The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 398 - Abalonia (Live)

Episode Date: October 1, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the near nation of Abalonia.SourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch 

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get to the thing that's good not this. You're listening to the dollop. I just pretty good. I just realized why I just realized why I usually have a table to put a beer on. Yeah yeah. And I was like oh that's fine I don't need it. Yeah. So you have to hold my beer. What am I? How the fuck am I gonna do that? We're in the intro. Oh this is an American History podcast each week I... It's only at the live ones now that he does this dumb shit. Flip-flop owner. Man who can wink. Labradoodle Daddy. Dave Anthony reached a story from American History to his friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Do you

not have a table in one of your pockets? Oh yeah take out your folding lawn furniture. Yeah there you go. What? This is... What is your plan here? You're gonna Napoleon Dynamite this beer? That is... I have never been prouder of you and for you. Wow just somehow found pants that have like poker coasters in them. It's good beer. Thorn. May 30th 1920. Reginald Thomas Kirkwood was born in Melbourne Australia. Okay. Did somebody just boo? Let's everybody... Let's all calm down for a second. Hot room in San Diego. Booing Melbourne. Kick him out. Kick those fucking Australians out. He was a second of two sons. His father was a very very good Australian

professional golfer. Okay. He moved to the U.S. and his sons came with him. Sure yeah to be expected. One would hope. Sometimes they stay behind. Sure sometimes. I mean that also makes a good story for us. How many yeah that's almost all stories. Many many many. At age three he left. His son was in a tree. He left his son in a bird's nest. The next year his son became a colonel in the army. At age eight. So they ended up living in Florida. Sad. Sad ending. Sad. That's right. That's not right. That's right. Reginald went to a military academy in Georgia and he excelled in sports including boxing and golf. Sure. The classic combo. Yeah. Yeah. He won some golf tournaments and then he

decided to call himself Joe Kirkwood Jr. in honor of his famous father. Also it's got open doors. Right. Exactly. Right. Yeah. Like Colin Hanks. I'm just kidding. He's not. His dad's name is not Colin. Oh and he had changed his name as well because he was really he's not even related to Tom Hanks. That's a move you got to make. Like I'm Gareth Roberts. Julie is my congratulations. Anyway. Joe was also super good looking. OK. So I like I like how you could just hear that he was and be like woo. But take off my top. Joe Jr. joined the army in 1943 to fight in the war but he was medically discharged after eight months due to asthma and high blood pressure. OK. I would imagine. Yeah. Going into war will

raise your blood pressure. Yeah. So that would be. No. It's not great for a 23 year old of high blood pressure. No. No. Not ideal. He joined the Royal. He joined the Royal Canadian Air Force but was released again for the same reason. OK. OK. So he's like I'll go up there and do this. Yeah. And they were like no you have Canadian asthma too. It's the same asthma. We don't. It's the same. It's the exact same. You do this. The inhaler. Yeah. You have it. You have it here. So he kept golfing. He was you know he turned pro. He was golfing in a tournament in Los Angeles when he was noticed by a director. Oh wow. So that good. He's that good looking. Wow. Yeah. Just how we got started. Yeah. I was in CVS. This guy's

like you want to be famous. I was like OK. And then I took him in the back and there was a process. Yeah. I was like this is how I get my star. He's like sort of. By the way this is not me. He's talking about another guy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to CVS manager that fucks guys. Says it'll open doors. Yeah. And tells them I'll be famous. But then you just work at CVS for two years. Find place. Yeah. Great place. I don't mind. I didn't hate it. Cool guy. Yeah. So he was given a screen test and then signed by Warner Brothers. Wow. Good Lord. He played a few small parts. Nothing big. And then he was released from his contract. OK. But then a nationwide search began. This is already great to find someone

to play. Comic strip boxer Joe Paluka. Joe Paluka is a very famous comic strip at the time. He was a boxer. Sure. And they're like let's let's put Joe Paluka on the big screen. It's funny because I'm always like man they used to make such great movies and now we just make shit. But then they were like this could be a movie. It's gonna be a movie. It's got three squares. Yeah. This is quite an arc. I've been with this guy since paper one. He is quite a story. Paper one. Paper one. That's right. There'll be no more questions. That's the end of any retort about what has just been said. But paper one. I'm done talking to you. Joe Kirkman was the perfect guy to play Joe Paluka. He got cast. He starred in

11 Joe Paluka movies. What's Joe Paluka movies. You guys don't remember. Are you serious. Are you serious. Do you. Do you don't remember Joe Paluka movies. I remember. Joe Paluka basically raised me. My dad put me in a nest when I was four. I wanted to be Paluka. I was Paluka. I never stopped. I've been with him since paper one. Eleven films between 1946 and 1951. He's just. He's only Joe Paluka. He's just living as Paluka. Okay. Surely those are scripts were right on time. Real good. Oh buddy. For those of you listening. I can't do it. Having trouble getting his beer back in his pants. Well. So that'll end the question portion of that. This is an honor. This is an honor of my father. He's still with you

in your cargo pants. Joe did his own boxing stunts in the movie and was knocked out twice during filming. Well who stunts. That's just boxing. That's not a stunt. That is boxing. If you get knocked out twice it's not choreographed. You guys box. Action. Between films he would go golf on the PGA circuit. So the six days he had off. Golfing. He'd go golfing in between making the eleven movies in like seven years. It was only five. Oh well. Eleven movies in five years. That's crazy. Yeah. And then the time he's not in the movies he's golfing. Yeah. Okay. In 1948 he and his father were the first father and son to make the cut at the U.S. Open and the third to each win events on a PGA tour together. Same year. All right.

Joe Jr. became a U.S. citizen in 1950. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. There we go. There's that American immigration enthusiasm we've all been hearing about so much. Thanks for coming and taking our golf and movie jobs. That year rumors were flooding around Hollywood. Oh no. Kirkman had had an affair with Shirley Temple. She's much older now. Yeah. That name. I waited. I waited and you guys didn't wait and I waited because the name really does throw you. You are. We're all picturing the same person who should not be dated. She's an adult. She's an adult that she should not be dated. But what we're forgetting is she was not that forever. She did change. She became grown. It's like watching man Jenga. I did it. I

did it. Daddy be so proud of me. So and they're saying that he is the reason her marriage ended. Right. Oh yeah. We didn't know that either. No. Yeah. Now Kirkman had gotten married. That little girl grew up and was just married and cheating and it's hard to see. Yeah. Oh I knew it when she was a kid. David. Oh that girl is going to cheat on her husband. That one's that one's going to be naughty. Look at that. That's why I'm legally not allowed to watch Shirley Temple movies. A one man record is what they say. One man holds that. So he Joe Joe was already married. He met married a woman and he found out that the guy spreading rumors in Hollywood was just a singer that everybody knew and was the best friend at

his wedding. The best man at his wedding. It should be called the best friend. It really should be. And who's your best friend. Jacob. So the two men ran into each other at the Riviera country club on the 10th tee. And Kirk would said quote will give you the first punch but you better knock me out because if you don't well it's going to be bad. He's like let's shoot a stunt scene. Really fight is what I'm saying. Let's fight each other. Then they exchanged words. Quote finally I hit him. I grabbed him and kept him from falling. Wow. What a one two. Who is who can shift that. Like who can punch a guy and then grab him. Are you all right. Are you all right. Are you all right. Who did this to you. Who

did this to you. We will find him. Imagine seeing that. What are you. That's amazing. That should be like an Olympic sport. Two hits me hitting you and you hit my arms in a cuddling fashion. A Joe. So the movies ended and then a Joe Paluca TV show was made. Sure. Yeah. Well not our appetites weren't quenched by the 11 movies in five years. We were all saying how do we get more Paluca in our lives. That's right. Yeah. Can you get enough Paluca. And the answer is no. No. It is a bottomless pit. He and his wife divorced in 1955. She said she had been abandoned because he loved golf more than her. It's not the first case of that. No or the last. Well as his Hollywood queer wound down. Yeah. As this Hollywood

career wound down animated. Are you surely templing right now. His co wheel. Boy Mr. I don't understand the business. It's a co wheel. We are we for me. It's you. I get it. I got that. Yeah. Nice one. Two hits me hitting you and then a cuddle. So his career starts to wipe down after the Paluca stuff ends. Really. I would cast you but you just been in 34 Paluca movies. Everyone just sees you as Paluca. Well I would love the opportunity to do and play a Paluca in another thing. I can be him in other stuff. Whatever you have creative wise I'm sure Paluca can fit into that. He shifts the jobs maybe. Now what movies or shows are coming up that you have. We got an Abbott and Costello go against Paluca.

