The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 42 - The Past Times with Dave Holmes

Episode Date: September 8, 2023

This week Dave Anthony picks a paper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds and returning guest, writer, television host, and podcaster Dave Holmes Redbubble Merch

And Dave, we're brought to you by Airbnb. I love staying at Airbnb's. My buddies and I get together twice a year and always find some amazing spots via Airbnb. Maybe you stayed in Airbnb before and you thought to yourself this actually seems pretty doable. Maybe my place could be an Airbnb. It could be as simple as starting with a spare room or your whole place when you're away. You might have set up a home office and now you're back at work so you could Airbnb it makes some extra money on the side. Whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how at Airbnb.ca-host. All right everybody welcome to the past times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week.

The great Dave Holmes, hello Dave. Hi everyone, how are you? Hi. Good I was just saying you're I think think, and probably like our third second timer. So it's big. You have that going on. So happy to be back. So happy to be back.

And the editor of Esquire, which is. I'm not the editor of Esquire. Editor, we just promoted you. We promoted you. Yeah, he's at my don't let that job. I don't want that job. Ah. How long have you been at Esquire for a while, huh? I have, yeah, I've been want the job. How long have you been at S-Core for a while, huh?

I have, yeah, I've been there since 2015. I love it. I absolutely love it. And your Twitter and your social media are all Dave Holmes with an, yeah, I'm at Dave Holmes. You know, I'm still checking Twitter. What do you call it? Do you call it Twitter?

I'm never going to call it X. I'll never call it X. That's it. No, I won't either. I call it X in the way that I like refer to it as something that I used to care about and no longer really do. Like it's my X. But outside of that, I really,

I'll never be able to, he's just an idiot. It's very, I like the people that are like, well clearly he bought it to destroy it. And I'm like, no, you just have to accept that there's really rich people who are really dumb. That's what you need to wrap your head around is that you can't really rich and stupid. You, in fact, almost can't be really rich

and not be really stupid. You do get to a point where you just, you think, especially if you are born with great wealth, you just really believe like you never hear the word no. And people take a real interest in you that makes you just feel confident in this world. And so much of like, so much of what you do, I think kind of in the world of business, is just kind of comes down to confidence. You know, you try to sell something and if you approach it confidently, then it sort of works. And so yeah, you can just kind of all what you can go through your life feeling like, oh no,

I'm doing fucking great. I'm great. Yeah. And if you can, if you can, if you can, extremely confidently sell absolute bullshit because you're stupid, you'll succeed better. Whereas if you're smart, you're like, it's not really what I'm selling. To me, X is the great, X is peak like holy fuck. Holy fuck. It's remarkable. It's X's peak like holy fuck. Holy fuck. It's remarkable.

It's really remarkable. I remember when I lived in New York in my 20s and I had a lot of friends who had Wall Street jobs, like fancy sort of banker jobs. And I had grown up sort of knowing people like that and just assuming that those people were smart and when I got to know people who had like you know young analyst jobs at banks on Wall Street I was like oh my god they're so dumb Like they're as smart as I am and I'm dumb. But they were just confident and silver tongued

and that kind of is the job. But it was, I felt like the veil had been lifted from my eyes. Oh God. No, they're just confident. They're not smart. They're just confident. Wish they were smart. It was just just confident wish you wish they were smart It's like you'd much rather that version of the people at the helm be

Just be smart, but it is It's calling but I bet you Segway is this a segue Bet you that a lot of the people we're gonna hear about today Our fucking idiots. Um, so Dave, I think last time you were on, we maybe just started the guessing game. I like to try to guess the year we're dealing with. It could go back to 1600.

It could be as recently as when you lived in New York. That could, that's possible, I guess. Um, I'm going to guess that we'll do. Dave seems to be in the 1800s a lot. So I'm gonna guess we'll do an 1851. Wow. You'd like to take a crack, Dave? Home, soon.

I have nothing to base this on at all. Meaning it. But let's say 1983. I like that. I like that a lot. Okay. I'm gonna guess. No you idiot you Dave you have the thing you have the whole wrong it's nineteen fifty two what he was very close i was really close i was shut up not you uh... that is a good repress that he did you know october second

it's a third day that it is a third day all right let's get into it uh Um, dogs can't, oh, sorry dogs, dog can't read, but knows time. What? This isn't the fifth time. Sometimes, sometimes you just gotta let people know that dogs can't read.

Sure. Right. But this is a little up to them. They know this one does. Dave, you're involved in journalism, So that's helpful because that's eliminating your You're like okay, I don't need to cater towards canines anyone exactly So often I do I want to consider the dog audience, but it's yeah, I really don't need to I will a lot of my comedy. I'm targeting dogs They're just that's obvious. That is.

You do it in a register that you- Yeah, I do a lot of, who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Yeah, I do a lot of leash stuff, a lot of leash stuff. There's a whole, he does a whole two minute dog whistle bit where you can't know what the audience can hear it, but he's just- The closer, that's the closer.

Only dogs and racists can hear it. That's right. Okay, so but they know this they know time They know this this is a progress report on poncho the post office mascot You may remember poncho who makes the rounds with postman Charles de Verts Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I want, now I want my mailman to have a dog. Why can't? Yes. This is the best world I've ever heard of. If your mailman comes around and he has the dog, I'll them into it. All right. I love that. I love that because also the dog gets exercise. That's all they want. Yeah, dog gets exercise. They're hanging out together, having a good time time now. I think the joy

But joy is our guy to joy is our guy to bring the dog back 100% Oh, I gotta say my dogs boy do they hate the they hate my mailman with Because we let it lapse Yeah Consuminated who's a good boy? We've got what we've got. Consumade to, who's a good boy? T-R-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Trot and tell he caught up with Charlie. Okay, but that makes sense because he, I guess he was showing up with Charlie and his timers off because the time switched. So he's like, we started this time when the sun's there.

That makes sense. Sure enough, Charlie was early the first couple of days after timer turned to standard, but he just laid down to wait. What the boys of the post office want to know is how Pancho knows that he's earlier late. What in the fuck is this story? Well, the dog just kind of sense it. Can I tell you something?

