The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 370 - Aussie Explorer Ludwig Leichhardt (Live w/ Wil Anderson)

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Wil Anderson to examine Australian explorer Ludwig Leichhardt.  SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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That's for your glass that's no. Hello shut. Sidney. Let's start it early. You're listening to the dollop. That's the one. It's a bisexual American history podcast. Each week I iPad owner. Jean's wearer. Okay. So things that you have on you now. Owner of a pony. See no evidence of a pony in your life. Have you ever gone back around that? Yeah. Behind the garage? Well dude you can't get behind your garage like that. It's where the pony is. All right. Dave Anthony reads a story from American history to his friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. It's all in here. We do have the guests. Yeah. And apparently

he's the most popular man in Australia. But outside of that great kid. No. The most popular man in Australia is Scott Morrison. Thank you. Guys he's our guest. Jesus Christ. Show some respect. You think he's going to want to come out to that? Fine. Fuck Scott Morrison. Give it up for Will Anderson. Audio engineer to the stars. Sure. Dave likes to put it in his pants. They made me bring out a backup recorder. Yeah. For some reason. They were like, can you take that out? I was like, okay, like I'm recording my own podcast at the same time just during this podcast. Hey, listen, you're a union roadie. That's the life dog. Just a heads up for any Aboriginal listeners tuning

into this dog that I'll be mentioning the names of some deceased Aboriginal people. Well, there's that energy lift we all wanted. Yeah. It's definitely a hard thing to do. We're all like, oh fuck, we actually came here on purpose. I thought the Rolling Stones were coming. It's going to be fine. Oh boy. Is it though? You know, when Dave like does a little preamble sometimes about what it's going to be about. Have you ever seen the game when Michael Douglas is in the back of that cab and the cab driver rolls out and he's trapped in the back of the cab not knowing where he's going? I know what he felt like. Look at him. It's called power. October 23rd, 1813.

Go on. Start night. Ludwig, Ludwig, like heart. Ludwig, light heart. Are we starting in Germany again? Yep. Was born in Prussia. All right. Precious Russia. Pre-Germany. Oh, sorry. Pre-Germany. He was the son of a farmer and a peat cutter. Well, bad time to be a peat. You're like, no, what's get the fuck out of here? We don't want you Peters in here. I feel like you don't know what a peat cutter is. He's an asshole if memory serves, which it does. So in this world you've created, there's guys named Pete. No, no, no. He's named Ludwig, but there's a bunch of peats and they're causing a lot of ruckus. And he stabs peats. Yeah, he's got it. That's the gig. That's what you sign up for. That's

how you get your health insurance. I mean, I'm glad you've actually stopped down and explained it because I had no idea what was going on. So he gets paid to do that? Oh, absolutely. That's a government job. You can't get fired from those. You got to quit. Are there too many peats? You're goddamn right there are. There's a bunch of them. And they're starting to talk to each other. This could be a repeat of the last time. We don't want that. Okay. And the ones who are prying on the young ones, you know, the Peterfoss. Ludwig had a delicate physique and was very short-sighted. Okay. Someone down the front was like, oh, I got a guy can't needs glasses. And someone's like, oh, man, you were at the

wrong podcast. Yeah, I mean, if that stings. Ludwig was profoundly moved by stories of military heroes and explorers. He was fascinated. That's just such a bad fact early. A man is like, yeah, I'd like to go searching for something. He was fascinated by a German adventure named Prince Herman Puckler Musken. Ludwig dreamt of being an explorer. Someday. My journey would come. I know not then. He believed leaders were superior beings. He believed leaders were superior beings. That's sort of on the German flag, I believe, right? Adopted by America as of late. He thought they were a brother above reproach and could make their own rules. He felt they should demand respect of lower people. Okay. Well, he also had a

nervous temperament and was known to be quite melancholic. I mean, dude, the track you're laying right now is not good. No, he doesn't sound great. He wants to be an explorer. But he's also real nervous out of his comfort zone. Okay, let's go somewhere. And he drifts into melancholy. So he also swayed between... He's a nervous short-sighted weakling. I should go exploring. What could happen? Oh, no adversity. You're no friend of mine. He was known to sway between euphoria and fits of depression. So he is an early 1800s guy who's bipolar. Carry on. When he was 20, he went to a local university and then the University of Berlin. He was an unexceptional student. But he studied medicine and natural

science. He was, quote, a tall, angular, young, old man. What? Who is describing him? Is there like a family of Sasquatches capture him and be like, he's angular, old, young, kind of a... The weird thing was that's how he described himself. That was like his tinder bio. He was like... Young, old man looking for someone in my area, looking to explore. I get nervous. I'm tiny, short-sighted. Swipe right. Come on. Let's do this. Scorpio. Here I am with a tiger. He had peering blue eyes and straggling hair. Jesus. So he's at university and he met two brothers who had changed his life, John Nicholson and William Nicholson. William became Ludwig's financial protector and sponsor.

Hmm. Sugar daddy. Yep. Was that, that was a role back then? I think that was a thing back then. Like, if you saw a promise in someone, you would sponsor them. Can you imagine that today? There's just no way. People are like, no, mine. Ma'am. My dear. He cleaned his glasses too, so that's a real stare. There are like windows. So William's father died in 1838 and he inherited a ton of money. So from 1838 to 1841, Ludwig

lived in London and Paris, all paid for by William. Jesus. Awesome. Yeah. William became a physician in 1845, but Ludwig did not and he never would. He was unexceptional. He was very unexceptional. I mean, for the best, probably. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? For sure. Like for the people who were going to be operated on by him as a physician, I'm glad he didn't take to it. Wait, this guy's name's Peter? Yeah.

Oh boy. He lost another one. Another. Same name too. Yeah, it's so crazy. What are the odds? Astronomical. Did you say astronomical? Mm-mm. I haven't said anything. I don't speak English. So Ludwig's plan was to study natural science and after he and William would wander for four years through Europe, Africa and Australia. That was his plan.

Okay. Yeah. Ludwig was supposed to serve one year in the military as all German males were, but he didn't want to. So in 1840, he deserted the military and decided to flee to Australia. Interesting call. That's here. It's where Rolling Stones came. He chose Australia for two reasons. First, he thought Australia plants and animals were quote, quite strange. That's still. Seconds, obviously, neighbors. Invested.

The country was unexplored. Ludwig thought he could be an artist on an expedition and collect specimens. He also chose Australia because William's brother John was now living in Port Phillip and William bought Ludwig Passage to Australia and gave him 200 pounds. And on the 1st of October, 1841, Leichhardt set off for Australia. Okay. All right. Here we go. He arrived.

Montage. Montage. On a boat. Oh, Rocky. People dying. People dying. Mopping up the dead people. Yep. Yeah. Orange slices.

Scurvy. I don't know if you know how oranges work, but you can't just have orange slices. Orange slices for months. From what I've heard, it's like the halftime at soccer games. It doesn't play here, but in America. I mean, you're talking about the origin of my people. I find this very offensive. The orange. I think that guy fell. Balcony to the floor.

He arrived in February, 1842 at Port Jackson, New South Wales. He had no benefactor, no sponsor and no way to support himself. Imagine. So he began calling himself Dr. Leichhardt. What did he start calling himself? Dr. Leichhardt. That's his name. He just threw it. Leichhardt is his name.

He just threw a doctor in front. Yeah. Sure. Well, because he knew a guy who became a doctor. Is that how doctors... That's how you could do it back then. I don't know if it's like that. It's not like the ring where you just sort of... If you had a friend who sponsored you and was a doctor, you get to be a doctor, especially

if you moved to another country. No, normally you're a doctor in your country and you move to another country, you have to drive an Uber. Yeah. What's your other job? I'm a doctor. Yeah. Up on the left, cool? I don't like this development.

