The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 406 - Tycho Brahe (Live)

Episode Date: December 5, 2019

Recorded live in Copenhagen. Genius and weirdo Tycho Brahe is examinedSourcesTour DatesRedBubble Merch

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comes out this week it's called Riddled with Disease. You can get it on December 6th you can go pre-order it right now on all the places where they sell albums. I feel like a proud parent my little guy is making an album it's very exciting. If it doesn't if it doesn't sell well he say he's gonna chop up my foot but that's it that's a whole different thing. So now I'm gonna play a podcast that we recorded in Denmark yeah Copenhagen. It was an amazing show this was such a great show so please enjoy. Hello. Hello. Copenhagen it's very nice to be inside of you. It is. We've been

backstage pounding Glog. You know what it's called? That's good shit. Glug? But Dave really does have a hard job I mean I said one thing and I got it wrong I was like very confident in it. Glug. You guys know what the letters are right? Dave Dave Dave we haven't even started it. You're listening to the dollop. This is a bicentennial American history podcast. Once every hundred years you. Once every 200 years. Oh that makes sense. I read a story. Your name. Oh I Dave Anthony. Yeah. Read a story. Drinker of Glog. Read from Glock. Glock. It sounds like some Klingon thing. We spoke to Glock. It's Swedish. We're in the intro. Great.

Yeah we're in the intro. Stop it. I read a story from American or Danish history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic will be about. And nemesis. Yes. Gareth Reynolds. Let's see if I ask someone what the name was and back and I already forgot it. How to say it. So we'll see what happens. December 14th 1586. Tico. Do you guys know who it is already? Some of you do. Otis and Bra. Yeah. And his twin brother were born in Knutstrop Castle. I will never forgive the Scandinavian countries for doing that shit with what should be a silent K. Knutstrop. Knut. Knut. Castle. Skania Denmark. Skania. Who gives a shit. He was the heir to several of Denmark's noble

families. His grandfathers had served in Danish King's Privy Councils. His twin brother died before he could be baptized. I was wondering why we didn't know his name. Cheers. Yes. Let's celebrate that. Okay. So then you get all the presents. Yeah. Right. And all the good qualities that you usurp them. Yeah. There's nothing better than having a twin die. Having one live seems pretty. You're right. Sorry. I didn't mean to. Tico's parents would go and have 11 more kids. Eight of who lived. Pretty days. Pretty days. Yep. Tico was the oldest one. Now at two. Tico was stolen by his uncle and aunt. Now. That seems like a hard crime to get away with. You just like see him two years later. Tico. No. Nope. No.

We're calling him Tico but it's not. How's your Tico. Oh that's right. So weird. All right. Tico. Well apparently. So the uncle and aunt Jorgen bra and anger ox. Mm hmm. They they had been promised when Tico and the and the twin were born that they would get one. What is like a. I think they couldn't have kids. Oh so we are he was like surrogacy. He was like yeah you can have one. Yeah. You can have one of them. There's two. And so and he's also really rich. The brother Jorgen's and then so the brother felt like when the one died he was like well. Deals a deal buddy. So you're the one that died. Mine's the one that's here that's living. I did. I'm dipping him. Yeah. Here's yours. It's in a bag. No

no no. I'm not. No. Nice try asshole. I guess I shouldn't have thrown that bag so far. So yeah. So he reneged on the deal after the one died. So when the second one when they were having their second kid their second kid's being born that's when Jorgen kidnapped Tico. He's like this is my chance. This is Rumble still. And then apparently Tico's parents were like yeah whatever. Well we reneged on the deal in the first place so you can have him and no one was really upset. They're like yeah. I bet Tico was probably like. Well he was the thing I read they're like well he was too. So he probably wasn't affected. I'm like no no because we all know that kids don't bond until they're three early. They always

say hit him with the trauma from one to three. That's where that's where it won't affect them long term. And you can shout at the womb to just shout at the mother's stomach nonstop. Nothing affects them at that age. You really get three years to figure it out. Just be like you are a piece of shit. Who's your dad. Not me. I don't know. Your uncle. This is your uncle daddy. But I also could have maybe because they were insanely rich. Anyway he was raised on the island of Longland. Yeah all right. That was fucking crazy. His uncle treated him well as a son. He made Tico his heir. He went to Latin school and then when he was 12 to the University of Copenhagen. He studied law but also got into other subjects particularly

astronomy. Okay. Sure. You think you want a big reaction from me on that? See where you're at. On August 21st 1560 he experienced a solar eclipse. Okay. And so at the time astronomy was a new science but they predicted the eclipse. Interesting. And people were like flip the fuck up. Oh dude they're crazy now. Back then they were like all right God's picking one of us. This is it. Well they were more like they just couldn't believe that someone had predicted it. Right. They're just like what the fuck but people are panicking you know because it's a this man's in cahoots with the moon. That's right. Kill him. You kill that person. You kill that person for sure. Yeah. Well it's an amazing prediction but clearly this man's a wizard and must be drowned.

Drowned the wizard. In France people ran to church to make confessions. That's their version of a panic. Especially in France dude. I've been fucking everything with a heartbeat. I hate my wife. The sun's back out. Prank. Big prank. Pranked you God. The prediction was actually a day off but people were still astounded. I mean yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. I mean yeah. So Tigo was very impressed. It really blew his mind and it got him into astronomy. Okay. He then wanted to make more accurate predictions because the day off thing he's like we can fucking nail this better.

Okay. Right. And he started buying instruments and books for astronomy and learning. Okay. Sure. But his uncle wanted him to be a civil servant. His dad uncle. His dad uncle. His dunkel. His dunkel. Okay. Well also his kidnapper whatever you want to call him. Sure. He set up a tour for him of European universities. Okay. He was given a mentor, Anders Sorensen Vettel who was 16 or 19. Okay. So he's 15. His mentor is 19. I know one time my mother got me a babysitter when I was 11 who was 12. And I was like I was like this is bullshit. That sounds like a date. Yeah. I was like she was like I don't know. I mean maybe after I was like I don't think you get to tell me what to do peer.

Okay. So there's a three year difference. Yeah. Four. Well 19 and 15 is four year difference. So after a while he managed to talk Anders into letting him learn astronomy while they were on the tour. Okay. So they left Copenhagen in February 1562. And in March they began attending Leipzig University in Germany. Leipzig. Yeah. All right. Leipzig. There Tico noticed that the two competing systems of mathematical astronomy were not accurate. And if there was going to be any progress in astronomy systematic rigorous observation and most importantly nightly observation was needed. Nightly observation. Okay. Get really fucking get into it. Sure. You don't need to fuck around. Don't be like every three days going out there and looking at the stars. Get out there and be fucking

do your fucking job. Are you okay. Your fucking job. Look at the fucking stars. Settle down buddy. How about you fucking be a fucking astronomer. Stop shouting bullshit. You're doing stop swearing. Look at the fucking stars every goddamn night. Well you know we could have released this one for kids if we wanted but not anymore. Sounds like a really wholesome story but then you went on a fuck parade. Like that French guy. Did you guys have Pepe Le Pew over here. The rape cat. Remember when that was funny. Rape skunk. Skunk right. He was a skunk who would then rape guys himself. Well it would disguise himself as a cat and then yes try to rape them. Yeah. Cartoons are hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. No. Sure. He started keeping detailed journals.

