good, how are you? Very good. It's very hot here. Where are you, which I know? London. London. Yeah, it's beginning to like 30, 32 there. It's supposed to, yeah, it gets really hot there

in the summer, always, right? This isn't always, it's always been there. It's horrible, and I live in a new build flat or apartment, and it's the heat rises, and it's disgusting. And the ACI situation there is just nonexistent. Doesn't exist really. No, like in some shops and stuff, but you wouldn't really have one in your house.

The technology you're dealing with in England is still, should we open the window? I was there, I was in two years ago, Scotland. Oh yeah. And there was a terrible heat wave in the hotel did not have air conditioning. Yeah, that just not. It's just like, what?

This is medieval shit. Like let's know we are Americans. No, we are Americans. Holy underprepared for everything coming its way, we have turned most places into meat lockers. That's the one thing we've done that's like, we've kind of done that. Okay. Anyway, such a sh-

Sorry. Oh no, I was gonna talk more about that. It's not that interesting. No, it's negative, I'm into it. So, Belal, your social media is, you're just at your name. Well, should I spell it?

Is that you guys spell my name? No, it's Zaffer cakes, ZDFA or cakes. Okay, Zaffer cakes because you make great cakes. He makes, he runs, or owns it, I believe a cake shop in Bristol. Oh, in Bristol, yeah. But they only sell the cakes to Muslims. I believe you're still doing that, correct? That's right. Yeah. I have a whole stand-up show about that. People thought that that was a real thing.

It's horrible. What a great premise. And then you're like, ah, business wise. Oopsie Daisy. Exactly. But that's terrible. Only Muslims coming and being like, I got you, man. Keep it strong. You're like, well, OK. Well, that's awesome. Well, thank you for joining us. As you know, this podcast, we go through a random, you heard the intro. I always like to guess the year that we're going to go.

Oh, let me give you a headline. Let me give you a headline. Will move million out of the city See I think you think those help to me I go Context you think I have That could be yesterday Okay, well based on that super clue Okay, well based on that super clue, I'll guess that we're, I like to guess based on the guess that I think that I think I just feel like he's going to want to do an 1800s for you.

I feel like it's going to be 1831 as my guess. But what would you guys? 1782. I think that's a great Wow Wow Well, I what I like to what I like what I'd like I like to bring into this was the fact that Belol likes to pretend that he is a full American online Yeah, a patriotic cowboy hat wearing American and so I went to the middle of America to

Lincoln, Nebraska. And I chose February 7th, 1934, because that seems like a patriotic time. Okay. 1934. Yeah. I told you things were things were good. Good times. We'll move million out of city. Government has subsistence plan nearly ready. A million idol Americans right there were loving it. And their families whose economic features look so dark that they may never again be able to earn a living will soon be transplanted.

I love that they're just like, well, these guys are. I'm envious. I'm envious of a paper that is just like look it's real bad instead of like what people need is to enjoy three jobs ha ha ha ha i just love that i just love that like these guys are never gonna work it never going to work again country fucked more below uh... will soon be transported by the federal government country fucked more below uh... will soon be transmitted by the federal government

sub too subsidized farms and communities harry elhopkins federal leaf director revealed that's uh... that never happened uh... just so everybody paying attention that that did not happen that's interesting yeah well yeah the governor would bust something called a migrants and then people be like, uh, they did, they didn't move some people.

Like they, there was a guy in FGS administration who like tried to set up like satellite. His plan was to set up satellite suburbs and then bulldoze the cities, parts of the slums in the cities and just put parks there. But that never worked. Now how do we feel about that plan? Because if I hear that pitch, I go, I don't hate it.

I like parks. I like parks and I like bulldozing like the places where people need to get in these buildings. It's a little... It's a little... It's just being forced. Yeah, I think they're... I think they're... Gunforsk, which is the... Which is the... Hey you! Come on! Get inside! buildings. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's And he's like, you'll be better out there next to the office depot and uh... Well, it's also like, it's so amazing how we... This country is just so pompous about the freedom of everything and then it's like,

You come on! You're going to a farm! Otherwise, you're gonna die! It's like what you do, like when a dog's eating like shit, you're like, No, don't eat that! You dumbass! Get away from there! You're going over here! Do you do like when a dog's eating like shit. You're like, no, don't eat that you dumbass get away from there You're going over here Do you do that? To dogs I allow the dogs to eat feces. I love it. I see feces Do you guys have dogs in England? No, we've got a few cut about three

Yeah, there's the English terrier There's the dog They got him that was the wrong one well they they were the heat it was so bad that they ended up moving the dogs to a different country yeah Iceland yeah do you have went when one of your pets dies when you were growing up did your parents say that it was moving to a farm? Is that a... I have over there?

That is a... That is a trope for sure. Yeah it is. Mine didn't. Mine were very maybe too upfront, but I... I do like that that is basically what the government was doing for the citizens of the where's Dad? He's got a better life up at the farm and it's real when my

yeah i had it with a rabbit a rabbit and they were like the one he had to go what did they but this is a he had a well yeah well and he's he's going to live on a farm and i believe it for yet yeah my parents with me did a Said a cat was moving to San Francisco because it was a tech wizard

I with my son when his What his first it was a cat when it's cat first died I just I went outside and covered myself and blood and came in and said you know I just had to happen one of us had to go myself in blood and came in and said, you know, I just had to happen. One of us had to go! Choices had to be made! Soviet balloonist die after making record. Yeah.

I'm going to ask, Gareth, where does you think this story's going? Ha ha ha. I mean, I guess I would just, I would trace it back to maybe the space race but of balloons. And, you know, you put the heart of Rocky IV into it. The Ruskies, even though they weren't just fully Ruskies, then we're like, we will show them that we can go higher than america and they broke some sort of barrier

but they had to lay it on the line you know very like the space race but with balloon they put it all out there like they were like should we go as far as dangerous and they're like we got to go further and america and deployed had a had a department where there was a person called the balloon to take and he was like listen I have a boy had a department where there was a person called the balloon a tick and he was like, listen. There was a time when there was tons of balloon racing and all that. Like that was a thing.

