The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 4 - Ghosts

Episode Date: May 19, 2014

Dave Anthony and Gereth Reynolds discuss the currect ghost situation in America and abroad. Tour DatesSources Dollop Merch

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episodes so this is actually episode 4. Episode 4! So I went back and erased all the ones I did alone because if it's a different podcast it's a different podcast right and you don't want people to jump on the board and be like what the fuck is this crap? This is weird. Why does people say that people say this is funny? It's just a guy screaming about Mike Tyson. He's really screaming. He's with no one right? So this is I guess this is episode 4 it's called 9 whatever I mean does anybody fucking care? I don't care. Does anybody keep in track of shit? No. And if people are worried about it we said those are the lost episodes man. Yeah

that's good. We can't find them. No yeah that's what we can do when we're like having an interview 40 years from now with Gray Beards would be like the lost episodes. I'm Dave Anthony with Gareth Reynolds. What was I gonna say about oh so the guy the reporter who broke the story about competitive tickling. There's a tickling update the bisexual reporter. Yes it's doing homo your homo reporting is doing a Kickstarter to get a documentary going. Oh my god. About the competitive tickling story. So I will I'll put up links on Twitter and Facebook stuff. I'll definitely donate. It's yeah it's pretty fucking great actually I can

probably oh I just turned it off but he did send me the via the little link. Wait the reporter did. Yeah he contacted me and he was like he contacted you. He listened to the he listened to the podcast. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah he was like oh it was really great to hear and you know all that shit. You you you responded to him you didn't know that was him. No I didn't know I was responding to the bisexual reporter who was it. His name's David Ferrier. Oh yeah. Let's get to this week's um. Sure. Topic. Sure. Should I say it or do you want it. Do you believe in ghosts. Um. Ghost situation. My ghost my ghost

is uh I don't I don't strongly believe in ghosts. I mean it wouldn't be the sort of thing that I would be shocked if I had an encounter of some sort but I don't I don't strongly believe. So you're agnostic. I'm agnostic with most things. Yeah. Because that seems like the avenue that we should all be. Right. Until someone captures a ghost and puts in a cage. Yeah. Until there's real ghost clusters or until God is before me going like do you want to come to heaven. Then I'm agnostic. How great would it be if someone caught a ghost and put it in a cage. Oh my god. Hey. Come on. Let me go. Let me out of here. Um 18% of Americans

say they have seen a ghost. Okay. 29% of people also claim to have been in touch with the dead. So I'm not sure with that. I guess that means like you chatted or yeah. You slept with one. Like you got up and there was like a posted. God booing. Fuck. Dead now. Be back later. Okay. Oh he's still dead. I'll leave the door open. Oh wait. It doesn't matter. I thought I saw ghost when I was a kid but it's one of those things where like everyone else I was in bed and I thought I saw it at the end of the bed. Right. It was in a very old ranch house that our family used to have. Okay. A lot of people would you know live there and

died there. Sure. So I thought I saw an old couple but they also happen to have a picture of that old couple in the house so it. Maybe. Who knows. Maybe you hang out with the old couple in the ranch house. So two stories that I read this week are the reason that I. That we're talking ghosts. I had no idea about Ghost Hunters. I mean do you mean no idea. Well I would see the show on Sci-Fi. Yeah. So some might you knew that there was a business. I figured it was all based on. Fuck what was the movie where they put the give the kids cameras and they put them out in the. Blair Witch. Blair Witch. Yeah. I figured it was all

based on like the ending of Blair Witch and the Blair Witch stuff. Right. Like it just all seemed like let's copy that and do shows. Yeah. Like it just seemed ridiculous to me. Ghost hunting is amazing. Okay. Maybe. Maybe I don't even know how amazing. Probably not. But I just know from the periphery seeing those shows you are just like what is like they're just they'll literally be in a room with no signs of anything like recording a bunch of shit. They'll go listen to it or like look at it and be like oh whoa. Look at me. Jump. That jump. That jump. Did you hear that. A jump. It's like a clung. What is she trying to

say to us. I. Do you know if I sat at my house and just quietly do you know how many noises I would hear of just like oh what was that. Oh my God. That was that was potato chips. Settling. Yeah. Oh no. The. Evil potato chips. So this story was in USA today this week. Someone or something is tickling people. And this is not going to come to tickling podcast. Okay. But this just happened to be the story they started to read. Okay. Tickling people rearranging shoes and otherwise wreaking havoc at the historic hotel summer set in New Jersey. I mean if you're leading with rearranging shoes what other hell are they causing. What the

fuck is happening with my. Oh no my sandals on my my docker. Oh no. It's a Main Street boarding house and a home of a popular McCormick's pub. So you don't see how people could in any way come up with ghosts with that combination. No. No. So three. Three residents have complained that their feet have been tickled while sleeping. Most recently during the past three weeks by Curtis Jones a resident of the hotel for seven years. So he's a seven year hotel. So if you live in a hotel for seven years I take everything you say at face value. Okay guy who still has a maid come to his room every day to give him towels.

What tickles you. I don't think this is kind of place for the maid. Oh no. Jones said his neck also gets tickled the middle of the night and something messes up the order of his shoes beneath his bed. Okay. Okay. So shit. So far the evidence is overwhelming. So right now the ghost is a four year old. Yeah. I just wanted to go away. So Jones a 67 year old Vietnam veteran who suffers from post traumatic stress disorder. Oh. Okay. The story strengthens. So the owner is like okay. So we have ghosts. Okay. A war veteran said his shoes got rearranged. We're haunted. So he believes it because five years ago someone else said their

feet got tickled in the middle of the night. Okay. So now we have a syndrome. We have an outbreak. And it's the same room where Tenet had died many years before. Oh cry. Oh Jesus. So A plus B equals fucking rearranging shoe ghost. So he called in the paranormal diagnostics group. Good. Now they're PDG. Good. They are two dudes who use scientific equipment to confirm or debunk. Sure. Ghosties. Absolutely. They're respiratory therapists. Oh good. So there's a lot of cross over there. So day job is. So what do you want to hear from your respiratory therapist who's like yeah breathe in breathe out is a hey last night I was

taking ultraviolet image ultraviolet images of orbs. Hey so it looks like that bronchitis is clearing up which is really nice. Anyway I got a role. I'm actually getting in the van to go hunt ghosts later. So but I really like I think you're really improving. But me and my brother go catch ghosts at night. So I got to put on all black. Have you seen Scooby Doo. They're 42 and 48. Okay. So kids couple kids couple of guys they have investigated the hotel for like three weeks and they said they've collected more evidence paranormal activity evidence than is seen in one episode of Ghost Hunters. Well that's that's not