It's like what a five-year-old does. You have a doctor. So he met Surveyor General Sir Thomas Mitchell, who then sponsored Ludwig and Sidney. And he believes he's a doctor. Yeah. Ludwig went out and built a large collective of native plants by exploring around Sidney. He hoped Governor Gipps would establish a museum and appoint him curator. Okay.

That's his goal. He's like, I would like to be the curator of the museum. So you just start the doctor thing just as like, I want options. Yeah. Obviously I want to work in a museum, but if that falls through, I'll operate on humans. But Gipps did not appoint him curator. So then he applied to be the director of the Sidney Botanic Gardens, and the governor gave him no job at all instead.

Tough break for the doc. Yeah. He was next sponsored by Lieutenant Robert Lind. And after that, his sponsor was A.W. Scott, a wealthy squatter. What is going on? I feel like you're reading a list of musical characters. Now you know what a squatter is though, like a farmer of some kind, looking after sort of animals and raising farming land, not just a wealthy person who enjoyed that particular

squat position, just constantly blasting my thighs. It's leg day again. So when isn't it? That's what the shirt says. In Australia, there was an era where we brought our own version of Monopoly and it was called squatter. Is that true? Yeah.

Yeah. Some people who had families who didn't love them got them that as well. I guess I'll buy shit island. What's going on? Only Australians had just crazy, thick thighs. I mean, I've watched the world's strongest man. I won't fight that. What a thing for that.

So A.W. Scott taught Ludwig Bush skills that were needed to take part in serious exploration. And Ludwig stayed with Scott in the Newcastle area for about two months. Happy to have the Newcastle mayor here. Nobody was saying otherwise. What I loved about that was that was a rebuttal. To a comment that hadn't been made. That was, that was the most defencive. I have on the front foot.

I live there. Defensively you're about Newcastle. You were like, no, it's good. We didn't say it wasn't. No one said it wasn't. Apart from the voices in your head. Must have been Newcastle, the mayor of Newcastle's in apparently. No, it's fucking good, mate.

It's me, the drummer from Silverchair. Oh, little local, little Newcastle local humor. All right. Man. You don't live there. You're here. No, but he's got some passionate feelings about it. After.

It's not enough about Newcastle. I did not like the direction the podcast took after the Newcastle statement. Just thought it'd be more about Newcastle. Yeah, I mean, they set up Newcastle. They said nothing else about it. And a rubber dine that was sitting on black chairs, not silver ones. Unbelievable. None of this is playing in America.

Silverchair saw a lot of albums in America. Yeah, they did. They did. But come on. Nirvana in pajamas. That's right. Nirvana in pajamas. Nirvana in pajamas.

They're going down the stairs. Four parents. All right. So back to. Right. There was a story in Newcastle, staying with A.W. Scott, and after he left, Scott described Ludwig as having quote, little sense of direction, no self-reliance, and no resource. He's also just been like sponsored by people though.

So he doesn't know any better. I mean, he's in the pouch, as you guys say here. In the pouch. Hashtag in the pouch. Go ahead, bud. Ludwig was able to get sponsors because. Was a hit song by Australian 50 cents. That's where you find them.

Ludwig was able to get sponsors because he was charming, engaging, and full of philosophy and whimsy. He was a good conversationalist and that was when he was at ease. Under stress, he became something completely different. So Ludwig journeyed north and lived off the hospitality of settlers there. He studied the flora and fauna along the way. He lived in Brisbane in early 1843 and stayed there for a year, boarding free with various squatters and German missionaries.

They were mostly, I have a definition of squatters, even though you already, squatters were livestock pioneers who squatted on land without getting permission from the government. They were mostly young men of good education and considered gentlemen. Ludwig had now been in Australia for two years, but had not earned a single penny. He was completely focused on exploration. So squatters need to know if the land between Morton Bay near Brisbane and Port Essington, which is north of Darwin area. I looked to a resident expert.

Who the fuck is going north of Darwin? That's not the right direction to go from Darwin. Yeah, you go up. You go south. You go away from, back down this way to the good stuff. Go up. You're not going further away from Darwin. Darwin's the line.

Darwin's as far as you go. You go up. When you've lost your family and changed your name, you fucking go to Darwin. You're like, you know what? I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor now. Doctor will. I live in Darwin.

He used to live in Newcastle. So basically, the squatters wanted to know if that area was suitable to graze and have animals. Squat. Squat. All right. We don't need. Yeah.

Shut up. Ludwig considered joining Sir Thomas Mitchell on an expedition, but it fell apart because Governor Gipps refused to sanction it. So Ludwig decided to lead an expedition on his own. He'd find his own route to Morton Bay, to Port Essington, if financial support was there. So he went to Sydney and pitched a private expedition to different rich guys. Reception was lukewarm. Most people regarded him as foolhardy because had absolutely no experience.

It's good that people are finally calling out, though, that this is a suicide mission. But Ludwig was, but you have to go on one. Yes, but you also could be like, your mind is geared towards that. Like every detail we've heard so far is like, no. Just stay home and pretend you're a doctor at 30. Yeah, but there's a famous Australian expression, you'll never, never know if you never, never go. Is that a silver chair lyric?

Catch it. They're from Newcastle. Newcastle's good. But even though he had no experience, Ludwig was super confident in himself and kept at it. All so bad. All so bad. Eventually, a few squatters made contributions.

Then some trade people threw in, finally a shipping company offered to pay, and Ludwig's expedition was a go. He picked members of his party who would, quote, patiently submit and resign to my guidance. But you don't know shit. Yeah, but that's why he wants people who submit and resign, not people who will follow like his strong leadership. He's like, are you willing to, despite the fact that I'm not qualified for this position, submit and resign yourself to, oh fuck, mustn't grumble.

You want, I want submitters. Yeah, sure. Uh-huh. Future. You don't want people who are like, no, go this way or we'll die. I think at this point you want people with the best meat on their bones. We know. So he chose, he chose loyalty instead of experience or ability.

I'm an experienced climber, I also know these lands fantastically, and I've always had a knack for navigation. What if I told you to, you know, never talk when we're walking? I would not do that. Yeah, no, get out of here. Foolish man, don't need you. What are you going to bring to the table other than the sassy attitude? You remind me that you're a regular Pete.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All your German guys are not super masculine. It's because I make up for it with attitude. You know, that's something that doesn't show up on your piece of paper breakdown about me. Like, I got the X factor, the Y factor. It's shiny, it's dutiful.

So when he was getting ready to take off, Governor Gipps barely mentioned the expedition just casually in one official dispatch. He called it, quote, a small private expedition. The party was Ludwig, who was now 31 years old, James Calvert, a guy he met on a ship. He was 19. John Murphy also met him on a ship. He was 15. Wow.

Wow. Is he starting a boy band? John Roper, 24, who was a casual acquaintance. Okay. And Danny, who was eight? I got a sleep shot. I'm ready. I'm Phillips, 44, who was a prisoner.

Who's the weird old guy? We have so much in common, you and me. You guys are going on a trip with a bunch of boys, huh? Yeah, that's right. We're looking for the best of the best. Yeah, I could probably handle that. We doing, like, sleeping bags or what's the situation with that young 15-year-old fellow there?

You know what? My father had a saying, and that's, when you're out in the bush, the young ones get fresher. Anyway, I'm ready for the expedition. Without question, you're going to be an integral part of this team. I'd also like to point out, I like your lack of masculinity. Well, as long as you do what I say, I think we're going to be fine, except for when the shit hits the fin inevitably.

