The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 400 - Ronald Reagan w/ guest Patton Oswalt (Part 2)

Episode Date: October 21, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Patton Oswalt to examine the life of Ronald Reagan. Part 2 of 2.400 - Ronald Reagan w/ guest Patton Oswalt (Part 1)SourcesTour DatesRedBubble Merch

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You are listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an

American History podcast. Each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my nemesis. Kiera Reynolds who's not your nemesis and also has no idea what the topic is going to be about. This is part two of Ronald Reagan with Patton Oswald. Also, and called it quote, his jam-packed. Jam-packed? I'm the fucking hippo guy. Dave okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly Clip. Okay. This is like anarchy. I'm a five-part coefficient. My room's a place. Now hit him with a puppy. You both present sick arguments. No sleep, no hippo. That's like no hippo. Actually. Hi, Gary. No, I see it done, my friend. No, no. Roder. Roder in the cork. I loved how I was trying to throw a joke in there. But what it is, is you go with Patton Oswald, and I just go

also, and then the theme starts, which is pretty perfect. Sounds like a make-a-wish kid. Also, yay. All right, that's the end of the talking about that. We're going to be in Wisconsin. We'll be in Madison on October 18th. We'll be in Milwaukee on October 20th, and then we go to Europe in November. We'll be in all over England. Oslo, Stockholm, Amsterdam, Copenhagen. Amsterdam. I think Copenhagen sold that, too. Amsterdam. London, Manchester, Glasgow. Cardiff. Cardiff, Birmingham. And then Dublin. Yeah. What's the venue in Dublin? I don't know. Vickerstreet? No, it's not Vickerstreet.

And then go to dollapodcast.com, and you can see all the tour dates. And then if you want to watch the dynamic broadcast feed of this episode, you can go to the All Things Combi YouTube page. Okay, so where we last left offed was Ronald Reagan at the end of 1981. His approval rating is at 49%. We're in the middle of the cheese crisis. Where I have to the cheese crisis. To go off 1982, the White House announced that Ronald would grant tax exempt status to Bob Jones University and other schools that racially discriminated. It's a fun start to part two right off the bat, right? Good to be back. And we're back. Great. Alrighty.

A week later, Ronald phoned the Washington Post to say he didn't know there was a legal case pending about segregated schools. How is this possible? And then CBS dug up a memo in which intervention was requested in the Bob Hope, even the Bob Jones case by Bob Jones University. In the memo, Ronald wrote, quote, I think we should. There you go. Early 80s, folks. I didn't know anything about it. Did you write this on it though? Yeah. Come here, Lassie. Brain is already applesauce. It is applesauce. It is. When he sits down, you just hear a gentle slosh. The slurpy cup full of applesauce. That was his brain. Can I put some cinnamon in my ear?

Can I eat myself, mommy? So the tax cuts that he'd asked for were backfiring. An official recession was declared in 1982. Unemployment went up to 10.8%. Jesus. At a press conference, Ronald said, quote, there are a million more people working than there were in 1980. That was a lie. They were actually 100,000 less working. What? Ronald also kept telling reporters, such a big help wanted sections in the Sunday newspaper meant unemployed people must be lazy and would rather not work. I mean, what kind of metric do you think that is? Look at the ads. Look, lazy buggers. No one will clean up the shit tub from Spencer's. And he still wanted

more tax cuts. The demo of credit-controlled Congress wanted to raise taxes. Ronald went on TV and told Americans, again, to call Congress and ask for tax cuts. And this time, Americans did not. Good. Ronald finally was forced to raise taxes. The Tax and Fiscal Responsibility Act of 1982 passed $98 billion in new taxes. He would raise taxes 10 more times over his presidency. The White House began funding the Mujahdeen in Afghanistan who were fighting the Soviets. This included a young upstart fella named Osama Bin Laden. That's the last one we'll hear of this character. By the way, the Mujahdeen were

the heroes of Rambo 3. That's who he fights. He works with to defeat the Russians. Right. Yeah. So great. I mean, it is amazing. There you go. It's the loan. Hey, thank you Osama. Yo, yo Bin Laden. Thanks a lot. On his trailer door. Bonjour. Ronald said he got a letter from the Pope about US sanctions against the Soviet Union. He likes letters, loves those letters. Oh yeah, a Pope letter. I mean, he's gonna be like clapping his little hands in front of him. Yay. And the Pope said, he said, quote, the Pope approves of what we've done so far. The Pope never said that. Good. A month later, Ronald made up for it by falling asleep in a

meeting with the Pope at the Vatican. Oh my God. What? There you go. I mean, there you go. Take that Jesus. How about you send a better opener next time? Do you wake him? What do you do? The president falls asleep in front of you. What do you do? He woke himself because his head fell down. Oh, he like snapped up. So he did like what like middle passengers do on planes. That's right. I'm like, ah, my neck. My neck. Which just makes it more obvious you're asleep. Apple sauce comes out of his eyes. Hey, big hat. Oh, there's a little bit of apple sauce on the wall. And don't worry, Mr. President. Ronald was a master of saying the wrong things. At a press

conference, Ronald said missiles, quote, carried in ships or submersibles can be recalled if there has been a miscalculation. What? No. Lassie, come here, girl. Come back to the ship, Lassie. Come back. No. No one in the press questioned him for saying missiles fired from planes and submarines could be recalled after being fired. They just let him say it. Because half those assholes just want access. Right. They want to be on TV, seeing the press corps, and they don't want to be the guy that's like, hey, no, they can't, and the next day their press pass is gone. Well, especially, yeah, exactly. Especially now, because now it's like, they're really,

I mean, you could just completely remove some. I mean, there's not a press secretary. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one. 1982, the CDC began calling the mysterious disease affecting mostly gay men acquired immunodeficiency syndrome, or AIDS. The total number of cases reported was 771, total deaths, 618. Ronald had not said a thing about it. Reporter Lester King Solving asked press secretary Larry Speaks, that's, by the way, the press secretary for Speaks. Almost the entire time his name is Speaks. Larry Speaks. Perfect. His name is a sentence. It's also a children's book.

Yeah. Larry Speaks. Hello. Hi, Larry. God damn. That's, all right. Again, there's so many. Let's, let's leave it alone. It's right there. Now, Lester was a super right-wing guy, and he called gay rights organizations, quote, the sodomy lobby, and yet he was worried about AIDS. Well, you can see why this guy's also. Lester, does the president have any reaction to the announcement by the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta that AIDS is now an epidemic in over 600 cases? Over a third of them have died. It's known as gay plague. The press pool breaks into laughter. What? No, it is. It's a pretty serious thing. One in every three people

that gets it have died, and I wonder if the president was aware of this. Larry, I don't have it. Press pool laughs. Do you? Lester, you don't have it? Well, I'm relieved to hear that, Larry. The press pool laughs. Do you? No, I don't. You didn't answer my question. How do you know the press pool laughs? What is going on? Does the president, in other words, the White House look on this as a great joke? Larry, no, I don't know anything about it, Lester. What is going on? Why, I don't understand. Why are they all laughing? Is it just the absurdity or just the fact that it's even being brought up? They don't care that people are

dying. And also, back then, there was still that thing of like, oh, you care about gay people? What are you gay? Right, right. And that's literally what Larry was doing. Right. Oh, what are you? I don't have it. What are you? Yeah, right. Were you gay? Oh, got him, Larry. Yeah, it's just like that high school bro thing. Right. The only guy who seems to care on the room is a crazy right-wing guy who hates gay people, and yet he's like, this is scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A few days later, Larry introduced Liberian leader, Samuel K. Doe as Chairman Moe. What? I mean, that's so off. There you go. Chairman Moe? It doesn't work either way. You couldn't even get it wrong with a

person that exists in Chairman Moe. There's ways to be confused that are acceptable sometimes. But not when you just quit President Moe. Anyway, I'm done here. Yeah. Doe had come to power in a brutal bloody coup in which most of the leaders of the opposing party were executed on a beach. Doe suspended the Constitution around the country committing atrocities, so Ronald had a nice meeting with him and gave him tons of money. There you go. I think he was the guy we gave the most money to in all of Africa in the 80s. Squeaky wheel gets the grease. Am I right people? Am I right people or am I right?

