The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 376 - Mince Pie in America

Episode Date: May 7, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds take a deep dive to the not normal history of mince pie in America. TOUR DATESSOURCES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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eyelash-haver owner of dogs man who enjoys a turkey sandwich. Dave Anthony reads a story from American history to his friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Now what's wrong with me letting people know who I am? The things are just not cool or important so it's done. They are important. There's someone out there right now that just was like I like a turkey sandwich. But that's still not it's not it nobody's gonna be like hey you hear that Dave Anthony he likes a turkey sandwich. No that'll never be related. There's people without eyelashes. Oh and so what you're better than them?

No I'm just separating myself. I'm just saying we have different lives. I think it's a rude move then. We have different lives. Well it's just it's probably just not meant for the intro of this show in particular. You could just do another show that's all about you and you could just list off all these useless things and I do mean useless things that you have mentioned about yourself over the past couple years. Since you've started this bit that is just- Unless somebody wants to bring me a turkey sandwich. The version of you that lives in your head is truly bizarre. The real world person. He is a king. He's

the real world. I think what it is is you're just mad because people don't know a lot about you. I'm very comfortable with that. Disagree. And called it quote his jam patch. Jam? I'm the fucking hippo guy. Dave okay. My name's Gary. Is it far fun? And this is not going to come with Tickly Clodcats. Okay. This is like Adam. I'm a five part coefficient. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present that sick argument. Don't sleep down hippo. That's like down hippo. Action partner. Hi, Gary. No. Nice to meet you, my friend. No. No. Roder. Roder in the corn. That was the old one that we used that had the fin in it.

No, they both have fin in it. The new one has fin in it too. Yeah, they both have it. That somehow has made it through both versions. That's weird. Yeah. No, it's weird. Nothing to do with you. No, no. We talked about it on Twitter last night. So people want to see our personal stances on my name and the origin story. They can just go on the Twitter. And someone produce some interesting evidence. Yeah. I don't think. All right. A buddy of mine named James Kirkland self published a book called Friend of the Devil, the Bill Walton Mysteries. And it is so goddamn funny. And it's basically if Bill Walton and Dave Pash, the guy that he calls games with, aside from calling games,

also solved mysteries. And it's a hell of a read. So it's called the Bill Walton Mysteries Friend of the Devil, James Kirkland. Yeah. And I have a new podcast, by the way. It's about the West Wing. Right. And me and writer Josh Olson, who is an Oscar nominated writer, we sit here and we discuss the West Wing. Do you do it here? Yeah. And basically, we talk about the show and how people in our political world have decided to adopt that sort of style of politics as if it's reality when it's a TV show. That's crazy. And good. And good. Because also, the stories you hear about Aaron Sorkin are like, he would just eat a bag of mushrooms and go write an episode. So that's,

actually, I support that. I shouldn't knock them. Yeah. And if you want to watch this, it's on the All Things Comedy YouTube channel. Yeah. So check out West Wing Thing is the name of my other podcast. I think that's all. People keep telling me to say stuff and I always forget. That's my deal. 13th century. Whoa. What? Dad. Yeah. That's a far away to go. I know. Crusaders returning from Europe. Oh boy, yeah. Going deep. Yeah, okay. Crusaders returning from Europe brought three important spices with them from the Holy Land. Gold, frankincense, myrrh. Cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg. Wow. Interesting. They brought others, but those are the big three. Okay. Because there was obviously no refrigeration,

the spices were used as preservatives to combine with fruit and meat to make protein last longer. Interesting. Okay. So one more time, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves. Okay. The spices were used in pies, which started in medieval Europe. So medieval Europe is pie ground zero. I'll say this. Regular Europe's still strong pie territory. Oh yeah. There's still. Oh yeah, there's a lot of pie. There's a lot of pie action going on. Yeah, okay. Pie is an English word. Yeah, sure. I'm not at all surprised. It was first written in the 14th century. The assumption is that it is the same word as magpie. Shortened or the same word. Okay. Magpies are known to collect all kinds of things in their nests. Magpie, I told you

about. The eye eaters? Yeah. Yeah, they're eye attackers. They don't like eyes. That's what Fosdijk told us. Yeah. Right after I maybe smoked a joint with them. Yeah. And yeah, they die from. Magpies try to kill people in Australia, but everything tries to kill people in Australia. That's just there. Although you're talking about Australia and they're like, well, you guys have bears. Yeah, you're like bears. Yeah, but you're like, they're straight forward. When's the last time a bear killed someone except for like a couple months ago? Yeah. Yeah. Besides grizzly man, where you get to slowly hear a man's brain get eaten like a bear. A bear in Canada killed a guy and his wife and it turned out the guy was

a fur. Oh, yeah. Right. So everyone was like, oh my God, some guy and his wife got killed by a bear. It's so sad. And then they're like, oh, they're killing animals or fur. You're like, no, with his Liam Neeson, the bear exists is what happened. So Magpies build a nest with just all the stuff they can find. For instance, so this is what the pie was, right? So whatever you put in a pie, you just throw crap. Okay, gotcha. All right. For instance, a recipe from 1450 included clothes. This is probably, I mean, this is going to be disgusting. Yeah, it's the worst thing ever. Here's a recipe. 1450 beef, beef, suet, capon, suet. So that's like the fat from like the kidney of an animal. It's a fatty. It's a flavoring

fat. Okay. Look, all I need to hear is kidney. Capons? Capons? Capons? I don't know. Capers? It's not caper. I don't know. I've never heard of a capon. So a capon. I'm sure it's capon. Hens, both mallard and teal ducks, rabbits, wood cocks and large birds such as herons and storks plus beef marrow, hard-cooked egg yolks, dates, raisins and prunes. Jesus. Oh, just yum. Get me a fork. Bringing up the end with prunes. So you're just having a bird cow kidney prune pie? Yeah, you're putting everything in there. You really are magpie. Have you never wanted to have beef with stork, heron and woodcock? Well, I would love to try a teal duck or whatever it's called. There was so much meat because for centuries

pie was a way of preserving food. So because it's made into a pie at last longer? We'll get to it. Okay. It was a cool climate food that was baked in a serious thick crust, a thick wall of dough a couple of inches high. Jesus. Okay. So they're not, this is not crust. This is protective layering. That's right. Right. 14th century chef wrote, quote, help. We don't know what we're doing. Send help. We all have diarrhea. And then we're putting it in pies. Quote, have great pie shells and to make them higher, crenellate them and reinforce them so they can support meat. Crenellated meant to decorate it with square notches like on the top of a castle wall. What? I mean, what am I supposed