That's perfect. That's perfect. I don't think that's the right Paluca. That doesn't seem like it's me. Paluca and the bear. No. Little Paluca. Big Paluca. Big Paluca sounds crazy. Larry Paluca. That'd be fun to change. That'd be a fun change up. Shit. Shit head Paluca. A lot of those are hand written. Yeah. Go fuck yourself Paluca. That's not even on your list. I can see it over your shoulder and that's not. These are. This fucking Paluca going to get out of my office. That's a little specific to the moment wouldn't you think. What kind of shitty actor just plays Paluca for 10 years. That one I'd love to get a chance at. If I could audition for that one. That sounds really like me. Hey I'm going

to go to the bathroom and take a Paluca. Maybe. I mean if the money's right. And you only got knocked out twice. Yeah shooting stunts. Yeah. You were what? Shooting stunts. Kirkwood got into investing. Into investing. Okay. His Hollywood career's over. He bought land and he bought a bowling alley in Studio City. Sure. Right. The regular moves. He remarried. He married Joyce Waltz in 1962. And then at some point during his investment period Joe heard about Cortez Bank. Is that a real. No. Any surfers. Cortez Bank. Okay. Cortez Bank is a barely submerged island in the Pacific Ocean 111 miles off San Diego. Wait where is it. It's 111 miles west of San Diego. In the ocean. In the ocean. It's submerged.

It's 35 miles long and 12 miles wide. Wow sir. It is. Sir. The shallowest area. Sorry yours. What is it called. It's called Cordova Bank. Cortez Bank. Cortez Bank. Okay. Okay. We're going to stop saying names because someone's going to explode. The shallowest area called Bishop Rock is between three and six feet from the surface. Okay. So the bank creates some of the largest waves in the world and is well known by surfers. It was mapped by the U.S. Coast Survey in 1953 and ships need to avoid Bishop Rock so it's marked by a warning buoy. Okay. There are a ton of abalone and fish. Like it's just a huge place for sea life. Okay. Which makes it a favorite place for divers. And capitalists. Like Joe Kirkwood

Jr. Oh dear. So we're. So Peluca. Not our guy anymore. Peluca's going for money. Yeah. Okay. Kirkwood teamed up with Richard Taggart and Bruce McMahon to California abalone canners. And they came up with the idea with an idea of what to do with Cortez Bank. Okay. Turned it into an island where they could harvest all the sea life and ship it off for eating to the masses. Okay. Not what I was hoping to hear. But they didn't just want to turn it into an island. They want to turn it into a new country. What the fuck. What is with that. We have enough. No more. So. Okay. And it's how. How big. Yeah. Okay. So it's all underwater. But yeah. So this is there's a lot of flat. It's kind of flat. It's part

of the cat. It's part of the Catalan idol of chain. Yes. But it's underwater. Yep. Okay. So it's 35 miles long and 12 miles wide. But underwater. Yes. That's what I'm struggling with right now. Yeah. That that's that's a hold up. It's a big problem for an island. I'm thinking of islands in the traditional sense that they're above the water. Yeah. Well not all and that's kind of mean for you to say that's island shaming. Not all islands are above water. Sorry. I didn't I didn't know no better. I'm sorry islands. So am I missing something. No not at all. Okay. So their plan is to turn it in. Turn it into an island. Is there anything I'm missing as far as that part of it. Are they planning on putting more

island atop it. Yeah. They're going to build an island to top it. Yeah. Okay. Is that what we do. I feel like we're not doing that. Well how else would you make a new country. Well I think that's fair pushback but I'm not the one who's saying that's a good idea either. They were going to call the new island. They're already naming it. Well the country they've got to name your new country. But they were going to call their new country Lemuria. Okay. This after a hypothetical lost island in the Indian Ocean in the 19th century the existence of Lemuria was somewhat accepted as scientific theory that helped explain why lemurs existed in India. Oh shut up. Wait. Hey man. That is like that's like you had to come up with

it like on the spot. Like someone was like why are there all these lemurs like you never heard of Lemuria. The island of them. Oh you don't know the lore. Oh yeah. They that's all them. They was all lemurs. That's why they call the Lemuria and they had a monarchy and this is the last thing I'm going to say about it. They had a monarchy and then I'm done talking about it. And it was under it was on the ocean floor. I should point that out. It was on the ocean floor. This is when they had gills which they had and now I'm officially putting a quirk in this conversation. It's over. Lemuria helped explain why lemurs existed in India and Madagascar. Of course there was the split. Not in Africa. Right.

Yes. Exactly. Because they were able to go to the island of Madagascar because they had an underwater train and they could take it there. They took it to Madagascar and they could go there. Obviously that then led to the split of the Democratic Republic of Lemuria and then the Civil War. Civil War. Thank you. Yes. Yes. Which as Axl Rose would say, not so civil. Yes. What's so civil about war anyway? Mic drop. Yeah. Okay. So it was basically like an island. Lemuria was like an island bridge that the lemurs could crawl. Sure. You try to explain lemurs. Yeah. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. I'm starting to miss the arc theory. That's where I'm at with. So in February, Kirkwood and a friend of his

Dick Hall took a 20s. Do we know Dick Hall or are we just laughing at a guy's name? I'm down to laugh at Dick Hall. It's not a great name. They took a 26 foot boat to scout Cortez Bank. Uh-huh. And how big is the submarine? They planned to find the buoy marking Bishop Rock and then they were going to spend the day snorkeling and exploring. Okay. Their new underwater paradise. Neither really had any boating experience. That's good. That's good. No, I'm, I've got a good feeling. So they looked all day for the buoy, but they could not find it. And at sunset, they decided to head back. Smartest decision on the day probably so far. But that's when the famous Santa Ana wins of Southern California kicked

in. In a very short time, the ocean went from completely calm to basically hell. Both of the boat's engines died. Good. The two men held on as waves slammed the boat. Holy shit. Is this not an omen to stay away from your underwater island? I don't think so. Okay. Good radio at the Coast Guard who said they would be able to get there in six hours. Perfect. That works really good on our end. Anything, anything less would be great, but I think six hours is right in the window we're looking at. Is there any bad news? Yeah. Tell us. They told them to check in every 20 minutes. Perfect. That'll really be worthwhile. It seems. Well, something to look forward to. Yes. Yes. And then the ship began taking