He started refining old instruments and building new ones. Okay. He started studying astrology. Yeah. Making horoscopes. Different famous people. Well that now that's new a side job. That's new. You have a side job. Right. So that's that's a fun wrinkle isn't it. Tico and Anders went back to Denmark in 1565. Denmark was now with war at Sweden. Which you guys probably have done a lot over the years. What. Fuck them right. Oh yeah. No they trust. We were there. They feel the same way for whatever reason. They're not happy with you guys at all. Yeah. We're like you guys know. Don't you fight. But you guys like. And when we're when we're there we say fuck you guys. I did not say whatever.

I said that I said no no no. Yeah. Oh well then you've heard. Okay. Well fuck it. Yeah. Okay. We were we play Kate. Okay. Whatever. Were you guys also neutral during World War two. You're occupied because they were they were new neutral. That's the best description. All right. So anyway. Great war. So that marks a war with Sweden and his uncle father had become a national hero. Okay. He helped sink a Swedish ship. And a little while later. Jorgen and the king were in Copenhagen and they got I think I really shitfaced. Okay. Having a good time. Great. And they're walking and the king

fell into the Copenhagen canal. Oh boy. So the king is hammered hammered. Okay. Now this is a time when the king would just walk around hammered like just some bar rat. Yeah. That's great. I'm sure you can still do that here. It's like what that's like what we keep saying Boris Johnson does just roaming the streets like why is he out here. People are just going to yell at him. So Jorgen jumped in to save the king. Okay. He did but soon after Jorgen came down with pneumonia and died. Oh shit. Well that's dark. Yeah. Well we already had a baby die so we got a lot of them. When Tika returned to Denmark the rest of his family were very unfriendly to him. They hated his stargazing. Okay. Right. He's a dreamer. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

He got the inheritance. His mom got some stuff or anger. The mom aunt. Inger ox. The mont. In 1566 Tika went to study at the University of Rostock. Okay. He studied medicine. Okay. Okay. Now he was in a medical alchemy and botanical medicine. Oh wow. Okay. So on December 10th 1566 now 20 year old Tika got into an argument with his third cousin. Mandrep Parsburg. Sure. Sometimes you just got to get a normal name. Yeah. No. And you know what. Yeah. Any any mandoreps here. Where my mandoreps at. So they were ship faced and they got into this is at a professor's home at the school and it's like a party and they're ship faced and they get into an argument over a mathematical formula. Well we've all been there. I mean that's like me and you.

Yeah. That's like that. Well we have this classic debate about how many years is between 15 and 19 and we we do it all the time at the bar. That's right. That's classic. That's one of our big ones. Oh and we'll never know the answer. That's not so vexing. That's just it. It's just frustrating about it until some math genius solves that. Some guy comes along and good wills huntings this. We're not doing anything. So the argument almost came to blows. They had to be separated. And then a couple fractions. Yeah. Oh my god. Don't get them into decimal points. They'll fucking lose their shit. So then this happened again a couple weeks later at a Christmas party. Okay. Well maybe they need to stop going to the same events. Yeah. But well they're cousins.

Well still third cousins. Yeah. So this time they agreed to settle it with a duel. So just makes total sense to get it to this level. So they're drunk and they go outside. Oh they're drunk. So they're having a duel. They get their swords and they get their swords. Yeah. They're sword dueling. Yeah. They're sword dueling drunk. Okay. In the dark. In the dark. Okay. Let's just let's evaluate for a moment. Shall we. So they got drunk. Now they're going to have a sword duel drunk in the dark. Yeah. On pure impulse. No planning. Yeah. Over math. That's right. Okay. All right. Just wanted to time in. They fought and Tico lost a piece of his nose. A large piece. Most of his nose. Okay. So Tico's

nose was and he was slashed on the forehead. So he had a big slash scar slash. Let's not worry about that. Nobody's going to be looking at your slash. People are going to be like, where's your nose Tico? And it's not that cute game your dad uncle plays with you. I got your nose. I really have your nose. Oh shit. That's not funny. He was cared for at the university and after he healed began wearing a prosthetic nose. Okay. It was a brass nose kept in place with paste or glue. Yeah. I mean, well definitely when you're replacing it get something that'll rust. Yeah. Okay. So now he's just gluing a bronze nose to his face. Yeah. Great. He would carry extra paste paste with him for the rest of his life in case it started to come off. Mm hmm. Yeah. So that's

a weird thing to be around when you're hanging. We're just when you're talking to someone and they're like, Oh, hold on. Oh Tico, you got to go repaste. I'm going to go powder my nose. I mean, put paste beneath it. I mean, but he and his cousin made up after that's a tough no hard feelings. What many hard feelings Tico was known by those who knew him to quote not hold anger in a fence, but was ever ready to forgive. That's okay. Okay. Also time to stop drinking to someone cuts off my nose. I'm taking their eyes. Yeah, I will hold a grudge at least. Yeah, I certainly won't be or it's all good. Yeah. It's just a nose. Whatever, man. I'm still pissed about the forehead slash that hurt, but the nose is what it is. You barely tell. So I went with

such a big one. So Tico had red hair, blue eyes, a trim pointed beard, handlebar mustache, and now a metal nose. Tell you what, Dave, now that I hear the look, I like it. I would it's a shame. Yeah, it's like if you're walking around, but that's a that's peacocking. That's a calling card signature look. Yeah. Right. And the ladies are in there because you're dangerous. Yeah. Hell yeah. Right. Yeah. Hard to blow. You have well for sure. But but you could probably figure a way to do cocaine without a nose. It's probably easier. You just try to take it down and just like like flick it in there. I wonder if you couldn't smell anymore. If you can still smell. I wonder where the probably not. I don't know. I got no idea. That's a pure speculation. We should

look that up. Well, that's your part. Yeah, no, tweet me. I'm going to get those. Oh, Jesus Christ, Dave, I was shouting at my stereo in the car today. You can still smell just not as well, dumbass. He went home in 1567. His plan was to become an astrologer. Usually the men in the family went into politics and law, but they were okay with him going the science route. Okay, to go travel. He went to Rostock, Augsburg, Basel, Freberg. In 1568, he was approached. That was a good day. You don't know. You're doing great. No, people are not. No, I don't think they even know what these places are. In 1568, he was appointed a Canon at the Cathedral of Roskleid. He was what? Appointed a Canon? Roskeet? What? No, that's not a thing he just said. It's literally not a

word. He's appointed a Canon? Yeah, it's like a church guy. Oh, okay. Otherwise, I thought the wizard was back and he's like, you're a Canon. I've appointed you. No, he's not a real Canon. No, well, he's got a nose like a Canon. Yeah. Basically allowed him to study. He, you know, maybe like a scholarship situation from a church. I don't know. He gives a shit. Yeah, right. The Lord doth. Yeah, the Lord. At the end of 1570, his real father became ill. So Tico returned to Knudstorp Castle. His dad died in May. Okay. The war with Sweden had ended and now a new uncle helped Tico build an observatory in an alchemy laboratory. Right. Okay. That year, he fell in love with Kirsten Hansen. Okay. But she was a commoner. Oh, here we go. Yeah. Right.