He's this is wild. Well, first of all, my dog can totally tell time because you know Breakfast is whenever we wake up, but dinner is six o'clock sharp. And like, at like, five, fifty eight, he shows up in my office and says, really? Next to me and he's just like, let's go. And like, that's what that always happens. And it, you know, he does adjust. Like, it takes him a couple of days after we, you know, move the time.

But like, yeah, within a couple couple days, he's right back at whatever the six o'clock is. What is much more bewildering is this. I like, when I'm in my office, and I'm like, I, and I think to myself, I have an errand to run, like I have to go to Walgreens, I have to go to the bank or whatever and I think Maybe Finn would like to come along, you know just to because he likes to ride in the car And I'll be a quick one when I when I think that I hear him Like I hear him perk up and then he walks to my office door and it's like

Let's go so when I when I when I fake it when I'm like I am now thinking Bringing Finn with me he doesn't do it But when it's real and organic when I really silently have the thought I'm gonna go on an errand Maybe he wants to go on he knows Like it wakes him up. There's two things so straight. of all, the feed, I have an electronic feeder for my cat, and that was the only thing I was going to say is that my cat has a clock based on the every day the feeder goes off at the same time. The second thing that's amazing is obviously that you and your dog share some sort of

higher, yeah, some sort of telepathic connection. And the third thing that's amazing is that I just realized your dog and Dave's son have the same name. Oh, Finnbar. And then you're a better dog parent than Dave is a real parent. Wow. Wow, that's true. If only you had a dog, if only you had a son named Larry, this would be the perfect circle. Yeah, my dog's name is Larry. Yeah, so if you yeah, yeah, um, okay, all right. So so Pancho and Charlie. Yeah, that's it. That's the story of Ponto and that's and that's what the and that in 1953 that feels like a strange lead story It's really well. There's nothing on the first the first few pages are all international news So I skip but wait that story sort of ended with just like they were wondering and then that's is that where that story You find that to be a story I Agree I agree with that. Yeah, I don't I don't that's not as story. I agree. I agree with that.

Yeah, I don't, I don't, that's not as satisfying. You have notes, Dave. You feel like you would rather. Yeah, I feel like. Yeah, you do want the story to be about something and to take you somewhere rather than like, oh, there's a dog and then time change and they were wondering why. Okay. I don't, that's not news. Not enough for you. Interesting. That's not interesting. Well, you know what you're doing

I mean I guess to me that seems like a fine lead story with great conclusion Interesting, okay, I think I think one of I think one of humanity's if not the worst thing about humanity is not Giving animals credit for being much smarter than they are. Yeah, I agree with that. And I think we would treat the world better if we understood or comprehended how smart animals are and how attuned they are. And yet one day we hung out with Kangaroos and you ate them the next day. So what do you do?

Tasty burger. They have killed people. So what do you do a tasty burger? There they've killed people Michigan Club in fairness some of us deserve to be killed. Thank you I would also eat a person garth I would meet a person and then the next day they were like hey Frank's a burger. I'd be like I'll get it shot that I understand Frank's a burger. I'd be like, I'll get it shot. That I understand. Michigan.

Michigan club donates hat to Air Force Chief. That's nice. It's not proper and befitting that a general go-around without headgear. So the arrow club of Michigan, that is very true. The arrow club of Michigan has donated a fancy hat, fancy hat is in parentheses. It's a great. Oh, sorry, quotation marks. Okay.

To General Hoyt, Vandenberg, Air Force Chief of Staff, here's the problem with the story. There is no photograph. And to say fancy hat and not provide me with a photo is Really you're not doing journalism any favors. Where's your where's your head go? Inside a hat. Well, I'm tia. I'm picturing. I'm picturing like a flowery arrangement or something that would be great something with fruit on it The things that are coming up when I look up 1953 fancy hat are just phenomenal

Yeah, right don't think I it's a lot of it's a lot of those sort of like Those hats that sort of look like constable hats that women would wear kind of like a cottony Constable Shippo oh fancy hat men's toes of Fedora probably. Okay, good to be something like that. Uh, the general lost his hat during the Air Force Association convention in Detroit on August 29th. James Vota, president of the Air Club,

said that a new hat was ordered by letter from a uniform shop in Chicago where the general buys his uniforms photos and quote after all the general came here with a hat we believe that he should leave with one i pined for the days when our biggest military stories were that a hat was being replaced and that was very a crowdfunding this is like a This is like a good deal. I could go fund it. It took a lot of time.

Yeah. Yeah. The outrage machine was just pointed it. We've got to get him a new hat. Yeah. He's pretty. This is ridiculous. No.

Well, fancy hat. I was thinking more along the lines of a cap and crunch kind of thing like something. Oh, yeah. It's got some cut. I love those. That's more naval, I would say, on Forge and Lee, considering he was a plunderer of, yeah, he was a ship captain. Was he not?

What's that guy? He's an arrow. He was an arrow. Air Force guy. Air Force. But I think that's what you do. I think Dave's right. I think you get like that hat, what Captain Crunch hat.

And you presented to him and like a big ceremony and then watch his face and see how awkward it is and be like, try it on. Yeah. I mean, have a good time with it. Maybe. I still think, I mean, I know we like to have fun, but I really do respect the different brain.

Yeah! Oh, the old fashioned. Court of X, Court of X rebel from historic home. This is from the AP out of Nashville. I don't, there were a couple words in there that I did not understand at all. Court of X rebel from historic home.

Okay. Miss Kate Liper stood under the crossed Confederate flags and watched workmen carry out the four poster bed in which she was born 81 years ago. The crumbling old mansion where wounded southern soldiers were treated during the Civil War's battle of Nashville will be torn down under a court eviction order to make room for a new elementary school for Negroes.

Okay. Language aside. What is it safe to say that we are, we had a more liberal policy towards tearing down southern statues, artifacts, things like that in order to build, in order to build up our neighborhoods and societies in 1953, whereas now we're like, you can't take down that generally. He's a hero.

Oh, yeah. It's pretty great. This is a pretty great story about them, you know, getting rid of the whole world. And she had to stand there and you had to be like, look, I know you were born in this bed, but it is just full of racial lies. Yeah, we're actually going to.