General Efren Rios Amont took control of Guatemala in a bloody coup in March and set up a military junta. Ronald's State Department praised Mont. But human rights workers, journalists, and the CIA said he was committing massacres against the Ixil indigenous people. The US Embassy was investigating the massacres when in December 1982, Ronald took a trip to Latin America to meet with General Mont. Afterwards, Ronald was asked about the massacres and he said, quote, I'm inclined to believe they've been getting a bum rap. Oh, yeah, they really do. People seem to really do frown upon massacres. Just do not get the

respect that they deserve. Like, it's not easy to do. I think that's what people overlook, but it's just it's not overnight. Right. He then called Mont, quote, a man of great personal integrity and commitment. To massacring people. Right, yeah. It helped the Mont was an evangelical Christian. Oh, boy. Who was massacring. Oh, well, that's okay. It was in the name of God. When he got back, when Ronald got back from Central America, he said, quote, well, I learned a lot. You'd be surprised. They are all individual countries. Jesus fucking Christ. There you go. As designated on maps and globes. The president. So you're all different then. Wow. That's like when

George W. Bush did his first tour and he like visited England and and he came back and said, well, we we met them and we stood our ground and was like, well, those are our allies. You don't need that fucking idiot. Anyway. And he called the the Greeks, Christians. Oh, fantastic. So the Reagan administration then proposed renewing military aid to Mont from the New York Times, quote, the day after Reagan's endorsement, Guatemalan soldiers arrived at a village called Dos Edis and started killing the slaughter went on for three days. And by the time it was over, at least 162 people, including many children were dead. The Guatemalan army with

Ronald's support wiped out over 600 entire villages and killed every person in them. Military assistance was secretly resumed by the CIA. And under Ronald in the 80s, nearly 200,000 people were killed in Guatemala. Mont was eventually sentenced to 80 years in prison for genocide in 2013. That's all horrible, but 80 years for genocide. Well, you're but that's life. Yes, but can we just tack it on his life? Can we just call it life? Isn't that nicer? Jesus. In 1983, there were 2,807 reported cases of AIDS, total deaths 2,118. Ronald had not said a word about it. Surgeon General C. Everett Coop was not allowed to speak

publicly about AIDS. Pat Buchanan wrote an op ed in the New York Post, quote, here we go. The poor homosexuals, they have declared war upon nature and now nature is exacting an awful retribution. Pat had a regular job on CNN's crossfire. In the new year and aid was quoted, the president and cap sit around and talk about how work fair got surfers off the beach in California. They have no concept of what is going on. What? What? What? So we're surfers of problem that needed to. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The just loafing around surfers. Dude, I said I'll go when I'm ready, dude. Back off. Get out of here. Yeah, we've got to close the

Gidget Gap. You know, you can get a woody and apparently go on safari. It's very brutal what these surfers do. They don't know about it. Bob them. Yeah. Ronald told reporters about the 10 Commandments of Nikolai Lennon. What? One was quote, promises are like pie crusts made to be broken. What is happening right now? Okay, what just happened? What just happened? How Soviet scholars explained there was no such thing as Lennon's 10 Commandments and that Lennon's first name was Vladimir. 10 Commandments. He probably would analogize pie crust on there. That's the holy shit. Fantastic. I can go off King. Oh, my

Lord. Yeah. Oh, my God. A few days later, as six reporters asked Ronald questions in the Oval Office, the rest of the press corps listened on a PA system. They constantly burst into laughter at his answers. A New York Times headline quote Reagan misstatements getting less attention. Ronald's nominee to the board for international broadcasting admitted in his Senate hearing that he had many investments in South Africa, recently was a guest of the apartheid government, belonged to an all white country club, and was director of a group that financed research on the genetic inferiority of

blacks. Well, God, I mean, come on. Don't tell me that this man, but he said quote, I do not believe in my heart that I am a racist. Imagine, imagine being able to do that. Wait, he's racist in a way that other races can't. Yeah. There's racism going. I'm not. Wow. That's I don't fund science. Like I'm racist, but I hate that guy's racism. Like my racism is like, I don't like life. And I just let it go. Yeah, I don't fund controlled experiments. I don't bring metrics into the argument. Wow. Holy shit. He withdrew his a nominee. I mean, imagine like, come on, fight. Probably as soon as he finished

that sentence and that I withdraw. Thank you, everybody. James Watt, Secretary of the Interior, says to a reporter, quote, if you want an example of the failures of socialism, don't go to Russia, come to America and see the American Indian reservations. How did the gall? Wait, God damn gall. Insanity. I mean, yeah, like how did no one hit him with a bat? Literally, you should be stabbed in the neck if you say that so much and literally legally be able to be like, there you go. That's the end of you. And you're done. Oh my God. Wow. I don't have a, there must have been, you know what? I bet that there were reporters that

actually wanted to push back, but they were constantly being hit with things and maybe it was gonna go, and then he just walked away. I mean, they're like, no, no, come back and he's gone. Yeah, that is a tactic. Holy shit. Set your speech on a stun. What did you just say? He left 20 minutes ago. Yeah, he's gone. A month later, Watt told lobbyists about his coal leasing commission. He's talking to a group of lobbyists and he says, quote, we have every kind of mix you can have. I have a black, I have a woman, two Jews and a cripple and we have talent. And we've got talent with the black and the cripple and two ladies and the Jew. Have the Jew.

I remember that. I remember that very specifically when he did that. Oh yeah, it was. And I was young and I still were like, that was one of those. It was. Because he, and you can, he watched the video of it. He delivers it like he's landing the best joke. Yeah. And this is gonna destroy the room and the room is just, what? Horrified. That went on quite a while, sir. So Americans do not react well to this. Even Republicans call for his resignation. But Ronald defense him, quote, if I thought he was bigoted or prejudiced, he wouldn't be part of our administration. No, he'd be running it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. So Watt resigns 19 days later. He says, quote, the press tried to paint my hat black, but I had enough self image to know the hat was white. He then assumes a crucifixion pose and photographers take pictures. What just happened? What? How do you? How do you? Yes. What? God. Oh, man. Imagine being capable of this. And also, you've just been accused of racism. You think is try to make my hat black? What? We know white is good, right? I mean, I'm not a racist. And boom. Yeah. And and feet connected boom. In October 1983, suicide bombers blew up buildings, housing, American and French service members in Beirut. 241 Americans

and 58 French are killed. Two days later, Ronald invaded the Caribbean nation of Granada. There we go. That's solved. The Prime Minister, Sir Gary. Wait, for real? Look, we don't know. I don't even think people think that my name's Gary. I think your pause is ill timed. I really do. It's not even a bit people are doing anymore. At the time, Sir Gary was in the U.S. to address the U.N. on, quote, the UFO phenomenon. Oh, man. So he's over there talking about UFO. By the way, your nation's being invaded. I'm sorry. What? I was talking about anal probes. What's going on? What a time. Imagine being in his country. Like, get back.

Don't do this now. Gary wanted a global task force to look into UFOs. And while he was in the U.S., a military junta took over Granada. This guy is just amazing. So Reagan sent 7600 U.S. troops who took back Granada. I said it was to save the medical students, U.S. medical students. The U.N. condemned the invasion as a flagrant violation of international law, but Ronald said Cuba was about to invade, which was a complete lie. Sure, sure, sure, sure. An Israeli newspaper reported that during a meeting between Ronald and their Prime Minister, Ronald said he was an army photographer and had filmed the horrors of Nazi concentration

camps as they were liberated. Ronald also said he had saved a copy of the film in case there was a question of how bad it was in the concentration camps. The Israeli PM was so moved, he told his cabinet. Ronald Reagan spent the entire war in Hollywood. Yeah. What is he? Is that a genuine liar? Is applesauce? Yeah, I think it's applesauce. It's applesauce? So he kind of conflates these like... Roles he played. Roles he played, so he didn't play a role in this, but I read a guy trying to break it down and it was basically that there was video going

around of that and he like burned it into his memory and then as he gets older and doesn't know what's happening, he starts saying stuff. Didn't he also refer to soldiers' uniforms as costumes? I don't know probably. Like again on a film set. With their costumes. Look at that wardrobe. Yeah, I think even Jesse Jackson's like costumes are what actors wear in a movie. Exactly. It was all a blur. Ed Meese started taking heat because he was making constant comments about poor people being lazy.