What happened? My main talent is pegging. Okay, don't... How about this? Don't talk past the clothes. Fair. They also brought Harry Brown, an aboriginal man. In Brisbane, he added a second aboriginal man, Charlie Fisher, and Caleb, who was a black

American cook. Okay. So what are we talking? Like, nine? I don't know. There's a lot of people. Yeah, it's around nine. He's got, like, a sitcom cast ready to go.

Yeah. Oh, there was the professor at Mary Ann. At the last minute, he added Pemberton Hodgson, who was a squatter, and John Gilbert, an English naturalist. Gilbert was a very competent zoologist and had bush experience. So he's got the one... Right, one guy. One guy.

Okay. Yep. The expedition took 17 horses, 16 bullocks, and 12 dogs. What is with the bullet count? Bullocks. But that, I mean, maybe my mind is ruined by America, but... Is it bullock and ox? Yeah, it's like a...

Yeah, ox. It's a transport animal. I assume they're using the bullocks for transport, or are they using them at eight? Or both. I think both. Okay, right. Because as they transport the food, and then we're done transporting them food. So it's like Uber Eats if you just ate your driver at the end.

You mean your doctor. Yes, you guys, we just came up with a whole new Uber idea. Oh, no, I reckon they've put that on the whiteboard at some point. Oh, my God. All right, take a picture of it, and then let's erase it. Come on, guys, get that off there. The expedition set out from near present day to Wumba. And think...

Really? Really? Oh, God. To Wumba? It's as well as this is gone. There was a dense area of bush when they first started out. Gilbert said we should go around, and Ludwig decided to go directly through. Of course.

Smart. That's how you do it. Just go with your gut on this. Gilbert was, quote, astonished, and he wrote... Gilbert's the guy who knew shit. Yes. Right, okay. Makes sense.

That quote now began a series of disasters. That also insinuates that his diary, he took a little time off, and then eventually he's like, I got a journal. I mean, this is just insanity. But it also makes it all feel like an episode of Sex in the City. Like at the end of the day, and then after that, there were a series of disasters. What can I say, diary? Another crazy week in this guy's life.

So now began a series of disasters. The bullocks in their endeavors to push their way between the trees were constantly either tearing the bags or throwing off their loads. They had to set the horses loose, trusting they would follow them. I mean, what did you just say? If we've learned anything from this venue, it's that you can't trust wild horses. I'll take it. So the idea here is that you're just going to have a bunch of horses that are like, right,

we'll see you on the other side, pal. I'll never forget you, clink. If you love something, you know. That's right. And if they go away, then that's the way it's going to be, darling. We've won this round. The horses did not follow. They did not.

Interesting. Gilbert's horse bolted. He went after it. When he caught it, he found his gun was broken in several places. All his shirts were lost, as well as his tent. So what I love about this is, in my mind, originally, I thought they were just letting the horses free and hoping the horses would follow them. But what you've just said is that they left their guns and all their equipment on the

horses and just went, I'm sure they had a deal. They had a deal. God damn it. They could have a deal. They had a deal. You know what? That's like giving the drug dealer going, oh, the drugs are over there. I have to get them.

And you go, you know what? Just take the money. Take the money. We're friends. Take the money. And bring me back the drugs. Yeah. Yeah.

It's the art of the deal. Trust me, these horses aren't up to anything. Are they all gone? No. All right. Oh, magpie. That was the first whistle that anyone's ever done in a show, and let's never do that again.

So all the shirts are gone. His tent's gone. A ton of flower was lost going through the bush. Flower you can't pick up. Over a hundred pounds. Futile. Yeah. It's like, a Koch addicts know that.

It's like, spill the bag. Game over. That's the end of that chapter. Come on, let's snort the carpet. Shake the rug. Over a hundred pounds, about three weeks, a supply of flower. Ludwig, Ludwig wrote in his journal, he was, quote, very much mistaken about going through the bush.

But he's living his dream. He's trying. Vlopsie, poopsie. Finally, the aboriginal man rounded up. But why wouldn't you even just test it with one horse before you let all the horses go? That bit of it, if you've got multiple horses, have one horse and go, let's save one horse for those. And then if that...

Do you know what I mean? Of course. Yeah. But this guy's like, no, we lead with our gut out here. All of them at once. Leave everything on there. Then they'll think they're still on the clock. I mean, you've got to just be like, dude, you are just...

I mean, this is a bad start. Oh, man. There's that knowing shake Dave does. Sorry, lost my place. I was so excited about what you were saying. You can compliment your win. So finally, the aboriginal man went and rounded up the horses and brought them all back. The next day, it started to rain heavily and they weren't prepared for that.

They had no tents up, everything became completely soaked and they scrambled to set up a camp in a spot that Ludwig picked. The next morning, they discovered they were, quote, actually lying in a swamp. Dave. After he had promised them that he would drain the swamp, I mean... How do you not know you're sleeping on a swamp? It's an easy mistake to make. Have you never set up at night without a headlamp?

No. It's hard. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. All right, let's submerge overnight. One of the aboriginal men, Charlie, woke up on October 17th in a very bad mood. Gilbert pushed him to move faster and Charlie threatened to shoot Gilbert. Ludwig then stripped Charlie of his clothing, refused him breakfast and told him to leave

the party. It's called leadership. So Charlie just laid down by the fire and went to sleep instead. And then they all left him. The next day, Charlie came walking up and begged to be let back in and they let him back in. Okay, a little like Fight Club. So he's not a morning person.

That's what I got from that story. No, no breakfast or clothing. So the horses and bullocks were constantly running off. So reading this, it seems like there was no way for them to tie them all down or deal with it. Well, no, you'd have to bring rope. Implausible. So for whatever reason, they were constantly waking up and sending the aboriginal men to

go get the horses, which would cause a huge delay each day. And the horses were also apparently racist. Sorry, what? The horses were racist. You mean they didn't like to race? Because otherwise. They would freak out and bolt when they came across aboriginal people in the bush. And Gilbert noted that this would be a problem for the rest of the journey.

And he thought it was because of how the horses were trained, wherever they were from. Like they may have been trained by aboriginal guys who beat them or whatever. So he thought that the horses were. So the only guys who can actually wrangle the horses are unable to wrangle the horses. Interesting, yes. You just told me that even our horses are racist and it did not surprise me anymore. No, seriously, we're at that level. So Hodgson the squatter and Ludwig did not get along at all.

And very soon after the trip, Hodgson and Caleb, the black American cook, left and went back to Sydney. That's the best decision. Yeah, you're out of cooking supplies. You're like, no, you let the horses run. Yeah. Hodgson told all his friends that he had fallen out on Ludwig and that's why he came back. The aboriginal men, Charlie and Brown.

Charlie and what? I just realized it's Charlie and Brown. That's what they're calling him. I mean, he has a first name. And whenever Ludwig talked, it was like... So they were... They were often... I'm going to be all right, give me a minute.

Every night when I peach, the dogs are sleeping on the roof. Simpler times. So they would send Charlie and Brown off to go get honey all the time for some reason. So one day Charlie was out and an aboriginal group attacked and speared one of the horses. Gilbert noted he did not think Ludwig fully understood the possible dangers from local tribes. And I know when you said stabbed one of the horses, someone in the audience was like, oh, but remember those horses are racist.

Okay. Got to stop the movement somehow. They're active on social media too. Go ahead. Also guys started getting lost all the time. They would split up to do reconnaissance or scientific work. In December, John Roper got lost twice. He and Murphy rode out to climb a hill and get a lay of the land and then got totally

lost. That's not how you get a lay of it. Normally it helps. They did not return that night. They made it back the next morning. Roper blamed his horse. Obviously. By December Gilbert...

