The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 382 - Colonel Harland Sanders

Episode Date: June 11, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the life of Colonel Harland Sanders.TOUR DATESSOURCES REDBUBBLE MERCH

You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is a Buy American History podcast. Each week, I, Macho Dave Anthony. Well, this is, I like this, you can't handle what you're doing. Stop. Get your dumb face. It's a story from American history. You're killing yourself.

To his friend. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. It's not. It's not Macho. No. No. It's not Macho. No.

No. No. Nope. It's Pico Emilito. Uh-huh. Pito. No. Dave.

Pico. No. Pico's a. Pico's a, almost a salsa. So you might want to. Pequeño. Pequeño Emilito. He should probably just start the song.

Little boy. Little boy. And called it, quote, his jam-packed. Jam-packed? I'm the fucking hippo guy. Dave, okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary.

Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not going to become a tickly podcast. Okay. This is like an up-five-part coefficient. My room's a play. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments.

No, sleep down hippo. No, sleep down hippo. Actually, partner. Hi, Gary. No. I sleep down, my friend. No. No.

Roda, Roda, in the car. September 9th, 1890. Year of our Lord Jesus Christ. Harland, David Sanders was born on a farm near Henryville, Indiana. Okay. That's about 50 miles north of the Kentucky border. Okay. Well, I really don't know how this country is set up.

Whenever I hear what's close, this is a different time. Well, right now we can tell you that based on what I just said, Indiana's above Kentucky. Right. But do they touch today? Yeah, they haven't moved. Okay. See, that shocks me. That's the same thing with people like, yeah, it's right near how Pennsylvania is near Ohio.

I was like, wait, what? What? You've never looked at a map? I think I've looked at a map. Even today, I had to look where Vermont was. And I was like, oh, wow. Like if someone put a map in front of you and said, label every state? We're going to do that.

It would not go up. We're going to do that during a, that'll be, that'll be for Patreon. That's it. That's going to be like, there's going to be eight Indianas. And then after that, we'll do the world. Oh, dude, go fuck yourself. We ain't doing the world. And be like, so all this is China?

I think so. Is it not? So he described to Henryville as a community where, quote, later he did. A man that usually had only one suit that he got to get married in, then he put it away and didn't have it on again until they laid him out in a casket. That's perfect. That's the perfect amount of suits. It is 100%.

You wear it two times and one of those times you're dead. Yeah. Perfect. No notes. His father Wilbur was a butcher. His mother was a Christian. He was a strict Christian, constantly warning her children of the eaves of alcohol, tobacco, you know, gambling.

Right. So kind of a fun mom. His parents had two more kids, a boy and a girl. When he was five, his father died, came home with a fever, and that was it. He was out. See ya. Someone comes home with a fever, you're like, I don't like it. Yeah, it's not going to happen.

It's before 1900, for sure. You're out. His mother, Margaret, then had to go work long hours at a local canning factory. I read somewhere that she would sometimes do three-day shifts in a row, but I don't know if that was true. Three-day shifts? Yeah. She would have to be at the canning factory for three straight days.

They're not doctors. Well, back then nobody cared. Just work? Yeah. It's not like today where people are like, hey, we want to have you aware and we'll pay you a lot of money to not work a ton of hours. Except doctors. Where they're like, you should still work for your hours straight.

For every industry in America. At five, Harlan started to look after his siblings, because his dad was dead, his mom's working, cooking the meals, doing the whole thing. Quote, we didn't have any babysitter, but we got along fine. We knowed enough not to burn down the house. So I'm guessing there wasn't a lot of time for English. Well, yeah. I mean, it doesn't sound like it really.

Yeah. That's fine. I understand. Yeah. When Harlan was 12, his mom remarried and they moved to Indianapolis. He did not get along with his stepfather and within a year he left home. How old is he? He's 12.

He's 12. Okay. He's out. Right. For three years, he bounced around Indiana, working various jobs. Farmhand, horse carriage painter, street car fare collector. Even went to school for a bit when he's living on his own, but he dropped out in the sixth grade.

Quote, the teacher started us on algebra. She kept saying X equals the unknown quantity. That didn't sound no good to me. If there was no known quantity, I wanted to find out about it. Else, I didn't want to mess with it. That's where me and the school parted. This is where me and him come together. This is your spirit animal?

Yeah. This is the guy who doesn't know that Kentucky's next door. I like this. In 1906 and 16, he lied about his age and enlisted in the army. I'm 14. That'll do. He was deployed to Cuba, but he got severe C-signist during the trip to the island and that resulted in him losing 41 pounds.

Oh my God, it's 16. That one I'd have to check. What do you weigh? You weigh like what? 150? I know. Especially back then, probably 140? It didn't say how much you weighed.

You're losing like a third of your body mass. I mean, it's not great. Okay. He hated the military. His main task was taking care of mules. I wonder what part of the military he didn't like. That's the fun part. Yeah, for sure.

After four months, he was honorably discharged. I read somewhere that they found out what age he was, but who knows. Right. It might have just been he'd just done a really good job with the mules. Right. So they're like, get out of here. You peaked. He moved to Alabama and got a job cleaning locomotive engines.

So that's a cool game, for sure. And then he worked his way up to a steam engineer stoker, which is known as a fireman. So I think that's where you're throwing the coal in there, I guess. It was there he said he picked up the habit of swearing like a sailor, which would continue for the rest of his life. Nice. In 1909, Harlan met and married Josephine King in 1910. They had a daughter, Margaret.

So he's 19 years old. He's got a kid. Sure. Just the way it's supposed to be. Yep. In 1912, they had a son, Harlan, Jr. Harlan became heavily involved in the brotherhood of locomotive firemen and an engineer man, which upset his bosses who were union busters.

Okay. So it's a union. Okay. So he used a brief recurrence of his motion sickness to fire him. So he would get motion sickness once in a while, and so when he got motion sickness. Wait, what would he get motion sickness from? From being on the train. Oh, boy.

So he was really... It's not a great job for him, but he loved it. No, no, no. It was the job he wanted. Is this the story of drama, I mean? So after that, he got a job in railroad track maintenance, but he didn't like it. He wanted to work on the trains. He kept getting seasick.

He's seasick on the tracks. Oh, God. But he wanted to work on trains because they gave him, quote, the feeling I was sitting on top of the world is a different time, man. It's a different era. Everybody, all the kids back then, wanted to work it. Being on a train was the thing. Right.

They're, you know. Yeah. It's different. Yeah. So he quit that job and left to get a fireman job in Virginia. He goes without his family. Okay. Interesting.

So he was going to bring him back a long later or whatever, but his wife was upset with him and said he would. It's not normally how it goes. It's not? No. Well, what if you're on a baseball team? Yeah, that's different. You come home.

It's just not the same thing. So it's not the same thing as like Buster Posey? No. It's not? No. Unless there's something glaring about Buster Posey, I don't know. Well, sometimes he's gone on the first work. We travel for work.

It's different. If you don't go, I'm starting a new life in another town. I'll come back. That's what I say to my wife every time I go to a tour gig. That's a weird exit. That's just how I keep them on edge. It's a cool catchphrase. Keep them on edge.

His wife was upset with him and said he was, quote, jumping around from job to job too much like a flea. His brother in law sent him a letter when he was in Virginia and that's how he learned his wife had taken the kids and moved out, torn down their home and gave away their furniture to neighbors. Jesus Christ. That's a. She's out when she's out.