The only part of this story is weird is that the 81 year old woman's like, but that's my house. And they're like, shut up old lady. The side belt. I know what she's, this is, this is when you don't, this is how they make you not feel sorry for an 81 year old one. Yeah, right. Yeah, where is she going? Do they? Well, let's see. Let's see. She said over and over quote, this is the most awful thing that is ever happened to me. It seems like I can I just point out some other way of doing it. V I love when someone is there and it is like civil war related like fighting for the fact that people had slaves and fighting for that and then a woman

a white woman stands there and is like this is the worst injustice of all time. Yeah. I'm going to tell my relatives who I have not been separated from. Yes, yes, yes. You'll hear about this in history books in the people. Florida will make this the main curriculum shortly. Wow. Foreign-barassed court officers served the Inviction papers after a single officer failed

two weeks ago. She still offered passive resistance, refusing to unlock doors and tell a dust blackened workman forced their way into her own room and began dismantling her bed. So the workman, it sounds like we're doing blackface. No, that's what it comes across as, but I think they're, they're just dust, dust blackened. I think they, I think the writers, Dave, easy. Dave, you are on the thinnest of thin ice is right now. I know.

I, there's definitely our brains are like, wait, what? I think that, I mean, maybe, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the writers like doing a little wink and not here with the dust. Well, that's just the easy out for doing black face back then. You're like, what are you talking about? Oh, no, I'm just literally covered in soot. Yeah. No, no, no. So they go in, they, they, they, they forced the band apart. They just start taking apart her bed while she's in it, I think. Then she gave up, she walked straight into all out of the mansion and across the street to her sister's house, her cane tapping on the pavement.

To her sister lives across the fucking street. Oh, thank that house out too. I don't want to hear you belly again. Yeah. Right. And then yeah, I mean, the whole thing like, where will I go? All don't want to hear your belly again. Yeah, right fuck off. And then yeah I mean the whole thing like where will I go? All right, Sheila. I'm here. You'll go Three go Oh my god, I'm gonna cross the all right. I live here

She never gave a backward look at the priceless dust covered antiques piling up on the sidewalk the city will store them for 60 days Interesting she's walking away from her stuff She's pissed and 81 80 and I'm not I will I'm I'm not trying to defend her, but you have to sell all her stuff Feels like you could be like look here's your clocks and weird shit. She can take it. She can take it. Yeah She has a few days to take it and then oh she She can take it. She can take it. Yeah. She has to take it. And then. Oh, she did it.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Otherwise, what an injustice. There's a lot of editorializing going on in this article, by the way. Yeah. Officers are embarrassed.

She stood tall. Yes. She stood tall. They're very much trying to make her seem like she's the, she's the good one here and everyone else is bad. And I think I think break, get kicked out of your home. Yeah, for sure, but also if you have to confederate flags, I don't give a shit. Yeah, that may be the only take I should have more.

Yeah, like you always say, Dave, once for you, two is a grigas. That's what you've always said. Yeah, too much. Too much. Too much. Too much too much too much too much too much you know we my high school in st. Louis was until very recently like the the mascot was the rebels we were the right rebels and like in the 80s when I was there there was like Confederate flags kind of all over the place and like in the wait room and and I think maybe in the gym and like the the mascot was

Rebel Man like you know at basketball games it could be like a senior and the cape was a Confederate flag and whatever we didn't think anything of it this was you know the 80s or whatever and literally nobody thought a thing of it, which is stupid on our part, but little by little it went away, like the Confederate stuff went away. Not so quickly that anyone would notice, but it was a Catholic school was run by monks. I think the monks were starting to be like, this is maybe not be cool. And so they took it away. And then after after the George Floyd incident, the student council was like, we're changing it. We have

to, we can't be the rebels anymore. Like this is just, this is ridiculous. Let's, let's change it. So now, now we're the primary ravens. And a bunch of my classmates are like, they'll never get another dollar out of me like they're all mad Cuz they changed it and it's like Oh god damn it. Who gives you? Like I we were friends in my lifetime and now you are this much of a shit It is so crazy because I think it's like like even when I think back to like when I'd watch the dukes a hazard as a kid Like I'd watch reruns. I was never like I never back to like when I watched the dukes of hazard as a kid like I'd watch reruns

I was never like I never was I like wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what the fuck is going on here Right like they've got right they've got the civil war mobile Yeah, yeah never never people people get so attached those things It's like when we were in Cleveland a couple years ago, when people would have the old hat on, right? They've changed their name, the Cleveland Indians are now the guardians. And people would have that cartoony Native American head on their head. I would just look at it and just go,

woo, oh God, no. It just seems weird to be around. Like the name changed, you guys can let it go, but they're not gonna, people are gonna hold onto it. And you're just like, it looks really bad, by the way, on your white head. It looks really weird. Yeah.

No, yeah. Yeah, always, always the white people like, come on, we've been through a no. Yeah. How many fucking times do we have to re-embroider our caps? Yeah, like, I like this team name and I'm mad about it. You're being too sensitive. No, you wouldn't understand what it's like to have your hat marginalized. Yeah, you are actually being too sensitive.

And Dave, we're brought to you by Airbnb. I love staying at Airbnb's. Do you accept that? whole place when you're away. You might have set up a home office and now you're back at works, you could Airbnb it makes extra money on the side. Whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how at Airbnb.ca-host. Hey there people listening to the dollop. This is Garif. Yes, this is the same guy. I listen, I have a new podcast called We're Here to Help that I'm doing with my friend Jake Johnson. It's basically a call-in-and-vice show where we don't say that we're professionals

because we aren't, but we try to help people with problems that are important to them. You can listen to it wherever you listen to podcasts and it is out right now. So go listen to We're Here to Help with Jake and Gareth. We're here to help with Gareth Garrett. We're here to help with Garrett and Jake. I don't remember how we did it. But either way, fun, half hour comes out Tuesday, August 22nd, and episodes will be out every Tuesday and Friday. We're here to help.