But they both remembered that night as the most special night of their lives. And no matter what... Dear Diary, I've had quite a day. Did not get the lay of the land, but spent one special night on the hill. I got a lay of something. Anyway, let's flash back to the beginning of this story. No, I got lost with the young boy again. Credits.

Over night. By December, Gilbert noted food was becoming an issue. Interesting. Game was scarce and all the stored meat had been eaten. After over just a month, it was pretty obvious Roper and Calvert were hopeless bushmen. Littlewood told Gilbert he only wanted him in charge of the party when he was out doing scientific work and he didn't trust anyone else. Gilbert happily collected samples of plants and animals.

This was his thing. He was quite good at storing samples. Ludwig was not good at storing samples. And he soon adopted a, quote, jealous and selfish disposition. I mean, that's, well, I mean, I guess it sounds like our country. I don't know what I'm like huffing and puffing about. But I, like, so he's the worst and thinks the guy who would be good at collecting these things should stay there and keep an eye while he goes off and does a shit job.

Yeah. Cool. Gilbert's journal, quote, when Brown found several specimens of a new, beautiful helix, the doctor immediately seized upon them all and very, very coolly remarked to me that if I could not find any specimens, he would give me just one. Another entry Brown called my attention to some remarkable seed vessels on a new plant. The doctor came riding up very quickly on his horse and leapt off and plucked the hole before I dismounted.

He did not offer me any. And they still believe he's a doctor, which I forgot about. They're still like, well, doctors are crazy. Doctors be crazy. You know how doctors get. But it also is what is wrong with humanity, isn't it? These two men who have so much in common, like they literally should have, like they probably have more in common with each other than they have with anybody else in the entire

world. But they still have to fucking hate each other and be bitter and jealous and like, oh. Look at this, like, dumbass German, like, I found it first. So it's mine. My plant. Jesus. You'll get no plant. I'm a doctor for God's sake.

Finally, after a lizard, a new species of lizard was killed, Ludwig said his party had found it. And so it was his and Gilbert called them on it and Ludwig made it very clear it was time Gilbert understood the situation. Everything that's good is mine. And I did it. Ludwig claimed the first of everything collected, keeping the party's zoologist from acquiring zoological specimens was obviously selfish and absurd.

He's brought all these experts just to be like, no. Yeah. Like there's a zoologist. He's got one expert. Right. He's like, you can't have anything. No. Look at you trying to own it because you have a degree.

Gilbert quote, he had treated me in every way as if he considered me an interloper. Gilbert criticized Ludwig's leadership as they had used up half of their provisions and were only a third of the way along. Gilbert seemed to be the only one who was actually thinking ahead. In January, Ludwig and Brown went out and got lost. They did not have enough food or water. They could not get a fire going. It started raining heavily.

Days. Water. Days passed. Oh, wow. Brown became very upset and started yelling, we are lost. We are lost. Don't judge me. Me was angry.

They caught a pigeon and split it. And no fire. So they're just sort of, yum. Look at what Ludwig was so starving, he quote, swallowed the bones and feet. Is he a snake? Hold on, let me dislocate my jaw. After four and a half days. No water or maybe rain water.

No water. Wow. So they're going crazy. Charlie tracked them down and brought them back to the party. It was exhausted and the entire expedition now moved very slowly. I discovered pigeons. Good news, you losers. I will shit it out later.

Brown and Ludwig got into an argument over honey. Wow. I mean, now we've all been there. Quote, a disagreeable circumstance and Dr. and Brown quarreling over honey. They were both very violent and treating to each other. The doctor then insisted Brown say it was his fault before quote, he should be conserved as one of our men. Being a man with a bit of pride, Brown refused.

So he was not given dinner. I was going to say someone's about to get naked and miss a meal. Yeah, for sure. You know the deal. Don't disagree with a doctor that's not a doctor. In the morning, Brown refused to join them for breakfast. To punish him further, Ludwig did not allow Brown to ride his horse that day and forced him to walk.

At the end of the day, Brown apologized. Wow. It works. Leadership. Yeah, seriously. A day later, Ludwig set out to do recon with Calvert. They spent the night and then discovered the horses had ran off. Weird.

Sort of like a pattern almost that one should adjust to. Anyways. Calvert spent four hours finding the horses. When he came back, he was exhausted. He got back and discovered Ludwig now had terrible diarrhea. Oh, Jesus, let's just take it off camp and be quiet. Good Lord. Oh, I mean, that means he just doesn't know what to do.

Come on. Hide it. Far. After a couple of days, they managed to find their way back to camp. As they came in, Calvert just muttered, tea, quote, in such a tone and with such a distressing look as made one's heart ache. English people go through that nine times a day. Oh, but kill for a cup of tea.

Ludwig then wanted to know why no one had come out to search for him. I know why. Food poisoning. Yeah. You ate that whole pigeon. Yeah, you're shitting on everything and eating pigeons. Well, a card would have been nice. Flowers of balloons, Lord.

They told him it was because when he was previously lost, he had chided them for thinking he was in danger. This guy is just the worst. But everyone was getting lost. Four months in, nine out of the 10 members had been lost at least once. You know what? One out of 10 are lost, the other one's technically fucking lost as well. They're all by themselves.

One guy was like, I'm where we're meant to be, where are you, because no one else is there. That's Ludwig. He's like, I'm the only one who stayed on course. Guys, follow my diarrhea diversion. It's a shortcut for God's sake. Fools. So in February, Ludwig made two sets of lunar observations.

This was the first time Ludwig had been able to figure out longitude with any certainty. That's pretty bad, right? He said the party was, quote, within about 100 miles of the coast, or at least 240 miles more east than supposed. So when you say figured out, you're being generous, right? But he figured out they're way off course. Way off course. So Gilbert now became even more worried about the food issue.

This is just a little tidbit for Gareth. They stopped and made cockatoo soup. Why would you just? Quote, one of the richest soups to be obtained in the bush. Just bullshit. He doesn't eat it either. Do you think when you put it in the pot, it's a little head part? Sounds like a cock.

Or two. Or two. Thank you. Sorry. Don't get me wrong. I've been sitting here with my mouth shut trying to avoid cockatoo in the bush. I feel like way better than that. I feel like we're a step above.

Cockatoo in the bush is better than one cock in the ham. Depends how hungry you are. It depends on the bush. I have my needs. On February 17th, they woke up and the horses were gone. But is that not how they woke up every day? You are not gonna believe it. I don't know what's happening, you guys.

It's like a pattern. All right. Today, we're gonna have to go looking for the horses again as we do every day. We lost a bunch of flour. Then let's start making up this 240-mile deficit. There is only somewhere to stop the horses from running away. Yeah, well, that's not a lament rope any longer. We've done that the whole trip.

I like to think that after a while, they just really couldn't understand what was going on with the horses. Yeah. And so two of them are in their tent one morning and neither of them want to get up to check if the horses are still there. And one of them decides to stay in the sleeping bag while the other gets up and goes out of the tent. The other one is rising and you can see the light just going through.

This person, as they go outside and they look around and they look around and the other one just sees the shadow of him going. It's bad news, isn't it? It's the horses. It's the horses, isn't it? What have they gone? Boy, talk about a pattern. Stupid dumb horses.

They'll ride each other. Huh? Huh? Who's that? Yeah, I'll ride Murphy. You'll walk shady. You shady. How you doing, Murph?