on water. That's not good, right? I don't know a lot. Ships are not supposed to take on water. Yeah. But it's actually sounds like they're getting closer to the island. When they called the Coast Guard and told them this, the Coast Guard decided to send a helicopter. We'll be there in five hours. This guy doesn't know what he's doing. But that was going to take an hour. Okay. So during this time they were thrown around the cabin by the waves. And at one point Kirkwood looked up and he saw a hall shoving food into his mouth. Interesting. A full stick of butter. What? Wait a minute. Is he pregnant? What's going on? My cravings. This is what I do in waves. You want some? A loaf of bread and

anything else he could get his hands on. Now is he mixing these food groups where he is individually like food eating competition, eating bread and then be like, let me butter it in my tummy. I'll put it in that way. It's food eating competition style. Okay. So he's not doing. I'm in training. I was looking for the life. I decided to eat everything. That went well. Guys, you should keep that on. Yeah. It's not me. Really? Well, it's you. Thank you, sir. Wait, is there a balcony or that guy just... That's fucking scary. There's a ghost. So Kirkwood was eating anything he could get his hands on. So he eats his food. I'm sorry. Hall was eating anything he could get his hands on. And then Kirkwood

asked him, how in the hell could he eat now in this situation? And Hall said, quote, whoever eats the most will last longest in the water. This is who you want to be on a boat with, for sure. This is who you want to go into business with. Somebody who looks at it like that. Well, you idiot, you'll die before me. Cool. We've been out here for 25 minutes, Dick Hall. It's your problem. Now we're out of butter. Kirkwood said he could not argue with that reasoning. Of course not. It's a fucking good point. It's a good point. Yeah. You know, that's very peluca of you. He would do that in a bind like this. Oh my God. Remind me to pitch peluca on the boat when we get back. That's perfect. Kirkwood was shocked

that his great physical condition meant fuck all when dealing with the sea. Quote, when slamming... So he was an actor. Quote, the slamming and the thudding and heaving were never ending. We had quickly been exhausted. What in the hell was I doing out here anyway? Only an idiot would attempt such a preposterous scheme as building a new country. Great. This episode should be wrapping up right about now. But I knew that wasn't true. I didn't mean it. Building this country was exactly what I wanted to do. What I had to do. No, give me the butter! Oh no. Misrecognizing Destiny has really been fruitful for this show. This is your chance to tap out on a nightmare. I think I should double down on

my country that's underwater and named for lemurs. After the terrifying hour, the helicopter finally arrived. The two men sobbed. Send up your butter first. We're out of butter. I ate all of it. With what? Nothing. Just on its own. What? I was freaking out a bunch. I was Joe Peluca. He made 40 movies and two shows in eight months. Watch the guy on the golf course. We'll talk about a lot of this up there, hopefully. Bring us up. Come on. Bring us up. I might be too heavy on account of all the bread. Take me off my country. Imagine when you get them up there. What are you boys doing out there? We have an underwater island country. All right. Put them back in. All right. Thank you for that moment. Great

to meet you guys. Oh my God. I am so full. The two men sobbed when they were rescued. After Kirkman realized it was going to take more than just a 26-foot boat. What a good lesson. He literally is just jauzing it. I'm going to need a bigger boat. No. Don't go there. Stay. On June 20, 1965, four young men, all 19 and 20, went diving in Hell's Hole in Death Valley. This probably ends great. Hell's Hole is a deep fisher in the desert floor that's filled with very warm water. Very popular with divers, but no one has ever reached the bottom. Three of the men dove in. One stayed out. Two surfaced. One did not. And the other two went back in after him and one surfaced. Okay. So obviously not making

light. This is where nobody else goes down. This is where you go. Well, they were great guys, but were you crazy? They didn't. They called the cops. Okay. How much butter did they, while waiting? So much butter. For two days, divers searched the water, hoping the guys were in an air pocket. The search was very big news. Diver Jim Houts was a retired Navy man and a diving expert. He had already gained a bit of fame diving into Hell's Hole. A year earlier, he dove to a depth of 315 feet, an entire 100 feet deeper than Jacques Cousteau had ever gone, which was the world record for that. Correct. Suck it. Whoever said suck it. That is the correct. We've been waiting for someone to trample on the

grave of Cousteau for a while and it's nice that we found the one. Mr. Cousteau, I have a message here for you. Yes. Cousteau was my grandfather. I'm excited to hear this. It says suck it. Who would say such a thing? Jim Houts. He says 100 deeper, bitch. He reached the stomach. Yes. Well, I sink. This is where I sink. No, you don't love wordplay. No, no. Not that. No. It wasn't great. Maybe I'll sink about it while I sink into it. Come on. Pound it. Take it to Pound Town. Yes. Yes. So, Houts searched the labyrinth of passenger ways but did not find the men. He did find some gear at 325 feet. Well, that's probably not great. New record. He right. Okay. Right? Yeah, that's cool. You guys, they're probably

dead, but guess what? New record. Woo. The families are here. Hey, I wouldn't have done it without them. Your boys died for something fucking awesome. We're not telling them they're dead yet. We're not saying that. They might not be dead. Thank you. But their shit is down deep. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like I wouldn't count on it. Can we talk to you outside? Congratulations again. Can we talk to you outside? I went farther than ever. Yeah, that's great. You know what? I wasn't down there. Shuck fucking Cousteau. I think you know what happened to me in a sink. No, I got it. Yes, it's like I'm not emerging. Okay. Because when I say TH is something I think. My wife left me two months ago for my best friend. Punch them.

You think about punching them with your little Frenchie wrist? I tried to punch him. What happened? Oh snap. We fell into each other's arms. Yeah, yeah. That was the moment I knew why it would never work with Diane and myself. Anyway, who's it be? I should probably skedaddle. This is getting real dark. Anyway, you should really go. All right. I live in the prison I've created. So the assumption was that the swimmers just kept going down and they couldn't figure out which way was up or down and they just kept going down, down, down. Who's estimated the depth of the, and no one still knows, but he estimated it to be 900 feet of Devil's Hulk from a ropey drop down. So the bodies are never found. Another diver on the rescue

was named Harry Wham. That is, that is the best diver I've heard of in this story so far. Oh no, whams here. Wham. Get me in there. Harry was a diver. You're damn right he was. And a Vegas nightclub singer. You're goddamn right he was. Yeah, goddamn right he was. Well that meant he was in show business and that meant Harry knew a guy named Joe Kirkwood Jr. Oh no. Oh no, Wham and Peluca. A month after the search, Houts got a call, quote, hello Mr. Houts. This is Joe Kirkwood Jr. Well Houts knew Kirkwood. Joe Peluca was calling him on the phone. Oh, who wouldn't be all the stars struck over the phone? Well Peluca. Wow. You're the guy who made 150 movies in two weeks. Knocked out 47 times. Wow. I did

all my own stunts, which were regular fights. So he asked Houts to come to his house and Houts drove up to meet. That's funny. Come on, keep going, but that's hilarious. What the fuck's wrong with you? That's all right. That's gold. Houts drove up to meet Kirkwood. Where? I don't know where he was living. At his house. Fell for it twice. In his apartment. They started talking Cortez Bank. As a diver, Houts was very familiar with Cortez Bank. He told Kirkwood he had caught 35 pound lobsters there and many, many abalone. He said the sea life was so frenzied that the water above appeared to boil. Well that's good for land. That's where you definitely get land on there. You want to put land in it when it's boiling.

Oh fuck yeah. It's like pasta. Yeah. So Kirkwood told him about the plan to turn Cortez into a manmade island. And what did he say? He said that's fucking nuts. But Kirkwood went on and he said he had financial backers, one who owned a rock quarry in Ensenada and he was pretty far along in the planning stages. He had just signed an agreement with the Los Angeles Sanitation to barge 3,000 tons of garbage a day to use as landfill. Sorry. Which is how most islands are formed. Wait. That's how Hawaii happened. Well we do have, we do in the ocean have a trash, I mean we have multiple trash size islands but we have one that is like. Yeah great. Ready to go. Like ready for pink berries and stuff. Yeah I know.