to picture right now? A castle pie? It's a big pie. I mean, it's a big enough pie that it can have a place for centuries and guards. And a king inside. Put the king inside the pie. The old word for pie crust, the original word for pie crust was coffin, C-O-F-F-Y-N, which meant. That's really appealing. Yeah. Yeah, what's in the coffin? Hey, what's a slice of coffin? It's full of birds. There's kidney in it, too. Sorry, keep banging the table. People got mad last couple of weeks ago and called me. Were they getting, they noticed? Yeah, no, they were screaming at me on YouTube. I didn't look. They just told me. Also, I don't care about you. Okay. Well, I think we did a really good job until then. It was

almost like medieval canning, except inside was almost always meat and outside a crust. So it's a version of canning is what they're doing, but it's a pie. Edible cans. Pie cans. Usually you weren't supposed to eat the crust. Look, I genuinely walk around all the time thinking of how spoiled we are, but this is, so they're making crusted pie. They're making pie and they're like, don't eat the crust. Just eat the melange of things we've thrown in the inside. We picked up every animal we could find on the road and we threw it in there. Don't eat the crust. Just eat the trash bag in the middle. Okay. So, standing pies. Standing pies. Really, it opens up when you get inside. Isn't that two bedroom? That's

gorgeous. Standing pies were where there was no baking dish or pan use. The crust obviously had to be very thick to hold the pie. It's not a pie. I'm just thinking of a deflated football with meat inside of it and crust now. So the crust is there. It's definitely inedible for the standing pie. Standing pies were huge and could be eaten for up to three months. Oh my God. So now we're talking a giant. Just a giant. Huge box. Crust. Yeah. I mean, seriously, like a home. And you're just digging into that, baby. Don't eat the crust. You'll die. Every night you're digging in and pulling out something. What do we have here? Oh, it's a heron. Oh my God. It's a chipmunk. You're just pulling out whatever awesome flavors

in there. Yeah. How big? I mean, how big is it? It's huge because it has to go because if they're eating it for three months every day, probably every meal. I mean, it's a bus. How big is this fucking pie? It's big. It's a big fucking pie, man. Jesus Christ. The largest pie recorded. Tell me the things that I've never heard of before. What? The largest recorded pie in the Middle Ages. Oh my God. Was nine feet in diameter and weighed on 165 pounds. Holy shit. Wow. So you just get to dig into that, baby, for months. So great, right? No. How was the pie today? The same as it was two months ago. Imagine it at like month eight when you're like, man, we're almost through it. We can almost make

a new one. But I don't, here's what I don't understand. Yeah. Why couldn't you just, are they just over buying ingredients? Why couldn't you just? I think if they go out and hunting or whatever and they have a big bunch of kills, what are they going to do with it? You can either turn it into like a jerky situation or this is better because this is like, you know, more flavorful and meaty. Yeah. No, you don't want to waste. I don't think there's anything great for me. I've never had anything better than like a two and a half month old cooked blackberry. Honey, we're going to the Anthony's. Hurry up. They got a pie that's only four months old. So he says there's a heron in it. The big, this big pie. So you're

eating fish, chicken. Yeah, whatever. And beef in the whole thing. It all goes in there. It's like you're eating Noah's Ark. It's all tasty. It's all yummy. That's the term I'm thinking. So this nine foot in diameter pie contained two bushels of flour, 20 pounds of butter, four geese, two rabbits, four ducks. A geese is big. Yeah. Four wood cocks. What's a wood cock? Is it like a little, what's the picture? Is it a bird? Is it a bird? Is it a bird? I don't, I don't want to get dirty here. I'm not trying to either. I haven't said anything. I think it would cost probably a bird. I, but it sounds more like a little woodchucky fella. I bet it. It's a bird. Okay. Yeah. Six snipes, four partridges. And we're

not even going to talk about what the hell a snipe is. A snipe's kind of bird. It's a night bird. You got no clue what you're talking about. A night bird. Two cow tongues, two. Oh, Jesus. God, even the cow tongues are like, we don't want to taste this. Six patients and seven blackbirds. Oh my God. I hope they took the feathers off. Let's just hope that. That's a lot of stuff to put in a pie. So they would cut a hole in the crust, take out what they wanted to eat, like right scoop it into bowls, then plug the hole back up. With what? When a standing pie came out of the oven, they'd pour melted butter through a hole in the crust to hermetically seal it. Okay. Since they were going to be eating

the pie for weeks, they'd throw tons of ingredients in there for more flavoring. This highly seasoned combo of meats who at dried fruit became known as the mince pie. Oh man, mince pies. Got the look on your face. I hate them. My grandmother, every Christmas would make 800 of them. Yeah. And it would be everyone's job to just be like, I love them. Yeah. And you just be like, oh, why? Yeah. But I'm sure those mince pies that I had in comparison to what they were dealing with back then. This is a whole different situation. And you're also trying to survive. Yes, important to have nutrients for sure. Because the spices in a mince pie had come from the Holy Land, they had a religious connotation. After a while,

the Catholic church started teaching that the three spices signified the gifts of the three wise men to the baby Jesus. Well, I was a little ahead of that one. Yeah. I mean, okay. So hi, Jesus. That's when mince pies. Yeah. Well, okay. That's when mince pies became part of a Christmas tradition. Okay. For Christmas, a mince pie was made in an oblong. Have you ever had a mince pie? No. Yeah. And I never will. That's the cool thing. Yeah. Very good decision. Thank you. For Christmas, a mince pie, I'm not a huge pie person. I love pumpkin pie. I'm not a pie person either. I would fuck a pumpkin pie if I could. I love pumpkin pie. Yeah, yeah. So careful with what you say, eyelash. It's legal. In England, it is

a lot of pie. Yeah. A lot of shepherd cottage mince. No, I know. And it's the same. And they do it in Australia. They have a little bit of pie down there. Right, yeah. But yeah, I don't get it. I've never, when every time I've been in Australia, I've looked at the pie and been like, no, I don't want that. Yeah. And they put everything in there. There's all kinds of meats. Yeah. They have a McDonald's called Pie Face. When I was a kid, I used to eat chicken pot pies. Just kind of a thing that's similar. Yeah, that's pie-ish meat. But the last time I ordered a chicken pot pie, I was soundly disappointed. I was like, why did I do this? It's just weird to know that it has a religious context because it

seems so weird that it's pie-us. How do you feel about yourself right now? I don't feel good and I thought I would. For Christmas, a mince pie was made into an oblong shape to represent Christ's crib in the manger. I mean. And the top crust often had a pastry figure of the baby Jesus on top. Sure, right. He put an homage. And I'm sure it looked exactly like it. Oh yeah, no, for sure. Yeah, especially by month four. You're like, Jesus. He doesn't look right, does he? He looks a bit smashed because we've been digging kidney out of him for four months. It was common for the mince pie to have 13 ingredients to represent Christ and his apostles. Oh, this is so stupid. Normal, totally normal. Just

normal stuff. So stupid. Of course, this meant Puritans hated the mince pie. English Puritans believed mince pies were superstitious, adulterous, abominations, and popish. Popish? Popish? Popish? Popish? Is it popish or popish? I don't know. It's probably popish. Whatever. They think it's a, you know, pope-related. Willie, any kind, it doesn't have 13 ingredients in it. We're not crazy. The mince pie was a purely Roman Catholic creation, and therefore evil. They saw Christmas as a pagan holiday. Sure. Oliver Cromwell's Puritan Council abolished Christmas on December 22nd, 1657. Amazing. Yeah. That's what Fox News is worried about. That's right. And yeah, it happened. So they have reason to be scared.