saying anything. Well that no that's that's a that's the ghost hunter factor scale. Yeah. Of three. That's like me being like I ran further than this guy. Then we got in a wheelchair. I ran way farther. I've never seen the show. Is it that it's that bad. It is ever find anything. Well I again I mean you I think you need to want them to find something in order for you to really be like oh wait maybe this is something because that show is not evidence based. I mean they're just it'll be like a camera'll shake it's shot like the Blair Witch a lot. Are you saying. Oh no. That a show about ghosts is not evidence based. I am

saying that the shoes being rearranged is the strongest case I've heard also. I think and I think now that I don't believe in ghosts now that I'm hearing this. Well okay. So this is what he said this is what this is one of the guys McCaffrey said. Good McCaffrey. He's the older one. He's the 48. Of course he is. He didn't need to tell me that his name is McCaffrey. We have several sound recordings and videos of flashes and shadows. There we go. We got our shoe bandit. We caught him. The ghost hunters use UV meters to measure fields of energy laser lights and smoke machines to disquing your shadows orbs and other

images and thermal imaging and night vision video cameras to capture them. So it's basically a disco. Yeah. Bring in a disco and they go let's get some ghosts. Fucking insane. Like what in what world like who says that that's how you get you might as well bring a plant in like it's a fucking ghost. How are you going to figure out how to capture like there's no there's no rules on what can find a ghost. Yeah. I mean we're really going off the ghostbusters. That's all. Yes. That's probably it. Right. That's it. That's all I know. It's ghostbusters. Yeah. So you need one of those little weird traps that shoots lights out of it.

So. So the team these guys got so here's where it gets weird. Those two guys are the team. Those guys are the team. That's the whole team. That's the whole team. So this is where it gets weird because at the beginning of the story it sounds like the owner the tickling thing happened then another tickling thing happened five years ago and then he called them. Right. But then you get down further in the story and it says the team interest in the Revolutionary War led them to the Hotel Somerset. So then it sounds like they actually went to the hotel. Yeah. So it's a little dubious reporting. Okay. That's interesting. Right. I mean that's

a red flag. I know it's USA Today but you might want to just reread it just to be safe. Yeah. Yeah. I mean they just happened to go to the oldest continuous hotel in the country. Sure. Sure. So it's the hotels that was in 1748. And during the American Revolution George Washington ate there and his men slept there while Washington Washington stayed at the nearby Dutch Wallace House. So clearly. Ghosts. Clearly ghosts. Obviously. Mr. Washington what's the matter. My my loafers have been arranged again improperly again sir. Book me a room next door. I can't live like this. Put me the whole test. The shoes. Something has tickled me again.

The shoes Johnson. A medium. So then the Jesus Christ what are they called the paranormal diagnosis group went PDG. If you need it again just let me know. They went and talked to a medium because that's what you do first of all is you go hey what's up with this place and she sat down and drew a diagram of the room without having ever seen it. There was a door. She did. She knew there was a door. My God. She gets sense the presence of three deceased children. Right. Yeah. So that confirmed their suspicions. The shoe thing makes a lot of sense now. And she said there's a closet with a vortex of paranormal activity which if you've

ever seen the movie. What's it called. Poltergeist. Poltergeist. Have you seen it. There's a closet. Yes. Where there's a lot of paranormal activity. Yes. Yeah. So are you insinuating that this medium just drew a set from the Poltergeist. Well then she says and there's a big bad clown that comes out and sucks everything into the closet. But that'll happen later. Hey what. It's buried on an Indian burial ground. Something definitely is going on at the foot of the bed. McCaffrey said in reaction to extensive energy readings usually indicated indicative of appliances or electrical wiring. Yeah. The energy

readings. Hey girl. Okay. We were able to debunk the readings in Curtis Jones front door. That's the guy with the PTSD. Yeah. That's the vet. Because there's an electrical there's electrical wiring there. So that's definitely not a ghost. Yep. But there's nothing electrical at the foot of his bed. That's true. There's also readings there. That's weird. So that's going on. He said readings too. Okay. So they went they went in. He asked his parents. So the guy runs hotels like hey maybe I asked my parents about this. Cool. I would have done that before I brought it

in. Yeah. Before you bring in the PDG for sure. But you know. So there were five tenants who died in the hotel and another killed himself by jumping out of a window. Well this would have all been good stuff to ask your parents. I just want to reconfirm what we're saying. Yeah. How about this. Another one killed himself by jumping out the window in the same room in which McCormick and his family stayed. Hey. Hey son. By the way before you anything else. I think I got it in that room. Remember there's she extra sheets on the bed and then Larry jumped out the window. What's that. And when that room that you're staying in

with your family Larry jumped out the window. Okay. Is there a breakfast in the morning. How's that work. Cotton it'll be. It'll be. Larry. During the first paranormal investigation of the hotel three weeks ago the PDG said they saw and took photos of blue orbs. But. Well here's the thing. Gareth. Dave. The thing is that when a picture gets taken sometimes there's a flash. Right. Blue orbs. Right. Technically a blue orb. Right. If you think about it. Right. So that. Could be that. Right. Or it could be ghosts or it could be ghosts for sure. Or it could be a flash. OK. So you don't know science.

No I don't know science. No no no. So you're you're an idiot. Well you're you're one of those guys who's like this can't be real. Blah blah blah. Orbs. Yeah. Orbs. Alright. Jesus. Orbs. In the attic the team also recorded audio of what seemed to be the name Evelyn. Oh well that makes sense because if you're a ghost you're just caught on the introduction. Oh hold on. Kormick told the team that an Evelyn Epright lived behind the hotel in a home that was torn down in the mid 1960s. As they sat at a booth around a laptop computer they played back the recording and McCormick's jaw dropped when he heard the voice say Evelyn Epright.