Heights and how distance is. Cool. So this is from Moscow, three daringviet balloon is who ascended higher into the upper atmosphere then man had ever risen before were for that the were found that at the end of their adventure where were they found

i think it doesn't say there's no so that it is there's just it's just the gondola of their okay. I feel like some Soviet official found them and he's like they went higher than anyone's ever gone through this and someone's like how do you know that and he's like they went higher than anyone Yeah, I think that that's exactly how do they die of gunshots in the sky? There'll be normal questions. out over this they broke record the

announcement the world the gondola of their stratosphere balloon had become detached they were they had reported by radio that they reached a height of twelve point seven nine miles and by the way we're going to very quickly, but we reached 12 miles. I promise. Oh, no. What the best thing is they're like, yes, we reached 12.79 miles. Do you guys actually report stuff in miles? Oh, there'll be no more questions. We're going to die now. So what is it? It's like it's like a whole air balloon. Yeah, yeah, like a hot air balloon. Yeah, I really like it. I think you had.

Yes, man. I mean, it depends on what you're going for. If you're going for record breaking, it's a great one. If you're going for survival, it's not the best. Well, I guess they don't normal hot air balloons don't go for height, right? I don't think so. I think that's nice.

Yeah, that is always high up as they can. That would be an amazing. I could see that being sold on Vegas. Yeah, it seems like they they had like they were like races and guys trying to break like, you know, how far I can go in a balloon and all this shit. So maybe they hadn't designed better for like going up. I don't know, it just all seems so dumb.

Like what? I mean, like all other sort of speed races and height, like I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Like you're trying to get it up in a rocket or whatever or a plane but a balloon and just like, man, not really feeling. This is really slow as well. Yeah. It just shows you the time.

I mean, the time was so fucking boring. Yeah. It really was. It's just like this. If you heard about this in this time, you were like, this is the story of the year. Wow. And then their condola became detached, which just means the basket fell off. Right. So that clearly wasn't made well, because that should be the last thing that happens, is that that should be tied on. Yeah, that's a big component of this. Should they know about parachutes? Sure.

Yeah, clearly should have that parachute. Well, I bet you it was like a weight problem. I bet you they were like, you know, yes, but then we won't be able to break record, you know, but yeah, that that descent that parachute list descent I mean oh 12 miles. I mean you're falling for 12 miles I would I would instruct someone in there with me to beat me to death before the ground I'd be like beat the geek strangle me use your last moments to take mine I'd be like beat the geek strangle me use your last moments to take mine. Oh my god, and this is so weird because if I I'm in there. I'm wanting to beat someone to death for the I want to feel it. You know what I mean?

You know what it's now you know what it's now reminding me of is the Titanic submarine. How far we've come with our stupidity? Taps for famous US Calvary horse Sure taps It's our song the song do you guys play that over there when someone there's just an American thing when when a soldier dies We'd like a trumpet yeah, we do like bear burners. Or sometimes a saxophone. Yeah, that's the best.

Or electric guitar. Seventh Calvary, Bueglers blew taps over the grave of United States Army's famous horse, Gary Noan. Wow. The horse has... grave of United States Army's famous horse Gary Owen. Wow. The horse has

all right Dave, Dave, go ahead with your problem is the horse a first certificate. We're going to get him confused with some of the other horses. Well, this one's Gary Owen. By the way, he's a doctor. The steed was lowered into a grave on the edge of the seventh cavalry polo field at Fort Bliss. The 15-year-old jumper was shot after he was kicked by another horse in a corral and his leg was broken. Well, he got into a fight, didn't he? Is it time to start just killing people in our society who break a leg?

Yeah. It's just a pitch. Also, why don't we get the name of the murder horse? Oh, yeah, that's true. Jeff Tompkins. Yeah. Well, because he's a murderer, right? Yeah, that's right. I guess he should be remembered. Randy Buglier being taken to horse jail. That's the whole story. The stories back then that's just very limited in what they give. I feel like if that happened to a horse, it would be more in stable condition.

See you later, guys. We don't know why it was a hero, just that it... Yeah. That's actually a good question. We could actually look that up. Gary Owen Horse. Yeah, well, you can probably, there's a lot, that's a very common name for horses,

so you'll probably see a lot. Horse, who won the Gary Owen. Oh, yeah, there's a whole story about him here. Wow, I guess he was famous. Really famous. A real champion of champions. He was a jumper internationally known to horse lovers. He was the biggest attraction of all in the big horse shows.

In 1928, he won 28 jumping and hunting events. Well, I thought you'd be very well here. Yeah, that's what I was expecting. He was buried with military honors, but... Why? He just likes him. Oh, he was Gary Oh, a namesake of the famous horse of civil war days. But I'm sorry. The song was named, so there's a song Gary Owen.

So what if I call myself Norman Schwartz-Coff and then I die. I don't want to thank you for the service to our country. Very welcome. We really spend a lot of freedom out there. It's awesome how it worked So they just kept naming a horse Gary Owen because the real Gary Owen died And then this one was really popular, but he wasn't a member of the seventh caliber. Okay, wow They did a lot of spare time on the hands. Yeah, this is a lot of a lot of stuff that nobody cares about. I gotta be really happy.

You imagine having a soldier in your family who wasn't eligible for taps or a military burial. And then you're like, wait, what? That horse who did nothing, what? Yeah. Go kick. Putting a flag over the horse coffin. You have to be good enough to get the tap song.

Okay, I just- No, I don't, no, no. I don't, God, I mean, wouldn't surprise me, but I don't think so. I think you're a lot of that if you have military service. Yeah, actually, I'm actually, yeah, I want it played at my funeral because I think you're just allowed to do that if you want. If you pay a trumpet person, you can, I want taps. But with what instrument? May I suggest my asshole?

No, you may not. That is the suggestion. The request the suggestion is denied. Do you ever see the video of the Irish guy who a couple of years ago got buried and had the recording of his voice and the cast really, oh, I'm cast really it's really one of the best Everyone just starts everyone just starts laughing and

Yeah, well then there's the woman who recently was 76 and buried alive and she was like in the coffin for like ages and they were like holy shit Kathleen and she was alive But she died again. She just died. She died three days later. That's it. That that corner like now she's ready. My dogs are all crazy. Are you at the pound? Someone must be at the door. I do have 17 dogs. OK. He's 84, but wants to stay in Congress. OK. So just so we know this shit never stopped. Never.