So this story's got a Boston. They just, there's a lot of AP stuff in this paper. Sure. Esther is at a Boston. They just, there's a lot of AP stuff in this paper. So won't pay taxes on tips. Taxi driver, Theodore Belton says he'll go to jail before he'll pay a federal income tax on his patron's tips. Good man. Quote, I consider them gifts. And as gifts, there is no tax on those dimes and quarters.

Well, who the fuck is cl... You know, this is the whole point of cash. I'm sorry. Which is... You don't tell them. You don't tell them. Yeah, you don't tell anyone that cash. I think this is before, because now they...

I think they say like... Euro... Eurowaiter at this restaurant, you're going to make this much in tips and we're gonna tax you on it Oh before you do I don't think they're doing that then. I think you had to self-report it Yeah, that's what I mean Yeah When I when I was a valiant college when I was a valiant college

It was literally like a joke because every year they'd be like yeah, I'm gonna put down I got five dollars like everyone was like five dollars Yeah, yeah, yeah when I was a waiter, I didn't put it in, I was like, no, I didn't make anything. Yeah. The six-year-old Cabby says his gifts average about only a dollar a week. So the tax would not be heavy, but there's a principle involved.

He told reporters he had been summoned to an internal review office, sorry, internal revenue office and asked why he had not reported tips as income and he said he was warned he could be arrested prosecuted and jailed uh... come on the dumbest the dumbest shit

always it's not that my also feel like I'm not going to pay taxes on this amount that I'm lying about. Yeah, also you there's no way the internal revenue service is like so look, you owe 40 cents. It's jail or you give it up like they may be there might be. There might be. There might be in the 50s yeah I mean maybe yeah it was a good happening economically in the 50s are we like I think two yeah I think things are a bit of a boom, I think. Yeah, people are picketing their fences. Dogs are telling time, hats are being publicly funded. Yeah, it's a good time. You described a happy America there.

Yeah, it's one of the, it's a thing like where, they know that the major, the major like tax fraud and stuff is happening, you know, among corporations in the very, very wealthy. But it's like, let's shift the, let's create a national mood of guilt and shame around our own stuff for 40 cents rather than go after those people there. It's what we do with climate change. It's like, yeah, if you don't put that cartoor and shoes in the recycling them,

we're all fucked and meanwhile, you know, that doesn't while moving. They're shooting all fire oil into the air. Yes, shoot fire oil into the air. Oceans are on fire and we're like listen Where's that big thing a tide going pal put it in the right bin? Yeah, yeah So this is I'm gonna read this and this is a description under a photograph and I don't know what to call these So it's a motorcycle, but it has the two wheels on the back. It's like The tricycle is a call. I think I actually called tricycles the two wheels on the back, it's like, the tri-sackel?

Is it called tri-sackels? Are they actually called tri-sackels? No. They're called tri-sackels, because that's right. So I was gonna read this, is because the parking was all strictly illegal on Griswald's side of City Hall Wednesday. City vehicles were the offender's caught by the free press camera. Above is one of the police tri-sackels

at an expired meter with the mayor's car behind it. So they called it a tri-sackel. They do call it a tri-s car behind it. So they called it a tricycle. They do call it a tricycle. They call it a tricycle. They call it a tricycle. Now probably because there was so much pushback to being like tricycles. Are they really called tricycles? Is that what they? That looks like what they're called now. Yeah. Wow. Okay. The police came running when the wheel motor's taken. So the police came running when the real voters taken. So the police came running out when the photos were being taken. So they found the mayor's car at a three-wheeled

three-wheeled cop. Pricicle. A tricec. And they took pictures and then the cops came right out. I don't understand, who's the tricycle belong? The cops, it was a cop, it was a cop one. It was actually a cop tricycle. That's what we need to go back to calling them that. We really do, don't we? I didn't know that.

Yeah, anything that demeans them. Thank you. Cop track. Yeah, cop tracks. I would watch cop track. Yeah. Like a Pacific blue, but cop tracks. I love Chicago tracks.

Chicago track. fuck yeah, you know, I just got to speaking of Pacific blues we often are I just got to do a there's a new game show for the game show network it's coming out some time later this year it's called blank slate it's kind of like the match game but the difference is that it is called blank slate and it is Hosted by Mario Lopez So I got to like spend some time I was one of the panelists and I got to spend some time with Mario Lopez Maybe our greatest America

78 years old is that correct he's I've looked like he's 78 years old is that correct? He's, I've looked like he's not yet picked. He's like, I think he's 48, 49. And he looks, wow. He's skin is flawless. The dimples up close are like startling. He's funny. He's smooth, he's nice. I was, I was, I was, I was, I have no choice. is he is like is funny you like is smooth is nice just is no choice but to dislike him until you see his eyes and then you're like

i'm part of that i'm back i'm in yes well i travel so much that mario Lopez is in every hotel room i ever stay of course of course always there fired up about the new movie that new conjuring movie or yeah everything it should be exact yeah everything yeah yeah every fucking terrible movie that you would never see he is excited about but I guess you still rent movies in hotel rooms, right? Yes, you do. Somehow.

Yeah, you can't. I did recently. I was in a hotel and I was like, how fuck it? I'll watch this. What did you rent? I can't hear a member. I just remember I rent this. It was so obscure.

It was so obscure. Oh, yeah. Do they even do point it in one of our rooms? Do they even do point it in one of our rooms? Do they even do point it in one of our rooms? Are you gonna get in a hotel TV? Yeah, Dave. It was actually surprising.

They have a big selection now, because it's so easy to you know Give access to those kind of things. I feel like you signed a deal with hotels or something Do they have porn in hotels anymore? I think you can't even porn but also like you can find that on your internet I think that they do because I remember this goes back probably there's probably ten maybe twelve years ago I was traveling and and I was and they did have porn and I was and there was like a gay porn section And I was like we have arrived Like this is when it's real because forever there was none and

And there were like one or two and I was like, you know what? This is Yeah, he a tear in your eye as you press order Yes Well, see now when I Google hotel porn. It's all about people like Mades fucking guests or I don't think hotels have porn anymore. Yeah, that's I think that's a genre of porn That's when you're made come everything. Yeah Wow, did I tell you guys that I wrote the podium banter? Yeah, that's I think that's a genre of porn. That's when you're made come everything. Yeah, wow Did I tell you guys that I wrote the podium banter for the gay porn awards a couple years ago actually work for COVID

2020. Yeah Through so great Dan van Kirk who does this for the avians. Yeah, yeah under an assumed name I don't know if I might be telling tells out a class bit Yeah, yeah under an assumed name. I don't know if I might be telling tells out a class but But they they were they did a separate one for the for the gay porn awards and they were looking for Some of the right jokes and I was like can I write the jokes and then also write about it because I know that this is gonna be an amazing experience Great story. Yes, and I you know, it was it was so much how did they do and they said yes, and I, you know, it was, it was so much. How did they do? Some did okay.