You see, this guy just abolished Christmas? Yeah. Yeah. Christmas was not legal. He canceled Christmas? Canceled Christmas. It was for a while, too. Mince pie was in a... And then some guy just came back and he was like, hey, we're having Christmas again. It's good. It's going to be great. It's good. It's nice. All those things that we've thought of over the years about how we want to make it better will now do. If you stand under this, you're kissing. We're putting this on the fucking tree now. Right? Watch the language. Ah, fuck off. We're back. What are you doing? Oh, I've got you this for Christmas. Is it the pocket? Ah, yeah. Oh, please. That's not right for Jesus. Yeah. What are you doing?

Come on. Come on. Give us a kiss. He's standing under the leaf. Yeah. Hello. Hello, governor. Who's this? Who's this little fella? Is this the governor here? No, no, you're right. Don't touch that in front of the family. Uh, hi. That's our, that's our Christmas. It's our Christmas. Christmas miracle. Minced pie, obviously in a dark place now, because it's part of a Christmas celebrations. Sure. And London soldiers patrol the streets and would take by force of necessary food being cooked for a Christmas celebration, like minced pie. So just... So Christmas raids, Christmas pie raids. Right. Oh, that is crazy.

Some people thought this specifically minced pie was made illegal and minced pie was not. Because the celebrations were... So like a festive cooking of any nature was now just like... They just kick in the door. Well... Where's your fucking points? All right. Give us the goose. We know you're celebrating. Sorry, Miss. Give us your yams as well. It's over. We're done. All right. And we're leaving and no more celebratory cooking. No more religious dishes. All right? All right. Can I put blackbirds in it? You what? Can I put blackbirds in me pie? Oh, no. Let me have a word with him. Boy, she wants to put blackbirds in it, wouldn't she? Yeah, Miss. You know, you know he's not for Jesus. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. All right.

You could do it, but don't be praying around it or anything fancy like that. All right. Um, question. God, oh my. We've got a lot of places to kick the door in and make sure they're not having Christmas geese. What? Can I put the baby on top? Well, that's... Hold on. Just a regular baby. Hold on. Just a regular baby. No, honestly, now she's pushing it because now she's saying she wants to put a baby on it. Oh, God, a baby. What? She says a regular baby, but it's slippery. Yeah, we're thinking it's a slippery slope, right? You can put a baby, but it can no way be the baby Jesus or the baby Jesus. All right? Now, if you refer to it as baby Jesus, we'll be back and we'll put our foot

through your bloody pie. All right. There'd be no more questions either. So don't even sit there trying to come up with one if you've not got it. All right. All right. Yeah, just be a regular baby. Yeah, all right. That's all right, but yeah, you seem very sneaky, so... It's like a miracle, baby, though, because we had a hard time making him. Right, now she's really like a lot of it. He'll be in a little bar. No, no. Right, give us your crust. No. No, no. You're trying to make a baby Jesus on the pie. No. Yes, you are. He's got a miracle, baby. No. Yes, you did. You did. No, he's... That's... No, that ain't trying to be charming. No, come on. Go ahead. Smash the crust. No. Smash the crust. No, that's the baby Jesus. You killed the baby Jesus. I knew it was.

It was quite a valid day to get the answer. So people went back to begging the mince pies round again after the Christmas celebrations were made illegal. So they look like they had nothing to do with Christ, right? So now it's a secret spy, mince pie. Right, yeah, a mince pie. So the Puritans who came to New England brought their mince pie hatred with them. Okay. Some New England colonies passed laws against Christmas. Okay. Plymouth Governor William Bradford called mince pie, quote, idolatry in a crust. Oh my God. Wow. Yeah. I mean, I think we're nuts now, but obviously we have to maybe give credit to humankind a little. Satterists in both England and America made fun of the Puritans hate of

mince pies. It was the perfect symbol of the Puritans fanatical rejection of earthly pleasures. Sure. Yeah, sure. Of course. But mince pie survived underground, living in the shadows through the Puritan rule. So just got like dark areas underground, maybe. Yeah, a secret pie. What's the ghost down here about? Hey boys, get down here. We've got a little bit of a pie club. How many do you want, mate? What's up? It's full. Fuck off. You never, never, never got these from me, right? Those reputation took a major hit in the colonies. In 1733, a writer who was sad about the treatment of mince pies. This guy is hard to root for. Yeah. So he's sad about the mince pies reputation. Sure. He wrote, quote, invade against Christmas pie as an invention of the

scarlet whore of Babylon, the devil and all his works. I mean, I don't have the brain space to figure out what he's saying, but so he's saying they scarlet lettered pie? Yeah, basically. Yeah, the sweet pie has been ruined by the Puritans. So eventually the Puritan rule of New England colonies waned and the mince pie came back in the 1800s. It had stuck around because it was still a good way to preserve meat. How the hell did you stumble upon it? I wish I could tell you, but it just happened. This guy wrote a great article about mince pie and then I just started looking into it and all of a sudden just for hours, just looking at every mince pie story in the 1800s in the newspapers and just reading for hours about mince pie in newspapers. I mean, that's

really what my life was this week. Oh, this is a good mince pie story. Yeah. Honey, come to bed. I can't. I just went down a pie hole. Really? I was down a pie hole. You went to a pie hole? So it sticks around. It's a good way to preserve meat. So as much as you want to try to get rid of it, it's just practical, right? Right. The other, the other ways are to eat dried beef and salt pork, you know? Right. So the gooey concentrated sugars kept bacteria at bay by sucking the moisture out of the meat. Oh, God, just the action verbs in that are just distract. Hot. Sexy. The sucking. Gooey. Gooey sucking bacteria. Yeah. Also spices act as antibacterial agents. So the mince pie wasn't going to go away because Puritans hated it due to it being practical. Mince pie slowly spread out of

New England down the coast, then into the, into the terriers. By the middle of the 19th century, mince pie was popular everywhere Europeans had settled in America. Okay. The popularity may have been due to booze. Mince pie was full of it. Huh. Okay. An American. Is that where pie-eyed comes from, maybe? Oh, yeah, it might be. It might be, yeah. It absolutely might be. And America was settled by European countries. The top 10 alcohol consuming countries in the world today are all European. Right. It's awesome. Drinking was an important part of American culture from day ones. Puritan called alcohol the quote, good creature of God. Well, finally. Yeah. Some sense. Finally, they did one thing. Right. By 70, 70 Americans drank alcohol with every meal.