It's always spent. C.C. Dixon of Clinton, Missouri, one of the oldest members of Congress has filed as a candidate for re-election. He is 84. So looking him up, he did not win. He did. He didn't win, but he did file. So the difference in this story, the differences between now and today, is that the voters

are dumb or no? Yes, the voters now are like, come on, she's done so much for us. She could barely breathe. That's age is them. It's different then, right? The 84 year old is probably the oldest man in the world. Yeah, it's the 34 84 is like today's very incredible.

Oh, yeah, it's incredible. 104, I mean, it's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just a blurb. Sometimes there's just a little blurb. And this just says, this paper so far is moving very quickly. Yeah, the stories are short, but we're still in the first page.

This is all on the front page. We continue to live for no other reason than to see what is going to happen next Just just a guy throwing his depression in there Tomorrow is just gonna be what's the point. Is Dan okay? Yeah then the next day it's just like Diane left. It hasn't been the same since Gary Owen. This is right below it. When a wife goes hunting with her husband, she clearly is showing a lot of confidence in him or has got to the place where she doesn't care what happens to her.

I'm sorry. The insinuation here is that if you take your wife hunting, it's to kill her. Well, yeah, if you have a gun and you're out in the woods, I mean, you're married. Like, what are you gonna do? I mean, that's just like putting wives on notice of like, do not criticize how he hunts. You should've hit it. You know, I should've. Well, what if I hit this, huh?

Goodbye, Lucy. I mean, it goes for a chaining, for sure. Yeah, yeah. What it was, what it's crazy? But this is when you could just put stuff in the paper like this to just be like look We all want to kill them right? Yeah, that is that feels like it's this writers like problem. He's like look She's if she goes out hunting with you knowing how big of a drag she is she really must love and trust you This is definitely a time before everyone's going to therapy and this is kind of how he's working stuff out or if you wanted to get rid of your wife

You're like what do you say we go hunting Sunday? I mean I Thought it meant that the hunting was so dangerous that the animal would kill you and your wife But holy shit, but it may be an angle. Yeah, that's that's how I heard it But you thought it the husband just kills his wife You might be. Yeah, that's how I heard it, but you thought the husband just kills his wife. Look, maybe maybe you're pointing out some deficiencies in David and I, which is not wrong, that David, I ride away like, I mean, here we go. More wife killing.

No, I think you, I mean, you could very well be right. Yeah. Yeah, you may be very well could be. Yeah, yeah, they could go either way. I think we just have to... I like to think that it's just a way to kill you. You're more optimistic, Bologna. Yeah, yeah, I would like to think it's about killing your wife.

But if it's the America that I've grown to love, it's just a way to off the wife. What is believed to be... This is just a caption under a picture. And the picture is two guys sitting in a car, one in the front and one in the back. It's like a side shot. What is believed to be the first two-way police radio communication system under official test in Piedmont, California, by the police

department under special permission of the federal radio commission. The new system permits officers and patrol cars to in parentheses, talk back to the central station or to communicate with each other. The set is so compact, it may be operated from a motorcycle. Thanks God, we got that tech. Six sorry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha right? Would they? What would the radio sort of? Would there be too many police turning up to one place? Oh, no, it's my far fewer. Before this they would have to drive to like a little phone thing and get out and talk. It would be like on a street corner. Oh, and they have to drive to get out of the car and oh, okay

But now this is they get to stay in the car. You have to pick up the com phone. Hey, anything going on? No nothing or like I didn't go on. Yeah, there's that crazy shooting. We need to downtown. Oh, I'm gonna grab this and I assume that they had a key for that because when they probably tried it without a key at first. It was probably just hello Yeah because when they probably tried it without a key at first, it was probably just... Hello! Who is this? This is Officer Beer. I'll look at the party. All right, we're moving on to page two. Okay.

New York's general immunity to noise is well illustrated by the subway. General, okay, so the subway is loud. So it's a guy who went to New York and he didn't like how loud it was. Yeah, he just walked around. He's like, gosh, this is so loud. Are you guys kidding? I mean, he's, he's from Lincoln, Nebraska. So he's just like, how many bells are going to go off? Don't you hate when people come to this city and do stuff like that? Yeah, they just started whining. How do you live? It's a different place. Yeah, how do you put up with this? Although, my favorite story is I was in New York and I was a Jake Johansson was in town. So we were walking

we were hanging out and we were walking down the street and he goes, I don't know how you live here, it's just, it's just so intense. And I go, it's fine. And right when I say that a guy comes around the corner and he has, his jacket over his head and he is just flipping off both, both hands up, just kind of spinning in a circle as he walks, just flipping everybody off, going, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. That's the mayor. That's some people that, yeah, make your point. I see, if this is an article about the piss smell, okay. The piss smell I agree with.

That's another Jay-Jay-Jay- said going to New York is like you could just put Piss on your stove and boil it in your house and you get the same feel Just double the price But the guy doesn't have great public transport where he's from right? No, yeah, no this guy know absolutely. it's just a horse. Exactly, it's a down car. I don't exercise it. Yeah, you don't exercise it. You don't exercise it. Yeah. I mean, it's a subway. It's an amazing, amazing transportation device.

But it's so loud. Yeah. It's so loud. You get to get where you're going in five minutes. I at what cost? At what cost? It's so loud. When I first took an underground ride,

my sensations were that I was in a boiler shop gone mad. So hot. It's hot loud. It's hot loud and steamy. After a while the infernal din seemed to die away. Apparently that was the case with everybody since there was no great complaint. So everybody wasn't sitting on the tron going, oh my god! Are you okay? Are we dying? I think we've died. Is this hell?

Where are we? Should I be nervous? I was sitting in those noises, my ears! Oh! This is my tourist, get killed. Yeah. Yeah. By and by the Interbro Rapid Transit Company of its own accord discovered that it could make the turn styles quit their banging by the judicious use of rubber. For some time after that, the subway seems strange because the usual rush hour solvows were missing. Where is this guy falling on this?