People began to call him Ebenezer Scrooge. Okay, well that'll solve it. A hero. That'll show him. A hero. Yeah. In December 1983, Ed Meese told the National Press Club that Scrooge was misunderstood. What? Who has ever had Scrooge's back? It's very clear what we should feel about Scrooge. Yeah. It's not acceptable behavior until the ghosts. Quote, if you really look at all the facts, he didn't exploit Bob Cratchit. Like it's a documentary he watched. Yeah. Bob Cratchit was paid 10 shillings a week,

which was a very good wage at the time. What is happening? Shit. Bob in fact had good cause to be happy with the situation. He lived in a house, not a tenement. His wife didn't have to work. He was able to afford the traditional Christmas dinner of roast goose and plum pudding. So let's be fair to Scrooge. He had his faults, but he wasn't unfair to anyone. He's an economic hero, mind honestly. Trickle up economics. God. Just like cartoony, openly monstrous ghouls. Just running amok and everyone going,

okay, well that's his opinion. I guess that's what we do. You know he had this conversation with someone, like one of his buddies. Yes. He was like, look, Scrooge's that bad and then he talked it out. He workshopped a bit and then took it on stage too early. Or worse yet, like one of his kids came home and was like, we read Christmas Carol and Scrooge, but you know, let me tell you something. Yeah, your teacher's adding a lot of sass in there. Yeah, and then like turned the kids into monsters that, you know.

Right. Oh, fuck. Scrooge provided jobs. There were some quotes about Victorian scholars being like, fuck, what? Like their heads just exploded. Like that kid, that's not. Jumping out of windows. I'm done. I can't. Well, not on this planet. Can't do it. Nope. Ronald told the Congressional Medal of Honor Society a story about a pilot who was honored for going down with his plane. This was later revealed to be a completely fake story.

When questioned, press secretary Larry Speaks said, quote, if you tell the same story five times, it's true. Well, I didn't know that. Wait a minute. I didn't know that either. I gotta try that. Yeah. Damn. Wow. That's lucky. There you go. It's the secret. Yeah, it is. It's the secret. It is the secret.

A columnist did some research and discovered the story was a piece of fiction from a 1944 issue of Readers Digest. Oh, there you go. The second half. He's now just a Readers Digest like ransom note. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just cobbled together bits. You know, laughter is the best medicine. Anyway, Ron, what about the genocide?

Oh, sorry. I was just petting lassie over here. That's a stapler. Oh, good girl. Look at her leg go. Sorry, Millie. It's still a stapler. Okay. A couple of weeks later, Ronald told a rabbi. He filmed concentration camps during World War II.

You got to, someone's got to pull him aside and just be like, hey, I'm not sure what's happening over here, but listen, here's one thing I've got to imprint upon you. X-nay on the Auschwitz A. No more of the DP at Auschwitz stuff, Todd. Concentration camp. Call me Dutch. I want to get a haircut. Oh, boy. This is not.

Here's the baseball scores. I read baseball scores to Hitler. Holy shit. Oh, God. Do you think the cops have a chance? No, Ron. I do. I really do, Eddie. They have no bench.

God, they don't, but they're starting pitching. Ronald had created a task force on food assistance to get to the bottom of all these stories about hungry people. Right. Yeah. Let's figure out what he's meant with it. Hungry people were his Loch Ness monster. Now the pictures, they're always blurry. I don't know.

They always seem very blurry. After a few months, the task force report stated there was no evidence of great hunger. One member, Dr. George Graham, said, quote, black children are probably the best nourished group in the United States. Just horrifying prism to view things. Ronald was satisfied with the report.

Oh, good. That's nice. The last Marines were pulled out of Lebanon in February 1984. As an eight brief reporters about the pullout, Ronald was 30 feet away armwrestling the publisher of a bodybuilding magazine. Okay. Sure. Not, I don't know. I don't have anything to say.

Hey, hey, hey, I'm a wolf. Let him win. All right. Let him win. It's literally like there's a toddler. It is. Yeah. Yeah.

His elbows up. The guy's just like, Jesus Christ. He was nearby with his busy box. Oh, God. He was he was busy pouring a cup of rice into an empty cup and back and forth. It's really calmed him down. Oh, God.

Wolf, you want some of my magic beans? In April, the Wall Street Journal, remember when the Wall Street Journal actually broke stories? Yeah, by the time. Before Murdoch bought them. They were, I mean, they were. It was a newspaper.

It was a newspaper. In April, the Wall Street Journal revealed Reagan had Nicaragua's harbors mind, which was a violation of international law and an act of war. Nicaragua sued in the International Court of Justice, which ordered the United States to pay reparations. The White House said the court had no jurisdiction

over the U.S. and rejected the judgment. The next day, Ronald declared Law Day, USA, quote, without law, there could be no freedom, only chaos and disorder. I mean, it's just like fantastic. It's like it is. It is a child. It's the innocence of a child.

But I said it's law day now. We have law. Yeah. There we go. Now we can mine whatever we want. Law day. The carpet is now lava. Lava.

So don't walk on the carpet. Thank you. Thank you. It's a fucking topic. Giving a press conference to a wall. Thank you. Now I'm going to take questions now from the bowling trophies. At a press conference,

Ronald claimed his environmental record was, quote, one of the best kept secrets of his presidency. Uh-huh. You know what? They kept it really thick. They really did. I don't remember hearing about anything. They never released it.

They did a really good job of that one. A reporter asked how his disgraced and fired ex-EPA chief fit in with that, and Larry speaks or the lights turned off. In the darkness, Ronald said, quote, my guardian says I can't speak. Damn. Good night. That's it.

We're done. No. Uh. What? What the fuck? What? Ah. This.

What? God damn. Damn it. What? What? Ah. What? What?

Is it a preschool? This happened? His press secretary literally called a timeout. I mean, they called a goddamn timeout. From the darkness. Oh, I can't speak about that. Excuse me. We're adults.

What happened? Oh, my god. My guardian. Oh, shit. My guard. Fantastic. What? OK.

I don't want to not have juice and crackers. He won't cut the crust off if I speak. Night night. We all go night now. Oh, I went boom, boom. He did not go boom, boom. President did not go boom, boom, boom. Not for the red.

Yeah, go boom, boom. Around this time, a pattern began to emerge that was first noticed on August 1st, 1984. Ronald was asked a question by reporters about arms control. And they're at the ranch. And he stands silently grunting and shrugging. Until Nancy.

Hang on. Like, just going like that. Like, I don't care. Until Nancy lowered her head and quietly said, oh, I've seen this clip. Doing everything we can. Ronald then said, quote, we're doing everything we can. This then happened repeatedly for the rest of his presidency.

Yeah. When Mommy Ciro knows de Berger acts him. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, my god. There's video of that. It happens all the time. He's got his little cowboy hat on.

He's waving. Yeah. Really doing everything we can. We're doing everything we can. It kept it over and over. Wow. A congressional study came out showing Ronald's cuts pushed 500,000 people into poverty.

The majority children. Poverty was at now at an 18-year high. Walter Mondale won the Democratic Party nomination. And during the campaign, Ronald had moments of incoherence and was not sharp in debates. In one debate, he blanked out at one point. And during his closing argument, he said, quote, I'm all confused now.

I remember that footage, too. He is he was saved by them calling time because he literally should go and as I drive up that California. It was he's clearly spent. They go, oh, that's time, sir. And if they had not called time, God knows what he would have said. That might have sunk it.

He looked so crazy. Wow. I remember that so clearly. Wow. Concern from people leads the White House to have a doctor declare Ronald is, quote, mentally alert. Right, right.

Oh, they haven't been doing for the other years for some reason. Did he identify a lion on a test? That's right. Triangle in the triangle. Right like that, Ronnie. Boom. But Americans did not like any negative news about Ronald. Reporter Leslie Stahl said, quote,

the idea that the public has come to feel they have a vested interest in protecting him is fascinating to me. Jimmy Carter's take was, quote, President Reagan doesn't always check the facts before he makes statements and the press accepts it as kind of amusing. Right.

