The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 408 - BIlly Hitler

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Billy HitlerSourcesTour DatesRedbubble Merch

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is a

bi- hysterical American History podcast where each week two hysterical men read a story from American history. How's this going? Did I mess it up? Yeah it's completely different. Anyway my name is Dave Anthony and I read the story to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. It was fine. Now your mom I just caught up in the fact that your mom won't start with a prayer. Go ahead let's start with a prayer. Pam Reynolds is in the studio. Do the one about eating. Wait if you're gonna make or do the eating prayer? Yeah do the eating one that you said I know one about eating. Oh

wait a minute for what we're about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful. Oh my god make the Lord make us truly thankful. How should we we should literally be doing that before every dollop podcast? I know. Like that's what we are about to receive. Yes yes your mom just nailed it. For what we're about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful. Your mom just took this podcast to another level. Oh my god. New level. Your voice is on a new level. It's crazy. I don't like what's happening here. Your octaves are being explored. Finally. No I that that prayer doesn't even make sense to me for food. I think we did it at school. I say that before I go on. You

know we used to sing at my we used to have to sing this at my school before lunch. God is great and God is good and we thank him for this food. Sorry what school where was this? I went to a Jesuit school. He went to Boston. Yeah that makes sense. That's definitely not a public school song. No no. I went to a Catholic school and we didn't have to say even have to sing that. We just went Nate you know what I mean? Yeah I know. Did you just go in the kitchen with the priest? Yeah exactly. He diddle me. Yeah exactly. I don't know why this got so personal. Yeah. But I'm gonna say that prayer before every podcast now. I also

What is the prayer that you're gonna say before every podcast? Nate thanks God for what they're about to get. Nope. I'll write it down for you Dave. Chimp. I'm the fucking hippo God. Dave okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait. Is it for fun? And this is not gonna come to Tigglypod guys. Okay. This is like an a five-part coefficient. My room's a place. Now hit him with a puppy. You both present sick arguments. No sleep down hippo. That's like a hippo. Action partner. Hi Gary. No. Nicely done my friend. No. No. Rorder. Rorder in the court. Yeah. Alright. Well let's not do that. Yeah.

Is it nice to be in America mom? Is it nice to be in a normal place? Oh it's lovely. It's lovely. Yes I love it. I love CNN. I'm addicted to it. Alright. What just happened? I don't know. I think my mother finally got my letter of things to not say to Dave Anthony. Things. Things were really weird there. Yeah. You know what I mean? No they really inform you. So that's a good place to go. They are. Yes. And they're not biased. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. They're bought. Yes. Exactly. Yes. I do sometimes go to Fox. Good. Good stuff. That's a great place to go. It's really nice. Keep digging. Yes I do like it. A lot of really great things have happened because of Fox News. Yeah. Well I think the one thing is that they've all got dyed hair. Yeah. They do all have dyed hair. So you can just have all the hair you want. Yes. And they all look a bit slimy and greasy. Yeah. No I get why you'd watch it. It's perfect. It is. It's lovely. Yeah. Lovely. I enjoy it. I don't know why I didn't write down this guy's birthday.

Is there a date? God. That's the first time I think I've ever blown that. I've blown that. I'm going to say let's me estimate right here. 18. Boy. Funny. 1886. That's what I'm going with. OK. Do you want to shout it or do you want to just say it like a kid? No I'm just going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm just going to do that. Young gentlemen. Allios Jr. Allos Jr. How do you say A-L-O-I-S German name? Al-Wa. No but they have Alouis. They might have an S on the end right? Yeah. You wouldn't pronounce it. But it's German. It's not French. Oh. We're all German. I don't know. That's interesting. Alouis. I'm going to say A-L-O-I-S. Is it A-L-O-I-S? Is there a U in there? A-L-O-I-S. A-L-O-I-S. It's A-L-O-I-S. A-L-O-I-S. OK. All right. A-L-O-I-S Jr. was born in we're going to say 1896. You just said 1886 before. 1886. You're right. That sounds better. This is a terrible start. He didn't have a great dad. His dad obviously A-L-O-I-S. Someone relates. A-L-O-I-S. What are you talking about? I love my daddy. I miss my dad every day.

There's A-L-O-I-S. A-L-O-I-S. Oh, and that's him as a baby? Yeah. The sort of man who looks like he has two little moles making out under his nose. He looks as if he's got a snaggle tooth like a little dog. Yeah, he does look like he maybe has a little snaggle tooth. He looks doggish. So anyway, A-L-O-I-S Jr. left home at 14. The older A-L-O-I-S swore he would never give the boy a penny of inheritance. So his father's like, I'm never going to give him anything. And he left at 14. So his relations with his stepmother was also strange. So he just bailed. And he went to England and then got a job at a hotel as a waiter in Dublin, Ireland. Now, Louise and Bridget met in Dublin at a horse show in 1909. A horse show, obviously a show of horses. Is his wife a horse? His wife is not a horse that we know of. Yeah. Well, this is one that was legal anyway. She was Irish in 17. He was Austrian and 27. I didn't say where he came from. I unplugged that.

So you can do the math there. Yeah. Well, yes, there's an age cap. There's a legality issue. No, I'm talking about when he was born. That's if Dave got the date. 1909. And he's born and he's 27 years old. And he's born in 1886. No. The year is 1909. He's 27 years old. Oh, you want me to do the math of what year was he born? He was born in 82. Is that right? Well, you're supposed to have an answer. What were you sitting over there doing? He said 1909. So that's 18. Yeah. So that's 18. So 82. Yeah, we got it. Human calculator. Maybe. Two pro. So, Louise, what are you laughing at? Nothing. Okay. I always told Bridget that he was a wealthy hotel owner studying the industry in other parts of Europe. So that's why he was in Ireland. It's interesting you said he told her that because that's not you saying he was this. You're saying he told her that.

Well, we already know what he did. Which is? He was a waiter at that hotel. Oh, okay. But he's instead like, I'm just here studying all the hotels to see if there's anything I want to take back. Because I can invest anywhere. And I do. And I do. He was handsome. He wore fashionable clothes and he had a handlebar mustache. We saw the mustache. I wouldn't even call that a handlebar. That's his dad's. Oh, that was his dad's. Oh, by the way, his dad definitely looks like if a wizard turned a pug into a man. Yep. And he's not very handsome, is he? Yeah. Okay. So he had a handlebar. Okay. Gotcha.

Yep. So he was great. He seemed like a man of the world to Bridget, right? He's a foreigner guy, says he has a lot of money. He sweeps Bridget off her feet. Sure. Okay. Quote, everything he said was so new and interesting that even his broken English seemed charming. Right. And because it sounds so new and interesting because it is a lie. Yes. Right. So that's why it's, yeah. That's why the lies sound great.

Yeah. Because you're coming up with them on this program. You've never had cheese in a hot air balloon? You have to. Really? Oh, Louise. Oh, yes. They began seeing a lot of each other. She lived in a tiny flat on Upper Stanhope Street. Okay. And now she had met the man of her dreams.

Yeah. In the sense that dreams aren't reality. Yes. Right. They started planning their future together a year went by and their romance just built. Right. Now, you feel this build of heightened romance. It's lovely. Yeah. He's doing that, too.