Dying. Spent, uh, spent a lot of time in prison. God damn, I can smell you through this whole goddamn forest. Smell you. It's fresh. Anyway, let's get back to hiking or whatever we're doing out here and get some plants. Kill lizard or whatever. No.

God damn. I neglected to mention how much I enjoy your shorts. Charlie once again went out to round up the horses. This time when he came back, Ludwig yelled at him for being gone so long and then threatened him. Charlie was seriously over Ludwig and told him to fuck off. Ludwig rushed Charlie and shook his fists in his face, threatening to punch him. Oh, he's that guy.

Hold me back, friends. Come on, yeah, oh, you're lucky my friends are holding me back. Otherwise you'd be cached. Charlie quote, struck the doctor two or three heavy blows in the face. Medically speaking, Ludwig swung back but missed and then they were separated. Charlie had come by and hit me short-sighted, so depth perception is an issue. Charlie had knocked out two of Ludwig's lower teeth. Ludwig then banished Charlie from the party.

Charlie said he didn't give a shit and was done with all of Ludwig's abuse. So he went off and camped a little ways away and that night Brown went and joined Charlie. Ludwig told Brown if he went not to come back, but Brown went anyway. Gilbert then told Ludwig this was a terrible mistake. I think we'll be fine. They now had no Aboriginal men in the party. The next day they had to remain where they were because Ludwig had eaten so much fat soup that he became ill.

Sorry, he ate fat soup? Yeah. What does that mean? It's made from fat. So he ate fat, he ate hot fat. He ate hot fat and then he's like, oh, I'm full. Even if it's not agreeing with me, it might have been the gallon of fat. I don't know why I ate all that bowl of fat and now I feel icky.

It's actually technically what they used to do in the old days when you had your teeth knocked out, you would eat fat soup to mend the... No, I'm making that up. I was like... See, that's how easy it is to pretend to be a doctor, apparently. I was like, all right, Dr. Anderson, fair enough. Thank you for the medical update. I would have thought he'd immediately make himself a dentist and just treat himself. Yeah, yeah.

We're going to need to remove the rest of these to compensate. So the next... More fat, gentlemen? The next day they went on a 60-mile trek and then both Brown and Charlie returned to the party. Charlie, quote, very humbly begged the doctor to allow him to return. And the other members were consulted and they all agreed that he should be allowed to join back up. Now Gilbert took over guiding the group from Ludwig, back pain was given as the reason.

That's a great thing. At the six-month mark, they had completed half of their journey. They were supposed to be finished at this point. And then they came to a very wet region, tons of lakes and lagoons. They came there and took a nap, that's what I say. It's a little underwater one. Ludwig was completely, quote, bewildered by the country in which he found himself. Yeah.

That's always a good sign when your leader's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm not a doctor. What? Oh, God. Ludwig decided to take Charlie to do some recon. And then they went out and got lost for four days. They wandered so far they ended up in rough, dry country and had no water for 48 hours. And they finally found their way back to camp.

They were exhausted, quote, like Hart was so exhausted that his head was affected and the others could only with difficulty make him understand anything. Wow. Okay. It sounds like Ludwig. From what we've heard, his head was completely unaffected. In May, Brown accused Charlie of purposely giving them all wrong information and taking the party on the wrong route.

The two Aboriginal men argued and vowed never to speak to each other again. Jesus. Ludwig thought this was great. Ah, I mean, dude, this guy, quote, I soon found that I derived the greatest advantage from their animosity to each other as they tried to outdo the other in readiness to serve me. Ah, Jesus Christ. Ludwig was telling the men to grab the horses by the tail when they caught them.

But sort of why? Just because he thought that was the best way. So he's like making viral videos without a camera at this point. He's just sort of like, yeah, you know. So most of the guys had zero experience as they were grabbing the horses by the tails. They don't like that. Well, they did it until Roper was kicked in the chest. Still is weird.

Knocking him down and giving him a severe bruise. Ludwig tried to make him feel better by saying if it had been lower, he probably would have died. I'm a doctor. They'll come back to not a doctor. Kind of a doctor. He could have kicked you in the nuts. You're lucky he hit your heart, which is in your stomach.

Okay. No, you don't want. A bunch of bad stuff down there. You don't want to get into tum tum. But he hit you in your brain, which is in your left shoulder. Okay. You're lucky. Okay.

In my medical opinion, there was a big chance that you could, you know, do the ice clothes thing where you don't breathe no more. Okay. No. I'm using a lot of jargon, I know. Ludwig then admitted it wasn't a great idea to grab horses by the tail. No. In retrospect.

Yeah. That's the title of it. In retrospect. He's learning. He's adapting. Okay. Right on time. So they're eating any animal they could kill, but they're still hungry.

And one day their greyhound fought and killed a wild dog. Okay. Ludwig cooked it and ate it. No one else joined him. Quote. The dog was not only a miserably, the dog was not only a miserably thing, but had a very bad odor. It was not a protest.

They were like, no, what are you doing? That's bad. Oh yeah. Real good. Yeah. And the doctor, although he ate nearly the whole of it himself. He ate a dog? Like a whole dog.

In one sitting. I mean, you get your picture on the wall. I mean, like I've heard the expression. Is this where it came from? I've heard people say, I'm so hungry I could eat a dog, but like, I know some people say a horse. They're downsized. Yeah.

The horses ran away. Well, it was after this. They were like, people can eat dogs. I think we need to upgrade. Oh, those horses are big and angry. So although he ate nearly the whole of it himself, he acknowledged it was not very recommendable. So helping.

God, I ate that whole thing, but I gotta say, you guys shouldn't do that. Diarrhea. Oh, he's still barking in here. I haven't shit this much since I ate half a raw pigeon. He just ate a dog that smelled. This dude should not be at the helm of anything. It smelled so bad. Starving guys were like, yeah, no, no, I mean, we're starving, but I want to live.

By the end of May, 1845, they were desperate. The journey should have been completed a month before their supplies were alarmingly low. Like a good leader, Ludwig then became gloomy and practically unapproachable. The rest of the group was pretty useless. Gilbert called Phillips a, quote, spare part. Which one was Phillips? The prisoner. Okay.

Yeah. Then they ran out of salt, which was important then. Yeah. Yeah. Ludwig stopped trying to do any sort of scientific discovery in his journal. He just quoted what others had said. Wow. He's like a movie preview.

Worst journey you've ever been on, huh? Yet he was excited about celebrating the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo. Well, at what, I mean, what? Your priorities are already just to shit, but now you're like, oh, well, we got to celebrate. Let's go big. He looked forward to it and talked about it for two weeks. Nobody gave a shit. He will not shut up about fucking Waterloo ever since we ran out of salt.

What are you guys talking about? The Waterloo party? It's going to be off the hook. Crazy. We're going to get some gross dog. Yeah. Oh, I found a real smelly dog to make tacos out of. It's like, ugh.

Yeah. Yeah. We're going to get sick for days. Diarrhea, y'all. Waterloo. Come on. Lidwig had kept the very last bit of sugar for the celebration. So he had a thing of sugar.

Yeah. And that's what they celebrated with. On June 26, Lidwig worked out their location. He figured out their longitude. Gilbert quote. The result was anything but favorable. Gilbert shoot straight what you got to like. Our present latitude would place us between 20 to 30 miles out to sea.

Well, that does solve the salt issue. Okay. So I have been working on the longitude location. Here is land, yeah. And then we are here, yeah. In the ocean. Yeah. And the plan when we get up there is.

This is a great exploration. We are here. With the first ones to walk from Sydney to Oceania. Yeah, yes, this is a great day, write it in journal. I have done great things for Mother Germany. Well Diary, if I got another story for you. Gilbert tried again later that day to find their position. Again in the sea.