He burst out of his seat and yelled you've got to be kidding me. You've got to be fucking kidding me. I'm about to do the same thing. That's the lady's name. So Evelyn Epright. Can we hear. Well no here's the deal with ghosts. They cruise around as little balls of light. Right. And just say their name. I mean it sounds like a good existence. The afterlife sounds fun. Just fucking in a room just like Gareth Reynolds. Gareth Reynolds. Gareth Reynolds. Hello Gareth Reynolds. Gareth Reynolds. Till finally like the PDG's there you're like Gareth Reynolds. Gareth Reynolds. Gareth Reynolds. Gareth Reynolds. The team

played the recording several more times at various speeds as you would do. Hey slow it down. Speed up. Yeah that's like when they used to say that under like an album if you played a PDG you could hear anything. Anything. You can play it backwards like me. Yeah. The voice clearly said Evelyn. Clearly. But this time when they slowed it down it went Evelyn. Hello my name is Evelyn. Boo I'm a ghost. Boo hey yes. It pronounced the same syllable as in rhythm and rhythm as Epright. So pronounce the same syllables and rhythm as Epright. So not saying Epright. Yeah right. So technically. So. Manipulated to sound like the rhythm of

the name. So what we're saying is the name Epright was never said. Have you heard of rhyming? Orbs of light. Okay are you ready for the connection. I really am excited. Yet other than once living next to the hotel Evelyn Epright had no connection to it. But a Dorothy Epright was a waitress there in 1954. So. So obviously what happened in the ghost world. Case closed. Dorothy was haunting the hotel. Yes. After she passed. Evelyn passed. Yes. Is like well the house got torn down. I guess I just roam the streets saying my name. And then my mom is like there's room here. She's like Evelyn. She's like mama forever. Right. How great

would it be if Evelyn Epright if Evelyn Epright was still alive and read this story. And she's like. I live in Poughkeepsie. I didn't die. I just retired. And you don't kill a person when you tear down their house. What the fuck's wrong with you people. She died when we tore her house down. What if every time he tore down someone's house they died. So we're gonna be tearing your house down. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, come on. Don't do this to us. I love my family. I was gonna put them all up. Every time it would really change the construction business. Oh fuck. How'd she die. They tore her house down. In the attic. They did more recordings and as the machine pumps smoke through a maze of laser lights.

Sounds like a good little scene there. Sounds like a Pink Floyd show. They heard whistles on someone yelling bicycle hat. Someone yelling. I'm sorry. Bicycle hat. That's a rave. I'm sorry. The team called out to Evelyn Epright. So they're pumping smoke into the attic and they've got laser lights going and they're all going Evelyn Epright. Evelyn Epright. I mean adults are doing this. See that's it. She is the dancing queen. Evelyn just comes out and is like dancing. Yeah, Evelyn Epright. As well as calling out to the suspect suspected children asking them if they wanted to play and if they liked ice cream. I mean the kids like the shoes

assholes just be like look at all these arranged shoes. These guys are these guys are experts. Ice cream. Hey, how do you contact today? You guys like ice cream. So what do dead children like? They also like ice cream. Really? Yep. And the wiggles. Do you get, hey kids do you want to play? Why don't you turn off the fucking smoke in the lasers because I'm terrified and I'm a ghost. Hey guys, what's not inviting about a bunch of people saying Evelyn with lasers and smoke? Come on. Hang out with us. We got ice cream for your ghost kids. In the basement Saturday night. The owners. And by the way, of course it's Saturday night. I love

how they're going to the basement in the attic. Didn't the people die in the fucking regular rooms? Why are they like hey hey I've seen movies. They either float up or down. You know how they are. They experience gravity dramatically. Shannon, the hotel owner's wife, reluctantly agreed. By now, ex-wife by now. Reluctantly agreed to participate in the third and latest investigation because the spirits seem drawn to her. Oh, that's interesting. They always hard to get. Ghosts go for that shit. She said she saw someone poke. She said she suddenly saw someone poke their head out from behind McCaffrey as he and her husband stood

next to each other videotaping the ghost hunter with a thermal imaging camera. Okay. Okay, so. Honey, did you just poke your head out behind Rob? She said. Uh, no, replied her husband. Shannon then bolted up the basement stairs in fright. I think it's safe to say this place is definitely haunted but by who or what we don't know, McCaffrey said, we're gonna compile all our evidence of the next couple of weeks and see what we can find out. Well, I think I know what they found out. So, I went to PDG's Facebook page and as you can see at the top here it says, thanks to all who have liked our page, continue to show support,

expect big things from us in the very near future. All right. Likes? Yeah, 279 likes. Big, big movement. Big movement. As you scroll down, I get to this. Post. A paranormal diagnostic group would like to make a comment regarding our recent publicity. After the article, we have been inundated with press and interview opportunities. We would just like to take a second to set the record straight. In no shape or form did we mean to disparage ghost hunters or any other group of a higher status. We were simply excited about the material collected at our investigation and perhaps do what our inexperience, our

words were poorly chosen. So, they have now ghost hunters are mad at them because they're not ghost hunting, right? The whole thing is collapsing in on itself. Hey, your bullshit wasn't done by protocol, man. We have a very specific handbook on how to be full of shit. You guys were all over the map putting lasers at them. You put lasers in addicts, not in basements, dumbass. So, then I started, then I started just googling ghost hunters because it's fucking insane, right? Yeah. It's insane. Now, hunting is a really crazy term for it too. If the ghosts knew about what we were calling these shows, they'd be like, run! They're ghost hunters.

I found a woman named Gina Lanier. Okay. It has been selected by the Haunted America Tours as one of the lead investigators for the Ghost Hunters of America. So. So, the ultimate bullshit title. I have no idea what that means. Wait, what is it again? The Haunted America Tours. She is one of the lead investigators for the Ghost Hunters of America. It's all. You are queen fakie of made up town. All hail Queen shit of Liesville. You know, we're all full of shit in this room, but I think one of us is just full of a little bit more shit. A big round of applause. Gina, get up here. Okay, so, of course, I look at her sight and she has a paragraph about

paranormal tickling fetishism. Oh my god. Shut the fuck up. Let me guess these ghosts run a weird ring too. Only hairless Asian ghosts. Tickling fetishism is a parafailia. Parafailia? I don't know what that means. In which participants derive sexual stimulation from tickling or being tickled by another person. When it comes from unseen hands, then it can be frightening on all levels. Knicks McGaulia. Sure. Is this is the experience of sexual gratification from the act of tickling, right? So that that term applies to last week. Yeah, erotic tickling may involve physical restraint of a submissive by a dominant, although

some consider it BDSM activity. It's not recognized by the ghost hunting community. Wait, so ghost tickling is not represented, recognized by the ghost hunting community? No, it doesn't seem, does seem not to be. You would think that they would all just be happy to be talking about the same kind of horses. Look, there's got to be rules. It's rules. I believe in ghosts, but I believe they do not tickle. A former client of Mickey of Miami, Mickey of Miami is another ghost hunter. Sure. Told Gina how each day a ghost would pin her down and tickler for over an hour each day until exhausted. She would fall asleep causing her to be