Booze was in mince pie. Every meal? Every meal. Huh. Every single meal. Interesting. So your morning breakfast cocktail was called an eye opener. So everyone was an alcoholic. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. Well, not everyone. There were some people that did, but most people partake. Okay. Now let's say you're back in this time. Are you partaking? Yeah. Without question. 100%. Yeah. The eye opener sometimes came in the form of mince pie in New England. In the colonies, everyone drank even toddlers. They're already drunk. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, it's great. And Americans only drank more. I mean, it does make, like, I do not think you should do this.

Nobody should do this, but I mean, I would love to hang out with a drunk kid. Oh my God. Like, a drunk like four year old be like, buddy, you are wasted. I can't. Yeah. I mean, I dropped my blocks. I know I say I'm all over the place. I can't do it. Fuck you, Benny. All right. Here we go. Yeah. So as it only increased to Americans only drink more and more as time goes on. Right. As the 1800s come along, everyone's drinking this is largely due to corn being grown in the Midwest. So corn starts being grown out in the rest of the country, which gets turned into whiskey. So now they have even more access to booze. There we go. They were downing 90 bottles of booze a year per person, which includes a millions who didn't drink. So 90 bottles of booze a year

is actually way more for the people who actually drank because there are the people who don't. Right. Wow. 90 bottles. Yeah. Good amount. Yeah. With all the boozing came the abolition movement. And they were hardcore as we've learned. That was when we had a country wide intervention. Yeah. Right. They used to cut down apple trees in people's backyards, abolitionists, because you could use it to make apple cider. Well, you could also eat an apple. No one did that back then. They were just busy. They were pie obsessed. I've never, I probably won't do one about Johnny Appleseed, but Johnny Appleseed was actually a guy. He was popular because he brought apples to be used for booze. It had nothing to do with apples. Wow. Okay. He was there to make people

liquor. Changes. Changes the lore. Loved him. Right. So by the mid 1800s, they had abolitionists had their eye on mince pies with its alcohol content. They saw it as a gateway pie to hitting the bottle. A gateway pie? What an era. It's pie pie past my man. So you take two bites of the pie past to your right. Temperance crazies shunned the pie and Protestant clergyman also still refused to have anything to do with the mince pie. It's pie. Mince pie was so bad that Protestants would sermonize against it. I mean, if you were there, I mean, I have no ambition to go to church at all, but if he's hollering about a pie, I'm definitely like, we should just skip this one. I know. Well, you got hollered pie. You're just like, dude, is there something else that you got?

And from the oven came the sinner's crust. The Reverend Thomas Wentworth Higginson was an abolitionist and a health nut. And in 1860, he described mince pie as quote, very white and indigestible, upon the top, very most and indigestible at the bottom with untold horrors in between. Has he had a pie? Well, probably not because he's Protestant. He probably has never had. Well, there you go. But this approach didn't always work. After hearing Higginson's lecture against mince pies in Chicago, a doctor Collier decided he should try one for the first time. After he did, his cupboard was always stocked with the mince pie. This is, I mean, it's just, it mirrors so many other things. Yeah.

You don't want to listen to that swearing music. We should go get a CD. We should check it out. Yeah. 100%. He's just railing against pie and then there's people like, we got to get our hands on some cards. Jesus Christ, this pie sounds amazing. Yeah. By mid Victorian era, mince pies were considered good luck. So it's switched right to the Puritans now, the most popular, right? Protestants hate it, but now most people are totally on board with mince pie. Right. Okay. Except for the temperance movement and the Protestants. Right. We were probably caught a lot of crossover there. Anyone who ate a mince pie, anyone who ate a mince pie on each of the 12 days of Christmas would have happiness for the next 12 months.

That was proven by, no, that's what it's like a mince pie slogan. That's what they, it's the good luck mince pie thing. I'm starting to think we should get rid of Christmas again. But they had to eat each pie in a different house each night. This is the dumbest thing I've heard. Offered by a friend. What sort of bridge troll riddle is this? So you thought shopping for Christmas peasant was a pain in the ass now. Imagine back in the day when for 12 days you had to go to 12 different people's houses and eat fucking pie and eat mince pie. There's a lot of quit like as far as like people, nobody's going to be home because everybody's out trying to eat pie at someone else's house. Yeah. It's a fucking shit show. You over 12 days have to go to 12

different houses and eat 12 different pies that are offered to you. It's the biggest nightmare that we've ever heard. Here we go. Look who's back. It was considered extremely unlucky to refuse a mince pie. Oh, as the nightmare. Oh, God. Yes. Shit. Want another one Ralph? Oh, shit. Fuck me. Yes. You guys talk about pie. You want one? No. I want to die. You just want a pie? No. I said die. I said die. Well, you can't say no. It's bad luck. You have to. Oh, God. I'm going to throw up. So Ralph died last night. How? Pie died. Well, that happens. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Yeah. No, it's good luck, though. He's going to have a good 12 years or months. Who cares? As the Industrial Revolution took over, mince pies went from something made in the home kitchen

to being cranked out in commercial bakeries. Finally. The best kind. Yeah. Mass marketed pies. There had always been jokes about what was in mince pie. Sure. Like a popular story about how a man had cut up his old leather pants and served them to friends as the main ingredient in a mince pie. So everyone has their urban stories. Funny stories like that about the time that guy put his pants in a pie. That's right. Right. So just kind of cute, like, you know, lore of the day about how a guy cut his pants up and fed it to people. That's right. Yeah. Just kind of light little tales about normal humans who are just throwing their pants inside of crusts. Sure. That's correct. Yep. Okay. But now that pies were being mass produced, the mince pie became the original mystery

meat. Okay. So it's the first mystery meat. Like you don't know what's in it. Right. Right. Charles Dickens novel, The Pickwick Papers includes a gross out joke about a London pie maker who uses stray kittens as his pie filling. That's funny. What? This wasn't kittens and pie. Yeah. Well, there's no way that wasn't happening. Oh, why kittens? What do you mean? So people are hungry. Of course, people are going to be grabbing cats and rats and dogs. Anything you can and putting in a pie. Like if you live in the if you're in the upper class, of course, you're going to be eating geese and ducks, but the poor people are putting whatever they can in a fucking pie.