Where's the horse coming into it? Hopefully soon. Yeah. But he's doing that. He's about to undercut it all with something. What? With the horse. But in truth, Aloe's was not a wealthy hotel owner as we know.

It's starting. He was a waiter at the Shelburne Hotel who had been hired through an employment agency. Oh, you won't believe this. I've stayed at that hotel. Shut up. Really? Really? With Natalie.

I'm sure with Natalie Gokey. What? We stayed. It's a Marriott. Oh, it's a Marriott. It was very posh. Isn't that a nice story of history? It was a bonvoy.

Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I think I'm sure it was. I hope she's listening. She won't be. She won't be. She's not. So then Bridget's father found this out.

He found out that he's a waiter. Yeah. Right. He's not happy. He did not. I'm undercover. I wanted to see what it was like to be a waiter to make sure to establish a great- But you would have undercut a boss.

It's as much that she's fake. So, William doesn't think that this Alloise can provide for his daughter. Right. So, he's like, you got to call it off, so they elope. Okay. They go to London and they get married on June 3, 1910. Okay. Bridget's father is furious.

Sure. He tries to get Alloise arrested for kidnapping. Sure. But then Bridget comes and talks her dad out of it. She's like, that's not a great way to start the whole marriage. Plus, I mean, that is- Plus, I'm married. Plus, I think the second the cops get here and be like, no, I'm into it.

They're like, oh, it doesn't sound like a good nothing to say. She's 18 at that point. Yeah. Right. Which is basically 35 at that time. Right. They had a son in 1911, so they're doing it. They're having a lot of the sex.

Yeah. No, I think that's- we can gather that for sure. I'm just filling in the gaps. So is he. William was born in- Sorry again, mother. Young William, the son was born in Liverpool. Okay.

Which seemed to have ended the feud with Bridget's father, who made the trip back to Liverpool for the baptism of his first grandchild, William Patrick Hitler. Patrick what? Hitler. Uh-huh. Hitler. Yeah, he's a- yeah, Hitler. Hitler.

That's right. And again, he's from- Okay. Austria. So this is a- this is a- I'm sorry, I'm just so parched. This is a- You're speechless. This is a-

Okay. Uh- So this is Alois Hitler from Austria. Alois was Alois Hitler, Jr. Okay. Older half-brother of Adolf Hitler. Okay. Okay, Dave.

Who goes on to do big things. Dave. Yes, yes. Did not, uh- As Bridget- Anticipate- As Bridget's father suspected- Party's not as fun as it was a minute ago, you know what I'm saying?

As Bridget's father suspected, the family was very poor. His cousin Adolf wasn't doing much better. Wait, half-brother or cousin? Half-brother. Half-brother. Sorry, I put cousin. So, yeah. No, it's just-

Yeah, it's his brother. Sorry. Half-brother. You get confused every second. Okay. So Adolf isn't doing much better. He's living- he's in Austria living in a homeless shelter. And, uh, in 1909, and then he switched to a public dormitory for men.

Okay. So that's where Adolf- That's where great, great brain Adolf- Well, that's what we call locker room talk. In Liverpool, I always went through a few different jobs, including working at a restaurant, a boarding house, and hotel. What is it like with your wife at that point when she's like, remember when you told me you were a millionaire and just-

Yeah, I don't- And he's like, ah, anyway, I'm gonna go see if I can be a milkman. I mean, you know, it's- you know, you love the guy, so you're like, alright, he lied to me about- That's an issue. Being, uh, like a decent person. That's an issue. But, you know, also- And obviously-

He's not great. And by the way, clearly not something that runs in the family. As far as like the oversell. Uh, but I always was not good with money, and he eventually went bankrupt. Okay. Which is what Bridget's father said would happen. Right. So there was a lot of-

Called it. A lot of called it's going on. Yeah, you want to give me another beer? Call this one. Uh, so Alex Jr. did what any- Why don't you get your shit together like your brother Adolf? He did. So Alex Jr. did what any Hitler does in that situation, and he bailed on his family.

Sure. First he went on a gambling tour of Europe. A gambling tour. Which is- That's what you do the minute you lose your tour. Tonight I'll be at Oneida, uh, I'm also gonna be at Potawatomi. I'm going on a gambling tour. I'll be at Fox-

Come watch me lose it all. I'll be at Fox Woods. Yeah, I'm going to Morongo where I'm gonna bet wildly. Come on out, guys. We've been having a lot of sadness at these shows. So that awesome plan didn't work out. Uh, and in May 1914, he went back to Germany where he sold safety razors. Safe?

Right, and we all know safety razors. Uh, yeah. The only razor that's safe. That's right. Yep. Uh, when World War I broke out, any chance Alex Jr. had a reconnecting with Bridget and Willie, as he called him, Willie, uh, were gone. Uh, are gone for good.

Yeah. Right. Bridget would now raise Willie alone. Okay. Aloe's fell in love. Aloe's Jr. fell in love again in Germany. Uh, and he wanted to marry his new love, Hedwig Heidemann, who- That's German?

Was the most German name involved. That's a German name? Yeah, it's weird. One more time, Heidwig- Heid- Heidwig Heidemann. Just doesn't sound German to me. I got an Irish energy.

It's very feminine. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Uh, but he was- I'm excited to date you. Heidwig, settle down now. Uh, he wanted to marry her, uh, but he was still married to Bridget. Yeah.

Right. Getting divorced back then is very hard. Sure. So he did what Hitler's do, and he faked his death so he could marry her. What? Jesus. That's what you do. So was she in Liverpool, the white?

Uh, yes, she's in Liverpool. Raising Willie. Raising Willie. Yeah, which is the sitcom they started over there that did very well on ITV, actually. Yep. So you can't help that. Dad's gone. Looks like I'm Raising Willie.

Yeah, that's right. On an all-new Raising Willie. Uh, but the faking the death thing didn't work. Authorities found out, and then they found out, and then they look into why he would do that, and they found out that he was still married to Bridget while he was married to his new wife. So best-case scenario. By the way, I mean, you've got to- if you're going to fake your death, you really got to

do it properly. Yeah. That's not the sort of thing where you want people to be like, hey, wait. Yeah. Here he is. I mean, there better be a head. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's he head.

Yeah, Dave, for understanding how to do it properly. Yep. Uh, so in 1916, Alois was prosecuted for bigamy. He didn't go to jail, though, because Bridget ended up saving him when she told the authorities she had legally separated from him. So she went and saved him from going to jail. Okay. Right.

Even though he's kind of in there. It's a love story. That was nice. It is a love story. It is a love story. I like Bridget. Yeah, she's a nice one. Well, she's my favorite character on Raising Willie.

Besides that little Willie. He's a scam. He is. He knows one way to do it. And that's his way. Uh, so everyone went back to their lives years past. Bridget's Raising Willie alone in Liverpool. Right.

Uh, not much is known about Willie's time as a youth. Uh, but when he grew up, Willie's uncle Adolf was becoming known for his speeches against the Treaty of Versailles, other politicians, Marxists and, uh, Jews. Yeah, we've read about that. Yeah. Everyone knows that. We've read that part. Someone might be learning it for the first time.