Yeah. Every time I turned stuff into the executive producer, he was like, less words. These are not, these are not smart people. Less words. Too many words. So I had to like, I did, take a lot of words out. But, you know, a lot of my jokes, you know,

did make it in, you know, pretty much the way that I wanted them to. That's good. There was a lot of, you know, some people gave them some, some did not. But that's part of the problem too. It is part of, yeah. When they play people off, if their speech is too long,

there is it like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. They're like, oh, i got a wrap it up you know they really never did they never did it's let them go is a very welcoming environment and uh... yet was it was it was well that's a good notch that's a good notch yeah yeah so it's an achievement is what it is uh...

how about some uh.... How about some fashion? How about some fashion? Pajamas colorful in appeal. Women, it seems, are responsible for the major portion of men's pajamas sales each year. So what happens? Pajamas this fall are designed to appeal to the lady of the house. They'll have more varied patterns and the colors and themes will be brighter. Novelties will abound. Oh my god, this goes on forever. The truth of the matter is that the boys sort of go for the brighter things in pajamas too, even if they might be reluctant to make their own selections. What will the wife or girlfriend see this fall in stores where pajamas are sold?

Well, lounge pajamas for one. Still most popular is the knitted polo top and slack tailored broad cloth trousers. Oh, wow. Right up there too is the sports, sports shirt type variation. You might look for it in flannel. Okay, I don't know what's happening anymore, but this is just a whole pajama story. It just, 1953,

seemed like a pretty good time. When pajama, like pajama industry spiking is like pretty important to know what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. There's also a comeback for sweaters. I mean, this is what I can see.

This is like a headline that says, like, polls the newspaper. Sweaters are making a comeback. How did they go away? What the fuck? Yeah, I mean, I guess it's just that it's autumn now and so sweaters are back on another comeback for sweaters in the fall it could have known yeah we're doing it again yeah I love the idea of somebody you know

rifling through the Detroit repress and being like finally finally talking about pajamas of the swatters out the pajama coverage that I have been needing is here yeah yeah well I woke up the other day and I was like what's going on in pajamas what's happening in the pajamas world and there was in the Detroit it's one of those things to the really, it is like hotel porn. That's just not, there's no pajamas anymore, right? You guys don't want pajamas.

Uh, now we're pajamas bottom. Wow, actually. Oh, what a weird man. Yeah, you know. Uh, but a pajamas set. Yeah, that's kind of what I mean. Like, your monogramped PJs with your little hanky. I think it's a cool idea, but I would never do it again,

because no, like, we're gonna sleep in it twice. Gross. Like you have to wash them every time. By the way, Dave, you do not want to be on the road with me. You would be like this man. That is the third day he's traveling. Sure. Talk me through it. What's what? want to be on the road with me you would be like this man that is the third day he's traveling and sure talk me through what's what's what he had to do is a driving garrath has a

driving shirt that he wears on driving days no no it's just like all i'll be like trying to conserve i'm trying to milk the clothes as much as possible so if it passes the general sniff test i'm like it's just me and Dave and maybe one other person in a van. I'm like, I can handle. Yeah, that's yeah, I can handle that. It's not great. You go in your home. You do want things a certain way. Okay. Wait, you're not claiming to be. You're not the concern if you can handle it. It's the people that are with you. What's the next article? What's the next article? This is a little section called, let's explore your mind by Albert Edward Wigham. Okay, what's d-d.sc?

Let's explore your mind? Yeah, let's explore your mind. Okay, so there's three questions here. The first one is, is there one shareway for husbands and wives to stop quarreling? I have a feeling. The answer. These women need to shut their pie holes a little bit more. Just go. The only thing I want to hear coming out of your mouth is here's a new set of PJs.

Well, the guarantee answer is yes. your mouth is here's a new set of PJs. Well, the guarantee answer is yes. Oh, and and then there it goes on. Practice quarreling to excess with the idea of doing it to cure. This is called negative practice. Soon they see how and why they quarrel and what fools they are. I don't I couldn't disagree with this this he's saying couples who fight a lot okay should take it all the way and just fucking fight as much as they can and then eventually they'll be like well this isn't great

just don't know okay i just don't think that i think my parents essentially did that and never point and they were never just like that was They were like this need Would they fight in front of you They would do yard fighting so they would they would start in the house and then they would go 30 feet into the yard where I would watch them sort of like silent film style argue thinking that it was better but I would just be like wait I really still going at it

out there huh. What could the neighbors see this? Our only neighbors that were close were really old so no but so they would but they definitely would take the eventually I don't know who advised them eventually to go deep into the yard But we had like a So they would go like deep into the yard now I would just be like from the kitchen just like oh wow and that just see like lots of like gesture hands and just like like You know confounding

Gestures over and over again stomping and then one of them had come in and the other one It's still being the art for another 20 minutes doing. And I just be like, yeah, this is good. It sounds good. Oh, it's really helpful. This is what they recommend. Psychologist Roy Hoke says he has found this works fine, also as a cure for stuttering. What the fuck?

What? That's like when Chancex was like an anti-depression medication and they were like, people are good at smoking. Yeah, wait, hold on. So you're supposed to argue as a way to excess, to excess, to excess, to cure stutter.

To stutter. To cure, to alleviate your marital tensions and at some point some husband was like you know that that that that that that that that actually I think that actually helped a lot to you and that was actually really helpful like wow my god my stutter like you would assume that the the passion that you would be feeling would override whatever the stutter. The stutter or whatever your marital, but it's very strange to sort of enact your argument and be like, ah, good, this is, now we're just having a therapy fight. Yeah, this is...