Starbucks and other things that we can just take plastic and then throw it and you throw it on your own island. Yeah. And then all you're doing is making a bigger island. That's great. It's great. Fucking awesome. It's a dream. So Kirkwood needed a partner who had a unique set of skills. Oh wow. Like Howitz had. Uh huh. Howitz was an underwater demolition expert and a diver. So Howitz listened and thought Kirkwood was quote, nuts. But then he started to think it over. This is where I knew, I knew there was this butt where he was like, you know what though? Isn't that crazy? This is how firefest started. Well said. It's firefest the island. Fire island. There's already a fire island. Well bad news fire

island. Well he said, Howitz said he did not believe in the, in impossible. Well people should believe in that but keep going. That is not, I understand we like dreamers. Yeah then jump out of a plane without a parachute. All right. Pretty soon he was on board. All he had to do was to commit his wife was to take out a second mortgage on the house. To build an island on bubbling seawater. That's right. It's only bubbling because there's critters down there. Once you kill the critters there's no bubbling. Oh that'll be a good phase. He met the other guys involved. Tony Allman who was the son of an ex-Mexican president. Robert Lynch, president of a savings alone. And Bruce McMahon, the heir to a chain of

furniture stores. Owner of a bunch of abalone boats as well as the rock quarry. So he's really got quite the capitalist crew coming with him. So here's the plan. I can't wait. Dump enough rocks from the quarry on top of Bishop Rock and then sink a Rockfield barge on top of that. At that point they could plant the flag of Lumeria and it would become its own country. I'm sorry. I think I expected a lot more steps to the plan. I don't think I expected the third step to beat them. We had the flag ceremony. Obviously you know it'll be day two, day three, max. So their plan is to just really mush it. They're gonna put stuff on top of it. And mush it. Well not mush it, just build up. Right, but by kind of mushing the rocks onto the... Well I guess

mush but... It's mushing. Okay. Yeah. I didn't know that was a technical term. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're an engineer? I work in mainly mush stuff but I will say that I do have a doctrine in mushing. After they did that they would make a circle using the boulders and then fill in the middle with garbage from Los Angeles. Sure. Okay, great. So great. So this is really great. This is great. This is really good. This is... So it's just gonna build a big mound of shit in the ocean. That's right. Okay, so great. Yeah. Really good. How it came up with something that seems simpler. Going home? Pretending they'd never met? No. He said they should buy a big old ship and sink it on a level area of the sea island. What is the plan? And then immediately

surround it with rocks. So it would sink a ship... This is how like a four-year-old would plan this. But if they sink the ship, the bank is so low that the ship is gonna stick out of the water. I understand. And they put rocks around it. That's not a island. That's not a country. You've not built a country. That's a country. You've crashed a boat and put rocks around it. It's a country! Where's the flag? And you pack it in and then you put a flag up. Uh-huh. And then you have an island and you can call it whatever you want. Well, Lumeria is what we'll call it. Well, when you bring in the lemurs. Yeah. Cool. So is anybody saying this... But here's the other thing. And then as soon as that ship was settled, then they would immediately have a place for their seafood factory.

Win-win. Greetings are cranking out fish and lobsters and abalone and stuff. Did they... Is there nobody in the group of them is like, hey guys, what? What are we talking about? That's crazy. You know, it's cool. There's not. No, there's not. No. No, they're just like an improv team. Yes, they're ending each other. Yes. Yes. And then we'll plant the flag. Yes. And then the rocks. Yes. Yes. Yes. This is good. They figured with enough boulders and garbage from LA. Yeah. And by the way, it doesn't matter what you're about to say. Anything can be done with enough boulders and garbage from LA. They could create a seven mile long, three mile wide island with a resort. I don't see it. I'm not going to lie. I'm not seeing it. No, I'm not seeing it. It's not

looking like a sandals in my head. It's just looking like... Well, no, you walk out and you step on needles and just old Doritos bags and then you jump in the sea. That's great. Now I'm seeing it. And I don't... Yes. So how'd it start going out to the bank to do recon? He saw the water many different ways. It was calm as a pool on some days, crazy waves the next, everything in between. But none of the waves was so massive that he would consider walking away from the project. No. He found a nice ledge, quote, we had a flat bottom, a beautiful bottom. Settle down over their house. Such a great bottom. The hottest bottom I've ever seen. The flattest, best bottom. The greatest bottom.

And it was sandy. We dig up these clams. Oh, I love a sandy bottom. We dig up these clams eight, nine inches, huge, absolutely enormous. Good God, did they make good chowder. So he's having a good time out there. Yeah. Okay. He's already opened the island. Meanwhile, the investors found a ship. Okay. Great. They found their ship to submerge mostly. Yeah, they're looking for the right ship now. How does she crash? Is she crash real well? Ships are made. So these ships were made during the First World War when steel was scarce. They made these ships mostly at a concrete with a steel frame.

Well, if you're gonna get a ship to crash and make an island out of. So this bad boy is just all made out of concrete, huh? That's right. The SS sinker. How does she float? She floats great. Oh, she floats barely. She barely floats. She's mostly an underwater vessel. She's made out of concrete. You know, it was that awkward six month phase where we were making ships out of concrete, not really understanding what buoyancy was. Oh, what an evolution. Now we make them out of anchors.

The ships were hard to turn and slow. What about them was hard to turn? And heavy. Yeah. And fragile. Uh-huh. Yeah. It's like a water Cadillac. Jesus Christ. In 1921 cement ship collided with a steel ship and quote, shattered as if a teacup had been hit. So there's an upside at least. They are not, they're not very buoyant and yet they will explode upon impact. So that's good. It sank within three minutes. Oh, that's, that's fun. Well, I mean, imagine like this guy who's trying to unload these fucking

concrete ships. Every time someone walks into his fucking concrete ship shop. Well, it's concrete, but don't go anywhere. And then there's finally one guy who's there like, really concrete? Yeah, but they sink fast. Really? A million dollars sound good. Boy, mister. They ended up making, so that was in the first world war and they ended up making 24 concrete ships during the world war two because they were so desperate to have ships. Well, that's too desperate. That's when you should see the concrete planes. God rest those men's souls. We're coming Hitler.

Sir, we hit the barn again. I saw, I saw from here. I think the problem is we're using too little concrete. Too many propellers. Let's take it down to one. So these ships were 334 feet long and weighed 25,000 tons. Sounds, sounds countryable. One was named the Humphrey. It had been badly damaged in a storm and then sold to Mexico for scrap. But there it was renamed the Halisco and in 1960 bought by a west coast whaler. But the whaling business died off soon after and now the Halisco was for sale. Okay. So our investors bought it for $8,000. It had a flat bottom and 27 feet of elevation from the water line to the deck. That's perfect. That is perfect. Just what they're looking for.