Wait, wait. Hold on. Let me turn this up. Hitler was... What? Hold on. I know him as the Versailles Treaty guy. Yeah.

Back in England, he made, uh, this made things not great for Willie. Right. His uncle, uh, Adolf Hitler, uh, that's a bummer. People are not thinking that. I was thinking I could come to your class and speak to your school today, little. Uh, what do you think, Willie? With his uncle's rise to power, his chancellor, Willie, found that the Hitler's surname was causing him problems.

Yeah. And he started to get it laid off from every job that he landed. Right. So... I mean, yeah, for sure. Yeah. It's hard to... It's one of the few biases I approve.

He hasn't even done anything yet, but Hitler's just, everyone's like, that guy's a dick and he's a problem. Yeah. Man, imagine that sensation. Uh, yeah. It'd be weird to see that coming. Yeah. Like miles away.

Yeah. It'd be so weird to see it coming from miles away. And it's sticking around. Yeah. And staying there. Yeah. Really weird. Yeah.

Well, dark young man with a small, black, non-Hitler-esque mustache. Well, that's something you definitely... I mean, I put... That part got put in later, but clearly, he did not have... He had a mustache. He did not have a Hitler-esque one. What kind of mustache? Is it then?

Is it just one of these? Um, he, uh... Yeah, he has, like, a regular, uh, fence. Oh, he's got, like, a little... Oh, a little pencil. It's a little pencil one. It's a pencil one. Oh, yeah.

A kind of guy who definitely talks like this. That's right. That's right. Have you seen my father? Yeah. Nor have I. And he's got a smart suit on. Yes, I do.

There's double wins and nots as well. That might be a little bit later, but that's basically... No, this is me as an eight-year-old. Um... I'm very tiny at this. Have you seen the sitcom Raising Willie? I have not. Yeah, I really only had one perspective.

Okay. Mine. I wouldn't listen to Raising, and Raising wouldn't listen to me. In 1932, William was 21, and he was making plans to move to the United States. Okay. And he wrote his father to tell him. That's what he was planning on doing. He wrote Aloise.

Yeah. Okay. But Aloise wrote back and talked Willie into moving to Berlin instead. Okay. Interested? Okay. Mm-hmm. Uncle Adolf had a job for him.

Yeah. No, no. Hopefully not late. You're going to love it. He's doing amazing things over here. So he arrived in Berlin. I think he'd already seen him. I want to say he'd seen him once when he was younger.

But so pretty much total separation. I think I... And in one letter it convinces him to move there. Well, I think I left that up. But I think he went over when he was about 12. Okay. And Hitler was giving speeches. And the first time he saw his Uncle Adolf Hitler was giving a speech in front of a bunch

of people and firing him up. Okay. So is... Oh, I'm sure you'll get to this. But he's sort of enamored with his uncle? Well, you will get to that. Sure. So upon arriving in Berlin...

It's not a great sign. Upon arriving with Berlin, he goes in Berlin, he goes and he meets with Uncle Adolf. And they had a big family sort of group meeting in Hitler's hotel. Yeah. Always good to get a group of Hitler's together. Oh, my God. And just a good little break session. Just a lot of yelling.

Talk about moonshoots. William. Over a meal. Yeah. William, quote, Hitler wept and raved that his family was ruining him. They're killing me. And threatened to shoot himself. I just killed myself.

Which was his favorite threat. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Until the end. Crazy. In the end, it was like, yeah, go do it, boy of Cried Wolf. Oh, no.

I really have to do it. Yeah, of course. He shouted at me that if I returned to England or went to America, he would make it plain that I wasn't related to him at all. This is the best time in the world to move to America. Talk about regrets. I will disown you. Well, see you later, asshole.

So Uncle Adolf then became Chancellor of Germany in March, 1932. So that's the same year he went over there. Good time. Yeah. Right. Ground floor. So I assume he had just missed, I mean, he was there for the action, right, the burning of the Reichstag.

Right. And I think it all works out. There were flags that if he were against that he would have recognized. Yeah. And he arranged for William to take a job at a Reich's Credit to Bank in Berlin. Okay. So he worked for the bank for much of the 30s. Job wasn't great, but being a Hitler was much better in Germany than it had been in

England. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That is a shelf life. Yeah. Yeah. He cut his mustache, so it was exactly like his Uncle Adolf. That's tough to hear.

It was tough to hear. Oh, dear. It's not a great look. And that was only, only those two until Michael Jordan, not a lot of people know that. Do you, can you just imagine how many fucking dudes had Hitler mustaches in Germany? Oh, God. No, it was probably like the mop top from the Beatles. You know what I mean?

I was just like, yeah, give me the Hitler. Oh, cool. Hey, what are you girls doing? You want to go to the soda place tonight? Mm-hmm. Yeah, this, it's not NBD, whatever. And then he had his hair styled exactly like his Uncle Adolf. Not getting enough sweet nepotism, William went out using his name and look to get ladies.

So he's rolling around being like, yeah, I'm a Hitler. Can you believe it? Well, you know, I tell Adolf a lot of the stuff. A lot of the stuff Adolf says kind of comes from me. Oh, swoonie swoonie. Oh, no, it's tremendous how much he listens to me. It's absolutely tremendous. Oh.

Um, but... We're doing big things. Me and Uncle Adolf, big, huge things, getting so many things done. Um, what does it feel like when the mustache touches the skin? Well, why don't you find out? That's what I'm incendiating. My little height wig. Maybe you could give me the titler's stash.

You know, I'm gonna, right? This is weird to do with my mother in the room. Yeah, same for me. Okay, cool. The Independent, quote, despite frustration at his own low ranking job, the young Hitler found himself invited to fashionable dinner parties and was a sought after guest at country house weekends where the Nazi elite gathered to enjoy the spoils of their complicity. The family connection also proved to be an aphrodisiac and passport to the beds of many

young women. His performance, however, was said to have left many of his conquests, quote, disappointed. So he's shit in the sack. I think also like his uncle Hitler, uh, his uncle Adolf has some really fucking weird sex shit. Does he? Yeah. I've read a little bit about it.

I haven't got it. But it's all like, oh, that's really fucking fucked up. Like dark stuff. Yeah. It's, I don't know about dark stuff, but it's just, it's uncomfortable and weird. You know, it turns out Hitler, not a normal guy. Really? Yeah.

But were there any signs? No. Came out of nowhere. So, so he's, he's, he's working, he's working out to get ladies, which is what, if you're a 21 year old dude or 22 year old, you're doing, you're working the Hitler magic. Yeah. It's like you're an Eastwood. Yeah.

That's right. So William pushed, uh, his uncle to get him a better job. So he doesn't like to thank you. So he's living this like nine to five is just sort of like a regular human. It's a real shit job. And then it's not a good job. And then at night he's out being like, yeah, you don't be an Hitler. He's at all the big parties.

All the ladies are like, oh, you're a Hitler. Yeah. Like it's really great. Tell me again, what are the trends like? Oh, well, it's crazy. There are also a lot of, uh, I've never done a podcast on this, but a lot of upper, uh, upper crust English people were in Germany at the time, enjoying this, all this fun stuff. Weird.