He's like, but it does make him miss the Ernst-Style sound. It's the rubber infusion. It's never good enough, isn't it? Yes, guys, never gonna be pleased. It's just loud. Oh, the Ernst-Styles don't make noise. Oh gosh, this city's gone in the wrong direction

every which way. Yeah, he just goes on about how they're fixing the noise. oh gosh this city's gone in the wrong direction every which way yeah he just goes on about how uh... they're fixing the noise the noise it's so loud so is he may is his point maybe that you're they're going to miss the sounds i i can't really i don't know what so then he goes along came the eighth avenue

subway noise proofing was taken into consideration in the lane of the tracks and construction of the cars when that line went into operation somewhere at his found to their surprise that they could converse while the train was speeding along what a night group give me a loud train every day over small talk with someone i don't know you're not thinking about the real world consequence of that. Lately, the Interbro Company got busy and put three

noiseless trains in operation as an experiment. If the public reacts favorably enough, all trains will be equipped with it. That's a really nice umbrella. Where did you get it? I'd be like, oh fuck me. That's beautiful. Why would the public... why would they not react favorably for a quiet train I don't know like maybe he thinks that they they he maybe thinks they enjoy the noisiness well there are clearly is crazy he's got no concept of anything this is why this is why he can't send a hazy to the big city. But I'll tell you what didn't take is the

noiseless train because if you go to the subway now you're like Jesus cry. Oh God. I should say that this is like in a column of different little blurbs under the head headline. My neighbor says, but it just sounds like a guy. The guy says it. It doesn't sound like a neighbor saying It sounds like this guy says it. The more I hear, the more that I have questions. So there's more off the trains. Just space now for an incident that struck me as funny. One of the best known mystics in the country.

Who is just good? I have a little more real estate in this article, so. Yeah. Have a little bit of fun, shall we? That's a good old little bit of course. How is this, get the articles, or just like, here's the, whatever you can fit in here is fine. Yeah.

I love what you're doing. What are you doing? I'm not done yet. Oh, yeah. Oh. As I see that I have two paragraphs left to write, let me tell you a story about a food infection. What are the best known mystics in the country and Egyptian appeared at a little gathering on Central

Park West? What is going on? Okay. Along about three in the morning, the mystic clad in full white regalia, stepped into a motor car to be driven to his hotel. No more than had the car door closed, than a policeman rushed across the street. Say, where's that fellow going in his night shirt? He demanded... What? I mean...

Hey, pick up the phone! We got night shirts. We got night shirts all over the place. Move, move! What? I mean, hey pick up the phone. We got night shirts. We got night shirts all over the place move move What I mean I can I can see This being made up, but I can also 100% Happening with with a cop I mean he's for sure. Yeah, he's he's he's going into his night shirt

He's a non-white guy in a different clothes and everybody else is wearing and he's like hold the fuck on What are you pulling me over for? Night shirt. Yeah, you got a shirt that I think would be better at night under and it is the night All right, they showed it night illegal I don't like his shoes Come with me

Is that the end of his fun? No Jews come with me. Is that the end of his funny? No, it took a lot of explaining to convince him that the Egyptian was neither on his way to a hospital nor crazy. Okay. What? Who cares? Like if he's going to a hospital, what are you fucking doing?

This is profiling. Is 100%. Yeah. This is like the definition of profiling Holy what was that Egyptian up to I think What are you arrested for not being like us? Night shirts But a mystic is also like what is that what is that are we talking about an Egyptian?

Yeah, I'm not sure what he means Yeah, the white guy being like ooh An Egyptian in a white shirt. He might be some sort of witch doctor This is under the headline too tidy. So that was a funny story That's all you get he closed on it as well like and you won't believe this Closer all right, I gotta I gotta stop right in a minute, but I'll leave you I'll leave you a little more before I get out of here So I'm in the city.

All right you guys are gonna love your next article. Your next article you see in a bunch of papers. This guy's unbelievable. That guy's whole bit is I can't handle big in the city. People are different. Trans-aloud. You got Egyptian wizards. uh... Egyptian wizards uh... some women demand that all magazines and papers be carefully kept in the receptacle provided this should be a breakable rule this paper what that would have been

this guy talks to his wife through this paper yes talking to his wife constantly. You know, some women are bitching about putting the magazines in the holder, but I think she needs to go hunt. This should be a breakable rule. People like to have papers to hand, but naturally forget to replace them. And a few magazines here and there give a lived in look to a room. He's just speaking for himself, isn't he? Yeah, this guy, grab everyone.

This sloppy man is like, I think it's nice to have magazines scattered about the place. Like, you're some bachelor who's whacking off to porn. Yeah, we shouldn't watch dishes either, just leave everything out. Let's live in. A lot of women don't enjoy when you hang polar oids on the wall with mustard. But they feel a little off, I tell you. A lot of women don't enjoy the art of anal sex. But this is why it's okay.

It does both a sweet young thing wants to know if they put mortar Between bricks to hold them apart or keep them together This guy this is now he's like let's let's go a little construction philosophy But who he so he's I think he's making fun if he says a sweet young thing, he's talking about a lady, right? Sure. So he's saying she's so dumb that she doesn't know if mortars use to hold bricks together

or take them apart. He's having a laugh at the ladies. Very cool. He's in the aren't they dumb portion of his? Well, yeah, because they're like, put your magazines away. You's in there. He's in the aren't aren't they dumb portion of his? Well, yeah, because they're like put your magazines away. You sloppy piglet. They're brains are so tiny and off. They want you to put your magazines in the receptacle, but it's really at the end of the day they think that mortar is a brick separator. You're going to love your next

article. He's unbelievable. This guy he's in papers all over the city. He tours in a bunch of international papers. So this is a section is just says greenwood. So I guess this happened in Greenwood, a nearby town. Sure Sure. Fred Nuchen met with a very painful accident one day last week while splitting wood, his wedge broke and a part of it going into his limb. So that OK. Oh, the wedge thing is, yeah, yeah. I thought the axe head.

The thing you put on it and then you hit the axe with it and then it goes into the wood. Oh, right. Okay, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A doctor was called and while the piece of wedge has was not removed as yet, he is getting along nicely at this time. No. Is he? No, it's absolutely not. May we ask what the doctor's process is looking like? Yeah, I'm done. Well, it looks like either he's going to live like that or we'll just wait a couple weeks to take that out of him. Let it set nicely.

Doc, are you going to get, are you going to take this piece of wood out of my leg? It's a big piece of wood. It's in my leg. Absolutely not. That's not how this works Nope, we're gonna figure out a different procedure for you What In in determined at this moment, but the last thing we want to do right now is take the wood out of your limb Do you understand it's terribly Terribly painful. I'm that'll fade that'll fade. I'm you're leaving round it. Uh-huh. I don't I'm 55 I don't want to I'm not growing. Oh, you live your life, but you know listen was

Well, okay, let's let's do let's let's have fun. Okay. Let's let's war game that out a little bit I take the wood out and then what happens? Okay, let's let's war game that out a little bit. What I take the wood out and then what happens? Well then I heal and I Live again and I can walk and I can't walk right now. There's a piece of wood in my leg All right, well Was that your fucking game theory? Yeah, no, you make a really good point, but I'm just not gonna do it. So I'm gonna get out of here. Are you a doctor? I am a doctor. I am a doctor.

