The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 421 - Doc Ames (Live w/ Bill Corbett)
Episode Date: March 18, 2020Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by guest Bill Corbett to examine Minneapolis Mayor Doc AmesSource - Dirty Doc Ames and the Scandal that Shook MinneapolisTour Dates - ALL DATES PO...STPONED DUE TO CORONA VIRUSRedbubble Merch
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Hey guys so rough week I know a lot of people are freaking out and that's
obviously completely reasonable on more than one level. I want to say this I
want to say right now our government is not doing anything and I'll give you an
example in France Macron has suspended the payment of taxes he has
suspended the payment of rent he has suspended the payment for water gas and
electricity bills America is doing nothing so you need to call you need to
call everybody in your government and scream at them and you need to call the
media and you need to call everybody you just need to call everybody and start
screaming and let them know you're mad everybody needs to let them know you're
mad and you're scared okay this isn't mess around time this is it this is
game over stuff this is like literally we cannot let everything collapse that's
where we are so on that note I'm gonna give a nice light episode I haven't
picked it yet but I'll pick one that's a little more light than others okay
I'm hanging there you're listening to the dollop
this is a bilingual American history podcast each week I Dave Anthony read a
story from American history to me amigo
Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about and we
actually are now a bilingual history podcast because starting on the 18th the
dollop will be in Spanish I got a couple of hosts couple of Mexican gentlemen
who are very funny and they are gonna start doing our scripts and so it will
be called L dollop you speak Spanish now
that cool and and yeah 18th will be the first one Jose Antonio Badia and Eduardo
Espinoza they are really goddamn funny and it's gonna be called L dollop yeah so
that'll be fun so let's bring out our guest ladies and gentlemen to Bill
Corbett you know from riff tracks there he is doing something weird with his
face oh my god he's got you kiss get himself the corona I can't stop
Hola el dollop oh yeah oh see damn you know he got a Tito thank you for getting
that right so will they translate that back into English now your guys yeah
then we're gonna have well in England we'll have two guys with an accent
translated back yeah they're both me though well then riff tracks would be
the thing right riff tracks yep yeah with my old mystery science theater pals
Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy is yeah that's okay as long as you don't cheer
more for them than you did for me I'm cool with it I agree 100% agree you're
blocking me right now on Twitter aren't you there Corbett out the people I
really don't like I'm you
January 18th 1842 yeah year of our Lord Jesus Christ good dude great dude yeah
one dude one person out of like a thousand that's him he's here tonight we
give him shitties stand up and stand up and float over the audience please
Albert Alonso was born in garden prairie Illinois sorry sounds clown
murdery already I didn't look it up because I didn't believe that was a
place but it is dark garden prairie just garden prairie you put dark you did
that thing where you make everything dark in your head that's true dark Gary
you said murder prairie no I did not I'm sorry all I hear are screams oh man he
had six brothers and one sister his father had been a doctor and deputy
Illinois secretary of state private secretary to the governor and in the
House of Representatives Jesus and then after that they got tired Illinois and
the family moved to Minneapolis and it's called dark Minneapolis never heard
that before yeah yeah it's like the bizarro world in superman that's right
dark Minneapolis the one cities no hockey team
Alfred his father worked as a doctor became a highly regarded and wealthy
member of the Minneapolis community so young Albert was from a connected family
he went to Minneapolis high school and got a medical degree from a college in
1862 he went and fought in the US Dakota war maybe my favorite yeah a lot of
good stuff was a lot of good stuff a lot of really good we will tear down that
wall eventually I love I love a massacre the Civil War and then he married
Sarah Strout after the total after the war he returned to Minneapolis and he
won a house seat in the minute Minnesota so you're gonna say you want a house
the game shows back then yeah yeah it's Oprah so he worked with his dad and they
both doctors in the medical practice but then his dad died in this is 1974 but
that is not right son I can't do this any longer that's your story right there
hey I'm 180 look I'm done I am spent exhausting so Albert got the nickname
doc aims and doc joined several fraternal organizations and he made a lot
of connections in the city and he ran for and won a city council seat as a
Republican in April of 1875 okay the next year he ran for mayor but he lost
to a fellow Republican so he switched to the Democratic Party that's fine you
can do that now yeah that's so easy to do it's like shape-shifting right it's
nothing what are you guys doing over there and then he got their nomination
for mayor his supporters were all laborers they were known as the dinner
pale brigade sure right yep sure very I don't know what it strikes in you but
carried a big bucket of chicken pot pie 24 seven well they were called that
because they carried their meals to work each day in pales very literal yeah but
wouldn't they be wouldn't that be like lunch yeah or they just had like pale
they're like we've got three square pales I guess it would be lunch unless
they're working at night yeah so they're the lunch pale whatever brigade
doesn't sound as good does it no but it makes way more sense neither sounds good
just because I heard it gets the pale that we're having a problem with the whole
thing it's like an open thing yeah gross it in yeah around that time to eat
dinner out of it doc called establishment Democrats old fogies whoa we can
go back to that because that still works 150 years later the Republican
establishment and the old fogies are aligned against me so the the old
fogies were shocked by doc's popularity and called him a quote new fangled
Democrat you knew fangirl they were all prospectors such an old foggy come
back classic old foggy stuff Republicans thought very little little of the
dinner pale brigade because they're carrying lunch you can't respect this
group learn the names of your meals for Christ's sake we go home and have
breakfast after a day of work now you fools a Republican newspaper called them
quote black legs pimps loafers and bummers generally it's hard to be around
man because your legs are black it's fucked up it's like I'm having a bad
time here man that's not the meal you have in your pale dude it makes no
frickin sense man I'm gonna touch my face and get out of here
so doc won the election in April of 1876 okay now mayor mayor doc he promised to
crack down on dens of sin sure fuck that guy yeah I want someone who's gonna
double them right we don't have enough dens of sin I went a dent of sin based
economy but doc was often in the dens of sin he doing research doing my homework
finding out what makes him tick what are drugs like what's paying for sex feel
like I'm experimenting for us what's deep in it is a pain for sex feel like
again yeah what does it feel like to have a habitual problem paying for sex it
is a very long-range study okay I'm going in deep I've been doing this for
over 10 years when the bust happens it's going to be frickin epic so he's often
in gambling houses saloons and brothels the tribune called doc a quote
dissipated an adelpated young man I ain't adelpated you're adelpated excuse
me a moment that the thing that bumper was in Bambi edit right right yes that's
right that's right that's right so the paper told Democrats to open their eyes
and vote for the Republican in the next election and it worked after a year he was
out as mayor so in 1878 he ran for the state Senate and lost okay and then he
ran for the Hennepin County corner that he ran for corner used you could just do
that just like it used to be very common like oh you've got it you don't make
posters you're you're the one I want to be your corner oh yeah back in the day
you would run for corner you didn't have to have any experience as a corner yeah
great so yeah dumping dead bodies at your feet like I don't know like put it
over there I don't know that's a lot of dead guys I don't know there were dead
guys involved in this job I didn't know what a corner was I thought I did do
flowers I thought it took place in a brothel honestly I had a great life as a
denizen guy anyway he lost that election what's worse dodge that we're
losing yeah I'm not even good enough to be the corner that is tough honey he
ran for mayor again in 1882 and one okay wow yeah revolving door yeah this time
the tribune charged doc with election fraud and revealed inflated numbers in
areas with many voters where there were actually no houses he's cleaning up in
these counties that don't exist whatever what returns he's having and what's the
nobody vote who's controlling that but nothing came of it once mayor doc
immediately ran for US Congress and lost okay interesting rollercoaster well
it's a rollercoaster that keeps just going like this like okay is any easy so
the state is Mary focused on road repair sewage and drinking water funding and
maintaining the fire department and dealing with the plague of homeless