late for work and important dates and meetings. Well, so we need to stop for a second. So we are, we are saying for sure there was a time when she was late for something. When she gave it maybe more than once. Yeah. Gina, where the hell of you, Ben? I'm so sorry. I was, I had to take the longest nap because this ghost tickled me for an hour. I was exhausted, but I'm caught up on everything. Okay, I just, yeah, just go to your desk. Okay, thanks. I'm sorry. God, I just wish they didn't love to tickle me into naps. Mickey. Right before work no less. We're not talking 9 p.m. 7 a.m. they start. I'm like brushing my hair. After, after customers on sci-fi worst

liars. Mickey. I mean, seriously. I was tickled for an hour and then I slept on the floor. So things are good. My freezer is full of lean cuisines. Why? I need a man. Mickey advised her that the next time she thought it would happen, tell the ghost that she had a safe word. Oh my god. Buick, I keep saying Buick. You keep tickling me. Cabbage, stop already. Cabbage. Enough. I have a job to do it. Quite frankly, my boss is starting to think I'm a little cuckoo. Fuck. She did. And now the ghost stops when she. Oh, wow. It was unbearable at times. All I could do is lay on the floor and laugh out loud. She told Mickey. He

used to do it to me when company would come over. Holy shit. No. Hey, Julie, what are you doing? It's a ghost. It's a ghost. Oh my god. It's a ghost. How long are you going to do this? A fucking hour? Yeah, Buick, Buick. Oh, thank god. Anyway, everyone liking the empanadas? Sorry. That's Neil. He's the tickle ghost. And he just really doesn't respect anything when I have plans. He doesn't respect me. Half the time he won't even listen to my safe word. He really won't. Boy, am I glad he learned about Buick. Anyway, who's this guy you were saying you're going to set me up with? Many, uh, many paranormal investigators from around the world have

intense sexual encounters. Yeah, ghost fucking. With many ghosts, demons, and entities. Or so they tell me, oh, this is Gina. In the strictest of confidence. Oh, right. I often wondered, is that why many keep investigation at the same location over and over? Wait. You know what? Uh, I'm going to go back into that barn. And no. I just, you know, I'll be in there for a couple hours investigating ghosts again. I know. We completely investigated in there, Trey. Yeah, but I'm just going to one more time get in there. We got all the samples we need from there. I'm going to just get in there one more time. I'm going to take this lube. Why do you keep taking the lube

when you go to investigate that barn? I just greased down a ghost and get it ready. For what? Are you fucking the ghosts? I'm going to head over to the barn. Alright. Just fucking. So she is insinuating that ghost hunters return to the same ghost place to fuck ghosts. Ugh. If you read this article and your person has had ghost hunters there like nine times, you're like, well, I just don't even know what to believe anymore. I mean, are they helping or are they just ghost fucking? Ghosts often like to masturbate people in public or cemeteries or so I've been told by a psychic paranormal investigator from Florida. AKA a dog. AKA the the last person you said was Florida Mickey. Mickey from Miami. Who tells who tells that

this occurs to him twice daily. Yeah, you know, I don't even have time for a woman because I get ghost jack twice a day. You know what I do. You know, oh, okay, I'm at the cemetery and have my dick out. It's not me. I'm not doing shit. Oh, I'm crazy. There's a ghost jerking me off, sir. Mickey from Miami. Google it. He told me how a ghost actually performed fallatio on him at a funeral while he was fully dressed. Yeah, one time a ghost sucked my dick while I had all my clothes on at a funeral. Where are you guys from? One time he told me. Oh, good. It's okay. I know, Mickey. It's hard. I know it's hard. We all miss him. Oh, I know it's tough. Okay, language, language, language, language. Easy on the

teeth, buddy. Whoa. Larry. Just saying goodbye. Just miss him so much. And a ghost sucked my dick with all my clothes on. They can do that. They're ghosts. They can do that. Clothes don't mean anything. Okay, so this happened in Washington just outside Tacoma. This is the police blotter. At 336 p.m. on April 12th, a woman contacted the Federal Way Police to report that a person was cutting a large tree down. She was concerned it would fall over on our car or in our house located on 22nd Avenue South. At 10 a.m. April 11th, another person cut the vinyl top of a woman's car on 8th Avenue Southwest and gained access to the vehicle. All belongings inside the car had been gone and the total damage for the

vehicle was about 1200. At 402 on April 10th, two women went to the Federal Way Police Station claiming that over the past two years, a paranormal person had been placing sensors on their bodies and visiting them at their house on the 25 South Place. They said that the ghost has been having sexual intercourse with them and one woman said that these incidents started in Kent and continued when she moved here. The other woman said that this has just started with her now. Okay, ma'am. And now you're getting fucked too? I just recently started to get fucked by them, yes. Okay, so how would you like me to... We don't actually... I'm not sure this is a violation

of any kind. Take some samples. I don't. Samples of... He finished inside. Okay. Ma'am, we actually don't have a ghost rape kit. Well, you should have one. My sister over here has been getting raped since Kent. So... It is rape too, right? Is it rape? Are they enjoying it? Well, they went to the police. Okay, now here's where we get into the recent celebrity. This is another reason I went

into these stories. Finally, they're starting to fuck the ghost. They're starting to fuck A-listers. Okay. Finally. By the way, if I have a guess, Travolta's the first to get ghost fucked. Yes. Natasha Blasek of Paranormal Activity 2 made a confession on the British TV show this morning, this week. The first experience happened when she was alone in her room. I was laying in bed and

then I felt something enter the room and I couldn't see anybody. I could feel that somebody was touching me and the hands were pushing me against my will and I could feel the weight of the body on top of me. I couldn't see anybody, but I felt the pressure, the energy, the warmth pushing in different directions. I enjoyed it. She said the... She found the experience really, really pleasurable. The ghost then left. So, I got to get up really early tomorrow. Otherwise, I'd hang around.

I just... I mean, I like you. I just need to... I got to work early. You're great. No, you're... I had a good time. You're great. I just had street cleaning, so I have to move my car and it's at my place. But yeah, for sure. You got my number. I got yours. Yeah, we'll totally connect. You can text me or whatever. We'll really like you.

Ghost text me. The ghost then left, but Blasek said it returned a month later for more. Hey, girl. Remember me? She's married. Oh, cool. So, her husband's like, yeah, I don't know what I think. Hey, honey, you remember what I fucked you and you were kind of asleep? That's me. You mean when the orb got inside of me and I felt this pressure and its energy? No, no, no. No, you were just like, remember you had a valium and a glass of wine and you

were really out of it. I fucked you. Remember you just kept saying his paranormal activity to the best it gets? She said her ghost sex antics have given her something more than a traditional nookie ever could. It's more satisfying. Oh, cool. He loves to hear that again. It was fun. I think ever since I was a child, I always wanted to know if there was anything more to this world. Yeah, I know there isn't. I just fucked you.