Yep. Okay. This wasn't. This isn't exactly a stretch because food was unregulated. So there's no regulation in food this time. So the pies were considered not now either. Yeah, there it really is. I mean, they totally rolled the bag. Yeah. The pies were considered such a who the fuck knows what's in their item that everyone air quotes who had been who had known someone, right? Known someone who had bitten into a piece of newspaper or buttons but streetcar transfers like someone everyone knows a friend, you know, my buddy Larry bit into a pie and there was a button in there. It's that kind of thing. He ate a tire. Yeah, there's tire in the pie. Larry. Okay. So some people are just and now that's just kind of

like an urban legend or that. Yeah, it's one of those things where so mince pie is such a who knows what the fuck's in there that people are just like making shit up about. No, my buddy, there was a tin can and one. And so is it just because it's minced? So like at this point, are they're mincing the meat to a point? Yeah. Okay. I think with the commercial pies, just fully minced meat, you really don't know what's in there. Okay. So it's like meat. It's like McDonald's, right? Although we'll totally advertise for you. So there's a McDonald's commercial in Germany. A woman is in a tree. She's a protesting. She's like a one of those people who goes up in a tree to stop people from cutting on the tree as a guy on the ground who is a

Lubberjack or whatever he's there to cut down the tree. And they're having a standoff. Sure. And then it goes into the night and then they're both sitting there in the lights of the McDonald's arch comes up because there's a McDonald's nearby and they see it and then they cut to her accidentally dropping a McDonald's wrapper. Wow. So talk about a 180. Yeah. That's cool. So the tree hugger has can't get over how good McDonald's is. That's right. Okay. Sure. That's right. Sure. Well, I'm glad you're watching normal stuff. Someone sent it to me. Someone just sent it to me. You got to see this one. So commercial by commercial pie became the go to example of a changed America. What was once cooked at home was now came in a can. So pie pie. Yeah,

mince pie comes in a can. The whole idea was that it was a can. Yeah, but now it's now they're no but not to you can't ship a pie crust around you got to ship it in a can right a canned mince pie. Does that sound good to you? That sounds pretty good. Yeah. Well, considering that a fresh one sounds terrible. One from a can is always better. Much better. Yeah. America always find a way to make some of the sound it probably made when it came out just like the cranberry sauce out of the jar like that. There it is. There's dinner. There's my pie. Just fucking reprehensible. Mince pie became the king of pies in America on Christmas Eve 1871. The New York Times described a pie wagon driver whose wagon was filled with hundreds of mince pies. So many required two

horses to drive it as it delivered the pies to customers. In the 19th century, people who loved mince pie called it quote unquestionably the monarch of pies. Why does it have to be royal? The great American viand. I don't know what that is. Viand. An American institution and as American as the red Indians. It's as American as a mince pie. It's American as racism. Yeah, right. Also, more and more booze is being added to mince pies. Well, that explains some of the popularity. It really does. According to the Times, mince pie was now a quote sacred and cherished American institution even though everyone agreed, even people who loved it, that it caused indigestion, nightmares, and if you ate too much, disordered thinking, hallucinations and even death.

What? I mean, the pie side effects read like a pill commercial. What? You're going to have high nightmares? Indigestion, nightmares, disordered thinking, hallucinations, and even death. I mean, like two of those I want, but okay, so. So they're strongly associated with nightmares, like mince pie nightmares just like. Really? Yeah. Yeah. From the Topeka citizen in 1886 headline. That is insane. Yeah. Okay. Headline. Mince pie unquestionably the most reliable nightmare hatcher ever invented. What is happening? Quote, one plane innocent looking mince pie will furnish enough nightmares to go around three or

four times. What does that even mean? It's like the weights and measures don't even matter. I think he's saying that it just one pie he'll eat long enough to get three or four nightmares. So it's going to be over three or four days. Right. I once slept with a personal friend who had recently filled himself with mince pie. That's a really weird way to say that a guy ate a mince pie. He had filled himself with a mince pie. He had turned himself into a human pie himself. He was a large able athlete. I woke suddenly to find him sitting on my bosom with both hands grasping my sunny locks before consenting to share by couch with a friend. I now ask, have you eaten mince pie since last week? If he says yes, I do not trust him. I have all the

excitement I need with my own personal mince pie nightmares. That is the craziest thing that's ever been in a paper. I mean, what did he just say? His friend ate a mince pie and he woke up and the guy was on his bosom playing with his beautiful hair. Yeah. And then now he always does a pie check with his pals. That's right. Hey, well, I want you to sleep on the couch with me, obviously, but when was the last time you had a mince pie? I can't even last week. If you, within the week, I mean, he's going back a week on the pie. Not even that day. He probably doesn't have a lot of friends. During the Victorian era, people got super into health fats. People took all kinds of digestive cures sold by quacks, which fit in nicely with the

eating of the mince pies. And diet fads were big as everyone sought to calm their stomachs. One was Fletcherism named after the diet guru Horace Fletcher. Okay. It said you should chew each bite at least 32 times. Okay, well, that's quite a lot of chewing. This would lead to shitting out, quote, a digestion ash in little balls ranging in size from a pea to a so-called queen olive. Okay, Dave, look, I don't want to, nobody wants to relive what you just said. I don't want to relive it. But what the hell did you just say? This guy is saying if you chew your food 32 times when you shit, it's going to be like ashing a cigarette. Well, it's going to turn into a digestive ash. Digestive ash? Which is, you know, turns into small little balls when it

comes out as poop. Is he thinking of rabbits? The size of a pea or so-called queen olive. A queen olive? So you're shitting out little pellets. And he's like, this is the way to go. It's the way to go. It's the most healthy thing to do. Sure, is to have an ash hole. That's correct. Okay. It would also, quote, have only the odor of hot clay or a hot biscuit. Okay, so just not that again, nobody wants to relive it, but this man is suggesting that if you chew your food 32 times, you'll poop like a rabbit and it's going to smell like biscuits. Okay, ready to move on. Just wanted to make sure we had that. This is a very popular diet in America for years. Great. And people were pellet pooping? Yeah, well, apparently. Okay.