dogs was people fine yeah the dogs wouldn't be great to go back to a time
when dogs was our biggest problem there's too many dogs they keep stealing
those big link sausages hanging from my window they robbed stereotypes the other
day I used to be able to hang my sausages in this town snossages what snossages
not just a solution was to hire a dog killer I thought you did good good good
good good good good they're homeless let's fucking kill that's if you're the
runner up the corner that's the job you get now my dog killer I want to be your
dog killer that's like an Iggy pop song I'm gonna put this right near but voters
became worried about an increase in crime and doc lost in 1884 especially dog
murder yeah honestly he ran for mayor again in 1886 Jesus Christ the current
mayor was a flower a magnate was a flower flower magnate hello I'm Daisy I'm in charge
now this is Suntown eat all right so he's a rich flower guy uh-huh who made
policies I love to hang out in dens of sin I'm a dirty flower you don't want to
know what's happening underneath this soil I don't let's just say I'm rooting
myself set your statement are you just happy to see me what did you like to
know I dirty dirty flowers I'm sorry you should be sorry I'm not sorry for
anything refollow reblock mute that's the soft block when you block someone
David following you any I actually love that soft box the best it's my fave
these are all great they're all great so he runs for mayor again in 1886 current
guy's a rich flower owner what that's even weirder than what I was saying what
do you do I own all of these it's made me millions that's all I'll say so he was
only making policies dealt the wealthy and Doc want okay he organized he then
organized the police force like a military good they got crisp sharp
uniforms and had to do precise drills he gave the military ranks the chief of
police was now a colonel okay sure his assistants were lieutenant colonel and a
major so then the state legislature took control of the police force okay like
hey things get a little weird down there yeah just like our government does now
yeah huh the title of police chief was changed to superintendent of police to
make it sound less tyrannical doesn't do it for me so yeah he was a chief yeah
just make him chief yeah he's superintendent admiral of police that's
I'm stupid too please please pope I just pie us but I'm not shitting it's
sacrilegious doctor cop your doctor cop that's pretty cool yeah you're the doctor
cop sounds like a 70s show I would really good doctor cop doctor cop I can't
he's a cop and a doctor it's pretty straightforward yeah really haven't
thought much beyond that and there's a girl he likes it's this one look at that
yet doctor she's in the credits yeah yeah and he's got a kid or maybe now he
probably doesn't doctor cop doctor cop junior doctor cop junior maybe now he
does have a kid he did have a kid but he didn't think it was his but it was on
an old new doctor cop anyway we got a doctor cop junior we got our pitch off
to Hollywood next week it'll be great I don't say that doesn't sell cannot
cannot lose thank you Dave doctor cop so this city was again open for vice
gambling houses saloons brothels they were increasing tourism and then doc
was like this is going so well I'm gonna run for governor okay all right here we
go days before the election 10,000 Republicans marched through Minneapolis
carrying Roman candles torches lanterns anti-dinner pale brigade banners Jesus
Christ yeah anti-dinner but she's like plates you know you can't get your
dinner now it's inaccessible we'll starve not very bright so they marched
through and then they got to the place where all the Democratic saloons were
and there were doc supporters and they were very angry because the Republican
parade was much bigger than the Democratic parade two nights before sure
so the regular beef before we're still angry about your parade you don't come
in here and up my parade bitch well it feels like we just did asshole this is
the story of the parade wars that's right they attack them with clubs and
stones stay in line though everybody stay in line when we do it do it right
like we rehearsed from the top keep playing hold that clock straight
color guard why are you stopping I know she just got knocked out by a rock keep
playing keep going police joined in attacking with the Democrats 50 marchers
and injured several seriously 18 or arrested all Republicans okay but the
riot was a disaster for doc news spread across the state he had been a shoe in
for governor but then lost by a single percentage point he ran for governor
again good here we go shocking where does he find the time yeah guess what I'm
thinking of doing we know asshole yeah oh let me guess this time he did not get
the Democratic nomination he tried to land the position of park commissioner
but did not get it wow that is quite a downgrade yeah we don't want you for
governor can I run the park no I'll kill all the dogs there no it maybe take a
couple years off let me kill your dog no you're not killing Mike no you're not
doing anything do you remember that you're a doctor and you could make a
living that way I mean just consider it I wish I had a fallback plan you're a
doctor I know I think I'm gonna run for town squirrel
what baby so his main 1889 doc was not feeling well he was run down he was
thin he was exhausted so he took a four-month trip to Europe came ran for
prime minister of Europe took over Czechoslovakia and then it came back to
Minnesota he was 40 pounds heavier a rosy cheek energized when he got there
Minneapolis threw a parade in his honor oh boy you're fat again I've become
English now thousands packed into a ballpark to hear him speak I ate so much
food boy did I eat they have so many different sausages over there they love
potatoes they know how to make potatoes bad for you so do we now we do so he
separated from his wife in 1890 according to Harold zinc quote doc had
descended from mere good friendship to heavy drinking and loose living okay
thought he was already kind of there yeah he kind of always was there doc
moved into a room in the medical practice he shared with William I don't
know if he moved in their day so he's living in the same place where he's the
medical next to the skeleton that hangs up yeah you mean my only friend now
doc's daughter Effie sure who's got time to name him yeah was going to marry
roachford who was his partner in the medical practice roachford yeah that's
right yep yep yep if he's gonna be a roachford not exciting our movie name
it's not great so doc and roachford are not getting along right now because he's
living in the medical offices sure roachford reported doc was guzzling
booze and fooling around with unsavory women which are the best kind yeah brought
the dentist sin vibe to the office that's right in the middle of October
1981 doc called for a 31 year old named Lenora Chase to come for a medical
appointment uh-huh but he was upstairs naked drunk and in bed so I see no
problem there I just feels a little lowery when she got there roachford told
her to leave and said he didn't want her coming around anymore because she
had been coming around a lot for a lot of medical appointments wait what kind of
mixed signal is he sending she refused and then roachford she said he kicked
her and she fell down the stairs two days later roachford and doc ended their
partnership and roachford was charged with assault and battery doc testified
on Lenora's behalf roachford still still naked I assume yes roachford said she
had slipped and he tried to help her that always works she slipped
Effie testified for her husband when she was asked if it was odd for her father
to see women in the office she said quote it certainly was for him to receive
them in his bedroom sure dad's a big old horror yeah so roachford was found
guilty and now Effie was no longer speaking to her father okay wow what a
fun little turn Sarah as ex-wife went to California and she put her stuff in
storage before she did and she told the storage company not to give anything to
doc okay so then doc filed a suit against a storage company to get all the
property Sarah couldn't afford the court costs and then when the case was
settled doc got almost everything and Sarah had no furniture or money or
anything cool yeah I'm starting to think he's not the best guy is that where
you're trying to get across oh it's a hero okay okay in July she took doctor
court for non-support of wife doc tried to drag the case on as long as possible
to avoid paying anything and then on August 1st Sarah died at the age of 50
ah Jesus David
I was just getting attached to her as a character yeah I was just like she's
gonna keep something's got to give well something gave yeah well not I mean for
him yeah not her the Tribune said she suffered from a serious bout of quote
nervous disorganization well that'll kill you absolutely yeah yeah Joe Biden
but right before she died when she was in her deathbed she said doc a message
asking him to come see her doc was drinking in a saloon when he got the
message I love how you get the message I mean a messenger came a messenger came
said it was a different time I know it's just great give it to a boy that is
yeah it's just it's texting yeah give it to a little kid who would then bite on
the coin all right thank you sir all right so author Lincoln Stephen said he
quote scribbled across it a sentence incredibly obscene and sent it back what
would he have written back go fuck yourself no
if he wouldn't let her dad come to the funeral way to die asshole so just
imagining what I would have written yeah yeah so he couldn't go to the funeral