Yeah. Hell of a leader. Yeah, no, I confirmed it. In the middle of the ocean. I know it doesn't seem like it, but that's where we are. I did it two times. So. I think with Jesus, yeah.

Gilbert wrote that every place that they had marked down on the map probably was incorrect. It's helpful, it's helpful, good. So it was worth it. Yes. Yeah. On June 27th. We had some good times. I mean really so far the only thing they've learned is don't eat smelly dog or grab horses

tails. Yeah. So on June 27th there was an issue with an aboriginal tribe. Charlie and Brown were away from the camp at night and gunshots were heard. And Charlie came back and said he had caught some aboriginal man creeping up on the bullocks with their spears out ready to kill them. So they shot their guns to scare the aboriginal men off. But to Gilbert this sounded very suspicious.

They camp that night and Gilbert used palm leaves to make a hat. Well, I mean it's night, it's time for bed. Get yourself a palm leaf hat and meet Mr. Sandman for a little while, obviously. The huge. He told the others that he was becoming an expert hat maker. Well, someone's been drinking the ocean water. I mean he was the guy we had the fight in but I'm starting to waver a little. When you're making Ludwig look smart, things are not good.

Well he's getting hungry. He's like, I'm making hats. We need to get, we need to get him some food. I'm a hat maker. I figured it out. I'll stay behind and open a hat shop with two peas and an E. I'm not an idiot. Oh my God, eat me. So they went to sleep, they went to sleep for the evening.

They wait, what? They went to sleep for the evening. Okay. Their guns were left unloaded. Ludwig. Well they had hats. They felt good. Ludwig had apparently completely forgotten about the incident the previous evening.

A tribe attacked soon after they fell asleep. They came in screaming and throwing spears. Roper was pierced six times. It's a lot of times. Calvert was pierced five. That's nothing. Then the warriors leapt upon them and started beating them with wadis. All right.

Sure. I assume it's a beady thing. Were they wearing the hats because that's quite a helmet. Gilbert jumped out of his tent holding his gun and was immediately hit in the chest with a spear. He stayed on his feet and then handed the gun to Charlie and said, quote, take my gun. They have killed me. Oh.

You know what, at least he found his passion before he died. At least he had that 24 hours making hats that he really needs to chew. Tell my son that my hat shop with two peas and an E. They've killed me. I just found what I love. I get to die with a hat on. The key is tight weaving, braid them tightly and then make a brim. Make it around though so it covers your shoulders.

I see the light. See it coming towards me. Remember, fit it for everyone. You make a circle around the head with one palm leaf and then hold your two fingers. With the leaves and from then weave it, weave it together and make sure it's got a big brim. You're going to kick yourself if you don't have a brim. So after that, Gilbert ripped the spear out with both hands and sank to the ground. Dude, that is quite, I kind of want to go similar to that, you know, last words being

like they've killed me and then be like, here, use it. So Brown and Charlie, I mean, that's a good, this is a good place for you to make that request because you are talking to the man who will inevitably kill you. I think things are going pretty good. What about the group? So Brown and Charlie, you know it's the episode he's going to murder you live on stage. When the date he yells at the start is your birth date. That's weird.

And when you're getting near the end, he's like, and then Dave grabs the spear. It's weird that you're shouting today's date at the end of this. That must be relevant. Huh? Oh dear, that's how this ends. So Brown and Charlie shot at the man who were beating Robert and Calvert. The attackers ran off. Gilbert was dead.

Robert was severely injured on his head, face, shoulder, arms and body. Well, why don't we just talk about where he's okay? Maybe his feet? Feet seemed fine. That's good. So Calvert had a spear sticking out of his groin. Well, are you excited to see me or did you get speared in the dick? Funny line, but it's a spear in my dick.

Really? Dude, seriously, not the time. Right that moment, another guy came in with a bigger spear and said, that's not a spear. Oh no, it is. So Ludwig had to force one spear through Roper's arm to get it out. He cut the one out of Calvert's groin. Roper had also lost an eye from the beating. That sounds like the best part.

One eye gone. Looking back to the night before, it was clear that Brown and Charlie had done something very bad. Gilbert had written in his journal that he thought they had attacked an Aboriginal woman. This would explain the response from the tribe. And later this was confirmed. Later they admitted to Phillips they had attacked three women and wounded an old man. Ludwig would lie for the rest of his life saying the attack was unprovoked.

They continued on. The wounded men struggled and at times had to be carried. And in November, they noticed the tribes were becoming more friendly. And on December 2nd, they were passing by a young Aboriginal man who looked at them and said, quote, come and don't, very good. What's your name? Wait, what did he say? He said, come and don't, very good.

What's your name? Okay. They were near Port Essington. On December 17th, they walked into the settlement 14 months and 17 days after setting out. Holy shit. It was supposed to be a six month trip. Holy shit. Killing it.

They had been given up as dead. Yeah. I mean, that fair, they're pretty much dead. Yeah. Ludwig was received in Sydney as a hero, hailed as, quote, the Prince of Explorers. Oh, God. We, just the dumb, I mean, we all are just so dumb. All right, we know who's behind all this.

Ludwig, job well done, doctor. He got a thousand pound grant from the government. This was the first money he had ever earned in his entire life. Defined earned. Yeah. He'd never had a job. Ben seems strong. He ate a dog.

He won the food challenge, but like the other guy got the spear through the dick. So I feel like it feels like an episode of I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Essentially. He won the dog challenge. They didn't even try. So he made his first money at 33. The other men in the parties were now celebrities too.

And they all together split a grant of 1,500 pounds. Okay. Ludwig got gold medals from the Royal Geographical Societies of London in Paris and was also given a pardon in Prussia for having gone AWOL. That's what broke you, dude. A fucking Prussian pardon. A Pratton. Sir, don't piggyback.

He stole some thunder from Mitchell's Australia Felix expedition. Thunder? Yeah. Well, you know, he actually. Oh, right. I thought he was like... The phrase. It's a cliche.

Right. Yeah. Come on. It's like what Zeus does. Yeah. He's not actually stealing. What? He's stealing thunder now?

It's a different time. Before thunder from down under. Mitchell was set to explore the exact same area, so he's now furious. Okay. Now Ludwig... Mitchell was also looking to explore the ocean. I'm going 20 miles out. So Ludwig started talking shit about his party.

In a letter he wrote, quote, toward the end of my journey, I was worried by the bickering of my companions, which I could hardly have stood for another month. Philip said the bickering was caused by Ludwig's obstinate and domineering nature in his total disregard for the feelings of his companions. Like I love that he was complaining he couldn't stand the bickering for another month, seeing they're like eight months overdue because of him. I mean, it just sounds like someone. On June 7th, Ludwig wrote, I mean, when he does murder you on the podcast, you are going

to be the most popular cast in the world, because it's like history and true crime. Once we take that, my favorite murder. That's my legacy. Once we figured out how to put ads in back episodes. Yeah. Then that's when you're just like, it all leads to a great ending. Yeah. It'll be fine.

You'll be like, the reason they laid down in that swamp so comfortably was they had a Casper mattress. Oh, well, hell, I like what we're doing with the ads. Keep going, David. That's a mighty large spear, props, this is audio. So on June 7th, Ludwig wrote in a letter, quote, the recollections of many annoyances were very galling to me, and I had the greatest dislike to meeting several of my companions. He wrote his success was much greater than Mitchell's.