It could sink and still have the deck above water. Just this plan. This plan. Great. This plan. It's a great fucking plan. Oh, well, didn't you tell me how to make a country genius? I'm not vying for country making. Well, then don't criticize those that are. Okay. Pessimist. They're, the boat had a workroom with tools. So it's got everything. They got it. Sorry. All you've said is a workroom with tools. Yes. So it doesn't have everything. It sounds like you're like an $80 motel being like, we got everything. There's a barbell. We got it all. What do you need? Huh? Do you have a TV without cable? Sign this. Yeah, we got a barbell. We got

a TV. It's one of the rooms. Come on. You're gonna love it here. Cigarette burns on the sheets. Hey, come on guy. What's your problem? You welcome to my country. Come on. Get inside. So they got a discount for removing the engines and turbines. Which again, for the man's selling that to them must have been like, sure, you don't need engines. No, you don't have to have them. That's not a must. I just, I don't know what you guys want it for. I guess is where I'm at. I just get a floater. Okay, sure. If you'd rather it go slowly, this is your vessel. This thing's great. It sucks. You're gonna love it. The Helisco would have now have to be brought down by tugboat and then sunk. So Kirkwood handled the purchase. Howitz told him the auxiliary engines

had to be fueled and both anchors and their 750 feet of chain had to be operational. No problems said Kirkwood. Kirkwood also said he would add more valves to help the ship sink quickly. Plan was to take the boat, to take the boat, rainbows end and have it lay out a runway of buoys. They're taking another boat. Okay. Take it to the bank. We're gonna run out a runway of buoys and use those to direct the Helisco right in there. Now, before when you said that this vessel shatters like a teacup. Yes. Is that maybe not the best thing to build a country upon? I'm just sort of reflecting upon an earlier statement. Well, my guess is that that is not a great reply from you. So how, how's what then, how's what you was going to use the anchors and the long

change to guide it into the exact spot with the currents and the boulders would be there waiting and then the helisco would become a country. Right, right. Very magical process you've laid out there. Thank you. Right. Kirkwood tried using official channels to get the blessings of the United States to create a small nation off San Diego. Sure. And so when the government reached out and said yes, what was the next move? When the government was like for sure, but what is it? Oh, it's a concrete ship. Yeah, absolutely. What do you want to call it? That makes sense. Yes, let's do it. But every agency call just seemed confused. I wonder what that was due to. No one returned his calls. But he's the president of Lumuria. No, some quote, some people began to kid

me calling me King Joseph or King Kirkwood. And how does he take that? Is he like, oh, they're being, didn't he love it? Okay, great. Okay. So he's gone for officially, Paluk has left the building and now Kirkwood's in it. Okay. By November, news papers had heard about the plan and the papers didn't like the name Lumuria. So they started calling it abalonea. Interesting. Abalonea. Yeah, right. Once it hit the papers, the city of San Diego, the US Army Corps of Engineers and US Attorney Edward Miller, who was in San Diego, want to know what in the fuck was going on. Finally, I mean, for fuck's sake, how long have we been waiting for someone to be like, no, what are you doing? How old are you boys? Do you guys have families? What have

you thought about getting married? You get some feminine energy in this group right now. That's what needs to happen over here. You guys cannot be left alone to this. Of course, it makes perfect sense. We'll call Lumuria. So that it doesn't, so it doesn't get hot. So here are the things that governments worried about. They wondered if Kirkwood was, this is going to be a long list, right? They wanted if Kirkwood was a communist. So our government's been really good for a long time. First thought, this obviously is the Russians. They're hacking Lumuria. Well, they've already got fucking Cuba down there. Now they don't need another communist country off San Diego. What if all the Los Angeles garbage got loose and started washing up on

San Diego beaches? Fair. Hey, it's an export from us. Relax. It's our way of saying hello. And did the mafia want to use the island to build a casino? So none of their questions are, what the fuck is happening? No. I think what my only worry is, are they opening a Russian casino? That's where I'm at. Is anyone else, we all are. Okay, good. Yeah, because that seems to be the front runner for issues here. Kirkwood told reporters he had already refused an offer from the mob for a casino. So that wasn't an irrational fear. The mob was like, hey, we understand you're building a trash casino. Have you thought about calling it Harris? It might be nice. It might be nice. Hey, it's a lot easier for us to make dudes swim with the fishes when your casino is

literally inches away from the fishes. Yeah, no, actually maritime law permits us from actually getting into trouble for this. So it's quite a loophole. This is my cousin Joey Abalone. I think it'd be good. Hey, what's up? I can't breathe on land too long. So the mob, as horrible as the mob is, you got to take your hat off to how awesome the mob is. I mean, they're just always down. They're in it. They see someone building a trash island. They're like, how much can we make money off that? How much money? Let's get a racket going. We want a slice of the trash. Hey, you know your trash island? We're going to run the parking meters. So all these places that Kirkwood was calling in the government are not getting back to him.

Yeah, they're all like, did you get that prank call from that dude? He's only getting calls from like the attorney and that he doesn't want. So he's becoming impatient. Then he gets a straw. And then he gets fearful that the U.S. government is going to order a cease and desist before they could sink the HALISCO. Okay. So now we've got speed on a concrete boat. We have a ticking, we have a ticking clock. Okay. During the second we go November, he called HALISCO. And he said it was time to do this. He said the HALISCO and the boulders were ready to go. Now HALISCO was still working on the second boat, the rainbow's end. He'd put just put two new engines in it and he said they needed at

least 50 hours of breaking in before they could take the long journey out to Cortez Bank. Okay. Kirkwood was freaked about the silence from the U.S. and the press hounding them and he said it had to happen now. HALISCO said he didn't think that was a good idea, but still he looked at the weather. There was a storm just coming off Japan many days out and it looked like the storm would head north. It appeared Cortez Bank is gonna have nice calm seas, so he reluctantly agreed to do it. Well Dave, I have a really good feeling. Calm waters, concrete ship about to be converted into an island of lemur people in a mob casino. Check the forecast. Let's just cross the T's and dot the I's on this bad boy.

It's as good as done. It's as good as done. Let's go to shit island now. On Sunday, November 13th, 1966, they gathered at Balboa Bay Club. Kirkwood came dressed, in pleated khaki pants, a nice cashmere sweater, and a pair of fur lined after ski boots to keep his feet warm. Wow, so just leader of the douches, just ready to go be in charge of his own island. Ah, just Tom Brady'd out. Hey, we ready to make this island or what? Is that peluca? Please, please. I sink on water just like the rest he is. You'll see. Houts. Quote, everybody at the club was looking at the boots and looking at me and asking, who is this guy? The men gathered were Houts navigator. A couple of guys,

Kirkwood brought along that Houts had never met. Good, that's great. Don't need any more details on those two. Well, one was Native American William Many Horses Leslie and the other was John O'Malley, just a fucking guy. I don't have a catchy nickname. I don't even have a horse. I've got green clovers. That was pretty great. Get it out before we go to Ireland, asshole. You are going to get stabbed when we go there. Bring your clover shit there. Say potatoes twice in one room there, they'll cut your neck. Potato. They'll give you an Irish necktie. Yeah, that's where they cut your throat open and put a potato where your tongue was. So everybody got on the rainbow's end and they headed out.

Kirkwood asked Houts to speed up. Houts explained why he could not speed up. We bought a concrete ship with two motors, one which is not working. They're not on that one, they're on the other one. They're on the other boat that's going to meet the... So, Houts explained why he couldn't. In an hour, one of the new untested engines gave out. Good. Houts had to restrain himself from yelling, I told you so, at Kirkwood. They continued on slowly with one engine. Houts started to wonder what the big hurry was. They reached Bishop Rock Monday morning. The weather was perfect. The ocean looked like a pond.

And then the tugboat arrived with the holisco. As did McMahon on a boat named the Polaris. His boulders would be there Tuesday morning. Great. Just being dropped off. Falling into place. Sure. They're coming on five barges. Yep, great. Great. Today was all about making the buoy runway. In San Diego, reporters were listening

on a radio telephone with a private channel to McMahon. McMahon, quote, if all goes well, we should be starting operations in a couple of weeks. Then I'm like, what the hell's going on? That evening, US Attorney Edwin Miller of San Diego had a conversation with the tug captain, Kirkwood, and McMahon. He calls them on the radio telephone thing. He said they were on the US continental shelf and were in violation of US federal laws and they had to cease all operations. Unfortunately, Lemuria doesn't play by US laws. We play by the law of lemurs. Why don't you talk to our lemur king?