so instead he sat in a carriage across the street watching quote with his feet
up and a cigar in his mouth wow what a fucking prick wow I'm getting that sense
that is unbelievable a cigar feet up who I feel good yeah he's basically like
Robert De Niro in the you know the front row of the movie until the funeral
moved and then he circled around crossing it and meeting it making all
together a scene which might well close any man's career so he started going in
between the crowd in his car what in his car excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse
me excuse us excuse us fast the original fast and furious coffin dodge funeral
drift so doc and Sarah's 12 year old son John was living with Effie and her
husband so doc filed for custody in court good get that kid in his hands right
away yeah right well Doc's on a hot streak right now get involved time to
imprint make another one mini him he's pinning it all down when it's Sarah's
last request that was that John never lived with doc denied so they went to
court and Effie said doc was living with a married woman named Harriet Bates for
years and he couldn't take care of John because his quote heart had turned to
stone wow I don't know if that's a medically speaking she's a liar to be
clear she also said he liked telling dirty stories
ah come on they're limericks don't don't don't push your luck Sarah we all like
that so doc got custody all right fuck yeah man all right but continuing to be
a piece of shit and thriving let's try to be naked as much as possible in here
but there is one condition he had to provide a suitable home so on Christmas
night 19 or 1892 doc and Harriet went to South Dakota to the divorce colony and
wait what wait what do you mean so if you don't know we did it we did episode
about this okay there's a time where you couldn't get divorces but there were
certain states out west where they would have a easier divorce laws because
they want people to move there so they were literally called divorce it's what
we're striving for with abortion so our eventual goal is it's true destroy all
families so they got a divorce and the day after Harriet and doc married okay
so that's nice that is nice I'm a little worried about John though well I
worried about Harriet too I'm just kind of worried anybody who comes in that
guy's orbit is a little fucked but John is not moved in with him because he's
still living in the right it seems like a good home though yeah there's lots of
stuff yep no dogs no dogs no dogs allow maybe not that sterile environment maybe
a dog who knows maybe not for long okay only two dogs maximum and they can't go
on the table no but they can lick the instruments because dogs mouths are
cleaner than humans that's right medically speaking same with their
buttholes that's right that's what I've tasted what it's the only way to know
for sure guys tested or tasted he said tasted I'm not gonna answer that
question how about that bill there's a lot of public pressure and I'm not gonna
fall under it so after after this in 1898 doc decided it was time to run for
mayor again good yeah it's been too long yeah he lost what no he lot he was
running on the Democratic side he lost the nomination so were the old fogies
still around or they all just I don't know so now so he just he then declared
himself the GOP candidate for mayor wait after right after he lost he's like
I'm a dem I'm a Republican no he went to a couple meetings of Republicans and
then was like all right I'm all right boys I'll do it nobody asked you to do
anything I'm in I'll do it newspapers Republican and Democratic attacked him
he responded quote the journal the Tribune every paper that says anything
against me is a dirty stinking blackmailer I know him and their peanut
headed editors this could not be more Twitter I mean good Lord thread yeah
374 I did the dirty not headed the dirty penny aligners I know the history of
some of the editors I'll meet them and I'll beat them and I'll be elected over
all of them over all they write in their dirty foul sheets don't believe these
newspapers they're liars thieves and scoundrels nice wow there you go fake
news yeah that's a good one yeah you peanut head you do this peanut headed
that guy's an idiot his head's like a peanut so tempers groups are Republicans
and they saw him as destructive to their cause sure so they had their own
candidate run as an independent William Dean and then one day a bandwagon
shut up on the streets with signs that said wait a literal bandwagon we're
here for who's most popular sorry it took us so long
signs on the side that said vote for W.J. Dean prohibition candidate for mayor
and then drum course played as it rolled up and down the streets and then deans
people heard about this and they were like that's not our wagon and it turned
out saloon keepers were worried about Dean winning and so they hired the
bandwagon that's right Dean hates booze so then deans camp got their own wagon
and that wagon followed the fake Dean wagon so Dean what's happening right
now well we have a propagandist fake wagon so I got my bandwagon to chase that
wagon but the second wagon's a legit wagon that first one's a fake news wagon
this is the original battle of the bands and the second wagon that followed had
signs that read the wagon ahead is working don't pay attention at bullshit
wagon they're lying the wagon ahead is working for Ames or Gray we're not sure
who we're just the wagon that we're a neutral wagon nothing happened nothing
happened we're going to attack the other wagon so anyway dock one mayor once
again fourth term fourth term he's like Muhammad Ali he's like I got one more
come back at the tank never never in a row no no no he said there would be
changes to the police department quote oh no it's gonna get bigger and nasty it's
now an army fuck everybody quote I shall appoint my own police force every man
will have to make an application to me I will pass personally upon every
application men would have to be Republicans to become a cop that's
still the same ladies and gentlemen ice yeah that is what he's doing yeah yeah
that's not a brown shirt force at all as far as cops who had been on the force
for years he said there was no reason to keep the old ones on okay doc then
appointed his younger brother Fred to be police chief I can't know what's Fred
like I can't imagine what's Fred like well imagine I'm picturing a shitty doc
yeah I'm rooting for a shitty doc well Fred in his life had been a drugist a
civil engineer treasurer of the Minneapolis Exposition a bank cashier
and he'd worked in real estate was he ever coroner though yeah was he ever
in contention to be the town's dog killer right no so now he's a cop the
head cop hey how do we do this so talking has probably looked at 1200
applications he fight fires right that's what we do pretty much yeah they're
looking at 217 available police positions he said he wanted to build a
more competent and honest detective squad sure he interviewed a hundred and
twenty five applicants three days before he took over almost none have been
police before they were Sloan keepers bartenders private detectives friends of
the Republican alderman's dogs dogs cats skeleton from his office officer
bones what happened on the scene doc then fired half the police force some got
brutal demotions instead like captain swan Walton who was now the janitor in
the same station he just been commander
wow captain of the toilets that's it you are now yeah that is a hard day to go to
work yeah hey you you were my commander before right yeah but listen shit over
there yeah sweep that up that's actually it's actually my shit yeah I shit
there purposely for you all right well that's the dynamic we have going now
yeah it's like all right well you know there's still the toilet you guys could
use it right you should have thought about that when you are a commander well
shouldn't a shit so much what I have to clean it up yeah karma
Sharma all right all right well I guess I think we're done with that
particularly in his inquiry see you later guys okay bye good shit not never
mind so the new the new recruits had to buy their own uniforms which cost two
hundred dollars yeah it's like a soccer yeah exactly yeah they also had to pay
to get the job sure it's regular stuff regular ground floor cop stuff yeah yeah
it's like a fishing license so there were cop interns but then we get
five of our friends when we actually start getting paid so when they're five
of our friends become cops then we're sheriffs of them and then they get five
people to also be cops you see and then we're making money up we're going up you
see what I'm saying that's where it's gonna go eventually you're gonna break
even eventually oh you have to oh yeah oh no buddy mine is a boat boom game over
so anyway the key is that you guys need to really start finding some cops because
otherwise I'll be screwed I'm not taking questions right now but yeah what if I
don't want to be a boat I don't think you've been listening to a lot of what I
said I really don't heard a lot of it no you know a friend of mine has a boat
because of this I don't want to be a boat yeah that's not a thing that anyone's
threatening you with I'm just saying no you're a cop right yeah I'm a cop and
you gotta buy the bullets from me and the gun from me and then you get your
cop starter kit and then after that then you just find some other people who are
like-minded who want to be cops and you sell them bullets and guns you see and
the money goes up my buddy has a boat the money goes up do you understand I don't
want to be a boat you know I think you're missing the point nobody's