It gave me support and comfort and love and it did answer questions for me that there is something else out there. Alexander Holzer, a ghost researcher. Yep. Cool guy. I got a degree in ghost research. I'm sorry, what school did you go to? Online, online college.

Oh, it's just called online college? It's called online college. I know how to clean rifles and I'm a ghost researcher. And a part-time mechanic and a florist ghost research. She says the people who experience ghost sex don't feel warmth of the kind that Blasic alleges. The people who report lying, the people who report having sex with a ghost report feeling pressure on them and even penetration, but ghosts don't have warmth. Wait, they have dicks, but not more. When they're in the room, it's a very cold environment. Look, there are fake rules.

There are fake rules. And you have to stay by the fake rules and the fake rules say that ghosts have cold cocks. Cold? Not hot cocks. Look, people are talking about penetration, but the idea of a ghost being warm, what is she crazy? They just have dicks. Anyway, I researched ghosts.

Okay, you know about Keisha? Keisha? Musician? Yeah. I'm an air quoting musician. Yeah, Keisha. A couple years ago, she told Ryan Seacrest and Conan O'Brien that, well, she said to Conan O'Brien, I did go to the bone zone with a ghost. So that's traditional.

That's like someone, the traditional language of someone who has had a horrifying experience. Well, that's how you know you're dealing with someone who's really in touch with their spiritual side. And went to the bone zone with a ghost. All right. Well, if that experience was real, it's now totally soiled and ruined. When press for details, she admitted that she didn't know who the mystery man was under the sheets. I don't know his name, but he was in my house. It was a sexy time. It wasn't like sex. The experience, she said, was the inspiration behind the song Supernatural on her new album.

So it's a song. So it led to art. Every time I heard that song, I was like, this is about something bigger. Now I know. Now I know that it was. The theme of the record is magic. I went on a spiritual journey by myself, no security guard, no managers. I went around the world and lived on a boat and got fucked by a ghost. Los Angeles based ghost hunter, Janie Hartman, right? Won't dismiss Keisha Clay. Definitely former actress.

Won't. Yes. Definitely. Won't dismiss Keisha's claims. I was on three's company. I dated Larry. I did two seasons of Becker and then I got into ghosts kind of my trajectory. So Janie Hartman won't dismiss Keisha's claims as strictly for publicity, but said the erotic operation encounters are actually rare. Connections between ghosts and humans are more likely to be emotional like the woman I met who could actually feel the spirit of her dead husband

spooning her in bed and even smell this cologne. So that's more real. Well, I think what she's saying I do get behind is that if a ghost is going to fuck someone, it's not going to fuck Keisha. Right. Yeah. I think what has happened here is a man, the story behind this that we maybe will never be reporting is that a man has figured out how to make himself invisible.

Okay. Well, that brings us to Anna Nicole Smith. Of course it does. Anna Nicole Smith's claims she used to have sex with a ghost. Yes. She took all his money, right? The busty models revealed that she had supernatural encounters several years ago after mistakenly believing it was her boyfriend making love to her. She revealed to an easy mistake. She revealed to FHM magazine, a ghost would crawl up on my leg and have sex with me at

an apartment a long time ago in Texas. I used to think it was my boyfriend. Then one day I woke up and I found it wasn't. So she was like someone was on top of her. The guy, the guy was like, oh, oh, she's like, yeah, not Barney. Oh, I'm a ghost. Let me shake this chain real quick. Sorry, I got it all over your leg. I love that he climbed up on her leg.

How big is your fucking leg? Well, also she says that eventually she woke up. So she was just getting ghost fucked or perhaps raped for a long time. And then finally she's like fine, I'll wake up. She was scared at first, but soon realized she had nothing to fear because the ghost was giving her amazing sex. This is great. I ain't going to ask questions.

I'd fuck a skeleton if it had made me cum. We might see you again, ghost man. She's eating Twinkies with four dogs on her bed. I was freaked out about it, but then I was like, well, you know what? He's never hurt me and he just gave me some amazing sex. I have no problem. So she's smart. Yes.

So we miss her still. Okay. So now there's a fourth actress. Jesus Christ. This one, I don't know who she is, but Paz, Paz de la Horta. She is on Boardwalk Empire. Okay. She insists the ghost of Elvis got her off.

Wow. I was with my ex-boyfriend, Scott Weiland. Wow. Now I feel like some of the... Red flags. Watch you break up with him, I wonder. I don't know where we were or how long we'd been there and had to beg me, had to beg him to go to Graceland, I felt like he was jealous of Elvis because I've always been infatuated

by him, which is hysterical, but because he's passed, which is hysterical because he's passed away. You're jealous of a dead guy. He's dead. You're also on heroin. So I went to his recording studio because sometimes the sensitive people feel him in this room. Sure.

And I stood in the corner and I felt him. What can I say? I felt him touch me. I mean, come on. He's a ghost. I felt his spirit go through me and give me pleasure. I experienced that when my cat died. I'm sorry.

Did I mention my cat ghost fingers me? She waited until I got home from Sundance and she passed away the second she was in my arms and I felt her spirit go through my body. But this was different. It was like Elvis was tickling me with a feather. Or a penis. Okay. Actors shouldn't be allowed outside.

Most of them should not be. So then I was like, okay, are a lot of people fucking ghosts? Like is this like a thing? Is there a lot of ghost fucking going on? So I started. Get ready for hashtag. I started googling ghost sex. Africa also has a sex ghost situation.

Oh, good. Good. I was just going to say they need something else. This happened in 2001 fear struck the residents of Zanzibar Islands after rumors of the reemergence of a sexually voracious ghost that attacks people. The ghost fucker is back, the ghost fucker is back. It's almost as exactly what it is. Many Zanzibars are now refusing to sleep in their houses as they believe it only preys

on people in the comfort of their own beds. Don't sleep on your bed. You get fucked by the ghost. We're not sleeping in our beds any longer because that's where the ghost fuck us. The ghost or genie goes by the name of Papa. I'm here to fuck. People believe that it's atomizes its victims, most of whom are men, Jesus, who started who was like, I got to tell everybody I got fucked by a ghost in the ass last night.

In recent years, the residents of the semi-autonomous Tanzanian islands claim that Papa Bawa only visited the islands during voting, such as during the general election in 1995 and 2000. Something about election season make Papa Bawa horny. Papa Bawa see ballots he want to fuck men. Oh, I love primaries. Oh man, primary season, what the fuck? You like voting, I like fucking. I vote to fuck you, it passed.