It's a steam. It's almost like it's class based. It is almost like it's class based. That's so weird. Not anymore. Um. No. No.

Well, no, I was thinking about, um, the king that stepped down because he thought there was a connection with Germany and he had to step out. Yeah. Oh, King Edward. Yes. Yeah. The German connection. Well, I was just thinking about the upper crust people.

When's your, when's your queen going to die? Is that going to keep going? She's not going to. Oh, she's just like, uh, she's probably got a little suicide kit. Yeah. She, they're just rich assholes, right? The Royals, they're just not. Some people think she's just eight corgis stuffed in lady's skin.

I read there's some interesting theories on that. So his uncle gives him a different job. It's also not a great job at the Opel automobile factory and then later as a car salesman. So that's, he's like not, he thinks I'm Hitler's nephew. I should be rolling in this. Right. I want to be convicted of war crimes. That's right.

The Fuhrer was apparently annoyed with William. It often did not want to be accused of nepotism. Okay. Of all the shit that I'm doing, the one that really, really, I do not want to hung around my fucking neck is that I helped out my family. People will talk. Do you have any idea the sort of looks I would get if I were to do something as sinful as that?

Right. But that's sort of what, you know, these authoritarian fascists do. They make it seem like they're doing the right thing while they're actually. Right. Good things. If you can imagine that happening. No, I mean, I can't. Well, I can't imagine the good things.

Yeah. Well. He ranted, Hitler ranted, quote, I didn't become chancellor for the benefit of my family. No one is going to climb on my back. Hitler clearly did not like William because he began to refer to him in public as, quote, my loathsome nephew. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus Christ.

So he tied his turn. Yeah. Tied his turn. Yeah. And Alois was reported by the AP to be his father, Alois, whatever, was reported by the AP to be the owner of a tea room in Germany. OK. So that's what he's doing.

OK. So he's just totally off the side, running a tea room. Another Hitler was in there. His brother's orchestrated, architect, you know, he said, do you want to do the fierce thing? And I said, no, I'd rather run a tea room. I like cakes. I like little glasses, little pastries, little kind of cakes.

That's right. That's what, less into murdering millions. Anyway, here are your hot cocos. Yeah. OK. Let me know if you need anything else. I'm going to take this number off. OK.

So, so now he's very much enjoying his fame, William. Or maybe he's more intense when he does it, like, you will order, you will have a black tea, and you like it, and you will have camomile, this will happen, macaroons, you will have macaroons. These are called Bunter Beagle Bites. You will eat the Bunter Beagle Bites. You will love them. Here is your check.

Take your time. No rush. So, 26-year-old William goes back to England in 1937, where he gave an interview to the Daily Express, which was carried all over the world under the headline, quote, William Patrick Hitler has an Irish mother. OK. Is that a big, that's a big stink? I guess.

OK. In the article, he said his uncle was his idol, but quote, he finds it difficult to convert his mother, a Catholic, to Nazi socialism. Mom, she's not getting on board. It's her whole background, the whole thing about her island of people being murdered and genocides slaughtered by... She's one of these people that finds it extremely evil. She's Catholic.

He said his mother had lost her British citizenship when she married Aloise and became an Austrian. Oh, so she's an Austrian citizen living in... I guess back then, you couldn't have dual citizenship, so when she had married him, she immediately became an Austrian citizen. And just living abroad? But then, yeah, but then remember, he bails on her. Oh, right. Oh, no.

And so now the Austrian consulate refused to renew her papers, so she's essentially a woman without a country. So she's country-less? Yeah. That's weird. So William declared himself to be, quote, the only legal descendant of the Hitler family and then crossed his arms like Adolf did for the interviewer. Okay, so this is a real...

He quipped, quote, that gesture must be in the blood. I find myself doing it more and more. Oh, boy, this asshole. Oh, just, oh, I can't help it. I feel like this all the time. He posed for photos in the stances made famous by his uncle. Back in Germany, uncle Adolf pressured, when he was back in Germany, uncle Adolf pressured William to cement his loyalty to the Nazi regime by renouncing his British citizenship

and taking a high-ranking position within the Nazi party. So now he's like, you got to drop the British shit. Which he's absolutely going to do. And now I'm going to give you a position in this fucking awesome new party. Which he did want to get a nice job, but that's not really the job he wanted. Oh, okay. So he wanted all the upside of nepotism without the evil nature? Yeah, yeah.

I think he wanted a private industry job that was awesome. Right. Something in the private sector. And what we call a Biden gig. That's right. Right. But William was worried now that he would be trapped in Germany when the war broke out and he refused.

Nobody else felt like that. Yeah. Yeah. And he still wanted some sweet nepotism, though. Right. So he tried to blackmail his uncle Adolf Hitler. Jesus. Now, this is before we know how bad it gets, but I mean, just hearing that does like make

the hair on the back of your neck stand up. The idea of blackmailing Hitler. No, no, he's not a good guy. No, I think if I do it right and technically it's like a surgery, very surgical. Hans Frank, who was nicknamed the Butcher of Poland and who was a former Nazi lawyer, would later reveal that William wrote to Adolf and threatened to expose Hitler's quote, unusual family history. Interesting.

The Independent quote, it was a veiled threat that he would confirm the long held rumor that Hitler's paternal grandfather was in fact a Jewish merchant, Leopold Frankenberger, who had an affair with Adolf Hitler's grandmother Maria during a time in service to the family Gratz, which now is not real. It's not real. Right. But it would undercut. Yeah.

I mean, that's not great. That's fake news. Jews are evil and you're like, oh, by the way, I'm Jewish. Only half. Only half, you guys. Could everybody relax a little bit? We're really known for not liking ourselves. I think everything.

Exactly. Yes. We're the worst at this. Relax us all. Come on. I still think everything I said makes total sense. It's just. Just a small punishment.

Just a tiny. Half a punishment. Please. So he gave in to William. Wow. Wow. So William is, I think, the only guy we know who stood up to Hitler. I mean, everybody did for a while.

Yeah. But there were guys who tried to kill himself. But William, like, went right at him. So he didn't give him, he didn't give William the job he wanted, but instead he gave him money. He gave me equivalent of two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Oh, yeah. That's some serious go away.

Yeah. That's good. Obviously, the relationship is over. Whatever. I shall never forget the last time he sent for me. He was in a brutal temper when I arrived, walking back and forth. We call regular mood. Yeah.

Regular Hitler. Walking back and forth, brandishing his horse-hide whip. He shouted insults at my head as if he were delivering a political oration. His vengeful, sorry, his vengeful brutality on that day made me fear for my physical safety. According to William, that was the last time he ever saw his uncle Hitler. And that's a good thing. Yeah.

He left Germany in January, 1939, and returned to Britain. But being a Hitler was now even worse than when he left in 1933. Right. He got a very frosty reception. Right. To separate himself from his horrible uncle, he then wrote an article for Look Magazine titled, quote, Why I Hate My Uncle. Oh, gee, this is, you do not keep poking this bear.

You made 250, you know what I mean? You exit stage right. You're done. William just seems very much like a guy who just wants to feel good at the time. Right. So he's an impulsive thinker. Yeah. Right.