threatening that you're gonna be a boat I keep hearing at the end you say the
last thing is I'm responding to the thing you're saying that's miss you've
been missed try putting boat at the beginning of the sentence see what is
something you won't be oh what the fuck that was yeah I'll do this did it
another sale kaching yeah yeah by the way if you guys need soap products you
can get them through me the dollop bled brand toilet paper now so doc what doc
let officer Nathaniel Wilson King not just stay on the force but he made him
a captain and chief of detectives King was a legendary fighter and drunk great
perfect put him in charge in that order I don't think so he had been a cop for
years he'd been fired and rehired by different mayors okay in 1890 King was
on a streetcar and when he called the politician a quote Republican lick
splittle lick spittle lick spittle lick spittle yeah lick spit okay it's fucked
up it's a fucked up thing they used to do back there yeah that they would call
them that are the people with lick spit no it's just a guy that was a guy to
every time it was like no no no no no no that's so good hey it's a spittoon oh
yeah my younger ah yeah right in there and go to town like fudge like fudge
ah it's nice like fudge he said everybody filed out of the room that's
nice oh lucky me you sure your boys don't want to rip of this more for me I'm
the head cop you have a boat don't you yeah I am one too what yeah it was a
pyramid scheme I got involved in the guy said I was gonna be a cop but then he
turned me into a boat for about five years yeah lived as a boat pretty weird
but now it looks spit so I'm gonna come back in yeah yeah he's my birthday oh
little more down here too I didn't see that I don't feel great seems to be a
side effect on my lifestyle yeah well I'm gonna go find some more spit to drink
I should turn on good to meet y'all if you're gonna spit spit in there I'll be
back during the rounds it's a little preview of gareth's touring one-man
show it'll be going around Broadway stages it's a little lick spittle lick
spittle the boat man the boat man yeah how about that yeah what about that open
that the mayor so the mayor had after he called him that guy lick splittle the
mayor had him resign King then opened a gambling house one night he got into an
argument with one of his dealers who pulled a gun on him sure well that's
not cool King then grabbed the dealer's friend and used him as a shield dude sure
dude sure the dealer still shot but he was
King then punched the dealer in the face from behind his friend what kind of
Jackie Chan shit is going on and then the dealer was arrested what another time
King had a beef with a chair as a samurai sword this is how fighting was back
then another time King had a beef with a political operative and they were both
in a saloon the operative was drunk and he rushed to King pulling out a 38
revolver and shooting it twice he missed that's why you don't get drunk and do
these yeah King grabbed the operative's wrist and forced the barrel into his
face and then into his left eye oh no King back off he gouged and he made out
gouged oh that's nasty the dazed operative wiped at the wound while his
eye was dangling from the socket oh my god well played sir the gun barrel had
been jammed into his eye socket so hard the gun sight was bent I'm sorry I'm
really sorry I'm not gonna be able to aim for shit with this I also look at the
ground I am I can look everywhere I've got a
periscope look behind you four o'clock like a monocle excuse me hello look at
I got a beanie cat hey look I took shrooms I'm a cyclops King got off
herself defense yeah you had to do it yeah so this is Doc's guy yep cool doc
had King start contacting the best con men in the country and inviting them to
Minneapolis to conduct their business good good this is that's right swamp the
drain I'm starting to think there might be a little corruption afford I'm gonna
hold off my judgments bill reserve the common were organized into groups and
detectives would oversee their operations sure and the administration would
take 10% sure okay starting to come over to your camp now yeah okay now John
Fitchett was also a key man in Doc's force Fitchett had no experience as a cop
he ran a seafood restaurant called a coffee John's oyster grotto but they're
very similar they're very similar yeah you shuck an oyster yeah I put a bunch
of crab on ice and then you got to put the bad guys on right and they think that's
the only thing you're scraping out crime from the city yeah yeah it did breaking
the claw of injustice yeah and also the tune has gone bad that's just a note
for general customers of the store his nickname was coffee John coffee John the
oyster man a little busy little busy a sign read quote the only first-class
oyster house west of Chicago how hard is that aren't you the only one that's
right marketing it's better than that one in Bismarck believe it or not in
October of 1887 at 1 30 a.m. in the morning coffee John finished a steak and
look what the fuck is coffee John doing coffee John don't sleep I'm just having
a 2 a.m. steak don't be John don't worry about a coffee John I put some
oysters on the steak coffee on that shit I'm fucked up I'm drinking steaks I'm
eating coffee he looked at the other guys in the restaurant and said he would
eat 500 oysters in two hours for a $10 bet what just happened what you'll eat
500 oysters in two hours after he ate his steak yeah for 10 bucks I went my god
how fast my hand would be on my money oh yeah please please please please please
yeah they went for it oh they did and he started eating and one man was so
sick and watching he had to go outside for fresh air to stop himself from
throwing up such as just watching it made people
coffee John did it with five minutes to spare the power of coffee oh my lord
finally a hero right everybody let's take a stab someone the eye oh well
coffee John was also a belligerent bully okay if anyone said anything bad about
his food he completely lost his mind in September 1980 he was fined for
attacking a customer who argued about the price of oyster stew well the
customers right another time a customer complained that he'd been served blue
fish instead of bass and coffee John punched him twice in the head then head
about it I'm gonna hit him in the head with a sugar bowl the last thing seems
like an embellishment after that yeah he was charged with the salt but his
fellow Masons came as witnesses to a trial sugar bowl fell on him and he got
off anyway coffee John he's now a cop good good it's time to enforce the
oyster coffee cup yeah dr. coffee cup just looking for spin-off shows here yeah
yeah after dr. cup doctor yeah dr. cap the oyster cup the governor made doc of
the state surgeon general sure yep well he's a doc yeah I keep forgetting
somehow he's a doctor never does any medical shit but now why would he his
commission was that of a brigadier general so he walked around in a full
military uniform with they called epulates a braid and a chest full of
metals wow a chest full of metals singing Gilbert and Sullivan songs and then
he got a sword finally with the words brigadier general AA Ames surgeon
general of the state of Minnesota 1901 to 1902 inscribed on so you could commit
surgery on the spot so judging by the mental state of this gentleman already
I feel like this is going to ground him bring him back to earth for a little bit
yeah a sore yeah title of brigadier a bit of humble pie yeah with a chest full of
metals so now coffee John's main job was to sell positions on the police force
I'm glad he's still in the story yeah he moved up he moved up the ranks very
fast doc made him a sergeant in January Sergeant Espresso a lieutenant in
February and then a captain in March wow so really rising up the ranks just very
easily could not even keep in his uniforms like a doc was so happy with
what coffee John was doing he gave him a gold star with a diamond in the center
as a special commendation for his three months as a cop it's good to see my cost
players more and more at the end of this story I feel like it should be two
children pretending he gave gold stars with diamonds to other high-ranking cops
including his brother who's done an unbelievable he's he's been effective
really great doing a great job these days more and more yeah meanwhile the
rank-and-file cops who had to buy their jobs were being asked for money to buy
jewelry cigars and other gifts for their superiors yeah he needs it yeah they
were all furious for having to turn over some of their salary and now reporters
started getting suspicious about what about the huge plume tatty swan
around diamond star cop uniform to have a diamond star yes if they're good cops
one day coffee John led a man out of jail the deputy Kirk clerk of the court said
there was a second charge against him but coffee John refused to re-arrest him
so the clerk went and got a sheriff to do it coffee John was furious and he got
in the clerk's face oh here comes the sugar bowl he's wearing it like a gun
fool give me a reason he flips it around he called him quote too fresh well he
does know and if anybody knows freshness it's me coffee John I used to push
oysters and let me tell you they were top of the catch they are the freshest
lake oysters you can get delicious barnacles so coffee John then had the
clerk arrested for swearing at him sure that's how you do it at the clerk's
trial the next day the court laughed at the supposed abusive words and he was
acquitted yeah it's weird when you have to read out your own name but the clerk
turned out to be a snitch for the journal stitches stitches are coming so the