But to the surprise of everybody. To the surprise of many, this current ghost has reappeared when there is no pulling of any kind. Hey Papa Bawa, what? I found out I can do it all the time. I bought property. Papa Bawa. In the latest panic, he is said to be striking in the north of Zanzibar Island as well as

central Pembra. I like how much like a predator, he's just in an area, like he's walking, he's a ghost, but he's like, yeah, he's like, oh, where's that cab? People claim his presence in a house is revealed by an acrid smell and a puff of smoke. What's that? Oh my ass. Get out of your beds. Victims then speak of being in a chance or dreamlike state as they are molested and so

the story goes that they did not reveal what happened then Papa Bawa will strike the next night. So they have to, so it's such a fucked up thing, they get fucked in the ass by a ghost and then they have to go outside and go, I was fucked in the ass by a ghost. Otherwise, they're gonna get fucked again. And then Papa Bawa goes, you are free from my ass fucking. So I'm led to believe you didn't go tell everyone you were got ghost fucked last night. Papa Bawa, please, I was inside all day.

You know what that means, time to pay Papa Bawa again. No Papa Bawa, no! Tell them tomorrow. Okay. Let them know I'll be around this whole area for about a week. And I'm gonna move to a little more western part of the country, it's like a tour. I'm going to need gasoline for my truck. My booking agent is like, what the fuck, you know what I mean?

And there's some of these places where I'm fucking, I'm like, I should be fucking in theaters. Why am I fucking in such small towns? You know what I mean? I mean, I like it, the people who like me, but. People know me now, they know there are no Papa Bawa cums, so how come I'm not fucking? Listen, they tell me, stop fucking just during election season, I do, and I'm still playing these little odds.

Everyone in town know they're not sleeping in their beds, how do I fuck a man not in his bed? What accent was that? I think that went to Italian. It's face Papa Bawa, he's an entity. Hey, I'm a Papa Bawa, you like to be bald. He's a me, it's Papa Bawa, I'm here to fuck you, huh? You like a man, huh?

Hey Mario, you like a fucking. Hey, get out of that bed, you little stinker, I'm gonna fuck you so hard, up your ass, unless you tell somebody tomorrow, okay? And Papa Bawa D, you come to Papa Bawa Pizza, huh? You stay for pizza, you leave if I fuck you and tell everyone, Papa Bawa Pizza, now two locations. Santa Barbara and Pampa, North Island and Pampa location, you get pepperoni, I fuck you in your ass.

You get pepperoni, I give you pepperoni, Papa Bawa style. Okay, so funny enough, now we're gonna go to Italy. Oh, great. Paul Gundanaris as a PhD in history, and in Sicily, they used to, they buried people, they made a lot of mummies, like underneath the churches and stuff, there's all these like mummified priests, just like, and the pictures are crazy, they're just like standing on walls. Oh, Jesus.

So his family is Greek and they lived in Alexandria back when it was a Greek town, I don't know what, you know what, I don't need a history lesson, I'm about to tell this guy to fuck himself. At that point, there was a trade in mummy dust, which they called mummia, which was thought to be a cure all, Louis XIV actually used to carry mummy in a pouch and snort bits of it. Oh, God, do you want a little hit of dude? Sun King, please, Sun King, please relax.

You want a little dried dude? Take a little hit, take a little, do you want a bump? I told you, I'm stop, I'm not doing it, I'll do one bump. Oh my God, yeah, let me put a little on my gums, let me put a little mummy on my gums. Wow, that tastes like Jim. The problem was that by the late 19th century, they didn't have a bunch of old Egyptian mummies to dig up and use anymore. Hey, we should have been putting dudes back in here, we're all out of mummy.

No, they were just hanging out at the dealer's place, like, yeah, my guy says he's totally dry right now, like, what are you talking about, I, why did I have to hang out here all day? I'm waiting for a shipment to come in. I don't know, man, I just like, you know, hang out. He said it's really good mummy shit, like this is real, it's like Colombian mummy. So they didn't have enough anymore, and then people were actually taking bodies and taking them out to the middle of the Sahara and covering them in tar to make them dry out.

Jesus Christ. Just for a bump, man. Just for a fucking sweet bump. That is fucking insane. What did I, this isn't a vacation at all, get under the tarpole, man, snort you in a year and a half now. They'd come back here later, dig them up and sell them to apothecaries where they'd get ground up.

It was a big trade. Okay, so now there are terms for, uh, ghosts at fuck. Succubus and incubus, which are evil spirits that have sex with people while they're sleeping. Okay. And, uh, and then the other term is sex ghosts. I like that one the best. And, um, so are they the same thing? I think there's kind of a continuum between succubi and sex ghosts.

That's my turn, by the way. So he just, I'm sorry. Sex ghosts is mine. Yeah. I think there's a lot of parallels. Also, I invented sex ghosts, so, oh, sex ghosts in Sicily life in general is so involved with sex and death that to them they're just ghosts. Okay.

They just think that of course ghosts go out and have sex, of course they're young. It's a weirdly sexualized environment, but all history stories of ghosts in Sicily involved fucking. Okay. One of the more outlandish stories is about a guy called Penny Grande. Wow. You see where this is going? Uh, I mean, I almost want to translate what it means.

Okay. It means big dick. Yeah. Okay. That's good to say. It sounds like a fucking huge cock. He was a mummy famed in life for having a big penis. People would go down, so, so this is called the, um, the Palermo catacombs is where all

the mummies are. Uh-huh. Sure. People would go down to Palermo catacombs and treat him as the patron saint of big cocks. What? I don't know how you treat him that way. Hey, look at you.

Whoa. Hey. Is that thing getting bigger or is it just me? Hey, I thought you were dead, but you grown. Whoa. Get out of here. Look at the cock on this ghost, huh? Finally, a newlywed woman came to see him because she was married to a guy who was not

well endowed. She took a cloth and rubbed it on the mummy's dick as you would. No decision. Hey, hon, where you going? And then rubbed it on her husband's dick. Hey. The next time she had sex with her husband, his penis seemed larger and fuller and she was about to orgasm, except that at that moment she looked up and saw it was actually

the ghost on top of her. Oh. Everyone thought she was crazy. Why? Give me one reason why they thought she was crazy. Is it because she used the mummified rag on her husband's cock? Because that's not crazy. But then it happened again the next time she had sex and they had to set up an exorcism

for the ghost. They had a blacksmith make a tight-fitting sheath made of metal and once the husband got erect, the ghost came out and got caught in the codpiece and then they threw holy water at him. Oh, great. All right. He was free of the ghost from the guy's body, so forever he had a small penis, but he was free of the ghost.