Yeah, which is really entertaining. Right, right. And now we're in the mutant version of that right now. So the Chicago Tribune wrote, quote, Mr. Reagan's ignorance about the Soviet Union and his airheaded rhetoric on the issues of foreign policy and arms control have reached the limit of tolerance and have become an embarrassment to the US

and a danger to world peace. This was part of their endorsement of Ronald Reagan. Oh my god. Wait, I'm sorry. Go back and wait. Yes. Yes, this is part of their endorsement. This guy is a puddingheading maniac.

Mr. Reagan's ignorance about the Soviet Union and his airheaded rhetoric on the issues of foreign policy and arms control have reached the limit of tolerance and have become an embarrassment to the US and a danger to world peace. Anyway, vote for him. What? I want to read the rest of that.

How do they then pull out of that news dime? Where's the switch? I think because they say the economy is doing better and they go, because Mondale also said he was going to raise taxes. Right, right. Biggest, I know. He just came out and said,

I'm going to raise taxes in a Reagan will too. He's just not going to tell you. Well, okay. Yeah, you can't do that. Yeah, not to us. Ronald won every single state except for Minnesota. He was the oldest president elected, 73 years old. A new staff came in.

Chief of Staff Don Regan was a former Marine commander and chairman and CEO of Merrill Lynch. He was worth $40 million. Good, there you go. Get him in there. They understand the plight of the everyman. Oh, yeah. Pat Buchanan.

Oh, good. Crossfire host, writer of the horrible anti-gay op-ed, admirer of Nazis and Holocaust denier, became the new White House communications director. All right. That feels like a good wrestling. It's true for him. For years, Ronald got much of his information

from the extremely right-wing human events magazine. He read it religiously and made notes. Are you getting emotional? Yeah. You all right? His new aides were, quote, horrified that he was reading it. I'm surprised he's allowed to call his aides aides at this point, with his level of denial.

My helpers. Yeah. Don Regan tried to stop the subscription from reaching him, but it went to the residents. He tried to get aides to hide it. When Ronald realized what was going on, he ordered several subscriptions. So things are totally normal.

In 1984, there were 7,239 reported cases of aides in the US. Total deaths were 5,596. Ronald still had said nothing. Scientists concluded aides was caused by HIV. Lester at a press conference. Lester, is he going to do anything, Larry? Larry, Lester, I have not heard him express anything. Sorry.

Lester, you mean he has expressed no opinion about this epidemic? Larry, trying to keep from laughing. No, but I must confess I haven't asked him about it. Lester, will you ask him, Larry? Larry, have you been checked? The press pool burst into laughter. Wow.

It's the, what are you, gay? Yeah, and it's working. That attitude, and that's enough. Yeah, that's enough. That's, oh my God. An unidentified person in the press pool. Is the president going to ban mouth-to-mouth kissing? Lester, what?

Pardon? I didn't hear your answer. Larry, laughing. Ah, it's hard work. I don't get paid enough. Is there anything else we need to do here? Just crazy. There you go.

Could you imagine being a gay person? No. We were in San Francisco. Or I mean imagine. It was a fucking nightmare to watch, and this is what's going on with your government. Imagine having AIDS and like being scared out of your fucking mind. And that's the answer.

And seeing that it is completely... People are laughing. And it's like a punchline. And they're doing like 50-style jokes about it. Yeah, right. And it's crushing. And it's crushing. And there's nowhere to go.

There's nowhere to go. Rock Hudson went to France for an experimental treatment and had trouble getting admitted to the hospital. He was a longtime friend of Ronald and Nancy. Hudson's agent reached out and asked the White House for help. And Aide asked Nancy if they should intervene. She says no. Yeah.

Because it wasn't affecting her directly. Right. This isn't care. For the 40th anniversary of VE Day, Ronald accepts an invitation from the German chancellor to visit a German military cemetery. In Bitburg. Nancy nixes an additional visit to Dachau

because it is quote, too negative and depressing. Well, yeah, that's I mean that was that's the main thing about that. Well, it was very negative. Well, I mean, yeah, it's very true. And that's the first knock. Nancy is the victim. The gift shop is great. Unbelievable.

I also, I mean, it's probably would be tough because Ronald would just go there and be like, well, I remember when I feel the crew was here, Terry with the boom, classic Terry. The White House says Ronald will ray a leaf at the reef at the cemetery only to learn 49 members of Hitler's SS are buried there. Don Regan tells Ronald not to go. Ronald quote, I've promised.

What? Ronald tells the press quote, quote, we have to put the past behind us. The soldiers were victims just as surely as the victims in the concentration camp. Same thing. Yeah. No.

What? Yeah. So President of the United States of America said that the Nazi SS were the same kind of victims as the people. The Nazi SS fucking murdered genocide again. Genocide. Same thing. Same deal to Ronald Regan.

And well, how's the press corps handling this? They're just like, oh, Ron. Another, he's at it again. Look at that. I love the new album. Oh, Ronnie. I love the new stuff. But again, also, and it wasn't that there wasn't the infrastructure

that we have now where people could express their admiration for this. But he was getting a lot of support because of this shit from white supremacy elements in America. Now that you know, David Duke and all these people that storm for they. Thank you, Donald. Back then it was very quiet. But they knew what the fuck they were doing. 52 percent of people thought he shouldn't go.

That means 48 percent. Right. 48 percent. We're like, yeah. Great. Fine. Senate and House passed resolutions against him going. At the White House, a concentration camp survivor just happens to be giving a medal.

Getting a medal. Oh boy. So right when this is happening, this guy just has him getting a medal at the time. He gives a speech directly to Ronald, asking him not to go and says, quote, your place is with the victims of the SS. Ronald literally makes a sad face. What kind of are you being mean to me? Yeah.

And now to give the congressional medal of awkward. Finally, holy shit. So from Ronald's diary, quote. Don't know the uproar beast of a thing to go through. I mean, why would you ever? A lot of this is just slides, drawings of slides. Why would you ever have a diary if you're president? Don't have a diary.

I need a chef hat for tomorrow. For Ronald's diary, quote. The uproar about my trip to Germany and the Bittberg Cemetery was cover stuff in Newsweek and Time. They just won't stop. Well, I'm not going to cancel anything no matter how much the bastards scream. That's what I hate. The politicians inability to just say you fucked up.

Like, guys, hey, I fucked up. Yeah, I fucked up. I'm not going to go. You're right. You know what? I thought it over. I changed my mind. I got more information.

Boom. Boom. But like, like people do 80 times a day. Which shows you all the time. And it shows like process and thought and, you know. Yeah. Anyway, he went to Bittberg and laid down a reef at a place where the SS were. Well, we got a great Ramon song out of it.

We really did. That's a great song. So. Upon returning from his masterful PR trip, Ronald pushes Congress to fund the contras. At one point, he said, quote, just had a verbal message delivered to me from Pope John Paul urging for us to continue our efforts in Central America. The Vatican immediately issues a denial. He passed out here once.

Just for the record. He napped here. There is a New York Times magazine article titled The Mind of President Reagan. Oh, wow. In which an aide says, quote, you have to treat him as if you were the director and he was the actor. And you tell him what to say and what not to say and only then does he say the right thing. That's really reassuring. That's good.

Wow. A couple of days later, Princess Diana visits and they hold the dinner for her. And Ronald toasts Princess Diana and calls her Princess David. Oh, my God. What David? Oh, God. It's not even the same gender. No, it's not.

It's not. No, no, no, it's not. It's way off. I mean, nobody can over. Nobody could be like, oh, that's fine. Let's just keep going. I'd like to send a greeting to Princess Dockin and her beautiful husband, Charlotte. OK.

Sure. They glad they made the trip. Cool. So seven. Yeah. Seven American hostages are being held by Beirut by different groups. A plan is created to sell weapons to Israel and then Israel would sell other weapons to Iran. Then Iran might possibly release the hostages.