It's like argument porn. Yeah, it's like forming an argument. Which by the way, they do now have in hotels. Yeah. It's like a porn. Yeah. Here's the, I'll read the third question. Do persons ever die because they are psychologically

not good patients? Of course the answer is yes. Dr. JD Wasser-Rug says a Dr. Tels a patient. Wasser-Rug. Not real. Wasser-Hython-Rug. Yeah. Says a Dr. Tels a patient.

He has beginning TB and must go to bed. Okay. Three months later, the patient shows up. Yeah, three months later, the patient shows up with extensive lung tuberculosis and says, well, Doc, I didn't stay in bed, but I rested when fishing and put it around the garden. Gosh, when I laid out with TB, when I, oh, this is switching to the writer. Gosh, when I was laid out with TB twice, they wouldn't even let me raise my arms to adjust my pillow. That was years ago. Now I'm the boy wonder of good health. The doctor relates similar cases of good doctors with bad patients.

But that's not psychology now that's the college and isn't even if it were to be medical this would be terrible advice to be like you take your tuberculosis to the putting green well no but that person oh that doesn't okay okay that was bad news he was like when i had to be a the model patient i didn't i didn't move a muscle and now i'm the now i'm the poster child for good health or whatever so yeah but they don't uh you know i was i was interested to see how they would

uh how they would describe death of psychiatric or psychological. Oh, yeah. That's what I wanted. I know. Suicide. Right? Yeah. Or, you know, substance abuse or whatever.

So what this person is saying, but not everyone had actually say it out loud, is like, it prescribes, like, rest and better sleep habits or whatever to people, but they don't do it and they end up killing themselves but you can't say that in 1952 because this is the pajama, pajama section people can't have and Dave we're brought to you by Airbnb I love staying at Airbnb's my buddies and I get together twice a year and always find some amazing spots via Airbnb Maybe you've stayed in Airbnb before and you've thought to yourself this actually seems pretty doable Maybe my place could be an Airbnb

It could be as simple as starting with a spare room or your whole place when you're away You might have set up a home office and now you're back at work So you could Airbnb it makes some extra money on the side Whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how at airbnb.ca-host. Uh, here's 20 times of mother. Holy shit! Okay, Pittsburgh, a 45-year-old woman who became the mother of triplets three years ago, has upset the odds against multiple births drastically by delivering her fifth set of twins.

Shut the fuck up. I mean, at some point, use a condom or just, or just half the same after once, after one of the twins, I'm like, maybe we shouldn't have sex anymore. Well, the guy was like, we're a miracle. She was like, my vagina, my vagina's ripped. I, wow, that, okay, but so, okay, so three plus, where are the other, or the other seven just say that's, that's 10, that's 13.

Oh, wait, triplets's 10 that's 13. Oh wait triplets three. Okay, yes, so Miss Irma Griser gave birth to her 19th and 20th children in her home wins tonight and kept intact her record of never having any children born to her in a hospital Also, what a great yeah, okay great good for you you i mean you're gonna need a new bed after i actually we've got one done at that civil war ladies house you know you'll be for sale in 60 days yeah i um i really nobody fucks like an uh... no this is by the way yes the most fucked orma too yeah most fucked orma

experts estimated that the odds of having one set of twins are about ninety to one and triplets are about nine thousand to one this grizer however does not hold a record for multiple births the american medical situation has reports of greater multiple births although it does not vouch for their authenticity so they don't have if they can't be authenticated the defined records i guess in nineteen forty eight a m a record show a michigan woman who gave birth to her twenty-th child had one set of triplets and five sets of twins

and in nineteen forty nine a new mexico woman gave birth to her 35th children. She had no multiple births. What the fuck? Wow, that's all, I would say that's worse. I mean, I'm not trying. Never not trying, but that is, I mean, that's crazy. That's crazy. That's a lot.

Did you ever watch, I'm sorry, did you ever watch Ion Love fix my life? Ion Love that's that. She's like a life coach. She had a show on the upper free network for a while. I know who you're talking about though, but yes, no, no, I watched that. Amazing, amazing. One of my favorite shows that's ever been on television. She would show up, like, you know, families would be having disputes and she would show up. And she's like, she was like really good at isolating the problem. And, you know, families would be having disputes and she would show up and she's like, she was like really good at isolating the problem and, you know, she actually gave like good advice but she was also like fucking crazy. And she did like a three-part episode with a guy

who had like 35 kids by, you know, 20-something different women and and her thing for him was like they had like rented a house with a big wrap around like front porch and she on a love seat on like a wicker outdoor love seat they were like 36 baby dolls and she was like bring them all inside and like tried to get them to like carry them all at once. You couldn't do it. You couldn't do it. You can't take care of that many kids. I was the less. Of course, damn, this is already done. All the kids had already been born. So there was nothing. At that point, I think made a, I don't think he'll have 36 more kids. An out of body vasectomy, I guess. Yes. Part of this also is like, we're probably not too far

removed from when half of your children would just die. So there was probably part of the mindset of keep procreating and then you'll keep half or something like that. But instead, these babies are all living. She's like, 35 kids. Well, do we know the third living yeah seems like it uh... miss grizzles has been our third who has been working in the south

has not yet that has been working in the sirens hey he sure has been garrif what garrif the little body geography joke but uh... he has not yet been informed of the new arrivals

what that's fifty two you fucking what how do you not told him or maybe it's just like don't fucking tell me i don't want to know whatever the fuck happened this time i mean i don't know that's very but i've got news for you every time we procreated. Okay, so it's five sets of twins,

once they're triplets and seven single births. Okay. Five children are with misguyser. The others are cared for by relatives or are in foster homes, adds wards of the juvenile court. Oh. Oh. Well, that took a turn.