She's out. That's like a Lisa left eye Lopez exit strategy. Everything must go. So that's an amazing thing to find out via letter too. Yeah. Oh, this is a fucked up letter. Yeah. Wait, what?

I mean, watching someone read that letter, whatever it is, man, you're overreacting. What happened? They tore my house down and sold all my stuff. Well, that's crazy. That's not. That's not normal. Is she left eye? She's Lisa left eye Lopez.

Oh, no, that's a bad one. She, you know, she, she said it was because of the job, right? And Harlan quote. Well, after a while, I got so homesick to see my family and especially the children that I thought up a plan to kidnap them. Cool. Logical next step. It's where you go.

Where you go? Yep. Apology or kidnap? It's easier to kidnap. Yeah. You eat less crow if you kidnap. A hundred percent. I mean, the look on her face when you're apologizing.

Oh. You can't give her the satisfaction. The worst. You can't give her the satisfaction. Now, the look I want to see is her knowing her kids have been stolen. I'll tell you what. I might give away a bunch of that furniture on the way out to take those kids and throw the ottoman to the neighbors.

So quote, a heavy wooded area was on one side of the home in Jasper. My plan was to lie in them woods until the children came out to play. And I'd pick them up and head for the railroad station. Is anyone keeping track of the possible trauma this causes children when you're like, hey, our dad's been lying in leaves, and now he's stealing us? So he waited in the woods for a whole day, but the kids did not come outside. So Harlan decided to just go up to the house and knock on the door. And upon seeing him- The kids should play soon.

Upon seeing him, his wife immediately took him back. Weird. Weird. Chronology. Well, it's one of those things where- Why are you covered in dirt and twigs? I'm- I'm a- I missed you. I like woods. I missed you.

I walked here through the forest. I'm sorry I gave away our bed. Yeah, there's no house. Yeah, no. I tore it all down. Yeah. I was really pissed. Yeah, that's not what you should do.

I know. I let my emotions get the best of me. Because it's a house. It's a level-headed one, because you just came back just to say, I'm sorry. Yeah. You know, I was the one who overreacted and did a crazy thing, but then you manned up. That's right. And just came here just to apologize.

I just said the lie it wasn't hiding in the woods. I- Nobody would say that. I wasn't. You were covered in twigs, but you walked through the woods. I wasn't going to steal them. No, of course not. Nobody would ever say that. I was here to say sorry.

I wasn't stealing. Yes, you were here to say- I love you. I love you. Would you know where the border could take you? No. No. So, then the family moves to Tennessee because he got a fireman job.

Okay, so this time he's like, why don't we all go to Tennessee? I've learned. Wouldn't that make a ton of sense to all of us? But then he pretty quickly got fired because he got in a fist fight with an engineer. Okay. Which happens. Sure, yeah, of course. So, they moved to Little Rock, Arkansas, where Harlan got another fireman job.

Okay. And he also started studying law via correspondence, right? Through letters, like you're supposed to. As you're supposed to get a law degree, you do it through letters. Letter law. Letters of the law. Letters from lawyers or letters pertaining to- Letters come, they have law on them, and that's how it works.

Okay. Yeah, well, I guess. That's how my dad got his law degree. From what I remember, he's not a lawyer. No, he is a dog watcher, sitter watcher, walker. He walks him also. So, he's sort of a dog lawyer? He's a dog lawyer, that's right.

Your Honor! Rest my case! Just throw a bunch of little bacon strips on the ground? Alright, we should get out of here. I think we're, this is what we call a hung jury. So, he's studying law via letters. I don't know what it means either, but- Sure, he's reading a bunch of letters about law.

I'm sure back then, you just see some of the magazine, you sign up for it, you get sent things to study the law. Sure, yep. One day, a train jumped the track nearby where he lived and he went and used his new legal expertise. Was it the Duke's of the Desert? It was not, no, it was just a trade. He uses his new legal expertise to help the injured victims get fair compensation from the railroad company. Okay. Which he works for.

Okay, so that's a conflict. So, they were not happy that he did that. Really? They were like, you've been reading letters? They were like, you've been in Ireland? And they fired him. Okay. If you can imagine, I don't know why.

Yeah, well, yeah, I think I get it. So, now he believed he was supposed to be a lawyer. Okay. And Harlan began to practice in the Justice of the Peace Court in Little Rock, which didn't require passing the bar. Right, well, and also he's got eight letters. Yeah, he's got more. I mean, at this point, he could have a lot. Yeah, he could have a dozen letters.

In minor cases, he was once arrested for attempting assault and battery for trying to beat up his own unruly client with a chair. So, he has a little bit of a temper. Right. He's usually a super nice guy. It's not a good look in the courtroom to attack your client with a chair. Well, this is the early 1900s. Still, it's not a good look. Like, I feel like the jury is like, I think that I don't like either of these guys.

Maybe it makes your client seem more sympathetic. It could be a brilliant technique. You're right. It could be. They're just like, well, the lawyer's just the worst. We feel really bad for him. Not guilty. Harlan got a case he thought he could easily win, but then the judge ruled against him.

This left his client bankrupt and Harlan got no money. Now, the Arkansas State Senate at the same time was considering a bill to severely limit the powers of the Justice of the Peace Court. So, Harlan was so angry about the case that he just lost that he went and testified in the Senate in favor of the bill using the case he just lost as an example of the court miscarrying justice. Right. And to be clear, Harlan, you attacked one of your clients with a chair. Oh, well, sir, he, funny stories. He looked me in the eyes. Well, that is droll.

Thank you. All right. Well, we should probably recess. Okay. So, the bill passed. Okay. Great news. Harlan, quote, I began to realize I wasn't as smart as I thought.

You see, maybe I'd made a big hit at the hearings, but I'd knocked myself out of a job. Yeah, I mean, yeah. It sounds like you had a lot of time to probably process what he was doing. Yeah, I think he was mad. Okay. So, he's lawyered himself out of a law job. That's right. Right.

What's he going to read letters about next? Medicine? Well, he moved the family back to Indiana. Okay. He held a bunch of different jobs. Would have been nice if we had a house here. Well, it's on the ground. Well, it would be nice.

And maybe some furniture, like a bed or something. Oh, my God, let it go. Yeah, I will let it go, just like you let go all of our bedding. And our pillows and our couches. You were going to steal the children. I, what? I was snapping in leave. For a day.

Yes, for a day. Why do you think I didn't let him outside? You're crazy. Well, why would you not let him play? The kids didn't freshen you, idiot. Oh, get over here. You're like the goddamn swamp thing out back. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I love him if I am. He worked at a flour mill at an insurance company as a ferry boat operator. He sold lighting systems for farms. He was the secretary of the Chamber of Commerce of Columbus. He was a Michelin tire salesman. Do you want to just go through what he didn't do? Is that in the shorter list? Yeah, he goes through a lot of jobs.

Okay. So the Michelin tire salesman job ended in 1926. Now, what happened was his son's model T sedan sometimes needed to be pulled to start. His son's model. Okay. Okay, right. So he would hook it up to his car and pull it and then they would get it going. Right.

That's the model. Yeah, yeah. So Harlan tied the car to his and he started pulling it and they went over a bridge at Hickman Creek, you know, Hickman Creek. Yeah, obviously. It's a swinging bridge that had been built for horse carriages. So it's a... So it's a super scary and treacherous.