Yeah. Oh, he does not like what you're saying. He's a vengeful king. He's a vengeful king. How'd the call go with him? Well, not great. They have a lemur king I didn't know. Oh, God, I know the one. Is there any precedent for dealing with lemur kings in judicial? Have you ever heard about the Madagascar lemur train?

I know. Oh, well, it's great. Look it up. It's nuts. I got to go. I have a 430, but it's crazy shit. You won't believe what you're reading. You have a 430 what? Uh-huh. I'm catching a 430. I have a 430 to go to. Wait, what does that mean? 430. It's locked. Can't break it. I have to go. I would love to stay in chat. I have a 430.

What do you mean, what is it? It's a half hour earlier than having a five. It's a 430 and I have it. And I have one. Unfortunately, after this last two minutes, I have a 432 if you'll excuse me. Oh, there he is. Hello, old friend. So Kirkwood told the tug captain to tell the U.S. attorney who the Abalonians were talking to in Washington about all this. And it was just a basically a way to delay him. So they wait, they wait, and then after an hour, our U.S. attorney Miller called and demanded

the Halesco be towed to San Diego immediately. Okay. Kirkwood, quote, he then said we were in violation of U.S. laws because we were a hazard to shipping. He commenced reading the law to us, but his voice seemed to falter as he said the words misdemeanor punished by $50 fine. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. No. What? They're getting like a parking ticket for this? What? You may not build an island unless you have $50. Shit. Nobody thought this would fucking happen. Yes, we still should have made the fine more.

Why? Oh, hey, you guys, we got to make a law about not building an island. It was a long night. We were trying to get out of the office. We didn't think this had ever happened. $50. Let's go home. Come on. Let's end this evening. Good Lord. So Kirkwood did not think the U.S. had jurisdiction. And at the end of the day, the U.S. attorney had made a big mistake by saying it was a misdemeanor. $50 misdemeanor. Kirkwood figured he'd pay the fine from his new nation island. At least that's what Kirkwood said, but they told how it's nothing about the call because they knew he would bail.

Right. And everything kept moving ahead. Great. So, yeah, they better pay that fine in like some Lumirian currency. Here's your Lumirix. It'll be 320 Lumirix. The Holisco was moved into position on Tuesday morning. At 9.15 a.m., the ship was lined up with the buoy runway. Houts grabbed his supplies because once the Holisco was sunk, he was going to immediately start living on it. Wow. Okay. What a weird... What do you tell people you're saying goodbye to on American soils? Hey, guys, gather around. It turns out I'm crazier than the rest of you.

I mean, I'm really out of my fucking mind. Well, unfortunately, I will be leaving America. I'm starting my own island on a boat. Take care, everyone. We'll have a casino. Maybe come by. When I come back, I'll have half human, half lemur. Children. Yes. Don't gawk at us. So, he grabs his supplies. He grabbed his rifle in case he needed to defend his new country. In front of three people that he knew? He's like, okay. You don't know what's going to happen. Another fake island might attack. Sure. Right. Yeah. Well, they are mobile.

He climbed aboard the Holisco. With him were his navigator, Kirkwood, many horses, and John... Many horses? Yeah. He's the Native American guy we talked about. Oh, dude. I forgot his nickname. I was like, what the fuck are they doing up there? We're going to open a cowboy camp. Right away. That's day one stuff for us. Get the horses on the boat. Many horses. The horses were like, well, this is obviously hell. This is a nightmare. You guys should have had land before he brought the us. We're horses. We're not going to do well here. They'll figure it out. So, everyone's very excited. They're all chattery, very happy.

Yeah, of course. This is huge. That's when Houts looked out and noticed there was a very long, low, soft swell approaching the boat. Okay. Yeah. Yes. You are in the ocean. That is where you are. Quote, the distance from trough to crest was tremendous. Houts had not seen a swell like this in all the time he had spent at Cortes Bank. He discussed the swells with his navigator and they decided that they were no big deal. Sure. Two to four feet at most wouldn't make a difference. Just weird. Quote, it's been dead calm. So, if we get a little wind and the normal seas,

I mean, this is a freighter. No big deal. Now, remember, Houts had given specific instructions to Kirkwood about the Helisco. Yeah. He noticed there was only one anchor. Okay. And it was much smaller than what he'd seen the first time he had looked at the ship. He had given instructions to Kirkman to keep the two large anchors with 750 feet of chain each on the ship. He asked Kirkman where the big anchors were. Kirkman took his time. That's not a good start. And then he admitted he had sold them for salvage. The anchors? Yeah. On your island. On your island. Well, he's got the little anchor. So, Houts is furious.

Well, because now you're still on a ship. The anchors and long chains were a huge part of how he planned to get the Helisco into place. So, then he tried starting the engine that powered the small anchor, but it wouldn't start. Good. He asked Kirkwood if he'd had it tested. Kirkwood, quote, nobody ever showed me that it worked. You know, on Peluca, we never actually tested anything. Isn't that interesting? How we did it on Peluca? And then here we are. Fucked. What would Peluca do? Probably make another movie. So, there's only one way left to lower the anchor, manually using a winch. Great. But then, now once it was down, they could never move it up again. So, it's a one-shot deal. So,

Houts told Kirkwood and his two guys and the horses to very slowly release the brake. Okay. Very slowly. But as soon as they started doing it, the chain made such a loud noise that they all got freaked out and they jumped back and the anchor just dropped to the ground. Great. Okay. Great. So, so far, everything's gone wrong, right? Just to be clear. It dropped fast. It was so quick that Houts was confused because there was no way that was 750 feet of chain. Oh my god. Well, there's something else I should tell you. I was on fire at the scrap place. So, I just got 80 feet of chain. It's like a hook for the fish. Houts looked at this bullet chain. It was empty and he asked Kirkwood where the rest was. You know what we would always do on Peluca?

We'd Hollywood it. Pretend like there was a lot. Act like there was a lot of chain. That's why we made over 800 movies in one day. Pretty good. Pretty good ones too. When he asked Kirkwood where the rest of the chain was, Kirkwood shrugged. Turns out he had told the guys at the shipyard they would be in less than 50 feet of water and had the chain cut and sold for salvage. Great. That's great. All that salvage money's great. It's really, yeah, that's awesome. Now you can buy a home on your fake island. He neglected to tell Houts any of this. So, Houts was livid, but he realized this wasn't the time

to argue. No, this is the time to pretend like it's still okay for sure. They had less than 600 feet of chain than he had planned on and one small anchor instead of two big ones. Obviously, it was a problem. He hoped the current would move the Holisco into place. Sure. Houts thought the chain was so small it might take the boat right into the place where the waves were crashing, right where they didn't want to be. As the Holisco drifted into the waves, it was still connected to the tugboat by the towing cable. Okay. So that has the tugboat doing. Well, now the swells are building. Sure. So the tugboat's like, how's the country? We'd open? Are we a country? Can you see the lemurs? Can you see the lemurs? A lot of horses.