Oh, that took a dark turn, huh? Yeah, I don't like that at all. I mean, you're cranking out kids to go to an orphanage, basically. Yeah. Uh, surely there's contraception. Yeah, you, oh, yeah, for sure. I've got to be, well, there's condoms, for sure. Yeah. There's condoms for sure yeah there's condoms but like I don't think anyone used a condom till the 80s I mean I know that it was there but

I don't think anyone ever Dave Google when did people start finishing on the tummy yeah that's what I'll tell you that that's a hundred percent guarantee that is the best constant there was eight that's a hundred percent guarantee that is the best constant. There was a there's a documentary called uh called gay sex in the 70s about how like in the pre-AIDS era it was just such a fucking free for all like in New York City in San Francisco like any any empty space was just a sex club right like people were just fucking left and right because you know, why not? Like it was yeah, there was no literally no reason not to and a guy in a guy who they interview talks about

like you know fucking in a shipping container or something a trash barge whatever and And the guy who he wasin up with insisted on wearing a condom and this is like 1976 and uh and and the guy is like I like I was thinking to myself like what kind of weird kink does this guy have uh like that ish I thought like I heard this and I was like that is a time traveler yes oh yeah Oh yeah. You know what I mean? That is somebody who, as I thought about many times, could go to any time in history and was just like, no, I actually want to go and take advantage

of what it was like to just fuck up a storm in the mid 70s. But I'm gonna be cautious. The idea that a rubber was a fetish, it was so uncommon to me. So look at me. I'll do weird shit, but I'm not putting an anorec on my cock. And like, think about it.

You know, there really wasn't, because that doesn't really protect you from like, you know, whatever was out there at the time. There's obviously like pregnancy that needs to be thwarted or whatever. So like, yeah, that is, time travel is possible. And that is how I know that that's crazy. That's the guy.

That's crazy. That's like how I used to wear a mask on planes three years before COVID, not to compare myself to that guy too much. Yeah, yeah, you're that guy. Did you know? I didn't realize you did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I was crazy. Well, I just got sick. I would go, I would be going to do gigs and I would get the fucking flu like one out of every eight flights and I would like hold or something and I was like, oh, fuck this. And I would wear a mask.

And you think people look at you weird if you wear a mask on a plane. Holy shit, go back to like 2018. People were like, yeah. And you're gonna look at this plane. Oh, everyone was like, what is good? And I would just, I would just look down and just be like, just, yeah, this plane. Oh everyone was like, what? And I would just, I would just look down and just be like, just get through the shit, just get through the shit. Yeah, but I always got calls on planes. Always, always, always got calls on planes. Always. Yeah. Yeah. And I always wear condoms and shipping containers.

Yeah, me too. Okay. So here's how it worked out. Miss Grezzles oldest child is agnus born 17 years ago three other children followed at two year intervals before the birth of her first pair of twins ten years ago single birth followed then came three sets of twins tomi was born four years ago in the following year the triplets arrived i like how it's a good for me i like tomi tomi's clearly the favorite it's everyone's just

a nameless spawn and it it's like that hey Tommy Then to I mean she doesn't know where the hell they are. They're not in her house. No, she doesn't at all She doesn't probably know their names. What's what's the six ones name? Yeah This is this is a sexy and a careless Irma those are not qualities that I associate with an Irma a sexy and a careless or not those are not qualities that i associate with an and the i believe sweet or her mother was fucking he was down he was down the name back you know they mean she's fucking the name

yeah okay this is for garrard it might be for day i don't know fears crackpot label general holdridge quits vegetarians ticket. This is this feels like 1845. Those words go together. Yeah, I mean, unlike the circus like

unlike the circus performer. Are you a vegetarian, Dave? No, no, I'm eating it. Okay, unlike the circus performer who can straddle two horses at once, general, Brigadier General Herbert Holdridge has decided to ride only one party in his race for the presidency of the United States. His Detroit headquarters announced Thursday that he had withdrawn as the American vegetarian

parties nominee. Oh my god There was a vegetarian part man you would not first of all god bless him. That is awesome I love that there was a vegetarian party, but can you imagine trying to launch that now? Oh See I mean CPAC would you would be you would have you would be like the CPAC logo that year. Just that it would be like 72 hours of people on Fox News just making face. They wouldn't just say I won't be gut felt. Oh, just oh Oh, Jesus can you imagine if we tried to pass a seat belt law?

Seriously Seriously, I was bad enough back then, but man they would lose their fucking mind Would lose their goddamn well We did an episode of the dollop about like traffic laws like when cars were introduced and like people's Inability like you know everyone was getting like hit and killed by cars and stuff But you did have like they had to make that adjustment over it was glacial 20 years it was 20 years to stop being hit by cars in the street. It would never, it would never. It would never. People were like, our children have always played in the street.

They're not going to stop. It's a case of never down all the time. No, but you're totally right. You could not. I mean, there's a video of like when they introduced no open container laws in Indiana in like 1982, and it's like people like, I mean, Jesus Christ, this is like the dumbest, so I can't drink four beers

on my drive home, but you would not be able to, we're like past the point of anything changing. It's now, we're in the great unchanging now. We're like going back to the things rather than being able to actually do anything. Okay, so the general continues to run as the candidate of the American rally. Hold your campaign manager, Burr McCloskey,

said the quote, cart was getting head of the horse, voicing his own opinion and not necessarily the opinion of thousands of others. McCloskey said, those vegetarians were making holdridge out to look as a crack pot as they are. Wow. The smart publicity man for the vegetarians, Simon Simon Gould was taken, has taken to running away with the general's campaign.

After a Mccloskey mode after the American and rally party had been created and set up headquarters here, uh, quote, we went to Chicago to accept the endorsement of the vegetarian party. We didn't see any harm in it. The generals of vegetarian, but I'm not, McCloskey said. It was then that, Gould with television and newsreel cameras handy, showed he was a smart cookie

at stealing the publicity of McCloskey said. When the movies came out, it looked like the general was just the vegetarians parties candidate. All mention of the american rally was deleted well you can't you can't run on to as a two party you can't run for two parties what's happening he was running as two different parties candidate

the rally the american rally and the vegetarian party i'll never get over that there was a vegetarian i mean it's I guess if there are that many parties, then you sort of can, right? I guess so it's just weird. And where are the peskitarians? Jesus, nobody gets you guys. The Beagons. Yeah. Beagons, it's vegans, but they'll do honey. Oh oh Shut the fuck up. I thought you're saying vegan vegan no vegan Well, you know I I've had many issues when I've been like I'm veget I've gone I would try to be vegan for what but man