This is guy with you. This is my best friend, Alan. What's Alan do? Alan is really my most supportive friend. Right, getting along nicely on the clipboard. Yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. What? Yeah, so we're gonna get out of here.

Move on! We're actually going to an oyster eating competition. So we gotta get moving. I'm... I'm terribly wounded. Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up! The times I have to tell you, we're not taking it out. Jesus Christ shut the fuck up Times I have to tell you we're not taking it out. It's not happening guy. Now shut up

The wood went through your mouth Let me guess you want me to put my magazines at a specific area. Well guess what, Shelley, no! My name's Fred. Bring in the, bring in the mystic Egyptian. See what he could do. So it looks like there's been a lot of wood problems because the next headline is man hurt while blasting logs. Man, that's, that's, that's diarrhea. blasting logs man I'll tell that's that's diarrhea Sam voolar 51 crab orchard where he's from I know it must be but who needs a crab orchard there's a hellish existence hey dad why did you take us where they work? Crab's everywhere. It was different time, boy. It's a it's a goddamn place Crab orchard Nebraska

Holy shit population 48 I never I don't know why we had a great name. I don't know why didn't take up that shot Sam Viewler 51 Crab orchard blasting logs early Saturday morning, wondered why the delay in the explosion of a blast in one log. And came near to find out the charge was going off. Wait, whether the charge was going off. Do you know what is happening? Yes, a guy was blowing up logs as you do that. Sorry. I should be clear with my question

Do you know why he's doing this? He had explosives and he had logs Got it. Okay, just thank you. Oh, you know people who aren't from crab orchard probably shouldn't like get something What are you doing? Cut them down? How do you get the crabs out of the logs? fair and cut them down. How do you get the crabs out of the logs? Fair. So he came near to find out whether the charge was going off. It did.

Viewer is at the boy, or Dr. Bailey Sanatorium under the care of Dr. Charles Arnold. He suffered fractured. We're going to keep all that wood inside of him too. All the little pieces. He suffered fracture of both bones of the right leg just below the knee when one portion of the log struck him. That's not as bad as the other guy. But now it sounds, they've written it like it's worse.

Yeah, the other guy, I think the other guy dies. Yeah, yeah, I'm getting green. Yeah, the guy is wedge leg This guy just broke his leg. Yeah, that sounds like true. That is in an unbelievable twist two bones in the man are gone basically Here's a why is he exploding wood? I don't know why you would blow up wood. I have absolutely no idea why you would blow up wood. What's the benefit? We need listen here in toothpick valley, we work quick. I mean maybe maybe you cut down the trees and then you don't, like you can't use all the woods

so you're blowing it up. No, that doesn't make sense. Like I have no idea why. I'll get ready because this, you'll be tagged in tweets that are like, why you blow up wood is being called as the fastest way to make killing. Just get ready.

Listening to you three, sit there, talking about why do you explode wood from the inside ruined my afternoon. I was having a good day and then three grown men seemingly smart had no clue about the wood explosion era of the 1930. It was a competition in the Olympics! Good God! We get a lot of that. We also get a lot of corrections when we were just doing comedy, which is fun. Good God! I know you were having fun, but I would actually like to hear the real reason

and spread the word of the great wood explosion era strolling on the so they also do a thing in these old papers where they will explain to you something that's happening in another in another country that's clearly not something that's happening in the country you know like our news does not with North Korea strolling arm and arm bad behavior in china bicycle writing the motion picture and arm and arm strolls are moral issues in several Chinese cities. Here we have an

art prohibited from writing bicycles. Well okay we did that but one district forbids film plays, another sensors close up and braces on the screen. Well, yeah, we did all this in Shanghai couples who link arms while walking on the street face a $2 fine For the first offense on a charge Oh, really? You don't want to see people walking on an arm. They get in the way Completely complete. Okay, when I go to the farmers market and there's a couple holding hands or I'm sorry They get in the way. They can take up a hug. Wow. Completely. Completely. When I go to the farmer's market, and there's a couple holding hands, or I'm sorry, I'll

say it, someone holding a kid's hand, I'm like, look, you've conflated two activities, and this is for getting good, get out of the fucking way. Oh gosh, what a lovely stroll. Come on, son. You sound like a great neighbor and just a great guy to have around in a farm I'm a pleasant I'm a pleasant man, but if you are clogging up the walkways because you need to be like and I'm you I'm sorry. I'm opposed. Okay, so I'm just gonna say you don't sound like a pleasant man Well, you're really 180 on me. I

Well, you're really 180 on me. I think I think people should link arms six across walk down. Absolutely. That's when I am going to take it as my legal right to start kicking hands. Yeah, I mean, I in a city like New York City, it should absolutely be illegal to walk across. So same. Only two across at the most. Two is fine you're walking with a friend it's fine no you don't walk so go file that is

like a what do you baby doc I'm saying I'm saying when you create the velvet rope with your hands that's a problem for me you can stand next to someone for sure yeah and I agree three let's your push in it but this hand holding also gives you this air of like just take your time what's the rush it's like well some of us are in a rush yeah you should be able to move behind your friend yes yes yes yes this is what I would pitch log like log ride seating for couples you just walk behind and you can whisper it it's sort of like, you know, it's like an adult beyond. Hold hands that way. Put your hands behind backwards. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Well, it's interesting. It's it's it's interesting and very, very stupid.

Ballolish. Are you married? Yeah. He just got married. I just got married no longer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he just got married. I just got married no longer. Yeah. Yeah. He's over in this year. He's over in this year by getting married and then watching his team lose the... Dev. The cup. Your listeners don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. They're like a baseball. that that that

that that that that that that that that

that that that that that that that that

that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that have three teeth pulled. So he was not doing great before that. And the good news is we can finally remove your teeth. You're like awesome. Awesome news. Thank God. It seems to be feeling quite a bit better since those teeth are out.

We hope he keeps improving. Well, they didn't say that about the guys with the woods. There was no hope. No, they get better. No. Let's hope they can pull that about the guys with the woods. There was no hope they get back. Let's hope they can pull that guy's wood out. Yeah, and that's more serious. Yeah, a little bit more serious. That's the Lewis CK.