Cool. Ronald's diary, quote, it could be a heart. It could be a breakthrough on getting our seven kidnapped victims back. Oliver North is brought in to run the operation and the operation has expanded. Now, Congress has forbidden the U.S. from sending money to Contras. So what if the Saudis give the Contras $1 million a month because we were selling the weapons? Brilliant. And Oliver North sets up accounts for the Saudis to put money into other countries,

put money in. Even Ross Perot kicks in $2 million. I'm good for it. I tip it. Stop that damn copies. And then money for the Contras comes from drug sales. The CIA is delivering weapons to the Contras and then flying a plane full of cocaine to sell in the U.S.

Yes, crazy. George Bush is in charge of all of this. It is suggested to North that they cut out Israel and just sell the weapons straight to Iran. So they do. They mark up the price from $3.7 million to $10 million and give the extra profit to the Contras. Wow. There you go. God damn.

It's a good fucking deal, right? Cut out the middleman. It's like a right video. Right benefit. Yeah, it is. Yeah. That is crazy. And so like, I mean, brazen, obviously, all right.

Yeah, yeah. White House Communications Director Pat Buchanan is a huge fan of South African apartheid. And he gives... Did he place on city? And he gives Ronald right-wing propaganda attacking anti-apartheid protests. In a radio interview on August 24th, 1985, Ronald says South Africa has, quote, eliminated the segregation that we once had in our own country, the type of thing where hotels and restaurants and places of entertainment and so forth were segregated.

That has all been eliminated. With apartheid. Black people in South Africa can't vote. They can't use public facilities. Yeah, I know. Wait, wait, it's not, I mean... And apartheid, we... apartheid is segregation.

It's like, yes, it's... I cured your cold by giving you the flu. Yeah, right, yeah. What? So Buchanan is just feeding him fucking bullshit. And he's just... And he's just eating it. So he's just like...

Yeah, right, right. It's like that age where, like, you can get your kids to swear, but it doesn't really impact them in the future. It's like, right now you've got a real sweet spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just whisper it in his ear. Ronald's ambassador to the UN vetoes a UN Security Council resolution condemning apartheid. In 1985, there are now 15,527 reported cases of AIDS,

12,529 deaths. Ronald finally says the word AIDS in public, but does not address the nation. People are now losing their minds over AIDS. They're calling for quarantines. Nurses are quitting instead of treating AIDS patients. Funal directors are refusing to embalm the dead. Even Pat Buchanan wants the president to address AIDS in a speech. The president is asked if he would send his child to a school with a child who had AIDS.

Oh, no. And Ronald says he understands both sides. Oh, my God, what? The house of two boys with AIDS who get a court order to attend school in Florida is burned down. Rock Hudson announces he has AIDS and dies soon after. Ronald and Nancy say nothing. But he did add AIDS jokes to his joke rebuttore. Quote,

One doctor said to the other, I've got the solution. I serve them a special dinner of crepes and filet of soul. What does that do? It's not a cure. No, it's not, said the doctor. But the advantage is that I can just slide it under the door and I don't have to touch them. Ronald would then laugh and laugh and laugh at his own joke. And he told the joke many times.

And I'm sure it killed in front of those monsters that he went, oh, Jesus. In December, 1985, 60 Minutes does a segment on the state of Ronald's mind. Oh, boy. A Berkeley professor argues that Ronald can't tell the difference between reality and movies. I think that's fair. I have that problem though. I had that problem sometimes, so yeah. 50% of the time, I think I'm intron.

Well, let me text Morpheus. Wait, he's not my friend. Sorry, there I am again. Then 60 Minutes traces the evolution of one of Ronald's anecdotes from where he credits it as a movie scene to where he tells it as if it actually happened. Wow. Oh, with clips, it keeps changing. They break it down all the way.

It is the least popular segment in 60 Minutes history. Wow, so we just didn't care. People are furious. Don't ruin our illusion, which is so crazy. I think there's also a love, because remember, there's the nukes thing there, because I was terrified, people are scared of nuclear war, but I was terrified that a man without a brain was in charge of the nuclear weapons. So I think there's a level of people not wanting to think this can possibly be real. It's unfathomable.

Because he was an actor who could seem presidential, they're like, don't take away the security blanket. Don't take away my delusion, because it makes me happy. I need it. And we are still there. I mean, we really are still there where it's just like, I'd just rather believe. Like, let me leave out cookies for Santa. Yeah. Ronald has a third skin cancer removed from his nose. Reporters question him about the reoccurrence. Ronald, quote, I'm not a medical.

I'm not a lawyer, and I'm not a medical either. Oh. But I am reading for the part of medical later today on La Brea. Ron. But I am a shoe. Thank you. Thank you. That's all. Thank you. And the booted children live inside me. There's one mommy.

Turn the lights off. Ronald's becoming more and more irritated with reporters, and at one point is caught on tape calling them sons of bitches. When asked about it, Larry Speaks explained, Ronald said, quote, it's sunny and you're rich. Oh, wow. Way to go, Larry. So charming. There's that charm. Oh, nailed it. He said he's taking his son to the beach.

Hey, I'm Larry. The space shuttle challenge were explodes on January 28th, 1986. Pat Buchanan is asked what the president's initial reaction was, quote, the president was stunned. Something like, isn't that the one with the teacher on it? Wow, there is really. He gives a great speech about the disaster on TV and his approval rating shoots up to 78%. We are so simple. The spaceship went boom.

Yes. He's right. People was inside it, maybe. Yes. In January, 1986, Ronald helps brittle dictators Jean-Claude baby doc Douye of Haiti and Fernand Marcos of the Philippines escape their just fates during revolts so they can live out their lives in wealth and luxury. Both murdered tons of people but were anti-communist. Ronald gives Marcos sanctuary in the US.

They were flown to Guam with 89 AIDS jewelry gold bars and 7 million in cash. Wow. By 1986, there were 20,712 reported cases of AIDS. Total dead 24,559. Ronald says nothing but his budget calls for deep cuts to AIDS research. There you go. At the 1986 centenary rededication of the Statue of Liberty, the Reagan's are sitting next to French president Mitterrand and his wife. On the stage, Bob Hope says, quote,

I just heard that the Statue of Liberty has AIDS. Did I mention 25,000 people are dead? 25,000 people. I know the story, by the way. I just heard that the Statue of Liberty has AIDS but she doesn't know if she got it from the mouth of the Hudson or the Staten Island fairy. Oh my God. The TV cameras show the Reagan's heads going back and laughing as the Mitterrands look appalled. Oh my God.

Although I will look. Yes, that was awful. Bob Hope's daughter read him the riot act on that. Oh good. He subsequently went back on TV and was like, you know what? I was wrong with me to do that. He actually apologized for that. Okay. Expressed regret.

And a change of opinion. And a change of opinion. Interesting. Wow. Because his daughter was like, Bob, sit down, you need to hear this. I think you have to, at some point, you got to realize old people are old and they're doing a thing and then if they change, good. Yeah. It's shitty that he said that.

Yes. But. It's horrible. Yeah. But unlike Ron, he was like, oh fuck, I didn't know that right. Yeah. He had an actual change. Yes.

Yeah. Whereas. And he had a similar one before in the late 60s. He did something and all these people were like, it was either like an army thing and they were like, how can you do this like during Vietnam? And he actually was like, you know what? I didn't think about that. Yeah.

So. Wow. Just like comedians today. Exactly. So evolved. What a bunch of fucking babies. So Ronald's long time friend and advisor Roy Cohn died of AIDS. The Reagan's did not go to his funeral.

By 1987, the total number of reported AIDS cases in the U.S. was 50,000. Jesus Christ. Total dead 40,849. And he's still cutting the funding and all the. I mean, he asked for, he asked for a amount of funding and Congress was like, yeah, we're going to double that. Like he just. Right.

Reagan's ex director of the office of management and budget releases a book. An excerpt is printed in Newsweek. Ronald is portrayed as clueless in, in a description of the secretary of defense is defending his huge military budget by showing Ronald cartoon drawings of soldiers in different states of preparedness. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no., no, no.

Oh, he really is. Get me Gomer Pyle. He's pressing a sandwich, then Nadine, get me Gomer Pyle. So, I mean, they literally, he is literally a child. They're literally, he's showing him how he needs different amounts of money for the defense budget by showing pictures of soldiers with, like, less equipment. And mental incapabilities and disease is very sad.