Fucking dirty. Well, he also had a brass nose. So yeah. So Tico couldn't marry her. If he did marry her, he would be out as a noble. Okay. So all right. But there's a loophole. Danish law allowed something called a Morganic, Morganetic marriage, also known as a left-handed marriage. They could live together openly as husband and wife for three years. And after that, it became a legal marriage. Oh, but her social status would remain the same. She'd always be a commoner and any kids they had would be commoners. I mean, they wouldn't even get Tico's last name and the kids would not get his inheritance. So if you are a commoner, there's no way to break out of that. It's still the same. Yeah. Essentially. Yeah. Yeah. But by design, they don't want

commoners. First of all, you want to keep fucking within the same family pool. Of course. Exactly. But secondly, you know, these these commoners come in. They don't know the rules. Yeah, you don't want to catch it. And you can't educate anyone ever. It's impossible as we've learned. That's why you've never heard a story of someone coming from nothing and making something of themselves because it's a full impossibility. I stopped listening to you. Sir, you can put all your items from your pockets on the stage if you like to just feel there's anything else. Yeah, treat it like a table at your home. Just if you want to rail some lines, feel free. Yeah, get it up there. Get let's treat it like security. Empty your pockets. Great. Great. Yeah. Get a little

something back there. Get it on stage. Oh, it's good. Where's your credit card? Yeah. Oh, great. Okay, good. Anything else? Okay, got weird. That got sexy. Yeah, that's so so that's what he went with. He he moves in with. Okay, I think that's I mean, I probably yes, it's gonna be very difficult for her to be like, you feel like you are weighing someone down socially or she is. Yeah, well, of course, Dave. Yes. It seems like you have some but also, you know, the counterpoint to that is he doesn't have a nose. And he should be lucky that anyone wants to have sex with them. Because if you're having sex with them, the nose comes off. Like, how do you ever get over that? That's what people with Michael

Jackson had to go through. I don't mean people. But what does a boy know? Yeah. Let's keep going. Quickly. So King Frederick had not been able to marry the woman he loved because she was a commenter. So he respected Tico's choice. Okay. But a lot of Tico's family are not happy. A many churchmen held it against him for years. But they started cranking out kids, started banging them out. Okay. They love fucking. Yeah. Cheers to that. Cheers. In 1572, he observed some stuff with a star, Tom put it, that I really didn't understand what I read about it. But he saw where a star had not been previously a new star appear. And then he

published a book, Denova Stella. He came up with the term Nova. Okay. So he invented that term, which meant new star. Before this, everyone was going by with Aristotle that said years ago, which is the heavens were perfect and they never changed. Right. This is the first time someone's going, they're changing Aristotle. Are we having like, people are literally like, are Jewish people getting married in the crowd right now? The fuck is going on? Mazel. You guys got rid of all the right. So so awkward, true, awkward, true, forever too soon.

So, so he comes out. It's a really big deal. He didn't think much of astronomers who dismissed this idea. At the beginning of the book, he wrote, quote, Oh, thick wits, Oh, blind watchers of the sky. That's how he fucking opened that shit up. Pretty good. He's like, Hey, dumb fucks, you don't think, you don't think shit's changing? Nice. What if you look up at the fucking sky, dumbasses? I mean, Aristotle was such an idiot. Yeah. You don't hear that very often. No, it's a rare take. That's a dollar take. So the book made him very well known amongst scientists. He ended up, he upended everything previously assumed about the heavens. Okay. He and his wife had a daughter, Christine,

on the 12th of October, 1753. Don't get attached to that one. She's about to twin it. In 1574, they had another daughter, Magdalene. Tico published more work from his observatory, and he started a lecture on astronomy. And then in 1575, he went on a tour of Europe. He went to other observatories, was an and became an agent for the Danish King. So the Danish King wants to work on a new palace. Okay. And he, he said, he goes, well, if you're going out there, can you hire craftsmen and artisans and get me a really sweet castle? Sure. Okay. So he's, he's doing double duty. He's doing science. And he's also building a dream. A head hunter. Right. And when

he came back, he'd gotten, you know, the King, what he wanted, and the King was very happy. He rewarded him. He offered him a choice of nose. So there's some things I can't do. I want a nose, though. You said you'd give me anything. I hate the brass one. I want a real nose, like a real boy. And this is where the, and this is where the thing about, I get really upset that you're, I may, I found you the best people. You said, yeah, I got one wish. I just, I want my nose back. I know if you're, and if you have, if I have a half wish, I want the slash on my forehead too. That is just, if your twin was alive, we could do this. You know what I mean? Like that's the only thing holding us back. Cause I would turn around and cut his fucking

nose off right now if he was here. But he died like a fucking loser. So I would blame your twin. I'll take new shoes. So he's offered Lordships, but Tico just didn't want Lordships. He wanted to focus on science. Quote, I did not want to take possession of any of the castles, our benevolent King, so graciously offered me. I am displeased with society here, customary forms, and the whole rubbish. Wow. Okay. Sassy. He's, he's, he's governing his shit. He's like, this is not the place. Science is blown up in a basil. And that's where he wanted to be. Is it basil? It's basil, right? Yeah. I watch soccer. But the King did not like that idea and offered to Tico the island of

Hvinn? Vin? Vin? Just no H? Vin? So you ignore Ks, but not Hs. No, you ignore Hs, but not Ks. Okay. This is a unanimous, we stand by it. Yeah, that's right, motherfucker. We do. Yeah, that's fine. Everybody, you know, you can ignore whatever letter you want. The island of Hvinn in Orson. Yeah, whatever. It was, it was about three miles long. So it's a pretty big island. Take it. Yeah. And he funded an observatory there. There were already a bunch of people living on the island, farming land. So there's about 50 families, they pay taxes to farm land. So they're kind of doing their own thing, right? And now they don't own the land, but they're paying taxes on it. So they're like, I do my, I do my shit. And then Tico rolls in and he was just

like, I'm going to be a feudal fucking Lord. Oh no. And he told them all he wanted things done his way. He took over all the agriculture planning and made the farmers produce twice as much as they had before. Okay. So he rolled then he's like, you're going to double your shit. Right. I don't want to hear any fucking words out of your goddamn mouth. Is this a quote? You're not looking at the iPad. He also made them work for free to build his castle. Oh shit. Okay. So that's, we call that slavery. Yeah. So he's like full asshole now. Yeah. Yeah. He goes full on like, well, I'm just, he's a nobleman. So he's like, I can do whatever I want. And you're just, and that is noble. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. After a while, young men started going missing because they didn't like

those slavery aspect of the life that they now had. So they would just not, they were just not shown up to work and then they go to their house and they'd be like, Oh, there's no one there. Interesting. So Tico went and told the king. He's like, my peasants are running off. Wow. What a big strong man. King. My peasants are dicks. The king issued an order that no one could move off the island. What? What? This is really taking a dark turn fast. We're having a light. Well, he was like, look, if you guys leave the island, then the people are still on the island have to work more. So that's not fair. So you should all be. Yeah, you're right. That isn't fair. You should all be slaves together. Don't you understand?