reporters of the journal now started looking into the arrests because John
had let the guy out of jail right and it turns out tons of people were being
arrested and then just let go and there were two sets of records now another
cop named Norbeck was such a drunk that he had a terrible case of rosacea it was
so bad that he just had a giant big red sore on his nose he's okay he also
grinned and winked at inappropriate times he was the original Joker yeah he
was drunk to be fair yeah part of it from here on in we can just assume
everyone is drunk yeah just decrees of it Norbeck was described as
disturbing it's great it's great that's why I'm winking why are you calling me
disturbing I have a bleeding sore in the middle of my nose oh it's that bad I'm
Norbeck doc made him a detective and in February provided him to lieutenant now
the campaign for mayor had cost Doc so much money he asked $20 from veterans
each month and said they'd be fired if they didn't give it up
it's not really asking he's still not turning a profit on this fucking thing
yeah rookie's only had to pay $10 that's nice yeah and then in March 3
veterans refused to refuse to pay and they were fired one made a sword out of
affidavit stating that the Ames brothers were running a shakedown operation
but doc and his brother denied it the cop who signed the affidavit was then
arrested by King for being drunk and pulling out a gun and in court he said
that he had the gun because he was now a security guard and he never pulled it
out and he also said he was not drunk he'd only had a cider in three beers yeah
which by the way what a great time when you can talk about how you're not drunk
I'm not drunk I'm seven four I'm logical I'm focused very sensible I kill better
after a few I like to say I'm better I'm three beers better I'm relaxed not a
great order for drinking so witnesses backed him up but the cop was found
guilt the cop was found guilty and fine sure wait cop clerk what was he who cares
another cop quit and said there were big mitt games going on and he wouldn't he
couldn't do anything about it he wasn't allowed to a mitt game was basically a
poker game that was set up by conman crews to swindle a new guy who came into
town so they swindled you were playing with me backstage right no no it's
different it's okay I owe you a lot of money yeah yeah like I said we can get
us get some travel okay I'll be a boat eventually very soon very soon man can
dream when the when the victim complained to a cop the cop would just
say he'd been illegally gambling and to let it go or he'd be arrested so they're
all right yeah a grand jury was begun three months into doc's term to look at
what was going on pretty fast it's all happening in like a week the grand jury
determined since January the number of gambling houses had exploded and they
all had police protection they said to the gang of conman known were known as
the syndicate and had taken over the city and had no fear of arrest their
leader Fred Briggs was often at City Hall and was seen in quote friendly
intercourse with King nice please it's friendly what do you mean I think they're
fucking okay they're no it's they're having you know just like a deep
conversation oh okay fucking wow okay that's different that's hanging yeah
hanging they're hanging out they're hanging out the jury recommended doc
fire king and officer Gardner who gave out licenses and collected fees from
businesses several saloon keepers and gambling house owners were indicted but
no city officials doc said this was all the work of busy bodies
toddlers and newsmongers yeah these guys like stab each other in the eyes but
they're all like you're a licks middle in a penis head you're a you're a poof
you're a you're a sniggle poof it's not the most vicious event so he said the
grand jury was partisan a witch hunt and a hatchet job by his enemies witch hunt
interesting job interesting some of these and that he was not going to fire
King or Gardner no collusion and then two days she harassment two days later he
said the reputation of Minneapolis was at stake there we go big stakes big
stakes quote is Minneapolis a hellhole and do her newspapers and representative
citizens want to proclaim that fact to the world what do you think folks yeah it
is all right the answer is yes Norm King wasn't worried at all he said quote I
feel very pleasant about it yeah whatever to make money the city find brothels I
was how the city made money one of the ways okay so a madam I get fine at the
beginning of a month and then she would come in and pay the fine in court and
then she'd be left alone right then dock parking tickets thank you for that
super help let that be a lesson to everybody don't do that dock change the
system and now had the madams just pay his officers directly well that's
simply that's like direct deposit that's just a little faster fish eliminate the
middleman yeah but the madams all got scared of what was going on they shut
down their brothels and they fled well that's yeah what does that do to a city
at that time oh no and that's how st. paul started
oh boy yeah sorry guys well here we go it is I st. paul sorry st. Paulians papers
wrote that the system had worked fine before there was no reason to change it
but doc actually wanted the madams gone because he was setting up new brothels
with fronts that look like candy stores and bath houses and other fake stores
candy stores yes no children allowed at the candy store and we're only open at
night okay you know we're short on candy and people actually walk into barber
shops we don't cut areas whatever you mean oh take your dick out what I want
a kind of barber shop I mean I guess I'll take my dick out if you guys will
cut my hair if my dick comes out do I still get a haircut no well I'm gonna
take it out and I'm gonna assume someone's gonna at least take some of it
off the sides oh there'd be something taken off but perfect not the sides all
right well I love to close my eyes during my haircuts
and the thing I've always done what do you think about mouths what a weird
question but I guess they're fine I mean if my eyes are closed and I would love
a little bit more off the sides doesn't feel like any's come off yet but mouths
are good who's drafty in here what a weird environment feel like I've got
oysters in my pants so basically he he took out the the city from the equation
right and now they haven't he's friend protection of the brothels are more
vulnerable he's turned it into dock town yeah it's like the back to the future
to weird Biff world that's right yeah it's like it's like Potter'sville and
it's a wonderful life right so now all the all the con men and the gamblers and
everything are getting more brazen sure people are just getting taken advantage
of and victimized and cops are just shrugging and being like yeah yeah what
are you gonna do you shouldn't have gotten robbed the rough city what are you
doing they got robbed so easy stupid you maybe you just stupid because you got
robbed so simply do you ever think about that you shouldn't let that happen
next time don't get robbed you dummy dumbass stupid I'm gonna draw an S on
this guy's head guys I'm from I'm from Minneapolis and I got a Jersey accent I
don't know how that happened huh just kind of happened naturally we don't know
we talked like back then you talk to stupid people hey look at this dumb
fuck I'm from me very someone fair yeah exactly
we're gonna get breakfast at Peckins or what I'm gonna go get a haircut real
quick hey Tony Tony let's get some looterfisk hey Tony so there's all
this crime happening and so doc made a big deal about the rest of one pick
pocket and said crime was now down in Minneapolis we ladies and gentlemen we got
him we found him this kids been doing it all fucking Larry he stole a button the
other day yeah man this kid's gone I think everything should be pretty good
over here so the sheriff of the county Philip of
Margaden was not liking this and he had his and then he has deputies roll into
town and crack down all the gambling houses and the slot machines and doctors
Mac is he was making 15,000 a year off the slot machines sure a third of the
profits went to the city and a third of the profits went to the cops so so Docs
cops came up with evidence that the sheriff was submitting bills for travel
that overcharged the county and they and arrested him and the sheriff said he was
innocent but he was discredited wow Jesus some parts of the city were
completely out of control there was a low-class theater called the Columbia in
the museum district the owner of the st. Paul globe called a quote called the
owner quote a man famed for his connection with lewd resorts where
women show their nether limbs for the selection other limbs you want to see a
vagina hand hello here's my leg boob look at that ooh la la right where women
would show their nether limbs for the selection of wayfaring lumberman and
itching harvest hands itching harvest ah yeah cover with soybeans I need some
nether limbs Jesus Christ this is such a cool thing to do with a bunch of other
guys this is awesome I love the theater I love it I love the museum district of
town the best nether limbs in town unbelievable just top-notch so the
grand jury back when had recommended that Columbia should be closed for serving
alcohol and having immoral shows but doc did nothing for having alcohol pretty
low bar at that yeah in April that you know on two actresses at the Columbia
got into a fight over beer money and one kicked the other to death fucking
Minneapolis style damn I mean we all like beer money I mean that is that is
truly yeah an 1800 Midwest crime yeah kicking to death over beer yeah beer