It's crazy when people shield the president's reality. That's the problem here. Not only that, but America seeing it and ignoring it. It is a fucking system act. And getting angry when people aren't being, they're just going, hey, I think there might be a problem with you. You shut up. Yeah, we still experience it with truth all the time.

I mean, after this comes out, the press focuses on the ex cabinet member betraying the president instead of the content of the book, of course. On April 5th, Libya bombs a West Berlin nightclub killing three people, including a US serviceman. Ronald then drops 60 tons of munitions on Libya on April 14th. Two of Qaddafi's sons are injured and an infant daughter is killed. It is a clear assassination attempt on Qaddafi,

which is illegal, and that's it. Nothing happens. Well, yeah, everyone's fine. Well, I think that it'll all end in pretty well for Qaddafi if memory serves. In July, Ed Meese gets a 1,960 page report on pornography that he had ordered from a commission to study porn. Oh, boy, I mean, if this isn't some dude just

getting ready to really perv out on a Sunday night, what is? Oh, you got that? All right, let me just have a look. I'll take a look at that. See you next month. The study cost $500,000. The government charges $35 to get a two-volume collection. Yeah.

It becomes a collector's item because it may be the best listing for porn in the world. Ha, ha, ha, hell yeah. Ed Meese after dark. This handsomely bound two-volume set has got all of your favorite here, including Yank May Doudal it's a dandy, the greatest glory ever hold.

Sick May Hinckley. Holy God, Ed Meese. Yeah, so it just had titles listed. There you go. On October 5, 1986, a plane carrying weapons is shot down by this Sant Dinesdas over Nicaragua. the only survivor says he works for the CIA. A month later, a Lebanese news magazine prints an expose outlining the Arms for Hostages deal. Reagan goes on TV to deny the story. 79% of people

don't believe him. Wow. Whoa. Finally. So what, but hang on. Why do we go back and forth as a public to what is it? Hey, don't be mean to this guy. Let's leave him and then, well, that's bullshit. Yeah, I know. It's just so it is weird. Yeah. He then goes on TV to say he knew nothing about it and Poindexter resigned and North was fired. Right. A good luck for your case. Yeah, that's really good. He later tells North, quote, this is going to make a great movie one day. I think it already might be. Someone yell cut. I need to go 10-2. Here's the pick. Cocaine capers and we get Joe Piscopo. And we also got to get a monkey that looks like Joe Piscopo. Line. This is the state of the union. Yeah.

Could you clear my sight lines, please? The grips are moving back and forth. It's hard. Back in an Apple box. And by that, I mean a box full of apples. Let's just stand on it. Special prosecutor Lawrence Walsh is brought in to investigate in an interview with Time Magazine. And Ronald says he only found out a few days before the link between the Iranian arm sales and the Contras. I mean, how? But he didn't blame his staff, quote, Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North was involved in all our operations. He has a fine record. He is a national hero. My only criticism is that I wasn't told everything. Ronald then blames the press, quote. For what? What is driving me up the wall is that this wasn't a failure until the press got a tip from that rag and

Beirut and began to play it up. I told them that publicly that publicity could destroy this, that it could get people killed and they went right on. The whole thing boils down to a great irresponsibility on the part of the press. I mean, unbelievable, really. At least he's still got a crime in the paper like this. And he and it's amazing that he can still kind of function when he needs to just fully bullshit. He's like gets himself off the mat and is able to. He's got this like weird like nitro tank for when he needs to. Right, right. He's literally talking about treason. Yes. And he's calling the rags like it's like a gossip rag. Ronald's approval rating is now 46%. Don Regan loses it in a staff meeting and puts the blame for Iran Contra on Robert

Robert McFarland, who he was always hated. He yells, quote, let's not forget whose idea this was. It was Bud's idea. When you give lousy advice, you get lousy results. This is leaked to the press. Nancy wants Don Regan out as chief of staff and she's leaking stuff. Oh, wow. She pressures Ronald so much on a getaway to Camp David that he turns around and screams at her, quote, get off my goddamn back. Oh, Jesus. Yes, Ron. Yes, Ron. Wow. It's weird how Iran Contra will make you freak out a little bit. Yeah, yeah. When you do the most massive treason in US history, it gets you a little tense. They said in Cosmo, it's one of the five reasons most couples break. Yeah, it's a big relationship cooler Iran Contra. His approval rating is now at 41%.

Ronald has prostate surgery and Nancy orders he do nothing for six weeks. Her astrologer, quote, told her that January was a bad month for the president. It's not allowed to be that for the president. Yeah. He's the president. Oh, God. I mean, literally, they asked an astrologer about every single thing. Every move. Yeah, literally every single thing. Here's the new show I want to see. It's about the astrologer living in the White House, just like the cakewalk life, but also realizing, like, I can affect US policy. I'm in charge of America. I can decide what goes. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, yeah. Yeah. The Reckons are said to be stunned that their long time allies are not backing them. Huge right wing douchebag Congressman Bob Dornan, quote. Oh.

When someone says, but he was giving arms to people he knew had killed our Marines, it's hard to respond to that. Yeah, isn't it? For Bob, for Bob to say that who Bob Dornan is a fucking lunatic. Yeah. For him to go against Reagan is, wow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's when they knew they'd crossed a Rubicon. Like, did we lose Dornan? Yeah, we're fucked. Right. We're fucked on this one. 78% of Americans believe there is a cover-up. It comes out that they sent the Iranians a cake at one point. No. Who signed off on any of that? The cake. Oh, he shouldn't have. Oh, red velvet. We can't get that here. Wrong. I can't stay mad at you. And it's braille, too. What? And it's on the top. It's just, thank you for the hostages. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

For the hostages with a candle. Why is there a candle? So much to blow it out. McFarlane goes on Nightline to distance himself from the cake situation. Wow. Cake situation. Quote, there was a cake on a mission. This is an amazing moment already. This is already. Yes. All right. There was a cake. We admit the cake. You happy Woodward and Bernstein? All right. You tracked down the cake. All right. All right. Apparently, you were talking to deep frosting and he leaked it. Holy shit. We're calling the baker to Capitol Hill. What fucking asshole said bring an ice cream cake to Iran? Which one are you fucking? It's a goddamn desert climate. Quote, there was a cake on a mission. I didn't buy it, bake it,

cook it, eat it, present it, or otherwise get involved with it. The cake was the product of a spontaneous idea of Colonel North. So Oliver North was like sending him a cake and they were like, yeah, for sure. Yeah, he came up with the idea of sending him a cake. Wow. A month later, McFarlane tries to kill himself by taking 20 valium. Jesus. That's a lot of valium. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of guilty. Yeah, right. Yeah, seriously. The Tower Commission had been put together to look into Iran contra. When the Tower Report is delivered to Ronald, it says he traded guns for hostages and his quote, detach style in which considerable authority was delegated to subordinates allowed Iran contra to move forward without adequate scrutiny or supervision.

Ronald is upset but remains in denial. Don Regan is savaged in the report. And then Don finds out he's fired when the press announces Howard Baker is the new chief of staff. Oh, wow. It is believed that Nancy did this. Wow. Hell yeah. So there really is no president at this point. It's just sort of like. This is like Woodrow Wilson after this. Right. It's a costume. Yeah, it really is. Speaking to the American Camping Association, Nancy says of Don Regan, quote, I don't think most people associate me with leeches or how to get them off, but I know how to get them off. I'm an expert at it. And then she turned into a spider. Yeah. Can you talk about camping? That's kind of the demo here. 10 pigs, maybe something to tie your food up in the trees

and the bears don't kind of open for that. Do you like hot dogs or hamburgers better? I tied Don down and put a hot poker in his ass. All right, Nancy. We were kind of looking for smore recipes. We thought you were going to be listening to some of your favorite smore recipes. I'm not sure who booked this. Oh, right. The press corps asks Larry speaks about the report describing Regan as incredibly ignorant. He tells the press to, quote, bug off. Whoa. And calls a New York Times article, quote, Fooie, P H O O E Y. Is this man a comic strip? Yeah, did he admit like a stream of like ampersand and asterisks and exclamation points? This is the first man who talks and talks bubbles.