The guys on the Holisco tried to release their end of the cable, but couldn't and Kirkwood yelled to the tugboat captain to give them some slack. At that point, a man came out of the tugboat cabin with a blowtorch. What is he doing? What's his plan? And started cutting the cable. What is he? No, no, no. Listen, not what we're saying. No, slack, slack. The cable was worse. The cable was worse. Several thousand dollars. Oh, this guy. This is our hero. It was because the Holisco was dragging the tugboat underwater. At this point, Houts looked out and noticed a marine layer. He suddenly realized what the waves were. Oh my God. Four runners, the leading waves from a big

storm. The wavelengths began to shorten quickly and the swells grew rapidly. These were swells that had been moving since Hawaii and are now coming up on their first obstacles. Probably two anchor waves is what we call them in the biz, right? Yeah. The Holisco moved a couple hundred yards, then the anchor grabbed onto something in about 20 feet of water. The men were all thrown off their feet. A large swell pushed the ship onto Bishop's Rock and the boat was now grinding against the land. The sound, Houts said, quote, it was just, just the most God awful thing. That's why it's not easy to make your own country. More people would be doing it if it was as simple as just going and sinking a ship.

Oh, someone's got to try. I'm glad someone finally did. I'm glad it was Peluca, too. How do you think we got America? Yeah, right. Very. A new line of swells appeared off the bow. Good. A wave hit, they fell like an elevator cable had been snapped. The Holisco came down and was impaled. Jesus Christ. Houts told everyone to get away from the anchor chain and run for the port side. This is not a good opening. It's not good. He was wearing a life jacket and would have jumped, but he officially was the captain and had to get everyone off first. Then the chain split and whipped around and hit the boat. Jesus Christ. The boat spun. It's stern. The back was now facing the waves. It started to take on water. It was going. This is not going well,

right? No. Okay. The boat's going down. Okay. As it did, the waves grew higher. Houts said, quote, this thing is done, guys. We got to get the hell off the boat. To be fair, we got to get the hell out of the country. Hey, guys, the country's fucked. It's fucked. It's like America. Let's go. Let's go. Truly, that's a little America for you right there. Spinning out of control. Well, the thing that was holding us tethered to reality is now trying to impale us. So we should get the fuck out of here. I think that's the move. Houts told everyone to get into life vest because no one else had a mon except for his navigator. Well, because they were like, we're on land. We're home, baby.

Why would I put a life vest on in my own country? My own country. I'm going to get laughed at at the Big Barry. Kirkwood, O'Malley, and many hands refused to put on vests. Cool. They had brain lock. They basically had shut down and were freaked out. Then a huge wave rose up and Houts yelled, run. Good. Good leadership there. They did. The wave was about 35 feet high. Jesus Christ. It picked up all this shit that was on the boat, concrete, hatch covers, wood, steel cables, 55 gallon jumps of fuel. Everyone was overcome by the wave, except for Kirkwood, who leapt onto a mast and clutched it at the nose of the ship. Luke is back, baby. They looked at him like, aren't you going to run? He was like, no, someone call action. Kirkwood, what are you? No, don't do

that. Action. All the others were smashed and hammered. Houts had at least. Does it not feel like this is like a Moana moment where the ocean is like, get the fuck out of me. Leave me. Yeah. Very much. No to you. This is the old mother nature versus man. Do you want to build an island? If possible, we want to make a bunch of money from killing stuff. After the wave, Houts had at least one broken rip. Many horses was jammed ass first into a hole in the bow. We've all been there. That's life in the casino. Stuck ass first. And many horses ass is stuck. Wait, what? Many horses ass is stuck. He's basically folded over and his body was blocking the water because he was in the hole like a cork. And then three more waves hit while

he was in that position. And Buster Keaton from the shores was like, I've got an idea. Yeah. Then there was a lowland waves, right? That set ended. And Houts and his navigator pulled many horses out of his hole. Thank you. Thank you. I didn't shit. That's the amazing thing. He was spitting out oily water as they got O'Malley into a life jacket. They thought O'Malley had internal injuries. The tugboat captain rammed the tugboat against the helisco so O'Malley could jump on. Two guys on the tugboat tried to grab O'Malley, but he was covered in oil and slippery. So then he went to jump. Oh no, an oil jump? It's not parkour. Just as a wave hit. Oh Jesus Christ. Oil and water don't mix. And he quote,

stepped out into the air. Oh no. What? He wily coyoted. He went down. The tugboat captain then went after O'Malley who was being swept out. The navigator jumped and tried to swim for the rainbow's end. Kirk wanted many horses were clutching onto the mast. Houts told them to jump into the water. The seabed meant calm for a couple of minutes, which was not good news. Okay. Kirk would said quote, this thing's not going anywhere. Hold on and the water will just rush by me. It's going to go by me. So he's an optimist. Yep. Houts looked over and the compressor was almost loose. It was spinning around. One more wave and it would break loose and crush Kirkwood and many horses, which would be like getting hit by a forklift. Well, that doesn't sound appealing.

Houts said quote, guys, come on, the compressor's come and loose. That thing weighs eight tons. Kirkwood said he was not going anywhere. He was. Palukas hanging in there. Yeah. He said fucking Palukas. He was determined to stay quote, if for no other reason, then that people are always being washed overboard in movies. This guy, this is what an actor. Well, it's an actor, right? No, not in the movies. I've seen it. I'll be fine. They'll play heroic music. They'll be a swell. Yeah. And the movies guys go over and that's it. Yeah. They'll cut it out if I die too. Houts then saw the water drawing down around the boat. He looked. Oh shit. Jesus Christ. It was a wave that was the largest wave he had ever seen in his life. It was now high above the

holistic. Kirkwood quote, it was an enormous wall of blue green water rising 45 feet or more with fish in it that were plainly visible. Oh Jesus Christ. Oh shit. I told you there were a lot of fish here. We're dying you idiot. Oh look a grouper. You idiot. The wave crashed on the deck. Houts watched as Kirkwood was blown off the deck. Tugboat crew member quote, I remember seeing him just flying through the air. I'll tell you what, the national anthem for this country is going to be fucking amazing. It's just going to be and then another swell came and many horses was dead as first. Kirkwood. Suddenly I was just flying through the air with the mast still locked in my arms.

That's not good for anybody. Houts would later estimate Kirkwood fell 40 or 50 feet before he hit the water. Jesus Christ. Watching all of this transpire was a boat of reporters who had just arrived. Yeah. Country of morons drowns. Just out of the harm's way like, wow, that's terrible. Now let's bring on an expert who's against the country and someone else who's marginalized and believes the myriad makes sense. So on the reporter's boat two Catholic reporters hit their knees and started to pray. That's lovely. In the water Kirkwood was hit on the head by something and went down. Houts had no idea what had happened to many horses. He looked around and couldn't

see him. Oh boy. The next wave was coming in 15 seconds. Houts took a look at it. It was at least 50 feet high. It was so large as it came down it made a ceiling over the boat. It's kind of cool for a minute. Whoa. Holy fuck. This is the end. This is how it ends. This is how I go. Mariners call this green water, which means it's solid water. There's no spray. There's no curl. It's just green and still. It hit going 35 to 45 miles an hour. Somehow the heliskos survived and houts. In the water Kirkwood regained consciousness and swam up, but he had these big fur boots on. You don't get to try to like open a nation underwater essentially in Uggs. It's like sponges for your feet. You're like, oh, they're really taking it on. I can't.

They were waterlogged and felt like lead on his feet. He tried to reach down and then zip them, but he couldn't. Unzip them, even that. He couldn't without putting his head underwater. Quote, it flashed through my mind that I needed to lose a few pounds. Is this really the time to be thinking about nutritional goals? Oh my god, I'm a little heavy. I am so carb loaded right now. I am. That's it. I'm doing ketosis. I'm getting into it. Then another wave hit him. The tugboat had been trying to get close to him. Kirkwood was pushed under the tugboat. Under the tugboat. The entire 120 feet from bow to stern and just between or past the two propellers. Wow. I'm Luca.