Yep. Should have just been a regular bridge. That's right. Yeah. So not cars. On the bridge when they're on it, one of the cables snapped and both cars fell 42 feet. They're both inside the cars. Jesus.

They survived, you know, scrapes, bruises and whatnot. Cars are destroyed. So now they need another car to kind of pull those cars to get those going. That's right. You can see where this is going to go. It's at the beginning of parades. So he got fired after that by Michelin because he couldn't afford a new car and needed a car to be a tire shelf.

Sure. Sure. He retired. He and Josephine had a third child in Mildred. Uh-huh. Definitely time to expand the household one. Yeah. Which is so secure.

So after 15 years in Indiana, Harlan bought a struggling gas station in Nicholsville, Kentucky. Sounds like a rich area. Yeah. Quote, up to this time, I had always worked for somebody else. This service station gave me the first opportunity I had to control my own destiny. Uh-huh. He opened earlier and closed later than his competitors.

He washed customers' cars and repaired tires for free and the station became very popular. Okay. Here we go. And the Great Depression hit. All right. Now, if memory serves, that was good for business. Good. It's called Great, right?

Yeah. The Great Depression. Yes. It is. It is a horrible name. Yeah. It should be the terrible depression. Yeah.

Well, this depression is fantastic. It is amazing. I haven't eaten in days. This is a great depression. So we are having a hell of a time at the depression. He's forced to sell the gas station, but the Shell Oil Company had heard how successful a station had been and hired him to run a new gas station in Corbin, Kentucky. Okay.

There were two other gas stations. Finally, our heroes step in. That's right. There were two other gas stations in town, one run by Matt Stewart, the other by a man named McVeigh. Harlan said McVeigh was, quote, one of them old mountain boys. He had a pet pig beside the corner of the service station and kept water in a puddle so the pig could wallow in it.

Well, this is, we now have a leader for my favorite person in the story, the man who pig puddles. Yeah. Got to have a pig puddle. Yeah. McVeigh had the best location in town for a gas station. He got most of the traffic from the highway, so he's right off the highway. Harlan was very nice to McVeigh.

When Shell offered Harlan a second air compressor, he gave it to McVeigh because he didn't have one. Okay. And when McVeigh retired, a short while later, he offered Harlan the location. Okay. That's interesting. So Harlan moved to the McVeigh. What about the pig?

Is the pig included in the location? I don't know if I don't know. I didn't hear anything else about the pig. The puddle? I assume McVeigh took his pig. Interesting. That would be fucked if I take your pig. I agree.

The pig should go. Harlan moved to the McVeigh lot and then he went around and paid it ads on all the barns with a hundred miles of Corbin and he chose barns rather than billboards because, quote, down in that country, hunters was always shooting up roadside signs. But no hunter is going to come along and shoot the dot over the eye in the hole or the O knowing there's a mule inside. That's good letter lawyer logic. That's right.

He thought it through. Yep. Yep. No, it's a relatable era as well. So Matt Stewart's gas station is now his only competitor. Okay. What does he have? A horse?

Mini? We don't know about his animal situation. Tea cup pig? We're not sure. So one day Stewart painted over one of Harlan's barn ads. Now is he just, he's painting, can you just paint on people's barns? I think he gets permission. Oh, okay.

That's it. That's good. So Stewart paints over one, Harlan's furious and he threatened to, quote, blow his goddamn head off. Okay. So this guy goes from zero to 16. Yeah, he kind of does. I'm noticing.

Yeah. Okay. He should just steal his kids. Yeah. That's how you get back. That's usually what he does. Yeah. That's a good play.

So he went back and repainted his ad on the barn over Stewart. So are we having a paint off? Seems like it. Wow. A little while later, Harlan was meeting with two shell oil district managers at his gas station when they heard Stewart was back painting over the ad again. Oh my God. So they grabbed their guns.

Jesus. It's a fucking serious business, man. You don't paint over a dude's ad. It seems a little mud. There's still mules inside. I don't know if you want guns. And Harlan and the managers headed for the barn. Stewart's up on a ladder when he saw them coming, he jumped off and started shooting

at them. Okay. He killed one of the shell managers. Jesus God. My God. This is just dark, dark stuff. And Harlan and the other shell managers shot back and they hit Stewart in the shoulder. How do you explain to a man's family that he was killed over a barn ad?

Back then barn ads are fucking serious. Yeah, okay. It'd be like your husband was killed over a barn ad and they'd be like, okay, I get it. Well, at least he died doing what he loved. So they went to trial, but they were, it was determined they had shot back and acted in self-defense. Okay. Stewart was found guilty of murder.

Yes. He was murdered a man. Yeah. Two years later, he was murdered in prison supposedly by a deputy sheriff who had been paid off by the dead manager's family. So that's a good idea. Oh, wow. Jesus.

Yeah. Well, you got to have justice. Yeah, sure. Yep. Harlan now had the only gas station in town. Yeah. Well, that's how it works. Right.

You shoot the other guy and then he dies in prison. Yep. That's just how you drew it up. That's, yeah. In the oil playbook. That's right. His gas station's a huge hit. Opened 24 hours a day.

Harlan always went the extra mile for his customers. He even drove around. You need me to kill someone? I'll do that. I have a track record of being involved in murders a couple degrees away, but I still don't have a problem with it. You want me to do your windshield, check the tires, and shoot that kid in the backseat? Yeah, you can actually leave the windshield.

Okay. Just boosh. There you go. Thank you. Yo, you want me to clean off the backseat? Actually, now that I look at it, I would like the backseat a little cleaned up. He's all over there. Yeah, he is.

I really know how to do him. Who knows? Who knew he was full of so much goo? Oh, my God. When a boy pops, he really pops. That's my first boy pop. Yeah. How am I going inside and have a sasperilla?

All right. I'm crying inside. All right. Clean the back and make sure you get all of the little parts out of the divots. Yes, yes, will, ma'am. Thank you. That order was wrong. So he would drive around the state to check which roads were being repaired, so he could

tell customers what routes to take. Okay. That's a pretty good service. Sure. Yeah. We're so spoiled now. It's like, yeah, obviously. Ways.

Ways. Ways. What are you talking about? Word of mouth about the station spread beyond Corbin. Truckers became a large part of his business. In 1932, his son, Harlan, Jr., died at 20 years old due to complications from tonsillitis, the great killer, the early 1900s version of AIDS. Was it terrible?

No. Personally, for whatever reason, I may have been on Wikipedia searching which MLB players had died while they were players, and a lot of them died of really common shit. Really? Yeah. Yeah. But you did reveal that you're a real weirdo. I mean, sometimes you get on a whole.

Yeah. Creep. Sometimes it starts as... Come to bed, Dave. Hold on. I just got to check something real quick. Oh, that's crazy. Sometimes someone sends you a link of that Cincinnati player went to sleep during a game

on the field, and then you look that up, and then all of a sudden you're looking at which players died during baseball. It's quite a leap. We should get back to the story, but you and I, after, maybe need to talk to us. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's fair. So the death of the son puts a pretty big strain on the marriage.

Sure. He becomes a huge fixture in Corbin. He joins the Rotary Club. He started volunteering in an orphanage, an Alcoholics Anonymous. He didn't drink. He wasn't a drinker. He volunteered as a county inspector and became friends with a lot of poor residents in the town.

Okay. He started a side business delivering babies at low cost for families who couldn't afford real doctors. Uh-huh. Sure. Yep. No. Just keep going, Dave.