Imagine that. It was published on July 4th, 1939, an article with a six-page photo illustration. Was he crossing his arms like he was genetically defined to do in that article, David? Well, I guess it's maybe in a different pose. Yeah. He told the world what it was like to be Adolf Hitler's nephew, including the first time he met his uncle on a rally, quote, Being very close to my father at the time, he autographed this picture for me.

He had cakes and whipped cream, Hitler's favorite dessert. Oh, geez. I was struck by his intensity, his feminine gestures, and there was dandruff on his coat. Fucking sticking it to Hitler, but honestly, dandruff, boy, if Hitler read that, he would be like, Bring me his hands, watch this nephew, bring me his head only. He wrote about the Dark Family Secrets, quote, When I visited. So he's still releasing the Dark Family Secrets, even though he was paid to not. Yeah.

Wow. You don't do that in Look Magazine, right, Mom? No, no, no. Not a respected publication. No, not at all. It's not okay. No, not at all. Maybe the Democrats could learn something from William.

So, when I visited Berlin in 1931, the family was in trouble. Gele Rubal, the daughter of Hitler's and my father's sister had committed suicide. Everyone knew that Hitler and she had long been intimate and that she had been expecting a child, a fact that enraged Hitler. His revolver was found by her body. And the invocations? The invocation being that he is fucking his cousin. Yeah.

And then. And then she got pregnant by him and then he killed it. Right. He explained that Uncle Adolf loved entertaining beautiful women, that he had suicidal tendencies and his intimidation tactics and the intimidation tactics he used to control the regime. Right. So, you know, oppressing within Germany. Right.

William's mother was going on a lecture tour at the invitation of publisher William Randolph Hearst. Oh, wow. In the book she had just written, titled My Brother Adolf. Jeez. So, cashing in. Yeah, cashing in. Cashing in.

You gotta make some money. Right. It's a cool thing about capitalism. Right. Someone's doing genocide, write a book. Right. You know what I mean? Put an article to paper.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, truly. And like this is where the media is like, a sympathetic look at the Hitler's. I mean, at this point, you know, America's like, is Hitler bad or good? Obviously Europe is more. No, he's bad. He's here.

He's bad. But yeah. People still want the, people want the goods on them. They want to hear the gossip and the, yeah. The hot guys. Who are it better? Yeah. Hitler.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they're trying to cash in on. Hitler's. They're just like us. Now, obviously, no one knows about the genocidal aspects of Hitler at this point.

Right. That's coming down the road. Right. Although, let's be fair, America did turn away some ships full of Jewish people. Right. Sorry, we're assholes. So I am decided to join his mother on the US trip. Okay.

In my brother Adolf Bridget said quote, in Vienna, Adolf Hitler had been on the brink of destitution. By day he worked as a laborer shoveling snow and beating carpets. At night he flopped down in a men's hostel. Okay. Which, yeah, because one of the reasons Hitler rose to power was because just economically devastated. Totally.

Yeah. A lot of guys were doing that. Yeah. So the threat of being drafted was worse for him and that Adolf Hitler then fled Austria and came to Britain to avoid the draft. Interesting. The Fuhr stayed with her between November, 1912 and April, 1913. Which actually was the British succumb, the forgotten one, the Fuhr and her.

Great shot. It was also really good. Yeah. Oh, God. That great summer flick, Fuhr and Liverpool. Yeah. Yeah. In the discussions they had around the kitchen stove, she claimed Hitler was into astrology

and that it influenced many of the Reich's military strategies. That's always good to hear. Also that she persuaded him to clip and restyle his handlebar mustache into what became his famous look. Oh, is that right? Well, that's not. I thought it wasn't... Okay, go ahead.

Historians now call Bridget's book a work of total fiction. Okay, right. And they completely reject the claim that he went to England in 1912. Oh, so the whole thing is bullshit. She's just fully cashing in on. Right. The Hitler hysteria. Am I wrong?

I thought the mustache came from when you were wearing gas masks during combat. Oh, I don't know. And you'd have to shape it. Charlie Chaplin had it. It was a... Right. I actually found it... Actually, I don't think I have it here, but there was an article I came across.

Where it was just like, wow. That was like, these are the guys that are wearing the Hitler or Chaplin mustache in Congress. And it named all the guys. Now, were you a fan of Chaplin or you a fan of Hitler? I'm actually a fan of Hitler. Who's this Chaplin? Now on the US tour with his mother, William saw his own opportunity to make money. People wanted to hear about Hitler, especially from family members.

He was offered a contract to write a lecture in the US. He spent the next few years giving lectures around America based on his essays, Why Hate My Uncle and the Follow Up, What the German People Are Thinking. So he's fucking... Right. You gotta make money, baby. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's similar. Yep, from the September 26, 1939 Hartford Courant, quote, Young Hitler talked at some length... Young Hitler. Yeah, that's their column. That makes them sound like Scrappy-Doo from Scooby-Doo. Or the little Yoda baby. Yeah, right.

Young Hitler or Sheldon. It's like the Big Bang Theory spin-off. Young Hitler. Young Hitler talked at some length of Germany's chances in the present conflict of little-known weaknesses in the Nazi war machine of the Nazi propaganda system, which he says is so well-developed that it is too good. Only the ignorant Germans are now completely taken in by Mr. Gobel and his propaganda. Oh, boy.

Yeah, that doesn't sound familiar. That doesn't... That makes you feel confident. His election... Yeah, it's like he's basically saying, well, everybody... Most people see that it's bullshit, but just these fucking ruse. We're at the phase where it's just like, I mean, look, there's just a certain sect that just believe everything he says.

And it's dangerous. Anyway, let's see how this war- Anyway, the tide's about to turn on that. Anyway. We're gonna impeach him. Yeah. Well, not really. His lectures were well attended.

Quote, the visit of the Führer's 27-year-old nephew to Hartford was the occasion of much curiosity. As soon as word of his arrival was noised about the hotel, visitors sought him out simply for the unusual sensation of being able to shake hands with him and say, hello, Mr. Hitler. By the way, in today's world, without question, he would be on Dancing with the Stars. 100%. Yeah. Absolutely 100%.

Sorry, come to dance with me lately or whatever it's called in England. Yeah. Strictly come dancing. Strictly come dancing. Longer name. That's what they do. They're like, yeah, it's good, but could we distort it in another way? As one man expressed it, after what I think of as Uncle, it was one of the oddest experiences

of my life to greet him and call him by his name. Yeah. William was described as, like there is negative celebrity. We just recognize any celebrity now is positive, but that's a good example of it back then where it's like. But the guy was still going to see him and paying money to see him. Yeah, exactly. You know, there's lining his pocket.

It's no different today than then. You just want to see the celebrity and say hello to the celebrity. It's a fascination. Even if it's someone who's completely ruining society, you're like, well, I mean, I want to get a picture. William was described as. That's why I have a picture with Tom Arnold. Yeah.

William was described as, quote, a quiet, friendly and personable young man who obviously has a great store of knowledge about conditions in present-day Germany, and he was not afraid to say exactly what he thinks. He resembles his famous uncle, and then he has the same mystic brown eyes, but in respect to character and attitude, he's a totally different sort of person. Yeah. Read that other article where he has the same mustache and says they genetically crossed their own arms.