Yeah, also, how about some context as to what was going on with him prior? Why? You know what, these papers, you clearly have to read them, you know, going back a year and keep up with all the business because they're not gonna fill you in. Well, yeah, it's just fine. Wait, so they were pulling the same people. Yeah, every day.

Yeah, yeah. It's like a series. It's like, hey, my story got picked up to article series. Shotgun starts ancient clock after nine years. Now I give this, if there's a front page headline, this is it. It's page seven. This is like something you'd read in like the mummy credits.

What's going on here? Houston, Texas. Now we're already. Obviously, a grandfather. How do you tell time in the big city with your apples? Yeah. Alright, four o'clock. A grandfather clock rested for nine years in charles dalleos store and tell its venerable piece was disturbed by a load of buckshot square in its face from

an quenching quotes unloaded gun exhibited by a visitor s this is whoo so terrifying is there a there's a there's a this is uh... so terrifying there's a

there's a there's a grandfather shopping with their gun there's a grandfather doesn't work there's a guy shopping with his shotgun

yeah and that's supposed to be unloaded and then he accidentally shoots the grandfather clock and it starts working and everybody's having fun. So the story isn't that the clock started, there's a man with a shotgun. That's the story. To you, Malal, because you don't know what it's like to live in a country where people are like, what do you mean I can't have pancakes with a raffle?

What year is this? Like you're still allowed. I always like that of all the crazy whacked out bullshit in this country. The version where it's like, I'm not allowed to eat breakfast with my gun is like the craziest one. When you see pictures of people like,

we got a table for six. And you're like, everyone's like fully strapped, you're like, uh, okay, sure. How can I protect myself from other people like me if I don't have a gun? How am I going to let the waitress know I need raspberry syrup unless I have a shotgun? How did he, sorry, about my camera going with? It's amazing what's happening. I know, I don't know what's going on. How did, if the grandfather, it's a grandfather of the clock, right?

The one who wants to stand up. So it's standing up in the shop. It's not on the floor. How do you accidentally shoot it in the face? I'm guessing, go ahead. I'll go ahead. I'm guessing he's got an over his shoulder. I would that. I'm guessing, go ahead. Oh, go ahead. Okay. I'm guessing he's got an over his shoulder.

I don't think so. I think he's picking something up or putting something down and moving the shotgun from hand to hand or something like that. And then it goes off. This is not 1820. This is the 1930s. You're just a shotgun.

Shopping with a shotgun that's, that your, your thought was unloaded, but is loaded. How else are you going to go into Charles Dalio's store? An arm? And you can't put it down. You can't, I'm going to put that down while I antique a little bit. You're like, well, yeah, you put it. It's going to be difficult to check out with my gun, but I'll figure it out. There's more. Then it started running again.

It's face badly disfigured. You'd have to... It's a real shame you already made the Dick Cheney joke. Because this is just... Yeah. It could work over and over. You'd run too. If you were shot out was that...

You'd run too if you were shot out was that you'd run to if you were shot at was Dallio's only explanation. This this might not have happened. I bet it happened. The quip is so oh my god the clock's running. Well you'd run to if someone were shooting at you. It's like the on which swelts like a line isn't it? Yes. Yes. What? Yeah. Are you surprised at what happened? Of course not. He was running. What should he do now? Now he runs. You

killed three people in here. Well, I guess they're not running. Solution of the Lindberger Baby kidnapping and murder may come as a result of the arrest in Chicago of Vern Sanky, former South Dakota ranchman, who started on a career as a kidnapper two years ago. Oh, a nice career. I mean, you know, I think I'm going to get into kidnapping. Oh my god, I majored in that and it's great. They're hiring kidnappers, huh? So what kind of, it's great. I've done any kidnapping before. I've been a cat burglar, but I've always wanted to take humans.

It's a small one. And what you see any differences between taking cats and taking them like a baby? Well, I guess the first thing I point out to you is that cat burglars aren't actually stealing cats. It's the idea that whereas quiet as cats, that's what they call us that. Cat burglars are not necessarily just, you know, burglars who go into places and steal feelings. You know that, right? You're interviewing people for this job. You know that, right? Okay. So if you can just answer the question about the difference between stealing a cat and stealing a baby? Well, I mean, again, as a cat burglar, the main thing I was stealing was not cats,

but I guess I'll answer the question because I do want the job. The difference is there's no clause in a baby, and I think that'll be a lot easier. But again, I would really instruct you or someone around you to talk about what you know and but you could steal a cat. I mean, that's absolutely good. It's not even to say that I haven't stolen a cat. It's just to be very clear that the root name of this occupation does not have anything to do with the idea that my business is sneaking into important museums or locations and taking cats. But if you were to take a cat, you're both nodding in a way and then your follow up questions

are making me feel like I'm not getting through. I don't know why you're being so defensive. Yeah. I'm merely trying to let you to understand that while my job did have a nod to being a cat, it was not, I was not stealing cats. Nobody, nobody ever came to me and said, hey, can you go get this tabby from this plague? That just didn't happen. It was more like, hey, go get this fine piece of art. Be as quiet as a cat. Does being combative in interviews usually work for you? I just, I'm one of these people who I have a line. I have a very clear line and I just won't put up with it.

But I guess, okay, let's go back. Yeah, I love to take cats, it's what I've always taken and babies shouldn't be about the same. Hmm. So you actually think, yeah, thank you, but I just want to bring you guys aren't going to hire me because you're idiots. Well, wait, look, first of all, we are idiots. Oh, the fuck went tell like, hey, go get a cat.

What are you talking about? So this was a trick question and you shouldn't have answered it the way you did. People don't actually, you're just doing the thing where you're trying to, no, now you're just doing the thing where you're trying to seem smart at the end and and i'm the smart guy and look i don't need this job as a kidnapper but i'm leaving here letting you to know you're dumb i'm smart

yeah well good luck making all your money off a cat stealing it's just not god damn it it's been a very frustrating appointment. That's not an appointment, it's an interview, but thanks for coming in. You fucking asshole, you're right, but I can admit it. He readily admitted that he snatched a child, oh so this is the other, now he's copying to other kidnappings he's snatched child of so this is other he now he's copying other kidnappings he's done he readily admitted that he snatched child's boacher of denber and has killed bone of st. Paul

but tonight in the connection with the limber tragedy i like i like that butcher i did bond i did the limber thing okay i like i believe that i kill him i get money but not I didn't kill that one not that I feel like that's true. I feel like that's true. I believe this However the authorities are in possession of various facts and clues and I would just like to say right now that Clues is spelled C L E W S adorable C L E W S. Oh, it's adorable. My parents.