What? What are you talking about? Well, he owns a gas station. He knows law. Listen to what you're saying. No, he doesn't. He knows law. No, no, no.

And he worked on a train. Yeah. He worked on a train. He was fired subsequently. He was an insurance salesman. Yes. He learned about the law from letters. He, um, we did a lot of jobs, so a lot of that just translates to taking a baby out

of a lady. It just doesn't mean that you're able to take a baby out of a lady. Yeah, yeah. That's all. We're saying the exact opposite thing. But it all comes together and paints a picture. It doesn't. It does not do that for me.

I feel like we're agreeing. Quote, I got me a lard bucket and puts my- This is a terrible start. This is, we're talking- Well, let me lard your lady up, and then maybe I jump on her tummy until the thing goes squish, squish, and hits the pillar. What? I got me a lard bucket and puts in my shears and got-

Shears? What? Well, first I'm going to trim her, and then we're going to lard her. I assume that's for the umbilical cord. Still? Or the sheep. I don't know. I've listened.

When you start with a bucket of lard, assuming you're going to seem the umbilical cord is pretty ambitious. If you tell me you've got a bucket of lard and shears, I'm like, Friday night, let's go. Let's do it. This is perfect. Oh, I don't even think you need the lard. The shears will do.

But however you want to do it, doctor, no, I'm a gas station attendant. I got me a lard bucket and puts in my shears and gauze and vaseline and kept it ready. When I got a call, I would grab that bucket and take off. I had at least one baby in them hills named after me. That's okay. So one baby lived, for sure. For sure. But then he quit delivering a children after he delivered one who was conceived at a wedlock.

That's what did it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Or he greased one up too much. I think he greased one up too much and it just shot out of the window. I assume he was using the lard to- Without grease to shoot.

By the way, I'm picturing lard with like a brush and he's just kind of painting around. Oh yeah, that's what does it? Yeah. But he's just sort of like, how they used to hang up wallpaper. That's what I'm picturing. What are they probably still doing? Harlan learned a crup cop was arresting tourists in town on fake charges. The local justice of the peace and county attorney would then convict them and they'd

split the fines with the cop. So they got a racket going. Corbin getting a bad reputation would hurt his business. So using his legal expertise. He larded up the bars and ripped the people out of the cells. He larded up the people. Harlan made forms explaining how tourists could ask for a change of trial venue. And the county attorney then sued him for practicing law without a license even though

he was just offering legal tips. So Harlan then requested a change of venue as he read in his own pamphlet. And they were like, where did you learn? Oh my God. He's a genius. He's been reading letters. And the charges were dismissed. But the racket continued.

So Harlan put up a 16 foot tall sign outside the gas station that read, quote, avoid Corbin and Whitley County constable and fee grabbers may get you Walter Ray Smith County attorney receives 40% of all fines. I think this is out of the business model. I mean, he's, you know, he's going. Yes. He's got a fight. He's got a fight.

So Smith sued Harlan for 20,000. Okay. They settled that a court. But this whole scenario, the whole thing was written up in newspapers in Kentucky and in all the neighboring states. So he's a hero. Well, he got tons of publicity. Right.

Right. Okay. So it just makes the gas station more popular. Right. So business starts booming. Okay. Interesting PR. Yep.

And he got an idea. He would combine foot and foot. He would combine food and gas. So truckers would only have to make one stop. Mm. Mm-hmm. So this is where boiled peanuts came from. This is when gas stations started to serve egg sandwiches for some reason.

And now it's the rolling hot dogs in a 7-Eleven. Well, we should thank this guy for being the guy who gave us the rolling hot dogs in the 7-Eleven. And diarrhea. Big time. Yeah. I mean, anytime you're behind someone at a 7-Eleven who's like, also a dozen wings. You're like, buddy, buddy, listen, this is, everywhere else is better to go.

It's fucking death. You're watching death roll around. Well, look at that hot dog covered in everything. Mm. Mm. They don't look like hot dogs. They're hot dogs covered in just shit. Yeah.

I call them pigs in a puddle. That's a callback you asked for. I know it was. Come on. I know. I was giving you nothing for it. Yeah. I need you.

Aaron, can you step in? So he cleared out a small room in the gas station and filled it with his family's dining room table and six chairs. Okay. This is just how restaurants works. Yeah. This is how you start a restaurant. It's not okay.

You need a chair and chairs and a table. So is he talking about selling food or is he talking about having family suppers in the back when people are loading up? He's going to make food and sell it. Okay. And he thinks he needs a table just because. Wow. You got to have a place to sit for the people.

Exactly. Thank you. It's a restaurant. Right. A food or a sitter place. Exactly. It's a food. He cooked up what he knew how to cook, biscuits, string beans, and fried chicken.

Word spread about the amazing fried chicken. His gas station got a reputation as a dining spot. Okay. He shut down the gas station and opened the Harlan Cafe. The gas station part is done. Now he finished with the gas. People were coming for the food so much that he was like, this is what I'm going to do. Yeah.

Okay. I'm going to give you some money. And in 1935, the Kentucky governor gave Harlan the honorary title of Kentucky Colonel. Oh, what is going on? No. What? No. No.

What? Yeah. This is like learning about the origin story of Grimace. Okay. So, he gets that for his contribution to the state's cuisine, and then it's not a big deal to get that title, there are thousands of Kentucky colonels at that point. Sure. He didn't think much of it.

So, in 1937, he bought the lot next door and turned it into a 17 room motel. Okay. So, now he's got a motel and restaurant. It's called the Chicken Inn. Which were called the Harlan Court and Cafe. Okay. Huge hit. Okay.

So, part of that was because of Jim Crow. Okay. Jim Crow was actually a pet crow that an early motel guest had owned. And Harlan liked the crow's antics and bought the crow from the customer. Wait, what? A guy who was staying in the motel, and he had a pet crow, and Harlan liked how wacky the crow was, so he bought him. Okay.

It's another attraction for the people. Try some fried crow. It doesn't talk. That's me talking. I'm Harlan now. Now that I know who I am. So what, so here's what the crow would do. The customers would put.

Those are super smart. Super smart. I'm sure that. Very, very smart. So, they would, people would put pennies in the cuffs of their pants. And Jim Crow. It's a really weird start. Yeah.

And racist. And Jim Crow would run behind them trying to grab the penny with his beak. So that he would chase them and try to grab the penny out of their pant cuff. So, the reason why it's named, the crow is named Jim Crow. I assume because it's black. Oh, right. Right. I can only assume that it's horrible racism.

Right, right. Yeah. Which is normally the safe bet for this era. You wouldn't find, you wouldn't expect to find that in Kentucky at this time. No, no, no. Or now. Oh, no. So if somebody didn't give the crow a penny, particularly if a woman didn't, Jim Crow would

angrily peck at their ankles, so it's fun. Is it fun? No. Okay. Right. Just to be clear. And once Jim Crow snuck into a guest room while the guest was at the cafe. Okay.

This is now crossing a line as far as like what is, like this is now no longer a show. This is robbery. It's a horror movie at this point. Yeah. It's becoming a horror film. Harlan quote, I'll be goddamn if that crow didn't get to sashane around the room and see himself in the mirror. And when the salesman.

This is a crazy theory. When the salesman got back to the room, it was a mess. That crow had torn up everything to fight the other crow he'd seen in the mirror. This is a whack-a-doodle theory. His, the colonel, as we can now call him, his theory is that the crow saw himself in the mirror and he was like, I'm going to destroy this room to show that other crow. That's right. Okay.