You guys should be there for each other like a union with no rights, like a union. After two more years, the peasants were not into any of this shit and went to the king themselves saying there was too big of a burden that was placed on him. And the king backed Tico, if you can imagine. Wow. Very surprising. They had, is that a phone that was just talking? Yes. Was that just Siri asking me? It's fucking amazing. Siri, Siri. Hey, Siri. Yeah. Hey, Siri, can you play the dollop? Yeah. We should have a Lexon as a guest sometime. Oh, people get so mad when that's right. Everyone's listening right now. And there's Siri's gone off there. Whoops. Oh, that's great. Oh, yeah. Siri, stop the episode.

So the king, king backs Tico. He get, he said the, the slaves slash farmers had to work two days out of the week for Tico. Okay. So that's not too bad. Someone's like, it's not too bad to be just a slave two days a week. I'm a weekend slave. I get my week. I get my week. The week's for me, weekend, nothing. I have nothing to do with it. That's like the mentality we live in in the States, except just five days a week. Yeah. It's totally American. Well, five days a week, I'm a slave, but then I get the weekend. And then we have Labor Day, which is off. Speaking of Labor Day, you can type on a computer while you're giving birth. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You still get your work done. Absolutely. Helps take, you don't need drugs, helps take your mind off what's

going on. Anyway, welcome to America. Yeah. This is where two guys explain pregnancy. I think fair. So, uh, yeah, so they're working a lot. Now legally, the peasants had to do what they wanted. Construction on the castle started in 1576. Tiga wanted to be more a palace dedicated to science and the arts than a military castle. Okay. It was named Uhrenborg after what? What? Orranyanborg? Just, just go with it, David. It feels like a practical joke. After Orranya, the muse of astronomy, uh, it had rooms for, uh, huge, uh, instruments, fantastic murals, and a prison for tenants who caused problems. Must be cool to be building your own prison. That's great. He's going to put us here if we

fuck up. Uh, there was a lab, uh, for alchemy experiments in the cellar. Okay. He brought in a Venetian architect in the library. Tico had a brass globe five feet in diameter. It was an accurate sphere with the positions of the stars engraved on it as, uh, they were measured over a 25 year period. Wow. Uh, in Tico's study, a quadrant was built into a wall with a mural of Tico. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. That's how you know you're keeping it real. Yep. Uh, the first towers built were not up to snuff or scientific needs. We had a second underground observatory built in nearby Steinborg. So the guy with no nose knows what's up to snuff? Yep. Okay. That's correct response. Felt a little much. Uh, the alchemy laboratory had 16 furnaces for chemical experience.

He had, uh, built a research center, which was not a normal thing for a castle, obviously. Sure. Soon students and artisans came there and worked, um, beginning in 1576. Let me try this again. Iranborg? Oranianborg. Oranianborg. Oranianborg. Oranian. We're missing an N. Also had a printing press and a paper mill. This allowed Tico to publish his own manuscripts with his own watermark. His very large staff and lots of equipment allowed four independent measurements of the same thing simultaneously, uh, so that he's all about reducing errors. Right. Uh, he created a system of ponds and canals to run the wheels of the paper mill. It's really great, except he's using slavery. Like everything I'm hearing, I'm like, well,

this is fantastic. What a, what a thinker. So ahead of his time, except for the fact that he would force people to do it. I mean, yeah. Uh, a lot of impressive, well, that's like, uh, Amazon. It's... Same deal. Yep. A lot of impressive people would study there and go on to make their own achievements in science. It had also, uh, had secret passages housing an army of, uh, an army for the servants, you know, in case they got out of... An army for the servants? Yeah, just in case they got a control, you can kill them. And a dungeon with a fully functioning torture chamber. What the fuck? This took, I mean, if this place ever goes up for sale, it's going to be hard to show. And then, uh, the bedrooms are great. That mural could come down. So this is the torture zone.

I don't know if you guys want that. This could easily be a bowling alley, but it also, he did a lot of, um, you know, iron-maidening down here and, uh... Does the blood come off? The blood does not come off. We have tried to get the blood off, and it is... The problem is it's so many different people's blood. Um, and if you stay down here long, you'll hear screams. I don't know what that is, but you do hear them. They reverberate the walls, which reminds me. The echo in here is unbelievable. It's just, again, you really love it. I say paint it red. That's what I would do. Lean in. Lean in. Who was he torturing? He tortured slaves or his servants. He was, um, very... He had a brass nose. He was, um, a very interesting man. But again, I mean, he got it built, but yeah, on the back of

people that were forced to do it. But it really wasn't that bad. They were weekend slaves. I don't know if you've heard about that. They were Saturday-Sunday slaves. They had their weeks. They had their weeks to do what they wanted. They could work on their own crops or whatever. But, um, no, on the weekends, he would kill a lot of them down here. Any who's will be. We should go to the bedrooms. This all helped him to begin running the island like an autonomous country where he was the king. Oh, dear lord. Uh, that tons of distinguished visitors came. Princes, uh, you know, people from different courts, even King James the, uh, sixth of Scotland. Tico was a very big drinker. Good. He loved parties. Sometimes, uh, he would order, and then everyone...

Okay, so... He would order, like, Uber Eats? Sometimes he would order this person to speak. This person I'm about to name. He had a dwarf named Jep. Jep. And he would order everyone to stop talking and listen to Jep speak. Tico believed Jep was, uh, clairvoyant. So Jep the dwarf would... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on a second, asshole. Yep. So we're at the part of the story now where he has a clairvoyant little person who he demands speeches out of. Yeah.

Okay. Just wanted to take a beat. Jep would sit at Tico's feet while he was at the table. Okay, but I'm gonna... Sorry. May I hit the pause again? Um, so Jep was treated like a dog at Thanksgiving. Would he, like, feed him little turkey scraps under the table? Every once in a while, Tico would feed Jep a morsel of food. Oh, Kidoki? He's a good boy. Who's a good boy? He's a good boy. Good little boy. Good little Jep. He's got my boy. Look at his leg go. Oh, he must smell my dwarf. Okay, so Jep, the clairvoyant dog boy, would sit under the table and be fed morsels.