Some papers had a good time. The Boston Globe, 1939, quote, hold on to your seats, folks. That we're in person will speak in Boston at Ford Hall Forum on Sunday, Sunday, October 29th. Can you? But relax. It's not Adolf. It's his nephew, William Patrick Hitler.

Damn it. He was now saying Adolf had him arrested and tossed into a concentration camp. Oh my God. So he's blown up the story a little bit. There's a lot to unpack there. I honestly was hoping so much that there was not a clarifier in there. So it's almost like, my God, we've got, we've got to get out of here. Hitler's here.

So there's a big night where they went and arrested tons of political opponents, and he said, even I got picked up in that sting, and they kept me in jail for a day. And then if you're in a concentration camp, so he's just making. And by the way, that's one of those stories as well that builds over time, that like, that's like how Brian Williams, when he talked about like, yeah, well, we took on, I was shot five times in the leg from an RPG. Oh my God. He's still doing it.

And with that, I would probably do the same thing if I was Hitler's nephew. I'd be like, yeah, no, I was in a concentration camp. And then I broke right out of there. I did a broke right out of there. I killed all the Nazi guards. I did. And then I left there right away. And then I came over here because I was like, America's the best.

Also go Celtics. I've loved them since I was a boy. A couple of days later, the Philadelphia Inquirer headline, quote, Uncle wouldn't get me. Good job. Do you give you 250 grand, you asshole? I'm not like, I do not want to have Hitler's back at anything, but this dude's also a cock. My uncle offered to get me a job with the Hamburg American line, but I told him the salary was too small.

I went on, got a job with a bank. He's just lying. So he's just, yeah, because he hated the job with the bank. I finally left Germany because my uncle and his friends were against me. So he, I mean, good Lord, it must be fun to write your life like a comic book. Then I found the nuclear waste. The Wilkes Bar Evening News headline, quote, Hitler's kin here. That's not, this is weird.

Well, I was reading all the headlines and I was like, oh my God, they, so the papers down the line on this tour are trying to come up with different headlines than the ones that are already been made. Right. And it's getting harder. It was getting harder and harder. Right, right. He's a Hitler.

That's all I got, boss, it's been a long night. In the Wilkes Bar, he told the crowd of 900 that the Nazis popularity was waning in Germany. So he's, he's, it's a big fucking tour, like he's making money, you know, right. Like he has a Squarespace website. Yeah, right. Yeah. A few months later, he was saying the Hitler leaders all lived in castles and palaces and had eight or 10 limousines, eight caviar and had state ballets at their command.

So he's just fucking, cause there's no one who can fact check. Right, exactly. Fake news. Yeah. Yeah. After spending some time in the US, William apparently decided he wanted to fight against his uncle Adolf Hitler. In reality, not just in this mythical world he's created.

In March 8th, 1944, the addition of the Democrat and Chronicles said William had, quote, been trying for the last few years to enlist in the British, American, or Canadian forces. And he was turned down on each attempt when the authorities came to that part of the questionnaire in which applicants list relatives who are or have been in the armed forces of enemy nations. Let me see. I told you about my, my cousin Chad, he's there, my dad's a tea guy. That is everyone.

So we can move. Oh, sorry. Yeah. My uncle is named Adolf Hitler and I think he does something in Germany. I'm not sure what it is, but he's in the armed forces there. Sorry. Adolf Hitler? Yeah.

And I, let's circle back on my cousin Chad, cause I think that's the interesting one. I think we're, I think we're going to hold you right there. He's talking about Adolf Hitler. Yeah. Yeah. Little mustache. Yeah, yeah. Little cutie pie.

Got the. Come over. Yeah. Little. Yells a lot. Yeah. So I guess that's it. And like I said, my cousin Chad.

We're not going to need to. We're good. We're, we're going to take a pass. You're literally the only person that we're not going to let fight in World War II. I would, I again, I want to point out that I am super. Wait. I forgot about black people. We tried to keep them out for a while, right?

Yeah. No, but we left them in after a while. And you specifically are the only human being we don't want fighting for our side. Because of my bone spurs. No, the anal cyst. The what? The anal cyst? I mean, Hitler.

Oh, my uncle, anal cyst. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, can I have some of these mitts? No. All right. We'll see you.

So they all told William Patrick that there was no room for him in the military. He wanted to get into one of the air forces because he felt that he might have a shot at killing his uncle Adolf. Wow. Not getting anywhere with the military. William then wrote to President Roosevelt, which FDR saw it and was like, oh, that's a fucking PR coup that also make Hitler crazy. Right.

So FDR. Shockingly FDR knew what was going on. Yeah. So they did a background check. They found no evidence of subversive activities and William enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1944. Wow. He must have been so happy. Yeah.

It's also got to be really weird if you are like next to him working on the Navy. Yeah. You'd be like, sorry, what's your deal? I mean, imagine the- Hitler. The shirt. Hey, man, that's a funny joke. You'd be scared.

What's your real, what's your real the shirt say? And I, but I don't think Hitler was an uncommon name because when I was searching newspapers, I kept running across like Sammy Hitler, like in America, just guys named Hitler. Right. Just people who are constantly, right. No, it's like when you have the same name as a serial killer, you're like, by the way, I am not Ted Bundy. I'm not Ted Bundy.

Yes. I'm Theodore. Yeah. Yeah. So he said- John Wayne Macy. It's different. Macy.

So. I hate clowns. I hate clowns. He served as a pharmacist mate, which later- Just where you hang out with a pharmacist. Yeah. Yeah. Or you mate with them.

Yeah. Yeah. You want to have sex again? Maybe you can have a baby. That makes it work. Okay. Just do him a job. That later, that was later changed to hospital Corpseman.

A Corpseman. A little more. A little more. Nicer job. He- There's gonna be more Corpsemen in England soon, right? Into the mic. Oh, sorry.

Corpsemen. We're gonna have more with the NHS soon, more Corpsemen in England, I think. Oh, yes, definitely. Yeah. I think it started already. Yeah. And America's gonna be running it. Oh, boy.

That's right. We're gonna fuck up your health care so bad. Come on. Give us a chance. Oh, my God. Name one we fucked up. Name one. You guys are gonna have so much fun watching everyone with diabetes dies because they

can't afford the medicine. Well, did you see that video of them? I don't know what it was for, but it was just someone went over there and just was telling people, it was like, how much do you think it costs to get an ambulance? Oh, yeah. I don't know. $100? Like, no, $2,500.

They'd be like, what? Yes. The fuck you talking about? Yeah. It's coming. Yes. How much to get to hold your baby? Oh, a hold your baby fee.

$35. If you have a C-section, it costs $35 to hold your baby afterwards. To hold your baby. America's great. Oh, crazy. That's like the baggage fee of hospital fees. And then Advil, what, $20? Oh, yeah.

More than that's very special. It's been touched by a magical doctor. Yeah. So William ended up being wounded and discharged after serving 18 months. He got a purple heart. Unlike his uncle who had a black one. Whoa. And then William Patrick Hitler dropped off the map.