money not even yeah I get a hypothetical beer future beer right murdering
someone over future beer the irony was it wasn't even enough for a pint and that's
how St. Pauli girls started
so she got she got two and a half years well that's why they throw the book in
her day she killed the woman with her feet what's the
wow the judge was furious at the owner doc had allowed the owner to break all
the rules and closed down as nearest competitors put up a no-kicking sign what
I've been telling you well turns out it was the pick pocket again this kid just
well the mischief is he's just a mischievous boy he's a scam mischief
finds this one so then the owner was found guilty of it letting a 15-year-old
girl serve liquor and was fined still doc left it open and the press now started
going crazy over the Columbia doc said the owners legal issues was why he
hadn't closed the theater he didn't want to quote interfere with the courts that's
right yeah it's my respect for the law that kept this place open so long I love
the law in November doc took a vacation and well earned
you've just put your stamp on one of the best towns in America he's take a
little time off where would you go I mean you live in paradise look you're
gonna go he'd go to st. cloud sorry I'm responsible for the local references
here no he's done a great he's done a great job yeah you really need some
time yeah revel in your success he went hunting in Grand Rapids that's the joke
I just made pretty much like fucking rich guy go to Paris when he returned he
found out one of Minneapolis's biggest pastors had given a sermon about him he
said an investigation the Lord thinks this guy is great yeah the pastor an
investigation was already underway which would result the pastor that's right
it's a bunch of pastor cops we're on a cop doctor doctor cop pastor cop pastor
cops their cops we're all canceled halfway through the preview we got the
word so when doc heard he said quote I am willing to admit women frequent
saloons in Minneapolis but we cannot stop it they have as much right to be
there as the men oh I love the way he sisters are doing it for themselves the
way finagles his way around like I'm a feminist no jerk off still the next day
because he was taken 80 ordered the cops to crack down and then he called the
pastor a liar and said ministers were only saying this to benefit themselves
you're a symbol pinky twit knit in December it was apparent doc was
starting to unravel from the pressure the board of corrections and charities
voted for the city doctor to no longer report to the mayor but to report to a
hospital committee okay because it turns out the city doctor was buying
unnecessary medical supplies don't need that many forceps yes we do yeah doc
lost his shit at the board meeting he swore at the board for a while two board
members he had appointed himself and they got the worst of it he said they
were traitors and wolves and then he stood up and said he would that's pretty
cool it is good right and they said a wolf trader he stood up and said he would
lick them right here and now I will lick you all that's it one by one turn
your face to the right yeah yeah dog traitors yeah dog killed wolf trade now
yeah yeah oh look a spittoon don't mind if I do yeah it's sip sip pass guys one
of the reasons that doc was losing it was because all the criminals he had
imported into Minneapolis were just way too brazen weird they didn't understand
limits it seemed like yeah I know it seemed like it might be impossible to
reel them in anymore and out of an out of towner named Meeks was taken for a
$775 cashier's check the police were obviously no help so he went to a
reporter and the reporter took him to see police chief Fred Ames without telling
Fred that he was a reporter so Meeks is in tears Fred listens to his story and
then says look there's nothing I can do because you endorse the check yeah what
stupid you're still why'd you do that dummy fucking stupid that's why crime
happens you guilty of being a moron that's why crime and idiot have you
thought about coming to Minneapolis and not being a fucking idiot no didn't occur
you did it instead you just came here like don't just be stupid yeah my checks
I'll have crimes happen to me dumbass it's fucking Minneapolis this ain't the
fucking heck land right shit's real here yeah the mean streets of video
500 people die a day here kid that's right thank you special stupid you ever
seen a lady kick a lady to death I have because that's a show we're doing every
Friday doing every night every Friday a woman gets another woman to death over
beer money we do a little Shakespeare we do some songs then so lady kicks a
lady yeah yeah I mean we're in the museum district so we got to do some
culture right and we talk about old bones and then this woman kicks this
other woman to death so they're both paid very well it's pretty good it's a
double feature so soon after a series of articles came out in the Minneapolis
Times that broke down what had happened to meeks and how the police had done
absolutely nothing so doc took a week-long vacation of course it's a
favorite spa in Indiana yeah yeah this guy sucks at vacations that's that's a
famous spa state yeah there's a bath it's a rock with a little bit of an
abrasive quality rub it on your arm it feels good a lukewarm tub is a bowl of
water a couple of bugs we can fog up the outhouse make it a sauna for you give
me a real nice exfoliant here's a comfort goat there you go we used to have
robes Jimmy will pee on you if you're cold it would be an honor when he came
back from vacation he ordered laws regulating saloons wine rooms gambling
and brothels to be strictly enforced so why did I say what wine rooms were wine
rooms were you'd had to have it had to have it separate from the saloon like a
wine cave yeah but then there couldn't nothing could be happening in there in
the wine room yes and no singing your pianos or fucking crazy no whining well
yeah yeah I've been around the wine people they don't need anything they'll
just talk about the wine right but men weren't supposed to be in there you know
what so look at a weird room this room this room is taking on weird rules weirdly
enough there's no music there's no talking about stuff there's no dudes
allowed in there it's wine weirdly kicking other women to death we're
strictly encouraged all right he says 12 yeah I want one of you to be able to
come out at the end one of you is gonna win a Shiraz
from Grand Rapids Minnesota it's just so he tries to crack down he says no
more women or pianos and saloons no more singing where liquor is served what
no more singing liquor that's a real problem it's a problem it's not the
but it's not the people that drunk it's that they feel free to sing this town is
a singing problem you can only imagine what happened to make them make that
illegal oh it just had to be unreal every person alone was just like I'm
right in the song to myself and the road is dark for me and it's a song that I'll say I'm drinking it for me
I wrote a song for me, I wrote a song for me, my song is my song, I wrote a song for me, my song, my song, my song
is dead, I live alone, I have a chair, I have a chair, I got a chair, I have a chair, I have two chairs right here, one song at a time please
I got two different chairs, I love both of my chairs, chairs
that's it, that's it, no singing! a room full of everyone in their own musical
all right there we no more goddamn singing why won't there be more there
should be more on February 23rd in a wine room two women started fighting over
a man yeah all right good job ladies so we like to hear one woman pulled a gun
and shot three times missing the other woman the wine the other one then pulled
the knife interesting the two women then fought and fought down the stairs and out
into the street wow that really happened where 200 spectators surrounded them and
watched they're called extras this is set up an immediate banjo soundtrack just
kicked up spontaneously a cop arrived and arrested one of the women so the
crowd grabbed her and tried to free her interesting the cop had to pull out his
gun to keep the mob at bay until other officers arrived
they loved it so much they were like what are you doing come on this is why we're
here this is the best thing that's ever happened they're both still alive this is
all I got my week please I think it's the time for me to go home I got a bunch
of chairs and the cop trained his gun on this thing oh no I'm nervous now he's
got his gun at me so the bar was shut down that night that night my police will
be open in the morning and then the owner went to see doc and it was open the
next day yeah and now the press and obviously knew all about this and they
went to ask Fred what was going on and he said quote I cannot do anything there's
nothing I can do they signed the checks or whatever if I was able to close it up
at once I would I have reported the matter to the mayor but he has done
nothing so now Fred's throwing his brother out of the bus because he's getting
heat right and when he was asked why doc hadn't done anything Fred just shrugged
his shoulders he's in Indiana so even Doc's own brother's turning against him
Fred wasn't done in other boardwalk Empire yeah not the ocean or the good
looking people Fred wasn't done another interviews he talked about cops getting
hush money and criminals being arrested and just let go but by him I myself I
myself am certain that some of the officers who have had these cases
received money from the crooks but I have no proof what could I do what could
I do I just took the money I mean I'm just the guy in charge I'm just sitting