Jep talked incessantly, but he was often listened to because Tico thought he had a second sight. Tico... Was there any evidence? No, keep going. Oh, Tico once sent two assistants to Copenhagen. Okay. And the day they were expected to return, Jep, who was sitting at Tico's feet at the table, said, quote, see how your people are laving themselves in the sea. Whatever laving means. Tico now was freaked out that his assistants were shipwrecked and he sent a man up to the tower to look. Okay. And the man returned and told Tico the ship was upside down and the men were very wet, but walking nearby. So Jep... Yeah. Jep's got fucking game. That's why he's kept at the feet.

Okay. Jep would give me my newspaper. Quote, when anyone was ill at Veen and the dwarf gave an opinion as to his chance of recovery or death, he was... He always turned out to be right. Well, that is quite a power to have. That's why you keep him around. Keep him close. Keep me your feet. You're really into the foot part of this. Surely he would move other places. He wasn't just like sitting on his loafer. Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Oh. Oh. He Ottoman-ed him. Yeah. Yeah. Tico also had... We'll get to that in a bit. Sorry. What? I put that sentence in the wrong place. On November 1577, the great comet arrived in the northern sky. Whoa. Did Jep call that shot? I don't think so. While scientists like Tico were

studying it, fascinated and making incredible observations, others were just losing their shit. Okay, sure. Luther and Bishop Andres Calicus described it as, quote, the thick smoke of human sins rising every day, every moment, full of stench and horror before the face of God. Literally, Pat Robertson still talks like that. Yeah. Like this is still the Christian conservative take on stuff. Like when there's a hurricane, like the Lord is so angry at you. Florida. But another bishop was like, yeah, but if that's what... There would always be comets if that was the case. Exactly. There will always be comets from now on. Exactly, Bishop. Glad we're on the same team and same page. So Lutherans were very into the idea that comets

announced the coming apocalypse. Well, that was going on. The religious people have been claiming apocalypse every year forever. Yeah. Oh, this is it. They're really into it. And it's exciting. Yeah. Cannot wait. So while all that was going on, Tico found the tail always faced away from the sun and the comet was six times as far away as the moon. This should have been good news for all the people who thought the comet was going to hit the earth. Tico also calculated its diameter, its mass, the length of its tail and speculated about the material it was made of. So he's a fucking, you know, he's kind of shemming. Besides the owning of people, he's pretty... Yeah, right. Besides, you're right. Other than that. Several amateur Danish astronomers published

prophecies of impending doom. But you don't get to be an amateur astronomer. I think you do. You do. You just get to be like, I know what it means. You look up and you... Yeah, those are people. Pretty sure. My training? I don't need any. I'm like, Jeff, it's a sixth sense. I just tell. Tico rejected the comet ideas from his competitors and instead made his own predictions of terrible political events that were coming because of the comet. You idiots. It's politically based. You sound foolish. He said there'd be a revolution in bloodshed in Moscow and the fall of Ivan the Terrible would happen in 1583. Okay. He got real specific. Sure. Yeah. He's been hanging around Jeff too long.

Jeff's like, pump the brakes, buddy. That's not co-signing. His daughter, Kirsten, died from the plague in 1576. Jeff, have any call on that one? I wonder. Tico got tons of support from the king in the 1580s. He was getting 1% of the annual total revenue of Denmark for his fucking science party. Tico loved to have parties in his castle. As part of his duties to the crown in exchange for his castle, Tico was the royal astrologer. At the start of each year, he presented an almanac to the court and predicted the influence of the stars on political and economic prospects. Okay. After each prince was born,

he would do their horoscopes and predict their fates. Jesus. That's early. Yeah. This one's going to live like three months. That sucks. Throw him in the river now. I don't want to get attached. Tico also spent time mapping out Denmark. He was close with both King Frederick and Queen Sophie. The king promised that ownership of Vinn in Jarenborg. I fucking hate that one. Would pass to his heirs, which was not part of the marriage deal. Now the king's going to end around. He's like, all right, we'll let you have your heirs. We'll have your shit. Great. Okay. A man Tico often exchanged letters with had a question. He wanted to know if Tico had heard about a mysterious animal he'd recently heard of called a Rix. A Rix. R-A-X. According to rumors,

it was faster than a deer, but wielded shorter horns or antlers than a deer. Okay. The friend asked Tico if there was an animal faster than a deer and Tico said there wasn't. No. Jep? Mm-mm. See, he says no too. Now get under my feet, asshole. There's some chicken. Tico asked the man if he'd ever seen a moose because he happened to have a tame one that he owned and he offered to send him the moose. What sort of, what, this conversation's insane. Is anything faster than a deer? You ever seen a moose? No, I'm going to give you one. How's that? Pretty good, right? But either way, Tico wrote that his moose friend would trot alongside his carriage like a loyal dog

and that the moose lived inside the castle. That is just not a good call. I mean, that's like... They're not known to be friendly animals. No, I mean, and any animal is like, that's what Siegfried and Roy used to say. Oh no, they're like house cats. Oh God, Roy's throat. Or maybe it was Siegfried. Now obviously, he had a lot of parties. If you were at that Siegfried and Roy show, you're probably like, boy, this is a wild magic trick. Keep going. It's a weird time to do a standing ovation. At some point along the line, you know, there's a lot of parties, the moose started to really enjoy beer. Is this the story of moose head beer?

Tico loved to show off his drunk moose to his guests. This is crazy. What? It's awful and it is totally like abuse, but if I was at a party and someone was like, do you want to meet a drunk moose? I'd be like, yeah, I want to see it. I want to see it very quickly, but then I want to talk to you about what you're doing because it is not right. But let's take me to him now. I'm dying to see this obviously. A nobleman living nearby was throwing a party and he asked Tico if he would send the moose over. For sure. So he can entertain the guests. Tico was happy to do so. Hell yeah, man. I'll send him right over there. Now at the party, the moose got drunker and drunker and pretty soon he was a super shit-faced moose. That's

what does that? I mean, that just has to look so crazy. I think the moose drank a little too much. Hey buddy, hey, hey, you're staying here tonight. You're not walking. Oh shit, moose barf. Oh, what the hell? This is all beer. Oh, this moose, hold his antlers back, hold his horns, hold them back, hold them back for him. I don't want to get a vomit all over them. Hold them back. There you go, buddy. Get it out. Oh God, dude. Oh, come on. Oh, it's not good. Oh, no. Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy. Get it out. Get it out. There you go. There you go. There you go. All right, spit it out. Spit it out, bud. Get him some water. Oh, shit. Get him some beer, actually. Get him some beer. Oh, he's out. At least this is just dry heaving now. He's out of stuff to put it.