He came up off the stern and barely lifted his head. One of the tugboat crew ripped off his shirt to jump in the water and another tugboat crew member said, are you crazy? That's a $50 shirt. Buttons just ripped him off. So instead they threw him a line and he grabbed onto it and two crewmen pulled him in and then as another wave hit, they grabbed him. Kirkwood said, quote, quote, please help me, fellows. Sure. Yeah. You need to say something. I can't help you. Yeah, we know. We know. And they pulled him out. How it's made sure his life jacket was on tight and then he held onto his gun and jumped in the water. Sorry. What's what's what is he doing? Don't fucking know. Why is he bringing the gun? Just in case. I'm going to kill Peluca.

I'm killing Peluca today. I want those boots. They are gorgeous. I don't know. There's literally nothing I could think of why he brought the gun. We're going to war, boys. Don't worry, gentlemen. I think we can shoot these ways away. I've been drinking a lot of the water by the way. Everyone should drink it. It really gets the ideas generating. We can breathe underwater and we can shoot it with this gun, which now that I'm looking at it is a hot dog, which is troubling. We should eat a lot of butter right now. In the water, many horses suddenly appeared beside him. I'm dying. Hey, what's up? Help. They were pulled onto the tug after a few more waves. They watched as the helisk was obliterated.

What? You mean the teacup couldn't handle the ocean pounding against rock? There goes the island. Say the dream ain't over though. It's over. What? No, it's not. Oh, thank God. They were brought onto McMahon's ship. O'Malley had internal injuries. Everyone else was bruised and battered. The five barges of rocks had turned around just before they got there as word came of what was happening. But the seas were so bad one barge had sunk while returning. Then the FBI came by helicopter. Hey, we told you, you fucking idiots. They just dropped a $50 ticket. Well, that's just, that's rude. Oh, we all get fined $50. That's not what the man said. The man didn't say that. He didn't say it. They asked how it's a few questions, but then they really interrogated

Kirkwood, who captain stuck to his story. He said they had been forced to scuttle the helisko after the U.S. attorney called because of waves that had started taking down the boat. So they lied. They said they never, they said they were like, the attorney called, we sort of went on a concrete vacation. But it was a lie and it kept everyone out of jail. So O'Malley went to the hospital. How it's got vanished for his broken ribs. And after they were all home. Many horses get a new ass. Get a new asshole. Just an asshole. I didn't. Well, that's graphic. No. Yeah. It's not. I was trying to keep it light and you went. I know a doctor that's here right now. Oh, she's she got up on. Okay. Gotcha. But you can replace an asshole, right? We do it every four day years.

After they were home, Kirkwood did not give up on his idea of Babylonia. Good. That's good. Peluca. He kept talking about it in the press. He said Babylonia would be willing to allow the U.S. to have a weather station and a ship refueling depot. Okay. Yeah. Right. An LA waste disposal official said it would be an inexpensive way of getting rid of trash. Quote, if those fellows can get the government off their backs and make the whole thing legal. That guy's just like, we got a lot of trash. We need to do some with it. And these assholes will live on it. So we should give it to them. It is garbage. Let them live on a bunch of Dr. Pepper Cans. Kirkwood testified before a Coast Guard inquiry and said the sinking was an accident.

And the Coast Guard accepted it. Wow. Like with gritted teeth, they were like, well, it seems weird to take a World War One vessel out for a vacation. But pending further evidence, okay. Peluca. As for his plans, Kirkwood wrote that he was thinking more of making the island a monarchy, probably even a constitutional monarchy. There we go. Get specific before you've got anything out there. And then two other groups decided they would turn Cortez Bank into a nation. Oh, for God's sake. Investors in the nation of Toluca were represented by Seattle Attorney Jack Englund. Quote, my clients have absolutely nothing to do with the peluca bunch. They were four major investors. The peluca bunch. Yeah.

That's great. They were four major investors and had 15 million ready to make the island nation of Toluca. They plan to build three cities, a resort and a port. Why not baby step it? It seems like you're just like, go fucking hard or go home. I think go home. Obviously, the answer to that one. Good Lord. I've said it twice. The Toluca group said they had claimed the bank, quote, in 1959, my clients drove the first claim stake. When asked how they could put a claim stake in something underwater, he said, quote, well, it was a buoy marker placed on the spot. Okay. And then the other plan was Aqualandia. Aqualandia really rolls off the tongue nicely. This was going to be an underwater kingdom. Great. Okay. So this one we should take very

seriously. This is for the guild citizenship. Great. Great type buildings. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. Mike Austin of West Hollywood said his apartment was the embassy. Sure. Great. No questions there. That's easy to see. Eventually, the US officially stated the bank was on the outer continental shelf and therefore in US territory, nation building was forbidden. And the fine just got up to 75 dollars. Jack. Over the years, the Holisco broke into three dangerous pieces. Great. Good work. What a legacy. Today, it is a popular location for lobster and abalone divers and then surfing. There's some fucking awesome surfing because of guys going out there and helicopters and boats and shit. Kirkwood went on to build a golf course on Hawaii, which made him a fortune. He sold it in

1987 for $50 million. Jesus Christ. He died in 2006 in his home in Hesperia, California. Did he make up Hesperia? Who the fuck has $50 million in the dyes in Hesperia? Like, I want to die around meth heads. He died doing what he loved, being totally lost. McMahon became a wealthy hedge fund manager whose lifestyle was the subject of tabloids and Houts kept his diving business until he retired. He remained married and died of natural causes over a decade ago. He said they had reached Cortez Bank one day too soon. If they had arrived a day earlier, they would have easily been able to sink the Holisco in the calm sea and the bank would have become an island. This guy, right? I mean, good Lord. If they had really gone in their

day earlier, they could have done it all. You don't think it would have shattered? It might have been broken up by later waves, but they could have secured it and then seen what would have happened. You have the talk of a guy who's looking to get out there. Plant his flag at something. Look, I need any way I can to get out of America, so if it's building an island, I just don't want to get shot by Nazis. I guess that's why it's better for land to be formed out of volcanic mass. Yeah, it seems like there's already a way to make islands. Yeah, and it's not through trash. It's not through garbage.

But garbage islands, I mean, you can pick through them and find stuff. No, for sure. There's that aspect. It's like a treasure hunt. No, for sure. It's a treasure hunt. It's awesome. You get to go out and look for dumb shit. It's fun. And then animals die in it. Oh, great. That's great. What an uplifting end. Anyway. I guess the message of tonight is love the dreamers in your life. Embrace them. That's right.

Don't be one of those. Don't be one of these people. But when a dreamer comes to you with a moon shoot of an idea, he sits there and says, I don't know. Don't we have enough countries? I don't know. You probably can't live on a ship forever just because there's some boulders around it. Well, you say this, but all the Silicon Valley millionaires want to build an island out in the middle of the fucking Pacific and live on it. Well, they will do that. They will totally do that. They'll do it with like, they'll have more than one baby anchor. I mean, just let it happen so I can sink it before I die.

All right. You, you swimming out there with a knife in your mouth. Sir, we have something that we can't fully identify, but he's moving pretty quickly. Shoot him. Sir, he's off our radars. What? It just got a message on the screen, sir. What does it say? There it is. Thank you so much for coming out, guys. We appreciate it, truly. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This episode was based on a book by Chris Dixon called Ghost Wave, the discovery of Cortez Bank and the biggest wave on earth.