Fooie. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A bunch of Fooie. On the 76th birthday, Ronald enters a room filled of staff gathered for a surprise party. He is very startled and remains so until Nancy whispers, quote, It's your staff. Oh, no. What? Who are these doggies? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We hit the pound. On March 4th, 1987, Ronald addressed the nation on TV, quote, A few months ago, I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that is true. But the facts and evidence tell me it is not. Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. So what he's saying is I did do it even though I believed really hard that I

didn't. Yeah, it's it's not an out. That's how that translates. Yeah. And it really is like a very weird defense. Yeah. Like it doesn't make any inside. I didn't want to do it outside. I did it. I know what I said. I call on the American people to clap really hard. Because if you believe that I didn't do it, we can make this go away. Come on, everybody. Two, three, four. Wow. Congress holds hearings. All over North is given congressional immunity and admits everything. He admits lying to Congress and covering for Ronald. His hometown holds a parade in his honor. Sure. Ronald starts to pretend he has laryngitis when reporters ask him questions. I mean, honestly, fantastic. The president is nine. Yeah.

What? I can't. My voice. What? I mean, you're doing it's like a hacky bit. I win. You know, today is backwards day, so I can't answer questions. All right, everyone, the president is now a sitcom premise. Each week, he'll have a new quirk. Go flush the toilet while he's in the shower. Next week, he's going to hit his head and become evil, Ron Reagan, and we're going to call him razz. Now, I know that you guys are planning a surprise party, but he thinks you're planning on murdering him. Because he's overhearing it wrong. So that's the energy we're walking into the surprise party with. He thinks the cake is a bomb, and that the candles are fuses. Surprise. All right. He actually shit his pants off.

I've never seen that before. Oh, God. On April 1, 1987, Ronald makes his first public speech about AIDS, quote, April fools. Oh, my God. Right there. Oh, my God. He did it on fucking April fools day. Of course. God, you're right. Wow. Anyway, quote, when it comes to preventing AIDS, don't medicine and morality teach the same lessons? Wow. Fuck off. I mean, really, it is unbelievable. He did not mention safe sex. He did say they could do sex education in schools if they taught abstinence. And Nancy could teach a class on sucking cock. He's unbelievable. It's like you're cocks in a tongue blender. I don't like telling tales at a school, but I saw her make Phil Silver's glasses fly up. She blew Kerry Grant so hard the back of his head collapsed in.

She blew George Burns while shitting on a glass table over Danny Thomas. That's some nice stuff, man. I said that's my girl. We turned it into a play. No, we didn't run. I wrote a one man musical about it. No, you didn't. Oh, I'm going to go to my journal. That's the yellow pages. So, yeah, so a presidential AIDS commission is formed. Ronald agrees to put one homosexual on the 13 member board. The rest are conservatives. What a great position for that person. Yeah. Nice. Who just want to shut down bathhouses and quarantine. The U.S. then shuts down the border to immigrants with HIV. Ronald goes on a nine day European tour. This is when he says, quote, Mr. Gorbachev tear down

this wall. It plays on TVs around the world, but he still has a 42% approval rating in the U.S. Ronald was hard of hearing and begins cupping his hand over his ear pretending he can't hear reporters questions. Nicely done. There it is. That's another one. What's the laryngeitis thing? What are we going to do for sweeps? I'm blind. What? I'm blind. I can't see your words. I don't have a tongue. I have three kids in a president outfit. Oh, fuck. They also increase the noise of the helicopter when he gets off. So reporters have a hard time questioning him. Mr. Cartoon literally just imagine pinching that and then having traction. Hang on. Whoa. Say that again, David. I just think if we make the helicopter

louder, then they can't hear the question. Holy shit. Get the mufflers off of Marine One right now. I have nine whistling peeps. Here's what we do. Oh my God. Hang on. When he's in press conferences, there's always an angry cockatoo next to him. All right. I just hear a loud, angry cockatoo. I'm sorry. The cockatoo's screaming. I can't understand that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Mr. Peppers is very angry. Mr. Peppers hasn't eaten yet. I can't take any questions. Mr. Peppers hasn't called. The tactics. We will only do press conferences in sawmills. Sorry. I'm sorry. One more time. That's a long board they cut. Oh, that's spruced today. It's the noisiest wood. What are the odds? Goddamn. So, Ronald nominates Robert Bork as his third Supreme Court pick on July 1st,

1987. Bork is super right wing. Democrats defeat him 42 to 58. And Republicans are furious. It was that was Teddy's thing. Teddy's back alley. Bork becomes a verb. The Republicans are literally still holding a grudge. Oh, yeah. They literally think that them taking Garland away, not allowing Obama to have a pick for you. They think it's making up for that. Yep. It's crazy. Yep. So, Ronald's next pick, Douglas Ginsburg admits his wife performed abortions and then he admits he smoked pot and Ronald withdraws the nomination. Wow. Probably pull that guy aside. We lie at these. Just so you know, this is total bullshit. You don't need to tell them what you're doing. I have smoked weed and my wife has done that. Yes. Yeah. All right. Thanks,

everybody. That's lunch. I used to fuck pigs in my fraternity. All right. Thanks. I'm gonna go to the PF Changs down the street. I'm out of here. That's me at my time. Thank you guys. I yield back the balance of my time. Thank you. The day of my time. I fucked a goat. All right. Thank you. Wait, no, I'm fucking one now under the table. Nancy. So, Anthony Kennedy is the next choice and he's confirmed 97 is zero. The stock market plummets in October. It's the largest drop ever. That's Black Monday, right? Is it black? I think it might be. I think it's Black Monday. Yeah, it was really big. I think, yeah, it was crazy. Nancy has breast cancer and gets a radical mastectomy. No more money is coming in, so the Contra Sinus ceasefire agreement in March 88.

It just goes to show how many people they got to kill because we were giving up. Yeah, exactly. A federal grand jury returns a 23 count indictment against Oliver North and three others. John Poindexter takes the fault testifying he decided not to inform the president. Ronald holds a press conference and lies. Quote, from all the investigation and everything else, we don't know where that money came from and we don't know where it went. Wow. It's just money came. I don't know. It comes and it goes. There he is. Oh, there he is. He's upset again. Sorry, that's Chinese. That's the new ambassador of elephants. Who let a screaming goat in here? Oh, no, look at that. We're also opening a nursery in here. There's going to be a lot of kids screaming. Okay. All right, I'm going

to take this wondering symbol practice. Asked about McFarland's guilty plea, Ronald said, quote, he just pleaded guilty to not telling Congress anything it wanted to know. I've done that myself. And then he caught himself, quote, no, don't distort that. No, I just mean, I think Congress would like to be asking questions about almost anything. Again, there's still signs. What did I say? That was a little honest. George Bush runs for president and Ronald campaigns for him. Bush claims he had no idea about Iran Contra. In truth, it was run out of his office. And in his diary, he wrote he was one of the few people who knew all of the details. Bush. April 11th, really doing some treason today. I mean, these diaries are a little honest. I know. You think they'd be coded

like how prisoners write letters to each other or something. Fuck. You know. So Bush is elected. In his victory speech, he thanks Ronald, quote, one of the most decent men I've ever met. Imagine saying that. Ronald left office with the highest approval rating since FDR. The anti FDR. Right. But just after all, after all of this, right? Yeah, I couldn't figure it out. Like 70. I didn't write it down. But yeah, it's got to be way up there. But it's like after all of this, we were at 40% for so fucking long. And then and then all that came out was bad shit. Yeah, yeah. There was nothing that happened. It was good. We do like the fairy tale too much. The mastectomy that might have had something to do with me. But it's just fucking crazy. Yeah. And it is on us. It's 100%

on us. You know, our fault. Yeah. So he raised taxes 11 times, but the overall tax burden went down and employment went down. Oh, right. The economy was decent. Right. But in 87. Yeah, it was still decent 87. Inflation dropped. The GDP grew. Military spending increased. Social services dropped. The national debt tripled. The income gap widened. 18 friends bought the Reagan's a house in Santa Barbara for 2.5 million. This is the third house someone else bought for them. Yep. Time magazine reports Nancy had continued to secretly borrow designer clothing during her entire time in the White House, which is a crime. Oh, wow. She violated the 1978 Ethics and Government Act requiring high ranking officials to report gifts above $35. But a designer tells