He's out of stuff to come out of him, for sure. Oh, shit. Okay. So the moose is too drunk to live. According to Tigo's biographer, Pierre Agassendi, quote, the moose had ascended the castle stairs and drunk... What he's getting? What? Let him sleep downstairs tonight. He should be using stairs to begin with, let alone intoxicated. The moose had ascended the castle stairs... Put him in his bed. The moose had ascended the castle stairs and drunk of the beer in such amounts that it had fallen down them. The moose died from his fall down the stairs. Oh, yeah. I'm not surprised by this. Now, right after that happened... How much did he drink? Like, I mean, the idea that you're like, oh, man,

you can't give him that much beer. Haven't you ever gotten a moose hammered? No, man, he just drinks Budweiser. He doesn't drink craft beer. Dude, I know he wants shots. He should not do them. Alcohol percentage is way too high, man. Yeah. He's not used to that. And not any... No gin. Oh, we gave him a lot of gin. He doesn't drink hard stuff. Oh, he was that night. He was loving it. Well, until he died. Well, yeah, but that was at your place. He was doing Yeagerbombs here for hours. Do you know what it takes to kill a moose? I do now. You'll find another domesticated moose. I don't think I will. Well, I don't know how it works. That's like, that's like, you know, fucking hard it was. I don't. I just wanted to know

how fast a deer could go. And then here we are. Well, his friend who had asked about how fast a deer can go now wrote back and said he would be happy to exchange a horse for the moose for a temporary period. And Tico had to respond that there was sad news. I got bad news. The moose had gotten drunk and died. You want Jep? He's available. As far as alchemy, he was experimenting, experimenting on his castle. He had two goals. One was the normal stuff, turn whatever into gold. And then the second goal was to find a substance that would be a medicine that would cure every single illness. Thank God he found it. This wasn't a crazy idea at the time. Mercury was used for

medicine. They had clay plates and dishes that were glazed with iron. Sorry, lead. Sorry, glazed with lead to give a water repellent surface. Sure. Yeah. So they were like metals good. Like they were just like, yeah, all metals. Yeah. Have some mercury on your lead plate. That's right. He published books about astronomy and corresponded with many scientists and astronomers all over Europe. They shared observations and technological advances to help each other be more accurate. Letters was the way scientists could build a consensus also. Okay. He also had some very ugly letter exchanges with critics of his theories. Sure. Like Nicholas Reimers, an astrologer at the Imperial Court in Prague, a plague.

It says plague, but it's Prague. The city of plague. I don't want to live there. Oh, you've got to go there. It's very fun. Yeah. You'll love plague. It's a brief stay. You know what they say. Once you go to plague, you'll never leave. These two guys had quite the blowout. So King Frederick died from a disease in 1588. And his son and heir, Christian the fourth, was 11 years old. Okay. That's the best age to be a king. Yeah. A council was appointed to rule for him until his coronation in 1596. The head of the council hated Tico. Okay. And Tico's influence quickly declined. In 1588, Tico published a new version of the universe, the earth and sun, or the center of the solar system. Lunatic. It was well received. It became known as the

ticonic system. Now, this Nicholas Ramirez guy also published a book titled Fundamentals of Astronomy, that also replaced the geocentric model. Tico did not have a great temper when it came to academics, and he looked down on commoners. Reirmus was not of noble stock, and he had begun life as a pig herder. Okay. So he's the fucking shit human. He married a commoner. Right. Somehow like, Hey, could you be cooler about him? I mean, he's just such a piece of street shit. Love you, baby. I'm going moose partying tonight. I'm just thinking about him fuckier and calling her street shit. Like that's their like jam. You're so lucky. This is happening. You're so good. You're not only below me in bed, but in class. You are beneath me. Oh, I've finished. Okay. So somehow,

somehow, leave your nose behind. Fine. Yes. Somehow Reirmus, because he was a pig herder, he got the nickname bear. Oh, yeah, that makes total sense. Yeah, because he was a pig herder bear for sure. Or ursis. So is that not how you say it? Is that ursis? Orsis? That's the way you guys say bear. Oh, it's Latin. Fuck. You blame. Yeah. So we got people here to speak Latin. Yeah. Always a good language to pick up. But he was smart and quickly rose up in academic circles. His book on the shape of the universe earned him a position as the imperial astronomer to the Holy Roman Emperor Rudolph II. Okay. If Tico read his work, he sat on it

for a bit. He did think that bear had plagiarized his astronomical system. So Tico first attacked ursis in 1592. Did I do it right today wrong? Uses versus just fine. It's Latin. Yeah. Let them come for you. We'll come bear. Yeah, let's come bear. Tico first attacked bear in 1592. That just sounds more fun. Tico attacked bear, which wouldn't surprise me. Be like, come live with me. Do you like booze? Yeah, good boy. He had found a lot of similarities between bear's theory and an early version of his own idea. So Tico went through his old papers, found the early draft and sent it out in a letter to other scientists. Okay. So he's okay. He's dropping the bomb. Sure. He alleged bear came up with the theory after going to a dinner at Tico's house. Tico said he had drawn the

theory in chalk on a tablecloth. By the way, great party. Yeah. And the right surface for chalk. Yeah. For sure. Surely the dungeon wall wouldn't make more sense. He said, quote, a long-nosed ursis must have been watching and quote, sniffed out the theory. Hey, someone's got nose issues. Fuck yeah. Seriously, I bet his nose is so big and perfect. All right, Tico, chill out. I'm just saying he probably sniffed my papers, which I can't do. Five years later, bear responded. Perfect. So bear took his time. Yeah. He made fun of Tico, missing his nose and brought up that he was married to a common woman. Then he mentioned that Johannes Kepler, another famous astronomer, sided with him. Okay. So bear included a letter from Kepler in which Kepler wrote that bear had taught him

everything he knew about mathematics. Okay. Now Kepler was not an arrogant take all prisoners type of guy like Tico. His father was a mercenary and his mother engaged in, quote, sporadic, witch-like behavior. She's a weekend witch. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's really exhausting. Yeah. Right. Yeah. She's cutting down. We've talked about it and she's only going to do it on Friday nights. And Saturday. And Saturday for a little while. You're a crow. No, it's Thursday. You're a crow. Stop it. She did do that to me once and it was so bad. She is the worst, but she's my the worst. I'm a crow. She turned us both into crows once we had sex. It was unbelievable. It's great sex, pro sex. It's very loud. Yeah. That was author Kitty Ferguson that said she was a sporadic

witch like the family is poor. Kepler was therefore more self disparaging. He would refer to himself as a house dog and a worm. I'm a worm. I'm being such a worm today. I hate myself. Such a house dog. But bear had not taught Kepler everything he knew at all. Kepler's actual teacher heard about this and was fucking pissed when he read it. What are you doing? Sorry. I was writing letters to everybody saying that. I just, that's what I do. What's a stupid thing you do? I'm a worm. Get off the ground, you idiot. Get off the ground. Stand up. Stand up. Stand up. I'm a bad boy worm. All right. You're forgiven. Just please stop this. I'm a dog too. Dog worm. You don't want to be one of those. I live in an ass.

So his teacher said a letter to Kepler. Kepler then wrote, quote, those who know me well will be surprised that I honored your sis as my teacher instead of Mastelon. Tico also wrote Kepler and was like, what the fuck, man? And then Kepler had to write Tico and a public letter. He said very clearly that his letter was not an endorsement of bear. So they took bear down. So Kepler basically ended up being the father of modern astrology. But he couldn't have done that without Tico. With the child of King Christian and his council in charge, Tico was concerned and approached Queen Sophie, Christian's mom, and asked her to write a statement affirming Frederick's promise to give him Vin. Okay. Vin, Vin. Two Tico's hairs, right? He's like, come on, man, we had a deal.