It is adorable. Yeah, like the guy added it in and they were like, should we tell Don that? I mean, he's he's writing in a paper. I know, but just whatever. However, the authorities are in possession of various facts and clues which they believe may link him with that case Okay, and we don't need to we don't need to hear anymore Two illinuysians Frank Souter and Gail Swoley were taken to the Joli penitentiary to begin serving life sentences for the kidnapping of James Hackett of Blue Island. So there's just a rash of

Baby kidnappings. This is a separate article. That's just a set that was connected to it. But yeah, you got a lot of babies. Segway. Baby snatch. Baby snatchers. It's speaking of baby taking. Another couple. Oh, these are okay composer phones editor and then kills himself hello is this uh... is this john john smith is the editor yeah that's right what do you have a complaint uh...

uh... oh boy i'm gonna i'm gonna gather that this was a suicide. Oh no. The city. Oh no. Oh no. Shot my eye. I'm faceless. The city editor of a Los Angeles newspaper endeavored to talk Jack McQuire, songwriter, out of his telephone declaration of intent to commit suicide, but failed by only a few seconds.

How do you know it was by a few seconds? Yes. Well, with the police and training, that's not way to do it. Okay, maybe, yeah. Maybe, yeah. They're just trying to make it sound exciting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and what it's like when the hostage negotiator like keep them on the line we can trace the call yeah this

is Jack McGuire at 1624 west 56th Street said the voice at the other end of line okay so he told him so the other the other guys response was all right cool I don't need your address dude I just call to tell you I'm gonna bump myself off. The editor muffling his phone, instructed a reporter to call police and then tried to argue McGuire into postponing his act. Now you're not. No, you're not gonna do that at all. That doesn't make any sense for you. It makes complete sense.

Nothing has ever made less sense. You're not gonna do that because I don't think you can. Oh, the hell I can't, I can do it. Yeah, I can. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. No, there's no way.

I'm not gonna take, I'm not, listen, it's just not happening. I'm sorry, no. The editor baffling the phone instructed a reporter to call police, then tried to argue him into postponning his act. It's no use. But why are you said, I've had a lot of trouble. My wife left me recently. Actually, I have a lot of use. Now your wife's great to you. Took the baby with her. It's the depression. Maybe this publicity will put across some of my songs and she

can have the money. Nobody's listen to your music if you do this So he's so I thought it was gonna be that he called the editor because of a bad review Yeah, no, it's just he's randomly calling he's just randomly calling an editor. It's very strange to To have that level of thinking like to be like, I'm gonna Nick Drake, please. Yeah, I'm gonna Nick Drake this one. All right, so here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna off myself, but then talk about my music. Well, you won't know about it.

Oh. It's like the film, it's like the Will Smith film, seven pounds of you seeing it. Oh, it's very sad. It's really bad. Yeah, it kills himself with a star, and it's because I have a plan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now see, I've thought a lot of times about the idea that I fake my death just to see if like my followers go up a lot and then I'll be like, Hey, guess what? And now I'm verified.

So are you doing this, you're doing this just for social media purposes? It's a sad little world I live in and it's a problem that's pathetic. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The receiver clicks. Yeah, just to see the YouTube comments like, man, I wish I knew about this guy when he was alive And I'll be like that's cool. Oh you do that was that was cool to read The receiver clicked as police broke into McGuire's room. He fired a bullet into his head No, you won't

Okay, so it wasn't really seconds what he would have done it regardless of when the police arrived Yeah, I think that's true. He heard the door open. He was like gotta go now But it sounds exciting Yeah, it wasn't like a clock on the wall where he was like oh boy. I hope they don't break in I got to last another 30 seconds to get that pension Okay, this is a great idea Okay, this is a great idea. One writer says that it would be a good move to place a death sign on the radiator of every car of a reckless drive who kills or maims a person in an accident. That's a great idea, Scarlet Letter that's a great idea.

Why? Why don't I just have that on the car that I killed someone and it's just on the... Why not? I just have that on the car that I killed someone and it's just on the why not Sit down. I try to sell that car Let's cut the it's got this sign in front. It says I killed someone. Yeah, yeah There's a sign of brothers is I killed someone. Yeah, yeah, there's a sign of breath that says I killed someone. The interior, look, I'm willing to talk about replacing this seat, because there's obviously a couple of fabric tears in there.

I'm actually, I got a better. The car's great. I'm more concerned about the car. It's a great car. And let me tell you, talk about point A to point B comfortable ability. This car gets you there. No problem.

Sometimes you'll zone out a little. It's a little too comfortable in ways but Yeah, so I'm looking for looking for 1800 I don't know it at all. It's terrifying What's the matter? We're terrifying. What the final front that says I kill people is oh I killed two kids Yeah, look it's Some four kids yeah, it doesn't say that. I always forget what it says. No, it just says I killed someone. They were playing. Yeah, and I was sitting back

and I was going, oh, who is this a fun vehicle to drive? And next thing you know, I heard two baby splatters. That's that's how that goes. But I got to tell you the back seat is the yeah, yeah, exactly. The back seat is de deceptively big I don't know what I don't know what I'm going to talk you want to go back with a minute the I don't know what a baby splatter sounds like well it sounds like you ever thrown a watermelon at the wall no oh well brother you No. Oh well, brother, you ain't lived. Nobody's buying my car. It would be a severe measure, but would keep constantly in view the fact that such a driver

is dangerous. The reckless driver is irresponsible, incompetent or congenially careless. They drive with defective lights, brakes or steering gears. They cut in and around oncoming cars and receive a thrill in doing so. That's subjective. Yeah, that is subjective. That's completely subjective. I don't think you're allowed to say that for sure.

Against the D-card. The pass on hills and curves appear to thrive on violating every rule of safe driving. They are responsible for a large percent of the 30,000 killed and hundreds of thousands maimed every year. Their cars should be decorated with the deaf emblem. Otherwise, they look just like the long line of cars that are safely driven. It might make some reckless drivers think

if they are capable of such a thing. So this guy got cut off today, right? Yeah, yeah. Or somebody knows was killed by a car, you know, and then he sees them like, it's a little like, you know, when you go through neighborhoods and the people are putting their own signs up now because of ways that it's like, slow down.