time they were not considered gifts. Quote, we think of it as loans. She had promised to return all of the dresses, but she never did. Okay, so that's a gift. And she had now flown them out to Santa Barbara. There you go. But if they are loans, according to tax experts, she could have been found guilty of evading taxes on one million worth of taxable income. After the time story breaks, Nancy has her assistants begin returning the dresses quietly. In 1988, there are 82,662 cases of AIDS and 61,816 deaths. Ronald Reagan did not say a word about AIDS in 1988. Surgeon General Coop did put out a pamphlet called Understanding AIDS. He was mailed to 107 million homes, the largest mass mailing in American history. Coop might be the only good person in Reagan's entire

administration. Yeah, he was very upset about what was happening. And he's like a right wing Christian, but he was also right. He walked it like he talked it. Right. Yeah. Donald Reagan's book came out in May, quote, virtually every major move and decision the Reagan's made during my time as White House Chief of Staff was cleared in advance with a woman in San Francisco who drew up horoscopes to make certain that the planets were in favorable alignment for the enterprise. Oh my god. That's the chief of staff. So it is it is ironic that the first like one of the most conservative presidencies was kind of run by a hippie out of San Francisco. That is really amazing. So weird. Oh fuck man. What does what does moonflower say I should do with Patrick? I mean honestly like of

all the the fact that that is in the atmosphere around him is unbelievable. Strange. Ronald Nancy Wright memoirs. She writes that wearing clothes from designers was good for the fashion industry. Oh yeah, right. It was a job creator. But the author of the Ethics and Government Act says, quote, that's not a legal defense. That's a public relations defense. You are dealing with elected officials who are controlled by a series of laws and rules that bar or limit the kinds of things they can receive from outsiders. It then comes out that Nancy's hairdresser was paid for by Clarell costing the company more than $100,000. Also blatantly illegal. And her personal manicurist flew in weekly from LA to do her nails, which she also did not pay price. There were no fucking

manicurist in DC. Yeah, honestly, asshole. Yeah, well no, the astrologer said she had to use one out of five. She needed fucking barbs to do her nails. The IRS opens an investigation. By 1992, the IRS determined the regans failed to include $3 million worth of clothing on their tax returns and they pay a large amount of back taxes. Oh, wow. I don't know about that. But that's easy because someone bought him a house. Right, of course. Yes, right. It's little. In 1989, Ronald is thrown from a horse. Six weeks later, a CT scan reveals a traumatic brain injury. They drill a hole in his skull to drain two bloodglots. Jesus. He takes $2 million in speaking fees for a gig in Japan and people think he's cashing it on the presidency. Remember that when you would...

I know. That's amazing. Remember when that was that thing that people were considered a scandal? Yeah, and now it's just that's part... Yeah. People run for president knowing they're not going to get the nomination just so they can get speaking. Get rich. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Well, it is now. Well, it's just a career move. It's potentially the man in charge of the country right now was also on that path. Exactly. Oh, yeah. But I think after Obama left office, I think the first... He gave a speech to Goldman Sachs for $500,000. People were mad. People were furious. I think they should be. It's fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In 1989, Ronald... Oh, sorry. John Point Dexter is convicted of five charges and sentenced to six months. It's overturned on

appeal. All of the North is convicted of three charges overturned on appeal. President Bush pardons everyone as the investigation hones in on him just before he leaves office in 1992. That ends the Iran contra investigation, keeps himself out of jail, keeps Reagan out of jail. He pardons Elliott Abrams, who now works for Donald Trump. He does. And McFarland, who became an advisor on John McCain's campaign. These guys never go away. No. There is no such thing as doing something that gets your career done. They never fucking go away. I mean, Henry Kissinger is a great example. That dude now looks like a SpongeBob character and he is still being like wheeled around, like blinking skin that's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone that push

for the Iraq war all have jobs, all doing great. Yeah, no. Ed Meese was convicted of shit and he ended up opening up the Heritage Foundation with the Coups. Oh, wow. Exactly. He's the reason that we have Obamacare. His Heritage Foundation came up with that. That's all great. The pardons were all done under the advice and recommendation of Bush's attorney general, William Barr, who currently serves as Trump's attorney general. Still crushing it, by the way. Still crushing it. Doing a great job. Reagan and Bush were never charged for their crimes of treason for an added bonus. I don't have time to go into this, but the disgraced EPA chief who refused to turn over superfund files to Congress and was removed, her son, Neil Gorsuch, placed on the Supreme Court

by Donald Trump. Hell yeah. Yeah. It just goes to show how much Trump is not different at all. Oh yeah, I know. That's nothing new. Yeah. Kitty Kelly published her all tell-all book and brutal book about Nancy Reagan in 1991 and includes the rape allegation that we talked about earlier. People magazine interviewed Celine Walters and she confirmed it, but not the phrase date rape that Kitty had used. Quote, I didn't want him to make love to me. He's a very big man and he just had his way. Date rape? No. God, no. That's Kelly's phrase. I didn't have a chance to have a date with him. The Regans did not comment. By the end of Ronald Reagan's presidency, 138 administrative officials had been convicted, indicted, or been the subject of investigations

for official misconduct and or criminal violations. In terms of a number of officials involved, the record of this administration was the worst ever. In 1994, Ronald was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. July 5, 2004, 93, he died at his home surrounded by his family. Earlier this year, Steve Bannon resurrected Human Events Magazine with some other Trumpers. Oh boy. In Obama's second state of the union address, he proposed a freeze in discretionary spending and federal salaries pushed to simplify the tax code and billions of cuts to the defense budget. He made new calls for a bipartisan effort to repair social security. These were all Reagan's positions. Time Magazine quote, Obama signed a surprise 858 billion tax cut that would have made Reagan reap with joy.

And then also, to me, the worst thing Hillary did on the campaign trail was say that Ronald Reagan did a lot for AIDS research. That really is such a crazy thing. The Democratic party has been infected. Instead of rejecting everything he is, they've sort of absorbed it. Yeah. No, there's a Time Magazine cover where it's Obama and Reagan arm in arm. And it's like Obama loves Reagan. It's like there is, I think, and probably because of that bulletproof appeal that you're talking about where it's like, you can't really get to the essence of why we supported him so blindly. But that's what they remember. And that's their fantasy of you have a figure in there where we can get all of our horrifying shit through because people love him so much. A great

vehicle that if you criticize him, we can send you to the cornfield. And so they want that again. I think both parties want that again. Yeah, of course. But the fact that they idolize Reagan, but they also are like, he could have gone way farther with this stuff. And that's what we're seeing now. And we're going to see something worse down the line. That's right. And when the Democratic party has moved to the right where Reagan was, the right has gone off the cliff. That's right. We don't even know anymore. But the off the cliff right is going to find a 43-year-old super fit, super smart, charismatic guy. Oh, yeah. But doing all the Trumps. Yeah, exactly. Who's actually good at what he wants to do. Who doesn't tweet?

Yeah. I mean, it just doesn't tweet. If you have if you have an evil Obama, you know what I mean? If you I mean, Obama did fucked up shit with drones and immigration stuff. But if you have that sort of competence with Trump, you know, you have what you have also this shit, because every time people go about Trump, I just keep there's this feeling. I mean, like, I already lived this. We live this through Reagan. Like, aside from the tweeting and stuff, it's all the fucking same. The one thing that is different is we have not we did not live it this blatantly. And, you know, you're you when you went through that timeline, there were this thing would happen. And then we'd have a few months of normalcy and live our lives. Yeah. This is

every other hour or something crazy. And so there's no way to even form a thought in now. True. It's true. Yeah. It's relentless. Yeah. It's like Reagan on like math. Yeah. It's crazy. Great Killer Mike song, Reagan. Oh, it's the best. I love that song. Welp. I'm sorry. We're all doomed. Mr. Peppers, he's not he's not feeling well today. So thank you, Patton. So much. Yeah, man. Thanks for doing this. Thank you everybody for listening to 400 episodes. Yeah, I can't wait for the 800. That'll be about how great Trump is. All right. Well, happy trails. Off we go.