He talked about how big of a story it was, quote, no king could have been received with greater joy or affection. This is just bananas. I mean, this is Twitter. I thought the whole town would go mad with joy. Even the family of Sir Mitchell, Thomas Mitchell, are treating me with justice. Everybody loves me. Everybody loves me.

I'm the best. Don't worry. I'm tremendous. So Ludwig then wrote a book called Journal of an Overland Expedition in Australia from Morton Bay to Port Essington, a distance of upwards of 3,000 miles during the year 1845 to 18. So this keeps happening. I would have called it, where the fuck are the horses?

Yeah. The worst dog I ever ate, a compilation of stories. What year were editors invented, like around, what, 1930, 40? Before the journey, he had agreed to divide the proceeds from any book between himself, Roper and Calvert, but Ludwig kept all the money. Young Murphy contributed some drawings to the book, but Ludwig didn't care, quote, he could not distinguish one picture from another. He said he only put Murphy's drawings into humor him.

I mean, this guy is such a jackoff. His traveling companions all had colourful language to describe him, impractical, selfish, gluttonous, unreasonably obstinate, high-handed, unjust, bad-tempered, cruel, unsympathetic, anxious, depressed, spiteful, jealous, accusatory, suspicious, careless, slovenly, and wholly unfit for leadership. He hit all 30 deadly sins. They also complained that he did not wash. I guess in four to eight months you've got time to make a list.

On stone. We'll give it to Moses. I'll figure it out. They also complained he did not wash at all and instead rubbed himself all over with rancid fat. This dude is eating and bathing in fat. What the fuck? I didn't even say.

Proofs in the pudding or the fat stew. So with all this, he proposed another expedition. To find a route from Morton Bay to Perth. Shut. Dude, are we entering a sequel? My card too. My card with a vengeance. A good day to like hard.

This. Yeah. I can't believe it's happening again. This would take him across Australia from east to west. Great. Finally. Yeah. What do you want to do on a plane?

Well if you stop an Adelaide. He took in none of the lessons from the first expedition. Instead he just took in all the praise of strangers. But why would you? If you're him, you've just failed up the whole way. So you're just like, I'm a winger. I wing it. I'm a vinger.

I wing it. But this time he did pick a more experienced team. This was because none of them were a threat now because he had his reputations. An established doctor. The party was Ludwig, three inexperienced Englishmen, a prisoner, four Aboriginal men, a surveyor, a botanist, a squatter, a farm overseer, and a cook. Brown went again on the trip. Brown came back.

What? Dude. What the fuck is going on? What? He's back. Yeah. But they pickered so much making the first one. Yeah.

Well, the chemistry. You know what? I mean, it was palpable. I mean. You know they hate each other, but you know they're so good together. Kiss, kiss! Come on! I mean, imagine Brown being like, yeah, okay, yes, yeah, I guess, it's me, Brown.

They've been so bored. Yeah, look who comes crawling back. Such a good time the first time, right? Let's do it again. Just have an attitude. I'm going to eat all the dogs that stink. It's a good lock charm! On the 7th of December, 1846.

D-Day. Yes, they set out from Jimbo. The expedition was supposed to last two and a half years. Why? So what did he come at, 30? That's how much it's meant to. Terrible. And it finished this morning.

Woo, we are pooped. Please, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage. Hello, hello, he has believed in me. I'm magic. So at the very beginning, the first night, Ludwig decided to walk amongst the cattle at night, quote, to get them accustomed to my presence. I'm hoping he was carrying gifts. And they stampeded.

Yeah, come on cows. The expedition lost 25 days rounding them up. Or as he calls it, a pretty good start. He's allowed two and a half years, they're one day in, he's 25 days behind. I mean, at this rate, I mean, we are talking about 230 years. So there were many delays because of Ludwig's treatment of the animals. He had started thrashing the animals as they were being loaded, which would cause them to bolt and he did this repeatedly.

He ignored the party's requests for food until they finally rebelled and he was forced to hunt. Oh, that ought to be good. Ludwig was constantly going in the wrong direction. The men called him on it, brown, quote, that doctor, he go all wrong. Finally, we've got a tag for the poster. For the squeakle. I mean, the other guys had a lot of words, but he really summed it up.

Yeah, it started raining heavily in February. The land became like a marsh and was very, very difficult to cross. They did not have proper clothing or coverage with, which led to mosquito bites, which led to almost every man having a fever or malaria. Fortunately, Ludwig had brought very few medical supplies. Oh, thank God. Well, he's a prepared non-doctor. He's a doctor.

So, and since he didn't have the required medicine, instead, he recommended that everyone exercise. You know why you don't even need medicines, actually. They're overrated. I've heard they cause autism. The joke would go better in suburbs than out here. Don't take any vaccinations. Let's work on those love handles.

That's what's plaguing us. Malaria, more like no core area. Let's go. Polio, I say poli, no. So Daniel Bunce, who was one of the men, said, quote, it was evident from the sinking state of the sick that exercise, as recommended by Dr. Leigh Hart, proved an indifferent substitute for medicine. Weird.

It's so weird. He then reduced the number of meals from three a day to two because he said they were sick due to overeating. Oh, my God. We will return to this time. He ordered a man to accompany him on a recon trip, even though the man was, quote, quite unconscious from his doings. Grab his tail.

He just grabbed a guy and dragged him around the mountain. Let's see. They had to lift him up. They had to lift him up and strap him on the horse. They fucking weakened and burnied him. Oh, my God. When two men became so ill they could not travel, Ludwig just left them behind. And he kept telling them they just had colds.

But then when he got sick, he kept saying he was going to die. Did he do sit-ups? One time, he got sick and began talking about religion and dying. He said he was, quote, down, down, down. Everyone in the party thought he was going crazy. He said, quote, if anything should happen to me, bury me in a spot that can easily be recognized. Still ego after death.

Yeah. But when he was better, he went back to his selfish ways. One man had planted some seeds when they arrived in an area knowing they would be there for a while and vegetables would quickly grow and they could eat them. And then Ludwig cut them in the middle of the night and ate them. Wow. By the end of April, it was a shit show. By the end of April.

They were all sick and it was very difficult for them to care for the animals which kept wandering off. Did not solve that problem between trips? Nope. Didn't do any research into it. You know what? What did I forget the first time? Yeah, there was something.

Something like... There was something. Something. Oh, it was in my draft. String. String. No. No.

Pepper. Ah. Pepper. That's what it was. Yeah. The dog. Dog whistles. Mmm.

All 230 of the sheep and goats wandered off and had to be abandoned. So this is really just a story about liberating sheep and goats. The freedom of lifestyle. Oh my God. There were dengos that were just like, holy fuck. Yeah, they just come back and they're like, well, I saw it again. Another mirage. I wish it was true.

Benz. Quote. Dr. Leigh Hart and, well, my yesterday started in search of cattle and consequently, seven only were left in the camp. Out of those, six were lit up with a fever. The long sufferings of Mr. Brooking had affected his mind. The men decided the best thing they could do would be to wrap up this expedition. Someone was going to die if they continued.

Ludwig disagreed. But eventually he relented. And then he threw a fit on the return. They had to go back six or seven or 800 miles, which took seven weeks. And Ludwig decided to quote, go the whole hog. He helped himself to excessive rations saying he should be able to because he was the leader and therefore had all the responsibility. He eventually took all of the food into his possession.

One man, he wrote, quote, the doctor is indeed the most selfish, greedy man I ever saw. The party split up at Cecil Plains and returned to Sydney one at a time or in small groups having accomplished absolutely nothing. Ludwig noted the entire trip had only cost 600 pounds. No one in his party was paid. And now Ludwig had a damaged reputation as an explorer and leader. He was mocked and ridiculed in Sydney. Some in the party said that Ludwig could get lost on George Street in Sydney.