As for the ghost, he gained a great following among older ladies and eventually so many were coming to see him that they had to lock the mummy in a back room, which is where he remains today. Come on, let me in. No, you'll just go fucking everyone again. Who? Well, I'll tell you who gets the short end of the stick is the man with the small penis. Yeah.

He's still just referred to as he just now still has a small dick. I mean, she put a fucking ghost in him, got rid of it and she's like, your dick's still small. He's like, no, you know what? No, this is dick small, but now everybody knows. Yeah, everyone's like, oh, she did this, the guy who I was telling you about. He got the mummy rag on his small dick. How you doing, Bob?

Not good. I've had better times. I've had better weeks. You want to talk about something else? Yeah. So what was it like when that ghost fucked your wife so good? I don't want to talk about it. All right, anyway.

I don't want to talk about that. In Palermo, there was a well where they would throw the heads of executed criminals and these heads had groupies. Women would come to talk to the spirits of the criminals and ask them for favors. This continued 20th century and only stopped when the city put up a grate. That's my favorite story ever. That's my favorite story ever. I mean, I know that we are stupid, like we are like a stupid culture and we're like,

you know, we're far underachieving. People are really dumb. But can you imagine going to a well with heads in it and like so much so that they're like, we're putting up a goddamn gate. Enough. Enough. Enough counsel seeking. Jesus Christ, we equipped putting heads in here.

You know what? Look, I've called this town meeting because the sewers are clogged up again with the fucking heads. Quit putting heads in the sewer. Jesus Christ, they don't do anything. They're not magic heads. We're putting up a grate. What?

No. Ay, ay, ay. So ghosts in Italy are fucked up. They're crazy. Like our ghosts are like banging people and tickling. They're banging Kesha. They're like really star fuckers, our ghosts. And their ghosts are fucking crazy.

They had to lock a big, the biggest penis ghost into a ghost jail. Yeah. So now these stories are easy to disbelieve, especially since I'm generally dealing with oral traditions. Now, oral, usually an oral story is spot on. Yes. Normally, these are the stories that are real. Right.

Yeah, for sure. And these sound real. But she says these are hard to believe. I don't know which part, because I believe them all. Yeah. I actually have a friend from Sicily and one of these sex ghosts turned out to be her great-uncle. Oh, see, that I'm not okay with.

Isn't that a bummer? That I'm not okay with. Oh, Uncle Louis? Oh. I'm not aware of a ghost. I'm a ghost. Christ, you've matured into a lovely young lady. Oh, wow.

I'm not your uncle anymore. No. My name's Fui. Uncle Fui. Papa Paola. Papa Paola. Papa Paola. Papa Paola.

That was a ghost who was accused of stealing women's underpants. So it's real. Yeah. So obviously it's... Or at least it's real whether this ghost stole women's underpants or not. They kept finding women's panties behind a particular mummy. They would get stashed there like trophies. Finally, a girl called the police and said she'd been having visions of a ghost entering

a home. So we had propositioned her and when she turned her down, he'd steal her panties. Hey, um... No. How are you? I'm fine, but I told you no. Uh, let's, uh, what do you say we take off your pants and I get a little bit in there? No, I don't ghost fuck.

Just the tip. No, I'm not playing just the tip because I know what that leads to with ghosts. What's that on the floor over there? Oh, panties! No, hey! The monastery accused the girl of planting the underwear there herself. What? But then they had set up a test.

Alright, we'll get to the bottom of this. Hey, get a clumbo in here. Just one more thing. I've been putting the panties behind that. That's what we're gonna do. And sure enough, another pair of undies still appeared behind the mummy. What was the test? They just watched her?

I think they watched the mummy. Well, they sound like they did their homework. Someone went to the mummy and told them they would bury him in the ground unless he stopped stealing underpants. You listen here, mummy. You're going right in that ground unless you stop this panty, Theven. That's right, he seems like he's upset. Then after that, no one's.

Underpants disappeared. Well, I don't want to go into the ground. I can't be a ghost if I'm buried in the ground. Oh, boy, he always pooping on the party. He's trying to take some panty. Can I take the panties I already have? I'm gonna take them. One a week.

Boom. Oh, man. Oh, man. People feel so sour. I had a reputation as the panty ghost. Well, stay here. Don't want to go in the ground. Stupid church make me go in the ground.

Make you go in the ground, stupid church. Good for nothing. Okay, you ready for this one? Oh, yeah. There's a really bizarre story. No, no, no. I've heard that one. You're on the same page, I think.

You're on the same page. Oh, man. I'm gonna take the panty. I'm gonna take the panty. Okay, you ready for this one? Oh, yeah. There's a really bizarre story. No, no, no, I've heard that one.

You're on the same page, I think. About a guy who had a severe diarrhea and chronic flatulence. He stole a skull and started saying prayers to Saint Rock and Saint Sebastian, the patron saints of plague and suffering, and also shitting on the skull daily. Oh, wait. Okay. Wait. He had diarrhea and chronic flatulence, so he can't stop shitting and farting.

Right. Not even shitting. It's like pee out of his poo hole. Okay. So, he stole a skull from Skulltown and started saying prayers to the saints of the plague and the sufferings and shitting on the skull every day. This is A plus B equals F. Yeah, right.

These are obvious things you do. Yeah, of course you're gonna shit on the skull you bought. He had a theory that by crapping on the skull, he could switch intestines with the body the skull had been attached to. Well, that's an easy thing to figure. I say just assume that. My doctor said the same thing. Just assume it.

My urologist has been peeing on a skull. He's really good. Side effects of peeing on a skull may include blindness, more flatulence, not switching intestines with the ghost. The ghost kept warning him, quit shitting on my skull. Hey, you dickhead. You quit your skull shitting on me, pal. Hey, hey, bro.

One more time. One more time. One more time. I see that asshole open up over my fucking skull. Shit's gonna go really goddamn bad. If you're that skull, wherever you got the skull, you're like, there are so many skulls. God, why did I have to be? He could have just picked any skull.

Oh, God. Now I'm his toilet skull. Why me? Why me? I say every time he shits on my head. He just assumed he'd switch intestines with the man. But I love that the ghost is just like, where's the ghost telling him? Yeah, yeah.

Do they have a conversation? If the skull is just like, hey. All right. Okay. All right. Enough. You've made your point. Hey, Luigi, sit down.

You've made your point, Luigi. Enough. Okay. It's not happening. Look, you ain't switching intestines with me, dummy. Just quit shitting on me. You know, I just shit on my neighbor's car because I assumed it would be my car. What's so crazy about that?

But he kept at it and succeeded. Yeah. And succeeded in transferring his intestinal problems to the ghost. Bam. Oh. Now the ghost is shitting. Easy to prove that that ghost has diarrhea. And that's where P.D.G. comes back.