But mince was known for being notoriously indigestible. Harper's published an attack on mince pies, quote, we are fond of pies and tarts. We cry for pie when we are infants. Pie and countless varieties waits upon us through life. Pie kills us finally. What is that? What sort of weird dark poem is that? Read it one more time. I'm sorry. Yes, we are fond of pies and tarts. That's a crazy start. We cry for pie when we are infants. Pie and countless varieties waits upon us through this life. Pie kills us finally. Okay, pie kills us finally. It's a great last line. Pie kills us finally. All right. In 1888, semen George Humphries died of yellow fever while out at sea. But after the ship returned to port, a doctor investigated. Turns out on the ship,

they'd celebrated Thanksgiving. Oh, no. Cook made a dozen mince pies. Three mince pies were not eaten and stored away in the ship's locker, quote, George Humphries of Bridgeton, who was on watch became hungry. He ate a pie, then he devoured a second pie, and then sent a third pie homeward. That means it's tummy, I think. Okay. The day after his binge, George became ill. He died soon after and was buried at sea. Quote, loaded up with pies he had been, no stones were needed to sink his body. The crust was heavy enough for that. They say the same thing happened in Bin Laden. That's right. Yeah. That's how he, yeah. They got him. It was reported, the doctor said, quote, you do not need to use an anchor. I understand,

but merely a tin of pie, merely tie a pie to the chain. So this is the doctor of the ocean? Well, the doctor, it's an anchor doctor. Anchor, doctor anchors. He understands anchors. Sure. As well as, as well as ships, it seems. Yeah. It's because obviously if you do throw a pie as an anchor. That's right. It works. Right. I was just going to finish it by saying it works. Yep. The Philadelphia Inquirer reported there was nothing wrong with the pies, quote, not rotten or poisoned or contaminated mince pies. Mind you, just mince pies. What does that mean? That's what had killed them. Oh, okay. They're saying there was nothing wrong with them. They were just ordinary mince pies. Okay.

But that's what happens. So now we're about to have pie fever? Well, no, you got to, this is the chance you take when you eat mince pies. Right. Yeah. No, it's a definitely risky pie. But for every scary tale of mince pie deaths, newspapers published poems, essays, and editorials about how awesome mince pies were. The state newspaper of South Carolina wrote how great mince pie was in creating a better America because in the early days, quote, it thinned out the weak ones. That argument is probably not good. Were people that in touch with reality that they were just like, why can't we be like that now? Yeah, it'll just thin the herd. That's the Cato Institute of Mince Pies. In 1888, lumberjacks in a logging camp were described as eating mince pie three

times a day. That's a lot of nightmares. In 1899, the Des Moines Register wrote about Charles King and Kling, a New Englander who intended to control all pie product in New England, quote, he claims his pies are sanitary and that henceforth, dyssepsia and mince pie dreams will be unknown in England. Dyssepsia is a indigestion. Okay. So he's trying to get rid of heartburn. He's saying his pies are sanitary and it gets rid of heartburn and no more nightmares. This is the pie cure. It's a clean mince. Right. Okay. Finally, right. Finally, someone created clean mince. Finally, right. Kling said he knew more about mince pie than any other man because he was brought up in, quote, a pie atmosphere. Oh yeah. Does anyone need to see

any paperwork? Because I think we all trust him. Clearly, he's being honest. He was brought up in a pie atmosphere. As a boy, he drove a wagon. My father was a pie. He raised me to be a little pie, but unfortunately, I was a boy. As a boy, he drove a pie wagon and always knew pie was his destiny. Yep. So pie atmosphere checks out. He has devoted as much thought and one time, mother walked in on father having his way with a pie sexually. He'd put a glory hole in the crust. His story was eventually turned into a high school romantic comedy. Wouldn't all pies of the whole of them be called a glory hole pie? Oh man. Because it's glory once you get in there. That's how you really freak out the religious. That's right. Also, we're having sex with the

pies now. Oh my lord, my lord. Oh, how do I get one? Oh my lord. He has devoted as much thought and time to pie as Nikola Tesla to electricity. And both not, I mean, very similar to. Yes. Yeah, we've got the pie guy and then Tesla. Both have done a lot of stuff. He called his brand of pie the sanitary pie. Sure. A lot of new English were upset by his move for pie dominance. The Chamber's Journal, quote, some grumblers objected to the innovation on the ground that one of the chief attractions to the New Englander was the weird and rousing nightmares, which. Who? Who? Is this from the tourism department? Well, so it's like you take an ayahuasca or some shit. They want the nightmares. Right. Right. So. This is their version of mushrooms.

Right. So this guy shouldn't be doing this. They want cow pie. That's right. So, and rousing nightmares which supervise on the hearty feast of a mince pie and vary the monotony of pastoral life. So he's like, I'll make pies that won't make us lose our minds of people like you idiot, we eat the pies to trip. I want to go crazy at night. We're tripping on pie. I got to eat the pie if you want to trip later. But then I assume that was it because there were no more stories after him announcing that he was going to be the pie. So this man just made the proclamation and then that was it because people were like, we like our nightmares. Yeah, people were not into the sanitary pie. That happens that there are certain fish that people like in

certain areas like will, if you eat the fish, you will trip. Really? Yeah, trip hard too. Like, yeah, like have like crazy ass fever dreams. If you eat like that, you eat the head and that and you're just like crazy. I didn't want that at all. I got to do. So also, they started putting less and less meat in pies. Okay. After a while, it was just sweat. Are they are is it becoming like it? So it's coming closer to what you know is a mince pie. Right, but it's also because they're now able to store food better. Yeah, I think that I think that there's so the pie is now there's a change in how you can store meats and a change in how you can do things with meat. So there's less reason to have it in a pie. Right. Okay. So they just still do the the

suet, which is the the fat. Right. Be fat or whatever it is. Dried fruits like raisins seeped in brandy or rum. Yep, this sounds very familiar to what I've had. The temperate's movement began to swing the pendulum back the other way. They attacked mince pie because of its liquor content and the courts did not help either. A judge in Pittsburgh made a court ruling on mince pies in 1907. Okay, the people versus pie. A man had beaten his wife and children causing them to flee their home. After learning the man had eaten three pieces of mince pie. Shut up. Judge Miller ruled mince pie consumption was accentuating circumstances. This guy pled pie? Are you kidding? The judge placed some of the blame on the wife for serving him mince pie.

Oh my God. What? Your Honor, my client here, unfortunately, was out of his control. He was out of his mind. He'd had three pies that this woman fed him. You harlot! Yeah. I mean, a lot of papers I read like mocked the judge for this thing, but it's so legal. Yeah, that guy was like, I can't believe that worked. Some people agree with the judge, many did not. The Democrat and Chronicle wrote, quote, the mince pie is denounced as hypocritical, seductive, indigestible, a promoter of nightmares, an arouser of the liver to rebellion, an invitation to man's most vicious impulses to assert themselves and do their worst. All such talk is slanderous, insincere, and reprehensible. Wait, is that pro pie or anti pie? He's pro pie. He's very mad about the judgment

against pie. The writer goes on because he thought mince pie was delightful, quote, it is a beneficent home influence, a domestic harmonizer, an agency for peace in the family. This is so insane that nobody can just be like, it's also just pie. Just so we all know it's also just a pie. This pie made me kill my wife. You fool, this pie will give you strength. You'll be stronger than any man. If the Chicago magistrate should take the trouble to make a thorough investigation, he would probably find that the unfortunate man whose case had been noted was demoralized by being deprived of mince pie. Probably his wife refused to make it or didn't know how. We think there was a second pie. So he literally... Yeah, he's grassy, nolling pie.