Crow fight. Yep. So Harlan after that had to give Jim Crow away. Okay. There was also a donkey out behind the motel for a while and to amuse guests, Harlan would bring them in back where the donkey would hee-haw and apparently this was a great bit of fun. Sure.

For people. Well, there wasn't TV. So this is where you would be, what are we going to watch tonight? We're going to watch a donkey kicking hee-haw. Well, we'll be all up all night with that adrenaline rush. God damn it, that was fun. Look at him. Man, I am exhausted from laughing and having a good time.

So tell me the story about when you saw the donkey getting hit. Oh yeah. Okay. So he's kicking him still. I walk around the building. Yeah. And the donkey is like. Oh man.

Oh man. I miss Kentucky. Oh man. What a great place. It's even second hand. It's a winner. There was a racist crow. Oh well.

Hated women. Of course. Man, I miss that state. The sexist racist crow. Yeah. Pretty great place. Yeah. This is in this era, that's fine.

Yeah. Yeah. For sure. So early 1939, a fire broke out in the restaurant and it spread to the motel. Most of it was destroyed. But it was insured. Harlan quote, I got to thinking of myself. You can sleep a man only once in 24 hours, but you can feed him three times sort of.

So he built a 142 seat restaurant. Motel's gone. Okay. What did he call this establishment? Taco Bell. Oh that's right, right. The restaurant became a huge success. Now Harlan still was holding a grudge against his wife for the time she left him and tore

down the house. Well, I feel like we buried that. I feel like we buried the hatchet on that. He was still holding on. We did. He didn't. Okay. Quote.

They made out so much. Yeah they did. Yeah. Quote, her leaving me just because I had lost a job had a cut in effect where our love was young and tender, when our love was young and tender, I guess I never really got over it. In 1948, after 39 years of marriage, they divorced. Harlan would later write what happened next.

Quote, I never intended to marry again, but after a year and a half, I began to lose buttons on my coat. I could sew them on, but then my socks needed darning. And I couldn't darn socks. It was a tailor. I realized I needed a wife. No, you needed a tailor. A wife.

Harlan, you needed a tailor. Claudia had been one of our early employees. This is not love. I had. Don't marry this poor person. Occasion to observe her and knew how dependable she was. No, you needed a tailor. What her life was and how industrious she was.

Maybe read some letters on how to sew. So I proposed to Claudia. No. And now my socks don't have holes. Oh my God. Can I get the fucker? Oh, Harlan, sometimes I bang her through a hole in my sock to show her what I need fixing. But actually that's not what happened.

Okay. That's his version. Her version is like, we just, I don't ever forget when our eyes met and there was a sparkle off the river and it just had a little twing in the corner of his eye and I knew he was the one. And then I handed her my socks. And then I started sewing up his buttons. Yeah, that's a little bright there.

Yeah. Look at that. His daughter Margaret said Claudia was his mistress and they had been together before she came to work for Harlan. Right. Quote, the piece of our whole family was altered by their affair. Mother refused to accept that she alone could not satisfy father's physical needs. He needed a two piece.

Yeah, he needed a double set. Yeah. He needed a two piece. Maybe some sides. Uh, which from the very beginning of their marriage had seemed excessive to her. So he liked to fuck a lot. Sure. He's a double fucker.

They call it in the business. Absolutely. Right. Father nevertheless had a libido which required a healthy, willing partner and he found one in young Claudia. So that's the real story. Okay. Harlan's life changed because he, uh, had, uh, an infamous dirty mouth.

Okay. He went to a national restaurant association convention and became friends with a Salt Lake city restaurant owner named Pete Harman. Okay. Now Harlan told Harman he was going to go, so after that Harlan told Harman he was going to go to a church convention in Australia. Okay. Great stuff.

Quote, of course I didn't tell him that my reason for going was to try to get some inspiration to overcome my cousin. Uh, he, what, he's going to an Australian church to learn how to not cuss. Well, it's not a church, it's a church convention. Right. I know a lot of church people. I don't know if Australia's the right place to go to some church. I feel like that's off the list.

Uh, mate, fuck's not a fucking swear, mate. You come all this bloody way to try and quit swearing. Now fuck's not a problem. Turn your fucking bables to pay. Now see what you do is you have a couple of these beers and then you beat them out with a bloody Bible. That's the move. Um, I didn't particularly care for the meetings, but I did think with all those pious people

around ministers, missionaries and such like, that I might be able to get the kind of help I needed. Well, the truth is you couldn't, you've never been able to find a bunch of religious fanatics in America. That's right. So you have to sometimes go to Australia. Uh, so he's, so he's going to Australia and the guy Harman in Salt Lake City says, stop by my restaurant and just stop by and hang out in Salt Lake City on your way to Australia.

Sure. It's a natural destination. It's a straight shot. Yeah, it's right on the way. It's a straight shot. So he... It'd be crazy to not. Yeah.

You're going right by it. That's right. So he did. Okay. And there Harlan cooked his first batch of his fried chicken, fried chicken that he ever had done outside of his restaurant. Okay. Harlan loved it and talked Harlan into letting him license the recipe.

Harlan would get four cents for every chicken sold. Okay. It seems like a shit deal, doesn't it? That's kind of free money. I mean... Yeah, but it's also like... Yeah. I mean, licensing is really free money.

Right. But still, you could have more free money. Well, we don't know how much the chicken cost back then. That's true, but I'm assuming it wasn't eight cents. He stopped by on his way back from Australia two weeks later, it can't be two weeks later, but whatever. Yeah. Probably two months later.

Two years. Yeah. And he found a seven foot tall sign touting the new name, Kentucky Fried Chicken. Wow. The manager came up with a slogan, it's finger licking good. Oh, he did that. Harlan had Harlan to record a radio ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken. You're going to keep licking your fingers.

He ain't going to stop. It's the first time he had promoted his food on mic. In 1953, the Eisenhower administration came up with the interstate highway system, and after a few years, news came that the highway in front of the Harlan Cafe would be replaced with Interstate 5, which would bypass Corbin entirely. Oh, no. So most of the restaurant's business were travelers on the highway. This is where they invented roadside barns.

Or IEDs. IEDs, exactly. He saw the writing on the wall and decided to sell the restaurant. Two years before, he had been offered $164,000, but now he couldn't find a buyer. In 1956, he sold the restaurant for $75,000 at auction. He used the money to pay taxes and outstanding bills, and Harlan Sanders was now 65 years old living off his monthly social security check. Wow.

Okay. America. Yeah. Harlan had made some similar franchising agreements for his chickens that he had done with Harman, but half a dozen or so are in the country. It's not a ton of money. Not making them rich or anything, obviously. But there's potential.

He sees potential in franchising. Right. So without... He's still business minded? Yeah. Well, is he 65? Yeah. Okay.

65. All right. So let's dive into the franchising business. Claudia mixed the herbs and spices and shipped them off to franchises, which ensured the recipe would remain a secret. Uh-huh. Harlan crossed the country looking for new franchisees. He would spend days at a restaurant promoting his chicken technique, cooking for customers,

and often sleeping in the back of his car. He would just go to a restaurant? What? He would just drive around the restaurants and try to talk them into doing his licensing as chicken. An acoustic guitar player, but with spices? That's right. You're going to love this next one.

It's called Wings. He's essentially a shitty cover band. Right. Okay. So it's 65. He's sleeping in his fucking car. Like the ultimate nightmare. It's hard enough to sleep under 65 in a bed.