here and things are happening around me all around and I got no control over
them I'm a lump I'm a lump all right Fred we're done with the interview I'm a
fucking lump you guys interviews over stop Jesus Christ kick me in the balls
what are you talking about me so fucking hard no all right everybody get
out of here everybody go home all right go home I'm a very bad police turn the
lights off in here hey that lady you kicked that guy and that other lady no
she's not kicking you in the ball oh Jesus no it's not no we're not doing some
weird fetish she's got a fuck are we back in the barbershop you got yeah sounds
like the barbershop action
King's name was back in the papers okay sheriff the sheriff who had removed by
office had now been fired by the governor hmm so doc sorry so King now
decided he wanted to be sheriff why not for sure why not Sheriff King yeah make
sense on an all-new Sheriff King but after you declare the 1800 Sheriff King
do you need a cop in your house I'm your guy called Sheriff King you need a guy
to enforce laws in your house you need him now cold Sheriff King we'll get him
out there by tomorrow 911 giving you the run around call Sheriff King Sheriff
King the only place guarantees to get your sheriff to your house within two
hours that's right a legal sheriff sorry about when we had fake sheriffs but
after King announced for sheriff soon after two cops arrested a conman for a
con and gone bad he just held the guy up instead you're not a teacher just give
me the money I forget the roses up so the cops arrested him but King knew and
like the guy so he went to the jail chit-faced and told the two cops to let
him go Jesus the open drunkness of the air is always very inspiring everybody
just full of bacon and shit came that everybody didn't just die every day at
the time King had a black eye and a smashed nose from the night before when
he had a fight sure my man so he got in the two cops faces and he swore at them
because they wouldn't let the guy go and then he pulled his gun and pointed at
one but they still didn't give in so the next day Doc suspended King but then a
day later he lifted the suspension he learned his lesson sorry sorry just
seeing the look at his eyes he was up all night he said he changed his mind
because of King's quote fidelity that's right he didn't fuck around on his wife
that's right he's a good guy a couple weeks later the St. Paul globe ran a
story all about the con man at work in the city quote the town is full of
thieves of all kind experts safe blowers night and day prowlers pickpockets and
grafters it is said that some of the best of these have been imported from
Kansas City St. Louis and other towns yeah that's right imported what's in the
crate con man is this the inception story Gotham you got any air holes
there I think they're dead here we are yeah we got a bunch of air holes we'll
sell them to you yeah that's the crate that's the great all right hey are you
guys guys we're map salesman all right this is the one there in here he promised
I would be in a bed of straw what the fuck sorry boys so another grand jury was
formed good a successful businessman named Hovey Clark sure was made the
foreman he hired police detectives who knew that he knew would snitch to dock
and then he brought out of town detectives to do the actual investigating
he paid for this all himself okay he's really into the he's really patriotic
he's really like yeah by the grand jury learn there were two common in jail who
are angry about being double-crossed one was the guy that King had tried to get
out and they were very eager to squeal they called dock in his crew quote dock
in his crew quote crooked crooks yeah which means they're on the straight
narrow they cancel each other out redundant
they said that's not their best work crooked crooks no I mean come on they
spilled every happened to peanut heads so these two guys build everything the
new to the grand jury they even turned over a ledger book that they had kept
because they didn't trust Doc's gang to be square with them it had itemized
amounts of takes from victims expenses rents pretty much all cost so just an
evidence book yes dear evidence the crimes I did now doc had previously
announced he was going around for mayor again but suddenly he said he might take
a job somewhere else interesting what's going on on May 16th Fred officer
Norbeck and Gardner were arrested by sheriff's deputies for receiving bribes
most charges stem from the swindle of Roman Amix dock when back on vacation to
the spa awesome finally yeah I'm going back to Bloomington exotic paradise
just sitting that rocky river flatters you please get a leech massage brown oh
yes there it is when he came back he said he would finish out his term as
mayor and then move on to being a hotel manager at the spa retirement plan out
of nowhere you know it's actually weird as you guys are busted up all the
corruption I think I just want to be an assistant GM at a spa that wild I love
to help the people tan crazy I love getting knots out of backs that's my
passion fizzy water we put cucumber in the water it is crazy it's wild the
grapefruit in the morning it turns out he was actually a big investor in this
spa okay so our Gardner was tried first during the trial the prosecutor was
approached by a man in the courthouse quote you fucking son of a bitch if you
don't cut out this prosecution of dr. Anz will fix you you fuck wow the language
just took a whole you fuss budgets little whip snorter straight to some
kind like you cut what straight down the middle f bombs there's a shift days
before the same man had approached the prosecutor on the street and asked him
quote why are you prosecuting my friends the police and the prosecutor said he's
not interested in discussing it and the man said well if you keep on we'll kill
you it didn't take long to find out who the man warrant was turns out he wanted
to be a cop but doc hadn't hired him what this was his way of showing doc he
could be loyal and this is the saddest guy story he got nothing out of it so
violent but it comes from a place of abandonment yeah he says he's gonna kill
the guy but what he really wants to do is be hugged yeah he wants a hug that's
that's where my violence comes from see once Doc sees that I tried to stop it
then then doc will make me a cop right huh he's gonna pat me on the head doc
will love me right you think about your bust up and oh he's gonna give me a
nickel and he's my best friend give me a little chuck under the chin like good
job kid he's my best friend in the world doc my best he doesn't know who you are
yeah but that doesn't mean we're not best friends of my head does oh or real
life okay could you stop threatening people are you stupid fuck I'll kill
you he's such a dumb fucking idiot yeah there's a just like a no in between you
know the cry for love it's a cry for love there's no gray area I'm sorry do
you want to have lunch with me no you piece of fuck okay dirty shithead okay
so this is why fuck nose fuck nose but liquor okay the second one yes it's
sniffing fuck what Taster fuck you taste Fox I don't taste what you do you love
them maybe I do taste Fox what's the don't go on a tangent of thought right
now I'm in the middle of something I mean if you if you what's a fuck I mean
do I taste fuck yeah I guess it is Fox are we BFFing right now hey guys you're
both fuck tasters you mean that yeah I do I guess he's right yeah you have more
in common than you have different are you a therapist yeah I am now I guess I
guess wow fuck they didn't expect this to be in therapy right now it is this
guy's fucking crazy well we're both fucking crazy just work on your
relationship you get I don't we're never gonna survive you get fuck tasting in
common to work from there okay good job guys all right time's up okay let's get
back to the show sure it's good section great yeah good job feel drained yeah so
that you'll call your provider please last payment didn't fucking fuck tasters
it's not so the trail goes on when Fred took the stand he said he didn't know
what a mitt joint was or even what a mitt man was Doc's memory suddenly
terrible he said Gardner had been hired by the department but then fired two
months later and now he just did stuff for Doc but he couldn't remember what
kind of stuff yeah that's right yeah I remember there's a lot of stuff leading up
to it but not the crime Joe Biden sorry I'm sorry that's not right that's right
that's wrong after you left the courtroom doc told the press it was all a
conspiracy one day during the trial the guy who had threatened to kill the
prosecutor yeah came into the courtroom shit-faced hey now I'm gonna tell you
what I really think what a surprise order in the court and then he demanded to
sit next to the two con men who were squealing and then he was arrested
quite an appearance he's got a really terrible the prosecutor had a great plan
there though just sit there and get arrested the prosecutor said quote I
believe he was a little out of his head he's about to barf like a geyser too when
detective Norbeck testified he said he didn't know what a conman was I have not
even ever heard the term con man before what's that's like what Joe Paterno was
like he tried to play it off by not knowing what gay people he was he's like
I never even heard of a gate but I don't I don't even know what that is so how
could I let it happen I never even heard of something like that do we have
showers we have showers I didn't know anything that's weird I didn't know the
guy with a guy that didn't seem possible to me so how could I have done anything
wrong guy was on my staff that's weird well I guess the Joe Paterno stuff's