And then King Christian didn't care. He was like, I'll give a shit. And he also didn't like science. So he's like, I hate everything about you. King Christian curb the power of nobility by confiscating their estates. This is how I got rid of the nobles that he didn't like. This was a hit to their incomes. He accused nobles of misusing their offices and heresy against the church. So Tico is one of the nobles who was not liked by the king. And it didn't help that King Christian's doctor also didn't like Tico. And some Lutheran bishops thought the science and alchemy Tico was up to was heresy. And Tico had not led a local priest on Vin, including, include exorcism in a baptism. Oh, well, that's the best part of it. My favorite part of the baptism. All right,

let's get the demons out. Then we'll dunk him. Come on, we're doing a demon dunk. On top of that, they said Tico did not upkeep the royal chapel. Okay, then should hit the fan like things were not like storm clouds are forming for a little bit. Yeah, okay, then shit at the fan. What about Jeff? Is he saying anything? Is he like, I did not see this coming? Yeah, he's been he's been really sad since his favorite moose died. I do like the visual of those to be like, you're my best friend. Oh my god, that's that's the sitcom. There it is. Yeah, talking about fish out of water. Then shit at the fan when a mob of commoners rioted in front of Tico's housing.

Copenhagen, keeping the money. It is hot up here. They could have been incited by his enemies at the court. So Tico left then in 1597. Okay, now what? He brought a few instruments to guitar, mandolin, stuff like that. Yeah, to Copenhagen and Hagen. And others. He left some people to take care of the island. And right before leaving, he competed a star catalog of 1000 positions of stars. So he's also fucking like the comma sutra of stars. He's doing a little work. That's right. He tried to get the king to let him to return at one point showcasing his instruments on the wall of Copenhagen. What? This is a sad life. He's like, look how good I am. They're all my instruments. Give me a tablecloth. I'll chalk it out for you. This is what I did. Look how cool I am. Who put

this up there? Our dude. I can't Christian's like, I'm 11. I don't give a fuck. Well, but my come on, dude. Please. No. Tico accepted. I've never been around someone with less rights than me. Tico accepted he would be living in exile. He wrote his most famous poem, Elegy to Dania, in which he scolded Denmark for not appreciating his genius. Yeah, jerks. The king sent two representatives to Venn to check out the instruments Tico left behind. They had no idea what astronomy was. And so they told the king that the large mechanical contraptions were quote useless and even harmful. That's who you want doing the work for you. Like, it's like, I mean, potentially something that now we would be like, that really helped us

make this. But they were like, it's stupid. Barely see shit through it. The cap's on. I don't care. Let's get out of here. I'm hungry. These greatest achievement was he taught a moose how to get hammered. That's his legacy. Other than this, it's a bunch of stupid stuff. He's an idiot. Cool dungeon, though. Cool dude. Jeff was really cool to us. Oh my god. Have you ever seen a moose headbutt adored? No. He threw some fucking parties. That's awesome. So he did do some good stuff. Tico spent a year at a friend's castle outside of Hamburg like you do when you're on the run. It sounds really tough. He lived a bit in Wittenberg and then in 1599, Rudolph II, the Holy Roman Emperor said, come work for me. And Tico moved to Prague, also known as Plague.

He was the imperial court astronomer. Built a new observatory. His family was treated like nobility now. Finally. Tico is given financial support by a bunch of nobles. In return, he made astrological charts and, you know, did the baby thing. He made weather forecasts. Did the baby thing? Yeah, where he'd be the baby comedy, like, this is what's gonna happen with your baby. Oh, right. Okay, right. Sorry. That could, there's many ways to take it. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. That's fair. It does sound like sex for a minute. Let's do the baby thing. I'll be the baby this time. All right, get in.

Lose the nose. Around this time, Kepler was driven out of Austria because of religious persecution. And then he got an offer from Tico. And he joined Tico at his observatory as his assistant. They're very different types of guys. Remember, he was to be a worm. Yep. And obviously, Tico's an arrogant nobleman. Kepler had severe hypochondria, and he also suffered from violent mood swings. Just much like a worm. Tico refused to share more than a few observations at a time with Kepler. And Kepler started throwing temper tantrums so big that Tico described him as, quote,

a rabbit dog. Thank you. Finally, I knew I was a doggie. During their first months together, they constantly argued shouting at each other until Kepler left in a rage. So that went pretty well. Yeah. Tico knew Kepler wasn't the kind of mind you let leave and he relented and apologized and they made nice. Okay. In October 1601, Tico and Kepler went at a banquet at a neighboring nobleman's house. A noble banquet, tons of food, wine, music, conversation, and they went on for hours. Guests were expected to sit at the table and eat and drink and never get up. Yeah, for sure. Just like the comfortability of a regular party. That's right.

And you don't leave here. Have a good time. Getting up to go to the bathroom was considered bad etiquette. What is good etiquette when you have to go to the bathroom? Just going? I would just go to the table, but that's me. Yeah, but that is you. Yeah, I'd go in a bottle. That's just me. After some time, Tico really had to go pee. This is crazy. Yeah, you should allow people to pee. The discomfort happening in his bladder increased and increased, but he was not about to go against these social norms. What? And when he got...

So what's he just going to pop with this? He's just sitting there in pain. And when he got home, he was in incredible pain and he tried to pee, but nothing came out. That's not the conclusion you want. What is that even? I mean, I've imagined that you had to pee. No. That you can't... Nothing. It's the worst thing. So he's just full of piss. So much piss that it can't come out of him. He's full of piss. This feels like most planes that I'm on, where I'm like... Why did I get the window seat? Love the window until you're like,

I drank a lot of water before this and these people are sleeping. So he can't pee and his abdomen is distended. Oh, shit. And then he gets a fever. Cool party. Oh, really good party. I probably should have gotten up when I had to pee. Yeah. Sorry, I'm dying. Hey, you know that rule we have where you can't pee? Yeah, it's a really good one and nobody should ever break it. It's not a good one. I think that it's bad. Also, why wait till you get home? Couldn't you just sneak in a bush real quick?

Well, that would be wrong. I don't know. I think he lived really close, but I can't do it. That walk was like... This is a diaper party. That's what that should turn into. He could not pee for 10 days. Oh my God. What is happening? Pain racked his body. He became delirious and then he died on October 24th, 1601. What the fuck? What? What? This changes everything.

This is... This changes everything. That... What the fuck? You can... This... What? What? Now I know what to say when I'm on the plane. I'm sorry. Did you know you can die from this? So I'm at the point where nothing's going to come out if I wait any longer. So I can't wait till we land. Jeff, get my stuff. He's in the overhead bin. Sorry, Jeff. Hey, buddy. Get on my shoulders. We're going pee-pee. You go too now.