Yes. But he needed a marketing scheme to set his brand apart. And he remembered his honorary Kentucky Colonel ship and began going by Colonel Sanders. Here we go. Here we go. He sported a white mustache and goatee. He started using a cane, holding a cane and wearing a white suit. I'm going to dress like old Satan if he had white.

White suit, white shirt, black string tie, black shoes. While Colonel Sanders was known to be a nice guy, he had anger flare ups. Sure. He was known to swear at employees and sometimes at the employees in restaurants his chicken was franchised in. Sure. Well, he's an old man. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. He wasn't one to back down or let stuff get by. At a restaurant he and Claudia were eating at. This isn't even a franchisee. This is just a place he and Claudia are.

He's just going to get pissed about this seasoning at another restaurant. Well, he was served undercooked eggs. Under, yeah, what, over medium? Let's see where this is going. Well, he had asked for them to be flipped over and cooked on both sides. Uh-huh. They didn't come that way. Sure.

They were running. Sure. So he requested the waitress they should be cooked more. And the waitress returned really quickly and Harlan wasn't buying that they had been cooked. He flipped them over and found out that the cook had not cooked them at all but just flipped over the eggs on the plate. I like this cook. How about go fuck yourself?

So Colonel Sanders stormed into the kitchen holding the plate and said to the cook, quote, You just flipped them. You didn't do what you said you're going to do. You son of a bitch. You think you're smart turning those eggs over on my plate? He threw the eggs at the cook and hit him in the chest. Jesus Christ. The cook came out with a knife and Harlan picked up a stool and backed out of the kitchen

swearing at the cook the whole way. What? I'm going to lie and tamer my way out of here. The cook eventually stopped his charge and went back into the kitchen and Harlan and Claudie ate somewhere else. Oh, okay. I'll tell you what, the silver lining is that cook now listened when orders got sent back. Oh, fuck yeah.

He was like, I'll just cook. Oh, you know, I'll flip it over. I grabbed a guy when he threw eggs at my chest, so I'm going to just flip these. Kentucky Fried Chicken spread across the country. Their new franchise is in Indiana and there they're in Indiana at a new franchise. There was a young chef cook, whatever, named Dave Thomas. What? This is like the Bill Walsh coaching tree.

We got Davey Thomas working it back. We got a little man named Jeb McDonald, aka Ron. I'm Ron McDonald. Nice to meet you, Carl Jr. How are you? My dad was big into this. Harlan became his mentor and Thomas invented the rotating chicken buckets that were outside KFC restaurants for decades.

Thomas helped revive some failing KFCs and was given money for that and he used the money to start his own chain of hamburger restaurants named after his daughter, Wendy. This is like super friends. Colonel Sanders' magnetic personality, combined with his chicken recipe, were a hit. The family had enough money to move to a five-bedroom house near Louisville. By 1960, there were 200 KFCs in the US. By 1963, there were 600 franchise KFC outlets in North America. In October 1963, Colonel Sanders was approached by a longtime friend named John Y. Brown, Jr.

Brown and a partner, his father, wanted to buy KFC, but Colonel Sanders said a sale was out of the question and Brown kept pushing, telling him the business would fall apart after he died and his kids would not get what they deserved. That's a cool tactic. This way they would get cash. Right. Okay. Right.

Yeah. They wanted franchisees around the country to tell Harlan they wanted him to sell. And they did that by promising the franchisees stock in the company once he sold. Oh, sure. That's cool. For sure. Yeah. Harlan eventually decided a sale was the right move.

Quote, I realized how the popularity of Kentucky Fried Chicken was growing right over me and mashing me flat. Yep. Time to sell. That's what they say. I just couldn't keep up with it. Yep. That's definitely a time to sell.

Right, this is so out of control physically. I'm out. I'm out. In March 1964, he sold KFC to Brown and his partner for $2 million. Jesus Christ. Stock shares and a continuing role as a KFC advisor and brand ambassador for 40K a year. My God. That's a good deal for back then.

That's a lot of money for back then. But still. I know. It's not a lot, but he got stock and he got, he gets 40K a year. Ding. Let's have it some professionalism. It's my sister. She says, not my problem.

I don't know what that's about. Doesn't sound great. What a nice little curtain peelback that is. That's my sister. She said, you're not my brother. Anyway, 1965. My problem. I'm sure it's about my dad.

But then he gives his stock shares that he got back in exchange for ownership of KFC Canada franchises. Interesting play. So in 1965, he and Claudia moved to Ontario. So he's banking that we got some piggies up north too. That's right. Yeah. And there are.

We know there's piggies up north. I'll tell you what. Thanks to America. There's piggies everywhere. We're just piggies in puddles. That's right. What the hell's happening right now? Sorry.

Brown hired a PR team who created a national ad campaign featuring Colonel Sanders. He became a minor celebrity appearing on The Tonight Show and Lawrence Welk Show and others. He made more money and became a major philanthropist. Around this time, Colonel Sanders became very religious. Oh, God. I'm father Sanders now. In 1967, he was baptized in the Jordan River.

Imagine seeing that. The Colonel getting dunked in that river. I see him. He's a beautiful bacon a lot. He's right before me there. Finger licking God. I have touched the Lord and I'll tell you his love is finger licking pious. He became close friends with Billy Graham and Jerry Falwell.

For God's sake. Yeah, fuck. Right. We liked him till now. Yeah. It was a good run. At that point, he went to see a doctor because he had an impacted bowel. What?

Do you know what an impacted bowel is? I'm guessing it's severe constipation. Yeah, there's something in there that's at that point like a rock and you got to get it taken out. Hmm. If there's ever been an advertisement for KFC, it's that. Come on down and get our everlasting bowel bowl. Are you sick of pooping, well KFC, if you get our nine piece bucket and a side of our

mashed potatoes, you're going to find that you're not going to have that problem anymore. Shit will come out of your ears. You'll be sweating your poo. So the doctor finds that he has a colon polyp. Ireland claimed in his autobiography that he cured the colon polyp with prayer. Yep. That's how most polyps go. That's how they go.

Yeah. So the doctor prayed that God would heal me and he did. Imagine if you're God and God's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, let's just say hypothetically this is a real situation and God is up in the sky and she's very busy. She's got a lot to do, a lot on her plate and then there's just these prayers are coming in nonstop and then you got so much to do. I mean the world, the universe, you're overseeing, you're all knowing and there's someone to come down there praying to get a polyp out of them.

I love that guy. I'm going to kill him, but I love him. I mean, he's dead, but he's great. I mean, he's so into me. You kill him because you're like, I want this guy by my side. This is hilarious. He's super into me. And I can't wait till he gets up here and I'm like, guess what?

It doesn't work. That's not how it works. That's why I made doctors. Oh. You fucking idiot. Oh. Oh. I never made fall wills.

Oh, well, they're saying different things down there. They're not great. They're not great. Oh. Oh, and his wife are fucking a pool boy. Yeah. Right. Well, yeah, I was looking the other way on that.

Okay. Yeah. In January, 1968, Harlan invited FBI director Jade Griehuer to celebrate his 80th birthday. What a list. What is, you are, I mean, this is like, you are hitting some real gems at this point. You've got the fall wells. We're talking about Colonel Sanders now he's hanging out with Hoover. He wrote him, quote, I do believe us old folks can show those young people what a celebratin's

all about. Oh, yeah. Right. And we know Hoover did. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Quote. Oh, sorry. Harlan had previously written to Hoover in 1960 to compliment his handling of the, quote, San Francisco riots. He was probably talking about Black Friday protests, which were demonstrations against the House subcommittee on un-American activities. So Harlan basically said he really liked Hoover's work. Yeah.