Oh, yeah, we have this all over our neighborhood. But no one dressed fast here, so it doesn't, it confuses me. But yeah, because the signs, buddy, they're working. So you only get the thing if you kill someone. So you could drive really dangerously all the time, but not actually kill someone. Yeah, and it's also if you paralyze someone, you're like, whoo!

That was gonna get that skull and crossbows. Maybe they have a paralyze one, like a guy laying down. Well, it said killed or maimed. I mean, he wasn't clear. Yeah. You didn't have a clear plan. Well Well then you're getting in that gray maim area. Yeah, what's the main what? Yeah, what's a name? Is a finger in your play the maim game. I just won't do that. Okay, last story do you want a horse story or a cobra story?

I'm gonna horse story or a cobra story. Oh my god. We've had a horse. Yeah, I think it would only be fair, right? To go cobra, right? All right, I think you picked the sad one. Oh. This is you should be a... Cobra killing you should be a charge of this.

Cobra killing dog finally loses life. Oh, you prick. Thisobra killing dog finally loses life. Ah, you prick. This is a dog story. I say it's a cobra story. It's a cobra story because that's the guy that's still standing. Not anymore. All right, so the cobra bit the dog. Where is this?

Hyderabad, Hyderabad, India. I was going to say, like, we're, like, just like. Do we? Yeah, India. I was gonna say, what are they that just like? Do we, yeah, okay. A dog named Jill. I just... Common Indian dog name for sure. I really have to question this story. I feel like, yeah, I was gonna say.

So, it's a dog named Jill. I can't even ask that. I mean, Jill probably means something else I would assume. Sure. But a dog named Jill, which became renowned in this region for killing 30 cobras and nearly a hundred other snakes. So this is a, this is a genocidal dog. Overkilling dog.

This is like a GI Joe dog. Well, this is a genocidal maniac if you're a snake. Yeah, but if you're, if you're a person who doesn't want to get venom by cobras, this dog's a hero. What if you're just a cobra cruising around in the hills and also this dog is only you can take the cobra argument. She encountered the snake at dusk and after a long battle brought it to her master's feet, only to fall dead from a bite in the neck. Jill's puppies, Jill's puppies will carry on the wars as she taught them how to fight Cobras. It's like she's a bad, this like kill Jill.

I said it on a rough note, huh? Do you want to do the horse one? Yeah, it's not great. Maybe to note to the editor, put this earlier and end on a real nice bang. Hmm, I gave you the choice and you picked Cobra. What's the horse story? Okay. Police horse nabs man out running cop. Chicago. Chicago mounted policeman Carl Piddell tells his horse Napoleon all about it. Recently he said, what the fuck?

Why do you have to set up the story? Just say the story. See that man. 20 years earlier. Recently he said, see that man sneaking away from the store with the broken window in Napoleon? Let's you and I swing down and see if he's carrying a gun. Okay, this is the actual headline should be deluded cop thinks

horse understands him. Yeah. Piddle jumped to the ground beside the suspect. The latter, a man named John Morrowind began to run. Piddle pursued him on foot, well, not on foot, who've losing, oh no, I guess he pursued on foot. Yeah. Losing ground, he looked about for Napoleon, but the horse was not in sight. Piddle continued running. In an alley, he saw Napoleon.

He had found the horse had overtaken the suspect and had pinned him against the wall by leaning against him. Stop. Welcome to. No, this never happened. Yeah. This never happened. He just wants a special military burial for his horse.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's got a Gary Owen on his hand. That's it. He went. And the horse had searched the suspects and found a firearm. How did that go? Yeah, he was like, you have the right to remain silent.

And the horse said, I already read those. Well, I mean, that's it. A little more heat than the co-brand. I mean, we all are still like picking up the pieces from Kill Jill. Yeah, but Jill's puppies out there killing baby snakes now. It goes on. It goes on. She did it. She did what she needed. She could have also been, they didn't say I hold you much.

She could have been really old like it was time to go. Maybe she slowed down a little bit, you know? That's why they called it. Yeah, she did. That was the venom. Hey, we're back. But well, thank you for joining us. Really appreciate it.

Anything else you want to say? A good luck with the next football season. I don't think. Did you say what your story is called? He's a football manager. Anything else you want to say good luck with the next football season Did you say what yours your your first ball manager? My sorry his story your cake story. Oh, it's cool Zaffa cakes But so that that's that's a free special you can watch on YouTube Okay, and then you do stuff on Twitch too. Your Twitch is a far takes your Twitter's Yeah, yeah, you're yeah, twitch is great. It's a far comedy. Yeah

I never really watch I've never really watched twitch. I really checked it out It's it's a weird thing people stream video games. Why would you want to watch? Is that what you do? He's a streamer. Yeah, he streams football. Yeah, manager. But I do it as a character. You're commentary. Yeah, I like that. Like the manager of the football club. Right. Socker. Soccer, I'm talking about. Oh, I'm very confused. Yeah. Yeah, sorry about that camera. So yeah, I do, it's more, it's more improvised comedy stuff, sort of, than just me playing. But yeah, Twitch is a weird one, it's hard to explain to people.

But yeah, I'm doing all sorts of stuff for people who want to find me on social media. Yeah, that's a far case. Yes, thank you for joining us, and Dave goes for yourself. Thanks a lot, Dave. Ah, weird. Yeah, I got it up. It's time for yourself. Thanks a lot, Betty. Ah, weird. Yep, I got it up. Let's start the choir. Alright.

The Summer These Days You'll miss me honey. Summer These Days Hey there people listening to the dollop. This is Garif. Yes, this is the same guy. I listen, I have a new podcast called We're Here to Help that I'm doing with my friend Jake Johnson. It's basically a call-in-advice show where we don't say that we're professionals because we aren't,

but we try to help people with problems that are important to them. You can listen to it wherever you listen to podcasts and it is out right now. So go listen to We're Here to Help with Jake and listen to, we're here to help with Jake and Garrett. We're here to help with Garrett and Jake. I don't remember how we did it, but either way, fun, half hour comes out Tuesday, August 22nd, and episodes will be out every Tuesday and Friday.

We're here to help.