After the war, the last name Hitler was not a great one to have. Wonder why? William changed his surname to Stuart Houston and married German born Phyllis Jean Jacques. He tried to distance himself from his previous life and really anything to do with his genocidal uncle Adolf Hitler. Louise also wanted to distance himself from his brother. In Germany, he had survived the war and when questioned by the Brits, they said he was quote, blameless and scared stiff of being associated with the Führer's activities.

Well, yeah, of course he was. Yeah. Everybody was in Germany at that point. Yes. Yeah, well, literally. Exactly. Right? I mean, there were definitely people who were like, he's the best.

And they were like, I never knew him. But apparently because of his whole, Hitler's whole nepotism thing, like, so, Eloise just kept running in his tea room until, you know, he couldn't anymore. But that was just, he just kept running the tea. For two, for tonight, cream. And now I don't know how to say this, William and Phyllis moved to a Pachogue, Long Island. I'm sure it's wrong. Sure.

It has to be. P-A-T-C-H-O-G-U-E. Oh. Pachogue. Sounds like, sounds right, doesn't it? Yeah. Pateau. Oh yeah.

Yeah. It'll be no, it'll be silent. Yeah. So William was known to neighbors as Patti. Hello, top of the morning. Yeah. He's a lovely Irish lad. But he doesn't have a German accent.

Well, nobody's covering it up now. Maybe, or maybe he's trying. You mean he's fighting to the German? Yeah. Good morning. It's Top of the Morning for you. Just go for love and come over later for some clovers and Dublin scotch. That's what I am from Top of the Morning.

Oh. William used his medical training from the Navy to set up a business that analyzed blood samples for hospitals. I had a feeling he would do that. He set up a laboratory in his house and he called it Brookhaven Laboratories. Sure. They had four sons, Louise, Howard Ronald. Howard Ronald.

Brian William and Alexander Adolf. Buddy. Barry. I don't. Move on. That's the first kid they had. I don't know why. What the fuck they were thinking.

Yeah. Just no Adolf. No. What are you doing? Addy. How about Addy? Just a little wink. I mean, I guess they were thinking like, well, Adolf is such a super common name in Austria,

Germany, but not thinking like, oh, no one's going to name their kid Adolf except for the course. There's going to be a drought coming up. Our fucking psychopaths. Right. Yeah. Right. They were said to be a secretive family.

One neighbor quote. They were very private. Everything was kind of a secret. Pat wasn't all that friendly. Pat. He kind of stayed to himself. He'd say hello, but he kept very distant. Phyllis would never tell you anything personal.

Wow. So basically they're in the witness protection program. I mean, just imagine like, you just wouldn't want to slip. Exactly. So you wouldn't talk to anybody. Right. Right. Right.

You keep it all very surface-y. Yeah. I mean, it's a secretive family and he jumped out that window. The hell's with this guy? Neighbors never knew they were the last of the paternal line of Hitler's. The kid's upbringing seemed quote, all American, aggressively so. This one's named New York City. A neighbor said they were aggressively American.

Oh, excited for the fourth of July? We're going big again this year. We love it here. As a matter of fact, I have an idea to turn all little boys into sparklers. One bite. I'm sorry. They got carried away again. There I go.

We're not going camping. But. 10, 10, 9, 10, 9, got him. Now there's definitely can be a series called Hitler trying to camp. Yeah. But the family was just a bit distant from everyone else. They spoke German at home. Neighbors thought William had a slight resemblance to the man who had carried out the Holocaust.

A woman who grew up. You know who you look like? You know who you remind me of? Did you ever hear about that guy in Germany who killed all those Jews? No. Oh, I- No. No.

No. His name- No. His name is- Yeah, even when you say nine, you look more like him. Nine. Your hands all up? No.

No, yes. What was his name again? No. He was, um, history. History. History. You look just like him. Nine.

Nine. Kills a woman. Still is. Killer. That sounds just like what he would say. Nope. What is your problem? I'm leaving your independence day barbecue.

Love America. That doesn't seem like it. Patty. A woman who grew up nearby said her father used to say to her mother, quote, doesn't Patty look a lot like Adolf Hitler? Patty looks a lot like him, doesn't he? Did Patty look a lot like Hitler? And another time her dad told her mom, quote, I just saw Patty mow in the lawn and he turned

around real quick and my God, he looked exactly like Hitler. Jesus. What a run. You know, Patty, when you're mowing the lawn and the light hits you right, it's just so Adolf Hitler. It's just crazy. No, no. It's something else.

No. No, the light, when it hits you- A clock gables is what I get. No, not at all. Yeah, I get a lot of clock gables. No, it's super Hitler-y. Chaplin sometimes, at most. No, I don't get any of that.

I get just full Hitler. No, I'm going to poison you. Okay, that's fair. I'm going to take off. I'm going to play with my daughter and my wife. All right. Maybe move. I think we're going to move.

Okay. Yep. Just say you're not seeing anything. The girl, the young girl would play army men against Brian and she would be the Americans and Brian would be the Germans. Interesting. The kids in the neighborhood liked to imitate William's accent, but his son's had a normal childhood and graduated from the local high school.

Some Germans in local Germans in Long Island did know, but didn't feel the need to blast it out to the world. Okay. The brothers grew up and discussed amongst themselves what to do. They decided to never marry and never have kids. Wow. Yeah. But just imagine having such diabolical blood in your system that you're literally like

we can never have kids. Yeah. That's why I'm not having any. Yeah. Yeah. But that is amazing to self be like. I met your dad. Yeah.

It had to self be like. So have you. You met him once. I know. But to be like we are so, there is so much evil in us that we will never. Before he died, William told his friends and neighbors who he really was. I met her. Oh, by the way.

I made off Hitler basically. William Stewart Houston slash Hitler died on July 14th, 1987 in Long Island. He was buried next to his mother at the Holy Holy shit. We gotta say that cemetery in Corum, New York. The family considered leaving the grave unmarked, but decided instead to bury him with a fake name that brought him peace. Silly McFake pants. Alexander became a social worker.

Sorry, Alexander Adolf became a social worker. Lewis and Brian had a landscaping business and lived together in 2006. A reporter tracked them down, but they refused to be interviewed. They said they were going to tell their story themselves and that they had a lawyer and an agent and we're writing a book. Yeah. We're pretty Hollywood. I mean, did they have no story except for, we weren't Hitler like this.

So that's the movie pitch. Where does it start? What starts on us and how not Hitler we are. Credit. So you're just like normal American kids, but you had a last name, but you didn't use. But I think once every 20 pages someone goes, hey, aren't you related to Adolf Hitler and we'll be like, we'll demure, we'll be like, nah, kinda. And then everything else is about a picnic, about a company picnic.

This is the book. The movie is. Oh, this is a movie now? It's a book too. Could you jump in the gun to a movie? It's a book then. It's a book. It's a book.

It's a book about a company picnic. And every now and then. The whole book is about a company picnic. It doesn't have to be. If you have something you think is better that you guys are dying to do. I don't think anything's better. I think that it's really bad. What about it for Friends of the Magical Bear?

That's a whole different, that's a whole, now we're into a whole different genre. Okay, then let's stick to the company picnic you fell in love with. Okay. I didn't fall in love with that. I don't like that. Well, you're the one pitching it to me at this point if you want. I'm not. I'm saying that there's literally no book here except for you saying I'm not Hitler,

which. That's the book. Right. I don't know. But the book is about us trying to convince you to do the book about a company picnic. And it's about how you push back on doing the book. You don't want to do it. And that's the book.