Oh, good. We saw shit orbs. We are actually shit orbs. We're P.D.G. We're shit orbs. The problem was that the ghost had died of testicular cancer. And in return, he gave it to that guy, and that's how the guy died. One of the dangers of necromancy is you don't really know who's on the other side

or what they're going to give you in return. One of the dangers. So, moral of the story, don't dig up a skull and shit on it with diarrhea. You want to get... No, that's not the moral of the story. Oh, it isn't? No, the moral of the story is if you're going to skull shit, get the bill of health of the skull that you took.

You want a healthy... You want a fucking... You know, you want, like, Jack LaLaine. That's what you want. Shit on that... Shit on Jack LaLaine's skull, you'll be drinking fucking juices till you're 91. Unfortunately, I shit on a skull with a lot of bankruptcy issues, so my credit is screwed. Would you have...

Then they asked this guy if he would have... If he would want to have an experience with a sex ghost. It depends on the ghost. That's it? Now, wait. Would you... Would you have a... If you could have ghost sex? Let's say the wife says it's okay, because...

Whatever. Is it cheating, though? I mean... No. No. One time? Just... It's... To me... I would prefer if it was hot. I don't like a cold pussy.

Oh, it's not a pussy. It's a dick. But anyway... No, no, no. If you could have, like, the light, whatever the version of it where... The good version? Yeah, the good version. The Keisha version? Yeah, the Keisha's version of the ghost fight. It looks like Keisha. Why is it Keisha?

She's a disaster. She puts a dollar bill in her name. She's a fucking moron. Moron. I don't know. Is it because of your wife? Well, if she said... She'd have to say yes. She'd have to say you can fuck her. So she says yes.

She said you'd have to... So let's... She says yes. She gives me the... As long as you use protection, which is a rubber sheet. Against a rubber... Well, it's a cod piece or whatever. It's a metal cod piece, and it's a skull that's been shit on. So you're there with your cod piece? I put the skull that's been shit on my asshole. I put the cod piece on my dick.

I'm starting to think she might say no now. Yes to the premise, no to the specifics. And I wouldn't get hurt. No, it's just you get a ghost fuck. You get the experience. The ghost doesn't come back and refuck you all the time until you tell your friends. It's not Papabawa. It's not Papabawa.

What I can tell is kind of the prick of the ghost fucking. You tell everyone. Worst ghost ever. Yeah, worse. Papabawa, fuck you. You let world know. She says Papabawa. Call the BBC. You let them know who that ass belong to is Papabawa.

I want to see you on Pierce Morgan. Tell me you fucking love me, bitch. Papabawa, no. Say my fucking name. Okay, I don't want to fuck Papabawa. No, nobody wants to fuck Papabawa. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I'm definitely in.

Let's see what it's like. I'm definitely in. One time. Yes. But here's the scary thing. We may have just opened ourselves up to ghost fuck. Oh no, what if we fucking did? This might be one of those Ouija board movies.

There's a ghost next to us with a clipboard. He's like, got two more for you. Two more for the club. Oh boy, you should hear this podcast, boys. Whoa, boy. Hey, get papabawa. Papabawa like podcast. Get papabawa.

Big fun. Big fun. Going to fuck you. Tell everyone. Hey, Zanzibar, papabawa going to America. In this day and age, you just have to tweet it. Papabawa fucked me. That's enough.

That'll do. How many followers? Yeah, that's enough. 29, okay. 29, fine. You're telling people. No, Papabawa's ass. Papabawa's on Twitter.

Yeah, I'm a Papabawa one. Some fucking asshole took papabawa. Papabawa, come to America. Come into America. It's the remake. It's the gritty reboot. It's completely different. There's a couple differences between our coming to America

and the original. Eddie Murphy is a prince in the original one, and he works in McDonald's. But in this one, it's going to be Kevin Hart, and he's just going to rape people. He's just a ghost rapist. He's a ghost. He's a ghost rapist.

And we're thinking about calling it ghost rapist. Obviously, we're going to go with ghost rapist. So do you like the bitch? So you guys in? Again, we see Kevin Hart as Papabawa. Kevin Hart as Papabawa and oof. I love how this one is great because you had to do a lot of follow. A lot of research?

Yeah, like a lot of... I just started out because of the USA. No, it started out because of the Keisha story, then whatever that new girl is. The Paranormal Two Girl said that. And then I found the USA Today story. But that is crazy because I've heard of ghost hunting. Who knew?

It's a whole fucked up thing. Yeah, you really might have just opened us up to ghost rap. Yeah, it's like a Ouija board. You know how people say if you use the Ouija board, then you're going to go steal it? You get raped by a ghost. I've always heard that. We just invited ghost fucking into our life.

I mean, you just said Ouija. Ouija. Ouija. Ouijaist. I don't know how I feel. I feel okay. I felt worse. I think that I feel better than I did last week.

That was dirtier. Yes. But I feel like people are really stupid. Yeah, it's just that's probably the branch that keeps growing here is that people are just really looking for something. And I don't know what it is, but they're not finding it. But it's great for us. Oh, fuck.

All right. I hope I've ever enjoyed that. Okay. Here we go. Hi there, dollop people. This is Gareth, not Gary. Gareth, enough already. I've got some stand-up dates I wanted to keep you updated on.

Join me on the road. We're having a lot of laughs. March 13th, I will be at Summit City Comedy in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Tuesday, March 14th. I'll be at Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis. I'll be at Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis. March 15th, Wednesday, I'll be at the Louisville Comedy Club

in Louisville, Kentucky. March 16th, I'll be at the Columbus Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio. Date in Ohio, March 17th, Friday at the Funny Bone. March 18th, I'll be at the Funny Bone in Perrysburg, Ohio. And that's two shows that night. March 19th, I will be at Hilarities, and it'll be Hilarious in Cleveland, Ohio.

March 21st, I'll be in Lexington, Kentucky. I'm drunk at Comedy Off Broadway. March 22nd, I will be in St. Louis at the Galleria. March 23rd, I will be at the Comedy Club of Kansas City. And Friday, March 24th, I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa. Same with March 25th, Saturday, Des Moines, Iowa. And then March 26th, I'll be at the Funny Bone in Omaha, Nebraska.

Also, April 12th, the Tacoma Comedy Club. I told you I was drunk. And then April 13th, I'll be at the Funny Bone and then April 13th, I will be in Spokane. And then April 14th and April 15th, I will be in Bozeman, Montana at Last Best Comedy. You can go to garethrenalds.com for all that ticket information. So come join me on the road, garethrenalds.com.

Having laughs, I'm drunk.