So the judge blame mince pie, and now he's blaming the wife. Right, right. So at least everybody's wrong. Yeah, so at least nobody here is saying like, hey, this guy's a deck who beats his family. Right, yeah, right. That guy was like, I can't believe how well this is going to be. No, I wasn't saying anything, sir. I was trying to turn off the ringer. My nephew sent me a message bad timing. So the Chicago magistrate... Oh, I already did that. So meanwhile, the wife is just sort of like, this is fair. I'm glad this kind of went this way. Yeah, I mean, it's really... Later that year, Albert Allen of Chicago was arrested for shooting his wife in the head. Oh, God, what is about to happen? Allen explained, quote,

Well, you know, officer, I had had a couple of pies that night. I probably shouldn't have been hollering at her. Quote, I ate three pieces of mince pie at 11 o'clock and got to dreaming that I was shaking dice. The other fellow was cheating and I tried to shoot his finger off. When I awoke, I was holding the pistol in my hand and my wife was shot. Okay. So he killed his wife and he blamed it on pie. So the stakes are getting higher. Wow. Okay. In 1907, the Secretary of Treasury and Chairman of the Republican National Committee, George B. Cortelou was suddenly the focus of presidential talk after an article was published that his lunches often consisted of mince pie. The press then thought he must be running for

president. What? Because he's, they're saying he's like, oh, look, I'm like you, New Englanders. I'm a mince pie eater. Well, obviously he's running for president. He had pie. Quote, some of the Yankee papers insinuate that the publication of the Cortelou luncheon menu meant the launching of the Cortelou presidential boom. While others think the revelation of Mr. Cortelou's pie eating proclivities makes him the ipso facto and par excellence, the New York England, the New England candidate. Cortelou apparently also enjoyed clam pies for breakfast. Oh my God. That man should not be in charge of anything. And I assume, I assume that's just like a clam chowder maybe.

But who wakes up and is like chowder? That's what I'm in the mood for. Chowder. You know it goes great with coffee. Some hot clams. The article went on, quote, mince pie has helped make him what he is. He is not the man to turn his back upon his friends nor to use them as his ladders. No, no, this man eats pie. If he goes to the White House, mince pie will be honored there. There it is. Mince pie was the jam. There was no other pie like a mince pie in America. It was eaten as an entree and as dessert and in parts of New England as breakfast.

It was eaten year round, though it was more popular in winter. Everyone had mince pie on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We're so fucking wasted on mince pies right now. It's crazy. I can't drive dude. I had too many mince pies earlier. Apparently there was a time when one was supposed to settle down and eat less mince pie. What? What the hell did you just say? There was a time when people were supposed to settle down and eat less mince pie. When a man gets little, his partying days are over.

Yes, well my pie days are over. I'm looking for a lady to marry. I've got to settle down. I've had my fun. I've had my night on the pies, but unfortunately now I'm a little bit older. I'm looking for a lady to kill when I've had a slice or two. According to the Trenton State Gazette, quote, this time comes in lives of some men when they are obliged, for the sake of other members of the family afraid of nightmares, to refrain from eating mince pie.

Well, I've quit pie. But their knowledge that there are others who appreciate it and who can eat it with temerity and a knife out to give some of them joy, whether it does or not. What? So he's living through others who are still eating pie. Right, he's living pie cariously. Jimmy, tell me about the pie you ate since I can't or else I'll kill my wife.

Well, I don't want to rub your face in it, but it's so good. There's so much stuff in it that I'm not aware of. Maybe, maybe it's worth it to kill my wife. Oh, I'm having so many nightmares. In 1908, when a Yankee physician claimed a mince pie was bad for America's health, the New Orleans Daily State's paper shot back, quote, the Republican dynasty at Washington may overthrow the federal constitution, the rights of the states and pluck the stars from the blue field of the national ensign,

but the mince pie will continue to be the nation's comfort and pride. Boy, that's quite a hill to die on, isn't it? He pretty much, they pretty much said everything about America doesn't matter except for mince pie. Yeah, and you want to tear up the constitution? Fuck. In 1909, a 50-pound mince pie was given to President Taft by New York. Oh, God, and he was like, no.

No, he loved mince pie. But a 50-pound mince pie? It's a big pie. These are the same. Because he gained weight in office. Yeah, he's big boy. It probably could all be associated to that. It could be the whole pie.

It was given to him by New York Bakers. You swear to eat the pie, the whole pie, nothing but the pie? A pie. All right. So it was given to him by New York Bakers for Thanksgiving, for his Thanksgiving meal. Okay. It was liberated in Oak case.

He was also sent a 26-pound possum from Georgia. Yeah. What is a secret Santa? Who is in charge? All right. So what are we going to give Taft? We all know he's in charge. He's a big shot.

We want to grease the palms a little bit. So we got our 50-pound pie. Anything else we want to throw in there? I found a big, fat possum we should put in there. That's a great idea, Harry. That's a great idea. All right. So we're going to give him a 50-pound mince pie,

and then we'll just give him this 26-pound possum. All right. I think that's it. We put a ribbon on it, get her out the door. Jesus. Mince pie was the main food item Americans longed for when they were traveling in other countries. Once an immigrant came to enjoy the taste of mince pie,

it was a sign he or she was assimilating into American life. You're one of us now. I feel sick. Yeah, yeah. That's right. You're going to have horrible nightmares. Don't keep your firearms near the bed. Congress debated making alcohol illegal.

At a House committee hearing on a bill to make alcohol illegal, congressmen mocked the prohibitionists. Theodore Sutro, quote, If the law can say to a man thou shalt not take a sip of wine or beer or whiskey or brandy, it can by the same authority say to him thou shalt not take a mouthful of mince pie. I give it as my firm belief that as many murders have been committed by dyspectics, whatever, indigestioners, made dyspectic by too much mince pie, as by men inflamed by strong drink.

This is not, like, it's so similar to all the dumb debate, like, when does life begin? Totally. When is a pie a pie? When is a pie alcohol? When is it a food? What comes first, the pie or the ingredients in the pie? Yeah, that's a great question. After the guy made this connection, the committee hearing reimbursed into laughter.

The representative of the women's Christian temperate union said there would be no mince pie rider attached to the bill. The women's Christian temperate union had already endorsed a pie that was made without liquor. What the hell kind of garbage pie is that? Thank you. The temperate bill did not pass on that occasion, so the mince pie question was left unanswered. In 1910, Dr. Fenton Turk of the Chicago, of Chicago, sorry, not the Chicago. No, no, no, the one.