Holy shit. What a horrible way to go, too. What happened? He tried to pee. He couldn't pee. Wait, it's so... He was so polite. Did I mention how polite he was in the party? This man kept a party at a kit more than anyone ever. And you're the host of the party? What? Yeah, he died because he had to pee at your party. Oh, well, I'm glad he didn't, obviously, but that sucks.

Now I'm done. Many people thought the pre-eminent world's astronomer had been poisoned. He was. Who else but the jealous Kepler. Oh, yeah, that's right. It didn't help that Kepler removed 40 years of Tigo's observations from his house while the family was making funeral arrangements. But that's the move.

That is totally... You get that shit out. Well, I'll help you move the papers. I know you guys probably don't want to do that, so I'll get those out of here. Sorry to hear about him, too. It sucks. He was such a good friend to me. He was a great peer, too, when I knew him. Oh, man, he could pee so great when he did. Yeah. All right, I should let you guys grieve a little more.

Cool way to die, by the way. I think that's awesome. Sorry, I'm just... All right, I'll take all these papers, but... All right, you guys, that's cool, cool, cool. I'm going to get out of here. Oh, that's locked. Which is the one? Should I go this way?

You guys look so sad. You're confused. I can tell you that, and I understand. I get it. This one's locked, too. Okay, so what should I... I'll tell you what. I'm going to put the papers in my pants, and I'm going to... I'll take the moose way out. I'm just going to roll down these things.

And see where I hit. All right. Take care. God, miss him so much. Miss him every day. Man, imagine, just... he just pissed. In 1901... Whoa. He finally peed. He comes out of the grave like that Irishman. Oh. He comes out of the grave like that Irishman.

Why is that lake yellow? Hello. Oh, my God. You can hear his ghost around Copenhagen. You just hear... You hear a ghost going, oh, yeah. I mean... So good. That is me after every flight.

Like, audibly. Like, God. So, in 1901, Tigo's tomb was opened up by researchers during the celebration of the 30th anniversary of his death. The... Wait, wait. In 1901, the 30th anniversary... 300th. 300th. Okay.

Sorry. Sorry. Whoops. Sorry. Yeah, he lived a long time that I'm not saying... We always have this argument, too. I say it's more than 30 years. Well, I always say 30 is the same thing as 300. You do, and that's why your favorite movie's the 30. That's right. Inside was a five-foot six-inch skeleton

in a nice silk shirt, wool stockings, and a hat hat. And the tomb is just full of piss. Just bones floating in urine. Tess concluded that he had been poisoned by mercury, which can shut down the kidneys. Okay. Murder! Murder! Well, talk about right on time.

Closure for the family. He was... Let's exhume them and tell them what happened. He was then exhumed again in 2010. Get him out of there. Let's have a little fun. Come on. By Danish and Czech scientists. Sure.

The team took samples of his hair, teeth, bones, and clothes. His hair? After which, hair. Does your hair keep... Yeah, yeah, your hair stays there. Well, if that's a... That's like the Grateful Dead Touch of Grey video. Yeah, yeah.

You're just sitting there like, he's still okay. Cool. Beautiful hair on this skeleton. Look at that. I think it keeps growing. It grows for a while, but I didn't know it would stick around. Uh, oh, it is. All right, we got a doctor here.

I mean, I just can't picture a skeleton with like full hair. Like, oh, wow. It looks like a drummer. So, they re-buried him, but they had all these samples, and then they did tests. And they concluded he did not die from excessive mercury. So we're back. It is now believed that he died from prostatic hyperplasia,

or also known as an enlarged prostate gland, which can squeeze the urethra as it grows, making peeing hard and sometimes completely unable to pee if untreated. It can be fatal. So he had to pee so bad that it like, it's swelled up and then shut down. It like strangled his pee hole, which I think is the technical.

Wow. I'm glad we got rid of that party rule. So just to be clear, at this time, you could get a moose blackout drunk, but if you wanted to piss, major faux pas. That's right. Yes. All right.

That's history. Kepler went on to earn his own fame in the world of astrology. He would use Tico's data to develop his three laws of planetary motion. He died at the age of 58. From not pooping. Fever, delirious. He couldn't poop. Even more recent chemical analysis of Tico was done

and revealed he was regularly exposed to large quantities of gold shortly before his death. He had 20 to 100 times higher gold than what one would expect to find in a typical person today. What? So he was real royalty. He was gold and boned. It could have been plates or, you know...

Or maybe he was just like, I have so much. I'm going to start eating it. Or, and they also did wine with gold leaf. Or since he'd been trying to find a medical cure through alchemy, maybe he was concocting and consuming elixirs with gold in it. So yeah, he's just drinking some gold. Yeah. Or it could have been just working with alchemy,

but that's officially how he died. Well, Dave, he definitely, for me, died from having to piss. Wow, what a... Okie dokie. So that's normal. That's the story for me of a man who should have pissed. I think the thing we can take away is that everyone should have a pet moose. Not on the same page with you.

In the house. Again. Have you ever seen this family that has a bison that lives with them? And the bison does come in... What are you talking about? Who just says that casually? It's true. What do you mean?

Have I seen them? Like, we're around town? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? No, no, no. Oh, my God. I wish if they were in my town, good Lord. Well, I'd be going over there a lot. But the bison will, like, come into the house

and they'll be like, Roger! And it'll, like, knock over their dinner table. And they're like, it's really hard because he's so big. You're like, your life is not a life. What are you doing? Yeah. What is happening? That's not a thing.

What? Yeah, that's the thing. No, it's... It is. Why? What are they doing? It just happens. Sometimes...

It's a fucking giant animal. Look, sometimes you imprint. That's what happens with ducks. Sometimes an animal is like, mama? You're like, okay, sure. Well, you can close the fucking door. I honestly am 100% Jose thinks he's of me. No doubt.

I think a lot of people think that. I kind of believe it too. I don't know how it happened, but I definitely... Something, yeah. I believe he's of me. Um, but yeah, that, that, that... There's a guy who, like, lives with a polar bear.

Yeah. Like, as a pool, he swims with a polar bear. The bear's like... And he's like, no, not now, Archie. Yeah. There's some fun shit out there, Dave. But, and if you... Like, yeah, I like...

But you can't just be getting it drunk. That's not okay. That's where I draw the line. That's it. So if they were getting the bison drunk, you'd be like, hold on. Yeah, fuck no, that's not okay. Yeah.

He's a house bison. That's not a term. That's not a thing. That's not even... Those words don't go to... Hey, go to YouTube and find it. I'm not going to. Well, then you're gonna miss out.

I am 100% gonna miss out. Because you're fucking lost, asshole. Yeah. You're treating YouTube like he treated his urethra. Dude. Go down it. Tricky. Yeah.

It's nature, dude. Life finds a way. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. Well, normal shit as usual, Dave. This, like I said, is our last show on our first European tour. Thank you guys so much for coming out. For everybody who came to multiple shows, we appreciate it.

Thank you very much. Thank you guys. And we're gonna move here, so get ready.