And who didn't? Yeah, everybody. Harlan's FBI report begins, quote, Colonel Harlan of Sanders. Colonel Harlan of Sanders? F. F. Harlan F. I thought that was like a Game of Thrones, like Fast and Furious.

Oh, the Sanders. I am Harlan of Sanders. We've come down from the chicken mountains. But can I just point out that they're calling him Colonel and his name is not Colonel. The Colonel's, he's not an actual Colonel in the FBI report. They're calling him Colonel. He's not a Colonel. He's not a Colonel.

He's not a Colonel. There's no chicken army. Oh, you don't know. Can you see? The United States Army of Chickens. You don't know. Quote, Colonel Harlan F. Sanders has not been the subject of an FBI investigation. And then that sentence is followed by two paragraphs of redacted text.

So interesting. Interesting. Makes me think he definitely was never under surveillance. So at one point, J. Edgar Hoover's FBI was investigating Colonel Sanders. It sounds like it. Yeah. Is it finger licking good? In 1968, the very racist Alabama politician, George Wallace, considered Harlan Sanders

as his running mate for his third party, pro-segregationist presidential campaign. Oh my God. What? How great of a dollop would that be? He had run, there is an alternate universe where he eventually became president. Oh, I think we're living it. I think we've hit it, man. I think we're there.

We have, I mean, we've never had a president who likes KFC more. Oh, absolutely. And I'll guarantee you, Trump's dealt with an impacted bowel. Oh, 100%. He is an impacted bowel. He is an impacted bowel. That's what the Secret Service has to do. I'm sorry.

You have a Trump. Don't worry, I'll just pray. Jesus loves me. He's a close friend. Even though Harlan was a major contributor to Wallace's campaign, in his autobiography, he claimed that he is not racist, writing, quote, I'm not racist. Yeah, exactly. I was just about to say, you'll find most non-racist people have made that statement in their life.

His daughter said he liked Wallace because of his other not racist policies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, that's why you, I mean. And that's a blip. You're like, I love. A polyp on the ass of policy. I love Wallace's tax policies. There's also the thing where he just constantly talks about segregation and how bad black

people are. But other than that, he's great. Again, the tax plan is really good. Yeah, super good taxes. Trickle down. In 1971, Brown sold Kentucky Fried Chicken to food distribution company Hubeline, which distributed Shmirnov vodka. That obviously did not please Colonel Sanders.

He also didn't make any money from the sale because he didn't own any stock because he already stocked for, but he's making enough money off the Canada of franchises. Harlan thought the quality of KFC then went downhill, mostly because the giant corporation was using cheaper ingredients to save money. In 1974, he sued Hubeline, who he called, quote, boozehounds. He claimed they weren't following his secret recipe and that his reputation was suffering as a result. Sure.

He told the Milwaukee Journal, quote, I'm not too proud of my name being associated with some of my restaurants. Everybody thinks I'm a Kentucky Fried Chicken. They don't know these other fellows who really run things. I only want to find out how much of my body and soul they own. Oh my God. Yeah, that's pretty deep. He really loves it.

The headline for that should be fake Colonel worried about name. All right, there's that. The suit was settled out of court, but Harlan got a million dollars. Okay. The next year he opened a rep because basically they couldn't have their spokesman suing them. It's a fucking nightmare. Of course they had to pay him off. No.

Imagine if Ronald McDonald was suing McDonald's. Can we get there? Please. I'll do anything. I've been so good. The next year Colonel Sanders opened a restaurant in Shelbyville called Harlan, a Colonel Harlan dinner house. So he is now like going to Roe?

He's now opening his own Fried Chicken place. Okay, that answers my question. Because they've changed the formula so much that it doesn't taste like his chicken anymore. So he's like, I'm going to open up my chicken place. Right. He's going to put himself out of business, hopefully. KFC was upset. What was upsetting?

I don't know. He's opened a different restaurant. It's called, fuck you, Kentucky Fried Chicken. Well, okay. We need to give him more money. So they got upset and so he renamed it Colonel's Ladies' Dinner House. Well now that is a name that makes sense. I was worried we were going to get a little more into the questionable territory, but

obviously we've landed on a good one. Colonel Ladies' Chicken House. Still. Lady Chickens. KFC's still sued. Okay. Wow. So they're really...

Harlan countersued them for $122 million, claiming KFC was interfering with his business. That's right. Now the case was settled out of court and no one knows for what, but the name was changed to... Ladyfingers. ...Gladius Sanders' Dinner House. Gladius Sanders' Dinner House. What?

So even with the lawsuit, Harlan remained part of Kentucky Fried Chicken. He was still active in promoting Kentucky Fried Chicken around the world well into his 80s. At age 87, he testified against mandatory retirement before the U.S. subcommittee on aging. He was also very active in the bedroom. His daughter said once during a conversation there was a lull and then Harlan randomly blurted out that he continued to have sex past his 83rd birthday.

What? That's how you break a lull. With your daughter. That's how you break a lull. That's quiet. Don't say it. Don't say it. That's very...

You know what? I'm still fucking! God damn it! I can't believe I sent that to you, my precious daughter, but I'm still fucking. I'll have to come on her face. I feel weird. Well, Dad, we're probably gonna get going. I have some chicken.

No, I don't want to touch anything you've touched. Special sauce. No, you're a dirty, dirty man. I shouldn't have said that thing about fucking, right? Without question. Take care, Pop. See you at Christmas. I'm still fucking...

Shut that window. I know! I already... I already... Get in the car. Get the kids in the car. One time I got pegged. They went in me.

That's where that polyp came from. Do you know what pegging is, honey? That's where they put it in you. Master Potatoes. See y'all... I can't sit down other kind of my butt certain from getting picked so much by your mom You know I drank your mom's piss once I mentioned that I'm sorry. We just didn't have nothing to talk about. I thought I'd throw out a sub

Experiences I watch Dave Thomas fuck your mom in a barn That's where he came up with the idea for the Baconator Don't tell Wendy know any of this, but I'm Wendy's real dad I've seen Ronald McDonald's six tonight your mom was whacking off into a curtain I know why the column long John Silver Got a huge honey. Where'd you go? No, she left two days ago. Oh my god. I've been screaming For two days, holy shit, I feel weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you should eat. Oh boy So he would make surprise visits to KFC locations and if you didn't find the food up to his standards

He would denounce it and sometimes even throw it on the floor Sure, so he's nobody's told them to stop throwing Places now he's just kind of developed a tantrum Quirk in 1978 he went into a KFC in Bowling Green, Kentucky and after he ate he told a local newspaper quote my god The gravy is horrible They buy tap water for 15 or 20 cents a thousand gallons and then they mix in with flour and starch and end up with pure wallpaper paste Jesus the owner then sued for defamation It's amazing how much he's getting sued by himself

The case was dismissed Obviously the company's in a tough spot because the Colonel was the face of KFC, but he's still talking to like 90 now So like we just wait this one out KFC's public relations chief during the latter part of the 1970s was a black man And he said Harlan liked to play joke when they traveled together. Oh god. No quote in the case with me traveling with the Colonel I always sat in back believe it or not And he sat up front with the driver and what he would do when he got to the motel where we stayed He jumped out of the car and ran to go to the back to open the door for me