not ready for comedy that's a big guy you know that we've got a big pen state
fans it's weird how people aren't into the hilarity of child molestation rings
treat it like cicadas bring another 16 so Gardner was found guilty of bribery
doc couldn't believe it he told the press quote I am thunderstruck I am
thunderstruck is that that was said back to them back to that language I am
fucked I didn't know I don't know what to think it's so entirely opposite to
what I've been led to expect that I scarcely know what to make of it I've
been
thunderstruck
Norbeck's trial was next now it seemed like Gardner would turn snitch he said
he didn't didn't want to turn on doc but he didn't care about anyone else in
an interview to a reporter quote if I wanted to I could blow the whole
administration sky-high of course I know of corruption in the police department
but I'm not gonna give it away nice nice my little secret it's my little thing
little leverage my little nugget that I can't tell myself a detective Norbeck
then confessed hoping for a reduced sentence he got bail and he skipped on
bail nice a king's trial was coming up five days before he got drunk and pulled
out a gun in a saloon is that just what everybody did in a saloon he said he
would kill anyone responsible for his indictment before he ever went into the
courtroom and that'll get you off yeah five days later he went to the courtroom
okay he was found guilty and got three and a half years okay and a lady kicked
him to death we sent you to lady kicking and then Norbeck was caught
hiding in a nearby town because of his rosacea nose I guess I overdid it my
husband will be home soon the journals headline was quote Norbeck's nose was
what got him into trouble that's low that hurts yeah that sounds like the
character of Lady Elaine Fairchild in Mr. Rogers is based on him
big rosacea face hello under questioning Norbeck said he spent most of his time
on the run drunk with nothing to eat but cheese and crackers and he mostly
wandered around the woods sounds great sounds great sounds great sounds great
ideal food on worse picnics I have nothing to eat but delicious cheese and
crackers doctor what do you think my diet of booze and cheese is doing to my
nose I can't see I literally can't see you as far as Norbeck doc told the press
quote really I don't know what to think of it it puzzles me why he was hanging
around this part of the country when he might have been far away it's a really
funny thing wow I mean no prep at all to answer these questions really funny
isn't it all right well I should get going out this window and then doc was
finally arrested along with coffee John oh I'm glad he's back yeah they had
tried to bribe two county commissioners to get a friend named sheriff coffee
John was found guilty and given 90 days and a hundred dollar fine now Fred's
trial started the witnesses were overwhelming including Norbeck but Fred
had a good lawyer who in his closing statement attacked every witness and
then asked the jury to think of hammer order in your head attack he asked the
jury to think of Fred's wife what would happen to her if her husband went to jail
would I marry her I might what excuse me a sidebar wait wait wait a race that Fred
was found not guilty good yeah and I'm sure his wife was over the moon she's a
great now this lump of shit can come home thought I was thought I was good
great I'm glad I was the defense that's good that's good stuff days later he was
indicted for more crimes that was his wife he did these crimes too just keep
him out of the house please during all this doc and his wife packed up all
their stuff sold their furniture and started moving to Indiana finally Fred
took a 15-day leave of absence from the force and went on vacation what he
didn't come back when the 15 days were up interesting coffee John got out of jail
four days later he was back on patrol in his uniform he was giving giving
oysters to all the little kids there you go wondered why he wasn't called oyster
job oyster man's here yeah he's coffee for some reason he started telling women
to leave wine rooms which startled the owners so other cops went out looking
for coffee John the captain found him in the Columbia theater lecturing the crowd
about his duty to uphold the law oh boy Jesus then an old vet yelled at him quote
oh what do we care for you and John charged at him and punched the vet in
the face baby coffee John was arrested that's for punching a vet yeah okay the
next day he went and started talking to the grand jury Fred came back on July
27th with the tan oh I am rested I'll tell you what you looking good Fred Doc
Spuzz something else he learned the city council had to replace him as police
chief because he didn't return on time so he had so he had the new police chief
transferred to another station okay and there's also now an acting mayor no you
know you're still police chief you're just in Nevada for their police I'm here
police can work remotely in coffee John another detective went to see doc in
Indiana when they returned they reported doc was in bad shape quote he is a
total wreck physically and his death in my opinion is a matter of weeks if not
days something good spa yeah
like good return soil and soil and green spa his liver is practically gone his
change in appearance I wonder why I wonder what happened there
liver his change in appearance is startling but doc he talked to them and
agreed to resign the next day Fred came back and resigned as police chief as did
coffee John doc mailed a resignation letter but the city council did nothing
with it because they were happy with the interim mayor didn't want to hold an
election a county prosecutor went to see doc and take his deposition and then a
warrant was issued for his arrest so doc Randall Louisville and working his way
down the map and the sheriff for Minneapolis went there to arrest him
but he got word that doc got word the sheriff was there and was waiting for
extradition approvals down to Oklahoma the sheriff's literally watching the
boarding house and he goes out the back door and takes off nice a couple days
later coffee John died of pneumonia at home it turned out coffee John was the
main prosecution witness against doc oh boy and his dying made prosecuting doc
much more difficult then McClure's magazine published an article titled
quote the shame of Minneapolis here we are today it broke down the entire
story of the crime riddled corrupt city with pictures of the mit ledger the
grand jury had received Minneapolis was now seen as the disgrace of the entire
nation we did it folks there you go that's awesome we did it
disgrace disgrace disgrace the journal printed a story with the headline
quote dr. Ames losing his mind doc was at his in-laws in New Hampshire
apparently on the verge of madness and his health was terrible a photo
journalist found him and said doc couldn't even speak his wife had to
speak for him but a neighbor wrote to the paper soon after the story was
printed and said quote I see by your paper that he is very feeble in bed that
is a mistake taint no such thing as neighbors see him almost daily about the
place and out to a walk just that Sunday he'd gone to a big town dinner and had a
blast wow doing cartwheel rice yeah so the sheriff went and doc agreed to come
back and turn himself in he came back to Minneapolis on March 17th he's he moved
slow but seemed not anything like had been described the next day he was
charged with nine counts after the long trial he was found guilty it was a
cathartic moment for the city justice had finally been served and the city's
good name could be returned doc was given six years hard labor but a few
months later it was all overturned on a technicality what technicality something
about the indictment there was something wrong procedural bullshit yeah it was
some bullshit sympathy now sympathy had grown for doc over time in the trial
that's the worst why does that happen and the county the county prosecutors
realized any jury they sat would include some people who he'd helped so another
trial never happened and doc lived another nine years in Minneapolis working
as a doctor until he died at home on November 16th 1911 so he finally
fulfilled his dream he finally he had no more cop business he saw patients what
his life of crime was over he's like I'll be a doctor you got a sniffle fine
take an aspirin I'm gonna tell mom and dad oh wait oh well a life well lived right
yeah that is from the book dirty doc Ames and the scandal that shook Minneapolis
by Eric ravine revenue rip ribbon is
I didn't have it up behind yeah revenues yeah good book fun book doc Ames maybe
your city's biggest hero yeah it's the only one with balls yeah he's only wanted
yeah he's only want to really fucking went after something he went after the
story of a dreamer who didn't take no he didn't take no he didn't see a patient
he drank a lot yeah it's like story about a he went to Indiana a lot yeah hang
out in a spot life well lived my friends yeah he did he did it was a story of a
comeback yeah four or five comebacks six to 15 different comebacks 28 and 93
come back the Minneapolis herpes he must have been just like a bag of STD's by
the oh sure it sounds like everybody had a story right that's cool that's a
cool energy that's a cool vibe just a city of itchers and scratchers oh come
on they had some sort of pubic lights your open stores are looking great today
thank you they still burn everything burns the best kind everything burns
everything burns every step I take burns burns and aches oh thank you guys so
much for coming out we appreciate it Minneapolis but up for Bill Corbin thank
you guys appreciate it you