There's like this promo thing where I was eating jello because I had like a fucking joke that involved jello and People so many people are like, uh, hopefully that was was vegan Jello and I'm just like could you just Buck off Every I mean you can't yeah this piousness of just like never touch any of it But that same thing with honey like I would have honey and people be like well I'm gonna go in against your edicts and I'd be like what or I was at a wedding once and And like I had the vegetarian meal and this woman was like you have a cat and I was like yeah, she goes Yeah, she was like very interesting

What is it? I was like okay, so what she's like wow He should probably have the chicken pick lady Yeah, yeah, it's like per yeah little yeah, whatever and he should probably have the chicken pic lady yeah yeah it's like peria little via whatever uh... the vegetarian party it looks like had uh... presidential tickets

in forty eight fifty two fifty six sixty sixty four how do we know what percentage of the vote they it doesn't say i believe monday all ran under that didn't that was what the cost of uh... or nixon uh... last one

okay wife charges rollo with extortion levitties Lathario. A levity is Lathario was bound over for trial Thursday on examination in recorders court on a charge of using threats to extort $4,000 from his wife. Wife is in parentheses. Sorry, quotations.

I keep saying that. I got to say, Dave, you know, my brain is not working. I did not get a lot of sleep last night I just I try and I'm doing I'm it's only because you're an editor and I'm freaking out a leader in who was a leader in Detroit Syrian community Health for trial was Fodd sad 31 of Lebanon who was placed on one thousand dollars bond

by judge 31 of Lebanon who was placed on $1,000 bond by Judge Schmanski. That sounds like a name like when you're like making fun of the judge. Like his name was like Banksy and you're like, Schmakesy. Schmakesy. Stop it. His alleged victim was Jesse Moussour, 41. Miss Moussour charged that she was unwittingly married to Saad during a visit to her native Lebanon because she had forgotten the language. That's like for you. She operates to East Side restaurants, said, say she said thrust a paper at her Which she then signed he claimed later this constitute a marriage she said the best

Sayed she said acquired the money when he threatened her with a gun. Oh my god. What did the fuck just happened? I think is it he That's not how marriage works. First of all, you can't just sign a piece of paper. I think there probably has to be some verbal commitment, right? Wouldn't there be? Are you looking it up? No, I just saw another head long that attracted my attention. Oh, what's here? Okay, naked recital wins return of his suit. Oh, boy. How's how's suit spelled? SUIT. That's what I thought. Good good question, though. Billy Reed 28 stood before a recorder's judge

Gillis Thursday and recited his complaint. He said, quote, there was a small party on watson street we were drinking a bit i passed out on the porch when i came to it seemed a little chilly i look down and found that my new suit was gone there i was in my underwear after reconclaimed to play it this is an it's an episode of shameless so what happened was They got drunk He he passes out on a porch and when he wakes up someone had stolen his suit and he's just in his underwear suit right off

Yeah, took it off okay date wow Afterwards read complain to police and detectives checked pawn shops and came across Reed's suit. They examined the pawn ticket and arrested Robert Hinton 28. Wow. I've part of the beauty of pawn shops is that there's pretty anonymous. Although police believe Hinton saw Reed on the porch and had directly stripped off the suit, Hinton said he bought it from a stranger.

Judge Gillis noted Hinton's record of 15 arrests ordered him to pay a read $40 and put him on probation for a year. He stole the guy's suit. He went, yeah. I mean, but he took it off him while he was sleeping. That is really what it was. Wow, it's passed out. I mean, it's not sleeping.

He was passed out. He was drunk at past. He was passed out. Pretty bad. past I don't pretty bad how past yeah, do you have to be to not feel like operation But all of your clothes. Yeah, yeah, I mean Assutes not easy to take off it's a No, we're talking about multiple layers of stuff. Well, you probably Probably to the jacket off and put it off. Jacket off Thai Lucent.

Thai Lucent. Yeah, you're not gonna. You wouldn't come with the suit. The suit is just the jacket and the pant, right? Yeah. Yeah. The suit is about a tie. The tie's off.

It would be very difficult to have someone like, if someone woke up during that, you would have to just be like, it's not sexual. I'm a thief. Yeah, I feel very much like this is headed towards a blow like something, you know. Yeah, or it is sexy. It's like a bug's bunny kind of situation where it's just like, you know, you affect a voice and you take, you know, a hand off of a mostly not conscious person. And yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I think the real thing here is, I mean, like the criminal I'm going to give props to because you were starting to say, this guy sees a buck. Yeah. Well, this guy sees a buck everywhere. This really is like an episode of shameless like, but the guy, the guy who needs help is the guy who passed out on the porch. Like, yeah, that guy needs a program.

That guy, that guy can't even help. Not in 1962, he doesn't. Yeah, that's the story's here. Free program. Yeah, I don't know how we are, you know. Yeah, yeah. These are the decanter days. This is way better.

Well, what a strange little paper you found there David Anthony weird here in 1952 was strange I really thought it was gonna be closer to things today But that had a very 1890s feel to it still where yeah, just totally odd and not really connective pajama issues. Yeah. It really felt like a free paper that you would get in a small town. You know, or like a scene. It's like a, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's like a whole bunch of bullshit local

news and then one guy's column and Like be sure to stop by Stella's boutique because she's got sun hats or whatever the vegetarian party very vegetarian party yeah very burbank. Yeah Well, Dave. Thank you so much for joining us At Dave Paul social media. Yeah editor at large as choir At Dave Paul social media. Yeah editor at large S. Quire Gay porn award show joke Less alumnus alumnus It goes on and on I was not I was not honored at that ceremony my own self

Not yet, but not yet. You'll get there. You'll get that. I have faith. I put that side But my back nine of my career will be as porny as possible I mean why not yeah, I'm ready Listen in this in this late capitalist Nightmare that we live in every every moment of your day is gonna have to be monetized in some way So get it pass get why you can't start It only stands up and dream big. Oh, yeah, that is valid All right, well, thank you the two Dave's each who have a child named Finn one with fur

You'll miss me honey. Some of these days.