And then he'd run ahead to the hotel and guide me through the door and he would carry the bags Okay, once a doorman Said to the public relations chief and Colonel Sanders I know the guy who opened the doors Colonel Sanders and Harlan said quote That's my son, but we don't talk about that. Oh So maybe not as racist or having like a good sense of humor I don't know. It's really making fun of the times, right? Yes, definitely blowing people's minds. So there's a George Wallace, but then sure

I'm still yeah, I'm not over the Jim Crow. I know and this guy really liked him. I don't know. Yeah, it's complicated Yeah, yeah, yeah, but overall I'd say he's probably racist. Yeah And a couple years ago the CEO of Papa John said he should be able to use the worst racial slur There is because Colonel Sanders used to use it. Oh, is that what is justification? Yeah, that's what he said He no longer works at Papa John's. Yeah, that is the best, but that was his justification What yeah, yeah, peep. Yes, that's right. Good point Papa John. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sorry Papa John Oh, is it 2017? He said that on like a conference call. Yeah. Yeah, and then and then went back down Yeah, right. No, and then was like, what do you guys mean?

Say it. Oh, what could take about chickens bad now? That guy is a real piece. Yeah, huge on December 16th 1980 at age 90 Harlan Sanders died of pneumonia in Louisville, Kentucky after his funeral his body lay in state at the Kentucky State Capitol Wendy's, you know that in the the will asked for him to be deep-fried. Oh god That would be so fucking amazing. Yeah, that would be The best thing ever and that's why I'm always gonna miss my dad God damn your daddy smell good. He's gonna be delicious Wendy's

Obviously founded by Dave Thomas is the fourth largest food chain in the U.S. The 11 herbs and spices in KFC chicken recipe Are still a closely guarded trade secret. There are over 20,000 KFC locations and 130 countries around the globe making it the fourth Largest fast food chain in the world one country is Thailand sort of in 2013 it was revealed a KFC type restaurant had opened in Bangkok It looked exactly like KFC with one small difference. It was called Colonel Lady chicken Colonel Sanders had it was replaced with the head of Hitler. Oh, I'm terribly sorry and the restaurant was named Hitler Hey, Thailand, can we talk to you for a minute? What I?

Want everyone out to Google Thailand at Hitler because Hitler's a big thing in Thailand What a British expat said quote nobody quite knows what to make of it. I went in for a bite last week Well, why would you go? And got some fried chicken what which was pretty good. Oh, I asked the guy behind the counter Why it was called Hitler? He just shrugged his shoulders and said the owners had thought it was a good image. What? KFC's parent company which is now yum issued a statement saying they found it distasteful and were considering legal action a month later The restaurant had changed its name to a salinis Come down to Idi Amin's

Changed his name to Hler. Oh Okay, so better and there's the head this little rotating Hitler. Oh My god, Colonel Sanders is currently being played by different actors and ads including Reba McIntyre. Oh my god What the hell? Jesus god, well quite a story about the Colonel Yeah, I'll tell you I I think among you know all All fast food places are pretty bad just because they oh my god. It's Hitler

It's Hitler in everything else is the same It's just Hitler's head and then it's the and then it's external Sanders little apron and his little outfit And it just plainly says Hitler. What does the sign say out front? There's a little sign on the door shirts and tie Oh, god, I would hope that it says closed for distaste But I think all the like all the all those play all fast food places really for the most part are That's why like Burger King now has the impossible burger And I think that is good in a way

But I'm also like I don't give Burger King or KFC or any of those places my money because it they are so bad to the treatment Of animals is so abysmal. I know I went to I went I was so one impossible burger the other day And you only place closest fat burger until I got one there. Yeah, but I feel bad eating it there Yeah, well and and so I I've been a vegetarian for Almost all of my adult life and there was a time when I was in LA where I was Pescatarian and I was like that's I'm not gonna I'm gonna stop eating fish soon or whatever And I was with a buddy and he was editing something for us and I was like cuz he was doing me a favor. So I was like, yeah, I'll come over and we'll work on it

He's like, yeah, just grab me some KFC on the way over. I was like, okay. Yeah, so I went I had to go buy KFC And I went and bought him like, you know, 12 piece or whatever and we're sitting in his little office And he's editing and I'm sitting there and I'm like And that was the day I started eating chicken again. Really? Yeah for like a year. Okay, so I'm a kid God, I'm probably ten and After I have a baseball game sometimes my dad would take us to KFC afterwards, right and So he's in getting the chicken and I'm outside and I'm in the parking lot I'm just fucking running around or whatever and I go around back. Oh

God you bad start Fast food restaurants should not have backs. It should just be and there's like a gated-off area And it's where the dumpsters are whenever and I open it up. What you open up the gated-off area. I'm a kid. Yeah And there are oil drums Filled with chicken carcasses. Oh and they are

Gray Yeah, because they've been yes tossed out and they're just fucking sitting there and they're piled high It's high as they can be And I never ate yeah, I think I don't think I've ever had fried chicken again There there was a rumor about ten years ago that I think is I believe has been debunked But was pretty fantastic where it was that KFC was and I and the truth is that they the chickens They use I'm sure full of antibiotics and hormones But they there was a theory that they had created a headless chicken called animal 15

Have you heard about this it was and they and they basically called it like a multi-breasted multi-winged like you know for wing Bird with no head, but it was just the meat was so volumous that that's why it was kind of genetically modified and created Oh my yeah, but that's close to what they are anyway. Oh totally. No the chickens I mean, yeah, I'm sure they their breasts are so big they can't stand a lot of them have trouble standing up And then there's the thing where they eat each other Well, they're the condition the conditions for how you house Animals for factory farming is crazy. Yeah, and chicken coops is especially like Tyson chicken and stuff like that

They now have rules and and they I mean talk about having like your foot on the throat of farmers and stuff Yeah, like these farmers are not allowed to report to people about what's happening And to the point now where they're so worried about investigations that they have they're the chickens are not allowed any light in the Yeah, so that nobody so that no investigators can actually look at and see what's going on And then there was actually a thing last week where they were showing. I can't remember what the fuck the company's called It's called Fair Oaks. I think oh, yeah fair fair Oaks Factory farms that the treatment of the animals is I mean Barbaric, yeah, it's what you would expect

But seeing seeing it is also very very crazy and breeze and a lot of those chicken farmers are now becoming Vegetarians because they're so fucking mad and the chicken companies and and we're talking about chicken farmers that are Essentially becoming dentured servants. No, you have you have you're you're you have no choice Yeah, really if you're them because you're like you did start in the meat production business And it used and it used to be with me production probably when he started his business and stuff, you know These chickens were chickens they were actually like chickens and they were roaming and they you know and you would eat them and that is a process that People can make their own choice on but it's become monstrous. It had it is it is morphed now into

Torture, yeah total torture. No the the way the animals are treated is fucking insane Yes, and yes, so now that far and then of course the farmers don't want to do it So then they're forced to do it and it's just crazy that whole system is fucking bananas Yeah, well, that's what happens when six companies run everything. I Think it's five and I think it might be good. I think it's pretty good. Yeah, I do think it's good You know, it's anything bad. I haven't seen yeah I think about it wrong that now that I think about it, you're right. It is good. I thought I made a good point It is a good point. Yeah, there's a finger-looking good point

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