Gave a lecture during which he declared, quote, the graceful self-controlled Turk is the superior of the nervous Lank New Englander. What does that mean? He's saying that the Turks are, the New Englanders are weak and anxious, basically. And the Turks are awesome people. Okay. The guy's name is also Fenton Turk. Sure, I was going to.

This was due to diet, he said, specifically baked beans and mince pie. He said the mince pie, which their systems could not assimilate, were slowly reducing New Englanders to brutes. Everyone laughs and then go to a Patriot game. Quote, mince pie and baked beans are bringing about the deterioration of the people of New England. I love how he throws baked beans in there too. He's like, plus these beans ain't helping anything.

Can I mix those together? The Boston Globe responded, quote, the aspirations cast by the learned doctor on our mince pie and baked beans, we can overlook, but we most respectfully resent being rated as inferior to the Turk. Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah. A few years later, French psychoanalyst André Tridon said all Americans were going down because of mince pie and corned beef and cabbage. He said.

Good odor to the people. Yeah, he said that the natural advantages Americans have over other white men are largely dissipated by the neglect of the American stomach. Well, it's good to be able to root for this guy, obviously. We have a hero. Yeah, we finally have a man rises. And the reason why you're no longer fully superior to other races is pie. You're pie eaters.

Quote, Americans are the worst eaters in the world. Your atrocious corned beef and cabbage and your horrible mince pie are but examples of your unspeakable menu. And like society today was like, buddy, hold up. Oh, we just get started. Are you kidding me? Have you ever had a hot dog pizza? Yeah, we're putting pizza in pizza now.

When the stomach fails, the race begins to die out. The true American has already begun to disappear. You are too much addicted to your mince pie and kindred gastronomic nightmares to give them up. They will be your downfall. It is the black man who will succeed him as ruler. Jesus, this guy, this guy. He's French. Yeah, OK.

That's still no excuse. What Trudeau was not aware was that black Americans loved mince pie as much as whites. So his fear of a black-dominated America due to mince pie was not going to happen. The nation's largest black newspaper, The Chicago Defender, still recommended eating mince pie for breakfast. Ugh. Yeah. Because it beats clams.

Well, yeah. In 1912, mince pie started to take heat for being bad for young women's complexions. Oh, there's a lot of twists in this road, Dave. Yeah, well, now the right to the Temperance Union is the temperance ladies are doing everything they can to take down mince pie. Dietitians had come out against eating mince pies. Several colleges in New England then forbid restricted pies for female students. Lillian Russell wrote a beauty column for the Kansas Weekly Capitol,

and she wasn't having it with this attack on mince pies. Quote, the girls at Mount Holyoke are not permitted to have mince pie at all. Wellesley girls are allowed to mince pies three times a year. What do college girls know about the technicalities of digestion? At the school girl age, there is no sensation in the functions. I mean, everybody's insane. It is not a tribute to higher education that they admit they are rearing a class of girls who cannot digest mince pie.

What is going on? It is amazing how it just is like everything else. But now we're at the point where it's like, look, if you're not careful, other races will rise up. And also women, you can't have any. Okay, are we clear? White men, go! Matt Holyoke had indeed barred mince pie,

but they did it because it made the girls very tired after eating it, and they couldn't concentrate in class. So then everyone else just ran with a complexion story and took it. It's the classic propaganda. The Reno Gazette Journal then satirically wrote that they should use mince pies on patients for surgery. Oh, very drill. The story headline was, mince pies is an opiate.

From the Huntington Herald, January 14, 1918, headline, quote, mince pie and pigs feet, guess the rest. I will not guess the rest. What the hell is happening? Grant Reitzman, night jailer at the county prison, ate heavily of pigs feet and mince pie. Single? Is he single?

Yes, I thought maybe. Well, we don't know. He might not be. Well, I died of pig feet. He's a prison guard. While he dosed, a nightmare came. Grant began to shoot up the place and was standing on the stone steps of the jail in his bare feet when Sheriff Omar Brown aroused him.

He explained that he dreamed jail delivery was in progress. Obviously, it was because of the mince pies. Did he end up killing anyone or he just? I didn't say he'd be killing anyone, but he was just shooting at the jail. He was actually shooting? Yeah. Wow.

But mince pies, so it's not his fault. I'm starting to wonder. My friend Jesse Aguilar, when we were in college together, would always say, I'm not responsible for what I do when I drink tequila. And this is the same thing. Well, I'm not going to fight with your buddy, but he is responsible. What a horrible thing to hear.

He's a teacher now. Hey, I'm eating three pies. So who knows what's going to happen? You guys might die. All right, I love pie. When the 18th Amendment was passed and alcohol became illegal in 1919, liquor lobbyists started to carve out a loophole that made exemptions for cooking with alcohol.

Their efforts paid off when they won a court case. Chicago's old distillery versus prohibition enforcement officials. Booze in the kitchen was back. So liquor could be used. So you could just bake booze. Yeah, so it could be used for cooking, but it was regulated. You needed a license. Still, most of the booze that was supposed to end up in

like mince pies found its way to the black market. Oh, weird. Interesting. But mince pies also changed. It became a booze pie. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm sure it was loaded with booze. The Chicago Tribune did a study and the average content. We shot a pie.

Can I get a pie on the rocks? The average content of canned mince pies was 14.12%. Wow. What, a pie? This is much more than a can of beer. It's a glass of wine. Yeah, with more than that. It's like a huge shot of whiskey.

At a hotel trade show where the cans of mince pie were available, a man said, quote, I love pie. His friend responded, here's how. Then the two men clink their plates together like wine glasses and ate their pie. When lawmakers passed and started enforcing food and drug laws, they found most commercial mince pie did not have any meat in it at all. So what, it was just a rum crust?

It was just rum and dried fruits. Mince pie slowly began to fade after this. No one knows exactly what the cause was. There's different theories. The bad commercial version slowly killed off the homemade pie, improved in mass availability of refrigeration. But no one really knows. But what we do know is when World War II came along, the apple pie

supplanted the mince pie. Suppplanted the mince pie and it became the American pie and the mince pie just vanished as an American thing. It's still in England. They still have it for holidays. Yes. But mince pie, I mean, maybe still in New England, I don't know, but mince pie in America is not something

we do for any holiday that I know of. I mean, I would be surprised if people knew what mince pie is. Yeah, I had no idea until I started reading this. But in England, it's a thing. Still totally a thing. Yeah. But in America. No, it's still sold in packaging, still very holiday themed.

My guess is that the one refrigeration, but the commercial can pie, like if you're all eating a shitty version of something, you just stop eating it after a while. Boy, that is crazy. That is just nuts. OK, well, so pie. Who knew? Well, they've another normal history.

Yeah, and I'm sorry. Yes, you should be. Thank you. Thank you.