And it's the story of this meeting. And then maybe we make it into a movie, maybe we don't. But either way, I think this is a great project. And again, it's all about our name and how we're not him. So it's not about anything. It could be. I mean, what are you trying to do over here right now? It's nothing.

I just want you to leave my office. Okay, so this is a book about a guy who loves his office. He's insane about it. But two guys who don't want to say they're related to Hitler because they kind of were, but they kind of weren't, are in it and it's this guy's struggle to get these guys out of his office. Yeah. Well, you guys definitely stick around like Hitlers.

Yeah. No. Well, we, yeah, we're having kids. I don't know if we told you that. There's going to be generations of us. I don't want this. We're like bedbugs. Okay.

We're there. Okay. Their names and locations were withheld by the reporter and another author of the book The Last of the Hitlers quote at their vehement and repeated request. By the way, they would be docs. They're just like, Hey, don't, don't, can you guys not say where we live, who we are? You just not, they should not put that out there. You know what I mean?

Some people have reservations about us. The home the family grew up in eventually because they moved out eventually became a crack house for a little while apropos. Then a contractor moved in in 1999 and he fixed it up. When he was fixing it up, he found blood lab equipment and German newspapers behind a wall board. That has to make you feel good. Hey, who lived here before us some Hitlers?

Oh good. Cause there's a bunch of blood and I don't want the place anymore. At one point a German filmmaker came by and told the contractor a Hitler had lived in the house. Contractor said quote, I was like a Hitler lived here and ran a blood lab. What is this? The boys from Brazil? All right, contractor, so in New York, but it's not like it was a huge secret when Louise

was asked if he was worried that a play being written about them in 2006 will bring attention. He said, quote, don't worry, we're used to it. You people knock on our door every week asking us about it. So, but no one ever wrote about them because they're like, well, these guys didn't do anything with just a bunch of dudes. Adam's wife died in 2004 and then the brothers, I think most of the brothers are dead or maybe not. I actually didn't, you can't find any information about them.

Right. We'll find them. We'll get them. So do you think they've, the lines carried on? Oh yeah. Well, I know that they're on the other side, there are definitely living Hitlers in Germany that they're definitely, I think the maternal side or whatever. This is the paternal side.

The paternal side is done. Nothing. It's done. I think it is. Better. I think better. I think better. Sort of chemical castration by decision.

Yeah. It's, yeah, it's hard to know. It could, who knows, Hitlers could've been great people after this. By the way, in America, a Hitler could, if it was like the same thing, could totally run for president and get traction. Like, right now. Yeah, yeah. Right now, a Hitler could.

Yeah, right now. Yeah. in our like in our world in America it's like we have people who commit war crimes and we're like hey good guy his brother's running good guy well every president of our that's the clothing world that's just they all commit war crimes yeah and then we're like oh we just need there's only three families we can pick from uh um so uh there was a really great new york times article about the guy going to um meet up with him a lot of this was taken from um what's his face is uh uh billy hitler's writings right um and then there's just a bunch of articles uh i got i took

a lot of from newspapers um cnn wrote something about it at new york times and the independent wrote a big spot on cnn i love to hear i love to hear cnn it's made me really excited it's very great uh and then crack dot com wrote a little something oh nice you can crack crack oh i thought it said crack crack dot com how do you get this together so fast only in america yeah and then you see like we'll find the guy who uh i don't know uh matt uh burtney did the research for this episode uh it's i've been sitting on this for like a year well well well well it was a very interesting i wasn't sure yeah it's interesting right it's not hilarious and then there's not a lot of information there obviously he makes a lot of stuff up so it was a but uh it's something

it's a cool story yeah yeah of course what a what a weird thing to not want to continue your line of yes you are it's me you know i wish i wish the Kardashians would make that decision well there's so many people that could have done it um oh yeah the bears and the bears in uh germany like there's a fucking shitload of people that could really stop their uh if people but again you would need to punish those uh lineages in this day and age which does not seem to happen it's actually the cult of celebrity in a way there's a woman who writes for the um washington examiner and she was of course after corpsman loss she was saying how uh bernie sanders is anti-semitic because uh you got to roll with it uh you know i mean you got to you got to take the best stuff yeah uh and and then

she was tweeting about it and someone was like well yeah but your grandfather was a nazi collaborator and i believe croatia uh so maybe you should just nip your shit in the bud yo well that's blocked but they don't blocked if you look up musulini's uh granddaughter is just a straight fascist who holds office in in uh it'll like yeah they but that's but again i mean that is it's yeah it's this tough thing where it's like people can get by i mean the fact that liz cheney is in our government yeah making points it's like how is this well like well because if you don't if you don't actually prosecute them yeah then then they just keep living and then there's then their children do the same thing because that's how they've been raised

but also not to get crazy but if you think about the like the way that the democrats now are what they're trying to do is be like we are the moral authority we are the moral line and it's like well then why after iraq nobody gets fucking prosecuted in our government why because they voted george w bush at football games sitting next to ellen yeah being like hey like it just does not because if you don't come down on it yes because and because not only that because our because we don't demand it because our attention spans are so short and stupid that we're unable to go like hey that guy should be in the haig right you know should 100 be in the haig and you know i mean that's the problem though if you go halfway and you're like i didn't

lie about the war but i did support it then how can you prosecute them because then your whole party is decimated but then how right now can like you would not then how right now are you being like i mean and again this is not like pro trump at all but how are you like this man it deserves to be impeached like yeah we had war war criminals though the same people in our government sat sat complicit for that yeah anyway gareth reynolds.com dolloppodcast.com Pam Reynolds mommy doing any dates you want to plug anything and dot com dot com pam reynolds.com are you doing dates yeah oh yeah yeah Pam's actually doing a big tour of the hitler name i am oh i am no davis oh davis name big name very popular i'm a big fan of the hitler name yeah not the people

no no no not the people just the name that cache i'm trying to find the name of the woman who is the one who was like how dare you but i just i just i'm related to hitler i just love that you're related to hitler and you're calling bernie sanders whose family died in the holocaust an anti-semite but dave that requires a little bit of research tanya tianalo tianalo tianalo writes for the dc examiner co-host of the political pregame and is related to a nazi formally of the usc econ review uh is saying that a man whose family was killed in the holocaust is an anti-semite so you have a nazi a nazi how fascism happens that's literally fascism when you when you undo history yeah that's how fascism happens anyway and blah and it's unbelievably easy oh my god

it's like you can do it in five minutes like making sea monkeys at this point very interesting to watch the british in this election start going hit they're they're just lying and no one's doing anything and you're like yeah did you guys not watch us for the first season of america come on i mean they were like flipping out about i was like yeah guys that's actually how it works yeah no it doesn't matter and then the cool thing is that the liberals attack the left more than the right so that really helps yep well let's jerk it out real good thank you thank you thank you thank you for inviting me oh well yeah it's very nice can i have a goldfish yeah yeah yeah have a goldfish thank you reward yourself thank you not a real one