I mean, for a while last year with the light rail, you could get a little lost on George Street. If you're trying to get from one end of the city to the other, they've dug up a lot of it and you'd have to turn. Anyway, whatever. I just think this is before the light rail was going in. I'm not at his right. Well, have it done in like five years, 700.

This time, Ludwig did not write a book about the adventure or he wrote a report. There was very strong criticism of him for members of his party, but this all just made Ludwig more obstinate and resolute to succeed. Quote, the interior, the heart of this dark continent is my goal and I shall never relinquish the quest for it until I get there. He proposed another expedition to cross from east to west. He now wanted to... Well, he's had one successful, he's had one failure, best that is right.

He now wanted absolutely no men of science in his party. Sure. Boy, Dave, can you... What a lesson. Can you imagine a time when someone is just gifted opportunity after opportunity, fails at the cost of others, continues to get into the winner's circle, writes about it, brags about it, throws everyone against him under the bus and at the end of the day, keeps failing to the top?

No. Okay. I can't either. So he wanted... He wanted one guy who was like, in case anyone doesn't get what this is like, one guy's like Trump, right? I get it. I get jokes.

I'm from the core of insinuations, and I have a theory. Shut up. He said he wanted no one who had questioned his authority. He wrote to family, quote, I want men of good humor, complete elasticity of mind. You want guys like us with you, some cut-ups. Yeah. Funny guys. Yeah.

Yeah. Roasters. Oh, I want a guy like Billy Crystal. Oh, my God, where are we? Bananas. I thought this was a cowboy camp. On February 25th, 1848, Ludwig set off from Darling Downs with, quote, two friends, two hired laborers, and two black fellows.

One was chosen because, quote, he is a connection of mine whose sister is married to my brother. His name was Klassen. He was a ship's carpenter, quote, I believe he will be very suitable for my undertaking, although a land journey is very different from the most difficult sea voyage. All together there were eight men. This time, Ludwig kept it completely quiet and slipped out of town without telling really anybody, quote, he was particularly anxious to avoid any demonstrations. He used money he still had left over from his first two expeditions as well as his grant.

He also used any supplies that were left over. That meant the expedition was poorly equipped. Well, finally. Because of previous trips, he wanted to take the bare minimum. He took 50 bullocks, 20 mills, and seven horses. They had muzzle loading guns and two pistols. Ludwig preferred a sword, which he slung across his back. Oh, I mean, please fall and die upon it.

So newspapers found out about it, and they focused on the fact that he had taken his brother-in-law. I mean, nepotism, well, here we go again. There were many discussions about whether he was actually his brother-in-law or a cousin or a close friend. So the party stopped at the Mr. King's house. Mr. King said, quote, the equipment for Leichhardt's expedition was chiefly composed of the wreck of the expedition to the Mackenzie River.

As Ludwig left King's, he complained of a problem with his heart. Oh, and then his brother-in-law was, quote, suffering from much deafness. So was Ludwig, to be honest. Much deafness. Not all of it. A fair amount. Much deafness. Much deafness.

Who is Moe's deaf grandfather? How are you? I do a lot of stuff with, I keep two leaves, Grandpa. Which way is George Street? So they made it to Roma, which was 50 kilometers west of Morton Bay on April 3rd, 1848. From there, Ludwig mailed a letter to his brother-in-law, basically saying... There was his cousin and his dad. Yeah.

Basically saying it was going to be a tough journey. Then they set out and were never heard from again. You mean they stopped journaling? I mean, that's a real soprano style ending. Well, so everyone thought they were going to be traveling for two years, so no one thought there was a problem for two years. Well, they know with Ludwig's schedule too. That means seven.

By 1850, people started to worry about the party and rumors of a massacre of a white group by aboriginals that spread across the country through aboriginal channels. Many, many expeditions went to find out what had happened. Hovendin Helley, who had been on the second trip, went and found some aboriginal people who said they had seen them and that they had been killed in the middle of the night for not treating some aboriginal women well. Helley? Yes, finally.

A good heckle. This was the start of the Me Too movement. Yeah. Helley believed the party was killed in a massacre. He was told an aboriginal group had followed the party for days and rushed the camp at dawn, spearing all the men. The horses and mules were killed and eaten, the cattle escaped. They would not lead Helley to the site because they feared a response from whites.

There were reports of a wild white man living with the aboriginal people who was supposed to be from the party. The Queensland government hired Jim Gilmour to check it out in 1896, and he found the massacre site and unburied skeletons. But like, I want to say 20 people went out to find out what happened to them. Some died, some didn't. They all wanted to find out what happened to the assholes. You mean competent people who could go explore?

No. Oh, okay. There were a lot of mangy dog burger eaters. There were a lot of stupid dickheads, yeah. So what you're saying is this could be an unsolved murder and this is a crime plot because... We did it. We did it. This is serial now.

Yeah, we're basically serial. Wow. It's just, it's good to have faith in the leader again. Well there seemed to be a time where just anyone could be an explorer. It seems it was here. I mean you still could be technically, right? Like tomorrow, any of us could be an explorer. Are you saying you want to, I'm fucking in first of all, yes, to answer your question

you're about to ask. But you guys promise we'll never fight about honey. Oh my god. Us? No. No. Right? Of course not.

You know how we'll do out there. You guys would like explore pot farms and humboldt. Hard in us for a discovery dickhead. What are you, a cop? You got to tell us if you are. He doesn't. You wearing a wire champ? I think I see a little something coming out of that shirt I don't like the look of.

I've got the munchies but is this dog vegan? Oh man. Oh god. That would be us. Please. Oh my god. Some vegan restaurant has to make dog. Dave, no.

Why? That would be so fucking, or penguin. You're not allowed to pitch vegan recipes. Why? Dog, penguin? Yeah, terrible so far, yeah. It's not real. It's not actual meat.

Why not have penguin? I don't like the framing. What about a puffin? Nothing. No, no, nothing. Bro. No, no to quacca. Okay.

Look, we're not eating them. Oh my god. It's a vegan restaurant that serves quacca and puffa penguin. Dude, this is not Shark Tank. What are you talking about? You have no product, no vegan theory. You're just saying. What a great episode of Shark Tank though.

If a guy came on and was like, so we've all wanted to eat a penguin, right? The business is called Ludwigs and I don't have margins. I don't know what that is. I'm looking for a deal. Mark, I'm looking right at you. Penguin's a really hard business to get into. We're all out. Everybody's fighting for shelf space.

We said we're all out. Okay, I've got a second idea. Don't hit it. Hats made out of palm leaves. I want to see what this is about. Quacca hats made out of palm leaves. I don't hate what I'm hearing. Quacca's with attitude.

Take that spear out of your chest and let's hear what the rest of this pitch is. Well Dave, again, find it totally unrelatable and feel good. One of us, Trace. It's been a good exploration tour. Great explorers. To be honest, I was fine with that. That was just an idiot. I mean, on the scale of things it could have been.

Fair. I feel happy that that's all it was. Still... You know? It says a lot about this podcast too. Well, I mean, be happy you're not going to be in a Hobart. Come with us. You know what, now we're going to Newcastle, England, before Newcastle, Australia.

You mean shitcastle. Guys, thank you so much for coming out. We appreciate it. Give it up for Will Anderson. All right, we'll do an encore podcast. There was a fourth expedition. Also there's a couple of guys in like the third row wearing particularly fancy hats who must have really enjoyed all that hat riffing, I imagine.

Yeah. Oh my God. You too. Thank you guys so much. We really do appreciate it. Thank you guys.